- 1 day ago
1997 The Real Blondie FULL HOT MOVIE [Full Movie] [Long Version]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:12Come on, buddy. Be careful. Watch out for that glass.
00:00:17Mmm. What the hell is wrong with people? Huh, buddy?
00:00:23Doesn't it seem like everybody's getting stupider and stupider?
00:00:26Well, they have to be breaking somebody's window. Huh, buddy?
00:00:31Are you listening to me? I know what you're thinking about. You just want to eat.
00:00:38Let's go now, because I've got to get to work.
00:00:42You hold on to that ball.
00:00:44What do you think you're going to have for breakfast this morning, huh?
00:00:49Bacon and eggs? Ha, ha, you wish.
00:00:58What are you? A cat or a rabbit?
00:01:02Kitty cat.
00:01:03No. You're a rabbit. A fuzzy-headed little rabbit.
00:01:09Mmm. You've got a heart on.
00:01:13No, I don't.
00:01:14You do, too.
00:01:15Mary, don't you think I'd know it if I had a heart on?
00:01:18And what's this?
00:01:20That's a carrot I keep to feed the little rabbit with.
00:01:27Come on, Joe, stop.
00:01:28I don't have time. We'll do it tonight, okay?
00:01:31Okay. If that's what you want, I'll stop.
00:01:37Oh, all right, quick. Get the rubber carrot, boy.
00:01:41Well, let's just do it without you.
00:01:44No. Come on, I don't want to get pregnant.
00:01:46All right.
00:01:47No.
00:01:47All right, all right. Calm down. I get it. Just a second.
00:01:50Help! Help!
00:01:54Help!
00:01:55Help!
00:01:55Help!
00:01:55Help!
00:01:56Help!
00:01:56Help!
00:01:59Help!
00:02:06Help!
00:02:14Help!
00:02:18Help!
00:02:19Help!
00:02:19Help!
00:02:34Hey. Hey, where are you going?
00:02:36Sorry, babe. Got a split.
00:02:40Oh, don't you want some breakfast?
00:02:42No. No time for that.
00:02:45What's with this lock?
00:02:47You turn it to the left. To the left.
00:02:51Am I going to see you again?
00:02:53Oh, sure. Of course, babe.
00:02:55I'll give you a call sometime.
00:02:57Take it easy, eh?
00:02:58Do you like rollerblading?
00:03:04Oh, shit.
00:03:08Joe?
00:03:10Is this blouse too revealing?
00:03:12Look at this.
00:03:14Here's Joe Schmoe, talented new actor,
00:03:16and here's Miss Quim, talented new actress.
00:03:18Joe.
00:03:19He's standing on the street in an overcoat,
00:03:21and she's lying on the floor in her underwear
00:03:23with her boobs hanging out.
00:03:24So?
00:03:25What do you mean, so?
00:03:26Here it is, 25 years after women's liberation,
00:03:29and women are still being reduced
00:03:30to selling themselves as sex objects.
00:03:32Maybe she doesn't feel reduced.
00:03:33Maybe she feels proud of her sexuality.
00:03:36Right?
00:03:37Well, maybe he's proud of his sexuality.
00:03:39Why isn't he crawling across the floor
00:03:41with his balls hanging out?
00:03:42And what do boobs have to do with acting?
00:03:45Nothing.
00:03:46I'm going to write a book about this.
00:03:48You're not working today?
00:03:51Yes, I'm working.
00:03:52I'm working at lunch,
00:03:52and then I have that audition
00:03:53with the casting director at three.
00:03:55Right.
00:03:56Oh, good luck, hon.
00:03:58Um, listen, I still need a check for the rent.
00:04:01What?
00:04:01Again?
00:04:02Yeah, it kind of works that way.
00:04:03You know, once a month.
00:04:06Oh, remember, we have dinner with Raina
00:04:08and Alex tonight,
00:04:09and I think they're bringing the baby.
00:04:10All right.
00:04:11I'll meet you after the audition.
00:04:12Good luck, honey.
00:04:14Bye.
00:04:17There you are, Mr. Bob.
00:04:19Clean press.
00:04:20Very nice.
00:04:21Yeah, it's a piece of shit, Chang.
00:04:23Oh, no, it's a very nice tuxedo.
00:04:26It's a piece of shit.
00:04:27And I'll tell you something.
00:04:29The next time I come in here,
00:04:30I'll give it to you.
00:04:31Oh, no, Mr. Bob.
00:04:33Keep your tuxedo.
00:04:34No, it's yours.
00:04:36Little souvenir.
00:04:37From me to you.
00:04:39You know what that means?
00:04:40Souvenir?
00:04:41Yes.
00:04:41I think it means...
00:04:43You are full of shit.
00:04:45Keep going to night school.
00:04:51Looking good today, sugar tits.
00:05:04Hello, Miss Taylor.
00:05:05It's Dee Dee, isn't it?
00:05:07It's really great to meet you.
00:05:08Thank you for seeing me.
00:05:10But how could you miss me?
00:05:11I'm standing right in front of you.
00:05:16What I'm going to do for you today, Miss Taylor,
00:05:18is one of Hap's speeches
00:05:19from Arthur Miller's death of a salesman.
00:05:27You know, Biff,
00:05:30sometimes I want to just rip my clothes off
00:05:32in the middle of that store
00:05:33and outbox that goddamn merchandise manager.
00:05:36I mean, I can outbox, outrun, and outlift
00:05:39anybody in that store.
00:05:41And I have to take orders
00:05:42from those common, petty sons of bitches
00:05:45till I can't stand it anymore.
00:05:48You see?
00:05:50Everybody around me is so false.
00:05:52I'm constantly lowering my ideals.
00:05:57Hello, Miss Taylor.
00:05:59It's Dee Dee, isn't it?
00:06:00Here's what I'm doing, you'll see.
00:06:04This is, this is precious.
00:06:06Let me put it in.
00:06:08From one bottle.
00:06:12Where are the biker boys?
00:06:14All right, biker boys.
00:06:16Show me those abs.
00:06:18Okay.
00:06:19Flex, flex, flex, flex, flex.
00:06:21That's what we want.
00:06:22Beautiful, bright, chunky abs.
00:06:25Yes.
00:06:26All right.
00:06:27Oil the abs.
00:06:33I want a bow, a stricter, or a python.
00:06:36Morning, ladies.
00:06:37Ten minutes.
00:06:37Morning.
00:06:38Let's go.
00:06:40I don't know, Mary.
00:06:42I'm sort of giving up
00:06:43on the whole human race.
00:06:46Why, honey?
00:06:47What's the matter?
00:06:49Everybody is so superficial.
00:06:52Oh.
00:06:52I am sick of it.
00:06:53I am sick of all this superficial bullshit.
00:06:57I'm a very spiritual person.
00:07:00Are you really?
00:07:02Oh, very spiritual.
00:07:04Have you seen The Little Mermaid?
00:07:06The cartoon?
00:07:08Oh, it's not just a cartoon, Mary.
00:07:11If you look just a little closer,
00:07:14you will find the spiritual message
00:07:15in every single one of Walt Disney's films.
00:07:19Could we please change this fucking music?
00:07:22Oh, sure, baby.
00:07:24What do you want to hear?
00:07:25Hole?
00:07:26Snoopy Dog Dog?
00:07:28Any, anything.
00:07:29Okay, Christ.
00:07:30Douche would be better than this shit.
00:07:33It's depressing.
00:07:34Is douche good?
00:07:35Yeah.
00:07:36I'm not going to be able to work
00:07:37with this depressing shit on it.
00:07:39It's ten o'clock,
00:07:40and I'm already depressed.
00:07:40I, I look depressed, don't I?
00:07:43No, no, you look beautiful.
00:08:04Hey, little baby.
00:08:07Hey, come here, sweetheart.
00:08:08Hey, what the hell's the matter with you?
00:08:11What?
00:08:11Don't what me.
00:08:12You know what I'm talking about.
00:08:13What if that was your granddaughter?
00:08:15Huh?
00:08:17You old fucking scumbag.
00:08:19Yeah, just leave me alone.
00:08:32Jesus.
00:08:37Excuse me.
00:08:39Do I know you?
00:08:40No, I, I don't think so.
00:08:43God, the way you smiled at me,
00:08:44I feel like I've known you my whole life.
00:08:47That's so sweet.
00:08:49Are you in a relationship?
00:08:52Yes, I am.
00:08:53You don't sound very happy about it.
00:08:56Well, I, I, I love my girlfriend very much.
00:08:58It's just that I, I don't think that she understands me
00:09:02in a real emotional or sexual way.
00:09:05Yeah.
00:09:06I sense that in you.
00:09:09You know, you know, this is going to sound really crazy,
00:09:12but I feel like I've known you my whole life, too.
00:09:14I feel like I've known you my whole life, too.
00:09:15Really?
00:09:16Yeah.
00:09:18And I'd like to give you a blowjob right now.
00:09:21Right now?
00:09:23All right, let's, look, shop.
00:09:24Come on.
00:09:26All right, gentlemen, front and center, everyone pay attention.
00:09:31You've been divided into eight two-man squads.
00:09:33First man in pours the red wine.
00:09:36Second man in serves the finger food,
00:09:38and it is called finger food precisely because it is to be eaten with the fingers.
00:09:43No utensils.
00:09:44Any questions?
00:09:46Ernst, I have a question.
00:09:47Are you wearing a girdle?
00:09:48Because your ass looks incredible in those pants.
00:09:53No, I am not wearing a girdle,
00:09:54but you can be assured that if I catch any of you faggots looking at my ass,
00:09:58I'll fire the whole fucking lot of you.
00:10:01Hey, Ernst,
00:10:02we're not all gay here, you know.
00:10:05That, my dear straight friend, is your problem.
00:10:09To your stations.
00:10:17That, my friend, is your problem.
00:10:22That, my friend, is your problem.
00:10:25It should be a big success.
00:10:33Smacks, trashes, cubism.
00:10:36Oh, that's good.
00:10:37In time...
00:10:45What is your name?
00:10:46Joe, Joe Finnegan.
00:10:47Who hired you?
00:10:48Did I hire you?
00:10:49Yes, you did.
00:10:49I was recommended by Bob.
00:10:50Never, ever let the neck of the bottle touch the rim of the glass
00:10:53and smile, for God's sake.
00:10:54You look like you're at a fucking funeral.
00:11:13Oh, my balls are killing me.
00:11:16What?
00:11:17That model I was with last night.
00:11:19She was like an animal.
00:11:2119.
00:11:22One of those tidal glasses you just want to take a bite right out of.
00:11:25Jesus.
00:11:27Where'd you meet her?
00:11:28This bar.
00:11:29T&A.
00:11:30I'll take you down there.
00:11:31All the chicks there are these gorgeous high-class models.
00:11:35Even the waitresses.
00:11:36If they're such high-class models, what are they doing waitressing?
00:11:39Hey, you're doing it.
00:11:40So are you.
00:11:42Not for much longer, pal.
00:11:44Guess who just got a part on a soap?
00:11:46Get out of here.
00:11:48Passion Crest.
00:11:49Recurring character.
00:11:50Dirk Drake.
00:11:51I wouldn't do a soap.
00:11:52It's not even acting.
00:11:54$3,600 a week?
00:11:56Actor?
00:11:56You sorry-broke-ass fucking waiter.
00:12:00Sometimes I wish Mary was a little bit more...
00:12:03What?
00:12:05I wish sometimes that she'd just go a little bit wild, like you said that model did.
00:12:10Go crazy on me.
00:12:12See, I need that, Bob.
00:12:14Well, come on, man.
00:12:16Look on the bright side.
00:12:17You've got stability, right?
00:12:19Some people need that.
00:12:21All right, I'm heading this way.
00:12:23Hey, when do you start the soap?
00:12:24Tomorrow morning, my friend.
00:12:26I guess I won't be seeing you.
00:12:28Oh, hey, come on.
00:12:30We'll get together.
00:12:32I'll give you a call sometime.
00:12:36Dirk Drake, huh?
00:12:39Passion Crest.
00:12:41$3,600 a week.
00:12:45And what is wrong with people, you know?
00:12:48Every day it seems like everybody's just getting stupider and stupider.
00:12:54You seem rather agitated today, Mary.
00:12:57I am agitated.
00:12:59I am.
00:12:59You know, every morning I pass this guy on the street and he always makes some disgusting comment to me.
00:13:04Why don't you take a different route?
00:13:07Because I don't want to take a different route.
00:13:09Why should I let that scumbag dictate how I live my life?
00:13:12Mm-hmm.
00:13:13What I feel like doing is taking him by the air and smashing his face right into the sidewalk.
00:13:19Perhaps we could find a more productive outlet for your anger.
00:13:23Another female patient of mine is taking a self-defense class that is quite unique.
00:13:29I don't need self-defense.
00:13:31Hear me out, Mary.
00:13:32Okay.
00:13:33The instructor has apparently devised a series of exercises designed to help women cope with the more ordinary rudenesses they
00:13:41encounter on a day-to-day basis.
00:13:44I'm going to get his telephone number for you.
00:13:47And you call him when you feel like it.
00:13:50A physical activity like this might alleviate some of that hostility you have for men.
00:13:58Am I hostile towards men?
00:14:01We'll talk about that next week.
00:14:04Oh.
00:14:05Okay.
00:14:05I might add that blouse you were wearing is especially becoming.
00:14:10Thank you, Dr. Leuter.
00:14:18You know, Biff, sometimes I want to just rip my clothes off in the middle of that store and outbox
00:14:25that goddamn sales merchandise manager.
00:14:28I mean, ah!
00:14:32I'm sorry.
00:14:33I, I, uh, forgot my line.
00:14:36Oh, that's all right.
00:14:37Really.
00:14:37Really, it is.
00:14:39Joe.
00:14:40Joe, we have a little problem with your credits here.
00:14:43I mean, there's no TV, no commercials, no soaps.
00:14:46I'm not that interested in doing soap operas.
00:14:49Really?
00:14:51Why's that?
00:14:52Well, it's not even acting, is it?
00:14:54I mean, not the kind of acting that I want to do.
00:14:55It's, uh, I mean, it's fake.
00:14:58It's stupid.
00:14:59Well, it's clear that you and I have absolutely nothing to talk about.
00:15:02Goodbye.
00:15:03Excuse me, uh, Miss Taylor.
00:15:04What did I say?
00:15:05Oh, Christ.
00:15:06What every other no-name, no-credit actor says when he comes through that door.
00:15:11I mean, who the hell do you think you are?
00:15:13Tom Cruise?
00:15:14Well, you're not, and believe me, you're stupid if you think that I would hire any actor
00:15:19who wasn't damn willing to work.
00:15:21Well, you-you misunderstood.
00:15:22I'm-
00:15:22This is a business.
00:15:23If you don't understand that, then you don't belong in it.
00:15:26Go away.
00:15:28You're right, Miss Taylor.
00:15:29This is a business.
00:15:30I understand that.
00:15:32I'm-I'm beginning to understand that.
00:15:35I-I didn't mean that I-I wouldn't work on a soap.
00:15:38If there was something that you thought I could do, of course I would do it.
00:15:41Really.
00:15:42I-I would love to work on a soap.
00:15:44How old are you?
00:15:4535.
00:15:4935.
00:15:51No credits, no agent.
00:15:55All right, let's get real, Joe.
00:15:59Have you got a bathing suit?
00:16:02I could get one.
00:16:03Good.
00:16:04There's a Madonna video coming up.
00:16:06Kind of a beach theme, you might be right for it.
00:16:08Unless, of course, you don't do music videos.
00:16:14Of course I do.
00:16:16That'd be great, Miss Taylor.
00:16:18Or is it Dee Dee?
00:16:20Thanks, Joe.
00:16:21I'll be in touch.
00:16:28Hey, guys.
00:16:29Come on back and see Siobhan, New York's tallest blonde.
00:16:33She's a college girl majoring in sexy, sexy, sexy.
00:16:37That's right, you there in the overcoast, tell me, Curtis...
00:16:40This, um, college chick, is she a real blonde?
00:16:44Oh, yeah.
00:16:45Beautiful, sexy, sexy chick, man.
00:16:48Like Madonna, but blonde.
00:16:50Very blonde.
00:16:51All right.
00:16:52I'll take a box for it.
00:16:55Here you come, see, that's the real thing.
00:16:57How about you other guys, huh?
00:16:59Now you want to see Siobhan, New York's hottest blonde.
00:17:30I love this little puppy.
00:17:33I love her, I love her, I love her, I love her.
00:17:35We love her, too, don't we, Cassie or Pia?
00:17:39Hey there, little Cassie.
00:17:40We don't call her Cassie, Joe.
00:17:42We have a strict rule, her whole name or no name at all.
00:17:46I'm sorry.
00:17:46That's a good rule.
00:17:47It's so great to see you guys.
00:17:50It's been too long.
00:17:51We've been absolutely crazed since Alv's show.
00:17:56Absolutely crazed.
00:17:57I'm in three galleries now.
00:17:58The paintings are selling so fast, I don't even have time to stretch a canvas.
00:18:04If you need a job, Joe, I could put you to work tomorrow.
00:18:07Why, thanks, I got a job.
00:18:09You know, I don't think we've seen you since Il Piano.
00:18:13Oh, my God, I love that movie.
00:18:15Wasn't that a great movie?
00:18:17A great, great flick.
00:18:20One of the best, really.
00:18:22That movie was a piece of shit.
00:18:27Are you kidding?
00:18:29No, I'm not kidding.
00:18:31Come on, it was nothing but a glorified romance novel.
00:18:33Spirited, sensuous young woman leaves her uptight husband for the man of her dreams.
00:18:38A masculine but sensitive native with earrings and tattoos.
00:18:43I'm sorry, Joe, but I think it completely missed what this film was about.
00:18:48Oh, what was it about?
00:18:50Well, it was about a lot of things.
00:18:52It was about courage, freedom.
00:18:55It was about unrestricted, unconditional, primal love.
00:19:00Yeah, you're way off on this, man.
00:19:03I'm just curious.
00:19:04Has anyone seen The Little Mermaid?
00:19:06Besides, it was only on every top ten list in the country.
00:19:10So what?
00:19:11What are those two going to do for the rest of their lives?
00:19:14Stand around and stare at each other all loving and unconditional?
00:19:17Do you think that they'll ever have a real argument, the way that real people do?
00:19:20Do you think that she would ever say to him,
00:19:22Hey, Kimba, you know I really love your masculine sensitivity,
00:19:25but you think that just once you could remember to lift the toilet seat before you take a piss?
00:19:30I completely agree with you.
00:19:31My boyfriend loved that movie so much, I broke up with him.
00:19:34Which movie?
00:19:35Il Piano.
00:19:36Yeah, well, what the hell was that movie all about?
00:19:39I liked it.
00:19:40I liked Harvey Keitel's ass.
00:19:41No, that's utterly untrue.
00:19:43I did not like that movie.
00:19:44But what else was there to like about?
00:19:45What are they talking about?
00:19:46Il Piano.
00:19:48Great photography.
00:19:49That little girl bugged me.
00:19:50If I had a daughter like that, I'd kick her fucking ass.
00:19:53Yeah.
00:19:53Ask me something.
00:19:54The entire soundtrack would be a stupid song.
00:19:57Well, as it should be.
00:19:58Who the hell wants to see a man new?
00:20:00Who cares?
00:20:00I thought it was incredible.
00:20:02I cried through most of it.
00:20:04Well, you did cry, and I was proud of you.
00:20:06For 18 months.
00:20:08If they had offered you that part, you would have done it.
00:20:10You would have done it hard.
00:20:14You went on and on and on about it.
00:20:17I mean, it was a little embarrassing.
00:20:18Well, I just didn't feel like listening to him blab about his paintings all night.
00:20:23Did you hear that little dig about a job?
00:20:25What dig?
00:20:26That I could come work for him, stretching canvases.
00:20:30What do I look like, a fucking handyman?
00:20:33Joe, why are you so angry?
00:20:36Did your audition go badly?
00:20:38Is that it?
00:20:38No, actually, it went great.
00:20:40I really nailed the monologue.
00:20:42And afterward, she looked at my resume and said,
00:20:44you don't have any soaps on here.
00:20:46And I said, I know I don't.
00:20:46You want to know why?
00:20:47Because I don't consider that acting.
00:20:51You said that?
00:20:52Yeah.
00:20:53And you know what?
00:20:54She may have something for me already.
00:20:55What?
00:20:56A Madonna video.
00:20:57Joe, that's fantastic.
00:21:00I mean, that could lead to something.
00:21:01And it's money, right?
00:21:03That's right, Mary.
00:21:03That's what I'm learning.
00:21:04It's a business.
00:21:05It's all a business.
00:21:07And guess what?
00:21:08I might take a self-defense class.
00:21:10Why?
00:21:11Well, Dr. Loiter said it might help me deal with my hostility.
00:21:15Your what?
00:21:16Uh, the assholes on the street.
00:21:19Oh, well, that's great.
00:21:20So that's what you guys talk about in there?
00:21:22That, other things.
00:21:24Why?
00:21:25Just curious.
00:21:29Bob got a job on his soap.
00:21:30He's not doing the catering anymore.
00:21:32He told me he met this blonde model.
00:21:35They went back to her place and had kinky sex all night.
00:21:38Is that what you'd like?
00:21:39Kinky sex with a blonde model?
00:21:42Well, she wouldn't necessarily have to be a model.
00:21:44What, I'm not kinky enough for you?
00:21:45I never said that.
00:21:48You implied it.
00:21:49I did not.
00:21:50I was simply telling you about what happened to Bob.
00:21:53Of course you're kinky.
00:21:55You're very kinky.
00:21:57Okay?
00:21:59Except we both know that sometimes I have to...
00:22:02What?
00:22:03Well, you know.
00:22:05No.
00:22:06Initiate things.
00:22:08You do not.
00:22:08What about this morning?
00:22:09Well, actually, if you recall, I suggested that we make love.
00:22:12And your first response was no.
00:22:16Christ, I thought we had a pretty healthy sex life.
00:22:19And now you're telling me you're bored with me?
00:22:20Can we just hold on a second?
00:22:22The only thing that I'm suggesting is that perhaps we could be a little bit more spontaneous.
00:22:28How?
00:22:30Well, for one thing, by not having to wear a rubber all the time.
00:22:34I'm sorry, Joe.
00:22:35I don't want to get pregnant.
00:22:37It just seems a little bit odd to me that for somebody who's so against getting pregnant,
00:22:42you seem to be infatuated with babies.
00:22:45I mean, Christ, you were all over that little tapioca.
00:22:48Cassiopeia.
00:22:49And so what?
00:22:49I like babies.
00:22:52I just don't want to have one of my own.
00:22:55That's great.
00:22:58Why, do you want to have a baby?
00:23:00No.
00:23:04I'm not going to have a kid until we can afford it.
00:23:06What does money have to do with it?
00:23:08You don't have any.
00:23:09Other people have kids.
00:23:10How do they do it?
00:23:11Either they hire somebody or one of them stays home and takes care of the baby.
00:23:15Are you going to do it?
00:23:18If you think I'm going to give up my career, you're crazy.
00:23:22What are we talking about this for?
00:23:25You brought it up.
00:23:26No, I didn't.
00:23:27I was talking about something completely different.
00:23:29Well, what were you talking about?
00:23:32Let's just drop it, okay?
00:23:36And now you're all pissed off.
00:23:38What makes you say that?
00:23:55Do you know that I never thought I'd see you again?
00:23:59I told you I'd call you, didn't I?
00:24:03Yes, but I thought maybe you didn't like me.
00:24:06Hey, what's not to like?
00:24:12Kid, do you like my eyes?
00:24:16Mm-hmm.
00:24:17Do you like my body?
00:24:19Oh, yeah.
00:24:20Do you like my hair?
00:24:24Do you?
00:24:27What's the matter?
00:24:28Nothing.
00:24:30No, come on.
00:24:31What's the matter?
00:24:34Excuse me.
00:24:35Bob.
00:24:35Wait.
00:24:37What's wrong?
00:24:38God damn it.
00:24:38I said nothing was wrong.
00:24:43There's a message.
00:24:44Did you hear this?
00:24:46No.
00:24:46It's probably for you.
00:24:49Hi, this is Madonna.
00:24:50It's Wednesday about 2.55.
00:24:52Sorry for calling so late.
00:24:53I'm trying to reach Joe Finnegan.
00:24:55Joe, can you please call me immediately?
00:24:57Elliot 555.
00:24:58Jesus fucking Christ.
00:25:01Do you really think it's her?
00:25:03Of course it's her.
00:25:03Who else would it be?
00:25:04She's probably calling about the video.
00:25:06Please call me immediately at 555-02-70.
00:25:09You know, Joe, Madonna is an international superstar.
00:25:12I mean, I seriously doubt she's going to call you at home.
00:25:16At the very least, she'd have her assistant call, right?
00:25:19Mary, I've heard she gets personally involved in all of her projects.
00:25:22She probably saw my picture on the wall and said,
00:25:25Hey, maybe I'll feature Joe Finnegan in my video.
00:25:28All right.
00:25:29All right, we'll call her.
00:25:31Well, it's only 9 o'clock.
00:25:33She's probably still sleeping.
00:25:35Oh.
00:25:35Okay.
00:25:36I'm going then.
00:25:38Hey, call me if you reach her.
00:25:40Oh, I will.
00:25:41Bye.
00:25:46Bye.
00:25:47Bye.
00:25:48Bye.
00:25:49Bye.
00:25:49Bye.
00:25:50Bye.
00:25:51Bye.
00:25:52Bye.
00:26:09Hey, baby.
00:26:10Come sit on my face.
00:26:11Oh, grow up, you stupid asshole.
00:26:13Get angry, baby.
00:26:14I like it.
00:26:15Makes my dick hard.
00:26:16See?
00:26:27Why do you say that shit, huh?
00:26:30Why?
00:26:31God, stop.
00:26:32Stop, please.
00:26:33No, I'm not going to fucking stop until you tell me why you say it.
00:26:36Do you think you're going to meet women this way?
00:26:38You think some woman is going to turn around and say,
00:26:41Hey, there's a fucking guy I'd like to go out with.
00:26:44No, I'm just a coward.
00:26:47A miserable fucking coward.
00:27:03I'm just a coward.
00:27:06I'm just a coward.
00:27:15What you want is wrong, you ain't going to get it.
00:27:19Sahara, where were you? I just called you.
00:27:22Oh, hey. Mary.
00:27:23Oh my God, what happened to you?
00:27:25Yesterday I went rollerblading with this guy I just met,
00:27:28and somehow I got too close to him and his elbow hit me in the eye.
00:27:31I know it was my fault if you're really stupid.
00:27:33Oh, Jesus. But can you cover it, please?
00:27:34Oh my God, you cannot believe what I am going through with those freaking snakes.
00:27:38Oh my God.
00:27:39Johnny Blair, I'm so sorry. It was an accident.
00:27:41Is it real?
00:27:42Yeah, it's real.
00:27:43Mary, you have to get rid of it.
00:27:45It's not the bruise. I can cover the bruise.
00:27:47The problem is the swelling. I mean...
00:27:49No, I've got to shoot today.
00:27:52I booked those snakes a month in advance.
00:27:54Well, you're just going to have to shoot her with a black eye then.
00:27:57Oh, are you crazy?
00:28:03Darker, darker.
00:28:04The bruise is truth. You must never hide it.
00:28:07Yes.
00:28:08Bring in the serpents.
00:28:11Yes.
00:28:12Now wrap them around their legs.
00:28:16Aha, aha, aha.
00:28:18Oh my God. Oh my God, that's it.
00:28:21Everybody clear. Everybody clear. Let's shoot. Let's shoot.
00:28:23Roses. Right now.
00:28:26More.
00:28:31Yes.
00:28:32Oh, yes.
00:28:33Powerful. Powerful.
00:28:36No blame, Sarah. No blame, Kiki.
00:28:57Pick that.
00:28:58Pick that now.
00:28:59Go. Go. Go.
00:29:05How are you?
00:29:07How are you?
00:29:08How are you?
00:29:09How are you?
00:29:10How are you?
00:29:10Good morning.
00:29:11It's a little town near Buffalo.
00:29:13It's a buffalo.
00:29:15Yeah.
00:29:16I don't even go to a Tafini or what's that?
00:29:19Bob's rat's fine, but we've got to fly in there.
00:29:21Take the bus something on a woman.
00:29:25Joe!
00:29:27Alex, look, it's Joe.
00:29:28You're right, it is Joe.
00:29:30Hey there, buddy.
00:29:32What are you guys doing here?
00:29:33I'm on the board because the Met bought six of my paintings.
00:29:37Oh.
00:29:39You're getting it stretched all right, huh?
00:29:40This is so funny, Joe. You're working.
00:29:43Yeah, I gotta pay the bills.
00:29:45Great tuxedo, man.
00:29:47Thanks, it's secondhand.
00:29:48Hey, you know what? I'm doing a Madonna video tomorrow.
00:29:50I love Madonna.
00:29:52You know, we know her.
00:29:54Yeah, she called me.
00:29:55She wants me to do a special featured cameo or something.
00:29:57That is just like her.
00:30:00Tell her I said goodbye.
00:30:02I will.
00:30:03And tell Mary we should get together real soon.
00:30:06Okay.
00:30:07You're doing great.
00:30:09You're such a bad thing.
00:30:11Excuse me, sir.
00:30:12Is there anything else I can get you?
00:30:14Perhaps some more whipped cream?
00:30:15No, thank you, Captain.
00:30:17Gotta keep the ship shape for all these fillies around here.
00:30:19You know what I mean?
00:30:21Aye, aye, Captain.
00:30:22I don't know what you're doing.
00:30:26What are you doing?
00:30:28He asked me about the strawberries, how they got so big.
00:30:30Never, never touch a guest.
00:30:33Never.
00:30:33I'm sorry, Ernst.
00:30:34Nobody told me.
00:30:34Okay, okay, okay.
00:30:35Just go, go, go, go, go.
00:30:36Go, you damn, you fucking whores.
00:30:41Let's begin today by reviewing a few facts.
00:30:45Men are physically stronger than women.
00:30:48This is not a criticism of your gender, ladies.
00:30:50It is a fact.
00:30:52Fact.
00:30:52You, as women, are vulnerable.
00:30:55Vulnerable, but not helpless.
00:30:57This class will provide each and every one of you with a simple and effective means of self-defense in
00:31:03the event of a physical assault.
00:31:07Fact.
00:31:08There are other types of assault.
00:31:10Verbal harassment on the streets.
00:31:12Blatant groping and fondling in public places.
00:31:15All the behavioral tics that make men so irresistible.
00:31:19Now, my research has shown that these assaults can be equally damaging if the rage and the frustration that they
00:31:27arouse are not released.
00:31:29And to that end, I have developed a series of patented exercises designed to increase your RRQ.
00:31:37Class.
00:31:38Rage Release Quotient.
00:31:40Good.
00:31:42Uh, Sheila, why don't you come up to the front of the class, please?
00:31:50Now, remember, you can respond however you feel, okay?
00:31:54If you wish to scream, scream away.
00:31:57If you feel like striking me, go ahead and do so.
00:32:00Understand?
00:32:01I think so.
00:32:02All right.
00:32:03Let's begin.
00:32:05Looking good, sweet meat.
00:32:09Sweet meat?
00:32:11Did you hear what I said?
00:32:13Yes.
00:32:14Do you like being called sweet meat?
00:32:17No.
00:32:18Does it make you angry?
00:32:20Yes.
00:32:21How angry?
00:32:23Very angry.
00:32:26Okay.
00:32:27How do you feel?
00:32:29Better.
00:32:30Good.
00:32:32Okay, Mary.
00:32:34Come to the front, please.
00:32:39Okay, let's begin.
00:32:42Man, you got some sweet little ass on you, cupcake.
00:32:46Shut the fuck up!
00:32:48Let me take a nice little bite out of that sweet little ass cupcake.
00:33:06You okay?
00:33:08It was great.
00:33:12I was like, he brought me up to the class and he's telling me, you know, just go ahead and
00:33:16do
00:33:16whatever you feel like doing. I mean, it was just incredible. I started punching and swinging at him.
00:33:21I mean, I never knew it would feel this good to hit somebody, you know? That's great. I'm glad
00:33:26you enjoyed it. I did. I did. And this teacher is so fantastic. He said I have a really high
00:33:31RRQ.
00:33:33RRQ? Rage, release, question. He said I have the highest in the class.
00:33:4199.3.
00:33:44Maybe I should take that class. You know, Alex and Raina were at that dinner tonight.
00:33:49They made a comment about my tuxedo and I wanted to kill him.
00:33:52I felt like such an idiot standing there having them seeing me working as a waiter.
00:33:57Come on, Joe. It's what you do. It's not what I do.
00:34:00Okay, it's not what you do, but it's how you pay the rent.
00:34:03And there's nothing wrong with it. I mean, everybody has to work.
00:34:06Well, I'm sick of this shit. I feel like my life's going nowhere.
00:34:10Joe, your life is going somewhere. I mean, you did this great audition for Dee Dee Taylor.
00:34:16She immediately got you a job with pay. Did you ever get through to Madonna?
00:34:21No. No, I've been calling all day. It's a story of my life. Nobody's home.
00:34:26Come on, Joe. You just got to stick with it, you know? I mean, you're a great actor.
00:34:38I know you're going to make it.
00:34:40You really think so?
00:34:41Yeah. I have no doubt.
00:34:46Mary, I don't know what I'd do without you.
00:34:49Yeah. Me too, Joe.
00:34:53Hmm.
00:34:59Hey, you feel like fooling around?
00:35:01I don't know. I'm not really in the mood.
00:35:04Come on, let's do it.
00:35:06I don't know. I could cut a big day tomorrow. I don't want to go in looking too tired.
00:35:10Come on.
00:35:12We're not building the pyramids here.
00:35:17I won't wear you out, I promise.
00:35:19Come on.
00:35:19Come on.
00:35:20I'm serious.
00:35:21Come on. Stop.
00:35:25Jesus, you don't have to get all pissy.
00:35:27I'm not getting all pissy. I'm just not in the mood.
00:35:32Okay, fine.
00:35:34There aren't machines that you can turn off and on by the flick of a switch, you know?
00:35:38I get the point, Joe.
00:35:43Now you're angry?
00:35:45I'm not angry.
00:35:47Next time I'm not in the mood, don't give me any shit.
00:35:51Okay?
00:35:53Okay.
00:36:34More champagne, Dirk?
00:36:39I'm leaving, Deanna.
00:36:41Oh, please. Please don't leave me. I love you, Dirk. I love you.
00:36:47That means nothing to me now.
00:36:48But you said you loved me.
00:36:51I don't love you, Deanna.
00:36:53You're weak. You're helpless.
00:36:56And frankly, you bore me.
00:36:59Oh, please, Dirk. What do you want me to do?
00:37:02I want you to get out of my life.
00:37:10Cut.
00:37:12What's next, Sid?
00:37:13Scene 11A.
00:37:14Deanna attempts suicide again.
00:37:17Ten minutes.
00:37:19Forgive me, Father.
00:37:20Hey, Bob.
00:37:21Hold up there, Wonder Muffin.
00:37:23Hey.
00:37:23What's up, Roy?
00:37:24Ratings are up another five.
00:37:27And you guys should give me another raise.
00:37:30Actually, we've got an entirely new contract for you, Bob.
00:37:35Five years exclusive, with Dirk Drake having his own A-level storyline, 20 minutes guaranteed screen time per episode.
00:37:44Script approval?
00:37:45That's a tall order, Bob.
00:37:50When you're on your knees, Roy, everything looks tall.
00:37:54Remember that, eh?
00:38:00Dirk Drake.
00:38:10What a piece of shit this script is.
00:38:13I can't believe I spent three years at the Royal Academy just so I could spew this fucking garbage.
00:38:19I'm a little busy, baby. Do you mind?
00:38:23What are you doing?
00:38:25I'm working on my next scene.
00:38:27Oh, I see.
00:38:29You're preparing using Stanislavski's famous horoscope method.
00:38:34What's so funny?
00:38:35You.
00:38:36Oh, come on, Muffin.
00:38:38Take off your robe.
00:38:39No.
00:38:41What?
00:38:42You defy me, Deanna?
00:38:44I'll see you tonight, baby.
00:38:46Oh, but I'm ready right now, see?
00:38:48Yes, you are.
00:38:50You hold on to that little monster.
00:38:52Not too tightly remember what happened last time.
00:38:54Hey.
00:38:57That was a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
00:39:00I know it was, baby.
00:39:18Tom!
00:39:19Tom!
00:39:27This is Bob Latimer.
00:39:29Leave a message.
00:39:30Hi.
00:39:31It's me.
00:39:34Listen, I was thinking about our fight, and I know that you feel bad and I feel bad.
00:39:40So I just wanted to call and tell you that I think we can work this out.
00:39:44If I said anything to upset you, I'm sorry.
00:39:48Really, I apologize.
00:39:51As the crap princess says in The Little Mermaid, I love you.
00:39:55And I want to see you, so please call me.
00:40:09Alpha, I want to show you now what to do in the event that you're attacked from behind.
00:40:14This is very important, okay?
00:40:16Somebody want to volunteer?
00:40:19Mary?
00:40:20Come on.
00:40:21Okay, now, get behind me.
00:40:23Okay, now, I want you to wrap your arms around me as if you're going to attack me from behind,
00:40:28okay?
00:40:28Go ahead.
00:40:31My hands are free, but it's going to be hard to pull these arms off, right?
00:40:34What's the next closest weapon?
00:40:37Teeth, right?
00:40:39Bite.
00:40:40At the same time, bring up that right leg and deliver a heel smash to the incep.
00:40:45So it's, ah, right?
00:40:47That heel smash will open up this leg, okay?
00:40:51And creating the space here in which I will deliver an elbow to the stomach, okay?
00:40:56Now, why don't you assume that position?
00:41:00Okay.
00:41:01Now, I'm going to grab you here.
00:41:04Now, give me the bite.
00:41:08Okay.
00:41:08And then the heel smash.
00:41:12Okay.
00:41:13That's going to open me up a little bit, and you're going to give me the...
00:41:15Very good.
00:41:17Okay, try it again.
00:41:19Okay.
00:41:21All right.
00:41:22It's exciting.
00:41:24Yeah.
00:41:24Yeah, that's great.
00:41:26Yeah.
00:41:27Excuse me.
00:41:27Can I...
00:41:28Thanks a lot.
00:41:29Very good.
00:41:29All right.
00:41:30Okay.
00:41:31Later.
00:41:34Yeah, but what about AIDS, man?
00:41:36AIDS was created in a laboratory by white Jewish scientists.
00:41:40It's a conspiracy with the FBI, basically, to annihilate the power of the black nation.
00:41:47This is going to blow your mind.
00:41:49You know the Holocaust?
00:41:51Never happening.
00:41:53Oh, man.
00:41:54What about all the stories in the pictures?
00:41:57Shit is fake.
00:41:58It's about as real as your hair.
00:42:00Now, come on, look at this shit.
00:42:02I read a book, page after page of proof, that said that the Jews made the whole Holocaust stuff.
00:42:08Shit never happened.
00:42:09Hey, you know, I think I read that same book.
00:42:12You remember the part about slavery in America?
00:42:14What part is that?
00:42:16Where the guy proves that all the African Americans that came here in the 1600s actually wanted to come.
00:42:21In fact, most of them paid their own way.
00:42:24Hey, what the fuck are you talking about, man?
00:42:26No, it's true.
00:42:27They heard there were lots of jobs over here picking cotton, which they figured would lead to better jobs as
00:42:31muggers and crackheads.
00:42:33So they just all came rushing over here.
00:42:34Can you believe it?
00:42:36Slavery never existed.
00:42:40Man, that shit is not even a little bit funny.
00:42:43Well, it's at least as funny as what you said about the Holocaust, don't you think?
00:42:48How's this for funny, beach boy?
00:42:50Why don't you get your pail and get out of here?
00:42:52You're fucking fired.
00:42:57All right, everyone, back to one.
00:43:00I want spoilers.
00:43:01Don't play with me today, y'all.
00:43:03There we go.
00:43:09Just give me a minute with you.
00:43:11I already told you there was the rubber.
00:43:14The rubber's off now.
00:43:17Damn right the rubber's off.
00:43:19Well?
00:43:23Hold on.
00:43:25What do you think I am, a machine?
00:43:30Hey, what are you doing?
00:43:33Come on, Kelly.
00:43:34Get back here.
00:43:36Get back in the bed.
00:43:37Listen, baby.
00:43:39I know these things happen sometimes.
00:43:42But I gotta know, can you do this or not?
00:43:44Because if you can't, I gotta get on the phone, make some calls, and find somebody who can.
00:43:51Oh, what's the matter, baby?
00:43:52I hurt your feelings.
00:43:54Actually, Kelly, you did hurt my feelings.
00:43:58Christ, I mean, I like you, right?
00:44:01You make me feel like I'm just a stiff piece of meat to you.
00:44:04Hmm.
00:44:04Well, not so stiff, really, right?
00:44:08Just get the hell out of here.
00:44:10You think I'm gonna do this now after what you just said?
00:44:13You can't do it.
00:44:17Get on the bed.
00:44:18No!
00:44:20Get up!
00:44:21Get off of me!
00:44:31I'll see you on set, Dirk.
00:44:40So, anybody need a ride?
00:44:41I'm going downtown.
00:44:42No, thanks.
00:44:43Where you going, man?
00:44:44Actually, I'm going downtown.
00:44:45Great.
00:44:46Anybody else need a ride downtown?
00:44:48I'm going uptown right here.
00:44:49Okay.
00:44:53Big car, ladies.
00:44:55No takers?
00:45:01Car's a little fun.
00:45:02Bye.
00:45:09There you go.
00:45:09Oh, thank you.
00:45:20God damn it.
00:45:23Mary?
00:45:28Mary?
00:45:29Where is she?
00:45:31You know, Mary, I gotta say, of all the women who've passed through my classes over the years,
00:45:36you are by far the most courageous and committed.
00:45:40Thanks, Doug.
00:45:41You're a great teacher.
00:45:43I mean, everybody says so.
00:45:47Well, yes and no.
00:45:49I mean, you know, I mean, a teacher can only do so much.
00:45:55What does your boyfriend do?
00:45:59Oh, my God.
00:46:02What the hell?
00:46:07Jesus Christ.
00:46:11I'm leaving, Deanna.
00:46:13Oh, please.
00:46:15Please don't leave me.
00:46:16I love you, Dirk.
00:46:17I love you.
00:46:18That means nothing to me now.
00:46:21You said you loved me.
00:46:23I don't love you, Deanna.
00:46:25You're weak.
00:46:26You're helpless.
00:46:27And frankly, you bore me.
00:46:29Oh, please, Dirk.
00:46:31What do you want me to do?
00:46:33I want you to get out of my life.
00:46:35Oh, what's she going to do now?
00:46:39Huh?
00:46:40Try suicide again?
00:46:42Huh.
00:47:01Oh.
00:47:05You look like Bob on the TV.
00:47:09Wow.
00:47:10It is Bob.
00:47:12Look at that.
00:47:15And how long have you guys been together?
00:47:17Six years.
00:47:18Jump back.
00:47:19Wow.
00:47:21Like a real married couple here.
00:47:23I know.
00:47:23Wow.
00:47:24Oh, no.
00:47:25I don't think either one of us is very interested in marriage.
00:47:29You know something?
00:47:30Your boyfriend is a very, very lucky guy.
00:47:49Mary.
00:47:50There's a way to Mary.
00:48:04Oh, my baby, what's the matter?
00:48:09Can I come in?
00:48:11Of course, of course.
00:48:17What's going on?
00:48:22What is it?
00:48:28Well, I've been thinking a lot.
00:48:33I feel it's important, I tell you.
00:48:40What?
00:48:41Tell me what...
00:48:42Well, look, I know. I've been, um...
00:48:45No, Bob. No, you haven't.
00:48:48Yes, I have.
00:48:49I have, all right.
00:48:52And I feel, um...
00:48:57I feel, um...
00:49:00What? What do you feel?
00:49:06Oh, baby.
00:49:19Oh, it's okay.
00:49:21Did they pay you?
00:49:22No. But for me, it was worth it.
00:49:25Oh, that's great, Joe. That's great.
00:49:27You get your first paying acting job ever, and you blow it all by making some stupid comment. That sounds
00:49:33worth it.
00:49:34I don't want to sound funny, Mary, but a lecture is the last thing that I need right now.
00:49:39Hey, Joe. Do you think just once you could lift the toilet seat when you take a leak?
00:49:44What do you mean, just once? I always lift it.
00:49:48You never do it. Come here, look at this. There's piss all over the seat.
00:49:52There is not.
00:49:53Come look.
00:49:54I'm not gonna go in there and look at a drop of piss on a toilet seat.
00:49:58You admit it.
00:49:59I do not. Would you get off my case? What's the matter with you?
00:50:03I'm not on your case.
00:50:05You're just in a bad mood because you know you did something stupid.
00:50:15What, you going to bed?
00:50:18Well, it appears that way. Why? Is there something on your mind?
00:50:22Well, it just struck me that we haven't made love for over a month.
00:50:25Well, it's not my fault.
00:50:27Well, it's not my fault.
00:50:30Joe, you have been very depressed lately.
00:50:32No, I haven't.
00:50:33You just told me yesterday you felt like your life was going nowhere.
00:50:37So?
00:50:38I can feel that way and not be depressed.
00:50:41Well, it's very hard on me dealing with your moods all the time.
00:50:45Well, it's very hard on me having to wear the rubber all the time.
00:50:47It's not all the time.
00:50:50It certainly seems like it.
00:50:52Fine. We won't use it. I'll just get pregnant. Is that what you want?
00:50:55Why is it that every time I say I don't want to use a rubber, you accuse me of wanting
00:51:01to get you pregnant?
00:51:02You said you wanted to have a baby.
00:51:04Not right now.
00:51:06When?
00:51:06Look, let's just stop this discussion right now.
00:51:10I'm in a bad mood. You're in a bad mood. We're stopping. I've stopped.
00:51:15You make some money and maybe we'll talk about having a kid.
00:51:21Why does it always have to come down to money with you?
00:51:25Because you don't have any. And let's face it, Joe, I know you're trying to make it as an actor,
00:51:29but you work as a waiter.
00:51:31You still don't even have an agent.
00:51:33I know I don't have an agent. You think I don't know that?
00:51:36Don't yell at me.
00:51:38Well, don't talk to me like I'm a fucking idiot.
00:51:40You think I like being broke all the time?
00:51:42You think I like wearing that cheap tuxedo, serving up salmon and greasy cheesy sauce?
00:51:47You think I like kissing Dee Dee Taylor's ass so she can get me a job standing around in my
00:51:52bathing suit, which you bought?
00:51:55How do you think that makes me feel? Huh?
00:52:02Joe, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Okay? Come here.
00:52:08No.
00:52:09I know how hard it is on you, Joe.
00:52:14But it's hard on me, too. I feel like everything's on my shoulders. I feel like I'm all alone.
00:52:21I know.
00:52:24I've got to ask Ernst for more work. That's all there is to it.
00:52:29I've got to find some way to make some more money.
00:52:32Joe, come here.
00:52:42Joe, I love you whether you have money or not, okay?
00:52:45I don't want to argue with you.
00:52:47I came home tonight, and I really wanted to see you.
00:52:51Did you go out and have a drink after class?
00:52:53No. Class went a little later tonight, and I hopped in a cab and came home.
00:52:59You took a cab?
00:53:02Yeah, I just wanted to get home.
00:53:05That makes sense.
00:53:06You're a good one.
00:53:20You're a good one.
00:53:23Come on.
00:53:25You're not.
00:53:29You're a good one.
00:53:31To get home tonight, you're a good one.
00:53:31You're a good one.
00:53:32I'm hungry for real time.
00:53:35You're a good one.
00:53:35I'll be at home tonight.
00:53:37Hey, Mary, look at this.
00:53:39Look at this woman's underwear.
00:53:40See how it's all sleek and lacy,
00:53:42how it accentuates every part of her body
00:53:44and presents it like a beautiful piece of candy?
00:53:47What's the matter?
00:53:48Nothing. I'm just listening.
00:53:49Well, you got a funny look on your face.
00:53:51Joe, I'm just waiting for you to make your point.
00:53:53Well, my point is, compare that to men's underwear,
00:53:55which is white, cotton, shapeless, essentially a diaper.
00:53:58What do you think that's saying?
00:54:00All men are babies.
00:54:02I'm trying to be serious here, Mary.
00:54:04I think this is an important statement
00:54:05about the relationship between men and women.
00:54:07Good. I think you should write a book about it,
00:54:10and then maybe you can tour the country
00:54:11lecturing at lingerie stores.
00:54:13Thanks a lot, Mary. That's very funny.
00:54:15I still need the rent.
00:54:17I'm picking my check up from Ernst today.
00:54:19I might be a little bit late tonight
00:54:21because I've got an audition.
00:54:23For what?
00:54:25Some movie.
00:54:26Oh.
00:54:26Dee Dee Taylor called me in.
00:54:28Well, good luck.
00:54:30So I guess we're still fighting, huh?
00:54:34I'm not fighting.
00:54:36What? No kiss goodbye?
00:54:48I had an abortion.
00:54:51So what?
00:54:53Dirk, how could you be so cruel?
00:54:55I'm not cruel, Deanna.
00:54:57I'm honest.
00:55:01And I know exactly what you are.
00:55:02I want to go.
00:55:03No, you don't.
00:55:04I want...
00:55:05You want me.
00:55:06That's what you want.
00:55:09Cut!
00:55:10Cut!
00:55:11Cut!
00:55:11Oh, Bob, it's all about energy, man.
00:55:14When you grab her, I need to see energy.
00:55:17What the fuck do you mean?
00:55:19Sis, be so kind as to tell him what the fuck I mean.
00:55:23Louder, Carl.
00:55:25Is that what you're saying?
00:55:26God fucking damn it.
00:55:28I'm coming down.
00:55:30God damn it.
00:55:31Shh, shh, shh.
00:55:33Jesus Christ.
00:55:37This is what I'm talking about.
00:55:41You grab her.
00:55:43Like this.
00:55:44Hard.
00:55:45She feels it.
00:55:46You feel it.
00:55:47She's turned on.
00:55:49She's like a hunted animal.
00:55:51Suddenly you pull her to you, like this.
00:55:54Oh, I like that.
00:55:55Rip her blouse.
00:55:57Wardrobe.
00:55:57Let her know that it's sex.
00:55:59Right now.
00:56:00Whether she wants it or not.
00:56:04Okay, Shakespeare.
00:56:05Go nuts.
00:56:10And action.
00:56:12I had an erection.
00:56:16I mean abortion.
00:56:19Abortion.
00:56:20All right, all right.
00:56:22Come on, Bob.
00:56:23I said action.
00:56:27Action.
00:56:28What the fuck's wrong with it?
00:56:32Oh, bloody Christ.
00:56:36Bob.
00:56:36Bob.
00:56:37I'm off the show, Roy.
00:56:40No contract.
00:56:41No nothing.
00:56:42Party's over.
00:56:43That's it.
00:56:44Bob.
00:56:44Bob.
00:56:45Bob.
00:56:46You're making way too much out of this, man.
00:56:48You just got a little jammed up.
00:56:50That's all.
00:56:50It happens to everybody.
00:56:51No.
00:56:52We've got a big, big problem here.
00:56:54And I can tell you exactly where it is.
00:56:56All right.
00:56:56It's Carl.
00:56:57Right?
00:56:58Do you want a new director?
00:56:59No.
00:57:00It is Dirk and Deanna.
00:57:01Their story is stalled.
00:57:03They keep going in circles, saying the same things over and over.
00:57:07They're not real.
00:57:09There's no movement.
00:57:10No development.
00:57:11All right.
00:57:12Okay.
00:57:12You want development?
00:57:13No problem.
00:57:14Here we go.
00:57:15Okay.
00:57:16They, uh, they get married.
00:57:20Right?
00:57:21So we do the whole ceremony and the wedding night.
00:57:25Hot tub, baby oil.
00:57:29You with me?
00:57:30See?
00:57:31You want development?
00:57:31You got it.
00:57:33You see, I'd go in exactly the opposite direction.
00:57:37Think about this, Roy.
00:57:38The next time Deanna attempts suicide, it works.
00:57:46That would be funny.
00:57:48Christ, she talks about it enough.
00:57:51Every single episode.
00:57:56She kills herself?
00:57:59She kills herself.
00:58:05She kills herself.
00:58:13She kills herself.
00:58:14I can't believe how simple that was.
00:58:17Hey.
00:58:17Hey, good idea, Roy.
00:58:21Thanks for thinking about it.
00:58:22Eh?
00:58:23I mean it.
00:58:32clean press hangers no boss oh you're the best chank well i know it here i've got something for you
00:58:43oh no my old tuxedo mr barb come on i told you i was gonna give it to you just
00:58:50take it will you
00:58:50will you sign what your name sign your name here cheng i'm not gonna sign a fucking tuxedo oh yes
00:58:59mr barb you will sign souvenir remember hey bob hey look at you look at this money how are you
00:59:15man
00:59:15i'm great hey did you get my message man you never fucking call me you bastard i was gonna call
00:59:20you
00:59:20but i've been so busy with this goddamn soap oh yeah it's going pretty well huh you can't complain
00:59:25yeah just signed a five-year contract today that's great five years what about you still doing the
00:59:32catering oh yeah yeah i'm picking up my tux right now and uh check it out
00:59:41what's that i did a madonna video yeah she called me at home i've been trying to call her back
00:59:47but i
00:59:47haven't been able to get through you know what what you don't believe me come over to my house come
00:59:54over right now come on let's go over to my house i'll play the message for you i saved the
00:59:58tape come
00:59:58on i'll play it for you hey that was this there was this chick i know she does a great
01:00:03madonna
01:00:03imitation i said hey call my buddy joe say you're madonna leave a fake number i didn't think she
01:00:10was gonna do it that was you yeah hey i'm sorry i thought you'd get a kick out of it
01:00:19i mean i'm
01:00:20really sorry no we should get together sometime yeah yeah definitely come on let's get together
01:00:26all right i'll give you a call hey you look good man hey likewise hey i might be getting married
01:00:38have you been back to class since then well yeah but i can barely look at him i'm still so
01:00:44furious
01:00:45mary i'm wondering if this enormous anger you have toward doug is not somewhat misplaced
01:00:53what do you mean well should he be so harshly condemned simply for finding you sexually desirable
01:01:01well should i be grateful to him for wanting to kiss me is that what you're saying
01:01:05mary i know this is a sensitive subject for you but please try to remember i'm on your side
01:01:15i believe that you do indeed have some difficulty in accepting yourself as a beautiful sexually
01:01:22desirable young woman dr loiter would you please stop saying that why well honestly it's just a little
01:01:31weird hearing it from my therapist that's all yes i am your therapist mary but i am also a man
01:01:37and i would be lying to you if i said that i didn't have impulses as both do you think
01:01:43my
01:01:43lying to you would be beneficial no in truth i've entertained sexual thoughts about you many times
01:01:50during our meetings dr loiter let me finish please okay in fact just a moment ago while you were speaking
01:01:57and while i was utterly and professionally engaged in what you were saying
01:02:04part of me was imagining what your breasts would feel like naked in my hands
01:02:14i think i better leave mary sit down please mary please it is imperative that you confront this issue
01:02:24mary mary
01:02:36what the fuck were you guys friends all over the fuck yeah i haven't had friends as a matter of
01:02:39fact
01:02:40i am not your fucking dog
01:02:44hey oh my god look i'm not gonna fucking tell you again
01:02:47hey see what you made me do take it easy listen to me you don't have to hit her
01:02:51who the fuck shut the fuck up
01:02:54you're an asshole huh you're an asshole pal yeah i'm an asshole
01:02:58oh my god you want to get shot motherfucker huh have a fuck face you want to get shot
01:03:02go ahead shoot me get your fucking brain go ahead
01:03:04go ahead do it you're fucking shooting go ahead shoot the whole fucking world we don't care
01:03:08go ahead
01:03:16lisa come on baby
01:03:33excuse me ernest what is it
01:03:36you're probably going to want to fire me but
01:03:39somehow i have lost my bow tie
01:03:43jesus mary joseph and moses i've looked everywhere for it it must have fallen out of my bag
01:03:50well i know you're really short tonight and i feel terrible
01:03:59come here joe
01:04:15this is called a four in hand do you know how to tie it
01:04:20no sir mine was a clip on
01:04:23are you on it for the lunch tomorrow no i i wasn't told
01:04:28put it in your book thank you ernest i'll make sure i have my own tie
01:04:34keep this one looks better on you
01:04:49and hit and hit okay um we've got about a minute left chantal why don't you come up to the
01:04:57front
01:04:57doug could someone else go i don't feel that good today
01:05:01oh chantal i mean your rrq is one of the lowest in the class i really feel right now if
01:05:07we
01:05:07go for it we can probably bring up 25 points what do you say come on
01:05:15okay now just relax
01:05:18come on big mama i got something for you right here big mama
01:05:23it's all yours big mama come on come on
01:05:27okay okay okay it's all right you're right
01:05:31it's okay
01:05:35class remember tears an entirely appropriate response
01:05:40okay
01:05:41mary why don't you come up
01:05:48how've you been
01:05:49good
01:05:50you seem a little upset about something okay
01:05:54never better
01:05:55good
01:05:57so why don't you turn around and show me that sweet little cupcake ass of yours
01:06:02come on
01:06:06oh
01:06:13i need to the boy
01:06:35i had an abortion
01:06:37so what
01:06:38doug how can you be so cruel
01:06:40i'm not cruel diana i'm honest
01:06:42i'm here
01:06:44i brought you something
01:06:49i love you doug
01:06:56goodbye
01:06:57oh my god
01:07:00she finally did it
01:07:20hi
01:07:20joe finnegan i have 7 45
01:07:24please just took the eight o'clock
01:07:28sorry
01:07:28you're gonna have to wait
01:07:30give me the gun scumby
01:07:31okay
01:07:32okay
01:07:37what do you love about me
01:07:42joe
01:07:46joe
01:07:47joe
01:07:47joe
01:07:57joe
01:07:57hi mary it's sahara
01:07:59you're not gonna believe this but i think i'm getting married
01:08:02i know it's crazy but i'm in love
01:08:04okay give me a call
01:08:05okay bye
01:08:08joe and mary quite contrary
01:08:10some might call them adversaries
01:08:14nonetheless i must confess
01:08:16she's the one i love the best
01:08:19i'll see you tonight
01:08:23thanks
01:08:24great script
01:08:25really good
01:08:25we'll talk to you all right
01:08:26next dv
01:08:27big kiss
01:08:28big one
01:08:29see you larry
01:08:30see you later
01:08:32great to see you lawrence
01:08:34next please
01:08:35finnegan
01:08:38all right
01:08:39all right now david i've got one more here
01:08:41who's this guy i know
01:08:42this is joe finnegan
01:08:45i told you i thought you should see
01:08:46i'd like two white wines and a bloody mary
01:08:49frankly pal so would i
01:08:51joe why are you wearing a tuxedo
01:08:52sorry miss taylor i i just got off work i didn't have time to change
01:08:56joe most of these parts are already cast but since you are the last one
01:09:02we are going to let you read the nick and shelley scene
01:09:06all right now that is tina she's going to be reading with you
01:09:12i know you the madonna video
01:09:17don't you remember you thought i really was madonna
01:09:19oh my god you look completely different you changed your hair
01:09:23yeah i'm back to my real color
01:09:26okay okay it's fairly simple
01:09:29you are a serial killer
01:09:31a very sexy serial killer
01:09:34she thinks that you love killing more than you love her
01:09:38so she grabs the gun that you have just used to kill her father and mother and sister and brother
01:09:44i i still i really don't think the brother i still might
01:09:48no you need the brother he's symbolic
01:09:49would you two please just mind saving this
01:09:52i will make this decision
01:09:54sorry
01:09:54all right
01:09:57any time you're ready
01:09:59i love you shelley
01:10:01give me the gun
01:10:02no
01:10:03give it to me
01:10:04you don't love me
01:10:05i do
01:10:06tell me one thing that you love about me
01:10:09tell me
01:10:11i love your hair
01:10:15i love your breath
01:10:17your skin your eyes
01:10:19i love your smile
01:10:20i love your smile
01:10:21your touch
01:10:22i love the way you fall asleep at night
01:10:26hold me in my finger
01:10:29please
01:10:32please
01:10:34give me the gun
01:10:44i'm sorry
01:10:44i got a little lost
01:10:45thanks
01:10:46no no no wait wait wait wait
01:10:49Uh, let's see something else.
01:10:51Well, we'll just ask, of course.
01:10:52I'll find out.
01:10:53Uh, Joe, we'd like to see, uh, something else now.
01:10:58Something, um, with a little different tone.
01:11:01Right now?
01:11:02Anything you want, Joe.
01:11:03Uh, we just want to get some idea of, uh, your reign.
01:11:06Do you have anything, Joe?
01:11:09Oh.
01:11:14You know, Biff?
01:11:17Sometimes I just want to rip my clothes off in the middle of that store
01:11:22and outbox that goddamn merchandise manager.
01:11:33I mean, I can outbox, outrun, and outlift anybody in that store.
01:11:42And still, I have to take orders from those
01:11:47common, petty sons of bitches
01:11:49till I can't stand it anymore.
01:11:57You see, Biff,
01:11:59everybody around me
01:12:02is so false.
01:12:05I'm constantly lowering my ideals.
01:12:13Oh, my God.
01:12:15Oh.
01:12:18Ah.
01:12:20You see?
01:12:20I told you my instincts were never wrong.
01:12:22That was very good, Joe.
01:12:24Very, very good.
01:12:26Bravo.
01:12:27Bravo.
01:12:44Hey, I just got a part in a movie.
01:12:48I still can't believe it.
01:12:50My first part in a movie.
01:12:52They all loved you, Joe.
01:12:54You were so great.
01:12:55I was great.
01:12:56Well, you know, you were great.
01:12:58I mean, I don't know why you're not acting in it.
01:12:59No, I'm not an actress, Joe.
01:13:01I know that now.
01:13:03What about standing in for Madonna?
01:13:06Blonde, black, back to blonde.
01:13:09My hair couldn't take it anymore.
01:13:11I think your hair looks great this way.
01:13:14Yeah.
01:13:15I think it looks great.
01:13:22I wanted to do that all night.
01:13:27Hey, I just got a part in a movie.
01:13:29That's incredible.
01:13:34A friend of mine told me about this place.
01:13:37You see all these waitresses?
01:13:39They're all models.
01:13:41All of them.
01:13:41High-class models.
01:13:48You look so sexy, Joe.
01:13:50I want you right now.
01:13:53Tina, I want you too.
01:13:56When you said those things you loved about me,
01:13:58it felt like you really meant it.
01:14:00Like you were really talking to me.
01:14:04Wow, this is crazy.
01:14:05I know.
01:14:06This is crazy.
01:14:06Let's go back to my place.
01:14:08Oh, boy.
01:14:10I'd really like to, but...
01:14:11I like you too, Joe.
01:14:13No, no.
01:14:13I mean, I gotta go.
01:14:15You gotta go?
01:14:16I'm sorry, Tina.
01:14:18Will you be all right?
01:14:20Yeah.
01:14:22Yeah, I'm gonna be all right.
01:14:28It's good to see you again, Joe.
01:14:30Good to see you, Tina.
01:14:55I got the part.
01:14:57Did you?
01:14:58A part in the film.
01:14:59And there's money.
01:15:01Joe.
01:15:02Joe, that's fantastic.
01:15:04Joe.
01:15:06Joe.
01:15:07Joe.
01:15:09Do I have a sexual problem?
01:15:11Are you crazy?
01:15:13Dr. Loiter said I had a sexual problem
01:15:15because I didn't want to hear his fantasies about me.
01:15:18What fantasies?
01:15:19He said he was a man
01:15:20and wondered what my breasts would feel like
01:15:22naked in his hands.
01:15:24Well, I'm a man,
01:15:25and he's gonna wonder
01:15:26what my fist feels like
01:15:27naked in his face.
01:15:29Joe.
01:15:31You don't think I have a sexual problem?
01:15:33Hell no.
01:15:35But even you said I wasn't spontaneous.
01:15:41Well, did I?
01:15:43Oh, come on, Mary.
01:15:46I meant both of us.
01:15:49You're still attracted to me?
01:15:51Of course I am.
01:15:52We haven't made love in over two months.
01:15:55I know that.
01:15:57You kidding?
01:15:57I'm very aware of that.
01:16:00Maybe you're not attracted to me.
01:16:02How can you say that?
01:16:04Maybe you're attracted to guys
01:16:06like your self-defense teacher
01:16:07and his big fancy BMW.
01:16:09Joe, I am very attracted to you.
01:16:16I'm very, very, very attracted to you, Mary.
01:16:22You are incredible.
01:16:24Hey, what about you?
01:16:26A little rabbit?
01:16:28A little sex rabbit?
01:16:30A carrot boy.
01:16:36Oh.
01:16:37Hey, how did you know my teacher
01:16:38he had a BMW?
01:16:40Does he?
01:16:41Yeah.
01:16:46Lucky guess.
01:16:48Sorry about the rubber.
01:16:50Think we'll be okay?
01:16:53I don't know.
01:16:55I hope so.
01:16:57No.
01:17:04Oh.
01:17:06Oh.
01:17:12Oh.
01:17:13Oh.
01:17:21Oh.
01:17:37Good morning.
01:17:39How do you like your eggs, baby?
01:17:42Over easy.
01:17:44Alrighty.
01:17:45Over easy it is.
01:17:46Everything is going to be easy from here on out.
01:17:49And you know what I've decided?
01:17:50But for the wedding, I'm going to go back to my real color.
01:17:56Brunette again.
01:17:57I haven't been a brunette in years.
01:17:58I don't know how long.
01:18:02Besides, it's the real me anyway.
01:18:05And who more would you want than the real me?
01:18:08Right, Barbara?
01:18:09Nothing more than just absolutely me.
01:18:11I feel so comfortable with you.
01:18:12I'm so just going to be a little bit.
01:18:14I'm so excited about this wedding.
01:18:16I can't wait until you're going back.
01:18:48I'm so excited about this wedding.
01:18:49I'm so excited about it.
01:18:50I'm so excited about that wedding.
01:18:50I'm so excited about this wedding.
01:19:06You
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