- 17 minutes ago
Rivals - Season 2 Episode 2
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:16People sometimes ask me,
00:18do sportsmen make good politicians?
00:22I say yes.
00:25If you like your politicians brave, disciplined,
00:28strong in body, mentally agile.
00:31Someone who knows how to truly commit,
00:33working night and day to make your life better.
00:37Someone who knows they're playing for the winning side,
00:40who was born to win and refuses to lose.
00:43Someone who can ride any storm and even let others take the lead
00:47without ever tiring or letting go.
00:49Someone who is flexible and used to competing in difficult positions.
00:53If that ticks all your boxes, may I invite you to tick mine?
00:59Oh, you look spectacular.
01:02That was a party political broadcast by the conservative party.
01:06You do know that's an antique?
01:11The mirror's pretty old, too.
01:14Helen.
01:14Helen.
01:15Helen.
01:17Helen.
01:19Helen.
01:29Helen.
01:37Helen.
01:39Helen.
01:40Helen.
01:41Helen.
01:42Helen.
01:42Helen.
01:42Helen.
01:42Helen.
01:43Helen.
01:43Helen.
01:44Helen.
01:45Helen.
01:46Helen.
01:55Helen.
02:13So, you forgot.
02:14Not for a second.
02:15Half-term break. You'll have until Wednesday.
02:17I've been looking for all time.
02:18Stop it!
02:19Your poker face is terrible.
02:20More of a bridge man. I do like a foursome.
02:23Daddy!
02:26Hello, sweetheart.
02:30Hi, Marcus.
02:33Hi, Dad.
02:33The children's bags. The clothes are all labeled.
02:36There's a list in there if you could check them all off when they come back.
02:38Tabitha came home without a single sock last time.
02:44Hello.
02:51Hi. I'm Mrs. Gordon, the children's mother.
02:53Uh, yeah. Uh...
02:55Helen, this is Cameron.
02:56I've heard so much about you.
02:59Philadelphia, right?
03:00Yes, ma'am.
03:01Well, New York by way of Philly.
03:02You?
03:03Florida.
03:04Mm.
03:05And hi.
03:07You must be Tabitha.
03:08Obviously.
03:10Who are you?
03:13Um, I'm your, uh, your father's girlfriend.
03:17You bloody nuts!
03:23Okay, I'm gonna leave you to deal with that.
03:26I'm late from my plane.
03:28My husband is waiting.
03:29Where are you going?
03:29Venice.
03:31Oh, baby.
03:32We should go to Venice.
03:33Wasted on Rupert, I'm afraid.
03:35Okay, kiss the children for me.
03:37I'll see them.
03:38Wednesday.
03:39Wednesday.
03:39Right.
03:40I'm sorry.
03:41I didn't know that they didn't know about me.
03:43Enjoy Venice!
03:46Don't fall in.
03:56Tabitha!
03:57Come and meet Cameron properly.
04:06Told you you should order the beef.
04:08Luigi's is legendary.
04:09I'm not really enjoying red meat at the moment.
04:11Ah.
04:12Monica couldn't eat eggs for nine months.
04:14Couldn't see them in the pantry without feeling nauseous.
04:20So, explain to me how it's mine.
04:24Do you remember the day I joined Carinium?
04:26Celebration dinner at the Bear in Bisley.
04:28Two courses.
04:30Me for pudding.
04:31Forgive me, I'm not the only suspect.
04:34James and I didn't start until Miss Carinium.
04:35You knew of a husband?
04:36No, Paul lost his libido at the same time as his cabinet seat.
04:39Like, not something, um, you'd ever have trouble with, I imagine.
04:46You're feeling a bit pushed out since BT came on board at Carinium, am I right?
04:50You're also aware that Cameron's out.
04:52You're wondering if a little power move like this might move you into the position she vacated.
04:59Queen of Carinium.
05:01Sad to say, Sarah, we're not inviting applications at present, nor are we looking for an illegitimate heir to the
05:06throne.
05:08Get rid of it.
05:09I know a very good chap in Harley Street had this sorted out in no time.
05:13A termination.
05:14No.
05:16Not a nice word.
05:19Better to think of it as a cleansing of your soul.
05:22Be a shame if this were to hang over your blossoming career.
05:27It would hang over you too, though, wouldn't it?
05:31And Monica.
05:32Oh.
05:39Eminently deniable.
05:42Unless that's the prog pops out with a cigar in its mouth, you'd have it to prove it's mine.
05:46Here you go.
05:47Mm.
05:47Good bit, though.
05:50Bon appetit.
05:53Mmm.
05:54God, it's good.
05:55Mmm.
05:58Try the beef.
06:06Come on.
06:14Don't try to play chess with me, Sarah.
06:16You're not clever enough.
06:18We both want rid of this problem, so you sort it out as quick as you possibly can.
06:22Good girl.
06:30Rupert's all over bloody everything.
06:33They've shown his party political broadcast five times this week.
06:35He's been on Breakfast Time and TV AM.
06:38Both channels.
06:38Both channels.
06:41Meanwhile, I can't even get invited on Cotswold Roundup, a programme presented by my own wife.
06:47Thank you, darling.
06:49So, listen.
06:50I've made some calls, and we're going to have a dinner party on Tuesday.
06:53See if we can't turn some local goodwill into actual television coverage.
06:57Sure, Tony Baddingham, we mean business.
07:01Dinner party here?
07:03Do you know, Winifred always used to throw me dinner parties in the run-up to an election,
07:11and I never had to suggest it myself.
07:14Oh.
07:15Good for Winifred.
07:19Yes.
07:21Perhaps you should start thinking about what to cook.
07:24Good for Winifred.
07:58You're too good to those birds.
08:01I like how busy they are.
08:03Work so hard at surviving.
08:04Morning.
08:05Aubergines.
08:06From the market, as requested.
08:09Aubergines in the Cotswold.
08:10Bize was in London last night.
08:12I've got to make six, um, what's that again?
08:15Moussaka.
08:16Thanks, Moussaka for the Women's Institute AGM.
08:19And I'll spare one for your lunch.
08:20Can't wait.
08:21Tried a hand.
08:22I'm a decent sous chef.
08:23Oh, okay.
08:25Good morning, all.
08:26Good morning.
08:29Boss lady's here.
08:35Morning.
08:37You must be Marcus.
08:39Hello.
08:40Which makes you Tabitha.
08:42And you're Declan O'Hara from the telly.
08:44Declan O'Telly, that's right.
08:46This is all looking great.
08:48It is, but Charles called me this morning.
08:51Turns out Carinium are also developing a series of Shakespeare plays for the school's market.
08:56Do you know about this?
08:57It's another thing from our application document, isn't it?
09:24It's another thing from our application document, isn't it?
09:27Declan.
09:29Over here.
09:29There you go.
09:31Oh, fuck.
09:31I'm sweating carbs here.
09:33Who is this person?
09:34Oh.
09:36Good morning, Venture Television.
09:37Shelley speaking.
09:38Well, we said we needed a secretary.
09:40She prefers executive assistant.
09:42Declan.
09:42BBC for you.
09:51Declan O'Hara.
09:54Hello, Jeremy.
09:55Hi, Baz.
09:56Oh, hello, Munchkin.
09:58Oh, how about you?
10:00Is there any food?
10:01Lovely.
10:01Cameron made breakfast, but it was disgusting.
10:04Good man.
10:05Which is your desk?
10:06Why?
10:07The only character in my life.
10:08I want to know everything about him.
10:11We've put you over here, Cameron.
10:12This is the driving seat.
10:14Why don't you go into the kitchen and find Taggy?
10:16She'll get you a snack.
10:18Go on.
10:18Just do that.
10:19I scrabbled some eggs.
10:20How is that disgusting?
10:21Will do, Jeremy.
10:25So, our Yeats documentary is now officially in development.
10:30Oh!
10:32I love a bit of Yeats.
10:34Oh, honey, Theresa, you were pronouncing it Yeats.
10:36So, what happens now?
10:37Take a trip over to Ireland, scout out some locations.
10:40We don't need to shoot in Ireland.
10:41We've got landscape coming out of our ears in Rutshire.
10:44With all due respect, Cameron.
10:46Says the man about to say something disrespectful.
10:49Fucking Rutshire looks nothing like Ireland,
10:52and is ignorant to even suggest that we would ever...
10:54We should be trying to film wherever is least expensive.
10:56I don't want the maths club running the drama group, all right?
10:59Oh, hello, children.
11:01Uh, there's nobody in the kitchen.
11:05Okay, uh, take a seat, and we'll find you some cookies or something.
11:09Huh, Shelley?
11:12You don't want the math club running the drama group.
11:14I don't want the drama group being irresponsible with Venturer's program budget.
11:22Oh, my God.
11:24You little shit.
11:26Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
11:27Come on.
11:27The timing was good.
11:29Cameron's articated!
11:31Ew, I can smell it!
11:32Thank you, darling.
11:33I'm just going to speak to her.
11:41Hey, Ian.
11:45Why don't you take her with you?
11:47Show her the landscape, make her fall in love with the place.
11:51You want me to take Cameron to Ireland?
11:54Why am I...
11:55Suspicious.
11:58I can really use a few days alone with the kids.
12:02try and talk to them about this new relationship.
12:08Help me out here?
12:12Yeah, yeah, all right.
12:18Taggy!
12:20Taggy, I've got your...
12:25Dish.
12:28Hello.
12:30Freddie.
12:33You been okay?
12:39Not great.
12:42No, me neither.
12:44No bloody coffees!
12:46So, hello, Lizzie.
12:48Sorry, snatching a moment.
12:50Didn't mean to interrupt.
12:51Oh, no, don't worry.
12:52I don't know why Muggins here has been left to make the coffee
12:53while Shelley's sat on her arse with her tin of Family Circle.
12:57I always prefer to sit dinner biscuits.
12:59Yeah, same.
13:04How many times have you shagged now?
13:07Once.
13:08And never again.
13:10Surely, Lord.
13:12I'd imagine Mr Jones is a very considerate lover.
13:14I'm married.
13:15Yes, to James Verica.
13:17We can't all just do what we want, Rupert.
13:20The rules are there to stop people getting hurt.
13:22That's why most of us try to stick to them.
13:24I came to give this back to Taggy.
13:27We were all quite surprised when you moved Cameron into Pensacom Court.
13:31Well, I hope it's working out.
13:45Beaver!
13:46Fetch!
13:47I'll only be a few days in Ireland.
13:50Honestly, how is he my son with an underarm like that?
13:55You won't do anything silly, will you, if Tony comes prowling around?
13:58Is him with a show jumping trophy?
14:02If he had anything on us, he'd have used it by now.
14:04Look, I said I would be here to look after you, and I will.
14:08Mm-mm-mm.
14:09I think you like that you rescued me.
14:11What happens when I don't need taken care of anymore?
14:13Yeah, I might have rescued you the first time,
14:15but the second time you rescued yourself, and I like that very much.
14:21Well, I guess Tabitha's not coming to say goodbye.
14:23Look, I know she's been a little toad.
14:26I've never had a woman here at the same time as the children.
14:30Whatever else I've done, I've stuck to that,
14:31so of course she's rattled by meeting you.
14:33It's your own bloody fault
14:35for making me adore you enough to break the rules.
14:39You know what?
14:40I'm gonna miss you.
14:47And I'll miss you too, Blue.
14:50Bye, Marcus.
14:51Bye.
14:58Do you think she'll come back?
15:02Why wouldn't she?
15:24Are you lost?
15:26Oh.
15:28Sorry you're upset.
15:30I'm taggy.
15:32I live in the house down there.
15:35Oh, I like your purple skirt.
15:37I always wanted one, but my knees are too knobbly.
15:41Hey, this is Gertrude.
15:43She's a good listener.
15:44I tell her all my problems.
15:45Your voice isn't very good, though.
15:47She mainly just whiffs and girls.
15:52You think you can tell her what's wrong?
15:54Daddy doesn't love me anymore.
15:59There you are.
16:04Um, darling, what did I tell you about running away?
16:06This is taggy, Daddy.
16:08She lives down there.
16:09Yeah, we've, uh...
16:12We've met.
16:12Can she come to tea, Daddy?
16:14Please, please?
16:15Oh, um...
16:18Yeah, come and have some tea, why not?
16:21Um, I've...
16:22I've got to get home, but another day, okay?
16:26Come on, pup.
16:30Okay, home time.
16:34I don't think she likes you, Daddy.
16:44Good morning, Rudsha.
16:46What a beautiful, sunny morning it is, too.
16:49With the general election only days away,
16:51this morning we'll be asking
16:52if Rudsha will stay as conservative as ever,
16:55or if local MPs,
16:57Wupert Campbell-Black for Chalford & Bisley
16:59and Paul Strassen for Conchester
17:01should be watching their backs
17:03for a potential liberal landslide.
17:12And here is the kitchen,
17:14where you'll be making all the magic happen.
17:17Cooker, fridge here, pantry,
17:20a walk-in cupboard there,
17:21that's where Paul keeps all the wine and whatnot.
17:23Um, you're happy with the recipe?
17:24It's just I know that reading's a struggle for you,
17:27isn't it, with your dyslexia?
17:29Oh, I'm fine, I've got everything.
17:34For writing it out so big.
17:35No, I know beef, it's a bit much, isn't it,
17:37for a summer dinner party,
17:38but, well, it's his favourite.
17:40My husband's favourite, I mean.
17:42And with the election and Paul needs all the TV coverage you can get.
17:45Oh, of course.
17:46And you don't mind staying in the kitchen tonight, do you?
17:49It's just, it's a bit awkward, you being venturer.
17:52Oh.
17:53Daddy doesn't know,
17:53but he can't really complain we need the money.
17:56Well, just don't go poisoning all of Carinium in my dining room.
18:01Seriously, though, you really mustn't let anyone see you.
18:03Oh.
18:04OK.
18:05I've rather given the impression that I'm doing the cooking tonight,
18:07so I really need everything to be perfect.
18:10Right.
18:13OK, well, I'm going to go to the hairdressers.
18:16Um, don't answer the door,
18:17but if somebody calls, just pretend to be the daily, OK?
18:21Oh, sure.
18:22Um, what if anyone sees me in the kitchen tonight?
18:25Shh.
18:30Stuck into the pantry.
18:36This afternoon, the MP for Chalford and Bisley
18:39was in Stroud with his children
18:40to open the newest branch of Waitrose,
18:42armed with a very large pair of scissors.
18:45And three, two, one.
18:47Yay!
18:48Good, thank you.
18:49No, delighted to drop in on our walk around, Stroud.
18:51Waitrose is absolutely the best place
18:53to pick up a nice hunk of Codswell bloom.
19:01No, no, no, no, no, no!
19:03God, no, you idiot!
19:09Um...
19:10OK.
19:11OK.
19:13Oh.
19:14Oh.
19:17Uh...
19:21Uh...
19:21Uh...
19:22Uh...
19:22Uh...
19:22Uh...
19:22Uh...
19:22Mrs Stratton-Bishoppin.
19:24Thank you very much.
19:25That's the worst Roger accent I've ever heard, Sarah,
19:28is Rupert.
19:29It's...
19:30It's not Sarah.
19:32Is that Taggy?
19:33Sarah said to pretend to be a daily.
19:36Um, uh...
19:37I'm actually after Paul.
19:38Um...
19:39Is he there?
19:39it's party business darling what is it I'm making mr. Stratton's favorite beef
19:48from the white elephant in pains we're going I've just dropped all the salt on
19:50it and now it's ruined oh ain't you well can you make it again
19:55well it's too late the butcher shuts up for god ruined everything all right
20:00leave it with me you get on with the starter and I'll be there in an hour no
20:04you don't have to do that but there's an awful lot to do sorry Gerald I'm
20:11rescuing a constituent can't have it is free parking not three pounds
20:34the mountain top
20:36burning like a silver flame
20:40for some in the beauty and love
20:44the Venus was a baby
20:48she's got it
20:50yeah baby she's got it
20:56I'm your Venus
21:06are you nearly done they're sitting down well some of them nearly nearly
21:11oh quick someone's coming
21:18gorgeous canapes Sarah oh thanks so much yes I love those um taggy o'hara makes them
21:25yes yes I asked for the recipe oh what are you cooking us I'm cooking
21:33Luigi's famous beef dub I had to almost sleep with him to get the recipe but that's
21:38Tony's favorite I can't wait to tell him can I do anything yes will you tell the
21:43men to bloody well sit down god it's like herding cats isn't it
21:46there's your glass Lizzie put it down again
21:49yeah
21:53Sarah
21:55sorry did I make you jump
21:56I'm so sorry for bringing your nemesis
21:59mother's not well tonight
22:01BT overheard me on the phone and insisted she come along with me instead
22:04I couldn't stop her
22:06don't worry I put her next to James
22:08oh actually you
22:11you can take this in for me I need no second bidding
22:22now can I take these are these ready to go oh I'm not really ready
22:26but they look ready actually uh yes uh they're ready sorry
22:30wow and just remind me again what are these it's uh trout mousse with a cucumber salad and
22:35melba toast and did it take me long to make it not really because we're very good at cooking
22:46beef daub for eight direct from luigi at the white elephant oh my goodness you're a lifesaver
22:51thank you oh look it's the same dish do you mind
22:58does your father know you're cooking for the enemy this is the strangest job i have
23:02it's sarah quick
23:09i knew sarah wasn't cooking oh my god please don't say anything i'll be in such
23:13trouble
23:13a word i said i was going to the loo
23:16why don't you use the upstairs one well i don't need the loo
23:18that's okay
23:23what herbs on top monica's asking oh and dill
23:25deal um paul wants horseradish oh sarah no no not in there
23:33what the hell are you doing here i just popped round to see taggy
23:38sarah wait
23:42i have to speak to you i'm hosting a dinner party james it can't wait i'm sure it can
23:47i am going crackers apparently you are pregnant
23:52why did you leave that surgery told me at work
23:54is it true is it mine no i'm not i'm getting rid of it all right just
24:06i'm fine
24:11everything all right darling yes what why why
24:13well i don't know seem a bit
24:15uh well so do you this is terribly important i know oh my insides are not right at all
24:21oh it's probably just nerves yeah go upstairs and swing some of that pectabismol yeah it's all
24:26right oh oh oh if someone was in the other loo so i went upstairs oh no problem very good
24:35go and sit down have a drink another drink
24:50get back in there before lizzie sees you're gone god sarah i can't tell you the relief
24:58it's not mine is it no
25:00fuck off get me the horseradish middle shelf
25:10what does a girl have to do to get a proper drink around here murder a scotch
25:16are we alone looks like it our plan is coming together deliciously i genuinely think it might
25:23lose a particular unlovely person their particularly lovely job beautiful music to my ears
25:29you just need to keep a certain person out of my way
25:36oh hello you two talking shop again are we well you really are the most attentive host every time i
25:42turn around there you are well actually i was just popping in for this cheeky little burgundy to go
25:47with the beef what do you say tony should we uh rip the knickers off oh god absolutely excuse me
25:52uh it mustn't be monica oh did i mention what a wonderful job you're doing on the election
25:57campaigns sarah has learned so much from you well she had a great deal to learn
26:10right this is my very important dinner party all right so i have to go back in there because people
26:15are going to start asking where i am please get the main course ready and try not to do anything
26:19more to up my night oh jesus okay what can i do can you take this one with you hide
26:31the evidence of
26:32course and this is definitely the salty one yes thank you so much for tonight wish i could pay you
26:38back
26:38okay i mean return the favor well uh actually there is one thing you could help me with oh yeah
26:49once we've escaped from cold eggs this is just you can't tell me you said anything about what the
26:56entire purpose of this evening getting my face on corinium television no but he can't last you're still
27:02in here can he oh do me a favor crack open another bottle of red this is really plowing through
27:08it
27:08yeah roger bulker oh god she took it what do we do oh god you'll have to go in there
27:25i can't go
27:25in there well i really can't go in there oh it's the wrong beef what you'll regret it if you
27:31argue
27:32darling just run and get the beef what what what the hell is going on everyone in there thinks i'm
27:47batting just say you forgot to garnish it sarah what is the daughter of tony battingham's greatest
28:01enemy doing in our kitchen oh please god don't tell me she cooked the dinner
28:08it's no good it's no good i'm never going to be able to cook like winifred darling i just wanted
28:15your
28:15night to be perfect so i got taggy to come and help me i've been in the pantry sarah's done
28:19most of
28:19it you want to find out paulie come on nobody's seen her as long as there's absolutely no chance
28:27of tony finding out absolutely none okay darling why don't you go back in there and top up everyone's
28:35fine could have been worse you know could have been rupert campbell's face in this kitchen
28:45i'm so sorry but the real luigi cooked this one it's really good oh yes so i hear thank you
28:54good luck in there go out
28:58hey what the hell are you playing what it's going around the whole party apparently you've got a secret
29:03if i hear so much as a whisperer i haven't told anyone i can't help it if you have
29:08sarah get in get get in
29:12darling i can't seem to get tony on his own and now i'm chatting up bt johnson only i may
29:19have
29:19done too much i made her think that i'm up for a clinch in the cloak
29:21oh god no i'm still looking for the whiskey
29:23oh god
29:24hide me hide me hide me
29:28in the wine pantry
29:30wine pantry aren't we posh
29:38don't hear you
29:39oh
29:43so listen while i've got you um i wonder if you might see fit to uh get me on the
29:47cosplay roundup sofa this week one final push before the election you know win it for the blues
29:55no yes no no no i'm sure we're gonna do that i'm sure we're gonna make that happen
30:00you're marvelous thank you thank you so much um
30:10ah oh there you are and you found tony good good um darling peter wants a scotch so would you
30:19take that in for me i might join her in one actually tony
30:26i'm seeing the harley street doctor next week right so what's all this about secrets
30:33i didn't cook this right it's not about the baby listen to me you get yourself
30:39unpregnated as quickly as possible or no more dinner parties huh no more uncensored you got it
30:46you are off the shelter you sort yourself out
31:14i don't know
31:17Dough. Please don't.
31:27Sorry about that, everybody. It must be dough.
31:37Oh, I do love them.
31:39But Tagi O'Hara cooked the whole thing,
31:42and Sarah had her hiding in the kitchen all night.
31:45No, you're just...
31:47Oh, there's Gerald!
31:48Don't forget to vote tomorrow. Rupert Campbell Black.
31:51Derry?
31:52Hello.
31:54Hello.
31:55Beautiful day, Forrest.
31:56Hello, Georgie. Girl, I want you a beauty.
32:01Does Tony know you're fraternising with the enemy, Monica?
32:04Oh, we've all known each other far too long for any of that silliness.
32:08You, me and Hermione were spiking the punch at the Junior Humborg
32:11before any of us even knew what a television franchise was.
32:15Muffy, your godmother was quite the firecracker, you know.
32:18Oh.
32:19Derry, darling. Do you want some help?
32:21Mummy, will you take David back?
32:23Of course.
32:24Can I have fun?
32:25Cheerio.
32:26Come on, David.
32:26Yes, give me some of those.
32:27Lovely to see her so happy.
32:29Do you know I really never thought she'd find anyone.
32:32Rupert Campbell Black?
32:33Yes.
32:34Quite something.
32:35Isn't she your Muffy?
32:37She's a trooper.
32:39Must say there's something of a surprise, Polo.
32:42Yes.
32:43Sorry.
32:44Um, you were away when it all happened.
32:47I mean, I didn't know you liked, um...
32:52Dogs and horses?
32:54Yes.
32:54Exactly.
32:55Well, you know what it's like when you find your person.
32:58Suddenly everything about you makes sense.
33:03So you have to screw the corners down really tight?
33:06No.
33:08No.
33:10Then you have to leave it for several weeks.
33:12Weeks?
33:13It teaches you patience, don't it?
33:14Done it with my brownies a few times.
33:16They love it.
33:17Do you go to brownies, Tab?
33:18You only go to brownies if you haven't got a pony.
33:23Oh, we can use them to decorate cards once they're pressed,
33:26like these ones I made.
33:27What's Taggy short for?
33:29Agatha.
33:29Isn't that awful?
33:30Tabitha's so much nicer.
33:32I don't like it if people call me Tabby at school.
33:34Sounds like a cat.
33:36Well, my parents call me Tag, which sounds a lot like Tab.
33:39If Mark has shouted Tab, we'd both go charging into the room
33:41and bump into each other in the doorway.
33:47If you come to Warwickshire, you can see Biscuit, my new pony.
33:50Oh, I'd love that.
33:51Tab!
33:52Here we are!
33:55Daddy, could Taggy come back to Warwickshire with us tonight
33:58and see Biscuit?
33:59See Biscuit?
34:00That's another horse entirely.
34:01Please, Daddy.
34:02She can come and get burgers with us on the way.
34:04Oh, I said I'd give Mrs Emma left times.
34:06By a walk.
34:07It's not far.
34:08You go see the pony.
34:11Blanche?
34:14I...
34:15Yes!
34:16Yes!
34:17I can't wait for you to eat Biscuit.
34:19Come on!
34:20Okay, okay, okay.
34:21Come on, I'm coming.
34:21What Tabitha says goes.
34:24Last one to the chorus, a filthy rascal!
34:25Go, go, go, go, go!
34:28Oh!
34:37Table 11 are ready for drinks, don't I?
34:42Oh, no!
34:47A real quick check on 12.
34:48OK?
34:49Yeah.
34:54Everything good, Mr. Campbell Black?
34:56Perfect. I'll have another, please.
34:59And the pudding menu.
35:01Coming up.
35:02You can have pudding if Cameron's not here.
35:04Horrid Cameron thinks fruit salad is a pudding. Yuck.
35:07Oh, Cameron's not horrid.
35:09When I first met her, I did think she was a bit scary.
35:12Even Daddy probably thought she was a bit scary.
35:15I was terrified.
35:17If Cameron and Dad got married, she'd be our stepmother.
35:20I'm not calling her mother.
35:22You don't have to.
35:24Malise doesn't make you call him Dad, does he?
35:27You're so lucky, all these extra grown-ups you've got.
35:30Are you one of our grown-ups?
35:32I could be your grown-up friend, if you like.
35:43Delicious, as ever, Basil.
35:45Is that the wine or the girl?
35:46You bet.
35:49And this is for you.
35:54It was.
35:55It was.
35:57I didn't realise you'd lifted the ban on supervillains.
36:00Closest place to Kareem for an off-campus cabal.
36:04Don't worry, I'd charge him double.
36:06I've been discussing all the programme ideas.
36:08You've pinched.
36:09Not pinching, I don't think.
36:10We have everything we need.
36:11Just spending time with the family, same as you.
36:13Oh, I'm not going to congratulate you.
36:15I had no idea you had three such beautiful children.
36:21Do have a good evening, won't you?
36:41Mr. Stratton.
36:42Welcome back to Kareem.
36:44Good to see you.
36:45And can I just say, I'll definitely be voting for you tomorrow.
36:49That's very kind.
36:51Thank you, Doreen.
36:53Dear Trina.
36:54Of course, the weather forecast looks perfect for a stroll into town tomorrow, but don't
36:59forget to vote on the way to the ice cream van.
37:01And can I just say, from all of us here, and of course, we would say this to candidates
37:05from all the parties, that we wish you the very best of luck winning Conchester.
37:10Well, of course, I'm hoping to continue to serve the fine people of Conchester, but frankly,
37:15I'm already the luckiest man alive.
37:17And in fact, Sarah and I expect to be rather busy in the coming months.
37:21Oh, well, wonderful.
37:22And as I...
37:22Because we're having a baby.
37:31I'm sorry, what?
37:34We, uh, could be happier, actually.
37:38Of course, things have changed since I first became a father.
37:40I gather men change nappies now.
37:44Well, and how wonderful to hear it here first on Cotswold Roundup.
37:50Now, after the break, pie, cottage, shepherd.
37:53Or just humble.
37:55Christ!
37:56Oh, how the bloody hell did he find out?
37:58I didn't tell him, I swear.
38:00So we don't know who it was, but we don't know what else they know.
38:06Oh, my God.
38:07I'm going to have to go through with it now.
38:15People have babies every day.
38:16You'll work it out.
38:19Go home and celebrate with your husband.
38:27It's uncensored tonight.
38:29Please, let me do the show.
38:31Please, let me be brilliant and make it up to you.
38:32You're in no state.
38:33BT will do without you as plan.
38:35But...
38:35We're not changing the show now.
38:38I told you, you're off the show until you sort your little problem out.
38:41To my eyes, the problem has.
38:43If anything, it suddenly got rather bigger, isn't it?
38:46Go on.
38:58We're going to do it tonight.
39:00Just as planned.
39:01Oh, yes.
39:02All guns blazing.
39:13How did you find out?
39:14I saw Winifred pregnant a number of times, remember?
39:17I know the signs.
39:21So, were you planning on telling me at any point over the next six months,
39:24or were you just going to pop out shopping Monday and come here with the baby?
39:29How could you expose me like that?
39:31On live television?
39:33Announcing it like it was part of your election campaign?
39:36I announced it because I think you might be under some pressure to get rid of it.
39:44I don't want you to.
39:48I heard Tony talking to you about a termination.
39:54Don't I get a say?
40:00It's my child, too.
40:08So selfish.
40:09I'm selfish.
40:10You were the one considering getting rid of it for all the sake of your career.
40:13At least my career's going well.
40:15Do you know, a lot of women would be glad to have a baby with a father who's already been
40:18through it.
40:19Oh, yeah, I'm sure you were really invaluable.
40:22Did you trap Winifred?
40:23Hmm?
40:24Like you've trapped me.
40:26Unlike you, she wasn't constantly on the lookout for an escape.
40:29I bet she's glad she got one in the end.
40:32If you disgusted her even half as much as you disgust me.
40:36God.
40:37Do you know, I'm done.
40:38I'm done!
40:41I hope you lose your seat to the monster-raving loonies.
40:52Mama!
40:53Hey, sweetheart.
40:55Hey, Tab.
40:56Did you have a good time?
40:57Yes, we really did.
40:58Hi.
40:59Hi.
40:59Mummy, this is Peggy.
41:00Yes.
41:01We've met before.
41:02She's a babysitter and she is brilliant.
41:04I'm taking her to meet Biscuit.
41:06Come on!
41:06Oh!
41:07Marcus, you're coming?
41:10Babysitter.
41:11Hmm.
41:12She's Declan O'Hara's daughter.
41:14There was a woman here this morning with a film crew.
41:17Carinium.
41:19You speak to them?
41:20No, of course not.
41:20I told her to get the hell off of my driveway.
41:23You should know there's some people sniffing around.
41:25It's the election, probably.
41:29How's Venice?
41:31Oh, cultural heaven.
41:33You want to see the photos?
41:35No, thank you.
41:42Oh, he's lovely, isn't he?
41:45He'll say hello for a polo.
41:47Look.
41:48Do you want a polo biscuit?
41:49Biscuit?
41:50Biscuit!
41:52I think that's a yes.
41:54Here you go.
41:55Oh, biscuit!
41:56Oh!
41:57Say hello to Taggy.
42:04Your children are very beautiful.
42:07Not surprising, I suppose, with such a beautiful mother.
42:10Is it agony when you see her now?
42:12Oh, agony.
42:13She brought the fucking tits on you.
42:14I can't think how I stayed married to her for seven years.
42:16Some of these puts up a little, I don't know.
42:18Well, he's much older, isn't he?
42:19Yeah.
42:20When he talks about the war, he means the Crimean.
42:25Well.
42:26How did you meet him?
42:27He was my chef to keep.
42:29Oh, a chef, like me.
42:31No, um...
42:32Why?
42:33Chef, as in boss, French.
42:34He ran the British showtopic team.
42:36Ah.
42:37I suppose he was my mentor, my Mr. Miyagi.
42:42Must have been hard to do some time.
42:44No.
42:46The only thing that really...
42:49irks me is that Millie's succeeded where I failed.
42:56I can't honestly say that I've ever made any woman happy.
43:01Not for very long.
43:09Yeah, I'll babysit any time you like.
43:11I mean, I don't want to tread on Cameron's toes.
43:13Oh, God, I wish Cameron could handle the kids as well as you do.
43:18You're gonna make an incredible mother one day.
43:24I wish...
43:33You're lovely with them.
43:36Seen a different side of you today.
43:57It's been a lovely day.
43:59One of those days you don't want the sun to go down.
44:05You know, by the time Helen left me, I could hardly better look at her.
44:10Nothing she had done.
44:13Just cause of the hurt I could see in her eyes.
44:24I must never do it again.
44:31I mean it, Tag.
44:32I mustn't.
44:33I won't break you too.
44:47I did it.
44:48I left him.
44:49I left Paul.
44:51Jesus.
44:53I should go.
44:55Thanks for today.
44:56I'll call.
44:57I'm sorry.
44:58I'm sorry.
44:58I didn't know where else to go.
45:00I don't really have any friends.
45:14I love a cheese sandwich.
45:17Thanks, Shelley.
45:20Is that chutney?
45:21No, it's jam.
45:24We're back.
45:25It's Brad.
45:26Hello, guys.
45:27You're not back till tomorrow?
45:28We raced home to tell you the news.
45:30You tell them.
45:31No, you.
45:32The BBC called me at the hotel in Ireland.
45:35They'd greenlit Yeats.
45:37That, that's amazing.
45:39Oh, thank Christ.
45:41So now I can cut the tags off my Ventura T-shirt?
45:43You can.
45:47But, oh my God, they want it delivered in three months.
45:50We got an early flight back cause there's so much to do.
45:52Let's get to work.
45:57Why was Taggy O'Hara here?
45:59Babysitting.
46:00I was worried when I found you with her in my pantry.
46:02She's far too young.
46:05What does age even mean?
46:08It's just a number.
46:09Yeah, it's just a number now.
46:11Imagine what it'd be like in a few years.
46:12It'd be like me and Paul.
46:13Oh, God.
46:14Sarah.
46:17Why are you here?
46:19Uncensored's going out tonight without me.
46:22BT's presenting it solo and I think she's going to stitch me up.
46:27I think she knows something about me.
46:32And now everything's going to be ruined.
46:35She's going to crucify me live on national television.
46:39I think that's enough. Get off.
46:45anything else.
46:48Oh, God.
46:49I think that's enough for us.
46:57Why are you there?
47:01You can't think you alone.
47:05Fles that love.
47:06I think it's nothing right as you save your eye to find you.
47:06I think that's why I worthy of their glory,
47:17Preparing to go live.
47:21Five, four, three, two, one.
47:27And cue Beattie.
47:30Good evening, and welcome to Uncensored, the naughtiest show on the network.
47:34The beady-eyed among you might have noticed I'm by myself this evening.
47:39Sarah's getting some rest.
47:40Due to the pregnancy announced this afternoon on Carinium,
47:43on tonight's very special edition,
47:45we uncover the scandal behind the polished facade of a national treasure.
47:48Here we go.
47:50Whatever she says about you, we'll work it out, okay?
47:54Minister for Sport, Rupert Campbell Black.
48:00You might want to fasten your seatbelts for this.
48:03It's going to be quite a ride.
48:16It's going to be quite a ride.
48:30Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
48:48oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
48:52oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
48:53oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
48:54oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
48:54oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Comments