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Jimmy Kimmel Live - Season 24 - Episode 23: Tyler Perry, Mae Martin, Mariachi El Bronx
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00:00From Hollywood, it's Jimmy Kimmel Live!
00:04Tonight, Tyler Perry, Mae Martin,
00:08and music from Mariachi El Bronx
00:11with the Klee Tones!
00:14And now, Jimmy Kimmel!
00:30Thank you, guys. I'm Jimmy. I am the host of the show,
00:33Deanna May.
00:35That's very kind.
00:37Thank you for watching. Thank you for joining us here.
00:40Tonight, we are coming to you from our home
00:44in Los Angeles, California, on All-Star Weekend.
00:47On Sunday, our city's host to the NBA All-Star Game.
00:50Any of you going to the game this Sunday?
00:54I feel like half of you are lying, but okay.
00:58All the big stars will be in town on Sunday.
01:00Instead of the usual, you know,
01:01it's usually a match-up between the East and the West.
01:04This year, the teams will be made up of Americans
01:06against players from the rest of the world.
01:08And, you know, I've been hoping somebody would figure out
01:10another way to pit us against the rest of the world.
01:13I want to thank the NBA for doing that.
01:16I'll be watching the alternative All-Star Game
01:18on Turning Point USA this week.
01:20The NBA one's a little too ethnic for me,
01:22if you know what I mean.
01:24And between the All-Star Game and Valentine's Day,
01:27there's going to be a lot of scoring this weekend.
01:29Am I right, folks?
01:33And you know what I mean by scoring, right?
01:37I mean sex, right?
01:38You got that, right, Guillermo?
01:39Yes, Jimmy, yes.
01:40What is your lovemaking plan for the weekend
01:42this weekend, Guillermo?
01:43How will you approach this with your wife?
01:45Well, we got dinner.
01:47Yeah?
01:48Margaritas.
01:48Okay.
01:49And gummies.
01:50Oh!
01:55I think it's a good plan.
01:57Do you ever worry about, like, the timing of all of it
02:00and whether it tips too far?
02:02No, I double-check.
02:04You know, I see her.
02:05I say, okay, wait, wait.
02:06It's time for half a gummy.
02:08And I keep eyes on her, you know?
02:11You keep her well-calibrated.
02:13Exactly, yeah.
02:14So Valentine's Day is on Saturday.
02:16This is everything you need to know.
02:18Flowers are all sold out.
02:19There are no more dinner reservations.
02:20You're probably getting divorced, okay?
02:22But here's a little money-saving tip.
02:25You can save a bundle on candy hearts
02:27just by writing the words,
02:29I heart you on a Tums.
02:31And put them in the...
02:32You know, President Trump might be feeling
02:34a bit lonely this Valentine's Day
02:36because this fundraising email
02:39has been going out from the RNC
02:41that says,
02:41Do you still love me?
02:43I miss you.
02:45And then it asks you to take a poll.
02:47And then, like a lot of dirtbag boyfriends,
02:50it asks you for money.
02:51And then, if you don't come up with money,
02:54you get another email that says,
02:56Trump is sad.
02:57And then if you open that email,
02:59he says,
03:00I'm heartbroken.
03:01It's Trump, and this isn't like you.
03:04I mean, look at that picture.
03:05Does that look like a heartbroken...
03:07That does not...
03:08That is...
03:09At best, that is constipation.
03:11But if you do want to cheer him up,
03:14please give him money.
03:14He loves money.
03:15He loves love.
03:17He is a great lover of love.
03:19Outside of windmills and late-night television,
03:22Donald Trump loves so many things.
03:25I love my signature.
03:26I really do.
03:27Everyone loves my signature.
03:29I love solving wars.
03:30I love these brilliant minds.
03:31That's why I love you, Ilan.
03:33I love that chart so much.
03:35I sleep with that chart.
03:36I love doing it.
03:37I love tariffs.
03:38I love the farmer.
03:39I love Pakistan.
03:40I love Europe.
03:41I love Oklahoma, by the way.
03:43I love the people of China.
03:44I love the people of Russia.
03:46I love Hispanic.
03:47I love the Lummi tribe.
03:49I love black people.
03:50I love this guy.
03:51Do we love minors?
03:52I love minors.
03:53I love Kessler.
03:55I love you.
03:55Who are you?
04:01You know, when you have passion like that,
04:05the fire never goes out.
04:08Donald and Melania are planning to have a romantic dinner
04:11on Saturday night, separately, of course.
04:14The vice president, interesting fact about J.D. Vance,
04:17he never gets his wife a gift or even flowers for Valentine's Day
04:22because he likes it when she makes him go sleep on the couch.
04:26That's his sexy time.
04:28You know, J.D. Vance has been very weakly defending his boss
04:33and the fact that Trump's name is mentioned more than a million times
04:36in what are now known as the Trump-Epstein files.
04:39We're getting that trademarked.
04:41And look at that.
04:41But you can spread it around.
04:43Feel free.
04:44Earlier this week, we learned that Trump's commerce secretary,
04:47Howard Lutnick, took a boat to Club Ped,
04:50despite claiming he'd cut ties with Epstein years beforehand.
04:53And now we're seeing all manner of colorful stuff
04:55coming out of Trump land, including this.
04:58But as his many accusers still wait for their long overdue justice,
05:02the rest of the world is still waiting for answers.
05:04Why did it take so long for Epstein to face these charges?
05:08Who are the people that enabled his horrific behavior over the years?
05:12And will they ever face justice?
05:14That's from Oz True Crime in 2019.
05:17And what makes it interesting is that in 2016, three years before that,
05:23Dr. and Mrs. Oz invited Jeffrey Epstein to their house
05:25for a Valentine's Day party.
05:28Eight years after he'd registered as a sex offender.
05:31Only the best people, you know.
05:33Although, in fairness, one thing I know about Dr. Oz
05:36is when he throws a party, he goes all out for his guests.
05:39I'll be the vagina.
05:40That's right.
05:42He is the consummate host.
05:44And then on the other end of the hospitality spectrum,
05:47we have Attorney General Pam Bondi,
05:49who put on a nearly five-hour Carin-thon
05:52in front of the House Judiciary Committee yesterday.
05:55And for those who are wondering when the abuse of power will end,
05:58the answer is never, probably.
06:00So a photographer got a shot of her folder.
06:03She opened the folder.
06:04They got a shot, and you see a page that says,
06:07Jayapal Pramila Search History.
06:09That refers to Congresswoman Pramila Jayapal,
06:13a Democrat with whom Bondi exchanged
06:15in one of the most contentious exchanges of the day.
06:17The photo appears to show a list of everything
06:19Jayapal searched for in the Trump-Epstein files,
06:23which, again, we've trademarked.
06:24They tracked her search history in the private room at the DOJ,
06:28where Congress people are, you know,
06:29legally permitted to look at the less redacted files.
06:32And it would seem that they tracked those Congress people
06:36without their knowledge.
06:37They looked at their search history
06:39to give Bondi an edge in the hearings.
06:42And then they're so dumb, they printed it out
06:44and put a title on the top.
06:47Jayapal Pramila Search History.
06:49It's such a delicate balance between stupid and evil.
06:52And the idea that the Department of Justice
06:58and the executive branch is spying on Congress people
07:02in the legislative branch is deeply disturbing.
07:05And I'll tell you what, you can be damn sure
07:07the squeaker of the House, Mike Johnson,
07:09is going to have something to say about it.
07:11I don't think it's appropriate for anybody to be tracking that.
07:13So I will echo that to anybody involved with the DOJ.
07:16And I'm sure it was an oversight.
07:18That's my guess.
07:20An oversight?
07:21That's a bad guess.
07:22An oversight?
07:23You mean somebody forgot to not track
07:25and document everything elected members of Congress
07:28were privately looking up?
07:29That is a hell of an oversight.
07:31I need you to crack out the for surest for a new word.
07:37He's going to echo that to the Department of Justice.
07:40This is an interesting detail.
07:42As you know, there are 535 members of Congress.
07:44Do you know how many computers the Department of Justice
07:47set up to let them look through the 3 million pages
07:50of Trump-Epsene files?
07:53Trademark.
07:55Four.
07:56Four.
07:57There are four computers for all of them to share.
08:00I called the Burbank Library today.
08:02They have 22 computers.
08:05The Trump-Epsene files has four, okay?
08:09Pam Bondi has spent more time investigating the people
08:12who are reading the Epstein files
08:14than the people who are in the Eps...
08:15I mean, the Trump-Epsene files.
08:17But maybe they're losing their grip.
08:19You know, six Republicans in the House jumped ship yesterday
08:22voting with Democrats against Trump's inexplicable tariffs on Canada.
08:26Of course, the president threw a fit about it.
08:29He threatened them.
08:30He did the whole thing.
08:31Trump has really had it in for Canada
08:34ever since he found out about that gay hockey show.
08:37We're headed in a...
08:39I think...
08:39I feel like we're heading into an interesting era for Donald Trump.
08:43Unless he's able to cheat his way through the next election,
08:47it looks very likely that Democrats will take back control of Congress
08:51in the midterms.
08:57Let's not make any presumptions,
08:59but if it happens, he'd be a lame duck
09:02with greatly diminished influence.
09:04And I feel...
09:05You know what he's going to be like?
09:06You remember the Iron Sheik?
09:07He was a wrestler who retired about, I don't know, 30 years ago.
09:11He was big in the 80s.
09:12But until he was in his 80s,
09:14he would still put on his costume.
09:16He would scream at people.
09:18He would threaten to sodomize them.
09:20He'd call them jabronis.
09:21And everybody just kind of pretended to be scared.
09:23I'm like, oh, no.
09:24Because he was old and kind of nuts, you know?
09:27That's what Trump's going to be like.
09:29This guy.
09:29Jimmy, come on.
09:31I'm going to put you in the camera class
09:33like Hulk Hogan or Brian Blair
09:37and I'm going to break your back
09:39and I'm going to f*** your ass
09:41and I'm going to make you humble.
09:45Well, that would do it.
09:47I have been humble ever since.
09:53You know, I mentioned last night,
09:54you did nothing to protect me
09:55when he threatened to do that to me.
09:57I was soft that they, I was soft when that happened.
10:00Oh, all right, all right.
10:01Last night, I mentioned that Trump was honored
10:04with the Undisputed Champion of Coal Award.
10:07And today, he became the Greenhouse Gas Hole of the Year.
10:10Today's atrocity was repealing and rejecting
10:14a finding from 2009 by the EPA
10:17that says carbon dioxide is bad for our planet.
10:21And by doing this, it means that our government
10:23can no longer take action to fight climate change.
10:26Anyone can now pump anything out of their cars
10:29or whatever into the air
10:30for the benefit of those who sell fossil fuels.
10:33It is a great MAGA victory
10:34and also a source of intense pride
10:37for the man who made it happen,
10:39Lee Zeldin, Trump's head of the EPA.
10:41Today, the single largest act of deregulation
10:44in the history of the United States.
10:46Over $1.3 trillion.
10:48The elimination of the endangerment finding
10:51is signed, sealed, and delivered.
10:58That was long.
11:00But good.
11:02It was good.
11:03Maybe I should say great.
11:05It was great.
11:10Poor Lee.
11:12You know, you work so hard to try to destroy the planet
11:14for a guy, and that's the thanks you get.
11:17And then we have our Secretary of Health, RFK,
11:20who croaked his way to a podcast today
11:23to drop this little nugget of nuts.
11:25And I said, I'm not scared of a germ.
11:28You know, I used to snort cocaine off the toilet seats.
11:33That's how he killed the brain worm, you know?
11:36And with all this talent in Trump's cabinet,
11:39it's hard to believe we're heading
11:40for another government shutdown.
11:42This will be a partial shutdown.
11:43It involves funding for the Department of Homeland Security,
11:46which runs ICE.
11:47If a deal isn't reached by Saturday,
11:49the DHS will be closed for business.
11:51Democrats want ICE officers to revise some of their policies
11:55before agreeing to give them any more money,
11:58and Republicans are so far unwilling to go along with that.
12:01These are very basic requests.
12:03These are essentially the same guidelines
12:05police have to follow when they arrest people.
12:08So Democrats released a 10-point plan
12:10for reforming ICE and the Border Patrol.
12:13They asked them that they don't do this.
12:15They asked them, don't do this.
12:17They said, please don't do this.
12:19They said, we don't want you to do this or this.
12:22Don't do this.
12:24They don't do this.
12:25Don't do this.
12:27And they said, please don't do this.
12:29And we would prefer it if you don't.
12:32Don't do this.
12:36That's right.
12:38And I don't know.
12:39It seems OK to me, right?
12:41And one more thing, important thing
12:44before we forge ahead.
12:45It is Thursday night, which means it's time
12:46to bleep and blur the biggest TV moments of the week,
12:48whether they need it or not.
12:50It is this week in Unnecessary Censorship.
12:56Kevin McCourty, Jason Garrett here with me.
12:58And the two of you guys have six total rings.
13:01I see you guys kind of pulled them out for us here.
13:03You know who I saw today?
13:04And I met?
13:05Tom Brady.
13:06Tom Brady.
13:07And I said, OK, this is awesome.
13:09Last time that I got a chance to go to Puerto Rico
13:12and hang out with you, number one,
13:13that was the strongest c**t I've ever had in my entire life.
13:17I met Jeffrey Epstein when he moved,
13:19when I moved to a house next door to him in New York.
13:23Right?
13:23And I c**t him then.
13:25Over the next 14 years, I c**t him two other times.
13:30Health Secretary RFK Jr. once went dinosaur c**t
13:33with Epstein and Maxwell.
13:35President Trump said, sit on these c**ts or we're going to do it for you.
13:38And I just want to c**t Bobby.
13:40I'm going to c**t you officially in a second,
13:42but I know I c**t on your c**t as well.
13:44I've not even told Emily this yet.
13:46My husband c**t a c**t two weeks ago,
13:49and we had to get into the doctors pretty quickly
13:52and they'd get x-rays and all of that.
13:54I ate c**t ass.
13:55I took c**t into my mouth.
13:59You can come into my c**t any day.
14:01I will put all of you on both sides of the aisle.
14:07And we've got a good show for tonight.
14:09Mae Martin is here.
14:10We have music from Mariachi El Bronx.
14:12And we'll be right back to Tyler Perry.
14:24Hi, and welcome back to the show tonight.
14:26A very funny Canadian import,
14:28whom you can see live on the Possum Comedy Tour.
14:31Mae Martin is with us tonight.
14:33And then later, from right here in Los Angeles,
14:36their fourth album,
14:37Mariachi El Bronx 4,
14:38comes out tomorrow.
14:40Music from Mariachi El Bronx.
14:42Our first guest tonight
14:44is a man of too many talents.
14:46He serves as writer, director, producer,
14:49multiple cast members,
14:50and on-set caterer
14:51in the new movie,
14:52Joe's College Road Trip.
14:53It premieres tomorrow on Netflix.
14:55Please say hello to Tyler Perry.
15:14How you doing?
15:16I'm good, man.
15:17But I wish the audience at home
15:19could see what happens
15:20during the commercial break here, man.
15:23Well, yeah.
15:24Hilarious.
15:24Hilarious.
15:25Things took an interesting turn here tonight.
15:27Very much so.
15:28Very much so.
15:28In fact, I have a movie pitch for you.
15:30Oh, okay.
15:32Okay, let's go for it.
15:33Okay, imagine the scene.
15:35There's a family.
15:38This is fictional, right?
15:39All fiction.
15:40Well, we'll see.
15:41Okay.
15:43Family is a young couple.
15:44Uh-huh.
15:45Married couple.
15:46They've got a mother-in-law.
15:48Yeah.
15:48They've got a couple of kids.
15:50Uh-huh.
15:50And one weekend,
15:51just out of the blue,
15:52the wife says to her mom,
15:55hey, I think it would be a great idea
15:56if you went on a cross-country vacation
16:00with my husband.
16:03Without her?
16:04Without her.
16:05Oh, oh, she's having an affair.
16:08Yeah, okay.
16:13That could be.
16:14Could be, could be.
16:15Or maybe that's what we think is going to happen.
16:18Okay.
16:19What we find out is really,
16:21they're just crazy.
16:23Oh, okay.
16:25Okay, that'll sell.
16:26I could sell that.
16:27So then the wife approaches her husband.
16:31Yeah.
16:32And she says,
16:33and again, yes,
16:34we're just making this up.
16:36And she says,
16:37honey, I have a great idea.
16:39You know,
16:40maybe you and my mom
16:41would like to go to San Diego together.
16:44And he goes,
16:46why would I go to San Diego?
16:47Just like,
16:48you mean the three of us
16:49and the kids or whatever?
16:50No, no, no.
16:50Just you and my mom.
16:54This can't be real.
16:55And they embarked on a week-long journey
16:57to San Diego,
16:59which ends up with some kind of,
17:01I don't know,
17:02maybe a love triangle
17:03at Legoland.
17:06Could be SeaWorld
17:07if we want to get big animals involved.
17:10What do you think?
17:11I think you lost me.
17:13I think you lost me.
17:14I think you lost me.
17:16I like the idea, though,
17:17but I think it's either
17:18she's having an affair or...
17:20Okay.
17:20Or the mother-in-law's son
17:22are having an affair.
17:23Uh-huh.
17:24Or a husband.
17:25Or they're just a great family
17:27and they love each other.
17:28How about we go with that?
17:29How about we go with that?
17:32You know, we could call it...
17:33What's that?
17:34The Graduate 2.
17:36The Graduate...
17:36Tyler Perry's The Graduate 2.
17:38Tyler Perry's The Graduate 2.
17:40There you go.
17:40But T-O-O.
17:41T-O-O, of course.
17:42Of course.
17:43Well, it's very good to see you.
17:44No, it is good to see you, my friend.
17:46Oh, thank you.
17:46Well, it's good to see you.
17:47It's very good to see you.
17:47No, it's very good to see you.
17:48Well, no, no.
17:49It's good to see you.
17:50No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
17:52It's very good to see you
17:53because there was a moment
17:54where we were worried
17:55that the show wouldn't be on the air.
17:57So to see America rally around you...
17:59Why?
18:00What happened?
18:00...speaks...
18:07We had your back, buddy.
18:08We had your back, so...
18:09I appreciate that.
18:10Does it make you regret
18:11voting for Trump three times?
18:15I did not vote for Trump three times,
18:17but I do look forward to the day
18:19where you wake up in the morning
18:21and you don't think about
18:22the president of the United States.
18:24I look forward to that.
18:25Yeah.
18:28Because we have put someone
18:29in office at that time
18:31who knows how to handle the country,
18:33knows how to do a great job
18:34with the country,
18:35so you don't have to worry
18:36and think about everything
18:37they're doing.
18:38That would be nice.
18:38That would be refreshing, wouldn't it?
18:40Yeah.
18:40Yeah, yeah.
18:41And you know what?
18:41I was thinking about you
18:42because you...
18:44I remember at your studio
18:46you built a replica
18:47of the White House.
18:48Yeah, I tore it down.
18:49For shooting.
18:49Did you tear it down?
18:50No, no, no.
18:51It's still there.
18:51It's still there.
18:52It's still there.
18:52But I tore down the East Wing.
18:53Oh, you're building a ballroom?
18:55Gonna have a ballroom.
18:56Okay, good, okay.
18:57A gold-plated ballroom.
18:58Just everything gold.
19:00Everything 1980s.
19:00Have you had to adjust that set
19:02now that he's adjusted
19:04the actual White House
19:05or are you keeping it
19:06classic White House?
19:07I'm gonna keep it
19:07classic White House
19:09because that's...
19:11As much as I wish
19:12the classic White House
19:13would have stayed
19:14classic White House.
19:16Yeah, yeah.
19:16How old is your son now?
19:18Oh, he's 11.
19:1911 years old.
19:19All right.
19:20That's a fun age, right?
19:21That's a fun age,
19:22but I'm just blown away
19:23by the conversations
19:24we're having.
19:25Oh, really?
19:25These kids are so far
19:26advanced than I was.
19:28Yeah.
19:28You, me, me, and you.
19:29You know, we had Atari
19:30with the boop, boop, boop.
19:32You know?
19:32These kids are...
19:33The conversations we're having,
19:34I'm just blown away by it.
19:36What kind of conversations
19:36are you having?
19:37Well, I mean, just he wants
19:38to talk about politics
19:39and life and...
19:40Oh, really?
19:40Yeah, oh, yeah.
19:40The things that he's learning,
19:41I'm going, wow.
19:42And things I don't know.
19:43And there's the thing, though.
19:44He's just trying to see
19:45what I know.
19:47Interesting.
19:47He's trying to...
19:48Because he learns so much
19:49and he's like,
19:49Dad, do you know about this?
19:51I said, yeah, of course.
19:52As I Google and try to figure
19:53out what he's saying.
19:54Yeah.
19:55This is going to sound
19:55like a ridiculous question.
19:56Did you have conversations
19:58with your parents?
19:59No.
19:59Me neither.
20:00No.
20:00Yeah.
20:01It was, get your ass
20:02somewhere and sit down.
20:03That was the conversation.
20:04That was the conversation.
20:05I remember getting yelled at.
20:06Yep, yep.
20:07Sometimes.
20:07And then I remember eating.
20:10And that's it?
20:13I remember, go to bed.
20:14That's about it.
20:15That's about it.
20:15That's it.
20:16That's exactly it.
20:17Is your son into sports?
20:18Are you taking him
20:19to the NBA All-Star game?
20:20What sports is he into?
20:21And he loves soccer.
20:22He loves basketball.
20:23He loves soccer.
20:24He loves football.
20:24But he loves soccer.
20:26He plays soccer.
20:26Oh, he does?
20:27Do you like going to soccer games?
20:29When I go,
20:29I don't know what the hell's going on.
20:31So I'm just...
20:32When his mom's up cheering,
20:33oh, that was good?
20:35Okay, great.
20:35Yeah.
20:36You follow the other parents?
20:37Follow the other parents.
20:38Yeah, that makes sense.
20:39Now, a while back,
20:41you started snowboarding,
20:42you told me.
20:43A while back, yeah.
20:44Are you still snowboarding?
20:45A while back, yeah.
20:45Okay, no more.
20:47No, no.
20:47No, let me tell you something.
20:49One good fall,
20:50I hit that trailing edge
20:52or whatever edge that is
20:53and it hit my head.
20:53That was it.
20:54That was it?
20:55No, so you have to start that
20:56when you're young,
20:57not when you're 50
20:57and fragile bones.
20:59That's a young man's sport.
21:01And being black,
21:02that's not something
21:02we should do.
21:03That's not something
21:04we should do.
21:04Have you been watching
21:06the Olympics now
21:07with a special appreciation
21:08for snowboarding
21:09or those winter sport events?
21:11No.
21:12No?
21:12No, no.
21:13Haven't been watching it at all.
21:15No.
21:15You've given up completely.
21:16No, but I really want to know
21:18who's going to win the gold medal
21:19and who's going to give it to Trump.
21:21So just everything
21:22has to be given to him.
21:23Every medal has to be given to him.
21:25Somebody better give it to him.
21:26Exactly right.
21:27Can we just shoot a movie
21:28somewhere in Italy?
21:29Yeah, Why Did I Get Married?
21:30Yeah, it was in Lake Como.
21:32We were in Lake Como.
21:32Oh, in Lake Como.
21:33Oh, so very close to Milan.
21:34Yeah, very close.
21:35Oh, all right.
21:35And was that fantastic?
21:37It was great,
21:38but I went for a bike ride
21:40in Elba
21:42and flipped over the handlebars,
21:44broke my collarbone,
21:45had to have surgery.
21:45It was terrible.
21:46You're a disaster.
21:47Yeah.
21:48So you see why
21:49I don't want to get on a snowboard?
21:50Activities are not good for you.
21:52Not my thing, man.
21:52You think I'm athletic
21:53and all of this?
21:54No.
21:55Yeah, you do seem like
21:56an athletic guy.
21:57Like, if you told me, like,
21:58yeah, I played six years
21:59a defensive end,
22:00I'd be like,
22:01oh, yeah, I wouldn't
22:02question it at all.
22:03I had asthma as a kid
22:04and my mother wouldn't
22:05let me play.
22:06So it was always,
22:07get your ass somewhere
22:07and sit down.
22:08I'm not going to the hospital
22:09with you,
22:09so I never got to play.
22:10So I can't stand jocks
22:12and all those guys.
22:13They make me sick.
22:14Like, yeah, I'm jealous.
22:15But you do dip your toe
22:17in the water
22:17just enough to get hurt.
22:20Just enough.
22:21Just enough.
22:22So did you have to go
22:23to, like, the hospital
22:24in Italy and get fixed up?
22:26Oh, the worst...
22:27It was not good?
22:28Oh, worst mistake
22:28in my life.
22:29Have you ever?
22:29In Italy, I'm just...
22:31God, I love my Italian people,
22:32but don't go
22:33to the hospital there.
22:35This guy, he looks at me,
22:36he says,
22:36I can fix, I can fix.
22:38And he puts the strap
22:39on me, pulls.
22:40I screamed so loud, man.
22:41I think I woke up
22:42everybody in the whole country.
22:43It was awful.
22:44He put a strap on you?
22:45Yes, trying to...
22:45I didn't know.
22:46It was broken
22:46and it was separated
22:47in two places,
22:48and he was trying
22:49to pull it together
22:50with no pain meds.
22:51I'm like, nothing.
22:52So I got drunk as hell,
22:54got on the plane,
22:55and came back to America
22:55and had surgery.
22:56Really?
22:57Yes, man.
22:57Yes.
22:58Wow.
22:58Yeah, it was pretty bad.
22:59Wow.
23:00It was pretty bad.
23:00Yeah, well, you know,
23:01I come from an Italian family,
23:02and we never went
23:03to the doctor.
23:03Maybe that's why.
23:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:06But you don't want
23:06to go to a doctor in Italy.
23:08That's the thing.
23:09It's a whole different...
23:09I feel like there must be
23:11some good doctors in Italy.
23:12No, there's good alcohol
23:14to make you think
23:14they're good doctors.
23:16I think they invented
23:17doctors in Italy.
23:19You think so?
23:19I don't know.
23:20I'm going to have
23:20to look into it.
23:21Please, please.
23:22Yeah, my family
23:22would rub a little
23:23Vicks Vapor Rub on it,
23:24and that would be
23:25the end of it.
23:25Your family's black.
23:27That's it.
23:27That's it.
23:28Is that a common...
23:30Oh, my God.
23:31Vicks.
23:31Vicks Vapor Rub.
23:33Vicks Vapor Rub.
23:35Vicks Vapor Rub
23:36and a glass of water.
23:37You got a headache?
23:37Put some Vicks
23:38on your chest,
23:39drink some water,
23:39you'll be fine.
23:40That's my mom.
23:41Tyler Perry is with us.
23:42This movie is good.
23:48Portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live
23:50are brought to you
23:50by Vins,
23:52prescription eyedrop
23:53to treat age-related
23:54blurry near vision.
23:57What do you say?
23:58What do you say
23:58for the family?
23:59Hell no,
23:59I ain't been driving nowhere.
24:00You done assaulted me now.
24:02I ain't gonna drive nowhere.
24:03I know, I know you.
24:04You're assaulted.
24:05Um, I'll pay you.
24:07That's all he had to say.
24:08F***, yeah, I did.
24:09I'd drive to hell
24:10for the right amount of money.
24:12But look here,
24:12look here,
24:13I'm gonna tell you this one time.
24:14I'm gonna do this my way.
24:15You understand?
24:15I hear you,
24:16I just don't want him
24:17to get hurt.
24:18If there's a way
24:18that...
24:19I'm gonna get hurt.
24:21We gonna do this my way.
24:22Get out of my moth...
24:25That is Tyler Perry.
24:26Tyler Perry and Tyler Perry
24:29in Joe's College Road Trip.
24:31It premieres on Netflix tomorrow.
24:33This is not your, um,
24:35pastor's Tyler Perry movie,
24:36is it?
24:37No, no, no, no.
24:38This is Joe being Joe.
24:39I let Joe be Joe.
24:40And this should be NC-17
24:42because he is saying
24:43everything he wants to say.
24:44And I love it.
24:45I love it.
24:46Well, you wrote these words,
24:47so I would hope you love it, right?
24:49I, I, I, I, I wrote them,
24:51but I let him have his way
24:53because...
24:53You channeled them.
24:53I channeled him.
24:54This is my Uncle Roosevelt.
24:55My Uncle Roosevelt,
24:56every other word out of his mouth
24:58was a four-letter word.
24:59Uncle Roosevelt,
25:00who was he related to?
25:01He was,
25:01he was married to my mother's,
25:05uh, aunt.
25:06Okay.
25:06So that was what made him my uncle.
25:07Okay.
25:08And so Uncle Roosevelt was,
25:10is he still with us or no?
25:11No, no.
25:11He passed away.
25:12He died cussing.
25:15Literally.
25:16Literally he did, man.
25:17Just one of those guys.
25:18One of those guys, yeah.
25:19Was he, like, excited about you?
25:21Did he know that Uncle Joe
25:22was based on him?
25:23No, he never went to any of my movies.
25:25He didn't.
25:25Get away from me with that bull****.
25:26I want to see that.
25:27Yes.
25:28Never did?
25:28No, man.
25:29This, this guy was just angry
25:30at everything.
25:31Wow.
25:31Yeah, yeah.
25:32So he didn't do one of those things
25:34that now you're famous,
25:35now you're wealthy,
25:36I'm going to, like,
25:37sidle up to you and...
25:38None of that.
25:38None of that.
25:39He didn't care.
25:39You have to respect that, right?
25:41If he's got his liquor
25:42and his money, he's good.
25:43He doesn't care about anything else.
25:44Yeah.
25:45Are you, um,
25:46are you at all worried
25:47that, um, your fans
25:49might wander into this film
25:50and, um, think Medea
25:53has been possessed
25:53by Satan himself?
25:54No, I'm, what I'm concerned about
25:56is their children seeing it.
25:57I see.
25:58I, my fans are pretty,
25:59they're, they're pretty adult.
26:00They can handle it.
26:01All right.
26:01A lot of the church mothers
26:02may want to turn it off,
26:03but everybody else
26:04is going to really enjoy it.
26:05Will you let your son see it?
26:06Never.
26:07No.
26:07No.
26:08Actually, you know,
26:09he has never seen a Medea movie.
26:10Really?
26:11Yeah, not, not yet.
26:12Not yet.
26:12Huh.
26:13Intentionally or he's not interested?
26:15Both.
26:16Both, yeah.
26:16Yeah, no, no,
26:17I haven't let him see
26:17any of them just yet,
26:18but this one is actually,
26:20he goes to private school
26:21and, and, you know,
26:22I just, he's growing up
26:23with privilege
26:23and I want to make sure
26:24that he keeps the balance.
26:26So this movie is basically
26:28based on what would happen
26:30if my Uncle Roosevelt
26:31had taken him
26:32on a college road trip.
26:34Oh.
26:35Yeah.
26:35Is there an Uncle Roosevelt
26:36in his life?
26:38You know,
26:39that generation has died, man.
26:41You're gone.
26:41Yeah, I wish there was,
26:42but, but he, he,
26:43this movie,
26:44I'm going to show it to him.
26:45You are?
26:46In about 10 years.
26:47Okay, really?
26:47About 10 years.
26:48That long?
26:48Yeah.
26:49Okay, because I was thinking
26:50about maybe showing it
26:51to my 11-year-old,
26:52but maybe now I'm thinking
26:53I shouldn't.
26:54Maybe 13 or 14.
26:55Okay.
26:56Yeah.
26:56I'll have to get another kid.
26:57Yeah, yeah.
26:59But it's okay
27:00for you to watch it.
27:01Yeah, well,
27:02I know it's okay
27:02for me to watch it.
27:03I'm an old man.
27:05Yeah, yeah.
27:05Yeah, you can handle it.
27:06And you know this guy.
27:07I bet you know this guy.
27:09He's in your family somewhere.
27:10Yeah, his name
27:11in my family is Aunt Chippy.
27:13Yeah, okay.
27:14Aunt Chippy.
27:15Yeah, that's right.
27:15Yeah, that's right.
27:16Aunt Chippy is very much
27:17that character.
27:18That's right, that's right.
27:19Oh, he loves,
27:20yeah, loves yelling at people.
27:21Yep, yep.
27:22Loves being mad,
27:23loves cursing.
27:24Yep.
27:25Loves threatening,
27:26all of that stuff.
27:27Yep, yep.
27:27But the difference is
27:28my Aunt Chippy is actually
27:29like supportive
27:30and excited about me,
27:32you know, something,
27:34me making something of myself
27:36or whatever you want to say.
27:37Not this guy.
27:37Not Uncle Roosevelt.
27:39So he doesn't care.
27:40He doesn't care.
27:40He does not care at all.
27:42I was going to tell a story,
27:43but I bet.
27:44Come on, tell it.
27:44What?
27:48He co-signed for me
27:49to get a car.
27:49So when I got this car,
27:50I was indebted to him.
27:52Like, he had a heart
27:53somewhere up under
27:54all of the hell.
27:56And I had worked all night
27:58and he had,
28:00he had a,
28:01you're going to have
28:02to edit this out.
28:02I can't say this.
28:03No, no, no.
28:04Come on.
28:04He had a girl at the house
28:06and his wife was coming
28:07and he wanted to get this girl
28:08out of the house
28:08so he called me
28:09to bring her to,
28:10why am I telling this story?
28:12Oh, my God.
28:13We're going to work this
28:14into our movie, by the way.
28:15Yes, exactly.
28:16That's what this is.
28:17Yeah.
28:17That's the part of the movie.
28:19This is part of the movie.
28:19This is not real.
28:20It's not real.
28:21Yeah, so.
28:22How else do you see
28:23this movie going?
28:24So the young man,
28:26let's call him Tyler.
28:27Yes.
28:27Yes, yes, yes.
28:29Shows up at his uncle's house
28:30and then shuttles this woman?
28:34Yeah, I had to get her out
28:35because my aunt was coming
28:36and I got her home
28:37and she lived very,
28:37very far away.
28:38So by the time
28:39I was coming back,
28:40I fell asleep in the car
28:42and flipped over
28:43and woke up in the hospital
28:44three days.
28:44It's a true story.
28:45What?
28:45Just talk about a road trip.
28:46In Italy?
28:47No, this is in Louisiana.
28:50I'm getting confused.
28:51Yeah, right.
28:52So just follow me, bitch.
28:55Don't get confused.
28:56So he comes to the hospital
28:58to see how it was.
29:00He actually showed up.
29:00He goes,
29:02did you get a home?
29:06That's why he came
29:07to the hospital?
29:08That's right.
29:08He came to the hospital
29:09because he did get a home.
29:10Uncle Roosevelt.
29:11God bless Uncle Roosevelt.
29:12That's right.
29:13That's right.
29:14That's right.
29:14Well, you can see him
29:15in Joe's College Road Trip.
29:17It premieres tomorrow
29:18on Netflix.
29:19Tyler Perry, everybody.
29:21Thank you, Tyler.
29:21We'll be back
29:22with Nate Martin.
29:32My parents spend
29:34way too much money
29:35on blank.
29:36Hot plants.
29:37Hot plants?
29:38How much money
29:39do they spend
29:40on pot plants?
29:41Way too much.
29:42Dad has like 50.
29:43They're all his babies
29:44because he works from home.
29:45Dad's got 50 pot plants?
29:47Yeah.
29:49That's why he works
29:50from home.
29:52Yeah.
29:53Yeah.
30:02Hi there.
30:03We have music from Mariachi El Bronx
30:06on the way.
30:07Our next guest is a writer,
30:08podcaster, and stand-up comic
30:10whom you can see live
30:11on a 37-city comedy tour
30:13starting in Oklahoma City
30:15and headed to a town near you.
30:16It's called The Possum.
30:18Please welcome Mae Martin.
30:36Oh, it's very good
30:37to have you here.
30:37It's so nice to be here.
30:39I'm so happy.
30:40I know you're Canadian.
30:40You're from Toronto.
30:41Are you going to show?
30:41Yeah, absolutely.
30:43Yeah.
30:44Also, I always forget
30:45that your ankles are going to show.
30:47Oh, yeah, yeah.
30:48Your ankles are a big thing
30:49on the, yeah.
30:49This is bad.
30:50I've got some bad tattoos there.
30:52Are those like childhood tattoos?
30:54No, I mean,
30:55I have the Toronto area code
30:56that someone did
30:57with like a needle
30:58in my jeans.
30:59Yeah.
31:00Yeah, but I'm from Toronto.
31:02Area codes were a big deal, right?
31:03Like about 15 years ago?
31:05Yeah, the 416.
31:06Yeah, right?
31:07Yeah, yeah.
31:07You, uh, and you start,
31:09you've been doing stand-up
31:10even though you're a young person
31:11for 25 years.
31:13Yeah.
31:13Because you started at age 13.
31:15I was 13, yeah.
31:16I don't know why
31:17I was allowed to do that, but.
31:19How'd you even, yeah.
31:21How'd that thought
31:22even cross your mind?
31:24I don't know.
31:24I was really into Ace Ventura
31:26at the time, you know.
31:27But, yeah, you could smoke
31:29inside in those days.
31:30It was the Wild West.
31:31Yeah.
31:31Yeah.
31:32Wow, that's really interesting.
31:34Yeah.
31:34Yeah, that you would be
31:35that advanced at that.
31:36And what does a 13-year-old comic
31:37even talk about?
31:39Nothing funny.
31:42Nothing really funny.
31:43I thank God people
31:45didn't have smartphones
31:46then either,
31:47so there's no record of this.
31:48But I mainly was like,
31:49I thought I was like Bill Hicks,
31:51so I would like smoke on stage
31:52and be really, I don't know,
31:54I was trying different
31:54personalities out, you know.
31:56Were you really smoking
31:57on stage?
31:57Yes, and I would bomb
31:58because people were like,
31:59why is this child smoking?
32:02You know, they were so worried.
32:04I'd be super into a kid smoking.
32:06I think that would be,
32:07I would find that very amusing.
32:08And then you at some point
32:10moved to England.
32:11Yeah, I was in England
32:12for 12 years.
32:1312 years.
32:13And then you live here now.
32:15Yeah, I've been here four years.
32:16And how do you find it?
32:18I'm, it's a weird time in America,
32:20but I'm in the honeymoon phase of LA.
32:22I'm into it.
32:23Yeah.
32:23Okay, good.
32:23All right, good.
32:24Very good.
32:24I really like it.
32:26When I moved here,
32:27it was hard because I didn't drive
32:28and I was Ubering everywhere.
32:30Ah, yes.
32:30But I just got my license.
32:31I'm 38 years old.
32:32I just got my license.
32:34Congratulations.
32:37I'm like, every time I show up somewhere,
32:39they're like, how's your day?
32:41I'm like, well, I just drove here.
32:42So pretty good.
32:43I'm pumped.
32:44You do seem proud of yourself.
32:46I'm so proud.
32:47Like, I'm glowing.
32:48It's actually changed my whole personality.
32:50Yeah.
32:51Did you study for it?
32:52I studied like crazy.
32:54I, yeah.
32:55I had an instructor first
32:57that on my third lesson I got in the car,
33:00her name was Perla.
33:02It is.
33:02I think she's alive.
33:03And she was like,
33:05her hand was like gushing blood.
33:07And I was like, Perla, what's wrong?
33:09We got to cancel the lesson.
33:10She was like, oh, I ripped off my fingernail,
33:12but it's okay.
33:12You can drive me to urgent care.
33:14So it was like,
33:15it was my third time ever behind the wheel.
33:17And I was like an ambulance driver,
33:19like driving 17 miles an hour.
33:23This wasn't just a learning strategy
33:25that Perla was employing there?
33:27That didn't occur to me.
33:29Well, did she get out of the car
33:30and go in the hospital?
33:32Yeah, she did go in.
33:33Then it was real.
33:33Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:35Why is your stand-up tour called The Possum?
33:40Honestly, they asked me what to name it
33:42before I'd written it.
33:43And I thought The Possum had a nice ring to it.
33:47I truly actually don't have any.
33:49That's really the reason?
33:49I don't have any material yet about possums.
33:51And I leave in two weeks.
33:52So I got a, it's not really about possums,
33:55but it has a nice.
33:58Will you, Ty, will you connect to possums in any way?
34:02Because that is going to be something
34:03you're going to be asked about.
34:05I have to.
34:05A lot.
34:06Like when people leave, they'll be like,
34:08you know, there were no mentions of possums.
34:10I know, I know.
34:11At all.
34:12Well, there's a possum hanging around my house recently.
34:15I could.
34:15Bring it.
34:16Yeah, yeah.
34:19I'll just bring it out on a little leash.
34:22And they're cute.
34:23They are cute.
34:23I heard you do some mind reading in the show.
34:27Well, OK.
34:28Because the show's kind of about, like,
34:30I'm, since I moved here, I'm getting swept up
34:32in all this, like, L.A. mysticism and.
34:35Are you?
34:35Oh, I'm tarot crystals.
34:38Really?
34:38Doing spells.
34:39I mean.
34:40What do you mean by it?
34:41What does that mean, you're doing spells?
34:42I'm getting in the bath, and I'm casting spells, you know?
34:46I'm serious.
34:48I should, like, I should see a therapist.
34:51And instead, I'm like, a lot of my friends are doing this.
34:55I think it's, it's such a, like, a fine line between, like,
34:59cool spirituality and, like, really the arena of the unwell.
35:03You know?
35:04Like.
35:04Yeah.
35:05So I have been doing, like, experiments and things.
35:08I'm basically trying to figure out, is the universe conscious?
35:11Like, can we, it can, can our, and can our consciousness
35:15and our intention, like, affect material reality?
35:18Because you hear these things, like, that plants flourish
35:21if you're kind to them and things like that.
35:23Yeah.
35:23If you talk nicely.
35:24Yeah.
35:24Like, what?
35:25You know?
35:26So were you, you talking to the plants?
35:29Well, like, I did one thing with rice, where you put rice,
35:32have you heard, in two jars?
35:34And then, so identical jars, and you write,
35:36I love you on one, and I hate you on the other.
35:39You, every day for a month, you go, I love you so much.
35:42And then the, the mean one you're, like, really mean to.
35:47And, uh, and then the rotting one is supposed to,
35:49or the bad one rots.
35:50So I've been doing this for a month, and the I love you one rotted.
35:55I don't know.
35:56I'm really.
35:59I don't know what that means.
36:01Like, my love is rotten.
36:04I smothered it or something.
36:06I've never, I've never heard of any of that stuff.
36:09You have to Google it.
36:10It's a real thing.
36:11Yeah, no, I don't know about any of that stuff.
36:13Yeah.
36:15Um, I, yeah, in the tub, are there very,
36:18are there salts that might be going into your lungs
36:20that are causing some of this, or no?
36:24Maybe.
36:24What about the mind reading, though?
36:25Can you really do that?
36:27Well, when they asked me what to talk about on the show,
36:30I was like, yeah, I'm, well, I'm practicing.
36:32I've been practicing telepathy.
36:33Okay.
36:34Because I like this kind of stuff.
36:35You do?
36:35Yeah.
36:36Same, like, mentalists and stuff.
36:37Yes, I do.
36:38But I have to stress, like, this is not a setup for a magic trick.
36:41I'm truly just trying to, like, I'm getting better at it.
36:44You pull a card, and then I'll, you send it to me,
36:47and you can show the audience this is a great opportunity.
36:50I will, okay.
36:50You can shuffle it.
36:51Okay, all right.
36:52I don't need to shuffle it.
36:53I'll just grab one here.
36:54Okay.
36:54All right.
36:54Now, you're going to have to close your eyes
36:56because you've got the camera.
36:58I'm going to close my eyes, and then I'm going to picture, like...
37:00See what that is?
37:01All right.
37:01We see what that is?
37:02Okay.
37:03All right.
37:04I'm really trying.
37:05Imagine if I do this.
37:07Okay.
37:07Oh, I would hope so.
37:09Well, no.
37:1199% of the time I get it wrong.
37:15Okay, are you...
37:17Picture yourself drawing it, you know?
37:19Okay.
37:20Okay.
37:22Seven of hearts.
37:25You were only two numbers off and a symbol off.
37:29You see?
37:31But you had the right color.
37:33Was it five?
37:34It was a nine of diamonds.
37:36I honestly...
37:37When you said 99%, I was like...
37:39Oh, my God.
37:40You should have stopped there.
37:42But...
37:42I can't...
37:43The shape is similar.
37:45Oh, well, you know what?
37:47Try it tonight on the rice and see how it goes.
37:49Yeah.
37:50Mae Martin, everybody.
37:52The Possum kicks off February 26th.
37:54Get tickets at maymartin.net.
37:57We'll be back with Mariachi El Bronx.
38:04Thanks to Tyler Curry and Mae Martin.
38:06Apologies to Matt Damon.
38:08Nine light is dead.
38:09But first, the album is called Mariachi El Bronx 4.
38:12With the song Bandoleros Mariachi El Bronx.
39:18We'll never tell our story
39:24Life is just a game
39:26Death is our reward
39:29That's the price you pay
39:31When you live and die by the sword
39:34Through the wilderness
39:37You will find the door
39:40That's the price you pay
39:42When you live and die by the sword
39:47Yeah
39:58When you die
40:00Your blade begins to rust
40:03So turn to stone
40:05Before you turn to dust
40:14We ride out
40:16No matter how bad it may seem
40:19All is lost
40:22Like devils in a dream
40:28Life is just a game
40:30Death is our reward
40:33That's the price you pay
40:35When you live and die by the sword
40:38Through the wilderness
40:41You will find the door
40:44That's the price you pay
40:46When you live and die by the sword
40:52Oh
40:53That's the price that you pay
41:14Life is just a game
41:16Death is our reward
41:20That's the price you pay
41:22When you live and die by the sword
41:25Oh
41:31That's the price you pay
41:32When you live and die by the sword
41:37Living and die by the sword
41:42Living and die by the sword
41:49Living and die by the sword
41:50Living and die by the sword
41:50Living and die by the sword
41:50Living and die by the sword
41:51Living and die by the sword
41:52Living and die by the sword
41:52Living and die by the sword
41:53Living and die by the sword
41:54Living and die by the sword
41:54Living and die by the sword
41:54Living and die by the sword
41:54Living and die by the sword
41:55Living and die by the sword
41:57Living and die by the sword
41:57Living and die by the sword
41:57Living and die by the sword
41:58Living and die by the sword
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