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00:00:15Excuse me, are you Alice Anderson, daughter of Jeannie Anderson?
00:00:20Yeah, I mean, yes, that's me.
00:00:23I'm actually supposed to be picking her up right now.
00:00:26It's kind of our thing, family tradition, you know.
00:00:28I pick her up when she travels, and she picks me up when...
00:00:32Is she in trouble?
00:00:33I'd say so.
00:00:34Did she fly with an illegal animal again?
00:00:36No.
00:00:37Did she threaten to start a dance party in the aisles of the plane if she got cut off?
00:00:40Because normally she is joking.
00:00:41No.
00:00:42Please tell me she didn't hook up with a pilot again.
00:00:45I can't have her banned from another airline.
00:00:49Follow me, please.
00:00:50What?
00:00:53Mom, are you okay?
00:00:54What happened?
00:00:56What happened is...
00:00:59I'm engaged!
00:01:01Oh my God.
00:01:03You guys really commit to a prank.
00:01:06Oh, honey, it's no prank.
00:01:09This is the real deal.
00:01:11Are you being serious right now?
00:01:13You were only gone for six days.
00:01:15She was only gone for six days.
00:01:17I know.
00:01:18But when you know, you know.
00:01:20You know.
00:01:21No!
00:01:22No!
00:01:22Honey, I can't wait for you to meet Wayne.
00:01:25He's actually flying in tomorrow.
00:01:28Uh...
00:01:28Oh, is alcohol even allowed in here?
00:01:31Oh, not at all.
00:01:32I confiscated it from a guy earlier this morning.
00:01:35You don't want to know where.
00:01:37To your mom!
00:01:38Yay!
00:01:39Cheers!
00:01:40Cheers!
00:01:54I just don't understand.
00:01:57You were in Sedona for less than a week, and now you're engaged to some random guy?
00:02:03Oh, Wayne isn't random.
00:02:05Okay.
00:02:07What's his last name?
00:02:09Um, Appleby?
00:02:11No.
00:02:12Appleton?
00:02:13Granny Smith.
00:02:14It's...
00:02:15Mom!
00:02:15It's something to do with apples, but...
00:02:17But that's not important.
00:02:18I know the important things.
00:02:20He's kind and funny.
00:02:21He's a great cook.
00:02:23Do you know that you can make a lasagna from hot dogs and mustard?
00:02:27Gross.
00:02:28Mom, please listen to me.
00:02:31I'm worried about you.
00:02:32You've just fallen in love so many times, and it never...
00:02:36This is different.
00:02:37Just keep an open mind.
00:02:39Wayne's gonna be here tomorrow, and you're gonna love him.
00:02:43Fuji!
00:02:44Wayne Fuji!
00:02:46I knew it had to do with apples.
00:02:47I was so close.
00:02:59Ooh.
00:03:00Bagel bar.
00:03:01Oh.
00:03:02Alice, you're the best.
00:03:03Well, I have to make work a little fun for my team.
00:03:05Laney, I got you gluten-free.
00:03:06Ah, you're so good to us.
00:03:08Thank you, HR Mommy.
00:03:09Please don't call me Mommy.
00:03:11We were bummed you couldn't make it to karaoke last night.
00:03:14I think I made Beyoncé proud.
00:03:15Well, even though public singing is my number one stress dream, I was sad to miss it, but
00:03:19I had to pick my mom up at the airport, so...
00:03:21Oh, Jeannie's back from the retreat thingy.
00:03:23Was it good?
00:03:24Yeah, she got engaged to a guy she met there, so that's fun.
00:03:27Anyway...
00:03:27Wait, wait.
00:03:28Jeannie got engaged?
00:03:29Yes, she did.
00:03:31But, point being, I need to tell you about our new PTO policy.
00:03:35Um...
00:03:36Moore?
00:03:36That's insane.
00:03:38Alice's mom is next level.
00:03:39Tell him about the time that your mom was a groupie for Nickelback and pulled you out of
00:03:42high school for a month to go on tour with them.
00:03:45Anyway...
00:03:45Let's get back to the engagement.
00:03:46Have you met this guy yet?
00:03:47No, he's flying in tonight, so I have to spend my lunch break looking him up online and maybe
00:03:52running a background check.
00:03:53Or...
00:03:54Just a thought.
00:03:55Maybe we could look him up right now.
00:03:58Okay, only if we count it as team building.
00:04:00Yes!
00:04:01Go team!
00:04:05It says his last job was renting fog machines to strip clubs.
00:04:10Huh.
00:04:11I wouldn't even think that was a gig, because the whole point would be to see the women,
00:04:14but what do I know?
00:04:15He can't be as bad as he looks online, right?
00:04:17He's wearing a t-shirt that says, I own two pythons, and one's in my pants.
00:04:23No.
00:04:24No.
00:04:25No.
00:04:25She's not marrying this man!
00:04:29So...
00:04:31I've been thinking...
00:04:32You want bangs?
00:04:33Honey, I'm sorry.
00:04:35I don't think you have the forehead for them.
00:04:37No.
00:04:37What?
00:04:39I've been thinking about you and Wayne.
00:04:41I-I wanted to talk to you before he got here.
00:04:45Mom, you know I love you, and I want you to be happy, but I'm worried you're moving a little
00:04:51fast here.
00:04:52That retreat was supposed to be about working through your grief, not boning some guy showing
00:04:59off his snake tattoos online.
00:05:02Did you look him up?
00:05:03With an open mind, but yes.
00:05:06Okay.
00:05:07First of all, he only has one snake tattoo, and it all connects on his cute little butt cheek.
00:05:14Okay.
00:05:14And second of all, I did work through my grief.
00:05:17I only cried over Queenie once, the whole trip.
00:05:21They served nuts on the plane.
00:05:24You know how she felt about squirrels.
00:05:26Well, hey!
00:05:27There's my woman!
00:05:28Oh!
00:05:29Baby, baby!
00:05:30Come over here!
00:05:33Mwah!
00:05:34Alice!
00:05:35This is Wayne, my fiancée.
00:05:39Alice?
00:05:39Hi.
00:05:40Hey.
00:05:40Now listen.
00:05:42I know you're a grown woman, but I want to tell you something.
00:05:45I intend to be the world's best dad, and I want to get a mug to prove it.
00:05:50She's a cutie pie.
00:05:52You're a cutie pie.
00:05:53It's just so exciting for my two favorite people to meet.
00:05:57Yeah.
00:05:58Um, say, Wayne.
00:06:01Huh?
00:06:01Could you ask our waiter for some more, um, um, napkins?
00:06:07Napkins?
00:06:08Mm-hmm.
00:06:08Sure.
00:06:08Can do.
00:06:09Okay.
00:06:10Hold my bowie for me.
00:06:13Will you, Beanie?
00:06:16Mwah!
00:06:16That's sweet.
00:06:17That's sweet sugar.
00:06:23You cannot marry that guy.
00:06:27This is the start of an episode of Dateline.
00:06:29Oh, my God.
00:06:30It's heavy.
00:06:31No!
00:06:32You know, I was worried you would do this.
00:06:35Start judging him for his looks and his education and his hepatitis.
00:06:39His what?
00:06:40Mom, you are rushing into this.
00:06:43If you say so.
00:06:45You are not being rational.
00:06:46Love isn't rational.
00:06:48Oh, but I forgot.
00:06:49You don't believe in romance.
00:06:50Oh, I believe in romance.
00:06:51I just prefer to be in control of my life.
00:06:53Not lost in some pheromone-induced mania.
00:06:57I am not like you.
00:06:58Oh, you're exactly like me.
00:07:01I raised two beautiful daughters.
00:07:04You and Queenie are exactly like me.
00:07:07Stop comparing me to your dog.
00:07:08It's a compliment.
00:07:10It's not.
00:07:10Hey, ladies.
00:07:13Hey.
00:07:13Now, I could not track down the waiter and get those napkins,
00:07:17but got something better.
00:07:18Boom.
00:07:20Use as much as you want.
00:07:21We can wipe our hands with it.
00:07:25And again, if you ever want me to set you up with someone, let me know.
00:07:28Oh, thank you.
00:07:29But no, thank you.
00:07:30I don't have time to date right now.
00:07:31Alice, come on.
00:07:32I mean, don't you want to meet a mega nerd like yourself?
00:07:34Like your little freak flag fly?
00:07:35My freak flag is doing just fine in storage right now.
00:07:38Is it?
00:07:38I don't have time.
00:07:40I'm working overtime to try to get this director of human resources job.
00:07:43And now, I have to deal with my mother's train wreck of an engagement?
00:07:47No.
00:07:48Is he really as bad as we thought?
00:07:49He's worse.
00:07:50She's so blinded by love.
00:07:52She can't see the parade of red flags he's laid out for her.
00:07:55And when this relationship inevitably ends like they always do in six to eight months,
00:07:59she will be devastated and hysterical.
00:08:01And who will have to pick up the pieces?
00:08:02Me.
00:08:03It never works.
00:08:05I mean, come on.
00:08:06She doesn't even know who my dad is.
00:08:08Are we really surprised?
00:08:27Oh, hi!
00:08:28You going the lawn or going to winter formal?
00:08:31I hit one of my nose.
00:08:34Oh, well.
00:08:43Thank you for coming over.
00:08:46Oh, my God.
00:08:48Oh, I know.
00:08:50Doesn't Queenie look beautiful?
00:08:55She really does.
00:08:57Oh.
00:08:58I hired the same photographer who did your senior portrait.
00:09:02Nothing but the best for my two daughters.
00:09:05Mom, for the last time, your human daughter is not the same as a dog.
00:09:10I asked you here because I want you to know I heard your concerns.
00:09:15Really?
00:09:16Mm-hmm.
00:09:17Wayne and I agreed.
00:09:19Planning a wedding is just too much work.
00:09:21And weddings cost a fortune.
00:09:25That's true.
00:09:27That is so responsible.
00:09:29Yes, so we're going to Elope in Buffalo next Saturday.
00:09:33What?
00:09:33You want to get married next weekend?
00:09:35Mm-hmm.
00:09:37And?
00:09:43Alice, I have a very important question to ask you.
00:09:46Uh-huh.
00:09:47Will you be my maid of honor?
00:09:50Oh, you're maid of honor.
00:09:55Mom, I'm so touched, obviously.
00:09:59And I really would like to say yes.
00:10:03Yes!
00:10:04Oh, I'm so glad we got that sorted.
00:10:06Because I have so much to do.
00:10:07I have to go shoe shopping.
00:10:08I have to go dress shopping.
00:10:11I have to pack up this entire house.
00:10:14Pack up the house?
00:10:15Didn't I tell you I'm selling the house?
00:10:18You're selling the house?
00:10:19Wayne says we need seed money for the new business.
00:10:21What business?
00:10:22Oh, that's still in beta.
00:10:24Hold on!
00:10:25You are saying that you want to sell our house,
00:10:28the site of all of our memories,
00:10:30to give cash to a guy you just met
00:10:34for a business that doesn't exist yet?
00:10:37No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:10:38I'm not going to give it to him.
00:10:41Then it would be taxed.
00:10:42Oh, my God.
00:10:43Now, we're going to wait till we're married
00:10:45and combine assets.
00:10:47It's the least I can do to support his dream,
00:10:50because he's moving here for me.
00:10:51Look what the cat dragged in.
00:10:53Whoa!
00:10:54Me!
00:10:55You, baby.
00:10:56Thank you for your credit card.
00:10:57I betcha, honey.
00:10:57And I got something for you.
00:10:59Oh, my God.
00:10:59No, no, no, no, no.
00:11:00I'm waiting.
00:11:01I'm going to work.
00:11:02Come on, baby.
00:11:04Let's dance.
00:11:04Let's dance.
00:11:05I'm going.
00:11:06Oh, bye, honey.
00:11:07Baby, baby, baby, baby.
00:11:21Hey, hon.
00:11:22Hmm?
00:11:22So you sent a company-wide email with zero exclamation marks,
00:11:26and I'm wondering if you're okay.
00:11:27My mom wants to marry Python Pants next week.
00:11:31Next week?
00:11:31Next week.
00:11:32And I can't let it happen.
00:11:33Oh, he's really that bad.
00:11:34He's awful.
00:11:35He's making her sell her house to steal all her money
00:11:38to start some business.
00:11:40He's just, he's got his claws in her deep, you know?
00:11:43Ew.
00:11:45Damn.
00:11:46Red flag city.
00:11:47Mm-hmm.
00:11:47But your mom is a grown-ass woman, and she'll just have to live with the decisions that
00:11:51she makes.
00:11:51My mom is mentally a teenager.
00:11:53She can't...
00:11:54You're right.
00:11:56Yeah.
00:11:56Why?
00:11:57Her decisions.
00:11:59I have to make her think it's her decision to call things off with him.
00:12:02Yeah.
00:12:03But what is my mom more than anything else?
00:12:06Horny.
00:12:08Fair.
00:12:09What else?
00:12:10Self-centered.
00:12:11Yes.
00:12:12She's been talking about her next chapter of life for years, so I just have to make her
00:12:16see all the paths she won't be able to take in her next chapter if she's with Wayne.
00:12:20Mm-hmm.
00:12:21Are you sure that this is the path that you want to take?
00:12:24Because you've been working so hard to get your promotion, and...
00:12:27If I could do this at literally any other time, I would.
00:12:29But if this man breaks her heart and steals her nest egg, I fear she will never recover,
00:12:32and I have to protect her.
00:12:33So that's what I'm gonna do.
00:12:41Hi.
00:12:41Hi.
00:12:42What are you doing here?
00:12:44I was just getting in the bath.
00:12:45Do you want to come in?
00:12:46Uh, no.
00:12:46I've had a bath today, thanks.
00:12:48I tried calling, but your voicemail's full.
00:12:51Oh.
00:12:51I have an idea.
00:12:53What if, instead of flying to Buffalo, we drive to Buffalo together?
00:12:59Like, a road trip?
00:13:01A bachelorette road trip?
00:13:03Yeah.
00:13:03I'll plan all the stops.
00:13:05Wait, but what about your job?
00:13:07You never take time off.
00:13:08I can bring my laptop and work on the road.
00:13:10I've already told Lainey to call me if there's anything I absolutely have to handle,
00:13:14because how often does my mom get married?
00:13:19Well, I'm pretty sure ceremonies in Belize don't count in the U.S.
00:13:23Okay.
00:13:24I'm gonna choose not to unpack that right now.
00:13:27I know Wayne might feel a little weird about being left in a new city all alone.
00:13:31Oh, no, no, no.
00:13:32He's so busy scouting locations for the new business.
00:13:35I love how independent he is.
00:13:38I'm just gonna tell him to meet us in Buffalo before the wedding, and it will be just us.
00:13:42Great!
00:13:43A mother-daughter bachelorette party road trip.
00:13:46Yes.
00:13:47We'll leave tomorrow?
00:13:47Yes.
00:13:48Oh, I'm so excited.
00:13:50I love you.
00:13:50I love you too, Mom.
00:13:51I just want you to be so, so happy.
00:13:55You know that, right?
00:13:57Gee, come back.
00:13:59Our bubble bath's almost done bubbling.
00:14:02I gotta go.
00:14:03I'm so happy.
00:14:04Love you, honey.
00:14:05Okay.
00:14:05See you tomorrow.
00:14:12Here we go.
00:14:21Ta-da!
00:14:22I just got us a serious upgrade for Next to Nothing.
00:14:25You're welcome.
00:14:26But what about the trunk space?
00:14:28And what is Next to Nothing for a rental car cost?
00:14:30Don't worry about it.
00:14:31I'm selling my house.
00:14:32I'm about to be flush with cash.
00:14:35Really?
00:14:36Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:14:36Be careful.
00:14:37Queenie's in there.
00:14:38You brought her remains?
00:14:39I would never travel without her.
00:14:42If you were dead, I'd bring you along too.
00:14:44Don't ever do that.
00:14:46You couldn't stop me.
00:14:47You'd be dead.
00:14:48Mom.
00:14:49We need a picture before we hit the road.
00:14:51Yeah.
00:14:52Okay.
00:14:54One, two, three.
00:14:58And off we go.
00:15:01Oh.
00:15:02Mom?
00:15:03Yeah?
00:15:03Do you have a hair tie?
00:15:04Oh.
00:15:05Hold on.
00:15:07Okay.
00:15:08Let me.
00:15:09Oh.
00:15:14Ah.
00:15:15How's that?
00:15:16Great, actually.
00:15:23Oh, I love this song.
00:15:26Oh, wait.
00:15:28Oh, come on.
00:15:30Dance with me.
00:15:31Mom, I'm driving.
00:15:32Ten and two.
00:15:34Oh.
00:15:35Come on.
00:15:37You make me proud.
00:15:39You make me proud.
00:15:41You keep me strong.
00:15:43You give me hope.
00:15:47You keep me strong.
00:15:48You're gonna travel, you're gonna bring me, you're gonna bring me.
00:15:52You make me proud.
00:15:53Yo, I think he's a wild card.
00:15:59You make me proud.
00:16:02You make me proud.
00:16:05Ew.
00:16:06This would not have happened if you hadn't insisted on getting a convertible.
00:16:11Oh, honey, it's just a few bugs. It's no big deal.
00:16:15Oh, no.
00:16:18What's wrong?
00:16:19I know him. That guy over there by the brown van.
00:16:24Ex-boyfriend?
00:16:25No! He's just an annoying kid I went to high school with.
00:16:28Wesley Darvin.
00:16:31Hey, Wesley!
00:16:32Mom, no!
00:16:33Yoo-hoo! Stop!
00:16:34Uh, hi. Do I know you?
00:16:37I'm Alice Anderson's mom.
00:16:39She actually wanted to say hi to you. She's right over here.
00:16:43Alice?
00:16:46Oh, there she is.
00:16:47Alice Anderson?
00:16:49It's been a while.
00:16:51Hey.
00:16:52Hey.
00:16:52Hi.
00:16:54Oh, wow. She was just saying how cool she thought your van was.
00:16:58Oh.
00:16:59I don't ever accuse that thing of being cool.
00:17:02It's, uh, very retro.
00:17:05Yeah.
00:17:05Well, we bought it off the guy who painted it in 1972.
00:17:09Huh.
00:17:09Hi.
00:17:10Who's we? Girlfriend?
00:17:11No, no.
00:17:12My bandmate, Clive.
00:17:13Uh, I'm in a band.
00:17:15Oh, oh.
00:17:15We're on tour.
00:17:16Uh, Clive's just in there.
00:17:17Mm.
00:17:18Clive?
00:17:21That's Clive.
00:17:22Yeah.
00:17:22Hey.
00:17:24Yeah.
00:17:24He's, uh...
00:17:25What?
00:17:26He's shy.
00:17:28So you two are friends, huh?
00:17:30No.
00:17:30Not even a little bit.
00:17:31Come on. You hated me in high school.
00:17:33I didn't hate you.
00:17:34Yeah.
00:17:35I hated the way you were constantly trying to one-up me.
00:17:38I don't think I ever tried to one-up you.
00:17:40I think I just one-upped you, and you still ended up valedictorian.
00:17:43You were very...driven.
00:17:50Anyway, we should be going.
00:17:52Oh, no. We have a few more minutes. Keep catching up.
00:17:57I'm sorry. I knew I recognized you.
00:17:59Did you come to school on a horse one time?
00:18:02Alice's 16th birthday?
00:18:03She wanted a car.
00:18:05But I was dating a guy at the Equestrian Center, and I thought,
00:18:07it's a pretty cool ride, too.
00:18:10No-brainer.
00:18:11We-we talked about that for a solid year.
00:18:13Yeah!
00:18:13You guys didn't stop neighing at me in the hallways.
00:18:16I have no recollection of this.
00:18:17So where's your band playing next?
00:18:19Uh, we've got a gig in Rochester.
00:18:23So we thought, what the hell, let's pack up the van,
00:18:27hit the road, see where the wind takes us,
00:18:29and we'll, uh, we'll play small gigs along the way.
00:18:32So you're going on a tour with only one booked gig?
00:18:37Yeah.
00:18:37Wow.
00:18:38Not the overachiever I remember.
00:18:41Times change.
00:18:42Well, that's pretty weird, because we're on the way to Buffalo.
00:18:45Mom.
00:18:45So you two should exchange numbers.
00:18:47We don't have to.
00:18:47That's a great idea, actually.
00:18:49Here, uh, my phone is dead, so...
00:18:52An actual old-fashioned pen.
00:18:54Wow.
00:18:55Still carry one of those, huh?
00:18:57Take that.
00:18:59Um, just, uh, text me, if only to get recommendations
00:19:03for awesome diners and pit stops along the way.
00:19:06Uh, maybe we can grab a milkshake,
00:19:08and you and I can reminisce about the good old days of AP physics.
00:19:12Clive and I have done this route before, so...
00:19:14You hear that, honey?
00:19:16He's experienced.
00:19:17Okay.
00:19:18We're virgins.
00:19:19We're leaving.
00:19:21Wow!
00:19:22Let's go, Mom.
00:19:23Get in the car.
00:19:23Um, and, uh, nice, uh, panty pony.
00:19:28Very chic.
00:19:29Oh!
00:19:30He likes your panties.
00:19:33These are pantyhose in my hair!
00:19:36Mom!
00:19:41You have to go out with him.
00:19:42He's so cute.
00:19:44Me and Wesley Darvin?
00:19:46No way.
00:19:48Besides, he wasn't even asking me to hang out like that.
00:19:51Oh.
00:19:52I disagree.
00:19:54I like him.
00:19:55Yeah, you liking a guy is a red flag.
00:19:58Ha ha ha!
00:19:59You know, Mom, once you get married,
00:20:02you won't be able to just meet cute guys
00:20:06and flirt with them anymore.
00:20:08I'm getting married.
00:20:09I'm not turning into a nun.
00:20:12Plus, Wayne and I aren't the jealous types.
00:20:14Oh, really?
00:20:16Even though he used to work in strip clubs?
00:20:19You kind of left that part out when you said
00:20:21he used to be in sales.
00:20:23Oh!
00:20:24The past is the past.
00:20:27And I am not judgmental about Zach's work.
00:20:30Huh.
00:20:31Really though, Mom, do you ever worry that...
00:20:34Uh, I'm not concerned a bit.
00:20:39Wayne and I have gotten through some very tough times.
00:20:42Because we communicate.
00:20:49Hey, Mom.
00:20:51Take this freeway.
00:20:53Oh!
00:20:54Are we going to Cheryl's?
00:20:56It wouldn't be your bachelorette party
00:20:58if we didn't go to see your oldest, bestest friend, right?
00:21:00Ha ha!
00:21:01Woo!
00:21:03Yeah!
00:21:03Yeah!
00:21:17I knew Cheryl was successful, but not, like,
00:21:20giant mansion successful.
00:21:23What did she do again?
00:21:24Oh, she's the head of all product distribution
00:21:27of the Midwest.
00:21:28Wow.
00:21:29Mm-hmm.
00:21:30Oh, my God.
00:21:31Gigi, I'm so glad you're here.
00:21:33Oh.
00:21:34It's been way too long.
00:21:36I know.
00:21:37I mean, the last time I saw you,
00:21:38I mean, I think I...
00:21:39I still have my original eyelids.
00:21:42Now I blink like a 22-year-old.
00:21:44Oh.
00:21:46Alice, you're all grown up.
00:21:48Oh, my God.
00:21:49The last time I saw you,
00:21:51you were still in that awkward phase
00:21:52that girls have when they're 13.
00:21:54I was 17.
00:21:55The world needs late bloomers.
00:21:57Hm?
00:21:58I cannot believe that you're getting hitched, Gigi.
00:22:02I know.
00:22:03I mean, oh, my God.
00:22:04Okay.
00:22:04The only reason to marry a man that fast,
00:22:07tight pants,
00:22:08from a fat wallet.
00:22:09Or a fat something else.
00:22:11Oh, honey, you have no idea.
00:22:14Okay, ladies.
00:22:15You too.
00:22:18You know, I just realized
00:22:19you're actually like alternate versions of each other.
00:22:23You met working together.
00:22:25You both built wonderful careers,
00:22:28bought your own homes.
00:22:30You've done a lot as independent ladies.
00:22:33Mom, maybe you should be going into business again
00:22:36with Cheryl, your oldest best friend
00:22:39who you know and trust.
00:22:41Hm?
00:22:42I think our business days are over.
00:22:44Aw.
00:22:45Cher's like my big sister.
00:22:47Aw, you calling me old?
00:22:49Oh, and have your team of plastic surgeons
00:22:51come after me?
00:22:52Never.
00:22:53You know me too well.
00:22:54Okay.
00:22:55Mm.
00:22:56Ladies, finish your champagne.
00:23:00I got a little surprise.
00:23:05What?
00:23:06What is that?
00:23:07What is going on?
00:23:08I'm like your fairy godmother.
00:23:11What is this?
00:23:12Okay, don't look at any of the price tags,
00:23:14because I already bought a bowl.
00:23:17Cher, this is too much.
00:23:19Oh, bish plush.
00:23:21I mean, you said you haven't bought a wedding dress yet,
00:23:22and you know I wanted to assist.
00:23:24And, you know, help Alice.
00:23:25Poor Alice over there.
00:23:27Find some clothes that aren't so drab.
00:23:29Drab?
00:23:29Uh, you look like an HR lady.
00:23:31But I am an HR lady.
00:23:34Okay.
00:23:36Where do we start?
00:23:42Oh, oh.
00:23:44On danse, c'est la nuit.
00:23:48On danse, c'est Ă©crit.
00:23:51Ce soir, c'est la vie.
00:23:55Non, c'est lĂ ...
00:23:58...comme un arbre de scandale.
00:24:01Le regard radical...
00:24:05Oh, sit around, sit around.
00:24:10Keep it, keep it.
00:24:12I love you.
00:24:14Sorry if I'm hurting you.
00:24:16Oh, please, honey.
00:24:17After what you did to me when you were born, I can take it.
00:24:20Hmm.
00:24:21This is fun, Mom.
00:24:23Yeah.
00:24:24We haven't had a girls' day like this in a long time, huh?
00:24:27Well, we went to that winter matinee last year.
00:24:30Oh, no.
00:24:31Tax evasion Garrett met us there.
00:24:33No.
00:24:34That was two years ago.
00:24:35Last year was Jobless Bob.
00:24:38Oh.
00:24:39Yeah.
00:24:40I haven't had the best track record with men, have I?
00:24:43No, you haven't.
00:24:45That's why I'm so glad that I met Wayne.
00:24:48He's such a lovely guy.
00:24:52Well, you look beautiful, Mom.
00:24:54Oh, bad news, ladies.
00:24:56Looks like the DEA are on their way.
00:24:58Did she just have a DEA?
00:24:59Yeah, this is not good.
00:25:01Apologies for being such a rude host, but it's probably best if you just hit the road.
00:25:04But, you know, before the feds arrived.
00:25:05Product distribution.
00:25:07That's drugs.
00:25:08She's a drug dealer?
00:25:09That's how you're so rich?
00:25:10And you two work together.
00:25:11Were you like Pablo Escobar?
00:25:13Oh, no.
00:25:13We were very low level back then.
00:25:15He is for you.
00:25:16Just have a little wedding gift.
00:25:17It was lovely seeing you both.
00:25:19I'll see you at the wedding.
00:25:20Okay.
00:25:20Go on, honey.
00:25:21Mom!
00:25:21You gotta go fast!
00:25:22Come on, Mom!
00:25:23Fast!
00:25:23It's okay!
00:25:26You're going 90 miles an hour.
00:25:28Well, yeah.
00:25:29Oh, my God.
00:25:33Cheryl!
00:25:35Aunt Cheryl's like a kingpin.
00:25:39What?
00:25:39That's funny you say that.
00:25:41That D.A.R.E. program must have really worked.
00:25:43Why wouldn't you ever tell me this?
00:25:47Because I didn't think you'd ever understand.
00:25:49Oh, I don't understand.
00:25:50This is so irresponsible, Mom.
00:25:53Oh, my God.
00:25:54You could have gone to jail.
00:25:55I mean, why would you risk it?
00:25:56There's not a lot of jobs for young single mothers without a college education.
00:26:01And I wanted a better life for you.
00:26:04So, I just worked until I could buy a house and get out.
00:26:10And I don't regret any of it.
00:26:12Whoa, Mom.
00:26:13I guess I never really thought about it like that.
00:26:17I mean, it must have been really hard for you all by yourself with a newborn and nobody to rely
00:26:23on.
00:26:24But you know what?
00:26:25What?
00:26:26Now I have Wayne to lean on.
00:26:29My soulmate.
00:26:32Uh-huh.
00:26:39What's that smell?
00:26:42$89 a night.
00:26:44Okay.
00:26:45I'm going to go freshen up and see if there's a bar.
00:26:49Yeah, good idea.
00:26:50I'll change, too.
00:26:51What?
00:26:52Why?
00:26:52You look so good.
00:26:54I'm overdressed for a motel bar, no?
00:26:56Well, at least let me give you something of mine that kind of shows off the goods.
00:27:00What makes you think I didn't bring anything that shows off the goods?
00:27:06Fine.
00:27:23Hi.
00:27:24Is that Alice Anderson in a sexy black dress I see on my screen?
00:27:29Woo!
00:27:30Is it too much?
00:27:31It's so tight.
00:27:32No, it's perfect.
00:27:33I'm so glad that you're finally letting loose and shutting off those Girls Gone Mild vibes.
00:27:38Apparently we're going to a bar later.
00:27:40I love that.
00:27:41It's literally the last thing I want to do right now, but we're connecting, so...
00:27:47It's a great idea.
00:27:49You know, your choices should always be bolder than your turtlenecks, Alice.
00:27:53Deepak Chopra said that.
00:27:54No, he did not.
00:27:56But I get your point.
00:27:58One drink can't hurt, right?
00:28:04Oh, wow.
00:28:06I can feel the earth spinning, I think.
00:28:09It's amazing.
00:28:10That's what love feels like.
00:28:12Oh, I'll take your word for it.
00:28:15Oh, honey.
00:28:17You've got to get out there and date me.
00:28:19I watched you be heartbroken over and over for my whole life.
00:28:27No, no dating.
00:28:34You don't date because of me?
00:28:37I didn't think you absorbed all that.
00:28:40I mean...
00:28:41It's okay.
00:28:43Oh, Mom, I'm okay.
00:28:45I don't even need a man.
00:28:47And I just always needed a man.
00:28:50You think?
00:28:53I...
00:28:54Sorry.
00:28:55I just mean...
00:28:58Are you...
00:28:59Are you sure you want to marry this guy you've only known for six days?
00:29:04Yeah.
00:29:06In Buffalo?
00:29:07Why?
00:29:08Buffalo?
00:29:10You know I had a hard time growing up.
00:29:12My parents...
00:29:14I know, Mom.
00:29:17Well, one weekend, we went to Buffalo.
00:29:34Mm-hmm.
00:29:36So I was really sad when we were leaving and...
00:29:41I saw this couple...
00:29:44And they were getting married in the chapel.
00:29:47And it was so beautiful.
00:29:51And I just thought...
00:29:53If I ever get married...
00:29:56I'm gonna get married right here.
00:29:59Because Buffalo is just the happiest place on earth.
00:30:07I want you to be happy.
00:30:11But do you think this is gonna last?
00:30:14Oh, honey.
00:30:18Wayne isn't like any other man I dated.
00:30:22He only wants what's best for me.
00:30:26I promise.
00:30:30You believe me, right?
00:30:38I, um...
00:30:40I believe we need to ride that.
00:30:47Yes!
00:30:48Come on.
00:30:49Okay.
00:30:50Get on her, honey!
00:30:52Yeah!
00:30:54Woo!
00:30:55Woo!
00:30:56Okay!
00:30:57Look at her!
00:30:58Go!
00:30:59That's my girl!
00:31:00Oh, yeah!
00:31:03She gets her hips from the air!
00:31:06Woo!
00:31:07Ride it!
00:31:08Whoa, honey!
00:31:09Ride it!
00:31:10She's doing it!
00:31:12She's doing it!
00:31:13Whoa!
00:31:14Whoa!
00:31:16Whoa!
00:31:17Oh!
00:31:18Honey!
00:31:19Alice!
00:31:20Alice!
00:31:21I got you!
00:31:22That's payback for the airport!
00:31:24Oh, my God!
00:31:29Are you okay, honey?
00:31:30Yeah.
00:31:31You sure?
00:31:32Yeah, 100%.
00:31:33I'm fine.
00:31:33I just need one sec.
00:31:35Oh!
00:31:36Oh!
00:31:37Oh, boy!
00:31:45I don't know what got me worse, the booze or the bull.
00:31:49Oh.
00:31:51It's the booze.
00:31:53Trust me.
00:31:58Hey, we're really close to Columbus.
00:32:02You know, some, um, fresh air might really help me walk around, enjoy the beauty of Ohio.
00:32:11Is-isn't that pretty far out of the way?
00:32:14No.
00:32:14It's-
00:32:15Or did you plan a stop for us?
00:32:17No.
00:32:18No plan.
00:32:20No plan.
00:32:37Do you need gas station donuts?
00:32:39Yeah.
00:32:40The ones with the powdered sugar all over them.
00:32:42Oh.
00:32:44Okay.
00:32:45How did I raise you so wrong?
00:32:52Okay.
00:32:54This is gonna work.
00:32:55I just need a reason to get us there.
00:33:00Okay.
00:33:01Just a quick-
00:33:04Okay, come on, Alice.
00:33:05You gotta do this, otherwise your mom is gonna get fondled by a strip club con artist with produce for
00:33:12the rest of your life.
00:33:14No!
00:33:15Come on!
00:33:17Lock in.
00:33:20Ah!
00:33:21Shit!
00:33:23Ow!
00:33:25Oh, no!
00:33:27Oh!
00:33:27Honey!
00:33:28No!
00:33:29What's wrong?
00:33:30I think I chipped my ulna.
00:33:31Oh.
00:33:32Where's that?
00:33:33It's my elbow!
00:33:35Oh!
00:33:36Oh!
00:33:37I'm gonna...
00:33:38I'm gonna find the nearest doctor's office.
00:33:42You bang your elbow and you run to a plastic surgeon's office?
00:33:47What do you think they're gonna do, Botox the bruise?
00:33:51Miss Anderson, I'm Dr...
00:33:54Tim?
00:33:55Cheney?
00:33:57Oh, my God.
00:33:57You two know each other?
00:33:59It's been a while.
00:34:01How are you?
00:34:03Wow.
00:34:04So, uh, you finally opened your own practice?
00:34:08I always told you I would.
00:34:12You went to Harvard Medical School?
00:34:16Uh-huh, yeah.
00:34:17After the Peace Corps, I realized my true calling was medicine.
00:34:20Wow.
00:34:21And what better way to help people than cosmetic surgery?
00:34:25Because when you look your best, you feel your best.
00:34:28I guess that is true.
00:34:30Must be a nice paycheck, too, huh?
00:34:34Janie, it's so good to see you.
00:34:37Um, wait, Mom.
00:34:40Is this the Tim you dated when I was three?
00:34:44That you said was the great love of your life?
00:34:49Uh, I might have said something like that.
00:34:52Well, I mean, of course this was before Wayne.
00:34:55Wait a second.
00:34:56Who's Wayne?
00:34:56My fiancee.
00:34:58Oh, congrats.
00:35:00So much you two don't know about each other.
00:35:03Maybe we should spend an extra day or two here,
00:35:06and you and this Harvard-educated, rich doctor
00:35:11with an excellent jawline.
00:35:13Did you get that done?
00:35:14Not my business.
00:35:15You two could catch up.
00:35:19Jeannie, I-I've missed you so much.
00:35:23You!
00:35:24Ah!
00:35:25Oh!
00:35:27I warned you.
00:35:29Nancy!
00:35:30Oh, you look terrific.
00:35:31He does great work.
00:35:33Nancy, Jeannie just stopped and we're going to go out.
00:35:35Oh, my God!
00:35:35Mom?
00:35:36I warned you!
00:35:37No!
00:35:38Oh, next time you come near my husband,
00:35:40it would be your last!
00:35:42Your husband?
00:35:43He is not wearing a wedding ring!
00:35:45You are not wearing a wedding ring!
00:35:46No!
00:35:47No, no, no, no, no, Nancy, no!
00:35:48Nancy!
00:35:49You're gonna hurt someone.
00:35:49Oh!
00:35:50You!
00:35:51Oh!
00:35:53Oh!
00:35:53Oh!
00:35:53No!
00:35:54No!
00:35:54No!
00:35:54You!
00:35:55Run!
00:35:55Run!
00:35:56Run!
00:35:58Oh, my God.
00:35:59Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
00:36:01Oh, my God!
00:36:04Get in the car!
00:36:05Oh, my God!
00:36:11Son, my car!
00:36:26Don't even think about coming back!
00:36:29that was insane it'll be fine how's your elbow what oh better thank you I'm
00:36:38really sorry I made us go there well you know it's not like you knew it was my
00:36:42ex's practice yeah small world it did seem like you two were kind of having a
00:36:50moment there before we almost got murdered by his wife you know it's funny
00:36:54I spent the last two decades fantasizing about Tim you know the one who got away
00:36:58yeah now I see exactly what was wrong like that he's married well yeah but
00:37:05also he never stood up for me with Wayne I always feel so supported
00:37:14yeah oh shit it wasn't speeding you hand me my purse I threw it in the back oh my
00:37:23god why is there cocaine in our car because Cheryl is a very generous gift
00:37:29giver it's worth a fortune mom the cop is gonna see this and then I'm gonna go to
00:37:34prison I'm gonna go to prison with my mom oh my god what are you doing okay listen to
00:37:45me Alice men will do anything if you flirt with them in the right way it's our superpower as women
00:37:51mom I can't I'm not like you yes you are you just have to do three things use his name
00:37:56laugh at
00:37:57whatever he says and give him a look like this I can't do that oh yes you can no I
00:38:03trust you love you
00:38:04no I can't hi officer dinkleman wow cool name you know why I pulled you over no officer dinkleman I
00:38:16don't you got a busted taillight well we hit a deer from the back crazy right I mean what are
00:38:27the odds
00:38:27so funny not for the deer oh it's a powder explosion my daughter just loves those mini gas station
00:38:34donuts dinkleman gross no one likes those oh I do they're my guilty pleasure must have spilled them
00:38:42when we hit the deer if you promise to go with my mechanic I can give you a warning really
00:38:50safe travels
00:38:52thank you I can't believe that actually worked so proud of you honey we just have to work on your
00:39:00flirting face why was the lip bite too much any given more cannibal than coquette okay I can take that
00:39:07feedback speaking of coquette we need to get this stuff out of here immediately good call with the
00:39:13donuts mom how'd you come up with that a few tricks up my sleeve come on I'm hungry let's go
00:39:18okay
00:39:22is that no it couldn't be don't I know you from from high school do you remember it's me hey
00:39:29how are
00:39:31you here oh I just happen to be passing by my favorite pit stop which is why I recommended it
00:39:38to your mother yesterday oh I thought it would be rude if I didn't text him after he gave you
00:39:44his number
00:39:44so uh seeing as you're here Clive and I are playing at a festival nearby so it'd be great if
00:39:51you two came through oh we have a lot of driving to do today mother so I just don't know
00:39:57that we
00:39:58have time come on it'll be fun like you can leave immediately after we finish playing and I will play
00:40:03so fast just for you sure okay good okay great all right uh Clive is waiting in the van so
00:40:14uh I will
00:40:15text you the address okay great thank you very much and uh yeah yeah we'll see you there okay
00:40:23woohoo so fun what are you up to oh come on
00:40:30you can feel it unbelievable oh what great outfit no this is not a music festival this is gonna be
00:40:48so
00:40:49much fun I always wanted to be a winch oh my goodness what is over here is this harvest stuff
00:41:28look at those fingers go
00:41:31oh that's why you date guitarists and not drummers mom never drummers okay
00:41:45all right thank you very much that's been our time
00:41:52what mom no mom
00:42:01hey that was great I mean really really great thanks so much and thank you so much for coming
00:42:09yeah yeah we would certainly not forbear it good sir okay it's a little renaissance fair shakes okay you
00:42:19know we wouldn't have missed it yeah and uh look uh I know you said you had to hit the
00:42:23road or whatever but this is a
00:42:25this is a really cool place and uh I don't know did you want to maybe take a walk check
00:42:30it out and catch up I do um it's just we well we have a schedule and I can't really
00:42:37abandon my mom oh no how would I ever find shelter or ale without my daughter well honey I know
00:42:47you think you have to take care of me but you don't
00:42:49want to have a large part because I'm not because I'm older than you
00:42:51barely
00:42:54why don't you kids go have some fun and make me a grammy mom
00:42:58oh come on we're at a ren fair just go plunder each other's booze
00:43:02Please ignore her.
00:43:03Let's go.
00:43:04Okay.
00:43:09Clive, is it?
00:43:11Yes.
00:43:12Come on, Clive.
00:43:12Let's go find a cup of mead.
00:43:14Yeah, okay.
00:43:17Let's do it.
00:43:18Let's see what you got, Katniss Everdeen.
00:43:20Just give it a little...
00:43:22Pull it back a little bit.
00:43:23Pull back.
00:43:23You got this.
00:43:24You got this.
00:43:26And...
00:43:29Not bad.
00:43:30Wait.
00:43:30Same time.
00:43:32Come on.
00:43:32One, two, three.
00:43:43Two.
00:43:45Congrats.
00:43:47Oh, your lap is so comfy.
00:43:50Oh.
00:43:51I look like a princess.
00:43:53You absolutely do.
00:43:55Yes.
00:43:56Oh, oh, oh.
00:44:10Thanks for inviting me and my mom.
00:44:12Of course.
00:44:13This is fun.
00:44:14You two seem close.
00:44:17I didn't mean to open up a can of worms like I'm so...
00:44:19That wasn't a trick question.
00:44:20Or...
00:44:21It's okay.
00:44:22My mom and I are a work in progress.
00:44:25How so?
00:44:26Do you want the real answer, or...?
00:44:30The real answer.
00:44:31It's sort of like my whole life I have been her single mom.
00:44:35Mm-hmm.
00:44:36And if I recall, your father wasn't around, right?
00:44:39Yeah.
00:44:39Mm-hmm.
00:44:39Sorry to bring that up.
00:44:40It's okay.
00:44:42You can't miss what you don't know.
00:44:43Not that I have, like, crazy daddy issues or something.
00:44:47I'm sorry.
00:44:47I've got bad news.
00:44:48What?
00:44:48You are at a renaissance fair on a date with a guy from a band.
00:44:53You have got daddy issues.
00:44:54Okay.
00:44:55Okay.
00:44:55I see your point.
00:44:57What?
00:44:58What?
00:44:58This is a date.
00:44:59Right?
00:45:01Good sir.
00:45:03I do not share a turkey leg with just anyone.
00:45:07Okay.
00:45:07Well, I'm very happy to hear that.
00:45:09Now, if only we had some desserts.
00:45:11Mm-hmm.
00:45:11Like a huge stack of mini-powdered doughnuts.
00:45:14You like those?
00:45:15They're the best dessert.
00:45:16Easily.
00:45:16Top ten.
00:45:17I know.
00:45:17Incredible.
00:45:19My favorite.
00:45:19And they're not two.
00:45:21Wow.
00:45:22And, just to put your mind at ease,
00:45:24I grew up in a household with a happily married couple
00:45:27and look how that worked out.
00:45:28I live in a van and my parents don't return my phone calls.
00:45:31Really?
00:45:32Yeah.
00:45:33I'm...
00:45:34I'm so sorry.
00:45:35Why?
00:45:36I did the whole law school thing,
00:45:37got a great job at a great firm,
00:45:39and I was miserable.
00:45:43And one day I was going to work
00:45:44and there was a homeless gentleman playing some music.
00:45:48I was so jealous that he got to sing
00:45:51and I was stuck writing NDAs for diaper companies.
00:45:55So I gave him all the money I had in my pocket
00:45:57and I quit.
00:46:00Wow.
00:46:01That's how it happened.
00:46:03Mm-hmm.
00:46:04How about you?
00:46:04I bet you were doing something amazing.
00:46:06I was so intimidated by you in high school.
00:46:08What?
00:46:09Yeah.
00:46:09You were?
00:46:10Obviously.
00:46:11Okay.
00:46:12Brilliant.
00:46:13Creative.
00:46:14Beautiful.
00:46:15I was shaking in my orthopedic sneakers
00:46:17every time you walked by.
00:46:19Well, that is very sweet.
00:46:21I'm gonna disappoint you.
00:46:23I don't think so.
00:46:24Mm.
00:46:24I work in HR now.
00:46:26It is very...
00:46:29whatever.
00:46:32If you think it's whatever,
00:46:34then you should do something else.
00:46:37Like quit my job and become a singer?
00:46:40I'm just saying that you should go after whatever you want
00:46:44because you are too amazing to settle for anything less.
00:46:49Yeah.
00:47:02What I want is to go back to your van.
00:47:07Really?
00:47:09Really.
00:47:23We fell asleep.
00:47:25Mm-hmm.
00:47:26Oh.
00:47:27Oh, no.
00:47:28Hi.
00:47:29Hi.
00:47:30I left my mom alone.
00:47:31All night.
00:47:32Um...
00:47:32Okay.
00:47:34Uh...
00:47:35Oh, my God.
00:47:36I can't believe we did that last night.
00:47:37I can't believe I did that last night.
00:47:39Did...
00:47:40Did what?
00:47:40Because there was...
00:47:41We did a lot last night.
00:47:46Wait.
00:47:47Um...
00:47:47My mother.
00:47:49Um...
00:47:50When, uh...
00:47:50When can I see you again?
00:47:52You want to see me again.
00:47:54Yeah.
00:47:55Do you, uh...
00:47:56Do you want to see me again?
00:48:02Yeah.
00:48:11How about, uh...
00:48:13Just off the top of my head about a buffalo, maybe?
00:48:17Oh?
00:48:17Yeah.
00:48:18Yeah.
00:48:18You're gonna be there with your mom, right?
00:48:21Mm-hmm.
00:48:21And we'll be passing through.
00:48:22Oh!
00:48:23Oh!
00:48:24Oh!
00:48:30Um...
00:48:33The mailbox belonging to Jeannie Anderson is full.
00:48:36It's full.
00:48:37Come on, Mom.
00:48:39Okay.
00:48:41Hi!
00:48:42Alice!
00:48:43Hi.
00:48:43I have really big news and...
00:48:46Hold on.
00:48:47Did you get laid?
00:48:48You're glowing.
00:48:49Yeah.
00:48:51Last night, a guy I went to high school with...
00:48:53I slept in his van.
00:48:56I mean, wow.
00:48:57That is something that I would do, and that's not a compliment.
00:49:00I know!
00:49:01Well, listen.
00:49:02It's gonna be hard to be a groupie when they...
00:49:05Promote you.
00:49:06What do you know?
00:49:08I mean, I may have accidentally eavesdropped on a certain meeting
00:49:11where they were talking about a director position, and you don't look excited.
00:49:15No, I... I am. I just...
00:49:19I'm just starting to wonder if I want to be in HR for the rest of my life.
00:49:23Babe, I've been waiting for you to say that for two years now.
00:49:29So you don't think I'm crazy if I pass on the promotion?
00:49:32No, I don't think you're crazy, but speaking of crazy, how goes Operation Wedding Crash?
00:49:39Oh...
00:49:39I'm starting to feel so guilty, actually. We're having so much fun together.
00:49:43And I... I don't know, maybe she's not this train wreck I always think she is, or...
00:49:49that she definitely used to be.
00:49:51Okay, so you are sleeping in a van, prioritizing work-life balance, and giving Jeannie the benefit of the dough.
00:49:58Who are you?
00:50:00I don't know.
00:50:01New Alice.
00:50:02I can't wait to meet her.
00:50:04Bye!
00:50:09Oh.
00:50:10Hello?
00:50:13She did what?!
00:50:15No, I'm... I'm coming right now.
00:50:19I know you're the professionals, but trust me. It's circle, circle, flick, nibble.
00:50:28Blammo!
00:50:30There's our favorite inmate!
00:50:32Oh, Officer Brett!
00:50:34Hi, sweetie, how are you?
00:50:37Uh, not great. You broke into someone's house and fell asleep on their couch? What were you doing?
00:50:43I had to pee. After drinking all day with Clive, and the bathrooms were out of order.
00:50:48So you broke into someone's house? You're lucky the homeowners don't want to press charges.
00:50:54Oh, you see? So it's no big deal.
00:50:56It is a big deal. Breaking and entering is literally a big deal.
00:51:01There are consequences for your actions. I mean, not in this case, I understand, but normally in the real world,
00:51:07come on.
00:51:09Okay, there's no need to be so dramatic. I mean, it's not like anyone got hurt.
00:51:15I got hurt. I am hurt.
00:51:20Do you not understand that worrying about you hurts me?
00:51:24Worrying all the time, not knowing if you're okay, following you around, cleaning up all of your messes.
00:51:29I haven't had a day to be irresponsible ever!
00:51:33I had one night of fun and you're in jail! You think that's dramatic?
00:51:37Alice, that's not fair. I...
00:51:39Nothing about our relationship is fair!
00:51:44I actually can't believe we thought things were changing!
00:51:50So, there's some paperwork that needs to be filled out.
00:51:53Yeah, I'll handle it. I always handle it.
00:51:57Have fun saying goodbye to all your fancy new friends. Ladies.
00:52:16Oh, yeah. Also took the liberty of charging Mrs. Anderson's cell phone for her after we used it to play
00:52:23heads up.
00:52:24You played games in jail?
00:52:26Your mom talked us into it. We had a blast.
00:52:32Bet there's never a dull moment with her around, is there?
00:52:35No, there isn't.
00:52:38Okay, I'll go grab her personals and bring her out.
00:52:41Okay, thanks.
00:52:48Hello?
00:52:49Jeannie B!
00:52:51Oh, wait, no. This is Alice. My mom can't come to the phone right now.
00:52:58Well, I've been calling her all night. Is she alright?
00:53:00See, I gotta get her opinion on the location for Suds and Swigs.
00:53:06Suds and Swigs?
00:53:08Yeah. See, that's the business we're starting.
00:53:11It's a laundromat that's also a bar.
00:53:14Now, listen up. Get this. You ready?
00:53:18Get your clothes washed while you get sloshed.
00:53:23It's catchy, right?
00:53:25Mmm, genius.
00:53:27See, only thing is, she's gotta apply for the liquor license.
00:53:31I can't legally do it, even though that incident was 30 frickin' years ago.
00:53:38Wayne?
00:53:40Yeah.
00:53:43The reason my mom can't come to the phone right now is because she met someone else.
00:53:47I'm sorry. It's over.
00:53:50Hold on. Hold on here.
00:53:53That can't be. You see, we're soulmates.
00:53:56You know, we're two sunny bunnies in a honey hut.
00:53:58I understand that this is, um, probably hard to hear.
00:54:03But, you know, she and, uh, Daryl are very much in love.
00:54:08They're just so very happy together and she didn't know how to tell you
00:54:11because she does really care about you, but the wedding is off.
00:54:15I'm sorry. Goodbye.
00:54:19Daryl! Daryl!
00:54:20What kind of name is Daryl?
00:54:23I'll be a monkey rumpet.
00:54:25I'm sorry.
00:54:35Daryl!
00:54:38Daryl, Daryl!
00:54:39And lock.
00:54:41Sweet Rita!
00:54:43I've got your phone.
00:54:46Mm-hmm.
00:54:50Okay.
00:54:51Let's see.
00:54:53Okay.
00:54:55I think everything is here.
00:54:57We're all set.
00:54:59Hey, great.
00:55:00What is that?
00:55:02It's Queenie.
00:55:03I told you.
00:55:04You got her stuffed?
00:55:06Well, I couldn't say goodbye to this wittle face.
00:55:10No.
00:55:12Has she been with you this whole time?
00:55:15I told you that.
00:55:16I thought you meant you were bringing her ashes.
00:55:20Ew.
00:55:21No.
00:55:22Was she with us all day at the festival?
00:55:25Well, I couldn't leave her in the hot car.
00:55:27That wouldn't be right.
00:55:29Mom.
00:55:30Also, the rental car would smell like formaldehyde.
00:55:32Ew.
00:55:34Oh, please put her away.
00:55:36I feel like she's staring at me.
00:55:39I'm sorry, sweetie.
00:55:41Oh.
00:55:42Oh.
00:55:45Are you still mad at me, sweetie?
00:55:48Let's just forget about it.
00:55:49We have a long day ahead of us.
00:56:04Oh.
00:56:05Oh.
00:56:06Oh.
00:56:07Oh.
00:56:07Oh.
00:56:19Mom.
00:56:21Mom.
00:56:21Oh.
00:56:22Hi.
00:56:24Hi.
00:56:26Hi.
00:56:27Wait.
00:56:27Where are we?
00:56:30Come on.
00:56:31You'll see.
00:56:36we're here because it's part of your history college is the chapter that you never got to
00:56:42finish i don't need to finish it oh mom your dream was to be a veterinarian no and then i
00:56:48got pregnant with you and my dream became being your mom but i don't want you to give up your
00:56:53dream for me you could have both i spoke to the dean and they offer continuing education classes
00:56:59for adults this could be your next chapter mom honey i appreciate what you're trying to do
00:57:09but i don't have that dream anymore and i don't have very good memories about this place mom
00:57:15i know leaving here early was hard but you can come back you can do this we're here let's go
00:57:24in
00:57:24for me what if i run into some of my old classmates mom anyone you went to college with
00:57:34has either graduated retired or is dead
00:57:40right right yeah okay okay the dean of the veterinary school has office hours today
00:57:46getting a brochure can't hurt right sure we're here anyway just right here
00:57:55oh mom mom can i pet your dog okay oh dean stevens hi
00:58:07you're a student at the school oh no i'm not a student thank you though
00:58:11my mom used to be uh hey mom mom come meet the dean huh
00:58:21peter
00:58:23jean peter i had no idea
00:58:28oh i see he brought her here for what guilt more money let's not forget you're an adult
00:58:35a legal adult alice we need to go jean i gave you ten thousand dollars to not be involved
00:58:42we had an agreement hey we don't want your goddamn money my mom raised me all on her own
00:58:50bought us a house on her own paid for my college on her own we don't need anything from you
00:59:22i didn't want you to find out that way
00:59:26you didn't want me to find out at all
00:59:31did you love him
00:59:36i really thought i did
00:59:41but then i got pregnant and i saw the real him
00:59:45you could have told me who he was
00:59:49peter made it very clear that he didn't want contact not ever
00:59:56so
00:59:59i just decided it was better to lie rather than make you feel unwanted
01:00:06i understand you wanting to protect me as a child
01:00:11but when i got older
01:00:15i didn't know how to tell you
01:00:18i had already lied for so long
01:00:21i just
01:00:24i just thought it was better to leave it alone
01:00:27yeah
01:00:29i
01:00:30i
01:00:30that makes sense
01:00:37let's just
01:00:38go to a motel and call it for today
01:00:40i'm exhausted
01:00:43sound good
01:00:44okay
01:00:45okay
01:01:05i've tried wayne six times and it still says it's not in service
01:01:10huh
01:01:11i mean he does use a pay as you go
01:01:14so he probably just hasn't had time to get a new card
01:01:17running around getting ready for the wedding
01:01:20i mean i can't believe that's already here
01:01:21it's tomorrow
01:01:23yeah me neither
01:01:31okay
01:01:31okay well
01:01:33i'll go take off my face
01:01:37just kidding
01:01:38i'll keep it
01:01:47night
01:01:47night
01:02:14i got it
01:02:19i'm supposed to meet wes at the canal park overlook
01:02:23if you want to meet me there after
01:02:25okay
01:02:27i thought i'd take pictures with queenie by the water
01:02:29and try wayne again
01:02:33his phone still isn't working
01:02:34and the wedding's in six hours
01:02:39but he'll be there
01:02:40i know he will
01:02:41so
01:02:41okay well
01:02:43go have fun
01:02:44find wes
01:02:51hey
01:02:52hey
01:02:53i'm so happy you're here
01:02:54oh yeah
01:02:54i was trying to get nervous when i didn't get your text back
01:02:56oh sorry
01:02:57you're good
01:02:58uh
01:02:59where'd you park your van
01:03:00just a few blocks away
01:03:02why
01:03:03well
01:03:03let's go
01:03:04wait
01:03:05wait
01:03:06wait
01:03:06you okay
01:03:07yeah
01:03:07i'm fine
01:03:08come on
01:03:09hey hey hey
01:03:10look look
01:03:10i mean that
01:03:11don't get me wrong
01:03:12the thought of sleeping together again sounds incredible but i thought maybe we could
01:03:15i don't know go for a walk first
01:03:17talk
01:03:17hear how you've been
01:03:19trust me you don't want to hear about any of that
01:03:21of course i do
01:03:21let's just
01:03:22come on
01:03:23stop
01:03:25is everything okay
01:03:26no
01:03:26it's not
01:03:28my mom got arrested
01:03:30what
01:03:30because i chose myself for one night and i hung out with you and i wasn't watching out for
01:03:35her
01:03:35then i met my long lost father who it turns out is really a dick and my mom has actually
01:03:40known about him my entire life and chose to keep him a secret from me so no wes everything
01:03:44is not okay and i would just love to be distracted and go and have some fun meaningless
01:03:49sex because apparently that's a thing that i do now
01:03:54meaningless i mean
01:03:56please don't pretend to be heartbroken about it i know that's what men want sex without commitment i'm i'm in
01:04:01you got it
01:04:04that's not what i want
01:04:07okay
01:04:09tell me what you want
01:04:11well well for starters how about some clarity with the girl i've liked since the ninth grade
01:04:15maybe take her out on a real date see where things go
01:04:18where are things gonna go wes
01:04:21i have a stable regimented life in st louis and you live in a van
01:04:26can we just let this fling be what it is can it just be fun
01:04:30is that clear enough for you
01:04:34yeah
01:04:37look i'm not trying to hurt you i'm just trying to be realistic
01:04:40are you
01:04:43are you just giving up on something before you've even tried because you're too damn scared
01:04:49i'll see you around
01:05:04hi sweetie
01:05:06hi where's wes
01:05:08uh he's gone mom i don't want to talk about it can we just go what please
01:05:13oh wing
01:05:15honey whatever i did i'm sorry i just had to come see you
01:05:20how did you even find us here
01:05:22well we share locations on our phone just like we share everything
01:05:26at least we used to please baby just talk to me
01:05:29look i think we don't have to start a business
01:05:31hell we don't have to get hitched today i just love you so much baby
01:05:35i'll do anything don't give up on us please i'm just begging you
01:05:39i'm begging you please
01:05:41you're the one who hasn't called i've been so worried and your phone's not working
01:05:47what you talking about i called you 14 times yesterday ever since alice told me you found
01:05:53someone new and i'm gonna tell you this right now i will fight this daryl guy for your love
01:06:00or form a uh a throuple
01:06:04you told him i met someone else
01:06:07wing can i have a minute alone with my mom please
01:06:10well sure thing uh
01:06:13okay i'll i'll be i'll be back i'll be back don't forget about me
01:06:17don't forget about me
01:06:19come on don't go far
01:06:22mom i'm so sorry i was only trying to protect you from yourself
01:06:26well lying to me is not protecting me
01:06:29except for when you do it
01:06:33do you have any idea how much it hurts me that you have known who my father is my whole
01:06:38life
01:06:39all those times i asked you
01:06:41i'm sorry honey i know i made mistakes back then
01:06:44you're still making them mom
01:06:45and i am trying so hard to help you because i love you
01:06:49and i love you
01:06:50but you don't listen
01:06:51of course i do
01:06:52no you don't
01:06:52i tried to talk to you about my concerns about wayne and you just
01:06:57brush them off
01:06:58i planned this entire trip to try to get through to you
01:07:01to show you that there's a better path for you than marrying some weirdo that you just met
01:07:06whose boozy laundromat is gonna bankrupt you
01:07:08alice i know you don't support this
01:07:12but this is my life
01:07:15and you have to accept that i'm making good decisions
01:07:18all that's happened this week is that you're a magnet for bad decisions
01:07:22and i don't know that i have the energy to keep helping you clean them up anymore
01:07:26well i'm not asking you to honey
01:07:29maybe
01:07:30you just like fixing my life so you don't have to live yours
01:07:34what
01:07:36you need to be the new alice that i've seen coming out of her shell this week
01:07:40you have to stop playing it safe you have to have fun
01:07:42you want me to have fun like you
01:07:46honey
01:07:47i know i haven't always been the best mother
01:07:50and i wish i had grown up sooner so that you didn't have to
01:07:54but i have always done right by my daughters
01:07:58and you and queenie are just the light
01:08:01no mom this is not your daughter
01:08:03this was a dog this was a dog
01:08:05i am not a dog i am your daughter
01:08:09queenie
01:08:10oh my god
01:08:13mom i didn't mean to do that
01:08:15she threw a puppy into the river
01:08:18no i didn't
01:08:19well i mean i did but it
01:08:21it wasn't alive
01:08:22it was stuffed
01:08:23it was dead before
01:08:24oh my god
01:08:25i can't do this
01:08:28mom i can't do this
01:08:30it hurts me too much to watch you throw your life away
01:08:32i have to go
01:08:33i'm sorry
01:08:35Alice
01:08:36oh
01:08:37oh
01:08:48hello
01:08:49Alice it's Cheryl
01:08:52when will you be here
01:08:53i'm not coming
01:08:55what
01:08:56you're the maid of honor
01:08:59i know mom and i had a big fight and i'm not coming oh my god listen i knew that
01:09:05she was
01:09:05eventually gonna blow up at you for your mind gamey don't get married road trip wait she knew
01:09:13the whole time you're about as subtle as a yeast infection genie told me about it when you know
01:09:17when you two were here but she swore that it was all worth it but you know to spend all
01:09:21that time
01:09:22with you you're really not coming to your own mother's wedding no i don't know what to tell
01:09:29you cheryl i give up okay i'm going to return the rental car i'm flying back to st louis
01:09:35i doubt she even wants me there anyway she loves you you know she loves you more than anything
01:09:50you know the movie cars i know it's not real but i think this one felt pain
01:09:57the the good thing is i did get the insurance hold on i guess that's i have it here somewhere
01:10:14you know
01:10:16you
01:10:16you
01:10:18you
01:10:18you
01:10:35I actually need the car for one more day.
01:10:38I have to be safe.
01:10:38Oh, no, I can't do that, miss.
01:10:40Look at this thing.
01:10:40It's a liability issue.
01:10:42That's okay.
01:10:43Just rent me something else.
01:10:44Please.
01:10:45Oh, no.
01:10:46All our other cars are booked.
01:10:47All of these cars are booked?
01:10:49You want another car?
01:10:50Look at what you did to one of our best cars.
01:10:52I know.
01:10:58I know.
01:11:00I know I did a bad thing.
01:11:06I was kind of a bad girl.
01:11:09But if you, if you could help me out, I promise you, I will.
01:11:17Take such good care of her.
01:11:19I just need her for just one more day.
01:11:24Keith?
01:11:26Keith, is it?
01:11:27Ah.
01:11:28This is a powerful name.
01:11:31Yeah.
01:11:31It's Celtic.
01:11:33Really?
01:11:34It means wood.
01:11:36Celtic Keith.
01:11:38So big and strong.
01:11:40Could you please just be powerful for me and help me out?
01:11:47All right.
01:11:50I'm going to have to run it by my boss.
01:11:52Or.
01:11:54Or.
01:11:57We.
01:12:02We could keep this between you and me.
01:12:08Oh.
01:12:10Oh.
01:12:11Oh.
01:12:12You like to party.
01:12:14Yeah.
01:12:14I do.
01:12:15Sometimes.
01:12:16I'm cool.
01:12:17Thank you, Keith.
01:12:19Bye, miss.
01:12:19Bye.
01:12:21Oh, I gotta call mom.
01:12:24Hey, mom?
01:12:34I have.
01:12:39Keith.
01:12:41Where are we?
01:12:46Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:12:51No.
01:12:51Damn it.
01:12:53Oh, I should have listened to Keith.
01:12:55No.
01:12:57No, no, no, no, no, no.
01:12:59No, no, no.
01:13:00Ow.
01:13:01Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
01:13:04Damn it, my baby.
01:13:07Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
01:13:09Oh, ho, ho, ho.
01:13:11Oh, I'm coming, mom.
01:13:15Oh, my God.
01:13:16Oh, my God.
01:13:17Oh, my girl.
01:13:19You're up.
01:13:19You're up.
01:13:23What?
01:13:25Oh, ho, ho, ho.
01:13:31Today we join in marriage Jeannie Anderson and Wayne Fuji.
01:13:38Who?
01:13:39Wayne, do you have the rings?
01:13:44What?
01:13:44Got you.
01:13:45Oh, my God.
01:13:46Put it on your dainty little finger.
01:13:48Do you, Wayne Fuji, take Jeannie Anderson to be your loving wife?
01:13:57Hill to the year.
01:13:59Huh?
01:14:06And do you, Jeannie Anderson, take Wayne Fuji to be your loving husband?
01:14:14I...
01:14:16Wait.
01:14:17Wait.
01:14:19Alice, you're here.
01:14:21Yeah.
01:14:22Wait.
01:14:22To object?
01:14:23No, I'm here to support.
01:14:26I'm sorry I'm late, mom.
01:14:27That's okay.
01:14:28You're here.
01:14:29That's all that matters.
01:14:30I love you so much.
01:14:31I love you, too.
01:14:32I wouldn't miss this for the world.
01:14:33I mean, how often does my mom get married?
01:14:36Not counting the leaves.
01:14:38I'm really sorry that I lied to you both.
01:14:40I, um...
01:14:42No, honey.
01:14:43I'm so sorry I didn't tell you about your dad.
01:14:46And for not realizing how much I put on you all those years.
01:14:50Why don't we call it even?
01:14:51Since I launched Queenie into the river.
01:14:54Um, speaking of...
01:14:57Apparently you can adopt a dog in Buffalo in five minutes.
01:15:01Oh, my goodness.
01:15:02Who is this angel?
01:15:04This is a wedding present.
01:15:06And an apology?
01:15:08I have filled out all of the adoption papers and paid all of the fees.
01:15:11So all you have to do is name him.
01:15:14I'm going to name him Kingie.
01:15:16Okay.
01:15:16Oh, oh, I love him.
01:15:19Thank you, sweetheart.
01:15:20You know me so well.
01:15:21You're welcome.
01:15:21I love you, mom.
01:15:23Okay.
01:15:24Okay.
01:15:27Honey, what's wrong?
01:15:29I'm sorry, darling, but...
01:15:30Sweetheart, I apologize, but don't you remember at their treat?
01:15:34I told you that I was allergic to doggies.
01:15:36I just thought that was a sick, dark joke.
01:15:40Oh, hold up.
01:15:42Gather yourself, William.
01:15:43Here's the thing.
01:15:44I'm going to take the Benadryl.
01:15:46I'm going to take the Claritin.
01:15:47I'm going to even get the steroids.
01:15:49If I can't get them, I'm going to find them.
01:15:51Oh, yeah.
01:15:52Because I love you.
01:15:53I love you, and I'll do anything for you.
01:15:55A puppy, a doggie, whatever you want.
01:15:57I love you.
01:15:57Please continue.
01:15:59Cheryl.
01:15:59All righty, then.
01:16:01Jeannie, do you take rain?
01:16:03No, wait a second.
01:16:03I cannot do this to this man.
01:16:05I love you, honey.
01:16:07Oh, Kingy, I'm sorry, but I love this human man so much, and clearly he would do anything
01:16:17for me.
01:16:18And I'm trying to be more responsible like my daughter.
01:16:22So, Kingy, I'm going to have to find you a new home.
01:16:25No, no, no.
01:16:26I object.
01:16:27Oh, no, not to this.
01:16:29I just mean I'll take the dog.
01:16:31Oh, Alice, you don't have to do that.
01:16:32I got it.
01:16:34New Alice, remember?
01:16:35Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you.
01:16:38Look at me.
01:16:39I'm a...
01:16:40I got a dog.
01:16:41Okay.
01:16:43In conclusion, Jeannie Anderson, do you take Wayne Fuji to be your loving husband?
01:16:51I do.
01:16:52I do.
01:16:54I do, I do, I do, I do, I do.
01:16:56And I pronounce you husband and wife, you make it.
01:16:59Okay, this way.
01:17:03Mom!
01:17:06Dream come true!
01:17:07Dream come true!
01:17:08Dream come true!
01:17:09Let's party now!
01:17:11Party!
01:17:14Hey, there's my maid of honor.
01:17:16Hey, baby.
01:17:17Hi.
01:17:18Hey, who invited you?
01:17:23Congratulations, Mom.
01:17:25You look so beautiful.
01:17:27Aw, thank you, honey.
01:17:28Where's Kimmy?
01:17:30Oh, um, Aunt Cheryl said she wanted to take him for a swim on the dance floor.
01:17:34Oh!
01:17:35Yeah.
01:17:39Are you all right?
01:17:41I know you didn't really want this for me.
01:17:45Mom, I am so happy for you.
01:17:47Truly.
01:17:49I just...
01:17:51I'm realizing that I want this, too.
01:17:56You want a wedding in Buffalo?
01:17:57No.
01:17:58But love.
01:18:00To be with someone who would do anything for me, like Wayne will for you.
01:18:06It's really special.
01:18:09And I think I had a shot at it, but I got scared.
01:18:13I don't want to be scared all the time anymore.
01:18:17Russ was pretty special, Mom.
01:18:20Yeah, I was.
01:18:24Well, maybe you'll run into him sometime, and then you never know what will happen.
01:18:30No, I'm pretty sure he hates me.
01:18:33Hmm.
01:18:34I'm not so sure about that.
01:18:42I hired them as the wedding band.
01:18:46What are you waiting for?
01:18:48Go get them.
01:18:49Yeah.
01:18:51Hmm.
01:18:55Hey, I know that I was a jerk, and I said some pretty awful things, but I really, really like
01:19:02you, and that's a little scary for me.
01:19:05That never happens to me because I never let it happen.
01:19:08I don't want to pull back this time with you, so...
01:19:15Would you maybe give me a second chance?
01:19:17We can see where this thing goes.
01:19:22Yeah, it's a date.
01:19:25Yeah?
01:19:25Yeah.
01:19:27Okay.
01:19:36Woo!
01:19:37Hi, Mom.
01:19:38Oh, great.
01:19:39Yep.
01:19:44Woo!
01:19:45Woo!
01:19:46Uh, who is it?
01:19:47It's me, Mom.
01:19:49Woo!
01:19:49Woo!
01:19:50Woo!
01:19:50Woo!
01:19:50Woo!
01:19:50Wow.
01:19:51Hi.
01:19:52What happened in there?
01:19:54Oh, honey, marriage is bliss.
01:19:57Mom, I'm so happy you're happy.
01:19:59Is that Alice?
01:20:00Ho!
01:20:01It's Alice, honey.
01:20:03Ho!
01:20:04Ho!
01:20:04Ho!
01:20:04Ho!
01:20:04Ho!
01:20:04Ho!
01:20:05Ho!
01:20:05Ho!
01:20:06Ho!
01:20:07Can I have a moment with you right now?
01:20:09Uh-huh.
01:20:10Yeah.
01:20:11I am so psyched to be part of your life.
01:20:14Thanks.
01:20:16That's really sweet.
01:20:18I'm really happy to have you in my life.
01:20:20Oh!
01:20:21It's my Wayne.
01:20:22Oh!
01:20:23Really?
01:20:24Yeah.
01:20:25And, um, hey, for what it's worth, I actually think your boozy laundromat is a really good
01:20:32idea.
01:20:33Really?
01:20:33Why don't you come on in?
01:20:35We'll order some grub.
01:20:36We'll hang out.
01:20:37We've got a big screen TV.
01:20:39Um, it's getting pretty close to checkout time, and...
01:20:44Um, honey, I know we talked about flying back together.
01:20:49You want to change the plan?
01:20:51I do.
01:20:51I-I swear I am gonna work on being more stable.
01:20:55Mom, it's okay.
01:20:56I actually want to change the plan, too.
01:20:58Uh, you do?
01:20:59Yeah.
01:21:00Um, last night, Wes invited me on tour with the band.
01:21:05Just a couple weeks.
01:21:07But I've never taken a trip that wasn't for work till now.
01:21:11And I want to do something for me.
01:21:13Yeah!
01:21:14And what about your job?
01:21:15Well, I have my laptop with me, and if they don't like that, I'm...
01:21:20okay with it.
01:21:22Oh, honey, that is so irresponsible.
01:21:25I am so proud of you.
01:21:30I'm gonna make you a promise.
01:21:32I will not put the house on the market until you return.
01:21:36Then we will go through it all together,
01:21:38and we can organize it or whatever your cute little type A brain wants.
01:21:44That really means a lot to me, Mom.
01:21:47Come here.
01:21:47Oh, come here.
01:21:48Oh, group hug!
01:21:50Okay.
01:21:51Okay.
01:21:52All right.
01:21:53I love you!
01:21:53Huggy hug!
01:21:54Woohoo!
01:21:57Okay.
01:22:02Okay.
01:22:05You're good to go?
01:22:06Yeah.
01:22:08Hello.
01:22:10You ready to go?
01:22:14Hey, Clive.
01:22:16You ready to go?
01:22:17Yep.
01:22:18Okay.
01:22:21Okay.
01:22:21Let's go.
01:22:52All right.
01:22:52I love you.
01:22:55Thanks.
01:23:21I'm afraid I'm not sure if you're 00 raisins are healthy.
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