#Anxiety Club #Documentary #Comedy #Drama #Thriller #Movie #FilmWorld #Season #Korean #Hindi Dubbed #k-Drama
# Film Story :
ANXIETY CLUB provides a humorous and heartfelt look at our common experience of anxiety through the lens of some of the most brilliant (and anxious) comedians working today.
Released: 2025-03-14
Genre: Documentary
Casts: Tiffany Jenkins Joe List Marc Maron Aparna Nancherla Mark Normand Baron Vaughn Eva Victor Opeyemi Olagbaju Sarah Tollemache Mae Planert
Duration: 86 min
Country: United States of America
Production:
Year: 2025
# Film Story :
ANXIETY CLUB provides a humorous and heartfelt look at our common experience of anxiety through the lens of some of the most brilliant (and anxious) comedians working today.
Released: 2025-03-14
Genre: Documentary
Casts: Tiffany Jenkins Joe List Marc Maron Aparna Nancherla Mark Normand Baron Vaughn Eva Victor Opeyemi Olagbaju Sarah Tollemache Mae Planert
Duration: 86 min
Country: United States of America
Production:
Year: 2025
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:10If you don't have anxiety, the way I would describe it is like there's an edgy
00:00:15improv group in your brain and it just needs like a one-word suggestion to spin
00:00:27like countless scenarios that no one's comfortable with some people think that a lot of comedians
00:00:45are more damaged you know more fucked up than the average person I don't necessarily believe
00:00:50that I think that comedians are the ones who live in it I don't know I don't know how to
00:00:56have fun how do you have fun how do you guys do it like I don't think I would have
00:01:03come to this show
00:01:04all right good morning everybody I've got some bad news okay literally haven't even said what
00:01:11the bad news is yet let's I love bad news I'm constantly telling myself you've got everybody
00:01:17fooled you're not that funny any minute now everybody's gonna wake up and realize how bad
00:01:21you suck and so there's this fear that I can't ever truly be myself because if people knew the real
00:01:29me
00:01:29they wouldn't like me
00:01:52Chloe you didn't even look to see if a car was coming honey look for cars honey in general I
00:01:58feel like when
00:01:59they're in the house they're safe I can see them and take care of them when we're out here there's
00:02:04lots of elements it's like every single nightmare scary movie that I've ever seen in my life and I
00:02:11just have really dark pictures in my brain it's almost like I can see it happening for so long I
00:02:19struggled in silence about like my anxiety my depression there wasn't a word for it I didn't
00:02:23know how to describe it and once I started talking about it on the internet I was met with so
00:02:29much
00:02:29love and support and it was shocking to me keys backpack you guys got your backpacks boo what are
00:02:36you doing here we get to hang out today awesome do you think your husband put the car seats in
00:02:43right
00:02:45I think so I hope so why I was just thinking about like car accidents and stuff just want to
00:02:55make
00:02:55sure that it's safe that's all if I do things alone I'm usually okay but it's it's the it's the
00:03:08going
00:03:08out of the world that's the hard part I get a lot of social anxiety is this person gonna hate
00:03:14me am I
00:03:15annoying this person am I a burden I'll probably look like a normal average Joe but I'm really going
00:03:20shut up you're an idiot take it easy no but I think that guy does it oh shut up you're
00:03:26crazy no I don't
00:03:27know he wasn't a fan you see the way he looked at you you guys ever do this one you
00:03:33guys ever leave
00:03:34the house without headphones thoughts are not good my god this whole time I thought I love music turns
00:03:44out I just hate my brain just being attacked all day long by this insecurity playlist on shuffle ah
00:03:50what are you doing with your life you drink too much can I die alone you call that a penis
00:03:54the anxiety I
00:04:00have is wrapped up in being disappointing I literally every day I'm like I gotta quit I should quit stand
00:04:11up I kind of this fantasy about being the funniest guy and produce at the Kroger you know where the
00:04:20Publix in freaking you know Chattanooga I recently figured out that I have anxiety I've had it for my
00:04:29entire life but it's really easy to confuse having anxiety with just the fact of being black there's
00:04:34a lot of similarities you know like the thought anyone could kill me at any time is a real thought
00:04:43I definitely feel like sometimes like wow I got this brain I wonder what it would be like to step
00:04:48into someone else's brain for a day or even like 20 minutes and see how it feels inside a different
00:04:53brain
00:04:53because maybe I'm crazy and maybe it's just like this everywhere but I do feel like my brain is
00:05:05sometimes lightly trying to kill me but also I love my brain for other reasons so it's nice I like
00:05:14having
00:05:14a brain that's fucked up and creative and cool um my god cool yeah my brain's super cool
00:05:26you good yeah no I'm fine I was thinking I'm going to dinner later tonight and I was like thinking
00:05:31like
00:05:32what am I gonna get for my side and then I was like do I want french fries do I
00:05:36want mashed potatoes
00:05:37and then I realized like it doesn't even really matter you know what I'm saying because once you
00:05:40actually eat it it's all basically mashed potatoes after that you know and then I was like well maybe
00:05:45I should get a salad instead because I've been gaining a little bit of weight I know like if I'm
00:05:50going to spend money I don't want to spend it on leaves and so it's like I'm sorry what was
00:05:55your
00:05:55question whoa my anxiety videos get in the tens of millions of views
00:06:04and people are like I that's me
00:06:22when I go to my email if I just type it in the search bar the word anxiety
00:06:32there's so many everyone's suffering all of these people reach out to me because they've seen
00:06:37my videos and it feels like everybody in the world has anxiety and nobody knows what the F to do
00:06:43about
00:06:43it I have I think every kind of anxiety you can have general anxiety social anxiety panic disorder
00:06:55obsessive compulsive disorder I got it all I'm a real I'm the full ball of anxiety
00:07:03my whole life and mind everything is sort of fear and anxiety based
00:07:09it's almost like that angel devil thing but there's just a devil it's just it just feels like a mean
00:07:15version of me sitting on my own shoulder
00:07:17I read this human beings have up to 70,000 thoughts a day did you guys know that I thought
00:07:22it was like nine I had no idea 70,000 is too many I don't think I have 70,000
00:07:26thoughts a day
00:07:27I feel like I have four thoughts a day they just repeat 70,000 times my four thoughts are my
00:07:33parents
00:07:33gonna die I'm horny is that cancer is this funny those are the only four thoughts I ever have in
00:07:38my life
00:07:47oh my god I would kill to be less anxious uh it's just it's exhausting like I remember I took
00:07:52a xanax once
00:07:54I don't know why I had it but I just took one and I remember being like is this what
00:07:57normal people feel
00:07:57like oh my god it was a man I was like skipping down the street and like high-fiving mailmen
00:08:02and
00:08:03stuff it was amazing so I'm like my whole goal is just get back to that somehow naturally which I
00:08:10know is probably never gonna happen but that would be nice
00:08:17I'm really nervous today is my first day with my new therapist
00:08:27I'm nervous about I'm excited though because I'm desperate to feel different than I've been feeling
00:08:39for a really long time I'm hoping that I can be a better mom to my kids I feel like
00:08:48I'm ruining their
00:08:55childhood to put on my jewelry I'm gonna wear this bracelet today it seems like the perfect day
00:09:01for it you put essential oil on this pad and when you get stressed you can sniff it the therapist
00:09:08is
00:09:09gonna be like are you okay I notice you're smelling yourself a lot let's go I forgot my keys
00:09:25everything's fine everything's gonna be fine we're just it's therapy everything's fine okay wish me luck
00:09:45I think it would be wonderful to be able to just enjoy life and enjoy the little moments and
00:09:55experience some emotions other than fear a tiny part of me wonders though if I wasn't
00:10:06a crazy anxious overthinking worrying people pleaser who the heck would I be
00:10:16how was the drive the drive was nerve-wracking was it really yeah I just don't like driving I don't
00:10:22like driving on the interstate did you drive or did somebody else I drove you did yeah okay and I
00:10:27was
00:10:28just nervous yeah are these for crying sure okay yeah I usually have that effect on people so if it
00:10:34happens don't worry okay so I'm gonna take notes while we chat okay so you can start wherever you
00:10:40want but you're gonna tell me everything so where do you want to start I am afraid that I am
00:10:47going to
00:10:49throw myself into early death because of all the worrying that I'm doing okay I am scared of getting
00:10:56murdered I'm scared of robbers I have a horrendous fear of the ocean okay I hate the water I hate
00:11:04not knowing what's
00:11:05lurking under my feet the unknown yeah I think about my kids breaking their neck and getting paralyzed a lot
00:11:15I can
00:11:15like picture their neck being broken when they're jumping on the couches and stuff okay and going back to that
00:11:23for fear of something
00:11:23happening happening to your kids what do you do as a result I say no to fun things okay and
00:11:30if we do end
00:11:32up in a place where they're having fun I'm just constantly yelling out warnings like be safe don't do
00:11:39this no we're not going to do that be careful I give them probably way too many talks about getting
00:11:45kidnapped okay that's gonna have them up it's definitely difficult when people don't understand
00:12:01it they go just stop worrying it's it's a weird because you have to be like well I have a
00:12:05mental
00:12:11disorder it feels like it's not always that respected as a thing but comedy is completely controlled by me so
00:12:23your
00:12:24anxiety is sort of at bay for that moment at least and you sort of feel worthy I feel strong
00:12:31and I'm I'm doing this thing my
00:12:34aunt Betty she's a big source of my anxiety I don't know if you guys ever met her she's a
00:12:39she was a babysitter late 80s early 90s and one time she was babysitting me she said this to me
00:12:44this is a
00:12:44true story I was eight years old this is where my anxiety began I was eight and she said Joe
00:12:48my biggest
00:12:49fear she told me her biggest fear I didn't ask her what her biggest fear was I was eight years
00:12:53old I
00:12:53didn't give a shit about her fear but she told me anyway she said my biggest fear is that when
00:12:58I go to
00:12:59the bathroom there'll be a man hiding behind the shower curtain waiting to get me and I was like
00:13:06well that's my biggest fear now also yeah I have goals I just like to waste my time in getting
00:13:13to
00:13:13them like I love to procrastinate love to waste time learn to embrace it as a strength does anyone
00:13:19identify as a professional procrastinator yeah yeah yeah and again don't even make noise just think about it
00:13:26and then don't do anything people they're like oh but you're so low-key and you're like so laid back
00:13:32even in your delivery like it just doesn't you don't strike me as an anxious person but I think
00:13:36in that sense it is it demonstrates how internal it can be it's so much a part of your brain
00:13:43that
00:13:44you're just like used to it and you're like I don't know what an alternative would be because
00:13:49it takes up so much space on a regular basis I do experience you know fairly profound dread over
00:13:56nothing like it just seems to be a frequency I operate at like you know like I'll wake up and
00:14:02immediately just be like oh I gotta make breakfast and then I gotta see my friend at noon god like
00:14:09why
00:14:09why that intensity like and those are things that you should want to do but I just operate like
00:14:15everything becomes this sort of like hassle I don't do things I don't do stuff I don't know
00:14:25why I don't do stuff I kind of know why all right example I got opportunity to see the Rolling
00:14:33Stones I
00:14:34was given tickets to see the Rolling Stones the first date of their last stadium tour San Diego right the
00:14:42first date I was given tickets on the field and the day I was given those tickets my first thought
00:14:48was like ah fucking parking's gonna when you have a brain like this like mine or like an neurotic
00:14:56anxious person you know it's it's always a negative you're never sort of like that's gonna be great in
00:15:02the shower this morning I was thinking I'm in the shower too long so it's like I'm in the shower
00:15:07too
00:15:07long I'm stressed about even taking a shower it's like oh I gotta take a shower I only have this
00:15:12much
00:15:12time I gotta take a shower and then I'm in the shower I'm like I shouldn't have taken a shower
00:15:15shouldn't have taken a shower there's all these other things that have to be done and I'm sitting
00:15:17here taking a shower wasting water wasting water why there's other things to be done like I'm like
00:15:22wait a minute why don't I just take a shower like I can't I gotta take a shower does anybody
00:15:28with
00:15:28anxiety ever take your kids to the park it like it makes me crazy especially when there's other kids
00:15:34like I'm just so afraid that they're gonna hurt themselves or they're gonna get hit by another
00:15:39kid like I can't even relax I'm not even trying to be funny like I dread going to the park
00:15:46and I
00:15:47wish I wasn't like this do you want to know how crazy I am I bring a taser with me
00:15:54to the park
00:15:55in case anybody tries to get down my kids why am I like this here we are my West Village
00:16:03apartment
00:16:03bought it homeowner if you want to take a look in here and horrify yourself I don't know when
00:16:12that's from but it's about two years old and I just keep it in there just to remind myself stay
00:16:17humble
00:16:18I'm a big cocoon guy close the door close the shades TV internet the whole thing booze lockers you know
00:16:27there's no space in this goddamn town so you know you just fill up all your winter clothing bursting
00:16:33at the seams look at that falling out everywhere large TV this was a gift thank God record player
00:16:41Lenny Bruce New Orleans you know you gotta remember where you came from just a young boy from Treme with
00:16:49dreams and plastic on my mattress because I was a hell of a bed wetter for me it was a
00:16:55being a kid
00:16:56and making my mom make up an excuse to not go out so your friends would be like hey can
00:17:01mark come over
00:17:02and play and I was like so my mom be like he can't he's in trouble with me and I
00:17:07was like yeah I hated who
00:17:08I was all right this is a fun note this is a an anxiety blanket this weighs 15 pounds and
00:17:17if you put it
00:17:18on you it feels like a hug how sad is that
00:17:37careful Chloe are you okay please be careful every time they jump off it's hard to breathe
00:17:50I'm a little sweaty okay then okay care bubby when you land my son loves to do flips now actual
00:18:01flips and all I can think about is him getting paralyzed obviously it happens all the time with
00:18:09kids on trampolines are you having fun I don't want them to like see me freaking out because I'm
00:18:15afraid it's gonna ruin their experience but I'm dying and I have to sit by the exit so that I
00:18:25can
00:18:25see if somebody's trying to walk out with my kid because there's so much kidnapping and trafficking
00:18:31going on in the world that if my kids are attached to me or I can see them at all
00:18:35times and it's fine
00:18:36I could fight off the kidnapper do you avoid anything like do you avoid certain social situations tell me
00:18:44more I avoid any social situation where there are lots of people like a house party okay we'll go like
00:18:55I'm constantly worried how people are perceiving me okay and I'm afraid like before I go out on stage
00:19:01then I'm gonna forget everything and look stupid and just make it worse and okay um in the past or
00:19:12currently have you ever had any fears related to contamination I can't eat or drink after anybody
00:19:17okay husband and kids included um because you're afraid of getting sick with something or is it
00:19:23disgust it's disgust okay what else I'm afraid that I'm gonna have a brain aneurysm at any moment and just
00:19:35go I've done a lot of research on those so that I could be prepared you can be prepared for
00:19:40an
00:19:41aneurysm yes tell me the signs to look out for you'll hear a pop in your head and immediately as
00:19:48soon as you hear the pop you don't question it you just call 9-1-1 right away have you
00:19:53done that yet
00:19:53no 911 or anything okay but well not I called 911 when my son had a bloody nose and they
00:20:02showed up and
00:20:04were pissed me and my pal Joe List fellow comedian we took a road trip one day and just really
00:20:14hit it
00:20:14off it was a five-hour drive we didn't know each other we just talked about everything I feel like
00:20:19we kind of were trying to be comedians together in New York and he was struggling I was struggling
00:20:24and we helped each other and then he said I want to start a podcast will you do it with
00:20:28me and I
00:20:29said sure you know people don't give you enough credit you really listen I'm a listener you really
00:20:32listen you're late you lie you're just a genuinely bad person but you listen you can really listen I'm
00:20:39a listener the beauty of us doing a pod together is I don't have to explain anxiety because he's a
00:20:46fucking wacko as well I'm like man I was feeling like this he doesn't go what do you mean why
00:20:51would
00:20:51you feel like that he's just like oh yeah totally I get it a lot of people have been writing
00:20:55negative
00:20:56comments saying that we're not as big as we should be so we're taking the podcast to the streets and
00:21:01we're gonna get some new fans the old-fashioned way let's go make some new fans hey guys you guys
00:21:07you like podcasts Jesus Christ oh podcast man we're good man
00:21:18I recommend going to therapy because I recommend doing things I was told black people do not do
00:21:24so therapy doing it eating blueberries delicious skiing don't think so I cannot trust a sport that
00:21:33wants me to be at the top of the mountain to start that's its own sport I'll be down here
00:21:39in the
00:21:39jacuzzi um I like knowing why I do the things I do that's why I like going to therapy I
00:21:46like knowing
00:21:46what makes me tick what informs my decisions because I want to know these things about myself I want to
00:21:51know myself before I am that's right inevitably shot because if the police don't get me mass shooters
00:21:58will and all I'm saying is you don't want to be bleeding to death in the street going I never
00:22:02figured out intimacy I think a lot of comedians come to comedy because when they were children
00:22:09it was the only thing that they could do to have power making someone laugh means that you have power
00:22:16over them and I grew up in a neighborhood so my home life was relatively dangerous you know there was
00:22:24addiction and there was abuse and so it was kind of a minefield I was scared to be at home
00:22:29I spent a
00:22:29lot of time alone and when I wasn't alone I was trying to navigate around certain situations however
00:22:37being able to diffuse the tension to make someone laugh is to make someone happy so then if I could
00:22:45do that I knew I was safe that was my big fear when I was a kid wetting my pants
00:22:51if you're a kid you
00:22:52get scared enough you can just urinate right in your pants that's like a weird mind-body connection I
00:22:57never understood like your brain is like I'm terrified and your bladder is like we'll go ahead and piss that
00:23:03and then your brain's like that didn't help at all your bladder is like that's all we know how to
00:23:07do
00:23:07we just want to let you guys know we're helping most of my material originates from anxiety because
00:23:12it's something going I hated that that made me feel weird I didn't like that and that's where
00:23:16like the comedy comes from that's what George Carlin said every joke started with something's wrong
00:23:22here and I'm gonna tell people about it these are fun these are cue cards from late night shows I've
00:23:29done like Conan or Fallon or Colbert this is actually my first one from 2013 Conan February 20th biggest
00:23:40night of my life was a magical moment unbelievable you know late night TV debut and as you can see
00:23:47this is more broad doing like racial Jewish gay I needed this on muscle memory because I was just
00:23:55in this weirdo zone I was floating I didn't know where I was and it was horrifying but amazing
00:24:02and riveting all at the same time Jews are all about living on that's when I thought man Jews must
00:24:07be
00:24:07really jealous of gay people because gay people can't even reproduce yet they keep popping up
00:24:17that's amazing that's incredible no other group can do that it's like a superpower you know
00:24:22yeah like Jews are sitting around like you gotta marry a Jew you gotta marry a Jew and gays are
00:24:26like we'll be fine then when it ended it was like I I said a dream come true which it
00:24:33wasn't planned
00:24:33that just came out just out of me because I was just uh you know and then uh Conan came
00:24:38over and I was
00:24:39so keyed up and so confident that it went well that I took his tie and dab my forehead just
00:24:45out of
00:24:45like oh fuck it let's be funny this is uh like five years later get more depth I've delved in
00:24:53you
00:24:53know you got eye contact introvert therapy so I'm now starting to really open up and talk about how
00:24:58weird I am and how much of a mess I am comedy comedy jokes jokes a lot of bad thoughts
00:25:10the paper is evil so
00:25:13you got to get away from the paper I said I'll use the pen as a microphone which is also
00:25:25embarrassing
00:25:26I put a sock on I feel bad about my disgusting hoofs just clomping around what about a sandal out
00:25:35of all
00:25:35the things you write seven percent work and then out of that you keep five yeah so that's why it
00:25:42takes so long to build material that's why everybody's so annoying when they go you got any new stuff no
00:25:47I
00:25:47nobody do stuff I'm busting my ass over here when I'm writing I don't feel the anxiety I usually feel
00:26:11like when I'm actually just immersed in something like that I can quiet the rest of my brain and that's
00:26:16like focusing on something else and that's nice because usually what my anxiety is it's like oh
00:26:21you won't have any good ideas for this thing oh you aren't writing it right now why actually sitting
00:26:26down to write something is really calming I pitched a few ideas to Comedy Central for series and the one
00:26:34that we decided to make was called Ava versus anxiety my boss it's my boss okay go meet your boss
00:26:44hey Ava hey oh hi what can I help you with Claire's birthday today oh Claire is the one with
00:26:51the
00:26:51glasses and I have contacts so we in general have a ton to talk about basically everyone's already
00:26:54signed the card when you were out so sure well the only reason I was out was because the idea
00:26:58of being
00:26:59here made me want to die more than it usually does for sure here's here's a pen no problem I'll
00:27:03just be
00:27:03creative and concise on the spot you know what I'm actually going to drop this off at your desk
00:27:10because as weird as it sounds you standing over my shoulder isn't really allowing my creative juices
00:27:14to flow as they usually do just make sure you get me that ASAP all right ASAP as hell love
00:27:21you
00:27:22someone maybe thinks like you're a little weird but it's kind of inconsequential is the idea for the
00:27:27series is that like everything is actually fine in the end but like you give someone kind of a
00:27:31weird vibe okay it was therapeutic to make in some ways because I felt like certain people saw it and
00:27:49were like that is what it's like and I was like yeah okay I knew it but then also some
00:27:59people were
00:27:59like this video is making me experience anxiety well that's not what I like I don't want to make
00:28:06people feel anxious but then again if you've never experienced it haha now you have a little bit of it
00:28:14I feel better I made it I'm alive like you know the most helpful thing for me is like most
00:28:22of what
00:28:23you're reacting to is is something your brain is making up that is a helpful thing to me like if
00:28:31you
00:28:31have that negative thought thing where like there's gonna be a disaster even if anything's better than
00:28:37that so you know you don't you don't really set yourself up to engage and enjoy with things but it's
00:28:42just like it's gonna be better than what happened in your head somehow I guess I'll say anxiety is
00:28:51a false friend and then it's warning you about a danger but it's one that isn't actually there
00:29:01good morning everyone thank you so much for being here gotta say motivation wasn't expecting to see you
00:29:07here this morning behold yeah what are you doing here weirdo I started personifying these different
00:29:15feelings and emotions in my head and turning them into characters in skits okay so as you guys know
00:29:22kids are home for summer looks like she wants to take them to the park feed them a healthy lunch
00:29:28it's funny
00:29:31uh then take them to a pool party slash barbecue how can we this up when motivation takes off I
00:29:39can
00:29:39remind her how dangerous parks are and how one in three kids injures themselves on the monkey bars
00:29:44each year and has to get sent to the hospital hi I can convince her that she probably shouldn't go
00:29:48because creepy old dudes lurk around the park and take kids sometime that's perfect uh I kept her up late
00:29:54last night watching serial killer documentaries so I've already got her convinced that there's a
00:29:58murderer looking for right now as we speak when is this meeting over remember we need to work
00:30:05together as a team to make her completely mentally unstable you know what that means come on let's go
00:30:11let's get pulled oh this is happening so fast okay places okay make her look nuts you guys got this
00:30:20good job
00:30:24so I'm gonna explain now you have your thoughts I'll move my hand in a second feelings
00:30:35behaviors so those thoughts you're having like a lot of what ifs like what if something bad happens to my
00:30:41um kids what if you know people are judging me so then you might feel anxiety fear
00:30:53and then therefore what do you do well avoidance is kind of like the mother of all like those
00:30:58maladaptive behaviors so the more you avoid and the more you kind of give in to those fears then
00:31:03obviously it's creating more and more avoidance right um and then information seeking uh reassurance
00:31:10seeking this is like is everything gonna be okay so and over time and as somebody gets older and they
00:31:15haven't done treatment they're kind of uh these get more and more the symptoms get worse over time
00:31:22your world kind of gets smaller even the avoidance of making a decision only makes you more and more
00:31:27indecisive over time does that make sense a hundred percent you know the intrusive thoughts in and of
00:31:31themselves does not mean you're somehow crazy or pathological or anything like that it's really
00:31:36what how you're responding to them that's keeping you kind of in that loop right does that make sense
00:31:43yeah you have this harm ocd like you have i have ocd i think there's strong tendencies here you know
00:31:52the harm ocd is really like thoughts or intrusive thoughts and images about harm of somebody else or
00:31:59of yourself yeah the idea is that i can get you the point where you have these thoughts but you're
00:32:05not
00:32:05responding to them but isn't it good to prepare for different scenarios so that when it does go wrong
00:32:13i'm ready for action there's no way to prepare completely for um something happening right something
00:32:19in me makes me feel like right i can't for some anxiety so all of this is in the service
00:32:24of trying
00:32:25to get certainty right so everything you're dealing with is really the uncertainty the what if
00:32:31yes but i just want to let you know that the thought that came into my head when you said
00:32:36that
00:32:38was if i kept them inside at all times they could live and whose mental health would that be good
00:32:46for
00:32:48me specifically
00:32:52i love therapy if you're not going to therapy i can knock it out for you i can get the
00:32:55money it's your family whatever you're dealing with anxiety depression look no further than your
00:33:00own family it's their problem their fault at first i was skeptical i was like i don't know and then
00:33:06i
00:33:06spent 11 seconds with my family and i was like he nailed it i started seeing a therapist who was
00:33:12really helpful and sort of drawing back to this is this is the cause this is where it's coming from
00:33:18this is this feeling comes from there and that's so helpful it's connecting all the feelings with
00:33:24emotions and that mind body thing of saying that's been the most helpful to me in dealing with
00:33:29anxiety is this is not some curse i feel like i was cursed to kind of have this
00:33:34i gotta go thank you very much
00:33:37back to tdd everybody
00:33:41oh i'm so sorry
00:34:00both my parents are really anxious my dad's sort of a quiet guy and so there wasn't always a lot
00:34:06of
00:34:06connection always there so there's a lot of a lot of anxiety in the house
00:34:13my parents were so loving and kind and always there that you think like oh i've had this perfect
00:34:17child but it just because you weren't abused or abandoned or divorced or anything like that there's
00:34:22still difficult things to deal with and because i sort of learned to relate through anxiety and to
00:34:29worry whole cheese pizza just for me
00:34:35i mean i'll eat this i'm literally thinking while eating it i'm going to get cancer this is like frozen
00:34:40you know preservatives i'm like every time i mean i'm like i should be not doing this
00:34:49i don't even enjoy it i'm like this is the worst food for you
00:34:54and i ate it last night i'm like i'm gonna have a
00:34:59you know heart attack or something but it's very tasty
00:35:06you're tucked in very far there is that on purpose or you just live your best life
00:35:14i had these feelings of being nervous as a kid and i just thought that i was crazy
00:35:19back then i didn't really have anybody to talk to about it because everybody else seemed fine so
00:35:23i was like okay i'm not gonna mention that this is how i'm feeling because then everybody's gonna
00:35:27think i'm crazy there was no word for it do you think mommy always watches you eat
00:35:38why
00:35:43all right so let me tell you a little bit of the treatment yeah okay at the end of the
00:35:48day the
00:35:48label doesn't matter like there's some generalized anxiety disorder things happening here too but at
00:35:53the end of the day the label doesn't really matter it's just the treatment's going to be the same you're
00:35:57still going to do exposures regardless of what it was you're going to be doing a lot of maybe maybe
00:36:01not which is you have an intrusive thought like oh man my kids are jumping on that trampoline they
00:36:05could break their neck yeah maybe they will maybe they won't you know it's kind of accepting the
00:36:09ambiguity accepting the uncertainty of what could happen and then you'll do exposures which is
00:36:13everything that you don't want your kids to do i'm going to have them do but in a hierarchical basis
00:36:18so like we start off easy and then we slowly get to more and more difficult things like
00:36:23eventually what's his name kaden kaden so what we'll eventually do is like have him do a sleepover
00:36:28or something like that i don't think so well thank you for the offer i'm gonna pass
00:36:35that's funny but by the time we get there it won't even um cause you that much anxiety at the
00:36:41beginning
00:36:42it could be yeah you go somewhere that you don't typically want to go to with your kids um we'll
00:36:49start
00:36:49off small tiffany next time i see you this is all we're going to do is come up with exposures
00:36:52do we
00:36:53actually do them or do you'll do you'll do exposures yeah yeah that's what you're going to be doing is
00:36:59exposure therapy everything you're afraid to do you're going to do but in a hierarchical basis it's
00:37:03challenging but manageable okay see now i get these yeah
00:37:12i think that the broad statement that comedians are miserable or dark
00:37:18i've met a lot of you know not completely well adjusted funny people i mean stand-ups are different
00:37:25than sketch people than different they're different than people who work with other people you know
00:37:29stand-ups are very specific they're sort of you know lone uh rangers out there you know they're you
00:37:36know they do their own thing they're not really social animals necessarily except with other stand-ups
00:37:41but uh in terms of problems and and you know alcoholism anxiety you know negative uh ruminations
00:37:48darkness i i don't know i i imagine like if you were really to to sort of do some sort
00:37:53of survey of
00:37:54you know plumbers or teachers or whatever i i don't know that the numbers would be that different
00:38:09it's a wonderful thing though you know to have family to have kids you know like uh two of my
00:38:14kids uh uh i uh i wanted to take them out but uh you know their stepdad was doing a
00:38:18better job so i
00:38:19don't want to interfere other professions mental health may not have been a big topic but in comedy
00:38:26comedians talk about it on stage that's what comedy has always done right destigmatizing things by going
00:38:32up there and saying this is okay to talk about you ever in your room it just smells like loneliness
00:38:36you
00:38:37know you're just laying there i don't think i ever met anybody as smart as turning everything they have
00:38:47their pain too making people laugh some of them they're bleeding on the stage i was a comedian first
00:38:55and i started the laugh factory in 1979 being around the comic many of them they're like my own family
00:39:02i love them jamie had seen so many incredibly talented people sacrifice so much for what could be a very
00:39:11uncertain future and then get to an incredible level of success and still have anxiety substance
00:39:18abuse depression and for some suicide i think seeing your friends have to go through that can wear on a
00:39:26person i realized i gotta do something and he told me he was like i'm thinking of offering free
00:39:31psychological services to the comedians so i had referred dr tabori to jamie i thought she'd be a good fit
00:39:37what was presented to me was to provide treatment for the comedians psychological treatment for the
00:39:43comedians because they needed more support than what jamie could provide there is still that stigma
00:39:51attached to talking to somebody about it but that is the one thing that is going to make you feel
00:39:57better
00:39:57is starting to talk to somebody about and recognizing how normal your experience is in the world thank you
00:40:16very much i literally nurtured fed clothed and educated my anxiety as if it was my own child
00:40:29and so why am i surprised that it has such power over me when i have given it so much
00:40:35and so being able to co-exist with it in a kind of a way it's almost like thinking about
00:40:41like
00:40:42it's a shadow self it's another it's a clone that i have to reabsorb into myself
00:40:49and so thinking about it like that helps me kind of
00:40:52not let it have all the power over me
00:40:57hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey
00:41:02hey hey hey hey
00:41:02hey hey hey brother what's up man good to see you man
00:41:06i actually just started going to therapy hey yeah yeah yeah it's kind of like
00:41:12i need to fix this this is especially
00:41:15now i'm like i'm at a point where
00:41:18i need to take more responsibility of my life you know i feel like i'm being really sensitive
00:41:24yeah because i see you as like a brother you know like a like a sibling essentially but like
00:41:28you're the big you're the big bro hey that's what i try to do yeah it's not that something is
00:41:32wrong
00:41:32with you it's that there's a pattern yeah that no longer serves you
00:41:36you know what i mean and that's in your way and that's still a healthy way to see it yeah
00:41:39i'm a
00:41:40very like dude why would you do that dude you did it again you know what i mean i'm older
00:41:44than
00:41:44you and i've been doing this for longer yeah i still have i'm saying like it doesn't just magically
00:41:48no you're always going to be working on it yeah and it's like everyone had been telling me to go
00:41:54to therapy for a long time and i was like nah like you said that's white people you know what
00:41:57i mean
00:41:58and i was just like you know like and my mom would tell me that like you don't want to
00:42:05do that
00:42:05stuff because it'll be on your record she told me that from like a long time ago and i believed
00:42:10it
00:42:10but then she's like when you want to get a real job that's going to really affect you and but
00:42:15i'm like
00:42:16i'm a comedian now like like no matter what this isn't going to affect me at all this no one's
00:42:23going to be like you're a comedian that goes to therapy but we can't hire you it's like they're
00:42:26going to be like your community goes everything thank god thank god we needed someone that had
00:42:30a little bit of self-awareness in here whose water is that that's yours all right i'm taking it
00:42:39i had to ask for one not bad uh-oh did you get one oh yeah all right it's just
00:42:44the whole time you're
00:42:44just going like is am i doing this right is this good i'm bored are they bored uh i'm just
00:42:49worried the
00:42:50whole time like is this going well amazing dude it's my jet lag is all up i heard you say
00:42:55once a long
00:42:55time ago that it's a chemical yes you said you put your feet up on the wall i tried that
00:42:59yeah yeah
00:43:00we're going to start now okay sure sure you look great all right thanks i was about to sing but
00:43:07i
00:43:07guess i'll wait comics have a ton of anxiety because as you can see they're all in their head that's
00:43:13why
00:43:13we're kind of we analyze we sit there and think about stuff and then we're thinking about thinking
00:43:18and we're thinking about what we're thinking and it just piles on and piles on that's why i can't smoke
00:43:22weed because i'll just go in this wormhole or i just want to kill myself i'll be walking on the
00:43:29stage my brain's going boy you're going to bomb this this is going to be bad you suck you suck
00:43:32you're
00:43:33not going to be able to get out of this one good luck you loser and i gotta go shut
00:43:37up and then hey
00:43:38everybody how are you comedy confidence fake you know i know what i'm doing ladies and gentlemen we
00:43:43are so lucky to have him please give it up real big for mark norman people always say what you're
00:43:51an introvert you're a comedian how does that work you're anxious well because i'm on a stage
00:43:55saying exactly what i want to say exactly what i've been practicing it's honed i know it works
00:44:01and then you can't talk and then i get to leave everybody works out their muscles why not work out
00:44:06your emotions i'll be hanging out with a friend you know he's like all right man take it easy i'm
00:44:10gonna
00:44:10go work on arms and back i'm like cool i'm gonna go work on letting go of the past and
00:44:14accepting love
00:44:15i don't know if you're getting out your anxiety by being a stand-up but it still is an outlet
00:44:21you have this weird high for like a few minutes after you kind of feel like hey this is pretty
00:44:26good
00:44:27but then you go right back to normal life
00:44:34like a friend from high school hey i'm in new york i'm gonna come to your show tonight let's hang
00:44:37out after i'm like come to the show but i don't want to hang out after the hang out after
00:44:41part
00:44:41that's where i'm like ugh that's brutal
00:44:50morning
00:44:57are you guys ready
00:45:12morning good morning
00:45:18lots of people in florida ride their golf carts to take the kids to school i used to make fun
00:45:24of
00:45:24those people actually that's not nice i agree you're right that was me i'm sorry hold on i'm sorry
00:45:31i'm sorry
00:45:34how you doing hi good how are you good good good have a seat okay
00:45:39oh sorry should i have shut that all those apologies sorry for never mind i'm not sorry
00:45:49good to see you good to see you okay so the purpose of the exposures isn't to get rid of
00:45:54anxiety
00:45:56exposures are increasing your tolerance of anxiety you will continue to have intrusive thoughts like the
00:46:01rest of us but the idea is that the intrusive thoughts while they might spark some short-term
00:46:07anxiety they don't dictate your behaviors you are learning that if you don't respond to your
00:46:13anxiety and the intrusive thoughts that um your brain will learn that there's really no threat
00:46:18okay the thoughts will become less threatening over time make sense yes your most common compulsions at
00:46:26this time would be avoidance the mother of them all all right you're doing other behaviors such as
00:46:32information seeking reassurance seeking you're checking like checking your kids and yeah and
00:46:37then all the sorries that you say and all that people pleasing that's all um compulsions like you
00:46:42say a lot of sorries i'll have you actually start tracking your sorries today including some of these
00:46:46other compulsions and i'll show you how to start tracking them okay so when you do exposures we're
00:46:51doing it to increase that level of uncertainty again we're purposely making you more anxious in the short
00:46:57term i why am i like this i don't know what's wrong like we have any i don't know i'm
00:47:01crying
00:47:01i think it's the idea that i'm not going to be in control anymore is what you're already not in
00:47:07control i'd like to think that i am yeah but the realization that i'm wrong about that makes me
00:47:12emotional exposures are odd so it's okay to be emotional this is weird all right okay so i've got some
00:47:20exposures already written like simple to come up with but difficult to do yeah what would it be for
00:47:26you to just write the statement maybe my kids will die that's why are we starting there that's
00:47:32excessive um just to write it just to write that line maybe my kids will die maybe or my kids
00:47:38will
00:47:39die maybe very uncomfortable okay drink after your husband nope do you kiss him yeah with tongue right
00:47:48yeah so how's that different from the drinking after him for you and your brain i know what's the
00:47:53differentiation i think because i'm not drinking bits of his food when i kiss him like and it feels
00:48:03like i'll have him like snack on crackers no i can't listen he will never get a kiss from me
00:48:08again
00:48:11early earlier at the session i had to write over and over and over and over again
00:48:27and she wants me to do it five times a day and she wants me to get more and more
00:48:34specific about
00:48:37the manner of death as i go on well she's a professional so
00:48:49while i'm trying to write this i'm thinking about the kitchen exploding and my kids getting hit by cars
00:48:54outside playing basketball simultaneously so it feels like i'm in one of those 1970s like torture
00:48:59experiments at the moment so if you notice anything that's what that is
00:49:20uh i'm looking at my impacted wisdom tooth
00:49:26and trying to see if there's anything in there and if there is to kind of pull it
00:49:30out because it's i have to try to keep it clean but there's like a space
00:49:35in there and it makes my gum stick out and i can feel it in my tongue and it's really
00:49:41annoying but
00:49:42now i'm going to finally have it taken out so but i've been doing this for
00:49:4820 times a day for three years um it's been an obsession
00:49:58these are 40 pounds each if anyone asks
00:50:06don't worry i could do this all day
00:50:12want some of that
00:50:21i mean i really need a vacuum this is a problem
00:50:25my anxiety has manifested in so many different ways it's crazy
00:50:29like i thought i was going blind for a while i thought i had i'd have all these chest pains
00:50:34i thought i've had cancer probably 85 different times i can go through all of my photos of my life
00:50:41all my travel and i can point and go that day in paris i was worried about my eye was
00:50:47twitching
00:50:48or that day in london that was when my tooth was hurting so i'll have something i always pick something
00:50:54to kind of obsess about here's my wedding my wedding during my wedding i had just had
00:50:59uh two root canals done where i hadn't had the final crowns put on so i had temporary crowns
00:51:04and then i was concerned that they were going to come out in my food during the
00:51:08wedding so my actual wedding was uh marred with anxiety even with that spectacular ted baker suit
00:51:16this is what i discovered about marriage i feel like marriage is basically two people maneuvering
00:51:21around each other's mental illness right like you just have to find somebody that has the right
00:51:29mental illness for your mental illness in my relationship like my wife has been frustrated
00:51:33especially when i was doing panic attacks because which is actually good again my therapist
00:51:37she can kind of limit my anxiety because i'm worrying and worrying and worrying talking and
00:51:41talking about what i'm worried about and she's like i don't know what to do i can't i don't know
00:51:45what else to do and it you kind of go oh jesus i'm gonna lose my wife if i don't
00:51:49stop so it actually
00:51:50is kind of nice because sometimes you need that because it puts a cap on it because you're like oh
00:51:54god
00:51:54i'm ruining people's day here and this could cost me a relationship if i keep i gotta kind of get
00:52:00this in hand
00:52:02my wife is sweet sometimes i feel like she doesn't even know me though i was on the road recently
00:52:05and i couldn't sleep because i had anxiety so i called her at home and i was like i'm having
00:52:08trouble
00:52:08sleeping and she's so sweet she was like uh have you tried masturbating
00:52:13i was like that is adorable that you thought that i hadn't thought to masturbate
00:52:21hate the small talk two things i can't do small talk and eye contact how sad is that you know
00:52:25i basically have all the traits of a serial killer just without the ambition
00:52:29i'm working on it people i say mark gotta be more confident they say mark gotta be yourself
00:52:33i'm like well you gotta pick one i can't do both of those
00:52:41i've had quick instances of dating people where they were not anxious and it it's too it's too hard
00:52:52hey every girl i would go on a date like you're so awkward god you're so awkward i'm like all
00:52:57right
00:52:57i don't know what to do like you think that helps you saying that it's not going to make me
00:53:01all of a sudden suave and and confident you know so like that always annoyed me but i think every
00:53:07now
00:53:07and then you meet like that one girl out of 50 who likes the awkward guy
00:53:14this is may
00:53:17from massachusetts so i did a show at the stand and some joke really you remembered and you emailed me
00:53:25we'll back up a little bit so i went to the comedy show and then i don't know then mark
00:53:30got on
00:53:31stage and i was like whoa i was like he's super cute i like his what he's saying i think
00:53:36we made eye
00:53:36contact yeah oh that was the joke it's just too uh intense i feel it too much it's uh i
00:53:44look someone
00:53:44in the eye i'm like i guess we're in love now you know it's too much contact i can't take
00:53:49it it
00:53:49bothers me i messaged you on facebook the next morning yeah and um and i was like we made eye
00:53:56contact more than once so i take it we're in love now yeah pretty good line pretty good she's incredibly
00:54:02anxious which is nice but she has crazy anxiety but she's not an introvert you have anxiety like
00:54:09what's going to happen in the future oh exactly where the hell are we going to be like existential
00:54:13and annoying than his is you know mine's more social right like every day i come i'm like what
00:54:17am i what if i never find my passion like we were just having a great night post-coital naked
00:54:24couch
00:54:25hugging watching some tv show and she was just like my anxiety is through the roof and i was like
00:54:30what i'm going up this is great what are you talking about post-sex everything's good everybody
00:54:36orgasm naked we ate tv doors locked and she's like i'm just worried about you know my future and i'm
00:54:44like your future give him a little show
00:54:56i'm gonna go for soup today
00:55:00you go to what's that place by your house
00:55:03um the place that i get samples all the time yeah yeah and then promptly leave without buying
00:55:08anything uh-huh true i have to document what we're gonna do you have to help me with an exposure
00:55:14if
00:55:14you don't mind can you come back over here lick your hand and then put it from palm to fingertips
00:55:22from palm to fingertips you can wash your hand if you want no okay he did it i can see
00:55:28the spit okay
00:55:30good now touch it and then lick your hair wear it i love you i don't push my hand down
00:55:38now you lick
00:55:38it i have to oh really yeah
00:55:45welcome to exposure therapy
00:55:50it's not you i promise it's it idea of looking spit all right well don't let it dry come on
00:55:55now
00:55:56thank you all right five times a day good work we have to do that five times a day okay
00:56:02you don't want me to touch you
00:56:08my wife says i dissociate when we have sometimes hard talks like hard relationship talks i start to
00:56:15i literally look at the clock and start staring at the clock and then just as if my body is
00:56:20melting i
00:56:21just slowly but slowly kind of just my chest caves in and my head comes down and i won't speak
00:56:27and she's
00:56:28like are you okay are you okay it's super convenient for a relationship for when you want to say something
00:56:36to your husband and he goes into the doldrums for 30 minutes at the simple things really easy stuff
00:56:44to manage
00:56:47always trying to get better i'm a weirdo that's why i drink big fan of the booze i got a
00:56:52cut back
00:56:52i actually got let go from a job once for being drunk at work my boss called me and he
00:56:57goes get in
00:56:58here mark it's clear you're a high functioning alcoholic i was like wow how do you know i was also
00:57:03high totally self-medicating with the drinking i i enjoy beer like i like a glass of beer i like
00:57:10a scotch
00:57:12but there's definitely a point where i go all right i'm pretty buzzed i could stop and i just
00:57:16keep going because you're like well this feels good why not keep going and then you're blacked out then
00:57:20you wet the bed and then you're married in vegas i drank that's how i self-medicated i was an
00:57:25alcohol
00:57:25i mean i am an alcoholic i'm in recovery but i drank an exceptional amount because that felt like i
00:57:33can
00:57:33sort of drown this or drink it away and you feel now i'm confident and less worried in your mind
00:57:39and then when you're hung over like alcohol is a depressant which you're not really aware of or
00:57:44keeping in mind you're just sort of drinking because it feels like it's making you happy but then you're
00:57:48just dumping a depressant on top of depression anxiety and insecurity i mean i genuinely think if
00:57:57comedy didn't exist as an art form i don't i mean i might literally have killed myself i mean i
00:58:03was
00:58:03dealing with such anxiety and panic and depression and i had that thing to go to and and i don't
00:58:11know
00:58:11yeah it's definitely been a a huge part of who i am and it helped me through it there's a
00:58:18lot of
00:58:18things i don't give a about that i used to that were big anxiety producing things and i think with
00:58:22age
00:58:23and and certainly with money um a lot of that stuff is sort of like just null and void and
00:58:28it's a
00:58:30relief but then you you know you start to get into deeper issues like why am i still not enjoying
00:58:35myself why am i you know still like you know feeling like less than or uncomfortable in certain
00:58:42situations what is that about so we are going to the fair um usually i probably would hang back at
00:58:52the
00:58:53house um but i am going to challenge myself to go um and not
00:59:03and in the words of natalie bite my tongue i've seen a lot of videos of fair rides flying off
00:59:10and
00:59:10killing me um but the likelihood of that happening is very small so i'm going to try and go and
00:59:19have a
00:59:19good time so first things first updates we were emailing each other over the weekend because you
00:59:26were going to the fair and that was causing you some anxiety just right off the bat we're just jumping
00:59:30right into it why not why not i was ready for pleasantries but we can just um i i did
00:59:39okay at the
00:59:39fair and then my kids wanted to go on this ride that i had seen a video you might have
00:59:45seen it but
00:59:45the ride was um it goes like this in a circle really fast it was starting to fall back and
00:59:52everybody at the fair had to come and jump on the railing to counterbalance it and that's the ride my
00:59:58kids wanted to go on and so i was having a nervous breakdown i couldn't watch but then i was
01:00:02like that
01:00:02defeats the purpose so i forced myself to watch but i was miserable and i was snapping on my husband
01:00:09and he's like what's wrong with you and i'm like what do you mean what's wrong with me
01:00:16and as soon as they got off the ride that i was scared of chloe said it was horrible kaden
01:00:20puked in
01:00:20a garbage can it was really rough for all of us and your kids could tell you were anxious at
01:00:26the fair
01:00:28yeah probably i i at that point yeah they could definitely tell for sure your kids come first
01:00:37throughout this entire process your kids come first it would have been fine if you walked away
01:00:41for a little bit until you you know felt a little bit better the anxiety went down a little bit
01:00:45better
01:00:46and then come back because at the end of the day we want to make sure that they're not seeing
01:00:51their
01:00:51mom anxious all the time and that they can enjoy themselves yeah that makes sense i thought i could
01:01:05i'm just tired of being scared all the time i'm just it's just exhausting yes i'm just being like
01:01:11i i'm scared that like i like this i'm this person's gonna be right i'm scared that i'm a failure
01:01:16i'm
01:01:16scared that i'm this that and the third i'm like i'm done with that yeah i'm just tired of that
01:01:20i feel
01:01:21that i feel i don't want that to be the thing that propels me forward in life well it's gotten
01:01:26me this
01:01:26far but i'm like i don't want that to be the thing anymore there is no like you're gonna everything's
01:01:32gonna magically click into place like a reverse jenga where you find you find the peace and then
01:01:37the tower builds itself off of that yeah you're always going to be in some way actively involved
01:01:44in your own mental health you want to get better yeah you know you want to you want to be
01:01:49a person
01:01:50that is no longer scared yeah and by the way when i say all these things i'm not saying it
01:01:54from a place
01:01:54of like i mastered it yeah yeah i figured it all out just do what i did i'm still in
01:01:59the
01:01:59in the grips of trying to figure it out myself i think i'm spiritual maybe i don't know yeah probably
01:02:06not like when did when did this question become so popular like i get it like three or four times
01:02:14a
01:02:14week hey are you meditating do you meditate it's like what's happening when did that why is everyone
01:02:18asking me that like does that happen to you or is it crazy like are you meditating like wait are
01:02:24you
01:02:24guys part of the same team why are you at no i'm not fucking meditating but in all honesty i
01:02:30got to
01:02:30where you needed to be the one time i meditated successfully i cleared my mind i cleared my ego
01:02:35everything was open i hit that point of zen and all i could hear was my breath and my heart
01:02:42beating
01:02:43and right at that moment i thought this could fucking stop at any second
01:02:53let your attention go inward and notice if there's tension in your body notice the breathing
01:03:03sometimes it helps to take a long deep slow in breath
01:03:10and then a slow out breath counting to four or five and do it a few rounds so that when
01:03:20you inhale
01:03:21you're kind of filling your chest and lungs and with the out breath it's slow enough so you can feel
01:03:28feel the sensations of letting go that's right letting go
01:03:36so as you now bring your attention to scanning your life and sensing that situation that most triggers
01:03:47a reaction
01:03:51recognizing whatever's predominant
01:03:56what's going on in your life and what's going on in your life and what's going on in your life
01:03:57well i think it's a desire for peace a feeling of peace for myself and for
01:04:04my um family and people i love i guess there's a lot of uh pain there fear and pain anger
01:04:14can you just let them be here for now
01:04:20and begin to investigate what is it you're believing that kind of makes you feel stuck makes
01:04:30you feel anxious makes you feel angry well it feels like everybody i've ever met is seeing and judging me
01:04:38which i feel strange to say but
01:04:43that's in there somehow
01:04:47all right let's do a workshop
01:04:50um biggest fear of where your kids are going to die
01:04:53most freaking life ruining one is choking and me not being able to heimlich them okay or getting kidnapped
01:05:02we'll do the choking okay and where would they choke would this be in public or at home like what's
01:05:07most of the image in your head home okay oh god any of them when i'm not home nobody else
01:05:13watches them
01:05:14like i know it's better if you see them die for this and for the for the worry script it's
01:05:19just much
01:05:19more impactful if you like see it all right i just don't even want to know where this is going
01:05:25all right let me write this up real quick
01:05:32so the point isn't that we get rid of discomfort or all anxiety it's just so that it your brain
01:05:40becomes a bit bored with the thoughts that you keep having like choking and then therefore it doesn't
01:05:45rule your life so five times a day you got to read that repeatedly read out loud i'm screaming chloe's
01:05:53name she's thrashing around on the ground by the kitchen table with her hands around her throat
01:05:59i see that there's still part of a hot dog on a plate from lunch i ask her if she
01:06:03ate a hot dog
01:06:04she can't respond i run to get the choker from the drawer fuck my hands are shaking too much to
01:06:10use it
01:06:10i look at chloe and a single tear goes down her cheek i tell her i love her
01:06:19you got this let's just continue to read you got this me love you to write that well but it's
01:06:25not
01:06:25on purpose i hope you know that the worry script is you think about what your fear is and if
01:06:32it's put
01:06:33in a paragraph form the whole point of worry script is to burn out whatever fear somebody has right
01:06:38whether it's somebody drowning in a pool whether it's some well for some people it's like getting
01:06:41fired or going broke whatever fear somebody has where we can't do an in vivo exposure we got to
01:06:46do a worry script did you hear any of that yeah uh so you don't allow the kids to be
01:06:55alone ever no okay
01:06:56good so i want you to leave the kids alone at least once a day where you go shower do
01:07:00or read a book
01:07:01this is dangerous and if you don't improve on this the impact this is going to have on your kids
01:07:07is
01:07:10dangerous so every day there needs to be at some instance where the kids are left alone like how
01:07:14long typically until your anxiety goes down okay but i can i tell them not to i always if i
01:07:21have to
01:07:21run no instructions no it's not eating no instructions i don't even think they'll let me be alone
01:07:31i'm gonna go upstairs for a couple of minutes okay
01:07:37i already got that one hey guys i'm gonna go upstairs for a couple of minutes okay okay
01:07:44because i have to do something okay all right love you
01:08:01um so they could give two ships literally first time i said it they just ignored me
01:08:08and then i was like hey guys go and they're like fine i don't think they're old enough to be
01:08:15on their own
01:08:16really but it sounds like they're fine
01:08:29i'm gonna fix this board
01:08:34okay so that's you know what that's fine
01:08:39oh my laundry pile's there so let's
01:08:45i can hear them talking so i like that
01:08:58it's really weird
01:09:02i'm there there's nothing on my side i'm just clicking buttons because i can't focus
01:09:07just be relaxed just casual
01:09:12i don't know what to read
01:09:16my anxiety stopped me from having children
01:09:22but i'm not sad about it my panic and and worry level is it operates in such a way that
01:09:30it just would
01:09:30not it just seems like a nightmare to me i lock up the house i turn out the lights i'm
01:09:36about
01:09:36to go to bed and out on the front porch i hear yeah yeah yeah and i'm like what and
01:09:43i go pull the
01:09:44curtain back and there's this little like two-month-old black kitten sitting there
01:09:52that's the proper response that is not the response i had
01:09:56my response was oh
01:09:59fuck
01:10:05now i gotta love you now
01:10:10okay little baby my quarantine baby my quarantine baby
01:10:18i'm very embarrassed my cat has been diagnosed with anxiety i'm like
01:10:22it is my fault it must be it just can't be that he's anxious too somehow
01:10:27i went to the vet and they were like he's a nervous boy and i was like why and i
01:10:34think that he
01:10:36just is like that i think he was born that way he's so cute he's horrible though i love him
01:10:44i had to give him an anti-anxiety pill and now he's like flopping around i'm like god i need
01:10:51one of
01:10:51these but i don't because they knock me out i have never taken pills consistently but i i mean i
01:11:02definitely would try a medication that i knew wouldn't change like the fabric of who i am
01:11:10but calmed my thoughts i haven't really dove into like learning about that
01:11:18but i would
01:11:21i like this noise i find it soothing
01:11:29i was on paxill for a couple years and then i just didn't want to be on it anymore
01:11:35i feel like a lot of these things can be combated through therapy and acceptance and meditation and
01:11:43stuff and um a lot can i want to dismiss people that because certainly there's people that
01:11:49need medication it's changed their lives so i don't want to be anti-medicine i just personally
01:11:53didn't want to be part of that there's definitely been times where i'm like i should be on medication
01:11:59this is a problem but i've gotten through it there is no way to pick up pills that you've spilled
01:12:07on
01:12:07the ground without looking like a total human red flag you know there's just no way to be like oh
01:12:19oh this is what i meant to do and everything is going great i'm on primarily antidepressants but they
01:12:30all are ones that also help with anxiety i have friends who like are very anti-medication and stuff
01:12:38but for me at least personally i was like well if i don't take medication i won't even be able
01:12:44to like
01:12:44show up to be funny so i think it's not as much of an option for me
01:12:57that's the worst part chloe stares at me frightened like she's pleading for help
01:13:03when i read it in the office i wanted to die i cried like a kid and now reading it
01:13:08doesn't feel
01:13:09the same as it did because i already i already know what's coming
01:13:13did you habituate to the warrior script
01:13:18habituate meaning like oh yeah you were to read it now does it seem stupid it was day two when
01:13:24i
01:13:24habituated to the worries i couldn't feel anything i'm trying to relax more it's hard i got into buddhism
01:13:31i'm like a buddhist sort of i read a buddhist book you know it wasn't a book it was a
01:13:35meme if i'm being
01:13:35honest with you guys but i like to say book you sound smarter when you say you read a book
01:13:40but memes are more
01:13:41they're preferable they're more succinct you know this is what it said in a good quote it said let
01:13:46negative thoughts come into your head but don't serve them tea because you don't want your negative
01:13:54thoughts lingering around drinking tea that's like the analogy i guess my negative thoughts aren't
01:14:00drinking tea mine are doing cocaine that's a better analogy my negative thoughts are like climate change
01:14:05is going to make the world uninhabitable tomorrow
01:14:15recall the initial situation that triggered you so you're including that in your awareness
01:14:24and just sense whatever wants to unfold from that just notice what happens
01:14:33i guess just a feeling of
01:14:37there's um i can't solve these other people's uh problems and that's okay
01:14:48i do feel less angry and anxious about it and more just aware of it and maybe it's sad
01:14:56as opposed to angry and fearful
01:14:58mm-hmm okay so
01:15:03notice the possibility of in some way honoring sad you know okay this too it's sad
01:15:13the hardest thing in the world is to be with the feelings we don't want to be with
01:15:22and the more you get familiar with it the more you get to inhabit it really
01:15:30feel free to open your eyes and move around and all that welcome back oh thank you yeah
01:15:39um yeah it felt intense i get it yeah um yeah i don't know it feels it feels good you
01:15:52know it's not
01:15:53meant to be like you know check got that one work you know this is you're getting more awake to
01:15:59yourself
01:15:59right yeah no it was good and towards the end there i did feel
01:16:06you're getting more positive and more that feeling of no i'm a good
01:16:11person you know and i don't have to feel these negative feelings so much you know
01:16:16you have to kind of almost like you're sifting through a jungle you have to hack at these
01:16:20different weeds and stuff that are in the way to get to the treasure of whatever it is that you
01:16:26are
01:16:26actually feeling whatever it is that is the real hole the real um piece of you that you feel is
01:16:35broken or missing or wrong that you are trying to avoid you can come say hi real quick if you'd
01:16:41like
01:16:43hey hi we're gonna try to get you to do more fun things yeah so that mommy isn't so scared
01:16:49all the
01:16:49time why do you think mommy gets scared because you don't want me to get hurt yeah but nobody wants
01:16:57anybody to get hurt and we still just have to do things right chloe yeah he's the scaredest one in
01:17:03our family well that's changing that's changing quickly all right i'll be out soon i love you
01:17:18it's not like you love your children more than other people love their children
01:17:22i don't know anxiety with love don't confuse those two whoa let me write that down that was deep
01:17:37the amount i stress over them does not it's not equal fair and helpful
01:17:47therapists always give me like little assignments like i'll be like this guy hates me i know he hates
01:17:51me i don't know how to act around him because i can't be myself and i can't be comfortable he's
01:17:55like just go ask him and i'm like what are you crazy i can't do that he can't ask a
01:17:59guy if he hates
01:17:59you if he hates you and he was like just ask him so i would be like okay and i
01:18:03would go up to be like
01:18:04you hate me and they would always be like what no i don't even think about you and he would
01:18:07say stuff
01:18:08like stop putting thoughts in other people's heads and if you do you got to just drop it yeah i
01:18:14think
01:18:14i've been trying to work on my brain on my own i found out my therapist is raising her rates
01:18:19um yes
01:18:20so i guess i'm cured very exciting thank you
01:18:29sometimes you don't realize how close you are to a breakthrough and then there it is i think
01:18:35growth works in mysterious ways it's hard to exist with it but i think weirdly it even when it's gotten
01:18:44really bad like i know i've been able to get through things with it so i think in that sense
01:18:52that's like what keeps me going where it's like oh but you've been here before like you know your way
01:18:57out even even if it feels like particularly terrible today like you've gotten through it before so
01:19:04that sort of keeps me grounded
01:19:12everything in life is accepted it's accept that this is your situation you have it and that
01:19:17immediately alleviates us to go yeah i'm anxious but that's okay just accept that you're anxious
01:19:22right now or accept that you're afraid of that activity or accept that you're mad at somebody those
01:19:28are all okay instead of just going god i'm mad at that i shouldn't be mad i should be happy
01:19:33and enough of getting rid of those i should feel this way and just say no i do feel this
01:19:38way that's okay
01:19:40i just like you know it's like what do we think we're gonna do like if you're incapacitated
01:19:45and and your life is unmanageable for whatever reason you know you should fix that
01:19:50if you're uncomfortable but you're okay that might just be you
01:19:58i think i would like to find more moments of calm i definitely feel far from experiencing like
01:20:05calm a lot of the time but i i think i've had my anxiety for long enough that i'm starting
01:20:12to
01:20:12understand when my body's sending off like fire alarms and it's not real and i'm like okay that's what
01:20:20you're experiencing because you're worried about this outcome that is super not likely to happen
01:20:26all right so when do you want to do the sleepover we'll have to make a firm plan of when
01:20:31it's going
01:20:31to be i'll start really giving it some thought i definitely don't feel the same way at the thought
01:20:37of it as i once did i feel like the first time we talked about i'm pretty sure i cried
01:20:42and now the
01:20:44idea isn't doesn't invoke those emotions for me yeah i don't think it will be that bad
01:20:54please give a warm welcome to mark norman
01:21:02hey hey comedy good to be here i love a roof gig this goes horribly i can just jump right
01:21:10off
01:21:12doing good i'm in therapy drinking less career's going all right so yeah everything's kicked up a
01:21:19notch in the positive world but uh who knows could all go to hell tomorrow oh yeah it's gonna be
01:21:33awesome
01:21:38this is my wife sarah talavash my best bud my main man like i said this to my therapist once
01:21:46where i was
01:21:46like i feel great i feel like i don't even need to be here anymore and he's like well as
01:21:49i would say
01:21:50you are not done with therapy and then of course uh you know a week later i'm like ah losing
01:21:56my mind
01:22:07so my so my son was at the next door neighbor's house playing and he just called his dad his
01:22:14dad had
01:22:14on speaker and i was like dad can i stay the night at alexander's and then his dad said we
01:22:23got to ask
01:22:24your mom and i said yes i said yeah and on the other end of the phone i heard both
01:22:33boys say yes
01:22:38and i've never heard my son that excited before like granted it's next door right and granted his
01:22:47friend's dad is a police officer but i'm just saying uh caden's having his first sleepover tonight
01:22:55i just i just wanna feel good i just wanna feel good i just wanna i just wanna feel good
01:23:17give me
01:23:18specific directions on how i can feel good i just wanna i just wanna feel good
01:23:27i'm not even close to kidding write it in an email i just wanna i just wanna feel good
01:24:04i just wanna feel good bye
01:24:05i just wanna feel good bye
01:24:06it's not gonna feel good
01:24:06but you're welcome
01:24:07i just wanna feel good
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