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00:00Fox Tuesday's Da-Boom on an all-new King of the Hill.
00:02But not in the face! That's how I make my livings.
00:05Next week, Fox Tuesday's Da-Boom on an all-new King of the Hill.
00:09Listen to this. It's from an old student of mine. He's on death row.
00:14Dang it. Peggy, some of these guys haven't seen a woman since they killed their wives.
00:18You forbid me. Nobody forbids Peggy Hill.
00:25Sorry, Bobby, but I guess we're just gonna have to murder somebody if we want your mom's attention.
00:30I'd better make Bobby's lunch for the next two to five years.
00:37Now, Fox Tuesday's Da-Boom with an all-new Futurama.
00:43Next week, Fox Tuesday's Da-Boom on an all-new Futurama.
00:47You had a balance of 93 cents.
00:49All right.
00:49Over a period of 1,000 years, that comes to $4.3 billion.
00:54Now, our final item. Do I have $10,000?
00:58A million.
00:59Two.
00:59Fourteen.
01:00I'll bid 23 million.
01:02One jillion dollars.
01:04You win, young man.
01:05I didn't order any.
01:06Quick, give him the tranquilizer.
01:12Now, Fox Tuesday's Da-Boom with the PJs.
01:23Next week on Greg the Bunny.
01:25Rochester?
01:25It is you.
01:28I thought we could help Rochester by giving him a job at the show.
01:32Turkey in the hay!
01:33Hey, hey, hey!
01:35Here's a list of specifics for his memorial.
01:38Let's get this roast rolling glass!
01:40Now, this is what I call a roast.
01:43I've heard that people hook up at funerals.
01:47I just hope Susan doesn't get her feelings hurt.
01:50I just hope she doesn't eat his head.
02:10I am Captain Nemo.
02:21Just ahead on 2 News, Gulf War vets get some very good news.
02:25Timothy McVeigh's sister takes the stand, and Colin Powell is coming to the Miami Valley.
02:30Stay tuned.
02:40What is it you really want out of this?
02:45What do you got?
02:59I love you very, very much.
03:02Marrying you is the best thing that ever happened to me.
03:06What else you got?
03:25Get ready for the most memorable, the most startling experience of your life.
03:29ABC 3D Week is here.
03:31I'm sure you'd all like to know something about the new entertainment miracle, Third Dimension.
03:37Highly trained ABC scientists are testing and testing.
03:40What?
03:41The incredible effects.
03:423D TV.
03:43Hey, watch out.
03:44It's so real, you won't believe it.
03:46Look like you're right here.
03:48Now, ABC brings you this amazing new 3D technology.
03:51ABC 3D Week begins with home improvement on ABC Next.
03:55They know me better than that.
03:57Well, I guess they know you better than I do.
03:59Thought you were going to back me up.
04:01Well, if I have one flaw, it's because I'm honest.
04:04If you have one flaw, I'm Cindy Crawford.
04:08Cindy?
04:09I'm Cindy.
04:12Men are born with a chromosome women don't even have.
04:15The Y chromosome.
04:16As in, why do I have to keep talking about relationships?
04:19And why do I have to put up with this?
04:22It's 3D.
04:23Sit.
04:24Good dog.
04:26Hello?
04:30This new speech better work.
04:32I want out of this job.
04:33Don't worry about it.
04:34I plagiarized quite a bit from Jesse Jackson.
04:40Dear, dear neighbors,
04:42it is with great regret and heavy heart
04:43that I must stand before you
04:44and reject the high title
04:45you have generously bestowed upon me.
04:52I'll reiterate.
04:53My role was never to complicate or obligate.
04:56No, my role was to generate.
04:58My role was to liberate.
05:01My role was to increase the number of machines
05:03to an even eight.
05:05Good people of Bailey Manor,
05:06my work here is done.
05:08Good night.
05:11When are you going to unstop my gutters?
05:27Prepare for the event that will leave you breathless.
05:30I am Captain Nemo.
05:31Oscar winner Michael Caine.
05:33The special effects are incredible.
05:35In the adventure of a lifetime.
05:36You ain't never seen anything like this on television.
05:39Welcome to Atlantis.
05:4120,000 Leagues Under the Sea.
05:43Sunday, only on ABC.
05:46Coming up in one minute on News Channel 27 at 11,
05:49we'll tell you why the state education commissioner
05:51is applauding lawmakers.
05:52And a lesbian mother argues for adoption rights for gays.
05:56News Channel 27.
06:04He became a legend.
06:05All-American football player, war hero, millionaire,
06:10the one, the only, Forrest Gump.
06:13Are you stupid or something?
06:15Stupid is, stupid does, sir.
06:16Tom Hanks in the role that won him an Oscar.
06:19The network television premiere, Forrest Gump, ABC Sunday.
06:24You can't swim.
06:25Better learn.
06:29Tidal wave, no escape.
06:32Next Sunday, on a two-hour extreme makeover home edition.
06:36Good morning, Forrest Gump, family!
06:38Her dream, a new home for her parents.
06:41Lori really wanted the best for them.
06:43Lori and Jessica Lynch have been friends ever since they were in the service.
06:46But things happen in a time of war.
06:49Lori was declared missing in action.
06:51And though she died fighting the war, she is back home.
06:54Lori and I had made a pact with each other.
06:56We would take care of each other's family.
06:58Making good on a vow.
07:00Next Sunday.
07:07You beat up the wrong guy.
07:10Next Sunday.
07:11I am going to kill you!
07:13The number one show in America.
07:15Stick it up my what?
07:17Will end with the season's biggest chocker.
07:19You did not.
07:21The biggest cliffhanger.
07:22We need to give it to the police.
07:24And the biggest mystery will be solved.
07:26I know what you did to her.
07:27In the biggest finale of the season.
07:29The best is yet to come.
07:30Not everyone will survive.
07:33An all-new Desperate Housewives.
07:35Next Sunday, 9, 8 central only on ABC.
07:38Thanks for watching ABC tonight.
07:41Stay tuned for your vocal news next.
07:49I'm not doing what you think I'm doing.
07:52Now the safe sex demonstration.
07:55I have a girlfriend.
07:57You could be arrested.
07:58Do you like jail?
08:00Are you telling me I'm a guy with an ovary?
08:09Meredith, I'm so sorry.
08:10The season finale of Grey's Anatomy next Sunday, 10, 9 central only on ABC.
08:15Local residents take to the sky for this year's Capital City Air Fest.
08:19We'll take you into the cockpit for the flight of a lifetime.
08:27You knew it was just a matter of time.
08:29You know, my parents won't be home till 10.
08:31Before they couldn't keep their hands off each other.
08:34I'd like you all to meet the brains behind my campaign.
08:37On Spin City.
08:38And check out the hottest new trend in L.A.
08:40The smell bar.
08:42Not exactly making me want to come in for a martini.
08:44It's like, you know, see you Tuesday on ABC.
08:47In six days.
08:53Sunday at 7, 6 central.
08:55An NBC holiday movie event.
08:58The hills are alive.
08:59The 35th anniversary of the most beloved movie musical of all time.
09:03The Sound of Music.
09:05So long, farewell, I'll be here and good night.
09:09Plus, join the stars of the film for a sing-along celebration.
09:13Go, I'm here.
09:14Shown uncut and in its entirety.
09:17The 35th anniversary of The Sound of Music.
09:19NBC Sunday at 7, 6 central.
09:23Information is the ultimate weapon.
09:26The agency is all new.
09:27CBS next.
09:28CBS Friday.
09:30The big wedding is only one week away.
09:31Borrowed.
09:32Blue.
09:33Something new.
09:33Something old.
09:34I don't know any more than that.
09:35But is the mother-in-law getting too close?
09:37Baby kicks.
09:38Oh, he's such a teddy bear.
09:40I'm not a teddy bear.
09:41I'm a happily married man and not to her.
09:43That's life.
09:44He's never going to leave, you know.
09:45Don't say that.
09:46Never.
09:46All new CBS Friday.
09:55Later on The Tonight Show,
09:57Jay investigates Law & Order SPU's feisty Mariska Hargitay
10:00and Saturday Night Live chameleon Daryl Hammond.
10:03So you make the call.
10:05Right after your local news.
10:07A Vermont man gets a letter offering condolences on his death.
10:11But he's not dead.
10:12But we begin with a doctor accused of selling prescriptions illegally.
10:16Live at 11 starts now.
10:19Live.
10:20Tonight on The Late Show with David Letterman.
10:22Don't miss Dave's brand new top ten list.
10:24Plus actor John Cusack and singer Leanne Rimes.
10:28Tonight.
10:28First, your local news.
10:33Coming up, churches aren't usually open at night,
10:36but the faithful were spilling out the door of one in Troy tonight.
10:39We'll go there live and show you why.
10:41The Schenectady police force takes another one on the chin
10:44over talk of a fight in the ranks.
10:46And La Nina apparently didn't cause enough trouble last winter.
10:49She's back this year for more.
10:52Channel episodes of Home Improvement.
10:54And if you think you've seen great stuff before,
10:57just wait till Tuesday.
10:58With one directed for the first time by Tim Allen.
11:00I want to take a shot at directing,
11:02so there might be a lot of flying objects in that direction.
11:05Home Improvements Final Five.
11:07Followed by the Hughleys.
11:08Begins Tuesday on ABC.
11:09She made the most painful decision
11:11I was gonna go.
11:12a mother could ever make.
11:14I did the unforgivable.
11:16ABC presents the story of a woman
11:18I'm your mother.
11:19determined to make things right.
11:21Can't you give me a chance to be the mother that you need now?
11:24Diana Ross, Brandi, Double Platinum
11:26at ABC Premiere Movie Event Sunday, May 16th.
11:29For the next four weeks,
11:31Dharma and Greg is all new.
11:33Two, three, four, yeah!
11:34Beginning this Wednesday...
11:35No, Diana!
11:36Okay, don't tell me.
11:37I want to be surprised.
11:38All right.
11:38But not since Animal House...
11:40Let's just pretend it didn't happen.
11:42Has the food fight been this good?
11:44I always thought your mother was a South Pole.
11:46Dharma and Greg, and it's like you know.
11:48All new.
11:48See you Wednesday on ABC.
11:57CBS Tuesday.
11:57Today, Judging Amy is all about relationships.
12:00One will stun a courtroom.
12:02You're some kind of pervert.
12:03I mean, is there some truth you're not telling me?
12:04No.
12:05Another is about to heat up.
12:07Are you three months away from kissing me?
12:09A new Judging Amy, CBS Tuesday.
12:11Monday, Dave's got all new stupid human tricks,
12:14plus Ray Romano.
12:15And later this week,
12:16don't miss Joan of Arcadia's Amber Tamblyn
12:18and Sarah Jessica Parker.
12:20Now your local news.
12:22Portland police think they have a motive
12:24in a fatal shooting tonight.
12:25We have the latest in a live report.
12:28This woman escaped with her life
12:30after she was shot in Salem.
12:32Why was she targeted?
12:33And a rally for peace in Vancouver tonight.
12:35A rally duplicated across the nation.
12:38Coin 6 News at 11 starts now.
12:42Now.
12:43Watch this ABC News special again
12:44in its entirety and free.
12:46Just go to abcnews.com starting tomorrow morning.
12:49And send in your questions to
12:51bobwoodruff at abcnews.com
12:53and watch them get answered
12:54on our 24-hour news network.
12:56ABC News Now.
12:57ABC and Hallmark Entertainment
12:59present the most spectacular event of the season.
13:03I won!
13:04Born into slavery.
13:05Kill all the newborn males!
13:07I won't let them take him.
13:08I'll hide him.
13:09Raised as royalty.
13:11I shall call him Moses.
13:13I don't belong there.
13:14I don't belong anywhere.
13:16One man chosen by God.
13:18Free your slaves.
13:20Why should I let them go?
13:21Because God demands it.
13:26I'm willing to bargain.
13:28I am not.
13:31God sent me here.
13:33He'll lead you out of here.
13:34On Monday, April 10th.
13:38Get ready for a journey.
13:40God has a plan for us.
13:42Experience the miraculous epic.
13:44This is my flock.
13:45I can't abandon it.
13:47We'll stay with you.
13:50The Ten Commandments.
13:52A world premiere event.
13:53Monday, April 10th at 9, 8 central.
13:55Only on ABC.
13:57Check out the late show laughs Houston style.
14:00But first, your local news.
14:02We call it the Hidden Zoo.
14:04We'll take you behind the scenes in one of Oregon's most popular tourist attractions.
14:08What does mom really want for Mother's Day?
14:11We went to the source and asked.
14:13And Jim Little is waiting with mom's 6th next round forecast.
14:16Coin 6 News starts now.
14:24A 14-year-old girl commits a hate crime.
14:27Hey, stop!
14:28Now, her motive.
14:29You have to promise you can't tell anyone.
14:31What's going on?
14:32We'll leave everyone speechless.
14:36Family Law, CBS Monday.
14:39Happy holidays from the late show.
14:41Tuesday, while you open up gifts, Dave opens up the CBS mailbag.
14:45Plus, a surprise appearance from Regis Philbin.
14:47Tuesday on Dave.
14:48Now, your local news.
14:50Who is the hit-and-run driver that injured this Portland man?
14:54Police need your help to find the criminal who sped from the scene.
14:57Two young bodies found on the Oregon coast, and police say it's no accident, and the cases may be related.
15:03Also, the latest scare on board an airplane leads to even more security measures.
15:08Point 6 News at 11 starts now.
15:15Later on The Tonight Show, Jane learns all about having hundreds of children from the lovely and talented Mel Gibson.
15:21And Daryl Hannah makes quite a splash herself.
15:24Plus, Natalie Merchant without all of Maniacs.
15:27The local news is next.
15:29Next, new developments in Colorado will have live team coverage.
15:32Plus, new information on the two suspects, their friends and family.
15:36Hard to kill, next. Parental discretion advised.
15:40Think school's really lame? Wrong.
15:42Dropping out and getting some loser job, now that's lame.
15:46So stay in school.
15:55Learn the secrets of the most successful movie of all time.
15:58Go behind the scenes with director Steven Spielberg in the making of Jurassic Park.
16:03My interest is making a good movie that honors the existence of dinosaurs.
16:10This isn't Gorgo, this isn't Godzilla.
16:12This is really a movie that I think is really happening as I'm watching it.
16:18Action!
16:22Don't miss this one-hour special on the making of Jurassic Park.
16:28At 10, 9 Central, continuing on Nightline after your local news.
16:50Oh, I thought you'd be happy I returned your hockey mask and knife.
16:54You did that on purpose.
16:56Okay.
16:57There's no reason to go nibbling my toes.
17:00How could I be nibbling your toes and sitting in the boat?
17:03Ah!
17:06Help!
17:07Help!
17:08Help!
17:10It's always fun until somebody gets eaten.
17:22I said Lori is, uh, you know, been rough, but you can't deny it.
17:27It hurts.
17:28We know, Mike.
17:29And we just wanted to help.
17:45That's right, Mike.
17:46We just want to help.
17:52I bet you can guess what they're talking about.
17:58Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher.
18:00Weeknights on ABC Late Night.
18:06Wednesday, Dharma and Greg's perfect world with a new baby may be about to change.
18:10Daniel's mother wants him back.
18:12A heartbreaking Dharma and Greg.
18:14And what if you could quit your old job for an exciting broadcasting career?
18:18I don't mean to imply that women aren't as good as men.
18:20They're just slower.
18:21Oops.
18:22Two guys, a girl, and a pizza place right after Dharma and Greg.
18:24See you Wednesday on ABC.
18:27Next on Eyewitness News, how long can a dead body on a city subway go undetected?
18:31The disturbing answer is just ahead.
18:33Also, what police are doing to catch a stranger going into children's bedroom windows?
18:37And why a new computer infection is worse than first believed.
18:41That and more next.
18:44Don't move.
18:45It's time for Candid Camera.
18:48Monday, a new jacuzzi means the king of queens...
18:51Ah, God.
18:52...is in hot water.
18:54It's cold gravity, Douglas.
18:55And it's coming for you.
18:56Then, it's Deborah's shocking confession to her mother.
18:59Wanted to be more like her.
19:02Like who?
19:03Like Mom.
19:03Everybody loves Raymond.
19:05Why?
19:05After the king of queens, CBS Monday.
19:08Monday, Dr. Becker doesn't relate to kids.
19:11Does that have an off switch?
19:12But when a patient needs help...
19:14Could the kids spend the day here with you?
19:16Do what?
19:16He's going to get a lesson in child psychology.
19:19How hard can it be to take care of a couple of kids?
19:22And all new Becker, right after everybody loves Raymond.
19:26CBS Monday.
19:30Hang on.
19:31Nash Bridges is coming up next.
19:34Monday, a new jacuzzi means the king of queens...
19:37Ah, God.
19:38...is in hot water.
19:40Cold gravity, Douglas.
19:41And it's coming for you.
19:42Then, it's Deborah's shocking confession to her mother.
19:45Wanted to be more like her.
19:48Like who?
19:49Like Mom.
19:49Everybody loves Raymond.
19:51One.
19:51After the king of queens, CBS Monday.
19:53Round three!
19:54And it's a real slugfest.
19:56That's three best friends go to war with the love of Wonder Woman.
19:59Who?
19:59When it looks like they're fighting dirty.
20:01If I was going to stoop this low, I would have shown you my naked picture of Drew.
20:04This is the episode where you'll find out who gets the girl.
20:07All new Carrie show followed by Whose Line Is It Anyway on ABC.
20:11See you Wednesday.
20:15You stinker.
20:20Wednesday on Drew.
20:21It's finally the episode where you'll find out who wins this girl's heart.
20:25An all new Drew Carrie show followed by Whose Line Is It Anyway on ABC.
20:29See you Wednesday.
20:30Coming up next, after the Diallo shooting, a workshop for teens on what to do when stopped by police.
20:34And an investigation lacks security at baggage claim.
20:40Jean-Claude Van Damme.
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