00:01I'm workin' for the state on the highway patrol.
00:04From the Farrelly brothers, the directors of There's Something About Mary,
00:09comes the story of Charlie Bailey Gates.
00:12All his life, he's been a pushover.
00:15It's kinda dangerous. You wanna move it up onto the sidewalk, away from the traffic?
00:20A patsy.
00:21I hate to bother you with this, but your car is gonna have to be moved.
00:25Knock it up behind the grocery store, will you, Charlie?
00:27A doormat.
00:28Do you people take checks?
00:29You mean the black man?
00:30No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:32Those things aren't legal.
00:33Oh, God!
00:34Hey!
00:35Oh, it's on now.
00:37But inside every guy like Charlie,
00:41there's a guy
00:44like Hank.
00:45Doctors have diagnosed you as having a split personality.
00:48A schizo.
00:49You've been avoiding confrontation.
00:51But this guy inside,
00:53Hank,
00:54he doesn't.
00:58There you go, Dick.
01:01I popped it for you.
01:02Hey!
01:03This summer...
01:03Her name's Waters, Irene P.
01:05I pulled her over for a broken taillight.
01:07We'll have one of our troopers escort you.
01:1220th Century Fox presents...
01:14Boy, you can't beat me up on the road!
01:19The story of two guys...
01:21So, it's true.
01:22Charlie is a schizo.
01:28...trapped in one body...
01:30What the hell are you still doing here?
01:32You can't get rid of me, Hank.
01:33Hank!
01:34Hank!
01:35You're only hurting yourself!
01:37...in love with the same girl...
01:40I never wanted to sleep with you, Hank!
01:42You tricked me!
01:43Come on.
01:44Don't be mad.
01:46Now, I warned you about that, buddy.
01:49Warned me about what?
01:50Charlie?
01:51Mm-hmm!
01:53Jim Carrey.
01:54Look, I'm not here to twist your niblets.
01:55What?
01:56Sound good, candy pants.
02:02Me, myself, and Irene.
02:05I mean, you should be furious.
02:07I just...
02:07drop-kicked you right in the face.
02:09Hey, it happens.
02:12It's no surprise to me
02:14I am my own worst enemy
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