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Transcript
00:03It's going to be sunny in 75 this week, so if you were dreaming...
00:06Deb, hurry! Amanda's doing the weather!
00:09She does that every weekend.
00:10Well, the Cowboys play every weekend. You manage to watch them.
00:14Yeah. When Amanda has a chance to the Super Bowl, I'll tune in.
00:17Hey, I'm trying to listen to my wife. Sometimes she quizzes me.
00:22Thanks, y'all, for watching and writing. Keep those letters coming.
00:26Except for you, Bruce from Texarkana. You will never see my feet, Bruce.
00:29Stop asking.
00:31So, Merry Christmas, and from the bottom of my heart,
00:34I am happy to fill in around here if anyone gets sick or, God forbid, has a death in the
00:39family.
00:40Smooth.
00:42Speaking of Christmas, have you talked to your mother?
00:46I'm just trying to figure out our plans and how to make things perfect,
00:49but whatever you want is fine by me.
00:51And the smooth keeps coming.
00:54Of course, your mom got Cece on Christmas last year, so...
00:58Seems like it's our turn, but I don't want to be difficult.
01:01That's her job.
01:03I'll talk to her.
01:05No rush.
01:06I just need to let Santa know if he should be making an appearance here.
01:11Well, the Cowboys are playing on Christmas, so Santa's busy.
01:15If Cece's going to be here, Santa's going to be here.
01:19It's okay. I'm sure Santa can be in a lot of places at once.
01:22But my granddaughter can't.
01:25So pick.
01:25Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-akik.
01:59Hey, I was thinking...
02:01Oh, boy.
02:02Hear me out.
02:03I know Mr. McAllister always clothes the week of Christmas,
02:06but what if we stayed open?
02:08You want us to work on Christmas?
02:10It's not crazy.
02:11Think of all the Jewish people who might need tires.
02:15How many Jewish people do you think are in Medford, Texas?
02:18I know there'd be a lot more if they could buy tires during Christmas.
02:21No, not a chance.
02:23I need some time off.
02:24Hear you loud and clear.
02:28Although, Fagenbacher's gonna be close,
02:29and we'd be the only game in town.
02:31Are you gonna keep badgering me until I say yes?
02:34Of course not. I'll drop it.
02:36Thanks.
02:38It's just worth so much debt.
02:40Come on, dude.
02:42I'm thinking about you.
02:43And all those Jewish people with flat tires.
02:54You missed a good sermon this morning.
02:56Pastor Jeff is always on fire during the holidays.
03:00Remember that candlelight service when his sleeve actually caught on fire?
03:04I know he almost died, but that was funny.
03:09I need some money.
03:10Aren't you gonna say hi to your brother?
03:12Hi.
03:12Forty bucks should do it.
03:14I am not giving you $40.
03:16But I have to buy a new bathing suit.
03:18You have a perfectly good one.
03:20That's a one-piece.
03:21What's wrong with a one-piece?
03:23Everyone in California wears bikinis.
03:25Well, everyone in California is going to hell.
03:27That's why God gave them earthquakes.
03:31What's all this about California?
03:34I told Sheldon that we would visit him for Christmas.
03:37Oh.
03:38And I was hoping that you and Mandy and Cece might join us.
03:43That's real nice, but I don't think we can.
03:46You don't have to be around Sheldon the whole time.
03:49That ain't why.
03:51I mean, it ain't why.
03:53Well, I bet Cece would love to go on one of those buses and see where the stars live.
03:59She's two years old.
04:01Well, maybe Barney's on that tour.
04:04Look, I just can't take the time off of work.
04:07I understand.
04:09I knew it was a long shot.
04:12You'll still have a good time.
04:13You'll get to meet all of Sheldon's friends.
04:15Well, that's so sweet.
04:16You think Sheldon has friends.
04:24Jim.
04:25In here.
04:26What are you doing?
04:28Taking a bubble bath.
04:29What do you think I'm doing?
04:31Why, hurry up.
04:32I've got something to tell you.
04:33All right.
04:34Hold on.
04:46What?
04:48Mary's going to visit Sheldon.
04:49We've got Cece all to ourselves.
04:51You interrupted my business for that.
04:54Sorry.
04:54I was just excited.
04:56Oh, you're right, honey.
04:57It is exciting.
04:58Now, if you'll excuse me.
05:01Why don't we ever go away for the holidays?
05:03One of life's little mysteries.
05:07We're retired.
05:08We've got more money than Mary.
05:11Why does she get to go away on vacation when we're stuck sitting at home?
05:16You were just so happy.
05:18And you were just on the toilet.
05:20Things change.
05:22Why don't we take the whole family to the beach?
05:24Stay at a fancy hotel.
05:25It could be our Christmas gift to everyone.
05:29Let me think about it.
05:32There's Fort Lauderdale.
05:35Oh, we could do Miami.
05:36I'm thinking.
05:37Go away.
05:42So we really want to be careful about not going overboard with gifts for Cece this year.
05:46We don't want her getting spoiled.
05:48Like Mandy.
05:49Hey!
05:51But yeah.
05:53Well, actually, we wanted to talk to y'all about your gifts.
05:58Aw, you don't have to get us anything.
06:01That doesn't apply to you.
06:03You said we didn't need to do gifts this year.
06:05Yeah, I say it, but you love me so much you do it anyway.
06:07That's how this works.
06:09Tell them, Jim.
06:11Your mother and I are taking you all to Miami for Christmas.
06:14To a resort right on the beach.
06:18That's so nice.
06:20But we always have Christmas here.
06:22Jim?
06:24I've been informed that this will be better.
06:27Don't you want to try something different?
06:29Different?
06:31It's like you don't even know me.
06:33Well, you two want to go, right?
06:36Actually, I was going to keep the store open for the holidays.
06:38Yeah, and I need to be available to fill in at the station.
06:41What is wrong with you people?
06:43We're trying to take you on a free vacation.
06:46Yeah, free for them, not for me.
06:49Seems like you're the only one that really wants to go, Mom.
06:52That is not true.
06:54Jim?
06:55Oh, come on!
07:03Are we being selfish?
07:05Because we'd rather make money than sit on a beach and drink booze out of a coconut.
07:10I don't think so.
07:12Well, I've got to tell you, I'm having second thoughts.
07:15Seriously?
07:17Yeah, I mean, the station's probably not going to call me in.
07:19We should go.
07:21Besides, I think I'd like to see my husband on a beach in a bathing suit and I'm praying
07:25to God, not cowboy boots.
07:29I wouldn't wear my boots on the beach.
07:32Maybe by the pool.
07:34Well, just think about how cute Cece would be playing in the sand.
07:37How's that different than playing in a sandbox?
07:39Because I'll be next to her getting a tan.
07:42Come on, you work all week.
07:44I work on the weekends.
07:45We never really get any real family time.
07:50You know what?
07:51Let's do it.
07:52Yay!
07:55Ooh, I'm going to have to get a bikini wax.
07:57Maybe I should get one.
08:00Oh, sweetheart.
08:01You'd cry like a baby.
08:08Come on, Ruben.
08:09Don't be mad.
08:10I canceled my plans because you convinced me it was a good idea to keep the store open.
08:15It is a good idea.
08:16I just won't be here for it.
08:19So I'm supposed to work while you go on vacation?
08:22How about this?
08:23How about I just make it up to you and I'll work on the next holiday?
08:26So what?
08:27Like, Valentine's Day?
08:28No, Valentine's Day ain't going to work.
08:31Maybe I'll just close the store, join my family in Mexico.
08:34I thought you were Puerto Rican.
08:36I am.
08:37They're vacationing in Mexico.
08:39You can see why that was confusing.
08:45So I know I said I was going to be available to fill in, but my plans changed and I'm
08:50going
08:50to be...
08:51Oh, she is.
08:54Oh, no.
08:57Well, how long would you need me?
09:00Oh, boy.
09:01You know, I just, I made so many promises to so many...
09:04Let me call you back.
09:11Hey, Daddy.
09:13What's up?
09:14Well, I was just, I was thinking about the trip and how excited I am.
09:19Mm-hmm.
09:22You know, speaking of exciting things, the station called and the weeknight weather girl got
09:26lice from her kid.
09:28Ugh.
09:29Yeah, it's a bad case.
09:30They may have to shave her head.
09:32Are you trying to say you're not coming to Miami?
09:34No, no, no.
09:35Of course not.
09:36I was just wondering if maybe we could leave two days later.
09:40Well, everything's already booked.
09:41Yeah, I know.
09:42I know.
09:42And I wouldn't ask, but this is really important to my career and this could be your gift to
09:48me.
09:50The trip is my gift to you.
09:53No, no.
09:54Your trip is the gift for everybody.
09:57This could be your special gift to me.
10:01Do you understand how expensive it'll be to rebook everything on Christmas?
10:05Yes, I know.
10:06That's why it would be so special.
10:13Hey.
10:14Hey.
10:15Um, did you talk to Ruben yet?
10:18Yep.
10:18He wasn't happy about it, but I let him know it's Christmas and my family comes first.
10:22Great.
10:24So, uh, hey, listen, how would you feel about leaving two days later?
10:30Why?
10:31So, uh, I can go to work and make us some money?
10:34But I was going to work and make us some money.
10:37Aw, well, now you don't have to.
10:38Merry Christmas.
10:40Mandy, what is going on?
10:42Okay, um, the station called and they need me to fill in.
10:46You were the one yapping about family time.
10:48Oh, I know, but if I do the weeknight weather, the next step is weekend anchor, which puts
10:53me in spittin' distance of weeknight anchor, and that's basically how Oprah got started.
10:56And don't you want your wife to be Oprah?
10:59What about me?
11:00Don't you want me to be the Oprah of tires?
11:03That makes no sense.
11:05Well, there ain't no famous tire guy to compare to.
11:09All right, fine.
11:10If you want me to give up on this huge opportunity for two extra days of family time, then I'll
11:15do it.
11:15Great.
11:16I'm not doing it.
11:21Michelin Man.
11:22I could be the next Michelin Man.
11:31I can't believe you gave in to her.
11:34This is so like you.
11:36Then it shouldn't be hard to believe.
11:39And how much money did it cost to change those tickets?
11:42Oh, it's Christmas, Audrey.
11:43It's not about the money.
11:45So a lot.
11:46A shocking amount.
11:48I can't even remember why we wanted to do this.
11:53We?
11:56There's no we.
11:57This is all you.
11:58Don't you raise your voice at me.
12:00I was on the toilet minding my own business.
12:05Excuse me.
12:06When you fight, it's the children who suffer.
12:12Remember that.
12:23Michelistroto, we never tire of taking care of your tires.
12:26Your sister is driving me crazy.
12:29Something she never tires of, am I right?
12:32I'm not in the mood, Georgie.
12:34I am at my wit's end.
12:35So am I.
12:37Missy?
12:37Get off the phone.
12:39Okay.
12:40Click.
12:42I know you just made the click noise with your mouth.
12:45What is going on?
12:47Can your sister stay with you for Christmas?
12:49What happened to California?
12:51She wants me to spend the whole week in some hellhole called Pasadena.
12:56Sheldon is excited to show us his school.
12:58It's nowhere near a beach.
13:00So can't she?
13:02I wish she could, but I'm going to Miami with the McAllisters.
13:07Really?
13:08Because when I asked you if you wanted to come to California, you said you had to work.
13:13Um.
13:13What?
13:15George Marshall Cooper.
13:16I didn't plan it.
13:18It was their gift to us.
13:19They're paying for the whole thing.
13:21Oh.
13:22Well, because they have money.
13:23They get to spend Christmas with my granddaughter.
13:26Wait.
13:27You're going to the beach?
13:28George, take me with you, please.
13:29I'm sorry.
13:30It's not my place to invite you.
13:32Well, there you go, missy.
13:34Your brother picked his rich new family over us.
13:37That ain't what's happening.
13:39It's just, ever since dad died, I've been having such a hard time in the holidays.
13:43Cut that out.
13:45It's so hard to be an orphan.
13:47You are not an orphan.
13:48I am still alive!
13:55So it looks like that storm front is going to move off to the west, leaving us with an
13:59unseasonably warm Christmas.
14:01So, instead of milk and cookies, maybe leave Santa some sunscreen and a speedo.
14:07And before I sign off, I just want to wish everyone a safe and happy holiday.
14:12If only she were that nice in real life.
14:17Hey, yo.
14:19You just missed Amanda.
14:21Let me guess.
14:22Gonna be sunny and warm.
14:23Outside.
14:24In here, it's been a bit chilly.
14:28Oh, stop it!
14:29And cranky.
14:32Uh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
14:34Anyways.
14:36I was wondering if I could ask a huge favor about the trip.
14:39I'm not changing it again.
14:41No changes.
14:42It's just my sister's being a real pain in the ass to my mom.
14:45And I thought maybe she could go with us.
14:47You want to bring an angry teenage girl on our family trip?
14:52Sounds like she'll fip right in.
14:55She's only rude to my mom.
14:57She's actually really sweet and responsible.
15:01Well, then maybe she can babysit Cece when we go out to dinner.
15:05Oh, I ain't leaving my daughter alone with her.
15:19We're gonna miss our flight.
15:21I told you we should have left earlier.
15:22Should have left two days earlier.
15:25Oh, so the traffic is my fault.
15:26We'd already be on the beach if it wasn't for your career.
15:29Well, someone has to pay off all the debt you put us in.
15:31So is the hotel on the beach?
15:33Near the beach?
15:33What are we talking?
15:34Right on the beach.
15:36Sweet.
15:37If we get there.
15:39And that debt, that's because I'm building a future for our family.
15:42What do you think I'm doing?
15:43Can you keep it down?
15:44I can't hear the Christmas music.
15:46It's the most wonderful time of the year.
15:48You happy?
15:50So what's the drinking age in Florida?
15:52You're not drinking.
15:54Well, I am a lot.
15:56At least that Christmas tradition isn't getting ruined.
16:00All right, that is enough.
16:01We paid a lot of money to take you on a wonderful trip.
16:05So we're gonna stop our bitching and have a magical family Christmas we'll remember forever.
16:09Now shut up and be grateful.
16:13I'm grateful.
16:14Thank you, Missy.
16:16You are a doll.
16:18Thanks.
16:19I don't know why my mom hates you.
16:26You said the storefront was heading west.
16:29Aw, you watched.
16:31My hair's gonna frizz.
16:34Maybe we should make a run for the hotel.
16:36It'll pass.
16:39Still better than Christmas with Sheldon.
16:50On the worst day of Christmas, my parents gave to me
16:55A trip to Miami
16:59We all sat in traffic
17:01The plane ran out of peanuts
17:03They lost mom's luggage
17:04Didn't check in till midnight
17:06Then it started raining
17:08Dad ran in flip-flops
17:10He fell and it was funny
17:13The hotel bar served Missy liquor
17:18She threw up in the bushes
17:20Georgie caught a cold
17:22Mandy got lice
17:23But I got to watch you
17:25Which was nice
17:33Back in Medford
17:35Ruben said, screw this
17:36He closed the store
17:38And joined his Puerto Rican family in Mexico
17:42Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho
17:44Merry Christmas, y'all
17:47Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho
17:49Go
17:49You
17:50You
17:51You
17:52You
17:53You
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