- 13 hours ago
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00:00:00Caleb isn't answering his phone.
00:00:01Lacrosse practice ended an hour ago.
00:00:04Could you just find him?
00:00:05We're waiting for you for dinner.
00:00:07Yeah.
00:00:08Fine.
00:00:09I'll look for him.
00:00:10Catherine can't reach her precious son,
00:00:12and somehow that's my problem.
00:00:14Our parents have been inseparable since childhood.
00:00:17Catherine is my godmother.
00:00:18They raised us side by side,
00:00:20convinced we'd grow up as close as they were.
00:00:23They never noticed when it all went wrong.
00:00:25Jade Richards perches on the edge of the sink,
00:00:27and Caleb, right there,
00:00:30stands between her thighs in nothing but a towel
00:00:32that hangs dangerously low on his hips.
00:00:34Caleb, someone could walk in.
00:00:37I don't give a fuck.
00:00:39I should leave.
00:00:40I should definitely, absolutely leave.
00:00:42Instead, I stand there like an idiot,
00:00:44heat flooding through my body in waves.
00:00:46This is disgusting.
00:00:48He is disgusting.
00:00:49You hate him.
00:00:50I slam the door,
00:00:52forcing my expression into irritation
00:00:54rather than the hot shame crawling up my throat.
00:00:56Your mother's been calling you for an hour, asshole.
00:01:00Our parents need us both at my house for dinner tonight.
00:01:03Apparently, it's something important.
00:01:05I should go.
00:01:07Coach will kill me if I'm late.
00:01:10You could have texted.
00:01:11Catherine asked me to find you.
00:01:13I found you.
00:01:15Message delivered.
00:01:16Is that what we're calling it?
00:01:19Because it looked a lot like you were watching.
00:01:21Long enough to be disgusted.
00:01:23Disgusted, right?
00:01:24I'm leaving.
00:01:26Don't be late for dinner.
00:01:27I'll drive you home.
00:01:28I have my bike.
00:01:30Still not in the mood to sit on some used condoms in your car.
00:01:36Suit yourself, princess.
00:01:39Dinner passes in a blur of small talk and forced smiles.
00:01:43But something feels different tonight.
00:01:45Catherine keeps touching my father's arm,
00:01:47not the comforting pats of a grieving friend.
00:01:50They've been spending so much time together since mom died,
00:01:53since Caleb's father vanished with every dollar the Thorntons had.
00:01:56Kids, Catherine and I actually have something to tell you.
00:02:01So we've decided to get married.
00:02:03No, no way.
00:02:05He deserves happiness and Catherine is wonderful,
00:02:07but it's only been six months since my mother died.
00:02:10We found a new house.
00:02:12Neutral territory for everyone.
00:02:16The kids' rooms are on the same floor.
00:02:19And Serena, your room connects to Caleb's through a Jack and Jill bathroom.
00:02:23Isn't it cool?
00:02:26Come on, you guys.
00:02:28It will be nice.
00:02:30My lifelong secret crush soon to become my stepbrother.
00:02:33Yeah, dad, really fucking nice.
00:02:36I set the boxes down on the unfamiliar floor,
00:02:40surveying this room that was supposed to be mine.
00:02:43Neutral territory, my father called it.
00:02:46A fresh start.
00:02:47The walls are painted a careful beige that commits to nothing.
00:02:51Now I'm here,
00:02:52in this house that holds no memories of my mother.
00:02:57Careful!
00:02:58It's just your crap.
00:03:00I'm taking a shower.
00:03:03Try not to miss me too much.
00:03:05This is what I am now.
00:03:07Sharing walls with my worst school enemy.
00:03:10But there was a time before all that.
00:03:12You're doing it wrong.
00:03:14Here.
00:03:15Like this.
00:03:17Stop.
00:03:18Stop romanticizing.
00:03:23Shit, my tampons!
00:03:25I left them on the bathroom counter this morning.
00:03:27If I'm fast enough...
00:03:35Wanted a preview of your new stepbrother, pervert?
00:03:38That's fucked up, even for you.
00:03:40I just left something on the counter.
00:03:42Not everything is about you and your abs, asshole!
00:03:46Keep telling yourself that.
00:03:50I'm not done talking.
00:03:52Well, I'm done listening.
00:03:54Let go of me, Caleb!
00:03:56Or what?
00:03:57Gonna scream, run to daddy?
00:04:01God, you're pathetic!
00:04:03Still crying over mommy?
00:04:06It's been six months, Serena.
00:04:08The rest of us have moved on.
00:04:10You are exactly like your shitty father!
00:04:13Say that again.
00:04:14I dare you.
00:04:15You heard me.
00:04:16You're just like him.
00:04:17Like Simon.
00:04:19A bully who only feels big when he's making someone else feel small.
00:04:23Keep his fucking name out of your mouth before I...
00:04:25Before you what?
00:04:27Hit me!
00:04:28Prove my point!
00:04:29Such a shame your mother won't see you graduate.
00:04:32But hey, your dad moved on quickly.
00:04:35Guess she wasn't that hard to forget.
00:04:37Don't talk about my mother!
00:04:39Why not?
00:04:40Scared you're just as forgettable as she is?
00:04:44Careful, princess.
00:04:45Do you really want to start something you can't finish?
00:04:48You know what I think?
00:04:49I think you're terrified that one day you'll be gone and no one will even notice.
00:04:53That you'll just be another ghost.
00:04:55No one bothers to remember.
00:04:56No one will ever truly love someone as pathetic as you.
00:05:00And deep down you know it's true.
00:05:08Serena.
00:05:09Open the fucking door!
00:05:13You just signed your death sentence, princess.
00:05:16You hear me?
00:05:17From this moment on, your life is going to be a living hell.
00:05:20There's a long silence before his footsteps retreat and I hear his bedroom door slams.
00:05:26Minutes pass.
00:05:28Maybe five.
00:05:29Maybe five.
00:05:29Maybe ten.
00:05:30Then I sink to the floor, back against my bed, and wrap my arms around my knees.
00:05:35I hate him.
00:05:36I hate that I wounded him.
00:05:38I hate that I noticed.
00:05:41I know him better now than I ever wanted to.
00:05:44He runs at six.
00:05:45I've memorized the particular weight of his footsteps on the stairs.
00:05:49Showers at 640.
00:05:51And the pipes in my bathroom sing a specific note when the water pressure changes.
00:05:56Tuesday.
00:05:57My shampoo mysteriously turned my hair traffic cone orange.
00:06:01Wednesday.
00:06:02Every single bra I own disappeared, reappearing frozen in blocks of ice in the freezer.
00:06:08Thursday.
00:06:09My laptop password changed itself to Daddy Issues 123.
00:06:13At 3.14 in the afternoon, I'm in the kitchen.
00:06:16He doesn't get home until 4.30 on Thursdays.
00:06:19I'm halfway through making the world's saddest sandwich when the front door opens an hour earlier
00:06:24than his schedule allows.
00:06:25My entire body goes on high alert, skin prickling, pulse jackknifing.
00:06:31Don't turn around.
00:06:32Don't give him the satisfaction.
00:06:35Careful.
00:06:36Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself.
00:06:38His chest presses more firmly against my back as he reaches higher,
00:06:42and the contact sends electricity shooting down my spine, pooling low and hot in my belly.
00:06:47Something wrong, princess?
00:06:49I just wanted to grab my protein bar.
00:06:53That'll be Jade.
00:06:56Hmm.
00:06:57Try not to listen too hard, sis.
00:06:59Sis.
00:07:00The word is a weapon.
00:07:02A reminder.
00:07:02A fucking power play that makes me want to throw the knife at his head.
00:07:06They'll have a drink, and then she'll leave.
00:07:09That's how these things work.
00:07:11Hot water.
00:07:12Locked door.
00:07:13The white noise of falling water drowning out everything else.
00:07:17Except...
00:07:17Oh God, Caleb!
00:07:19Jade's voice cuts through the wall like it's made of tissue paper.
00:07:22High and desperate and absolutely not faking it.
00:07:26Her moans build in pitch and urgency, and I hear the creak of bed springs.
00:07:30The thump of a headboard against a wall.
00:07:33Heat coils between my thighs, insistent and demanding.
00:07:36My body betrays me completely.
00:07:38Nipples tightening.
00:07:39Breath coming shorter.
00:07:40And I hate myself for the way my hand drifts down my stomach.
00:07:44I've never touched myself like this before.
00:07:46What would it feel like?
00:07:47His hands instead of water.
00:07:49His weight pressing me against the tile.
00:07:52His voice in my ear.
00:07:53Low and commanding.
00:07:55Take it.
00:07:57Take everything I give you.
00:07:59The pressure builds impossibly fast.
00:08:01My free hand bracing against the tile as my legs shake.
00:08:04When I come, it's violent.
00:08:06Earth-shattering.
00:08:07The silence hits me first.
00:08:09No more sounds from his room.
00:08:11Nothing.
00:08:11Oh God.
00:08:12Oh fuck.
00:08:13Could they hear?
00:08:13I stumble toward the door, needing to confirm that barrier between my humiliation and reality.
00:08:20The door to his room is cracked open, but I checked it before I got in the shower.
00:08:23I'm certain I did.
00:08:25It was closed.
00:08:26Firmly.
00:08:27Completely closed.
00:08:28My heart stops.
00:08:29Did he open it?
00:08:31Control is an illusion I've been selling myself for 18 years.
00:08:35This is who I am.
00:08:37The girl who prepares.
00:08:38The girl who controls what she can.
00:08:40The girl with the five-year plan.
00:08:42And the girl who definitely doesn't spend every waking moment thinking about her stepbrother's hands.
00:08:48Lies.
00:08:48All lies.
00:08:49Just once more.
00:08:50Then you'll study.
00:08:52Then you'll be normal.
00:08:53Having fun?
00:08:58Going somewhere?
00:09:01Let go of me!
00:09:03Sit the fuck down, Serena.
00:09:05Fuck you!
00:09:05You done?
00:09:09So, who's the lucky bastard?
00:09:11What?
00:09:12What are you talking about?
00:09:14Don't play dumb.
00:09:15It's not cute.
00:09:17You were clearly getting yourself off to someone, so who is it?
00:09:20Some SAT tutor with a hard-on for the teacher's pets?
00:09:24One of those debate nerds who follows you around like you're made of cocaine?
00:09:28I wasn't!
00:09:29Your face is the color of a fucking tomato and your breathing's all fucked up.
00:09:33So, who's got perfect little Serena all worked up?
00:09:37Must be someone truly pathetic.
00:09:39Get out of my room!
00:09:41Is it that guy from Calc?
00:09:43The one with the glasses who stares at you when you're doing board work?
00:09:47No, wait.
00:09:48You'd never go for someone that obvious.
00:09:50Too desperate.
00:09:51I said, get out!
00:09:52Or maybe someone inappropriate.
00:09:55Someone you know you shouldn't want.
00:09:58Serena, who were you thinking about?
00:10:01No one!
00:10:01I wasn't!
00:10:02I was just...
00:10:03It's none of your fucking business!
00:10:06You're lying.
00:10:07I can always tell when you're lying.
00:10:08Your voice goes up at the end, your eyes dart to the left.
00:10:11And right now, you look fucking terrified.
00:10:13Which means whoever you were thinking about is someone you really don't want me to know about.
00:10:19You were thinking about me, weren't you?
00:10:21That's disgusting!
00:10:24Yeah?
00:10:25Then why is your pulse going crazy right here?
00:10:28Your body's a fucking traitor.
00:10:30You're insane!
00:10:31Then why can't you look at me?
00:10:34Why do you look like you're about to either cry or cum?
00:10:37Because you're in my face!
00:10:39What were you imagining?
00:10:41My hands on you?
00:10:42Inside you?
00:10:43My mouth on your neck?
00:10:46Or your legs?
00:10:49Were you imagining how I'd touch you?
00:10:52Hard and rough until you forget your own name.
00:10:54Or maybe slow and deep until you're begging me to let you cum?
00:10:58But here's the thing, princess.
00:11:00You're not even worth the effort it would take to undress you.
00:11:06You're fucking disgusting!
00:11:09You think I want any part of that?
00:11:11Fix yourself!
00:11:13You look like a cheap whore.
00:11:15Dinner's in ten.
00:11:17Try to act like a normal fucking person.
00:11:19I don't move for a long time.
00:11:22Can't move.
00:11:23My thigh still burns where he touched it.
00:11:25I stand there trying to breathe around the tightness in my chest.
00:11:29Six weeks of college, and I've learned that hope is just disappointment wearing a pretty dress.
00:11:34I had acceptances from everywhere, places with actual seasons and zero Caleb Thorntons per square mile.
00:11:41But no, dad pulled the family needs to stick together card.
00:11:45I think it's actually really nice that you and Caleb ended up here together.
00:11:49After everything, it just feels right.
00:11:52Yeah.
00:11:53Um, totally.
00:11:55Everyone's coming over soon.
00:11:56The picnic's about to start.
00:11:58The bastard had applied after me.
00:12:01After.
00:12:02Found out where I was going and followed like some kind of stalker.
00:12:05Even won grants and scholarships.
00:12:07Including the one from his high school presidency.
00:12:10My fresh start rotted before it even began.
00:12:12The picnic is about to start.
00:12:14I'm about to prepare a fruit plate when I hear this voice.
00:12:17That specific frequency of a woman's giggle that makes my eye twitch.
00:12:21Jade stands at the garden gate.
00:12:23Her hand threaded through Caleb's arm.
00:12:25Her sundress clings to curves I remember from the locker room.
00:12:29Curves I heard him worship in his bedroom.
00:12:31While my body betrayed every principle I claimed to hold.
00:12:34Oh, Caleb.
00:12:36You didn't mention you were bringing someone.
00:12:39Jade, sweetheart.
00:12:40Welcome.
00:12:41Thanks, Mrs. Lacken.
00:12:43Everything looks amazing.
00:12:45Did you make all this yourself?
00:12:47Most of it.
00:12:49Serena helped with the fruit platters.
00:12:51How domestic.
00:12:53Serena, so good at this stuff.
00:12:55The compliment lands like a slap wrapped in ribbons.
00:12:58This stuff.
00:12:59Like I'm some 1950s housewife in training while she's out here being decorative and touchable
00:13:04and everything I'm not.
00:13:05We're so proud of both of them.
00:13:07Adjusting to college life so beautifully.
00:13:12Serena's doing wonderfully.
00:13:14Dean's list material.
00:13:15Her advisor says,
00:13:17Well, she has to excel at something.
00:13:19Competition's tough when you can't coast on personality.
00:13:22Some of us prefer substance over charm.
00:13:26Kids.
00:13:27Babe, you two are hilarious.
00:13:29It's like watching real siblings bicker.
00:13:32Real siblings.
00:13:33The words land like ice water down my spine.
00:13:36We end up on the same picnic blanket because the universe has a sick sense of humor.
00:13:41Jade chatters about rush week and themed parties and other things that would require me to have a soul.
00:13:45She doesn't know him.
00:13:47Doesn't know he checks the locks three times before bed.
00:13:50Doesn't know he still has nightmares about his father.
00:13:53Doesn't know he reads Bukowski when he thinks no one's watching.
00:13:56After the neighbors evacuate and our parents disappear inside with wine that'll make them nostalgic and weepy,
00:14:01I escaped to the kitchen.
00:14:03Jade left an hour ago.
00:14:05Something about a sorority emergency that sounded suspiciously like,
00:14:09I'm bored and these people are old.
00:14:11Thought you'd hide in here all night.
00:14:15I'm cleaning up.
00:14:16Some of us contribute.
00:14:18Is that what you call sulking in corners and shooting death glares at my girlfriend?
00:14:22She's not your girlfriend.
00:14:24She's a prop.
00:14:25An accessory.
00:14:28This week's validation fix.
00:14:30Jealous much?
00:14:31I'd rather be jealous of a yeast infection.
00:14:34Strong words.
00:14:37You know what I think?
00:14:38I think you can't stand watching me with her.
00:14:41I think it eats you alive.
00:14:43You followed me here.
00:14:44You could have gone anywhere.
00:14:48But you chose here.
00:14:49Maybe I just like the school.
00:14:51Maybe you're so terrified of being alone with yourself
00:14:54that you need me around to torture.
00:14:56Watch your fucking mouth, princess.
00:14:59You know what?
00:15:00I feel sorry for you.
00:15:01I'm serious.
00:15:02I feel sorry for the boy whose father beat him and then abandoned him.
00:15:05The boy's so desperate for approval,
00:15:07he'll fuck girls who don't even know his middle name.
00:15:10Because it's easier than admitting
00:15:11no one's ever actually loved him for who he is.
00:15:17Jade doesn't see you, Caleb.
00:15:19None of them do.
00:15:20They see the smile and the body and the charm.
00:15:23Shut the fuck up!
00:15:25And that works for you because
00:15:26if they saw the real you,
00:15:28the broken, desperate, terrified little boy
00:15:31under all that armor,
00:15:32they'd run.
00:15:34I'm not jealous of Jade.
00:15:36I pity her.
00:15:37And I pity you.
00:15:39The rest of the dishes are all yours.
00:15:50The library smells like anxiety and desperation
00:15:53with hints of stale Red Bull,
00:15:55basically the official cologne of higher education.
00:15:58Mia sits next to me,
00:15:59allegedly writing her sociology paper
00:16:01but actually deep-stalking her TA's Instagram.
00:16:04I know because she keeps making
00:16:06these tiny gasping sounds
00:16:08every time she scrolls past a shirtless beach photo.
00:16:11Six weeks into freshman year
00:16:12and Mia is the closest thing I've ever had
00:16:14to a real friend.
00:16:15In high school, I couldn't afford friends.
00:16:18He has a dog.
00:16:19A golden retriever named Pancake.
00:16:22Mia, focus.
00:16:24I am focused.
00:16:26Focused on how that man fills out a wetsuit.
00:16:31Ow, what?
00:16:32Look over there.
00:16:33Look, but don't make it obvious.
00:16:35Mia, if this is another guy
00:16:37you think has protagonist energy...
00:16:39Serena, shut up and look!
00:16:41Lucas Bennett is walking toward us
00:16:43and apparently puberty decided
00:16:45to work overtime on him.
00:16:46The last time I saw Lucas,
00:16:48he was Caleb's perpetual shadow.
00:16:50Always there, but never quite there.
00:16:52Is this seat taken?
00:16:56Serena Lacken.
00:16:57I thought that was you.
00:17:00How long has it been?
00:17:01A while.
00:17:03Since high school, at least.
00:17:05Too long.
00:17:06I heard you were here.
00:17:08Pre-law, right?
00:17:09Of course you are.
00:17:10You were always terrifyingly smart.
00:17:15Pre-med for me.
00:17:17Turns out all those years
00:17:19of patching up lacrosse injuries
00:17:21gave me a taste for it.
00:17:22You patched up lacrosse injuries?
00:17:24I thought you were one of the ones causing them.
00:17:27Fair point.
00:17:28Maybe I was just atoning for my sins.
00:17:31We all have things we wish we'd done differently back then.
00:17:34I remember you from Honours English.
00:17:36You demolished everyone in that Fitzgerald debate.
00:17:39I was genuinely scared of you.
00:17:41Fear is an appropriate response to literary analysis.
00:17:46The cafe by the Humanities Building is acceptable.
00:17:49Everything else tastes like it was brewed during the Reagan administration.
00:17:52A coffee snob.
00:17:54I respect that.
00:17:56Strong opinions about beverages are a green flag.
00:18:00Would you look at the time I have that thing?
00:18:03The urgent thing.
00:18:04The urgent thing.
00:18:05With the people.
00:18:06At the place.
00:18:09At the place.
00:18:09Serena.
00:18:09Text me everything.
00:18:13So, are you going to the Halloween party next Friday?
00:18:16The big one at Sigma Chi.
00:18:19Everyone goes.
00:18:20Parties aren't really my thing.
00:18:21That's exactly why you should come.
00:18:24College is about new experiences, right?
00:18:27Breaking out of old patterns.
00:18:29Three tables away, I feel the weight of Caleb's gaze like fingertips trailing down my spine.
00:18:35His eyes are locked on me with an intensity that makes my stomach flip.
00:18:39Tell me more about this party.
00:18:40What exactly makes it so unmissable?
00:18:43It's legendary, honestly.
00:18:44The costumes get competitive.
00:18:46The music is actually decent.
00:18:48Plus, I hear the punch is strong enough to make even pre-law students have fun.
00:18:53Bold assumption that I don't already know how to have fun.
00:18:56Prove me wrong, then.
00:18:58Come to the party.
00:18:59Let me buy you a drink.
00:19:01You're very confident for someone who hasn't seen me in years.
00:19:05Some things are worth being confident about.
00:19:08I'll think about it.
00:19:09I'm looking at Caleb as he stands abruptly.
00:19:11He doesn't pack up his things.
00:19:12Doesn't grab the broken pen.
00:19:14Just turns and walks out.
00:19:16Movement sharp with barely controlled violence.
00:19:18And my pulse is racing for entirely the wrong reason.
00:19:22The cruelest lies are the ones we tell ourselves about what we want.
00:19:26He texted again while I was in the shower.
00:19:28Three messages in 20 minutes.
00:19:30He's sweet.
00:19:31Persistent in a way that feels like warmth instead of pressure.
00:19:35Normal in a way I've forgotten people can be.
00:19:37This is good.
00:19:38Lucas is good.
00:19:39Lucas is exactly what you need.
00:19:41Caleb without the emotional terrorism.
00:19:43This is what normal feels like.
00:19:45This is what I deserve.
00:19:47My eyes still on my phone.
00:19:48Still composing a reply that sounds flirty without trying too hard.
00:19:52Well fuck me sideways.
00:19:55That's a face I've never seen before.
00:19:57Texting lover boy with that dopey ass smile?
00:20:02Pathetic doesn't even begin to cover it, princess.
00:20:05What the fuck are you doing in my room?
00:20:07Get out!
00:20:09These are tragic.
00:20:10Serena truly, like, seek help levels of unsexy.
00:20:14I said get out!
00:20:17Are you wearing these to the party?
00:20:19Please say yes.
00:20:21I need to see Lucas' face when he discovers what's underneath.
00:20:26Give those back!
00:20:28Granny panties with fruit on them.
00:20:30Bold strategy for a girl trying to lose her B card.
00:20:33I'm not trying to.
00:20:34Oh, you're definitely trying.
00:20:37That dumb smile you just walked in with?
00:20:39The sad little hair flip in the library?
00:20:42Touching his arm like you learned flirting from a WikiHow article?
00:20:46Get off my bed!
00:20:47Lucas Bennett.
00:20:49That's your big play?
00:20:50You really think that golden retro boy is interested in you?
00:20:54Unlike some people,
00:20:55Lucas is actually capable of basic human decency.
00:20:59Lucas is capable of fucking anything with a pulse, sure.
00:21:03But interested?
00:21:04Serena.
00:21:05Sweetheart.
00:21:06Look at yourself.
00:21:08You used to be friends with him.
00:21:09What happened?
00:21:11People grow apart.
00:21:12It happens.
00:21:14That's not an answer.
00:21:15It's the only one you're getting.
00:21:18Ancient history isn't really my thing.
00:21:20But we're not talking about me.
00:21:23We're talking about you,
00:21:24and you're going to show up in some tragic little costume
00:21:27and follow him around all night like a stray dog.
00:21:30And he's going to ditch you the second someone hotter walks by.
00:21:33You don't know anything about...
00:21:35I know you.
00:21:36Nineteen years old and never been fucked.
00:21:38You think that's an accident?
00:21:40You think guys just haven't noticed you?
00:21:43They've noticed.
00:21:45They're just not interested.
00:21:47There's nothing there to want.
00:21:49Lucas asked me.
00:21:50Not the other way around.
00:21:52Lucas is working an angle.
00:21:54Probably a bet with his frat brothers.
00:21:56Go ahead.
00:21:57Prove them right.
00:21:59Make a fool of yourself in front of the whole school.
00:22:01I'd rather humiliate myself in front of everyone
00:22:04than spend another second with you.
00:22:06Then we're both getting what we want.
00:22:08Wear the ugly underwear.
00:22:09It'll match the rest of you.
00:22:13The door clicks shut behind him
00:22:15and I don't move for a long time.
00:22:16My fingers find the strawberry underwear
00:22:18crumpled on the carpet
00:22:19and I clutch them against my chest like armor.
00:22:22The cotton is warm from his hands
00:22:24and I despise that I notice.
00:22:26What was that look?
00:22:28Right before he left,
00:22:29his expression shifted into territory I didn't recognize.
00:22:33Not cruel.
00:22:34Not mocking.
00:22:35Almost desperate.
00:22:36Get out of my head, Thornton.
00:22:37Get out.
00:22:38I look at myself in the mirror.
00:22:40The black bodysuit clings to curves
00:22:42I usually hide beneath hoodies and oversized sweaters.
00:22:46Holy fuck, Serena Lackham.
00:22:48Where have you been hiding that body?
00:22:51Lucas is going to swallow his own tongue when he sees you.
00:22:54Hell, I might switch teams.
00:22:56What if he doesn't like me?
00:22:58Oh, he'll like you.
00:22:59That boy has been eye-fucking you
00:23:02through every study session.
00:23:04And maybe tonight,
00:23:06he finally gets to do it.
00:23:08For real.
00:23:09Okay.
00:23:10Let's go before I change my mind.
00:23:12The party is chaos incarnate.
00:23:14Music pounds through the walls,
00:23:16bass so heavy the floor vibrates beneath my heels.
00:23:19Stay close!
00:23:21Lucas said he'd be wearing a skeleton mask.
00:23:23Great.
00:23:24Super helpful.
00:23:25I've already counted four skeleton masks
00:23:28in my immediate vicinity.
00:23:29Mia's sorority sisters descend
00:23:31like perfectly coordinated vultures,
00:23:33dragging her toward something called
00:23:35the situation on the dance floor.
00:23:37I park myself near the makeshift bar,
00:23:40draining my cup.
00:23:41The alcohol burns away the edges of my anxiety,
00:23:44making everything softer, warmer, more possible.
00:23:47That's when I see him.
00:23:49Lucas.
00:23:50Tall frame and broad shoulders I recognize.
00:23:53White mask tilted toward me from across the room.
00:23:56My pulse quickens and I tell myself it's the alcohol.
00:23:59He doesn't wave or call out.
00:24:01He simply extends one hand in my direction,
00:24:03palm up, waiting.
00:24:05Probably wants to see if the pre-law princess
00:24:07is as frigid as everyone says.
00:24:09Fine.
00:24:10Let him see.
00:24:11Let him tell everyone afterward.
00:24:13At least I won't be untouched anymore.
00:24:14Won't be the pathetic virgin Caleb mocks
00:24:17at every opportunity.
00:24:18The silence feels intentional.
00:24:20Part of the costume, part of the game.
00:24:23Lucas?
00:24:23He doesn't answer.
00:24:25His hands find my waist instead,
00:24:27thumbs tracing slow circles against my hip bones.
00:24:30And I decide that silence is answer enough.
00:24:33Oh, we're really committing to the role.
00:24:35I don't want this to be special.
00:24:37I don't want tender words or meaningful glances.
00:24:39I just want it done.
00:24:41Lucas's hands are rougher than I expected,
00:24:43gripping my waist like he's afraid I'll disappear.
00:24:46Fuck, okay.
00:24:48I kind of like aggressive Lucas.
00:24:51Can you at least lift the mask?
00:24:54I want to kiss you.
00:24:56He pauses.
00:24:57Then slowly, he pushes the mask up
00:24:59just enough to expose his mouth.
00:25:01In the darkness, I can't make out features.
00:25:04Just the outline of lips that crash into mine
00:25:06with bruising force.
00:25:08God, who knew Lucas had this in him?
00:25:15His fingers finally slide between my thighs.
00:25:18When he pushes finger inside me without warning,
00:25:20I nearly come off the bed.
00:25:22The stretch burns, but the pleasure overwhelms it,
00:25:25especially when his thumb finds my clit
00:25:27and circles with practiced precision.
00:25:29My mind drifts as sensation builds.
00:25:31What if it was him?
00:25:33I imagine Caleb's hands instead of Lucas's,
00:25:36Caleb's body pressing me into the mattress,
00:25:38Caleb's breath hot against my throat.
00:25:40The fantasy builds pressure low in my belly,
00:25:43spiraling toward a release that hovers just out of reach.
00:25:46My fingers dig into shoulders that belong to one man
00:25:49while my mind belongs entirely to another.
00:25:52My orgasm hits like a freight train,
00:25:54completely unexpected.
00:25:56It's over.
00:25:57It's done.
00:25:58You're not a virgin anymore.
00:26:01The girl in the mirror looks exactly as hollow as I feel.
00:26:05Congratulations, Serena.
00:26:06You're officially as pathetic as Caleb always said.
00:26:09When I finally emerge,
00:26:10I nearly collide with a familiar chest.
00:26:12There you are.
00:26:14I've been looking everywhere for you.
00:26:18Some dickhead in the same mask spilled his entire drink on me.
00:26:22Had to go change.
00:26:23Did you just get here?
00:26:25You look amazing, by the way.
00:26:26The floor tilts beneath me.
00:26:29He's been down here looking for me,
00:26:30which means the man in that bedroom,
00:26:32that wasn't Lucas at all.
00:26:36I call her princess because that's what she is.
00:26:39A girl who's never had to fight for anything.
00:26:41And I've been crawling and fighting my whole fucking life.
00:26:45The ceiling above my bed holds no answers,
00:26:48but I stare at it anyway,
00:26:50counting the minutes by the soft sounds filtering through the bathroom wall.
00:26:54A drawer opening, water running,
00:26:57the whisper of fabric against skin.
00:26:59You're sick, twisted beyond repair.
00:27:02I remember the first time I called her princess.
00:27:04We were 12.
00:27:06She tried to skip a stone, failed spectacularly.
00:27:10Her laugh bounced across the water,
00:27:12this mix of embarrassment and joy that hit me right in the chest.
00:27:16You're doing it wrong, here, like this.
00:27:21See?
00:27:22Perfect technique for a perfect princess.
00:27:25Thanks, Caleb.
00:27:26Two words.
00:27:27That's all it took.
00:27:29I was done for.
00:27:30Then I went home.
00:27:32That was the summer my father discovered new hobbies.
00:27:35I learned to sleep with my eyes half open,
00:27:37to flinch at footsteps,
00:27:39to disappear into walls.
00:27:41And suddenly,
00:27:42Serena's perfection stopped being something beautiful.
00:27:45It became a mirror.
00:27:46If her life is so perfect,
00:27:48let me be the one in perfection.
00:27:55I wanted to grab her shoulders
00:27:57and shake her until she broke,
00:27:59until she screamed.
00:28:00And I wanted to hold her
00:28:02until she felt safe enough to fall apart.
00:28:05Pick a lane, arsehole.
00:28:06You can't destroy someone and save them at the same time.
00:28:09Because Serena isn't just in my head,
00:28:12she's carved into my bones.
00:28:14My phone buzzes on the nightstand,
00:28:16the racing circuit.
00:28:18The debt follows me like a second shadow,
00:28:21my father's legacy.
00:28:22I wonder how much longer I can keep buried
00:28:25the obsession that drives me to follow her,
00:28:27like a satellite caught in her gravitational pull.
00:28:31I've been choking on jealousy for the past 20 minutes.
00:28:34It was just one of those moments, you know?
00:28:39Look at me like that, just once.
00:28:42But she never will.
00:28:44You have the most beautiful smile.
00:28:47Lucas leans in closer,
00:28:49whispering something that makes her cheeks go pink.
00:28:51And I'm gripping my hands so hard,
00:28:53my knuckles turn white.
00:28:54She doesn't pull away, doesn't stiffen,
00:28:57just tilts her head and listens
00:28:58like he's reciting fucking Shakespeare.
00:29:00I want to be at his place.
00:29:02I shove back from the table and walk out
00:29:04before I do something I can't take back.
00:29:07I try the gym first.
00:29:0945 minutes of punishing my muscles until they scream.
00:29:12But every time I close my eyes between sets,
00:29:15I see her hand on his arm.
00:29:17Her smile.
00:29:18The way she leaned toward him like he was magnetic north.
00:29:21I last three hours.
00:29:23Three hours of telling myself I don't care who she talks to,
00:29:26but my feet carry me down the hallway.
00:29:28Her bedroom door is unlocked.
00:29:30The shower runs in the bathroom and I should leave.
00:29:33She left her underwear on the bed.
00:29:35Tiny strawberries printed across the fabric
00:29:37like some kind of joke.
00:29:38A laugh builded in my chest,
00:29:40but it dies before it reaches my throat.
00:29:43The water shuts off.
00:29:45The door opens and...
00:29:46Jesus fucking Christ.
00:29:49She was wearing nothing but a towel
00:29:51that's trying its best but failing spectacularly.
00:29:54Water drops race down her collarbone.
00:29:56Her hair is plastered to her shoulders.
00:29:58Darker with moisture.
00:30:00And the way that terrycloth clings to every curve
00:30:03she usually hides under hoodies
00:30:04makes my brain short-circuit.
00:30:07This is what she's been keeping from me.
00:30:09She doesn't speak.
00:30:10Her body tells me everything.
00:30:12The way she arches into my touch.
00:30:14The way her breath hitches when my thumb brushes her.
00:30:18She moves against me with increasing desperation.
00:30:20Her fingers in my chest
00:30:22and she lowers her mouth to me.
00:30:24Her fingers find my shoulders when she climbs onto my lap,
00:30:27straddling me and the towel rides up her thighs.
00:30:30Through my jeans, I can feel the heat of her
00:30:32and my hands find her waist like they've been waiting
00:30:34their whole existence for this moment.
00:30:38I wake up so hard it hurts.
00:30:41Her phantom warmth still pressed against my skin.
00:30:44Pathetic.
00:30:46You're absolutely pathetic.
00:30:47She moves against me with increasing desperation.
00:30:50Her fingers in my chest
00:30:52and she lowers her mouth to me.
00:30:54Her phone sits on the counter,
00:30:55screen glowing with an unread message.
00:30:58I should walk away,
00:30:59but I've never been decent where Serena is concerned.
00:31:01The screen illuminates at my touch
00:31:03and my ex-best friend's name stares back at me.
00:31:06Lucas.
00:31:07My blood turns to lead in my veins.
00:31:10The racing circuit.
00:31:11Lucas is taking her to the fucking racing circuit
00:31:14where I'll be competing to pay off
00:31:15another installment of my father's debt.
00:31:18Fuck.
00:31:18My two worlds are about to collide
00:31:20and there's not a damn thing I can do to stop it.
00:31:26Three more races after tonight
00:31:28and you're clear, kid.
00:31:30How does that feel?
00:31:32Like I might actually sleep again.
00:31:34Two years since I stood in our kitchen
00:31:36watching my mother cry over bills
00:31:37my father left behind.
00:31:39When the helmet goes on,
00:31:41I'm supposed to stop being Caleb Thornton.
00:31:43Out here, I'm Shane Lander.
00:31:4523.
00:31:46No family drama.
00:31:48Just a guy who rides fast
00:31:49and pays his debts on time.
00:31:51You've earned it, man.
00:31:55Fastest rider I've ever let borrow my name.
00:31:57The engine beneath me roars to life.
00:31:59Vibrating through my thighs,
00:32:01my chest,
00:32:02my teeth.
00:32:03Despite everything,
00:32:04freedom floods through my veins.
00:32:06This is the part I'll miss when the debt clears.
00:32:09Exhaust fumes curl through the night air.
00:32:12That's when I see them.
00:32:13No.
00:32:14Serena and Lucas,
00:32:15walking through the crowd like tourists in a war zone.
00:32:18I'll be right there with you.
00:32:19His arm draped over her shoulders with that casual ownership
00:32:22that makes me want to put my fist through his perfect teeth.
00:32:25She really agreed to come here with him.
00:32:27She really came here.
00:32:29To this oil-stained hellscape and men with criminal records.
00:32:32Just focused.
00:32:34The starting signal flares red,
00:32:36then green.
00:32:37First lap,
00:32:38I'm in the lead.
00:32:39But she doesn't leave my thoughts.
00:32:41What the fuck is Lucas thinking?
00:32:43She looks wrong here.
00:32:44Too clean.
00:32:45Too bright.
00:32:45Like someone photoshopped an angel into a meth lamp.
00:32:48I risk a glance at the crowd.
00:32:50Mistake.
00:32:51Huge fucking mistake.
00:32:53Our eyes meet over Lucas' shoulder for a second.
00:32:56She knows it's me.
00:32:57The curve comes too fast.
00:32:59One second I'm flying.
00:33:00The next,
00:33:01the bike slides out from under me
00:33:03like the ground itself has betrayed me.
00:33:05Gravel bites into my shoulder blade
00:33:07where the jacket rode up.
00:33:08The sky spins above me in lazy circles.
00:33:11Stars smearing into floodlights into darkness.
00:33:14You're an absolute idiot!
00:33:16What the hell were you thinking?
00:33:19I try to answer,
00:33:20but my lungs have decided breathing is optional.
00:33:22Each inhale feels like swallowing fiberglass.
00:33:25Someone call 911!
00:33:27Immediately!
00:33:29No ambulances, girl.
00:33:31We can't let the police search here.
00:33:33He could be bleeding internally!
00:33:35Look at him!
00:33:37I can handle this.
00:33:39We have people who can help.
00:33:41I don't give a fuck about your people!
00:33:43Serena,
00:33:45maybe we should...
00:33:46Shut up!
00:33:47Just shut up and let me think!
00:33:49I gasp and pain floods through me,
00:33:52sharp and clarifying,
00:33:53radiating from my ribs to my spine.
00:33:56Caleb,
00:33:57here you go.
00:33:58Stay with me.
00:34:00Just stay with me, okay?
00:34:02Worth it,
00:34:02I think as darkness creeps in at the edges.
00:34:05Totally fucking worth it
00:34:06to see her look at me that.
00:34:09Have you ever hated someone so much
00:34:11that watching them bleed
00:34:12feels like bleeding yourself?
00:34:14The fluorescent lights of the emergency room
00:34:16buzz overhead,
00:34:17casting everything in a pallid glow.
00:34:20Nurses move around Caleb,
00:34:22checking vitals,
00:34:23cleaning wounds.
00:34:24I agreed to come tonight
00:34:25because Lucas asked,
00:34:26and because some reckless part of me
00:34:28wanted to prove I could be spontaneous.
00:34:31Then the race started,
00:34:32and my eyes found one rider
00:34:34without conscious thought.
00:34:36The angle of his shoulders,
00:34:38the aggressive grace of his turns.
00:34:40I knew it was Caleb
00:34:41before I could name why.
00:34:43Come on, Serena.
00:34:44Let's go.
00:34:45We can still salvage the night.
00:34:47No.
00:34:47I'll take him home.
00:34:49You go.
00:34:50I watch him disappear
00:34:51through the automatic doors
00:34:52and feel nothing.
00:34:54The only thing occupying my mind
00:34:56is the boy bleeding
00:34:57in the room behind me.
00:34:59Six years of cruelty,
00:35:01being called princess like a slur,
00:35:03and yet here I sit in this taxi,
00:35:05watching streetlights strobe
00:35:07across his damaged face,
00:35:09aching with a tenderness
00:35:10that has survived every wound
00:35:12he's ever inflicted.
00:35:13Inside,
00:35:14I flip on the kitchen lights
00:35:15and notice the dark stain
00:35:17spreading across his back,
00:35:19fresh blood seeping
00:35:20through ruined fabric.
00:35:22You're bleeding again.
00:35:24Sit down.
00:35:26The wound is on your shoulder blade.
00:35:30Unless you've developed the ability
00:35:31to disallocate your arms,
00:35:33you can't reach it?
00:35:35Sit.
00:35:37Down.
00:35:41Let me.
00:35:43His back is a masterpiece
00:35:44of destruction.
00:35:45My hands shake
00:35:47as I clean the wounds.
00:35:48Why do you race?
00:35:49You can't even drive.
00:35:51I can drive fine.
00:35:53I was distracted.
00:35:55Don't move.
00:35:56I know how to pay attention.
00:36:01Speaking of attention,
00:36:03you look cozy with Bennett tonight.
00:36:06We're not talking about Lucas.
00:36:08No?
00:36:10Maybe we should.
00:36:12Did he buy you dinner first?
00:36:14If I didn't know better,
00:36:17I'd think you were jealous.
00:36:19You think this is funny?
00:36:20Finish the damn sentence, Caleb!
00:36:23You're playing with fire, Serena.
00:36:26Good.
00:36:27Maybe Lucas will help me
00:36:29put it out after.
00:36:31Keep talking.
00:36:34See what happens.
00:36:36Lucas wanted to take me home tonight.
00:36:38After the race.
00:36:40He'd be nice, you know?
00:36:42Careful.
00:36:44Everything you're not.
00:36:46Want to know why I crashed?
00:36:49I saw his hands on you.
00:36:53And forgot there was a fucking road.
00:36:57So you're jealous?
00:36:59Don't sound so fucking pleased about it.
00:37:01You have no right to be jealous.
00:37:03Not after everything.
00:37:05I know.
00:37:08Because you were the only beautiful thing
00:37:10I'd ever touched.
00:37:12And I only know how to break beautiful things.
00:37:24Caleb.
00:37:26This is insane.
00:37:30I know.
00:37:31I don't care.
00:37:33Her breath catching.
00:37:34This is where she belongs.
00:37:35In my hands.
00:37:37Under my mouth.
00:37:38Mine.
00:37:38If you want me to stop,
00:37:40say it now.
00:37:41I don't know.
00:37:42But we can't just...
00:37:44Dear you?
00:37:45I should want you to stop.
00:37:46I should hate this.
00:37:50Serena.
00:37:51I've been aroused by you since I was 15.
00:37:54You can read the phone book,
00:37:56but...
00:37:56I need a cold shower.
00:37:58You have no idea what you do to me.
00:38:00Then show me.
00:38:02Stop talking and show me.
00:38:04So I do.
00:38:05The bra is white lace.
00:38:06Simple.
00:38:07Devastating.
00:38:08Not strawberry lingerie.
00:38:12I also have regular underwear, idiot.
00:38:16Thank God.
00:38:18Her breathing has gone shallow,
00:38:19chest rising and falling rapidly.
00:38:22Sensitive?
00:38:25I don't...
00:38:26Every instinct screams at me to take,
00:38:28to claim,
00:38:29to devour.
00:38:30Yet this is Serena,
00:38:31the girl I've destroyed for six years.
00:38:33But I can't stop.
00:38:35So eager for it, aren't you?
00:38:37Who would have thought that a princess could be so lustful?
00:38:40She goes rigid.
00:38:42Fuck.
00:38:43The word princess hangs between us like a blade,
00:38:46sharp with six years of history.
00:38:48Six years of using that word to hurt her,
00:38:51to belittle her,
00:38:53to make her feel small.
00:38:55Serena, I didn't mean...
00:38:57Don't.
00:38:59Just...
00:39:00Don't.
00:39:01It slipped out.
00:39:02Force of habit.
00:39:03I wasn't...
00:39:04I can't.
00:39:05I can't do this.
00:39:08Serena, please.
00:39:09Just wait.
00:39:11I can't look at you now.
00:39:12I can't be near you.
00:39:14Just let me explain.
00:39:17Explain what?
00:39:18That you've hated me for six years,
00:39:20and now you expect me to believe this is real?
00:39:23This is real.
00:39:25This is the only real feeling I've ever felt.
00:39:27Then why?
00:39:29Why did you try to destroy me?
00:39:35One word.
00:39:36One fucking word,
00:39:37and I destroyed everything.
00:39:41His mouth tasted like copper and recklessness,
00:39:44and I'm drowning in both.
00:39:46This was what I've been missing.
00:39:48This heat.
00:39:49This hunger.
00:39:50This feeling of being wanted so desperately.
00:39:53Princess.
00:39:54And my body went rigid,
00:39:56not from pleasure,
00:39:57from the avalanche of everything he's ever done to me.
00:40:01Crashing through the walls I'd foolishly let him breach.
00:40:04Every insult lands fresh.
00:40:07Serena?
00:40:08Six years of systematic destruction flood back in a single devastating wave.
00:40:12I don't remember mounting the bike.
00:40:15I don't register the roads I take,
00:40:17the turns I make,
00:40:18the darkness swallowing everything beyond my headlights' weak beam.
00:40:23Muscle memory guides me through streets I've traveled a thousand times before.
00:40:27Our spot, mine, and hers.
00:40:29I cry for her.
00:40:31I cry for her.
00:40:31For the mother who should be here.
00:40:32Who should be the one I run to when boys break me open.
00:40:35I cry for the woman I'm becoming.
00:40:37The truth surfaces between sobs,
00:40:40ugly and undeniable,
00:40:41and impossible to shove back down where it belongs.
00:40:43I want Caleb Thornton.
00:40:46His hands.
00:40:47His mouth.
00:40:48The desperate way he looked at me before I ran away.
00:40:51The admission settles into my chest with the weight of inevitability.
00:40:55I want him.
00:40:57God help me.
00:40:58I want him.
00:40:59And that's exactly why I can't have him.
00:41:02Serena Lakin doesn't crumble for anyone,
00:41:05least of all the boy who tried hardest to break her.
00:41:09The neighborhood is tomb silent when I finally coast into our driveway,
00:41:14legs burning from pedaling through streets I barely remember traveling.
00:41:18Both cars sit in their usual spots,
00:41:21dark and silent like sleeping sentinels.
00:41:24Parents came home while I was falling apart by a lake,
00:41:27and my father had no idea his daughter spent the evening
00:41:30kissing her stepbrother in their kitchen.
00:41:32The stairs creak once beneath my weight,
00:41:35and I freeze, heart slamming against my ribs,
00:41:38but no bedroom doors open.
00:41:40No concerned voices call out into the darkness.
00:41:43Sleep doesn't come.
00:41:45I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling,
00:41:48tracing patterns in the shadows that shift each time a car passes on the street below.
00:41:52His hands ghost across my skin in phantom touches I can't shake.
00:41:56The weight of his body between my thighs.
00:41:59The desperate sound of my name in his mouth.
00:42:02Because you were the only beautiful thing I'd ever touch.
00:42:05The confession plays on loop,
00:42:07wearing grooves into my brain until I can't tell if I'm remembering or inventing.
00:42:12Did he really say that?
00:42:14Did his voice really crack on the words like something inside him was breaking?
00:42:18I pull my pillow over my face and scream into it.
00:42:21Morning arrives with the subtlety of a sledgehammer.
00:42:24I spend 20 minutes rebuilding my face into something presentable.
00:42:28Each brush stroke feels like armor,
00:42:30layer after layer of pigment between the world and my devastation.
00:42:35You're fine.
00:42:36You're completely fine.
00:42:37My legs feel like they belong to someone else as I descend the stairs.
00:42:42Caleb is already at the breakfast table.
00:42:44His head lifts when I enter.
00:42:46Everything from last night crashes back.
00:42:49His mouth.
00:42:50His hands.
00:42:50His confession.
00:42:51My retreat.
00:42:52I look away first.
00:42:54The coffee pot becomes my entire focus as I pour with hands that refuse to steady.
00:43:01Good morning, sweetheart.
00:43:03You look tired.
00:43:04Late night studying.
00:43:06Something like that.
00:43:07I have some wonderful news.
00:43:09I ran into Richard Bennett at the club yesterday and he mentioned that Lucas has been spending quite a bit
00:43:19of time with you lately.
00:43:20I have to say I was delighted to hear it.
00:43:23Lucas seems like a wonderful young man.
00:43:27Richard and Patricia raised him well.
00:43:29Lucas is nice.
00:43:32More than nice, apparently.
00:43:34Richard seemed to think things were progressing rather well between you two.
00:43:38And I must say, I wholeheartedly approve.
00:43:42The Bennetts are good people, Serena.
00:43:45Solid values, excellent future prospects.
00:43:49The kind of foundation any father would want for his daughter.
00:43:53Nothing's progressing.
00:43:56We're just friends, Dad.
00:44:00For now.
00:44:02I'm just so glad you're spending time with the right people.
00:44:06Quality connections are important, honey.
00:44:10I have somewhere to be.
00:44:17Well, I wonder what's gotten into him this morning.
00:44:21Young men.
00:44:23Probably some athletic commitment he forgot about until now.
00:44:30My phone buzzes against my thigh.
00:44:33The screen illuminates with Lucas' name.
00:44:35And I almost laugh at the cosmic timing of it all.
00:44:39The universe has a sick sense of humor.
00:44:41I should say no.
00:44:42I should create distance from everything.
00:44:45Lucas.
00:44:46The entire tangled mess I've made of my carefully ordered existence.
00:44:51Getting closer to Lucas means watching Caleb's face harden every time we're in the same room.
00:44:56My thumbs hover over the keyboard for a long moment.
00:45:00Me.
00:45:00Sure.
00:45:01Because maybe normal is exactly what I need right now.
00:45:06Drowning looks different when you're doing it on dry land.
00:45:09Here's what I'm currently juggling.
00:45:11A faceless stranger who took my virginity and vanished into a sea of identical skeleton masks.
00:45:17A stepbrother whose mouth I can still taste when I close my eyes.
00:45:21No matter how many times I brush my teeth.
00:45:24Or chawled in coffee.
00:45:26The library has become my bunker.
00:45:28My fortress.
00:45:30My carefully constructed excuse to avoid every space where Caleb might appear.
00:45:35The complicated part that keeps me awake at night?
00:45:37I don't entirely regret it.
00:45:39You look like someone ran over your cat, resurrected it, and ran it over again.
00:45:44Thanks for that vivid imagery.
00:45:47Really appreciate the poetry you've blessed me with today.
00:45:50I'm being serious right now, Serena.
00:45:52You've been weird for days.
00:45:54And don't think I haven't noticed every single red flag you're waving.
00:45:58That's complete bullshit and you know it.
00:46:01You maintain your GPA in your sleep.
00:46:03Is this about the mystery guy from the race?
00:46:07Did something happen that night?
00:46:09I don't know what you're talking about, Mia.
00:46:11Oh, come on.
00:46:12Don't insult my intelligence.
00:46:13I saw your face that Monday.
00:46:16Even if something did happen, I wouldn't know how to explain it without sounding completely unhinged.
00:46:20Some things are too tangled to put into words.
00:46:24Try me.
00:46:24I've heard worse things than you can possibly imagine.
00:46:27My older sister once confessed to sleeping with her professor.
00:46:30And I kept that secret through two Thanksgivings and a family reunion.
00:46:34It's complicated.
00:46:36Complicated usually means interesting, in my experience.
00:46:39The messiest situations always make the best stories afterward.
00:46:43This isn't a story I want to tell anyone, ever.
00:46:46This is a disaster.
00:46:48Fine, I won't push you today.
00:46:50But I'm here when you're ready to spill everything.
00:47:02He took this while he was inside me, while I kept my eyes shut.
00:47:07Every tall frame, every athletic build makes me wonder with nauseating intensity.
00:47:13Was it you?
00:47:17You look incredible tonight.
00:47:20That blouse is perfect on you.
00:47:22Thank you for bringing me here.
00:47:24It's beautiful.
00:47:26Only the best for you, Serena.
00:47:28The words should make my heart flutter.
00:47:30But my mind keeps drifting to that photo on my phone.
00:47:33Who took it?
00:47:34What do they want from me?
00:47:36Is this blackmail waiting to detonate?
00:47:38Or a warning shot across my bow?
00:47:40The professor sounds like some kind of weirdo.
00:47:43Did he actually throw chalk at that guy?
00:47:45Allegedly.
00:47:47The kid deserved it, though.
00:47:49Remind me never to fall asleep in your classes.
00:47:53Serena, you seem really distracted tonight.
00:47:57Sorry.
00:47:59Just school stress weighing on me.
00:48:01Anything I can help with?
00:48:03Can you tell me why my stepbrother makes me feel more alive in fury than you do in kindness?
00:48:09No.
00:48:11But thank you for asking.
00:48:17I had a really great time tonight.
00:48:19Me too.
00:48:27You should go, Bennett.
00:48:28Now.
00:48:29I was just saying goodnight to Serena, man.
00:48:32And now you're leaving.
00:48:35Immediately.
00:48:36Okay, I'll call you tomorrow, Serena.
00:48:38Goodnight.
00:48:44This roast chicken is truly excellent.
00:48:47Yes.
00:48:47It goes perfectly with the wine.
00:48:49The hospital charity gala is next weekend.
00:48:52I was thinking Serena should attend.
00:48:54Wonderful idea.
00:48:55The Bennetts will be there, too.
00:48:57Lucas could introduce you to some partners at his father's firm.
00:49:01Networking is so important at your age.
00:49:04Perfect opportunity to wear that lovely dress we bought last month.
00:49:07Of course.
00:49:09Sure.
00:49:10I'll go with Lucas.
00:49:13May I be excused?
00:49:14I had an early morning.
00:49:15Of course, sweetheart.
00:49:17Is everything all right?
00:49:18Okay.
00:49:19Everything is perfect.
00:49:23Sorry, I...
00:49:25Well, young people and their moods, I guess.
00:49:29He's probably just tired from training.
00:49:31The season is demanding.
00:49:33When did this happen?
00:49:35When did Caleb Thornton's opinions start mattering more than my own piece?
00:49:46We need to talk.
00:49:48Fascinating opener.
00:49:49The answer's still no.
00:49:52Get out!
00:49:53Lucas isn't what he seems.
00:49:55You need to stay away from him.
00:49:57Oh, this is rich.
00:49:58You're giving me relationship advice now?
00:50:01You, of all people?
00:50:03This isn't about us, Serena.
00:50:05This is about him.
00:50:06There is no us, Caleb.
00:50:08There's you, trespassing in my room, running your mouth about things that don't concern you.
00:50:15You kissed him tonight.
00:50:17I did a lot of things tonight.
00:50:19Breathing.
00:50:19Blinking.
00:50:20Walking upright.
00:50:21Should I run those by you too, or just the ones involving other men's mouths?
00:50:25On our doorstep.
00:50:27Ten feet from where I was standing.
00:50:29Proximity bothers you now?
00:50:32That's new.
00:50:33You've never had trouble performing with an audience before.
00:50:36Careful, Serena.
00:50:38Or what?
00:50:39You'll make my life miserable?
00:50:41Breaking news.
00:50:42You've been doing that since middle school.
00:50:44I'm immune.
00:50:45You're not immune to anything.
00:50:47Your pulse is jumping in your throat right now.
00:50:50I can see it from here.
00:50:52That's called hatred, Caleb.
00:50:54Search it.
00:50:55Hatred doesn't make your pupils dilate.
00:50:58Hatred doesn't make you breathe like you've been running.
00:51:01Maybe I'm allergic to bullshit.
00:51:03You're certainly giving off enough of it.
00:51:05Then why haven't you screamed for daddy yet?
00:51:07I don't need my father to handle you.
00:51:09No?
00:51:10Then handle me yourself.
00:51:12Put your hands on my chest and shove me out that door.
00:51:20What's the hold up, princess?
00:51:22All that righteous anger and you can't even touch me long enough to push me away?
00:51:25Don't call me that.
00:51:27Touch me and I'll stop.
00:51:29You're terrified.
00:51:31Not of me.
00:51:33Of what happens when you stop pretending you don't want this.
00:51:36The only thing I want is for you to choke on your own ego.
00:51:40Liar.
00:51:41Your whole body's shaking.
00:51:43You're so wound up you can barely stand.
00:51:46You are delusional.
00:51:48Then prove it.
00:51:49Tell me to leave.
00:51:51Mean it.
00:51:52Why are you in my face again?
00:51:54What do you want from me?
00:52:06Come on, princess.
00:52:08Tell me how much you hate me now.
00:52:11I hate.
00:52:12I hate you.
00:52:13Again.
00:52:15Make me believe it this time.
00:52:18Calet.
00:52:23Every pathetic dream I've tortured myself with
00:52:26dissolves into nothing compared to the weight of her body pressed against mine.
00:52:31Somehow we migrate to my room.
00:52:36You're shaking.
00:52:37No, I'm not.
00:52:44Caleb.
00:52:46Your hands are literally trembling.
00:52:49Shut up.
00:52:50I'm just saying.
00:52:52You want to analyze this?
00:52:54Write a thesis about my sizzy logical responses?
00:52:58Or do you want me to make you forget how to form sentences?
00:53:02That's what I thought.
00:53:03I'm not a virgin anymore.
00:53:06That doesn't mean it won't hurt the second time.
00:53:08We don't have to do this.
00:53:11If you've changed your mind.
00:53:13I haven't changed my fucking mind.
00:53:16I just...
00:53:19I need you to be sure.
00:53:21Why?
00:53:22Because I'm not a complete bastard.
00:53:24Despite popular opinion.
00:53:27Caleb, I want this.
00:53:28I want you.
00:53:31Tell me if it hurts.
00:53:33I mean it, Serena.
00:53:35One word and I stop.
00:53:39Your turn.
00:53:41Slow down.
00:53:42You've been telling me to shut up and take what I want for years.
00:53:47Now you want me to be patient?
00:53:48Now I want to take my time.
00:53:51I want to learn every inch of you.
00:53:54I want to hear every sound you make.
00:53:56I want to remember this when I'm old and broken and you've moved on to someone who deserves you.
00:54:01Caleb, you're staring.
00:54:03Don't hide from me.
00:54:05Not now.
00:54:06It's embarrassing.
00:54:08You're perfect.
00:54:09You've always been perfect.
00:54:11And I've hated you for it.
00:54:12Hated how much I wanted you.
00:54:13Hated that you made me feel things I couldn't control.
00:54:23Caleb, what are you doing?
00:54:33Caleb.
00:54:34We go slow.
00:54:41I'll stop whenever you say.
00:54:47Caleb, please.
00:54:49Please what?
00:54:51I need you.
00:54:53Please, I need you inside me.
00:55:02Her taste, salt and sweetness, as I drag my mouth down her throat.
00:55:07I've dreamed about this since my first fumbling experiences taught me what bodies could do together.
00:55:14Backseats of cars with girls whose names blurred by morning.
00:55:18Dorm rooms and parties and encounters that meant nothing beyond temporary release.
00:55:24None of them mattered because they weren't her.
00:55:26God.
00:55:36Just let me drown in your alibi.
00:55:44What if we stop pretending?
00:55:47What if we just give in?
00:55:56The warmth pressed against my body, tangible and real.
00:56:08How long have you been awake?
00:56:10It's a while.
00:56:12You talk in your sleep, you know that?
00:56:16Very entertaining.
00:56:18Right, something about constitutional amendments.
00:56:21And a certain Professor Henderson.
00:56:24Oh, God.
00:56:26Please tell me you're lying.
00:56:28I liked it best when you muttered something about colored markers.
00:56:31Very sexy bedtime talk, Lincoln.
00:56:35You're unbearable.
00:56:37And yet you're here.
00:56:40Still in my bed.
00:56:42The morning is just beginning.
00:56:44Give me time.
00:56:46Take all the time you want.
00:56:48I'm not going anywhere.
00:56:54I should probably go get ready.
00:56:58The gala is tonight and I need to...
00:57:01A gala evening?
00:57:02Yes, the charity event our parents have been discussing for weeks.
00:57:06Catherine mentioned it at dinner last night, remember?
00:57:09The hospital foundation thing?
00:57:10The whole point of last night was that you don't go with him.
00:57:15Last night had no point.
00:57:16Last night was a mistake.
00:57:18A mistake.
00:57:19That's what you're calling it?
00:57:20What else would I possibly call it, Caleb?
00:57:23You were screaming my name four hours ago and now it's a mistake?
00:57:26Lower your voice before someone hears it.
00:57:31You let Lucas kiss you on our doorstep.
00:57:34You're going to this gala on his arm tonight.
00:57:38Parading around like nothing happened between us.
00:57:41And?
00:57:42What happens in my life is none of your concern.
00:57:45And I'm supposed to be fine with that?
00:57:48After everything that happened between us last night?
00:57:50You don't get to be anything about my choices.
00:57:55This doesn't give you rights over me.
00:57:58Then...
00:57:59What the hell does it give me, Serena?
00:58:02I need to go.
00:58:04Step away.
00:58:09You're really going to pretend this means nothing?
00:58:12I'm not pretending anything.
00:58:15Liar.
00:58:16I know what you felt.
00:58:19Let me go, Caleb.
00:58:22I can't watch you with him.
00:58:24I can't watch him touch you, knowing what we...
00:58:28Knowing how you...
00:58:29But before I can respond,
00:58:31his slam on the closet makes us both look at the carpet
00:58:34and my whole world turns upside down.
00:58:39I can explain.
00:58:44Serena, please.
00:58:46Just let me explain what happened.
00:58:48You.
00:58:49It was you.
00:58:51Yes, but it's not yoked.
00:58:53You took my virginity.
00:58:55You knew exactly who I was.
00:58:58And you let me think I was with someone else.
00:59:00I didn't plan it.
00:59:01I saw you with Lucas,
00:59:03followed because I was jealous,
00:59:04and then you took my hand and...
00:59:05And you just went along with it?
00:59:07You let me believe I was with someone else
00:59:09the entire time we were in that room?
00:59:11You thought you were with Lucas.
00:59:12You wanted him, not me.
00:59:14What was I supposed to do?
00:59:15Correct you, mid-sduction.
00:59:16Yes.
00:59:18That's what a decent person would do, Caleb.
00:59:20I'm not a decent human being.
00:59:22I've never claimed to be.
00:59:24And the message?
00:59:26The photo someone sent to my phone last week?
00:59:29That was me.
00:59:31I sent it.
00:59:33You photographed me without my consent
00:59:35and then used it to threaten me?
00:59:36It wasn't a threat.
00:59:37It was...
00:59:38I was trying to make you stay away from Lucas.
00:59:40I panicked.
00:59:41I blackmailing me?
00:59:43That was your brilliant plan?
00:59:45You kept spending time with him.
00:59:47And I couldn't just tell you the truth without...
00:59:50Without what?
00:59:51Admitting you'd already violated every boundary
00:59:54that exists between two people?
00:59:55Lucas is not who you think he is.
00:59:58That's what I've been trying to tell you all this time.
01:00:00Oh, this should be good.
01:00:02Please enlighten me about who Lucas is.
01:00:04He's dangerous, Serena.
01:00:07There are things about him you don't know.
01:00:09Things you conveniently couldn't mention
01:00:11until after you'd slept with me twice
01:00:12and gotten caught in your own web of lies?
01:00:15The timing looks suspicious, I know.
01:00:17But I'm telling you the truth right now.
01:00:20The truth?
01:00:20You don't know what that word means, Caleb.
01:00:22You wouldn't recognize truth that introduced itself
01:00:23with a handshake.
01:00:25Serena, wait.
01:00:27You have to listen to me about this.
01:00:31I don't have to do what you say.
01:00:33Lucas hurt someone.
01:00:35Back in high school, there was a girl at a party
01:00:37after everyone else had left.
01:00:39She is the reason we stopped being friends.
01:00:43And you expect me to believe
01:00:45this convenient revelation right now
01:00:47after everything you've just admitted?
01:00:49It's not convenient.
01:00:50It's relevant.
01:00:52Everything I've done
01:00:53has been to protect you from him.
01:00:55Are you lying to me?
01:00:57This is sickening, Caleb.
01:00:59I know what it looks like.
01:01:01But all I did was because I...
01:01:03Was because you're a manipulative bastard?
01:01:08Last night you told me
01:01:09it might hurt the second time.
01:01:11You knew it was only my second time
01:01:13because you were my first.
01:01:15Serena...
01:01:16Don't.
01:01:17Don't say my name like that.
01:01:18You can't seem offended right now.
01:01:21And going.
01:01:23Don't follow me.
01:01:25Please don't do this.
01:01:26It's not like that, Serena.
01:01:28So how do I do it?
01:01:32You're exactly the villain
01:01:34I always knew you were.
01:01:35I just forgot for a few hours.
01:01:41And the party tonight?
01:01:43Are you still going with him
01:01:45despite everything I just told you?
01:01:48Your word means nothing to me anymore.
01:01:52This is such a beautiful event.
01:01:54It really is.
01:01:55Cheers to that.
01:01:57Charity galas exist
01:01:58so rich people can feel generous
01:02:00while drinking champagne
01:02:02that costs more than my textbooks.
01:02:04You look stunning.
01:02:06Every man in this room
01:02:07is jealous of me right now.
01:02:09Flattery will get you everywhere,
01:02:11Bennett.
01:02:11That's what I'm counting on.
01:02:14You two look absolutely lovely together.
01:02:17Like something from a magazine spread, honestly.
01:02:21The Bennets raised a fine young man.
01:02:24I couldn't be happier
01:02:25about you two spending time together.
01:02:27Thank you, sir.
01:02:29Serena makes it easy to be a gentleman.
01:02:43Do you want to dance?
01:02:45I wouldn't want anything more.
01:02:49My father's partner wanted to meet you.
01:02:51He's been asking about
01:02:52my mysterious pre-law girlfriend all evening.
01:02:54I'm not your girlfriend.
01:02:57Every interaction
01:02:59only reveals more kindness,
01:03:01more evidence that Caleb lied.
01:03:03Enjoying yourself, princess?
01:03:05Don't call me that.
01:03:06Playing dress-up with Bennett
01:03:07looks exhausting.
01:03:09Blue suits you, though.
01:03:11Your mother would have approved.
01:03:13Is there something you need, Thornton?
01:03:15It's Lycan now, actually.
01:03:17Didn't you hear?
01:03:18We're one big happy family these days.
01:03:21Just making conversation
01:03:23with my step-wister.
01:03:24Family obligation?
01:03:26You understand.
01:03:27Funny how you only remember
01:03:28family obligations
01:03:29when it's convenient.
01:03:31Some of us remember
01:03:32when you couldn't spell the word.
01:03:34And some of us remember
01:03:35things we probably shouldn't talk about
01:03:37at charity galas.
01:03:38Right, Bennett?
01:03:40Wouldn't want to ruin the evening
01:03:41with ancient history.
01:03:43You're drunk.
01:03:44Maybe you should find some water
01:03:46in a quiet corner.
01:03:47Maybe you should worry less
01:03:48about my hydration
01:03:50and more about your own glass house.
01:03:54Stones hurt
01:03:55when they come back around,
01:03:56don't they?
01:03:57When we were actually
01:03:58just leaving,
01:03:58excuse us.
01:04:10I didn't know you smoked.
01:04:13There's a lot
01:04:14you don't know about me.
01:04:15Though I suppose
01:04:16that cuts both ways now,
01:04:18doesn't it?
01:04:20You've been avoiding me
01:04:21all night, Serena.
01:04:22I really like the gala.
01:04:24It's not all about you, Caleb.
01:04:27No?
01:04:28Then why do you look for me
01:04:29in every room you enter?
01:04:31I don't...
01:04:35You do.
01:04:36You've been watching me all night
01:04:37while pretending not to.
01:04:39And I've been watching you pretend.
01:04:48Does Lucas know?
01:04:51Know what?
01:04:53That you're only with him
01:04:55because of me.
01:04:56You're delusional.
01:04:58I chose Lucas
01:05:00because he's everything you're not.
01:05:03And what exactly am I not?
01:05:06Honest.
01:05:07Attentive.
01:05:09Capable of basic human decency
01:05:11without ulterior motives attached.
01:05:12Sounds like a
01:05:13golden retriever.
01:05:16Very exciting.
01:05:17Excitement isn't everything, Caleb.
01:05:20Some of us prefer
01:05:21stability over chaos.
01:05:23You don't want stability.
01:05:25You want to feel safe
01:05:27wanting what terrifies you.
01:05:28What terrifies me
01:05:30is your complete
01:05:32inability to take responsibility
01:05:34for anything you've done.
01:05:36I've taken responsibility.
01:05:39I told you the truth
01:05:40about Bennett.
01:05:41About Halloween.
01:05:42About the photo.
01:05:44About all of it.
01:05:45After I discovered
01:05:46the mask in your closet.
01:05:48That's not a confession.
01:05:49That's damage control.
01:05:50And yet here you are.
01:05:53Alone with me
01:05:54on a balcony
01:05:54instead of inside
01:05:55with your puppy.
01:05:57I came out here for air.
01:05:59Not for you.
01:06:00Keep telling yourself that.
01:06:04That's a great story.
01:06:05I remember the first time
01:06:07I saw the play.
01:06:13Excuse me for a moment.
01:06:17There you are.
01:06:18I've been looking
01:06:19everywhere for you.
01:06:22Just getting some air.
01:06:24The ballroom was getting stuffy.
01:06:26I can imagine.
01:06:28Caleb.
01:06:30Still here?
01:06:31Just leaving.
01:06:32The view got less interesting.
01:06:34I want to hurt him
01:06:36the way he hurt me.
01:06:38I want him to watch
01:06:39and suffer.
01:06:41Lucas.
01:06:43Serena?
01:07:03What was that for?
01:07:05I just wanted to.
01:07:10I'm not complaining.
01:07:11Feel free to want that
01:07:13any time.
01:07:14We should go back inside.
01:07:17People will talk.
01:07:19Let them.
01:07:28Funny how memory works.
01:07:30My traitorous mind
01:07:31has other plans.
01:07:32Circling Caleb's face
01:07:34like a vulture
01:07:35over Carrion.
01:07:36Devastated doesn't cover it.
01:07:38He looked destroyed.
01:07:39The foundation cracked
01:07:41and walls collapsed.
01:07:42I tell myself
01:07:43this is what I wanted.
01:07:45Punishment.
01:07:46So why does victory
01:07:47taste like ash
01:07:49coating my tongue?
01:07:50The clock reads
01:07:51three in the morning.
01:07:52But even in dreams
01:07:53I can't escape
01:07:54the blue of his eyes
01:07:55right before they went hollow.
01:07:59Lucas and I build something
01:08:01in the spaces
01:08:01between obligations.
01:08:03Coffee shops
01:08:04where baristas
01:08:05know our orders.
01:08:06Library corners
01:08:07we've claimed
01:08:08as territory.
01:08:13His roommates scatter
01:08:14when I arrive
01:08:15mumbling excuses
01:08:17that sound rehearsed.
01:08:18They're just awkward
01:08:19around new people.
01:08:23He seems genuine
01:08:24which either means
01:08:26he is
01:08:27or he's very good
01:08:28at pretending.
01:08:29That's Trace Cherion.
01:08:31I'm a realist
01:08:33not a cheerleader
01:08:35but your other friends
01:08:36like him
01:08:36so there's that.
01:08:38They do like him.
01:08:39The easy charm
01:08:40the remembered details
01:08:42the way he makes
01:08:43everyone feel important.
01:08:44I should be grateful
01:08:45for the consensus.
01:08:47Instead
01:08:47I find myself
01:08:48cataloging inconsistencies
01:08:50like evidence
01:08:51for a trial
01:08:52I haven't decided to hold.
01:08:54His smile
01:08:54doesn't always reach
01:08:55his eyes
01:08:56especially when he thinks
01:08:58I'm not watching.
01:08:58Caleb watches us
01:09:00across campus
01:09:01with the dedication
01:09:02of someone memorizing
01:09:04a crime scene.
01:09:05He doesn't approach
01:09:06doesn't speak
01:09:07doesn't acknowledge
01:09:08my existence
01:09:09beyond those burning
01:09:10blue eyes
01:09:11tracking my movements.
01:09:12Every time
01:09:13our gazes collide
01:09:14my chest constricts
01:09:16with an ache
01:09:16I refuse to name.
01:09:18I look away first
01:09:19because looking longer
01:09:20feels like confession.
01:09:22The parade of girls
01:09:23through his bedroom
01:09:24has stopped
01:09:25or at least
01:09:25the volume
01:09:26has dropped to silence.
01:09:35You okay?
01:09:38Fine.
01:09:39What happened
01:09:40between you two?
01:09:41Ancient history
01:09:42Serena.
01:09:44It doesn't matter anymore.
01:09:46Clearly it does.
01:09:47You can't even look
01:09:48at his car
01:09:49without going
01:09:49full statue.
01:09:51We were kids.
01:09:53People grow apart.
01:09:54That's not an answer
01:09:55and you know it.
01:09:58It was just
01:09:59high school drama.
01:10:01Stupid teenage stuff.
01:10:03What kind of stupid
01:10:04teenage stuff?
01:10:05Did you steal his book?
01:10:08Beat him at lacrosse tryouts?
01:10:11Nothing like that.
01:10:14Then what?
01:10:16Was there a girl involved?
01:10:20Maybe.
01:10:22But it's complicated.
01:10:24Complicated how?
01:10:27What?
01:10:28You two couldn't share her
01:10:30or something?
01:10:31There was a girl.
01:10:33Her name was Rachel
01:10:34and things just
01:10:37got messy.
01:10:41Anyway,
01:10:42what are your Thanksgiving plans?
01:10:45My parents have been
01:10:46asking about you.
01:10:48I let him redirect.
01:10:49Let him kiss my cheek
01:10:50and walk away.
01:10:51Let the questions
01:10:52settle heavy
01:10:53in my chest.
01:10:55Rachel.
01:10:56A girl.
01:10:57Things got messy.
01:10:59The name circles my mind.
01:11:01Three hours disappear
01:11:02into the black hole
01:11:04of social media stalking.
01:11:05Rachel Weaver
01:11:06emerges from the digital excavation
01:11:09around midnight.
01:11:09I scroll back
01:11:11through years.
01:11:12Junior prom.
01:11:13Three years ago.
01:11:15Caleb on her left.
01:11:16Lucas on her right.
01:11:17Whatever broke them apart
01:11:19started with this girl
01:11:20in the blue dress.
01:11:23Whatever truth Caleb
01:11:24tried to tell me
01:11:25has roots I'm only
01:11:26beginning to trace.
01:11:28I open a new message window
01:11:29before doubt can intervene.
01:11:31The cursor blinks.
01:11:33Patient and waiting.
01:11:34I start typing.
01:11:40Tours to all demand.
01:11:41I start typing.
01:11:42I start typing.
01:11:43I start typing.
01:11:43I start typing.
01:11:43I start typing.
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