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00:00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:42CastingWords
00:01:14CastingWords
00:01:58CastingWords
00:02:28CastingWords
00:02:29It's my favorite.
00:02:39What do you guys want with us?
00:02:49What are we here for?
00:02:52All in due time, Shenikwa.
00:02:56Wait, did we get the wrong girl?
00:02:58I thought we wanted Lakeisha, not Shenikwa.
00:03:02I was being flipped, dum-dum.
00:03:04Well, don't. It confuses me.
00:03:06And what doesn't confuse you?
00:03:07Excuse me, excuse me. I hate to bring up the lover's spat.
00:03:10We're not lovers, you idiot. We're brothers.
00:03:15Yeah, well, I figured you were brothers.
00:03:18Y'all got the same inbred look to you.
00:03:20I meant we're black. You know, like, brothers.
00:03:23I can see your skin.
00:03:25Everyone shut up.
00:03:29Don't let them get to you, Martha.
00:03:35Why are we here?
00:03:37You all have something in common.
00:03:41It's certainly not our love of country music.
00:03:44Country music blows, bitch.
00:03:48Remember me?
00:03:50Shit. Shit, I know why I'm here.
00:03:53You do?
00:03:53Yeah, because I'm the black guy who dies first.
00:03:56That's some bullshit, bitch.
00:03:58What?
00:04:00I'm very light-skinned.
00:04:08Man.
00:04:17I really do hope you love...
00:04:19...Kosla!
00:04:23Time...
00:04:24...to play...
00:04:26...a game.
00:04:43Really?
00:04:43Martha?
00:04:44I told you, I'm not good under pressure.
00:04:46Plus, you didn't give me enough time to choose a mask.
00:04:48Well, I guess having you help me kidnap people isn't the best idea, then, if you're gonna freak out every
00:04:53time.
00:04:53I said we should shoot them at a distance, like Mark Wahlberg in Sniper.
00:05:11That's Tom Berenger, Dodo Bird. Mark Wahlberg's in Shooter, not Sniper. Get it together.
00:05:18Tomato, potato.
00:05:20You are so lucky I told Mom and Daddy I'd take care of you.
00:05:23Now let's have some fun.
00:05:29This is crazy!
00:05:32I have no idea why I'm here!
00:05:35This must be all your fault!
00:05:37My fault? Why is it my fault?
00:05:38None of us know, sugar tits.
00:05:42So what about you, Mr. Fancy Pants?
00:05:44It's ironic you're all bespoke and you ain't said nothing.
00:05:49I ain't said nothing?
00:05:51Oh my god.
00:05:52Where did you learn to speak?
00:05:54Who you think you talking to, Abercrombian bitch?
00:05:57I know guys like you, pissing on a little guy and flaunt you money.
00:06:01To whom are you trying to speak? Is that what you're trying to say?
00:06:08You lucky ain't just you and me today.
00:06:10I feel very lucky, considering the company I'm in.
00:06:13Both shut up already?
00:06:15What the hell is wrong with y'all?
00:06:17We sit here tied to this crazy clown shit.
00:06:20Don't know what the hell these crazies want with us.
00:06:23We all sit here arguing.
00:06:24This is hell!
00:06:26This is hell!
00:06:27Man, I can't.
00:06:29Yeah, you see.
00:06:29Yeah, you just wait.
00:06:31I hope we get out of here.
00:06:32I know what you're talking about.
00:06:33Man, oh man, don't.
00:06:34It's the wrong guy.
00:06:35Me?
00:06:35I was here wondering.
00:06:37You're too right now, TV!
00:06:39I can't be too...
00:06:40It's not fair to be paid by me.
00:06:43Showing a card and dropping out of here.
00:06:44This has got to be a joke.
00:06:45I know.
00:06:46This has got to be a joke.
00:06:47Y'all!
00:06:48This is serious.
00:06:51Now tell me, how does this chain look with my dress?
00:06:54Good?
00:06:55Or does it give me a double chin?
00:07:01Fool, get your hands off me!
00:07:22Oh man, I knew this shit was gonna happen.
00:07:31It's always the brother who gets it first.
00:07:40What you talking about, Willis?
00:07:44Dr. Wyatt and Wayne Greedy.
00:07:46Man, if this chair wouldn't hold me back, I'd get you crazy bitches!
00:07:51I love Blackforce.
00:07:52They're always so animated.
00:07:54Me too, they taste like chicken.
00:07:57Y'all gonna eat me?
00:07:58That's some white people shit!
00:08:00Except when I'm at the movies.
00:08:02I really don't like when they yell at the screen.
00:08:04Wait, is that what this is about?
00:08:05I'm not with the why, I like black folks.
00:08:07Are you racist?
00:08:09I mean, did that sound racist?
00:08:12On the Black-Keyesan scale of racism, I'd call that a Donald Trump.
00:08:16We're gonna kill you.
00:08:17It's not because I'm racist.
00:08:20We're more equal opportunities.
00:08:21It doesn't mean we have to be rude.
00:08:23Mama didn't raise us to be rude.
00:08:25No, your mama crazy bitch raised some crazy bitches.
00:08:35I'm sorry!
00:08:37I'm sorry, okay?
00:08:38I need those as my family jewels!
00:08:41They're really big!
00:08:42It's not nice to talk about mama like that.
00:08:45Just because it's a bad situation for some of us, doesn't mean we can't be civil.
00:08:50Time to play a game.
00:08:52I got a game we can play.
00:08:54How about we play-
00:08:55Why am I here, bitch?!
00:08:57Because you're rude.
00:08:58And you give boy service.
00:09:01What?!
00:09:02I asked for an eager choice off.
00:09:05Remember what you said?
00:09:07What the hell?
00:09:08No!
00:09:08Do you know how many people I serve a day?
00:09:10I don't remember what your crazy ass said!
00:09:13Want me to hurt.
00:09:21My balls!
00:09:25There's a bunch of people in the line behind you and I ain't got all day.
00:09:29Excuse me.
00:09:30Get some more chili sauce, please.
00:09:31It's real good.
00:09:32Yo, son.
00:09:33Back of the line, bitch!
00:09:35Don't you see there's other people here trying to order?
00:09:37Or thinking about trying to order?
00:09:39Yeah, I already went through the line.
00:09:40I'm just trying to get some more chili sauce, that's all.
00:09:42I don't give a damn.
00:09:45I'm trying to get skinny, but that's not going to happen any time this century.
00:09:49So, back of the line, bitch!
00:09:51Bitch, I got your garden.
00:09:53Manners.
00:09:54Manners, hell.
00:09:55I'm going to kick his ass.
00:09:57Not the time or place.
00:09:58Sorry, everyone.
00:10:00Love the food here.
00:10:02Can't say much about the service, though.
00:10:05But that can be fixed.
00:10:07My dear brother's right.
00:10:09That can be fixed.
00:10:10Yeah, that's right.
00:10:11Best get steppin', Tyrion.
00:10:13What do you want, Huxtable?
00:10:16Time to play.
00:10:18This box is set to a timer.
00:10:21In 30 minutes it will fall from your head.
00:10:24So you just need to survive for 30 minutes.
00:10:28What the hell is this shit?
00:10:30What the fuck?
00:10:31Is that coleslaw?
00:10:33Oh, I hate coleslaw.
00:10:35That's bad.
00:10:35You're going to have to eat.
00:10:36Oh, that smells like beef.
00:10:37Oh, that smells like beef.
00:10:39Oh, that smells like beef.
00:10:40Oh, that smells like beef.
00:10:49You crazy bitches.
00:11:02Well, at least it wasn't me going first.
00:11:06He was giving me dirty looks and stuff. You know what I mean. I'm talking about he black.
00:11:16Anybody know who that guy was? He's...
00:11:22Was?
00:12:04Ow!
00:12:06Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh.
00:12:10Back of the line, bitch!
00:12:27So sad.
00:12:29He almost made it.
00:12:31Yeah, back of the line, bitch.
00:12:59No more Thai.
00:13:02I really do love coleslaw.
00:13:04Was that his name?
00:13:06What did you do to him?
00:13:10Nothing.
00:13:11He did it to himself.
00:13:13I demand that you release us.
00:13:15Do you know who I am?
00:13:17Oh, we know who you are.
00:13:19You're so powerful that you can have people kicked out of a restaurant any time you want.
00:13:24Damn right I can.
00:13:26Just for being too loud.
00:13:27Even if they're celebrating say a birthday, you're just a big old meanie.
00:13:33Wait a minute.
00:13:35I recognize you too.
00:13:37Yay!
00:13:38My boy!
00:13:41Yay, Martha!
00:13:42Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
00:13:46Woohoo!
00:13:47That's my boy!
00:13:49Woo!
00:13:50Right here, Jeremy.
00:13:51This is fun.
00:13:53Woo!
00:13:53Yeah!
00:13:54Woo!
00:13:58Woo!
00:13:59Whoo!
00:14:00Woo!
00:14:01Woo!
00:14:02Woo!
00:14:02Woo!
00:14:04Woo!
00:14:05Woo!
00:14:06Woo!
00:14:26Hey!
00:14:37Well, another one bites the dust.
00:14:44Anybody seen Hooch and Turner?
00:14:46I think they're in a john, Captain.
00:14:48Together?
00:14:49Yes, sir.
00:14:51Please go in there, tell them to wipe their lip prints off the mirror, and come prancing into my office.
00:14:57Now!
00:15:10Look at that hair, that shit is amazing.
00:15:13Partner, your hair always looks amazing.
00:15:16I think we got the best hair in the department, you know that?
00:15:19Department?
00:15:19We got the best damn hair in the force.
00:15:22Hey, I hate to break up your little hair fest or your love fest or whatever fest you two got
00:15:26going on in here,
00:15:27but Captain wants to see you in his office pronto.
00:15:30He's just jealous.
00:15:32Looks gay to me.
00:15:34Hell yeah, he is.
00:15:36He's one bald mofo.
00:15:38Well, just kind of follically challenged, I'd say.
00:15:42Alright, yeah, let's go.
00:15:46Hey, hey, Jackson, my main man.
00:15:49How's your boyfriend?
00:15:52Not funny.
00:15:54I'm not gay.
00:15:55Yeah, that's not what your boyfriend said.
00:15:58Look at you, Sanchez, looking hot.
00:16:00Get over yourself, Hooch.
00:16:02See, man, she's still mad at you because you didn't call her back after the other night.
00:16:05No, she's mad about the cat.
00:16:07The cat?
00:16:08Yeah, she didn't have any toilet paper at her place.
00:16:10Oh, dude.
00:16:12Damn.
00:16:12Hey, Jackson.
00:16:13You still smoking dicks or what?
00:16:16Hooch?
00:16:17Turner?
00:16:22You're lucky you saved your ass.
00:16:26What are you two idiots doing, running for mayor?
00:16:28You know, Cap, I don't think two people can run for mayor at the same time.
00:16:32Yeah, I think it's a rule or a law or something like that.
00:16:35I can't remember.
00:16:36Yeah.
00:16:37Two more years.
00:16:39Two more years, that's all I've got.
00:16:41Oh, my God, Cap, you dying?
00:16:43No, numbnuts.
00:16:44Two more years till I retire.
00:16:47Two more years with you, I might just jump off a bridge.
00:16:51Where the hell was I?
00:16:52Well, you were giving us the good news that you're not dying.
00:16:54Yeah.
00:16:55You guys know who Robert Doyle is?
00:16:58Robert Doyle?
00:16:59The Donut King?
00:17:00Doll Donuts?
00:17:01Man, we love that place.
00:17:03That's the guy.
00:17:04If you're hungry and you want to fill your guts,
00:17:07there's only one place.
00:17:09Dolls Donuts!
00:17:11You done?
00:17:14He's missing.
00:17:15He and his two, um, the two...
00:17:18Oh, God, not the Ambers.
00:17:20The what?
00:17:21Cap.
00:17:22The Ambers.
00:17:23Doyle's girlfriends.
00:17:24They're both named Amber.
00:17:25Come on, man.
00:17:26You've seen the commercials, right?
00:17:27Captain, these chicks are legendary.
00:17:30You know they both know the Kama Sutra by heart?
00:17:32Man, I heard they had a couple of additions themselves
00:17:35for the new version.
00:17:37You know they met the person who wrote 50 Shades?
00:17:39That guy turned red.
00:17:41No, it was the girl that wrote 50 Shades.
00:17:43The girl?
00:17:43Damn.
00:17:44All right!
00:17:45I don't give a fat baby's ass about the two Ambers.
00:17:50Well, I do, but I don't.
00:17:52I want you two to get out there and find out about Doyle's disappearance.
00:17:57And the Ambers?
00:17:59Yes!
00:18:00And the Ambers!
00:18:02And don't screw the pooch on this one.
00:18:06Cap, you count on us.
00:18:11Two more years.
00:18:15Two more years.
00:18:39Happy Birthdays for 30 minutes.
00:18:41If you'll release me, I'll hire an entire choir to sing Happy Birthday to you for as long as you
00:18:47want.
00:18:47I'll hire the fanciest restaurant, give you the best birthday party ever.
00:18:52Girls, booze, gourmet food, whatever you want.
00:18:56Silly man, you can have only one birthday and it's on your birthday.
00:19:01Are you rick it?
00:19:03Sweet 16 and never been kissed.
00:19:0640, never been laid.
00:19:13Happy birthday.
00:19:14Gordon?
00:19:15Mama, isn't that Kevin Nash?
00:19:18I don't know.
00:19:19It could be.
00:19:20It's hard to tell.
00:19:21You know, he's always had a crush on Kevin Nash.
00:19:24Why don't you go over and say hello, dear?
00:19:27Do you think it would be okay?
00:19:28Of course, dear.
00:19:30Maybe he'll want to join in celebrating your birthday.
00:19:37Waiter, more champagne.
00:19:39We may have guests.
00:19:40I knew it was you.
00:19:42You're my favorite wrestler ever.
00:19:44I've seen every movie you've ever been in and I have your poster on the ceiling above my bed.
00:19:49You're the last thing I see before I go to sleep at night.
00:19:52That's creepy.
00:19:53Listen, we're in the middle of dinner.
00:19:56I'm having dinner with family and friends here.
00:19:58Can you take a hike?
00:19:59I know.
00:20:00We're celebrating my birthday over there.
00:20:02My mama asked me to come over and invite you to my party.
00:20:05We're going to have a cake and ice cream later.
00:20:06Are you kidding me, Ray?
00:20:09It is wonderful.
00:20:10It's the best time.
00:20:12It would be better if it weren't for the noise.
00:20:16It's just a birthday party.
00:20:18Yeah.
00:20:18Don't let it ruin our time.
00:20:20I'll fix this.
00:20:22Patrick!
00:20:23Yes, Mr. Doyle?
00:20:24Those people are disturbing me and my lady friends.
00:20:29Do something about it.
00:20:34Excuse me?
00:20:36Doc Gallows?
00:20:38Amber?
00:20:39Nature Boy?
00:20:40Glacier?
00:20:41This is the best birthday ever!
00:20:43Dude.
00:20:45I told you once.
00:20:46We're in the middle of dinner.
00:20:47Pick his butt, Daddy.
00:20:49Excuse me!
00:20:51I must ask you to hold your celebration down a bit.
00:20:54You're disturbing our other people.
00:20:55You're bloody well right, Governor.
00:20:57We're just trying to have a little fun here.
00:20:59See, it's me brother's birthday.
00:21:01It is.
00:21:03And we don't want a spot of tea.
00:21:05We want more shams.
00:21:07We want more shams.
00:21:08More shams.
00:21:09More shams.
00:21:10More shams.
00:21:10More shams.
00:21:10More shams.
00:21:11More shams.
00:21:12More shams.
00:21:14I think he might be a little...
00:21:18Now, why don't you be a good little boy and go back over to your mama and have your cake
00:21:24and ice cream?
00:21:25Can I at least get a picture?
00:21:26No.
00:21:27I think you better get back to your party.
00:21:37Strange young man.
00:21:39I got a picture.
00:21:40They were kind of mean and they won't come to my party, but at least I got a picture.
00:21:44Oh!
00:21:45And they brought my coleslaw.
00:21:46Best birthday ever.
00:21:47I really must insist.
00:21:48You cannot molest my other customers.
00:21:51We haven't molested anyone yet.
00:21:53Which will be the first to know if we do.
00:21:57So why don't you be a bloody good bloke and get us some more shams.
00:22:01Ay!
00:22:02And some shrimp on the barbie.
00:22:07Shrimp on the barbie.
00:22:08Shrimp on the barbie.
00:22:10The barbie.
00:22:12Shrimp on the barbie.
00:22:13Shrimp on the barbie.
00:22:15Shrimp on the barbie.
00:22:15It's my birthday.
00:22:16It's my birthday.
00:22:17I got one.
00:22:23Happy birthday, freak.
00:22:31Kevin Nash wished me happy birthday.
00:22:34I knew he'd come to my party.
00:22:38Hey! Hey!
00:22:43You idiots!
00:22:45This suit costs more than you make in a month.
00:22:47Really?
00:22:47That's a million dollar suit?
00:22:49It's not a million dollar suit.
00:22:51Well then it doesn't cost more than we make in a month, silly.
00:22:54I'll buy you two new suits if you just hush and let us have some fun.
00:22:58These buffoons have ruined my night, my suit, and my good mood.
00:23:04Get rid of them immediately.
00:23:06Yes, sir.
00:23:09Excuse me.
00:23:10I'm going to have to ask you to leave this instant.
00:23:13Don't worry about the bill.
00:23:15The restaurant will take care of it.
00:23:16Now go.
00:23:17And don't ever return.
00:23:19I don't understand.
00:23:21I told Mr. Fancy Pants we buy him two new suits.
00:23:25I need you to leave this instant before I call the police and have you extricated from the premises.
00:23:31Police, my lily white ass.
00:23:34You and Mr. Fancy Pants need to have a lesson in manners.
00:23:41If my Charles were around, he'd take you both outside to teach you some manners.
00:23:47How very poetic, madam.
00:23:50Newsflash, we've moved beyond the Stone Age.
00:23:53And in regard to your dearly departed Charles, I'm sure he is most grateful not having to deal with this
00:24:00group anymore.
00:24:02Did you just insult my daddy and my mama all in one sentence, you limey bag of fish guts?
00:24:08That's it.
00:24:09That's it.
00:24:10Go.
00:24:10Now, before I call the authorities, we're going.
00:24:14But you, you're going to regret you were ever part of this.
00:24:17Don't be surprised when you come to work and you don't have a job anymore.
00:24:22Come on, y'all.
00:24:23Let's get out of here.
00:24:24Yeah.
00:24:24I think we should celebrate somewhere more classy.
00:24:28Like Hooters.
00:24:29Now you're talking.
00:24:34Can I get a drink of water first?
00:24:36My throat's kind of dry.
00:24:37A Swedish chef was always one of my favorites.
00:24:40I think you need to sing to me in Swedish.
00:24:43I don't know Swedish.
00:24:45And you better learn fast.
00:24:47And if you stop singing with the little lever and blow the trigger, then you'll really be a big shot.
00:24:54Get it?
00:24:55It's a plan on words.
00:24:57Wait, wait, wait.
00:24:58I think I saw this once on late night TV.
00:25:01Um.
00:25:02Ya.
00:25:04Na.
00:25:05Han.
00:25:06Leva.
00:25:07Ya.
00:25:08Na.
00:25:08Han.
00:25:09Leva.
00:25:11Ya.
00:25:12Na.
00:25:12Han.
00:25:13Leva.
00:25:14Uta.
00:25:16Hundra.
00:25:17R.
00:25:18Ya.
00:25:18Na.
00:25:19Han.
00:25:20Leva.
00:25:21Ya.
00:25:22Na.
00:25:23Han.
00:25:23Leva.
00:25:24Ya.
00:25:25Na.
00:25:26Han.
00:25:26I think he has a lovely movie.
00:25:29Let's see how long it lasts.
00:25:32Good luck.
00:25:32Mr. Big shot.
00:25:33See you in a punt.
00:25:35In a punt.
00:25:36And a punt.
00:25:37Yeah.
00:25:37I don't know.
00:25:39I don't know.
00:25:40I don't know.
00:25:40I don't know.
00:25:42I don't know.
00:25:42I don't know.
00:25:42I don't know.
00:25:43I don't know.
00:25:43I don't know.
00:25:43I don't know.
00:25:48Happy birthday to you!
00:25:59Auf Wiedersehen.
00:26:00Gordon, you think anyone's gonna come looking for him?
00:26:04He said he was an important guy.
00:26:06He might have had some money, but that doesn't mean he's important.
00:26:11Who he was having dinner with? A couple of bimbos.
00:26:16It's not like he was with family.
00:26:18Plus, he was an asshole and now he's gone,
00:26:21so who gives a shit?
00:26:23Yeah, you're right.
00:26:34Heard you driving down
00:26:37All alone today
00:26:42Smiling through your frown
00:26:44On the road today
00:26:49You say that you've never felt like this
00:26:57Your world crashes down
00:27:00Now there's nothing to say
00:27:06How's it going, bud?
00:27:07Can you make it out to my buddy Jim, please?
00:27:09Absolutely
00:27:14Can I get a picture too, please?
00:27:21Have I seen you before?
00:27:23Seen a little familiar
00:27:26Um...
00:27:27I don't think so
00:27:29No, no, no
00:27:30I've seen you before
00:27:31Oh
00:27:33You've seen one little person, you've seen them all
00:27:35I get it
00:27:36No, dude, I'm not saying that at all
00:27:37Oh, let me guess
00:27:39You think just because I'm a little person
00:27:41You can talk down to me
00:27:42See you, bud
00:27:43Take your money, take a hike
00:27:46Come on, Gordon
00:27:47We've got better places to be
00:27:48Nash, are you insulting people again?
00:27:51This time I'm gonna teach you a lesson
00:27:54And just remember
00:27:56It's all in the name of love
00:27:57Watching down the drain
00:28:00I've got to face the pain
00:28:16Well, Martha
00:28:18Who's our next contestant?
00:28:21Mr. Gordon
00:28:23I have to go to the bathroom
00:28:24Oh, no, I have to go to the bathroom
00:28:26Really bad
00:28:27Way worse than her
00:28:29No, she doesn't
00:28:30She's always copying me
00:28:32Copying you?
00:28:33She copies me so much
00:28:34I call her Zero
00:28:36Well, she copies me so much
00:28:38I call her Kinkos
00:28:39Well, she copies me so much
00:28:40I call her Marsha Brady
00:28:42Copy, copy, copy
00:28:44Shut the hell up
00:28:47You can pee your pants for all I care
00:28:50Just shut up
00:28:51That's just rude, Gordon
00:28:53Mama didn't raise us to be rude
00:28:54And isn't that why we're here in the first place?
00:28:57Because they're all not capable of being nice to people?
00:29:00Fine, then you can take them one at a time
00:29:03Mr. Gordon, shouldn't you take us?
00:29:05I mean, after all, you are the boss
00:29:08Wait, what makes you think he's the boss?
00:29:11He's not the boss of me
00:29:14Well, he's the big strong one
00:29:16And he seems to be giving all the orders
00:29:18So he seems like the boss
00:29:20Well, he's not
00:29:22Well, who do you think's the boss?
00:29:24We're co-bosses
00:29:26Co-bosses?
00:29:28What the hell is wrong with you?
00:29:29You follow me around my whole life
00:29:31And you do whatever I tell you to do
00:29:33And you always will
00:29:34That's not fair
00:29:35You're my little brother
00:29:37You should be looking up to me
00:29:38Yeah, but it's never been that way
00:29:40Has it?
00:29:42Martha?
00:29:43My name is Jim, not Martha
00:29:44Great!
00:29:46Now they know your real name
00:29:47Why don't you just give them our phone numbers too?
00:29:50I can't handle this stress
00:29:50I feel my blood sugar dropping
00:29:52Fine, I'll take them to the bathroom one at a time
00:29:55Good
00:29:57See?
00:29:58Not the boss of me
00:29:59Who's first?
00:30:01Me!
00:30:02Me!
00:30:03You start that again
00:30:04I'm gonna let you both pee in your pants
00:30:06Gordon!
00:30:07You know how mama feels about rude people
00:30:09You don't want to upset your mama
00:30:11Do you, Gordon?
00:30:13You!
00:30:13Mini skirt!
00:30:15Come on!
00:30:15It'll be faster with you
00:30:17You have no idea
00:30:19What's that supposed to mean?
00:30:21Gordon's right
00:30:22In this skirt
00:30:23I could have my panties off in no time
00:30:26Gordon
00:30:27You're on a first name basis now?
00:30:30That's not even his real name
00:30:32Well, it is what he said to call him, right?
00:30:36Martha?
00:30:38All right
00:30:38No time for a cat fight
00:30:40I'm taking her and I'll be back for orange dress later
00:30:44Stop making fun of me
00:30:45You know I don't like it when you make fun of me
00:30:49And watch her
00:30:50She looks sneaky
00:30:57Make it fast
00:30:58Make it fast
00:31:02Oh
00:31:03Ew!
00:31:06How long does it take for one person to pee?
00:31:09Not long
00:31:10But if I know that skank
00:31:11She's doing a little bit more than peeing
00:31:13You mean she's doing number two
00:31:16More like number 69
00:31:18Exactly
00:31:20Mr. Gordon
00:31:22I need your help
00:31:27With what?
00:31:29My panties
00:31:30What do you mean?
00:31:32I'm handcuffed, silly boy
00:31:33I can't take off my panties
00:31:36I didn't think girls like you wore panties
00:31:38You're kidding, right?
00:31:40He's joking, right?
00:31:42No
00:31:43What's the joke?
00:31:45That little slut and your brother
00:31:47Are bumping uglies right now
00:31:49I know he's not the most attractive man
00:31:51But I wouldn't call him ugly
00:31:53Oh my god
00:31:54Really?
00:31:55The horizontal mambo
00:31:56Putting the custard in the donut
00:31:58Chucking oysters
00:31:59Putting a hat on Uncle Charlie
00:32:02Really?
00:32:02Churning butter?
00:32:04Cream in the cob?
00:32:06Oh my gosh
00:32:08Really?
00:32:09Putting a horse in the barn?
00:32:12I would never think of tricking someone so strong
00:32:15Smart
00:32:17And rich as you, Jonathan
00:32:20I mean, Gordon
00:32:21What did you say?
00:32:24Panties first
00:32:25Let me tinkle and then we can talk about it, sugar
00:32:27Fine
00:32:29But any funny stuff
00:32:31And you're the next one to leave the room, girly
00:32:35Hiding the salami
00:32:37Alright, look at me
00:32:41Sex
00:32:42S-E-X
00:32:44The sex
00:32:46You're silly
00:32:47Gordon doesn't need a girlfriend
00:32:50Mama and I are all that he needs
00:32:52Uh, yeah, first of all
00:32:54Yuck
00:32:55Secondly
00:32:56The others
00:32:57Some strange mofos
00:32:59Thirdly
00:33:00That's not what I meant, Sheep Dip
00:33:02And you know it
00:33:03And as for you, Missy
00:33:05You don't know shit about my brother
00:33:06As a matter of fact, you don't know shit about anything
00:33:09Well, I might not know shit about your brother
00:33:11But I do know Boobarella
00:33:12And if it means saving her ass
00:33:14Uh, uh
00:33:17Ahhhh
00:33:18Ha ha
00:33:19I told you
00:33:20You don't know my brother
00:33:22Looks like he took care of that one all on his own
00:33:26Cars in the garage
00:33:37Is Gary the manager around?
00:33:38Who wants to know?
00:33:40This is Detective Michael Hooch
00:33:41I'm Detective James Turner
00:33:42Well, I'm Gary
00:33:44That's Gary with an I, not a Y
00:33:46Mother thought I was going to be in the theater
00:33:48But look at me now
00:33:49Living the dream
00:33:51We're looking for Lakeisha Johnson
00:33:52She works here, right?
00:33:54She did
00:33:54Until she just stopped showing up for work
00:33:57I haven't seen that little bitch in days
00:33:59And after all the time and money I spent training her
00:34:02Now, I've got to train someone else
00:34:05Takes a lot of time, you know
00:34:06This is a very, very technical job
00:34:08Right, right
00:34:09Have you tried calling her house?
00:34:11I mean, have you checked in?
00:34:12Oh, please
00:34:12Take a look at where you're standing
00:34:14You'd think
00:34:15You'd think
00:34:15As much as these people like chicken
00:34:17They'd bother to show
00:34:18Wow
00:34:19Well, you'd keep their white sheets
00:34:20That grand wizard
00:34:21In the back
00:34:22With the rest of the stuff
00:34:23But they're not sheets
00:34:25They're tablecloths
00:34:26Right
00:34:27Okay, Gary
00:34:28Have you seen anybody suspicious
00:34:30Hanging around the restaurant?
00:34:31Come to think of it
00:34:32Yes, I have
00:34:35Only every damn person
00:34:36Who walks through that door
00:34:37Okay, Gary with an I, not a Y
00:34:40We'll let you get back
00:34:41To your racist comedy and chicken show
00:34:43Here's my card
00:34:44If you see LaKeisha
00:34:45Or think of anything else
00:34:46You think we might need to know
00:34:49Have a dicky-doo day, detectives
00:34:52Geez, can you play that racist clown?
00:34:54Let's go to some place safe
00:35:02No, no, move
00:35:03This is not stick-up, you know
00:35:05Don't make me awful
00:35:06Buster cop in IRS
00:35:11Don't get crazy, you know
00:35:13Everything is Iron Man
00:35:16You feel lucky, punk?
00:35:19Come on
00:35:19Make my day
00:35:23Dude
00:35:23That was awesome
00:35:25That was awesome
00:35:30A lot of mercy
00:35:33I didn't want to say that for years
00:35:35You're a regular Dirty Sanchez
00:35:36Yes
00:35:36That's not even funny
00:35:38I think it was
00:35:39Try something else
00:35:40Just like that
00:35:41Hey, Garrett
00:35:41With an I
00:35:42You, uh
00:35:43Don't want to call the cops about that guy
00:35:45Have a good day now
00:35:50What did you do to Amber, you sick son of a bitch?
00:35:53I thought you didn't like her
00:35:55I don't
00:35:57Didn't
00:35:58But I like her better than these assholes
00:36:00Your friend will
00:36:02Your friend will
00:36:03Not be returning
00:36:05Something got into her in the bathroom
00:36:08See, you sillies, I told you
00:36:11They weren't having sex
00:36:12They thought you were having sex
00:36:14What?
00:36:16Sex?
00:36:17I know, I told them
00:36:18I said, why would he want to have sex with her when he has his family?
00:36:22Not a word, mister
00:36:23I know how that sounded
00:36:24I was hungry
00:36:26And a little sleepy
00:36:29I think that's enough for the day
00:36:35Oh yeah, they definitely had sex
00:36:37And he still killed her
00:36:39That's messed up
00:36:41That is some cold blooded pimp action
00:36:43Big Scary
00:36:44Did her
00:36:45Then did her in
00:36:47I'm glad you found yourself a new role model
00:36:50But now maybe we can put our minds together
00:36:52And figure out a way to get out of here
00:36:56Well, if sleeping your way out doesn't work
00:36:59I'm out of options
00:37:00Anybody else?
00:37:01They're gonna kill us all
00:37:02Uh-uh
00:37:03We gotta make them understand and let us go
00:37:05Cause I got a hair appointment
00:37:07And I'm nothing to do with this
00:37:08I ain't got time for this
00:37:10Well, I don't speak crazy
00:37:12But if anybody's got any ideas, I'm all ears
00:37:17Well
00:37:20Isn't this nice?
00:37:22Everyone here for a nice home-cooked dinner
00:37:26We're always together, Mama
00:37:27It never changes
00:37:29We're family, Jonathan
00:37:33Family's what matters
00:37:34Well, when are we gonna be able to have our own family too, Mama?
00:37:39Well, I didn't know you wanted a family of your own
00:37:42Plus, we're not an easy fit with most folks
00:37:46Yeah, like 99% of folks
00:37:49But if I met a girl who was okay with our little lifestyle
00:37:54Sure, brother
00:37:55Where are you gonna meet a girl that's like
00:37:56It's okay that you're really rich
00:37:58But you're totally crazy
00:37:59And your family kills people who make them mad
00:38:03Yes, I'd like to meet her too
00:38:05Maybe she'll have a sister for Martha
00:38:08Or brother
00:38:09Mama
00:38:13Dear
00:38:14You're just confused
00:38:17Really? So you'd like to meet her?
00:38:19Well, of course
00:38:20I'd love to meet her when she comes along one day
00:38:23Good!
00:38:24Cause she's downstairs
00:38:25What?
00:38:26She's downstairs
00:38:28Oh my God
00:38:30You did have sex with that girl
00:38:32They told me you did, but I said no
00:38:34You don't know my brother
00:38:36I guess they know you better than I do
00:38:39Wait just a minute
00:38:41You had sex?
00:38:43Yeah, Mama
00:38:44It's not the first time, you know
00:38:47Well, thank the Lord
00:38:49I thought you were gonna end up like this one
00:38:52What's that supposed to mean?
00:38:54It means I was afraid I wasn't gonna have any grandbabies
00:38:58So, let me get this straight
00:38:59You're okay with all of this?
00:39:01Okay? I'm like that Stevie Wonder song
00:39:05I'm overjoyed
00:39:06Really? We know nothing about her
00:39:09Well, her name is Amber
00:39:11She's beautiful
00:39:12She likes money
00:39:14And having sex with me
00:39:16And she knew who we were
00:39:18And she didn't say a word
00:39:19She knew who we were?
00:39:21Yes, and she didn't say anything to the others
00:39:24Well, don't y'all sit there and go get her
00:39:27Let's make this little mix
00:39:32Knock, knock
00:39:34Lover boy
00:39:35Where have you been?
00:39:37I thought you forgot about me
00:39:40Well, I was having dinner with the family
00:39:42And guess what?
00:39:43Your name came up, Mama wants to meet you
00:39:47Jonathan!
00:39:55I must look a mess after all the fun we had this afternoon
00:39:59Mama said now
00:40:09Well, well, well
00:40:11This must be the little beauty that's got my boy acting all crazy
00:40:15Hmmm
00:40:17I remember this one
00:40:20You were on the arm of that turd that wrecked my boy's birthday
00:40:26It's rough out there
00:40:27And a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do
00:40:29Trust me
00:40:30I know all about that one
00:40:33So, you knew who the boys were, but you didn't say anything to the others?
00:40:38Not even that fancy pants turd you were with?
00:40:42Yes, ma'am
00:40:43Why?
00:40:45Well, truth is
00:40:47I thought y'all were so cute
00:40:48And having so much fun
00:40:51I wished I would have been with you guys instead of stuffy Robert and icky other Amber
00:40:55What gave them away?
00:40:57Well, it was Jonathan's hands
00:41:00He has this little scar on his right thumb
00:41:03I like this one
00:41:05No bullshit
00:41:07Attention to detail
00:41:09So, can she stay Mama and be part of the family?
00:41:13Well, we'll see how it goes
00:41:16But any funny stuff, Missy, and...
00:41:19Y'all are rich
00:41:20Fun
00:41:21And...
00:41:21Well, Jonathan here has a few hidden talents that my last man didn't possess
00:41:27Just try to get rid of me
00:41:29I can't believe it!
00:41:30I've got a sister
00:41:34What are we gonna do about the others?
00:41:37They're not going anywhere
00:41:39Am I right?
00:41:40And I have plans for this hunk of a man for the rest of the night
00:41:46Well...
00:41:47You two lovebirds have fun
00:41:49You go do...
00:41:52Whatever it is you always do
00:41:55I'm going to bed
00:41:57Night, Mama
00:41:59Goodnight, Mama
00:42:00Great, what am I supposed to do?
00:42:04Try not to get in any trouble
00:42:06And stay away from everybody in the basement, Martha
00:42:10Oh...
00:42:11Damn
00:42:13I don't know about any of y'all, but...
00:42:15I am most hungry as hell
00:42:17And that bowl is starting to look good
00:42:30You know...
00:42:31Now that you mention it...
00:42:33I could eat
00:42:35Hey!
00:42:37Anyone?
00:42:38Biggie and Small?
00:42:39Y'all gonna feed us or y'all plan on starving us to death?
00:42:43Oh God...
00:42:44We forgot to feed them
00:42:51Oh...
00:42:53East has definitely gone bad
00:42:55I don't think they're trying to kill us by food poisoning
00:42:59Don't give them any ideas
00:43:01Something tells me...
00:43:03This ain't their first rodeo
00:43:09I am so sorry
00:43:11I totally spaced out and didn't think about you all being hungry
00:43:14But, Brightside, you're still alive
00:43:18For now
00:43:20Would it have killed you to bring some steak or chicken?
00:43:23It is way past dinner time
00:43:25I'm sorry
00:43:28I thought I was being nice
00:43:31That right there is a strange bird
00:43:34You can say that again
00:43:35But don't
00:43:36We got it the first time
00:43:39Well...
00:43:40This is great and everything
00:43:41But what are we supposed to do now?
00:43:43I'm full
00:43:45I am gonna fart all night
00:43:47In my sleep
00:43:50There's a preview
00:43:52Oh! That one's gonna curl your eyebrows
00:43:56Oh...
00:43:57Tomorrow's a new day
00:43:59No, seriously
00:44:00So, what are we supposed to do?
00:44:02We have like eight or nine hours
00:44:04Until they get back
00:44:05Unless you know some David Copperfield stuff
00:44:09Then...
00:44:09We're screwed
00:44:10Why would you even say that?
00:44:13Don't you wanna lose?
00:44:14Life is nothing more than a bunch of bullshit strung together
00:44:18It doesn't matter whether you live or die
00:44:21Why?
00:44:22Do you think someone's out there looking for you, Shakoya?
00:44:26First off...
00:44:27It's LaKeisha
00:44:28La-kee-sha
00:44:32It ain't Shanaynay
00:44:33It ain't Shaniqua
00:44:34It ain't Shakita
00:44:36LaVentra
00:44:36None of that shit, okay?
00:44:38And there definitely ain't no Shakoya
00:44:41Okay?
00:44:42It's LaKeisha
00:44:43I'mma need you to get that shit straight
00:44:45You don't see me messing up your damn name
00:44:48Well, how can you mess up my name?
00:44:51It's...
00:44:51Charles
00:44:54Just...
00:44:55Charles
00:44:55That's right
00:44:56You tell her, Chucky
00:45:00Ugh!
00:45:01Kill me now!
00:45:03Better be careful what you wish for
00:45:12Excuse me
00:45:13You work here?
00:45:16I did
00:45:17Until today, it seems
00:45:19Detective Hooch
00:45:20This is Detective Turner
00:45:22When, uh...
00:45:24When was the last time you saw this place open?
00:45:26There is the rope
00:45:27We were open just last night
00:45:30Now my keys won't work
00:45:32We're closed
00:45:32And I am out of a bloody damn job
00:45:34Have you talked to your boss or anyone else
00:45:36You see why you're closed
00:45:37And there's a sign for a place called Fish Guts
00:45:40Which...
00:45:41I think we can all agree
00:45:42Is a horrible name for a restaurant
00:45:44Thank you
00:45:45What, uh...
00:45:47It's called before?
00:45:49The fork...
00:45:49And the pig
00:45:52Well then I guess Fish Guts just might work
00:45:55Way above my pay grade
00:45:57Now who would buy this place and just close it down?
00:46:00Are you sure?
00:46:01Your bosses weren't planning this all along
00:46:02And just didn't tell you?
00:46:04No way, mate
00:46:05This place was a gold mine
00:46:08Brought in buku quid every night
00:46:10Squid
00:46:11Quid
00:46:14Quid
00:46:14Oh, yeah, money
00:46:16Which means you would have to be insane
00:46:17Or rich as hell just to buy and shut it down
00:46:21Oh, bugger
00:46:24Those balmy bastards
00:46:25Speak up
00:46:27Just the other night
00:46:28I booted out a family for being too loud
00:46:30And disturbing one of my best customers
00:46:33And his lady friends
00:46:35Best being a relative term
00:46:37He was a good tipper
00:46:39But a royal pain in the arse
00:46:40Who's the family?
00:46:42Who's the guy?
00:46:43What did the girls look like?
00:46:44I had never seen this family before
00:46:46It was one...
00:46:49Big bloke
00:46:50And another...
00:46:53Tiny little bloke
00:46:55And their mum
00:46:57They were celebrating
00:46:58A birthday, I think
00:46:59No harm really
00:47:00But they did piss off Mr. Doyle
00:47:02Robert Doyle?
00:47:03Yes
00:47:04That's him
00:47:06Would come in here
00:47:07And boss me around all the time
00:47:10Patrick
00:47:10More napkins
00:47:12Patrick, take away these dishes
00:47:13Patrick
00:47:14Scratch my balls
00:47:15Now
00:47:15Bingo
00:47:17Mr. Doyle and the two Ambers
00:47:18Right
00:47:19Cabin's gonna love us even more than he already does
00:47:21I know, right?
00:47:21Hey
00:47:23Sure do you take a lot of shit from this guy
00:47:26Why?
00:47:27Why else, mate?
00:47:29Cabbage
00:47:31Salad?
00:47:31Money, you idiot
00:47:34He would come in here and flash it around like it was nothing
00:47:37Right?
00:47:38Especially in front of those pretty girls
00:47:40So I took his shit
00:47:43Along with his money
00:47:44What about the family?
00:47:46They, um
00:47:47They were not happy when I booted them out
00:47:50They offered to buy Mr. Doyle two brand new suits to replace the one that they had spilt a drink
00:47:54on
00:47:54But that only offended Mr. Doyle even more
00:47:57The mum
00:47:59She said her dead husband would come back from the grave and kick my ass
00:48:04Wait a second
00:48:07The big bloke
00:48:10He called me fish guts
00:48:12And he said I'd be sorry
00:48:14Now we're getting somewhere
00:48:17If you think of anything else
00:48:18Give us a call
00:48:19Day or night
00:48:20Let's roll
00:48:27Is there a problem?
00:48:29They closed this place
00:48:30They don't say nothing to nobody
00:48:31And they still owe me money
00:48:33If they pay me my money
00:48:34I'll burn this place to the crowd
00:48:38Opposites
00:48:40Whoa, whoa, whoa, go, go
00:48:42Come on
00:48:43Got me
00:48:45Look who we got here
00:48:48Bobby the burner
00:48:49Steve Payne
00:48:50Sanchez and Jackson's been looking for this guy for a couple of months
00:48:54Prime suspect
00:48:55Two dozen fires all across town
00:48:56Hey guys, that wasn't me
00:48:58That was some other guy
00:48:59I don't like no fires
00:49:01I got the
00:49:02The asthma
00:49:06Really?
00:49:09Then what's all that right there?
00:49:12Family heirlooms?
00:49:14You trusted me?
00:49:15Can I interest either of you gentlemen in some quality fellatio?
00:49:28Oh God, I love your beard
00:49:31Been growing it since I was a kid
00:49:34I'll teach them to mess up my order
00:49:36I mean, how are we supposed to eat a chicken sandwich without any honey mustard?
00:49:40One day they'll all understand
00:49:42One day they'll all understand
00:49:42I mean, you just can't mess with a man's food
00:49:44Oh man, out of slaw
00:49:51Mama, I'm out of slaw
00:49:54Jonathan
00:49:55Jonathan, quit playing around down there and come upstairs
00:49:57Your favorite cooking show is on
00:50:01Coming!
00:50:09I'll be right back
00:50:10I'll be right back
00:50:14Mmm
00:50:16Mmm
00:50:18Captain's gonna be kissing our butt after solving all these cases
00:50:21Mmm
00:50:23You know
00:50:26I've been about getting a dog
00:50:29So
00:50:32Thank you
00:50:39I know you man, it's not your time
00:50:42I'll tell you
00:50:44He's cute
00:50:46He has soul
00:50:47That's what it is
00:50:48Wisdom
00:50:49This is a dog of wisdom
00:50:51Just like me
00:50:54Hello again
00:50:56Mama
00:51:02Well, well, well
00:51:04Look what the cat dragged in
00:51:14What gave me away?
00:51:18Your ankles
00:51:21The other night at the restaurant
00:51:23Girls always look at shoes first
00:51:26You had old lady sensibles, but
00:51:29There was no denying
00:51:30Your ankles were those of a young woman
00:51:35Damn it, I knew I should have worn socks
00:51:40So
00:51:42You're obviously not their mother
00:51:45If you're not their mama
00:51:46You must be there
00:51:50Sister?
00:51:52Am I right?
00:51:55You're really good
00:51:58I guess you win the prize
00:51:59Hmm
00:52:01And I'm here to collect
00:52:11Oh shit
00:52:12Get out
00:52:16Commissioner
00:52:17Look, I don't care if they solve every crime in the country
00:52:19Those crimes don't involve one of the highest profile residents of my city
00:52:24Look, I'm up for re-election and Robert Doyle is one of my biggest financial supporters
00:52:28Get it done
00:52:29Yes, Commissioner
00:52:34What the hell is this?
00:52:35All hell broke loose down at this Leprecon and we had to detain them all
00:52:38Can't you just let this one slide?
00:52:40I mean it is Sunday
00:52:41It's a bloody Sunday
00:52:43And you?
00:52:44I ought to have them shoot you right here for what you did to Van Halen
00:52:47Man, high guard!
00:52:49High guard!
00:52:50Y'all just keep right on working now
00:52:52Real detectives coming through
00:52:54Solving cases every damn day
00:52:59Man
00:53:00Somebody slapped down a tent
00:53:02Call this place a circus
00:53:03You two
00:53:04In my office
00:53:05Now
00:53:06You better have something good for me
00:53:09I got the commissioner so far up my ass I cancel my colonosc
00:53:13Look Al, we know the last time darling albums have been seen
00:53:17Great
00:53:18And there were some people and with some other people they got in an argument
00:53:21They were at a restaurant, they got thrown out of the restaurant
00:53:24Place is a fork in the pig, yeah, but it's close
00:53:29Great
00:53:31So, where are these people?
00:53:33Um, we don't know
00:53:35Okay, who are these people?
00:53:39Um, we don't know
00:53:42Do you know where Doyle and the Ambers are?
00:53:45We don't know
00:53:47No, sit, sit
00:53:51Let me see if I got this straight
00:53:55You don't know where Doyle is
00:53:57You don't know where the Ambers are
00:54:00And you don't know who or where these people are
00:54:04Is that about it?
00:54:07Do you have any good news for me?
00:54:09Cap, I do
00:54:09I saved a ton of money on my car insurance this year
00:54:13Car insurance?
00:54:14Yeah, really, I tried to get you to go with that company
00:54:16Get out!
00:54:18Get the hell out now!
00:54:21And do not come back until you've got something solid for me
00:54:25And I'm not talking about your bowel movement
00:54:27I've already had it up to here with your crap
00:54:30I want you working on this and nothing else
00:54:34Do you understand me?
00:54:36Nothing else!
00:54:37I couldn't tell, man
00:54:39I can just shut up
00:54:39I can just shut up and shut my mouth
00:54:40I'll get you little damn cats
00:54:43Move your ass here, dude
00:54:45Hey, hey, hey
00:54:45You know the captain's there
00:54:47The boat was on the case
00:55:05Why?
00:55:06Why are we out of rum?
00:55:15You know what?
00:55:16It's not our problem, man
00:55:29I can't believe he's just laying there, sleeping and farting.
00:55:41Wake the hell up!
00:56:02Well, he was a real go-getter, wasn't he?
00:56:21Help!
00:56:23Help!
00:56:38What's the matter, Mr. Dirty Mouth?
00:56:40Listen, you Pennywise looking mother-
00:56:45What did I do to you? I don't even know you!
00:56:48What's your deal?
00:56:50And you have a sickle who likes to put his private curlicues in people's hamburgers.
00:56:55Wait, what are you talking about?
00:56:56Time to play the game!
00:56:58Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
00:57:01Y'all come to Biggie Burger?
00:57:03That's right, Schittstein.
00:57:05And we saw you take my brother's burger to the back of the kitchen
00:57:08instead of cooking it more like we asked, curlicues.
00:57:12That wasn't me! That wasn't me! That was Flacco!
00:57:15He's the one you want! Seriously!
00:57:19Look, he's the one you want.
00:57:23Dude out there, he says he's not done enough.
00:57:27Really, huh?
00:57:28Oh, yeah.
00:57:29Let me fix that right up for that pendejo.
00:57:31Oh.
00:57:36Secret sauce. Nice touch.
00:57:37I said enjoy.
00:57:42Have fun with that.
00:57:45Here you go, sir.
00:57:47The cook hopes you enjoy your burger.
00:57:57Don't eat that.
00:58:00Damn!
00:58:02Look!
00:58:02The bun has fingerprints on it.
00:58:04Yeah, because he did something to it.
00:58:08Looks like Macy Gray.
00:58:11Never send food back in a place like this.
00:58:13Funny, I don't remember him ordering a pube burger.
00:58:18They're gonna miss me!
00:58:19They're gonna miss me!
00:58:20Someone's gonna come looking for me.
00:58:22In your dreams, pubious maximus.
00:58:25Now let's play a game.
00:58:27These bowls are filled with Mama's tasty coleslaw.
00:58:31It's the best in the world, you know.
00:58:33But that's not pepper covering the top of the coleslaw.
00:58:37It's pubes, mine, Martha's, and a few Mamas just for flavor.
00:58:43The big pot has a very sensitive scale inside of it.
00:58:46You'll need to carry the coleslaw from the little petals to the big pot.
00:58:51Once you've filled the pot with enough coleslaw to drip the scale,
00:58:54the door will open and you're ready to go.
00:58:58Alright.
00:58:59How am I supposed to play your silly little game with my hands cuffed behind my back?
00:59:04You're gonna have to uncuff me.
00:59:08Oh no, pubemeister.
00:59:10You have to carry the coleslaw from the little petals to the big pot in your mouth without using your
00:59:17hands.
00:59:18So, I gotta carry pubelace coleslaw from one side to the other in my mouth.
00:59:26Ain't no problem.
00:59:28I can eat coleslaw all day.
00:59:30I love coleslaw.
00:59:33Ain't worried about no pubes neither.
00:59:35Oh, you don't have all day to do it.
00:59:38You have five minutes.
00:59:39If you don't get enough from the pot before the time goes out, you'll be charbroiled.
00:59:44Just like a piggy burger.
00:59:59If it ain't the strong arms of the law.
01:00:02Where y'all been?
01:00:04On vacation?
01:00:05Ferguson beating up black folks?
01:00:06I wonder if they have open mic night down in County.
01:00:09Why are you so sensitive?
01:00:10We got ourselves a missing persons case.
01:00:12Yeah, I got one of those too.
01:00:14My boy Chad been MIA.
01:00:15No call, no show.
01:00:17Is that the one you got the new waitress out there?
01:00:19Hell yeah.
01:00:20Them tables ain't gonna bust they selves.
01:00:22Shit, I ain't gonna do it.
01:00:24I'm an artist in this kitchen.
01:00:25See, boy Chad's been missing.
01:00:27Yeah.
01:00:28Where'd the waitress come from?
01:00:29Yeah, funny story.
01:00:30She went up to that fancy ass restaurant she used to work at.
01:00:33And it was closed up tighter than the frog's ass.
01:00:36Which one?
01:00:36Well, which frog?
01:00:37No dumbass.
01:00:38Which restaurant?
01:00:39Damn, man.
01:00:40You gotta use the harsh language.
01:00:42They got feelings too.
01:00:43Some weird ass name.
01:00:45Like Flacco?
01:00:46See, now you're just being rude to be ruled.
01:00:48It was something like the foot in the duck.
01:00:52Or fork in the pig maybe?
01:00:54Yeah, yeah, that's the one.
01:01:04Damn.
01:01:05Captain's pretty pissed.
01:01:07Yeah.
01:01:08There's something missing.
01:01:11I don't know, man.
01:01:13I'm pretty hungry.
01:01:14Let's order.
01:01:15You're not gonna arrest me because the food's bad, are you?
01:01:19No, man.
01:01:19Everybody got jokes today.
01:01:20Man, I'm about to go back into the kitchen before I violate parole in this mofo.
01:01:24This cooking ought to be a violation of this parole.
01:01:26Yo!
01:01:27I'm five feet away, man.
01:01:29I'm still here.
01:01:30I heard that.
01:01:31You used to work at the fork in the pig?
01:01:33Yep.
01:01:34Until they closed suddenly.
01:01:35I didn't even get my last check.
01:01:37So you work with Patrick?
01:01:38Ugh.
01:01:39What a douche.
01:01:40They were the name like Patrick.
01:01:41Do you know Mr. Robert Doyle?
01:01:43Ugh.
01:01:43What a bigger douche.
01:01:45Can I have to elaborate?
01:01:46Douche number one or douche number two?
01:01:48Let's start with number one.
01:01:50Okay.
01:01:50Douche number one because he was a suck up and he just kissed all these rich people's ass.
01:01:55And douche number two because he thought having money, like, made him some kind of a king
01:01:59or something.
01:02:01I mean, I work hard to pay my bills, but at the end of the night, I leave with my
01:02:05dignity.
01:02:06The day your boy Chad disappeared, notice anyone odd or different?
01:02:10Man, is this gonna turn into another Flacco insult?
01:02:13Nah, not really.
01:02:15Well, we did get these two guys who were kinda wack and, uh...
01:02:18Your secret sauce.
01:02:20Well...
01:02:20Dude, you know that shit's illegal.
01:02:24Not to mention, bro, I mean, it's downright disgusting.
01:02:27Don't assault the cook.
01:02:28Shit, don't start nothing, there won't be nothing.
01:02:30What do they look like?
01:02:31It's two strange looking dudes.
01:02:34One was really big, kinda scary looking.
01:02:37Looked like that, uh, big old professional wrestler, uh, the mangler.
01:02:41And the other one, man, he looked like one of those munchkins from that, uh, chocolate movie.
01:02:46And you thought it'd be a good idea to screw with their food?
01:02:48Yeah, fuck, I ain't afraid of no man.
01:02:50Plus, your ass is hiding in the kitchen.
01:02:52Yeah, there's that too.
01:02:54Yeah, it sounds like the guys that got into it with douche number two at the Fork and Pig.
01:02:58Django.
01:02:59Hmm, let's roll.
01:03:00The Flacco got feelings too.
01:03:07Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
01:03:11No, no, no, uh-uh.
01:03:12You heard what the captain said.
01:03:13Folks, in this case, in this case...
01:03:15Captain said, I'm straight from the commissioner.
01:03:17Do you see that?
01:03:18Yeah.
01:03:19And this is what you need to do.
01:03:20You need to call the cops and tell them exactly what happened.
01:03:26Time's a-wasting burger, boy.
01:03:30How much am I supposed to put in the pot?
01:03:32Maybe you shouldn't have spilled so much on your shirt and the floor.
01:03:37Well, I guess you better start grabbing it off the floor.
01:03:52What?
01:03:55What?
01:04:09Are those pubes burning?
01:04:11Can I smell?
01:04:29It's the same dudes.
01:04:31I'm sure of it.
01:04:32So these two guys, they eat in a fancy restaurant,
01:04:35then they eat in a flaco shithole.
01:04:37Who eat that flaco shithole?
01:04:39Yeah, the cops.
01:04:40Most of the time we eat for free.
01:04:42Look, this is huge.
01:04:43We've got to tell the captain about this.
01:04:45These two guys have enough cash to eat at expensive restaurants.
01:04:48They like simple shit, too.
01:04:52Affirmative, sir.
01:04:53The victim was DOA.
01:04:54She was an elderly white female.
01:04:55The name on her ID and her purse reads Blanche Kelly.
01:04:58That's the commissioner's wife.
01:05:00Son of a bitch.
01:05:02All right, we need to roll.
01:05:08Jimmy.
01:05:10You know I don't like toys at the breakfast table.
01:05:13Mom, you know I prefer Jim.
01:05:19You want to help with the last two, Sugar Bear?
01:05:23Last two?
01:05:25I thought there were three people left.
01:05:28That's my bad.
01:05:29But I've been a little distracted.
01:05:31And I'm not going to apologize for that.
01:05:37I think I'm going to kick.
01:05:40Maybe that's why you don't have a boyfriend.
01:05:43Mama, for the last time, I am not gay.
01:05:48Back off.
01:05:51Hey, let's do this.
01:05:54Well, y'all have fun.
01:06:00I think we got this all figured out, Captain.
01:06:02Good.
01:06:03It's about time.
01:06:05If the commissioner gets any further up my ass,
01:06:08I'm going to have to start charging him rent.
01:06:12Well, Captain, now we think it's the same two guys who have taken all these people.
01:06:17It's something to do with eating.
01:06:19That's it?
01:06:22That's your theory.
01:06:26I thought I told you not to come back in here until...
01:06:30Come on, Cap.
01:06:30We got this.
01:06:32Now, I think we know who these guys are.
01:06:35Now, one of them is a big old huge guy, okay?
01:06:38One of them is like a little teeny tiny guy.
01:06:41Now, apparently they're brothers.
01:06:44So they shouldn't be too hard to find.
01:06:45Well, that's a little racist.
01:06:47No, Captain, check it out.
01:06:48Now, he didn't mean like there's brothers and stuff.
01:06:50He meant like brothers, like, you know, siblings.
01:06:55I take that back.
01:06:56That's not racist.
01:06:58That is racist.
01:06:59Everywhere these guys have been, people have disappeared.
01:07:02Okay, what else you got?
01:07:03Well, they seem to always get in trouble, you know, big and small, wherever they go.
01:07:09And the rich as hell does that, too.
01:07:13All right, then.
01:07:15Get out there and find them before the commissioner and I have to announce our engagement.
01:07:20I don't think that's legal in this state yet.
01:07:22Come on, let's come back.
01:07:34Who wants to play next?
01:07:41Shaniqua or...
01:07:42Who's that?
01:07:43Nobody important.
01:07:49That's Rachel.
01:07:50I mean, that's Rachel.
01:07:52Why is she down on Amber's clothes?
01:07:54Shut up, smarty pantser.
01:07:55You're next.
01:08:02Where's the other one?
01:08:05What other one?
01:08:07The other Amber.
01:08:13Why is everyone looking at me?
01:08:15Where's the girl, Martha?
01:08:17Safe?
01:08:18I have to think of where I put her.
01:08:21We've got so much room down here.
01:08:23I know that's you, Amber.
01:08:29If you can't beat them, join them.
01:08:31I always say.
01:08:39I know y'all.
01:08:40You do?
01:08:42Yeah.
01:08:43Y'all from Dickie Dood.
01:08:44That's right.
01:08:45And you're the girl who's always rude and rolls her eyes at us every time we ask for honey mustard.
01:08:50I told y'all we ain't got no honey mustard.
01:08:52My damn manager is too cheap to order some.
01:08:55Don't you listen?
01:08:56You see?
01:08:56It's that attitude right there that got you into this mess.
01:09:01What about you, old man?
01:09:03Nothing to say?
01:09:05This is going to be the last time you get to talk.
01:09:08Nope.
01:09:09I'm an old man.
01:09:11Let's do this.
01:09:13Defiant till the end.
01:09:17I admire that.
01:09:18Thanks.
01:09:20It's a family trait.
01:09:23Sugar tit.
01:09:37Damn.
01:09:38But you look at this.
01:09:40You know they got the money, right?
01:09:42If they did this, they're going to log it up quick.
01:09:45I mean, like Johnny Cochran style.
01:09:50Maybe nobody's home.
01:09:52Did you see all those cars?
01:09:54Looked like a rich prick party to me.
01:09:56Somebody's here.
01:09:59Easy there, Tarzan.
01:10:01Give a little old lady a chance to get the door.
01:10:04Hello, ma'am.
01:10:05I'm Detective Turner.
01:10:06This is Detective Hooch.
01:10:08Like the...
01:10:09Yeah, like the movie.
01:10:10I was going to say it sounds like the title of a TV show, but that's a hoot too.
01:10:16How can I help you, Detective?
01:10:18We're looking for your sons.
01:10:21We need to speak to them about a case we're investigating.
01:10:24They're not here.
01:10:26They're working.
01:10:27Okay.
01:10:28Where do they work?
01:10:29We'll visit them there.
01:10:31They don't really work anywhere.
01:10:34But you just said...
01:10:35They're out working for me.
01:10:37Running errands.
01:10:38I don't know what I'd do without them.
01:10:41Just give us their cell phones.
01:10:42We'll give them a call.
01:10:43Well, heavens no.
01:10:44Ma'am, this is a police case.
01:10:46We need their numbers now.
01:10:47I can't do that.
01:10:49They don't have cell phones.
01:10:51They don't have cell phones?
01:10:52How could they not have cell phones?
01:10:53My five-year-old niece has a kitty cell phone.
01:10:56And it's not like they can't afford it.
01:10:58It's because they can hear you and track you.
01:11:02They who?
01:11:04The eyes in the sky.
01:11:07Big brother.
01:11:08That's enough of this crap.
01:11:09This is my card, ma'am.
01:11:11Have them call me as soon as they get in.
01:11:13Don't let me come looking for them again.
01:11:16I'll do that.
01:11:17Detective Grumpy Pants.
01:11:19Either your partner needs some fiber in his diet.
01:11:23Or he needs to get laid.
01:11:28Time to play.
01:11:31So, are we going to do both of them at the same time, Big Daddy?
01:11:35Yeah.
01:11:36Twice as much fun.
01:11:38Let's do this.
01:11:40Damn.
01:11:41Y'all really going to kill me for being rude and not having no honey mustard?
01:11:46That's cold.
01:11:47You know what?
01:11:50That's rude.
01:11:52And you know how Mama feels about people being rude.
01:11:56A chicken sandwich just isn't complete without honey mustard.
01:12:01Hmm.
01:12:03Chicken sandwich.
01:12:05That sounds good for lunch.
01:12:07Earth to Martha.
01:12:10Okay.
01:12:11So, since we're the last ones, you can at least tell us why you're going to kill the old man.
01:12:16We don't know what the others did.
01:12:18We can at least have that.
01:12:19He's mean as shit.
01:12:21Rude.
01:12:21Plus, he's cheap.
01:12:23I bet he's real cheap.
01:12:24And a bad father.
01:12:29Just kidding.
01:12:30Love you, Daddy.
01:12:31Daddy?
01:12:32Yep.
01:12:33He's our Daddy.
01:12:34He always enjoys being a part of these games.
01:12:37He likes to have a front row seat, so to speak.
01:12:40Fucking white people.
01:12:42That's racist.
01:12:44That's rude.
01:12:50You want some honey mustard with your chicken, ma'am?
01:13:00You're supposed to be missing.
01:13:02Missing from where?
01:13:04I'm not missing.
01:13:06I know exactly where I am.
01:13:09Are you missing, Amber?
01:13:11I don't think I'm missing.
01:13:16Nope.
01:13:17Not missing.
01:13:18What about you, cowboy?
01:13:22Are you missing?
01:13:24Daddy, are you missing?
01:13:26All right, all right.
01:13:27Nobody's missing.
01:13:27Except your mother.
01:13:29And Mr. Doyle.
01:13:31May they eloped.
01:13:32Well, the food was good, but who came up with the name Fish Guts anyway?
01:13:39By the way, I have to be somewhere.
01:13:41I got an appointment, brother.
01:13:42So can you take care of this for me?
01:13:48I left my pocketbook in my other purse.
01:13:52Yeah, Mr. Doyle.
01:13:54You remember him, don't you, ladies?
01:13:56Mm-hmm.
01:13:57A very mean man.
01:14:00Small penis.
01:14:02Tiny penis!
01:14:04May we help you, gentlemen?
01:14:06We're trying to have a nice dinner at our new restaurant.
01:14:08This is your restaurant?
01:14:10Yes.
01:14:12What about Fish Guts?
01:14:12My youngest son came up with it.
01:14:14It just has a nice ring to it.
01:14:19Sarah!
01:14:21Be a dear and find these officers a nice table.
01:14:25Yes, Mr. Mayflower?
01:14:27We can't eat here.
01:14:28It's at our price range.
01:14:30Compliments of the house.
01:14:31Follow me, gentlemen.
01:14:35Yeah, my, uh, wallet, uh, it's in her other purse.
01:14:41Can you grab ours too, brother?
01:14:47Hey, brother, this fish is really not agreeing with me.
01:14:50Uh, I gotta take a little break.
01:14:51I'll be right back.
01:14:56This happens every time.
01:15:03Huh, no meaning to dine and dash.
01:15:07Anything else, Mr. Mayflower?
01:15:08Uh, yes.
01:15:10We'll need some more napkins, Patrick.
01:15:13Yes, sir.
01:15:14Oh, Patrick.
01:15:16When you return, I'd like you to scratch my balls.
01:15:22Yes, sir.
01:15:30Why did you let those wrestlers get away with pouring coleslaw on your head?
01:15:34Well, coleslaw is my favorite.
01:15:36And they did come to my birthday party, after all.
01:15:39And Kevin Nash, he's my all-time favorite.
01:15:44Yeah, I noticed his poster on the ceiling above your bed.
01:15:48I just don't like them messing with you.
01:15:50You want to know what I think we should do?
01:15:52What?
01:15:55We should kill him.
01:15:58Yeah.
01:15:59You think you got what it takes?
01:16:02Bring it on.
01:16:04Yeah, that's what I thought.
01:16:13Hey!
01:16:15Oh!
01:16:16Oh!
01:16:19Oh!
01:16:20Oh!
01:16:22Oh!
01:16:23Oh!
01:16:23Oh!
01:16:25Oh!
01:16:25Oh!
01:16:26Oh!
01:16:27Oh!
01:16:28Oh!
01:16:28Oh!
01:16:30Oh!
01:16:35Oh!
01:16:38Oh!
01:16:40Oh!
01:16:49Why do you suppose my family thinks I'm gay?
01:16:55I don't know, babe.
01:18:55Look, the bonnet has fingerprints on it.
01:18:59Yeah, because he did something to it.
01:19:02Are they moving?
01:19:03You know, I'm stuck, but the rest is a mystery, because nobody knows what happened that night.
01:19:09All they found was my toes.
01:19:1256J, take four.
01:19:23You made it a day and a half.
01:19:25You made it a day and a half.
01:19:27I'm not sure it's too funny.
01:19:29I like the news.
01:19:31Have fun with it.
01:19:32That's what we're here for.
01:19:34We'll see if we can get one.
01:19:35We'll see if we can get one of those.
01:19:52We'll see if we can get one of those.
01:20:01We'll see if we can get one of those.
01:20:05Wait, we'll see if we can get one of those.
01:20:14Next thing's gonna be.
01:20:21We'll see if we can get one of those.
01:20:28We'll see if we can get one of those.
01:20:41I love your beard, too.
01:20:45Hey, when that motherfucker's blood in the border, man, boy, you got you some nice meat
01:20:51and make you some fucking, uh, some chili.
01:20:54You can make you some chili with that meat, and you can make you some good, uh, some spirit.
01:20:58I don't know what it is about scared blood.
01:21:01I think Wolverine with you.
01:21:02We sound like some vampires up in this bench.
01:21:19I even have a poster of you on the ceiling above my bed.
01:21:22You're the last thing I see before I fall asleep at night.
01:21:24And sometimes, when I see your face, I put my penis in a headlock.
01:21:31Really?
01:21:32That's kind of special.
01:21:33Can I get one of those hats?
01:21:35Uh-huh.
01:21:36It might, I get you one, and what color do you want?
01:21:39Looks like it may be purple, like a German helmet.
01:21:41Yeah!
01:21:42Oh, wow, and then we can massage and, like, work each other down.
01:21:45You know, you're in line with a guy I was in prison with.
01:21:49We could do that.
01:21:51Can you leave your family and come with me?
01:21:53Absolutely.
01:21:54We could, like, sponge back each other until somebody has a happy ending.
01:21:59I'm in.
01:21:59I'm in.
01:22:00I'm suing.
01:22:00You guys pick up the bill.
01:22:02I'm...
01:22:02Best birthday ever!
01:22:04Sorry, sweetheart, you have to find out about this now.
01:22:11Oh, my God.
01:22:30You
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