- 12 hours ago
Waiting for Guffman (1996) Full Movie HD [Full Movie] [Trending Drama]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:22First of all, I want to thank everybody for coming, giving up your lunch hours and all
00:00:26that. And Lord knows, very exciting for all of us. Happy to be here. Oh, me too. Absolutely. And let's
00:00:32just get our hands right into it. Who wants to start us off? I'll be happy to start. You know
00:00:35what? Gwen, why don't you start us off? Okay. You don't need the pointer here, do you? No, I don't
00:00:40need the pointer. I'll just hold on to it then. Oh, she's fine. Gwen? There is a concern that I
00:00:44have that I think needs addressing is that we can't have the port-a-potties too far off the main
00:00:48route because we do have a lot of seniors. We've solved that. We're going to take the port-a-potties
00:00:54and put them right over here.
00:00:55They're not going to be in the way. We're going to put a receptacle over near Arts and Crafts. These
00:01:01are the big bins you're talking about? Yeah. We've got barrels too. We've got barrels. And we're going to put
00:01:04the barrels on every corner. Wait a minute. That's the crate? No, that's the big barrel. That's the big barrel
00:01:09because you've got the pie eating going on right over here. It's more of a dumpster than a barrel. Now
00:01:12that's another thing. If anything happens like last year with that pie eating, which brings me to a point. Security.
00:01:18Oh. Security. I said we put a rifle on here. Yeah. Come on. A man with a rifle here and
00:01:24rifle here. Oh, please.
00:01:25Protect the whole square. Don't start that. Greenville. Yes. Every year he has to bring this up. Remember how much
00:01:30we got egged last year? Absolutely.
00:01:31What can I tell you? We're pleased as punch. We are so proud. We know that whatever we do here
00:01:37is a first for Blaine and a first for Missouri. That whatever we do is going to be the standard
00:01:41against which all other sesquicentennials, that's the 150, will be judged.
00:01:48The people of Blaine are can-do people. In fact, you know, there's an old saying in Missouri that if
00:01:54you don't like the weather, just wait five minutes. In Blaine, I honestly believe with hard work, we can get
00:02:00that down to three or four minutes.
00:02:02Here in our sesquicentennial year, we've got a lot to talk about. There's a lot to be proud of, and
00:02:07we're very proud of it, and I think it's about time that the world knows more about Blaine.
00:02:10And we're chomping at the bit, certainly, from this end to get it out there. It all started with Blaine
00:02:17Faven. He was hired by 30 settlers to lead a wagon train expedition from Philadelphia to California.
00:02:23On the 14th night, word has it they were sitting around the campfire, and Blaine said, do you smell it?
00:02:30You smell the salt in the air. He said, we're here. I brought you to California.
00:02:34And so there was a big party that night, and the next morning they got up. They didn't see the
00:02:39ocean because they were in Missouri.
00:02:43Blaine was able to convince them for a little while that it was just low tide and things, but what
00:02:47had happened was that he had made some mistakes.
00:02:49Bad weather wasn't familiar, perhaps, with the proper route. But as it turns out, everybody was quite happy to be
00:02:55where they were, so they said, it's okay.
00:02:56We didn't make it to California. We'll stay here, and that's why I'm at this desk.
00:03:01Well, I'm very proud to say that I'm a direct descendant of Blaine Faven. I've lived here all my life,
00:03:08as did my parents and their parents and their parents and their parents and so on and so forth.
00:03:14I'm very excited about the show coming up because it'll be the first time I'll have the experience of sitting
00:03:22in the audience and seeing actors portray my ancestor, the actual Blaine Faven.
00:03:29Good. Being a Faven is not always easy. I can certainly understand how the Kennedys feel.
00:03:38I had been living in New York and working there as an actor and director and choreographer for 25 years
00:03:45or so, and I really felt I needed a change.
00:03:48I imagined in my fantasy, I suppose, that when I came here, I would have a completely different life, perhaps
00:03:57a construction worker or one of those guys that works on those high wire things with a hard hat, you
00:04:07know, that sweeping sort of hat, and with the chaps.
00:04:13But that didn't really work out. I began to realize, I guess, that the theater was still in my blood
00:04:19and what I had to do was make use of that.
00:04:22So I offered my services to the high school here and they accepted and I began to teach drama.
00:04:30And within about six months, I had formed the Blaine Community Players.
00:04:34I got to tell you, we are very, very excited about the big show that's happening at the end of
00:04:38the festival.
00:04:40Everyone right now is just going crazy getting ready to audition.
00:04:44And unfortunately, I won't be able to audition.
00:04:46We have to stock that day and can't get out of it.
00:04:49And Corky will not let me audition any other time.
00:04:53So that's show business is what he told me and, you know, he's the master.
00:04:57You got to give him credit for that.
00:04:59President McKinley did a whistle-stop tour back in 1898.
00:05:03And a little boy, Jimmy McBean, made a stool for him.
00:05:06And he loved it so much that he called back and said,
00:05:09Look, I would like to give more of these to dignitaries who are visiting.
00:05:13And before you knew it, Blaine is manufacturing all these footstools.
00:05:19And that's how the big, that's how we got the stool boom.
00:05:23Blaine became the stool capital of the world.
00:05:26My first show was Barefoot in the Park, which was an absolute smash.
00:05:31But my production on the stage of Backdraft was what really got them excited.
00:05:36This whole idea of in-your-face theater really affected them.
00:05:42The conceptualization, the whole abstraction, the obtuseness of this production to me was what was interesting.
00:05:48I wanted the audience to feel the heat from the fire, the fear, because people don't like fire poked, poked
00:05:57in their noses.
00:05:58You know, when you get a cinder from barbecue right on the end of your nose and you kind of
00:06:02make that little face, that's not a good thing.
00:06:04I wanted to have the sense memory of that.
00:06:07So during the show, I had someone burn newspapers and send it through the vents in the theater.
00:06:14Well, they freaked out.
00:06:17Of course, the fire marshal came over and they shut us down for a couple of days.
00:06:22Mr. Blustein, Montezuma's revenge is nothing more than good old-fashioned American diarrhea.
00:06:28Adult diapers should never even enter the picture.
00:06:32So you lose a few pounds.
00:06:35My mom used to say that Blaine is a little town with a big heart in the heart of a
00:06:40big country.
00:06:41And to me, Blaine is a kind of town where I can have my own business, meet and marry a
00:06:48wonderful woman like Sheila, and be something, be somebody.
00:06:54Some people find it ironical that even though we run a travel agency, we've never been outside of Blaine.
00:07:00With one exception.
00:07:01Well, we've never been outside of Blaine.
00:07:05Well, I went to...
00:07:06There's a medical reason.
00:07:10You can tell me.
00:07:12It's just minor surgery.
00:07:16Eight months, seven, make Sundays, make blizzards and put stuff on them and see a lot of people come in,
00:07:26a lot of people come to the DQ, burgers, ice cream, anything, you know.
00:07:34Cokes, just drive in and get a Coke if you're thirsty.
00:07:39Everybody thinks that Roswell was the first sighting of a UFO in the United States, and that's bull roar.
00:07:45We had the first sighting here in 1946, and it wasn't just a sighting.
00:07:49It didn't even fly by.
00:07:50They stopped.
00:07:51They landed.
00:07:52The people in Blaine went on board the ship for a potluck dinner.
00:07:56I've been coming out to this landing site every day for two years to measure it.
00:08:03And here's the thing.
00:08:05The circumference and the diameter change by a few inches, yet the radius remains the same, which brings me back
00:08:14to the number five.
00:08:15There are five letters in the name Blaine.
00:08:18Blaine.
00:08:18Mix the word Blaine up or mix it around.
00:08:21Eventually, you'll get Nabali.
00:08:23Nabali, the name of the planet in a galaxy way, way, way far away.
00:08:32I'll tell you another thing.
00:08:33Once you step inside this circle, the weather never changes.
00:08:38It is always 67 degrees with a 40% chance of rain.
00:08:44Always.
00:08:45I love to make people laugh, and I've been doing it since, you know, school.
00:08:51People ask me, you know, you must have been the class clown.
00:08:57And I say, no, I wasn't.
00:09:01But I sat beside the class clown, and I studied him and saw how he made people laugh.
00:09:09And so I picked some things up, and, you know, and at parties and family functions, I have to say,
00:09:16I love, you know, breaking people up.
00:09:19So there's a thing that I think I got an entertaining bug from my grandfather, Chaim Perlgut, who was very,
00:09:29very big in the Yiddish theater back in New York.
00:09:33He was in the very, the sardonically irreverent, Dibbik Shmibbik, I Said More Ham.
00:09:41And that review, I believe, was 1914, and that review is what made him famous.
00:09:48Incidentally, the song Booby Made a Kishka came from that review.
00:09:55My, my father, bless him, brought me into the, into the business.
00:09:59This was his dental practice, uh, before, and I joke with my wife that, uh, you know, at that point,
00:10:05that's when the, uh, the money started, uh, rolling in, you know.
00:10:11Well, brave, making more wampum to buy pelts.
00:10:21One happy squaw and wigwam, happy as mongoose.
00:10:27That, uh, is, of course, from Johnny Carson, who, uh, one of my, uh, heroes in a very funny bit.
00:10:35When I see lips waiting to be kissed, I can't stop, I can't stop, for that lightning, oh, it's striking,
00:10:47again, yeah.
00:10:52Lightning's striking, again, and again, and again, and again.
00:11:01I'm going to do a scene from the movie, Raging Bull.
00:11:07You fucked my wife?
00:11:09What?
00:11:11You fucked my wife?
00:11:13How can you ask me a question like that?
00:11:15How can you ask me?
00:11:16I'm your brother, and you ask me that?
00:11:17Where do you get the balls big enough to ask me that?
00:11:20Basically, uh, for the last 15 years, I have been the music teacher at, uh, Blaine High, um, and part
00:11:30of my job, and a very important part, is to put on a show every year, which I have done
00:11:35completely by myself.
00:11:37This year, it's going to be different, because Corky, uh, being from New York, being a professional, uh, and having
00:11:46put on some very theatrical productions here, uh, is going to be directing the show this year, and I'm going
00:11:57to be the musical director, which is different for me.
00:12:04Teacher's pet, I want to be teacher's pet, I want to be huddled and cuddled, as close to you as
00:12:15I can get.
00:12:20Teacher's pride, I want to be teacher's pride.
00:12:33Dr. Pearl!
00:12:34How are you? Ron Albertson?
00:12:36Yes, Ron.
00:12:36My wife's Sheila. You remember her from Previous Bills?
00:12:41Sheila.
00:12:42What are you doing here?
00:12:43I'm here, uh, you know, trying out for the big show.
00:12:46Well, congratulations.
00:12:48No, who are you here, really?
00:12:49I'm trying...
00:12:50I told my wife I'd come out for this, uh, show and give it...
00:12:53And, you know, I thought I'd give it a shot, yes.
00:12:55Give it your best shot, which won't be the first shot you ever gave.
00:12:58Hope it doesn't leave Corky numb like most of...
00:13:00It looks like pulling teeth to get a discount from him.
00:13:02Hey, why don't you give some caramels to the little girl?
00:13:04Future customers and all.
00:13:06So I can be teacher's pet
00:13:10Long after school is through
00:13:14Teacher, teacher, I love you
00:13:17Whoa!
00:13:22Hi
00:13:24Maybe teachers.
00:13:26Hi
00:13:28I dream of Jeannie with the light brown hair
00:13:38Floating like a vapor on the soft summer air
00:13:46Look out!
00:13:47Camp town racers sing this song
00:13:49Do-da, do-da
00:13:51Camp town racetrack five miles long
00:13:53Oh, do-da-day
00:13:54Wind run all night
00:13:56Wind run all day
00:13:58Bet my money on the bobtail neck
00:14:01Somebody bet on the bay
00:14:02Bay, bay, bay
00:14:05Way down upon the Swanee River
00:14:19Floating like a vapor
00:14:25On the soft summer air
00:14:40On the soft summer air
00:14:41Very nice.
00:14:43Very, that was...
00:14:43Very good.
00:14:44Very good.
00:14:44Well, thank you, Dr. Pearl.
00:14:46Well, thank you very much.
00:14:48Thank you, and...
00:14:49We'll let you know.
00:14:50Very good.
00:14:56You know, he knows he can actually sing.
00:14:58He's good.
00:14:58You know, he knows he can actually sing, you know.
00:14:59There he goes.
00:15:00Wow.
00:15:01Robertson?
00:15:12Ding dong.
00:15:14Oh, I wonder who knows I'm vacationing here at the oasis.
00:15:20Am I late?
00:15:21You!
00:15:22Surprised?
00:15:23How did you find me?
00:15:25I have my ways.
00:15:27Would you like to come in for coffee?
00:15:30You don't need to answer.
00:15:34There's no need to speak.
00:15:38I'll be your belly dancer.
00:15:42Prancer.
00:15:43And I will be your sheep.
00:15:47I don't need a harem, honey.
00:15:51When you're by my side.
00:15:54And you won't need a camel.
00:15:58No, no.
00:16:00When I take you for a ride.
00:16:03We'll need some coffee to go with that ride, won't we?
00:16:05Well, we're always full of surprises.
00:16:08But say, I wonder, do we have time for that coffee?
00:16:11What time is it?
00:16:12What time is it?
00:16:13Haven't you been paying attention?
00:16:15It's midnight at the oasis.
00:16:20Oh, thank you.
00:16:22Good.
00:16:23That was great.
00:16:25Really good.
00:16:26Well, thanks a lot.
00:16:28Thanks for coming.
00:16:30So we'll leave the, um...
00:16:31Now, why don't you just put that back there?
00:16:33Strike it?
00:16:34Yeah.
00:16:35We've done a few shows for Corky before, so we know all the terms already going in.
00:16:38Thanks so much.
00:16:39It was really fun.
00:16:44Wow.
00:16:46I'm found with our cabinets.
00:16:48As Dr. Watson said to Sherlock, are coming together, sir.
00:16:52The old standbys, the workhorses.
00:16:55I call them interesting.
00:16:57How do these people, where do they come from?
00:16:59You know, go up to the dentist and say, you know, are you interested in this?
00:17:04But Mrs. Pearl was in the same shop, and it just was an accident.
00:17:10You know, we started talking about pantyhose.
00:17:13And she was saying, that's not the point of the story, but what the point is, was that through this
00:17:20accidental meeting, it's like, you know, it's like a Hitchcock movie where, you know, you're thrown into a rubber bag
00:17:27and put in the trunk of a car.
00:17:57You find people.
00:17:59took me in there to examine me I guess he probed me and then I was in there I
00:18:05bet more than three or four hours in that room of being probed and at one
00:18:09time I have six of them at different times and all of them probed me not all
00:18:14at once you know and now even still it's a funny thing that on happened on a
00:18:20Sunday and every Sunday
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00:31:26Bye.
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