- 2 days ago
The 1996 sci-fi comedy Earth Minus Zero follows an alien named Minus who comes to Earth to abduct human specimens for an intergalactic zoo. When he shrinks a suburban couple to the size of ants, their kids must fight back with the alien's own technology to save them
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00It's the movie, it's the movie, it's the movie, it's the movie.
00:00:43It's the movie, it's the movie.
00:01:15It's the movie, it's the movie.
00:01:54It's the movie.
00:01:57Well, now I can go home to my real job.
00:02:00Oh no, three more, I'm out of here.
00:02:05I'm dead meat.
00:02:13I told the jeep I wouldn't be any good at this.
00:02:16Now I may never see home again.
00:02:27I don't think I can outrun them.
00:02:32If I don't fight back, I'll be destroyed for sure.
00:02:39Wait, this is no different than a video game.
00:02:44Don't be scared.
00:02:45Come on, Minus.
00:02:47That's it.
00:02:48Closer, closer.
00:02:50Now.
00:02:51I did it.
00:02:54Wow, I'm better than I thought.
00:02:56My moves must be radical.
00:02:58Too rad for them.
00:03:00Now the jeep scientist will let me come back home and have my old job back.
00:03:05Oh, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I
00:03:09hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope.
00:03:15Come on, come on, let's hustle out there, girls.
00:03:17Come on, girls. Keep this.
00:03:19Get those hands up.
00:03:21Come on, what are you doing out there?
00:03:23Haven't you been listening to anything that I teach you?
00:03:25Come on.
00:03:27Girls, girls, hands up, hands up. Good going.
00:03:30Come on, girls. Come on, come on.
00:03:32Pick the ball up.
00:03:34Whoo, good.
00:03:35All right, all right, all right, all right, all right.
00:03:38Shower.
00:03:39Come on.
00:03:48Mrs. Heller.
00:03:49Mrs. Heller.
00:03:50Oh, Mrs. Heller.
00:03:51Oh, hi, Dr. Jefferson.
00:03:54Dr. E.
00:03:54Oh, thanks so much. Thank you.
00:03:57How are things at home?
00:03:58I only ask because, uh, Mrs. Joseph has been...
00:04:01Home? Oh, home is great. Everything's great.
00:04:03I just have this extra job, you know, to make a little extra...
00:04:05Oh, well, you know, to tie this over while we're waiting for Marshall to get another job.
00:04:10And how's the job search going?
00:04:12Oh, really, very well.
00:04:13You know, he sent out a lot of applications, and we've gotten some really good responses.
00:04:17But, you know, I gotta run.
00:04:19I'd like to talk to you a little bit about Joseph.
00:04:22I know. He's been a bit distracted, hasn't he?
00:04:24You know something? I'm not worried about him.
00:04:27He's gonna be fine.
00:04:28Oh, Dr. Jefferson, I have got to go.
00:04:30Yes, I know all that.
00:04:32Okay, thanks a lot, Dr. Jefferson. Bye-bye.
00:04:35It's just that, lately, Joseph has not been applying him.
00:04:41So...
00:04:42Ah, Joseph, Joseph, when am I going to get your science credit?
00:04:45End of the week, I promise.
00:04:46It was due. It was due.
00:04:50I made it.
00:04:51Yay, I did two. Come on.
00:04:57All right, you little flea-infested varmints.
00:05:01America's Funniest Home Video, take five.
00:05:04Don't forget, first prize, $10,000.
00:05:10Ready? Roll camera.
00:05:11Do I have to, Dad?
00:05:13Yes. Roll camera.
00:05:16You're gonna thank me when we win.
00:05:19Uh, take five.
00:05:20Uh, roll camera ready, and, uh...
00:05:23Action!
00:05:25Mission accomplished, sir.
00:05:26May I return home now?
00:05:28My niece, you schlepped!
00:05:29Turn up the volume!
00:05:30On the control panel, heading for ya!
00:05:32I'm sorry, Chief Scientist, sir.
00:05:34Well, I not only captured one, I captured four ships for your Save the Species program.
00:05:39May I come home now?
00:05:40So what you're saying is a bumbling lab assistant capturing four ships instead of one, I don't believe.
00:05:45I'm not really an assistant. I'm the only one who cleans the cages.
00:05:49I'm in charge of it. Just me. Nobody else. I do it all, and I love my job.
00:05:52Minus! I know what you do for a living!
00:05:54Sir, all the specimens are so used to me. I know them all by their first name. I've done this
00:05:59job all my life.
00:06:00Two, four, minus! Stop with the bag and transport already!
00:06:03Yes, sir.
00:06:04I have to go on, and with the hand movements...
00:06:06Transporting species samples annoying Project Lab 6.
00:06:09And minus! As a gift for being so successful on your first assignment,
00:06:14here are some of those Ashuganer video game crystals you kids are so crazy for.
00:06:19Oh, my God! Could it be?
00:06:22Oh, boy. A video game simulation crystal of Vulcan Warrior Edition.
00:06:26How did you get this?
00:06:28I can't wait to get home and play it.
00:06:30My pleasure!
00:06:31Oh, thank you so much, Chief Scientist, sir. I really appreciate it.
00:06:35Don't mention it.
00:06:36Absorption complete!
00:06:37Oh, boy. It's the ultimate, ultimate Vulcan Warrior Galactic Battle Game crystal.
00:06:42Please, can I go home now, sir?
00:06:44Hold your voices, Minus.
00:06:46To tell you the truth, some of the boys and I were making bets that you would fail this mission
00:06:51miserably and be out of our hair for good.
00:06:54But who knew you'd be so successful that you'd make fools of all of us?
00:06:58No, no, no. You're not fools. I'm the fool.
00:07:00Since you're such a big shot completing missions, I've got another assignment for you right here.
00:07:05But, sir, my department must be falling apart without me. I've got to get back home.
00:07:10Why? Am I talking to myself here?
00:07:12Please, sir. Let me go back to my job.
00:07:15Minus, your job is kaput if you don't complete this mission. You understand?
00:07:20Yes, sir. Understood.
00:07:21Okay, Minus. First things first. We're gonna need a specific breeding pair.
00:07:27Specific.
00:07:28After deliberation, we've come to the conclusion that this is the people we want.
00:07:32First, Marshall Heller. A genius. But the people, they don't even give him a second look.
00:07:38His wife is Deborah. She's smart, she's pretty, and aye, with a mouth on her.
00:07:44And the both of them, they're in tip-top shape.
00:07:47And neither of them smokes or drinks or gambles, and aye, such beautiful children, such good kids.
00:07:55Minus, you know this is a big, big deal. Can you comprehend what I'm saying to you?
00:08:00Yes, Chief Scientist. I understand my mission, but I know nothing of this planet or its people.
00:08:05Hold on. Here are some information crystals we recorded from the Earth's late-night TV transmissions. Study them well.
00:08:13Oh, great. I've heard about the late-night TV. This might not be so bad after all.
00:08:18Between these transmissions and my new Balkan video game crystal, I could have plenty to keep me occupied on the
00:08:23way to Earth.
00:08:23Minus! Forget about the verkocked the video games already, and concentrate on studying the info crystals.
00:08:30But I could do some studying, then some playing, then maybe a little more studying, then some playing, and then
00:08:34some study-
00:08:35The children are Minus! Study the crystals!
00:08:37Oh, okay. Everything's under control. I'll do it. No problem. You can count on me, sir.
00:08:42Shall we try this again? America's Funniest Home Videos, take 23.
00:08:49Roll camera. Ready. Action. Cindy, shoot Dad.
00:08:57No! Cindy, do what Dad says.
00:09:00No! No! No! No!
00:09:02Come on. Shoot Daddy! Monty! Monty!
00:09:04Oh, Monty. No. No.
00:09:06Monty, no! My allergy! Monty! Monty!
00:09:11Monty! Monty!
00:09:13Monty!
00:09:13Hey, it's not my dog. It's Cindy's.
00:09:15Joey, here's your dog. Get him out of here. My allergy!
00:09:19Monty! Monty!
00:09:21Monty!
00:09:22Monty!
00:09:23Monty!
00:09:23Monty!
00:09:25Monty! Monty!
00:09:25Monty!
00:09:26Monty!
00:09:27Monty!
00:09:28Monty!
00:09:34Monty!
00:09:35Monty!
00:09:37Monty!
00:09:37Monty!
00:09:38Hi, honey.
00:09:39Hi, honey.
00:09:40Hi, Mommy. Daddy.
00:09:41Monty!
00:09:41And, Monty should be on TV.
00:09:43Oh, this is just great, Marshall.
00:09:46I work two jobs and I come home to this.
00:09:50oh no i hate going through wormholes well here goes nothing i owe silver
00:09:57right cowboy and what does that super guy say on that other tv program oh yeah up up and away
00:10:09just like the stagecoach case seen in whole wagons west boy i sure am becoming quite a fan
00:10:15of those late night earth transmissions okay let's see where are we ah houston this is minus
00:10:21we have a problem repeat we have a problem
00:10:35can i play nintendo no
00:10:40can i play nintendo no can i play nintendo
00:10:50no joey what can i play nintendo no booger breath
00:11:01here play with this you know what i think i'll tell dad
00:11:06go ahead
00:11:10get out of my room
00:11:33daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy
00:11:42sorry precious what is it honey joy won't let me play nintendo
00:11:47well you don't want to play those old video games anyway
00:11:50yes i do now what's the rules remember the rules no video games until we start school
00:11:57i want to play nintendo i tell you what why don't you why don't you take mr blue yeah take
00:12:03mr blue
00:12:04upstairs give him a bath and when daddy finishes here i'm going to take you for a happy meal
00:12:09yeah right yeah right go ahead now go on
00:12:34action genre this transmission looks interesting
00:12:42delivers lots of action and hot babes
00:12:47sure to start your fire
00:12:53these earth people must be starved for action if this transmission represents the
00:12:59kind of violence indicative to this society i'm going to need my resizatron right
00:13:03by my side at all times
00:13:06never leave home without it
00:13:09it's showtime
00:13:15seven down and six to go ladies and gentlemen hold on to your hats as you're about to witness
00:13:21history in the making elixir zone rapid roya thompson is about to successfully deliver
00:13:2613 pizzas in 30 minutes previous record of 11 held by crash nygaard is about to fall
00:13:39uh-oh what the hell
00:13:54a perfect disguise dv food transport boy
00:14:03well it's not civic on but it'll do pizza pizza
00:14:18marshal did you hear back from any of those jobs you sent your resume to
00:14:22no
00:14:24well what are we going to do
00:14:28well i'll think of something
00:14:30thinking doesn't pay the bills
00:14:34joey
00:14:36joey i need to talk to you
00:14:37joey
00:14:41what is it with the men in this family
00:14:44men
00:14:50pimp scooper here to see you
00:14:58send her in edna
00:15:05hello larry
00:15:07penny
00:15:09you owe me larry
00:15:10just not sold on the idea penny
00:15:13dr jefferson's research is very
00:15:16hush hush
00:15:17getting the story could be dangerous and it would be safer if it were covered by um
00:15:21a man
00:15:22listen larry this is my story
00:15:24i research his god
00:15:25i know everything about him
00:15:26who he works with
00:15:27who he talks to
00:15:28everything about their families and where they live
00:15:30besides that larry
00:15:32you know i can get more out of this poindexter than those hacks
00:15:35dobson thompson ever in a million years
00:15:37yeah but dobson thompson are more seniority than you
00:15:39oh than i do
00:15:40oh no larry come on
00:15:42besides
00:15:44who runs this rag huh
00:15:46you are those gin-soaked poker-playing pals of you
00:15:51i do
00:15:52i uh i think
00:15:53good
00:15:54then
00:15:55can i have the story larry
00:15:57can i
00:15:58huh
00:15:59oh yeah
00:16:00yes
00:16:04thanks
00:16:04besides
00:16:05those runners couldn't focus long enough to write a menu
00:16:08you're the best
00:16:09uh just one condition there penny
00:16:11sure enough
00:16:12anything
00:16:16edna
00:16:16yeah
00:16:17send that uh idiot cousin of mine in here on the double
00:16:22sorry it took so long
00:16:23i was uh on assignment
00:16:25heller
00:16:28penny
00:16:29no
00:16:30no larry
00:16:32no larry
00:16:33no larry
00:16:36excuse me
00:16:38sesame
00:16:42the suburbs
00:16:43this must be it
00:16:44now the sooner i get done with this mission the sooner i can go back home to my real job
00:16:49at the lab
00:16:51according to the numbers on these dwellings this is the heller family residence
00:16:57i can't just leave my ship sitting here i'll hide it in this large tree
00:17:06hey son come here i'll show you something
00:17:08joey joey come here
00:17:10hurry up
00:17:10huh
00:17:11come here
00:17:12oh sorry dad
00:17:14come on come on i want to show you something
00:17:17look at this look at this you see this exhaust intake valve
00:17:19yeah
00:17:19it's one of the smallest units in this engine but because the material that it was constructed of
00:17:24it couldn't withstand the elements of the heat and cold caused the whole system to shut down
00:17:28all of it
00:17:28you know what i'm getting at here
00:17:30yeah even if the smallest part of the engine's malfunctioning the whole engine's worthless
00:17:35sort of
00:17:36it's just that sometimes it's necessary to separate yourself from a specific problem
00:17:40take a look at it above and below
00:17:42and lay back and picture and overall view and to solve that problem you need to proceed in a logical
00:17:47sequence
00:17:48step by step ultimately ultimately arriving at the proper solution that's good good good stuff on
00:17:54yeah it's cool
00:17:55hey can i ask you something dad
00:17:57go ahead
00:17:58isn't that the zero emissions idea that suthrop scrapped and got you laid off
00:18:01that is it
00:18:02why are you working on something that doesn't work
00:18:04well son it's always worked
00:18:09then why'd you get fired
00:18:18it saves money
00:18:19i don't understand
00:18:26well you will someday
00:18:30well i'll be up in my room
00:18:32okay
00:18:35get out of here
00:18:44oops my disguise
00:18:45pizza guy
00:18:57oh i i did we order pizza
00:19:00yes ma'am
00:19:01well come in i'll i'll get some cash
00:19:10what was that where what is this oh
00:19:20pizza girl
00:19:29hi
00:19:30well
00:19:31yes
00:19:32how much
00:19:33pizza
00:19:43is
00:19:44boy that was easy
00:19:46good
00:19:46marshal heller and white successfully decide
00:19:49now i'll just grab them get back to my ship and i'll be back home in no time
00:19:53now come to minus you little specimen you come to minus
00:19:57uh-oh
00:19:57where are you
00:20:00nintendo
00:20:03nintendo
00:20:05nintendo
00:20:06nintendo
00:20:07oh no he's going for my recited drive
00:20:12cindy
00:20:13cindy
00:20:14give mommy the nintendo
00:20:15no
00:20:16come on sweetheart give mommy the nintendo
00:20:20no
00:20:24cindy
00:20:25do what mommy says
00:20:27no
00:20:28come on cindy give mommy the nintendo
00:20:31no
00:20:32oh come on cindy give mommy the nintendo
00:20:36no
00:20:36do as mommy says
00:20:38no
00:20:42oh no that wasn't part of the plan
00:20:45i won
00:20:47i won nintendo i won
00:20:49please don't hurt my family
00:20:51oh i would never harm anyone
00:20:53who are you
00:20:54oh
00:20:55nobody special
00:20:56just minus
00:20:57just minus
00:20:58yeah
00:20:59just minus
00:21:00nothing else just minus
00:21:02you mean like
00:21:03share
00:21:04madonna
00:21:05sting
00:21:06where are you from
00:21:08i'm proud to say
00:21:09i'm annoying
00:21:10i know you're annoying
00:21:12but where are you from
00:21:14from the planet noia
00:21:16near the 14th quadrant and 55th vertical
00:21:18you know just down from the andromedaic aptatorium
00:21:22huh
00:21:22what
00:21:23never mind that
00:21:24we have to get my resizatron back from your daughter before she causes any more damage
00:21:28ow you're hurting me
00:21:29joey's not gonna believe this and he's just not gonna believe this
00:21:34joey i won
00:21:36cindy you better not be playing with my
00:21:40what the
00:21:41my nintendo i win
00:21:45cindy what are you talking about
00:21:47i won nintendo
00:21:49let me see the nintendo cindy
00:21:51no
00:21:53um
00:21:54i'll give it right back okay
00:21:57only share your nintendo
00:21:59promise
00:22:04i promise
00:22:05okay let me see that
00:22:07cool
00:22:16monty
00:22:22no
00:22:23no
00:22:24no
00:22:25no
00:22:26no monty
00:22:26no
00:22:27no
00:22:29no
00:22:30no
00:22:30no monty
00:22:36no
00:22:39no
00:22:40no
00:22:40no
00:22:41no
00:22:41no
00:22:41no
00:22:43no
00:22:44no
00:22:44no no
00:22:44I can't breathe in here!
00:23:05Monty, you're in big trouble!
00:23:21You gotta hide! You gotta hide!
00:23:28Joey, can I play with this?
00:23:32Yeah, but the car's downstairs.
00:23:35I don't care!
00:23:36I don't care!
00:23:44Okay.
00:24:06Woo!
00:24:11Hey, hey!
00:24:12Hey, hey!
00:24:29Junior!
00:24:30What?
00:24:30I'm warning you.
00:24:31If you screw this up like you did the last time, I'll kill you.
00:24:34Don't worry. This time I remembered to put film in the camera.
00:24:37You sure this is his lab?
00:24:40All right, take it easy. Take it easy.
00:24:42You know, if these nanooks are that tiny,
00:24:45how am I supposed to get a picture here?
00:24:47It's nanooks. Nanook was an illusion Indian.
00:24:50Oh, so this Indian nanook built robots?
00:24:53One molecule at a time?
00:24:55It's quite a craft.
00:24:56No, no, no. Mobius does.
00:24:58Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:25:00Who's Mobius?
00:25:02Mobius Jefferson, the scientist who's doing secret research
00:25:06on nanorobots, building them one molecule at a time.
00:25:10We're going to do an expose on him, win an award.
00:25:13Remember? Jacuzzi for you, Porsche for me.
00:25:18So it's Mobius.
00:25:20What happened to Nanook?
00:25:23Ah, nobody cares about the American Indian anymore.
00:25:26Dad!
00:25:28What?
00:25:29It's covered.
00:25:31Oh, now what?
00:25:33I don't know. I'm thinking.
00:25:38Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
00:25:42Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
00:25:45Cindy, where did you get this, uh, thing?
00:25:50Found the pizza guy.
00:25:52Pizza guys don't go around.
00:25:54Keezy and I won and Mama shrank.
00:25:57Cindy.
00:25:58I'll show you.
00:26:14See? Mama shrank right here.
00:26:18Whoa!
00:26:19I-I told you, grown-ups don't...
00:26:22I saw, she was mommy-sized.
00:26:25Then she got, like, smaller.
00:26:29And smaller.
00:26:31And smaller.
00:26:32And smaller.
00:26:33Okay, where is?
00:26:36Not up there, down here.
00:26:38Where is she now?
00:26:40Somewhere else.
00:26:46Joey!
00:26:48Joey!
00:26:48Look!
00:26:50Mommy!
00:26:53Cindy, it's just a bug.
00:26:54Nuh-uh. Mommy, Nintendo.
00:26:59Woohoo!
00:27:01Joey!
00:27:02Joey!
00:27:03Woohoo!
00:27:07Joey, we're here!
00:27:09Get out!
00:27:09Joey!
00:27:12I told you.
00:27:14You-you wouldn't happen to know where Dad is, would you?
00:27:18Nintendo!
00:27:21Come on, Cindy.
00:27:22Where?
00:27:23We're gonna go to the high school.
00:27:24We're gonna go talk to Dr. James.
00:27:26Mommy and Daddy?
00:27:28Yeah, we're gonna need some help.
00:27:31So, after the second grade,
00:27:33I joined the circus with my Uncle Vito.
00:27:36You see, my body was really, really tiny.
00:27:39But my head?
00:27:40My head was huge.
00:27:42I mean, it was enormous.
00:27:43It was, well, to tell you the truth,
00:27:45I looked like a giant lollipop.
00:27:47I mean, I would fall down all the...
00:27:49What?
00:27:49Someone's there.
00:27:50Who is it?
00:27:51How do I know?
00:27:52It's Elvis.
00:27:53Oh, yeah?
00:27:54Hey, you think ghosts can make noise?
00:27:56Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:28:37nobody's home he's here he's always here he's gonna be here
00:28:47it is a late night visitor that's tapping at my chamber door
00:28:52it is only this nothing more nobody's home nobody's home let's go wait
00:29:06good heavens it's not even quite late afternoon yet well then it can't be a raven
00:29:15yes hello professor this joseph joseph joseph so is this your sign project no sir this is my sister
00:29:26cynthia c i see well come in come in uh dr holmes jefferson at your service now to whom do
00:29:36i owe the
00:29:37pleasure of this visit it's about my mom and dad ah yes your parents how are they top-notch people
00:29:43you know well mommy and daddy got nintendo'd i beg your pardon uh well sir it's kind of weird i
00:29:53think
00:29:53it might have something to do with this i see where did you get this it's my nintendo cindy found
00:30:01it
00:30:02she thinks it's some kind of nintendo game it is i won it it made mommy small uh-huh
00:30:16hmm
00:30:23curious there appears to be some kind of a
00:30:26fingerprint on the surface of this object and yet most assuredly it's not human what there's no
00:30:35apparent reaction i can't quite figure out what this alloy is
00:30:41back off juna i want to hear two wait i can't wait i need you i've never quite seen anything
00:30:47like it
00:30:49what do you hypothetically you see um given the crude preliminary tests that i've done
00:30:56from all appearances this would be pure silicon and yet there's nothing of this construction in existence
00:31:03but not on this planet
00:31:08what do you mean
00:31:12hi 19. no you idiot nano and aliens and one day my esteemed colleague were about to be made
00:31:21i love you there i said it oh i'm so relieved disgusting no no no no i didn't mean it
00:31:30well
00:31:33children should we take a nice excursion to your home yeah i want to go home hey that's cool what's
00:31:38that stuff you just put in your pocket um sometimes my young friend curiosity and danger go hand in hand
00:31:45uh let's just say for now that um it would be most unfortunate if what i have in my pocket
00:31:51should
00:31:52end up in someone else's pocket yeah i gotcha come along come along
00:32:08junior can you get it up yes i can oh come on oh sure
00:32:19are you gonna break in i'm not breaking in it's already open now give me a boost give me a
00:32:23boost come
00:32:25push push push push push this must work by motion
00:32:58you've won nintendo you won
00:33:03so you're annoying yes ma'am i sure am and what do you want with us my mission is to
00:33:09transport you to
00:33:10the species study sanctuary back home on the planet noia why to ensure the survival of a violent life
00:33:16form for a future study what if we don't want to go you cannot refuse this is for the greater
00:33:21good of
00:33:21the universe besides it's much nicer there than here howdy partner yeah oh hairy legged disgusting
00:33:33i couldn't kill that even if i had a fly swatter a what a fly swatter isn't that a barbaric
00:33:39instrument
00:33:40of death that squashes a life out of innocent flying victims whose only crime was being born
00:33:44it is a hairy disgusting disease ridden insect it breeds millions of times but don't you realize that
00:33:53all life is precious deborah heller maybe some is just more precious than others hey sister you've got
00:34:00a lot to learn about the balance of the universe jw jw we're in the money here i want you
00:34:05to get a picture of
00:34:06everything okay the goggles all the equipment the candles the tubes the jars the microscope just get
00:34:13it all okay don't mess up i have to wash my hands i feel so dirty
00:34:22hello
00:34:28cutbacks everywhere okay baby here we go now work with me got your big green there you go you're a
00:34:37beauty get the goggles gotcha gotcha blue blue's good glove blue get the gloves i got the gloves baby
00:34:44all right flicker can you flicker for me there you go bobbing and weeping let me try that
00:35:16well well well you're good with nintendo
00:35:20thanks i'm worried about mom and dad uh yes you're quite right come let's go let's go
00:35:34and after third grade i was sent to live with a family of migrant form workers
00:35:39well that was really terrific
00:35:42you just stop it geez go safe okay you've got to get pictures of this all right okay
00:35:54what is that smell i don't know all right i'm just gonna try to figure out how to get in
00:36:04oh no
00:36:07believe someone's trying to break into my safe
00:36:10we better call the police there's no time for that now son i knew this day would come i always
00:36:16knew
00:36:16this day would come
00:36:20booby trapped oh no let's get out of here
00:36:22hey hey hey i'll go first
00:36:29oh
00:36:30oh
00:36:43Just great! Come on, we've got work to do!
00:36:46What?
00:36:47We're going to the Heller house. Come on!
00:36:49I hate my life!
00:36:50First, I can get cleaned up.
00:36:53Just let us go, take your equipment, and go back to annoy ya.
00:36:58Annoy ya! Hello!
00:37:00Whatever.
00:37:01The video transmissions from your planet, although entertaining and lots of fun,
00:37:04point to the eventual destruction of your entire race.
00:37:06Haven't you ever seen the Dukes of Hazard?
00:37:08Don't you ever watch late-night video programs?
00:37:11Video? You mean television?
00:37:14Of course!
00:37:15The visual chronological representation of your society and its heroes.
00:37:19You know, Dirty Harry, Rambo, Superman, the Lone Ranger, Lassie, G.I. Joe, 007, Rhonda Shear.
00:37:27But that's not reality!
00:37:28But, Spock, what is reality?
00:37:31This is an unpredictable planet.
00:37:33Just about anything could happen here.
00:37:35So, you want to take us to this sanctuary?
00:37:38You know it, sister.
00:37:40And we will be traveling to a better place.
00:37:43A better place is where you go when you die.
00:37:46We prefer to stay here.
00:37:48Unacceptable!
00:37:48Now we need to enter your television, which will act as my silicon power base,
00:37:52so I can complete my mission.
00:37:534709 Walnut.
00:37:56Why 4709?
00:37:59Because, you moron.
00:38:00That's where those two little lawn apes that were yakking with the professor live.
00:38:04You know, you probably maybe saved my life back there.
00:38:08Does my closeness make you feel uncomfortable?
00:38:12Yes!
00:38:13And all I did was get out of a room that was telling me it was going to explode,
00:38:16and you jumped in front of me to save your own butt!
00:38:18Now you've saved my life.
00:38:20And in some parts of the world, that would mean that I'd be obligated to you for life.
00:38:27Your only obligation is to make sure there's film in that camera,
00:38:30take some pictures, and leave me alone!
00:38:34Okay, but I was just wondering,
00:38:36do you think that a gentle, hard-working, simple-life kind of guy,
00:38:42like myself,
00:38:44could ever, like, stand a chance with a beautiful, sharp, voluptuous...
00:38:51Yes.
00:38:53Yes.
00:38:55You were the only man on Earth.
00:39:01Gee, your hair smells terrific.
00:39:05Okay, I understand.
00:39:07What was that number again?
00:39:09All right, Cindy, dear.
00:39:10You tell me once again exactly where you think you Nintendo'd your mommy.
00:39:14Right here.
00:39:16Right here?
00:39:18Hmm.
00:39:19Hey, wait.
00:39:20Yes?
00:39:21Dad's work table is missing.
00:39:25It was right over there.
00:39:27Hmm.
00:39:29Perhaps whoever this belongs to
00:39:32possibly not only shrunk the work table,
00:39:35but your father along with it.
00:39:36Come, let's have a look.
00:39:38Yeah.
00:39:47It was right here.
00:39:56It was right here.
00:40:07Hello.
00:40:09Did you hear something?
00:40:10No.
00:40:15Help!
00:40:17Over here!
00:40:18Here!
00:40:19Hey, Dad.
00:40:20Hey, Professor, look.
00:40:21Over here!
00:40:26Good heavens.
00:40:27Here, Joseph, hold this.
00:40:28I must have a closer look.
00:40:32Over here!
00:40:34Mr. Heller, Mr....
00:40:35Get that down!
00:40:36No, no, no, no.
00:40:37Hey, look out!
00:40:38Look out!
00:40:39Hey!
00:40:40No, no, no.
00:40:40No, it's okay.
00:40:41We're from the government.
00:40:42We're just doing some tests on the neighborhood.
00:40:43I know he looks a little odd.
00:40:46Oh!
00:40:48So he's just my house down.
00:40:49Oh!
00:40:52You idiot!
00:40:52What did you do with him?
00:40:54I don't know my own strength.
00:40:55He was here a second ago.
00:40:56I don't know where he went.
00:40:57Sandy, come on, run!
00:40:58Run!
00:40:59Run!
00:41:05Professor, what are you doing here?
00:41:07You may have noticed we have a very serious problem here.
00:41:10My family's in big trouble.
00:41:11I'm not quite sure how to get them to safety.
00:41:13Yes, I agree.
00:41:15We've got quite a problem.
00:41:17However, young Joseph is a very resourceful young man,
00:41:21and moreover, he does have control of the size-altering device.
00:41:25We have to do something.
00:41:26Well, perhaps we should conceal ourselves.
00:41:30After all, they made me back with no idea what their intentions are.
00:41:33I have an idea.
00:41:34Why don't we go to my workbench?
00:41:36All right.
00:41:37You hear any theories on this shrinking process?
00:41:40Yes, as a matter of fact, quite a few.
00:41:46All right, on my count.
00:41:47On three!
00:41:48Hey, come on.
00:41:48Three!
00:41:49One!
00:41:50Three!
00:41:51Stay back!
00:41:52Stay back, Pete, stay back.
00:41:53Easy now.
00:41:54Easy, easy.
00:41:55Young man, we are official government agents,
00:41:58and I suggest that you turn that thing over to us right now.
00:42:01Yeah, right.
00:42:02Yeah, right.
00:42:03No one will get hurt.
00:42:04Hey, what's that behind you?
00:42:07You are so lame.
00:42:08I am not.
00:42:09R2?
00:42:10Hey, I'm working here.
00:42:11Do you mind?
00:42:12Look over there.
00:42:14What?
00:42:30Go, J.W.
00:42:32Go, Joey!
00:42:38Go, J.W.
00:42:40Go, Joey!
00:42:44Go, Joey!
00:42:44Ow, ow, ow, ow.
00:42:45Oh, man.
00:42:46Go, J.W.
00:42:49Hey.
00:42:54Go, Joey!
00:43:02Joey, watch!
00:43:03Shut up, kid.
00:43:06Okay, you little hoodlum.
00:43:08No more Mr. Nice Girl.
00:43:10You want your little sister back?
00:43:12Give me that pick.
00:43:12Don't hurt my sister.
00:43:14Oh, I want her to hurt her.
00:43:15Hand it over!
00:43:16No, you give me and my sister first.
00:43:18No, you first.
00:43:20You first.
00:43:20You first.
00:43:21You first.
00:43:21You first.
00:43:22Shake tart.
00:43:23Okay, on the count of three.
00:43:27One, two, three!
00:43:37So, you're a design engineer, eh?
00:43:41That's right, automotive.
00:43:43And you are nanotechnology, correct?
00:43:46Correct.
00:43:47Molecular robotics.
00:43:49Hold on.
00:43:53Wait a minute.
00:43:54I need to get something out of the pocket of my lab coat.
00:43:57Yes.
00:43:58Oh, my.
00:43:59Joey, you're strong.
00:44:01Nah, it's like Dad said.
00:44:02I just took their size advantage and made it my advantage.
00:44:05Huh?
00:44:08Well, yeah, I guess I'm strong.
00:44:11Um, anyway, son, thanks for your help.
00:44:15You did good.
00:44:16Joey, I'm tired.
00:44:17Can I sleep in your bed?
00:44:19Well, I guess so.
00:44:29Joey, I want Mommy.
00:44:32I'm going to go look for Mommy right now.
00:44:34Okay?
00:44:44You know what I can't quite understand is why you were let go of the engine.
00:44:48Professor, it's simple.
00:44:50I gave eight years of painstaking trial and error to perfect it, for which I was promptly fired.
00:44:55Everything was fine as long as it was sucking up grants and tax loopholes for the corporation.
00:44:59I mean, God forbid, if it should really work, who would want an engine that burns 400 miles to the
00:45:04gallon and never breaks down?
00:45:05Of course.
00:45:07You're convinced it'll work.
00:45:08Oh, I am absolutely positive I have done extensive testing and I have not stopped my research since they fired
00:45:13me.
00:45:13I'm just looking for a system of production, that's all.
00:45:16All right, son.
00:45:17Listen, we're here.
00:45:18Let me give you a boost and, God forbid, don't look down.
00:45:21Oh, my.
00:45:21All right.
00:45:22Are you ready?
00:45:23One, two, three.
00:45:25And upsy-daisy.
00:45:27Watch your step.
00:45:29Mmm.
00:45:29What an aroma.
00:45:31Mmm.
00:45:32What a smell.
00:45:34Ah.
00:45:36Impure, but they will do.
00:45:38What?
00:45:39Silicon chips.
00:45:40I love the smell of them in the morning.
00:45:41They remind me of home.
00:45:43Really?
00:45:43And I bet you miss it, too.
00:45:45I do.
00:45:46So, I tell you what.
00:45:48Let's find my son.
00:45:49What?
00:45:49He'll fix us, and then I'll go back to my two jobs, and you can go back to your planet,
00:45:54where I am sure they miss you a whole lot.
00:45:58Oh, you don't understand.
00:45:59I can't do that.
00:46:00Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:46:00Why?
00:46:01Because the chief scientist will be extremely upset, and I'll lose my job at the lab.
00:46:11Careful.
00:46:31I see the vial.
00:46:33It's right here.
00:46:36Easy, easy.
00:46:37Okay.
00:46:44Watch out.
00:46:46Here it comes.
00:46:51How about a bunch of virtual reality wasps from Revenge of the Wasp Queen to help me get my resizatron
00:46:57back.
00:47:05Get the weapon.
00:47:09Come on.
00:47:12He's good.
00:47:17There you go.
00:47:18Real good.
00:47:21Too good.
00:47:30Ah.
00:47:31Ah, I can't keep this up.
00:47:40Your son is a worthy opponent.
00:47:42More powerful than a Jedi Knight.
00:47:44And I think I'm stuck.
00:47:47Ooh.
00:47:51Good job.
00:47:52I'll show you.
00:47:52Well, there it all is.
00:47:54Molecular robotics with artificial intelligence.
00:47:58No one's ever seen this stuff before but me.
00:48:00No.
00:48:00Yes.
00:48:01Yeah.
00:48:02Let's take a look at some of your fat.
00:48:05All right.
00:48:06Let's get it over here with that.
00:48:07Yes.
00:48:10Good.
00:48:11Good.
00:48:12Well, everything seems to be intact.
00:48:15There's no particular damage that I can detect.
00:48:19Come, have a look.
00:48:20Yes.
00:48:23Oh, my.
00:48:24That's very impressive.
00:48:25Very shiny.
00:48:26Very mobile.
00:48:26How fast can they move?
00:48:28Well, as fast as your eye can see if that's what you program them for.
00:48:32However, these are programmed to eat plutonium.
00:48:35You see, I wanted to attack all the toxic waste dumps in the world hoping to clean up the entire
00:48:40mess.
00:48:41Well, can they be programmed to eat anything?
00:48:43Yes.
00:48:44You simply incubate another batch of it in the substance that you want them to eat.
00:48:49Now, these can consume their entire weight a million times over, every nanosecond, and reproduce a nano just like themselves.
00:48:59Of course, you've got to build in a stop sequence.
00:49:01Otherwise, they're likely to eat up all of that particular substance in the entire world.
00:49:07Anyway, there you have it.
00:49:09The crowning achievement of my entire life.
00:49:12What a boon for mankind.
00:49:13I mean, they are absolutely beautiful.
00:49:16Well, not exactly.
00:49:17You see, form follows function.
00:49:20And without function, there can be no beauty.
00:49:22So what's the problem?
00:49:24I believe it has to do with resistance.
00:49:27You see, I need an element that will allow a very tiny current to go along its own path without
00:49:34impeding the path of electrons orbiting the molecules.
00:49:40Can the impulse be amplified?
00:49:44I don't know.
00:49:47Oh, it's feasible?
00:49:48Yes, I think it's possible.
00:49:49Well, yeah, it's possible.
00:49:51Well, if it can be amplified, it can be stroked.
00:49:53Using the modulator from my engine, you could sync it to any impulse you choose.
00:49:58This will allow the electron to arrive at an open electronic gate, which will close after you pass through it.
00:50:04By golly, I do believe you've given new life to my near-once-dead creation.
00:50:10Well, that's not the real question.
00:50:12What is that damn alien made of?
00:50:15Silicone, I believe.
00:50:17At least that's what I detected from the fingerprint I took off the size-altering device.
00:50:22You know what I'm afraid of is that device is capable of doing much, much more.
00:50:29And we're going to have to program it to eat silicone as fast as possible.
00:50:33Exactly.
00:50:34I hope that we're not too late in doing it.
00:50:36Get to work then.
00:50:37Absolutely.
00:50:38Come.
00:50:39Go ahead.
00:50:40Here.
00:50:41This.
00:50:42I've got this.
00:50:48Joey!
00:50:49Joey!
00:50:50Joey!
00:50:51It's here!
00:50:52Deborah, your efforts are futiles.
00:50:53Don't waste your breath.
00:50:55Joey!
00:50:55It's here!
00:50:56He can't hear you.
00:51:00Pain reverting to pupae state.
00:51:03You're not so tough now, are you, buddy?
00:51:06Must revert that?
00:51:15What was that?
00:51:17That was a right cross.
00:51:19Not quite as effective as an uppercut.
00:51:21Much more powerful than the jam!
00:51:26What is the meaning of this primitive outburst?
00:51:28What?
00:51:29Anger?
00:51:29You put a label on it and that makes it okay?
00:51:32You mean you never get angry on your planet?
00:51:34Our planet is civilized, unlike yours.
00:51:37Oh, that tears it.
00:51:38Put up your dukes.
00:51:40Dukes?
00:51:40You mean the dukes of Hazard?
00:51:43Yikes!
00:51:44This is totally unacceptable.
00:51:45Unacceptable?
00:51:46I got your unacceptable right here, buddy.
00:51:49Get with the program.
00:51:50But all forms of physical violence and oppression were eradicated from my planet eons ago,
00:51:54Miss Golden Gloves.
00:51:56So, are you telling me that on your planet there is no such thing as fighting?
00:52:02Right on, my sister.
00:52:03Nobody's thrown a bunch on my planet for years.
00:52:09Welcome to suburbia.
00:52:10wouldn't you tell me that I'm only interested in jerks?
00:52:21It's not huge, right?
00:52:22Come on.
00:52:22Come on!
00:52:22Come on.
00:52:26Come on!
00:52:30Come on!
00:52:31Come on!
00:52:34Come on!
00:52:35Come on!
00:52:37Come on!
00:52:41How can I get mom away from that alien?
00:52:44What does dad always say?
00:52:47Logic, logic, logic, logic.
00:52:50Separate yourself from the problem and examine it from all sides.
00:52:55Above.
00:52:58Beneath.
00:53:06Beneath.
00:53:09What are you doing?
00:53:12What? What?
00:53:14Oh. Oh. Oh.
00:53:16Hey, that kid. That kid was very lucky. That's what I can tell you.
00:53:21What are we doing in this tree?
00:53:22I just told you, that kid was very lucky.
00:53:24Just give me another chance. I'll murder you. I'll pulverize him.
00:53:27I may even have to hurt that kid.
00:53:28Shut up!
00:53:29Hey, you know, sometimes you can be a little bit rude.
00:53:32Did you hear that?
00:53:33Listen.
00:53:34What?
00:53:35That.
00:53:37Hey. A hum.
00:53:39Duh.
00:53:40Sounds like it's coming from this tree.
00:53:43Tree!
00:53:46Come on, Junior. Go investigate.
00:53:48I'm okay. I'm not scared.
00:53:49Chicken.
00:53:50I'm not chicken.
00:53:53This is a good branch. You can see a lot from here.
00:53:56Come on, come on. Move it.
00:53:58All right.
00:53:59Pushy, you're like my mother.
00:54:01I hate her.
00:54:07Whoa!
00:54:08Let's go, boy.
00:54:09That's bad. This is bad.
00:54:10No, go.
00:54:11All right, I got it.
00:54:12I got it.
00:54:13Right from there. I can hear it. I can hear it.
00:54:15You know, I'm stocky yet agile.
00:54:20Oh, this is going to be good.
00:54:22Wow.
00:54:22Look at this.
00:54:26Whoa.
00:54:31Ben, you ain't going to believe this.
00:54:36J.W., this is it.
00:54:39We've made it.
00:54:41We're going to be rich.
00:54:43We're going to be famous.
00:54:46I'm beginning to like you.
00:54:51Cool.
00:54:54Junior!
00:54:55I didn't do it.
00:54:58Huh?
00:54:59Yeah.
00:54:59Yeah.
00:55:01Okay.
00:55:02Good.
00:55:03A little left.
00:55:05A little left.
00:55:24A little left.
00:55:48I'll just shrink myself twice.
00:56:03Okay, let me tell you what's going to happen.
00:56:05We are going to find my son.
00:56:07He's going to make us normal size.
00:56:09And you are going to behave yourself,
00:56:11or I'm going to send you to a better place.
00:56:13Your reaction is ignorant, irrational, and uncivilized.
00:56:17Oh, and abducting us to another planet is not.
00:56:20What about your zoos?
00:56:22What about your aquariums?
00:56:23And what about your animal preserves?
00:56:25What about them?
00:56:27They ensure the continuation of certain species.
00:56:30Yes.
00:56:31That's precisely my point, my dear.
00:56:33We are not talking about people here.
00:56:37Oh, but I am, sweetie.
00:56:39Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
00:56:42Huh?
00:56:44Hey, just a little tweak.
00:56:46Adjust the resistor.
00:56:49That's it.
00:56:53By Jove, Marshall, I do believe you've got something there.
00:56:56Well, this has to work, Professor.
00:56:58Yes, indeed.
00:56:59Look, look, look, look.
00:57:04Hey, delay that order, mister.
00:57:07Hey, hey, hey.
00:57:07I'm talking to you.
00:57:09Belay and walk away.
00:57:11That's right.
00:57:11That's right.
00:57:13Damn the torpedoes.
00:57:14Hoist the colors.
00:57:1530 degrees, port of starboard.
00:57:17Fold that ahead.
00:57:18Find speed.
00:57:19Shiver me timbers.
00:57:21Gopher to the bridge, please.
00:57:22Gopher to the bridge, please.
00:57:25Look out!
00:57:33It appears to be some kind of mucus.
00:57:37I see, huh?
00:57:39Well, you're not going to get me now.
00:57:41You're not going to get...
00:57:43All righty.
00:57:44You're good.
00:57:44You're very good.
00:57:45I admit it.
00:57:46OK, here we come.
00:57:50Oh, and now I...
00:57:52Oh, boy, that's the bed.
00:57:58That's the Roy Kamatazes, huh?
00:58:04They're crazy.
00:58:07But we've only just begun to fight.
00:58:16This is the captain.
00:58:18We have been hit.
00:58:18I repeat, we have been hit.
00:58:20Check for fire in the sphincter.
00:58:22Check for fire in the sphincter.
00:58:25You may think you have me now, Mr. Man.
00:58:29But I've souped up this baby with a few surprises of my own.
00:58:35And we will never, never, never give up.
00:58:44Hello.
00:58:45How you doing?
00:58:46Having fun?
00:58:47Hell yeah, this is great.
00:58:48J.W., we're sitting on the biggest story of the 20th century
00:58:51and you're over here playing Luke Skywalker.
00:58:53Sorry.
00:58:54Oh, don't touch that itchiness.
00:58:57Let me just take the pictures, OK?
00:59:00Pictures!
00:59:01Okie dokie.
00:59:02Bet you I can fly this baby, though.
00:59:06How, how, how?
00:59:07What?
00:59:08Uh, nothing.
00:59:10Good.
00:59:11Oh.
00:59:13And don't touch anything.
00:59:15It could explode.
00:59:25Ooh, hey.
00:59:27You're a pretty one, aren't you?
00:59:29Heh.
00:59:29Wonder what this does.
00:59:34All right.
00:59:35So let me get this straight.
00:59:36Look, if I were a dyed-in-the-wool pacifist like you pretend to be,
00:59:41you would still be dragging me around by that claw, right?
00:59:44I don't understand why you're not happy to sacrifice yourself for the good of science.
00:59:48The importance of this study makes you very valuable merchandise.
00:59:52I am not merchandise.
00:59:54I don't mean to insult you.
00:59:55Please don't take it personally.
00:59:57But after you arrive, you really will find things much, much better there.
01:00:00Oh, you just don't get it, do you?
01:00:02I'm not going anywhere!
01:00:11Hey, my recidatron.
01:00:13That belongs to me.
01:00:14Hand it over, please.
01:00:15Mom!
01:00:16Joey?
01:00:17Is that you?
01:00:19Hi, Mom.
01:00:19Are you, are you all right?
01:00:21Oh, Joey, thank goodness you're safe.
01:00:23Where's your sister?
01:00:24She, she's okay.
01:00:25She's in my room asleep right now.
01:00:27Have you seen your dad?
01:00:28No, but I have the ray gun.
01:00:29Can you make me normal size with that thing?
01:00:32Yeah.
01:00:33You mean my ray gun.
01:00:34You wouldn't leave me like this, would you?
01:00:36For a while.
01:00:37Don't worry about him.
01:00:38He's afraid of his own shadow.
01:00:39I'm not afraid of anything, least of all you people.
01:00:42Yeah, right.
01:00:43I captured four Balkan...
01:00:45Whoa.
01:00:47Hold on.
01:00:48Okay.
01:00:59Hey, come on.
01:01:00You're not going to really leave me like this, are you?
01:01:03Let's not be hasty.
01:01:04I know.
01:01:05We could work out a deal.
01:01:06Let's talk.
01:01:07Let's have a powwow.
01:01:08We can smoke a beast pipe.
01:01:09Hey, what are you doing?
01:01:11What are you doing?
01:01:13You did it.
01:01:14You did it.
01:01:15I'm so proud of you.
01:01:17Come on, Mom.
01:01:19Please.
01:01:19Hey, wait, wait.
01:01:20Get it out.
01:01:21Work something out.
01:01:22Wait, wait.
01:01:22No, no.
01:01:23Now for you, my arrogant little alien.
01:01:26If I were truly the barbarian that you say I am, wouldn't I squash you like the bug that
01:01:32you are?
01:01:33Hey, hello.
01:01:34Please, please, don't hurt me.
01:01:36Oh, come on now.
01:01:37Come on.
01:01:38Oh, give me a break, please.
01:01:39No, no, no.
01:01:40Wait.
01:01:40Why don't we put them in here until we know what to do with them?
01:01:42Oh, that's a good idea.
01:01:44No, no, wait.
01:01:45No.
01:01:46You're going to like your new home much better than your old home.
01:01:52Mom, you think when this is all over I can maybe take this to school?
01:01:58We'll see.
01:02:10Oh, yeah.
01:02:12This could be an Air Force secret project.
01:02:15Yeah.
01:02:16This guy could be working for the Defense Department.
01:02:19I can feel these things.
01:02:21Shrinking people, flying trees.
01:02:22I don't think so, J.W.
01:02:24You mean illegal alien?
01:02:28So this time, you don't have to make up the story and I don't have to fake the pictures?
01:02:33This is it.
01:02:34This is the real deal.
01:02:37If you can get a picture, and dare I say it, if I can get an interview with an alien,
01:02:43what a great byline.
01:02:45An interview with an alien by Penelope Cooper.
01:02:49Did we order a very small pizza?
01:02:51What?
01:02:53Can't you hear me?
01:02:54Come on.
01:02:55What?
01:02:56What?
01:02:57Hello?
01:02:58Oh, my God.
01:02:59Hello.
01:03:00Who are you and what are you doing there?
01:03:02I am Minus.
01:03:03I am a alien.
01:03:05Did he say something?
01:03:06I think so.
01:03:07Did you say something?
01:03:09I am Minus.
01:03:10I come from the planet Noir in another galaxy.
01:03:13Did he say another planet?
01:03:15Wow.
01:03:15Long delivery.
01:03:16Somebody's going to be getting a free pizza here.
01:03:21How do we know you're telling the truth?
01:03:23I mean, you could be a very tiny pizza delivery man.
01:03:27Oh, point well taken.
01:03:29Oh, by the rings of Jupiter.
01:03:34How's this, hot stuff?
01:03:37I'm sorry, Mr. Noir in.
01:03:38Mr. Minus.
01:03:39Mr. Alien.
01:03:40Can you do us a small favor?
01:03:42Can we take a picture of you?
01:03:46Maybe we could make a deal.
01:03:48You and I.
01:03:48I'm all ears.
01:03:50Actually, from down here, it looks more like you're all.
01:03:52Oh, no.
01:03:52It's just an expression.
01:03:53I'm listening.
01:03:54You talk.
01:03:55You want my picture.
01:03:56I want the hellers.
01:03:58Take all the two-dimensional verifications of me that you like.
01:04:01However, afterwards, you must do exactly as I say.
01:04:04You got it.
01:04:06Go.
01:04:06You got film.
01:04:08Amazing.
01:04:09Okay, beautiful now.
01:04:10All right.
01:04:11Tilt your head.
01:04:12Wet your lips.
01:04:14Are those your lips?
01:04:14All right.
01:04:15Okay.
01:04:15Come on, gray boy.
01:04:17Beautiful.
01:04:17You're a beauty.
01:04:18The camera loves you.
01:04:20Atta boy.
01:04:21You know, Joey, this is incredible.
01:04:22But we got to find your dad.
01:04:24We have to.
01:04:25I know.
01:04:29Mommy.
01:04:30Oh, hi, baby.
01:04:34No more Nintendo?
01:04:36No.
01:04:37No more Nintendo.
01:04:39You should have seen Joey.
01:04:40He saved me.
01:04:42I did, and I am so glad you're safe.
01:04:44Me too, Mommy.
01:04:45But Joey was so fast and strong, and he said he'd find you.
01:04:49And he did, didn't he?
01:04:50And you were all right.
01:04:52You were all right, and Joey's a hero, isn't he?
01:04:54Mm-hmm.
01:04:54Yeah.
01:04:57Hey, Mom.
01:04:59What's this?
01:04:59Joey, be careful.
01:05:01Do you know what you're doing?
01:05:02Sure.
01:05:03Kind of.
01:05:05Maybe this is where, um, what's his name?
01:05:08Oh, Minus.
01:05:09Yeah, maybe this is where Minus is from.
01:05:11You think?
01:05:13I don't know.
01:05:14Hey, let's go ask him.
01:05:15And we should go look for Dad and the professor.
01:05:16Yeah, we better.
01:05:21Uh-oh.
01:05:25What do you mean, uh-oh?
01:05:28He's gone.
01:05:29What do you mean, he's gone?
01:05:31Mom, the alien's gone.
01:05:34Why, that sneaky little...
01:05:38You know something?
01:05:38He's not going to cause us any problems.
01:05:40I've got his number.
01:05:44Let's go find Dad.
01:05:55Yeah, here we are.
01:06:00Stop shaking.
01:06:02That's right, keep going.
01:06:05They're getting warmer.
01:06:08Keep straight.
01:06:11Hey, keep going.
01:06:13Right, put me in the thing.
01:06:14There you go, little fella.
01:06:15Yes, silicon.
01:06:17Now to get back to work.
01:06:20Hey, Miney.
01:06:22Watch your hiney.
01:06:23Oh, really funny.
01:06:25That joke stinks just like your nasty earthbreath.
01:06:28Does my closeness make you uncomfortable?
01:06:30Yes.
01:06:33What you gonna do?
01:06:35I don't know, but he said he wouldn't hurt anyone.
01:06:37How do you know what he means by hurt?
01:06:41Freeze!
01:06:44Start talking before I make you the size of sesame seeds.
01:06:47I love sesame seeds.
01:06:48You're allergic to sesame seeds.
01:06:50Yeah, blow up like a balloon.
01:06:52Where's the alien?
01:06:55Uh, I don't know.
01:07:04Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, and the TV.
01:07:11Freeze!
01:07:20He's gotta be around here somewhere.
01:07:22Be really careful, okay?
01:07:23Let's just wipe the spaceship.
01:07:25I know I can fly that thing.
01:07:26Watch your feet.
01:07:29How about a quick trip to the frozen kingdom of the Amazon Queen?
01:07:37Joey, be careful.
01:07:58Where am I?
01:08:01Mom?
01:08:02Mom?
01:08:03Mom?
01:08:04Mom?
01:08:06Mom?
01:08:10Mom?
01:08:11Joey!
01:08:12Mom?
01:08:15Where are you?
01:08:17I'm here, Joey!
01:08:24What would dad do?
01:08:27Come on, settle down, Joe.
01:08:32What would dad do?
01:08:34Come on, think logic.
01:08:40you can you can hear mom so you're probably not even here
01:08:45the snow is real it's cold
01:08:51virtual reality that bubble must be like a virtual reality torpedo
01:08:57how do I get out of here
01:09:02there's an opening
01:09:06darn he thought his way right out of that let's see if you can handle the
01:09:10killer worm from planet X
01:09:13not again
01:09:18what is that some kind of virtual reality
01:09:45that's what I get that noise
01:09:55nothing to see here move it along keep it moving keep it moving come on let's go
01:09:59nothing to see here mom I need a screwdriver
01:10:07got him on the run now the old killer worm from planet X
01:10:12that's the ticket
01:10:23he's coming back
01:10:31what if the nanobots don't stop
01:10:33they have to professor they they will
01:10:39if I could speak to the alien you've ever considered
01:10:41yes I have considered that but I I don't want to think about that now
01:10:46thanks you're quite right
01:10:47come let's go
01:10:48okay
01:10:53dad
01:10:54professor watch out
01:11:00god in heaven
01:11:01guide my hand
01:11:04yes indeed
01:11:15nothing's happening is this gonna work
01:11:17well if this thing has a brain or organs or DNA of any kind and they're made of silicone
01:11:22yes I believe so
01:11:23give me a roll back
01:11:24bye
01:11:25I'm going in
01:11:26have you gone mad
01:11:28that's my son out there
01:11:37no gods no glory
01:11:47well
01:11:48we got rid of one of our problems
01:11:50hey
01:11:50let's see you escape from the prehistoric land of the killer lizard
01:11:56nasty creature
01:11:57let's go
01:12:19I'll shrink them both
01:12:20take that
01:12:43not again
01:12:46mom
01:12:47see
01:12:53he's dissolving something's eating him
01:13:03it worked Mobius it worked
01:13:05it worked
01:13:07it worked
01:13:07he ate that beast
01:13:16yes
01:13:17yes
01:13:17yes
01:13:18yes
01:13:22Joseph
01:13:28great job Joseph
01:13:30oh honey
01:13:31it was nothing really
01:13:33it was
01:13:33you know
01:13:35like father
01:13:35like son
01:13:38thank you
01:13:38thank you so much
01:13:40no no no no
01:13:40thank you sir
01:13:42because of you
01:13:43my children
01:13:44the nanos are now safe
01:13:45and so are your children
01:13:47yes
01:13:47wait a minute
01:13:48we've still got that good for nothing alien to deal with
01:13:51if he could make one of those beasts
01:13:53come on
01:14:01jeez
01:14:02that climbed signal a lot further than before
01:14:05you idiot
01:14:06that's because you're ten times smaller than you were before
01:14:09oh my god
01:14:10what am i gonna do
01:14:11i don't know what you're gonna do
01:14:13but if you don't shut up i'm gonna slap you
01:14:15now give me the phone
01:14:16how am i supposed to drive
01:14:18how am i supposed to
01:14:19oh boy
01:14:21let me see if it works this small
01:14:22that's what i mean
01:14:23it's ringing
01:14:25hi gloria
01:14:26hi
01:14:26yeah let me speak to larry
01:14:29hi larry
01:14:30yeah
01:14:31say hello for me
01:14:32uh listen the moron says hello
01:14:33hello larry
01:14:35you're not gonna believe where we are right now
01:14:38yeah
01:14:39not even
01:14:40debra heller
01:14:41come on down and let's make a deal
01:14:43don't even think about it
01:14:46joseph will you return our visitor back to us normal size
01:14:55much better
01:14:56now we need to talk
01:14:57if it's about the tv
01:14:59well i
01:15:00you must return to your planet
01:15:02and never come back to earth
01:15:04yeah
01:15:05and leave without your specimens
01:15:07you know
01:15:08that was some rotten trick you pulled
01:15:11but no one would have actually been harmed
01:15:12as the young warrior found out
01:15:14it was all just virtual reality
01:15:16well uh that is except for the killer worm from planet x
01:15:19and how on noia did you defeat that
01:15:22nanorubins
01:15:23and they eat silicon
01:15:25yeah and they're real hungry so don't even try to look at my family
01:15:28or you're gonna find out what it's like to be a pizza
01:15:30but i'm telling you
01:15:31you really would enjoy life more on noia
01:15:33well we enjoy life here on earth just fine thank you
01:15:37at least most of the time
01:15:39but deb after all we've been through
01:15:41and this planet police
01:15:43hello
01:15:43crime runs rampant
01:15:44the air is unbeatable
01:15:46not enough parking
01:15:47and on noia
01:15:48you get six months vacation
01:15:49twice a year
01:15:50this is your final offer
01:15:52going
01:15:52going
01:15:53now
01:15:55you aren't gonna come back and try and destroy us are you
01:15:57you don't understand
01:15:59it's not me you need to worry about
01:16:01you are your own worst enemies
01:16:02you will eventually destroy yourselves if i don't return with a specimen
01:16:07ah
01:16:07not that kind of specimen
01:16:09you earthlings are ignorant and short-sighted
01:16:12i'm out of here
01:16:13what am i gonna tell the chief scientist
01:16:14there he goes
01:16:15look at him
01:16:17don't come back
01:16:19don't come back
01:16:20yeah don't let the door hit you in the buttocks
01:16:27this is so cool
01:16:28hey minus
01:16:29could you just do us one favor
01:16:30could you drop us off at the office
01:16:32i don't think he can eat
01:16:38oh do you think you're gonna dress like that to my polizza prize acceptance party
01:16:42whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
01:16:43don't worry
01:16:43okay
01:16:44anyway
01:16:45my photo's gonna be even better than your story
01:16:47i'm going in tuxedo tales
01:16:50jw
01:16:51don't hurt yourself now
01:16:53because after this
01:16:54life is gonna be one big picnic
01:16:56could you just climb right up there
01:16:58and tell old minus how to get us to the office
01:17:06look at that she's doing great
01:17:08yeah
01:17:09hey what are you doing
01:17:11oh you're a bell
01:17:17professor come in
01:17:18professor jefferson's here
01:17:20mrs heller
01:17:21hello
01:17:21hello
01:17:23joseph
01:17:23hello
01:17:23little cindy
01:17:26i have been thinking
01:17:27which is something i do now and then
01:17:29that perhaps
01:17:30it might be very appropriate
01:17:32if i should take us all out to dinner
01:17:35to celebrate
01:17:36celebrate
01:17:37yes you know
01:17:38pip pip cheers
01:17:39eat drink be merry
01:17:40that sort of thing
01:17:41in celebration of my new assistant
01:17:43your new assistant
01:17:44i'm sorry
01:17:45did i say assistant
01:17:46i fully intended to say partner
01:17:48my new partner
01:17:50oh that's great
01:17:52partner
01:17:53okay
01:17:54yes
01:17:55yeah
01:17:55well shall we
01:17:57absolutely
01:17:57yes
01:17:58yes
01:17:59come on
01:17:59yes
01:18:02forget it
01:18:04no one will ever buy that
01:18:05but it's a great story
01:18:07uh-uh
01:18:08even i have standards of credibility
01:18:10the readers won't go for it
01:18:12but it's true
01:18:13it doesn't matter
01:18:14listen
01:18:15let me worry about the stories
01:18:16and you stick to the photographs
01:18:17okay
01:18:23wow
01:18:24i told you not to eat the fish
01:18:26oh no
01:18:27you know
01:18:28i never fancied myself a photographer
01:18:31i always wanted to be a conductor
01:18:34so calming
01:18:47zip it and zip me
01:18:49huh
01:18:50come on
01:18:52okay
01:18:54i can't help it
01:18:55i've always been spastic
01:18:56ever since i was a child
01:18:57did i ever tell you
01:18:58how in the third grade
01:18:59i got
01:18:59oh boy
01:19:00oh you're stuck
01:19:00yeah
01:19:01oh that's your skin in there
01:19:02i'm sorry
01:19:03okay
01:19:03i almost got it
01:19:04let go
01:19:04all right
01:19:05okay
01:19:05i can't get the zip
01:19:06and don't put it
01:19:06whoa
01:19:09whoa
01:19:10what a woman
01:19:11was it good for you
01:19:13no
01:19:14you stupid
01:19:15stupid
01:19:16man
01:19:18touché
01:19:18does that mean
01:19:20you're gonna let me write the story
01:19:21i don't know
01:19:22please
01:19:23please
01:19:23please
01:19:24let me just tell you the headline
01:19:25okay
01:19:25last lovers
01:19:27in paradise
01:19:28by jw
01:19:29no
01:19:30and penelope
01:19:31penelope
01:19:32of course
01:19:33the lovely
01:19:34talented
01:19:34and voluptuous
01:19:37penelope
01:19:38no that has a nice ring to it
01:19:40you know maybe there is a brain in that neanderthal skull of yours after all jw
01:19:44lost lovers in paradise
01:19:46lost lovers in paradise by penelope cooper
01:19:48oh and jw
01:19:49well you know since i am the last man maybe we could uh you know
01:20:06on this planet jw
01:20:08anything's possible
01:20:10anything
01:20:22i'm one heck of a man
01:20:30i'm one heck of a man
01:20:42oh and jw
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