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  • 9 hours ago
Taskmaster AU S05E02

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😹
Fun
Transcript
00:04Where's the ball?
00:05No!
00:06Woo!
00:07Oh!
00:13I'm totally going.
00:14Yee-dee!
00:16Damn!
00:18Woo!
00:23Here you go, good boy.
00:24Don't make me chocolate, you!
00:28You're going to be like this today, aren't you?
00:39Hello and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:41The game is simple.
00:43Five comedians do some shit at my behest in front of a virginal man with a whistle.
00:48One of them will get a trophy of my head and one of them will be executed in the car
00:53park.
00:54Ah, that won't be part of the show.
00:56I just assume from looking at Brett Blake that he's going to get murdered at some point.
01:00Mucking in tonight we have...
01:02Anissa Nandela.
01:05Brett the victim Blake.
01:08Celia Pakwala.
01:11Joel Creasy.
01:13And Perth's very own, Grove McManus.
01:19Now beside me it's the man who was turned down for Channel 10's buddy program.
01:25He's too old to be a little buddy and he obviously can't be a big one.
01:29It's Tom Cashman.
01:36All right Lissa Tom, hit me with a prize task.
01:39Our first task of course is a prize task.
01:41Each of our contestants have brought in a prize and the winner of tonight's episode will take home all five
01:45prizes.
01:46Tonight our contestants have been asked to bring in what they consider to be the best thing that can be
01:50safely concealed in your mouth at the start of an episode record.
01:58Okay, Brett, what have you brought for us?
02:07It's um, famous football player Warwick Capper's golden undies.
02:14Unwashed.
02:19That's pretty good.
02:20How did you get them?
02:21On eBay, surprisingly his career has gone really bad and he's selling everything.
02:25Oh, so they're his actual...
02:26They're his actual undies.
02:27Yeah, $27.
02:30Bad.
02:33Oh no.
02:34We haven't thought this through at all.
02:35Joel's desperate to talk.
02:38I thought Joel would have been used to speaking with a mouthful.
02:42He thinks they're Kylie Minogue's undies.
02:46They're not.
02:46Oh.
02:48Okay.
02:48Rove, what have you brought in?
02:52I just went with air.
02:54Oh.
02:57The task is the best thing.
02:59The life-giving oxygen that is all around us is very important.
03:04Warwick Capper's groin is also life-giving.
03:07LAUGHTER
03:13So Celia, what have you hidden?
03:16Oh God.
03:17Oh.
03:18Oh, that was grosser than I expected.
03:21It says a necklace that a stranger, a fan made for me that says somebody at Channel 7 has f***ed
03:27me.
03:28LAUGHTER
03:30Wow.
03:33So just to be clear, this is something that you said at the Logies.
03:36Yes.
03:37I was presenting an award, it was on Channel 7, and the autocue was incorrect, so I said the wrong
03:42award.
03:42And instead of being professional and smoothing that over, I said on live television,
03:48someone at Channel 7 has f***ed me before they were able to cut away from me.
03:53LAUGHTER
03:54And it apparently resonated with a lot of people, because it turns out someone at Channel 7 has f***ed a
03:59lot of people.
04:01Can I say, it's wonderful to be here at Channel 10.
04:04LAUGHTER
04:04Anissa, what are you concealing?
04:08Oh.
04:09Oh, oh.
04:11Don't judge me!
04:12LAUGHTER
04:13I have a poem, which is very difficult to read.
04:17This is a poem for you.
04:19Oh, for me?
04:20Yeah, the best thing I can do is a poem that...
04:22Oh, God.
04:26LAUGHTER
04:26LAUGHTER
04:31Dear Task Massa...
04:34LAUGHTER
04:35Your personality is a chandelier filling the room with lights.
04:39Your jokes are an assorted box of chocolate, each filled with delights.
04:44You are my favourite of the whites.
04:47LAUGHTER
04:48Wow.
04:50APPLAUSE
04:56Did you like it?
04:57Yeah, I feel really flattered, but I feel like there are a few traps in there for me.
05:01LAUGHTER
05:01It's hard to be white and proud, if you know what I mean.
05:05LAUGHTER
05:05Joel, you've been waiting to show us what's in your mouth.
05:08Mm-hm.
05:09What have you got in your mouth, Joel?
05:11Mm-hm.
05:12Oh!
05:13Oh!
05:14Oh!
05:14Oh!
05:15Oh!
05:15Oh, Celia!
05:17Oh!
05:18Oh, Celia!
05:21You know what you did!
05:22Celia!
05:27I've had fake blood in there the whole time.
05:30Oh, my God.
05:31It was disgusting.
05:31I thought you had bad acting in there.
05:34LAUGHTER
05:38I did a year on Neighbours, thank you very much.
05:42So, while you were doing all that mime before, you had that ready to go?
05:46Yeah.
05:47OK.
05:48I was very gay.
05:50LAUGHTER
05:51All right, well, we need some scores here, don't we?
05:53Yes.
05:53I'm going to have to give one point to Brett, because it was not safely concealed.
05:56Much like Warwick Capper's cock while he was wearing that.
05:59LAUGHTER
06:02I'm going to give Celia two.
06:03I knew it.
06:03I should have thought this through.
06:04You bloody love the Logies.
06:06Yeah, yeah.
06:06You love her!
06:07It's because I think it is an institution that is beyond critique.
06:12LAUGHTER
06:12All right.
06:13Like, I'd prefer to make fun of the church, you know?
06:16LAUGHTER
06:16Well, guess what?
06:16Someone at the church me as well.
06:20LAUGHTER
06:21APPLAUSE
06:25I'm going to give three points to Joel, because I love the entertainment.
06:28I'm not sure it was the best thing.
06:30LAUGHTER
06:32What?!
06:32Air's better than that, so four points to Rove.
06:35Anissa read out a very beautiful poem, which I...
06:37Yes, Massa!
06:40It was a very beautiful poem.
06:42It was easily the best thing, and it made me into a proud white man.
06:47LAUGHTER
06:49All right, enough of this half-assed live crap.
06:52Let's watch something people have put a bit more effort into, shall we?
06:55Sure.
06:55A big F you to any fans of individualism.
06:57It's our first team task of the season.
07:00CHEERING
07:13Hey, Tom.
07:14Hey, Anissa.
07:14It's my birthday!
07:16We're really celebrating, if so.
07:19Ah!
07:24Is that for me?
07:26Not yet.
07:27Do I have to say please?
07:28I'm pretty sure that was you, Tom.
07:30I'm not sure about that.
07:31Hello.
07:31Ah!
07:32Ah!
07:35Careful!
07:36Ooh!
07:36I hate balloons!
07:38Oh, my God, Rita!
07:39Whoa!
07:40Anissa, hello!
07:42My friend!
07:43May we hug?
07:44I would love a hug.
07:46Are you wonderful?
07:47Oh, my gosh!
07:48Oh, my gosh!
07:48Oh, my gosh!
07:49Oh, my gosh!
07:51Oh, my God!
07:52Oh, shit!
07:53Oh, my God!
07:55Hello!
07:55We're not...
07:56We're not supposed to pop them.
07:57Let's just leave this loser and go have some fun with balloons.
07:59Have a good time.
08:00Pink!
08:01My friends?
08:01I've got friends!
08:02Yes!
08:03I know!
08:03I'm not very good at this show.
08:04Oh, my gosh!
08:06I'm so bad at this show.
08:07Oh, good.
08:09What?
08:11Okay, am I...
08:12Do you want to read it?
08:12No, I can't even open it.
08:13I feel like...
08:14Yay!
08:14Pop the golden balloon.
08:17If you do a forbidden thing, you must don a piece of protective clothing from your mannequin.
08:23What does don mean?
08:24Um, like you're the boss of all the mafia.
08:27So we will have to go and commit crimes, chop off a horse's head, put it in a bed.
08:32Are you kidding?
08:33Like, cement shoes, throw someone in a river.
08:35If you do a forbidden thing again, you must do a spin with your hands by your side for
08:41every time you've done that forbidden thing.
08:43Fewest red balloons popped wins.
08:45Your time starts now.
08:47Well, we don't need to panic.
08:49Let's just, I guess, start to look for a golden balloon and if we...
08:55You've done a forbidden thing.
08:56Please don an item.
09:03Straight off the top there, I noticed that everyone was wearing earbuds except for Britt
09:06Blake.
09:07What were you thinking?
09:07Are you just going to tough it out?
09:08What?
09:11I'm actually deaf in one ear, so I was like, whatever, who cares if they both go down.
09:17Now, Rover, it was good to see you trying to help out the next generation of comedians
09:20by explaining what Don was by talking about The Godfather, a film from the early 70s.
09:26So, Anissa, have you seen The Godfather?
09:29Oh, no.
09:31No.
09:31So you didn't know what he was talking about?
09:33I had no idea, but I'm trying to make friends, so I was like, okay, that's nice.
09:36But also, it's not...
09:39Alright, well, I think we need some team names.
09:41Okay.
09:41I'm feeling inspired by commercial radio.
09:43I thought, Roe, you and Anissa could be called The Breakfast Show, because often,
09:46like, in commercial radio, they get someone very high profile and an unknown.
09:49So I feel like the other three, when they do a drive show, they get three people who
09:54would clearly never hang out together.
09:56So you're The Drive Show.
09:59The Breakfast Show and The Drive Show.
10:01Alright, Tom, let's get spiky.
10:04Call it a pop duo, because we've got both teams at once.
10:07Okay, what is a forbidden thing?
10:09Dunno, but we need a golden balloon to pop.
10:12Brett has done a forbidden thing.
10:14Please don an item on your mannequin.
10:16Okay, don't let any balloons out, you have to sneak out.
10:19Celia has done a forbidden thing.
10:21Please don an item on your mannequin.
10:24Joel has done a forbidden thing.
10:26Please don an item on your mannequin.
10:30Anissa has done a forbidden thing.
10:32Oh, you're a dickhead.
10:33There's spikes on this.
10:35Ah!
10:37What happened?
10:38They're sharp.
10:39No!
10:40Bad Tom.
10:41I think Helmut was a smart choice.
10:43Ah!
10:44Celia has done a forbidden thing.
10:45Wait, we don't get in trouble if we...
10:49Oh, I think he can't point.
10:52I can do the middle, and I'll look in this corner.
10:55Why are you thrusting?
10:57That looks so simple.
10:58Oh, jeez.
10:59Pop the golden balloon.
11:02Anissa has done a forbidden thing.
11:03I think the B word is a forbidden thing.
11:09Please don an item.
11:09This reminds me, I've got to get my hemorrhoids checked.
11:11I feel like it's going to be something very annoying, and it's...
11:14Brett has done a forbidden thing.
11:16Please don an additional item from your mannequin.
11:18Do not bend over.
11:19Oh!
11:20How will you know if we pop the...
11:23Sorry.
11:24Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
11:28Brett has done a forbidden thing.
11:30Please don two additional items from your mannequin.
11:33I'm running out of items.
11:35Oh.
11:36I found something.
11:37If you look down here, I have uncovered an arrow pointing towards Tom.
11:43Oh, you turn.
11:45It's a really small thing.
11:46Yeah, it's...
11:46Brett, what are you doing?
11:47Stop it!
11:49I did the thing.
11:50I didn't want to talk about it.
11:52I...it's...I got it.
11:53You did it?
11:53Yeah.
11:54I knew you were hiding it, you cheeky.
11:56Brett has not done the thing.
11:58There it is.
11:59Hiding in the corner.
12:01Enjoy this moment.
12:04No.
12:04They set this up.
12:06They have to sit through it.
12:07Almost done.
12:07Here we go.
12:09Woo!
12:11Woo!
12:12Woo!
12:13Woo!
12:14Hiya, waiter!
12:15Thanks, Scott.
12:16I did it!
12:17I did it, like, ten minutes ago, you idiots!
12:20Oh, my God!
12:22Woo!
12:22On and on, miss Victor Vaughn.
12:26Woo!
12:28Woo!
12:28Woo!
12:29Woo!
12:31Woo!
12:31Woo!
12:32Woo!
12:34So, just starting with the drive show, there were forbidden things.
12:38Did all of you feel like you were keeping track of the forbidden things?
12:40Celia was onto it quite quick with the balloons.
12:42Thank you, I'm the girl one.
12:46Well, in the drive show world, I'm the girl one, yeah, but I'm the diversity high, and I'm the fat
12:53idiot that does a secret sound
12:56So just remind me what were the forbidden things so our contestants couldn't say the word balloon
13:00You couldn't point they couldn't duck below the balloons
13:03The final one is that they weren't allowed to touch me which no one showed any interest of doing
13:11So what what are the scores how do we score this well, so it's fewest pops wins
13:15Yep, a team of two had 32 pops a team of three also 32. It's a tie. I
13:22Think they both seemed relatively average. Okay, so I'm going to give them all three. Okay. Yep
13:30What are the scores in the episode so far well Brett is in last place with four points, but an
13:35Isis out in front with eight points
13:40That's it for part one time for a break so I can poke Tom Cashman with thumbtacks and see if
13:45he pops. We'll be back after this
13:58Welcome back to taskmaster where we're going to find out which Australian comedian is the most
14:04Cardinal doesn't really matter
14:05Lesser Tom you've got a task for us
14:08Yeah, that I do
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25:33Let's go have some fun as Brett. Come on, dude. You're gonna love this. I'm not cuz oh
25:39I'm a boring nerd stick to time
25:42Kick that over the roof. That's cool
25:47What effect that has on anyone else kick that one over the roof go on that seems like it I
25:53shouldn't just shut up and kick the ball
25:57Did you make it yeah, it went high do this one joke is it's really hard
26:04Hey, what? Yeah, got ya. That was sick. Congratulations
26:08Congratulations to you, but you have just one taskmaster
26:12You have back to your room your scallywag
26:21Give that guy promotion hell yeah
26:37Well, we're only two episodes in and I can feel a genuine resentment between you two and all it gets
26:42worse
26:42Um, so to be cringe was to be lesser Tom lesser Tom was being the most cringe
26:48I've ever seen when he was pretending to be cringe
26:50So then I thought I would become him because that's the most cringe thing
26:56But then he became me and that pissed me off and then I got excited to meet myself and then
27:00we just kicked some shit over a house
27:01It was awesome and then I forgot what the task was, but we had an awesome time didn't we do
27:05it?
27:06It was sick. I think if anything that's worth at least three points
27:11All right. Well, I should hand out some scores here. Yep
27:14I mean just felt like such a missed opportunity Joel could have literally been cringe, but he was B so
27:20one point to Joel
27:20Oh two points to Brett Blake because it was really entertaining and not very cringey at all
27:25It was just a good old afternoon of fun of bread on bread action
27:30Three points to Anissa. I felt quite creeped out by your advances
27:35Four points for Celia because that was that was a very cringe photo, but I feel like you know, I've
27:40seen your Instagram it just blended in
27:43Olympic level of cringe
27:52All right, if all that made you want to crawl off into a little hole and die now would be
27:56the perfect opportunity
27:57We'll see you after this
28:10Welcome back to taskmaster where five comedians are jockeying for Brett Blake's jocks
28:16There's a Tom. I believe it might be time to crack open a freshie a journey of a thousand miles
28:21begins with a single step
28:22That was said by philosopher Lao Tzu
28:241400 years before the pogo stick was invented how wrong he was
28:48I've read a good one. Hello. I see you. Mm-hmm. I'm glad you're my real dad
28:55Me too. What's happening? You'll see
28:58Do you want a banana? No, thank you. Okay. Oh
29:01Illuminati circle
29:04May I? Yes, please
29:06Is that a be gay? What is a be gay?
29:10Is that what they call them the French be gay or am I mixing bidet and bread? I think that's
29:15exactly what you're doing
29:21Choose up to two items then travel the furthest on them my be gay
29:28It's not what it's called your journey must begin on the mat and once any part of you touches
29:34ground
29:35It's over once you touch an item you must use it furthest journey wins you have 15 minutes your time
29:42starts
29:45Now
29:46Right
29:50So an easy just to be clear. It's not the guy. It's baguette. Yeah, and it wasn't one. It's sourdough
29:57I'm the big guy
30:01I said big a like 30 times and you just looked at me and didn't correct me one. I corrected
30:07you so many times
30:09So just to be clear they've got two exercise balls a bucket a rubber duck
30:13Roller skate a pogo stick a unicycle and of course a be gay
30:17But also Joel had all of those things, but he couldn't see the two exercise balls
30:27All right, who's first up listen Tom which one will go father or maybe neither of them will call their
30:32father. It's Joel and Celia
30:35Okay, I'm gonna hurt myself why because it's who I am. Oh, have you met me?
30:40What am I gonna do with a bread roll have a snack, but maybe that won't work
30:44Oh, you've touched the touch me. You must use the ball
30:49What's that called wheelie shoe what are they called again ice?
30:53No skate shoes ice skates
30:55Oh, I know they're called rollerblades. I'm going to roller skate Tom. Okay. Oh, it's not my size. Oh, no
31:02Oh, no, it's so small. Oh, no, it doesn't fit. Why did I pick this your foot fits perfectly right
31:08how convenient?
31:09I mean, I'm gonna go the pogo stick
31:11My eyes are up here. Okay. Oh my god. This could be a terrible idea. Hold on. Oh, yeah, no,
31:17this is okay
31:21What could go wrong?
31:23Oh
31:27Just a quick break having a rest. Yeah, I got heaps of time. Don't rush me. How long have I
31:32got eight minutes and 51 seconds?
31:34Oh, I was hoping you'd say like two minutes
31:35Does this look as graceful as it feels how graceful does it feel just checking in not very this is
31:41a real career highlight for me
31:42Maybe I can head back towards the house. Okay. I think maybe I should go back to
31:55Oh
31:56Thank God
31:58How do you feel wrecked all right? Thanks. Thanks, silly
32:09So Celia, I just want to let you know we deliberately weakened that exercise ball so that that happened
32:15I just wanted you to know that was it a lie. I thought would make you feel better
32:21Like I've sat on one of those when I was pregnant and I didn't pop it
32:24I didn't pop it when I was two people and now I'm popping up when I'm one. I need to
32:27go to the gym
32:28If you do don't sit on the exercise ball
32:32What was your thought process between choosing those two objects?
32:35Well God chose me with the ball it nudged the ball into me and I had no choice because of
32:39stickler McGee over here
32:42And then I don't know I just thought the roller skates seem like a sort of the closest thing to
32:46a vehicle looks like a foot car, right?
32:50So Joel, why did you zero in on those two objects?
32:53Well, I couldn't see both the exercise balls obviously so they were out so I put on the foot car
32:58Yeah, which was way too small for me
33:01And then for some reason I went with the pogo stick, but I think I covered some distance
33:05Well, I feel like you went quite a long way, but then you got bored and then you came back
33:09Yeah, but it's not about that wasn't it just about meters?
33:12Well, it's up to you, but I think we should be counting how far you go in total. Thank you.
33:16Thank you dressing room three see you after the show
33:21To pay you
33:24Just so you know in future when I'm saying things and saying opinions, it's not for sexual favors
33:33How far did they travel well Celia's perfectly fitting roller skate got her exactly
33:3816.4 meters Oh Joel's roller derby pogo approach got him
33:43226.1 meters in total
33:50Okay, let's the time let's see someone else's stunted hectic journey across the backyard please
33:55They say the longest journey is the one between our heads and our hearts
33:58I hope this next guy gets further than that. It's Brett Blake. I think I know what I'm gonna do
34:07This is a boring challenge
34:09Task
34:12Shut up
34:13It's really annoying the vans over there because if I could get to the van and drive. Yeah, that's an
34:19idea
34:25You had tape prepared yeah
34:29Am I nailing this furthest distance traveled
34:33How far is the next pub we're not allowed to leave the property we don't have license plates well
34:39Then we get arrested by the police they take us to the police station
34:43What's that closest police station is eight k's away one that we can't do that. Yeah, I can watch
34:50We can't get out there I
35:05Think it's gonna be furthest distance collectively
35:08So I'm just gonna do this for seven minutes. Yeah
35:14Such a drama queen, babe. Have a look at me. Do you think this mullet's fake? Do you think this
35:19is my first time doing this?
35:21Tom's having a panic attack
35:23Tom's having a panic attack
35:24Tom's having a panic attack
35:25The mullet makes me more worried. Do you know what will make you really worried if I close my eyes?
35:33I reckon we got three k's in that. What do you reckon?
35:35Do you think? Hmm? Three k's of doughnuts?
35:38Yeah, I'll just park in that corner and then I think I've won
35:41Careful
35:43That's a win
36:07That's a win
36:11Next
36:11I'm not worried than doing that task
36:12The stunt coordinator came with a fire extinguisher
36:15If they're not stunt coordinators
36:18What is he trying to do? He's telling me off then?
36:21He's a health and safety officer
36:23Oh, whatever
36:25I'll tell you what he is
36:27He's a goddamn wet blanket
36:31Alright, well, I think we have to know how far he went
36:34Well, Brett did 17 doughnuts at approximately 27 metres circumference each, we think
36:39Two trips up the drive and back, that's 195 metres total
36:42Plus an initial walk of 47 metres is 701 metres
36:47Wow
36:48Geez, it doesn't get much better than this
36:50We'll have a break because with great TV comes great ads
36:54See you soon
37:07Welcome back to Taskmaster where our five comedians are finally doing something I've been asking them to do for years
37:14Go far away
37:15That's right, our contestants are trying to go as far as they can using only two items from the items
37:19in front of them
37:20Last up, they're as far from each other as they can be on their chairs right now
37:23Is that a good omen or just boring? It's Anissa and Rove
37:27Can I at this present moment in time just put it out there that no one's going to use the
37:33bread?
37:34Who's using bread?
37:36I'm riding the beget
37:38Where's bread going to get you?
37:39You think I'm a fool but I'm smart
37:41I'm in fact if someone does choose bread in my next task I will do the whole thing in falsetto
37:49I'm a genius
37:50I guarantee no one uses bread
37:52Bam
37:55Me and my beget
37:57I'm seeing a pogo stick
37:58Do you know the last time I jumped on a pogo stick?
38:01No
38:01Can't remember when
38:02Oh
38:03So that's going to be dangerous and fun
38:06Beget
38:07I choose pogo stick
38:09I choose pogo stick
38:10Me and you are going all the way beget
38:11Okay
38:14Fudge
38:14Why are you breaking on me?
38:16I didn't think this through beget
38:19How do pogo sticks work?
38:23What?
38:26I'm pogoing
38:27I'm pogoing
38:31Did I get to the pond?
38:33Not quite
38:36Taskmaster taxi
38:37Service ride
38:38This voucher entitles you to one free taxi ride from Tom
38:43Where do you want to go?
38:44Out of the property as far as possible please
38:47Yay
38:50Yee-haw
38:51I win
38:53You happy with this?
38:54Yes I win
38:55I stand by my call
38:58You're dead to me bread
38:59You're fine
38:59You're fine
39:00Oh thank you
39:00Anything you'd like to say to the others?
39:03Losers
39:04That's great I killed that
39:11What a contrast
39:12I feel like Anissa that was a real emotional rollercoaster
39:16At first you were like misidentifying the bread for ages
39:19Then we thought you were a real idiot for trying to use it to get somewhere
39:24And then things changed
39:26You guys couldn't see it none of you believed in me
39:29I knew the Megay was the way all along
39:37Now Rov I think you did a really good job too
39:41Of pretending you don't know how to ride a pogo stick
39:43Whereas I feel like that was right up your alley
39:45I think it says something about Bretonized personalities
39:49When he's just like laser focused on
39:51I want to get in the van
39:53And I'm like I want to bounce on a pogo stick
39:57Yeah I was getting real circus skills vibes from you
40:00Oh my god Tom the agonizing thought I had wrestling in my own mind
40:04Do I go with the pogo stick or the unicycle?
40:06What a conundrum
40:08Now Lester Tom can you remind me what Rov said about that bread before the break
40:12If someone uses bread I will do the whole next task in falsetto
40:16Alright so how far did they get though?
40:19Rov travelled 8.2 metres
40:21Anissa travelled 4.2 kilometres
40:23Hey!
40:26Good day!
40:29So that means Rov gets 1 point, Celia gets 2, Joel gets 3, Brett gets 4
40:33But Anissa wins the task with 5 points!
40:38Okay so what does that do to the scores for the episode?
40:41Well it changes them
40:45Let's go to an ad break
40:47What a cliffhanger
40:49So Brett and Joel are in last place on 10 points
40:51Celia has 11, Rov has 13
40:53But in the lead it's Anissa with 16 points
40:58Ok well enough maths and numbers, get out of here everyone, go and do a live task for me, off
41:03you go
41:08Ok Cashman, before we get into this next task, let's just remember that Rov clearly said that if anyone used
41:14bread, he would do the next task in falsetto
41:18Ok, who's going to read the task?
41:21Oh that will be Joel
41:21Oh well done Joel!
41:24Is that what falsetto is? It sounds like a jockey to me but
41:31Paint your face in a silly way
41:33No!
41:34Then share a serious story
41:40There's more
41:41Biggest disparity between silly face and serious story wins
41:45You have 2 minutes to paint your face, then 20 seconds each to share a story
41:51Your time starts now
41:52Oh boy!
42:02Why are you painting other parts of your body Joel?
42:05I'm getting to my face!
42:09I think you've inspired Celia
42:11Yeah, you did, I'm probably
42:12Oh piss off Celia!
42:17One minute left
42:18This is like an art attack
42:20Is it?
42:22Oh then Joel's gonna crush this!
42:26I don't think so
42:28I'm gonna go back to my tits
42:29I'm gonna go back to my tits!
42:32The tits are irrelevant
42:33You're irrelevant!
42:34Tits are never irrelevant!
42:36How dare you!
42:3710 seconds!
42:41Paintbrushes down everybody!
42:44Paintbrushes down!
42:49Anissa, you will be our first story teller
42:52Oh no!
42:53Oh no, she's gone white face!
42:57I'd like to tell a story about the time that I went to a Pauline Hanson rally and asked her
43:05to marry me
43:09And she said no
43:15Which would have made everyone pretty happy because she was sticking to her guns
43:23Thank you Anissa!
43:25Brad Blake, please step up and tell a serious story
43:29Alright, serious story
43:32I've done acting before
43:33Oh, have you?
43:38I'll do better than that
43:40One of the hardest gigs I ever did was about 12 years ago
43:44Ah
43:45It was at a time!
43:47I didn't even get to talk about my grandad going
43:50You f***ing arsehole
43:51Now I've just got dicks and shit on my face on TV for no f***ing reason
43:56Celia, please step up and tell a serious story
43:59Agree
44:00When my friend Kelly and I had to agree to put down our dog Deirdre Chambers
44:05The vet went, I made a face and we went, what?
44:08And she said, oh, I'm just looking at the monitor
44:09Her heart beats faster when she hears you talking to her
44:20That was tough
44:23What?
44:24Okay, well, we're going to be back soon with two more silly faces and hopefully some very serious stories after
44:29this
44:41Welcome back to Taskmaster
44:43We're about to hear some more serious stories by people who look like they've been vandalised by drunk toddlers
44:48That's right, we've got two remaining contestants, two serious stories to hear from our silly looking people
44:53Joel Creasy, you are next
44:54Thank you very much
44:56Um, I have been dumped many times in my life
44:59Um, the most probably hardcore dumping, hence the incredible tears on my face
45:04Uh, well, when I took a man to see
45:06Have you heard about the Morgans?
45:08A Sarah Jessica Parker vehicle
45:10Uh, that bombed at the box office
45:13And he said he was going to get a chalk top
45:14And never returned
45:16And left me
45:17In the cinema
45:18On my own
45:19But it was revenge
45:20I hooked up with his brother
45:27Roe McManus, please step up
45:29Oh, I feel I'm already at a disadvantage, but that's okay
45:33The most humiliating day of my life
45:36Was when I was on the school camp, first day of year 12
45:40And my girlfriend dumped me
45:42She told all my friends first before she told me
45:46Then she wrote it in a card that says
45:48You're dropped
45:49And it was Valentine's Day
45:59Alright, well thank you so much for baring your souls
46:02Get down here so we can allocate some points
46:09Okay, well I've got to give out some scores
46:11I'm thinking when it comes to the faces and the silliness
46:14They're all equally silly
46:15Compared to the story, the stories were all over the shop
46:18So I'm going to give one point to Brett
46:20Because he didn't really get his story out
46:21And I'm going to give two points to Joel
46:23Because it sounded like a serious story
46:25But then at the end it got quite silly
46:26I read the task though, I should get an extra point for that
46:30I'm not giving out points for comprehension
46:34I'm going to give three points to Anissa
46:36It was quite a silly story
46:37I suspect it never happened
46:38But I'm going to give four points to Rove
46:40He was up against it, he had a silly voice
46:42Which distracted me from the story a little bit
46:44But it was very serious
46:45But I'm going to give five points to Celia for dropping some dark shit
46:50After putting on some weird make-up
46:51Thank you
46:55I tell you what, that five points really makes killing my dog worth it
47:02All right, Mr. Numbers, what does that mean for our overall episode score?
47:06Well, Brett is in fifth place with 11 points
47:09But Anissa wins the episode with 19 points
47:13All right, congrats, Anissa
47:15Get up on stage to claim your five mouthfuls of prizes
47:20Well, what have we learnt?
47:22Brent learnt that a stunt coordinator and a health and safety officer aren't the same thing
47:27And we all learnt Rove can Austin Powers so hard he can break a caravan
47:34One more congratulations to our episode winner, Anissa
47:37Goodnight
47:54Are we still on air?
47:56Thank you
47:57Might have lost my tiny mind
48:00Take that, Year 8 English teacher
48:03I did it
48:05Joe, were you just repeating material?
48:08I learnt from the best
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