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Itll Be Alright On The Night S37E13
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00:00Thanks, Ches. Well, I'll come and pick her up in a bit, yeah?
00:03All right, thank you.
00:07She's staying for a tea.
00:08Well, she's right.
00:09We're her parents, we should have been able to sort this.
00:12Yeah, well, I was on my way to sorting it before you started.
00:17Nobody had planned for that.
00:19Oh, that's like my house.
00:21Oh, wow.
00:23I was going to say it wasn't me, but I think it helps everyone be wanting me.
00:41Welcome to more catastrophes from your favourite faces.
00:46Bradley Walsh almost falls on his blankety-blank.
00:54Jimmy Carr goes too far.
00:58I didn't say a goddamn word.
01:00Yeah.
01:02And James Martin is nearly eaten alive.
01:06This is the most stupid programme.
01:08So let's commence the cock-ups.
01:17We start with Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway, where it's nice to see I made the right decision to
01:23be unavailable for this particular episode.
01:26With my sense of timing, I'd never pull off this trick.
01:30Now, he's a man in a big intro, so we've lined up something special for him.
01:35It's Stephen Muller!
01:41Wow.
01:45Didn't go quite as well as planned, that, did it?
01:47Not like in rehearsals, was it in rehearsals?
01:50Oh, welcome back guys, welcome back.
01:53After this, someone's definitely getting fired.
01:59Just not Stephen.
02:02Welcome to my Cotswold kitchen.
02:06Oh, Prue, I love what you've done with the place.
02:10We're joining Prue in the Cotswolds, as she's about to demonstrate a very complicated and advanced cooking technique to her
02:17husband, John.
02:19Can you whisk the whites, darling?
02:22Ooh, here we go.
02:25I'm just going to test it first.
02:28Put it in.
02:29I don't do that.
02:31That's the eject button.
02:32That's it.
02:33You just hit the eject button.
02:36Whoops!
02:39Should have married Mary Barry.
02:41She'd been much kinder.
02:43She'd been kinder.
02:44No, Prue, John made the right choice.
02:47I always say, marry the one who puts the most booze in your trifle.
02:51OK, put it in.
02:53Now, I'll start.
02:57Alan Carr's sitcom Changing Ends is a labour of love for all involved, but cast and crew have so much
03:04fun making it, they've forgotten the first rule of filming.
03:07And action.
03:11Oh, it's you.
03:12Give these to your mum, will you?
03:14Some lovely pieces in there.
03:16Make sure she doesn't lump it.
03:20Guys, remember to close the road.
03:27Love Island, and in the show, the islanders may come across as physically perfect, but it's a different story in
03:34the scenes that get cut out.
03:36They're so muscly, they're all, well, top heavy.
03:43They're meant to be falling in love, not falling over.
03:50Time for school!
03:51And for all you Waterloo Road fans like me, we're bringing the character of Chloe back from the dead.
03:57Yay!
03:58Sadly, she was killed off for breaking the number one school rule.
04:02Right, OK.
04:04So, Izzy's brother, Tommy, sorry, I looked straight down the camera just then.
04:09Coming to you live.
04:10Yes, who knows?
04:11That's a fail, Chloe.
04:17It's the classy crime drama, McDonald and Dodds, where the real mystery for Jason Watkins is, why are they filming
04:25this on a flight path?
04:27You knew this man was following you.
04:30It's Greek Mafia, isn't it?
04:31And he knew that he was followed.
04:34Let's just wait for this.
04:38You knew this man was following you?
04:41Any minute now.
04:47Any minute.
04:52Is there more than one plane?
04:59Where is this? The car park at Stansted Airport?
05:05Oh, give it up and go for a tea break.
05:13The 906 to the Maldives.
05:17Oh, I think I need a week in the Maldives myself after that stressful wait.
05:24Oh, no, it's wonderful.
05:26Ricky and Ralph's road trip has brought them to the Lake District.
05:29And after a hard day on camera, it's time to relax.
05:35Shall we hover for a few minutes and have a brew?
05:37That's a perfect idea.
05:40It's always handy to bring a film crew with you on holiday,
05:43so they can provide you with everything you need for the perfect cuppa.
05:46I never go anywhere without mine.
05:50Now, you see, do you see this?
05:53You don't throw that in the water.
05:55No.
05:56Because we don't want to pollute the water.
05:59Correct.
06:00Oh, that milk's off!
06:03Oh!
06:07It's got huge lumps in it!
06:10It's what?
06:10It's got huge lumps in it!
06:13You know it's that butter and the milk you give us?
06:16It was off!
06:26Live TV cock-ups now.
06:29Lorraine is off work today, so sadly she's not going to get any of Andy Peter's birthday cake.
06:35Happiest of birthday...
06:36But with Andy's serving skills, maybe that's for the best.
06:38He's coming! I knew he was!
06:42He'll catch up with us in a second.
06:44Oh, no! He's got cake!
06:45Is that for me?
06:47How nice.
06:48There we go.
06:49Thank you so much!
06:52He just caught!
06:56It's all happening today.
06:58Yeah, Christine, don't worry about checking up on him.
07:01You carry on.
07:02How are you there?
07:04Look, we're partying here.
07:05It's just the stage he's going through.
07:07Absolutely.
07:10Poor Andy.
07:11The only man in TV who can give himself the birthday bars.
07:19How far does it go to five?
07:21Nine or ten.
07:22I'll go right up.
07:24It's brave of Alison and Dermott to give this a go, but I'm not sure live TV is the most
07:29suitable environment for learning how to cook.
07:32And I'm not saying that as a layman. I've actually got a GCSE in food technology.
07:36Eh, a star.
07:38Yeah.
07:39Palm sugar!
07:40Palm sugar goes in with your lime juice, so you're balancing that acid and sweetness there.
07:45I don't think it's acid and sweetness Alison should be worried about here.
07:48The acidity of the lime.
07:49Why palm sugar particularly?
07:51Because it has a more caramelised flavour.
07:54Oh, Alison's is a bit more than caramelised.
07:56Do you want to turn it off now, Al?
07:57Yeah, shall I turn it off?
07:58Turn it off?
07:59Yes, turn it off.
08:01Before the whole place burns down.
08:02Smoked paprika.
08:03It's a little bit black.
08:04Is that okay?
08:04Smoked paprika.
08:05It is okay, if you like eating charcoal.
08:08A little water.
08:09Not a lot.
08:10Oh, I've made a gravy.
08:12Freshwater prawns and gravy.
08:14Yum!
08:15A little bit of smoked paprika.
08:17Oh, yeah.
08:17It's definitely smoked.
08:19So be very careful.
08:22Live TV news in Germany, where they're always willing to let the kids on work experience have a go in
08:28the control room.
08:33It's like a magic show.
08:34Now you see her.
08:35Now you don't.
08:39Morning, everyone. How are you doing?
08:40Tell us a bit about this.
08:42This is Australia's first self-service butcher.
08:44How did you come up with an idea like this?
08:45Self-service and meat.
08:49It's not a subject you'd think suitable for live morning television, but I suppose we are in Australia.
08:54I'll give you a unique code.
08:56You can let yourself in 24-7 and there's cameras under surveillance and in two years we've had zero shrinkage.
09:03Zero shrinkage.
09:04That's handy.
09:07Jacob, I want to know how many members you've got there.
09:10Oh, come on, guys. Stop it.
09:13No talking about his members whilst your audience are trying to tuck into their breakfast sausage.
09:18Bi-monthly or seasonally, that sort of thing, when they're travelling.
09:21Well, I'm getting there as soon as I can.
09:25Sounds delicious.
09:27Thank you, big fella.
09:29Live on Good Morning Britain, lovely Ben is about to receive a crash course in emojis.
09:34Although for Ben, it's more of a car crash course.
09:38An emoji speaks a thousand words, so you must use them carefully because I have dumped guys in the past
09:44for the use of the wrong emoji.
09:45No, you haven't.
09:47Aren't you picky, Nadia?
09:48Which one has led to you dumping them?
09:50What, the thumbs up?
09:51No, like anything sort of vegetable-esque, like the aubergine.
09:56It's one of my friend's favourites.
09:58She sends me an aubergine all the time.
10:00Just a friend, is she, Ben?
10:02Are you serious?
10:03Yes.
10:03Oh my goodness, now I'm with Nadia on this.
10:05Thank you!
10:07She sends me-
10:07That doesn't require very much-
10:09No, no, no.
10:10No!
10:10Because it's such a stupid emoji, so she'll say-
10:13Oh, like she's using it ironically.
10:15Yeah, yeah.
10:15It's an aubergine for heaven's sake, what's the-
10:18Kate support!
10:20We can't be sending aubergines.
10:22Exactly.
10:22Bless you, sweet, sweet Ben.
10:24So innocent.
10:26What's being implied by sending the aubergine?
10:28Well, it's-
10:29Genuinely, it's because it's a nonsense emoji.
10:32Yeah.
10:32It's just-
10:32Oh, Ben.
10:33So trusting.
10:34I almost don't want them to tell you what it means now.
10:38No, I'm sorry.
10:39The aubergine.
10:42Exactly.
10:42Have I got to drop it?
10:43You're never going to win.
10:44The aubergine is a no.
10:45Let's move on.
10:46Look at it!
10:47Come on, let's pee.
10:49Come on.
10:49Let's save us, Alex.
10:50Apparently it's the weather next.
10:527.35.
10:53I forecast a red face once Ben finds out what it really means.
10:56Let's go for it.
10:57I'm definitely not sending you an aubergine.
10:59Oh, my God!
11:00Not again.
11:10Coming up, cock-ups on your favourite quiz shows.
11:13And, of course, no look at quiz shows would be complete
11:16without an appearance from Stephen Mulhern.
11:19Now, would it?
11:20OK.
11:21Fingers ready.
11:21Here's your next one.
11:23Take your time with this one.
11:25Wait for the clue.
11:26But what will leave everyone clueless?
11:29It won't!
11:30It won't!
11:31Find out after the break.
11:35APPLAUSE
11:46Welcome back.
11:48Quiz show cock-ups now.
11:49My favourite.
11:50Before the break, we were on the set of Catch Phrase.
11:53And your question was, what's about to leave everyone clueless?
11:56Did you guess the answer?
11:58Here's your next one.
12:00Take your time with this one.
12:01Wait for the clue.
12:04Literally, the priorities have gone through the roof.
12:09Sorry, what?
12:10Was that the answer?
12:12Oh, Stephen.
12:14You didn't.
12:19I have never in my life done that in ten years.
12:24I was like, this is a very tricky one if it's not that.
12:29That's so funny.
12:30But it was Jeremy going, was that the answer?
12:34And Stephen Mulhern's on £200 now.
12:37Let's have a look at the board.
12:39Oh, my God, I'm so sorry, Valerie.
12:42Oh, brilliant.
12:43Oh, so sorry.
12:44Think of the hours on the animation they've worked.
12:46Have you honestly never done that?
12:48Stephen, you've let yourself down, you've let down the contestants,
12:51but most of all, you've let down poor Mr. Chips.
12:55We didn't know, didn't we?
12:58He gets the point.
13:00That's fantastic.
13:01Can I have a guess?
13:04A league of their own, where the questions are ludicrously hard.
13:09Why on earth did they think I'd know anything about sport?
13:13Thankfully, Jill Scott has discovered the perfect excuse for me
13:17to try next time I'm on.
13:19Blue team.
13:19I am going to need an answer from you.
13:23Who blends their roast dinners?
13:24What do you think?
13:25Who eats their meals backwards?
13:26And who talks to their water before drinking it?
13:28Let's see what you've got.
13:30What do you think, guys?
13:32Nothing's happening.
13:33Nothing's happening.
13:34Jill Scott, MBE, her screen has gone down.
13:37Can you bring me the p***ies responsible?
13:39And I'll do it immediately.
13:40I'm so sorry this has happened, Jill.
13:42I know, honestly.
13:43You're a national treasure and people are f***ing up!
13:46You told us this was like...
13:47I'm not really joking.
13:49Jill's screen's not working.
13:50Can we sell it?
13:53Alan Carr's epic game show.
13:56And is that yuletide joy I can smell?
13:58No, it's just members of the audience who've had too many Christmas spirits.
14:02But isn't it good of the celebrities to give up their valuable time at such a busy time of year?
14:08Yes!
14:09Clearly they're very big-hearted.
14:12And also clearly didn't get offered a lucrative panto roll this year.
14:15Oh, yes, David is!
14:17No, seriously, they didn't.
14:19Oh, yes, David is!
14:21They...they didn't!
14:23Oh, yes, David is!
14:28You weren't meant to say it once, you morons!
14:36Where have you got these?
14:37Have they just gone into a weather spooge with a net?
14:41Somehow, I don't think the audience will be making Alan's Christmas card list.
14:44And who better than celebrities to...
14:48Now, a serious question about mammals on Tenable.
14:51I'm not sure why Warwick's audience think it's so funny.
14:57OK, Dick, here are your ten clues.
15:00Screaming Harry.
15:01Greater Horseshoe.
15:03Grizzly.
15:04European Roe.
15:06German Shepherd.
15:07Hazel.
15:08Fennec.
15:09Clydesdale.
15:10Brown-throated three-toed.
15:12And...
15:13Sperm.
15:16They're so childish, honestly.
15:19Every year we have this.
15:21The producers are reminding Warwick, in his earpiece, what he now needs to say.
15:26OK.
15:29You can't make me go to that sentence next.
15:37OK.
15:38And Sperm.
15:39How do you feel about that, Dick?
15:43Hello, why are you laughing?
15:51I've no idea why she's laughing either.
15:57Countdown.
15:58My favourite game involving words and numbers that isn't the one where I try to remember my online banking password.
16:04Laura.
16:05Budgies.
16:05Budgies.
16:06She smuggled seven points, Brendan.
16:08Budgies.
16:09At least you didn't smuggle them, eh?
16:11I just said that.
16:15Brendan, maybe you should have smuggled in a hearing aid.
16:19Oh, gee, seven points.
16:22Blankety-blank now.
16:24And if there's a catchier theme tune on television, I can't think of it.
16:27In this clip, Brad Walsh proves it's not just Brad Pitt who can do all his own stunts.
16:33Righto troops, everyone on my street loves me.
16:37Everyone on my street loves me.
16:38In fact, whenever I walk down the road, I hear people say,
16:42There goes...
16:46Barney Walsh's dad?
16:49Everyone...
16:49Everyone on my street loves me.
16:51In fact, whenever I walk down the road, I hear people say,
16:54There goes Brad!
16:56Isn't he a massive blank?
17:00Jill Scott's ready to tackle that.
17:02She can do it without even leaving her seat.
17:04Oh, shit, you!
17:15Leave the physical stuff to the gladiators, Brad.
17:25Oh, God!
17:26Oh, God!
17:30Oh, God!
17:31Oh, God!
17:31I don't know.
17:32Oh, God!
17:33Oh, God!
17:34Oh, God!
17:34I don't remember anything.
17:35Be kind, you lot.
17:38Always, Bradley, always.
17:39How's that work?
17:42Do you hear it again?
17:50TV presenter cock-ups now.
17:53Oh, yeah, it's not as easy as it looks.
17:55And on this morning, it's Friday the 13th.
17:57I'm lucky for some, but specifically, I'm lucky for Alison.
18:01Oh, good morning and welcome to your Friday.
18:05It's this morning.
18:06Morning, everyone.
18:06Now, do you know something?
18:07It's the last Friday of the week.
18:10Yeah.
18:10What?
18:13The last Friday of the week?
18:16It's the last Friday.
18:18It's the only Friday of the week.
18:19Congratulations for that.
18:20But guess what?
18:21It's only...
18:24It's only Friday the 13th.
18:26I love you so much.
18:26Oh, she's going to be embarrassed about that tomorrow.
18:29Which, to be clear, will be Saturday, Alison.
18:31That's Saturday.
18:35The one show where Alex Jones proves that TV presenting
18:39is as easy as A, B...
18:42What comes next?
18:44Well, it's difficult to know where to start, isn't it?
18:47Because you've all got so much to talk about,
18:49but we're going to start with you, Bill.
18:50We're going to go alphabetical order.
18:52Now, I'm very excited.
18:54I'm not...
18:56Actually...
18:56It'll be me.
18:57See you later.
18:58Whoops.
19:00We'll go down the...
19:02Down the sofa.
19:03There we go.
19:03Logical line.
19:04I mean...
19:06Anyway...
19:06Forget that happened.
19:09I was going to be kind and say,
19:11maybe Alex was thinking of the Welsh alphabet,
19:13but I looked it up and it starts in exactly the same way.
19:16Before we talk about King's Council...
19:19Over to BBC Breakfast,
19:21where it's not just the weather that's unpredictable,
19:23it's the weather presenters too.
19:26Erm, it's approaching a quarter past six.
19:27Let's check in on what the weather is doing.
19:29Carol has all these details.
19:30Good morning to you, Carol.
19:31Oh.
19:32Oh, it's Sarah, indeed.
19:33Carol, you changed.
19:33Sorry.
19:34A surprise Carol was there.
19:36Good morning.
19:37Carol, you've regenerated.
19:40That's embarrassing for you, Ben,
19:41but look on the bright side.
19:43There's a rainbow.
19:44It's been very wet.
19:45I'm so sorry, Sarah.
19:47Erm, I hadn't turned to look at the screen,
19:49and there you are, of course.
19:50Nice to have you with us this morning.
19:52I'm sorry to call you Carol.
19:53Oh, dear.
19:54I forecast a cold front sweeping across the next team drinks.
19:57It's just gone...
19:59Of course, the most important thing a TV presenter needs to remember is...
20:04Turn up for work!
20:07And also, just in breaking news,
20:10normally we do have a third person who is with us, Alan Hughes.
20:14He's been here for a while.
20:15He sure has.
20:16Where is he?
20:17Unfortunately, the alarm clock didn't go this morning.
20:19He didn't.
20:20He'll get you.
20:21He's fine.
20:21He's on the way into work.
20:2325 minutes later, and there is still no sign,
20:26but I'm sure presenter Alan can rely on his colleagues to cover for him
20:29and not throw him under the bus.
20:32Plus, myself and Alan Hughes.
20:34Any sign of Alan...
20:35Any sign of Alan Hughes?
20:36The traffic is very bad this morning.
20:37The traffic is very bad this morning.
20:39It's eight o'clock.
20:40With friends like these, who needs enemies?
20:43If he decides to arrive...
20:45He'll get you.
20:47TV presenting can flummox even the iconic Lorraine.
20:51Here, in a discussion about Taylor Swift's romance with Mattie Healey,
20:55she accidentally makes a bit of a boob.
20:58Now, the romance of the year...
21:00Yeah.
21:01Now, have we got to a point, Lorraine, where they have the joint name?
21:05Because I was just trying to think.
21:06I mean, you can't really have Swift Heel or Taymat,
21:09but I quite like Mattie-Tay.
21:12Oh, OK.
21:13Shall we make it a thing?
21:15Mattie-Tay?
21:15Let's make it a thing.
21:16Mattie-Tay.
21:16Let's go with Mattie-Tay.
21:17You and I will always call them Mattie-Tay.
21:20Lorraine, honestly, what do you like?
21:24I think you just about got away with it.
21:26But whatever you do, resist the urge and don't say it again.
21:31Who knows what's going to happen with Mattie-Tay?
21:35Mattie-Tay?
21:36I'm going to make Mattie-Tay a bit...
21:37It sounds like Mattie-Tay.
21:39That's the only thing when I say it.
21:40Oh, hello!
21:41We don't want that!
21:43We really, really do not.
21:45Well, I don't know.
21:46I think a lot of people do want that.
21:47They do.
21:49The ratings have just gone through the roof.
21:53Back on Ireland AM, the show has been on air for one hour and 36 minutes.
21:59And there's still no sign of their presenter, Alan.
22:01Roger, Roger.
22:02We're looking for Alan Hughes.
22:03I'm talking to Alan Hughes.
22:06I think the M50 is that way.
22:07He's heading to Wales.
22:10Oh, my God.
22:11Guys, how are you?
22:12Alan is lucky.
22:13If this show was on ITV, he'd already have been replaced by Stephen Mulhern.
22:17It worked!
22:18Derek!
22:19It worked!
22:20It worked!
22:21Roger, Roger.
22:22Look who has arrived into studio.
22:24Stop!
22:25Ah, hello!
22:26Stop.
22:27I'm not the better of it.
22:28Oh, Alan.
22:30And you're still wearing your pyjama top.
22:32So, first of all, your alarm doesn't go off.
22:34Your producer phones you.
22:36Where are you?
22:37And then you go, I'll be there in ten minutes.
22:39Fine, I'll be there in ten minutes.
22:41An hour and ten minutes.
22:42Chaos, is it?
22:42It's chaos on the M50.
22:55That sound you can hear, it's the school bell ringing for the break.
22:59But before that, I just want to say to the teachers in bad education, it's your own time you're wasting.
23:05I miss you babes.
23:07I miss you too much.
23:08Sorry.
23:10That was so awkward anyway.
23:12Try again.
23:14Well, I miss you babes.
23:15I'm so sorry.
23:17You've got...
23:17I've got to stop you there.
23:18No, but then I'm going to come back.
23:19Onto my...
23:20Sorry, sorry.
23:21Right, okay.
23:22Sorry.
23:22One more time.
23:24Well, I miss you babes.
23:25I miss you too, mate.
23:25Good luck with the job, Ant.
23:26Oh, my trips.
23:27For them, detention.
23:29But for us, it's break time.
23:42Welcome back.
23:43Back still to come.
23:44For sex.
23:45News bulletin bloopers.
23:46It actually says for sex, sex in there.
23:50All creatures not so great.
23:56And some dodgy daytime TV.
23:59That's what's known as a Freudian slip.
24:03Stay with us as the cock-ups keep coming.
24:09Ghosts.
24:10And how hard can it be to do a simple scene of dropping a phone in the bath?
24:15Well, it turns out very hard indeed.
24:20Wonderful.
24:20Yes.
24:21Mercy.
24:21Yes.
24:22The name for the book is...
24:23Oh, no.
24:25Oh, no.
24:25Oh, no.
24:26Oh, no.
24:29Not the Cabernet Sauvignon.
24:34I can see your voice.
24:35A BBC show for the whole family.
24:38You hear that, Jimmy?
24:39I said, it's a family show.
24:41What's the thing now?
24:42I see where the bros were, they sort of call mum.
24:44They're all stuck up like that, aren't they?
24:46Dead straight.
24:47What is that?
24:48It's laminating.
24:49Yeah, laminating.
24:50I do that.
24:50You laminate a flower, not a bro?
24:52Yeah.
24:53You can laminate your brows now.
24:55Laminating a lady's face meant something very different when I was allowed.
25:00Oh, Jimmy.
25:01Now you've lowered the tone.
25:04Everyone is at it.
25:05What the hell?
25:07I spend my life on TikTok.
25:10Right.
25:10And I've never come across his face.
25:12Well, that's just a coincidence.
25:14He...
25:14It's true.
25:16I didn't say a goddamn word.
25:17Yeah.
25:20I knew what you were thinking.
25:22All the cameras just meant to me.
25:33When in Rome...
25:34When in Rome, do what the Romans do.
25:38For me, that means have a limoncello spritz and drive badly.
25:42Of course, you could always have a sing-song.
25:44We're going to a village.
25:46We'll have a little village.
25:48I need to find some...
25:50Oh, fucked it.
25:51Sorry, lads.
25:52Hmm.
25:53Interesting use of Latin.
25:54Sorry.
25:58To Coronation Street, where it's all drama, all the time.
26:02Even before the cameras start rolling.
26:06Thanks, we are at speed.
26:10OK.
26:11And...
26:12Action.
26:13Whee!
26:13Aw, you've set the alarm up.
26:17Someone's hot part was a little too hot.
26:22Over to Love Island, and nothing says romantic ambience more than a liaison conducted from
26:28two sweaty beanbags on AstroTurf.
26:32I mean, this witty repartee between Whitney and Lockham isn't exactly Noel Coward, is it?
26:38The more I speak to you, like, initially I was like, what the fuck?
26:41Oh, really?
26:42Yeah, the more I speak to you, it's like, it does get better.
26:46What's, like, red flags for you?
26:47Yeah, Whitney, what are your red flags?
26:50Giant insects, perhaps?
26:52Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
26:54Don't move.
26:58It's gone, it's gone.
27:10I'll have what she's having I hope Meg Ryan impressions aren't Locken's red flag
27:17Emma Dale with a rather intense scene from Noah's stalker storyline although this first take did
27:24miss a vital twist in the tail what so you're dumping me when you're the dirty slapper who slept with
27:30my mate
27:31Noah Noah I barely met her just wow I'm sorry Chloe I'll just shut up you I forgot to turn
27:49well you
27:50won't win a TV quick award without the twist over to Britain's Got Talent and I'm afraid you'll need
27:57your opera glasses for this one what do you mean you don't have any opera glasses watch what happens
28:04when Ant decides to join diversity pay close attention to the left-hand side of the stage
28:32well it might be hard to see but Ant has an honest face so I'm happy to accept his word
28:48I'll admit doing both of those things at the same time is a clever trick and then I'm afraid it
28:53is
28:53not an act suitable for the Royal Variety Show and I can confirm he did fall the BGT producers found
29:03a
29:04better angle and they were more than happy to share it yet Bruno no need to rub it in that's
29:31my job
29:41news cock-ups now although the news can be so depressing nowadays which is why I love it when
29:47it goes wrong politics I know you parrot the government's propaganda of what happens around
29:55the European trade union leaders what you see about minimum standards is bollocks
30:15yeah you tell him Susanna
30:29and if you've been offended by anything I've said this evening please bear in mind that I've said
30:34it all using air quotes well it is minus 13 tonight which is why most people are off the streets
30:43there
30:43are a few people out here tonight but one place TV reporter David Marsland he's been sent out into
30:49the freezing cold to chat to local business owners and is now cursing his colleagues back in the warm
30:55studio don't worry David by the end of this report you'll be burning with embarrassment as well but
31:01people get on with it you know you can't just stop just because of the weather so and people
31:06have been talking about the community being kind of locked in here unable to get out of doing have
31:10you seen new faces or maybe old faces coming back I'm afraid you can't see any faces we're blurring
31:17them for reasons that will become obvious but I've had a couple of newcomers coming in because of
31:22their people just get stuck in their cars like public melden they were stuck in Aberdeen just
31:27just couldn't get anywhere you know yeah it's a cold and clear night we may even see a full moon
31:34so yeah I'm scared of it too few minutes it is BBC news known for its objectivity and impartiality I
31:42think my favorite thing about BBC presenters is that you never ever know what they're really thinking
31:48the average age of a US senator is 64 and by way of comparison President Joe Biden is 80 years
31:55old
31:56Donald Trump Donald Trump pardon me is 77 I don't know you might have been right the first time
32:03yeah a school collapse ITV news and an interview with Gillian Keegan an education secretary who
32:10perhaps needed re-educating about what it means to be on camera but you're saying that the government
32:15is not responsible ultimately for the safety of children in school the the school buildings
32:20responsibility is with local authorities okay thank you very much thank you Gillian knows the crew are
32:26still rolling but unfortunately so is she does anyone ever say you know what you've done a good
32:33job as everyone else has sat on their ass and done nothing no no no signs of that no Gillian
32:39I don't
32:40think many TV reporters do say that especially not on the tea time news from our Perth headquarters this
32:47is seven news with Susanna Carr and regarding in Australia there is breaking news about an emergency
32:54at Perth Airport as a plane is forced to return due to a fault it's all very dramatic as they
32:59go live
33:00to their reporter Rory Rory what happened Rory Rory looks like they'll have to send someone else down to
33:13report on what's happened to Rory during his report sorry about that we hope to go back to that story
33:19later
33:21BBC news look north where distinguished broadcaster Peter Levy illustrates the age-old saying when you're
33:28in a hole keep giggling now it's estimated that the bill to repair Lincoln's glory hole will be anything
33:36between 60,000 and 100,000 pounds the path has been closed since February and Lincolnshire County
33:45Council have blamed difficulties in accessing the site and the extent Peter what are you laughing at I
33:51don't understand we asked you and it's another news clip to take us to the break the doctor will see
34:06you now discuss let's bring in emergency doctor Kim Hanson and dr. Maureen Williams a patient advocate
34:11thank you so much for your time ladies appreciate it Kim out to you first what is about to have
34:15everyone's heart rate jumping through the roof find out when we return welcome back before the break
34:36we were down under for a medical discussion which is absolutely not the same thing as having a medical
34:42discussion about down under but did you guess what would have everyone's heart rate jumping through
34:49the roof okay sorry to interrupt over just we're running out of time the emergency medicine foundation
34:55is pledging 1.3 million dollars towards tackling this crisis how will that help sorry there's something
35:06very big behind you yes proceed with caution under no circumstances start waving around a pasty do not wander around
35:30with a big bag of chips
35:33all right has anyone got a big gun well that's not very humane these medical professionals have vowed to do
35:40no harm
35:42hey ladies I've just I'm just riveted to this shot I mean if we could just take one more clean
35:46shot of it
35:47there we go ladies thank you for bearing with all sorts of problems this morning especially a giant sized
35:54magpie magpie in the background some more animal cock ups now and James has gone outside to show off his
36:04strictly moves to his guests and pet dog not sure what this has got to do with cooking really it's
36:10all a
36:10bit of a dog's dinner I'm not sure about this cape it's a bit of a disaster the cape actually
36:17okay so one oh no
36:22James what's happened now it really is a dog's dinner James don't let him eat your beautiful face
36:37this is the most stupid program that's why we love it James my weekend just wouldn't be the same without
36:43it the real housewives of Cheshire they look a lot hairier than I remember oh my mistake there they are
36:55they don't make eye contact do they bite you can help it oh my god oh my god why are
37:07you putting your
37:08back down you idiot well good luck because I think in all the commotion one of the other monkeys nicked
37:17your passport and for this young orphaned elephants this charitable foundation is what they call home
37:28this reporter is at the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust in Kenya a haven for elephants and rhinos but what
37:36about a haven for harassed reporters where's their haven human actions are destroying habitats decimating
37:42our entire ecosystem and disrupting the circle of life and with the rise in drought cases it is up
37:48to us to be guardians of our own natural world save our wild species and provide a home pledge now
37:56to
37:56save endangered reporters you're ready paint natural world are telling the story of a wildlife hospital
38:04near Alice Springs Pete the wombat is much better but before his medication he still gets nervous
38:23I'm the same before an injection sorry doctor if you're watching but thanks for letting me sit on your
38:29knee David Mitchell's outsiders and Judy Love and Gus Khan can handle a crowd but can they handle a llama
38:42but
38:43don't move don't move don't move don't move don't move don't move don't move don't move don't move
38:46Carmela oh shit
38:55I'm gonna piss myself
38:58Carmela but Judy needn't worry Carmela seems a lot more interested in David's film crew
39:05oh she can carry items all right where the fuck are you going to pull this one
39:11I think this would be a great time for a recording pause guys let go or she'll drag you back
39:22to South
39:23America the brave Steve Backshaw is in Argentina looking for anaconda oh Steve why can't you present
39:34something nice involving antiques I don't remember anyone being choked by a snake on bargain hunt
39:40careful Steve you're looking for anaconda not your car keys
39:46that was a caiman and I've just been given a really nasty bite yes honestly I'd be running screaming
39:53but stalwart Steve just carries on
39:56um
39:58I've just had one of my first nasty bites from an animal just trodden on a caiman here and it's
40:04uh
40:04whipped round and taken a good chunk out of my leg um so unfortunately anaconda hunting is off for the
40:15rest of the day
40:16it's an extreme way to pull a sickie I don't think I'll be trying it anytime soon bye Steve that's
40:23it off you go
40:23don't worry about your crew stranded in this swamp full of anaconda and caiman
40:30you
40:38daytime TV disasters now and of course the worst thing that can happen on daytime TV is when it all
40:44goes a little bit
40:45nighttime TV it opens to people in England only and if you sign up by going to our website and
40:51pledging 180 minutes
40:52a week for sex for six sex it actually says the sex sex in there it does say can you
40:59can you can
41:00you can can you show can I just want someone can we show them the prompts show them the prompts
41:05on three there
41:06you go that wasn't me that wasn't me it's in it's in the prompt just because it's in the prompt
41:11it doesn't
41:12mean you have to read it out though does it three hours in one go in one go
41:17yeah
41:20Ireland AM where the presenters are often in trouble with their producers for using cheeky innuendos
41:26still that doesn't stop them trying to slip something in
41:31this is a delicious dessert that explodes in your mouth Alan
41:43are you laughing at me no no Catherine I don't think it's you he's laughing at
41:49but they're really chocolate fondant cakes do you know where you get the chocolate Alan pull yourself together
41:56the measure chocolate comes out
41:59if you got that right now timing is important for this anyway we get to it
42:05oh dear
42:08Derek save us is it wet out there in the summer
42:11is it wet honestly a double entendre was enough there's no need to go for the triple
42:16there's one cat and that looks delicious can't wait to taste it later on
42:22loose women and I've heard of makeup being piled on but not like this hemorrhoid cream
42:28right now we all know where we normally put that but a makeup artist told me
42:42that's what's known as the Freudian slip a makeup artist told me that the old Hollywood sirens you know the
42:51Greta Garbo's whatever put it on their face because it tightens up the skin and makes it and I was
42:58going to show you but sadly we've run out of time out of time
43:02talk about hitting rock bottom
43:07it's Ben's final week on Good Morning Britain before his move to this morning and he's going out with his
43:14head held high he's never put a foot wrong
43:17talking about talking about interacting I think this was just made for you Ben Shepard do you recognize this it
43:24is from one of TV's most iconic moments
43:27oh that gorgeous shot oh yes it's Colin first white shirt that he wore as Mr. Darcy Ben that was
43:34made for you
43:35I thought it was wee willie wankies wee willie winkies nightgown
43:39wee willie wankies yeah
43:42not such a golden boy now are you Ben and it makes us love you even more
43:46there's nothing's feeling really good right now
43:51and we love it don't we Lorraine
43:53we do or we still do we're going to have such fun
43:56don't you worry sweet Ben we've got no prejudice and now you've got no pride
44:12thanks to all the talented production teams and stars for their cock-ups we've just time for one more from
44:18Richard Osmond's house of games
44:20Tom Rosenthal is about to draw a famous historical figure I hope you'll have 30 seconds to draw that figure
44:28Cindy you've got 30 seconds to guess and your time starts now
44:37oh
44:38telescope
44:40something else
44:40I mean
44:40goodness me
44:41planet telescope
44:42oh dear
44:43stars
44:48Galileo
44:48yes
44:49Galileo
44:50Galileo
44:51wow great
44:51I bet Galileo never thought he'd look like that
44:55it's not the best drawing I've ever seen but the good news is you're going to get 250 quid every
44:59time that's shown on it
45:00it'll be alright in the night for a long time to come
45:04maybe he can invest that money in some art classes
45:08thanks for watching and good night
45:33thank you
45:34thank you
45:34thank you
45:34thank you
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