- 1 day ago
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:46Thank you for coming out.
00:00:49Oh, we're going to have fun tonight.
00:00:51Welcome to it, people.
00:00:54This is us.
00:00:54Can I tell you for a second, this has been my dream since I started stand-up comedy, doing
00:00:59a special in New York City.
00:01:01This is it.
00:01:04This is it.
00:01:05New York.
00:01:06New York.
00:01:08Yeah.
00:01:09New York.
00:01:11I'm walking over here.
00:01:15That was all I thought New York was before I came here.
00:01:17I just thought it was a city of people almost getting run over.
00:01:21Just everyone walking into the street, a taxi rolling up, slamming the hood.
00:01:25I'm walking over here.
00:01:27What's wrong with you?
00:01:28You want some coffee?
00:01:32I didn't even know what that meant.
00:01:34All I knew was one day I was going to go to New York City and I too was going
00:01:39to almost
00:01:40get run over by a car.
00:01:42I had a dream and I set out.
00:01:44And you know what?
00:01:44It's a lot harder than it seems.
00:01:45You know in the movies they make it look simple.
00:01:47They make it look like you run out, the car almost hits you, you do that thing.
00:01:50Hey!
00:01:51Slam the hood and then move on.
00:01:53But it's not that easy.
00:01:54It's all about timing.
00:01:56It's all about timing.
00:01:57It's all about being precise.
00:01:59You have to get out there at the exact same time that the taxi is there so that it stops
00:02:02so that you can hit the hood, right?
00:02:04If you don't have the guts and you come out too late, the car is gone.
00:02:06It's a waste of everyone's time.
00:02:08You just look like a mad person now.
00:02:10It's just like, hey, I'm walking over here.
00:02:18If you come out at the exact time as the car, then you just get run over.
00:02:21That's just pointless.
00:02:23Everyone's like, hey, he was walking over here, what's wrong with you?
00:02:33The worst though is when you come out too early, because that's just awkward for everyone
00:02:37involved.
00:02:39Because you come out and then the car stops, but you can't reach the hood.
00:02:42It's just like, hey, come here.
00:02:47Come here.
00:02:50No, come closer, please.
00:02:52I want to tell you a secret.
00:02:54Come here.
00:02:55No, I'm from Africa.
00:02:56I have a dream.
00:02:57Please come closer.
00:02:58I just, I just want you, I'm walking over here.
00:03:05I love the city.
00:03:07Are you kidding me?
00:03:07New York.
00:03:08My dream was to come out here.
00:03:11As soon as I got here, I was like, this is it.
00:03:14There is an energy in the city that exists nowhere in the world.
00:03:17New York.
00:03:18New York.
00:03:20I love it.
00:03:20Everything about it.
00:03:22You know what fascinates me about New York?
00:03:24New York is how much people trust the traffic lights.
00:03:31I have never seen anything like it.
00:03:34You must remember, I come from an African country.
00:03:38And all over Africa, we have traffic lights.
00:03:41But we don't use them.
00:03:44Right?
00:03:45It's less of a command and more of a suggestion.
00:03:49It's not stop, it's stop.
00:03:52It's almost like, you know, it's like, it's almost like an African traveled the world,
00:03:56saw that other people had traffic lights and then just brought them back, but didn't know what they were for.
00:04:00Like the guy was just like, guys, guys, guys, we need to get traffic lights, huh?
00:04:04And people were like, what for?
00:04:05It's for the intersection.
00:04:07It adds atmosphere.
00:04:11But no one actually knew what it was about.
00:04:16We don't care about the lights.
00:04:17We don't trust the lights.
00:04:19But in New York, I've never seen it.
00:04:20People trust that light with their lives.
00:04:24I was walking through the street one day.
00:04:26I was walking next to this man.
00:04:28I'll never forget this, right?
00:04:29We're standing there on the sidewalk.
00:04:32And the light changes in our favor.
00:04:36And I look to the side and there is this truck that is barreling down the road.
00:04:42And I'm looking at the truck.
00:04:44And as soon as the light changes, the guy next to me, he just steps out into the road.
00:04:47And so instinctively, I stuck my hand out to protect him.
00:04:50I was like, yo, dude, there's a truck.
00:04:51And he was like, it's okay.
00:04:52We've got the light.
00:05:00I said, yeah.
00:05:01And he has a truck.
00:05:04In a game of rock, paper, scissors, you lose.
00:05:08But he was so confident.
00:05:09He was like, it's okay.
00:05:10We've got the light.
00:05:10Come on, let's go.
00:05:12And he walked out there.
00:05:13He didn't just walk out.
00:05:13He stared that truck driver down as he was crossing.
00:05:16Just looking at him like, I've got the light.
00:05:17I've got the light.
00:05:18You know I've got the light.
00:05:19You know I've got that light.
00:05:25I was running behind him all apologetic.
00:05:27I'm sorry.
00:05:27I didn't know.
00:05:28I'm sorry.
00:05:28I would have stopped.
00:05:29I've never done this response.
00:05:36I walked with that man for 12 blocks.
00:05:42And let me tell you, I have never been imbued with the confidence of another human being.
00:05:47The way I was with him.
00:05:49I started that day thinking and pondering before stepping out.
00:05:57And after a few blocks with him, I started believing.
00:06:02And after 8 blocks, it was the only way I knew how to live.
00:06:07I had my phone out.
00:06:09I was tweeting and texting.
00:06:11I didn't play games.
00:06:12I'd be looking down, look up, the light would change and I was out.
00:06:15I didn't care if a truck or a train was coming towards me.
00:06:18I was out.
00:06:20Because I've come to realize in America, if you've got the white man on your side,
00:06:23you can do whatever you like.
00:06:31This is wrong.
00:06:35What an exciting time it's been.
00:06:37I couldn't have chosen a better time to come and live in the United States.
00:06:41Huh?
00:06:42What an exciting time.
00:06:46I'm surprised that with everything that's happened, it hasn't all burned down.
00:06:52I've been coming to the United States on and off, visiting for almost 10 years.
00:06:57And what was great about visiting on and off was I got to experience America in snapshots.
00:07:04You know, I would feel what the people were feeling.
00:07:07I would get an idea of what the populace was going through.
00:07:13And I'll never forget how every time I came to America,
00:07:16one of the biggest things I noticed was how black Americans were having a tough time.
00:07:21Remember the first time I came out?
00:07:24I was staying on the West Coast.
00:07:26And I met a young African-American man in Compton.
00:07:30And we were hanging out at a comedy club.
00:07:33And this guy, he looked over at me and he's like,
00:07:35Hey, yo, Trevor.
00:07:37He's like, you the dude, you the dude from Africa, man?
00:07:40I said, yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm one of them. Yeah.
00:07:45He's like, yo, man, I can't front B.
00:07:48It's an honor to meet you, man. It's an honor to meet you, man.
00:07:50Yo, man, I always wanted me to do from Africa.
00:07:52You an OG, man. You an OG.
00:07:55I was like, thank you. Thank you.
00:07:56He's like, yeah, man.
00:07:57You know how hard it is out here for a black man?
00:07:59Dude, I can't front, man.
00:08:00You can't get no jobs, man.
00:08:02The cops be on your ass all the time, man.
00:08:04Yo, I finna go to Africa myself, man.
00:08:07Yo, I'm gonna go to Africa with you, man.
00:08:08I'm going with you, B.
00:08:11And I was like, yeah, you should buy the ticket. We can roll.
00:08:15Let's go.
00:08:18I connected with him today. I felt something.
00:08:22Fast forward a few years later.
00:08:24I remember I met a beautiful black woman down south.
00:08:29I was doing shows in Birmingham, Alabama.
00:08:31And this woman came up to me after the show.
00:08:34And she connected with me instantly.
00:08:36She was like, Trevor, baby.
00:08:40Can I just tell you right now, I never, I ain't never met a stranger I felt so connected to.
00:08:47When you talk about Africa and when you say those things, I'm like, oh, man, oh, Lord, I wish I
00:08:52could go with you.
00:08:53Tell me all about the motherland, baby.
00:08:55I want to go to a place I can call my own.
00:08:59I want to go to a place where people don't look at me like I don't belong.
00:09:03Tell me all about Africa, baby.
00:09:05Tell me all about it.
00:09:07And I could feel what she was saying.
00:09:10And I knew that people weren't having a good time.
00:09:14And then you fast forward to 2016.
00:09:20And I'll never forget that moment when Donald Trump closed the lead, had a one in two chance of being
00:09:29president of the United States.
00:09:31And for the first time in my life, I had white Americans coming up to me going, so, Trevor, tell
00:09:37me about Africa.
00:09:37What's going on out there?
00:09:43Sounds like a plan. Am I right?
00:09:46What is it? Motherland? Motherland? Yeah. Yeah.
00:09:48I should come with you.
00:09:51Ali Bumbaye. Count me in, buddy.
00:10:02And it's not just America as well. It's not just America.
00:10:05You know, a lot of Americans were shocked by that rhetoric.
00:10:08But if you expanded your view, you realized that the rise of nationalism is taking place all over the world.
00:10:15In Austria, in Australia, in England, that was what Brexit was all about.
00:10:20Right? They made it seem like it was about the economy.
00:10:22But it wasn't. The truth was, it was fundamentally people who wanted their country back.
00:10:28It never went anywhere.
00:10:30But they still wanted it back.
00:10:33I saw people on the news talking to the BBC.
00:10:36That's why I'm voting for Brexit.
00:10:38That's why I'm voting for Brexit. Right?
00:10:39Because this bloody country, this bloody country is going to the dogs.
00:10:42Right? This bloody country.
00:10:43And I want Britain back.
00:10:45That's why we're voting for Brexit.
00:10:46Because we want Britain back.
00:10:47From who?
00:10:50From who?
00:10:51Britain is like 95% white.
00:10:53Who do you want it back from?
00:10:57People saying the weirdest things. The craziest things.
00:11:00These bloody immigrants, they come over here.
00:11:02They're up to no good. Right?
00:11:04I hate these bloody immigrants.
00:11:05They need to go back to where they came from.
00:11:06But why do you hate them so much?
00:11:08I'll tell you why I hate them.
00:11:09I'll tell you why.
00:11:10Because they're not even trying to be British.
00:11:12That's why.
00:11:12They don't even try to be British.
00:11:14Right?
00:11:14They come here.
00:11:14They bring their own bloody culture.
00:11:16Right?
00:11:17They bring their own food.
00:11:18Speak their own bloody languages.
00:11:19Try to take over the whole bloody place.
00:11:22That sounds British to me.
00:11:24I mean.
00:11:36If there's one country.
00:11:39If there's one nation in the world.
00:11:43That has no right to complain about immigration.
00:11:47It's Great Britain.
00:11:51If there's one nation in particular.
00:11:56You do understand.
00:11:57They created the problem that they are now dealing with.
00:12:01They went out.
00:12:02And colonized the world.
00:12:04At one point.
00:12:04Half of the globe was controlled by the British Empire.
00:12:07Do you understand how insane that is?
00:12:09They went around colonizing from pillar to post.
00:12:12People didn't care about them.
00:12:13No one was trying to find the British.
00:12:16The British were the ones traveling the world.
00:12:19Telling everyone of their existence.
00:12:20Knocking on doors.
00:12:21Hey.
00:12:21We're the British.
00:12:22Follow us.
00:12:24It's basically ancient Twitter.
00:12:26That's what that was.
00:12:34And I'm not saying the British are bad people by the way.
00:12:36I understand that colonization was something that was popular one time.
00:12:39Many European countries participated in it.
00:12:42But the British were the best.
00:12:43You know.
00:12:44They were the best.
00:12:45It's not because they were bad.
00:12:46I think.
00:12:46I blame it on the weather.
00:12:48That's what I think happened.
00:12:50I think they have bad weather.
00:12:51And bad weather makes you a bad person.
00:12:55Yeah.
00:12:55Because if you think about it.
00:12:56There was no one from a tropical climate.
00:12:59Who was trying to take over the world.
00:13:04You don't ever hear stories of Caribbean conquerors.
00:13:08Yeah.
00:13:09There's no stories of like Troy the Terrible from Trinidad.
00:13:11You don't hear these stories.
00:13:15There's no need for that.
00:13:16When the weather's horrible.
00:13:17You want to go somewhere else and take it from somebody.
00:13:19If you're living in a beautiful paradise.
00:13:21You have no need to leave.
00:13:22Could you imagine that scene.
00:13:24Just some random handsome guys hanging out on a beach in the Caribbean.
00:13:28One looking at the other out of nowhere.
00:13:32Darius.
00:13:33Darius.
00:13:35What Troy.
00:13:36I was thinking bro.
00:13:39Stay with me here.
00:13:40I was thinking right.
00:13:42We should build boats.
00:13:44Sail around the world.
00:13:45And force everyone to dance Calypso.
00:13:52It wouldn't happen.
00:13:55It just wouldn't happen.
00:13:59The British.
00:14:01Colonized with class.
00:14:02They went all over the globe.
00:14:03And you know colonization.
00:14:04We read about it now.
00:14:05And it seems normal.
00:14:06Because it's in a history book.
00:14:07They colonize, colonize, colonize.
00:14:08When you think about colonization.
00:14:09It is the strangest thing you can think about.
00:14:11Because conquering is one thing.
00:14:13You go to another country.
00:14:14You take what's theirs.
00:14:15You want more.
00:14:15You take the land.
00:14:16You know.
00:14:17You take the resources.
00:14:18You kill the people.
00:14:19That I understand.
00:14:21But colonization.
00:14:22I don't condone.
00:14:23I understand.
00:14:25But colonization.
00:14:26Is strange.
00:14:27Because you go there.
00:14:28And you don't just take over.
00:14:30You then force the people to become you.
00:14:34That is such a strange concept.
00:14:36When you think about where the British did it.
00:14:38I mean they.
00:14:38You know they did in Africa.
00:14:40They.
00:14:40You know they did it in Asia.
00:14:43And think about in India.
00:14:43Those cultures could not be more diametrically opposed.
00:14:47And out of nowhere the British just decided to roll up.
00:14:51Imagine what the Indians must have felt like on that day.
00:14:54Minding your own business.
00:14:56Walking through a field.
00:14:58Next thing you know the British showed up on horseback.
00:15:00Quawk quack quack quack quack quack.
00:15:08Hear ye.
00:15:09Hear ye.
00:15:10By order of Her Majesty the queen.
00:15:12We have arrived.
00:15:18You over there, what is the name of this land?
00:15:25This land over here, this is called India.
00:15:30Well, my good man, I am here to tell you that India is now under the British Empire.
00:15:40And I am glad that I can tell you that India is exactly where it was yesterday.
00:15:49No, no, I feel you are not understanding what I am saying.
00:15:53I am letting you know that we are here to colonize you by order of the Queen.
00:15:58Who is the Queen?
00:16:01The Queen.
00:16:02The Queen of England, the ruler of Great Britain.
00:16:05She who was ordained by God.
00:16:09Which God?
00:16:13God.
00:16:14The one true God.
00:16:16There are many gods, my friend.
00:16:18What is the name of your God?
00:16:22There is only one God.
00:16:24And his name is God and you too shall worship him.
00:16:27You want me to worship a God but you don't want to tell me his name?
00:16:32What are you talking about?
00:16:33There are many gods, okay?
00:16:34There is Shiva, there is Lakshmi, there is Hare Krishna.
00:16:36There are many gods.
00:16:38What is the name of your God?
00:16:42His name is God.
00:16:46You don't know the name of your God?
00:16:50It's just God.
00:16:53Is it like mummy or daddy?
00:16:57You want me to worship your God but you don't want me to tell me his name, huh?
00:17:00How am I going to pray to him?
00:17:02What do I do?
00:17:02Every morning I go to wake up and I pray like, oh dear God, dear God, I was open that
00:17:06maybe
00:17:06God you could help me.
00:17:07No, no, no, sorry, not you other God.
00:17:08No, no, other God?
00:17:10No, no, not the wrong God.
00:17:11No, God, I was trying to talk to other God.
00:17:13No, no, no, you are right.
00:17:13I should have asked for her first name.
00:17:15No, no, God.
00:17:15No, other God please.
00:17:16No, God behind that God.
00:17:18No, not you today God.
00:17:19Other God, you are right.
00:17:20He told me he would know who I was talking to and I don't, no, no, other God please, that
00:17:23God and that, no, no, that God, you, then I wonder why my prayers are not getting answered, huh?
00:17:34How dare you speak to me like that?
00:17:37Do you know who I am?
00:17:38No, because you never introduce yourself.
00:17:43I have come here representing Great Britain.
00:17:47And I have never heard of Great Britain.
00:17:50Who gave you that name?
00:17:55Well, well, well, we did.
00:17:59You called yourselves great?
00:18:02Isn't that a little presumptuous?
00:18:06Shouldn't you wait for other people to tell you how great you are?
00:18:10Shouldn't you just go around the world and just do good things, good things, good things, then people go, oh
00:18:13my God, Britain, look how great you are.
00:18:20And I, I beg to differ, I believe we could do it because we knew instinctively, we are great Britain.
00:18:26Well, in that case, welcome to great India.
00:18:31No, no, it, it doesn't, it doesn't work like that.
00:18:33It doesn't work like that.
00:18:34How dare you speak to me like this?
00:18:35Look, you're the one who dares to speak to me, okay?
00:18:38I was here minding my own business in my land.
00:18:40You came over here riding on your skinny cow telling me that things are going to change.
00:18:45I don't know who you are, all I know is you are really crazy, okay?
00:18:48You're not feeling too right, and I didn't want to say anything, but you look like you're going to faint.
00:18:52In fact, it looks like you have died last week, okay?
00:18:54Something is very wrong with your skin, you're not looking good, my friend.
00:18:57Maybe you should come down, we have a curry, we talk about this.
00:19:00What are you talking about?
00:19:01I look quite normal.
00:19:02You do not look normal, my friend.
00:19:03I've never seen anybody with that complexion in my life, okay?
00:19:07You look like you're playing id and sick with the sun your entire life.
00:19:10I don't know what is happening, but that is not how a person should look, huh?
00:19:13I can see your veins pumping through your skin right now.
00:19:16You know how creepy that is pumping, pumping, pumping, pumping.
00:19:19If I was your doctor, I don't need X-ray machine.
00:19:21I just go, what is the problem?
00:19:23It is your kidney.
00:19:23How do I know?
00:19:24Because you're translucent, that is how I know.
00:19:27Damn you, we are going to run this country whether you like it or not.
00:19:30We are not going to do anything you tell us.
00:19:31You're a madman.
00:19:32We are going to take it.
00:19:33You are not taking it.
00:19:34We are going...
00:19:39She's all yours.
00:19:40Take, take.
00:19:41Don't play nice.
00:19:42Take.
00:19:43And that's how the British took over.
00:19:48That's how they took over India.
00:19:54And then, many, many years later, the British, after they were done pillaging, left and went
00:20:01back home.
00:20:02And so it only stands to reason that those Indians, who they had now made British, would
00:20:09seek out the land from whence they came.
00:20:16I don't understand why British people are complaining, going, why are they coming here?
00:20:20Why the hell are you coming here?
00:20:22Because you told us how great it was, so we came to see for ourselves.
00:20:29No.
00:20:29Go back to where you came from.
00:20:32Go back.
00:20:32You're not welcome here.
00:20:33This is not your home.
00:20:34But you said we are all part of the British Empire.
00:20:37No.
00:20:37When I said part, I meant you are under us, right?
00:20:39We are the British.
00:20:40You are the empire.
00:20:42What do you mean?
00:20:43We are the British and you are the empire.
00:20:46Okay.
00:20:46Well, in that case, the empire strikes back.
00:20:49Now, make some curry and tell me where we're sitting.
00:20:51Okay.
00:20:52Let's go.
00:20:52Let's go.
00:20:52Let's go.
00:20:52Let's go.
00:20:54Let's go.
00:20:54They can't complain.
00:20:56They cannot complain.
00:20:57If there's one nation in the world, they cannot complain.
00:20:58The truth is, none of us should be complaining.
00:21:01When you think about it, what people term immigration just depends on your timeline.
00:21:06All right?
00:21:06You're an immigrant.
00:21:07When do you measure from?
00:21:08Everyone is an immigrant from somewhere.
00:21:11Whenever I see people have those conversations in America, you know, about these damn immigrants,
00:21:14they're coming over here, these damn immigrants, get out of here.
00:21:17I always wonder what Native Americans must be thinking when they're listening to the words
00:21:21that are being said.
00:21:26People confidently saying, this is not where they came from.
00:21:29This is not their land.
00:21:30And they're like, oh, tell me more.
00:21:31Tell me more.
00:21:32They need to go back because this is not their home.
00:21:35Oh, really?
00:21:38Everyone is an immigrant in some way, you know.
00:21:41You travel.
00:21:41When you travel, you see this.
00:21:43I say that to people.
00:21:44That's what I always say to people.
00:21:44I go, travel the world.
00:21:46If there's one thing you will never waste your money on, it's traveling.
00:21:50Travel the world.
00:21:53See another place.
00:21:55Discover a different point of view.
00:21:57Traveling is the antidote to ignorance.
00:21:59And that's so true.
00:22:01It changes your mind, your perspective, how you believe, what you believe.
00:22:04And you know one of the greatest things you can do when you travel?
00:22:06One of the greatest things you can do is traveling to a country where they don't speak your language.
00:22:10That's probably my favorite thing.
00:22:11Going to a place where they don't speak English just to make you realize how insignificant you really are.
00:22:16You're not the center of the universe.
00:22:18There's another world that exists beyond you.
00:22:20I try and do that all the time.
00:22:21I try.
00:22:22I try my utmost.
00:22:22I go to English-speaking countries, but I try every now and again to go to a country where they
00:22:26speak no English.
00:22:27Like recently, I went to Scotland.
00:22:32And again, I had an amazing time.
00:22:37The place was beautiful.
00:22:39It was a different culture.
00:22:41Rich in history.
00:23:11They have the rolling highlands of Scotland.
00:23:12That's when you, you know what I mean?
00:23:13That means some shit went down.
00:23:15You can feel it when you get there.
00:23:18Like Australia.
00:23:19Like Australia.
00:23:19There's no aborigines.
00:23:21And when you get there, you're like, hey, Australia.
00:23:23You're like, where's all the black people?
00:23:26And they're like, oh, I don't know.
00:23:28They left.
00:23:35You can feel.
00:23:36Something went wrong.
00:23:38But Scotland doesn't have that, you know?
00:23:41Scotland doesn't have black people because they're further north.
00:23:44Further north, there were no black people.
00:23:46There's not many black things further north.
00:23:48The further north you go, the whiter things become.
00:23:51It's the people, the Christmas, the bears.
00:23:54Everything changes.
00:23:59I'm sure if you went to a Scottish person and said, excuse me, sir, are you racist?
00:24:02He'd be like, I don't know.
00:24:05I never tried.
00:24:10I had so much fun in Scotland.
00:24:12I remember I was in Glasgow for a week.
00:24:14I was driving around in the back of a car.
00:24:15And every single day, I would try and spot black people.
00:24:18It was like a little game that I played by myself.
00:24:20Every day, I would just be there like black person, black person, black person, black person.
00:24:23Ha! No statue.
00:24:24Black person, black person, black person, black person, black person.
00:24:27Black person, ha!
00:24:28No reflection.
00:24:28Black person, black person, black person.
00:24:30No black people anyway.
00:24:32None.
00:24:35And that's why I say traveling is important.
00:24:37Because I'd never been to a place where there were no black people before.
00:24:40It actually made me realize that there'd been an issue that I'd been grappling with for so long.
00:24:46And now finally, I had another answer.
00:24:49And that issue was that of James Bond.
00:24:53I'm a big fan of 007, License to Kill.
00:24:56Loved it my whole life.
00:24:57Started with Pierce Brosnan, then went back and watched Connery's and Lazenby's and everyone,
00:25:01all the way through to Daniel Craig.
00:25:02And I love James Bond.
00:25:04And when I found out that Daniel Craig no longer wanted to be James Bond,
00:25:08I was heartbroken.
00:25:09Until I heard that at the top of the list, the potential replacement was a man by the name Idris
00:25:17Elba.
00:25:22And I lost my mind.
00:25:24I lost my mind.
00:25:25You can hear the ladies.
00:25:26I mean, like, yeah, you know, yeah.
00:25:27And that's what James Bond needs.
00:25:29A ladies' man and a man's man.
00:25:31And Idris has that.
00:25:32You know, he's strong.
00:25:33He's charming.
00:25:34You know, he's got that quiet thing.
00:25:35Oh, yeah, you know, Idris Elba.
00:25:36Oh, yeah.
00:25:37You know, Idris Elba.
00:25:38You know, oh, yeah.
00:25:39You could just see him playing the dapper spot.
00:25:41And as soon as it was announced, everyone is excited.
00:25:43Everyone is excited.
00:25:44Until the comment section of the internet came in.
00:25:48Idris Elba, James Bond.
00:25:50And the comment section was like,
00:25:51Oh, actually, Idris Elba could not play James Bond.
00:25:56We were like, why?
00:25:58We were like, because.
00:26:04Because of the shape of his head?
00:26:06What do you say?
00:26:07What do you say?
00:26:07No, because.
00:26:10Because what?
00:26:10Because he's black.
00:26:12James Bond cannot be played by a black man.
00:26:15And as soon as they said that, the internet exploded.
00:26:19Racism.
00:26:22And immediately that happened.
00:26:23I jumped in.
00:26:24I don't even know what it's about half of the time.
00:26:25I just jump in.
00:26:26You just hear racism and I rip my side.
00:26:27I'm just like, racism.
00:26:28Racism.
00:26:30You guys will explain it later.
00:26:31Racism.
00:26:32And I was in there.
00:26:33And I was like, what the hell is going on?
00:26:34They're like, James Bond cannot be played by Idris Elba
00:26:36because Idris Elba is a black man and James Bond is white.
00:26:38I was like, well, actually, James Bond is a fictional character
00:26:42and so he can't be played by anyone because it is fiction.
00:26:45And they were like, well, when you think about it,
00:26:46James Bond was based on a real man who was white
00:26:48and so he should be played by a real white man.
00:26:51And I was like, well, that just doesn't make sense
00:26:52because if you think about it, Jesus was technically a black man
00:26:54but he gets played by a white man
00:26:56so I don't know what your point is
00:26:59because that's never stopped me from receiving my blessings.
00:27:01I don't know what you're going on about.
00:27:03And they were like, you can't have it.
00:27:04I was like, racism.
00:27:05You can't have it.
00:27:05Racism.
00:27:06You can't have it.
00:27:06Racism.
00:27:12And then I went to Scotland.
00:27:15I realized that maybe, just maybe,
00:27:18I hadn't given the argument enough thought
00:27:22because I love Idris Elba.
00:27:24I want him to play Bond.
00:27:26But if you think about it,
00:27:27James Bond often operates in places like Scotland
00:27:30and the UK and Europe
00:27:33because that's where most supervillains choose to reside.
00:27:38I'm assuming it's for tax purposes.
00:27:46No matter how you feel about the issue,
00:27:48you have to admit
00:27:51it would be particularly difficult
00:27:56to be a spy
00:28:03when you are the only
00:28:08black person in town.
00:28:11Your very existence defies your purpose.
00:28:16I'm not saying it's impossible.
00:28:18I'm just saying that would be
00:28:19the toughest James Bond movie
00:28:20that was ever made.
00:28:23Can you imagine that scene?
00:28:25Idris Elba, James Bond
00:28:26planting the C4,
00:28:27blowing up the bad guys,
00:28:28they're jumping on a bike,
00:28:29riding into the town square in Edinburgh.
00:28:31The bad guys right behind him.
00:28:34They pull out their guns and start shooting.
00:28:37The chase is on.
00:28:51Idris Elba, James Bond jumps off the bike,
00:28:53runs into a crowded town square.
00:28:54The bad guys are right behind him.
00:28:55He manages to shake them off,
00:28:57pops into a little alley,
00:28:58gets out on the other side,
00:28:59finds a crowded little marketplace,
00:29:00puts a scarf around his head,
00:29:01a fake beard,
00:29:02blends in with a group of monks walking by.
00:29:04The bad guys,
00:29:05turn the corner.
00:29:07There he is!
00:29:15James Bond manages to shake them off,
00:29:17gets into another group of areas,
00:29:18pops out on the other side,
00:29:19finds a transportation hub,
00:29:20gets into a bus,
00:29:21the bus goes one way,
00:29:22gets into a tram,
00:29:23the tram goes the other way.
00:29:23The bad guys,
00:29:24turn the corner.
00:29:27There he is!
00:29:31The movie will be 10 minutes long.
00:29:36It would end with James Bond
00:29:38panting in an alley.
00:29:41How did you find me?
00:29:48We would lose so many epic scenes.
00:29:51Like that moment where James reveals his name.
00:29:56You know that scene in the casino we always wait for?
00:29:58Him dressed in the tux,
00:30:00playing a high stakes game of baccarat.
00:30:04I see Idris Elba walking over to the bartender now
00:30:07to place that iconic order.
00:30:10Bartender.
00:30:11I'll take my martini shaken,
00:30:13not stirred.
00:30:15The names...
00:30:17James Bond?
00:30:18I know.
00:30:25I'm sorry mate,
00:30:26have we met?
00:30:28No.
00:30:30I just heard there was a spy in town.
00:30:35Figured it was you.
00:30:38What gave me away?
00:30:40Is it the way I dress?
00:30:42Oh, there's just something about here.
00:30:46Something like what?
00:30:48You know.
00:30:59It'll be hard.
00:31:02Scotland was so much fun.
00:31:04Every day I was there,
00:31:05I felt like I was learning something new.
00:31:08I did learn something that I wish to share with you
00:31:10and I hope you will not suffer the same ills I did.
00:31:13If you do go to Scotland and you are ever offered a drink,
00:31:19don't.
00:31:21Because you see,
00:31:22the Scottish,
00:31:23unlike us,
00:31:24we drink to enjoy.
00:31:28The Scottish drink to die.
00:31:35I used to think the Scottish had an accent.
00:31:37I've now learned
00:31:38that's just centuries of people
00:31:40trying not to throw up.
00:31:42That's all that is.
00:32:01I made that mistake myself.
00:32:03I was doing shows in Edinburgh
00:32:05and after one of the shows,
00:32:08I left the venue
00:32:09and my friend Mick
00:32:10was waiting for me backstage
00:32:12and he was like,
00:32:12oh, Trevor,
00:32:13how was your show?
00:32:13I said,
00:32:14it was really good.
00:32:14Mick,
00:32:14how was yours?
00:32:15He's like,
00:32:15oh,
00:32:15not too bad,
00:32:16not too bad.
00:32:17You know what?
00:32:17Me and the lads were going down to the pub.
00:32:18Got to grab a drink.
00:32:19You want to join us?
00:32:21I said,
00:32:21no,
00:32:21I don't really drink,
00:32:22Mick.
00:32:23I'm just going to go home.
00:32:23He's like,
00:32:24oh,
00:32:24it's not about drinking,
00:32:25right?
00:32:25We're just going to hang out,
00:32:26right?
00:32:27Just grab a wee little drink.
00:32:29And that's where he got me.
00:32:31Scottish people do that so well.
00:32:32They're like,
00:32:33wee little drink.
00:32:35Makes it sound harmless,
00:32:36doesn't it?
00:32:37Oh,
00:32:37just a wee little drink?
00:32:39Sounds tiny.
00:32:41A wee little drink?
00:32:42Yeah?
00:32:43A wee little,
00:32:43nothing sounds dangerous like that.
00:32:45Yeah?
00:32:45What happened in Nagasaki?
00:32:46Oh,
00:32:47they dropped a wee nuclear bomb.
00:32:50Doesn't sound that bad.
00:32:52He was like,
00:32:53a wee little drink.
00:32:54I was like,
00:32:54oh,
00:32:54you know what?
00:32:54Let's have a wee little drink.
00:32:55And so I joined him.
00:32:57And we went drinking.
00:32:59I don't remember.
00:33:02I do remember waking up the next day
00:33:04in my bed,
00:33:06partially dressed,
00:33:07shirt on the floor,
00:33:09pants still on,
00:33:11left shoe on,
00:33:12right shoe on the pillow beside me.
00:33:15And my head pounding,
00:33:17pounding,
00:33:18pounding.
00:33:18You know,
00:33:18you can hear your heart beating
00:33:19inside your head.
00:33:21And so I get up
00:33:22and I'm like,
00:33:23oh,
00:33:23I feel horrible.
00:33:23And as I stand up,
00:33:25as I stand up,
00:33:26I could feel,
00:33:27I could feel
00:33:28the vomit coming.
00:33:29I could feel it.
00:33:30Yeah,
00:33:31I could feel just like,
00:33:32it did that thing.
00:33:33But I,
00:33:34but I held it.
00:33:35I,
00:33:35I control that.
00:33:36Because I,
00:33:36if there's one thing you should know about me is,
00:33:37I don't throw up,
00:33:38okay?
00:33:40Let's just get that straight right.
00:33:41I don't throw up.
00:33:42I control myself.
00:33:43When I see people throwing up,
00:33:44I'm like,
00:33:45you're weak.
00:33:47Control yourself.
00:33:48You're weak.
00:33:49This is my body.
00:33:50This is my temple.
00:33:51I control it.
00:33:52The body tried.
00:33:52It was like,
00:33:53I was like,
00:33:53no,
00:33:54no.
00:33:55My body was like,
00:33:56come on,
00:33:56man.
00:33:56I got,
00:33:56I got,
00:33:57I was like,
00:33:57no,
00:33:58no.
00:33:59Breathe.
00:34:04Had it in check.
00:34:06Went to the kitchen.
00:34:07Started to make some breakfast.
00:34:09And as I poured the milk into the cereal bowl,
00:34:12my body was like,
00:34:14hey,
00:34:15Trevor.
00:34:17I was like,
00:34:18hey,
00:34:18what's going on,
00:34:19buddy?
00:34:20Hey,
00:34:20do you mind if I,
00:34:21if I burp?
00:34:25Of course I don't mind if you burp,
00:34:26buddy.
00:34:27You burp all the time.
00:34:29Yeah,
00:34:29because I'm,
00:34:29I'm going to burp right now.
00:34:32Just a standard everyday burp.
00:34:34I was like,
00:34:35I don't know why you're warning me.
00:34:36You never warn me usually when you burp.
00:34:37You usually burp.
00:34:38I just wanted to let you know it's just a burp.
00:34:40You don't have to worry about it.
00:34:41I was like,
00:34:41okay,
00:34:42well,
00:34:42go ahead and burp.
00:34:42He's like,
00:34:43okay,
00:34:43well,
00:34:43here it comes.
00:34:44And my body was like,
00:34:45burp,
00:34:46burp.
00:34:47Yeah,
00:34:47but then I caught it in my mouth.
00:34:48I caught it all in my mouth though.
00:34:50Oh yeah,
00:34:51judge me.
00:34:52Judge me.
00:34:55The only reason you know the taste is because you're alcoholics.
00:34:57You're going to judge me.
00:34:58We've all done that before.
00:34:59And I'll have you know,
00:35:00that's the classy thing to do.
00:35:01You catch it in your mouth so you can handle your business in the toilets.
00:35:05Caught it all in my mouth.
00:35:07I ran to the toilets.
00:35:09I threw up.
00:35:10It was the worst feeling in the world.
00:35:11I don't even drink.
00:35:13Throwing up is now an added,
00:35:14added reason to not.
00:35:15And you know,
00:35:16you know,
00:35:17when you're throwing up,
00:35:19the worst part for me is the,
00:35:20is the dry heaving.
00:35:22You know when you're done,
00:35:24everything is finished,
00:35:25but still,
00:35:25like that's,
00:35:26that's,
00:35:26that's when I know that,
00:35:27uh,
00:35:27humans aren't as evolved as we think we are.
00:35:31Because your body and your brain at that point,
00:35:33there's nothing left.
00:35:34There's nothing there.
00:35:35And still you,
00:35:36there's nothing there.
00:35:38There's a,
00:35:39there's nothing.
00:35:39And you know,
00:35:39you,
00:35:40we're all in that position.
00:35:41It's not gracious.
00:35:41No one's looking cool.
00:35:43You know,
00:35:43everyone is there.
00:35:44Like,
00:35:44you're just like,
00:35:47everyone is in that same position.
00:35:48There's no one who throws up in a cool fashion.
00:35:50No one's there like,
00:35:51oh,
00:35:53oh,
00:35:54no one,
00:35:55no one,
00:35:56every single one of us,
00:35:57we're reduced
00:35:59to a pile of pain.
00:36:27And then blood came out.
00:36:31Yeah,
00:36:32not good.
00:36:34So,
00:36:35I panicked
00:36:35because I was like,
00:36:36I'm bleeding internally.
00:36:37I need to get to the hospital.
00:36:39Called my friend Mick.
00:36:41I was like,
00:36:41Mick,
00:36:42where are you?
00:36:42He's like,
00:36:43oh,
00:36:43Trevor,
00:36:43I'm at home.
00:36:44What's going on?
00:36:44I said,
00:36:45Mick,
00:36:45I need your help.
00:36:45I think I drank too much last night.
00:36:47He's like,
00:36:47yeah,
00:36:47right.
00:36:47And I said,
00:36:48and then this morning,
00:36:49I threw up a lot.
00:36:51He's like,
00:36:51yeah,
00:36:51right.
00:36:51And I said,
00:36:52and then when I was throwing up,
00:36:54blood came out.
00:36:54He's like,
00:36:55yeah,
00:36:55right.
00:36:55And
00:36:57I said,
00:36:58and that's it,
00:36:58Mick,
00:36:59blood came out of my mouth.
00:37:01I said,
00:37:02oh,
00:37:02that's too bad,
00:37:03Trevor.
00:37:04So,
00:37:04what are you going to do now?
00:37:06I said,
00:37:07I'm going to go to the hospital,
00:37:08Mick.
00:37:08He's like,
00:37:09oh,
00:37:09I don't know if that's necessary.
00:37:12Like,
00:37:12was it a lot of blood?
00:37:14He said,
00:37:14any blood is a lot of blood.
00:37:16What do you mean?
00:37:16He's like,
00:37:17no,
00:37:17I know what you're saying,
00:37:18but like,
00:37:18was it a lot,
00:37:18or was it like a wee bit of blood?
00:37:28Mick didn't take that.
00:37:28He took me to the hospital.
00:37:30Instead,
00:37:30he decided to come over
00:37:31with some bananas
00:37:32and white bread.
00:37:34Forced me to eat that.
00:37:36And that night,
00:37:37I had another show.
00:37:38I was horrible.
00:37:39It was a bad show.
00:37:40And afterwards,
00:37:41I leave the venue,
00:37:43and who's standing outside
00:37:44waiting for me?
00:37:47My good friend,
00:37:47Mick.
00:37:49And he's like,
00:37:50Trevor,
00:37:51how was your show?
00:37:53I said,
00:37:53it was horrible,
00:37:54Mick.
00:37:54It was horrible,
00:37:55I thought I was going to die.
00:37:57He's like,
00:37:58oh,
00:37:58that's too bad.
00:37:59You want to go talk about it
00:38:00over a pint?
00:38:03I said,
00:38:03what,
00:38:03Mick?
00:38:03He's like,
00:38:04yeah,
00:38:04let's go grab a wee drink.
00:38:05I said,
00:38:05there's no wee nothing here,
00:38:06my friend.
00:38:07There's no wee ever again.
00:38:10He's like,
00:38:10what are you talking about?
00:38:11I said,
00:38:11Mick,
00:38:12I thought I was going to die.
00:38:13I'm not going to drink.
00:38:14He's like,
00:38:15don't be like that,
00:38:15Trevor,
00:38:16it's just one bad day.
00:38:17I was like,
00:38:18yeah,
00:38:18and I'd like to live to see another,
00:38:19Mick.
00:38:20I'm not going with you.
00:38:21He's like,
00:38:22oh,
00:38:22Trevor,
00:38:22don't be like,
00:38:23I'm like,
00:38:24don't be a pussy.
00:38:27And that's where he lost me.
00:38:29That is where he lost me.
00:38:30I understand what he was trying to do.
00:38:32Guys do it all the time.
00:38:34Hit you with the phrase,
00:38:35don't be a pussy.
00:38:36Yes,
00:38:37because it implies weakness.
00:38:39Do not be like the vagina.
00:38:42The vagina that is weak.
00:38:44Yes,
00:38:44yes,
00:38:44don't be a pussy.
00:38:46The guys say that,
00:38:46and then you do what they want.
00:38:47Don't be a pussy.
00:38:48Yeah,
00:38:49yeah,
00:38:49don't be a pussy,
00:38:49because the pussy is weak.
00:38:52And yet,
00:38:54in my personal experience,
00:38:58I have found the pussy to be one of the strongest things I have ever come across in my life.
00:39:07Don't be a pussy.
00:39:10Have you ever come across a pussy?
00:39:14The vagina is one of the most powerful.
00:39:16You realize vaginas can start revolutions and end wars.
00:39:21You realize even on a physical level,
00:39:23the vagina is one of the strongest things that have ever existed.
00:39:26Virtually indestructible.
00:39:28Many men in this room,
00:39:29many,
00:39:30many men in this room,
00:39:31have tales of how they once defeated the pussy.
00:39:36Let me tell you now,
00:39:37they have not.
00:39:41The owner of the pussy may have given you the impression
00:39:45that you defeated the pussy.
00:39:47But it is alive and well,
00:39:49my friends.
00:39:53Whenever people say that,
00:39:55I go,
00:39:56do you understand how impressive the vagina is?
00:39:58Do you understand how strong it is?
00:40:01There's a reason men have sought to oppress it for so long.
00:40:03The vagina is frighteningly powerful.
00:40:05You realize that human beings
00:40:07come out
00:40:09of a vagina.
00:40:12Human beings come out
00:40:13and still it continues to work
00:40:15as intended.
00:40:18Do you understand how impressive that is?
00:40:24I don't know if I'm the only one,
00:40:25but New York,
00:40:25do you understand?
00:40:26A human being,
00:40:27a human being comes out
00:40:30of the vagina
00:40:32and still it continues to operate
00:40:33as it continues to work.
00:40:35After a human has just come out,
00:40:37you're saying it's weak.
00:40:38A human came out of the vagina.
00:40:39You just sit on a penis wrong
00:40:41and it breaks.
00:40:42You just...
00:41:02Don't be a penis.
00:41:03That should be the phrase.
00:41:08Don't be a pussy.
00:41:11I wish I was a pussy.
00:41:14Are you serious right now?
00:41:20Don't be a penis.
00:41:21That should be the same.
00:41:23Scotland taught me so many things.
00:41:26Beautiful place,
00:41:27beautiful people,
00:41:28rich in culture.
00:41:30My favorite thing to do
00:41:30while I was there
00:41:31was just try and learn
00:41:32the Scottish accent.
00:41:33I butcher it,
00:41:34but I don't care.
00:41:35I have fun.
00:41:36What I do when I travel
00:41:37is I try to speak to people
00:41:38in their accent
00:41:39and see if they can catch me out.
00:41:42It's one of my favorite games.
00:41:43Like I'd walk into a store
00:41:44in Edinburgh
00:41:45and I'd just be like,
00:41:46good afternoon.
00:41:48I would like to buy
00:41:50a pair of shoes.
00:41:52You'd be like,
00:41:53where are you from?
00:41:56I'm from Scotland.
00:42:00I, what part?
00:42:03Johannesburg.
00:42:10I love it though.
00:42:11I love accents
00:42:12not just because they sound fun
00:42:13and it's an interesting thing to do.
00:42:15I love accents
00:42:16because I'm always impressed
00:42:18by how much power
00:42:19they have over us,
00:42:20over our minds.
00:42:21When someone speaks
00:42:23a certain way,
00:42:24it changes how we feel
00:42:25about that person.
00:42:27For good and for bad.
00:42:29We do it all the time.
00:42:30You see some people
00:42:31in the streets,
00:42:32they speak to you,
00:42:33you think of them
00:42:33a different way.
00:42:33You see world leaders,
00:42:34they speak a certain way.
00:42:36You think of them
00:42:36a different way.
00:42:38Barack Obama,
00:42:39one of the greatest
00:42:40examples of that.
00:42:42Everything about Barack.
00:42:43Barack Obama was by far
00:42:44the coolest president
00:42:45that has ever existed.
00:42:49Just everything about the man.
00:42:53That confidence,
00:42:54the smile,
00:42:56the swag.
00:42:56When you notice Barack,
00:42:58I would notice it
00:42:59in the small things.
00:43:00Like when he'd step
00:43:01out of Air Force One.
00:43:03He did it like no
00:43:04other president
00:43:05in the world.
00:43:05Normally presidents
00:43:06step out of their
00:43:07airplane in like
00:43:08a frumpy manner.
00:43:09There's no class
00:43:11or skill.
00:43:11Just like come out.
00:43:16But Barack,
00:43:18he wouldn't step out.
00:43:20He'd emerge.
00:43:22He'd emerge like
00:43:23he was stepping out
00:43:24of the plane
00:43:25and into a music video.
00:43:28You know,
00:43:29he'd just do that thing
00:43:29where he'd come out.
00:43:40And then he'd go
00:43:40down the stairs
00:43:42doing it the only way
00:43:43he could, you know.
00:43:49The way he descended,
00:43:50it almost looked like
00:43:51every time he hit the ground
00:43:52he was just going to go
00:43:52into verse one.
00:43:54You know,
00:43:54just straight in.
00:43:55And then she's like,
00:43:55Dinan girl,
00:43:58I want to take you there.
00:44:01Give you my Obamacare.
00:44:08Oh man.
00:44:11Barack Obama's just too cool.
00:44:13You know,
00:44:14he had the walk.
00:44:15He had the talk.
00:44:16And that was the big thing
00:44:17a lot of people never realized
00:44:19about Barack Obama,
00:44:19the talk.
00:44:20That's what really
00:44:21gave him the edge.
00:44:22He has a certain way
00:44:23of speaking,
00:44:24a certain voice
00:44:25that commands your attention.
00:44:26Makes you feel about him
00:44:28a certain way.
00:44:28It's the accent,
00:44:29the way he speaks.
00:44:32And I don't know
00:44:33how many people realize this,
00:44:35but Nelson Mandela
00:44:37had the same thing.
00:44:40Yeah.
00:44:43See,
00:44:43the thing Barack Obama
00:44:44has in his voice,
00:44:45that is the voice
00:44:46of a first black president.
00:44:49Now a lot of people
00:44:50didn't notice that
00:44:51because he was the first
00:44:53and last first black president
00:44:54of the United States.
00:44:56So you wouldn't know
00:44:57to compare.
00:44:58I'm lucky in that
00:44:59I've gotten to be,
00:45:00you know,
00:45:01I've gotten to live
00:45:01in the country
00:45:02of two first black presidents,
00:45:04namely Nelson Mandela
00:45:05and Barack Obama.
00:45:07So I know
00:45:07what I'm talking about.
00:45:08They both have that thing.
00:45:10It's just difficult to hear
00:45:11because Nelson Mandela
00:45:11is obviously South African
00:45:12and he was older,
00:45:13you know,
00:45:14but they both
00:45:14had that thing in the voice.
00:45:15When Nelson Mandela
00:45:16would speak,
00:45:16a room with silence.
00:45:19You could feel the energy.
00:45:21I believe
00:45:24that every person,
00:45:26regardless of the color
00:45:29of their skin,
00:45:30should have equal rights
00:45:32and they may never
00:45:35be taken again.
00:45:38To those who would seek
00:45:39to oppress,
00:45:40I say to you,
00:45:42never and never again.
00:45:44And the people
00:45:45would lose their minds
00:45:46and the people
00:45:47would feel the chills
00:45:48because he had that thing.
00:45:51Like Nelson Mandela.
00:45:52Nelson Mandela
00:45:52was destined for greatness
00:45:53because of that voice.
00:45:54He could not be a normal man
00:45:56with a voice like that.
00:45:57You can't do normal things
00:45:59with that voice.
00:45:59You are destined for greatness.
00:46:01You can't just be running around
00:46:02in the streets
00:46:03and a Kit Kat, please.
00:46:09It's so unique.
00:46:10You can't be silly.
00:46:11What are you making?
00:46:12Prank phone calls?
00:46:13Who the hell is this?
00:46:14I'm not telling you.
00:46:18It just doesn't work.
00:46:22I remember when Nelson Mandela
00:46:24was still alive
00:46:24and he would tell jokes
00:46:27at press conferences
00:46:28and events
00:46:28and no one would laugh
00:46:30because everyone thought
00:46:31a man who had been in jail
00:46:32for 27 years
00:46:33couldn't make a joke
00:46:34and yet he still did.
00:46:36He still kept what was him
00:46:38but it was partly
00:46:38because of that voice.
00:46:39He would tell the joke
00:46:40and it would just sound
00:46:41too epic for people to laugh.
00:46:43Everything he did,
00:46:44you know,
00:46:45it would just be like
00:46:45ah, knock, knock.
00:46:49He would be like
00:46:50let him in,
00:46:51let him in.
00:46:53No, no, no.
00:46:55You, Marcel,
00:46:57who's there?
00:46:59He is so right.
00:47:00We've always got to ask
00:47:01who's there?
00:47:02Who's here?
00:47:03Who are we?
00:47:04Oh my God.
00:47:09It was because of that voice.
00:47:11The first black president voice.
00:47:15And I'll never forget
00:47:16the day I saw a picture
00:47:19of Barack Obama
00:47:21meeting Nelson Mandela
00:47:23for the very first time.
00:47:25It's a beautiful image
00:47:27and it's of the two men
00:47:28in silhouettes
00:47:29in Chicago,
00:47:31Nelson Mandela
00:47:31sitting in a chair,
00:47:33Barack Obama
00:47:33leaning over him.
00:47:34And this was way back
00:47:35in the day.
00:47:36This was before
00:47:36Barack Obama was a blip
00:47:38on the presidential radar.
00:47:39He was a junior senator.
00:47:40Not many people knew his name.
00:47:42Back then he was driving around
00:47:44in his own car,
00:47:44no motorcade,
00:47:45had his aid with him.
00:47:46And that day they heard
00:47:47Nelson Mandela
00:47:48was going to be in Chicago
00:47:49meeting people.
00:47:50Barack Obama wanted him
00:47:50to meet him,
00:47:51wanted to meet him
00:47:51his whole life.
00:47:52And so he rushed over there
00:47:53and he was the last person
00:47:54Nelson Mandela saw,
00:47:55the last person he saw that day.
00:47:57And I always imagine
00:47:59Nelson Mandela
00:48:00was sitting in the room
00:48:01and his assistant came over.
00:48:03She was like,
00:48:04Mr. Mandela,
00:48:05I know we said
00:48:05we are done,
00:48:07but unfortunately
00:48:08there's just one person
00:48:09who would like to meet you, sir.
00:48:10He was like,
00:48:11oh, Zelda,
00:48:13I'm so tired.
00:48:14Can we leave?
00:48:15No, I know you want
00:48:17to leave, Mr. Mandela,
00:48:18but there's a young man
00:48:19that you really need to meet.
00:48:20His name is
00:48:21Barack Hussein Obama.
00:48:26Barack Hussein Obama.
00:48:29He's American.
00:48:31Yes, that's correct.
00:48:32He is going to have
00:48:33a tough time.
00:48:37Uh, where is he?
00:48:40He's right outside the door.
00:48:41Okay, show him in.
00:48:42Show Barack in.
00:48:44Okay, I'll be right back.
00:48:45And she went over
00:48:46to the door.
00:48:47She's like,
00:48:48uh, Mr. Obama,
00:48:50Mr. Mandela
00:48:51will see you now.
00:48:52And Barack walked in.
00:48:53He was super excited
00:48:54to meet his idol.
00:48:56Nelson Mandela
00:48:57was sitting on the chair.
00:48:58He looked over.
00:48:58Ah,
00:49:00young Barack,
00:49:02how are you?
00:49:04And Barack was like,
00:49:05oh, man,
00:49:06Nelson Mandela, man,
00:49:07it's the craziest day
00:49:07of my life, man.
00:49:08I can't believe
00:49:08this shit right now.
00:49:09I can't believe
00:49:10I'm beating Nelson Mandela
00:49:11for the first time, man.
00:49:12Oh, man,
00:49:12I waited my whole life
00:49:13for this moment.
00:49:13I'm like,
00:49:13I won't be just like you, man.
00:49:14I read your books, man.
00:49:15I saw what you were doing
00:49:16in prison.
00:49:16I was like,
00:49:16I'm going to be
00:49:17the first black president
00:49:17in America.
00:49:18I'm going to do
00:49:18the same things you did, man.
00:49:19I'm going to win those votes
00:49:20and I'm going to be
00:49:20the first black president
00:49:21of America.
00:49:22And Nelson Mandela
00:49:23was like,
00:49:24not with that voice.
00:49:30You will scare
00:49:31the white people.
00:49:34Oh, man,
00:49:35Nelson Mandela,
00:49:36it's the greatest day
00:49:36of my life, man.
00:49:37Oh, I don't even understand
00:49:38how you know.
00:49:38Man, I just want to know
00:49:39from you,
00:49:40how do I do it?
00:49:40How do I do what you did?
00:49:41How do I become
00:49:42the first black president?
00:49:44Well, first things first,
00:49:47we need to change
00:49:48that voice.
00:49:51You don't sound
00:49:52like you are going
00:49:54to lead anything.
00:49:55I don't know
00:49:56what you mean, man.
00:49:57I don't know
00:49:57what you mean.
00:49:58You are speaking
00:49:59so fast.
00:50:02Slow it down.
00:50:04You are not being
00:50:05chased anymore.
00:50:10I never thought
00:50:11of it like that, man.
00:50:12I never thought
00:50:12of it like that, man.
00:50:12Slow down.
00:50:13Slow down.
00:50:15Okay, I guess
00:50:16I do speak fast sometimes.
00:50:18I could slow up.
00:50:20I could slow it down.
00:50:22I could slow it way down.
00:50:24Is this good?
00:50:25That's better.
00:50:28Now, you need
00:50:29to make sure
00:50:30you add some pace
00:50:33to your voice.
00:50:35I don't know
00:50:36why that's an issue.
00:50:40Imagine if I spoke
00:50:42like this.
00:50:44Do you think
00:50:45people would have
00:50:46voted for me?
00:50:48No, I would still
00:50:50be in jail.
00:50:53Bring some bass.
00:50:57Okay, I could try
00:50:58to bring some bass.
00:51:01Is that lower than that?
00:51:03I could go lower,
00:51:04lower than that.
00:51:06Is that good?
00:51:06Lower than that.
00:51:08Lower, lower.
00:51:09I could go way down.
00:51:10I could keep it here.
00:51:11I could keep it here.
00:51:13That's better.
00:51:14Now,
00:51:16very important
00:51:17to be a first black president.
00:51:19Your pacing
00:51:21must be
00:51:23powerful.
00:51:25Every word
00:51:26must seem
00:51:29like the last
00:51:32you will ever speak.
00:51:37Wow,
00:51:38that's powerful,
00:51:39Mr. Mandela.
00:51:40Let me
00:51:40try
00:51:41to speak
00:51:43like that.
00:51:44Does that work?
00:51:46That's good.
00:51:48Very good.
00:51:49I can feel it.
00:51:51Yes,
00:51:51now for the magic touch.
00:51:54To be first black president,
00:51:56you need to have
00:51:58the husk.
00:52:10no more husky
00:52:20that's it you are getting it now
00:52:27that's it
00:52:27i think you've got it now repeat after me
00:52:32america
00:52:33america no the husk bring the husk back
00:52:36america
00:52:37america
00:52:39america
00:52:40america
00:52:41america
00:52:43america yes i can feel it
00:52:46say this is my country
00:52:48this is my country
00:52:50yes
00:52:50this is my dream
00:52:53this is my dream
00:52:55yes i can feel it
00:52:57you are going to be the first black president
00:53:00i don't know do you think we can do it
00:53:01yes we can
00:53:03yes we can
00:53:04yes we can
00:53:06yes we can
00:53:07yes we can
00:53:09yes we can
00:53:12you've got it right
00:53:13now go get them my nigga
00:53:35at least i like to think that's how it went down
00:53:41but it's crazy and frightening when you think about how
00:53:45just the way you speak
00:53:47can determine and change your path in life
00:53:50we still do it today
00:53:52it's the reason half
00:53:53half of the world has immigrant problems
00:53:55it's not really immigrant problems
00:53:57it's the fear of something that is different
00:53:59because when people say they don't like immigrants
00:54:00most of the time they're not referring
00:54:01to immigrants who look and sound like them
00:54:03they're talking about immigrants
00:54:04who speak differently
00:54:06who look different
00:54:07you know
00:54:08because an accent comes with a connotation
00:54:10you think you know if someone is smart or stupid
00:54:12because of their accent
00:54:12and yet the truth is an accent is not a measure of intelligence
00:54:15it's just someone speaking your language with the rules of theirs
00:54:18accents have connotations we cannot deny it
00:54:21look at the french
00:54:22we all believe that the french are romantic
00:54:25why
00:54:26because of their accents
00:54:27they've got that thing
00:54:29duh
00:54:32duh
00:54:33duh
00:54:35I was thinking that maybe we could
00:54:37duh
00:54:39how you say afterwards
00:54:41maybe we could try to
00:54:42oh my god he's so sexy
00:54:46oh my god
00:54:50accents determine how we see people
00:54:52same thing happens with the russians
00:54:54the russians
00:54:55the most feared people on the planets
00:54:57why
00:54:58because of how they speak
00:55:00I don't care who you are
00:55:02you cannot deny that when a russian speaks
00:55:03you are not comfortable
00:55:11as soon as they open their mouths
00:55:13yeah
00:55:13go to kill you
00:55:14break you
00:55:16and destroy your family
00:55:21even if they say nice things
00:55:22it still sounds menacing and dangerous
00:55:24yeah fluffy rabbits and teddy bears
00:55:29happy valentine's day
00:55:33sounds like a threat
00:55:36you don't mess with the russians
00:55:38i don't care who you are
00:55:39where you are in the world
00:55:39you do not mess
00:55:40with the russians
00:55:42because of that accent
00:55:43all of us in the world
00:55:43are afraid of the russians
00:55:45they do that thing
00:55:46when they speak
00:55:48strikes fear into the hearts of men
00:55:50and you see it
00:55:50you see it every single day
00:55:52look at what happened at the olympics
00:55:53we found out that the russians have been doping for the last four or five olympics
00:55:57olympic committee banned them confidently as well
00:56:00while they were in zurich
00:56:04we here at the olympic committee feel that the russians may no longer participate in the olympic games
00:56:10due to their doping practices
00:56:11and they are now hereby uninvited from the games in rio
00:56:16and banned hitherto and into the future
00:56:19thank you very much
00:56:21and the russians were like
00:56:22what did you say
00:56:25well the truth is
00:56:26the olympics is for everybody
00:56:27you can come when you want
00:56:29i mean
00:56:30who am i to ban you
00:56:32this is for all of us
00:56:34ok i see you in rio
00:56:35ok
00:56:39everyone's afraid of the russians
00:56:42you see it when it comes to geopolitics
00:56:45look at what happened in the ukraine
00:56:47russia
00:56:47took a piece of another country
00:56:50annexed crimea
00:56:51no provocation
00:56:52no reason
00:56:55out of nowhere the russians were just like
00:56:57yeah
00:56:57i like
00:57:02and the whole world
00:57:03what did we do
00:57:10you don't mess with the russians
00:57:12most frightening people in the world
00:57:13you know how i know this
00:57:14you know how i've learned
00:57:16because i've learned how to use the russian accent for myself
00:57:19i've learned how to harness that energy
00:57:21and use it for good
00:57:22i'll share this with you
00:57:23i don't mind
00:57:26i uh
00:57:28i'm not particularly comfortable
00:57:30in the house
00:57:31at night
00:57:32by myself
00:57:35what i'm trying to say is i'm afraid of the dark
00:57:39and i know it's stupid
00:57:40to be afraid of the dark
00:57:42right
00:57:42because there's nothing there
00:57:43nine times out of ten
00:57:49but what happens is
00:57:50i'll be sleeping
00:57:53and in the middle of the night
00:57:54i'll be woken up
00:57:55by the need to pee
00:57:58and whenever that happens
00:58:00i'm always faced with the eternal dilemma
00:58:03when i go to the bathroom
00:58:05do i turn the lights on
00:58:07and lose my sleep
00:58:09or do i leave the lights off
00:58:12and shit myself
00:58:16i never know which one to go with
00:58:19but what i started doing now is
00:58:20i leave the lights off
00:58:23and when i go to the bathroom
00:58:25i just speak to myself
00:58:26in a russian accent
00:58:28and it sounds crazy
00:58:29but i feel safe
00:58:30i feel like i'm the most dangerous thing
00:58:32in the night
00:58:33you'll find me at 3am barefoot
00:58:35walking to the toilet
00:58:36like yes
00:58:36big boy go to make a pee pee
00:58:42no trouble over here
00:58:43it's potty time
00:58:46i feel safe
00:58:47i feel like even if there's a monster
00:58:48under the bed
00:58:48i'd be like
00:58:49is that a russian
00:58:51there's just something about that russian accent
00:58:52it made me realize
00:58:53ladies
00:58:54every single one of you in this audience
00:58:55needs to learn a russian accent
00:58:56because you read stories all the time
00:58:57i talk to my female friends all the time
00:58:59my family members
00:59:00and women
00:59:00are constantly under assault
00:59:03women are living a life
00:59:04being vulnerable
00:59:04walking through the streets
00:59:05men catcalling
00:59:07in the office place
00:59:08people groping
00:59:09feeling like they have
00:59:10they have ownership of a female form
00:59:12and i know ladies
00:59:13we can't solve this tomorrow
00:59:14but if you learned a russian accent
00:59:16half of those problems
00:59:18would disappear
00:59:20the next time you're in a compromising position
00:59:21you're at a bar
00:59:23waiting for your drink
00:59:25that creepy guy comes up
00:59:26and starts grinding on you from behind
00:59:28hey how are you
00:59:30hey you want to dance
00:59:31no no i'm fine thank you
00:59:32i'm just getting a drink
00:59:33thank you i don't want to
00:59:34come on dance with me girl
00:59:36come on
00:59:36no no i'm fine i don't want to dance
00:59:37thank you i'm waiting for my friends
00:59:39i'm good
00:59:39come on i know you want me
00:59:41woo
00:59:42you know i want you
00:59:43come on
00:59:44i know you want me
00:59:45you know i don't want to dance with you
00:59:47please
00:59:48hey you don't gotta be such a bitch
00:59:50you know whenever that happens ladies
00:59:52don't be afraid
00:59:53don't stress
00:59:54just whip out your russian
00:59:55and kill it dead
00:59:57as soon as he says that
00:59:59as soon as he's like
00:59:59don't be such a bitch
01:00:00just be like you want to see bitch
01:00:07done
01:00:09sober up and walk away
01:00:12use it for anything ladies
01:00:15anything
01:00:15at work
01:00:16in the streets
01:00:17use it at home
01:00:18doesn't have to be life or death
01:00:19could be a mild annoyance
01:00:20yeah
01:00:22next time you're in bed
01:00:23you're trying to get to sleep
01:00:24but you can't
01:00:25because there's this horny little rabbit behind you
01:00:29dry humping your back
01:00:32you know the nights i'm talking about
01:00:35everyone in this room knows the nights i'm talking about
01:00:38ladies you're dog tired
01:00:39you just want to fall asleep
01:00:40and he's there behind you
01:00:47baby
01:00:51baby
01:00:55baby
01:00:59baby
01:00:59baby
01:01:02what
01:01:05are you sleeping
01:01:09yeah i'm trying
01:01:10what do you want
01:01:12i want you baby
01:01:14i've wanted you all night
01:01:16oh i want you so bad
01:01:17you look so good right now
01:01:18and that nightgown
01:01:19and your curlers girl
01:01:20i just want you so bad right now
01:01:23oh baby
01:01:24thank you for thinking i'm beautiful
01:01:25even though i'm in my curlers
01:01:26but please can we talk about this tomorrow
01:01:29i'm so tired baby
01:01:31aren't you tired
01:01:32i'm never tired for you girl
01:01:34i want you right now
01:01:36oh baby please
01:01:37let's do this tomorrow please
01:01:38i'm so tired
01:01:39i just want to sleep
01:01:42it's fine you can sleep
01:01:45i don't mind
01:01:47no i'm not gonna
01:01:58yo for real ladies
01:01:59can i just say
01:02:00men are creeps
01:02:03on behalf of all men
01:02:04i apologize
01:02:04because we are disgusting
01:02:06creeps
01:02:06every single one of us
01:02:09no i'm not gonna sleep
01:02:10what's wrong with you
01:02:12what are you talking about
01:02:13what do you mean what's wrong with me
01:02:14i just want you
01:02:14is that so bad
01:02:15no baby i'm just tired
01:02:16yeah but you said when we left the show
01:02:17you were like oh that was fun
01:02:18we had a good time
01:02:19and then we were driving home
01:02:20and then you were like
01:02:20oh i can't wait to get you back
01:02:21yeah i know i said that
01:02:23and i did i wanted to
01:02:24but then i got in
01:02:24to bed
01:02:25i didn't even realize
01:02:26how tired i was
01:02:27baby please
01:02:28i promise you
01:02:29i'm not
01:02:29oh you do this to me all the time
01:02:30what am i supposed to do now
01:02:31huh
01:02:32what am i supposed to do
01:02:32look at me now
01:02:33do you know how hard it is
01:02:34to have blue balls
01:02:35do you know how painful this is
01:02:36huh
01:02:36what am i supposed to do now
01:02:37with this
01:02:37and you know ladies
01:02:38i love how guys talk about an erection
01:02:40like it's something we bought at the store
01:02:41and we can't return
01:02:44and i said
01:02:44what am i supposed to do with this
01:02:45huh
01:02:46what am i supposed to do with this
01:02:47i've opened it
01:02:48i can't take it back
01:02:49huh
01:02:49huh
01:02:50what am i supposed to do with this
01:02:53whenever that happens ladies
01:02:54you aren't fighting the man
01:02:55you're fighting his horniness
01:02:56it's gonna turn into a fight
01:02:57that's gonna spoil your week
01:02:58maybe your month
01:02:59don't let it happen
01:03:00just get your russian out
01:03:02and kill it dead
01:03:04as soon as he starts losing it
01:03:05you're doing this well
01:03:06you reject me
01:03:07i just want you
01:03:08and just be like
01:03:08okay okay
01:03:10show me what penis can do
01:03:11let's go
01:03:14make action lover boy
01:03:18done
01:03:22problem solved
01:03:24even the penis will be like
01:03:26you know what
01:03:26you're right
01:03:26you're right
01:03:27i told him
01:03:27i told him but he wouldn't listen to me
01:03:29i don't even know how we got to this point
01:03:31to be honest
01:03:31because you see what had happened was
01:03:32he called me
01:03:33and he was like
01:03:34come on there's a party
01:03:34and then i came out
01:03:35and i was like
01:03:35you're sleeping
01:03:35he's like
01:03:36oh no don't worry
01:03:36i'll wake up
01:03:37then i was like
01:03:37don't wake her up
01:03:37because you know me
01:03:38i don't wake you up
01:03:38i'm here like five times a night
01:03:39i've never woken you up
01:03:40i don't know why
01:03:41he woke you up
01:03:43i'm gonna be chilling
01:03:44in fact i had some stuff to do
01:03:45so you should go back to bed
01:03:46because i respect you
01:03:46in fact i had some paperwork
01:03:47that i'm gonna be handling in my office
01:03:48so if you need me
01:03:49you know where to find me
01:03:49but he shouldn't have done in first place
01:03:51i just want to apologize for that
01:03:52because i don't think you should
01:03:52have a battery in a situation
01:03:54where a man is pressuring
01:04:02john
01:04:05kill it dead ladies
01:04:08all you need is that russian accent
01:04:11the most dangerous accent in the world
01:04:14and yet
01:04:15and yet
01:04:17strangely enough
01:04:19i found the russian language
01:04:22does not make me fear at all
01:04:24strangest discovery i made
01:04:27the russian accent
01:04:29makes me fear
01:04:31the russian language
01:04:32does not
01:04:34because the language
01:04:35is something someone else speaks
01:04:37an accent
01:04:39is me interpreting
01:04:40how they're using mine
01:04:43it's a completely different thing
01:04:45i was walking through the streets
01:04:46one day
01:04:46there's a man on the phone
01:04:47a russian guy
01:04:49speaking to someone
01:04:49in english
01:04:50sounded like he was setting up a drug deal
01:04:53and then he switched into russian
01:04:55and it was the strangest thing
01:04:56that happened in my brain
01:04:56he was walking
01:04:57and he was like
01:04:58yeah vlad
01:04:58the guys go to bed
01:04:59okay at three o'clock
01:05:00yeah you go to tell me
01:05:01when you get the package
01:05:02huh
01:05:03afterwards i go to let you know
01:05:04what's happening
01:05:04no vlad
01:05:05no listen
01:05:05vlad vlad
01:05:06vlad
01:05:06that was the weirdest thing in my head
01:05:21in my head
01:05:23he instantly went
01:05:25from international criminal
01:05:26to immigrant
01:05:27instantly
01:05:28i wasn't afraid anymore
01:05:29it was the strangest thing
01:05:30he was just a normal person
01:05:31in my mind
01:05:31because russian
01:05:32doesn't frighten me
01:05:33if anything
01:05:34russian just sounds like
01:05:36a dj is scratching
01:05:38on a turntable
01:05:39that's all i hear
01:05:40when i hear russian
01:05:41it sounds like a dj
01:05:42took a turntable
01:05:42and he's scratching english
01:05:43like yeah yeah vlad
01:05:44the guys go to bed
01:05:45okay at three o'clock
01:05:46okay
01:05:46yeah you go to let me know
01:05:47when you get the package
01:05:48afterwards the guys go to call me
01:05:50okay
01:05:50yeah don't worry about that
01:05:51i'll let you know
01:05:52what's happening
01:05:52no no vlad
01:05:52no listen
01:05:53vlad vlad
01:05:54vlad vlad
01:06:06that's all i'm hearing
01:06:07new york
01:06:07you guys have been amazing
01:06:08man thank you so much
01:06:09for coming out
01:06:11i had a great time
01:06:11with all of you
01:06:15you just made one of my dreams
01:06:17come true
01:06:17i want to say thank you
01:06:18to every single one of you
01:06:19that came tonight
01:06:19thank you
01:06:22goodnight
01:07:03goodnight
01:07:20goodnight
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