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00:05yeah no it's no use guys we're gonna have to do the show
00:18hello there I'm Harry Hill and this is my show oh hi yeah now before we start I've just noticed
00:27there's a there's a Fox in the middle of the studio I don't know how how long has that been
00:33there
00:34really what am I supposed to do I mean it's partly obscuring the cameras there's a Fox in
00:42me podcast studio and I'm not sure what to do there's a Fox in me podcast studio it's been
00:51there's a part two it's far too heavy to lift but I know I've got to shift it cause it
01:01partly obscures
01:02the view there's a Fox in me podcast studio and I don't know what to do and I don't know
01:11what to do
01:26there's a Fox in me podcast studio and I don't know what to do
01:35oh thank heavens for that thought I was gonna have to phone the Beaufort hunt
01:41the guest is here daddy what's that Gary oh you're down there yes I was just saying the
01:46guest is here great oh we better welcome our guest then
01:54Joe Lysett it's Joe Lysett everyone hello hello oh it's Licky the Harry Hill show mascot
02:10oh oh no Licky no that's enough just a little bit just a little I was enjoying that off you
02:23go
02:23off you go Licky sorry do you have Licky's number he's he's directory yes he doesn't give out his
02:32number but very good legs on Licky great legs yeah very good leg you like his shoes Joe no no
02:39they gave me the ick but the rest of Licky and the shorts there was yeah it was made for
02:46a slightly
02:47smaller guy but we are where we are now Joe thanks so much for coming all this way it's a
02:56pleasure
02:56but I understand you've also done another podcast earlier yeah I did the Catherine Ryan
03:02what's my age again podcast right which where I had to give blood she takes blood
03:07I have to give my dignity to this one I gather from yes it's worse than giving blood doing this
03:13one
03:13yeah and now there is something we need to talk about Joe oh and I'm talking of course about Simon
03:20from Morley's of Bexley Heath which we've become slightly obsessed with would that be fair
03:26yeah I think I think that is fair yeah I mean I think your obsession very much is the obsession
03:35and
03:35then I am encouraging your obsession by responding I would say to one in every three of the clips that
03:41you send me on Instagram DMs but not to all of them because you're indulging me are you no I
03:47do
03:47really like him as well and also the artist Mr Bingo sends me clips of his and actually I think
03:51wanted him to go to his shop or something he's he's a great he's a great foil uh how who
03:57discovered
03:58Simon of Bexley Heath I thought it was my wife who discovered him she sent me um a clip of
04:05him
04:05hello there welcome to scopes one of my finest suit stores of the country name is Simon if you're
04:12looking for a vine suit and that please come here a wise selection of ties shirts shoes at your
04:18disposal and the free piece to set you right for the right gentleman indeed because she's from
04:23Bromley right where she says uh chiselhurst but it is a Bromley postcode um she sent me a clip of
04:32it
04:32and then I forwarded it straight on to you because I thought it might be of interest I know how
04:35you'd like
04:35to collect uh individuals I do uh I think you yeah probably well it must be your wife then yeah
04:44Magda must have done it because he is now a sort of he's a celebrity yeah and you are a
04:50sort of star
04:50maker through your various what I made him I made um it was Louis Spence you made Louis Spence pretty
04:58much yeah yeah no one knew Louis Spence before pineapple studios was featured on tv but right
05:04uh who else have who else have I um there was the one that when I was on um alien
05:09fun capsule
05:10I think it was on alien fun capsule coventry market coventry market the guy from well there's
05:15so many from but coming back to Simon what is it about Simon that um there's that you like do
05:20you think
05:21well I think it gets to um a theory that I have about sort of all creativity and the and
05:28the arts
05:29is that when things are imperfect or there are things that aren't necessarily um polished or
05:35accomplished that that's more relatable and more pleasing as a viewer if you just look at something
05:42that's perfect yes it's fine but then if there's something a bit off about it that's your brain then
05:49starts to have to fill in the gaps a little bit and that's more interesting oh right you've really
05:54thought about it then yeah well for example I think when you watch something like Graham Norton
06:00actually it's the bits where he's a it gets a bit awkward because he doesn't quite know what to say
06:04and then he fills the gap is the interesting bit if he was super slick I mean he is sleeper
06:09sick
06:09but you know what I mean yes it's it's a kind of English is it an English sensibility or British
06:14sensibility maybe maybe yeah but he's so lovely with it Simon and he's got he's clearly a really uh
06:22sort of energetic up for it character it'd be great to meet him wouldn't it it'd be great to meet
06:27him
06:27but I think that the the the Morley's uh higher ups someone asked for me by the way stop stop
06:36oh my god
06:40it's Simon from Morley's of Bexley Heath everyone
06:43I mean Simon say hello to Joe
06:45I'm around here I'm gone
06:46oh my question where's my fox
06:49the fox oh it's your phone oh I see you
06:51yeah it's not your
06:52I'm getting back in the house again
06:54and you're in this I can't believe you're here
06:56it's a pleasure
06:57it is a pleasure
06:59no pleasure's all mine
07:01I've I've actually considered coming to Bexley Heath to come to the shop and get dressed
07:06get me a suit with my shoeses
07:08with my lovely shoeses yes
07:11shoes shoes and all of the stuff that you did at Christmas
07:14I'm so starstruck that you're here
07:17yeah I felt a bit like that when we met earlier
07:19wow
07:20top men got me here
07:21so do you know the artist Mr. Bingo are you familiar with him
07:25um not 100% but fill me in
07:27because I think he wanted to do something with you
07:30and he felt that the the higher ups at Morley's
07:35no no such trouble
07:38they're only too keen to give him the day off
07:43I essentially thought you were unbookable
07:45so I just presumed that you wouldn't have been able to get
07:48but that's unbelievable
07:49well to be fair when it's Harry Hill
07:52everything has to be put aside
07:53it's Harry Hill come on
07:54yeah well of course
07:55and of course you as well
07:56I'm now Simon James
07:57yeah but it's Harry Hill
07:58I mean wow
07:59so what
08:00yes
08:00do you know how you
08:02are we running it
08:03yes we are yes
08:04do you know how your popularity started
08:07or when it started
08:08funny thing is though
08:09the very first video we actually did
08:11it was just
08:13literally we ran with it
08:14no script
08:15no idea
08:16we just kind of said
08:16well I'm going to do this
08:17I'm comfortable
08:18but yeah we just kind of ran with the idea
08:20got the video
08:21I was just say
08:21just promote scopes
08:23and
08:23we did it
08:24because you look after the scopes
08:26section
08:27which is a
08:28it's not the same as scope
08:29the shop
08:30the charity shop
08:31the charity shop
08:32it's menswear
08:33it's menswear
08:34and actually you talk about that first clip
08:36we've actually got it
08:37if you're looking for a vine suit
08:38please come here
08:40a wide selection of ties
08:42shirts
08:43shoes
08:43are to your disposal
08:45and the free piece
08:46to set you right
08:47for the right gentleman indeed
08:48we do have a very fine selection
08:50of top range shoes
08:52for any customer
08:53colours
08:53black, brown and tanned
08:56and for the more
08:57exquisite taste
08:58the ponate shoes
08:59for more delicate dinner parties
09:02that we do serve
09:03with our fine dinner suits combined
09:05speaking of which
09:06the fine dinner suits
09:07for those more special events
09:09for mine things to have
09:11an elegant silver interior
09:14free piece to go
09:15and our velvet range as well
09:17with bow ties and shirts
09:18to finish that touch
09:20and finally
09:21a nice selection of colourful ties
09:24great
09:25it's great that
09:26it's so good
09:27the thing is
09:28I said shoes in the first part
09:30perfectly
09:30and then
09:31I wanted to say shoes
09:32plural
09:33with an es
09:34and then shoes
09:35came out of it
09:36and again
09:36not even planned to do that
09:38that just came out naturally
09:39it's a living language
09:40but it's a lovely word
09:41shoes
09:41this is what people forget about
09:43English
09:43it is a living language
09:45yes
09:45it's a breathing one
09:46yes indeed
09:47a living and breathing language
09:48is this something you thought
09:49you might perhaps go into
09:51Simon
09:52you know
09:52sort of presenting
09:53or did you have any
09:55what's the plan
09:56well I'm going to continue
09:58to keep doing it
09:58of course
09:58because I'm loving it
09:59you know
10:00all the attention
10:01that comes with it
10:01the popularity
10:02the fun of it
10:03people coming and actually
10:04meeting you
10:05that's an experience
10:06I'm still getting used to
10:07are you getting people
10:08coming tomorrow
10:08just to say hello
10:09literally two days ago
10:11when I was working
10:11someone just came in
10:13I think he lived
10:15quite far away
10:16he literally just came down
10:17to come meet me
10:18and say I love your videos
10:19and asked him to say
10:21could you do a happy birthday
10:22to a friend of mine
10:23I'm happy to do that
10:24but no
10:24the weirdest part
10:25at the moment
10:26is you walk on the street
10:27and someone recognises you
10:29that was a weird experience
10:30yeah yeah
10:31you know
10:31it's like
10:33I'm an average guy
10:34who just works in a store
10:35but all of a sudden
10:36all this is now happening
10:38in a short amount of months
10:39that's
10:39that's
10:40it doesn't seem to be
10:41phasing you
10:42like you
10:42I mean you're doing
10:43you're very well here
10:45you seem to be
10:46born for it
10:49what does help
10:50a little bit long
10:51is I did like
10:52performing arts
10:52during my education
10:53oh you did
10:55I've done all that
10:56so
10:56you can project
10:57yes yes yes
10:58I think also
10:58one other thing
10:59I've lived on the internet
11:01for a little time
11:01because you know
11:02I'm only in 34
11:03so I'm still quite a young man
11:04but growing up
11:05with all that
11:06you kind of get used to
11:07like cameras
11:07and phones
11:08all that
11:08like going with all that
11:09and I've also learned
11:11with the internet
11:12there are three types
11:13of people you're going to learn
11:13someone's going to like it
11:14someone's going to hate it
11:16someone's not going to care
11:16you have to deal with that
11:18yeah
11:18but as I said
11:19I mean absolutely
11:19I haven't found it
11:20it's a very healthy response to it
11:21because
11:21yeah
11:22because the internet does
11:23give you basically
11:24every opinion possible
11:26oh yes
11:27that's a fun little
11:28playground to go on
11:29but
11:31me
11:31and Harry Hill
11:32adore you
11:33we do
11:34whenever anything gets you down
11:36you just have to remember
11:37that we
11:38love you
11:39don't ever change Simon
11:40well what I would like to see
11:41is a change in the contract
11:43that Morley's has with you
11:44because surely
11:45the money that you'll be bringing in
11:47they should be bumping up the fee
11:49I think
11:49yeah
11:50we're negotiating that
11:51negotiating
11:51good
11:52yes
11:53do you think
11:55what I am wearing
11:56is acceptable
11:57yeah you're looking quite fine
11:58I say
11:58very delectable
12:00and very fantastic
12:01yeah
12:02that's exactly what I wanted
12:04there's something
12:05but Waze Co would definitely
12:06elevate that at all
12:07oh can I show you the t-shirt
12:08oh go on
12:09it's a comedy t-shirt
12:10he's got a comedy t-shirt on
12:12it says
12:13what does it say
12:14I know HTML
12:15how to meet ladies
12:18I get it
12:19do you know how to meet ladies
12:22do you have a lady
12:23no I'm currently single at the moment
12:25are you looking
12:25well that'll change
12:26believe me Simon
12:27that'll change
12:28after this goes out
12:31Simon
12:31would you perhaps
12:32be able to do an advert
12:34for this show
12:35I'll be delighted to
12:36of course
12:38hello there
12:38have you heard
12:39the greatest podcast show
12:40of all time in Britain
12:41the Harry Hill show
12:43with celebrities
12:43guests
12:44and of course
12:45the man himself
12:46Harry Hill
12:47poppin' by
12:48we'd love to have you here
12:51well we don't want you here
12:52we want you to watch it
12:54yeah
12:56Simon
12:56no no
12:57it's fantastic
12:58Simon
12:58fantastic
12:59thank you so much
13:00that was so good
13:02yeah
13:02yeah it's lovely to see
13:03Simon wasn't it
13:04how do you feel about AI
13:06Joe
13:06I'm very conflicted about it
13:09yes me too
13:10I've had to
13:11delete Instagram
13:12from my phone
13:12because
13:13I do
13:14there are a few
13:15like AI
13:16slop accounts
13:18now
13:18that really
13:19grip me
13:20yeah
13:20and
13:21slop accounts
13:22yeah
13:22whether it's just
13:23people making
13:24sort of
13:25the most
13:26sort of engaging
13:27thing
13:27that's
13:28I don't know
13:29whether they've worked
13:29out psychologically
13:30the video
13:31that I
13:33watch
13:34sort of on repeat
13:34and I don't know
13:35why I find it
13:35so satisfying
13:36is
13:36it's a
13:38a sort of
13:39East Asian woman
13:40bringing two big
13:41beers into a
13:42restaurant
13:42and then she
13:44puts them down
13:45and they smash
13:46and the
13:47sort of
13:48the energy of the smash
13:49projects her up
13:50into the ceiling
13:51and the sort of
13:52smoke comes out
13:53of her ass
13:53then she explodes
13:55a man who's sat there
13:57his head explodes
13:58and then an anteater
13:59climbs out of the wall
14:01and drinks out of his neck
14:03right
14:03and it sounds horrible
14:05but it's really
14:06you're just so like
14:07at every stage
14:08I don't know
14:09what's going to happen next
14:10yeah
14:10and I think
14:11it's
14:12it's really gripping
14:13but there's no
14:14moral to it
14:15there's no
14:16story
14:17it's just
14:18what can we
14:18get you with
14:19you know
14:20what can we watch
14:20which I sort of feel
14:22is similar to this
14:22program
14:23we started it
14:25we started it
14:26yeah
14:26well we have
14:28harnessed
14:29I like to think
14:29AI for good
14:30and we have
14:31Sarah the AI bot
14:32come on out Sarah
14:33who's going to tell us
14:34a little bit about
14:34come on out Sarah
14:36she rustles when she
14:37walks everyone
14:39it's Sarah the AI bot
14:41now Sarah
14:42say hello to Joe
14:43Joe Lycett
14:45hi mummy
14:45that's what you call
14:47yourself in it
14:47babs
14:48mummy mummy mummy
14:49I got a beef burger
14:50in me tummy
14:51when I been undone
14:52with it
14:53I poop it out
14:54me bummy
14:54oh right
14:55oh
14:55does Sarah
14:56have a mummy
14:57I think
14:59she's adopted
15:00a lot of the
15:00kind of
15:01you know
15:01human
15:04characteristics
15:04or terms
15:05to make us
15:06seem more
15:08relatable
15:09right I see
15:10and I think
15:11that's her way
15:11so there's no
15:12sort of exhaust
15:12pipe on Sarah
15:13I didn't
15:15you know
15:15I didn't
15:16I didn't
15:17design
15:17Sarah
15:19that's obviously
15:20who designed Sarah
15:21Fujitsu
15:22the you know
15:23Fujitsu
15:24yeah
15:24who did the
15:25Royal Mail
15:26Computer Accounting
15:27System
15:27you don't
15:28you don't
15:29often see
15:29Fujitsu products
15:30with so much
15:31gaffer tape
15:32it's not gaff
15:33I don't think
15:33it's gaffer tape
15:34I think it's
15:35gaffer effect
15:36tape
15:37gaffer effect
15:38I'm starting to
15:38talk like Simon
15:39now
15:42so tell us a bit
15:44about Joe
15:45then Sarah
15:46I don't want
15:47to but
15:48I'm tired
15:48oh come on
15:50come on Sarah
15:51talk about
15:52talk about Joe
15:53come on
15:53can't I just
15:54give him the
15:55Twix and
15:55off
15:56no you can't
15:57there is a
15:58Twix at the
15:58end of it
15:59it's there
15:59if you're lucky
16:01come on Sarah
16:02say something
16:02please
16:03okay here goes
16:04yeah thank you
16:06Joe Harry
16:07Lysart is a
16:08British comedian
16:08television presenter
16:10and painter
16:11early life and
16:12education
16:12Joe Harry Lysart
16:14was born in
16:15Hall Green
16:15Birmingham
16:16his grandmother's
16:17family was related
16:18to the Wilkinson
16:19baronets and his
16:20grandpappy was in
16:21the Royal Antediluvian
16:22Order of Buffalo's
16:23Lycett studied drama
16:24and English at the
16:25University of
16:26Manchester
16:28is that uh is
16:29that true Joe
16:30about the the
16:33Wilkinson
16:33baronets
16:36uh what's that
16:37I was sort of
16:38half heard it
16:38because Sarah
16:39was really
16:40quiet
16:40speed
16:41yes
16:41um well we
16:43don't like she
16:43can't speak too
16:44loud because a
16:45spill
16:45yeah
16:49just keeping
16:50behind the
16:51curtain for a
16:51moment
16:52yeah yeah I
16:52understand the
16:53technological uh
16:54restrictions of
16:55Sarah um so I I
16:58think what you're
16:58getting at is I did
16:59the who do you
17:00think you are
17:00program
17:01right and in
17:02that I learned
17:03that my great
17:06grandfather or
17:06great great
17:07grandfather was
17:08part of the
17:09buffaloes which
17:09was a sort of um
17:11a weird cult
17:12essentially but
17:14like a kind of
17:14benevolent cult
17:15they they didn't
17:16do anything
17:16particularly odd
17:17to my observation
17:18they just liked
17:19sort of dressing up
17:20and going above
17:20pubs and having
17:21their little
17:22meetings
17:22right what was
17:23the buffalo
17:24thing then is
17:24that that's it
17:25they were called
17:25the buffaloes
17:26oh right but
17:27they didn't get
17:27dressed up as
17:28buffaloes
17:28no they didn't
17:29dress up as
17:29buffaloes they
17:30dressed up it
17:30was sort of
17:31almost sort of
17:31military sort of
17:32garb and my
17:33mum said that she
17:34remembered the
17:35buffaloes being
17:35really nice and
17:36they gave them
17:36some sort of
17:37fruit at
17:37christmas
17:38oh okay
17:39but it's only your
17:40granddad isn't it
17:41so I mean it's not
17:41that far back
17:42great-grandfather
17:44yeah but even so
17:45do you need
17:46who do you think
17:47you are to find
17:47that out
17:50feels like
17:51I mean normally
17:51they go right
17:52back to I don't
17:52know Nelson or
17:53something
17:55Georgian times
17:55it was it was
17:56sort of quite
17:57disappointing as a
17:58program
17:59how far back
18:00did they go
18:00I think they only
18:02went back another
18:02generation maybe
18:03two to Robert
18:04Wilkinson who
18:06or stabby Bob as
18:08we like to call him
18:08because he he
18:10stabbed somebody
18:11in the military
18:11oh right
18:13he was potentially
18:14massacred quite a
18:15lot of Chinese
18:15people which they
18:16decided to tell me
18:17in a Chinese
18:17restaurant
18:22so look you you
18:23went to the
18:25University of
18:25Manchester
18:26I did yeah
18:27and you studied
18:28drama so you
18:29were straight in
18:29you knew pretty
18:31much what you
18:31wanted to
18:32drama with
18:32English it
18:34was so there
18:34was some
18:35something redeemable
18:36about that as
18:36course
18:38yeah I
18:39thought I'd be
18:39an actor
18:40I loved a
18:41program called
18:42the OC I
18:42don't know did
18:43you ever watch
18:43the OC it was
18:45very popular when I
18:46was a teenager
18:46what did it
18:47stand for
18:48Orange County
18:49right set in
18:50Orange County
18:51in California
18:52everyone's beautiful
18:52it's sunny and I
18:54watched it and I
18:54just wanted to be
18:55there and live
18:56their lives and
18:57not be in
18:57Birmingham in the
18:58grey and so I
18:59thought my route
19:00there was through
19:01being an actor
19:03right I mean it's
19:04an imperfect and
19:06are you any good
19:06at acting
19:07no no me
19:08neither I
19:09tried to get
19:09roles in all
19:11sorts of things
19:12and I got a
19:12role in Sunday
19:14in the Park with
19:15George the
19:15musical as the
19:17baker and my
19:18only line was I
19:20made your
19:20favorite cream
19:21puffs and they
19:23needed someone just
19:24for that one line
19:25amazing yeah and
19:26that's that's that's
19:27the extent oh I
19:28have actually done
19:29some voiceover
19:29acting I I
19:31played in a
19:33animated series in
19:35America it's the
19:35only thing I've
19:36done in America
19:36um I played a
19:38talking foreskin
19:41okay so what
19:43sort of voice did
19:44you it's just this
19:45voice Brummie just
19:46a kind of straight
19:46Brummie voice
19:47yes yeah I think
19:49the problem with
19:49acting for me is a
19:51the hanging around
19:52a lot of hanging
19:53around right yeah
19:55god yeah and also
19:57that I want the
19:59spotlight to be on
19:59me yeah that too
20:03much to ask no
20:05we've got one
20:05yeah that's my
20:06spotlight that I've
20:07set up very well
20:08beyond me Sarah do
20:09you have anything
20:09further to add
20:12career Lysert began
20:13performing stand up
20:14in 2009 and one
20:16award Lysert took
20:17over sewing bee from
20:18Winkleman took over
20:20travel man from a
20:21odd watch out if you
20:22got a show Lysert will
20:23take it over in
20:242020 he changed his
20:26name to Hugo Boss
20:27Lysert started
20:29presenting his consumer
20:30show Joe Lysert's got
20:31your bang and became
20:33a sexy watchdog in
20:342022 Lysert appeared
20:37on Sunday with Laura
20:38Coonsberg using
20:39apophysis he said
20:40that he would not say
20:41that Liz Truss was the
20:42backwash of available
20:44MPs and that Truss was
20:45right to ignore
20:46economist stark
20:47predictions yeah
20:49you're a disruptor
20:50aren't you no you
20:51would you say I would
20:52never disrupt anything
20:53yeah that's what your
20:54whole shtick's been
20:55it seems to me you
20:57didn't disrupt okay
20:59you didn't do I'm
20:59disrupting this program
21:00you haven't so far
21:02disrupted nothing but
21:03polite but that's
21:05because we're on the
21:06same side oh are we
21:08I think well I'll be
21:10the you probably see
21:11the world like me as
21:12two different sides
21:14um how could I
21:15disrupt this program
21:16if I wanted to I
21:18don't know run out
21:19and uh I don't know
21:24I would never want to
21:25disrupt no but broadly
21:27you are a disruptor of
21:28the I am yeah yeah of
21:30the um of institutions
21:32and what is seen as the
21:34uh kind of a normal
21:35order of things I would
21:36say yes yeah um where
21:39does that come from Joe
21:41I've always been uh
21:43recalcitrant were you a
21:44naughty boy no I just
21:46talked at school but I
21:47didn't do anything
21:48particularly naughty I
21:48just talked in class
21:49when I shouldn't have
21:50done um but I always
21:52uh questioned the
21:54authority of teachers and
21:56anyone in authority really
21:57and just thought well who
21:58decided you get to tell
21:59me what to do and
22:00didn't like being told
22:01what to do at school or
22:03in any workplace I was
22:04in so I don't know
22:06where that comes from
22:07what were some of the
22:08workplaces uh I sold
22:11soffits and guttering
22:13yeah uh in a phone like
22:15a call center so I'd ring
22:16what is the difference
22:17between uh a soffit I
22:19often get this wrong the
22:20difference between a soffit
22:21and a barge board I don't I
22:24didn't know then what a
22:25soffit was I don't know
22:26now but I was selling
22:26them it's a roofing
22:29it's the soffit like a
22:30sort of a joining bit
22:32yeah we need to find
22:33that out I thought you
22:34would know that
22:35Sarah might know would
22:37you know Sarah Sarah
22:38would you I think she's
22:40in standby mode
22:43she doesn't react
22:45no I yeah I get that
22:47yeah um yeah so I sold
22:50soffits and guttering I
22:51was a swimming teacher for
22:52a while I sold ice creams
22:54in a theater worked
22:55behind a bar how do you
22:57teach people to swim
22:58what's your what's the
23:00tricks for that well you
23:03start off in a pool yeah
23:05well take that as read
23:06yeah yeah and then so
23:08would you see what
23:09happens would these be
23:10children or all ages
23:13actually yeah I um I had
23:16an older woman that I
23:17taught for a while and she
23:19didn't she didn't like me
23:20I I um what I would do
23:22is I'd compare the
23:23people that I was
23:24teaching to to fish to
23:25give them an idea of
23:26what their stroke was
23:28like so I there was a
23:29kid that was sort of a
23:30bit upward so I said
23:31you're a bit like a
23:32seahorse right you're
23:33creating a lot of drag
23:34so you need to be like
23:35that and with her the
23:36older woman I said that
23:37she's like a goldfish
23:38and that she didn't have
23:39any sense of direction
23:40and kept shitting into
23:41the water and what was
23:44the ideal fish the ideal
23:46fish really is sort of um
23:48dolphin an eel or a
23:49dolphin yeah something
23:50that sort of you know
23:51is fracture the water
23:52cuts through the water
23:53and how would that
23:54work you just arrange to
23:55meet people at the
23:56leisure center I mean
23:57it's quite a good one
23:57because you don't need
23:58premises do you
23:59that well you do need
24:01premises yeah but you
24:02just say I meet you at
24:03the leisure center oh I
24:04don't need premises yeah
24:04yeah exactly well it was
24:06small heath uh pool and
24:08they they contracted me I
24:10guess oh I see right I
24:11don't know if they
24:12contract with employed me to
24:13yeah it was a while ago
24:14and I didn't last very
24:15long you couldn't be like
24:16a freelance I accidentally
24:18hit a child with a rescue
24:19brick so right they didn't
24:22take my they didn't take
24:24my excuse it was an
24:25accident because it
24:26happened in the car park
24:27but um very good very
24:31good um so Sarah do we
24:34have anything further
24:35Lysert arranged for the
24:36Birmingham Lord Mayor
24:37CLLR Yvonne Mosquito to
24:39officially open his kitchen
24:41extension in 2023 Lysert
24:44began hosting late night
24:45Lysert that includes
24:46interviews with celebs
24:48linda biscuits portrayed by
24:50chilly the labrador is shown
24:51operating a camera whilst
24:53cats playing in a field is
24:54shown dark linda has also
24:56urinated on the set beside
24:57him other activities are
24:59painting that's it you're up
25:01to date with my mammy I'd
25:02walk a million miles for one
25:04of your smiles my mam mam mam
25:06me twist drop that was
25:10there's the tricks oh thank you
25:13yeah that's for you there
25:15isn't an exhaust is there not
25:17an obvious one no I think it'd
25:20be more of a USB I think it's a
25:22USB thing and so she just stands
25:24there now does she just just there
25:26yeah she she has to stand that
25:29she can't really uh I mean if if
25:31it was someone in the outfit she
25:34couldn't change out of it because
25:35it makes a rustling noise so she
25:37does she would technically if
25:38that was the case have to stand
25:40there for a while um so you got
25:43that was that difficult to get
25:44that mare Yvonne Mosquito is that
25:47her real name yeah yeah fantastic
25:48name Yvonne Mosquito Yvonne Mosquito
25:52so her husband Winston has the
25:55Mosquito surname obviously and then
25:57she took it um it was quite tricky
25:59because it was just a it was just a
26:01joke email it started out as I
26:03would be I've had my kitchen done
26:04and it was a little kitchen
26:06extension not a huge um space
26:09whatever and I just said I'd like
26:11the Lord Mayor to open it and the
26:13email back said oh the Lord Mayor
26:14doesn't do private events but wishes
26:16you well and had they not given a
26:18reason as to why I would have just
26:21accepted that but the fact that they
26:23said it was a private event and that
26:24was the only obstacle yeah well then I
26:26thought well let's see if we can make
26:28it a public event I see so then I
26:30sold tickets to the public to come to
26:33my kitchen extension yeah and there's
26:36a picture of me so I had all the
26:38builders that worked on it lined up on
26:39a red carpet and she walked down the
26:42red carpet and shook their hand and
26:44there's a picture of me next to her
26:45looking out with a face of what the
26:49basically I can't believe this is
26:51happening and it's still one of the
26:53and she did she wrote a speech to say
26:54what a momentous day for Birmingham it
26:57was it was it was one of the happiest
27:00days of my life yeah I mean we got a
27:02plaque she brought the Lord Mayor's
27:04plaque which is on the wall there now
27:05but I mean this idea this is just you
27:09I mean sitting around thinking just
27:13thought yeah or someone said to you
27:15how did it come about this you know
27:17there's just the idea of it I think
27:19basically I'd you know I'd spent quite a
27:20lot of money on my kitchen extension I
27:23thought well it'd be nice to have some
27:24sort of ceremony it's just pride just
27:25pride in the kitchen actually I
27:26remember so a friend of mine had a
27:28toilet done and I I cut the toilet roll
27:30outside so I think the idea of a
27:32ceremony for a new building had kind of
27:34got into my head from there and then I
27:36thought well what's you want a
27:38dignitary really but in some ways you
27:42know well it was started as a joke it
27:43is sort of a kind of you have kind of
27:47put Birmingham a certain amount of
27:50civic pride back to Birmingham I'd say
27:52because you do that thing you do also
27:54the the is it like a what have you
27:57called it there's like a that area you
27:59live in is now a oh yes I've turned it
28:01into a gay village into a gay village
28:04well that was I mean there's two strands
28:08to that one was there was sort of anti
28:10LGBT protests outside schools in the
28:12area and that was making me angry and
28:15then I read that if you live in a gay
28:18village your house price is higher and I
28:21thought well that'd be nice so I thought
28:24how do we merge these two issues
28:26together turn Kingsheath is what it's
28:29called into Queensheath right but I
28:32didn't want people to know it was me
28:34doing it because then it wouldn't happen
28:35because they go it's just a joke yeah so
28:37I had to do it undercover so I created a
28:39whole fake American institution called
28:42the gayborhood Institute that declares
28:45which areas in the world are official
28:46gayborhoods and a guy called Ken from New
28:49York runs it and I bought a burner phone
28:51that I pretended to be Ken on and
28:54declared that Kingsheath was now a gay
28:55village sent that to the press because
28:57the press don't check anything they just
28:59ran it we've got loads of articles and
29:02then we put on a pride without I was in a
29:05costume not dissimilar to Sarah's not
29:07costume and now we've been running a
29:11pride for five years and my house price
29:13went up yeah but you also had the kitchen
29:15done so that would add value and the
29:19Lord Mayor opened it so yeah this yeah
29:29it doesn't seem like four years since
29:31Liz Truss's mini budget causing severe
29:35market panic a sharp drop in the pound
29:39now widely seen as an almighty cock up we
29:43of Regency innovations are proud to mark
29:45this landmark four-year anniversary
29:47landmark with the Liz Truss cock up coin
29:50collection six coin fashioned from
29:52metal from Liz's melted down belt buckles
29:55and embossed with images of Lizzie
29:57herself along with some of Liz's best
30:00known sayings like the junior air hostess
30:03badge and I'm not interested and and I am
30:08resigning just eight million of these
30:10coins are being made making them
30:12collectors items and any leftover will
30:15be melted down and formed into a metal
30:17club that can be used to hit
30:18disadvantaged people with by all six
30:24Liz trust cock up coins and get this
30:26special yellow display rack absolutely
30:29free the Liz trust coin collection
30:33you'd be mad to miss out warning Liz
30:37trust cock up coins are not legal tender
30:39but you may be able to force them into
30:41some slot machines if swallowed will
30:43cause slow decline of all faculties
30:44except smell keep out of the reach of
30:46people Regency innovations princely
30:49interventions in an uncaring world this
30:53episode is sponsored by Shopify so
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32:05shopify.co.uk but not right now later
32:10maybe shopify.co.uk
32:20It's time for our theme of the week
32:28Scrabble
32:30It's Scrabble and we're joined by Natalie
32:34Zolti who is a maths teacher from the
32:36West Midlands turned professional
32:39Scrabble player she has become the top
32:42Scrabble player in the UK winning 12
32:45games out of 15 at the UK Open Scrabble
32:50competition sorry can we change that
32:52oh it's not true that's probably what
32:55was in top female the top female oh I see
32:58yes so just leave it where would that be
33:00it's more like sort of 10th 11th in the
33:03UK there's a lot of guys there's a lot of
33:05guys which is probably a good question
33:07why is there so many guys but yeah yeah
33:08that would be a good question I see
33:10still very impressive though to be top
33:13female in the UK top female Scrabble
33:15player in the UK and you're in the West
33:16Mids where Solihull oh I was born in
33:19Solihull Hospital which is what Sarah got
33:21wrong she said I was born in Hall Green
33:23incorrect I was born in Solihull
33:24Hospital but you know AI is in perfect
33:26perfect um and your bins being collected
33:28the bins are being collected so you're
33:30probably yeah we're yeah we're Solihull
33:32council so it's a different council area
33:35our bin like our black bin bags are
33:38being collected right the recycling
33:39hasn't been collected for over a year
33:41a year right yeah but this is you know
33:44supposed to be about the Scrabble
33:46really I mean this is nice but garden
33:48waste yeah and you pay extra for the
33:52garden waste you do pay extra but then
33:53they didn't empty it it's not paying
33:55extra and you're not getting the service
33:56I should say I moved to Solihull
33:57sorry Scrabble well no just saying that
33:59Natalie you're driving right so you
34:01could give I could give you a lift
34:03home give me a lift home oh that's very
34:04lovely I'll take that off though yeah
34:06great okay so um so tell us a little
34:09bit about Scrabble um I'm going to start
34:12with the just a basic one what is
34:15Scrabble Natalie Scrabble is the world's
34:18best board game in my opinion or
34:20sometimes called a mind sport to give
34:22it you look a bit dubious there
34:23have you played Risk I have played
34:27Risk I didn't like Risk at all I'm
34:28afraid I love Risk or Monopoly
34:30dominating Monopoly goes on for hours
34:32no no no Scrabble is absolutely the
34:34best um based on well you can see
34:38down here based on a board hundred
34:40tiles with letters on and basically the
34:43aim is to make words and score more
34:45points than your opponent there's a lot
34:47more to it a lot more to it is there a
34:49more to it there is a lot more to it in
34:51what um isn't it just about your vote
34:54it's a bit of luck isn't it a bit of
34:56luck and it's a bit of just about you
34:58know if you're very well read you've got
35:00a wide vocabulary no no oh Natalie yeah
35:03so no a lot of the top players are not
35:07even English speakers so it's almost like
35:11you're thinking of the words as those are
35:13the allowable patterns of letters and you
35:15just learn them what do you mean the
35:17allowable words the allowable patterns
35:20of letters yeah well like like I've got
35:23Harry as a word on the board down there
35:25have a look but yeah so h-a-r-r-y that's
35:28allowable h-o-r-r-y not allowable so you
35:32just learn it doesn't matter what it
35:33means a lot of them are not even
35:36English speaking
35:36but our names are allowed in Scrabble
35:38and not as a name it'll mean something
35:41else if they've got is Harry a usable
35:43Harry is a usable one you can Harry
35:45so Harry somebody you can Harry someone
35:47up yeah so no all the top players are
35:50maths English computer sorry not English
35:52maths computer all right very bright so
35:55what you're saying is that there are
35:57certain words that you've all got that
36:01you think right I've got to try and get
36:03you know I don't know skewer in or
36:05something would that be a good one skewer
36:07skewer would not be a good one because
36:08there's only one K in the bag so you
36:10would not be going for a K what you're
36:13doing K is quite a good one though isn't
36:15it eight is that eight or five five
36:17five five's not bad five's not bad what
36:21you're doing you're learning it's better
36:24that was good at six the one pointers
36:26are actually the best because they make
36:29up the more common words so you are
36:31learning we use software loads of
36:33software to learn the words in the
36:36probability that they're likely to
36:37appear on your rack so there's like
36:40160,000 words to learn or something
36:42like that which is a mammoth task so you
36:44have to learn them in a what would
36:46mammoth be as you can say yeah well it
36:49wouldn't there's only two m's in the bag
36:50so you never get mammoth you have to use a
36:52blank for the other end yeah but you can
36:54do that I mean you can use a yeah so it
36:57feels like it's a rather sort of when it
36:59gets to a sort of professional level it's
37:01rather cynical approach to game playing
37:04well I don't suppose it was how it was
37:06designed it was actually designed back
37:08in the 40s in America right it was a New
37:11York architect called Alfred Butts that
37:14designed it but again he was a maths type
37:17well a logical type of person he wasn't
37:19particularly interested in words so I
37:22don't suppose he ever thought it would
37:23go to this level that it's gone to now
37:25yeah yeah fascinating do you get a
37:29financial reimbursement for winning a
37:31struggle game a bit I mean you use the
37:33word professional sadly there aren't any
37:35professional Scrabble players not even
37:37you said you'd made a few people could
37:38you make Scrabble big do you think
37:39because that's what's going to happen
37:42after this that's what we want because
37:44we want to like darts or whatever as
37:47big as Simon from Bexley Heath has it
37:48ever been on TV Scrabble it's streamed to
37:52YouTube it is streamed I've been a
37:53commentator actually on the streaming so
37:55it is streamed and we do get the
37:57Americans get quite a lot of views but
37:59it's not it's not darts and it's not
38:01snooker yet so what would the
38:03commentary be on Scrabble and you'd be
38:05saying he's looking in his bag there
38:07do you know we're not sure what do you
38:11get to you get to see what they what
38:13you have to hold the bag nice and high
38:15up there so you're not looking in the
38:16bag so if you were looking that would
38:17be a problem
38:18so yeah no yeah you get to see what
38:22letters so you might do this he's
38:24working towards that yes and reading
38:26body language you could read the
38:27opponent's body language then how
38:29would that help there are little
38:31towels in the way they've got the
38:32tiles on the racks and if they're
38:34crying screaming what do you mean
38:37whether you look at someone's body
38:39language you can you won't be able to
38:40tell where they got a K in an M and a
38:42no but I think I could I think so yeah I
38:45think if I with Harry I think I know
38:47Harry well enough I'd know if he had a
38:48K in there maybe like that they begin
38:52oh I'm not sure what to he's got a K
38:55exactly okay not sure what to sure what
39:04letter to use I might use my P do you
39:07play scrubble well like most people just
39:10sort of at Christmas or in caravans
39:12people think it's sort of yeah in caravans
39:15do you have a do you have a caravan I
39:17don't have a caravan it's a stereotype
39:19and I apologize for that I think the
39:21stereotype is sort of with your granny
39:23and a custard cream at Christmas but
39:25it's not like that it's not so who are
39:28the sort of top guys are they sort of
39:29young sort of there are they're all
39:32guys there's hardly any women up there
39:34hardly any yeah poker players the the
39:39second in the world is a really good
39:40poker player they're young they're fit
39:43quite often yes a lot of mental
39:45stamina now I'm interested not like
39:48that well yeah so yeah I'll be
39:52googling later yes do yeah do you have
39:54a name for us who's the sort of one
39:56perhaps to look out for oh Nigel so
39:59there's a guy Nigel
40:03absolutely Nigel what Nigel Richards look
40:06him up he's no surname he's like he's
40:10he's won the French speaking yep the
40:13Spanish doesn't speak French look him up
40:15there you are straight away he doesn't
40:17speak French and he doesn't speak French
40:19because he just learned the whole
40:20dictionary he just learned it what about
40:22other nationalities that don't
40:25necessarily use an alphabet so like a
40:27Chinese is there a Chinese version
40:29there are 30 different language
40:31versions I'm not aware of a Chinese but
40:33you know with the because they've got
40:34like yeah yeah this is Nigel
40:36Richard oh that's Nigel yeah you said
40:39he was young and fit he's not no I
40:41didn't say he was young he's not got
40:43that beard anymore maybe that was his
40:45secret yeah okay yeah I'll continue my
40:49investigation later and so for him to
40:51win what sort of score would he be
40:53getting uh well so far this year I've
40:55averaged 450 in a game so he might be
40:58getting towards 500 in a game perhaps
41:01but it's more just tactics super
41:03tactical in what way well tactical
41:06because you'd say well I'm not going
41:07to put my M there because they can
41:10oh lots of yeah so it's all about
41:12probability so as especially as you get
41:14through the game you cross off the
41:15tiles that have gone and you know
41:17what's left so you're working out
41:19there's a one in eight chance I might
41:21get an S or a whenever it's all about
41:23probability so he's excellent at that
41:25sort of thing weighing up what you do
41:28risk and and what might happen it's
41:31also quite a good life lesson because
41:32like you said there's some luck in it
41:34and you can do absolutely everything
41:35right a bit like in life and it all
41:37goes wrong or not so it's uh yeah
41:40yeah tell me about it it's a character
41:42what character building and it's for
41:45how many for four is it four players
41:47no no no two it's just for two it's
41:49always just for two granny and custard
41:51cream scenario is the sort of four
41:52player but yeah we play I'm sure I
41:54normally play because you get the
41:56little racks yeah yeah it doesn't
41:57work properly with four isn't that
41:59the rules if they give you four racks
42:01you can have four people four but you
42:02need to be sort of eyeball to eyeball
42:04with one oh I see that's the
42:06professional level right yeah who
42:09decided what um different letters
42:12should be worth right so Alfred Butts
42:14back in the 1940s when he was
42:16designing it spent a lot of time he got
42:19the letter distribution by looking at
42:21the New York Times and the newspapers
42:23and looking at all the words on there
42:25deciding the distribution spent a long
42:27time and he decided the point value
42:29they've not changed since yeah I mean I
42:32thought that the people who played
42:33Scrabble would be the same people that
42:35did crosswords a little bit of overlap
42:38and crosswords is more about you know
42:41sort of problem solving you know it's
42:44been interesting words or is a bit of
42:47general knowledge and all that but this
42:48is what you're saying really is it's
42:50just a question of maths it's in it's
42:55about English but it's maths it's maths
42:58yeah it sounds boring when you put it
43:01like that doesn't it no it doesn't
43:02maths is great if people want to find
43:05out more about Scrabble or get involved
43:07is this a public event this UK open
43:11yeah there's a lot of tournaments there's
43:13one at least once a month all around the
43:15country so we could go along and see you
43:17play there's a website yeah you could
43:19yeah yeah you could what is the website
43:20the website is ABSP that's the
43:24Association of British Scrabble Players
43:25dot org dot UK okay president is Giles
43:28Brundreth oh Giles Brundreth I will not be in
43:32attendance right okay I've got a number of
43:36legal legal issues with Giles oh really
43:38okay no Giles won't be in attendance I've
43:41never seen him no he doesn't go he's an
43:42honorary position yeah he started the
43:44national Scrabble championships in the
43:4670s but I've not yeah yeah all right
43:48well Natalie it's been lovely talking to
43:50you thank you for telling us all about
43:52Scrabble it's time to play name the
43:57celebrity seed
44:01celebrity
44:05you know how they do like a celebrity
44:07version of quizzes Joe well we're doing
44:10that with name the seed it's a celebrity
44:14seed not I should say the seed of a
44:17celebrity that would be disgusting and
44:20incredibly impractical I can't imagine how you'd even do that what we've got
44:25basically is a ziplock bag previously contained a
44:30Charles poncho we open that that's been sealed and inside that we have a box of seeds how many seeds
44:37are available over 8,000 seeds
44:40in here we have an envelope a sealed envelope Joe yes you can have a look at that
44:49yeah well it's got my name on it
44:51well it's not addressed to you that's just for my because there's another one in there as well for the
44:57next guest
45:04so I'm gonna
45:06I'm gonna open that now
45:08okay you can see I'm opening this and in here we've got a seed and on the seed is a
45:14picture of a celebrity okay so yeah so I printed off tiny
45:20photographs okay tiny photographs I'm calling that like a cassette
45:25yes I see it I've glued a seed on there and then there's a tiny photograph of
45:32a celebrity that I shrunk down printed off using my laser printer and then glued it on
45:37right and it's your job what do you think your job is to name the seed and the celebrity exactly
45:42let's play name the celebrity seed
45:51it works did you make this I did yeah wow car aerial and uh battery that's so good
46:00anyway you've got as long as it oh do you want to have a look yes ideally yeah it's just
46:05it's moving you see
46:08there is an option if you're unsure I'm not sure it's even facing me in the right
46:20obviously I know I'm a disrupter can I hold it still that yeah don't let it fall off
46:35because on the other side is the full-size picture I say I say so should we do the seed
46:42first I think
46:43the seed is it looks like a like a squash seed or yes something like a pumpkin II something like
46:51that yeah but specifically what are you saying I think it's a squash and the celebrity is this
47:01is supposed to be this is gone what is it Gail Platt are you this it's got to go back
47:08it's
47:10got to go back there is another option you right what's we have a magnifying glass or obviously
47:16reduce your point the points you'd get no because the eyesight and I don't think you would see I
47:25think the printer is a low resolution so I don't actually think you would it's a laser printer so
47:30well the laser is I don't know what the DPI on that is but it's low I think it's pretty
47:36clear okay so
47:38you're saying Gail Platt and you're saying a squash seed either Gail Platt or what's her mum's name
47:43the Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey from the hairdressers it's it's it's what I'm looking at unless that unless
47:54I'm wrong and I it's just like the shape of a face with some hair yeah of course and then
48:01like white
48:02and red lines where the face is the shapes but there's no what do you just commit please you're saying
48:10a squash seed and you're saying Audrey Audrey from Coronation Street yeah Audrey Roberts Audrey
48:16Roberts yeah is that right it's not Audrey Roberts it's not a squash right do you want to have a
48:24look
48:24with the yeah see if that gives you a little clue there it's exactly what I thought it's it's you
48:33it's
48:33indecipherable it's not it's not actually can you see now well can I yeah I mean Gail it's not good
48:43is it Margaret Thatcher you you're getting closer Liz Truss it's and it's a courgette
48:54wow good wow congratulations very close very close I can't give it to you because no because I
49:00would always accept your first answer that was name the celebrity seed
49:15it's good isn't it Gary's joke corner Gary's joke corner isn't it daddy yes it is and uh as you
49:25know
49:25Joe I'm handing the business over to Gary in um 2030 he's going to take over when I retire uh
49:31and he's
49:32looking for jokes do you have a joke for Gary have you got a joke actually I do have a
49:37joke actually
49:37I didn't write it I don't know who wrote it doesn't matter it's just a stock joke he's a joke
49:42he's a joke
49:42thief um he's the Joe Pasquale I'm the Joe Pasquale of um comedy that's interesting um
49:55did you know that they um they don't have the Flintstones in Dubai
50:01because they Abu Dhabu Abu Dhabi do Abu Dhabi do Abu Dhabi do I love that
50:09I love that joke have you got a joke for us Gary yes I have
50:14don't make that noise Gary why not it'll limit my appeal daddy all right here we go then so what's
50:20your joke yeah daddy daddy daddy daddy what's white what's white with bits in and goes up and
50:27down up and down I don't know Gary what is uh white with bits and goes up and down up
50:32and down
50:33a McFlurry in a kangaroo's stomach not even its proper setup
50:39what flavor
50:43crunchy
50:49oh that's the sound that tells me we've come to the end of our pod scarf so all that remains
50:54is to thank our expert Natalie Zolte Simon from Morley's of Bexley Heath of course and our special
51:00guest Joe Lycett
51:04butterfly in blue jeans
51:07hamster in a ship on top
51:11puppy in a poncho
51:13fluffy duckling with a bob
51:17butterfly in blue jeans
51:21these are the things these are the things of our dreams of our dreams of our dreams
51:29these are the things good night everyone thanks for watching see you next time
51:34of our dreams
51:44great job Joe thanks for doing it appreciate it
51:47very pleasure
51:48sir
51:48journey back to Birmingham
51:52Harry Hill's show
52:01IT'S THE HARRY HILL SHOW
52:07IT'S THE HARRY HILL SHOW
52:13IT'S THE HARRY HILL SHOW
52:24You
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