00:03Nurse Hoffel is pretty adamant about us working the night shift tonight.
00:09Where's Zadie? Why doesn't she have to work too?
00:12I don't know. She hasn't slept in her bed in like two days.
00:16Wait, Zadie lives with us?
00:29Okay, time to check here.
00:54What the hell is this?
00:56What do you think it is?
00:57It's the green meanie trying to scare us so we're all freaked out right before he attacks us.
01:01That makes zero sense. With our adrenaline falling, we'd be like ten times faster and stronger and more alert.
01:06Does anyone else find it weird that that child mannequin is dressed like a kappa sister?
01:12I get why the green meanie would fill this bed with swamp goo.
01:16I mean, totally in his milieu.
01:19But the kappa stuff? Very out of character. Very two years ago.
01:25We need to split up. It's one against three.
01:28He can't chase us all down before we escape.
01:31I mean, yes, one of us will probably die.
01:33And yes, it'll probably be number five because the joints in her lower body don't seem to move when she
01:38runs.
01:38But I am willing to make that sacrifice.
01:41Me too.
01:42Last one of the Starbucks down the street buys lattes.
01:45The last one of the Starbucks down the street is dead.
02:09The last one of the Starbucks down the street is dead.
02:20If you talk about that, enter the street aren't weird.
02:27Put up!
02:28Be it shut.
02:38Look at the house.
02:41Lookelie's woke of a streamer.
02:42Let's move up on Facebook page, baby, pop!
02:44Baby!
02:44Lookelie's demonstratesā
02:53Oh, my God.
03:20No, please. I hate this hospital, too. Please.
03:47I hate this hospital, too.
03:54You're doing the Chanel's work late, and then you're boogarding my revenge murders.
03:59Wait a minute. Are you the hairball guy?
04:02Mm-hmm.
04:03What the hell are you doing here?
04:05Wait, what happened? I told you to stay away from Chanel.
04:07No, no, no. You are not the boss of who she gets to kill.
04:10Oh, you look like a pickle!
04:18Looks like we're gonna need to call a green meanie summit.
04:28It's Lovin' the D with your host, Dr. Scarlett Lovin'.
04:39Thank you, thank you. Hello, and welcome to Lovin' the D.
04:45I'm Dr. Scarlett Lovin'.
04:47Today, we have a very special guest.
04:49His name is Garrett.
04:51His is a story of bravery and perseverance.
04:55Truly, he's an inspiration.
04:57Oh, my God, I love the show!
04:59Let's bring him out.
05:01Thank you for coming.
05:01I don't get it, though.
05:03Why don't they call it Lovin' the D?
05:04What?
05:05The D stands for doctor.
05:07She's Dr. Scarlett Lovin'.
05:09Lovin' the D isn't doctor.
05:11But why don't they just call the show Lovin' the doctor?
05:14Shut up, number five!
05:16God, I wish I was Dr. Scarlett Lovin'.
05:18Well, yeah, we all wish we were Dr. Scarlett Lovin'.
05:21I mean, she's the queen of daytime TV.
05:24She's a hot doctor with her own TV show,
05:27and she's a former Kappa sister.
05:30She's basically us.
05:32Do you think we should tell someone
05:35that there are at least two green meanies
05:37trying to kill everyone?
05:38I told Nurse Hoffel.
05:39She said she would handle it.
05:40I just want to live a normal night.
05:43So, another thing I had to take care of?
05:46You're welcome!
05:48Oh.
05:50Janels.
05:51Um, this is Arthur Annenberg.
05:53He is the editor of the Northeast Journal of Medicine.
05:57Didn't we already have a reporter
05:58from the Northeast Journal of Medicine?
06:00Yes, his name is Slade Hornborn,
06:02and he's gone missing.
06:04That's one of the reasons why I'm here.
06:07And I'm not a reporter.
06:09I'm the journal's editor,
06:11and also a practicing surgeon,
06:14and an adjunct board member
06:17of the American Medical Association.
06:19Do you also have a PhD in bragging, Dr. Annenberg?
06:22Yes, Sigberg, number three.
06:25Before his disappearance,
06:27Mr. Hornborn had stumbled upon some unorthodox practices here
06:32at the Cure Institute that I'm here to follow up on.
06:35Great!
06:36Um, if I may.
06:38They're med students, I presume?
06:41Of course.
06:42I'll need to see their credentials.
06:45Um, um, sorry.
06:48What?
06:51Undergraduate transcripts, MCATs.
06:54What?
06:55What's an MCAT?
06:56Medical college admission test.
06:59We get it.
07:00You're real smart.
07:01I will handle this.
07:03Um, I'm not sure if you're aware,
07:07but at the Institute,
07:08we take a more fluid approach to higher learning.
07:13Are you familiar with the Montessori method?
07:17Admitting improperly credentialed med school applicants
07:20is a brazen violation of ethical standards.
07:26Arthur.
07:29Of course the girls took the MCATs.
07:32I just think that, uh,
07:35it was probably not memorable for them
07:37because they found the test so easy.
07:45Why don't I, uh, get you the transcripts?
07:48Come on.
07:50Um, you know what?
07:52I'll be right back.
07:54I just forgot something.
07:55Um, you are taking the MCATs.
07:59No questions asked.
08:01What?
08:01We're not taking that stupid test.
08:04We want to be TV doctors, not real doctors.
08:07You are doing it.
08:09Coming.
08:12Oh, my God.
08:14I can't believe it.
08:15How am I shaming someone drinking?
08:16If there's no way this is actually happening,
08:18please help me.
08:18I'm having a heart attack.
08:20No freaking way.
08:21I, I don't deserve this.
08:23Stupid little me doesn't deserve this.
08:26Girls, allow me to introduce you
08:29to Dr. Scarlett Levin.
08:31Yeah, we know who she is.
08:34Ladies.
08:35Dr. Holt.
08:37It is such a pleasure to meet you.
08:40What glorious circumstances brought you to us?
08:45This is, uh, my producer, Link Vandevlaan.
08:49Link was, uh, doing some research for our show
08:52and told me about the parasitic twin surgery you performed.
08:56And I was absolutely blown away.
09:00Oh, my God.
09:02I hate to be a squeaky wheel, but I was the one who did most of the surgery.
09:07Wow.
09:11You absolutely did.
09:12And it was the most spectacular surgery of the last 25 years.
09:18That is why I want you four to perform a surgery live on television
09:25for a special episode of Loving the D.
09:28Oh, my God.
09:33Garrett has a 16-pound tumor on his face.
09:37Dr. Holt, you will remove it, and the Chanel's will assist you.
09:41Yes!
09:42Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
09:46Yes!
09:46The first live surgery in the history of daytime television.
09:52You see, ladies, Dr. Holt, there's something we in showbiz call it.
09:59And you four?
10:01Got it.
10:03All right, it's just a couple of things here.
10:04First of all, this is a very complicated and dangerous procedure,
10:08and the Chanel's aren't doctors.
10:11They're not even real medical students.
10:15Really?
10:19What are you doing?
10:20We need them.
10:21Who's we?
10:22The Cure Institute needs them.
10:26The jerk from the Northeast Journal of Medicine is so far up my grill.
10:30Well, high-profile surgery, this one on TV,
10:34it would make it impossible for them to close these doors.
10:38I'm sorry.
10:40We are, uh, concerned with Loving the D's legal exposure.
10:45If we were to say the Chanel's were medical students when they are not,
10:49Loving the D Productions could face a lawsuit.
10:52Of course.
10:54We'll take the MCATs.
10:56Yeah, why not?
10:58We're fine with it.
10:58We'll take the MCATs.
10:59I couldn't agree more.
11:01I, for one, can't wait.
11:02Uh, we can take them somewhere today.
11:03Is there a place, um, uh, the DMV?
11:07Great.
11:09We'll get back to you,
11:11and as soon as the test scores come in,
11:15we'll do the surgery.
11:17Good luck, ladies.
11:21Hear ye, hear ye.
11:23The inaugural Green Meany Summit has come to order.
11:26Now, we are here to review the past and future kills
11:30and divvy up the remaining murders
11:32so that no one's feelings get hurt.
11:35And as someone who has orchestrated a mass murder before,
11:38I am happy to adjudicate.
11:40Oh, and I promise to be impartial,
11:42but no spoiler here.
11:44Wes is my dad.
11:46Wait, what?
11:47Seriously?
11:47Mm-hmm.
11:47That's right.
11:48Yeah, it's real.
11:49Yeah.
11:49Believe me, I was as surprised as you when I found out.
11:52Okay.
11:54We're just gonna run through a little review here
11:57so that we're all on the same page
11:58with a segment that I like to call...
12:03Who Killed Who?
12:04Segment?
12:05Wait, is this like a game show?
12:08Wolf Lady.
12:09That was me.
12:12And Tyler.
12:13Also me.
12:16Randall.
12:17Me?
12:19Douche.
12:20Winning this one.
12:21Um, what about Sheila?
12:23Oh, that was me.
12:24Finally.
12:25Yeah, I arrived in town earlier that day
12:27from the Stanford Insane Asylum visiting Grace,
12:30so I was super pissed.
12:32I killed Sheila, but I ran off when I saw Zadie
12:34because her and Grace were like...
12:36They're like besties.
12:37Oh, I also killed, um...
12:40Yeah, the candy striper.
12:41The chubby guy.
12:44Who killed Chad Radwell?
12:47Me!
12:49Oh, yes.
12:51Oh, yeah, and I also poisoned the apple bobbing water
12:53at the Halloween party.
12:55And I attacked number five,
12:57thinking that I had killed her,
12:59but she survived.
13:00But then I went after Denise Hemphill.
13:02Serves her right for frickin' shooting at me.
13:04She's not dead.
13:06Suspended animation.
13:07You're kidding.
13:09Who killed all the Hamiltons?
13:11Oh, right here.
13:13Also, Chanel Poor Ohm and Chanel number 11.
13:17Which, by the way, was not easy
13:19because it was, like, right in the middle of a work day.
13:21And Chanel number nine, too, yeah.
13:23Excuse me.
13:24I also killed Chanel number nine.
13:27And Chanel number 10.
13:29And that reporter guy, um...
13:32Slade Hornborn.
13:35Dr. Cascade.
13:36Looks like you've had the lion's share of the murders,
13:38which we will take into consideration
13:40when we move into my next segment
13:42that I like to call
13:44Who Gets to Kill the Chanel's?
13:49Look, I've had the opportunity
13:51to enjoy some great kills,
13:52so I'm happy to set out the rest of the murders
13:56and let you guys finish
13:57as long as I get to take care of number three.
14:00Uh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
14:02When you say take care of,
14:04you don't mean kill.
14:05You actually mean take care of
14:07because you were in love with her.
14:10That's right.
14:11I am.
14:12Okay?
14:12But there's no reason
14:13we have to kill all the Chanel's.
14:15This is a murder summit.
14:17If you're not gonna kill anyone,
14:18you can't take the picture.
14:19Okay, fine.
14:21I'll murder her.
14:22Are you really gonna murder her?
14:24Yes.
14:25Did you hear me?
14:25I just said yes.
14:26Oh, please.
14:27The only thing you're gonna kill her
14:28with her kisses, ugh.
14:29Look, Nurse Hoffel,
14:30I know you haven't gotten the opportunity
14:31to kill very many people,
14:33so I am happy to let you kill Chanel number five,
14:36and I will take care of Chanel.
14:38Oh, what the hell are you talking about?
14:39I don't give a rat's bottom
14:40about that cow number five.
14:42Chanel Oberlin fried my sister's face off.
14:46Chanel Oberlin drove my daughter insane.
14:49Well, does your insane daughter still have a face,
14:51or didn't she get it fried off?
14:53Dad!
14:53Nurse Hoffel!
14:54Uh, don't call me that, okay?
14:56It's so embarrassing.
14:58She has a point.
15:01Grace is still alive,
15:02and Miss Bean died in, like, the most awful way,
15:05so she has an honest reason for revenge.
15:08Look, Hoffel,
15:10I will give you number five,
15:11number seven,
15:12number eight,
15:12and number three.
15:14Whoa, whoa,
15:14number three's mine.
15:15Hey, can it, Cascade?
15:17Look, that's five, seven, eight, and three.
15:19All I want is Chanel.
15:21That's four Chanel's for the price of one.
15:24Kissing my ass.
15:25Fine, I will throw in a Dean Munch.
15:27I love her.
15:28Oh, go suck a hot fart.
15:31Let's take a vote.
15:32A vote?
15:33A vote?
15:34What is this, a PTA meeting?
15:35Raise your hand if you think that Nurse Hoffel
15:37should kill Chanel.
15:41How could you?
15:42I am your dad!
15:44Congratulations, Nurse Hoffel.
15:46You get to kill Chanel Oberlin
15:47in any way that you see fit.
15:48Oh, my God, this summit is a joke.
15:51Oh, Wes, come on.
15:52You still get to kill
15:53Mobius Girl,
15:54Marfan, number five,
15:55and Dean Munch.
15:57It's not that bad.
15:58And remember, Dr. Cascade,
16:00it is your responsibility
16:01to kill number three.
16:03Yeah, like that's really gonna happen.
16:05It is.
16:06I'm gonna kill her so hard.
16:10The green meanies have spoken.
16:13Onward, green meanies,
16:42thanks for the other night.
16:45I'm assuming you're not gonna tell me
16:46who that other green meanie is.
16:50It's a complicated situation.
16:52Not really.
16:53It's a simple ultimatum.
16:55If you want to be my boyfriend,
16:56then you have to stop killing people,
16:58which honestly makes me
17:00the most super low-maintenance.
17:02Okay.
17:03Even if I do stop,
17:06I'm not the only one doing it,
17:08so the killing will just continue.
17:10And second,
17:12my mom is really important to me,
17:15and this is really important to her.
17:17It's time for you to stop being scared of your mom.
17:20I'm not scared of her.
17:23Fine, I'm scared of her.
17:25We can go talk to her together.
17:29Her love will make you brave.
17:32That's a terrible idea.
17:36Look, she's...
17:38kind of possessive.
17:40Look,
17:41I know you're hot and you're a doctor,
17:43so you might think you're a catch,
17:44but most girls are not gonna be
17:46into the whole race to be a revenge killer thing.
17:49It's like having one of those tribal tattoos
17:51around your bicep.
17:52It's a deal-breaker.
17:57Are there four sections of the MCAT,
18:00the chemical and biological systems,
18:03you have critical analysis,
18:04and you have the...
18:08What's funny?
18:09Are you even listening to me?
18:11Oh, sorry.
18:13I'm listening to Nothing But Up,
18:15Justin Bieber's mom's autobiography.
18:17It is scrapping.
18:17Damn it, Chanel!
18:18Chanel, the MCAT is the most challenging
18:21standardized test there is in the world.
18:23Now, you're gonna need to understand
18:24nuances of complex articles
18:26filled with technical medical vocabulary.
18:29There's, uh, math equations
18:31that even MIT students would get lost in.
18:34People study for years to pass this test.
18:37Which is why it's a waste of time
18:39for me to study, sweetiekins.
18:40I just need to figure out the best way to cheat.
18:44So I recommend you get your pretty little brain
18:48noodling on a way to help me do that,
18:50or get your sexy body over here
18:53and start making out with me.
18:55I'm fine with either.
19:10I'm sorry, Chanel.
19:12Cassidy must have left some tissue in here
19:14from my old donor hand.
19:16It's really impossible to get perfectly clean edges.
19:19You weren't just using your donor hand,
19:22you were using both hands.
19:23Why would you do that?
19:25I don't know.
19:27Chanel!
19:35Chanel!
19:36What are you talking about?
19:43Chanel?
19:47Hello, Chanel.
19:51Now, I'm curious.
19:56Compared to the cruel, awful acts you have perpetrated,
20:00what tiny, meaningless slight
20:02has you sobbing now?
20:04Well, thanks for asking.
20:06That's really sweet.
20:08Brock tried to murder me again.
20:10Have you ever asked yourself
20:12why so many people want to murder you?
20:14No.
20:15Look, the point is that
20:17if Brock still wants to kill me,
20:19I don't think I can go out with him anymore,
20:21which means he probably won't help me
20:23cheat my way to passing the MCATs,
20:24which means I'm never going to get my big break
20:26on Love and the D,
20:27which means
20:29there's really no point in me staying here.
20:31No, wait, wait.
20:32You can't leave yet.
20:35You have to stay at least one more day.
20:38Why?
20:39Because
20:41in all my years as a nurse
20:43and hospital administrator,
20:45I have never
20:46met a woman
20:48who I thought
20:49had the stuff
20:51to be a doctor
20:53more than you, Chanel.
20:56Really?
20:57Yeah, which is why
20:58I'm going to give you
20:59the secret to passing the MCAT.
21:02The answer to all the questions
21:04is B.
21:06Seriously?
21:08That makes so much sense.
21:10I know.
21:10And you know,
21:11I probably didn't even need to tell you.
21:12You girls
21:12are so smart
21:14and you would do well
21:15on your own.
21:16Now,
21:17you ladies can
21:18ace the MCATs.
21:21Thank you!
21:25Hey, why are you
21:25dry oil?
21:27Because this is a new...
21:38I know.
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