00:05Oh, Sylvia made her mashed potatoes.
00:11Yeah, they're pretty good.
00:14Good?
00:15They are like happiness in your mouth.
00:19So tasty.
00:21So life-affirming.
00:24Oh, here it comes.
00:28Joey, are you crying right now?
00:32Full scope.
00:36Full scope.
00:40Oh, sunglasses inside.
00:44For you, half scoop, Mr. Cool.
00:50Hi.
00:53Oh, Miss Hollywood, you were singing in the line yesterday.
00:58Half scoop.
01:00No, no, no, no.
01:01See, that was my twin sister, Liv.
01:04I personally can't sing.
01:05Sing it loud.
01:09Please don't half scoop me.
01:11Okay.
01:13Full scoop.
01:15But never sing again.
01:18I promise I will not.
01:22Careful, she's extra prickly today.
01:25Yeah.
01:25Thanks for the warning.
01:27Hey, stink breath.
01:30Hey, rat boy.
01:33You wish rats ate this garbage.
01:37Ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:39You are very funny, boy, Joey.
01:42For you, I give special treat.
01:46The shop teacher make for me a double school.
01:54Thank you, Syl.
01:58Yeah.
01:59I don't care what everyone says about you.
02:01You are a black-hearted troll with a horrible personality.
02:11Oh, did I forget to mention?
02:13Syl's my girl.
02:16Oh, did I forget to mention?
02:27Oh, did I forget to mention?
02:36Oh, did I forget to mention?
02:38Oh, did I know?
02:38There you come on and follow.
02:41You dance to your own beat.
02:43I'll sing the melody.
02:45When you say yeah.
02:49I'll say no.
02:51When you say stop.
02:54All I want to do is go, go, go.
02:57You, you, the other half of me, me, the half I'll never be, me, the half that drives me crazy.
03:07You, you, the better half of me, me, the half I'll always be, me, we both know, we're better in
03:18stereo.
03:32Diggie! Hey! This is a surprise. There's a little, you have, there's something in your eyebrows.
03:39Oh, yeah, that's, that's frost. It's, um, minus 30 degrees in Tundrapania right now, which means it's almost the start
03:48of swimsuit season, though.
03:50Huh? Uh, look, I really need a favor. The anniversary of the day that I met Maddie is coming up.
03:57I know! Your me-tiversary! Maddie's so excited.
04:02I know, me too. Um, can you pick up her gift at Towner's Sporting Goods for me?
04:06Sporting Goods? Do they sell jewelry at sporting goods stores in Wisconsin and nobody told me?
04:14No, um, I'm getting her these really cool sweatbands.
04:19Sweatbands? Sweatbands? As in, like, bands that hold sweat?
04:24Yeah, I mean, I'd get them myself, but they don't sell sweatbands in Tundrapania because here, if you sweat, you
04:31die from frostbite.
04:34And you're absolutely sure that for your me-tiversary with Maddie, you want to get her sweatbands?
04:42Yeah, she's gonna love them.
04:44She's gonna hate them!
04:47Ugh, Dickie is such a boy.
04:51But you know what? This is Maddie's relationship, so I'm not gonna butt in.
04:56Nope, my butt has better things to do.
05:01Butting out!
05:05I'm totally butting in.
05:11Hey, Mom.
05:13Hello, sweetheart.
05:18What have you done with my mom?
05:20Don't ask questions, Dr. Pidgeys! Take that alien down!
05:23Parker!
05:25It's me!
05:26That's what an alien would say!
05:31Tell us something only Dr. P's mother would know.
05:35All right.
05:36I could tell you Parker's middle name.
05:38No, Mom, don't!
05:41What's wrong with your middle name?
05:44It's the worst middle name in the history of middle names.
05:48Consider my interest piqued.
05:52Oh, no!
05:53You're not finding out my middle name.
05:56Let it go, people.
05:58Oh, I'm finding out.
05:59The people want to know.
06:02Oh, Mom, I can't believe you put this stuff on your face.
06:07No!
06:08Okay, that too cost $100, and this was a $50 squeeze.
06:13What?
06:14Can you believe how pricey that is?
06:17Parker Geraldine Rooney?
06:23Geraldine?
06:24That'd be a step up.
06:27Mom, seriously, you're spending $100 on this,
06:31and yet you won't buy the good baloney?
06:34Boys, all baloney is the same.
06:38She is an alien!
06:40You can give me his middle name, and I'll stand down.
06:45Leslie?
06:47Are you done?
06:58Okay.
07:00Face gabbing in.
07:03Five.
07:04Four.
07:06Three.
07:07Two.
07:08Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah.
07:19What are you doing?
07:20Oh, I, no, I thought you were counting me in.
07:28Hey, Rudy.
07:30Stop.
07:34Stop.
07:37Listen, I only have a few minutes to face gab.
07:40The Tundrabanian Internet is about to go offline.
07:43What?
07:44No, we, like, barely got to talk yesterday.
07:47I know.
07:48I'm bummed, too, but it's third winter,
07:50so it's even too cold for satellite waves to be outside.
07:55Will we at least get to face gab for our anniversary tomorrow?
07:59Oh, definitely.
08:02And sent you a little something.
08:06I sent you a gift, too.
08:08I'm so excited.
08:10I put a lot of time and thought into it.
08:12Actually, I put more thought than time,
08:13because after I sent it, I still thought about it.
08:15I'm still thinking about it right now.
08:17I'm so excited.
08:20Oh, and gift inequality.
08:23Maddie's going to give Diggy something really sweet and meaningful,
08:26and all Diggy's going to give her is sweatbands.
08:31Maddie's going to be so crushed.
08:33I mean, like, sweat-free, but just so crushed.
08:38I can't wait.
08:39Oh, you're going to love your gift.
08:41Not as much as you're going to love mine.
08:43I don't know.
08:44Mine's pretty great.
08:45Mine's relationship-defined.
08:46Well, mine's...
08:51I so totally won that, right?
08:55Oh, Jack, love is so weird.
08:59What do you think you got me?
09:02What?
09:03Uh, why are you asking me?
09:05Why would I know that?
09:08Why are you looking at me?
09:09Five, four, three, two.
09:11Oh, yeah, yeah.
09:26Hey, Sylvia.
09:28The circus called.
09:30They want you back in your cage.
09:34Enjoy your double scoop, Mr. Funny Man.
09:39Sylvia, what's that, uh...
09:40What's that picture behind you?
09:43That's my dog, Boris.
09:46Oh, dog?
09:47I thought someone pinned that disgusting thing up to scare the cockroaches away.
09:55Did you just insult my Boris?
10:00My darling baby poochie pie?
10:08Oh, what are you doing?
10:11What are you?
10:13Half scoop.
10:15No.
10:19Corner scoop.
10:22I didn't even know there was a corner scoop.
10:25Oh, what is that?
10:31Aged, pickled fish.
10:34In my country, we serve to prisoners, traitors, and people who hurt my feelings.
10:41Come on.
10:43It's your boy, Jojo.
10:46Time to go-go, Jojo.
10:49Oh, Sylvia.
10:50No.
10:53Sylvia.
11:10I would like to say this is the weirdest thing I've ever seen in this backyard,
11:15but honestly, it's not even close.
11:19Welcome to the ground floor of Dr. P's Cosmetics.
11:23Our motto is, you give us your loot, we make it cute.
11:29I looked at the ingredients in your tube of beauty and realized we can make it ourselves.
11:34Wait, wait.
11:35You're making beauty products?
11:37It was easy.
11:39We just had to farm some honey, get algae from Reggie's fish tank,
11:43and go to the Stevens Point Caverns to harvest bat poop.
11:49Now, you could go to the store and pay $100 for face cream,
11:56or you can try art cream for the low, low price of two months' worth of bologna.
12:04The good bologna.
12:07Wow.
12:08Homemade cosmetics from sixth graders.
12:10How tempting.
12:13Go ahead and be skeptical.
12:14But the only thing you have to lose is years off your face.
12:20It works.
12:21I'm 25, but you never know it.
12:26Okay, I'll give it a try.
12:30Smart move, Mrs. Roondog.
12:32It's gonna make you more beautiful than you already are.
12:36Oh, I am so close to telling you Parker's middle name.
12:40Mother.
12:41Huh?
12:42I will release the bees on you.
12:51Elmer, stop.
13:01Oh, hi, honey.
13:03Feel my elbows.
13:06Weird, but I'm game.
13:13You should feel what this cream did for my feet.
13:16Ew.
13:18Wait.
13:19No, ew.
13:23Mom, I need to talk to you about something.
13:25So, Diggy asked me to help pick up a gift for Maddie.
13:29That is so sweet.
13:31What did he get him?
13:35Um, sweatpants.
13:36No.
13:38No.
13:38Yes, this is, uh, Diggy's idea of a romantic gift.
13:42Ugh.
13:43Boys.
13:45You know, for our first wedding anniversary, your father got me a stepstool.
13:53Okay, and don't you wish Dad had had a helper to stop that gift disaster before it happened?
13:59Every time I change a light bulb.
14:02Okay, good.
14:03Because I sort of helped Diggy with Maddie's gift, even though he doesn't know I helped him.
14:08Is that totally wrong?
14:10Because I got this and I think it's super cute.
14:12Oh, that is an adorable Ridgewood porcupine.
14:17You did a very nice thing for your sister.
14:21Thanks, Mom.
14:23Although, you know, it does feel like something's missing, doesn't it?
14:25How about we lose the sweatpants and add...
14:30This.
14:31Oh.
14:32Oh.
14:35You're welcome, Diggy.
14:37Do you always have a tiara in your bag?
14:40You never know when you might need one.
14:42Mm-hmm.
14:47Hey.
14:49What's up, Hobbit?
14:52Something's different.
14:54Did you start bathing with soap?
14:59You insulted Boris.
15:03Carter scoop.
15:06Next.
15:07I was starving.
15:10And not just for food, but also for the chit-chat over chipped beef.
15:15So I decided to take a page from Liv and Maddie's twin buck.
15:20Boris?
15:22Your darling baby Poochie Pie?
15:25Sylvia.
15:26Syl, Syl.
15:27I would never make fun of him.
15:30Oh, wait, wait, wait.
15:34Was my identical twin brother here yesterday?
15:37You don't have an identical twin.
15:41Sure I do.
15:42His name is Michael.
15:44He just got back from Europe where he's been studying chess.
15:47He enjoys strudel-making and pretending to be me and ruining my good name.
15:54You never mentioned a twin before.
15:57Yeah, well, you never mentioned the hair coming out of your ears, but we both know it's there.
16:04If you really have a twin, you bring him here tomorrow to apologize.
16:11Oh.
16:13You want my identical twin brother here tomorrow.
16:16Okay.
16:17Not a problem.
16:19So, how about a double scoop of those fluffy mashed potatoes as a show of good fate?
16:28You're right.
16:29Tomorrow's perfect.
16:38Oh, yes!
16:40My meat-a-versary gift from Dickie is here.
16:45Nope.
16:47No.
16:47He wants to open these together over a face gab.
16:52I can do that.
16:54I'm a very patient individual.
17:00But not today, because it's our meat-a-versary!
17:05I was so happy to give Maddie and Dickie the greatest meat-a-versary ever.
17:11I bet that cute little porcupine is sopping wet with tears of joy right now.
17:24Hey!
17:27Hey!
17:31Um.
17:33Wow.
17:34Looks like a crime scene in here.
17:37What happened?
17:40love died
17:44yeah
17:45Diggy sent me this stupid
17:47stuffed porcupine and I thought it was a gag
17:49and there was something good inside so
17:51I tore it apart and then when there was
17:53nothing good inside I tore it apart some more
17:58uh
17:59why is a stuffed porcupine
18:01stupid
18:03I mean you two are both rich with porcupines
18:06that sounds really meaningful
18:08and and and touching
18:09to me
18:12well not compared to the
18:14incredibly meaningful gift that I sent him
18:18what did you send him
18:21please don't be sweatpants
18:22please don't be sweatpants
18:23please don't be sweatpants
18:24please don't be sweatpants
18:26I got him sweatpants
18:28no
18:35no
18:35no
18:36no way
18:39sweatpants
18:40what a great gift
18:43why is that a great gift
18:49okay this is gonna sound really silly
18:51but the day that Diggy and I met
18:54I had just finished whipping him in basketball
18:57all in me
19:01hey sweetie
19:02you just lost to someone a foot shorter than you
19:19better get a rematch Rooney
19:25oh
19:27sweatpants have huge emotional meanings and ramifications and nuances
19:35yeah but I guess the whole thing just meant nothing to him
19:41kind of feel like an idiot
19:47maddie
19:52hi
19:52so I have something to tell you
19:55and get ready to laugh
19:58yeah she
20:00did not laugh
20:03Liv how could you
20:05well the good news is you don't have to be mad at Diggy anymore
20:08you're right I'm not mad at Diggy I'm mad at you
20:11but I was just trying to help
20:13well you didn't
20:14because of you when Diggy face gabbed me I yelled
20:17how could you be so stupid and then hung up on him
20:21what
20:21no um okay we'll just call him back we'll make it right
20:25oh well I can't
20:27the Tundrabanian internet is down until tomorrow
20:30Liv you've ruined my meativersary
20:33I didn't mean to
20:35well you did
20:37can you just stay out of my relationship with Diggy
20:40and while you're at it might as well stay out of my life
20:54greetings madame I am Michael
20:57Joey's twin
20:58the jockster who you found
21:01not so funny
21:05you look like Joey
21:07oh weird I did the good twins
21:10what aren't you understanding about this
21:12anyway please accept my apology
21:16your dog is adorable
21:18there is no need to boris my brother Joey
21:21of whom I am identical to
21:23and sometimes pretend to be
21:29when you installed the boris
21:32you no talk with accent
21:35well it is all part of the ruse
21:38to pretend I am Joey
21:41nerd stuff
21:42what is happening
21:44booyah
21:51get Joey
21:53I want to see him too
21:56Joey
21:58my pleasure
22:00once again
22:01your dog is magnifique
22:19I want to see you and your brother together at the same time
22:31oh
22:32okay
22:34I'll get him
22:35but for the record
22:36you have trust issues
22:38that you really need to work through
22:43here we are Sylvia
22:45me and my identical twin brother Michael
22:48cute dog
22:50ha ha ha
22:55you are not buying any of this are you
22:58no
22:59but I wanted to see how far you were going to go with it
23:07look Sylvia
23:08I didn't know you would be so sensitive about your dog
23:11I am really really sorry
23:14tell me what I got to do to
23:15get us back to how we used to be
23:19it's not me
23:20that you have to apologize to
23:31okay
23:32is it just me
23:34or is boris
23:36maybe slightly
23:37just a little bit
23:39dead
23:39he lives on in my heart
23:44now apologize
23:49boris
23:50please accept
23:53my apology
23:54now make
23:56smoochy woochy
23:57with my poochie poochie
24:02mwah
24:12we cut now pop breath
24:14oh I am good
24:16but you probably have fleas
24:24so
24:25your mom liked the skin cream
24:28yep
24:29and now I'm up to my ears in bologna
24:32and not just any bologna
24:36Lunsford's ranch bologna
24:38the best bologna of all
24:42more bologna aid
24:47I'd be delighted
24:59Parker
25:01oh she sounds mad
25:04start the baloney
25:20whoa
25:21what happened
25:23your cream
25:25happened
25:25Reggie
25:26you will now hear
25:28Parker's middle name
25:29no mom
25:30no
25:30yes
25:31Parker's middle name
25:34is
25:35it's bad enough
25:36that my best friend knows
25:38you guys aren't finding out
25:41oh man
25:42you hate your son
25:46well I never intended
25:48his name to be punishment
25:49but I'm glad it is
25:52I can't wait to tell
25:53everyone at school
25:54your name is
25:55Parker
25:55nothing to see here
25:57people
25:58move along
26:05hey
26:06what are you doing
26:07trying to get diggy
26:08back on face gap
26:09for like 24 hours now
26:11okay be careful
26:13with your computer
26:14it's lives
26:15okay carry on
26:21okay
26:21Maddie
26:23I am so sorry
26:25that I messed up
26:26your meetiversary
26:26but I got you
26:28a second gift
26:28and I think it's
26:29going to really
26:29make up for it
26:30wait Liv
26:30I don't want
26:31another gift from you
26:33and there is
26:34absolutely nothing
26:35that you can do
26:35to make this up to me
26:36no no no
26:37okay listen Maddie
26:38I know what I did wrong
26:39I should have put
26:40the sweatbands
26:41on the porcupine
26:42before I gave it to you
26:43Liv
26:43I never wanted
26:44a porcupine
26:46are you sure
26:48not even
26:50this
26:52porcupine
26:58happy
26:59happy
26:59anniversary
26:59Rooney
27:01diggy
27:03wow
27:05oh wow
27:06you're so cold
27:08yeah
27:08I'm told
27:09that's saving you
27:10for a while
27:12the hell
27:13are you even
27:13here right now
27:14I actually
27:15contacted
27:16the Tundra
27:17Banian consulate
27:18and they agreed
27:18to fly diggy
27:19out for the weekend
27:21the only catch
27:22is that I do
27:23have to do
27:23a concert there
27:24over my spring break
27:25but
27:26oh spring break
27:27yeah that's
27:27their fourth winter
27:29there are seven
27:32each one colder
27:33than the last
27:36Liv
27:36thank you so much
27:38for doing this
27:38for us
27:39this is the
27:39best
27:40meetiversary
27:41gift ever
27:42okay
27:51what's that
27:52Rooney
27:56are you sure
27:58you don't want
27:58to take this off
28:01still
28:02still cold
28:06this is really
28:07nice
28:08yeah
28:09I kind of got
28:11used to seeing
28:11you on a computer
28:15yeah
28:15now we're all
28:16up close
28:17and personal
28:19for like a few
28:20days
28:23um
28:26you know
28:26our
28:27first kiss
28:28was
28:29over the
28:30computer
28:33I was kind
28:34of wondering
28:36maybe what it
28:37would be like
28:38in person
28:40yeah
28:41I miss you
28:46diggy
28:47my man
28:51are you
28:53a town
28:53just for me
28:54oh
28:55you know
28:56tomorrow's
28:57our
28:57meetiversary
28:58come here
28:59some
29:00you
29:01are you
29:01you
29:03you
29:04you
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