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00:00:08Hello, good evening, and welcome to How to Stay Married with me, James Vereker, and over here,
00:00:15the woman lucky enough to call herself my better half, my wife, Lizzie.
00:00:21Thank you, darling. Hello.
00:00:23Now, a wise man once said, marriage isn't a battlefield, it's a partnership,
00:00:28and married people should be comrades, not rivals.
00:00:32Though that's sometimes easier said than done.
00:00:36How do you stay connected after 20 years of children, careers, everything?
00:00:42How do you keep each other interested over dinner or in the bedroom when the honeymoon period comes to an
00:00:48end?
00:00:49We'll be chatting to a range of celebrity and ordinary couples to ask, how do they make it work for
00:00:55them?
00:00:55And we'll find out if the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence.
00:01:14We'll be quizzing the experts on how to keep a marriage fresh without seeking excitement elsewhere.
00:01:20We'll discuss how to deal with the pain if one of you breaks the rules.
00:01:25And how to keep your feet on the ground when you're thinking about walking away.
00:01:52Gosh, that's a lot to get through, isn't it?
00:01:54Well, we did say, till death do us part.
00:01:57So, stay tuned.
00:01:59And stay married.
00:02:01Mm.
00:02:01Mm.
00:02:05Mm.
00:02:18Oh, my God.
00:02:41Oh, my God.
00:03:06Oh, my God.
00:03:07Yeah, that's a cheese.
00:03:09Cold for blue.
00:03:12Don't let live attack our cheese.
00:03:17Oh, my God.
00:03:31It's lovely to see you again this morning. Thank you so much.
00:03:34Oh baby, I'll take you down, I'll take you down
00:03:40But no one's ever gone before
00:03:42If you want more
00:03:44If you want more
00:03:47More, more
00:03:49I said jump
00:03:51For my love
00:03:52Oh thanks.
00:03:55What are you talking about?
00:03:58I've got lots of signatures.
00:04:00What do you think about doing this professionally?
00:04:01Very funny.
00:04:04What is?
00:04:05Oh yeah, let me, there's a...
00:04:06Do you mind?
00:04:26Patrick O'Hara.
00:04:27I finished university.
00:04:29I'm a real grown-up now.
00:04:32I don't have time for declarations.
00:04:34You're a lovely boy, but I'm...
00:04:35You're what?
00:04:36Busy being the mistress of a wanker.
00:04:40Can I kiss you?
00:04:42Jesus Patrick.
00:04:43I...
00:04:44You have no idea.
00:04:48You look fucking incredible by the way!
00:05:08Yeah, I think the picking was quite taken with you.
00:05:10I'll be invited to cheer the rectory.
00:05:13Well, I'll do anything for the cause.
00:05:17Yeah, me too.
00:05:19Yeah, me too.
00:05:19Yeah, you're quite the campaigner.
00:05:25Oh, Seb's here.
00:05:27Yeah, he's taken me to the cinema.
00:05:31You're going out with him.
00:05:35I like him.
00:05:37He's decent.
00:05:39Well, is that the best you can hope for, decent?
00:05:44Well, maybe I'm fed up with sitting around waiting for my life to happen.
00:05:48Making sandwiches for everybody else.
00:05:54Hey.
00:05:55Hey.
00:05:55You okay?
00:05:56Yeah.
00:05:56You ready?
00:05:57Yeah.
00:05:58Taggy!
00:06:01Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.
00:06:22Okay, next item.
00:06:24As you know, we're finally putting something punchy in Declan's old slot.
00:06:27Sarah's show.
00:06:28Still working on the format.
00:06:30Newest idea is we bring in a co-host to mix things up a bit.
00:06:33Finally, thank you.
00:06:34A co-host?
00:06:35More like a magazine, but spicier.
00:06:37Network loves the idea.
00:06:39It's not your fault, Sarah.
00:06:40Primetime slot is a big thing for you to carry by yourself.
00:06:43Who is it?
00:06:43We're working on the details.
00:06:44Obviously it won't be James.
00:06:45What?
00:06:46Your cots will round up.
00:06:47Can't dilute the brand, can we?
00:06:49Okay, next.
00:06:50Great Gardens.
00:06:51We need a new location now that we're pulling green lawns.
00:06:54Do we need to pull it?
00:06:55Freddie Jones is actively campaigning to bring down carinium.
00:06:58Why would we put his house on our gardening show?
00:07:01Well, it might be a show of strength if we go ahead anyway.
00:07:03That means that we gain access to the property.
00:07:05See if we can't pump Mrs. Jones for info.
00:07:08Yes.
00:07:09Good.
00:07:09Let's go ahead.
00:07:11Now then.
00:07:15Am I a man of my word?
00:07:18Cameron.
00:07:21You are a man of many words.
00:07:23Am I a man of my word?
00:07:28Yes, of course.
00:07:30I think we'd all agree, Tony.
00:07:33Would you?
00:07:35That's curious because I quite clearly remember telling you not to speak to any of those venturer
00:07:41traitors.
00:07:42Do you remember what I said, Ginger, would be the consequence?
00:07:48Instant dismissal, Tony.
00:07:52In which case, Mr. Burrows, am I to take it you no longer require carinium services as an employer?
00:08:02No.
00:08:03Um.
00:08:06Sorry.
00:08:07You were observed attending a screening of Absolute Beginners at the Colchester Regal.
00:08:13With Taggy O'Hara.
00:08:18He was spying on me.
00:08:19It's franchise season, Sebastian.
00:08:21I'm spying on everyone.
00:08:22It's self-preservation.
00:08:23And it turns out entirely necessary given that you're a double-crossing little shitbag.
00:08:28So now, I'm gonna make an extremely fucking public example of you.
00:08:32I'm not only gonna make sure you never work in commercial television again.
00:08:36I'm gonna make sure there's no job for you on any channel, anywhere.
00:08:40I'm gonna make sure you can't get a job selling televisions at Rumbelow's.
00:08:49Escort Mr. Burrows to his car, would you, Ginger?
00:08:51Don't let him clear his desk.
00:08:52But I have-
00:08:53I'm very fucking glad you're leaving here with all ten fingernails.
00:08:57All right, then. Off you all, fuck.
00:08:59And thank you for your loyalty. It has been noted.
00:09:02Quick chat, Cameron.
00:09:15I brought this little guy as requested.
00:09:21You can have it back soon as Lady Gosling's had a good look.
00:09:24Where were you Friday night?
00:09:25Home.
00:09:26I rang. You didn't answer.
00:09:27I unplugged my phone.
00:09:29Wanted to make sure I got a good night's rest prepping for great gardens.
00:09:32You're not wearing your ring.
00:09:35Close to my heart.
00:09:38I didn't want people asking questions or-
00:09:41Patrick O'Hara was at your house.
00:09:43And I told him where to get off.
00:09:46I know.
00:09:49You know you don't have to spy on me, Tony.
00:09:55Ready to go for a spin?
00:10:02You've done a spectacular job. The cameras are gonna love it.
00:10:05We only feature the very best gardens on the programme.
00:10:08Oh, wow.
00:10:09Monica's at the Faulkner, of course.
00:10:10Mm-hmm.
00:10:11The Duchess of the Badminton.
00:10:12And then, Mon, she doesn't mind.
00:10:14With all of the unpleasantness.
00:10:16I haven't spoken to her in weeks.
00:10:19Mm-hmm.
00:10:19Monica feels, and I agree, you're so special.
00:10:23And showcasing this lovely garden, that's far more important than petty personal feuds.
00:10:28Oh, I just wish we could all go back to how it was before when we were all friends.
00:10:34Do you, um, do you have to host meetings here?
00:10:37Oh, yes.
00:10:39They hole up in Fred Fred's office and I just leave them to it.
00:10:42You know the hardest thing is remembering who's siding with who.
00:10:45I'm so glad you said that.
00:10:46I can't remember from one day to the next.
00:10:48I'm sure we've got a couple of moles.
00:10:49Yes.
00:10:51Yes, Freddie is worried about moles.
00:10:53Really?
00:10:54Mm.
00:10:55He's been putting castor oil everywhere.
00:10:58I'm terrified.
00:10:58I'm going to wake up in the morning and fire molehills all over the lawn.
00:11:02Uh-uh.
00:11:09Think about it.
00:11:10Yeah.
00:11:19Oh, you have to come down more often.
00:11:24Drive safe.
00:11:32What was my old heart doing here?
00:11:33He came to see me, darling.
00:11:34I do have friends.
00:11:36So what?
00:11:37He came for a cup of tea?
00:11:38Oh, Jesus Christ.
00:11:39We had a drink.
00:11:43Is there something you want to ask me?
00:11:46Hm?
00:11:46Do you know where your daddy is?
00:11:48I mean, because I don't see you hounding him.
00:11:50But daddy would never.
00:11:51Oh.
00:11:52I am sick of your disapproval.
00:11:54You have no idea what I've done for this family over the years.
00:11:57Well, I don't know why you bother if you resent it so much.
00:11:59Well, you don't even like me.
00:12:00I love you.
00:12:01You're my daughter.
00:12:02When you look at me, all you see are the things you've done wrong.
00:12:05That's bloody unfair.
00:12:06I nearly died giving birth to you.
00:12:08Twenty years ago.
00:12:14Malhar offered me a part.
00:12:16A part?
00:12:17Yes.
00:12:18A part.
00:12:18In a play.
00:12:19Like I used to do parts and plays.
00:12:20But I don't anymore because I'm stuck down here.
00:12:23It's a play in London.
00:12:23Well, what do you say?
00:12:27No.
00:12:28Of course I did.
00:12:32Sorry.
00:12:35I guess, yeah.
00:12:36I guess it's nice to be honest.
00:12:40No, it's not, Taggy.
00:12:42You get so used to putting other people's needs first that it becomes second nature.
00:12:47And then one day you look at yourself and you think, why in fuck's name did I do that?
00:12:54But by then, it's too late to change.
00:13:19Darling!
00:13:22I'm so glad to see you.
00:13:24Just supporting my husband.
00:13:26Not that he needs it.
00:13:30What brings you to Valerie's opening?
00:13:32Sticker bombing.
00:13:34I managed to get one on Valerie's bottom.
00:13:38Closest to our opening I ever want to get.
00:13:40They probably shouldn't be talking since we're with rival consortiums.
00:13:46Consultier?
00:13:46Don't know.
00:13:47Consultier?
00:13:48Consultiums?
00:13:49Yeah.
00:13:50Anyway, it doesn't matter.
00:13:52We're all adults.
00:13:53I'm not giving you up for the sake of any stupid franchise.
00:13:56You're the closest thing I have to a conscience.
00:13:58Mwah!
00:14:00How many gentle flowers grow in an English country garden?
00:14:07I'll tell you now of some I know and those I miss, I hope you'll pardon.
00:14:15Dappletills had seasoned flocks.
00:14:16Middle sweet and lily stocks.
00:14:18Gentle lubing and tall hollyhocks.
00:14:21Roses, pots, blocks and drops.
00:14:24Forget me nots.
00:14:25In an English country garden.
00:14:28Harder.
00:14:31That's right.
00:14:33This is horrendous, isn't it?
00:14:35Absolute hell.
00:14:37Lemonade, Mrs. Veracock.
00:14:38Thank you, Sharon.
00:14:40Lovely hat.
00:14:42No, thank you.
00:14:46No, just hang on one second.
00:14:49If whatever you can do...
00:14:50Thank you so much.
00:14:52Stop it.
00:14:53Stop it.
00:14:54You're alright?
00:14:54James is having an affair with Sarah Stratton.
00:14:59Oh, darling.
00:15:01I shouldn't have told you that.
00:15:02You'll leak it to the Scorpion to discredit Carinion.
00:15:07Why don't you leave him?
00:15:08He's a wanker.
00:15:14I...
00:15:17I booked a hotel room to have an affair with Freddie.
00:15:22Then I bottled out.
00:15:25Hated myself.
00:15:26Everyone does it.
00:15:30Really?
00:15:31Everyone?
00:15:32What?
00:15:33All these people?
00:15:34What?
00:15:35Her.
00:15:35Over there.
00:15:36In the hat.
00:15:38Oh, is she fucking that man next to her, is it?
00:15:40Why she's not looking at him?
00:15:42Him and her?
00:15:43Hmm.
00:15:44Handjobs in the potting shed.
00:15:46I mean, Rupert, am I really the only person holding out?
00:15:54Does that make...
00:15:56...me a bit simple?
00:15:59Should I be able to hold...
00:16:02...more than one man in my head at once?
00:16:07Oh.
00:16:10Oh, God.
00:16:11I'm gonna make it a show about fidelity, for God's sake.
00:16:15Yes, you're an embarrassment to the premium television.
00:16:18Why, mate?
00:16:20Oh, God.
00:16:20Bit of a circus, innit?
00:16:23Ah.
00:16:24Send in the clowns.
00:16:25Ah.
00:16:26Speaking of which, they're about to film your spouses.
00:16:29Hmm.
00:16:30I think I'll, um...
00:16:33Go and watch.
00:16:41You didn't come.
00:16:45I tried.
00:16:46I...
00:16:46I couldn't get out the car.
00:16:49I'm sorry.
00:16:51Yeah.
00:16:53No, it's probably for the best.
00:16:58You were probably right when you said no the first time.
00:17:09It's a second away, James.
00:17:10Quiet, please!
00:17:13And action, James.
00:17:14One only has to look at your borders, Mrs Jones, to appreciate what an extraordinary gardener you are.
00:17:19Tell me, what's your secret? How do you grow such whopping glads?
00:17:22Well, James, I feed them with grow more, and obviously I stake them very tall, so they're not flopping over
00:17:29everywhere.
00:17:30Can we have some quiet, please?
00:17:32Yes, break the camera.
00:17:33Quiet!
00:17:35Right, Deidre, are we ready?
00:17:36Excellent.
00:17:37Oh, for God's sake.
00:17:40Cut!
00:17:41I'm so sorry.
00:17:41You all right?
00:17:42It's like working in a zoo.
00:17:43Why is there a dog on the lead?
00:17:44Can we find out why there's a dog off the lead?
00:17:46Okay, uh, shall we try this again?
00:17:48Are we ready?
00:17:49Are we ready?
00:17:49I'm ready.
00:17:50Action.
00:17:51One only has to take a look at your borders, Mrs Jones, to realize...
00:18:01I'm here to pick you up.
00:18:04I have my car.
00:18:05Well, Ginger will drive it, won't you?
00:18:07Okay, I don't understand.
00:18:08Yeah.
00:18:10They're taking you out.
00:18:53It's the Ventura franchise application.
00:18:58Okay, but how did you get it?
00:19:00Ginger did a little, like, espionage at Greenlawns.
00:19:05Oh, can I read it?
00:19:06What's in it?
00:19:07Enough else to get our teeth into.
00:19:09We'll pick over it tomorrow.
00:19:17Tonight is about you and me.
00:19:25Listen.
00:19:27I know I didn't say it enough, but...
00:19:29Tony.
00:19:30People can see us.
00:19:40Dance with me.
00:19:42Nobody's dancing.
00:19:43I don't care.
00:19:44Yeah.
00:19:44Come dance.
00:19:45You'll be too old.
00:19:48We are young.
00:19:52Heartache to heartache we stand.
00:19:57No promises, no demands.
00:20:03Love is a battlefield.
00:20:08I remember what I said about the ring.
00:20:11Once we win this, we'll do this whenever we want.
00:20:14Cool.
00:20:20We are strong.
00:20:23No one can tell us we are wrong.
00:20:29Searching our hearts for so long.
00:20:35Both of us knowing.
00:20:40Love is a battlefield.
00:20:57Come on, Tag, A, B, C or D?
00:20:59None of them.
00:21:00No, you have to pick one.
00:21:01Come on, otherwise how do we know which four momentum-o character you're going to marry?
00:21:07Tag, have you seen this?
00:21:08What?
00:21:10Show me?
00:21:13Rupert in Clinch with Cook.
00:21:16Oh my God, you're in the Scorpion.
00:21:18You're the Cook.
00:21:19It's Cameron Cook.
00:21:20They must mean Cameron.
00:21:21Cameron?
00:21:21No, it's definitely you.
00:21:24Seb's going to be devastated.
00:21:25Losing his job, now this.
00:21:27What about Cameron?
00:21:28It's Rupert and Cameron, didn't you know?
00:21:31Wow, she really picks them, doesn't she?
00:21:33Oh God, please, it will ruin everything for Daddy if it comes out.
00:21:36I shouldn't have told you.
00:21:37Please, Patrick, leave it alone.
00:21:44Tomorrow at the public meeting, we all need to be able to answer whatever questions come up.
00:21:49Seb's been doing some briefing notes for everyone.
00:21:52Now that he has more time in his hands, but we need to know this back to front like Cameron
00:21:57does.
00:21:57Where is Cameron?
00:21:59With the Dark Lord, I suppose.
00:22:00I rang him this morning, we should announce him.
00:22:02Gerald, you've got a spare copy.
00:22:03I couldn't find mine this morning.
00:22:04Uh, yes.
00:22:06Rupert does that a lot.
00:22:07Why does this have to be at Carinium?
00:22:08Should the public meeting be on neutral ground?
00:22:10Oh, it's deliberately stacked in favour of the incumbent.
00:22:14It's simpler for everyone if they get to keep the franchise,
00:22:16so the IBA make it easy to defend and difficult to challenge.
00:22:21Look, we have to prove we've got the money and experience to take over the building,
00:22:24because plenty of franchise applications fall at this hurdle, so, you know.
00:22:27You've got your best side.
00:22:30It's not anything.
00:22:38You think this is funny?
00:22:41Come on, it's just tabloid nonsense tonight's chip paper.
00:22:44You promised me you wouldn't touch her.
00:22:46I didn't touch her.
00:22:47What the fuck is that?
00:22:49The seatbelt wasn't working.
00:22:50You made him promise not to touch me.
00:22:53I'm 20 years old.
00:22:54Oh, so something did happen then, didn't it?
00:22:58She's seeing Seb, isn't she?
00:23:02You said there's nothing.
00:23:04No, it's okay.
00:23:06She's her own person.
00:23:07Yeah, you see, she's her own person.
00:23:11Get out of my house.
00:23:12Daddy, for God's sake, stop.
00:23:14You're going to be serious if your life depended on it.
00:23:18What the fuck do you have riding on this?
00:23:19I put my house up.
00:23:21I put the bluebell wood so you could clear your debts?
00:23:24You've had all my money.
00:23:25What more do you want?
00:23:25Look, Steve.
00:23:27Should we get back to work and stop talking about who gets to touch up, tagging?
00:23:32Oh!
00:23:33Hey, come on, come on.
00:23:34Stop.
00:23:35Come on, come on.
00:23:36Frick.
00:23:36We need you.
00:23:37Come on.
00:23:38Come on.
00:23:38Calm down now.
00:23:39Come on, child.
00:23:41It's in it.
00:23:42Oh, gosh.
00:23:42The fuck is your offense, man?
00:23:44Jesus Christ.
00:23:48What happened?
00:23:50You shouldn't be here.
00:23:51It's not safe.
00:23:52I was going to call, but I got scared in case Tony bugged the phone.
00:23:55That's paranoid, darling.
00:23:57No, not anymore.
00:23:58It's not.
00:23:59Tony has seen the application.
00:24:01He knows all of our plans.
00:24:03What?
00:24:04How?
00:24:09Freddy.
00:24:11You got your copy?
00:24:31We should probably get someone to fix that.
00:24:34I'm for bed, darling.
00:24:37Oh.
00:24:38Backly lawns?
00:24:39It's in Great Gardens, too.
00:24:41Come and watch with me.
00:24:42And here I am, surrounded by a...
00:24:43Laugh at Valerie's gruesome borders.
00:24:45...yellows, greens, blues...
00:24:46That's all right.
00:24:47...oranges, indigos, all the colors of the rainbow.
00:24:50And who's this little collection of colorful characters we have here?
00:24:53See?
00:24:53She's got a nose.
00:24:54...rambler.
00:24:55I think he's a little camera shy, don't you?
00:24:57And what's the inspiration behind this piece of landscaping here?
00:25:00Oh, well, James...
00:25:02What does she feed those enormous clavioli?
00:25:04Same thing she feeds her children.
00:25:06I suppose I wanted the garden to reflect that.
00:25:08And reflected it does.
00:25:10Almost blinded.
00:25:11Oh, look, poor James is the same color as the marigolds.
00:25:16She looks like she's dressed for Ascot.
00:25:19Lady Valerie of Bulgaria.
00:25:21What's your secret?
00:25:22How do you grow such whopping glass?
00:25:24Well, James, I feed them with grow more.
00:25:26And obviously I'll take them very high so they're...
00:25:30Whoopsie-daisy!
00:25:36It's Robert.
00:25:38Viva!
00:25:39Jackie, we find out where there's a dog off the lead.
00:25:41I, uh...
00:25:42It's so still on my table now.
00:25:43She's a...
00:25:49What's that?
00:25:50Are you ready?
00:25:50A little small one.
00:25:51Hang on for one moment.
00:25:52Jackie, ready?
00:25:55Shall we try that again?
00:25:57I'm ready.
00:25:58Bear away.
00:26:11Fever seems besotted with Miss Cook, doesn't he?
00:26:16It's rather like he knows her.
00:26:19Miss Cook!
00:26:28Miss Cook!
00:26:30Miss Cook!
00:26:37Miss Cook!
00:26:43Miss Cook!
00:26:45Miss Guy!
00:26:48Miss Cook!
00:27:04The day of reckoning arrives.
00:27:06Could we say the application was just sitting on Freddie Jones' desk?
00:27:10Makes them sound appallingly careless.
00:27:13I'm not sure we want to admit to trespassing and theft, do we?
00:27:16That's a fair point.
00:27:18The best way to take advantage of this little windfall is to pull apart every idea they've got.
00:27:22Poor scorn on every word they say this afternoon.
00:27:27We've got it all worked out, right, Tony?
00:27:31Absolutely.
00:27:33No question. It's ours.
00:27:38Never pays to think something's definitively yours, in my experience.
00:27:44Let's not rest on our laurels just yet.
00:27:51Emotions are riding high in Rocha in the battle for control of the central southwest television region.
00:27:56The franchise holder, Carinium, will go head-to-head at a public meeting with new consortium Venturer, led by TV
00:28:03presenter Declan O'Hara, MP and former Olympian showjumper Rupert Campbell Black, and tech wizard Freddie Jones.
00:28:11They've got the charm, but can they convince the IBA that they've got the chops to catch the crumb?
00:28:21When two tribes go to war, point is all that you can score.
00:28:28When two tribes go to war, point is all that you can score.
00:28:40They've got the charm.
00:28:41They've got the charm.
00:28:42I've given you back good time.
00:28:45They've saved me los.
00:28:47I took it for the black guys.
00:28:51They've realized all that you can score.
00:28:56When two tides could walk
00:29:33Why the candles? Are we on television?
00:29:35I was for the evening news. Don't stare at them. They'll look like a game show.
00:29:39Oh, look, there's Charles.
00:29:40Hello, Charles.
00:29:42Henry, try and remember who's on whose side.
00:29:44Will you?
00:29:44If you need help, just ask.
00:29:49I'm better on the side.
00:29:50You can get on that, will you?
00:29:51Oh, yes. Good idea, yes.
00:30:00We know coming to Carinium. I don't understand.
00:30:03Come on. Listen, it's Daddy's big day.
00:30:05We're here to support him.
00:30:11Just go and find a seat.
00:30:13No, no, no. You're up here with us.
00:30:15Rags-hags sort of bunch, aren't they?
00:30:17Spent half the time fighting each other, apparently.
00:30:20Embarrassing.
00:30:21Yes.
00:30:23Well, we can talk with it.
00:30:30Goodness.
00:30:31All human life is here.
00:30:34Mostly pond life over that time.
00:30:36What the hell is B.T. Johnson doing here?
00:30:42Hello, darling.
00:30:49Is everything okay?
00:30:54Love you.
00:30:59Ladies and gentlemen, the meeting is about to begin.
00:31:01This consultation aims simply to determine if the new company, Venturer, has the capacity to be a contender for the
00:31:09Southwest Central franchise.
00:31:11We will inform Venturer by telephone later in the evening if they may submit a formal franchise application.
00:31:17And however, in the meantime, this is an opportunity for you, the public, to give both sides a good grilling.
00:31:25So, are there any questions from the floor?
00:31:29Yes, lady at the back over there, with the very tight perm.
00:31:34Can I please ask both teams when you're going to start showing bingo on the telly?
00:31:39Well, we're absolutely committed to bringing as many different sports to the viewing public, so if there's an appetite for
00:31:46bingo, absolutely.
00:31:47Ah, yes, I was, I was rather wondering if James might sign my blouse.
00:31:53Yes, my company's been developing satellite television for a while now.
00:31:57Dishy Daniel won't be leaving four men winter mode this next series.
00:32:02Venturer, we've got plans to show polo.
00:32:04I'm sorry that the chipping sodbury W.I. feel we've disproportionately covered news from Cotchester.
00:32:09So, Venturer, are going to harvest this technology for domestic use. That's something that we've got and corinium haven't.
00:32:14Oh, and yes, I would be delighted to sign your blouse.
00:32:20We'll ensure he removes his shirt at least once an episode.
00:32:27Yeah, we'll keep it on the network if it's popular.
00:32:30Well, um, I'll respond to that if I may.
00:32:33The underdog team over there might expect to retain all of your favourite programmes, but I'm afraid they belong to
00:32:41corinium.
00:32:43Cots will round up, ladies and gentlemen. Imagine a world without that sofa, James.
00:32:49No master dog, no Dorothy Dove.
00:32:53And, ladies and gentlemen, what that means is no more four men went to mow.
00:33:00Sorry, lads. What a dreary prospect.
00:33:04And what about the future?
00:33:07Our newest output brings us to a whole new frontier of entertainment.
00:33:12Most imminently, we're replacing our tired old talk show, Declan, with a brand new format and a new presenter.
00:33:21Joining Sarah Stratton in her first ever television job, celebrity gossip columnist, Beatty Johnson.
00:33:34Heading up uncensored, the naughtiest, most gossipy show on the independent network.
00:33:43Because that's what we do at corinium.
00:33:46We serve you the television you want.
00:33:51Your station.
00:33:52Now and always.
00:33:57Because who wants to feel like their television station is some rich man's second hobby?
00:34:04Honestly, what does Rupert Campbell Black know about broadcasting?
00:34:14I know people.
00:34:17I know this area from representing you all in Parliament.
00:34:21I've knocked on a damn sight more doors than Tony Battingham has.
00:34:24And look at the audience that have come today to support Venturer.
00:34:29We've got Cotchester Council gardening team.
00:34:31The Chipping Sodbury WI.
00:34:33Busley Ballroom Dancers, the headmaster from Rugbra and the Lads from Cotchester Rugby Football Club.
00:34:41Ventura! Ventura! Ventura!
00:34:44They know a good team when they see one.
00:34:46This lot, a team? A team?
00:34:49Ask Rupert where he got that bruise.
00:34:51There are a bunch of amateurs brawling and bruising and bedding other people's wives.
00:34:58The drama should be on the screen, not off it.
00:35:13No, you're right.
00:35:16They do deserve better.
00:35:25You deserve better.
00:35:29You all deserve better than the shy Tony Battingham's been pumping into your living rooms for all these years.
00:35:38You deserve better than endless quiz shows that cost nothing to make and nourish nobody's soul.
00:35:45Yes, they have a good drama, but one, one good drama we will make dozens.
00:35:52There will be venturer shows all over the network so you can be proud of the work that comes out
00:35:58of the Central Southwest.
00:36:01We're not in this to make money.
00:36:03We are in this to make joy.
00:36:08Because what is television for?
00:36:11I don't think Tony Battingham's asked himself that in a very long time.
00:36:16Christ it shows.
00:36:18You know what I think it's for?
00:36:22Community.
00:36:25People used to sit around the fire for their stories.
00:36:29Now we sit around the television.
00:36:31We point our chairs at the corner of the room and that is where we commune.
00:36:38Television has the power to bring us together.
00:36:41To help us forgive each other.
00:36:47And we've had a stupid fight.
00:36:53To give us a window into others' lives.
00:36:59To bring new ideas into our homes.
00:37:04It is, I believe, the greatest art form man has created.
00:37:10I got into this business many years ago.
00:37:14In the pursuit of truth and integrity.
00:37:20And I still believe in both.
00:37:23And you deserve better.
00:37:27And we will move mountains to give you better.
00:37:30If you put your faith in us and give us a chance.
00:37:47Go!
00:37:47Go!
00:37:49Go!
00:37:50Go!
00:37:50Go!
00:37:51Go!
00:37:53Go!
00:38:08I've spent months fighting this. When does it ever stop?
00:38:11We don't know the verdict yet.
00:38:13Oh, Christ, do you see Gosling's wizened face
00:38:15light up at Declan's blarney lyricism?
00:38:17Then we have the swear campaign.
00:38:19More scandal, more dirt.
00:38:21Ginger, you wouldn't know dirt if it shut itself into your face.
00:38:24Do you have any idea of the size of dirt you've managed to miss this week?
00:38:26You were supposed to be my fucking eyes and ears.
00:38:30Get better reports from Helen fucking Keller!
00:38:37Well done, darling.
00:38:39Thank you, sweetheart.
00:38:46I meant what I said.
00:38:48I just hoped that it worked.
00:38:50You were just brilliant.
00:38:52Everybody talked about it.
00:38:52Thank you, sir, Alan.
00:38:55Where's he going, all these people?
00:38:56Hello, Agatha.
00:38:57But you didn't expect this lot?
00:38:59Sorry we're a bit rowdy with you.
00:39:02This is from all of us.
00:39:04Yeah, Rupert.
00:39:05I reckon she's the keeper, don't you?
00:39:08Oh, mate, she's our top striker.
00:39:15We did good, right?
00:39:16We did okay.
00:39:17Hey.
00:39:18Hey.
00:39:20It's all back to yours.
00:39:21Apparently.
00:39:41And why didn't you tell me he was bringing in BT?
00:39:43I didn't know.
00:39:44I don't know what the hell he's doing.
00:39:46Something's going on with him.
00:39:47He knows something, or I see.
00:39:49Okay.
00:39:50We're going to win this.
00:39:55And what if we don't?
00:39:56I'll look after you, whatever happens.
00:39:58Okay?
00:39:59Promise.
00:40:00Can you come to the Priory?
00:40:04I'm supposed to be here, but I'll slip away if I can.
00:40:17Come on, Sarah.
00:40:19Lizzie.
00:40:20Lizzie, listen.
00:40:21Sarah's not coming out.
00:40:23Do you just go in and see if she's all right?
00:40:24Oh, I think you could go in if it's your wife, Paul.
00:40:29Look how we see coming out of the ladies.
00:40:31I'm a Member of Parliament.
00:40:32Look, let's go grab a drink.
00:40:33The womenfolk can join us later.
00:40:55Sarah, are you all right?
00:41:00I must have eaten something.
00:41:06Nerves.
00:41:09That woman.
00:41:11Why has he put me with her?
00:41:14My big chance, and then it's her.
00:41:18Bloody Tony.
00:41:20Do you know, I spent my life running around after these men
00:41:23who just can't be trusted.
00:41:24And they have all the power.
00:41:27They just squeeze us out like toothpaste.
00:41:30Not even toothpaste.
00:41:32They don't need us at all.
00:41:33Oh, I think they do.
00:41:37But fuck them, right?
00:41:42We should stop putting them first.
00:41:46Do what we want.
00:41:48Not just the right thing.
00:41:50All the time.
00:41:54I'm not sure I've ever done the right thing.
00:42:01I've got to go.
00:42:02Your husband's looking for you.
00:42:12I thought I told you to fuck off.
00:42:16No, darling.
00:42:18It's me.
00:42:26I'm here to say, come home.
00:42:31Archie's waiting in the car.
00:42:32Why do I have to bring the boy to see his father being humiliated?
00:42:35We both know it's not that you're angry about.
00:42:40But perhaps this is a test.
00:42:45It's time for you to decide.
00:42:48I've been loyal all of these years.
00:42:51But even my stoicism has a limit.
00:42:54So do be careful.
00:42:57Come home tonight and let's talk about it.
00:43:02Because if you don't,
00:43:05I'll take the children to my sisters in the morning.
00:43:19Would be rather a thing to win it, though, wouldn't it?
00:43:23I love you guys.
00:43:39Legs on that end.
00:43:41I think I might be in there.
00:43:42You fucking idiot.
00:43:45What if Declan finds out?
00:43:46Not to mention he's a friend and it's wrong.
00:43:49You've never objected to a bit of wife-sitting before.
00:43:56Goodness, when did you get so morally fibrous?
00:44:00Damien is on the piano.
00:44:01She's fucking amazing.
00:44:07So, what happens now?
00:44:08We're just waiting on Lady Gosling to call to say
00:44:10if we're through to the next round.
00:44:13You sure you can't stay?
00:44:15Yeah.
00:44:15I've had a lovely time.
00:44:17But they're tired, so I'll take them home.
00:44:21Fingers crossed.
00:44:23Thank you, darling.
00:44:24Thanks for coming.
00:44:26I'm really proud of you, Fred Fred.
00:44:35Love you.
00:44:38Stop slouching, Sharon.
00:44:39You look like a potato.
00:44:46Turn around, right eye.
00:44:49Every now and then I fall apart.
00:44:52Turn around, right eye.
00:44:55Every now and then I fall apart.
00:44:58And I need you now tonight.
00:45:01And I need you more than ever.
00:45:05And if you won't be home in time.
00:45:09We'll be home in the home forever.
00:45:13Yes, I might get it right.
00:45:16And we'll never be wrong together.
00:45:19We can make it to the end of the time.
00:45:22Your love's not your shadow on me all of the time.
00:45:27I don't know what to do when I'm always in the dark.
00:45:31Living in a powder keg and giving off balls.
00:45:35I really need you tonight.
00:45:38Forever's gonna start tonight.
00:45:42Forever's gonna start tonight.
00:46:11I'm still a bloody black.
00:46:15Do you think you'll get it?
00:46:17Lots of hurdles to jump yet.
00:46:19I think we did a really good job tonight.
00:46:24So, is this a night off then?
00:46:40Have you got any idea how fucking beautiful you are?
00:46:59How are you?
00:47:01Surprisingly well, frankly.
00:47:04Mother knew me this morning.
00:47:07First time in months.
00:47:09This made me feel like life is possible.
00:47:13And I wanted to say to you that even if you can't love me,
00:47:17then I think friends would be rather nice.
00:47:25Charles, I think I found someone to marry.
00:47:29Goodness.
00:47:31Well, she's a nice girl from a good family and she likes me in the right way.
00:47:39Do you like her?
00:47:41I think we get on rather well.
00:47:44I really think I could bear to be married to her.
00:47:46Especially if it meant everyone would stop asking me why I'm not married.
00:47:50It'll give me the respectability I need for my career and then we can meet together.
00:48:01Still in secret.
00:48:03But safe.
00:48:12I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:16Without you.
00:48:26I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:27I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:27I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:28I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:29I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:32I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:32I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:33I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:33I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:35I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:36I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:36I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:37I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:37I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:40I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:42I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:54I've never done this before.
00:48:57What's this?
00:48:58They're adultery.
00:49:00I've written about it a lot.
00:49:03I've never met anyone I wanted to do it with before.
00:49:37It's so nice to feel soft we're ever coming on with.
00:49:55I'm going to declare this an area of outstanding natural beauty.
00:50:11I'm going to declare this an area of outstanding natural beauty.
00:50:40What's going on?
00:50:44I'm going to Linden.
00:50:47Malhar offered me a part in a doll's house.
00:50:52I thought you didn't get it.
00:50:54It's a different part.
00:50:57It's the maid.
00:50:58You're playing the maid?
00:51:00Yeah.
00:51:02Declan, yeah.
00:51:06Because, as it turns out, I'm not a star anymore.
00:51:12As it turns out, I spent too long following you around.
00:51:18For wherever you wanted to be.
00:51:21There for the children so that you get to do what you want to do.
00:51:26I want to work.
00:51:33I want to work.
00:51:34I need to work.
00:51:36And you, of all people, should understand that.
00:51:47And if you'd been even remotely available to me recently, you would have been part of that decision, but you
00:51:54weren't.
00:51:56So I made it myself.
00:52:08We need you here, love.
00:52:12You actually don't.
00:52:13You actually don't.
00:52:15Good luck with the franchise bit.
00:52:18Mummy.
00:52:18Tag, stop her.
00:52:19She said she's going to London to do a fucking play.
00:52:21I am going to London to do a fucking play.
00:52:25And I should never have left it this long.
00:52:30Goodbye, my sweetheart.
00:52:36Please don't go.
00:52:38Maud, please.
00:52:51Does she get that?
00:53:04Hello?
00:53:06Yes, hi, Lady Gosling.
00:53:09No, no, of course, no.
00:53:10I appreciate your calling.
00:53:36Later tonight, the battle of the central southwest television region is on.
00:53:41Incumbent company, Carinium, now being challenged by Venturer, headed by Carinium's biggest star, Declan O'Hara, along with ex-show
00:53:50jumper and minister for sport, Rupert Campbell Black.
00:53:53Day's meeting was to decide if Venturer has the capacity to be a serious contender for the franchise.
00:54:12Leaving already?
00:54:18Do you really pop to my office for what never asked me that before
00:54:43How long have you been
00:54:44sleeping with Rupert Campbell Black?
00:55:35I was spying on him on Venturer
00:55:40Oh
00:55:40So what information did you fuck out of him for me?
00:55:44Turns out I'm not a very good spy
00:55:46Oh don't fucking goad me
00:55:49There is no one in the world you could sleep with
00:55:52He is the worst man in the world
00:55:57You knew that?
00:56:01Oh you fucking reek of him
00:56:09I'll keep it whatever you want
00:56:11I'll bring my solicitor tomorrow
00:56:13I'll start the divorce
00:56:14I'll do anything
00:56:15Just swear you will never let that man touch you again
00:56:20Just let me have this one please
00:56:26I'm sorry
00:56:31I will sack you so hard
00:56:33You can't sack me
00:56:34I'm resigning
00:56:36Your visa's tied to your job darling
00:56:38I'll make sure you're on the first plane back to America
00:56:41Yeah
00:56:43I will marry Rupert
00:56:46Then I can stay
00:56:50Venturer might have won this battle
00:56:52Have they won the war?
00:56:54That's the question on everyone's lips
00:56:56They have been successful putting together an impressive hall
00:57:00comprising the great and the good of Venturer
00:57:03People used to sit around the fire
00:57:06For their stories
00:57:08Now we sit around the television
00:57:11That is where we commune
00:57:14Television has the power to bring us together
00:57:16Fuck you!
00:57:22To help us forgive each other
00:57:24When we've had a stupid fight
00:57:28To give us a window
00:57:30Into others lives
00:57:31To bring
00:57:32New ideas
00:57:34Into our homes
00:57:36Where's mommy?
00:57:37It is
00:57:38I believe
00:57:39The greatest art form a man has created
00:57:44Hi
00:57:45Hi
00:57:48Sorry
00:58:01Sev's a nice boy
00:58:03You alright?
00:58:05Yeah he's lovely
00:58:06He's a good sort
00:58:06Yeah
00:58:10Only he's not you
00:58:20I don't know why I just said that. I think I'm tired.
00:58:31It's the franchise. I cannot. I'm trapped. I can't get out of here.
00:58:37I'm not asking you to.
00:58:41She's not here.
00:58:45I can't praise without you.
00:59:35I can't praise without you.
00:59:59I can't praise without you.
01:00:02The television you want. Your station. Now and always.
01:00:29I can't praise without you.
01:00:33I can't praise without you.
01:00:36I can't praise without you.
01:00:45I can't praise without you.
01:00:50I can't praise without you.
01:01:04I can't praise without you.
01:01:04I can't praise without you.
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