00:00What happens when eight of the world's most elite footballing nations must compete in a most deliciously dangerous game?
00:06Do they have what it takes, or will they be snuffed out as fakes?
00:09This is The Pretenders!
00:12Never let them guess your next move, or your next profile picture.
00:17Ha! You think I'm a dick because of my defensive style?
00:20Well, you can't have a national mind shaft without the shaft!
00:24Yo! I was such a surprise call-up, they shot this whole season assuming I wouldn't even be here.
00:31Do you ever think about Spurs anymore?
00:33Oh my god, every day! Have you seen Wembley? That guy's unbelievable!
00:37The other Spurs.
00:38Oh! Ah! No!
00:49Players, take your starting positions!
00:53What started as a fancy dinner has taken a strange turn into some kind of high-stakes elimination game.
00:59Behold! Eight players from the greatest footballing nations in history, each with varying odds of lifting the cup.
01:05Most of you are contenders, but in your midst, there are also pretenders.
01:10It could be any one of you!
01:12Even Argentina?
01:13Even Argentina! It is up to you to decide who belongs here, and who must be knocked out!
01:21I mean, obviously it's Uruguay, right?
01:23We are definitely them.
01:24What? But we have four cups!
01:26Two of those don't even count, and the other two are from, like, before Ronaldo was born.
01:30Uruguay, you have been accused of being a pretender!
01:34What? What?
01:34Alright, you got me.
01:36No! No!
01:37Whoa!
01:40Congratulations, players! You have snuffed out a pretender!
01:43But! Uruguay wasn't the only one!
01:46Let the discourse begin!
01:48I can start.
01:49No, I'll start! I always start!
01:51Except that time you did it, and your team put six past the Suisse!
01:54Oh!
01:55Look, all I know is Brazil are not pretenders. Who's more reliable than Rafinha and Vinny Jr.?
02:01How about Rafinha and Yamal?
02:04We both know he prefers playing with me.
02:06Don't open yourself up to attacks when you got no full box, mano.
02:09Oh, you want to come at Brazil? Look at England! Even though our fans boo them!
02:13Oh, piss off! England are true contenders!
02:17Obviously, we're pretenders!
02:18Every four years, we say,
02:20Football's coming home!
02:21And just hope people believe us, even though it always ends in tragic vision.
02:25What about Spain?
02:27Is Lamine really ready for such a big moment?
02:30He's only got one working leg.
02:33Sorry, what?
02:34I couldn't hear you over the millions of Real fans calling for your removal.
02:38Ha! A direct hit to Dictate Mbappe!
02:41I'm starting to think our friend from Germany is compensating for something with all this shithousing.
02:49Ow! My knee!
02:51No, my other knee!
02:53Rudiger, how confident are you that Germany's young players can live up to the likes of Müller or Kruz?
03:00Anyone exciting come to mind?
03:03We have Manuel Neuer.
03:04Oh, right. You had to pull the poor old man out of retirement.
03:07I see what you're doing.
03:08You vote me out now, you're going to regret it!
03:10Players, it's time to vote.
03:25Germany, it is time to reveal.
03:27Are you a contender or a pretender?
03:33Germany is, and has been since 2018,
03:41a pretender!
03:47Hey, what the hell? You guys are doing a whole tournament metaphor, and you didn't include us?
03:53Kevin!
03:53I say we let them play. I love an expanded tournament.
03:57Then let them answer this.
03:59Who is the deceiver?
04:01Who lies to everyone, including himself, about his declining play?
04:05Who's appeared in five world tournaments without scoring in a single knockout game?
04:11What, me?
04:12Ronaldo, you know I've always idolized you,
04:15but all of your cosmetic surgeries and cryotherapies cannot hide this simple truth.
04:20You, my friend, are getting old.
04:23He's got a point deal.
04:24How can you win if you can't even run?
04:26I can still run! I can do lots of things!
04:28Look at these stats!
04:30Top scorer in the 2023 King Solomon Club Cup,
04:32best performance in the Lego commercial,
04:34the pretender is you, Ronaldo!
04:36No! No! It's my last chance to win!
04:38I need this! Stop it!
04:40I said stop it!
04:49Lino Messi, what have you done?
04:51Everybody run!
04:52AHHHHH!
04:54I can be your champion!
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