- 2 hours ago
My husband has selective hearing loss. - Hot
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00:00My husband had selective hearing.
00:01I asked him to take out the trash.
00:03Can you take out the trash?
00:04Silence.
00:05I asked him to load the dishwasher.
00:06Can you load the dishwasher?
00:08Silence.
00:09I would scream until my throat burned,
00:11and he would just stare at me like I was the one losing my mind.
00:14Then he would say,
00:15I never said I would not do it.
00:17Why are you freaking out?
00:19So I finally stopped.
00:21I started pretending I could not hear him too.
00:22I'm starving.
00:23And guess who lost his mind?
00:25After dinner one night, I took our son upstairs to give him a bath.
00:28Before I left, I reminded my husband to clean up the kitchen.
00:31He was scrolling through his phone on the couch and grunted,
00:33Yeah.
00:34without looking up.
00:3520 minutes later, I came back down.
00:37Dishes still everywhere.
00:38Food still crusting on plates.
00:41Cole was still on the couch, still on his phone, laughing at some stupid video.
00:44Cole, I asked you to do the dishes.
00:47Nothing.
00:48His thumbs kept swiping.
00:49Cole.
00:50Still nothing.
00:51Just the occasional chuckle.
00:53Cole!
00:54He finally looked up, annoyed.
00:57I heard you the first time.
00:59Relax.
01:00I will get to it.
01:01He did not get to it.
01:04I put our son to bed, came back downstairs at 10 o'clock.
01:08Same mess, same husband, same phone.
01:11Fine.
01:12Whatever.
01:13I went to bed.
01:14Next morning, I came down to make breakfast.
01:17Dishes still in the sink.
01:18Grease dried onto the counter like glue.
01:20He had from 6 o'clock until God knows when to do them.
01:23But scrolling through Instagram was a ton of more important.
01:27I scrubbed the dried cheese off plates, washed everything, wiped the counters, made pancakes.
01:32Cole shuffled in around 8, still in his boxers.
01:35Oh, hey.
01:36You made breakfast?
01:37He sat down across from me and started helping himself.
01:40Cole.
01:40I put my fork down.
01:43Yesterday, I asked you twice to do the dishes.
01:46This morning, they were exactly where we left them.
01:49He kept eating, did not even pause.
01:52I am talking to you!
01:56He looked up with that stupid grin.
01:59Babe, I just forgot.
02:00Why are you so mad?
02:01I said I will do them next time.
02:03Chill.
02:07I was not chilling.
02:09After breakfast, I went to get our son dressed.
02:13Cole?
02:14The laundry.
02:15Can you switch it to the dryer before you leave?
02:17He gave me a salute.
02:18Yes, ma'am.
02:20I should have known better.
02:22Got Jason dressed, dropped him at daycare.
02:25Went to work, came home at 6.
02:28Walked past the laundry room and stopped.
02:30The washing machine door was still closed.
02:32Same cycle from that morning.
02:34I opened it.
02:35The clothes were still wet.
02:36They had been sitting there for 12 hours.
02:38Already smelling musty.
02:40I ran the load again.
02:42Cole came home, dropped his work bag, and collapsed onto the couch.
02:45Phone out, thumbs moving.
02:49Cole, the dryer.
02:51No response.
02:55Cole, dryer.
02:57Nothing.
02:58I stormed over and kicked his foot.
02:59He looked up like I had just as...
03:01I heard you, Jesus!
03:03You said dryer.
03:04I will do it.
03:05Why are you standing over me?
03:06You did not do it this morning.
03:08The clothes sat in the washer all day.
03:10They smelled.
03:10I had to rerun the whole load.
03:12So you reran it.
03:13Big deal.
03:13He shrugged.
03:14It is not like the world ended.
03:16I went back to the kitchen and started cooking.
03:19Dinner was ready an hour later.
03:20I came out to set the table.
03:22Clothes still in the washer.
03:24Cole was in the bathroom.
03:25Door closed.
03:26Phone sounds coming through the door.
03:28I hung the laundry myself.
03:29By myself.
03:30Again.
03:31He came out while I was hanging the last shirt.
03:34Saw me.
03:35Snorted.
03:35Sat down at the table and started eating.
03:37Video blasting from his phone.
03:39Fork in one hand, screaming the other.
03:41Jason is three.
03:42Three-year-olds notice everything.
03:44Why does daddy get to watch videos and I do not?
03:48I took a breath.
03:51Cole?
03:52Put the phone away.
03:54Let's just eat together.
03:55Nothing.
03:56Cole?
03:57Still nothing.
03:58Cole!
03:59Put the phone away!
04:02He rolled his eyes so hard I thought they might get stuck.
04:05Oh my god.
04:06I heard you.
04:07You do not have to yell.
04:09You sound like my mother.
04:10I saw red.
04:14I did not want to argue in front of our son, so I tried to reason with him.
04:18He is watching you.
04:20If you eat with your phone, he is going to think that is okay.
04:23Then it is okay.
04:24I don't care if he watches videos at dinner.
04:26Cole!
04:27He is three!
04:32So, he will figure it out.
04:34It is not like he is going to starve.
04:38I gave up.
04:42I fed Jason, put him in the bath, read him a story, tucked him in.
04:48Cole stayed on the couch the whole time.
04:50When I came down...
04:52Take out the trash.
04:54Yeah, yeah.
04:57Load the dishwasher.
04:59Mm-hmm.
05:03Wipe down the counters.
05:05Got it.
05:07I went to bed.
05:10Next morning.
05:12Trash still full.
05:14Dishwasher empty.
05:16Counter sticky.
05:18I realized something sitting there at 6 a.m. with coffee in my hand and rage in my throat.
05:23He was not forgetting.
05:25He was waiting me out.
05:26Because eventually, I would just do it myself.
05:29My mother-in-law had been gone for three days.
05:31Three days.
05:32And already the whole house was falling apart.
05:34Here is the thing about my mother-in-law, Carol.
05:36She is amazing.
05:38When I got pregnant, unexpectedly.
05:40I was 26.
05:41Cole was 28.
05:42We had been dating about a year.
05:43She flew in from Florida and basically moved in with us for three years.
05:46She cooked.
05:47She cleaned.
05:48She took care of Jason so I could keep my job.
05:50She never complained.
05:52Not once.
05:52Come on!
05:54And Cole sat on his ass the whole time.
05:56Yeah!
05:56Because his mom served him dinner every night like he was still in high school.
05:59Then Jason turned three and started preschool and Carol said she wanted to go home.
06:03Said she missed her book club and her garden and her friends.
06:07I did not blame her.
06:08But I also did not realize what I was losing.
06:11Not her cooking.
06:12Not her cleaning.
06:13Her buffer.
06:14Because without Carol in the house, there was no one left to do the work except me.
06:18And Cole had no intention of becoming a friend.
06:21So I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine.
06:25The next morning, I made breakfast for me and Jason.
06:28Two eggs, toast, cut up some strawberries.
06:30Cole came down around 8.30, opened the fridge, opened the cabinets, looked at me.
06:36Where is mine?
06:37I was packing Jason's backpack.
06:39Did not look up.
06:40Brianna, where is my breakfast?
06:43I finally turned around.
06:44Oh.
06:45Did you ask me to make you breakfast?
06:47His face went red.
06:48Are you serious?
06:49He grabbed his keys and slammed the door so hard a picture came out of the wall.
06:53Jason looked at me with big eyes.
06:55Is daddy okay?
06:56Daddy is fine, baby.
06:58Eat your strawberries.
06:59That night, Cole texted me.
07:01Working late.
07:02Do not wait up.
07:04Fine by me.
07:07Jason and I went to Chick-fil-A and then to the indoor playground.
07:10He was asleep by 8.
07:13The next morning at breakfast, I looked Cole right in the eye.
07:15Hey, can you dry the laundry when you get home?
07:17Yeah, sure.
07:20He did not.
07:21But here is what he did not know.
07:23I had already washed and dried our clothes the night before.
07:25That load was just his work uniforms.
07:27Both of them.
07:28He came downstairs the next morning at 7.15, opened the dryer, and found two wet, sour-smelling polos.
07:36Brianna, why did you not dry my clothes?
07:38I was pouring coffee.
07:39Did not look up.
07:40I asked you to dry them, remember?
07:42You knew I was not going to do it.
07:46Oh.
07:47So you admit you just do not do things?
07:50On purpose?
07:51He opened his mouth, closed it, put on a damp shirt that smelled like mildew and left for work.
08:01I smiled into my coffee.
08:07I thought maybe, just maybe, he would figure it out after a few days of this.
08:14Then I overheard him on the phone with his buddy, Mark.
08:18I swear to God, man, she has lost her mind.
08:21She asked me to put the trash out.
08:23The trash.
08:24And then got mad when I did not do it right away.
08:27Mark's voice crackled through the speaker.
08:28Like, she cooks, I'm supposed to do dishes.
08:31She does laundry, I'm supposed to fold it.
08:33Why can't she just do it?
08:34My mom did everything.
08:35She never made my dad do anything.
08:37What did you try?
08:38I tried just not doing it.
08:40Letting it sit, you know?
08:41Figured she would get annoyed and just handle it.
08:43But now she is not cooking for me.
08:45She is not doing my laundry.
08:47She's fighting back.
08:49Dang.
08:49I know.
08:50And honestly?
08:51If she had not gotten pregnant, I never would have-
08:53I stopped listening.
08:54My hand was shaking on the doorframe.
08:56He never would have what?
08:58Married me.
08:59Loved me.
08:59He said it like I was a mistake.
09:01A consequence.
09:02A ball and chain.
09:04I walked away quietly.
09:05Did not cry.
09:06Did not scream.
09:07I just started planning.
09:09Life went on.
09:10Same fights.
09:11Same silences.
09:13One night, I asked him to do the dishes before I put Jason to bed.
09:17Yeah, yeah.
09:19Came down an hour later.
09:21Dishes moved to the sink.
09:22Not washed, just relocated.
09:24Fine.
09:24Next morning.
09:25Still there.
09:30I took Jason to eye out the pancakes.
09:34Cole woke up to an empty house in a sink full of old crusty food.
09:37He texted me.
09:38Where are you?
09:39Did not answer.
09:41He called.
09:42Ignored.
09:43I came home that night after dropping Jason at my mom.
09:47The dishes were still there.
09:48Cole was on the couch.
09:49He did not look at me when I walked in.
09:52We played that game for three days.
09:54I ate out.
09:55He ate out.
09:56The dishes grew mold.
09:57The trash started to smell.
09:59Finally, I heard him on the phone again.
10:00But this time, it was with his mom.
10:03Mom, you will not believe what she is doing.
10:06She left the dishes for three days.
10:08They are growing stuff.
10:09The kitchen smells like a dumpster.
10:11And she only washes her own clothes now.
10:14She will not even touch mine.
10:16Silence on Carol's end.
10:17Mom?
10:20Cole, why are not you doing them?
10:22What?
10:24The dishes.
10:25The laundry.
10:26Why are not you doing them?
10:27You live there too, don't you?
10:29But I don't know how.
10:32Carol laughed.
10:33She actually laughed.
10:35You are 34 years old and you do not know how to run a dishwasher?
10:39I did not raise you that stupid.
10:41Mom!
10:41And another thing.
10:42You said Brianna should wash your clothes?
10:45Last time I checked, you make $60,000 a year.
10:48She makes $90,000.
10:49Who is supposed to be providing for who here?
10:51Cole hung up.
10:53I walked away smiling.
10:56The next day, Cole came to me with a new plan.
11:00I am not giving you money for groceries anymore.
11:02Since you will not cook for me, we will just buy our own stuff.
11:06He thought he had me.
11:08Okay.
11:08I said.
11:10He blinked.
11:11Okay?
11:12Yeah.
11:13Okay.
11:14He did not know that I had been saving for years.
11:17That I had a secret account with $40,000 in it.
11:19My parents had offered to let me move back in anytime.
11:23But sure, cut me off.
11:24See how that works.
11:26I packed a bag for me and Jason that night.
11:29And drove to my parents' house in Naperville.
11:31Closer to my job anyway.
11:33Cole texted me at 11 p.m.
11:35You coming home?
11:36I did not reply.
11:37He called at 8 a.m.
11:38Ignored.
11:38He called at noon.
11:40Ignored.
11:42After a month,
11:45he showed up at my parents' door with flowers and a box of donuts.
11:52Brianna, come on.
11:55I leaned against the door frame.
11:58This is ridiculous.
12:00You cannot just live with your parents forever.
12:04Is the house clean?
12:05He shifted his weight.
12:08I mean, it is fine.
12:11Are the dishes done?
12:15Some of them.
12:16The laundry?
12:18He did not answer.
12:19I pulled a piece of paper from my back pocket.
12:25Sign this.
12:26He looked down.
12:27Is that a divorce petition?
12:28Yep.
12:29His face went pale.
12:30You are joking.
12:31This is insane.
12:32Over dishes?
12:33I am not.
12:35Over three years of dishes?
12:37Over you treating me like a maid?
12:39Over you telling your friend you only married me because I got pregnant?
12:43I heard that, by the way.
12:44I smiled.
12:45Sign.
12:46He went white.
12:47Cole left without signing.
12:48Hired a cleaning service to scrub the whole house.
12:50Cost him 400 bucks.
12:52Sent me photos.
12:53See?
12:53Clean.
12:54Happy now?
12:55I did not answer.
12:56He even mowed me $5,000.
12:57Monthly allowance.
12:58And I will do all the housework.
13:00Just come home.
13:01My parents started in on me.
13:03He is trying, honey.
13:05Think of Jason.
13:06He needs his father.
13:08So I went back.
13:10And for a while, it was good.
13:11Cole did dishes.
13:12Cooked dinner.
13:13Put Jason to bed.
13:16Did not look at his phone at meals.
13:18I thought maybe, just maybe, he had actually changed.
13:21Then I found out why.
13:22He had been laid off.
13:24Tech company.
13:25Mass layoffs.
13:25Cole was not exactly a star performer, so bye-bye.
13:28He had been going to work every day for two weeks.
13:30Coffee shops.
13:31The library.
13:32A park bench.
13:33He was pretending.
13:34I did not say anything at first.
13:36Just watched.
13:36And I noticed something interesting.
13:38The second he got a new job, Mark hooked him up with something.
13:41Less money, but still a paycheck.
13:42The good behavior started slipping.
13:44Trash did not go out.
13:46Dishwasher did not get loaded.
13:47One night, I came home and found the same laundry in the washer I had put in that morning.
13:51Cole!
13:52The laundry!
13:53Yeah, yeah.
13:54I came back two hours later, same clothes.
13:57Cole.
14:00I heard you!
14:02I did not say anything.
14:04I went upstairs.
14:05That is when I started throwing things away.
14:08Not dramatically, just quietly.
14:10Dishes he did not wash straight into the trash bag.
14:12Clothes he left in the washer too long?
14:15Garbage.
14:16One week, he asked me where all the plates went.
14:19I threw them away.
14:21You what?
14:22They were dirty for three days.
14:24Neither of us washed them, so I threw them out.
14:27You are insane!
14:29No.
14:30I am done.
14:32Then he noticed his work polos were missing.
14:34Where are my shirts?
14:36Mold.
14:37Trash.
14:38Are you serious right now?
14:40You threw away my clothes because I forgot to switch the dryer one time?
14:46One time?
14:47Cole, it has been three years.
14:49You forget every single time.
14:51At some point, it is not forgetting.
14:54It's choosing.
14:55I work all day.
14:57I am tired when I come home.
14:58Oh, really?
14:59You work all day?
15:01How many hours, Cole?
15:0240?
15:02I work 40 hours too.
15:04Plus the two hours of commuting.
15:05Plus the cooking.
15:06Plus the cleaning.
15:07Plus the child here.
15:08You know how many hours that adds up to?
15:10About 80.
15:10I work 80 hours a week to your 40.
15:13And you are tired?
15:14He did not have an answer.
15:16I filed for a divorce.
15:17Not separation.
15:19Not taking a break.
15:20Divorce.
15:21Cole told everyone I was being dramatic.
15:23My own parents told me to give him another chance.
15:26You are breaking up a family over dirty dishes.
15:29No.
15:30I am breaking up a family over a husband who will not be a partner.
15:34Carol called me.
15:35I am so sorry, sweetheart.
15:37This is my fault.
15:38I babied him his whole life.
15:40I never made him do anything.
15:41And now he thinks it is someone else's job.
15:44It is not your fault, Carol.
15:46Do not you dare defend me.
15:48I raised a son who thinks women exist to serve him.
15:51You deserve better.
15:53Leave him.
15:54So I did.
15:54Rented a two-bedroom apartment near the train station.
15:57Took Jason.
15:58Bought new plates from Target.
16:00Cole refused to sign.
16:02I took him to court.
16:03The mediator was a woman in her 60s.
16:05So he does not do housework?
16:07That is it?
16:08That is it.
16:09Honey, men are like that.
16:11You just have to work around it.
16:13Do you work around it?
16:14Does your husband do housework?
16:16She pursed her lips and did not answer.
16:18Cole started crying in the mediation room.
16:22I will change.
16:23I promise.
16:25Just give me one more chance.
16:26No.
16:27First court hearing, the judge looked at my petition and actually frowned.
16:32Ma'am, you want to end a marriage because your husband does not load the dishwasher?
16:37Yes, Your Honor.
16:38He says he will change.
16:40Why not give him another chance?
16:42Because he will not.
16:43We have done this before.
16:45He changes for a few weeks, then goes right back.
16:47I am not spending the rest of my life begging a grown man to wash a plate.
16:53Marriage is about compromise.
16:55The judge shook his head.
16:56Compromise requires two people.
16:58I have been the only one compromising for three years.
17:02He denied the petition.
17:03I refiled.
17:04Denied again.
17:05The judge said,
17:06Separation period.
17:08Come back in a year.
17:10So I waited.
17:13Cole showed up at my apartment every week.
17:15Took Jason to the park.
17:17Brought me coffee.
17:18Washed my new dishes when he came over.
17:20But I knew, I knew, he was performing.
17:23And the second I let him back in, the performance would stop.
17:26A year later, I filed again.
17:29This time, Cole signed.
17:31You are really doing this.
17:33Over dishes.
17:34Over a thousand tiny cuts, Cole.
17:37Over being invisible in my own home.
17:39Over waking up every day next to someone who does not respect me.
17:43He signed.
17:4630-day waiting period.
17:48We went to the courthouse on a Tuesday.
17:50Jason was with my mom.
17:54Cole looked at me one last time.
17:56You sure?
17:57I have never been more sure of anything.
17:59An hour later, we walked out with final papers.
18:02Cole laughed.
18:03A sad, hollow laugh.
18:04My buddy Mark got divorced because he cheated.
18:06Another guy I know got divorced because he gambled away their savings.
18:09I am getting divorced because I did not do the laundry.
18:11That is really what it is going to say.
18:13Irreconcilable differences regarding household chores.
18:16I shrugged.
18:17Sounds about right.
18:18He drove away in his Honda Civic.
18:19I walked to the train.
18:20The sun was out.
18:21The sky was blue.
18:22I felt lighter than I had felt in years.
18:25I pulled out my phone and texted my mom.
18:27It is done.
18:28She sent back a sad face emoji.
18:30Then Carol texted.
18:32Congratulations, sweetheart.
18:33You did the right thing.
18:34Now go live your life.
18:35I smiled.
18:36That night, I made dinner for just me and Jason.
18:39Mac and cheese, his favorite, and roasted broccoli and mine.
18:41We ate at the kitchen table.
18:43No phones, no videos, no one ignoring us.
18:45Mommy?
18:46Ketchup on his chin.
18:47Come on, baby.
18:49Are you happy?
18:50I looked around my little apartment.
18:51My dishes, my table, my son.
18:54Yeah, baby.
18:54I am happy.
18:55He grinned and went back to his mac and cheese.
18:57Best dinner I had had in years.
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