00:03Nurse Hoffel is pretty adamant about us working the night shift tonight.
00:09Where's Zadie? Why doesn't she have to work too?
00:12I don't know. She hasn't slept in her bed in like two days.
00:16Wait, Zadie lives with us?
00:29Okay, time to check here.
00:54What the hell is this?
00:56What do you think it is?
00:57It's the green meanie trying to scare us so we're all freaked out right before he attacks us.
01:01That makes zero sense. With our adrenaline falling, we'd be like ten times faster and stronger and more alert.
01:06Does anyone else find it weird that that child mannequin is dressed like a kappa sister?
01:12I get why the green meanie would fill this bed with swamp goo.
01:16I mean, totally in his milieu.
01:19But the kappa stuff? Very out of character. Very two years ago.
01:25We need to split up. It's one against three.
01:28He can't chase us all down before we escape.
01:31I mean, yes, one of us will probably die.
01:33And yes, it'll probably be number five because the joints in her lower body don't seem to move when she
01:38runs.
01:38But I am willing to make that sacrifice.
01:41Me too.
01:42Last one of the Starbucks down the street buys lattes.
01:45The last one of the Starbucks down the street is dead.
02:09The last one of the Starbucks down the street is dead.
02:14ahhh!
02:18ahhh!
02:18ahhh!
02:20ahhhh!
02:21ahhh!
02:22ahhhh!
02:22Oh, he's right behind me.
02:23I don't wanna die in this outfit!
02:25Ronnie's coming!
02:29ahhhh!
02:31ahhhh!
02:34ahhhh!
02:36ahhhh!
02:40ahhhh!
02:41ahhhh!
02:43ahhhh!
02:53Oh, my God.
03:20No, please. I hate this hospital, too. Please.
03:42Oh.
03:45Well, we all got away.
03:48You guys ruined everything.
03:50Us? Yes.
03:52I set this whole thing up. I'm making the Chanel's work late, and then you're bull guarding my revenge murders.
03:59Wait a minute. Aren't you the hairball guy?
04:02Mm-hmm.
04:03What the hell are you doing here?
04:05Wait, what happened? I told you to stay away from Chanel number three.
04:07No, no, no, no. You are not the boss of who she gets to pay.
04:10Oh, you look like a pickle.
04:18Looks like we're going to need to call a green meanie summit.
04:28It's Lovin' the D with your host, Dr. Scarlett Lovin.
04:39Thank you. Thank you. Hello, and welcome to Lovin' the D.
04:45I'm Dr. Scarlett Lovin'.
04:47Today, we have a very special guest. His name is Garrett. His is a story of bravery and perseverance.
04:55Truly, he's an inspiration.
04:57I love the show.
04:59Shh.
04:59Let's bring him out.
05:01Thank you for coming.
05:01I don't get it, though.
05:03Why don't they call it Lovin' the D?
05:04What?
05:05The D stands for doctor.
05:07She's Dr. Scarlett Lovin'.
05:09Lovin' the D isn't doctor.
05:11But why don't they just call the show Lovin' the Doctor?
05:14Shut up, number five!
05:16God, I wish I was Dr. Scarlett Lovin'.
05:18Well, yeah, we all wish we were Dr. Scarlett Lovin'.
05:21I mean, she's the queen of daytime TV.
05:24She's a hot doctor with her own TV show, and she's a former Kappa sister.
05:30She's basically us.
05:32Do you think we should tell someone that there are at least two green minis trying to kill everyone?
05:38I told Nurse Hoffel. She said she would handle it.
05:43So, another thing I had to take care of? You're welcome!
05:48Oh.
05:50Janelle's.
05:51Um, this is Arthur Annenberg.
05:53He is the editor of the Northeast Journal of Medicine.
05:57Didn't we already have a reporter from the Northeast Journal of Medicine?
06:00Yes, his name is Slade Hornborn, and he's gone missing.
06:04That's one of the reasons why I'm here.
06:07And I'm not a reporter.
06:09I'm the journal's editor.
06:11And also a practicing surgeon,
06:15and an adjunct board member of the American Medical Association.
06:19Do you also have a PhD in bragging, Dr. Annenberg?
06:22Yes, sick burn number three.
06:25Before his disappearance, Mr. Hornborn had stumbled upon some unorthodox practices here at the Cure Institute that I'm here to
06:34follow up on.
06:35Great!
06:37Um, if I may.
06:39They're med students, I presume?
06:41Of course.
06:42I'll need to see their credentials.
06:45Um, um, sorry.
06:48What?
06:50Undergraduate transcripts, MCATs.
06:54What?
06:55What's an MCAT?
06:56Medical college admission test.
06:59We get it.
07:00You're real smart.
07:01I will handle this.
07:03Um, I'm not sure if you're aware, but at the Institute, we take a more fluid approach to higher learning.
07:13Are you familiar with the Montessori method?
07:17Admitting improperly credentialed med school applicants is a brazen violation of ethical standards.
07:28Arthur, of course, the girls took the MCATs.
07:32I just think that, uh, it was probably not memorable for them because they found the test so easy.
07:45Why don't I, uh, get you the transcripts?
07:48Come on.
07:50Um...
07:51You know what?
07:52I'll be right back.
07:54I just forgot something.
07:55Oh.
07:57You are taking the MCATs.
07:59No questions asked.
08:01What?
08:01No!
08:02We're not taking that stupid test.
08:04We want to be TV doctors, not real doctors.
08:07You are doing it.
08:09Coming.
08:12Oh, my God.
08:14I can't believe it.
08:15How am I shaming someone drinking if there's no way this is actually happening?
08:18Please help me.
08:18I'm having a heart attack.
08:20No freaking way.
08:21I...
08:21I don't deserve this.
08:23Stupid little me doesn't deserve this.
08:26Girls, allow me to introduce you to Dr. Scarlet Levin.
08:31Yeah, we know who she is!
08:34Ladies.
08:35Dr. Holt.
08:37It is such a pleasure to meet you.
08:39What glorious circumstances brought you to us?
08:45This is, uh, my producer, Link van de Blanc.
08:49Link was, uh, doing some research for our show and told me about the parasitic twin surgery you performed.
08:56And I was absolutely blown away.
09:00Oh, my God.
09:01Thank you!
09:02I hate to be a squeaky wheel, but I was the one who did most of the surgery.
09:10You absolutely did.
09:13And it was the most spectacular surgery of the last 25 years.
09:18That is why I want you four to perform a surgery live on television for a special episode of Love
09:27in the D.
09:28New York City.
09:28New York City.
09:30It's fun!
09:33Garret has a 16-pound tumor on his face.
09:37Dr. Holt, you will remove it.
09:40and the Chanel's will assist you.
09:42Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
09:46The first live surgery in the history of daytime television.
09:52You see, ladies, Dr. Holt,
09:54there's something we in showbiz call it.
09:59And you four, got it.
10:03All right, it's just a couple of things here.
10:04First of all, this is a very complicated and dangerous procedure,
10:08and the Chanel's aren't doctors.
10:11They're not even real medical students.
10:16Really?
10:19What are you doing?
10:20We need them.
10:21Who's we?
10:22The Cure Institute needs them.
10:26The jerk from the Northeast Journal of Medicine
10:28is so far up my grill.
10:31High-profile surgery, this one on TV,
10:34it would make it impossible for them to close these doors.
10:38I'm sorry.
10:40We are, uh, concerned with Love and the D's legal exposure.
10:45If we were to say the Chanel's were medical students
10:48when they are not,
10:49Love and the D Productions could face a lawsuit.
10:52Of course.
10:54We'll take the MCATs.
10:56Yeah, why not?
10:57We're fine with it. We'll take the MCATs.
10:59I couldn't agree more.
11:01I, for one, can't wait.
11:02Uh, we can take them somewhere today.
11:03Is there, is there a place, um, uh, the DMV?
11:07Great.
11:09We'll get back to you.
11:11And as soon as the test scores come in,
11:15we'll do the surgery.
11:16Good luck, ladies.
11:21Here ye, here ye.
11:23The inaugural Green Meany Summit has come to order.
11:26Now, we are here to review the past and future kills
11:30and divvy up the remaining murders
11:32so that no one's feelings get hurt.
11:35And as someone who has orchestrated a mass murder before,
11:38I am happy to adjudicate.
11:40Oh, and I promise to be impartial,
11:42but no spoiler here.
11:44Wes is my dad.
11:46Wait, what?
11:47Seriously?
11:47That's right.
11:48Yeah, it's real.
11:49Yeah.
11:49Believe me, I was as surprised as you when I found out.
11:52Okay.
11:54We're just gonna run through a little review here
11:57so that we're all on the same page
11:58with a segment that I like to call...
12:03Who Killed Who?
12:04Segment?
12:05Wait, is this like a game show?
12:08Wolf Lady.
12:09That was me.
12:11And Tyler.
12:12Tyler.
12:13Also me.
12:16Randall.
12:18Me.
12:19Douche.
12:20Winning this one.
12:21Um, what about Sheila?
12:23Oh, that was me.
12:24Finally.
12:25Yeah, I arrived in town earlier that day
12:27from the Stanford Insane Asylum visiting Grace,
12:30so I was super pissed.
12:32I killed Sheila, but I ran off when I saw Zadie
12:34because her and Grace were like besties.
12:37Oh, I also killed, um, yeah, the candy striper,
12:41the chubby guy.
12:44Who killed Chad Radwell?
12:47Me!
12:49Oh, yes.
12:51Oh, yeah, and I also poisoned the apple-bobbing water
12:53at the Halloween party,
12:54and I attacked number five,
12:57thinking that I had killed her,
12:59but she survived.
13:00But then I went after Denise Hemphill,
13:02serves her right for frickin' shooting at me.
13:04She's not dead.
13:06Suspended animation.
13:07You're kidding.
13:09Who killed all the Hamiltons?
13:11Oh, right here.
13:13Also, Chanel Pour Homme and Chanel number 11.
13:17Which, by the way, was not easy
13:19because it was, like, right in the middle of a workday.
13:21And Chanel number 9, too, yeah.
13:23Excuse me.
13:24I also killed Chanel number 9.
13:27And Chanel number 10.
13:29And that reporter guy, um, Slade Hornborn.
13:35Dr. Cascade,
13:36looks like you've had the lion's share of the murders,
13:38which we will take into consideration
13:40when we move into my next segment
13:42that I like to call
13:44Who Gets to Kill the Chanel's?
13:49Look, I've had the opportunity
13:51to enjoy some great kills,
13:53so I'm happy to set out the rest of the murders
13:56and let you guys finish
13:57as long as I get to take care of number 3.
14:00Oh, wait, wait, wait, watch.
14:01Look, when you say take care of,
14:04you don't mean kill.
14:05You actually mean take care of
14:07because you were in love with her.
14:10That's right.
14:11I am, okay?
14:12But there's no reason
14:13we have to kill all the Chanel's.
14:15This is a murder summit.
14:17If you're not gonna kill anyone,
14:18you can't take the picture.
14:19Okay, fine.
14:21I'll murder her.
14:22Are you really gonna murder her?
14:24Yes, did you hear me?
14:25I just said yes.
14:26Oh, please.
14:27The only thing you're gonna kill her with are kisses.
14:29Look, Nurse Awful,
14:30I know you haven't gotten the opportunity
14:31to kill very many people,
14:33so I am happy to let you kill Chanel number 5,
14:36and I will take care of Chanel.
14:38Oh, what the hell are you talking about?
14:39I don't give a rat's bottom
14:40about that cow number 5.
14:42Chanel Oberlin fried my sister's face off.
14:46Chanel Oberlin drove my daughter insane.
14:49Well, does your insane daughter still have a face,
14:51or didn't she get it fried off?
14:53Dad!
14:53Nurse Awful!
14:54Don't call me that, okay?
14:56It's so embarrassing.
14:58She has a point.
15:01Grace is still alive,
15:02and Miss Bean died in, like, the most awful way,
15:05so she has an honest reason for revenge.
15:08Look, Awful,
15:10I will give you number 5,
15:11number 7,
15:12number 8,
15:12and number 3.
15:14Whoa, whoa,
15:14number 3 is mine.
15:15Hey, can it, Cascade?
15:17Look, that's 5, 7, 8, and 3.
15:19All I want is Chanel.
15:21That's 4 Channels for the price of 1.
15:23Kiss my ass.
15:25Fine, I will throw in a Dean Munch.
15:27I love her.
15:28Oh, go suck a hot fart.
15:31Let's take a vote!
15:32A vote?
15:33A vote?
15:34What is this, a PTA meeting?
15:35Raise your hand
15:36if you think that Nurse Awful
15:37should kill Chanel.
15:41How could you?
15:42I am your dad!
15:44Congratulations, Nurse Awful.
15:46You get to kill Chanel Oberlin
15:47in any way that you see fit.
15:48Oh, my God,
15:49this summit is a joke.
15:51Oh, Wes, come on.
15:52You still get to kill
15:53Mobius Girl,
15:54Marfan, number 5,
15:55and Dean Munch.
15:57It's not that bad.
15:58And remember, Dr. Cascade,
16:00it is your responsibility
16:01to kill number 3.
16:03Yeah, like that's really
16:04gonna happen.
16:05It is.
16:06I'm gonna kill her so hard.
16:10The Green Meanies
16:11have spoken.
16:13Onward, Green Meanies,
16:15to murder.
16:16There.
16:19Sorry, sweetheart.
16:23Sorry, sweetheart.
16:46me who that other green mania is it's a complicated situation not really it's a simple ultimatum
16:55if you want to be my boyfriend then you have to stop killing people
16:58which honestly makes me the most super low maintenance okay even if i do stop
17:06i'm not the only one doing it so the killing will just continue
17:10and second my mom is really important to me and this is really important to her
17:17it's time for you to stop being scared of your mom i'm not scared of her
17:23fine i'm scared of her we can go talk to her together
17:29her love will make you brave that's a terrible idea look she's
17:38kind of possessive look i know you're hot and you're a doctor so you might think you're a catch but
17:44most girls are not going to be into the whole race to be a revenge killer thing
17:49it's like having one of those tribal tattoos around your bicep it's a deal breaker
17:57are there four sections of the chemical and biological systems you have critical analysis and
18:05you have to eat what's funny are you even listening to me oh sorry i'm listening to nothing but up
18:14justin bieber's mom's autobiography it is scrapping damn it chanel the mcat is the most challenging
18:21standardized test there is in the world now you're gonna need to understand nuances of complex articles
18:26filled with technical medical vocabulary there's uh math equations that even mit students would get lost in
18:33people study for years to pass this test which is why it's a waste of time for me to study
18:39sweetiekins
18:40i just need to figure out the best way to cheat so i recommend you get your pretty little brain
18:48noodling on a way to help me do that or get your sexy body over here and start making out
18:54with me
18:55i'm fine with either
19:10i'm sorry chanel cassie must have left some tissue in here from my old donor hand
19:16it's really impossible to get perfectly clean edges you weren't just using your donor hand you
19:22were using both hands why would you do that i don't know chanel
19:51i'm curious
19:56compared to the cruel awful acts you have perpetrated what tiny meaningless slight has
20:03you sobbing now well thanks for asking that's really sweet brock tried to murder me again have
20:11you ever asked yourself why so many people want to murder you no look the point is that
20:17if brock still wants to kill me i don't think i can go out with him anymore which means he
20:22probably
20:22won't help me cheat my way to passing the mcats which means i'm never gonna get my big break on
20:26loving the d which means there's really no point in me staying here no wait wait you you you you
20:33can't
20:33leave yet uh you have to stay at least one more day why because in all my years as a
20:42nurse and hospital
20:44administrator i have never met a woman who i thought had the stuff to be a doctor more than you
20:54chanel
20:57really which is why i'm gonna give you the secret to passing the mcat the answer to all the questions
21:04is b seriously that makes so much sense i know and you know i probably didn't even need to tell
21:12you
21:12you girls are so smart and you would do well on your own now you ladies can ace the mcats
21:20thank you
21:24oh hey why are you rye oil because this is a new
21:52you
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