- 1 day ago
ENG The Practice Girl
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:02The summer I turned 18, Asher made me cross a line I could never take back.
00:07I bit my lip through the ache, glowing secretly all night,
00:11convinced that six long years of loving him from a distance had finally, finally paid off.
00:17Then the next morning, I heard his friend laughing outside the classroom door.
00:20Okay, okay. Got the nerd to give it up, huh?
00:23My face burned, and I turned to slip away before anyone saw me.
00:27Then Asher's voice drifted out, lazy and unbothered.
00:31I'm trying to get with Chloe, but she'd think I was too inexperienced.
00:35So I used Stella to get some practice in first.
00:38His words hit me like a thunderclap out of a cloudless summer sky.
00:42No warning at all. My mind went completely blank.
00:45It was a scorching July afternoon, but I felt like ice was spreading through every inch of my body.
00:50Classic Asher.
00:52Even Stella was just a warm-up for him.
00:55Everyone knows how hard it is to get into her pant.
00:58Relax. She got something out of it, too.
01:01I mean, Stella's cute and all, but compared to Chloe, yeah, no contest.
01:07Asher threw a textbook at him to shut him up.
01:10It was just a vibe, okay?
01:11The moment happened, and honestly, she seemed like she was enjoying herself.
01:15The guys all exchanged, knowing looks, and started roasting him.
01:18Who knew the book burn was that, that freaky under all those cardigans?
01:23Bro, Asher's just built different.
01:25Why leave free food on the table, right?
01:28She's been chasing him for years.
01:30Technically, she got what she wanted.
01:32After inside the room got noticeably louder,
01:35I pressed my teeth into my lower lip so hard I tasted copper.
01:39Both hands balled into white-knuckled fists.
01:41It took every single ounce of willpower I had to stay upright,
01:45to not just crumple right there in the doorway.
01:48Footsteps echoed down the hall toward me.
01:50I snapped back to reality and bolted,
01:52shoving my way blindly through the corridor.
01:55In my panic, I threw myself into the nearest bathroom stall
01:58and locked the door behind me.
02:00The tears came like a dam breaking,
02:02grief and humiliation pouring out all at once.
02:05Asher's words played on a loop inside my head,
02:08every single syllable.
02:09They shredded what little self-worth I had left.
02:13If I hadn't heard it with my own ears,
02:15I never could have believed that the guy talking in there
02:18was the same one who had held me like I was something precious just last night.
02:23Turns out you don't actually need to love someone to do that with them.
02:26Turns out you can look a girl dead in the eyes,
02:28make her feel everything,
02:30and still be lying through every single second of it.
02:33The thing I thought was my happily ever after
02:36was just a punchline someone else got to laugh at.
02:39The more I cried, the worse it got.
02:41But I couldn't make a sound.
02:42My whole body was shaking so hard I could barely breathe.
02:46A long time passed.
02:47My phone buzzed.
02:48It was Asher.
02:49Just grab an Uber back.
02:51My crew's got a party tonight and it'd be awkward to bring you.
02:54I didn't reply.
02:55He sent a follow-up.
02:56So, pick up a morning after pill yourself.
02:58I'm busy today.
02:59Don't forget to take it.
03:01Good girl.
03:02I stared at those two texts for a very, very long time without moving.
03:07From dusk until nearly sunrise,
03:09Asher had been relentless like he had a point to prove.
03:12By the end, we were both completely wrecked.
03:14And right before he drifted off with his arms around me,
03:17he'd murmured the same thing twice.
03:19We weren't really prepared for your first time.
03:21I'll get you the pill first thing tomorrow morning.
03:24He'd even given me this little lecture
03:26about how girls needed to take care of themselves,
03:29said the morning after pill was really important
03:31and that skipping it could mess up my body.
03:34And I had actually thought,
03:36this is it.
03:37He's the one.
03:37He's being so responsible.
03:39I finally got my person.
03:41And now?
03:42The clarity hit me like a slap.
03:44I dug my nails into my own palm
03:46until the pain forced the tears to stop.
03:48I wiped my face
03:49and walked out of that bathroom like nothing had happened.
03:52I was too embarrassed to go to a real pharmacy,
03:55so I ordered the pill online instead.
03:58When the delivery guy left the package at my door,
04:00I waited another long stretch
04:02before I could even bring myself to go get it.
04:04I swallowed it with a mouthful of my own tears
04:07and then I just sat down on the floor,
04:09staring at nothing, completely empty.
04:11Ever since Ash's family had moved next door to mine,
04:15I'd trailed after him like a shadow
04:16and that had been 10 years of my life.
04:19I had genuinely never stopped to think about
04:21what a world without him would even look like.
04:24I couldn't picture it.
04:25But starting right now,
04:26I was going to have to figure it out alone.
04:29Outside the floor-to-ceiling window,
04:31the neighborhood lights blinked on,
04:33one by one, and then off again.
04:35At some point, I really didn't know
04:37how long I'd been sitting there,
04:38Mia called me on FaceTime.
04:41Stella, why didn't you come to the party tonight with Ashler?
04:43That girl Chloe from the AP track is here, by the way.
04:46She has been all over him since you didn't show.
04:48It's actually disgusting.
04:52In the dark corner of the VIP booth,
04:55Asher and Chloe were sitting so close together,
04:58their thighs were touching.
05:00Chloe had worn a crop top
05:01and a curve-hugging miniskirt.
05:03And she looked exactly as model-perfect
05:06as you'd expect.
05:07Long, tan legs, tiny waist.
05:09The two of them had created this invisible bubble
05:12that separated them from everyone else in the room.
05:15Even the way they were talking
05:16looked more like whispering secrets
05:19than having a conversation.
05:20I could feel the charged energy between them
05:23through the screen.
05:24Something in my chest locked up,
05:26like someone had reached in and squeezed.
05:28He'd only said he wanted to chase her this afternoon,
05:31and apparently tonight
05:32was all the time he needed.
05:34The game switched to truth or dare,
05:37and Chloe drew a card
05:38that said she had to do a push-up challenge
05:40with a guy hobbling over her.
05:42Predictably,
05:43Asher volunteered
05:43before anyone else could open their mouth.
05:46The whole room immediately started hollering.
05:49The room erupted.
05:51Everyone screaming so loud
05:52the walls practically shook.
05:54Asher's and Chloe's faces went even redder.
05:56With the whole crowd
05:57going absolutely feral around them,
06:00Asher just tilted his head down
06:01and kissed her.
06:02Not a quick peck.
06:04A full, deep,
06:05for the whole room to see.
06:07Kissed.
06:07Three full minutes
06:08before they finally pulled apart.
06:10For all three of those minutes,
06:12I sat completely frozen,
06:13eyes locked on the screen,
06:15barely remembering to breathe.
06:17It felt like someone was reaching into my chest
06:19and tearing something loose.
06:20I wanted to cry so badly,
06:23but I'd used up every tear I had
06:25in that bathroom stall
06:26and had nothing left.
06:27Oh my god, Stella.
06:28Did you see that?
06:30He literally kissed her in front of everyone.
06:32He is so into her.
06:34Mia shook her head
06:35and stepped out of the booth,
06:36turning the camera as she went.
06:38She found a quiet corner
06:39and looked at me
06:40with that serious face she uses
06:42when she means it.
06:43Don't be mad at me.
06:44If I hadn't shown you,
06:45you never would have let yourself move on.
06:47My voice came out wrecked and scratchy,
06:50barely recognizable.
06:51I'm not mad at you.
06:53I moan you mad at myself
06:54for wasting so many years.
06:55I had always assumed
06:56that the spot beside Asha was mine,
06:59that it would always be mine.
07:00I am so done with him, Stella.
07:02Who does he think he is,
07:03watching you love, love him for years,
07:05acting all innocent like he had no idea,
07:06just letting you fall deeper and deeper?
07:08You saw what I showed you.
07:09I'm seriously begging you,
07:11please don't let him waste
07:12the next four years of your life too.
07:13He won't, Mia.
07:14I cut her off
07:16and my voice came out calmer than I expected.
07:18I'm not giving myself the chance.
07:20Mia, I've already decided.
07:22I'm going to California with you,
07:24but you have to promise me
07:26you'll keep it quiet for now.
07:28Right after I said it
07:29so I wouldn't talk myself out of it,
07:31I flipped open my laptop
07:32right in front of her.
07:33Without a single second of hesitation,
07:35I changed my first choice school
07:37to the one in California,
07:39one minute before the deadline.
07:41Mia basically levitated off the ground.
07:43She'd been begging me for months
07:45to apply to the same school as her.
07:48But back when we started high school,
07:50Asha and I had made this pact.
07:52We'd work hard together
07:53and go to his dream school up in Boston
07:56after graduation.
07:57It had his aerospace engineering program,
08:00the one he'd been obsessed with
08:02since we were kids.
08:03So even though I didn't particularly love
08:05the idea of brutal winters,
08:07and even though that school
08:08was a technical institute
08:09that didn't even have my major,
08:11I'd spent three years
08:13treating it like my only option.
08:15Our families had lived next door
08:17to each other for so long
08:18that both sets of parents
08:19thought it was basically a done deal.
08:22We'd end up at the same school.
08:23Everyone, including me,
08:25assumed Asha and I
08:26would just naturally become official
08:28once we got to college.
08:30But right now,
08:31I couldn't think of a single reason
08:32to still go to Boston.
08:34Because honestly,
08:35after today,
08:36if I kept following Asha around
08:38the way I always had,
08:40I would never be able
08:41to look myself in the mirror again.
08:42I just needed to go somewhere far away.
08:45It didn't even matter where,
08:46as long as he wasn't there.
08:48He was going east,
08:50so I was going west.
08:52Before bed,
08:52I filled the entire bathtub.
08:54I needed to scrub
08:55every inch of myself clean.
08:57But when I took off my clothes,
08:58the bruises on my skin
09:00were still so vivid
09:01it made me flinch.
09:02The memories from last night
09:04rushed back
09:04before I could stop them.
09:05The burning heat of his skin
09:07pressed against mine.
09:08The sound of his breath
09:10ragged and warm
09:11against my ear.
09:12The ghost of it all
09:13still seemed to linger
09:14in the air around me.
09:15I shook my head hard,
09:17physically trying
09:18to shake myself free of it.
09:19Then I grabbed
09:20the roughest loofah I owned
09:22and scrubbed myself raw
09:23over and over
09:24until my whole body
09:26was flushed,
09:27pink and stinging.
09:28I was trying,
09:29clumsily,
09:30desperately,
09:31to erase
09:31what was officially
09:32the worst night
09:33of my entire life.
09:35The result was
09:36that the pain
09:36kept me awake
09:37the whole night anyway.
09:39Asha didn't text.
09:40For the first time
09:41in six years,
09:42ever since we both
09:43got phones,
09:43we didn't say goodnight
09:44to each other.
09:45That was fine.
09:46It was going to happen
09:47eventually anyway.
09:49Tonight was as good
09:49a time as any
09:50to start letting go.
09:52I didn't fall asleep
09:53until just before sunrise,
09:55drifting in
09:55and out of exhaustion.
09:57Early the next morning,
09:58while I was still
09:59buried in sleep,
10:00I felt,
10:01in that foggy space
10:02between dream
10:03and awake,
10:04the soft press of lips
10:05against my forehead.
10:06I jolted awake.
10:07The first thing
10:08my eyes landed on
10:09was a jaw
10:10I knew too well
10:11and the soft dip
10:13of a throat
10:13right above me.
10:15The scent hit me next,
10:16cedarwood,
10:17that cologne
10:18he always wore,
10:19and underneath it,
10:20the faintest trace
10:21of something new,
10:22something citrusy
10:23that wasn't his.
10:25Right.
10:25I'd completely forgotten
10:26that Asher still knew
10:27my front door code.
10:29Seeing me awake,
10:30he shifted lower,
10:31a low laugh
10:31in his throat,
10:32and tilted his face
10:33down toward my lips.
10:35I jerked my head
10:36to the side.
10:36I shoved him back
10:37with both hands
10:38and scrambled
10:39to the far edge
10:40of the bed.
10:40He blinked,
10:41then let out a short laugh
10:42like I'd surprised him.
10:44Since when are you shy?
10:45Hmm?
10:46I didn't answer.
10:47I just yanked the blanket
10:48over my head
10:49and disappeared under it.
10:50Asher started talking,
10:52his voice going from amused
10:53to mildly annoyed
10:54as he tugged at the blanket.
10:56Stella, seriously,
10:58you didn't say goodnight?
10:59You turned your phone off
11:00and now you're hiding
11:01under a blanket?
11:02Still avoiding me?
11:04Then he just lifted the blanket
11:06and slid himself right in.
11:07I didn't even have time
11:08to react before his arms
11:10wrapped around me
11:11and pulled me flush
11:12against him.
11:13Hey, how many times
11:14have I told you
11:15you can't skip breakfast?
11:18I ran half a mile
11:19to get you those croissants
11:20from your favorite place
11:21and stood in line forever.
11:24Want to get up
11:25and eat now
11:25or get eaten?
11:27His breath was right
11:28against my neck,
11:29warm and close,
11:30and his hand slid
11:31deliberately over my waist.
11:33Reality crashed back in
11:35and I fought
11:35like my life depended on it.
11:37But I'm 5'2 in sneakers
11:39and Asher is literally
11:406'2 of solid muscle.
11:42It was not even a contest.
11:44I honestly could not figure out
11:45what game he was playing.
11:47He had Chloe now,
11:48so what was he even doing
11:49in my bed?
11:50Let go of me!
11:51I tried to push him away,
11:53only to be held
11:54even tighter.
11:55After what felt like
11:56forever of thrashing around,
11:58I was panting
11:58and had accomplished nothing
12:00except being held
12:01even tighter.
12:02What's the tantrum about?
12:05You're mad because
12:05I didn't bring you
12:06to the party last night
12:07over something that small?
12:08I said nothing.
12:09He buried his face
12:11in the curve of my neck
12:12and actually laughed.
12:14Let me guess.
12:15Mia told you something.
12:16It was a party game, Stella.
12:18Is it really worth
12:19getting jealous over?
12:20You're doing that thing
12:21you always do.
12:22I get slightly close
12:23to another girl
12:23and you go all silent
12:24and sulky.
12:25I was so furious
12:26I couldn't even form a sentence.
12:28I dredged up something
12:29from the self-defense
12:30unit in gym class.
12:31Asher's jaw went tight,
12:33his whole face going red.
12:34I quickly walked
12:35from the bedroom
12:36to the living room.
12:37I did not want to be
12:38in any room with him
12:39and especially not my bedroom.
12:41Asher came out
12:42not long after,
12:43looking equal parts
12:44irritated and exhausted.
12:46He was quiet
12:46for a long moment
12:47then seemed
12:48to suddenly remember
12:49something
12:49and asked casually.
12:51Hey,
12:52you took that pill
12:53yesterday, right?
12:54Because I really
12:55don't need that kind
12:56of drama
12:57and I definitely
12:57don't want to have
12:58that conversation
12:59with your parents.
13:00Asher walked over
13:01to the counter,
13:02picked up the smoothie
13:03he'd brought
13:03and held it out to me.
13:05Come on,
13:05be reasonable.
13:06Eat something
13:07before you pick a fight.
13:08You know your stomach's sensitive.
13:09I didn't speak
13:10and I didn't take it.
13:11He held the cup out
13:12for a long, awkward beat
13:14and then his patience cracked.
13:16What is actually going on?
13:18Stella,
13:19even a tantrum
13:20needs a reason.
13:21There have to be
13:22some limits here.
13:23I kept my voice
13:24ice cold
13:24and set it flat.
13:25I don't deserve
13:26to have any say.
13:27Asher snapped.
13:28He slammed the cup
13:29down on the coffee table
13:30so hard it cracked.
13:32The plastic split
13:33and the smoothie
13:33spilled out in a wave,
13:35soaking into the rug.
13:36What is that
13:37supposed to mean?
13:38Who do you think
13:39you are, Stella?
13:41We slept together once.
13:42It was consensual.
13:44And now you think
13:45you own me?
13:46Do you know
13:47how suffocating that is?
13:48His voice had a viciousness
13:50to it I had never heard before.
13:52The second he finished speaking
13:53my eyes flooded.
13:54No warning.
13:55No build-up.
13:56Just instant tears.
13:58Yesterday's humiliation
13:59came crashing back,
14:00hitting me all over again
14:02like a fresh wound.
14:03Asher clearly hadn't expected
14:04me to cry this hard,
14:06this fast.
14:07He looked genuinely thrown,
14:09scrambling for what to do.
14:11I'm sorry.
14:12I drank too much last night
14:14and I was out of line
14:15just now.
14:16He reached out
14:17to wipe my face
14:18but I twisted away,
14:19putting distance between us,
14:20his hand frozen mid-air,
14:22hovering there.
14:23He opened his mouth
14:24to keep trying
14:24but his phone buzzed.
14:26He glanced at the screen once
14:27and his entire expression
14:29shifted
14:29and moved toward the door.
14:31I've got something urgent.
14:32Take a minute to calm down.
14:34We're going to college soon.
14:35You can't keep throwing fits
14:36like a little kid
14:37who's going to put up with that.
14:38He hadn't been gone 30 minutes
14:41when Mia sent me a screenshot,
14:43Chloe's Instagram story.
14:44Just said I'm hungry
14:46and breakfast appeared like magic.
14:48Pretty sure this is mutual now
14:49with a little heart.
14:50The photo was of the exact same croissants
14:53that were sitting on my kitchen counter.
14:55I didn't respond.
14:56I just quietly wiped my eyes,
14:58got on my hands and knees
15:00and started cleaning up the smoothie
15:01Asher had spilled.
15:02I scrubbed for a long time
15:04before I accepted
15:05with a hollow feeling in my chest
15:07that the stain had soaked
15:09all the way through the wool rug
15:10and wasn't coming out.
15:12So I just threw the whole rug
15:13in the trash.
15:14It didn't matter anyway.
15:16That rug was something Asher
15:17and his parents had spent
15:18an entire afternoon
15:20picking out on a family trip
15:22and he'd lugged it home
15:23in his carry-on himself.
15:24Then I went through everything else,
15:26every single thing
15:27Asher had ever left at my place,
15:29every gift he'd given me
15:30over the years,
15:31every photo of the two of us,
15:33every small souvenir and keepsake.
15:35It took the rest of the day
15:37but I packed every last bit of it up
15:39and threw it all out.
15:41I doubted he'd want any of it back anyway.
15:43After he left that day
15:44the silence stretched.
15:46Days went by
15:47and he didn't reach out at all.
15:49Things with Chloe
15:49were probably going great
15:51or maybe he was waiting for me
15:52to be the one who caved first.
15:54In every fight we'd ever had
15:56I was always the one who broke first
15:58every single time,
16:00no exceptions.
16:01But this time
16:02I didn't go looking for him.
16:03And I didn't have any reason to.
16:05I blocked him on everything,
16:07text or social media,
16:08changed my front door code
16:10and deleted every account
16:12he might use to find me.
16:13After that
16:14I called my parents
16:15who were both travelling for work.
16:17I want a spimmer visiting my aunt.
16:20My plan was to stay there
16:21until school started
16:22then head straight to California
16:24with Mia
16:24instead of coming home.
16:26Other than Mia
16:27no one else knew yet
16:28that I'd changed my application.
16:30This plan should work perfectly.
16:32There was basically
16:33zero chance
16:34I'd run into Asher
16:35if I pulled this off right.
16:37My mum actually laughed
16:39over the phone.
16:40Ooh, so you and Asher
16:42are taking a vacation together.
16:44I made up a quick excuse
16:45and didn't go into detail.
16:46I wanted to visit
16:47my aunt and grandma.
16:49I begged my dad
16:50to book me
16:50the first available flight
16:51and I was ready to leave
16:53that same night.
16:54Of course,
16:54because the universe
16:55has no chill
16:56I ran into Asher's mum
16:57right at our front door
16:59on my way out.
17:00She grabbed my arm warmly
17:01and started chattering.
17:03Stella, honey!
17:04Where's Asher?
17:05He's not coming to pick you up.
17:06Didn't he say
17:07he was taking you
17:08on that ski trip?
17:09Go have fun.
17:10I am 100% behind you two.
17:13I was confused.
17:14I had mentioned once
17:15during senior year
17:16I'd always wanted to try
17:18skiing in Colorado
17:19just offhand.
17:21But given everything
17:22that had happened between us
17:23the idea of going on a trip together
17:25seemed completely impossible.
17:27I was running out of time though
17:28so I said something vague
17:30and non-committal
17:31and slipped away.
17:32What I never expected
17:33was that at the airport
17:34I would come face to face
17:36with Asher.
17:37He was with a group of friends.
17:38Chloe was there too.
17:39Asher had her designer bag
17:41in one hand
17:42and his other arm
17:43slung around her shoulder.
17:44They were trailing
17:45at the back of the group.
17:46Every so often
17:47Chloe would lean her head
17:48toward him to say something
17:49and every single time
17:51without any hesitation
17:52he would bend down to listen.
17:54He never did that with me.
17:56Asher had always been taller than me
17:58and the gap had only gotten bigger
18:00over the years.
18:01When it was the two of us
18:02I was always the one
18:03bouncing on my toes
18:04craning my neck up
18:05just to catch his eyes.
18:07Turns out
18:07for the right person
18:08he would be the one who bends.
18:10I breathed in slowly.
18:12I told myself
18:13I needed to have some dignity about this.
18:15Whatever he did
18:16was none of my business.
18:17If I let myself overthink it
18:18I deserved to be slapped.
18:20But there seemed to be
18:21only one path to the gates.
18:22All I could do
18:23was stay far enough behind
18:24that he wouldn't notice me.
18:26By some miracle
18:27we eventually reached a fork
18:28in the terminal
18:29where the paths split.
18:31Asher seemed to get distracted
18:32around then.
18:33He made a bunch of calls
18:34none of which seemed to go through
18:36and then spent a long time
18:38staring at his phone.
18:39Eventually
18:40he borrowed someone else's phone
18:41his face dark
18:42and unreadable
18:43and disappeared
18:44into a nearby bathroom.
18:46A moment later
18:47my phone rang.
18:48Unknown number.
18:49So you've got a real attitude
18:51on you this time.
18:52But you're just not gonna
18:53come to me first?
18:54You actually blocked me?
18:55Fine.
18:56Keep it up.
18:57How great you do
18:57when we're both in Boston
18:58and you don't know anyone
19:00and there's no one
19:01to look out for you.
19:02Asher came out swinging
19:03rattling off complaints
19:04in one long
19:05irritated breath.
19:06I had absolutely nothing
19:08to say to any of that
19:09but Asher seemed to get
19:10angrier at my silence.
19:12I'm done talking about this.
19:14Just unblock me.
19:15I'm heading out of the country
19:16for a couple days
19:17with some friends.
19:18Probably won't have
19:19great reception.
19:20Don't get all weepy about it.
19:22I couldn't even be bothered
19:23to say a single word back.
19:24I hung up
19:25and turned my phone off.
19:27From across the terminal
19:27I watched Asher stalk
19:29back to his group.
19:30His expression stormy.
19:31He grabbed Chloe's hand
19:33didn't hesitate for a second
19:34and walked
19:35toward the left gate.
19:37I let out a long breath
19:38turned around
19:38and headed right.
19:40With my family
19:41I performed Happens
19:42and honestly
19:43I got pretty good at it.
19:44I deliberately kept myself
19:45slammed with plans
19:46filling every gap in the day
19:48so I had no need to spiral.
19:50I definitely didn't add
19:51Asher back the way
19:52he demanded
19:52but Mia and some others
19:54kept me updated
19:55on his life anyway.
19:56Asher and his friends
19:57had apparently been skiing
19:58in Colorado for days.
20:00For some reason
20:01he was suddenly posting
20:02on social media
20:03every single day
20:04which was completely
20:05unlike the version of him
20:06who used to go months
20:08without posting anything.
20:09Sometimes it was
20:10slow motion clips
20:11of him carving down the slopes
20:12sometimes it was food
20:14and late night parties
20:15but mostly
20:16it was big group shots
20:17of everyone
20:18clowning around in the snow.
20:19Even though
20:20I genuinely didn't want to see it
20:22somehow people kept
20:23sending it to me
20:24unprompted.
20:25Everyone was very
20:26casually curious
20:27about why
20:27I hadn't gone with Asher.
20:29I didn't know what to say
20:30so I just told people
20:31I had family stuff going on.
20:33Mia was the only one
20:34who openly called him
20:36a trash human.
20:37Everyone else around me
20:38seemed to be constantly
20:39stopping themselves
20:39from saying something.
20:41I knew
20:41they'd probably figured out
20:43something was wrong.
20:44In every single group photo
20:46Asher posted
20:46he and Chloe
20:47were glued together
20:48inseparable
20:49but that spot beside him
20:51had been mine for years
20:52just mine.
20:54Every time I saw
20:54one of those photos
20:55my face stayed
20:57completely neutral
20:58but something deep
20:59in my chest
21:00would clench.
21:01He was the first person
21:02I ever fell for
21:03someone I had genuinely
21:04completely
21:06embarrassingly loved
21:07for such a long time.
21:08In the middle of the night
21:09alone
21:10I would fall apart a little
21:12and sometimes I felt
21:13this stubborn
21:14stupid feeling
21:15that I wasn't ready
21:16to let go
21:17but every time
21:17that feeling started rising
21:19I'd replay his words
21:20and give myself
21:21a mental slap.
21:23I'd repeat it to myself
21:24over and over.
21:25Stella don't be pathetic
21:27that's the fastest way
21:28to make yourself
21:28even less worth respecting.
21:30Less worth respecting.
21:31Just hold on
21:32a little longer.
21:33Once the detox period
21:35was over
21:35everything would be fine.
21:37We went a full month
21:38without any contact.
21:39The longest we'd ever gone
21:40since the day we met.
21:42Distance and time
21:43turned out to be
21:44the best medicine.
21:45I ground through
21:46the worst of it
21:46and came out the other side.
21:48Just when I'd reached
21:49the point where I didn't
21:50think about him
21:50every hour of every day
21:52he switched to a new number
21:54and called me
21:55and called me
21:55from across the country.
21:56So you're just that bold
21:58running off without me
21:59and staying this long?
22:00Summer's almost over Stella.
22:02Did you forget you promised
22:03to go on a trip with me?
22:05Maybe it was because
22:06we'd gone so long
22:07without talking
22:08but underneath
22:08all the complaints
22:09his voice had this edge to it
22:11almost careful.
22:13I still didn't want
22:14to talk to him.
22:15I was about to hang up
22:16when his mom
22:16snatched the phone.
22:17Stella?
22:18Sweetheart?
22:19Are you having fun out there?
22:21This boy won't tell me anything.
22:22I only just found out
22:24you two had a fight.
22:25Don't be too hard on him, honey.
22:27When you come back
22:28I'll make him apologize
22:29to your face.
22:30And Asher just got
22:31his acceptance letter today.
22:33Yours should come soon too.
22:35Have you thought about
22:36when you'll come home
22:36for your going away party?
22:38I've got a little surprise plan.
22:40Asher's mom had been
22:41like a second family to me
22:43since I was little.
22:44I couldn't bring myself
22:45to hang up on her
22:46so I stayed on
22:47and let her talk.
22:48I'm not really planning
22:49to have a party.
22:50My parents are always traveling
22:52and honestly
22:52we can just do
22:53a video call thing
22:54with family.
22:55I probably won't be back
22:56before school starts anyway.
22:57I'll just come home
22:58right before move in.
22:59I didn't even finish
23:00the sentence
23:00before Asher took
23:01the phone back.
23:02His breathing was heavy.
23:03I could feel the anger
23:05coming through
23:05from 3,000 miles away.
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