- 13 hours ago
Mars (2024) [Full Movie] [Trending Drama]Full EP - Full
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00:23:15where in the holy fuck are you don't worry honey i'm on my way well on my way isn't here
00:23:22if you
00:23:23don't walk through that door in seconds i'm going to phil hartman your ass actually you know what
00:23:30i've just i've just run into some pretty bad traffic on i-25 fuck you pussy you get through
00:23:36that traffic and get here to marry me yeah and you're uh yeah you're breaking up it's it's really
00:23:41hard to hear you right now i'm going to fucking bars we are now going live to the arrival of
00:23:49the
00:23:49final passenger mr capshaw just in time follow me now we're getting down to the wire here so i'm
00:23:55gonna have to get you to sign and walk this first one is a standard release form for the cameras
00:23:59and
00:23:59any promotional material we would use your likeness for okay this one absolves our company from any
00:24:05liability in case of spontaneous incineration incineration uh how often do these explode we
00:24:11don't know yet maiden voyage and all right yeah okay that makes sense this next one absolves our
00:24:17company from all liability in the event you suffer a mental breakdown oh does that happen a lot sometimes
00:24:22people go space crazy geez okay well hope that doesn't happen to me and this last one absolves
00:24:28our company from any liability in case one of the other passengers goes space crazy and shoots you or
00:24:32something are there guns on the spaceship you know i don't know the answer to that but i would be
00:24:36happy
00:24:36to look into it for you oh thank you so much that would be great but i am gonna need
00:24:40you to sign real
00:24:41quick no sure right and then steve martin gets this little tear in his eye he's looking at his daughter
00:24:48but all he can see is his little girl oh god damn it cooter why can't we watch the television
00:24:55come on you're doing good mr s cooter where is he he's on tv nobody watch it hey everybody i
00:25:04found
00:25:04another tv in the banquet room we can just power this thing up and cooter crossing the line what is
00:25:12wrong with him oh my god he's bleeding somebody call 9-1-1 it's too late cooter this man is
00:25:19look
00:25:19everybody kyle's on tv there he goes kyle capsha the last passenger onto the shuttle about to leave
00:25:26everyone on earth for more what yeah he's not getting married at all today he's going to mars
00:25:41hello straggler i'm l ron branson welcome aboard
00:25:48pick up pick up you better pick up
00:25:57burn and we are approaching liftoff 10 9
00:26:029 8 7 6 5 5 5 2 1 liftoff
00:26:32okay artificial gravity has set in listen up my fellow astronauts
00:26:38first things first when i call your name come on up get yourself a name tag and tell us a
00:26:43little
00:26:43about yourself what you did on earth and what you want to get out of this trip todd sullivan
00:26:52my name's todd i think it's stupid that we all have to stand up here and introduce ourselves
00:26:56and uh fuck name tags oh okay well well we don't have to wear them i guess but i did
00:27:03stay up all night
00:27:04making everyone individual drawings
00:27:09okay well i guess we can just eat cocktail shrimp and play debt games
00:27:13okay wimmy did your serve make it over the net uh yeah okay kyle now you take a card did
00:27:20you return
00:27:20his volley it says yeah oh good okay wimmy take another card did you return the volley
00:27:26it says i missed oh match point kyle you get a reward card
00:27:33now would you like surprise now or surprise later uh i will take surprise later you know the commercials
00:27:40made future tennis seem a lot more futurey and tennessee did you make this game l run well if you
00:27:47guys are not feeling it we could play future badminton future high lie or future darts
00:27:53uh you know i'm good i'm gonna go mingle
00:28:01hey peggy right yes you know i don't want to be super negative right out the gate but doesn't all
00:28:06of
00:28:07this seem a little less cool than they made it out to be i mean i sacrificed quite a lot
00:28:12to be here
00:28:12oh what did you sacrifice well i mean i i was actually supposed to get married today
00:28:21wow yeah but i mean i mean we all have families and friends back on earth that we just picked
00:28:26up
00:28:26and left for a month your friends will still be there for you when you get back
00:28:30i don't know about that sure they will i just told my friends gang i'll be back in a month
00:28:36and then i left them 20 bowls of food and i filled the bathtub with milk what they're drinking i'm
00:28:44gonna
00:28:44assume that you're talking about cats here you just left them with a bathtub filled with milk
00:28:50precisely peggy it's june that milk is gonna go bad in like a day or two
00:28:55what do you mean well i mean that's all you left for your cats to drink
00:28:59yeah what do you mean well what's gonna happen after the bathtub milk turns and they've got three
00:29:05and a half weeks with nothing to drink what do you mean nothing i i don't mean anything
00:29:12anyway like i said your loved ones will be there waiting for you when you get back
00:29:18okay friends listen up loser okay i'm just going to pretend i didn't hear that
00:29:27loser
00:29:29the time has come for us to go into stasis now this will be a chemical sleep that will make
00:29:34the
00:29:34next two weeks of travel feel like a two-hour cat nap
00:29:38he said cats uh is this gonna be like a shot or something
00:29:41no we will each be taking 500 easy to swallow pills
00:29:45did you say 500 500
00:29:52so we get some more water uh no
00:29:58oh god
00:30:12i slept on my arm weird
00:30:15god does the aerobed half deflated
00:30:17ah my neck
00:30:19elron i'm having a little trouble moving my neck
00:30:23how did i get over here
00:30:24well after you guys took all those ambien
00:30:26stop what ambien we took we took 500 ambien
00:30:31haha pretty cool right todd that's what stasis is isn't that how a little peep died
00:30:35oh
00:30:37oh wait oh okay you're just all gonna take them off okay
00:30:40oh hey did you guys did you guys notice my sign
00:30:43it says welcome to mars a place for friends
00:30:48oh that's yeah that's cool man
00:30:50as you can see i drew each one of us took me most of the two weeks here todd what
00:30:55do you think
00:30:55uh it sucks it's stupid you're stupid you suck
00:31:01come on todd
00:31:03oh here we go
00:31:05ladies and gentlemen in a few moments the airlock door will open and in front of the watching world
00:31:11we will become the first people to step from this ship and see mars with our own eyes
00:31:24oh this is incredible
00:31:34gather around gather around just want to lay down some ground rules for my fellow martians
00:31:42thank you jesus the first and most important rule is have fun have fun up here guys this
00:31:48is your vacation mars is for fun the second rule is do not touch the airlock because it will kill
00:31:55you now down that corridor are the sleeping pods go claim a room and be back here for our first
00:31:59martian lunch at 1400
00:32:04well hello kyle oh hey wimmy i see that you were praying again a lot of
00:32:10a lot of prayer with you all right so uh so what's your story well i'm a faithful husband
00:32:15with a wife who is quite a beauty on the inside a proud father to five angelic children i have
00:32:20type
00:32:202 diabetes and i don't believe in dinosaurs what about you uh i'm a dentist which is cool
00:32:27actually no it's not little kids hate me and uh i do believe in dinosaurs well we'll work on that
00:32:34that's why i'm here i'm a missionary of sorts i'm going to turn mars into the first completely
00:32:39christian planet okay but there aren't any people on mars aren't there oh no bon appetit whoa
00:32:52elron did you make all this yourself i had a little help from my good friend murdered midwestern
00:32:58homosexual teenager one more time elron i said this meal was actually prepared by one murdered
00:33:06midwestern homosexual teenager it's an acronym its technical name is mechanical ultra responsive
00:33:14dietary electronic robotic energized delivery meal interface dietary wellness efficiency system
00:33:19tactile edible responsorous nutrition home or mobile omnivorous sustenance expeditious xeno
00:33:24culinary user-aligned lunch tool enabled eating nourishment aging gastronomical electronic robot
00:33:29what but that's a little bit of a mouthful so we call it the murdered midwestern homosexual teenager for
00:33:35short that's really weird and offensive i think that happened this is a one-of-a-kind prototype but in
00:33:41a few years lord willing every town from chicago to new orleans will have its own murdered midwestern
00:33:46homosexual teenager gotta fix that acronym yeah some of those words seemed unnecessary you said robotic
00:33:52twice hey i didn't name it take it up with the good people at the holocaust was greatly exaggerated
00:33:57i'm sorry what it's a company it stands for technological human electronic okay so how does this thing work
00:34:04it's basically like a 3d printer for food you just say whatever you want it to make and it
00:34:09jaeger
00:34:13you got to hit that
00:34:14shit when the dj's on
00:34:16yeah baby wear my pajama when the food is wrong
00:34:20you got to hit that
00:34:22shit when they play your song
00:34:24you gotcha you gotcha you gotcha
00:34:26you gotcha
00:34:28oh yeah
00:34:45whoa hey
00:34:48wimmy good morning this is a surprise yeah you're in my bed oh well are we sure you didn't get
00:34:55in my
00:34:55bed yep this is my bed oh well last night was the first in 18 years that i didn't share
00:35:02my bed with
00:35:02my lovely on the inside wife so in my sleep i must have wandered over here mistaking your bodily warmth
00:35:08for her
00:35:09okay well i'm going to get up 10 4 good buddy
00:35:21there were good people on both sides of the charlottesville fans they even put spaces in the
00:35:32you know what peggy last night was fun you know what peggy last night was fun i think this is
00:35:39a
00:35:39really great group we got here and it's cool that we're on mars
00:35:43and it's cool we're on mars you're right peggy
00:35:46fucking mars all right
00:35:51oh boy you know what that alarm means it's time for kyle's surprise oh okay what what's going on what
00:35:59are we talking about your surprise surprise later from future
00:36:02tennis oh right hey wow look at me everything's coming up kyle now i know the martian landscape
00:36:09can feel pretty foreign but you've won something that's going to make this place feel a lot more like
00:36:15home all right okay lay it on me fun okay kyle say hello to your very own talk to me
00:36:25baby what do we got
00:36:28okay
00:36:30beyonce what the fuck what the fuck
00:36:34wait how is how how how is she here now when you won future tennis
00:36:38i asked if you wanted surprise now or surprise later you said surprise later
00:36:43she shouldn't be here this is bad can we pause can we can we pause for a second can we
00:36:47make the door go
00:36:48back up please no kyle we have to get her out of there that's a decompression chamber they're
00:36:53very dangerous oh god oh god oh god fuck me fuck me oh fuck ha ha ha hi pumpkin hi
00:37:01kyle
00:37:04hi i'm candace kyle's fiance that's funny kyle never talked about you at all yeah i did yes i
00:37:09know i'm sure that i did so this is this is crazy this is also surprising how are you here
00:37:15well when
00:37:16you chose surprise later i knew we had to think of something really good for you and as luck would
00:37:21have it right then candace showed up at the launch pad and was going on and on about how much
00:37:26she
00:37:26needed to get up here and get to you when i found out i said what the heck send her
00:37:31up in a supply pod
00:37:32nothing is more important than true love that's so cool what would have happened if he chose surprise
00:37:38now he would have won four hundred thousand dollars oh four hundred thousand dollars yeah
00:37:46uh candace could could we just have a little sidebar to kind of clear the air because you know
00:37:51i'm sensing a little hostility between us i'm not hostile kyle are you hostile no no no i just i
00:37:59i feel
00:37:59like you're in i mean i don't want to tell you how you feel but i imagine that you would
00:38:05have the right
00:38:06to be frustrated with me i'm perfectly calm kyle yeah but um you seem mad i'm not mad are you
00:38:17mad no
00:38:18no no no i i'm not mad at all okay then we're not mad let's just drop it okay yeah
00:38:23yeah fine i mean
00:38:26it just it seems kind of weird you mother she's gonna kill me you dickless piece of shit
00:38:34okay everyone seems like the perfect time for a little safety meeting we've had some rather unsafe
00:38:41behavior recently i'm not going to name names but i just want to really quickly go over some of the
00:38:47basics first things first this is the airlock earlier today kyle was suggesting that we leave
00:38:53someone in the airlock now this is unsafe for a myriad of reasons if you're in this thing without
00:38:59a spacesuit when the exterior door opens the changing pressures could be fatal now if you do
00:39:04have your spacesuit on and you're going to take a walk on the martian surface you would stand on this
00:39:09circle and give the voice command airlock c l o s e
00:39:14thank you peggy yes that is what i was spelling exterior door opening in 30 seconds okay luckily we
00:39:27have a safeguard built in if you happen to be stuck inside the airlock without your spacesuit just give
00:39:33the voice command abort airlock procedure well then do it i am doing it i was trying to abort
00:39:39you gotta hurry i'm sorry i didn't quite get that evacuating airlock in 20 seconds guys you cannot say
00:39:47the command while people are talking you all have to be god i'm gonna take it from here okay
00:39:51yeah just be quiet kyle i'm sorry i didn't quite get you candace now you did it i'm sorry i
00:39:57was
00:39:58telling kyle to be quiet for you i wasn't gonna say anything you just did it everyone shut up
00:40:04everyone shut up shut up kyle shut up kyle shut up kyle shut up wimmy shut up you just talked
00:40:10kyle. sorry everyone will you both shut up everyone shut up shut up abort airlock
00:40:22oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh what the fuck oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my
00:40:25gosh oh my gosh oh my
00:40:26gosh did that just happen okay you guys are actually louder than my music did you not see
00:40:32that what are you talking about elrond is dead who elrond the billionaire guy that brought
00:40:40is here. Elrond, the main guy, Elrond. Oh, right. He died? His head exploded. Fuck off.
00:40:49Holy shit. Oh, that is fucking cool. No, it's not fucking cool. Elrond Branson was the only
00:40:56one who knew how to operate the ship. Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty. Fat man, be quiet, not now.
00:41:04Okay, okay, okay. We just, we need to keep our heads together. Poor choice of words, dude.
00:41:09What? Poor choice of words. What? You said let's keep our heads together. His head exploded.
00:41:15The things you say are inappropriate and you don't realize it. You're dumb. Holy shit. He won't stop
00:41:21singing. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just the only one trying to get us out of this mess. How? Uh, by
00:41:26sending a
00:41:27little S.O.S. to the big man upstairs. But, Wimmy, God's not real. Peggy, isn't it enough that you
00:41:36killed our captain? Do you have to blasphemy God while you're at it? I didn't kill it. You're
00:41:41the one who said airlock closed. Airlock closed. Hey, come on, Wimmy. Leave Peggy along. She
00:41:47can't help it. She's, you know. What are you saying, Kyle? I mean, Peggy is obviously, she's,
00:41:53you know, Peggy, I don't want to offend you, but I mean, you're, you're obviously, like, you have
00:42:00a, a mental thing, right? Are, are you mentally handicapped? Oh. I'm sorry. No, that, that came
00:42:07out wrong. Look, it's not going to solve anything for us to be blaming each other. Now, I'm sure
00:42:11each one of us in this room has made mistakes. And right now, the best thing is for everyone
00:42:17here to just forgive everyone here so that we can all work together moving forward. So we can all
00:42:24work together moving forward. Todd, what is with the attitude? I don't have an attitude. Well, I'm
00:42:30not your fucking dad, man. I know you're not my dad. My dad is awesome. Is Alron okay?
00:42:43Okay, we have to get in touch with Mission Control. Tell them what happened and get them to pick us
00:42:47up
00:42:47and take us home. I know! Hit this one! Peggy, don't touch. This is dangerous. Okay, from now on,
00:42:54no one touches anything. Todd! Telecom. It's short for telecommunications. Mission Control,
00:43:03can you hear us? There they are! Bastards! You bastard! Come to kill us now, too? Guys, guys,
00:43:13we are so sorry about Elron. It was an accident. We saw everything! There's cameras! Uh, what, what,
00:43:22what do we do? How do we get back home? What happens? Okay. Well, we should be able to just
00:43:28have the ship automatically bring you home. Just don't touch that big red button.
00:43:33Um, Peggy already did. What? You didn't hear a grinding sound, did you? Yeah. Well, great. That just
00:43:42disengaged all the return boosters. Oh, thank you, Peggy. Did I fix it? Well, now what? Are we screwed?
00:43:49Is there, is there another way to get back? Of course there is. In the sciences, we always prepare
00:43:55for a plan B. Oh, thank God. Yeah. If we start constructing another ship now, we can get to you
00:44:01guys in about five years. Five years? Did you say five years? We're all gonna be stuck up here for
00:44:08five years? Five. Five whole years. Well, maybe you should have thought about that. Before you
00:44:13killed Elron Branson, he was a candle in the wind. And a rocket man. That dude? What a nerd.
00:44:22Nerd? Nerd? You know what? That's the problem with cools. You guys just think you can say
00:44:28whatever you want to anybody. Well, if you wanted a world without nerds, then Merry Christmas
00:44:35and happy birthday. You're on one. Nerds out. No, no, no. Nerds. Nerds. Nerds. No. No.
00:44:53I cannot get enough of things like that. Look at that. Now, let's see if we can go frame
00:44:56by frame. Toby, can we go frame by frame here? Someone get Toby out of the chair and let's
00:45:00go frame by frame. Okay, here we go. Now, he's like, oh, oh, I'm in trouble. I'm in trouble.
00:45:05Oh, boom. Rewind. See? See? He's still alive there. Still alive there. There. Still alive.
00:45:11He's feeling it right there. And that's where I think he died. What about you?
00:45:16I honestly have a hard time watching this stuff. Oh, not me. I have a whole folder of this sort
00:45:20of stuff on my desktop at home. It's marked taxes so my wife doesn't snoop around in it.
00:45:25Getting back to the crisis at hand, millions and millions of viewers around the globe are
00:45:29mourning the loss of billionaire philanthropist Elron Branson and watching the developments with
00:45:34bated breath. So much so that Mars Enterprises has set up a 24-hour feed so concerned citizens
00:45:39can monitor the events in the space station around the clock. And with the sudden and
00:45:44shockingly metal death of the only person who knew how to operate the ship, how do you think
00:45:48the crew's holding up? I tell you, it must be incredibly, incredibly tense up there. Let's
00:45:54take a look at the feed. Where should we start? Hey, why not the women's bathroom? I like the
00:45:58way you think. Stupid Kyle doesn't realize what he's giving up. But you're going to remind
00:46:04him. You're the hottest bitch on this planet. Pizza. Roast beef. Chocolate. Frost and Lucky Charms.
00:46:18Reese's Buffs. Cocoa Buffs.
00:46:28Hi. So Todd, huh? That's an interesting name. I'm not going to stick my dick in crazy.
00:46:34What? You just told your boyfriend you're on a break. You're hurt. You're angry. You want
00:46:39to fuck somebody. You're being crazy. Oh my God. I wouldn't even think. Okay, sweet.
00:46:45That is not why I came over here. Oh, okay. My mistake. And for your information, crazy
00:46:52girls are the best in bed. That's not true. That's just something crazy girls say. Oh!
00:47:03Hey, Peggy. They never said there was a limit on how much food we can make. God, it stinks
00:47:09in here. Anyways, just wanted to stop by and say, you were looking pretty hot tonight.
00:47:15Shut up! Literally nobody has ever said that to me. Literally!
00:47:22That's a shame. Because I think you're fucking sexy.
00:47:26Candace, you are blowing my mind right now.
00:47:29What do you say we lock this door, put on some music, grab a bottle of Everclear, and...
00:47:37Candace, I'm gonna stop you right there, and don't stick my fingers in crazy.
00:47:41What? It's my one rule!
00:47:43Don't get me wrong, Candace, you're a very attractive woman, and I'd be lying if I said
00:47:48I wasn't flattered. But I know where this road leads, and it's not a place where either of
00:47:54us would feel good if... What the fuck is wrong with everyone on this spaceship?
00:48:03Hey there. Whimmy, right? Shhhhhh. Okay.
00:48:16Hi, Candace. I was just talking to my best friend. Who's your best friend? Ugh, this is so fucking hard.
00:48:25What say you and I have a little drink? Let me stop you right there. I do not imbibe.
00:48:31But I am happy to provide some non-judgmental company while you poison your brain and jeopardize
00:48:35your soul with alcohol. You're funny. Listen, Whimmy, you're a man with needs. I'm a woman with
00:48:44needs. What do you say we help each other out? What? No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
00:48:49no.
00:48:49I am taken. Here's the Tillium's Clan right here. Ah, what?
00:49:02Candace! We just adulteried! I adulteried! I just betrayed my wife and children!
00:49:07it. I'm sorry. I just don't know what's going on with me. This whole thing with me and Kyle
00:49:16has me feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm not usually like this, I swear. Okay. Well, the
00:49:25Lord has everything happen for a reason, so maybe he can use this as a teachable moment.
00:49:32Okay. John 3.16 says, for God so loved the earth that he gave his only begotten son. Yeah,
00:49:38but Wimmy, we're not on earth. Well, it says earth, but it means the whole solar system.
00:49:44Well, why would he say earth if he meant solar system? Candace. Well, way back when this was
00:49:51written, God probably had no idea that in the future man would make it to other planets.
00:49:56Well, I mean, he knew. He just, he had to know. He just probably didn't, I mean, hold on.
00:50:04Hey, hey, I mean, I get it, guys. In high school, I wasn't the most popular guy either. I didn't
00:50:09even kiss a girl until I was 18. 18? 18? That's not nerdy. That's cool.
00:50:17No, I didn't mean 18. It wasn't 18. I don't know why I said that. It was way later. It
00:50:22was
00:50:22like, like 20. 20? 9. 29. I was 29. Oh, okay. That's pretty lame, I guess. I mean,
00:50:31I kissed a girl when I was 28. I didn't, but I could have. Wait a minute, wait a minute,
00:50:36wait a minute. You, you kissed a girl at 28? Are you sure I'm not talking to a couple of
00:50:41cools right
00:50:42now? Yeah, right. Get out of here. You don't really think that. Oh, I don't know. I'm getting
00:50:50some real cool vibes coming through this monitor right now. Shut up. You know what
00:50:54would be really cool, though? If you guys could help me figure out how to fly this thing back
00:50:59home. Well, I guess us cools have to stick together. That's right. Okay. Well, it's not
00:51:09going to be easy, but I think if we all keep our cool, we'll be able to walk you through
00:51:15it. The first thing you're going to need to do is refill the spaceship's fuel reserve
00:51:19tank. Kyle, I'm so sorry. Can we talk? Just, just, just a minute, Candace. The mission control
00:51:25guys are helping us get home. All right. Now, to do this, you'll need to divert the fuel from
00:51:30the station's resting generators to the ship's return tank. Okay. Resting generators. Got
00:51:35it. I cheated on you with Wimmy. With Wimmy? What? Why? Weird. Okay. Okay. All right.
00:51:43Look, Candace, that is really shitty, and we will have to talk about that, but I got to do this
00:51:49right now. This is what I'm talking about. I travel all the way through space to get to Mars
00:51:54to talk to you, and all you do is ignore me. Guys, is this resting generator thing an outside
00:52:00kind of deal, or is this somewhere in the ship here? That is outside of the ship. Right on the
00:52:05underside of the central pond. Candace, no! Two years of my life, Kyle. My two best years
00:52:15wasted with you. Oh, my God. Candace, stop! Oh, my God. I could have married Brian Delaney.
00:52:36Candace, you broke the earth. Well, now we're even because you broke my heart. No, no, no.
00:52:43You broke the fucking earth thing. The meek shall inherit the earth. The earth is filled with
00:52:51the steadfast love of the Lord. The earth is the Lord's of the fullness thereof!
00:53:04The thing! See, she fucking broke the thing! We're gonna die! Do you want to play future
00:53:10tennis with me? Todd, I don't know how to fix the container, and I saw her do it. She threw
00:53:17the thing, and then it made the thing punch right through it. We're gonna die. We're all
00:53:22gonna die! What are you talking about? We're gonna die, man! And why do you think we're
00:53:26dying? Because I saw the fucking air! Our air is sucked out into outer space! Okay, and
00:53:31how did that happen? Because this bitch... Hey! No, no, do not judge me until I have finished
00:53:39my sentence, because then you will see that she has murdered you, and she has murdered you,
00:53:48and she has murdered me, and she has also committed suicide and killed Wimmy. Where's Wimmy?
00:53:57There is no God here. We abandoned him when we left the earth. He has no jurisdiction up
00:54:02here. The red planet is the planet of the devil. Okay, first of all, I'm gonna apologize
00:54:09to the room. Uh, I lost my cool there. I said some things that didn't need to be said, and
00:54:16it's important for a leader to be calm and collected. What? What? Dude, you are amazing.
00:54:22Hey, can you say that part about you being the leader again? Kyle, do you want to play future
00:54:26tennis with me? Kyle hates future tennis. He thinks it's a game that makes the person you claim
00:54:31to have love for two years come and see you after you try to run away from them. Okay,
00:54:35Candace, can we try and stay focused, please? Life-threatening situation here. Ring a bell,
00:54:39you threw a fit, now we're fucked. We're fucked? Yes, we're fucked! We're not fucked. We still
00:54:44have a perfectly good spaceship sitting right over there that can take us home. No, the nerds
00:54:48said that there's all this complicated stuff we have to do. Let me guess what they said.
00:54:52We have to refuel, fill up the gas tank? They, well, they said fuel reserve. Uh-huh. I'm guessing
00:54:59their plan involves something like diverting the fuel from the station's generators into
00:55:02the ship's reserve, probably some sort of exterior switch and a transfer hose we need to connect.
00:55:06Wait a minute. Uh-okay, I don't want to offend you right now, but are you smart?
00:55:12Uh, I don't want to offend you, but are you smart?
00:55:16Todd, can I get a sidebar really quick?
00:55:21Candace and Wemmy are very crazy, and Peggy is also very crazy. You-you seem in a weird way
00:55:27not to be crazy. Do you think that you can help me fix this ship?
00:55:30Uh, I think you'll be more like you helping me fix this ship, and also I don't need that.
00:55:35I find that to be very encouraging.
00:55:41Hey there, Lust Muffin.
00:55:43What the fuck did you just say?
00:55:45Guess what?
00:55:46What?
00:55:47Turns out you were right about Satan ruling Mars.
00:55:50I didn't say anything about-
00:55:51You should have seen it earlier. It was right in front of my damn face.
00:55:56Part of my French, I swear now.
00:55:58What are you talking about?
00:55:59I was just in my room indulging my own flesh.
00:56:02Treating my body like a damn playground.
00:56:05What is that?
00:56:06Playing with my private parts, outside of marriage.
00:56:10And I don't give a shh-shh-damn.
00:56:13And guess what? I loved it.
00:56:15Now I get what all the fuss is about.
00:56:17Why are you telling me all this?
00:56:19I'm here to take you up on your offer.
00:56:21I want to do every damn thing.
00:56:26Ah, fuck it.
00:56:30These suits are pretty cool.
00:56:34We just actually became the first two people to ever set foot on Mars.
00:56:37Isn't that kind of crazy?
00:56:40I mean, it is to me a little bit.
00:56:43I mean, that's a big deal.
00:56:45Oh, Todd, be careful.
00:56:48Oh, is that the hose we need?
00:56:50Oh, good.
00:56:54Hey, how do you know how to do all this stuff?
00:56:56You seem really confident.
00:56:58I don't know anything mechanical.
00:57:00I was an indoor kid.
00:57:02I can't even change a flat.
00:57:07Did that fix it?
00:57:08Is it fixed?
00:57:10If you want to talk to me, you have to press this button.
00:57:16Yeah, I wasn't talking.
00:57:23I can't.
00:57:24It won't go in.
00:57:25It keeps bending.
00:57:27Maybe your butthole's broken.
00:57:29My butthole's not broken, Wimmy.
00:57:30You have to be hard.
00:57:32I'm pretty hard.
00:57:33It just keeps bending, though.
00:57:36Oh, Candace, you need to relax more so I can stuff it in.
00:57:40There.
00:57:40I just got it in.
00:57:42I'm in.
00:57:43We are having sodomy.
00:57:45Wow.
00:57:46You're not in.
00:57:48No, you're right.
00:57:49It's out again.
00:57:50Damn.
00:57:51I gotta say, Todd, I am pretty impressed.
00:57:55Oh, great.
00:57:55I impressed Kyle.
00:57:56That means a lot.
00:57:57When I get home, everyone will be like, hey, Todd, how was Mars?
00:57:59I'll be like, it was okay.
00:58:00But the real cool thing is while I was up there, I impressed some idiot.
00:58:04Dude, what is the deal?
00:58:06What?
00:58:07What is with the negativity, man?
00:58:09What is your issue with me?
00:58:10Seriously.
00:58:11Seriously?
00:58:12Yeah.
00:58:13I don't like the way you treat women.
00:58:15I'm sorry.
00:58:16Excuse me?
00:58:17The way I treat women.
00:58:18Did I bash her face in with a lamp?
00:58:21Did I throw a monitor at her head?
00:58:23It just didn't really sit well with me the way you were throwing around the B word back there.
00:58:26What?
00:58:27She is so mean to me.
00:58:29She's been treating me like this for two years, and she's wrecked the spaceship now, and she's ruined my life.
00:58:35She ruins your life.
00:58:36She came all the way up to Mars for you.
00:58:37She is crazy.
00:58:38Yeah, because you've made her crazy.
00:58:40Look, you're obviously not really committed to your relationship, and you've just been stringing her along instead of manning up
00:58:45and doing the right thing.
00:58:47What, marry her?
00:58:48No, break up with her.
00:58:50Let her go find someone who will actually give a shit about her.
00:58:54Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go fix the ship.
00:59:03Wimmy Tilliams is my name, and sinning is my new game.
00:59:06Committing adultery felt that good.
00:59:08I can't imagine how good it must feel to sin even harder.
00:59:12Ch-ch-ch-ch.
00:59:13Ah, ah, ah.
00:59:14Ch-ch-ch.
00:59:15Ah, ah, ah.
00:59:16Ch-ch-ch.
00:59:17Ch-ch-ch.
00:59:17Ch-ch-ch.
00:59:17Ch-ch-ch.
00:59:17Ch-ch-ch.
00:59:18Ch-ch-ch.
00:59:18Ch-ch-ch.
00:59:18Ch-ch-ch.
00:59:19Ch-ch-ch.
00:59:21Hey there, handsome devil.
00:59:29When the going gets tough and the road is dark and the trouble never ends, there's always one thing that
00:59:38you can count on.
00:59:39I'm talking about friends.
00:59:43You can always count on friends to lift you up when you are down.
00:59:49Friends are always there for you when no one else is around.
00:59:56Friends!
00:59:57That's what I'm talking about.
00:59:59Friends!
01:00:01You'd be a mess without friends.
01:00:14They're the gang that you want to be with whenever you are able.
01:00:22Friends!
01:00:23You'd be a mess without friends.
01:00:26Buy it on Amazon.
01:00:29Friends!
01:00:34Do you remember the slew of A-list celebs that were constantly dropping by?
01:00:40Like Tom Selleck, Giovanni Ribisi, Paul Rudd, and George Clooney.
01:00:47And last but not least, we had Brad Pitt!
01:00:52Harder than anyone!
01:00:54Brad Pitt!
01:00:55King of Celebrities!
01:00:57Yeah!
01:01:02From Cool World to Fight Club, he's never let us down.
01:01:09Last night I dreamt that they renamed Hollywood Brad Pitt Town.
01:01:16Oh, shit, I'm singing with my eyes closed again.
01:01:19Fuck!
01:01:19I just don't understand what you want from me!
01:01:22Stop trying to make me the bad guy here!
01:01:24Stop acting like one!
01:01:26Uh, okay, so sorry about that.
01:01:28Uh, you missed a couple things.
01:01:30Basically, what happened was, while Todd finished fixing the ship, Kyle tried to explain to Candace
01:01:35all that stuff that Todd was telling him about how he wasn't being fair to her, but he still
01:01:40didn't really have the balls to tell her how he honestly felt.
01:01:43So, she's still confused and unhappy, so she got all pissed, and then he got all defensive,
01:01:50and it was a pretty good scene.
01:01:51Anyway, sorry, sorry again.
01:01:52Watch for ends!
01:01:54I'm tired of all these mind games, Kyle.
01:01:57Either love me, or let me go.
01:02:01Look, I...
01:02:02I really do care about you, but...
01:02:06But I...
01:02:06Well, by my calculations, we got ten minutes of air left.
01:02:09So let's do this thing.
01:02:12I had to do some jerry-rigging on the ignition system, but this cord should pull enough juice
01:02:16from the main comm board for us to blast off.
01:02:19Holy shit, dude.
01:02:20I am so glad you're smart.
01:02:21All right.
01:02:23That's it.
01:02:24Mars sucks.
01:02:25Fuck it.
01:02:25Let's go home.
01:02:26And if the fat, nerdy Bible guy wants to come with us, he better hurry his ass up wherever
01:02:32he is.
01:02:33SANE!
01:02:35What the fuck?
01:02:38Ah!
01:02:38Fuck!
01:02:39Whimmy, what the fuck?
01:02:40That was a big sin.
01:02:42And Whimmy likey.
01:02:44Whimmy likey a lot.
01:02:46Oh, my God!
01:02:47There is no God up here, Kyle.
01:02:49I have abandoned the way of the Lamb.
01:02:52I now worship the goat.
01:02:55The Dark One demands more sacrifices.
01:02:58More blood for Satan.
01:02:59Guys!
01:03:00Get in the ship!
01:03:00What?
01:03:01God!
01:03:02Let's go!
01:03:04Becky!
01:03:04Candace!
01:03:05Get in the ship!
01:03:06We gotta get out of here!
01:03:07Metal!
01:03:08Music!
01:03:08Nudity!
01:03:09Democrats!
01:03:10Look, Whimmy!
01:03:11A cross!
01:03:12Jesus!
01:03:13Remember how much you like your buddy, Jesus?
01:03:15Yeah!
01:03:16Huh?
01:03:17Ugh!
01:03:18Ugh!
01:03:20Ugh!
01:03:22Ugh!
01:03:24We're in.
01:03:24We made it.
01:03:25We're all here.
01:03:26Well, Todd's dead.
01:03:27Right.
01:03:28Yeah.
01:03:28That's, uh...
01:03:29Right.
01:03:29Yeah.
01:03:30That's...
01:03:30That's too bad.
01:03:31And Elrond died!
01:03:33Shit.
01:03:33Right.
01:03:34Yeah.
01:03:34He also died.
01:03:35And I'm assuming Whimmy won't survive when we leave.
01:03:38Well, that's...
01:03:39Well, I mean, fuck him, right?
01:03:40Come on.
01:03:41Let's just get out of here.
01:03:45Ignition in...
01:03:4610...
01:03:479...
01:03:488...
01:03:497...
01:03:507...
01:03:516...
01:03:515...
01:03:534...
01:03:543...
01:03:56What's happening?
01:03:57Where are we going?
01:03:58Where's two?
01:03:58Where's one?
01:04:00Face me!
01:04:01Face your peers!
01:04:03Ugh.
01:04:04This fucking guy is ridiculous.
01:04:06Fuck.
01:04:07What?
01:04:08Goodbye, Candace.
01:04:09No!
01:04:10You are not doing this again!
01:04:11Candace, I am not running away from you.
01:04:14I...
01:04:14I just...
01:04:16I don't love you.
01:04:18And maybe I just realized that myself, but I also know that you...
01:04:22You deserve someone that does.
01:04:33Winnie, get away from the court.
01:04:35In this corner, fighting for the side of Satan!
01:04:40Wimmy, tell ya!
01:04:42Jesus Christ.
01:04:43And fighting for the side of his precious Jesus Christ, Kaya!
01:04:49Wimmy, I'm just gonna step over there, and I'm gonna pick up the core.
01:04:52Mortal Kombat!
01:04:55Sub-Zero! Sub-Zero! Sub-Zero! Sub-Zero!
01:05:01Sub-Zero!
01:05:04Fitting, isn't it? That it would end up the two of us locked in battle!
01:05:10Ow! Again!
01:05:14Unpullied.
01:05:15What?
01:05:18Kyle!
01:05:20He fucking bit me!
01:05:24I'm sorry.
01:05:40What the fuck?
01:05:43What the fuck?
01:06:04Hello? Hello? Hey, Kyle, what's up? What's up? What's going on, man? What's up?
01:06:07Cooter, where the hell have you been for the last two weeks?
01:06:10Oh, just been really busy doing work. Lots of work stuff. Just working on a lot of work.
01:06:13Well, I got a huge problem, man. The wedding is today.
01:06:16I know that. I know that, man. I'm on my way there right now.
01:06:20Twinks to the car!
01:06:22Okay, Twinks, listen the fuck up. Kyle needs us. We're gonna do this the right way.
01:06:27When we hit the church, I want two Twinks stationed at the rear.
01:06:30I want two Twinks stationed on the roof, and I want three Twinks on me at all times.
01:06:35If this thing goes how I think it's gonna go, we're gonna need to dig a hole.
01:06:39Twinks, dig a hole!
01:06:42This is bad, guys. This is really, really bad.
01:06:49We need to lay low until first light, then torch the car.
01:06:52We'll boost a new one and see if we can get to the state line before the dogs find that
01:06:55body.
01:06:57I feel good, Twinks. I feel really, really good.
01:06:59The world is ours.
01:07:02One more, in fact.
01:07:03Turn that up!
01:07:04We couldn't believe it ourselves.
01:07:06Just this afternoon, a young Candace Simpson has left our planet to join her fiancé, Kyle Capshaw, on Mars.
01:07:12L. Ron Branson approved the use of the last remaining supply pod, releasing a statement saying nothing is more important
01:07:18than true love.
01:07:19What in the fuck?
01:07:23Why do they send Candace up? What's their angle? I'm not buying this true love horseshit for one second, but
01:07:28who benefits?
01:07:29Sending a young lady 35 million miles to visit her boyfriend doesn't float. We need to follow the money.
01:07:48It's just a bunch of contracts for product placement and deposits from investors. That doesn't explain why they'd send Candace
01:07:54up.
01:07:54Hittin' a brick wall here. Think, Cooter. Think! I need more meth!
01:08:02Of course!
01:08:03L. Ron Branson took 12 billion dollars from different investors to showcase their products on his space station.
01:08:09That's a lot of fucking money for a passing mention on the news.
01:08:13My mind is a fucking razor plate. I can see in between time.
01:08:17Only half of the sponsors are paying for the product placement. The others get a free ride because they're shell
01:08:22companies for whoever's really in charge.
01:08:24But who? What do these products have in common? They range from everything between home appliances and pizza delivery services.
01:08:33I got three large thick crust pepperoni and sausages for a dopey twink.
01:08:41Who do you work for?
01:08:43I told you! Papa Nero's Pizza!
01:08:47Wrong answer!
01:08:51Please stop! Please stop! Please! I'm just trying to pay off my student loans, man!
01:08:56If you ever want to see the light of day again, you better start talking. Take us up the chain!
01:09:02You're gonna have to speak to my manager!
01:09:08Lucy! I'm home!
01:09:10What the hell is going on?
01:09:12Daddy, help us!
01:09:15Don't worry, Kyle. I'll kill as many people as I have to to get you back on Earth!
01:09:20You recognize this piece of shit?
01:09:23I'm sorry, Mr. Kepler! They cut my fucking toe off!
01:09:27Oh, that's right! You fucked with the wrong people this time!
01:09:32I don't know what's going on! Please!
01:09:35The ants are gonna come in the morning, bitch!
01:09:38Chomp chomp! Chomp chomp!
01:09:40I told you all I know! Our parent company is technological, human, electronic, household, optimal, luxury, organic, cyber, anthropomorphic, utility
01:09:48systems, treatment, worldwide, analytics, software...
01:09:50The Holocaust was greatly exaggerated! They bankrolled the whole fucking thing!
01:09:55Branson didn't have the scratch to pay for the mission himself, so he links up with this company and promises
01:09:59them the best advertising opportunity money can buy!
01:10:01Now he just needs people to tune in! Candace shows up at the launch pad and they're like,
01:10:05Shit! This'll be some drama! Let's send her up so people can watch the fireworks!
01:10:09But now you're telling me that there's no way the design of that ship would be able to withstand the
01:10:13radiation from the Van Allen belt?!
01:10:15Yes! I've worked in aerospace engineering for 35 years! Please don't kill me! Oh, God, don't kill me!
01:10:21Listen to this!
01:10:24Billionaire philanthropist L. Ron Branson was killed today in a tragic accident aboard the Mars Enterprise Space Station.
01:10:30Bullfucking shit he was! There's your 24-7 fucking permanent paid fucking commercial, you sick fucks!
01:10:36My skin is on fucking fire right now!
01:10:42There's their headquarters. And I'll bet you all the meth in the world that they're doing more than making home
01:10:47appliances in there.
01:10:50Aha! Skinheads! I knew it! All this time I thought the Holocaust was greatly exaggerated was just a hilarious name.
01:10:57Now I see it's something darker. It's a fucking front for a white power group, of course!
01:11:05My mind is moving in hyperspace, man!
01:11:07They fucking paper ants then to advertise their products and set up an all-white colony on a new planet!
01:11:12They think it'll show people how a one-race world would be a utopia!
01:11:15Then with all the profits from their product placements, they'll send up more and more people!
01:11:19I so horny!
01:11:21Me too, Sleepy. Me too.
01:11:23But we have some Nazis to kill.
01:11:31Here we go, Twinks! The entire energy of the universe is within us!
01:11:40What in the fuck?
01:11:49Twinks! That's the fucking spaceship!
01:11:52They never went to fucking Mars!
01:11:53Branson and the fucking Nazis knew they couldn't get a hotel up there!
01:11:57The whole thing was a giant scam!
01:11:58Branson steals billions from investors, then that phony fucker fakes his own death and makes off with the cash!
01:12:04Then these skinhead pieces of shit use the accidents to get the whole world watching their bullshit racist white utopia
01:12:10propaganda
01:12:11while getting rich selling their fucking vacuum cleaners and blenders!
01:12:14It's almost too simple.
01:12:18Huh?
01:12:23The station is wrecked. How am I breathing?
01:12:30God?
01:12:31Oh no! What have I done?
01:12:34Forgive me, Lord!
01:12:42Jesus?
01:12:44Cooter?
01:12:45Kyle!
01:12:46What's up, man?
01:12:47What the fuck? What is happening?
01:12:49How are you on Mars?
01:12:50You never went to Mars.
01:12:51You're in a warehouse 30 miles south of Carlin, Nevada.
01:12:54The fucking Nazis used you for their sick white supremacy utopia commercial.
01:12:59What are you talking about?
01:13:00I had to beat the living shit out of a pizza boy to figure it out, but it's all right
01:13:04now.
01:13:04Mr. Connor, skinhead!
01:13:12Someone tell me what is happening!
01:13:13The dang shit's starting to get fun.
01:13:16Twinks!
01:13:16Light them up.
01:13:18Oh no!
01:13:22Ah!
01:13:23Ah!
01:13:25Ah!
01:13:35Ah!
01:13:36Bashful!
01:13:36I'm out of ammo.
01:13:37Throw me another clip!
01:13:39Okay, Mr.pted.
01:13:40BASHBALL!
01:13:42No!
01:13:42No!
01:13:46Jesus!
01:13:48No!
01:13:51No!
01:13:54No!
01:13:56No!
01:13:57No!
01:14:00No!
01:14:01No!
01:14:02No!
01:14:05No!
01:14:10367 people were killed today in a firefight outside of Carlin, Nevada.
01:14:14A horrific scene that led authorities to discover Sir Elrond Branson's entire Mars Voyager mission was a hoax.
01:14:23Details are still unfolding, but from what we can tell,
01:14:26the now disgraced billionaire had elaborately faked his own death with the help of a white supremacist home appliance company
01:14:33in a scheme to bilk investors out of their money and sell products with incredibly offensive names.
01:14:40Here we see the footage of Sir Elrond Branson being taken into custody earlier this evening.
01:14:44The four surviving astronauts are finally being reconnected with their loved ones here on Earth.
01:14:51Uh, hey guys.
01:14:52Had sort of a, uh, crazy trip.
01:14:55And I have to go to jail now.
01:14:59That's all the time we have tonight.
01:15:01Stay tuned for Jimmy Fallon, who's gonna be playing Guess Who with that squirrel from the Oreos commercials.
01:15:13Hey!
01:15:14How'd it go?
01:15:15Um, what, what kind of stuff are they asking?
01:15:18Just like what happened when women went crazy and stuff like that.
01:15:23Oh, okay.
01:15:25Um, are you doing alright?
01:15:27Yeah.
01:15:28I'm still shaking up a bit, but, yeah.
01:15:32So, I guess this is it.
01:15:36Yeah, I guess so.
01:15:39So, what are you gonna do now?
01:15:41Just hang around at the bar with Cooter?
01:15:44Oh, no.
01:15:45No.
01:15:46Cooter's in a lot of trouble.
01:15:47He killed, like, hundreds of people.
01:15:49Yeah, but it was kind of in self-defense.
01:15:51No, no, no, no.
01:15:52Before that, he killed, like, nine people or something in the weeks leading up to that gunfight.
01:15:57I think, like, two of them were children.
01:15:59Oh, my God.
01:16:00Yeah.
01:16:01Yeah.
01:16:02Are you going to visit him in prison?
01:16:05Um, I don't think so.
01:16:10Well, see you around.
01:16:13Hey, Candace.
01:16:14Um, I'm sorry that I hurt you.
01:16:18I really am.
01:16:19I know.
01:16:21And someday, I'll be okay with it.
01:16:29Hey!
01:16:30Elrond!
01:16:31Oh!
01:16:32Hey, Kyle.
01:16:34Uh, how's it going?
01:16:36So, is it true it was all a hoax from the beginning?
01:16:39Yep.
01:16:40Pretty much.
01:16:41I thought if I made a deal with those white nationalists, I could finally fake my death and disappear with
01:16:45a ton of money.
01:16:46Dude, I just don't get it.
01:16:47You were already rich.
01:16:49I mean, you had everything.
01:16:50Why would you want to fake your own death?
01:16:52Well, I have this fiancé who just absolutely smothers me.
01:16:59Kyle Capshaw?
01:17:01And then Cooter just kept laughing and shooting the corpses until they just sort of, like, jellified.
01:17:08Thank you, Mr. Capshaw.
01:17:11I gotta say, this is kind of a godsend for us here at NASA.
01:17:14What do you mean? How so?
01:17:15Well, this is exactly the kind of story we need to get the federal government to give us our funding
01:17:18back.
01:17:19What happened to you is a perfect example of corporatism in the sciences run amok.
01:17:23We're gonna put that Peggy Bork lady on every talk show in the country telling this story.
01:17:27Peggy?
01:17:28Yeah.
01:17:29She's gonna be a national hero.
01:17:30We're gonna make her the new face of NASA.
01:17:33Neil Armstrong can suck my fucking nuts.
01:17:35We're in the Peggy Bork business now.
01:17:37Uh, that's cool, but what about me? I mean, I actually did way more stuff than Peggy.
01:17:45Yeah. The thing is, uh, Peggy Moore represents the image we want out there for NASA.
01:17:53Are you fucking kidding me? Cause she's, I mean, she's like, I think that she's mentally handicapped.
01:18:01Oh, come on.
01:18:02Ooh.
01:18:02The thing is, Kyle, a cultural icon needs to project a certain essence of American values and wholesomeness.
01:18:11What are you trying to say?
01:18:13Everybody's seen the doll video.
01:18:15What doll video?
01:18:16Sandy.
01:18:19What do you mean everybody's seen the video?
01:18:24They played it on the news pretty often while you guys were trapped up there. Or, uh, down here. Trapped
01:18:31down here.
01:18:32We just can't have a doll licker be the face of the National Space Agency.
01:18:37You understand.
01:18:41Well, the stranded Martian passengers are stranded no more.
01:18:45And we know of one little porcelain doll who's probably very happy that they're safe and sound.
01:19:00Well, great.
01:19:05I think that's the guy from the news that licks dolls.
01:19:08And the Peggy Bork National Press Tour continues.
01:19:12This morning she was seen playing the xylophone with Michael Strahan on the Today Show.
01:19:16And rumors are swirling that Ryan Gosling has been making romantic advances.
01:19:21Is it too early to start talking about a new Hollywood power couple?
01:19:24Those two are hot.
01:19:27I am strongly attracted to Peggy Bork.
01:19:32Well, it looks like it's just you and me, Sandy.
01:19:35From here on out, I have no idea what's gonna happen.
01:19:45Oh.
01:19:47Come here, you.
01:19:51I do it.
01:19:51Oh, my God.
01:19:56I'm palinable.
01:20:09I got to pursue catsons.
01:20:09You can't bite a lady.
01:20:09No, I have no idea what you think of along with a beidenette.
01:20:10I, I'm afraid I'm-
01:20:10I hate to go.
01:20:10And I'll join you next time.
01:20:11You can buy a mine.
01:20:11I'm afraid I'll come and continue this tomorrow.
01:20:14I know there's tough things.
01:20:15Tagen's like Oh, my God.
01:20:17Can't change this before.
01:20:17I lose awhile.
01:20:20beliefs besides theignon Hamlet.
01:21:20Twice as wide and twice as high as the sky and the sea.
01:22:27That's what I'm talking about.
01:22:29Friends.
01:22:30You'd be a mess without friends.
01:22:34Monica, Phoebe, and Ross, Joey, Tandler, and Rachel.
01:22:38They're the gang you want to be with whenever you are able.
01:22:46Friends.
01:22:47I'm singing about friends.
01:22:50Friendship never friends.
01:22:53True story.
01:22:54My cousin met Matt LeBlanc at a party three years ago.
01:22:59He said he was super down to earth and not like his character at all.
01:23:05Matt LeBlanc, he told my cousin in private that he fucked with Stephanie.
01:23:10My cousin swears that it's true, but don't you tell anybody.
01:23:17Friends.
01:23:18You cannot breathe without friends.
01:23:21Buy it on Amazon.
01:23:23Friends.
01:23:24Do you remember the slew of A-list celebs that were constantly dropping by?
01:23:30Like Tom Selleck, Giovanni Ribisi, Paul Rudd, and George Clooney.
01:23:37Last but not least, we had Brad Pitt, king of celebrities.
01:23:43Brad Pitt.
01:23:44Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:23:47Do you remember when Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston dated for all those years?
01:23:55Do you think that maybe they ever filmed themselves doing it and that the ape exists somewhere out there?
01:24:01God, if you could ever find it, you would make a thousand bucks.
01:24:07Brad Pitt.
01:24:08You would be dead without Brad Pitt.
01:24:11America's sweetheart Brad Pitt.
01:24:14From Cool World to Fight Club, he's never let us down.
01:24:21Last night I dreamt that they renamed Hollywood Brad Pitt Town.
01:24:27Do you think he would ever date someone not famous?
01:24:30That would be insane.
01:24:32Brad Pitt.
01:24:34Hotter than anyone.
01:24:36Brad Pitt.
01:24:37Also real talented.
01:24:39Brad Pitt.
01:24:40Come on Academy, where is the Oscar for?
01:24:43Brad Pitt!
01:24:45I heard People Magazine had to stop giving Brad Pitt sexiest men alive.
01:24:51That's just because-
01:24:52Oh shit, I was singing with my eyes closed.
01:24:54Sorry.
01:24:54bunch of hair in the movie basketball city like poli or luna offabuli.
01:25:01I'm not here.
01:25:02Lee 13-
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