- 7 hours ago
Amandaland - Season 2 Episode 3
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:01Hi, Mummy.
00:02Hello, darling.
00:03Kids, I'm home.
00:05Hi.
00:06Hi, Mum.
00:07Do I get a hug?
00:10So, how was the north?
00:12It was Birmingham.
00:13Oh, dear.
00:14And it was.
00:15Is it weird to describe a trade show as magical?
00:18Yes.
00:19It's just such an exciting time.
00:21Interiors are really expanding at the moment.
00:23It feels like a problem for walls.
00:25And get this, Mummy.
00:26I'm now a brand ambassador.
00:28So, this guy who designs these gorgeous sofas
00:32took business cards from a few elite tastemakers
00:35and he selected...
00:37What, like a prize draw?
00:38No, like a talent pool.
00:40And I was chosen to receive this gorgeous complimentary set.
00:43You want a sofa?
00:44No, I networked a sofa to boost all my socials.
00:47It's quick-quo-pro.
00:49Anyway, how are the kids?
00:51Good as gold.
00:52Though, Maris kept calling me bra.
00:54Is he a sexist now?
00:56No, it's short for brother-mother.
00:57Brother-mother?
00:58It's just what the kids say now.
01:00Anyway, I must dash.
01:02I'm meeting a man for... coffee.
01:05Oh!
01:06I've signed up to this very exclusive dating app
01:08and honestly, I can't move for hot tottie.
01:10Well, enjoy your coffee.
01:13It's not really coffee, darling.
01:16Yes, I know, Mummy.
01:17Kids!
01:18Gangad's going now.
01:21Oh, such a magical age.
01:26Morning.
01:27Morning.
01:28Oh, well, I need a hand.
01:30Well, I'm off to...
01:31Quick as you can.
01:32Don't even argue.
01:33So when's the new one coming?
01:35Well, not for a few days, but I need to vacuum and touch up some scuffs.
01:39Let's get the cushions off first.
01:41OK.
01:42Right, what's this?
01:44Slimey...
01:44Oh!
01:45Oh!
01:46Yeah!
01:48Oh, my God!
01:49Is that a condom?
01:51No!
01:51I touched my face!
01:53Does my condom answer?
01:55Oh!
01:55Oh, not with the hairbrush!
01:57Oh!
01:58So gross!
01:59Oh, that was in your sofa.
02:01Amanda, that's foul.
02:03Oh!
02:03Whose is that?
02:04Could it be yours?
02:05No, Mal.
02:06I've been V-cell since Johannes.
02:09Voluntary celibate, just focusing on me and my needs.
02:11Alright, well...
02:12It must be someone's.
02:14Oh, no shit, Shergar.
02:15Who else in this house is sexually active?
02:18Yeah, I'm sorry, Darius, but I really want to get a ticket.
02:20Hey, I could ask Danny, to be fair.
02:22Everything can be bought online.
02:24There's got to be a website.
02:25I've checked on the website.
02:26We can look somewhere else.
02:28I can't wait to see you.
02:30Alright, we either need to move this or put it down.
02:36Yeah, we're gonna have to speak to her, aren't I?
02:37And get...
02:38And to speak to Darius.
02:40Yeah.
02:41These things require a two-pronged approach.
02:43It's usually more of a one-pronged approach.
02:46Mal, this is serious.
02:48Well, they're 16 now.
02:49I think it's quite normal.
02:50So, have you had the chat with Ned, then?
02:52Yeah, of course.
02:53Me and JJ divvied it up.
02:54I was communications with the opposite sex,
02:56and JJ was contraceptives.
02:58Basically, I was tactics, and JJ was the kit man.
03:01Alright.
03:02There you go.
03:03Okay.
03:03What time are they coming to collect it?
03:06Who?
03:06I don't know.
03:07The council or whoever you booked it with.
03:09No-one.
03:10Well, this is a very expensive sofa.
03:12Someone will take it.
03:13You can't just leave it in the streets.
03:15Why don't you stick it at a marketplace?
03:16Mal, I don't do Facebook because of my moral objections to Meta.
03:20It's a good job they don't own Instagram, innit?
03:22God, isn't it?
03:28You just see it.
03:29Yes, it is.
03:30It's very nice.
03:31And you won that?
03:32No, I networked it down because of my profile.
03:35Oh.
03:35And you just left the old one out on the pavement?
03:37Second life is pending.
03:39Yeah.
03:40Sure.
03:40If I dump a sofa, it's fly tipping.
03:42And if you do it, you're part of the circular economy.
03:45Well, I'm giving someone local the chance to own a piece of Chiswick-quality furniture.
03:48It's actually very community-minded.
03:51Unless you want it for your homeless charity.
03:53Well, it's a food bank.
03:54And you can't eat a sofa.
03:57So, no.
03:58Stick it in the van if you want.
03:59Take it down the tip.
04:00That sofa has survived one marriage and two toddlers, Mal.
04:03I think it deserves a better fate than the tip.
04:05All right.
04:06Honestly.
04:07I'll get snapped up any moment.
04:09You'll see.
04:10Bye.
04:11That was Della.
04:12She's on her last leg.
04:13She's dying.
04:14No, of a journey from Hawaii.
04:16We've got her back for the weekend.
04:18Well, some of it, anyway.
04:19Oh, so nice.
04:21Yeah, I can't wait.
04:22We'll have a stroll by the river.
04:24Spot of lunch.
04:25I found this ace gastropub that's dog-friendly.
04:27Thank you, ChatGBC.
04:28Who's Chatty Petey?
04:29No, it's ChatGPT.
04:33It's AI.
04:34Oh, yes, yes, that.
04:36Yeah, I think the kids put it on my phone, but I don't really trust it.
04:39I mean, Chris always laughs at me for saying please and thank you to Alexa,
04:43but at least when the computers take over,
04:45they'll have me down as one of the good humans,
04:47and they might spare me.
04:48From the first cull, at least.
04:51I mainly just ask it about pubs.
04:53But you can ask it about anything.
04:55It's dead good for advice.
04:57Felicity, off the pitch.
05:00Oh, Mummy.
05:01Sorry I'm late.
05:03I met someone for coffee.
05:05You're actually starting to put me off coffee.
05:07Don't be a prude.
05:08You should get on this app, darling.
05:10No, me...
05:11No, it's a rich seam of solvent men.
05:14There's loads of them.
05:15Look, what do you think of him?
05:17Hmm, maybe a touch-old, but, yeah, why not?
05:21I'm game.
05:22No, he's the one I'm seeing.
05:24That's Coffee Man.
05:25Five shots last night.
05:27And a quick aero press this morning.
05:35Anne.
05:38Love's young dream.
05:40Really takes me back, you know.
05:41Me and Chris once kissed so hard when we were courting
05:44that I developed a pressure sore on my gum.
05:46Marvellous.
05:47I'm glad I got you alone, actually, Anne.
05:49I found an unwrapped condom in the house yesterday
05:52and, well, it's not mine.
05:55Obviously.
05:56Yes.
05:57Thank you, Anne.
05:58My point is, if it's not mine...
06:04Oh, don't be ridiculous.
06:06They're only kids.
06:07Can you imagine getting down and dirty at 16?
06:13Oh, God, they're at it, aren't they?
06:14I don't know, Anne, but I think we need to talk to them,
06:16make sure they're armed with all the facts.
06:18Jesus.
06:19Chris is currently away in Vancouver, Canada.
06:21Right.
06:22This would have to happen when he's away in Vancouver, Canada.
06:24I know where Vancouver is, Anne.
06:26Yes.
06:26Yeah, I will talk to him.
06:27OK.
06:27Yes.
06:33OK, that's enough, Darius.
06:35Come on.
06:35Spaghetti hoops for tea.
06:41You see?
06:43I told you, you've opened the floodgates now.
06:45People see an abandoned city in the street,
06:46they think it's a dumping ground.
06:48Oh, you've finally been evicted.
06:49I'm trying to get rid of this old thing.
06:51He needs the sofa.
06:52They're nice.
06:53Thanks, yeah.
06:54Della's back tonight, so I'm making an effort.
06:56Flowers.
06:57Nice Merlot.
06:58New razor.
06:59And some plug hole and blocker, because, yeah,
07:03it's been a while.
07:03Sounds lovely.
07:04I mean, having Della back, not your...
07:06Oh.
07:06Well, I'm sure.
07:07You know what?
07:08This is actually a decent sette.
07:10Yes, thank you.
07:11Yes, it is.
07:12Yes, see?
07:12People like it.
07:14Oh, no, Bobby.
07:15No.
07:15Bad dog.
07:16Bad dog.
07:17That's horrid.
07:17I'm so sorry, Amanda.
07:18No-one's going to want it now, are they?
07:20Excuse me?
07:21Yeah.
07:21Is that going begging?
07:23Yes.
07:26Yes, it is.
07:28Free to a good home.
07:29Amazing.
07:30Yeah.
07:35Oh, dear.
07:39Oh, I'm exhausted.
07:40This is not an airport game.
07:42Oh, it's so good to be home.
07:45Come on.
07:46What's that?
07:47Oh!
07:48That's a much bigger dog in real life.
07:51Why?
07:51He's licking my skin.
07:53Oh, he loves his other mermaid.
07:55OK, right.
07:55Cuff up.
07:56Oh.
07:56We had a deal.
07:58Here you go, mate.
07:59I mean, come on.
07:59It's not 1985.
08:01Oh, yeah.
08:02OK, right.
08:03I'll see you guys later then, yeah?
08:04Where are you going?
08:05To buy drugs.
08:07It's a cinema.
08:09Oh.
08:10Out.
08:11All evening.
08:13At the cinema.
08:15Oh.
08:17Oh.
08:19Oh, I know there was a reason to fly 7,000 miles.
08:26Oh, I'm so sorry.
08:28I've been letting him sleep on the bed while you were away.
08:31Oh, just kick him out and shut the door.
08:34No, because if I do that, he'll scratch at it all night.
08:37Let me just, um, let me get him settled downstairs.
08:40And I'll be right back.
08:41Oh, great.
08:42Yeah?
08:45Georgie, sweetheart.
08:45Could you have a little chat?
08:48It's just about you and Darius.
08:51Oh.
08:53Georgie?
08:55I was like 12.
08:56No, I think it did.
08:57I was like 12.
08:58Oh, my God.
09:00Um, excuse me.
09:01Does this look like a youth club?
09:03There?
09:04Yeah.
09:05Could you just move along, please?
09:06She's serious.
09:07I hope you haven't scuffed my sofa.
09:10Come on, chew.
09:13Not you, Georgie.
09:17Now then, right, right, right, right.
09:24Right.
09:26Georgie.
09:28Good.
09:31I think we might need to have a little chat.
09:33Oh, God.
09:34Gangun's dead.
09:35No.
09:35Why would you think...
09:36Then why are you being weird?
09:37I'm not being weird.
09:37Yes, you are.
09:38Is Manners adopted?
09:39No.
09:40What?
09:41Nothing.
09:41But why Manners?
09:42Oh, my God.
09:43I'm adopted.
09:44No.
09:45No one's adopted.
09:47Or dead.
09:49It's more of a personal, um...
09:53No, intimate.
09:54This is now officially the weirdest moment of my entire life.
09:56No, it isn't.
09:57Stop saying that.
09:58I'm actually being really cool about this.
10:00About what?
10:01I would tell you, sweetheart, if you gave me half a chance.
10:04Mum!
10:04I found your condom in the sofa!
10:07Okay.
10:09That isn't how I wanted to say that.
10:11Um...
10:11I'm not angry.
10:12Okay?
10:13I think it's absolutely fantastic that you're using protection.
10:16Mum?
10:16Yeah.
10:17I'm not having sex.
10:20Are you sure?
10:21Of course I'm sure!
10:22Yes.
10:22Okay.
10:23Yeah.
10:26And you would tell me if you...
10:27Oh, my God.
10:28Why are you being so weird?
10:29Georgie!
10:30Yes!
10:30Fine!
10:31Whatever.
10:31Can we just leave it now, please?
10:33Oh!
10:34That was so weird.
10:35It wasn't weird.
10:36Yes, it was.
10:41It wasn't your condom then.
10:43Sorry!
11:07Mommy!
11:26Are you awake, Chachibiti?
11:28Yes, I am here and ready to help.
11:31Okay, good.
11:33Hi, it's me, Anne.
11:35First time user, and I'd just like to know the best way to talk to my teenage son about sex,
11:42please.
11:44Great question. Don't make the talk into a major event.
11:47Instead, maybe try smaller, more open conversations.
11:51Right, yes.
11:53Um, and where would be the best place for these conversations to take place?
11:58Why not have the conversation whilst driving?
12:00It can feel more organic and avoids eye contact, making it easier to discuss intimate topics.
12:08Yes, makes sense. Yeah.
12:12Good.
12:13That's a weight off my mind.
12:20Are you still there?
12:22Yes, Anne.
12:23Thank you, Chachibiti.
12:25I hope you sleep well, Anne.
12:27I will.
12:28Good night.
12:30Get your 40 winks.
12:31Yes.
12:33Night.
12:38ChatGPT, what's it like in Vancouver, Canada?
12:41That's a great question, Anne.
12:53Apology, please.
12:54Sorry, Amanda.
12:55No, you say what for?
12:57Well, experience has taught me it's easier just to say.
13:00Well, you were wrong.
13:01Someone has taken that cherished sofa and given it a lovely new home.
13:06All right, still leaves half a steptoe's living room, but, um...
13:09Dave's such a sourpuss.
13:11Is this your shit?
13:12No.
13:13Disgusting, isn't it?
13:14Really brings down the area.
13:17Honestly, some people...
13:22Oh, hold the door, please.
13:24Oh, Mummy.
13:25Just picking up my charger.
13:27Anything else you didn't pick up?
13:29Um, well, maybe my hairbrush.
13:32No, Mummy.
13:33I mean, did you and Coffee Man have sex on my sofa the other night?
13:37Well, the kids were asleep, so we thought, why not?
13:40Because it's my sofa!
13:41Well, we didn't think you'd find out.
13:44How did you find out?
13:45Because I found your condom.
13:47No, you didn't.
13:48Mummy, I can assure you...
13:50I don't use condoms.
13:52What?
13:53Oh, my God.
13:54Mummy, you should be using condoms.
13:56This is about your sexual health.
13:58Just because you're too old to get pregnant, there's still...
14:00I'm not too old to get pregnant.
14:01You're too old to get pregnant.
14:04No, I am not.
14:06How dare...
14:07Listen, that is not the issue.
14:10The issue is, Mummy, you're putting your health at risk.
14:12You could catch an STI.
14:14Oh, look, I don't have to listen to this.
14:15I'm not going to take sex advice from my own daughter.
14:19Honestly.
14:20I was having sex before you were even born.
14:23Of course you were.
14:24That's how it works.
14:33So, uh...
14:35How is everything with Georgie?
14:38Or just, uh, in general with Georgie?
14:43Hmm?
14:44Uh, yeah, fine.
14:46Right.
14:46Okay.
14:47Yes.
14:49Oh, God.
14:50Did you see that there?
14:51That BMW just tried to slide into the hatched area.
14:56And I wasn't comfortable with letting him into my hatched area.
15:02Um, and that's my right, because it's very important to respect the hatched area.
15:09Yeah, that just pulls out.
15:11Yeah, well, that method doesn't always work.
15:18Oh, God.
15:20Here, would you look?
15:21Back wiper is stuck there.
15:23I'll just be, I'll be back in a second.
15:24Oh, God.
15:45Okay.
15:47Okay.
15:48Okay.
15:52So, everything going well with Georgie?
15:53Yes, I said.
15:57You know, that kind of reminds me of, um, an experience that I had that was quite similar
16:03to your own current situation.
16:05It was when I first started dating your father.
16:08Now, we both started to develop these urges.
16:11Um, all completely natural, of course, but a very raw, almost, um, primal craving to explore more physical...
16:21Oh, shit!
16:23Darius!
16:27Darius!
16:28Rise and shine, sleepyhead.
16:31So, I thought that we could take Bobby for a walk along the canal before football.
16:35We might run into Stephen and Chris.
16:37Bobby loves Chris, though he's up his bum a lot.
16:39Please tell me Chris is a dog.
16:41Yeah, a mini schnautz, and Stephen is a Maltipoo.
16:44What?
16:45He's always shitting?
16:46No, he's a Maltese terrier crossed with a poodle.
16:49Okay, so we have the Crofts option, or, hear me out here, we forget about the dog and we lie
16:56in the bed till even our teenager notices we're missing.
16:58Thing is, if you forget about a big dog, they tend to do things like crap in the house.
17:04Hmm.
17:05Morten!
17:06What?
17:07Can you walk the dog?
17:09No, he pulled me over outside of Vantaback the other day, and Jake Phillips saw, so I'm not doing it,
17:12you can.
17:13What's Vantaback?
17:14Who's Jake Phillips?
17:15How long have I been away?
17:16Bloody ages, which is why we're having a nice romantic day together, which starts with a walk along the canal
17:23and a coffee.
17:24Fiona, I love you, but I literally travelled for all of yesterday, and until that clock says p.m., me
17:32and this bed are a single organism.
17:35Okay, I guess that's me walking Bobby then.
17:39Grab me a latte.
17:45It wasn't theirs.
17:47The condom.
17:48You talk to Georgie?
17:49Yep.
17:50Yep.
17:51He had a real heart to heart.
17:53Oh, thank goodness.
17:54Darius ran a mile when I tried.
17:56An actual mile.
17:58With quite a bruised thigh.
18:01Oh, a flat white whole milk and an espresso, please.
18:04I guess that's the difference with daughters.
18:06You can just talk about these things.
18:08Yeah.
18:09Georgie and I tell each other everything.
18:10We're more like best friends.
18:12So, yeah.
18:13We talked.
18:15And cried.
18:16Then laughed.
18:18And just hugged it out.
18:20And it wasn't weird at all.
18:25And they're definitely not.
18:26No.
18:27No, they've yet to enter that phase of their relationship.
18:29Great.
18:30So, I don't have to have the chat with Darius.
18:33Of course you do, Anne.
18:34They may not have done it yet, but...
18:36It's only a matter of time.
18:44Hi.
18:46It's Anne again.
18:48My sex chat with my son didn't exactly go very well.
18:52What else could I try, please?
18:54Try looking for a natural moment to engage with your teen.
18:57Like starting a conversation based on a TV show you've both seen.
19:01Or perhaps a book.
19:02Sorry, what's the Danish?
19:03The Danish are an ethnic group.
19:05Oh, no, no, thank you.
19:06Announce their high quality of life.
19:09Ha, ha.
19:10Considering that you didn't know anything.
19:13Oh, yeah.
19:15Oh, yeah.
19:17Oh, damn.
19:20You OK, Mummy?
19:22Yeah.
19:22Yeah, fine.
19:23Just you look a bit uncomfortable.
19:25That's this.
19:26Because you know unsafe sex leads to STIs.
19:28It's not an STI.
19:30OK.
19:32And I'll thank you not to make my sexual health the subject of baseless tittle-tattle.
19:36If I need medical advice, I'll call a doctor.
19:38Good.
19:39Please do.
19:40And he will doubtless reassure me that the only irritation I need to address is five foot seven with blonde
19:44hair.
19:45Five foot eight.
19:47So, whose rubber Johnny was it, then?
19:50I don't know.
19:51So, literally, a whodunit.
19:54Shagathaquistie.
19:55Yes.
19:55Thank you, Fee.
19:57It's not that funny, Mummy.
19:58So, darling, who's next on the list?
20:01Oh.
20:08Yeah?
20:10Hey, bra.
20:12Sweetheart, let's put that away, please.
20:16So, I was thinking maybe we could have a little chat about something.
20:19What's happened?
20:20Is gang-gan dead?
20:20No.
20:21Why would it be that?
20:23She drinks a lot of gin.
20:25Would you like me to speak to her about that?
20:27It's okay.
20:27I'll just start serving her single measures.
20:29Sorry.
20:30Does she have you make...
20:30Okay.
20:32Sweetheart, there's something I need to ask you.
20:34And this is going to sound ridiculous, but I just have to check, okay?
20:37I found a condom.
20:38Oh, God.
20:39Oh, God.
20:41Are you saying that it was...
20:45I think I'm going to be sick.
20:46It wasn't my fault.
20:47They made me do it.
20:48Wait, what?
20:49They?
20:49Ben nicked it off his brother.
20:51We just wanted to see what it looked like.
20:52Mason blew it up.
20:53We were just messing around.
20:54Oh, man.
20:55Thank God.
20:56Yeah?
20:56Yes.
20:57That's okay.
20:58That's just fine, my darling.
21:00Oh.
21:01Oh.
21:01Oh, my sweet boy.
21:04Listen, it's completely natural to be curious about these kind of things.
21:09And, well, good to have that little mystery solved.
21:13Maybe don't leave things like that lying around on the sofa.
21:16I flushed it down the toilet.
21:22Amanda Hughes?
21:23Yes.
21:24What's this?
21:25Fixed penalty notice.
21:27For fly tipping.
21:28Oh, no, no.
21:29None of that's mine.
21:30Yeah, yeah.
21:30That might not be.
21:31But there's a sofa in the park that we believe is yours.
21:33In the park?
21:34Yeah.
21:35Probably local kids took it there or drug users.
21:38But since you left it outside...
21:40What makes you think it was me?
21:43Doorbell cam.
21:44I'm over the road.
21:45Pretty conclusive, eh?
21:46Did they report me?
21:48Reports are anonymous.
21:49Well, it's clearly their doorbell.
21:51Reports are anonymous.
21:59£400.
22:00I can't afford £400.
22:02Then I'd get it shifted.
22:03Pronto.
22:04Because it's going to be £200 more if we have to put it in the van.
22:08Have a good day.
22:10All right, boss.
22:12Yeah?
22:12All right.
22:18Pop on it.
22:20Hiya.
22:21In here.
22:24What's going on?
22:25You've got your best clubber on.
22:27I'm taking you for lunch at Miller and Fife for the best seafood of your life if you weren't married
22:34to me.
22:34I have to book the Talbot on the river.
22:37Oh, we can go to the pub any day.
22:38What about Bobby?
22:39Well, can't we get what's-her-name to pop over, you know, to one with all the kids?
22:43Well, Anne, she won't know how to settle him.
22:45Oh, come on.
22:46She's raised about a thousand children.
22:48Look, it's not the same thing, okay?
22:50Okay, why are you being so pissy?
22:52I'm not.
22:52Yeah, you are.
22:53I've seen actual piss less pissy than you're being right now.
22:56I just think that you need to consider the whole family a bit more when you're back here.
23:00I mean, I'm sure it's different when you're off on your cruise or whatever.
23:02I'm not off on a cruise and working my arse off for my family, so you'd have to forgive me
23:08if I want to do something more with my one day off than spending it at the Caxton with a
23:13pint of a pint.
23:14It's called the Talbot, and it serves high-end Thai and doggy ice cream, which Bobby and I are very
23:19much looking forward to.
23:20Come on, Bobby.
23:23Bobby, come.
23:27Fine.
23:31This is your fault.
23:37Darius?
23:39All right?
23:40Yes.
23:41Hi.
23:42I was just about to watch Series 1 of Emmy Award-winning Netflix show Sex Education.
23:48It's really good.
23:49Would you like to watch it with me?
23:56Chat GBT.
23:59Am I a good mother?
24:02Just asking this question shows you care deeply about your role as a mother.
24:06Good mothers are not perfect, but you are doing a great job.
24:10Thanks, Chat GBT.
24:23Need a hand?
24:26No, thank you, Mal.
24:27I mean, I've got the van just parked there, so...
24:29I'm fine, thank you, Mal.
24:32Where are you taking it?
24:33I don't know.
24:35I just don't get it, Mal.
24:37It is a good sofa.
24:39I really thought someone would take it.
24:42Maybe this is its time, yeah?
24:45Come on.
24:46I'll take you to the tip.
24:47Thanks, Mal.
24:48I'll get this in.
24:50Oh!
24:51Hang on.
24:52What's this?
24:56This condom expired six years ago.
24:58Oh, so?
25:00So either someone's using very out-of-date condoms or...
25:03What?
25:06Are you sure you've never had sex on this sofa?
25:09Yes, I have never had sex on this sofa.
25:12I mean, apart from the one time...
25:17My ex-husband and I...
25:24It's Johnny's Johnny.
25:25We have break-up sex in the living room the day we signed our divorce.
25:30Come on.
25:36Oh, you've been sitting on your ex-husband's condom for six years.
25:39Oh, my God.
25:42Can you not laugh?
25:44This is very triggering.
25:51Guys?
26:09I love you.
26:11I love you.
26:13I love you, Mauds.
26:15I love you, too.
26:16I love you, Mauds.
26:17I love you, Bobby.
26:19I love you, Bobby.
26:26I love you, Bobby.
26:36Oh, Bobby.
26:38Oh, my God.
26:39Oh, Mum.
26:40Oh, what are you feeding me?
26:42Oh, my God.
26:50Darius?
26:51Oh, my God.
26:53It's okay.
26:55I give up.
26:57This whole sex chat business, it's a bloody minefield.
27:02I was just trying to find the right way to say,
27:04make sure you both want it, use protection and no means no.
27:09But I don't know how a man was supposed to say that to her 16-year-old son.
27:12I mean, you just sort of did.
27:15And don't worry, yeah, like, believe it or not, I can be irresponsible.
27:18I'm not going to be doing a rusty trombone in the Azdaqar park, all right?
27:23OK.
27:24I'm not going to be doing a rusty trombone, but I'm not going to be doing a rusty trombone in
27:25the Azdaqar park.
27:30Chat, GBT, what's a rusty trombone?
27:34A rusty trombone is a sex act where a man stands with his legs apart while he's...
27:41This is the sofa I deserve.
27:45I think it's a sofa for a bigger house.
27:48That's the plan, sweetie, that's the plan.
27:51Yeah, I'm here.
27:51Yeah. Let's team up and kill Jacob, yeah?
27:54Oh, Manus, could you get there before you murder your friend?
27:59Oh, I had to get the overground.
28:01How you doing?
28:02Hello, darlings.
28:03Look at the sofa.
28:04Just a minute while I wash it off my hands.
28:06Mum, I was thinking about what you said earlier.
28:10Me and Darius.
28:11Darius and I, yes.
28:12Me and Darius.
28:13And while we're not ready yet, I was thinking maybe I should get some protection, just in case.
28:22I think that's a very good thought.
28:25I'll pick you up some condoms.
28:27Thanks, Mum.
28:29And he's not allergic to latex or anything.
28:31Oh, my God.
28:33Why are you so weird?
28:35Not weird.
28:37Well, you no longer need worry about my downstairs.
28:41I've just been to my lovely lady in Harley Street, and just as I thought, it is not a sexually
28:46transmitted infection.
28:48Right.
28:48It is just fluid around the hip joint, which is perfectly normal for a healthy woman at my time of
28:53life.
28:55So then, just a simple case of old age.
28:59Don't you dare.
29:01Listen, if anyone asks, just say I've got the clap.
29:04Oh, my God.
29:34Let's go.
29:34Let's go.
29:35Let's go.
29:36Let's go.
29:37Let's go.
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