حين رحلت من حياته

ModernMasterpieces

7 hours ago

حين رحلت من حياته

Transcript

00:00:02The summer I turned 18, Asher made me cross a line I could never take back.

00:00:07I bit my lip through the ache, glowing secretly all night,

00:00:10convinced that six long years of loving him from a distance had finally, finally paid off.

00:00:15Then the next morning, I heard his friend laughing outside the classroom door.

00:00:19Okay, okay, got the nerd to give it up, huh?

00:00:23My face burned, and I turned to slip away before anyone saw me.

00:00:26I'm trying to get with Chloe, but she'd think I was too inexperienced.

00:00:30So I used Stella to get some practice in first.

00:00:32I didn't say a single word.

00:00:34I just quietly changed my college application from NYU to a school thousand miles away in California.

00:00:40His words hit me like a thunderclap out of a cloudless summer sky.

00:00:44No warning at all.

00:00:45My mind went completely blank.

00:00:47It was a scorching July afternoon, but I felt like ice was spreading through every inch of my body.

00:00:52The guys inside kept talking, pausing only for a half second before someone else piped up.

00:00:58Classic Ashen, even Stella was just a warm-up for him.

00:01:01Everyone knows how hard it is to get into her pants.

00:01:07So what does that make her, like a practice dully?

00:01:11Asher just laughed it off.

00:01:14Relax, she got something out of it too.

00:01:17I mean, Stella's cute and all, but compared to Chloe, yeah, no contest.

00:01:20Right.

00:01:21Asher threw a textbook at him to shut him up.

00:01:25It was just a vibe, okay?

00:01:26The moment happened, and honestly, she seemed like she was enjoying herself.

00:01:31The guys all exchanged knowing looks and started roasting him.

00:01:34Who knew the book bird was that freaky under all those cardigans?

00:01:38Bro, Asher's just built different.

00:01:40Why leave free food on the table, right?

00:01:42She's been chasing him for years.

00:01:44Technically, she got what she wanted.

00:01:46The laughter inside the room got noticeably louder.

00:01:49I pressed my teeth into my lower lips so hard I tasted copper.

00:01:53Both hands balled into white-knuckled fists.

00:01:55It took every single ounce of willpower I had to stay upright.

00:01:58To not just crumple right there in the doorway.

00:02:01Footsteps echoed down the hall toward me.

00:02:03I snapped back to reality and bolted, shoving my way blindly through the corridor.

00:02:07In my panic, I threw myself into the nearest bathroom stall and locked the door behind me.

00:02:16The tears came like a dam breaking.

00:02:19Grief and humiliation pouring out all at once.

00:02:21Asher's words played on a loop inside my head.

00:02:24Every single syllable.

00:02:26They shredded what little self-worth I had left.

00:02:28If I hadn't heard it with my own ears, I never could have believed that the guy talking in there

00:02:33was the same one who had held me like I was something precious just last night.

00:02:37Turns out, you don't actually need to love someone to do that with them.

00:02:41Turns out, you can look a girl dead in the eyes, make her feel everything, and still be lying through

00:02:46every single second of it.

00:02:48The thing I thought was my happily ever after was just a punchline someone else got to laugh at.

00:02:53The more I cried, the worse it got.

00:02:55But I couldn't make a sound.

00:02:57My whole body was shaking so hard I could barely breathe.

00:03:00A long time passed.

00:03:02My phone buzzed.

00:03:03It was Asher.

00:03:04Just grab an Uber back.

00:03:05My crew's got a party tonight and it'd be awkward to bring you.

00:03:08I didn't reply.

00:03:10He sent a follow-up.

00:03:11Also, pick up a morning after pill yourself.

00:03:13I'm busy today.

00:03:14Don't forget to take it.

00:03:15Good girl.

00:03:16I stared at those two texts for a very, very long time without moving.

00:03:20From dusk until nearly sunrise, Asher had been relentless, like he had a point to prove.

00:03:26By the end, we were both completely wrecked.

00:03:28And right before he drifted off with his arms around me, he'd murmured the same thing twice.

00:03:33We weren't really prepared for your first time.

00:03:38I'll get you the pill first thing tomorrow morning.

00:03:41He'd even given me this little lecture about how girls needed to take care of themselves,

00:03:45said the morning after pill was really important, and that skipping it could mess up my body.

00:03:50And I had actually thought, this is it.

00:03:52He's the one.

00:03:53He's being so responsible.

00:03:55I finally got my person.

00:03:57And now, the clarity hit me like a slap.

00:04:00I dug my nails into my own palm until the pain forced the tears to stop.

00:04:05I wiped my face, straightened my glasses, and walked out of that bathroom like nothing had happened.

00:04:10I was too embarrassed to go to a real pharmacy, so I ordered the pill online instead.

00:04:15When the delivery guy left the package at my door, I waited another long stretch before I could even bring

00:04:20myself to go get it.

00:04:21I swallowed it with a mouthful of my own tears, and then I just sat down on the floor, staring

00:04:27at nothing, completely empty.

00:04:31Ever since Asher's family had moved next door to mine, I'd trailed after him like a shadow, and that had

00:04:37been ten years of my life.

00:04:39I had genuinely never stopped to think about what a world without him would even look like.

00:04:43I couldn't picture it, but starting right now, I was going to have to figure it out alone.

00:04:48Outside the floor-to-ceiling window, the neighborhood lights blinked on, one by one, and then off again.

00:04:54At some point, I really didn't know how long I'd been sitting there, Mia called me on FaceTime.

00:05:03Stella, why didn't you come to the party tonight with Ashler?

00:05:06That girl Chloe from the AP track is here, by the way.

00:05:09She has been all over him since you didn't show.

00:05:11It's actually disgusting.

00:05:12In the dark corner of the VIP booth, Asher and Chloe were sitting so close together, their thighs were touching.

00:05:19Chloe had worn a crop top and a curve-hugging miniskirt, long tan legs, tiny waist.

00:05:24Even the way they were talking looked more like whispering secrets than having a conversation.

00:05:29I could feel the charged energy between them through the screen.

00:05:32Something in my chest locked up.

00:05:35He'd only said he wanted to chase her this afternoon, and apparently, tonight was all the time he needed.

00:05:40The game switched to truth or dare.

00:05:42And Chloe drew a card that said...

00:05:47Do a push-up challenge with a guy hovering over me.

00:05:52Predictably, Asher fell on the floor before anyone else could open their mouth.

00:05:56Chloe blushed bright pink and lay back against the couch cushions.

00:05:59Asher planted his hands on either side of her.

00:06:01He was controlled the whole time, deliberately keeping his body from making contact with hers, until the very last one.

00:06:09His arms gave out, and his entire weight came down directly on top of her.

00:06:13The room erupted.

00:06:15Everyone screaming so loud, the walls practically shook.

00:06:19Asher's and Chloe's faces went even redder.

00:06:21With the whole crowd going absolutely feral around them, Asher just tilted his head down and kissed her.

00:06:27Not a quick peck, a full, deep, for the whole room to see kiss.

00:06:31Three full minutes before they finally pulled apart.

00:06:34For all three of those minutes, I sat completely frozen.

00:06:37Eyes locked on the screen, barely remembering to breathe.

00:06:40I wanted to cry so badly.

00:06:43Oh my god, Stella, did you see that?

00:06:46He literally kissed her in front of everyone.

00:06:49He is so into her.

00:06:51Mia shook her head and stepped out of the booth, turning the camera as she went.

00:06:55Don't be mad at me.

00:06:56If I hadn't shown you, you never would have let yourself move on.

00:06:59I'm not mad at you.

00:07:01I'm only mad at myself for wasting so many years.

00:07:05I had always assumed that the spot beside Asher was mine.

00:07:08That it would always be mine.

00:07:10I am so done with him, Stella.

00:07:11Who does he think he is, watching you love him for years, acting all innocent like he

00:07:15had no idea, just letting you fall deeper and deeper?

00:07:17You saw what I showed you.

00:07:19I'm not giving myself the chance.

00:07:22Mia, I've already decided I'm going to California with you.

00:07:25But you have to promise me you'll keep it quiet for now.

00:07:28Right after I said it, I flipped open my laptop right in front of her.

00:07:32Without a single second of hesitation, I changed my first choice school to the one in California.

00:07:37One minute before the deadline, Mia basically levitated off.

00:07:42She'd been begging me for months to apply to the same school as her.

00:07:45But back when we started high school, Asher and I had made this pact.

00:07:49We'd work hard together and go to his dream school up in Boston after graduation.

00:07:54It had his aerospace engineering program, the one he'd been obsessed with since we were kids.

00:07:58So even though I didn't particularly love the idea of brutal winters, and even though

00:08:03that school was a technical institute that didn't even have my major, I'd spent three

00:08:07years treating it like my only option.

00:08:10Our families had lived next door to each other for so long that both sets of parents thought

00:08:14it was basically a done deal we'd end up at the same school.

00:08:17Everyone, including me, assumed Asher and I would just naturally become official once

00:08:22we got to college.

00:08:23But right now, I couldn't think of a single reason to still go to Boston.

00:08:27Because honestly, after today, if I kept following Asher around the way I always had, I would

00:08:32never be able to look myself in the mirror again.

00:08:35I just needed to go somewhere far away.

00:08:37It didn't even matter where, as long as he wasn't there.

00:08:40He was going east, so I was going west.

00:08:43Before bed, I filled the entire bathtub.

00:08:46I needed to scrub every inch of myself clean.

00:08:49But when I took off my clothes, the bruises on my skin were still so vivid, it made me flinch.

00:08:55The memories from last night rushed back before I could stop them.

00:08:59The burning heat of his skin pressed against mine.

00:09:02The sound of his breath ragged and warm against my ear.

00:09:05The ghost of it all still seemed to linger in the air around me.

00:09:09I shook my head hard, physically trying to shake myself free of it.

00:09:12Then, I grabbed the roughest loofah I owned and scrubbed myself raw, over and over, until

00:09:19my whole body was flushed pink and singing.

00:09:22I was trying, clumsily, desperately, to erase what was officially the worst night of my entire

00:09:28life.

00:09:29The result was that the pain kept me awake the whole night anyway.

00:09:33Asher didn't text.

00:09:34For the first time in six years, ever since we both got phones, we didn't say goodnight

00:09:39to each other.

00:09:40That was fine.

00:09:40It was going to happen eventually anyway.

00:09:43Tonight was as good a time as any to start letting go.

00:09:45I didn't fall asleep until just before sunrise, drifting in and out of exhaustion.

00:09:50Early the next morning, while I was still buried in sleep, I felt, in that foggy space between

00:09:56dream and awake, the soft press of lips against my forehead.

00:10:00I jolted awake.

00:10:01The first thing my eyes landed on was a jaw I knew too well, and the soft dip of a

00:10:06throat

00:10:07right above me.

00:10:08The scent hit me next.

00:10:09Cedarwood.

00:10:10That cologne he always wore.

00:10:12And underneath it, the faintest trace of something new.

00:10:15Something citrusy that wasn't his.

00:10:17Right.

00:10:18I'd completely forgotten that Asher still knew my front door code.

00:10:21Seeing me awake, he shifted lower and tilted his face down toward my lips.

00:10:26I shoved him back with both hands and scrambled to the far edge of the bed.

00:10:29He blinked, then let out a short laugh like I'd surprised him.

00:10:35Since when are you shy?

00:10:37I didn't answer.

00:10:38I just yanked the blanket over my head and disappeared under it.

00:10:41Asher started talking.

00:10:45Stella, seriously.

00:10:46You didn't say goodnight, you turned your phone off and now you're hiding under a blanket?

00:10:50Still avoiding me?

00:10:52Then he just lifted the blanket and slid himself right in.

00:10:57Hey, how many times have I told you?

00:11:00You can't skip breakfast.

00:11:02I ran half a mile to get you those croissants from your favorite place and stood in line forever.

00:11:07Want to get up and eat now?

00:11:10Or get eaten?

00:11:13Reality crashed back in and I fought like my life depended on it.

00:11:17But I'm 5'2 in sneakers and Asher is literally 6'2 of solid muscle.

00:11:22I honestly could not figure out what game he was playing.

00:11:25He had Chloe now, so what was he even doing in my bed?

00:11:28I tried to push him away only to be held even tighter.

00:11:32Let go of me!

00:11:33After what felt like forever of thrashing around, I was panting and had accomplished nothing except being held even tighter.

00:11:40What's the tantrum about?

00:11:43You're mad because I didn't bring you to the party last night?

00:11:46Over something that small?

00:11:47I said nothing.

00:11:48He buried his face in the curve of my neck and actually laughed.

00:11:52Let me guess.

00:11:54Mia told you something?

00:11:55It was a party game, Stella.

00:11:57Is it really worth getting jealous over?

00:11:59You're doing that thing you always do.

00:12:01I get slightly close to another girl and you go all silent and sulky.

00:12:07I was so furious I couldn't even form a sentence.

00:12:09I dredged up something from a self-defense unit in gym class,

00:12:13snapped my knee up hard between us,

00:12:15and the second he doubled over, I launched myself out of that bed.

00:12:18Stella.

00:12:19Asher's jaw went tight, his whole face going red.

00:12:22I grabbed a hoodie off the floor and yanked it on over my pajamas.

00:12:26I did not want to be in any room with him,

00:12:29and especially not my bedroom.

00:12:41Hey, you took that pill yesterday, right?

00:12:43Because I really don't need that kind of drama,

00:12:45and I definitely don't want to have that conversation with your parents.

00:12:56Come on, be reasonable.

00:12:57Eat something before you pick a fight.

00:13:02You know your stomach's sensitive.

00:13:12What is actually going on?

00:13:15Stella, even a tantrum needs a reason.

00:13:17There have to be some limits here.

00:13:19I kept my voice ice cold and set it flat.

00:13:22I don't deserve to have any say.

00:13:25Asher snapped.

00:13:26He slammed the cup down on the coffee table so hard it cracked.

00:13:30The plastic split and the smoothie spilled out in a wave,

00:13:33soaking into the rug.

00:13:34What is that supposed to mean?

00:13:37Who do you think you are, Stella?

00:13:41Who do you think you are?

00:13:44We slept together once.

00:13:45It was consensual.

00:13:47And now you think you own me?

00:13:50Do you know how suffocating that is?

00:13:52His voice had a viciousness to it I had never heard before.

00:13:56The second he finished speaking, my eyes flooded.

00:13:59No warning, no buildup, just instant tears.

00:14:02Yesterday's humiliation came crashing back,

00:14:05hitting me all over again like a fresh wound.

00:14:07Asher clearly hadn't expected me to cry this hard this fast.

00:14:11He looked genuinely thrown, scrambling for what to do.

00:14:14He crouched down and said he was sorry.

00:14:17I'm sorry.

00:14:18I drank too much last night and I was out of line just now.

00:14:21He reached out to wipe my face,

00:14:22but I twisted away, putting distance between us.

00:14:25His hand froze in midair, hovering there.

00:14:27He opened his mouth to keep trying, but his phone buzzed.

00:14:30He glanced at the screen once,

00:14:32and his entire expression shifted,

00:14:34and he stood up and moved toward the door.

00:14:36I've got something urgent.

00:14:37Take a minute to calm down.

00:14:39We're going to college soon.

00:14:41You can't keep throwing fits like a little kid.

00:14:44Who's going to put up with that?

00:14:51He hadn't been gone 30 minutes when Mia sent me a screenshot.

00:14:55Chloe's Instagram story just said,

00:14:57I'm hungry and breakfast appeared like magic.

00:15:00Pretty sure this is mutual now, with a little heart.

00:15:03The photo was of the exact same croissants

00:15:05that were sitting on my kitchen counter.

00:15:07I didn't respond.

00:15:08I just quietly wiped my eyes,

00:15:10got on my hands and knees,

00:15:12and started cleaning up the smoothie Asher had spilled.

00:15:15I scrubbed for a long time before I accepted,

00:15:17with a hollow feeling in my chest,

00:15:19that the stain had soaked all the way through the wool rug

00:15:22and wasn't coming out.

00:15:23So, I just threw the whole rug in the trash.

00:15:26It didn't matter anyway.

00:15:27That rug was something Asher and his parents

00:15:29had spent an entire afternoon picking out on a family trip,

00:15:33and he'd lugged it home in his carry-on himself.

00:15:35Then, I went through everything else.

00:15:37Every single thing Asher had ever left at my place.

00:15:40Every gift he'd given me over the years.

00:15:43Every photo of the two of us.

00:15:44Every small souvenir and keepsake.

00:15:47It took the rest of the day,

00:15:48but I packed every last bit of it up

00:15:50and threw it all out.

00:15:55I doubted he'd want any of it back anyway.

00:15:57After he left that day, the silence stretched.

00:16:00Days went by, and he didn't reach out at all.

00:16:02Things with Chloe were probably going great,

00:16:04or maybe he was waiting for me to be the one who caved first.

00:16:08In every fight we'd ever had,

00:16:09I was always the one who broke first.

00:16:11Every single time.

00:16:13No exceptions.

00:16:14But this time, I didn't go looking for him,

00:16:16and I didn't have any reason to.

00:16:18I blocked him on everything.

00:16:19Text all social media,

00:16:21changed my front door code,

00:16:23and deleted every account he might use to find me.

00:16:25After that, I called my parents,

00:16:27who were both traveling for work.

00:16:29I told them I wanted to spend the summer

00:16:31visiting my aunt on the other side of the country.

00:16:33My plan was to stay there until school started,

00:16:35then head straight to California with Mia,

00:16:38instead of coming home.

00:16:39Other than Mia,

00:16:40no one else knew yet that I'd changed my application.

00:16:43This plan should work perfectly.

00:16:45There was basically zero chance I'd run into Asher

00:16:48if I pulled this off right.

00:16:49My mom actually laughed over the phone.

00:16:53Oh, so you and Ashler are taking a vacation together?

00:16:56I made up a quick excuse and didn't go into detail.

00:16:59I just told her I wanted to visit my aunt and grandma.

00:17:02I begged my dad to book me the first available flight,

00:17:05and I was ready to leave that same night.

00:17:07Of course, because the universe has no chill,

00:17:10I ran into Asher's mom right at our front door on my way out.

00:17:14She grabbed my arm warmly and started chattering.

00:17:17Stella, honey, where's Asher?

00:17:19He's not going to pick you up?

00:17:21Didn't he say he was taking you on that ski trip?

00:17:24Go have fun.

00:17:26I am 100% behind you two.

00:17:29I was confused.

00:17:30I had mentioned once during senior year

00:17:33that I'd always wanted to try skiing in Colorado,

00:17:36just offhand.

00:17:37But given everything that had happened between us,

00:17:40the idea of going on a trip together

00:17:41seemed completely impossible.

00:17:44I was running out of time, though,

00:17:45so I said something vague and noncommittal

00:17:48and slipped away.

00:17:49What I never expected was that at the airport,

00:17:51I would come face to face with Asher.

00:17:56He was with a group of friends.

00:17:57Chloe was there, too.

00:17:59Asher had her designer bag in one hand

00:18:01and his other arm slung around her shoulder.

00:18:03They were trailing at the back of the group.

00:18:05Every so often,

00:18:06Chloe would lean her head toward him to say something.

00:18:08And every single time,

00:18:10without any hesitation,

00:18:12he would bend down to listen.

00:18:13He never did that with me.

00:18:15Asher had always been taller than me,

00:18:17and the gap had only gotten bigger over the years.

00:18:20When it was the two of us,

00:18:21I was always the one bouncing on my toes,

00:18:23craning my neck up just to catch his eyes.

00:18:26Turns out, for the right person,

00:18:28he would be the one who bends.

00:18:30I breathed in slowly.

00:18:32I told myself I needed to have some dignity about this.

00:18:35Whatever he did was none of my business.

00:18:37If I let myself overthink it,

00:18:39I deserve to be slapped.

00:18:40But there seemed to be only one path to the gate.

00:18:43All I could do was stay far enough behind

00:18:45that he wouldn't notice me.

00:18:47By some miracle,

00:18:48we eventually reached a fork in the terminal

00:18:50where the path split.

00:18:51Asher seemed to get distracted around that.

00:18:53He made a bunch of calls,

00:18:55none of which seemed to go through,

00:18:56and then spent a long time staring at his phone.

00:18:59Eventually, he borrowed someone else's phone,

00:19:01his face dark and unreadable,

00:19:03and disappeared into a nearby bathroom.

00:19:05A moment later,

00:19:06my phone rang.

00:19:07Unknown number.

00:19:10So you've got a real attitude on you this time.

00:19:12You're just not going to come to me first?

00:19:15You actually blocked me?

00:19:18Fine, keep it up.

00:19:19See how great you do when we're both in Boston

00:19:21and you don't know anyone

00:19:22and there's no one to look out for you.

00:19:24Asher came out swinging,

00:19:25rattling off complaints

00:19:26in one long, irritated breath.

00:19:28I had absolutely nothing to say to any of that,

00:19:32but Asher seemed to get angrier at my silence.

00:19:35I'm done talking about this.

00:19:36Just unblock me.

00:19:38I'm heading out of the country

00:19:39for a couple days with some friends.

00:19:41Probably won't have great reception.

00:19:45Don't get all weepy about it.

00:19:47I couldn't even be bothered

00:19:48to say a single word back.

00:19:50I hung up and turned my phone off.

00:19:52From across the terminal,

00:19:53I watched Asher stalk back to his group,

00:19:56his expression stormy.

00:19:57He grabbed Chloe's hand,

00:19:59didn't hesitate for a second,

00:20:00and walked toward the left gate.

00:20:02I let out a long breath,

00:20:04turned around,

00:20:05and headed right.

00:20:07With my family,

00:20:08I performed happiness.

00:20:10And honestly,

00:20:10I got pretty good at it.

00:20:12I deliberately kept myself slammed with plans,

00:20:15filling every gap in the day

00:20:16so I had no room to spiral.

00:20:18I definitely didn't add Asher back

00:20:20the way he demanded.

00:20:21But Mia and some others

00:20:23kept me updated on his life anyway.

00:20:25Asher and his friends

00:20:26had apparently been seen in Colorado for days.

00:20:29For some reason,

00:20:30he was suddenly posting on social media

00:20:31every single day,

00:20:33which was completely unlike the version of him

00:20:35who used to go months without posting anything.

00:20:38Sometimes it was slow motion clips of him

00:20:40carving down the slopes.

00:20:42Sometimes it was food and late night parties.

00:20:44But mostly,

00:20:45it was big group shots

00:20:46of everyone clowning around in the snow.

00:20:48Even though I genuinely didn't want to see it,

00:20:50somehow people kept sending it to me unprompted.

00:20:53Everyone was very casually curious

00:20:55about why I hadn't gone with Asher.

00:20:57I didn't know what to say,

00:20:59so I just told people I had family stuff going on.

00:21:02Mia was the only one

00:21:03who openly called him a trash human.

00:21:05Everyone else around me

00:21:06seemed to be constantly stopping themselves

00:21:08from saying something.

00:21:09I knew

00:21:10they'd probably figured out something was wrong.

00:21:13In every single group photo Asher posted,

00:21:16he and Chloe were glued together,

00:21:18inseparable.

00:21:19But that spot beside him

00:21:20had been mine for years,

00:21:21just mine.

00:21:22Every time I saw one of those photos,

00:21:24my face stayed completely neutral,

00:21:26but something deep in my chest would clench.

00:21:28He was the first person I ever fell for,

00:21:31someone I had genuinely,

00:21:32completely,

00:21:33embarrassingly loved

00:21:34for such a long time.

00:21:35In the middle of the night,

00:21:37alone,

00:21:38I would fall apart a little,

00:21:39and sometimes I felt this stubborn,

00:21:41stupid feeling

00:21:41that I wasn't ready to let go.

00:21:43But every time that feeling started rising,

00:21:46I'd replay his words

00:21:47and give myself a mental slap.

00:21:49I'd repeat it to myself over and over.

00:21:51Stella, don't be pathetic.

00:21:53That's the fastest way

00:21:54to make yourself even less worth respecting.

00:21:56Just hold on a little longer.

00:21:58Once the detox period was over,

00:22:00everything would be fine.

00:22:01We went a full month without any contact.

00:22:03The longest we'd ever gone

00:22:05since the day we met.

00:22:06Distance and time

00:22:07turned out to be the best medicine.

00:22:09I ground through the worst of it

00:22:10and came out the other side.

00:22:12Just when I'd reached the point

00:22:13where I didn't think about him

00:22:15every hour of every day,

00:22:16he switched to a new number

00:22:18and called me from across the country.

00:22:22So you're just that bold,

00:22:24running off without me

00:22:26and staying this long?

00:22:28Summer's almost over, Stella.

00:22:31Did you forget you promised

00:22:32to go on a trip with me?

00:22:33Maybe it was because

00:22:34we'd gone so long without talking,

00:22:36but underneath all the complaints,

00:22:38his voice had this edge to it.

00:22:40Almost careful.

00:22:41I still didn't want to talk to him.

00:22:43I was about to hang up

00:22:44when his mom snatched the phone.

00:22:46Stella, sweetheart,

00:22:47are you having fun out there?

00:22:49This boy won't tell me anything.

00:22:51I only just found out

00:22:52you two had a fight.

00:22:55Don't be too hard on him, honey.

00:22:57When you come back,

00:22:58I'll make him apologize to your face.

00:23:00Oh, and Ashler just got

00:23:02his acceptance letter today.

00:23:04Yours should come soon, too.

00:23:06Have you thought about

00:23:07when you'll come home

00:23:07for your going away party?

00:23:09I've got a little surprise planned.

00:23:12Asher's mom had been like

00:23:13a second family to me

00:23:14since I was little.

00:23:15I couldn't bring myself

00:23:16to hang up on her,

00:23:17so I stayed on and let her talk.

00:23:19I'm not really planning

00:23:20to have a party.

00:23:21My parents are always traveling,

00:23:23and honestly,

00:23:24we can just do a video call

00:23:25thing with family.

00:23:26I probably won't be back

00:23:28before school starts anyway.

00:23:29I'll just come home

00:23:30right before move in.

00:23:31I didn't even finish the sentence

00:23:33before Ashler took the phone back.

00:23:35His breathing was heavy.

00:23:36I could feel the anger

00:23:37coming through

00:23:38from 3,000 miles away.

00:23:42Stella, I'm literally the one

00:23:43reaching out first here.

00:23:44How much longer

00:23:46are you going to keep this up?

00:23:47If you don't come back,

00:23:48don't expect me to wait for you.

00:23:50I'll head to Boston

00:23:51without you.

00:23:52He delivered the threat

00:23:54in this cold, flat voice.

00:23:56Waited and waited

00:23:57without getting the answer

00:23:58he wanted.

00:23:59My acceptance letter

00:24:00had already arrived at home.

00:24:02When they saw the school name

00:24:03on the letter,

00:24:04my parents finally found out

00:24:06I'd changed my application.

00:24:07My mom video called me.

00:24:09Hi, baby.

00:24:10Why didn't you talk to us

00:24:11before changing your application?

00:24:14Does Asher know?

00:24:15His mom called this morning

00:24:16asking if your letter

00:24:18had come yet.

00:24:19I had no words.

00:24:24Baby, how are we supposed

00:24:25to feel okay about you

00:24:26going all the way

00:24:26to California alone?

00:24:27Aren't you the kid

00:24:28who's terrified of bugs

00:24:30and can't handle heat?

00:24:32You really think you can manage?

00:24:34Don't call me

00:24:34to come deal with it for you.

00:24:36That school has a lot to offer

00:24:38and Mia will be going there too.

00:24:40You don't have to worry.

00:24:41Is this about a fight with Asher?

00:24:44Because that's not a reason

00:24:46to switch schools

00:24:47across the country.

00:24:49What if you change your mind

00:24:51in a week and want him back?

00:24:52Then what?

00:24:53It's heart your caption.

00:24:54I just decided

00:24:56to say it straight.

00:24:58Asher has a girlfriend.

00:25:00Mom, dad,

00:25:02I have my own life

00:25:04and I don't want to just

00:25:05orbit around his forever.

00:25:07So please support my choice

00:25:09and please keep it

00:25:11between us for now.

00:25:12My parents looked at each other

00:25:14for a long time

00:25:15without speaking.

00:25:17The only thing they asked

00:25:18was that I come home sooner

00:25:19rather than later.

00:25:21School was starting soon

00:25:22and they wanted time with me.

00:25:24My mom mentioned that Asher

00:25:25had gone off on another trip

00:25:26with friends

00:25:27the very next day

00:25:28after getting his acceptance letter.

00:25:29He'd been gone for days.

00:25:31His mom was apparently

00:25:32calling my mom regularly

00:25:34asking when I was flying back.

00:25:36On the day I landed,

00:25:37my parents showed up

00:25:38at the airport

00:25:39dressed like they were

00:25:40going somewhere formal.

00:25:41I woke up from my nap

00:25:42on the drive.

00:25:43I realized

00:25:44they'd pulled up

00:25:45to a five-star hotel.

00:25:46I was still half asleep

00:25:48when my mom grabbed my arm

00:25:49and steered me

00:25:50through the lobby.

00:25:51And right there,

00:25:52standing in the middle of it,

00:25:54was Asher

00:25:54who I hadn't seen in months.

00:25:57My feet

00:25:57stopped moving

00:25:58on their own.

00:25:59Asher was in a perfectly

00:26:01fitted black suit

00:26:02leaning casually

00:26:03beside the lobby fountain

00:26:04like something

00:26:05out of a magazine spread.

00:26:06Just one summer

00:26:07was all it took.

00:26:08The boyish edge

00:26:09had faded

00:26:09and he looked

00:26:10exactly like

00:26:11the version of him

00:26:12I used to imagine

00:26:13when I tried

00:26:14to picture him grown up.

00:26:15Something complicated

00:26:16twisted in my chest.

00:26:17I'd avoided this moment

00:26:18for months

00:26:19and now here it was

00:26:20sprung on me

00:26:21with no warning.

00:26:23Stella,

00:26:24it's Ashler's

00:26:24going away party.

00:26:25We figured we'd pick you up

00:26:27and bring you straight here.

00:26:28You said you didn't want

00:26:30a party of your own,

00:26:31right?

00:26:32Ashley asked his parents

00:26:33to set the date

00:26:34for the day you got back

00:26:35so you can kind of

00:26:36both celebrate together.

00:26:37Asher seemed to sense something

00:26:39because right then

00:26:40he casually glanced over

00:26:41and his gaze

00:26:42landed directly on mine.

00:26:44My heart lurched sideways,

00:26:46still felt like

00:26:47the floor dropped out.

00:26:48But Asher moved first.

00:26:49He took one step

00:26:50toward us

00:26:51and then Chloe

00:26:52appeared out of nowhere

00:26:53and slipped her arm

00:26:54through his.

00:26:55She pulled him along

00:26:56with her,

00:26:56smiling wide,

00:26:57and walked right over

00:26:59to us.

00:27:00Oh my gosh,

00:27:01Stella,

00:27:02you're back!

00:27:03I've been wanting

00:27:04to properly meet you

00:27:05forever.

00:27:06I always saw you

00:27:07around with Asher.

00:27:09I'm from the AP track

00:27:11so we never officially met

00:27:13and I'm genuinely sad

00:27:15about that.

00:27:17Yeah,

00:27:18Asher looked vaguely

00:27:19uncomfortable.

00:27:20Why would you want

00:27:20to get to know her?

00:27:22She's just a drama queen

00:27:24who throws fits.

00:27:25I honestly thought

00:27:27she'd stayed in her

00:27:28aunt's state forever.

00:27:29The world will keep

00:27:30on turning

00:27:30and your name

00:27:31will be forgotten.

00:27:32I had nothing to say

00:27:33to that.

00:27:34There was genuinely

00:27:34no response.

00:27:36Chloe's silver bodycon dress

00:27:37was covered in tiny crystals

00:27:39that caught every bit

00:27:40of light in the room.

00:27:41I glanced down at myself.

00:27:43White tea,

00:27:43jeans,

00:27:44sneakers,

00:27:45hair that still had

00:27:45a slight slept-on wave

00:27:47from the plane.

00:27:48I looked like I'd made

00:27:49a wrong turn on the way

00:27:50to a convenience store.

00:27:51I brought a dress for you,

00:27:52baby.

00:27:52You can go change

00:27:53in the powder room.

00:27:54I nodded,

00:27:55then shook my head.

00:27:56There was no point.

00:27:57This wasn't my party.

00:27:58Asher kept staring at me

00:28:00with this unreadable expression.

00:28:02Chloe's eyes kept flicking

00:28:03back and forth

00:28:03between the two of us.

00:28:05Luckily,

00:28:05a few more guests

00:28:06arrived just then,

00:28:07and Chloe immediately

00:28:08pulled Asher over

00:28:09to greet them.

00:28:10Like she was already

00:28:11the hostess.

00:28:12Mom, let's go in.

00:28:13I'm a little hungry.

00:28:16It was a small gathering.

00:28:18Asher had only invited

00:28:19close family

00:28:19and a handful of friends.

00:28:21Every single person

00:28:22I knew

00:28:22looked visibly shocked

00:28:24when they saw me walk in.

00:28:25I just smiled

00:28:26and said hello

00:28:27and acted like

00:28:28I didn't notice,

00:28:29but nobody was subtle

00:28:30about their curiosity.

00:28:31The people watching energy

00:28:32was off the charts.

00:28:36I slipped out

00:28:37to the terrace

00:28:37for some air

00:28:38and could immediately

00:28:39hear a small group

00:28:40in the hallway

00:28:40cornering Asher

00:28:41for the gossip.

00:28:44Wait, didn't Stella

00:28:46fall out with you

00:28:46over the Chloe thing?

00:28:47Why is she here?

00:28:48Did she come crawling back?

00:28:50She's just quick-tempered

00:28:52and in a mood.

00:28:52She always comes around

00:28:53after a couple of days.

00:28:54We've known each other

00:28:55our whole lives.

00:28:55She's not actually

00:28:56going to cut me off.

00:28:57I mean, Stella's

00:28:58genuinely great.

00:28:59She's been ride or died

00:28:59for you for years.

00:29:00All of us are low-key jealous

00:29:01of how she treats you.

00:29:02But like,

00:29:03one is your childhood

00:29:04best friend,

00:29:05and honestly,

00:29:06Stella's amazing.

00:29:07But it also feels

00:29:08kind of limiting.

00:29:10I'm young.

00:29:10I don't want to only ever

00:29:11have one person.

00:29:12That's too predictable.

00:29:14I need to see

00:29:14what else is out there.

00:29:16But that doesn't mean

00:29:17anything has to end.

00:29:18As long as I know

00:29:18there's always a light

00:29:19on at home for me.

00:29:21You're such a player.

00:29:22I'd heard enough.

00:29:23I backed away

00:29:24as quietly as I could.

00:29:26The evening breeze

00:29:27hit my face

00:29:28and I felt my eyes

00:29:29go hot.

00:29:30I just hated myself

00:29:31for spending so many years

00:29:32being blind

00:29:33to who he actually was.

00:29:35I was in absolutely

00:29:37the worst mood

00:29:38of the entire summer.

00:29:40But Asher's mom

00:29:41was thrilled to see me

00:29:42and spent most of dinner

00:29:43doting on me,

00:29:44refusing to let go

00:29:45of my hand.

00:29:46Stella,

00:29:47Boston can get really dry

00:29:48in winter.

00:29:49Let Asher take you

00:29:50shopping tomorrow

00:29:51and stock up

00:29:52on some good moisturizers.

00:29:53Oh, it's fine.

00:29:54There are plenty

00:29:55of shops out there

00:29:56and online shopping

00:29:57is so easy.

00:29:57She nodded warmly

00:29:58and turned to my mom.

00:30:00I already picked out

00:30:01all the bedding

00:30:02for the dorms.

00:30:03Got a set for Asher

00:30:04and one for Stella

00:30:04at the same time

00:30:05all four seasons covered.

00:30:07Boston winters are brutal.

00:30:08I went with really thick

00:30:10comforters

00:30:10and got a few winter coats

00:30:12for Stella too.

00:30:13Don't you worry

00:30:13about a thing.

00:30:14My mom made a face

00:30:15like she'd swallowed something.

00:30:17All of that would be

00:30:18completely useless

00:30:19in California.

00:30:20But she didn't want

00:30:21to embarrass anyone

00:30:21so she thanked her graciously.

00:30:23Chloe, sitting nearby,

00:30:25looked like she was

00:30:26biting through her own cheek.

00:30:27Asher's mom

00:30:28didn't seem to notice.

00:30:29She kept right on talking,

00:30:31addressing both of us.

00:30:32Once you're both in Boston,

00:30:34you'll be each other's family.

00:30:36Asher, you better take

00:30:38good care of Stella

00:30:38and stop making her upset.

00:30:40You hear me?

00:30:41Asher threw a glance

00:30:42my way with zero expression.

00:30:44She doesn't need anyone

00:30:46to look after her.

00:30:46She's perfectly capable

00:30:47of flying on her own.

00:30:49The table got a little stiff

00:30:50and that's when

00:30:51Chloe smoothly cut in.

00:30:52Oh, don't worry.

00:30:53My school is in Boston too.

00:30:55I'll be there

00:30:55to look after Asher.

00:30:56And Stella will be

00:30:57all the way in California anyway

00:30:59so it's not really practical.

00:31:02Before she even finished

00:31:03the sentence,

00:31:04Asher and his parents'

00:31:05faces changed.

00:31:06California?

00:31:07Every single one of them

00:31:09looked at me

00:31:10and asked it

00:31:11at the same time.

00:31:13Asher, you didn't know?

00:31:14It's been on the school's

00:31:16honor board.

00:31:17Oh wait,

00:31:18you haven't been back to campus.

00:31:19Every pair of eyes

00:31:20at the table swiveled to me.

00:31:22Under the weight

00:31:22of all that attention,

00:31:23I quietly nodded.

00:31:25My mom stepped in

00:31:26to explain.

00:31:27Stella made a last minute

00:31:29decision to change

00:31:30her application.

00:31:31She's going to a great

00:31:32school in California

00:31:34and it's actually

00:31:36the perfect program

00:31:37for her.

00:31:37Asher didn't believe it.

00:31:39He grabbed my hand

00:31:39and made me look at him.

00:31:42Stella,

00:31:43I literally watched you

00:31:44fill out that application.

00:31:45We were going

00:31:46to the same school.

00:31:47His grip was tight enough

00:31:49to actually hurt

00:31:50and it pushed me

00:31:51over the edge.

00:31:52Yeah, I changed it.

00:31:54What does it have

00:31:54to do with you?

00:31:55Asher looked stunned

00:31:56for a second

00:31:57then started laughing

00:31:58like I'd said

00:31:59something ridiculous.

00:32:00You're joking.

00:32:01You're literally

00:32:02the girl who jumps

00:32:03onto my back

00:32:04at the sight of a bug

00:32:05and you're moving

00:32:05to California?

00:32:07And you're moving

00:32:08to California?

00:32:09I pulled out my phone,

00:32:11found the crystal clear

00:32:12photo of my acceptance letter

00:32:13and held it up

00:32:14in his face.

00:32:15Asher took the phone,

00:32:16zoomed in,

00:32:17zoomed out,

00:32:18read it over and over

00:32:20and finally let out

00:32:21a laugh that had

00:32:22no humor in it at all.

00:32:24In the middle

00:32:24of everyone's gasps,

00:32:26he grabbed my wrist

00:32:26and pulled me

00:32:27out of the dining room.

00:32:30He pulled me

00:32:31into a side room

00:32:32and locked the door

00:32:33behind us.

00:32:33Asher planted himself

00:32:34against it,

00:32:35cutting off any escape

00:32:36and came at me hard.

00:32:38Stella, I cannot

00:32:39believe you.

00:32:40You're so mad

00:32:41that you just forget

00:32:41our whole plan,

00:32:42go behind my back

00:32:44and commitment

00:32:44to a school

00:32:45across the country.

00:32:46I lifted my head.

00:32:47I took a breath

00:32:47and made myself

00:32:48look him straight

00:32:49in the eye.

00:32:49I have my own plans.

00:32:52Since when do I have

00:32:53to build my entire future

00:32:54around what you want?

00:32:56Asher, be honest

00:32:57with yourself.

00:32:58Are you actually

00:32:59upset about the plan?

00:33:01Or are you upset

00:33:02because I'm not available

00:33:03to be your fallback girl

00:33:04anymore?

00:33:05The color drained

00:33:05from his face.

00:33:06What is that supposed

00:33:07to mean?

00:33:08Could you not phrase

00:33:09things like that?

00:33:10We're adults.

00:33:11That night was

00:33:12completely mutual.

00:33:13Are you seriously

00:33:14still bringing that up?

00:33:15I was embarrassed

00:33:16but I held his gaze anyway.

00:33:17Asher, if you like

00:33:18someone else

00:33:19you could have just said so.

00:33:20I'm not so shameless

00:33:21that I would have kept

00:33:22throwing myself at you.

00:33:23But you knew

00:33:24you didn't like me back

00:33:25and you just watched me

00:33:26walk straight into the flame.

00:33:27That was fun for you

00:33:28wasn't it?

00:33:28Even now he still

00:33:29didn't get it.

00:33:30People don't say goodbye

00:33:31until they've completely

00:33:32run out of hope.

00:33:34He flushed.

00:33:34Something in what I said

00:33:36hit.

00:33:36His face went from

00:33:37white to red

00:33:38and he visibly swayed.

00:33:39What do you even

00:33:41listen to what you're

00:33:41saying?

00:33:42You...

00:33:42He couldn't finish

00:33:43the sentence.

00:33:46Stella, we've known each

00:33:47other since we were

00:33:48eight years old

00:33:48and we're 18 now.

00:33:50If you're choosing

00:33:51to walk away

00:33:51from what we have

00:33:53then we don't have

00:33:54to be friends either.

00:33:54And with just that

00:33:55he turned and walked

00:33:57out of the hotel.

00:34:05From that day

00:34:06until the day

00:34:06I left for school

00:34:07I never saw

00:34:08Asher again.

00:34:09Mia sent me a screenshot

00:34:10of his official

00:34:11couple's post

00:34:12with Chloe.

00:34:13I deleted it

00:34:14without even opening it.

00:34:15Every mutual friend

00:34:16connected to him

00:34:17I blocked.

00:34:18There was genuinely

00:34:19no point in following

00:34:20any of it anymore.

00:34:24The only exception

00:34:25was the day

00:34:26I flew out

00:34:26to California.

00:34:27Of course

00:34:28because the universe

00:34:29has a terrible

00:34:29sense of humor

00:34:30I walked straight

00:34:31into Asher

00:34:32at the airport again

00:34:33with Chloe still

00:34:34glued to his side.

00:34:35When we passed

00:34:36each other

00:34:36he said a stiff

00:34:37hello to my parents

00:34:38and kept walking

00:34:39clearly still angry.

00:34:41He didn't look

00:34:41at me once.

00:34:42We scattered

00:34:43in different directions

00:34:44and neither of us

00:34:45looked back.

00:34:46Right before I got

00:34:47to the security line

00:34:48I glanced over

00:34:49and caught Asher

00:34:49at his gate

00:34:50about to board.

00:34:51He gave me

00:34:52one cold

00:34:53flat look

00:34:53and then disappeared

00:34:54through the door

00:34:55without turning around.

00:34:56The person

00:34:57who had been part

00:34:58of every chapter

00:34:59of my growing up

00:34:59we were finally

00:35:00completely done.

00:35:02Different destinations

00:35:03at last

00:35:04and I hope yours

00:35:05goes well.

00:35:05I said it only

00:35:06to myself.

00:35:07After that

00:35:08a long long time

00:35:09passed without

00:35:10either of us

00:35:11hearing a single

00:35:12thing about the other.

00:35:13I specifically

00:35:13asked my parents

00:35:15not to bring up

00:35:16anything related

00:35:16to Asher

00:35:17or his family

00:35:18in front of me.

00:35:19Over New Year's break

00:35:20a girl from our

00:35:21high school

00:35:21came to visit.

00:35:22He's nothing like

00:35:23that cold

00:35:24focused

00:35:24straight A guy

00:35:25he was in high school.

00:35:27He's completely

00:35:28different.

00:35:31Honestly

00:35:31if you ran

00:35:32into him now

00:35:33you might not

00:35:34even recognize him.

00:35:36I didn't say anything.

00:35:37Mia kicked her

00:35:38under the table

00:35:38and smoothly

00:35:39changed the subject

00:35:40and the girl

00:35:41dropped it.

00:35:41We did the New Year's

00:35:42countdown by the water

00:35:43and Mia told me

00:35:44to make a wish.

00:35:46Hope New Year

00:35:47Syria parent

00:35:48healthy

00:35:48cankeating

00:35:49under the world

00:35:49I realized

00:35:51it was the first

00:35:51wish I'd ever made

00:35:52that had absolutely

00:35:53nothing to do with him.

00:35:55For a full

00:35:55six years of my life

00:35:56every single wish

00:35:58I made

00:35:58had involved

00:35:59Asher in some way.

00:36:02Mia

00:36:02Happy New Year!

00:36:03I felt genuinely

00:36:05happy.

00:36:05I knew I had

00:36:06finally

00:36:07actually

00:36:07completely

00:36:08let go.

00:36:10The first winter

00:36:11break of college

00:36:12I missed my parents

00:36:13so badly

00:36:14I couldn't stand it.

00:36:15The second my last

00:36:16exam was done

00:36:17I was on the first

00:36:18flight home.

00:36:19What I didn't expect

00:36:20was that Asher

00:36:21had come to the airport

00:36:22with my parents

00:36:23to pick me up.

00:36:24After half a year

00:36:25apart

00:36:25we had both changed.

00:36:26He was thinner

00:36:27had dyed his hair

00:36:28but was still

00:36:29honestly

00:36:31annoyingly

00:36:31good looking.

00:36:32I've always had

00:36:32terrible judgment

00:36:33about people

00:36:34but my taste

00:36:35has never been

00:36:36the problem.

00:36:36Why else

00:36:37would I have been

00:36:37trailing after him

00:36:38since we were five?

00:36:39Hey there

00:36:40big bro Asher.

00:36:41He stared at me

00:36:42like I'd spoken

00:36:42a different language.

00:36:44We ran into him

00:36:45outside.

00:36:46He insisted

00:36:47on coming along

00:36:47to help.

00:36:48I smiled

00:36:49and waved her off.

00:36:50It was fine.

00:36:53In the car

00:36:53I immediately

00:36:54launched into

00:36:55all the funny things

00:36:56that had happened

00:36:57at school

00:36:57and my parents

00:36:58were the whole ride.

00:36:59No one was paying

00:37:00any attention

00:37:01to Asher.

00:37:03You've worked hard.

00:37:05Please send

00:37:05our regards

00:37:06to your parents.

00:37:06He seemed like

00:37:07he wanted to come

00:37:07inside when we got

00:37:08home but all three

00:37:09of us politely

00:37:10turned him down

00:37:10together.

00:37:11My grandma

00:37:12and my aunt

00:37:12had both come back

00:37:13to celebrate

00:37:14the holidays

00:37:14that year.

00:37:15New Year's Eve

00:37:16was loud

00:37:17and packed

00:37:17with family.

00:37:18After the big dinner

00:37:19the older relatives

00:37:20parked themselves

00:37:21in front of the TV

00:37:22while the rest of us

00:37:23were teaching each other

00:37:24card games.

00:37:24That's when Asher

00:37:25showed up at the door

00:37:26with his parents

00:37:27arms full of bags.

00:37:28Our house is too quiet

00:37:30tonight.

00:37:30Hope you don't mind

00:37:31us crashing your game.

00:37:36Our house is too quiet

00:37:38tonight.

00:37:38Hope you don't mind

00:37:39us crashing your game.

00:37:40Asher's mom laughed

00:37:41as she walked in.

00:37:42Every year growing up

00:37:43the two families

00:37:44had spent the holiday

00:37:45together.

00:37:46This year

00:37:46because of everything

00:37:47that had happened

00:37:48my mom had turned

00:37:49down the invitation

00:37:50to share the big dinner.

00:37:51But you can't

00:37:52exactly turn people

00:37:53away once they're

00:37:55at your door.

00:37:55Asher settled

00:37:56himself naturally.

00:37:57My cousins had no

00:37:58idea about any

00:37:59of the drama

00:37:59and kept teasing us

00:38:01like they always had.

00:38:02I laughed it off.

00:38:04It's not what you think.

00:38:06Asher's expression

00:38:07went a little flat.

00:38:08When midnight came

00:38:09and we all went

00:38:09outside for sparklers

00:38:12he caught my arm

00:38:13and looked like

00:38:14he was working up

00:38:15to say something.

00:38:16My phone rang.

00:38:17My face went

00:38:18a little warm.

00:38:19It was a guy

00:38:19from one of my

00:38:20clubs at school.

00:38:22Hi Stella.

00:38:24I'm just a bit bored

00:38:25and wanted to say

00:38:26Happy New Year to you.

00:38:27A local California

00:38:28boy named Jake.

00:38:29He was good looking

00:38:30too.

00:38:30Not in that cold

00:38:32aloof way.

00:38:33More like the guy

00:38:34who's always laughing

00:38:34at everything

00:38:35and making you laugh

00:38:36right along with him.

00:38:37He never ran out

00:38:38of things to say

00:38:39and he had a way

00:38:40of making me

00:38:41completely lose it

00:38:42at the most random things.

00:38:43We talked for a while

00:38:44longer

00:38:44and when he finally hung up

00:38:46Asher was standing

00:38:47right behind me

00:38:48with a face

00:38:49like a thundercloud.

00:38:51Boyfriend?

00:38:53Not yet.

00:38:54I guess.

00:38:58Not yet.

00:38:59I guess.

00:39:00I thought about it

00:39:01and answered honestly.

00:39:02I assumed he was done

00:39:03but then he spoke again.

00:39:05Long distance guys

00:39:06aren't always reliable.

00:39:07You should find

00:39:08someone local.

00:39:09Someone you actually know.

00:39:13I nodded.

00:39:14Something in that

00:39:15seemed to land

00:39:15somewhere tender.

00:39:16You're right.

00:39:17You really can't

00:39:18tell with people.

00:39:19I'll keep my guard up.

00:39:21Asher went quiet

00:39:21for a very long time.

00:39:23I assumed he was done.

00:39:25I didn't think

00:39:25too hard about it.

00:39:27Thanks for the advice

00:39:28big bro.

00:39:29You should figure out

00:39:30your own situation too.

00:39:31He'd always been

00:39:32unpredictable like that.

00:39:34After that

00:39:34I spent the rest of break

00:39:35bouncing around

00:39:36visiting relatives

00:39:37with my grandma

00:39:38and parents

00:39:39and then we did

00:39:39a little road trip.

00:39:40I was barely home.

00:39:42I didn't run into Asher once.

00:39:43The break was short

00:39:44and soon enough

00:39:45I was back at school

00:39:46but the very next day

00:39:47after I arrived

00:39:48Asher was standing

00:39:50outside my campus gate.

00:39:52Asher,

00:39:53what are you doing here?

00:39:55I wanted to see

00:39:55what your school looks like

00:39:58and check if you're

00:39:59actually doing okay

00:39:59out here.

00:40:01Really well actually.

00:40:03The food here is amazing.

00:40:04You should look up

00:40:05some spots and try them.

00:40:06Stella,

00:40:08can't you come

00:40:08eat with me

00:40:09just once?

00:40:13Sorry about that man.

00:40:14I've already got

00:40:15Stella booked.

00:40:15You'll have to get in line.

00:40:17Stella,

00:40:18you came back to school

00:40:20this early for him?

00:40:23Sorry Asher.

00:40:25We're heading out to eat.

00:40:26I'll see you.

00:40:27Let's go.

00:40:28Didn't you say the place was far?

00:40:29Stop standing there.

00:40:31Asher was still standing

00:40:32at the campus gate

00:40:33watching us

00:40:34and under the shadow

00:40:34of the trees

00:40:35he looked incredibly

00:40:37alone.

00:40:38He suddenly started

00:40:39showing up in my world

00:40:40constantly.

00:40:41I never found out

00:40:42what excuse he gave

00:40:43his school

00:40:43but he kept appearing

00:40:44in California

00:40:45out of nowhere.

00:40:46He started showing up

00:40:47with gifts,

00:40:48flowers,

00:40:49bags,

00:40:49jewelry

00:40:49and I turned

00:40:50every single one down.

00:40:52When there was

00:40:52nothing else to do

00:40:53he'd just sit outside

00:40:54my dorm building

00:40:55and refused to leave

00:40:57no matter how many times

00:40:58I asked.

00:40:59Whenever he managed

00:41:00to catch me

00:41:00he'd fallen to step

00:41:01beside me

00:41:02to every single class

00:41:03then follow me

00:41:04to the dining hall.

00:41:05Jake was visibly

00:41:06miserable about

00:41:07the whole thing.

00:41:08Asher's mom

00:41:08had been calling

00:41:09and messaging me

00:41:10from multiple angles.

00:41:11She begged me

00:41:12to please talk

00:41:13some sense into him.

00:41:14I was beyond done.

00:41:15I genuinely could not

00:41:16figure out

00:41:17what Asher thought

00:41:18he was doing.

00:41:20Stella,

00:41:21why does Jake

00:41:22get to pursue you

00:41:23but I don't?

00:41:24Son of Wight

00:41:25is that?

00:41:27He's known you

00:41:27for what?

00:41:28A few months?

00:41:29How many years

00:41:30have I known you?

00:41:32No one in this world

00:41:33understands you

00:41:34the way I do.

00:41:35Not even your parents.

00:41:36And no one is better

00:41:37for you than me.

00:41:43Ashler,

00:41:45do you genuinely

00:41:46not remember

00:41:46what you did?

00:41:48Ask yourself honestly.

00:41:50did you ever

00:41:51actually treat

00:41:52my feelings

00:41:53like they mattered?

00:41:55You just liked

00:41:56the ego boost

00:41:57of having me

00:41:58chase after you.

00:41:59You knew no matter

00:42:00what you did

00:42:01I wouldn't leave

00:42:02so you just

00:42:02did whatever

00:42:03you felt like

00:42:03with my heart.

00:42:06Yeah,

00:42:06I did some things

00:42:07wrong back then.

00:42:08I was young,

00:42:09I thought the whole world

00:42:10was waiting for me

00:42:11and I didn't want to feel

00:42:12like I was tied

00:42:13to any one person.

00:42:14I owe you

00:42:15a real apology,

00:42:16Stella.

00:42:17I'm sorry.

00:42:19But even if you

00:42:20treat me like a stranger,

00:42:21can I at least

00:42:22have the chance

00:42:22to start over

00:42:23and earn it back?

00:42:24After you left,

00:42:25I realized I don't know

00:42:26how to live

00:42:26without you in it.

00:42:28I can't imagine

00:42:29going forward

00:42:30and not having anyone

00:42:31to share everything with.

00:42:32Honestly,

00:42:33since leaving you,

00:42:34I figured out

00:42:35that real,

00:42:36mutual feelings

00:42:37don't require you

00:42:37to shrink yourself

00:42:38down to nothing.

00:42:39I can just be myself.

00:42:41My mood doesn't have

00:42:42to orbit around

00:42:42someone else's

00:42:43and when I realized that,

00:42:45I started to wonder

00:42:46if what I felt back then

00:42:47was ever real love

00:42:49or just something

00:42:50a younger,

00:42:50more naive version

00:42:51of me invented.

00:42:54But,

00:42:56but,

00:42:58we made promises.

00:43:01We said we'd go

00:43:02to college together,

00:43:03study abroad together,

00:43:04travel the whole world together.

00:43:06Are you going to walk away

00:43:06from all of that too?

00:43:08Stella,

00:43:09are you going to leave

00:43:09all this behind too?

00:43:11You broke the promises first.

00:43:14And I've already

00:43:15found someone

00:43:16I want to do

00:43:17all of those things with.

00:43:20Stop,

00:43:21Stella,

00:43:21please,

00:43:22just stop.

00:43:27Maybe you're not

00:43:28actually in love with me.

00:43:30Maybe you just

00:43:30can't stand the idea

00:43:32of losing.

00:43:33Asher,

00:43:33honestly,

00:43:34it's time for you

00:43:35to move on too.

00:43:39I didn't wait

00:43:40for a response.

00:43:41Jake had been waiting

00:43:42across the street

00:43:43for a while.

00:43:43I jogged over.

00:43:44And he immediately

00:43:45reached down

00:43:46and took my hand.

00:43:49Finally shook the X?

00:43:52Did you tell him

00:43:53I've got full

00:43:53bug patrol rights now?

00:43:55He doesn't get

00:43:55a single one.

00:43:58Everyone is going

00:43:59through their own goodbyes.

00:44:00As for us,

00:44:02it's finally

00:44:03completely over.

00:44:05Fading away

00:44:06like the rain.

00:44:07Everyone in the middle

00:44:08of their own goodbye.

00:44:09And just like that,

00:44:10the two of us

00:44:11were finally,

00:44:11completely

00:44:12over.

00:44:13Scattered like rain.

00:44:14The summer I turned 18,

00:44:16Asher made me cross a line

00:44:17I could never take back.

00:44:19I bit my lip

00:44:20through the ache,

00:44:20glowing secretly

00:44:21all night,

00:44:22convinced that

00:44:23six long years

00:44:23of loving him

00:44:24from a distance

00:44:25had finally,

00:44:26finally paid off.

00:44:27Then the next morning,

00:44:28I heard his friend

00:44:29laughing outside

00:44:30the classroom door.

00:44:34My face burned

00:44:36and I turned

00:44:36to slip away

00:44:37before anyone saw me.

00:44:38I'm trying to get

00:44:39with Chloe,

00:44:40but she'd think

00:44:40I was too inexperienced.

00:44:42So I'll use Stella

00:44:43to get some practice

00:44:43in first.

00:44:44I didn't say

00:44:45a single word.

00:44:46I just quietly changed

00:44:47my college application

00:44:48from NYU

00:44:49to a school

00:44:50thousand miles away

00:44:51in California.

00:44:52His words hit me

00:44:53like a thunderclap

00:44:54out of a cloudless

00:44:55summer sky.

00:44:56No warning at all.

00:44:57My mind went

00:44:58completely blank.

00:44:58It was a scorching

00:44:59July afternoon,

00:45:01but I felt like ice

00:45:02was spreading

00:45:02through every inch

00:45:03of my body.

00:45:04The guys inside

00:45:05kept talking,

00:45:06pausing only

00:45:06for a half second

00:45:07before someone else

00:45:08piped up.

00:45:10Classic Ashen,

00:45:11even Stella

00:45:12was just a warm-up

00:45:12for him.

00:45:13Everyone knows

00:45:13how hard it is

00:45:14to get into her pants.

00:45:19So what does that

00:45:19make her,

00:45:20like a practice dully?

00:45:23Asher just laughed

00:45:24it off.

00:45:26Relax,

00:45:27she got something

00:45:28out of it too.

00:45:28I mean,

00:45:29Stella's cute and all,

00:45:30but compared to Chloe,

00:45:31yeah,

00:45:31no contest.

00:45:32Right.

00:45:33Asher threw a textbook

00:45:34at him to shut him up.

00:45:37It was just a vibe,

00:45:38okay?

00:45:38The moment happened

00:45:39and honestly,

00:45:40she seemed like

00:45:40she was enjoying herself.

00:45:42The guys all exchanged

00:45:44knowing looks

00:45:44and started roasting him.

00:45:46Who knew the book bird

00:45:47was that freaky

00:45:47under all those cardigans?

00:45:50Bro,

00:45:51Asher's just built different.

00:45:52Why leave free food

00:45:53on the table, right?

00:45:54She's been chasing him

00:45:55for years.

00:45:56Technically,

00:45:57she got what she wanted.

00:45:58The laughter

00:45:59inside the room

00:45:59got noticeably louder.

00:46:01I pressed my teeth

00:46:02into my lower lips

00:46:02so hard I tasted copper.

00:46:04Both hands balled

00:46:05into white-knuckled fists.

00:46:07It took every single ounce

00:46:08of willpower I had

00:46:09to stay upright,

00:46:10to not just crumple

00:46:11right there in the doorway.

00:46:13Footsteps echoed

00:46:13down the hall toward me.

00:46:14I snapped back to reality

00:46:16and bolted,

00:46:17shoving my way

00:46:18blindly through the corridor.

00:46:19In my panic,

00:46:20I threw myself

00:46:21into the nearest bathroom stall

00:46:22and locked the door

00:46:23behind me.

00:46:28The tears came

00:46:29like a dam breaking,

00:46:31grief and humiliation

00:46:32pouring out

00:46:32all at once.

00:46:33Asher's words

00:46:34played on a loop

00:46:35inside my head,

00:46:36every single syllable.

00:46:37They shredded

00:46:38what little self-worth

00:46:39I had left.

00:46:40If I hadn't heard it

00:46:41with my own ears,

00:46:42I never could have believed

00:46:44that the guy talking

00:46:45in there

00:46:45was the same one

00:46:46who had held me

00:46:47like I was something precious

00:46:48just last night.

00:46:49Turns out,

00:46:50you don't actually need

00:46:51to love someone

00:46:51to do that with them.

00:46:52Turns out,

00:46:53you can look a girl

00:46:54dead in the eyes,

00:46:55make her feel everything,

00:46:56and still be lying

00:46:58through every single

00:46:59second of it.

00:47:00The thing I thought

00:47:00was my happily ever after

00:47:02was just a punchline

00:47:03someone else got to laugh at.

00:47:05The more I cried,

00:47:06the worse it got.

00:47:07But I couldn't make a sound.

00:47:08My whole body was shaking

00:47:10so hard I could barely breathe.

00:47:12A long time passed.

00:47:14My phone buzzed.

00:47:15It was Asher.

00:47:16Just grab an Uber back.

00:47:17My crew's got a party tonight

00:47:18and it'd be awkward

00:47:20to bring you.

00:47:20I didn't reply.

00:47:21He sent a follow-up.

00:47:23Also,

00:47:23pick up a morning

00:47:24after pill yourself.

00:47:25I'm busy today.

00:47:26Don't forget to take it.

00:47:27Good girl.

00:47:28I stared at those two texts

00:47:29for a very,

00:47:30very long time

00:47:31without moving.

00:47:32From dusk

00:47:33until nearly sunrise,

00:47:35Asher had been relentless

00:47:36like he had a point to prove.

00:47:37By the end,

00:47:38we were both

00:47:38completely wrecked.

00:47:40And right before

00:47:41he drifted off

00:47:41with his arms around me,

00:47:43he'd murmured

00:47:43the same thing twice.

00:47:45We weren't really

00:47:46prepared for your first time.

00:47:50I'll get you the pill

00:47:51first thing tomorrow morning.

00:47:52He'd even given me

00:47:54this little lecture

00:47:54about how girls

00:47:55needed to take care

00:47:56of themselves,

00:47:57said the morning after pill

00:47:58was really important

00:47:59and that skipping it

00:48:01could mess up my body.

00:48:02And I had actually thought,

00:48:03this is it.

00:48:04He's the one.

00:48:05He's being so responsible.

00:48:07I finally got my person.

00:48:09And now,

00:48:10the clarity hit me

00:48:11like a slap.

00:48:12I dug my nails

00:48:13into my own palm

00:48:14until the pain

00:48:15forced the tears to stop.

00:48:16I wiped my face,

00:48:18straightened my glasses,

00:48:19and walked out

00:48:20of that bathroom

00:48:20like nothing had happened.

00:48:22I was too embarrassed

00:48:23to go to a real pharmacy,

00:48:24so I ordered the pill

00:48:25online instead.

00:48:27When the delivery guy

00:48:27left the package

00:48:28at my door,

00:48:29I waited another

00:48:30long stretch

00:48:31before I could even

00:48:32bring myself

00:48:33to go get it.

00:48:33I swallowed it

00:48:34with a mouthful

00:48:35of my own tears,

00:48:36and then I just

00:48:37sat down on the floor,

00:48:38staring at nothing,

00:48:39completely empty.

00:48:43Ever since Asher's family

00:48:45had moved next door to mine,

00:48:46I'd trailed after him

00:48:48like a shadow,

00:48:48and that had been

00:48:49ten years of my life.

00:48:51I had genuinely

00:48:52never stopped to think

00:48:53about what a world

00:48:54without him

00:48:54would even look like.

00:48:55I couldn't picture it,

00:48:56but starting right now,

00:48:58I was going to have

00:48:58to figure it out alone.

00:49:00Outside the floor

00:49:01to ceiling window,

00:49:02the neighborhood lights

00:49:03blinked on,

00:49:04one by one,

00:49:05and then off again.

00:49:06At some point,

00:49:07I really didn't know

00:49:08how long I'd been

00:49:09sitting there,

00:49:10Mia called me

00:49:10on FaceTimes.

00:49:15Stella,

00:49:16why didn't you come

00:49:16to the party tonight

00:49:17with Ashler?

00:49:18That girl Chloe

00:49:19from the AP track

00:49:20is here, by the way.

00:49:21She has been all over him

00:49:22since you didn't show.

00:49:23It's actually disgusting.

00:49:24In the dark corner

00:49:25of the VIP booth,

00:49:27Asher and Chloe

00:49:27were sitting so close

00:49:28together,

00:49:29their thighs were touching.

00:49:31Chloe had worn a crop top

00:49:32and a curve-hugging

00:49:33mini skirt,

00:49:34long tan legs,

00:49:35tiny waist.

00:49:36Even the way

00:49:37they were talking

00:49:37looked more like

00:49:38whispering secrets

00:49:39than having a conversation.

00:49:41I could feel

00:49:42the charged energy

00:49:43between them

00:49:43through the screen.

00:49:44Something in my chest

00:49:45locked up.

00:49:46He'd only said

00:49:47he wanted to chase her

00:49:48this afternoon,

00:49:49and apparently,

00:49:50tonight was all

00:49:51the time he needed.

00:49:52The game switched

00:49:53to truth or dare,

00:49:54and Chloe drew a card

00:49:55that said,

00:49:58Do a push-up challenge

00:50:00with a guy

00:50:01hovering over me.

00:50:03Predictably,

00:50:04Asher fell on the stairs

00:50:05before anyone else

00:50:06could open their mouth.

00:50:07Chloe blushed bright pink

00:50:09and lay back

00:50:10against the couch cushions.

00:50:11Asher planted his hands

00:50:12on either side of her.

00:50:13He was controlled

00:50:15the whole time,

00:50:16deliberately keeping his body

00:50:17from making contact

00:50:18with hers,

00:50:19until the very last one.

00:50:21His arms gave out,

00:50:22and his entire weight

00:50:23came down directly

00:50:24on top of her.

00:50:25The room erupted.

00:50:27Everyone screaming so loud,

00:50:29the walls practically shook.

00:50:31Asher's and Chloe's faces

00:50:32went even redder.

00:50:33With the whole crowd

00:50:34going absolutely feral

00:50:35around them,

00:50:36Asher just tilted

00:50:37his head down

00:50:38and kissed her.

00:50:38Not a quick peck,

00:50:40a full, deep,

00:50:41for the whole room

00:50:42to see kiss.

00:50:43Three full minutes

00:50:44before they finally

00:50:45pulled apart.

00:50:46For all three

00:50:46of those minutes,

00:50:47I sat completely frozen,

00:50:49eyes locked on the screen,

00:50:50barely remembering

00:50:51to breathe.

00:50:52I wanted to cry

00:50:53so badly.

00:50:55Oh my god,

00:50:56Stella,

00:50:57did you see that?

00:50:58He literally kissed her

00:51:00in front of everyone.

00:51:01He is so into her.

00:51:03Mia shook her head

00:51:04and stepped out

00:51:05of the booth,

00:51:05turning the camera

00:51:06as she went.

00:51:07Don't be mad at me.

00:51:08If I hadn't shown you,

00:51:09you never would have

00:51:10let yourself move on.

00:51:11I'm not mad at you.

00:51:13I'm only mad at myself

00:51:14for wasting so many years.

00:51:17I had always assumed

00:51:18that the spot

00:51:18beside Asher was mine,

00:51:20that it would always

00:51:21be mine.

00:51:22I am so done

00:51:22with him, Stella.

00:51:23Who does he think he is,

00:51:24watching you love him

00:51:25for years,

00:51:26acting all innocent

00:51:26like he had no idea,

00:51:27just letting you

00:51:28fall deeper and deeper?

00:51:29You saw what I showed you.

00:51:31I'm not giving myself

00:51:32the chance.

00:51:33Mia,

00:51:34I've already decided

00:51:35I'm going to California

00:51:36with you,

00:51:37but you have to promise me

00:51:38you'll keep it quiet

00:51:39for now.

00:51:40Right after I said it,

00:51:41I flipped open my laptop

00:51:43right in front of her.

00:51:44Without a single second

00:51:45of hesitation,

00:51:46I changed my first choice

00:51:47school to the one

00:51:48in California.

00:51:49One minute before

00:51:50the deadline,

00:51:51Mia basically levitated

00:51:53off the ground.

00:51:54She'd been begging me

00:51:55for months to apply

00:51:56to the same school as her.

00:51:57But back when we started

00:51:58high school,

00:51:59Asher and I had made

00:52:00this pact.

00:52:01We'd work hard together

00:52:02and go to his dream school

00:52:03up in Boston

00:52:04after graduation.

00:52:05It had his aerospace

00:52:06engineering program,

00:52:08the one he'd been

00:52:08obsessed with since

00:52:09we were kids.

00:52:10So even though I didn't

00:52:11particularly love the idea

00:52:13of brutal winters,

00:52:14and even though that school

00:52:15was a technical institute

00:52:16that didn't even have

00:52:17my major,

00:52:18I'd spent three years

00:52:19treating it like

00:52:20my only option.

00:52:21Our families had lived

00:52:22next door to each other

00:52:23for so long

00:52:24that both sets of parents

00:52:26thought it was basically

00:52:27a done deal

00:52:27we'd end up at the same school.

00:52:29Everyone,

00:52:29including me,

00:52:31assumed Asher and I

00:52:32would just naturally

00:52:33become official

00:52:33once we got to college.

00:52:35But right now,

00:52:36I couldn't think of

00:52:37a single reason

00:52:37to still go to Boston.

00:52:38Because honestly,

00:52:40after today,

00:52:41if I kept following Asher

00:52:42around the way

00:52:43I always had,

00:52:44I would never be able

00:52:45to look myself

00:52:46in the mirror again.

00:52:47I just needed to go

00:52:48somewhere far away.

00:52:49It didn't even matter

00:52:50where,

00:52:51as long as he wasn't there.

00:52:52He was going east,

00:52:53so I was going west.

00:52:55Before bed,

00:52:56I filled the entire bathtub.

00:52:58I needed to scrub

00:52:59every inch of myself clean.

00:53:01But when I took off

00:53:02my clothes,

00:53:03the bruises on my skin

00:53:04were still so vivid,

00:53:06it made me flinch.

00:53:07The memories from last night

00:53:08rushed back

00:53:09before I could stop them.

00:53:10The burning heat of his skin

00:53:12pressed against mine.

00:53:13The sound of his breath

00:53:15ragged and warm

00:53:16against my ear.

00:53:17The ghost of it all

00:53:18still seemed to linger

00:53:19in the air around me.

00:53:21I shook my head hard,

00:53:22physically trying to shake

00:53:23myself free of it.

00:53:24Then,

00:53:25I grabbed the roughest loofah

00:53:26I owned

00:53:27and scrubbed myself raw

00:53:28over and over

00:53:30until my whole body

00:53:31was flushed pink

00:53:32and singing.

00:53:33I was trying,

00:53:35clumsily,

00:53:36desperately,

00:53:36to erase what was

00:53:37officially the worst night

00:53:39of my entire life.

00:53:41The result was that

00:53:42the pain kept me awake

00:53:43the whole night anyway.

00:53:45Asher didn't text.

00:53:46For the first time

00:53:47in six years,

00:53:48ever since we both

00:53:49got phones,

00:53:50we didn't say goodnight

00:53:51to each other.

00:53:51That was fine.

00:53:52It was going to happen

00:53:53eventually anyway.

00:53:54Tonight was as good a time

00:53:56as any to start letting go.

00:53:57I didn't fall asleep

00:53:58until just before sunrise,

00:54:00drifting in and out

00:54:01of exhaustion.

00:54:02Early the next morning,

00:54:04while I was still buried

00:54:05in sleep,

00:54:05I felt in that foggy space

00:54:08between dream and awake

00:54:09the soft press of lips

00:54:11against my forehead.

00:54:12I jolted awake.

00:54:13The first thing my eyes

00:54:14landed on

00:54:15was a jaw I knew too well

00:54:17and the soft dip of a throat

00:54:19right above me.

00:54:20The scent hit me next.

00:54:21Cedarwood.

00:54:22That cologne he always wore.

00:54:24And underneath it,

00:54:24the faintest trace

00:54:25of something new.

00:54:27Something citrusy

00:54:28that wasn't his.

00:54:29Right.

00:54:30I'd completely forgotten

00:54:31that Asher still knew

00:54:32my front door code.

00:54:33Seeing me awake,

00:54:34he shifted lower.

00:54:35and tilted his face

00:54:36down toward my lips.

00:54:37I shoved him back

00:54:38with both hands

00:54:39and scrambled

00:54:40to the far edge

00:54:40of the bed.

00:54:41He blinked,

00:54:42then let out a short laugh

00:54:43like I'd surprised him.

00:54:47Since when are you shy?

00:54:48I didn't answer.

00:54:49I just yanked the blanket

00:54:51over my head

00:54:51and disappeared under it.

00:54:53Asher started talking.

00:54:57Stella, seriously.

00:54:58You didn't say goodnight,

00:54:59you turned your phone off

00:55:00and now you're hiding

00:55:01under a blanket?

00:55:02Still avoiding me?

00:55:04Then he just

00:55:05lifted the blanket

00:55:06and slid himself

00:55:07right in.

00:55:09Hey, how many times

00:55:10have I told you

00:55:11you can't skip breakfast?

00:55:13I ran half a mile

00:55:15to get you those croissants

00:55:16from your favorite place

00:55:17and stood in line forever.

00:55:19Want to get up

00:55:20and eat now?

00:55:21Or

00:55:23get eaten?

00:55:25Reality crashed back in

00:55:27and I fought like my life

00:55:28depended on it.

00:55:29But I'm 5'2 in sneakers

00:55:31and Asher is literally

00:55:326'2 of solid muscle.

00:55:34I honestly could not

00:55:35figure out what game

00:55:36he was playing.

00:55:37He had Chloe now,

00:55:38so what was he even

00:55:39doing in my bed?

00:55:40I tried to push him away

00:55:41only to be held

00:55:42even tighter.

00:55:43Let go of me!

00:55:45After what felt like

00:55:46forever of thrashing around,

00:55:48I was panting

00:55:49and had accomplished

00:55:50nothing except being

00:55:51held even tighter.

00:55:52What's the tantrum about?

00:55:55You're mad because

00:55:56I didn't bring you

00:55:56to the party last night?

00:55:58Over something that small?

00:55:59I said nothing.

00:56:00He buried his face

00:56:01in the curve of my neck

00:56:02and actually laughed.

00:56:04Let me guess.

00:56:05Mia told you something?

00:56:07It was a party game, Stella.

00:56:09Is it really worth

00:56:10getting jealous over?

00:56:11You're doing that thing

00:56:12you always do.

00:56:14I get slightly close

00:56:15to another girl

00:56:15and you go all silent

00:56:17and sulky.

00:56:18I was so furious

00:56:19I couldn't even

00:56:20form a sentence.

00:56:21I dredged up something

00:56:22from a self-defense unit

00:56:24in gym class,

00:56:24snapped my knee up

00:56:25hard between us

00:56:26and the second

00:56:27he doubled over

00:56:28I launched myself

00:56:29out of that bed.

00:56:30Stella.

00:56:31Asher's jaw went tight,

00:56:32his whole face

00:56:33going red.

00:56:34I grabbed a hoodie

00:56:35off the floor

00:56:35and yanked it on

00:56:36over my pajamas.

00:56:38I did not want

00:56:39to be in any room

00:56:40with him

00:56:41and especially

00:56:42not my bedroom.

00:56:52Hey,

00:56:53you took that pill

00:56:54yesterday, right?

00:56:55Because I really

00:56:56don't need that

00:56:56kind of drama

00:56:57and I definitely

00:56:58don't want to have

00:56:58that conversation

00:56:59with your parents.

00:57:07Come on,

00:57:08be reasonable.

00:57:09Eat something

00:57:10before you pick a fight.

00:57:14You know

00:57:15your stomach's sensitive.

00:57:24What is actually

00:57:25going on?

00:57:27Stella,

00:57:27even a tantrum

00:57:28needs a reason.

00:57:29There have to be

00:57:30some limits here.

00:57:31I kept my voice

00:57:32ice cold

00:57:33and set it flat.

00:57:34I don't deserve

00:57:35to have any say.

00:57:37Asher snapped.

00:57:38He slammed the cup

00:57:39down on the coffee table

00:57:40so hard it cracked.

00:57:41The plastic split

00:57:43and the smoothie

00:57:43spilled out in a wave

00:57:45soaking into the rug.

00:57:46What is that

00:57:47supposed to mean?

00:57:49Who do you think

00:57:50you are, Stella?

00:57:52Who do you think

00:57:53you are?

00:57:56We slept together once.

00:57:57It was consensual

00:57:59and now you think

00:58:00you own me?

00:58:01Do you know

00:58:02how suffocating

00:58:03that is?

00:58:04His voice

00:58:05had a viciousness

00:58:06to it I had

00:58:06never heard before.

00:58:08The second

00:58:08he finished speaking

00:58:09my eyes flooded.

00:58:10No warning.

00:58:11No buildup.

00:58:12Just instant tears.

00:58:14Yesterday's humiliation

00:58:15came crashing back

00:58:16hitting me all over again

00:58:18like a fresh wound.

00:58:19Asher clearly

00:58:20hadn't expected me

00:58:21to cry this hard

00:58:22this fast.

00:58:23He looked genuinely

00:58:24thrown

00:58:24scrambling for what to do.

00:58:26He crouched down

00:58:27and said he was sorry.

00:58:28I'm sorry.

00:58:30I drank too much

00:58:31last night

00:58:31and I was out of line

00:58:32just now.

00:58:33He reached out

00:58:33to wipe my face

00:58:34but I twisted away

00:58:35putting distance

00:58:36between us.

00:58:37His hand froze

00:58:38in midair

00:58:38hovering there.

00:58:39He opened his mouth

00:58:40to keep trying

00:58:41but his phone

00:58:42buzzed.

00:58:42He glanced

00:58:43at the screen

00:58:43once and his

00:58:44entire expression

00:58:45shifted and he stood

00:58:46up and moved

00:58:47toward the door.

00:58:48I've got something

00:58:49urgent.

00:58:49Take a minute

00:58:50to calm down.

00:58:51We're going to

00:58:52college soon.

00:58:53You can't keep

00:58:54throwing fits

00:58:55like a little kid.

00:58:56Who's going to

00:58:56put up with that?

00:59:03He hadn't been gone

00:59:0430 minutes

00:59:05when Mia sent

00:59:06me a screenshot.

00:59:07Chloe's Instagram

00:59:07story just said

00:59:09I'm hungry

00:59:10and breakfast

00:59:10appeared like magic.

00:59:12Pretty sure

00:59:12this is mutual now

00:59:13with a little heart.

00:59:15The photo was

00:59:15of the exact

00:59:16same croissants

00:59:17that were sitting

00:59:18on my kitchen counter.

00:59:19I didn't respond.

00:59:20I just quietly

00:59:21wiped my eyes,

00:59:22got on my hands

00:59:23and knees

00:59:23and started

00:59:24cleaning up

00:59:25the smoothie

00:59:25Asher had spilled.

00:59:26I scrubbed

00:59:27for a long time

00:59:28before I accepted

00:59:29with a hollow

00:59:30feeling in my chest

00:59:31that the stain

00:59:32had soaked

00:59:32all the way

00:59:33through the wool rug

00:59:34and wasn't coming out.

00:59:35So I just threw

00:59:36the whole rug

00:59:37in the trash.

00:59:38It didn't matter

00:59:38anyway.

00:59:39That rug

00:59:39was something

00:59:40Asher and his parents

00:59:41had spent

00:59:42an entire afternoon

00:59:43picking out

00:59:43on a family trip

00:59:44and he'd lugged

00:59:45it home in his

00:59:46carry-on himself.

00:59:47Then I went

00:59:48through everything else.

00:59:49Every single thing

00:59:50Asher had ever

00:59:51left at my place.

00:59:52Every gift

00:59:53he'd given me

00:59:54over the years.

00:59:55Every photo

00:59:55of the two of us.

00:59:56Every small souvenir

00:59:57and keepsake.

00:59:58It took the rest

00:59:59of the day

01:00:00but I packed

01:00:00every last bit

01:00:01of it up

01:00:02and threw it all out.

01:00:06I doubted

01:00:07he'd want

01:00:08any of it back

01:00:08anyway.

01:00:09After he left

01:00:10that day

01:00:10the silence stretched.

01:00:12Days went by

01:00:12and he didn't

01:00:13reach out at all.

01:00:14Things with Chloe

01:00:15were probably

01:00:15going great

01:00:16or maybe

01:00:17he was waiting

01:00:17for me

01:00:18to be the one

01:00:18who caved first.

01:00:19In every fight

01:00:20we'd ever had

01:00:21I was always

01:00:22the one

01:00:22who broke first.

01:00:23Every single time.

01:00:25No exceptions.

01:00:26But this time

01:00:26I didn't go

01:00:27looking for him

01:00:28and I didn't

01:00:28have any reason to.

01:00:30I blocked him

01:00:30on everything.

01:00:31Text all social media

01:00:33changed my front door code

01:00:34and deleted

01:00:35every account

01:00:36he might use

01:00:36to find me.

01:00:37After that

01:00:38I called my parents

01:00:39who are both

01:00:39traveling for work.

01:00:41I told them

01:00:41I wanted to spend

01:00:42the summer

01:00:42visiting my aunt

01:00:43on the other side

01:00:44of the country.

01:00:45My plan was

01:00:45to stay there

01:00:46until school started

01:00:47then head straight

01:00:48to California

01:00:49with Mia

01:00:49instead of

01:00:50coming home.

01:00:50Other than Mia

01:00:51no one else

01:00:52knew yet

01:00:52that I'd

01:00:53changed my application.

01:00:55This plan

01:00:56should work perfectly.

01:00:57There was basically

01:00:58zero chance

01:00:58I'd run into Asher

01:00:59if I pulled this off right.

01:01:01My mom actually

01:01:02laughed over the phone.

01:01:05Oh

01:01:05so you and Ashler

01:01:06are taking a vacation

01:01:07together?

01:01:08I made up a quick

01:01:09excuse

01:01:09and didn't go into detail.

01:01:11I just told her

01:01:12I wanted to visit

01:01:12my aunt and grandma.

01:01:14I begged my dad

01:01:15to book me

01:01:15the first available flight

01:01:16and I was ready

01:01:17to leave

01:01:18that same night.

01:01:19Of course

01:01:19because the universe

01:01:20has no chill

01:01:21I ran into Asher's mom

01:01:23right at our front door

01:01:24on my way out.

01:01:26She grabbed my arm

01:01:27warmly

01:01:27and started chattering.

01:01:29Stella

01:01:29honey

01:01:30where's Asher

01:01:31he's not going

01:01:31to pick you up?

01:01:32Didn't he say

01:01:33he was taking you

01:01:34on that ski trip?

01:01:36Go have fun.

01:01:38I am 100%

01:01:40behind you two.

01:01:41I was confused.

01:01:43I had mentioned

01:01:43once during senior year

01:01:45that I'd always

01:01:46wanted to try skiing

01:01:47in Colorado

01:01:48just offhand

01:01:49but given everything

01:01:50that had happened

01:01:51between us

01:01:51the idea of going

01:01:52on a trip together

01:01:53seemed completely

01:01:54impossible.

01:01:55I was running

01:01:56out of time though

01:01:57so I said something

01:01:58vague and non-committal

01:01:59and slipped away.

01:02:00What I never expected

01:02:02was that at the airport

01:02:03I would come face

01:02:04to face with Asher.

01:02:07He was with a group

01:02:08of friends.

01:02:09Chloe was there too.

01:02:11Asher had her

01:02:11designer bag in one hand

01:02:13and his other arm

01:02:14slung around her shoulder.

01:02:15They were trailing

01:02:16at the back

01:02:16of the group.

01:02:17Every so often

01:02:18Chloe would lean her head

01:02:19toward him

01:02:20to say something

01:02:20and every single time

01:02:22without any hesitation

01:02:23he would bend down

01:02:24to listen.

01:02:25He never did that

01:02:26with me.

01:02:27Asher had always

01:02:28been taller than me

01:02:29and the gap

01:02:30had only gotten bigger

01:02:31over the years.

01:02:32When it was the two of us

01:02:33I was always the one

01:02:34bouncing on my toes

01:02:35craning my neck up

01:02:36just to catch his eyes.

01:02:38Turns out

01:02:38for the right person

01:02:39he would be the one

01:02:41who bends.

01:02:42I breathed in slowly.

01:02:43I told myself

01:02:44I needed to have

01:02:45some dignity about this.

01:02:46Whatever he did

01:02:47was none of my business.

01:02:49If I let myself

01:02:50overthink it

01:02:50I deserve to be slapped.

01:02:52But there seemed

01:02:53to be only one path

01:02:54to the gate.

01:02:55All I could do

01:02:56was stay far enough

01:02:57behind that he

01:02:57wouldn't notice me.

01:02:59By some miracle

01:02:59we eventually reached

01:03:01a fork in the terminal

01:03:02where the path split.

01:03:03Asher seemed to get

01:03:04distracted around then.

01:03:05He made a bunch of calls

01:03:06none of which

01:03:07seemed to go through

01:03:08and then spent a long time

01:03:09staring at his phone.

01:03:11Eventually

01:03:11he borrowed

01:03:12someone else's phone

01:03:13his face dark

01:03:14and unreadable

01:03:15and disappeared

01:03:16into a nearby bathroom.

01:03:17A moment later

01:03:18my phone rang.

01:03:19Unknown number.

01:03:22So you've got

01:03:22a real attitude

01:03:23on you this time.

01:03:24You're just not

01:03:25going to come to me first?

01:03:27You actually blocked me?

01:03:29Fine.

01:03:30Keep it up.

01:03:31See how great you do

01:03:32when we're both in Boston

01:03:33and you don't know anyone

01:03:34and there's no one

01:03:35to look out for you.

01:03:36Asher came out swinging

01:03:37rattling off complaints

01:03:38in one long

01:03:39irritated breath.

01:03:40I had absolutely

01:03:42nothing to say

01:03:43to any of that

01:03:43but Asher seemed

01:03:44to get angrier

01:03:45at my silence.

01:03:47I'm done talking

01:03:48about this

01:03:48just unblock me.

01:03:50I'm heading out

01:03:51of the country

01:03:51for a couple days

01:03:52with some friends

01:03:53probably won't

01:03:54have great reception.

01:03:57Don't get all

01:03:58weepy about it.

01:03:59I couldn't even

01:04:00be bothered

01:04:00to say a single

01:04:01word back.

01:04:02I hung up

01:04:02and turned my phone off.

01:04:04From across the terminal

01:04:05I watched Asher

01:04:06stalk back to his group

01:04:07his expression stormy.

01:04:09He grabbed Chloe's hand

01:04:10didn't hesitate

01:04:11for a second

01:04:12and walked

01:04:13toward the left gate.

01:04:14I let out

01:04:15a long breath

01:04:15turned around

01:04:16and headed right.

01:04:19With my family

01:04:20I performed happiness

01:04:21and honestly

01:04:22I got pretty good at it.

01:04:24I deliberately

01:04:24kept myself slammed

01:04:26with plans

01:04:26filling every gap

01:04:27in the day

01:04:28so I had no room

01:04:29to spiral.

01:04:30I definitely

01:04:31didn't add Asher back

01:04:32the way he'd demanded

01:04:33but Mia

01:04:34and some others

01:04:34kept me updated

01:04:35on his life anyway.

01:04:37Asher and his friends

01:04:38had apparently

01:04:38been screaming

01:04:39Colorado for days.

01:04:40For some reason

01:04:41he was suddenly

01:04:42posting on social media

01:04:43every single day

01:04:44which was completely

01:04:46unlike the version

01:04:47of him

01:04:47who used to go months

01:04:48without posting anything.

01:04:50Sometimes

01:04:50it was slow motion

01:04:51clips of him

01:04:52carving down the slopes.

01:04:53Sometimes it was food

01:04:54and late night parties

01:04:55but mostly

01:04:56it was big group shots

01:04:57of everyone clowning

01:04:58around in the snow.

01:04:59Even though

01:05:00I genuinely

01:05:01didn't want to see it

01:05:02somehow people

01:05:03kept sending it

01:05:04to me unprompted.

01:05:05Everyone was

01:05:06very casually curious

01:05:07about why I hadn't

01:05:08gone with Asher.

01:05:09I didn't know

01:05:09what to say

01:05:10so I just told people

01:05:12I had family stuff

01:05:13going on.

01:05:13Mia was the only one

01:05:14who openly called him

01:05:16a trash human.

01:05:17Everyone else around me

01:05:18seemed to be

01:05:18constantly stopping

01:05:19themselves from

01:05:20saying something.

01:05:21I knew

01:05:21they'd probably figured

01:05:23out something was wrong.

01:05:25In every single

01:05:26group photo Asher posted

01:05:28he and Chloe

01:05:28were glued together

01:05:29inseparable.

01:05:30But that spot beside him

01:05:32had been mine for years

01:05:33just mine.

01:05:34Every time I saw

01:05:35one of those photos

01:05:36my face stayed

01:05:37completely neutral

01:05:38but something deep

01:05:39in my chest would clench.

01:05:40He was the first person

01:05:41I ever fell for

01:05:42someone I had genuinely

01:05:44completely

01:05:45embarrassingly loved

01:05:46for such a long time.

01:05:48In the middle of the night

01:05:48alone

01:05:49I would fall apart a little

01:05:50and sometimes

01:05:51I felt this stubborn

01:05:52stupid feeling

01:05:53that I wasn't ready

01:05:54to let go.

01:05:55But every time

01:05:56that feeling started rising

01:05:57I'd replay his words

01:05:59and give myself

01:06:00a mental slap.

01:06:01I'd repeat it to myself

01:06:02over and over.

01:06:03Stella

01:06:03don't be pathetic

01:06:04that's the fastest way

01:06:06to make yourself

01:06:07even less worth respecting.

01:06:08Just hold on

01:06:09a little longer.

01:06:10Once the detox period

01:06:11was over

01:06:12everything would be fine.

01:06:13We went a full month

01:06:14without any contact.

01:06:16The longest we'd ever gone

01:06:17since the day we met.

01:06:18Distance and time

01:06:19turned out to be

01:06:20the best medicine.

01:06:21I ground through

01:06:21the worst of it

01:06:22and came out

01:06:23the other side.

01:06:24Just when I'd reached

01:06:25the point where I didn't

01:06:26think about him

01:06:26every hour of every day

01:06:28he switched to a new number

01:06:29and called me

01:06:30from across the country.

01:06:34So you're just that bold

01:06:36running off without me

01:06:37and staying this long?

01:06:39Summer's almost over

01:06:41Stella.

01:06:42Did you forget you promised

01:06:44to go on a trip with me?

01:06:45Maybe it was because

01:06:46we'd gone so long

01:06:47without talking

01:06:48but underneath

01:06:49all the complaints

01:06:50his voice had this edge to it

01:06:52almost careful.

01:06:53I still didn't want

01:06:54to talk to him.

01:06:55I was about to hang up

01:06:56when his mom

01:06:56snatched the phone.

01:06:58Stella!

01:06:58Sweetheart!

01:06:59Are you having fun out there?

01:07:01This boy won't tell me anything.

01:07:03I only just found out

01:07:04you two had a fight.

01:07:06Don't be too hard on him, honey.

01:07:08When you come back

01:07:10I'll make him apologize

01:07:11to your face.

01:07:12Oh, and Ashler

01:07:13just got his acceptance letter

01:07:15today.

01:07:16Yours should come soon too.

01:07:17Have you thought about

01:07:18when you'll come home

01:07:19for your going away party?

01:07:21I've got a little surprise planned.

01:07:23Ashler's mom

01:07:24had been like a second family

01:07:26to me since I was little.

01:07:27I couldn't bring myself

01:07:28to hang up on her

01:07:29so I stayed on

01:07:30and let her talk.

01:07:31I'm not really planning

01:07:32to have a party.

01:07:33My parents are always traveling

01:07:34and honestly

01:07:36we can just do

01:07:36a video call thing

01:07:37with family.

01:07:38I probably won't be back

01:07:39before school starts anyway.

01:07:41I'll just come home

01:07:42right before move in.

01:07:43I didn't even finish

01:07:44the sentence

01:07:44before Ashler

01:07:45took the phone back.

01:07:46His breathing was heavy.

01:07:48I could feel the anger

01:07:49coming through

01:07:49from 3,000 miles away.

01:07:53Stella

01:07:54I'm literally the one

01:07:55reaching out first here.

01:07:56How much longer

01:07:57are you going to keep this up?

01:07:59If you don't come back

01:08:00don't expect me

01:08:01to wait for you.

01:08:02I'll head to Boston

01:08:03without you.

01:08:04He delivered the threat

01:08:06in this cold

01:08:06flat voice

01:08:07waited

01:08:08and waited

01:08:09without getting

01:08:10the answer he wanted.

01:08:11My acceptance letter

01:08:12had already arrived

01:08:13at home.

01:08:14When they saw

01:08:14the school name

01:08:15on the letter

01:08:16my parents finally found out

01:08:17I'd changed my application.

01:08:19My mom video called me.

01:08:20Hi baby.

01:08:22Why didn't you talk to us

01:08:23before changing

01:08:24your application?

01:08:25Does Asher know?

01:08:27His mom called this morning

01:08:28asking if your letter

01:08:29had come yet.

01:08:31I had no words.

01:08:36Baby,

01:08:36how are we supposed

01:08:37to feel okay

01:08:37about you going

01:08:38all the way

01:08:38to California alone?

01:08:39Aren't you the kid

01:08:40who's terrified of bugs

01:08:42and can't handle heat?

01:08:43You really think

01:08:44you can manage?

01:08:46Don't call me

01:08:46to come deal with it

01:08:47for you.

01:08:48That school has a lot

01:08:49to offer

01:08:50and Mia will be

01:08:51going there too.

01:08:52You don't have to worry.

01:08:53Is this about

01:08:54a fight with Asher?

01:08:56Because

01:08:56that's not a reason

01:08:58to switch schools

01:08:59across the country.

01:09:01What if you change

01:09:02your mind in a week

01:09:03and want him back

01:09:04then what?

01:09:05It's hard at your caption.

01:09:07I just decided

01:09:08to say it straight.

01:09:10Asher has a girlfriend.

01:09:12Mom,

01:09:13Dad,

01:09:13I have my own life

01:09:16and I don't want

01:09:17to just orbit

01:09:17around his forever.

01:09:19So please support

01:09:20my choice

01:09:21and please keep

01:09:22it between us

01:09:23for now.

01:09:24My parents

01:09:25looked at each other

01:09:26for a long time

01:09:27without speaking.

01:09:28The only thing

01:09:29they asked

01:09:30was that I come home

01:09:31sooner rather than later.

01:09:32School was starting soon

01:09:34and they wanted

01:09:35time with me.

01:09:35My mom mentioned

01:09:36that Asher had gone off

01:09:37on another trip

01:09:38with friends

01:09:38the very next day

01:09:40after getting

01:09:40his acceptance letter.

01:09:41He'd been gone

01:09:42for days.

01:09:43His mom was apparently

01:09:44calling my mom regularly

01:09:46asking when I was

01:09:47flying back.

01:09:48On the day I landed

01:09:49my parents showed up

01:09:50at the airport

01:09:50dressed like they were

01:09:51going somewhere formal.

01:09:53I woke up from my nap

01:09:54on the drive

01:09:54I realized

01:09:55they'd pulled up

01:09:56to a five star hotel.

01:09:58I was still half asleep

01:09:59when my mom grabbed my arm

01:10:01and steered me

01:10:02through the lobby

01:10:03and right there

01:10:04standing in the middle of it

01:10:05was Asher

01:10:06who I hadn't seen

01:10:07in months.

01:10:08My feet

01:10:09stopped moving

01:10:10on their own.

01:10:11Asher was an

01:10:12a perfectly fitted

01:10:13black suit

01:10:13leaning casually

01:10:14beside the lobby fountain

01:10:16like something

01:10:16out of a magazine spread.

01:10:18Just one summer

01:10:19was all it took.

01:10:20The boyish edge

01:10:21had faded

01:10:21and he looked

01:10:22exactly like

01:10:23the version of him

01:10:24I used to imagine

01:10:25when I tried

01:10:25to picture him

01:10:26grown up.

01:10:27Something complicated

01:10:28twisted in my chest.

01:10:29I'd avoided

01:10:30this moment for months

01:10:31and now here it was

01:10:32sprung on me

01:10:33with no warning.

01:10:34Stella

01:10:35it's Ashler's

01:10:36going away party

01:10:37we figured

01:10:38we'd pick you up

01:10:38and bring you

01:10:39straight here.

01:10:40You said you didn't

01:10:41want a party

01:10:42of your own

01:10:42right?

01:10:44Ashley asked his parents

01:10:45to set the date

01:10:46for the day you got back

01:10:47so you can kind of

01:10:48both celebrate together.

01:10:49Asher seemed to

01:10:50sense something

01:10:50because right then

01:10:52he casually glanced over

01:10:53and his gaze

01:10:54landed directly on mine.

01:10:56My heart

01:10:56lurched sideways

01:10:57still felt like

01:10:58the floor dropped out

01:10:59but Asher moved first.

01:11:01he took one step

01:11:02toward us

01:11:03and then Chloe

01:11:03appeared out of nowhere

01:11:05and slipped her arm

01:11:06through his.

01:11:06She pulled him

01:11:07along with her

01:11:08smiling wide

01:11:09and walked right

01:11:10over to us.

01:11:12Oh my gosh

01:11:13Stella

01:11:13you're back!

01:11:15I've been wanting

01:11:15to properly meet you

01:11:17forever.

01:11:18I always saw you

01:11:19around with Asher.

01:11:21I'm from the AP track

01:11:23so we never

01:11:23officially met

01:11:24and

01:11:26I'm genuinely

01:11:27sad about that.

01:11:29Yeah.

01:11:30Asher looked

01:11:30vaguely uncomfortable.

01:11:32Why would you

01:11:32want to get to know her?

01:11:34She's just a drama queen

01:11:35who throws fits.

01:11:37I honestly

01:11:38thought she'd

01:11:39stayed in her

01:11:39aunt's state forever.

01:11:40The world

01:11:41will keep on turning

01:11:42and your name

01:11:43will be forgotten.

01:11:44I had nothing

01:11:45to say to that.

01:11:45There was genuinely

01:11:46no response.

01:11:48Chloe's silver

01:11:48bodycon dress

01:11:49was covered

01:11:50in tiny crystals

01:11:51that caught

01:11:51every bit of light

01:11:52in the room.

01:11:53I glanced down

01:11:54at myself.

01:11:54White tea,

01:11:55jeans,

01:11:56sneakers,

01:11:56hair that still

01:11:57had a slight

01:11:58slept on way

01:11:58from the plane.

01:11:59I looked like

01:12:00I'd made a wrong

01:12:01turn on the way

01:12:02to a convenience store.

01:12:03I brought a dress

01:12:03for you baby.

01:12:04You can go change

01:12:05in the powder room.

01:12:06I nodded

01:12:06then shook my head.

01:12:07There was no point.

01:12:09This wasn't my party.

01:12:10Asher kept staring

01:12:11at me with this

01:12:12unreadable expression.

01:12:13Chloe's eyes

01:12:14kept flicking

01:12:15back and forth

01:12:15between the two of us.

01:12:17Luckily,

01:12:17a few more guests

01:12:18arrived just then

01:12:19and Chloe

01:12:20immediately pulled

01:12:21Asher over

01:12:21to greet them

01:12:22like she was already

01:12:23the hostess.

01:12:24Mom,

01:12:24let's go in.

01:12:24I'm a little hungry.

01:12:28It was a small gathering.

01:12:29Asher had only

01:12:30invited close family

01:12:31and a handful of friends.

01:12:33Every single person

01:12:34I knew

01:12:34looked visibly shocked

01:12:35when they saw me

01:12:36walk in.

01:12:37I just smiled

01:12:38and said hello

01:12:39and acted like

01:12:40I didn't notice.

01:12:40But nobody was subtle

01:12:41about their curiosity.

01:12:43The people watching

01:12:44energy was off the charts.

01:12:47I slipped out

01:12:48to the terrace

01:12:49for some air

01:12:50and could immediately

01:12:51hear a small group

01:12:52in the hallway

01:12:52cornering Asher

01:12:53for the gossip.

01:12:56Wait,

01:12:57didn't Stella

01:12:57fall out with you

01:12:58over the Chloe thing?

01:12:59Why is she here?

01:13:00Did she come crawling back?

01:13:02She's just quick-tempered

01:13:03and in a mood.

01:13:04She always comes around

01:13:05after a couple of days.

01:13:06We've known each other

01:13:06our whole lives.

01:13:07She's not actually

01:13:08going to cut me off.

01:13:09I mean,

01:13:09Stella's genuinely great.

01:13:11She's been ride or died

01:13:11for you for years.

01:13:12All of us are low-key jealous

01:13:13of how she treats you.

01:13:14But like,

01:13:15one is your childhood

01:13:16best friend

01:13:16and honestly,

01:13:18Stella's amazing.

01:13:19But it also feels

01:13:20kind of limiting.

01:13:22I'm young.

01:13:22I don't want to only

01:13:23ever have one person.

01:13:24That's too predictable.

01:13:25I need to see

01:13:26what else is out there.

01:13:27But that doesn't mean

01:13:28anything has to end

01:13:29as long as I know

01:13:30there's always a light

01:13:31on at home for me.

01:13:33You're such a player.

01:13:34I'd heard enough.

01:13:35I backed away

01:13:36as quietly as I could.

01:13:37The evening breeze

01:13:38hit my face

01:13:39and I felt my eyes

01:13:41go hot.

01:13:41I just hated myself

01:13:43for spending so many years

01:13:44being blind

01:13:45to who he actually was.

01:13:47I was in absolutely

01:13:49the worst mood

01:13:50of the entire summer.

01:13:52But Asher's mom

01:13:52was thrilled to see me

01:13:54and spent most of dinner

01:13:55doting on me

01:13:56refusing to let go

01:13:57of my hand.

01:13:58Stella,

01:13:59Boston can get really dry

01:14:00in winter.

01:14:01Let Asher take you

01:14:02shopping tomorrow

01:14:03and stock up

01:14:03on some good moisturizers.

01:14:05Oh, it's fine.

01:14:06There are plenty of shops

01:14:07out there

01:14:07and online shopping

01:14:08is so easy.

01:14:09She nodded warmly

01:14:10and turned to my mom.

01:14:11I already picked out

01:14:13all the bedding

01:14:13for the dorms.

01:14:14Got a set for Asher

01:14:16and one for Stella

01:14:16at the same time

01:14:17all four seasons covered.

01:14:19Boston winters

01:14:19are brutal.

01:14:20I went with really

01:14:21thick comforters

01:14:22and got a few

01:14:23winter coats for Stella

01:14:24too.

01:14:25Don't you worry

01:14:25about a thing.

01:14:26My mom made a face

01:14:27like she'd swallowed

01:14:28something.

01:14:29All of that would be

01:14:30completely useless

01:14:31in California.

01:14:31But she didn't want

01:14:32to embarrass anyone

01:14:33so she thanked

01:14:34her graciously.

01:14:35Chloe,

01:14:36sitting nearby,

01:14:37looked like she was

01:14:38biting through her own

01:14:39cheek.

01:14:39Asher's mom

01:14:40didn't seem to notice.

01:14:41She kept right on

01:14:42talking,

01:14:42addressing both of us.

01:14:44Once you're both

01:14:45in Boston,

01:14:46you'll be each

01:14:47other's family.

01:14:48Asher,

01:14:49you better take

01:14:49good care of Stella

01:14:50and stop making

01:14:51her upset.

01:14:52You hear me?

01:14:52Asher threw a glance

01:14:53my way with zero

01:14:54expression.

01:14:56She doesn't need

01:14:57anyone to look after

01:14:58her.

01:14:58She's perfectly capable

01:14:59of flying on her own.

01:15:00The table got a little

01:15:01stiff and that's when

01:15:03Chloe smoothly cut in.

01:15:04Oh, don't worry.

01:15:05My school is in Boston

01:15:06too.

01:15:06I'll be there to look

01:15:07after Asher.

01:15:08And Stella will be

01:15:09all the way in

01:15:10California anyway,

01:15:11so it's not really

01:15:12practical.

01:15:13Before she even

01:15:14finished the sentence,

01:15:16Asher and his

01:15:16parents' faces changed.

01:15:18California?

01:15:19Every single one

01:15:21of them looked at

01:15:22me and asked it

01:15:23at the same time.

01:15:25Asher, you didn't

01:15:26know?

01:15:26It's been on the

01:15:27school's honor board.

01:15:28Oh wait, you haven't

01:15:30been back to campus.

01:15:31Every pair of eyes

01:15:32at the table

01:15:32swiveled to me.

01:15:34Under the weight

01:15:34of all that attention,

01:15:35I quietly nodded.

01:15:37My mom stepped in

01:15:38to explain.

01:15:39Stella made a last

01:15:40minute decision to

01:15:41change her application.

01:15:43She's going to a

01:15:44great school in

01:15:45California and it's

01:15:47actually the perfect

01:15:48program for her.

01:15:49Asher didn't believe

01:15:50it.

01:15:50He grabbed my hand

01:15:51and made me look at

01:15:52him.

01:15:54Stella, I literally

01:15:55watched you fill out

01:15:56that application.

01:15:57We were going to

01:15:58the same school.

01:15:59His grip was tight

01:16:00enough to actually

01:16:01hurt and it pushed

01:16:02me over the edge.

01:16:04Yeah, I changed it.

01:16:05What does it have

01:16:06to do with you?

01:16:07Asher looked

01:16:08stunned for a

01:16:08second, then started

01:16:09laughing like I'd

01:16:11said something

01:16:11ridiculous.

01:16:12You're joking.

01:16:13You're literally the

01:16:14girl who jumps onto

01:16:15my back at the

01:16:16sight of a bug and

01:16:17you're moving to

01:16:18California?

01:16:19And you're moving

01:16:20to California?

01:16:21I pulled out my

01:16:22phone, found the

01:16:23crystal clear photo

01:16:24of my acceptance

01:16:25letter and held it

01:16:26up in his face.

01:16:27Asher took the

01:16:27phone, zoomed in,

01:16:29zoomed out, read

01:16:30it over and over and

01:16:32finally let out a

01:16:33laugh that had no

01:16:34humor in it at all.

01:16:35In the middle of

01:16:36everyone's gasps, he

01:16:37grabbed my wrist and

01:16:39pulled me out of the

01:16:40dining room.

01:16:42He pulled me into a

01:16:43side room and locked

01:16:44the door behind us.

01:16:45Asher planted himself

01:16:46against it, cutting

01:16:47off any escape and

01:16:48came at me hard.

01:16:50Stella, I cannot

01:16:51believe you.

01:16:51You're so mad that

01:16:53you just forget our

01:16:54whole plan, go behind

01:16:55my back and commitment

01:16:56to a school across

01:16:57the country.

01:16:57I lifted my head.

01:16:58I took a breath and

01:16:59made myself look him

01:17:00straight in the eye.

01:17:01I have my own plans.

01:17:04Since when do I have

01:17:05to build my entire

01:17:06future around what

01:17:07you want?

01:17:08Asher, be honest with

01:17:09yourself.

01:17:10Are you actually upset

01:17:11about the plan?

01:17:12Or are you upset

01:17:14because I'm not

01:17:14available to be your

01:17:15fallback girl anymore?

01:17:16The color drained

01:17:17from his face.

01:17:18What is that supposed

01:17:19to mean?

01:17:20Could you not phrase

01:17:20things like that?

01:17:22We're adults.

01:17:23That night was

01:17:24completely mutual.

01:17:25Are you seriously

01:17:26still bringing that up?

01:17:27I was embarrassed,

01:17:27but I held his gaze

01:17:29anyway.

01:17:29Asher, if you like

01:17:30someone else, you

01:17:31could have just said

01:17:31so.

01:17:32I'm not so shameless

01:17:33that I would have

01:17:34kept throwing myself

01:17:34at you.

01:17:35But you knew you

01:17:36didn't like me back

01:17:37and you just watched

01:17:38me walk straight

01:17:38into the flame.

01:17:39That was fun for you,

01:17:40wasn't it?

01:17:40Even now, he still

01:17:41didn't get it.

01:17:42People don't say

01:17:43goodbye until they've

01:17:44completely run out of

01:17:45hope.

01:17:45He flushed.

01:17:46Something in what I

01:17:47said hit.

01:17:48His face went from

01:17:49white to red,

01:17:49and he visibly swayed.

01:17:51What do you even

01:17:52listen to what you're

01:17:53saying?

01:17:54You...

01:17:54He couldn't finish

01:17:55the sentence.

01:17:58Stella, we've known

01:17:59each other since we

01:17:59were eight years old

01:18:00and we're 18 now.

01:18:02If you're choosing to

01:18:03walk away from what

01:18:04we have, then we

01:18:05don't have to be

01:18:06friends either.

01:18:06And with just that,

01:18:08he turned and

01:18:08walked out of the

01:18:09hotel.

01:18:17From that day until

01:18:18the day I left for

01:18:19school, I never saw

01:18:20Asher again.

01:18:21Mia sent me a

01:18:22screenshot of his

01:18:23official couple's

01:18:24post with Chloe.

01:18:25I deleted it without

01:18:26even opening it.

01:18:27Every mutual friend

01:18:28connected to him, I

01:18:29blocked.

01:18:30There was genuinely

01:18:30no point in following

01:18:32any of it anymore.

01:18:36The only exception

01:18:37was the day I flew

01:18:38out to California.

01:18:39Of course, because

01:18:40the universe has a

01:18:41terrible sense of

01:18:42humor, I walked

01:18:43straight into Asher

01:18:44at the airport again,

01:18:45with Chloe still

01:18:46glued to his side.

01:18:47When we passed

01:18:48each other, he said

01:18:49a stiff hello to my

01:18:50parents and kept

01:18:51walking, clearly

01:18:52still angry.

01:18:53He didn't look at

01:18:53me once.

01:18:54We scattered in

01:18:55different directions

01:18:56and neither of us

01:18:57looked back.

01:18:58Right before I got

01:18:58to the security line,

01:19:00I glanced over and

01:19:01caught Asher at his

01:19:02gate, about to board.

01:19:03He gave me one

01:19:04cold, flat look and

01:19:06then disappeared

01:19:06through the door

01:19:07without turning

01:19:08around.

01:19:08The person who had

01:19:09been part of every

01:19:10chapter of my

01:19:11growing up, we were

01:19:12finally, completely

01:19:13done.

01:19:14Different destinations

01:19:15at last, and I

01:19:16hope yours goes

01:19:17well.

01:19:17I said it only to

01:19:18myself.

01:19:19After that, a

01:19:20long, long time

01:19:21passed without

01:19:22either of us hearing

01:19:23a single thing

01:19:24about the other.

01:19:25I specifically

01:19:25asked my parents

01:19:26not to bring up

01:19:27anything related to

01:19:29Asher or his

01:19:30family in front of

01:19:30me.

01:19:31Over New Year's

01:19:32break, a girl from

01:19:33our high school

01:19:33came to visit.

01:19:34He's nothing like

01:19:35that cold, focused,

01:19:37straight-A guy he

01:19:37was in high school.

01:19:38He's completely

01:19:39different.

01:19:42Honestly, if you

01:19:44ran into him now,

01:19:45you might not even

01:19:46recognize him.

01:19:47I didn't say

01:19:48anything.

01:19:49Mia kicked her

01:19:49under the table and

01:19:50smoothly changed the

01:19:51subject, and the

01:19:52girl dropped it.

01:19:53We did the New

01:19:54Year's countdown by

01:19:55the water, and Mia

01:19:56told me to make a

01:19:57wish.

01:19:58Hope New Year,

01:19:59Syria parent healthy,

01:20:00conceding under the

01:20:01world.

01:20:01I realized it was the

01:20:03first wish I'd ever

01:20:04made that had

01:20:04absolutely nothing to

01:20:05do with him.

01:20:06For a full six years

01:20:08of my life, every

01:20:09single wish I made

01:20:10had involved Asher in

01:20:11some way.

01:20:13Mia, happy New Year!

01:20:15I felt genuinely

01:20:16happy.

01:20:17I knew I had

01:20:18finally, actually,

01:20:20completely let go.

01:20:22The first winter

01:20:23break of college, I

01:20:24missed my parents so

01:20:25badly I couldn't

01:20:26stand it.

01:20:27The second my last

01:20:28exam was done, I was

01:20:29on the first flight

01:20:30home.

01:20:31What I didn't expect

01:20:32was that Asher had

01:20:33come to the airport

01:20:34with my parents to

01:20:35pick me up.

01:20:35After half a year

01:20:37apart, we had both

01:20:38changed.

01:20:38He was thinner, had

01:20:39dyed his hair, but

01:20:40was still, honestly,

01:20:42annoyingly good

01:20:43looking.

01:20:44I've always had

01:20:44terrible judgment

01:20:45about people, but my

01:20:46taste has never been

01:20:47the problem.

01:20:48Why else would I

01:20:49have been trailing

01:20:50after him since we

01:20:51were five?

01:20:51Hey there, big bro

01:20:52Asher.

01:20:53He stared at me like

01:20:54I'd spoken a different

01:20:54language.

01:20:56We ran into him

01:20:57outside.

01:20:58He insisted on

01:20:59coming along to

01:20:59help.

01:21:00I smiled and waved

01:21:01her off.

01:21:02It was fine.

01:21:04In the car, I

01:21:05immediately launched

01:21:07into all the funny

01:21:07things that had

01:21:08happened at school,

01:21:09and my parents were

01:21:10the whole ride.

01:21:11No one was paying

01:21:12any attention to

01:21:13Asher.

01:21:17He seemed like he

01:21:19wanted to come

01:21:19inside when we got

01:21:20home, but all three

01:21:21of us politely turned

01:21:22him down together.

01:21:23My grandma and my

01:21:24aunt had both come

01:21:25back to celebrate the

01:21:26holidays that year.

01:21:27New Year's Eve was

01:21:28loud and packed with

01:21:29family.

01:21:30After the big dinner,

01:21:31the older relatives

01:21:32parked themselves in

01:21:33front of the TV,

01:21:34while the rest of us

01:21:35were teaching each

01:21:35other card games.

01:21:36That's when Asher

01:21:37showed up at the

01:21:38door with his

01:21:38parents, arms full of

01:21:40bags.

01:21:40Our house is too

01:21:41quiet tonight.

01:21:42Hope you don't mind

01:21:43us crashing your

01:21:44game.

01:21:48Our house is too

01:21:49quiet tonight.

01:21:50Hope you don't mind

01:21:51us crashing your

01:21:51game.

01:21:52Asher's mom laughed

01:21:53as she walked in.

01:21:54Every year growing

01:21:55up, the two families

01:21:56had spent the holiday

01:21:57together.

01:21:58This year, because of

01:21:59everything that had

01:22:00happened, my mom had

01:22:01turned down the

01:22:01invitation to share

01:22:02the big dinner.

01:22:03But you can't

01:22:04exactly turn people

01:22:05away once they're

01:22:06at your door.

01:22:07Asher settled

01:22:08himself naturally.

01:22:09My cousins had no

01:22:10idea about any of

01:22:11the drama and kept

01:22:12teasing us like they

01:22:13always had.

01:22:14I laughed it off.

01:22:16It's not what you

01:22:17think.

01:22:18Asher's expression

01:22:18went a little flat.

01:22:20When midnight came

01:22:20and we all went

01:22:21outside for sparklers,

01:22:24he caught my arm and

01:22:26looked like he was

01:22:27working up to say

01:22:27something.

01:22:28My phone rang.

01:22:29My face went a

01:22:30little warm.

01:22:30It was a guy from

01:22:31one of my clubs at

01:22:32school.

01:22:34Hi, Stella.

01:22:35I'm just a bit

01:22:36bored and wanted to

01:22:37say Happy New Year

01:22:38to you.

01:22:38A local California

01:22:40boy named Jake.

01:22:41He was good looking

01:22:42too.

01:22:42Not in that cold,

01:22:44aloof way.

01:22:44More like the guy

01:22:45who's always laughing

01:22:46at everything and

01:22:47making you laugh right

01:22:48along with him.

01:22:49He never ran out of

01:22:50things to say and he

01:22:51had a way of making

01:22:52me completely lose it

01:22:54at the most random

01:22:54things.

01:22:55We talked for a

01:22:56while longer and

01:22:57when he finally hung

01:22:58up, Asher was

01:22:59standing right behind

01:23:00me with a face like a

01:23:01thundercloud.

01:23:03Boyfriend?

01:23:05Not yet, I guess.

01:23:10Not yet, I guess.

01:23:12I thought about it and

01:23:13answered honestly.

01:23:14I assumed he was

01:23:14done, but then he

01:23:15spoke again.

01:23:17Long distance guys

01:23:18aren't always reliable.

01:23:19You should find

01:23:20someone local,

01:23:21someone you actually

01:23:22know.

01:23:25I nodded.

01:23:26Something in that

01:23:27seemed to land

01:23:27somewhere tender.

01:23:28You're right.

01:23:29You really can't

01:23:29tell with people.

01:23:30I'll keep my guard

01:23:31up.

01:23:32Asher went quiet

01:23:33for a very long

01:23:34time.

01:23:35I assumed he was

01:23:36done.

01:23:37I didn't think too

01:23:38hard about it.

01:23:39Thanks for the

01:23:40advice, big bro.

01:23:41You should figure out

01:23:42your own situation

01:23:43too.

01:23:43He'd always been

01:23:44unpredictable like

01:23:45that.

01:23:45After that, I spent

01:23:46the rest of break

01:23:47bouncing around

01:23:48visiting relatives

01:23:49with my grandma

01:23:50and parents and

01:23:51then we did a

01:23:51little road trip.

01:23:52I was barely home.

01:23:53I didn't run into

01:23:54Asher once.

01:23:55The break was short

01:23:56and soon enough I

01:23:57was back at school.

01:23:58But the very next

01:23:59day after I arrived,

01:24:01Asher was standing

01:24:01outside my campus

01:24:02gate.

01:24:04Asher, what are

01:24:05you doing here?

01:24:06I wanted to see

01:24:07what your school

01:24:08looks like and check

01:24:10if you're actually

01:24:11doing okay out

01:24:11here.

01:24:13Really well,

01:24:14actually.

01:24:15The food here is

01:24:15amazing.

01:24:16You should look up

01:24:16some spots and

01:24:17try them.

01:24:18Stella, can't you

01:24:20come eat with me

01:24:21just once?

01:24:24Sorry about that,

01:24:25man.

01:24:26I've already got

01:24:26Stella booked.

01:24:27You'll have to get

01:24:28in line.

01:24:29Stella, you came

01:24:31back to school

01:24:31this early for him?

01:24:35Sorry, Asher.

01:24:36We're heading out

01:24:37to eat.

01:24:38I'll see you.

01:24:39Let's go.

01:24:40Didn't you say the

01:24:40place was far?

01:24:41Stop standing there.

01:24:42Asher was still

01:24:43standing at the

01:24:44campus gate watching

01:24:45us and under the

01:24:46shadow of the trees,

01:24:47he looked incredibly

01:24:48alone.

01:24:49He suddenly started

01:24:51showing up in my

01:24:51world constantly.

01:24:52I never found out

01:24:54what excuse he gave

01:24:54his school, but he

01:24:56kept appearing in

01:24:56California out of

01:24:57nowhere.

01:24:58He started showing

01:24:59up with gifts,

01:24:59flowers, bags,

01:25:01jewelry, and I

01:25:02turned every single

01:25:03one down.

01:25:04When there was

01:25:04nothing else to do,

01:25:05he'd just sit

01:25:06outside my dorm

01:25:07building and refuse

01:25:08to leave no matter

01:25:09how many times I

01:25:10asked.

01:25:11Whenever he managed

01:25:11to catch me, he'd

01:25:12fall into step

01:25:13beside me to every

01:25:14single class, then

01:25:15follow me to the

01:25:16dining hall.

01:25:17Jake was visibly

01:25:18miserable about the

01:25:19whole thing.

01:25:20Asher's mom had

01:25:20been calling and

01:25:21messaging me from

01:25:22multiple angles.

01:25:23She begged me to

01:25:24please talk some

01:25:25sense into him.

01:25:26I was beyond

01:25:26done.

01:25:27I genuinely could

01:25:28not figure out what

01:25:29Asher thought he

01:25:30was doing.

01:25:32Stella, why does

01:25:34Jake get to pursue

01:25:34you but I don't?

01:25:36Son of white

01:25:37to stas.

01:25:38He's known you for

01:25:39what, a few months?

01:25:41How many years have

01:25:42I known you?

01:25:44No one in this

01:25:45world understands you

01:25:46the way I do, not

01:25:47even your parents.

01:25:48And no one is

01:25:49better for you than

01:25:50me.

01:25:56Ashler, do you

01:25:57genuinely not

01:25:58remember what you

01:25:59did?

01:26:00Ask yourself

01:26:01honestly, did you

01:26:03ever actually treat

01:26:04my feelings like

01:26:05they mattered?

01:26:07You just liked the

01:26:08ego boost of having

01:26:09me chase after you.

01:26:11You knew no matter

01:26:12what you did, I

01:26:13wouldn't leave, so

01:26:14you just did whatever

01:26:15you felt like with

01:26:15my heart.

01:26:17Yeah, I did some

01:26:18things wrong back

01:26:19then.

01:26:20I was young, I

01:26:21thought the whole

01:26:22world was waiting

01:26:22for me, and I

01:26:23didn't want to feel

01:26:24like I was tied to

01:26:25any one person.

01:26:26I owe you a real

01:26:27apology, Stella.

01:26:29I'm sorry.

01:26:31But even if you

01:26:31treat me like a

01:26:32stranger, can I at

01:26:33least have the

01:26:34chance to start over

01:26:35and earn it back?

01:26:36After you left, I

01:26:37realized I don't

01:26:37know how to live

01:26:38without you in it.

01:26:40I can't imagine

01:26:41going forward and

01:26:42not having anyone to

01:26:43share everything with.

01:26:44Honestly, since

01:26:45leaving you, I

01:26:46figured out that real,

01:26:47mutual feelings don't

01:26:49require you to shrink

01:26:50yourself down to

01:26:50nothing.

01:26:51I can just be

01:26:52myself.

01:26:52My mood doesn't

01:26:53have to orbit around

01:26:54someone else's, and

01:26:55when I realized that, I

01:26:57started to wonder if

01:26:58what I felt back then

01:26:59was ever real love, or

01:27:01just something a

01:27:02younger, more naive

01:27:03version of me

01:27:03invented.

01:27:07But, but, we made

01:27:10promises.

01:27:13We said we'd go to

01:27:14college together, study

01:27:15abroad together, travel

01:27:16the whole world

01:27:17together.

01:27:18Are you going to

01:27:18walk away from all

01:27:19of that too?

01:27:20Stella, are you going

01:27:21to leave all this

01:27:22behind too?

01:27:23You broke the

01:27:24promises first, and

01:27:26I've already found

01:27:27someone I want to do

01:27:28all of those things

01:27:29with.

01:27:32Stop, Stella, please,

01:27:33just stop.

01:27:39Maybe you're not

01:27:40actually in love with

01:27:41me.

01:27:42Maybe you just can't

01:27:43stand the idea of

01:27:44losing.

01:27:44Asher, honestly, it's

01:27:47time for you to move

01:27:48on too.

01:27:51I didn't wait for a

01:27:52response.

01:27:53Jake had been waiting

01:27:54across the street for a

01:27:55while.

01:27:55I jogged over, and he

01:27:56immediately reached down

01:27:58and took my hand.

01:28:01Finally shook the

01:28:02ex?

01:28:04Did you tell him I've

01:28:05got full bug patrol

01:28:06rights now?

01:28:06He doesn't get a single

01:28:07one?

01:28:10Everyone is going

01:28:10through their own

01:28:11goodbyes.

01:28:12As for us, it's

01:28:14finally completely

01:28:15over, fading away

01:28:18like the rain.

01:28:19Everyone in the

01:28:19middle of their own

01:28:20goodbye.

01:28:21And just like that,

01:28:22the two of us were

01:28:23finally, completely

01:28:24over.

01:28:25Scattered like rain.

01:28:26Okay.

01:28:28Bye.

01:28:31Bye.

حين رحلت من حياته

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