00:02Are you nervous? I got you surrounded. If I roll a 9 or a 6, it's over. Do you need
00:12some tissue in case you start crying when you lose? Are you going to bark all day, little
00:19doggy? Or are you going to bite? When I first moved to Hollywood, my little brother Parker
00:27was 6 and still wore footsie choo-choo train pajamas. He's grown up a lot, Timson. Yes, a
00:39five! Monkey bubble time. My sister Maddie, not so much. We're playing a board game we invented
00:53while you're in Hollywood. It's a mashup between I Rule the World and Smack It and Smack It.
00:59We call it I Smack Your World. Two, four, six, three! Smack It!
01:10I mean, the two of them have had four years together to make up games and build forts and
01:17play in dirt. But now it's time for me to do all those things for Parker. You know,
01:23minus the game, sports, and dirt part. Do you want to play? Sure, yeah. Do I require
01:30a helmet? A helmet? Come on, Hollywood. Join us in the real world where we like a little
01:38smack in the head. This game actually gets really intense. Mom banned us from playing in
01:45the living room because one time Parker rolled a 10 and on his ninth cartwheel knocked over
01:50Great Graham's urn. Their memory still lives on. In the dirt back. So, I missed out on getting
02:03to know Parker and I think I might have missed a funeral. I thought Great Graham was still with us.
02:12Oops!
02:13Oops!
02:17Oops!
02:21I'm up with the sunshine, I lace up my hot socks. When you're done, ready or not, yeah,
02:29show me what you got. I'm under the spot, I dare you come on and follow. You dance to your
02:38own beat, I'll sing the
02:40When you say yeah, I say no, when you say so, all I want to do is go, go, go.
02:52You, you, you're the help of me, me, the help will never be, me, the help could just be crazy.
03:02You, you, we're better half of me, me, the help will never be, me, the help will never be, me,
03:09the we both know, we're better in stereo.
03:16All right, Karen, tonight's the last night. The pastrami palace is open. You ready?
03:25What's wrong?
03:28Hi, honey.
03:32I'm trying to loosen my phlegm so we can go, but I am so sick.
03:37Oh, I was sick.
03:38Sick of that pastrami palace.
03:40We'd been there four times since he found out it was closing.
03:44So, I faked a little flu to get out of going.
03:47See, a big part of a healthy marriage is strategic lying.
03:52I'd suck it up, but I'd hate to ruin your night of pastrami.
03:58And now I'd hate to ruin my night of six episodes of Downton Abbey.
04:04I love you, Mr. Bates.
04:08Hey there.
04:10Want to come with me and eat your weight and pastrami?
04:14I would love to, but I just had pastrami like three years ago.
04:19All right.
04:20I guess I'll just have to eat enough for everybody.
04:24Um, do you sit downstairs, bathroom, when you get home?
04:32Joey, it's Friday night.
04:34What are you doing sitting around?
04:36You should be out with your friends.
04:39Dad, I am with 12 of my friends right now.
04:46We're playing Wheels of Anger 6.
04:49I just stole your car.
04:53No, yeah, one second, Harold.
04:56I got a P.O.S.
04:59Parent over shoulder.
05:05Dad!
05:07Listen, Joey, when I was your age, there was no way you would have caught me at home on a
05:13Friday night.
05:14I'd have been out, having fun.
05:19I'm fun.
05:22Sure you are, Dad.
05:24And I'm super athletic and super smooth with the ladies.
05:31Listen, I'm headed out to my old high school hangout at the Pastrami Palace.
05:36Why don't you come with me?
05:39And I'll show you some real fun.
05:44Dad, there is absolutely nothing that could happen to make me want to do that.
05:53Hi, Joey.
05:54Hi.
05:57I'm here to study with Maddie, but I wore a new body spray in case I saw you.
06:02Take a quick.
06:05It's okay, Willow.
06:06I can smell it from here.
06:08I've got a bolt, though.
06:10I have a date with my dad.
06:12And fun.
06:15So much fun.
06:19I think I'm too shy.
06:26Sorry about that cold, Mom.
06:28Mom, you know, you need some chicken soup and, uh, acting lessons.
06:35Dad might believe you're really sick, but one actress to another, you are no actress.
06:41I'm so relieved.
06:43I didn't want to have to pretend to be sick all night.
06:49Your dad's out.
06:50Parker's leaving for a sleepover with his karate buddies.
06:53That means I've got a date with Downton Abbey.
06:58Do not interrupt unless there's a fire.
07:02Mom!
07:06Ready for the sleepover?
07:08Yeah, I got you all packed up and ready to go.
07:11Uh, go where?
07:12The sleepover's here.
07:14Oh, no, no, no, Parker.
07:16I've got it marked on the calendar.
07:18Your sleepover is at our house.
07:21You forgot?
07:23My dojo bows are coming any minute.
07:26Look, this party has to be epic.
07:28I need playground boys at school.
07:32Playground boys?
07:33Look, I need kids to be talking about this at recess so I get invited to other parties.
07:40Parker?
07:42I'm going to shop around your party.
07:44You are?
07:45You are?
07:47Yeah, I mean, Mom is just way too sick to do it.
07:51Oh, I am.
07:52I am so sick.
07:55Thanks, Lou.
07:56Oh, wait, Mom.
07:58Don't forget this.
07:59And remember, do not use these tissues too quickly or else you'll get a brain freeze.
08:12Just remember, the entire future of my social life is riding on this night.
08:20They're here.
08:20They're here.
08:25Come on in, guys.
08:28This is my sister, Liv.
08:29Liv.
08:30This is Cooper, Isaac, Colton, Jack, Richie, and Steve.
08:34And that's Evan.
08:36He's a year younger, but he's cool.
08:39Come on, guys.
08:40Party starts upstairs.
08:44Have fun.
08:47Hi.
08:48I'm Evan.
08:49I'm all on proof that I was well behaved.
08:52Can you initial the box that says greeted the host of Party Politely?
08:59Evan, you just said hi.
09:01It's not like you brought me flowers.
09:06I'm messing with you.
09:08Of course, I'll sign.
09:11Is this your first time at a sleepover?
09:13Because I am sure you will do great.
09:16Me too.
09:17I have tons of self-confidence because that's an important part of character.
09:24Well, you certainly are a character.
09:27Thanks.
09:28Why am I putting that in the additional comment section?
09:32Oh, and this is my mom's phone number, in case there's any kind of emergency.
09:37I really don't think that's going to happen.
09:40Really?
09:40I was kind of hoping things would get nuts and I'd end up in a cast or something.
09:46Evan, you don't get out much, do you?
09:48Never.
09:53What was that?
09:54Is that what fun sounds like?
09:58I don't know.
10:00Do it!
10:01Do it!
10:02Do it!
10:03Do it!
10:12Do it!
10:15And that's how you start a party.
10:26Hey.
10:28Seriously?
10:29Books already?
10:30How about a quick game of one-on-one before we start?
10:34Maddie, we've got to get this history assignment done.
10:36It's half our grade.
10:37And Willow, don't flunk!
10:42Willow, relax.
10:43You know I work best when I put everything off until the last minute?
10:46I mean, how bad can this be?
10:48It's the French Revolution.
10:49I saw Les Mis.
10:53Did you even look at the assignment?
10:55Yeah.
10:57I heart Joey, Mrs. Willow, Rooney, Willow.
11:03Wrong notebook.
11:08Write a 20-page report.
11:10What?
11:12Willow, we can't do this all in one night.
11:13Wait, why would you put this off until the last second?
11:15You know this is half our grade.
11:19Or you may submit a visual representation of the era.
11:25Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
11:27Oh, yeah.
11:28We built a giant Gantium!
11:30Yeah, I can't.
11:34Gantium's better.
11:36We'll use it to slice our baguette.
11:38Yes!
11:41So, uh, quick game of one-on-one before we start?
11:45Madison Dine!
11:54Oh, come on.
11:56We're hanging and having fun.
11:59Life doesn't happen on a video screen.
12:05Oh, man.
12:09Any chance I can get my phone back?
12:11I would like to post a picture of you getting a ticket for texting while driving.
12:18Safe astrami!
12:20Hey!
12:43Everyone having fun?
12:45Yeah?
12:46Yeah!
12:46We're definitely going to be talking about this on Monday.
12:49Remember your favorite anecdotes.
12:52Are you kidding?
12:53This party rocks!
12:54I never get to do this!
12:56Use fun blasters inside?
12:58No!
12:59Stand by 7.30!
13:02Oh, Mom, you made snacks for us?
13:06Oh.
13:08For you.
13:10I thought you were too sick.
13:13Ah-choo!
13:16Oh, no.
13:17It's all contaminated.
13:18I'll have to throw this out in the garbage can in my room.
13:24Liv, where are you?
13:27My sister says she has a surprise for us.
13:30No spoilers for me, but let's just say she's friends with The Rock.
13:37These movies are not age-appropriate for me.
13:42Okay, I have got something totally cool news for you guys!
13:47Get in a circle with crisscross applesauce.
13:52Tell me she did not just say crisscross applesauce.
13:58We're all going to love this, and I know that, because dinosaurs have always been Barker's favorite.
14:08She's choking!
14:10Mom, prepare me for this.
14:11I'll give her the Heimlich.
14:15Evan, honey, I'm not choking.
14:17That is just my pterodactyl impression.
14:19It would have been better if she was choking.
14:25Who is ready for some duck, duck, dinosaur?
14:34Duck.
14:36Duck.
14:39Duck.
14:44Dinosaur!
14:46Woo!
14:47Yes!
14:50Get up.
14:52Chase me.
14:53It gets me.
14:56Woo!
14:58Dude, even my mom would think this was lame.
15:03Come on, guys.
15:05Let's create something without washing our hands.
15:11Where are you going?
15:13Duck, duck, dinosaur?
15:14Yeah.
15:15Liv, what were you thinking?
15:17I thought you loved this game.
15:19When I was six.
15:22You embarrassed me in front of my karate buddies.
15:26You're killing my playground buzz.
15:30Barker.
15:36Beat it, Terry.
15:38It's not happening.
15:48We rocked this guillotine.
15:50Who knew carpentry camp would pay off, right?
15:54You ready to get your slas on?
15:58Bring out, dear prisoner!
15:59But yet, for crimes against the state, having too many cops, and fraternizing with the American
16:08chiefs?
16:09I condemn you!
16:22Maddie, I need your help.
16:26So, how's the sleepover going?
16:28Are you and Parker buds yet?
16:30Hardly.
16:31I tried playing duck, duck, dinosaur, and it was a disaster of Jurassic proportions.
16:36Yeah, because he kind of grew out of dinosaurs in the first grade.
16:40That's interesting.
16:42What was Joey like in the first grade?
16:47Smaller heads, same glasses.
16:50So then I made fish sticks for them.
16:52You know, the really cool ones that are shaped like race cars.
16:54I even made ketchup headlights.
16:57He used to love ketchup art.
16:59But, uh, Liv, those have been sitting in the freezer since he was in third grade.
17:03Well, now they're sitting in my stomach.
17:06I ate one, showed them that they were good, and then I ate the rest because they are so
17:09good.
17:11Maddie, pull out my guillotine in your math book?
17:13Yeah, sure, Willow, whatever.
17:16Liv, why are you doing all these little kid things?
17:18This is a ten-year-old sleepover.
17:20Well, because those are the things that Parker and I liked to do together before I left for
17:23Hollywood.
17:24That was a really long time ago.
17:26I mean, you just need to find things he likes doing now.
17:29Okay, well then, what do ten-year-old boys like to do?
17:32Uh, they like to smash things.
17:34They're incredibly immature.
17:37Yeah!
17:40What's the cosign of that?
17:42Trigonometride!
17:46Just like some sixteen-year-old girls.
17:52Let me do the talking.
17:54Ooh, here's a tip.
17:55He is carrying a boombox.
17:57He is not a real cop.
17:58I learned that the hard way.
18:05Sir, it's illegal to text and drive.
18:08I wasn't texting.
18:10My son was texting.
18:12Officer Clarkson?
18:15Mike Clarkson?
18:18Pete Rooney, is that you?
18:22What is happening?
18:25Mike and I were buddies in high school.
18:27Yeah, when he was on off winning state championships in basketball.
18:30Your dad?
18:32One of the coolest guys in high school.
18:34How many guys were in this high school?
18:39I'm not going to write you up, Pete.
18:42I believe you weren't texting and driving.
18:44Because you never could do two things at once, right?
18:48Thanks, pal.
18:50Hey, you know what?
18:50We're headed out to the pastrami palace.
18:53The palace?
18:54No way!
18:55Hey, let me clock out for dinner early.
18:58I'll drive you over there myself.
19:00How'd you like to ride in a real cop car there, little buddy?
19:03Hey, little buddy, I will have you know, I have three chest hairs, sir.
19:11Did you ever get dragged to a party you didn't want to go to that ended up having a great
19:16time?
19:17This was not one of those situations.
19:22Come on, Joey.
19:24Lighten up.
19:24This is fun.
19:26Attention, car 591.
19:28I'd like to report a teenage boy having the night of his life over.
19:33I wish this was over.
19:365-9-1, dispatch.
19:39We have a 1099 in progress.
19:40Red sedan headed west on Route 20.
19:43Whoa, 1099?
19:45That means a stolen car.
19:47You know that.
19:49Oh, I play a lot of wheels of anger.
19:53I hate that game.
19:55Why, because it glorifies crime?
19:57No, because I can't get past level three.
20:03Oh, oh, that's the red sedan.
20:05That's our prop.
20:06Light him up, Mike.
20:07Light him up.
20:095-9-1, dispatch.
20:11Here's the 4-9-1.
20:12He's evading.
20:13He's evading.
20:14Oh, yeah, he's evading.
20:16That is 12,000 bonus points.
20:194-9-1.
20:20We are in hot pursuit.
20:24I told you we'd have fun.
20:28This is awesome.
20:30Oh, he's turning left.
20:31He's turning left.
20:32Yeah.
20:34Air support is closing in.
20:37Run, buddy, run.
20:39Hey.
20:40Sorry, I have never played this game as the cop before.
20:48Come on, guys.
20:50We can still have fun.
20:53Pizza and orange juice.
20:55Delicious separately.
20:57Who wants to see how they taste together?
21:05Okay, I know we weren't all fans of Duck, Duck, Dinosaur,
21:09but there is something waiting for you outside
21:11that is going to blow your 10-year-old minds.
21:14I'm nine.
21:18Just come outside.
21:21Okay, but if there's someone out there in an Elmo suit,
21:25I'm going to lose it.
21:33Terry, Cuba, Dan.
21:42Whoa, what did you do?
21:44It's live roomies, karate, watermelons, and magicons.
21:51Dojo Bros, attack.
22:21Hey, Sam, this is so awesome.
22:26Do you hear that, Luke?
22:29That's what playground fun sounds like.
22:34What I heard was a big sister
22:36finally bonding with her little brother.
22:39I also heard Terry the Clown
22:40laying down some sick beats.
22:43Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
22:47Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
22:55oh.
22:56And that's when those race car fish sticks roared right out of me.
23:01Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
23:15oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
23:19Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
23:21oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
23:21happen. Just another day in the life of a cop. You've never done this before, have
23:28you, Mike? No. This is so awesome. Oh, he's stopping. Oh, you've got to box him in, Mikey,
23:39box him in. You guys stay in here while I track him down, but take some pictures of
23:47me in action. This never happens.
23:52Sorry, buddy. Looks like we're not going to make it to the pastrami palace. Sorry, are
23:58you kidding me? This is the greatest night of my life. Dad, you are so right. Life doesn't
24:03happen on a video screen. I got my boy off the couch and showed him that life could be
24:10pretty exciting. It was a good night. This is not the kind of sandwich I had in mind.
24:21Sorry, Pete, but I got to take these dirt bags back to the station for processing. Officer
24:44I'm fine. I just... Tonight was a complete disaster. Oh, no, sweetie. I got to watch
24:51four episodes of Downton... Oh, for you. I mean, that's what I get for being away for so long. I
24:59just
24:59really wanted Parker to see me as his cool older sister, and instead, I am a girl who can hold
25:07her fish sticks. Hey, guys. Hey. Parker, I'm really sorry I ruined your party. Are you kidding? Between
25:18blasting watermelons, you spewing like a volcano, and that clown's sweet tunes?
25:27I'm gonna have more playground boys than Stevie Hudaki's sleepover. Wait, so the boys like
25:33the party? Check it out. Oh, the big hole. What an actress. Oh, I hit me in the belly with
25:49some melon. I'm gonna... I'm gonna... Whoa. I'll never forget this night.
26:03Thanks, Liv.
26:04It's so great to have you back.
26:10Hey!
26:11If you really want Playground Buzz,
26:14I am pretty sure I saw a possum
26:16eating my puddle of barf in the backyard.
26:21Come on, boys!
26:22This show's not over.
26:36Willow, this is going to work great.
26:38I'm so glad we found us in the Halloween stuff.
26:41I also found this gem.
26:49Let's get me cake!
26:51Whoa, whoa, whoa!
26:55You ready to do this?
26:57Let's crank it to its highest notch
26:59and see what this baby can really do.
27:01Drop it like a car.
27:03Drop it like a car.
27:15See it!
27:17I want see it!
27:24I love your family, Mrs. Rooney.
27:27Oh, thank you, Evan.
27:28That is so sweet.
27:29I don't care what my mom says.
27:31The bad parents are the fun ones.
27:33Yeah!
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