- 4 minutes ago
High Hoops - Season 2 - Episode 04: The Two Queens Zone
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TVTranscript
00:00MUSIC
00:18CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
00:22OK, so this might take a bit of explaining.
00:25CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
00:29CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
00:31Oh, it's going to have to be quick. CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
00:36CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
00:36Sorry about this.
00:38CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
00:39Here it comes a rewind.
00:45Sami and Jess are currently having a free-throw comp.
00:48Just a bit of fun that I absolutely must win.
00:56yes oh yeah that's five all mifa next one to miss loses stay at the obvious much
01:04yes i do nyla now i'm going to score
01:10now ether will miss and lose the bet we made ether what bet how about whichever team loses
01:20has to change their team's name to the losers for a whole week
01:28hurry up and lose mifa like i'm gonna miss
01:50so now everyone's calling us the losers and there's nothing we can do about it you kids
01:56exaggerate a billion times a day i'm sure it's not everyone
02:08at least it's just for a week but what if it sticks it took ages for the vipers to put
02:14respect on our
02:14names and now it's gone thanks to jessica and me i suppose but i just need to smash this loser
02:23tag
02:23this jessica and these eggs if it's a fight you're after we've got a battle reenactment as part of
02:30interactive history week no thanks sounds well weird there is nothing weird about playing a historical
02:37character in full costume to educate your fellow students it's like you can't see himself your
02:43brother is using his big history brain to play the queen's special little advisor just special advisor
02:50mum stop adding little the lads think it sounds daft but they'll change their tune when they see my
02:56venetian breeches think i'll wear my own breeches thank you i'm awesome being myself yourself you mean a loser
03:08sign up will you love not many people have and jim's nervous because mr holt's on holiday and left
03:14him in charge you'll be the boss of everyone if you play queen victoria victoria jim this whole week's
03:21about queen elizabeth the first who's he oh no connor lecturing coming elizabeth the first ruled over
03:28this country's golden age she inspired my sweet threads revitalized art and literature her ships
03:35defeated the mighty spanish armada in an epic battle this could go on for a while she kept her own
03:42cousin
03:43mary queen of scots prisoner for 18 years which seems harsh but family can be annoying rude
03:53but she does sound like a legend and this boaty battle thingy that's on friday yeah thursday jim we're
04:02recreating queen elizabeth's epic victory on the playing fields so this queen elizabeth person gets
04:10to be connor's boss have their own captive and win a battle in front of the entire school
04:16the vipers are winners
04:29sign me up jim i'm playing a queen
04:34um which queen was that again you know what connor said the prison one with the cousin
04:41right oh and make sure there's a jail cell and that jessica plays the other cousin
04:48of her cousin right
05:00i can play that thing with my nose you know that's gross the queen commands the following students take
05:06part in history week please not clangor please not clangor please not clangor please not clangor
05:11clangor but i said please and ben everyone wants a bit of ben
05:21i thought we'd be happy i got you out of lessons not when you have us pushing an actual pretend
05:25well
05:25which i notice you're not doing uh william cecil doesn't do manual labor
05:31who am i incredibly high achieving character let's just pretend not this week it's not the whole
05:38point of interactive learning is living like it's real don't you want to win the battle for your
05:43queen to recreate the sights the sounds the smells smells oh and that job smells isn't a job clangor
05:52revise queenie to make it one then oh make us king while you're at it she didn't have a king
05:59prince then my hair's too good to be anything less
06:04if i do this you two take part and admit that history and by association me are very cool
06:16i'm taking that as a yes
06:20ta-da
06:23bow before your queen first job bowing lessons for everyone
06:27i've been called a loser 15 times today twice by teachers or thanks to you
06:34thanks to your majesty actually
06:37ifa your stupid bet could mean we're known as the losers forever we won't watch this boy
06:45your queen requires fizzy drinks
06:51that was impressive that's nothing chair girl i wish to sit down
07:01oh i forgot i sent chair girl to go get more chairs my point is everyone has to do what
07:07the queen
07:07says this week ultimate girl boss exactly so when i and my royal teamies win the battle it'll be like
07:15the loser thing never even happened in a way we'll all be queens yes queen but only me though technically
07:27so what do we do then i'm so glad she asked
07:34nyla with your no-nonsense toughness your queen commands you to be chief jailer and executioner
07:44one jail your majesty where's my executioner's weapons weapons weapons a toilet brush you do have
07:54an axe but i lost it i'll find it don't brush me and char your wicked style makes you a
08:01perfect lady-in-waiting
08:03this dress would look adobe on you
08:07and hide your massive feet she's right they're enormous zara you'll be designing and making ships
08:16for the battle because of my keen interest in naval warfare my design credentials my geometry scores yeah
08:25all of that it was the only job left wasn't it
08:31oh and should make some stocks ready for when we chop jessica's head off
08:41Aoife why are all the clothes with your name on so raggedy jim who's mary queen of scots the one
08:52you wanted to play the the queen with the cousin the prison one who i explained
08:59this queen elizabeth had a scottish cousin mary queen of scots who wanted to be queen of england too
09:07so elizabeth threw her in jail and she was never let out
09:12never so i've gone from being the queen of winning everything to being stuck in that thing all week
09:18no no no of course not you get beheaded on wednesday headless is a bold look
09:25but i can work with it the battle's on thursday how am i supposed to beat spain without a head
09:31you won't whoever's playing queen elizabeth will the queen with the cousin
09:44oh mefa the bars really suit you knowingly she's right i'm totally pulling this off i wasn't going
09:50to get involved but then jim said how much you wanted me to play your cousin oh great it's my
09:56fault
09:56again how could i refuse such a kind offer from my favorite loser you're still our queen actually
10:04losers i'm the queen you work for and i've got lots of work for you to do so you'll be
10:08coming
10:08with me take her away jailer do i have to um your majesty
10:15yes please find my axe enjoy it while it lasts because i'm totally not taking this lying down
10:24kind of think you are because could this be any more humiliating
10:33turns out the answer was a very soggy yes
10:39says here mary queen of scots was well treated in prison
10:44the queen thought throwing wet sponges at her would be more fun
10:49she was right great work gang
10:54they literally never miss how big must my face be
11:08are we allowed to be in mr holt's office i can go where i please because i am queen
11:14of course my uh my apologies your majesty what do you want from me a favor your majesty if you
11:23could
11:23make my friend ben royalty that would mean a lot to me personally and i have been a loyal servant
11:31for
11:31many years and you are william cecil your special advisor fine tell jim to make ben king of spain
11:41he can lose the battle to me a small detail the spanish king wasn't actually at the battle
11:47it looks better if i beat the king so make that happen okay tell him to cry when he loses
11:54that's not historically accurate isn't it your job to do whatever your queen demands well yes
12:02yes your majesty good then stand on one leg
12:14now flap your arms like a swan
12:18but make a noise like a cow
12:26i'm going to enjoy this i don't suppose now would be a good time to ask you to appoint a
12:31minister of smells i mean
12:41where are you going in such a hurry to resign from my exalted position as special advisor for
12:46a majesty you same thing just way less nerdy there they are my two saviors so about that jim i'm
12:54trying
12:55to save the viper's reputation i thought this would be a disaster but you got so many people involved
12:59i feel like i should be paying you i can't know because i'm saving up for a new gold tracksuit
13:04that's great jim but yeah but listen mr holt will be well impressed if i pull this off
13:09and some will i yes we can't resign now he seems so happy like clangor with a moldy potato
13:18oh jails can't move how do you have to be so rough if i'm gonna play a character might as
13:25well commit to it
13:26well that's just given me a wee beastie of an idea king of spain you're not happy not which is
13:37spanish
13:38for no you wanted to be royalty well obviously i'm fluent in spanglish and handsome enough you still have
13:48better job than clangor you did this to me
14:16my loyal subject as you know i am the best queen that ever lived you may now applaud
14:26please please take this opportunity to learn more about how incredible i am
14:31how brilliant life was because of me and make sure to book your tickets for this battle with the spanish
14:37armada join us live for the naval takedown of the 16th century when queen elizabeth's english fleet
14:44takes on the mighty spanish armada which i will win for you my loyal subjects
15:05i love a good bagpipe
15:11is anyone hungry because you're talking pure mints by the way
15:17god sees her and take me where i'm already in jail your dozy wee loser queen
15:25she has a point you much you can tell who's got the brains in this family
15:48you're the real queen's hair was burnt amber with a hint of orangutan i'm the real queen you're the losers
15:55and you can find me better clothes too more modern ones and you stop building boats
16:02but i'm a boat builder now you're a jail builder i need one with no leg holes or head holes
16:08a plain box then it's what a loser deserves no one will be calling us that after what ether just
16:16did
16:19on second thought maybe not a plain box after all
16:24lose a viper jail so much for the name not sticking jessica forced me to make it and then she
16:31arrested me
16:32as a traitor us too i totally did because traitors are losers now where's my minister of smells
16:42i thought you were a horse i got promoted for a special mission go put your pocket cheese in the
16:48viper's loser cell pocket cheese smells worse than collars fee oi thanks oh before i forget
16:58as you were so funny earlier you can be my new jester too and i'll do a funny dance
17:05it's like she's gonna do that it's going really well mr holt and it looks like ether's about to
17:10perform a new character listen
17:26what no no i i didn't get it either but the kids were loving it
17:29thank you ether i can't wait for tomorrow's executions
17:36there's only meant to be one four stinky losers four executions and did i mention we're going to
17:43film them for the school website she can't do that can she do that i totally can she totally can
17:50i emailed mr holt about it and he thinks it's such a good idea so now everyone can watch me
17:56winning
17:57and you losing forever and i can still smell the pocket cheese
18:07no one could take you to heathen's getting her egg chopped off tomorrow
18:11so she is that'll be fun
18:16we're selling tickets
18:19i can't let her humiliate us like this we'll be known as losers forever
18:26just want to show the lads that history could be cool but jessica keeps rewriting it
18:31maybe we could do that too rewrite history think about it jessica losing the battle would be a crazy
18:38plot twist everyone be talking about it
18:47i do like that but it does go against my principle of doing anything not historically accurate
18:55did mary queen of scots really wear this ridiculous thing no wonder nobody voted for her
19:06i'm in yes and i've got the perfect plan first i sneak out of myself using a devious lie
19:16and while the vipers gain support to the revolution mary queen of scots is busy
19:21looking at memes as she often did in 1567 on her wooden phone
19:32don't care if it's not practical i want a gold boat gold
19:37stop and then we plot to overthrow the evil queen
19:53what's that
19:57secret meeting who put that there
20:06is
20:15pretty clever if i say so myself and i do okay this is kind of cool
20:21and a plot to overthrow the queen is entirely accurate historically speaking you're ruining in it
20:28clangily speaking i'll go drum more support when jessica tries to execute me and the vipers i'll give
20:36the signal to our supporters they'll set us free and everyone will follow us to the battle where the
20:41vipers will show the entire school how to win with style why should i go along with this because i'll
20:49make
20:49you look good i don't need help with that he does jessica's just trying to beat
20:57you quickly so she can do a boring speech i'll give you a hero's death pure hollywood
21:04what about me what do i get
21:08pocket jeez i'm sure the king is in need for a master of smells
21:14nothing can stop me now
21:18scottish queen appreciates your support
21:24it's all very exciting oh mr holt wants me to film the event for him that's good isn't it if
21:30it's
21:30not historically accurate he'll make me do all the rubbish jobs no one else wants like what lunchtime
21:35detentions spell checking graffiti stopping birds doing the toilet on his car
21:41what's that hawkey you're so hungry you could eat 50 pigeons
21:45i wouldn't have time to coach bouncy ball it's going to be great jim especially with
21:52ifra and connor helping out well mainly connor
22:00isn't that right connor how do you know i'm here because i'm your mom and also you breathe really
22:07loudly there's a lot resting on this for jim and the vipers it is gonna go well isn't it only
22:16if i can get
22:17to eat from time
22:24mary queen of scots aka ether queen of losers
22:30not for long i hereby sent i reject your sentence now now is the time to rise up against this
22:39evil
22:40queen follow me into the battle and i will defeat the spanish king for you
22:46my people now who's with me
22:53i said who's with me seriously who's with me
23:03looks like your little revolution has failed
23:07we can't get the history wrong connor said we'd lose jim as a coach we'll have no choice
23:29and this is where we came in
23:30chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop
23:41chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop
23:45chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop
23:45chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop
23:45chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop
23:46chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop
23:47chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop
23:47chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop
23:52chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop
23:52chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop
23:52chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop
23:55chop
23:55These stink bombs absolutely reek. Sniff.
23:58I'll take your word for it.
24:00Does this mean that he was right?
24:03That history and Connor can be cool?
24:07All right, but we can never tell him.
24:09Agreed.
24:22Where's Aoife?
24:24Jessica.
24:25Jessica's won. Again.
24:27And we've lost.
24:28We're officially the losers.
24:31Forever.
24:33This really is the worst of times.
24:36But the best of times for a roundup.
24:41So it all started when we had to call ourselves the losers
24:44because someone made a bet.
24:46It doesn't matter who.
24:48So then I tried to change the past in more ways than one.
24:51But then I'd realised we'd lose Jim and nobody wanted that.
24:54So now Jessica's going to win.
24:56Again.
24:57And we're going to be stuck with these stupid nicknames forever.
25:01Losers!
25:02Losers!
25:24Losers!
25:24How?
25:25How?
25:26Jessica wins, like, always.
25:29But she doesn't.
25:33Queen Elizabeth does.
25:48Yes!
25:49Come on, smash them!
25:51Oh, no, no, no, no.
25:56Oh, here you are, Mr. Holt.
25:59Jessica's Queen Elizabeth is just about to defeat Ben's Spanish king.
26:03Oh, no!
26:04Oh, not king, duke.
26:06Very well-dressed duke with the king's hat on.
26:10I thought Aoife would have at least come out to watch.
26:13Well, how?
26:14She's not got her head.
26:15Oh, yeah.
26:16Ha!
26:17Ha!
26:20Ha!
26:24Ha!
26:31Oh, no, this is good.
26:34No matter what, Queen Elizabeth will win.
26:37Oh.
26:37All right, vipers.
26:39Time to show everyone who the real queens of Midvale are.
26:42Charge!
26:45You have to lose to me.
26:47Lie down!
26:48Nah, not my style.
26:50Smells master?
26:51Let's go out in glory.
26:52No!
26:56No!
26:58What is this?
27:00No, no, no, no!
27:02Look at me.
27:02Yes, yes, yes.
27:04Charge!
27:09No!
27:15No!
27:16No!
27:17No!
27:27Very cool.
27:29That's how winning's done, Halty Baby.
27:31Piper style!
27:36You can cut that last bit out, right?
27:38But it's a live stream.
27:40Did she just call me Halty Baby?
27:43It'll grow on him.
27:59It'll grow on him.
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