- 2 days ago
Studio C - Season 22 Episode 6 -
Beef Lotion
tele: https://t.me/TopFilmUSA1
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Beef Lotion
tele: https://t.me/TopFilmUSA1
#film#shows#usa#usashows#hot#filmhot
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FunTranscript
00:03I'm so glad we're going on this anniversary trip to Hawaii, honey.
00:06Me too. We haven't been on vacation in ages. I'm so excited to snorkel.
00:12What's that? What's happening?
00:14Oh, probably just a little turbulence.
00:16I don't think that's turbulence, babe. I think we're going down.
00:19We're going down. Ruby, I have to confess something to you and our final precious moments together.
00:24What is it, Mark?
00:26You know when you got that new haircut and I said that I loved it?
00:30Oh, I actually think it's bad.
00:33It just looks like somebody took an old mop and dipped it in bleach.
00:38It's just awful. I swore I'd never tell you.
00:41What?
00:42A huge weight's been lifted off my shoulders.
00:45I'm ready to die now.
00:55Oh, we're okay.
01:02I'm going to get a ginger ale.
01:06Ginger ale just feels like a plane drink, doesn't it? I only drink it on planes.
01:11Wait a minute. Why didn't you tell me? I got this haircut seven years ago and you hate it?
01:17Who said that?
01:19You did. Five seconds ago.
01:21Huh?
01:21Oh, when we were going to crash?
01:24Oh, no. This is it. Ruby, my love.
01:26Before we go down, I have to tell you something I've been holding in for years.
01:30You don't have to confess something.
01:32Yes, I do. This is difficult for me to say, but I don't like your corn chowder.
01:39It's a bit too salty for me.
01:42I'm sorry for making yummy noises all those years.
01:46I was faking it.
01:50Oh, I'm ready to die now. Hold me, baby.
01:55Oh, can I get a ginger ale?
02:02No ice.
02:06Oh, they have the movie Crazy Stupid Love.
02:10Okay, why didn't you just say something earlier?
02:12I just barely noticed they have the movie.
02:15About the chowder.
02:17This movie. It's crazy and stupid.
02:21And love.
02:24I'm just going to nap until we land.
02:26Hiya, folks. This is your captain speaking.
02:29We're expecting about ten small bouts of turbulence.
02:34No need to make any dying declarations or confessions.
02:38Ruby, wake up. This is it.
02:40You know on Thursdays when you have Pilates.
02:42Please. I...
02:45Never mind.
02:48Great.
02:49I take an entire loaf of bread and I smush it into a big ball.
02:57And I eat it like it's an apple.
03:00I...
03:02I call it bread ball Thursdays. I love it.
03:07Oh, I'm ready now.
03:09Take me, Ocean.
03:10Take me!
03:12Oh, thank you.
03:15Oh, I said no ice.
03:20Okay.
03:26Oh, we're going down!
03:29You know those freestyle raps I do that you love so much?
03:32No, I write them out ahead of time.
03:36They're not off the cuff. Please.
03:39Stop this.
03:40I've been clipping my toenails on the rug in the living room and I just leave the clippings there.
03:47Mark!
03:48Swallow me whole, watery mother.
03:50Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
03:59There's more.
04:05I don't have a job.
04:10I just sit in my car all day.
04:14And sometimes when I take out my contact lenses, I just throw them wherever.
04:20Oh, and one night when you were sleeping. Oh, no. Oh, I snuck in the night trying to fix your
04:27awful haircut.
04:30Oh, but I just made it more moppy.
04:32Oh, and I've resented you for it ever since.
04:38Okay, fine. I have a confession, too. I told you I love your freestyle raps, but I really don't.
04:46What? I married a stranger.
04:54My heart is broken and I'm here to say, I can't do it off the cuff.
05:02I want to run into the night. I want to step inside. Cause I know what we can do.
05:16I want to run into the night. I want to step into a dream with you.
05:23I want to run into the night. I want to step inside. Cause I know what we can do.
05:34Mom, Dad, this is Kyle.
05:36Hey, so good to meet you.
05:38We've heard so much.
05:39Same. Thanks for taking us to dinner. I've never been here before.
05:44Oh, okay. Oh, thank you.
05:48We love this restaurant. The waitstaff is really attentive.
05:52I can see that. Very cool.
05:59It's almost overwhelming.
06:02Hi there, folks. I'm Tilly and I'll be obsessing over you today.
06:06Can I get some waters for the table?
06:08Oh, yeah.
06:20Kyle, Ali tells us that you're in actuarial sciences.
06:24What is that?
06:25I, uh, I work in, uh, risk assessment and, uh, financial analysis at Liberty.
06:40Liberty, uh, United.
06:43Are we ready to order?
06:44On special, we have wild-caught salmon or steak medallions in a mushroom sauce.
06:49Oh, salmon sounds great.
06:50Uh, I'll take it browned on one side, pink in the middle, slice of lemon on top.
06:54I'll do the same.
06:55And instead of lemon, I'll get a squidge of lime.
06:58Can I get the medallions?
06:59Medium rare.
06:59No salt and just a hint of black pepper.
07:07Kyle, honey, your order?
07:12Uh, I'll just have the steak.
07:16Just however you want to do it.
07:30So sorry for the delay.
07:34Delay, that was, like, two seconds.
07:36These waiters are really attentive.
07:47Thank you so much.
07:55I know it's a little chaotic, babe, but my parents love this place.
07:58Please, just be cool.
08:00Pretty good service, huh, Kyle?
08:01Have you ever been served like this before?
08:03I can't say that I have, uh, Mr. Davis.
08:08Oh, call us Eleanor and Robert.
08:10Well, uh, Eleanor and Robert, Allie tells me you recently got back from a trip to Italy.
08:15Oh, pardon my reach.
08:16Mm.
08:19Yes, Florence is just beautiful this time of year.
08:21Oh, how's that first bite tasting?
08:24Oh, it's good.
08:27You know, I did a study abroad in Italy.
08:31How's that second bite tasting?
08:34How's that second bite tasting?
08:35I did a semester in Rome.
08:38And how's that third bite tasting?
08:40Good.
08:41Good.
08:41It's good.
08:43You just can't put a price on good service.
08:45Hard to find these days.
08:48Hey, Kyle, Allie tells me you're no slouch on the golf course.
08:51Maybe we should help the old links one of these days.
08:56How's that eleventh bite tasting?
08:58Okay, okay.
08:59Can you please back up for two seconds?
09:07You don't like le restaurant?
09:13You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat the servants.
09:18I'm sorry.
09:19I just thought we'd have a little more space to talk.
09:23I really love your daughter and just wanted to get to know her parents without distraction.
09:28Kyle, I'm glad you said that.
09:31No hard feelings.
09:32Hey, I'm paying.
09:34My treat.
09:39Oh, tip.
09:41Three percent?
09:42The service just didn't wow me.
09:45One dollar.
09:59Dry skin bumming you out.
10:01You okay over there, Ted?
10:02My skin's so dry.
10:04What do I do?
10:05Why don't you just use moisturizer?
10:06I wish, but I'm not a woman.
10:09Here.
10:09Now men can use moisturizer, too.
10:12What's this?
10:13It's lotion for men.
10:14It's packed with essential hydrating ingredients like shea butter, ceramides, and beef.
10:20Go ahead, try some.
10:21Beef lotion is the only lotion with over 80 grams of protein per pump.
10:26So soft.
10:27It combines the lotion your skin craves and the beef your manhood needs.
10:32And beefy.
10:34So now you don't have to choose between soft skin and being a man.
10:40Our scientists in the lab have formulated the perfect blend to help you lock in moisture.
10:46And Jeff, our chief beef officer, put beef in it.
10:49Who has good beef?
10:51Yeah, right.
10:53Beef lotion even fights that pesky dry winter skin.
10:56Nice dash, Jordan.
10:59A nice skin, me.
11:02And protects you from the harsh sun.
11:05Don't forget sunscreen, honey.
11:07Already covered.
11:08Those little saucy chunks of beef block 100% of the sun's UV rays.
11:13Mmm.
11:14That tastes like dinner.
11:15Not too much.
11:16I don't want to get burned.
11:19Finally, an all-in-one beef cream.
11:22Fetch, Fido.
11:23So you have more time to do the things you love.
11:26Fido, fetch.
11:28And it saves you money on dog food.
11:30Fetch.
11:31Fetch.
11:33Fetch.
11:35Fido, fetch.
11:36Oh, hey, guys.
11:37Yeah, okay.
11:39Fido, fetch.
11:42Lotion?
11:43That stuff's for girls.
11:44And introducing...
11:46Hey, heads up.
11:47Discreet beef lotion.
11:49So you'll never have to be embarrassed about using lotion again.
11:53Beef lotion.
11:54Lotion for men.
11:56By men.
11:57Beef lotion contains 100% raw beef.
11:59Cooked to an internal temperature of 145 degrees before applied.
12:03Yeah.
12:04Here we go.
12:06Mark is back with the freestyle.
12:09My heart is broken and I'm here to say
12:11I eat a big bread ball every Thursday.
12:15Don't like your chowder.
12:16I prefer another.
12:18Swallow me whole, you watery mother.
12:20Don't have a job.
12:22Just chill in the car.
12:24Toss my contacts out wherever.
12:26Your hair is bleached just like a mop.
12:29I've hated that thing ever since the swap.
12:33Oh, that was just straight up off the top of the dome.
12:36Trust me, I've made that up.
12:37Very little planning.
12:41Wait, what's the song that goes like...
12:47I don't know.
12:48Hmm.
12:49It's trying to make me crazy.
12:51Oh, I'll just ask Kazam.
12:53You mean Shazam?
12:55What?
12:55I don't know what that is.
12:57Hey, Kazam!
12:58Who dares to wake me?
13:03Whoa.
13:08Are you Shaquille O'Neal?
13:10Don't call me that.
13:14I am Kazam!
13:19He's in character right now.
13:21Wait, Kazam?
13:22Like that movie from the 90s?
13:24Why is he here?
13:25To answer my song questions.
13:28Hey, Kazam, what's the song that goes like...
13:37I don't know.
13:41Pretty cool, right?
13:45I'm confused.
13:46Is this like a service?
13:48Or did you personally reach out to Shaq?
13:51Kazam.
13:52Right.
13:52Yeah.
13:53He's here dressed as his character from the movie Kazam.
13:56Just in case you want to ask him the title of a song?
14:00Kiri, relax.
14:02He's just a big guy in a genie costume.
14:06Just give it a chance.
14:08Ask him a question.
14:09Okay.
14:10Um, hey Kazam, what's the weather like today?
14:12Look outside!
14:16Uh, I don't know.
14:17I only do song questions.
14:21Okay, fine.
14:22Um, who sings since you've been gone?
14:24Britney Spears.
14:24What?
14:26No.
14:26Katy Perry.
14:27No.
14:28I don't know.
14:31Yeah, pretty cool, huh?
14:33He didn't...
14:34He didn't even get it right.
14:36Where does he go when he's not answering questions?
14:39I hang out in my car!
14:42And why does this happen?
14:44Uh, I was bored.
14:46Searching for a purpose.
14:49Right.
14:49Don't you have, like, shows and stuff you're doing?
14:51Yeah, but I finally found something I love, that I'm good at.
14:56You're good at basketball.
14:58Mm-hmm.
14:58You're not good at this.
15:01It's actually crazy how bad you are at this.
15:03Come on, give Kazam a chance.
15:05Do another one.
15:06Yeah, come on.
15:07Fine.
15:07Um, R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
15:10Macarena.
15:10Yeah.
15:12What?
15:13Uh, I don't know.
15:15Incredible.
15:16Do you know any songs?
15:17Uh, I know the Happy Birthday to You song.
15:20Ooh.
15:20And, uh, I know the one from the McDonald's commercial that goes,
15:24ba-da-ba-ba-ba.
15:25Ooh.
15:26Ooh.
15:28I'm loving it.
15:30Why'd you say that?
15:33He doesn't even know the song.
15:35Carrie, don't yuck the man's yum.
15:39He has purpose here.
15:40Please.
15:41Yeah, please.
15:42Okay.
15:44Fine.
15:44I'll just stop asking questions and enjoy Kazam being here.
15:48Yeah.
15:49Thanks.
15:49Hm?
15:50Hey, Kazam.
15:51Hm?
15:51What's the song that goes like,
15:52and that's how I be Czech?
15:57Macarena.
16:12I know this is overdue, but, uh, here we are.
16:15This is where I live.
16:17Babe, it's a great place.
16:19Whoa.
16:20You never told me you have a bird.
16:23Oh, yeah.
16:24That's, uh, that's my pet parrot.
16:25Do you like him?
16:26Yeah.
16:27I honestly don't know much about birds, but he looks cool.
16:31Oh, I left the Parmesan in the car.
16:33Keep him company while I'm gone?
16:34Oh, yeah.
16:39Um, hello.
16:42Hello.
16:45You can talk?
16:46All right?
16:47You can talk.
16:49Of course I can talk.
16:50Are you dumb?
16:51Are you dumb?
16:55Well, I used to think so, but now I can talk to animals, so.
17:02Hello.
17:03Hey, how you doing?
17:05Sorry, you're just making me think things I've never thought before.
17:10Hey, how you doing?
17:12I'm great.
17:15I'm talking to a bird.
17:18Do I have superpowers?
17:21Hello.
17:22You're right.
17:23Hello.
17:24Of course I do.
17:27Got the cheese.
17:29And a cracker.
17:32Polly want a cracker.
17:33Polly want a cracker.
17:36Wait.
17:37You can understand him, too?
17:39Yeah.
17:40He's speaking English.
17:43Polly want a cracker.
17:43Oh, duh.
17:46Right.
17:47That makes sense.
17:49Or does it?
17:53Forgot my keys in the car.
17:54I'll be right back.
17:55Love you.
17:57I love you.
18:00You don't even know me.
18:04You can talk.
18:05Okay, so you know one thing about me.
18:07Big whoop.
18:08I love you.
18:10You love the idea of me.
18:15Hey, how you doing?
18:17Are you seriously flirting with me?
18:20I said no.
18:21You love the idea of me.
18:27Okay, have I thought about it?
18:28Sure.
18:29You're a very impressive bird, hey?
18:34And I like that.
18:36But we can never be together.
18:38I love Daryl.
18:39Polly want a cracker.
18:40Well, this cracker's taken.
18:45Babe, I'm just going to say it.
18:47Your bird wants me.
18:49Sorry, no time.
18:50Got to go to the bathroom like right now, right now.
18:53I'm on to you, buddy.
18:56You don't even know me.
18:58Oh, yeah?
18:59Well, I know you want Daryl out of the picture.
19:01What were you going to do?
19:03What were you going to do, kill him?
19:04Have I thought about it?
19:05Sure.
19:08You sick, sick bird.
19:11Why?
19:12I love you.
19:14You never loved me.
19:17You only loved yourself.
19:20Big whoop.
19:25I never want to see you again.
19:28Hello.
19:31Goodbye.
19:35All right.
19:36Where were we, Nora?
19:39Where'd you go?
19:41Did she say anything before she left?
19:43We could never be together.
19:46No, but I love her.
19:48Big whoop.
19:49You're a sick bird, you know that?
19:51Nora!
19:54If I can't have him, no one can.
20:06Oh.
20:23You... don't like the restaurant!
20:31Kyle!
20:32Kyle!
20:33Kyle!
20:34Allie tells...
20:35Kyle!
20:52Cause we got...
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