- 13 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00You see how would I make you?
00:01You're sure another man can do the job?
00:04I want you.
00:06Now.
00:08Please.
00:09If it's me.
00:17If my match today is powerful enough, maybe I can escape the arranged marriage.
00:23Welcome.
00:24This is my last chance.
00:27Could it be me?
00:28If I could marry one of them, either one would be worth it.
00:35Congratulations, Nora.
00:37Invitica AI has matched you with Gavin Winters, Invitica's chief operating officer.
00:44Okay, this might work.
00:46And Bianca is matched with Elvis Blythe, a janitor.
00:50How dare the AI match Nora with a billionaire and I'm stuck with a piss-poor janitor?
00:56Hey, babe.
00:57Maybe come get it.
00:58Gavin's the name.
01:00Money's the game.
01:0110 billion a year, to be exact.
01:03Bet you're glad you landed on a stud like me.
01:05Sir, Gavin is Invitica's COO.
01:08He could have seen your last year global exec summit.
01:10Aren't you afraid he'll recognize you?
01:12Invitica is just one of many companies I have under Mr. S Holdings.
01:16Our COO would never find out who I really am.
01:21The algorithm got it all wrong.
01:24You deserve to be with someone in your league, not this discount Cinderella.
01:29Who doesn't love an upgrade, right?
01:32Someone I could call the one.
01:34You could be my only, only.
01:37Thanks.
01:38See that you won't watch it.
01:39This outcome is unexpected.
01:41Interesting.
01:42Don't worry, poor little Cinderella.
01:45The algorithm can't predict everything.
01:47Ready for Dad to marry you off to some old geezer?
01:51Is this really the end?
01:53Yeah, now let me do my work, work, work.
01:56That janitor?
01:57He is Bianca's match.
01:59Fine.
01:59I'll take him.
02:01My fate is mine to decide.
02:03I'm getting married today.
02:04Tell me that you need it.
02:05What's she gonna do?
02:07Only if you mean it.
02:09Feel real as a nigga.
02:11Baby, fuck with it.
02:12Just play along?
02:13Yeah, baby, fuck with it.
02:15You know I've been waiting.
02:18If you're sippin' then you're sippin'.
02:21Even if you can take him to fall.
02:23Beautiful.
02:24And such a fighter.
02:25Interesting.
02:26Nora!
02:27How are you doing?
02:28Get that trash trucker away from my daughter, now!
02:32What a joke!
02:33Is poor Tana actually married into the Hawthorne family?
02:38Do you think maybe you'd consider marrying me?
02:43My AI didn't account for her.
02:45Which makes her the perfect test subject.
02:48Look at me, princess.
02:48I'm just a janitor.
02:50Your dress costs more than my life savings.
02:53Are you sure you want to trade a millionaire for a shoebox apartment?
02:58That perfect algorithm is a scam that knows nothing about true love.
03:05True love can be modeled.
03:07It just requires a more complex set of code.
03:10Okay, Mr. Janitor.
03:13I'm not some line of code, though.
03:15Is she doubting my data?
03:17I love turning a doubter into a believer.
03:21All right.
03:22Let's make a bet.
03:23A one-year marriage contract.
03:25Yes, I've fallen in love with you.
03:27You win.
03:28And you'll get half.
03:30Everything I own.
03:31If you really don't know.
03:34Of what?
03:36A mop and a bucket?
03:38Where does a janitor like you get so much confidence from?
03:41Tell you what.
03:43If I fall for you, you get half the money.
03:46Heal.
03:48I like those arms.
03:52I'll take this janitor's pride and his bet.
03:55Anything's better than my dad's deals.
03:57I love just to thank you.
04:00Watch me work, work, work, Eddie.
04:02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:03Watch me while I work.
04:05We're getting married.
04:06No!
04:07Yeah, I'll let you do my work, work, work, work, Eddie.
04:12Oh, daddy.
04:13Let the games begin, Miss Blythe.
04:16Work, work, work, Eddie.
04:17Work, work, work, Eddie.
04:21Boss, that makeup took you five hours.
04:24Are you really just gonna wash it off?
04:27I need to start looking my best.
04:29Once I plant the seed of attraction in her heart
04:31and grow into love.
04:33I'm winning this bet.
04:37Marrying the janitor.
04:38You have made us the laughing stock valley.
04:42Nora, you took that loser.
04:44The marriage is awesome.
04:45That's too bad.
04:46We already signed the papers.
04:49I guess I'm officially a trash truck as well.
04:52Fine.
04:52But when it all falls apart,
04:55don't come crawling back to us,
04:57begging for forgiveness.
04:58You.
04:59Throw out our luggage.
05:02So I can take advantage.
05:05She's savage.
05:07Stop.
05:10Savage.
05:18Now that you're a janitor's wife,
05:20you should get used to sleeping on the streets.
05:23Sure you can handle being homeless, sir?
05:25Stay away from her, Bianca.
05:27Poverty stinks.
05:30And it's contagious.
05:33Oh, my God.
05:34Has anyone seen my sister's broke janitor husband?
05:37I know.
05:38He's off scrubbing toilets somewhere.
05:45Where's your beloved janitor?
05:46He isn't backing out now, is he?
05:49Where are you, Elvis?
05:50Watch out.
05:51You don't know the half of the abuse.
05:56Welcome to the room of people who have rooms of people that they love one day.
06:00That do it.
06:02Just because we check the guns at the door doesn't mean our brains will change from hand grenades.
06:07You love another psychopath sitting next to you.
06:10You love another murderer sitting next to you.
06:13You think and I guess sitting next to you.
06:16Those eyes.
06:17Have your life stand.
06:18Please don't forget.
06:20Those muscles.
06:21All my friends are even shaken.
06:23Is this the man I just married?
06:25Whoa, he's handsome.
06:30Hey.
06:34Are you okay?
06:35Why did you jump in the way?
06:36I have to protect my new bride, don't I?
06:39Is this what it's like to be cared for?
06:41No.
06:42Don't fall for it, Nora.
06:43He's just your contract husband.
06:46Winning this bet is going to be a piece of cake.
06:49Fuck.
06:50The janitor is way too hot for a homely bitch like Nora.
06:56What the fuck?
06:57You literally just used me as a human shield.
07:00Get real, babe.
07:01This brain is worth billions to Invitica.
07:03I'm not some cheap janitor whose life costs five bucks.
07:07You're right.
07:08Brains beat Lux.
07:10This shit scrubber might have a nice body,
07:12but his bank account is malnourished.
07:16All my friends at ease take it slow.
07:20Horses?
07:21Gavin's money really does grow on trees.
07:24My husband is the future of Silicon Valley.
07:27He might even surpass Mr. S as the richest man alive.
07:31Surpass me?
07:32Gavin's lucky he's even breathing the same air as me.
07:35Mr. S, that's an ambitious goal.
07:38Oh, look, the janitor has opinions now.
07:41Either way, you're nothing but a sewer rat next to a guy like me.
07:44It's a shame you'll never get behind the wheel of this thing.
07:46You'll see how different we really are.
07:48A Porsche doesn't make you a man.
07:50It just makes you a coward in a faster car.
07:53Oh, how poetic.
07:55Spoken like a true loser's fight.
07:58Still acting tough?
08:00Don't tell me.
08:01You two are actually planning to walk home.
08:06Bring out my car.
08:24What the hell is that thing?
08:26A garbage truck for a professional garbage sweeper.
08:29How perfect.
08:32Get out of here.
08:37Come on.
08:46I'm sorry about this.
08:48Hey, don't apologize.
08:49This is super cool.
08:51I've never been in a car like this before.
08:52I'm just got to get to my throne.
08:55I am the latest colors.
08:56I sing the newest songs.
08:58I read all the lyrics so I can sing along.
09:00I am the latest colors.
09:02I stand above my throne.
09:03Wait, you're an invite to never come along.
09:06I am the latest colors.
09:07I sing the newest songs.
09:08I read all the lyrics so I can sing along.
09:11I am the latest colors.
09:12I hate the newest songs.
09:14I can stand the lyrics.
09:15I'd never sing along.
09:16I'll never sing along.
09:19Lucas, I asked for a small house, not a coffin.
09:22It's a nice place for a janitor.
09:25Make yourself at home.
09:26It's only one bedroom, so you'll sleep there and I'll take the couch.
09:31I feel bad making you sleep here every night.
09:35I couldn't do that.
09:36See you around every shed of bed?
09:38No, I didn't mean that.
09:40It's just, I...
09:43Whatever makes you feel good, I don't know.
09:46I'm just going to get some clothes out.
09:47They won't share.
09:50Peach-flavored lube?
09:58You sure did come prepare for our first night together, didn't you?
10:03Just get it back.
10:05No, get it back.
10:06Hey, come on.
10:08Get it back.
10:11Wow, his chest.
10:14It feels amazing.
10:15You really can't wait, can you?
10:19We're married now.
10:20We'll use it sooner or later, you know?
10:25Sooner or later.
10:37I'd say the sooner the better.
10:39I need some water.
10:41Yeah.
10:41Yeah.
10:41But is it too late to try?
10:43Ain't it not time that you're wasted?
10:45How cute.
10:47They still win this round, though.
10:49It's only a matter of time before you fall for me.
10:52I'm out the light.
10:52Now I'm paralyzed.
10:55Still stuck in that time.
10:57When we called it up.
10:58Damn it.
10:59He goes shirtless just to fix a pipe?
11:02Well, I'm not complaining.
11:04I'm out of pain.
11:05Look at this muscle.
11:07He's too fine.
11:12Oh, oh, Alison!
11:15Oh, my God.
11:17Oh, my God.
11:20Oh, my God.
11:24Oh, my God.
11:24No, I'm so sorry.
11:25I didn't know you were there.
11:26Oh, my God.
11:28She's perfect.
11:33If you think ogling after me after torpedoing me with water is going to make me go in love
11:36with you, you're sore than mistaken.
11:42Next song.
11:46Oh, my.
11:48Those arms are wider than my waist.
11:51Are janitors supposed to be built like that?
11:54Now, hold still and maybe let me enjoy my perks.
12:01Sorry for getting you high.
12:02I'm usually a lot better at fixing things.
12:05No, no, no.
12:06Fix your apps there.
12:07Perfect.
12:10The pipe.
12:11I meant the pipe.
12:13Is it pipe fixed?
12:16I'm just going to go back to my room.
12:17It's freezing in here and soaking wet.
12:21Ew.
12:23It's the only one you are.
12:28What is he trying to do to me?
12:31All right.
12:31If you want to build heat in your core, you have to engage it.
12:34Sure.
12:35Nice.
12:35Yoga can give me warmth.
12:38You cannot stand so close.
12:40How else am I supposed to correct your form?
12:42My form.
12:44What, are you a Yoni now?
12:45I thought you were a janitor.
12:46I guess I'm full of surprises.
12:49I'm going to spread your stance a bit.
12:52I'll be out spending all this money while you sit around wondering why it wasn't you who came up from
12:56nothing, made it from the bottom, now when you see me I'm stuck.
12:58Ah, this is punishment.
13:00I touched his abs for three seconds.
13:02And now his hands are grabbing my butt.
13:05Good, now, uh, downward dog.
13:07Oh.
13:08Deeper.
13:10I can't.
13:12Hold it.
13:14Don't come up.
13:15Please.
13:16It hurts.
13:18Damn it, Nora.
13:19Don't make that noise.
13:21Wow, you're a lot tighter than I thought.
13:23Wow.
13:24How bad I paid for trying to go home.
13:28All of my change I spent on you.
13:32Heart rate 140.
13:34Respiratory rate 28%.
13:36How bad I paid for trying to go home.
13:42All right, your body feels a whole lot like I'm winning this bet.
13:45No.
13:46No, it's the workout.
13:48I'm going to win the bet.
13:50Just you wait.
13:54Why are your hands shaking?
13:56You mean to tell me that your heart isn't beating like a snare drum because of me?
14:01Fine, it is because of you.
14:12What about your little friend?
14:15Why is your little friend so hard?
14:20She's a menace.
14:22I was trying to break her, but I'm the one losing control.
14:28I said I meant to act for myself.
14:30Whoa.
14:31Hello there, buddy.
14:33Who's the one who's in control now?
14:40Do you want me more than I want you?
14:43Did the perfect album do you get that?
14:45I'm going to go shower.
14:49Alone.
14:50No peekings.
14:54I'm a loser, huh?
14:57We'll see about that.
15:02Hey, so my dad's birthday party is next week.
15:07No, we'll host you a dinner.
15:09You want your husband to attend?
15:11That's sweet.
15:12Actually, it's just...
15:13It's going to be this whole gross wealth measuring contest.
15:17And Bianca and the others are going to target you.
15:19I just know it.
15:19They're going to make fun of your clothes and your gifts and everything.
15:25So I would embarrass you.
15:26No, no.
15:28It's just...
15:30I don't want to make you go through that.
15:34These people...
15:35They only see dollar signs.
15:38She's trying to protect me.
15:40It's funny.
15:41I don't remember seeing send Nora into the lion's den in our marriage contract.
15:45Why are you being so nice to me?
15:47You don't even know me.
15:49Because you're better than all of them.
15:52You deserve to be treated like a queen.
15:55No one has ever stood in my corner like this.
15:58Whatever you'd say.
16:02Don't waste whatever little money you have on expensive gifts.
16:06They won't appreciate it.
16:15Prepare the best gift you could find.
16:17One the Hawthorne family can't refuse.
16:19And something Gavin Winters couldn't get his hands on in a million years.
16:25This was a mistake.
16:26We shouldn't have come.
16:27It's okay, babe.
16:28We got this.
16:32This night is cold in the kingdom.
16:35I can feel you fade away.
16:38From the kitchen to the bathroom sinkin'
16:42Your steps keep me awake.
16:44Don't cut me down, throw me out.
16:46You actually brought your janitor husband to dad's birthday party?
16:50I knew you were shameless, Nora.
16:52But God, this is a new low for you.
16:54I'm shameless?
16:56At least my husband's face was plastered across the stadium screen for the whole world to see.
17:01After just one week of marriage.
17:03I don't know what you're talking about.
17:05Are you fucking shitting on me?
17:06On screen?
17:07Baby, let me down slowly.
17:09Let me down, let me down, let me down, let me down, let me down, let me down, let me
17:15down, let me down.
17:16Let me down.
17:16If you wanna go, then I'll be so lonely.
17:19If you're leaving, baby, let me down slowly.
17:22You brought the janitor?
17:24Well, Daddy, since he's already here, I thought he could make himself useful and give the toilets a good scrubbing.
17:30Maybe shine Gavin's shoes while he's at it?
17:33Hey, fuck it off.
17:38Don't listen to that.
17:41It's okay.
17:44Mr. Hawthorne, I heard how much of a wine connoisseur you are.
17:48So, I decided to bring a few pieces from my wine collection just for you.
17:57Man, excellent.
18:00Bianca sure did pick the right man to marry.
18:02Right?
18:03Enough standing around.
18:05Let's all go inside.
18:06Come on, sweetheart.
18:09Well, let's just go.
18:10I am not putting up with this.
18:13Hey, come on.
18:13I didn't bring this kid for nothing.
18:15Let's just see how it goes.
18:17I don't want this.
18:18Elvis!
18:19And I can't stop myself from falling.
18:25And I can't stop myself from falling.
18:29Are you crazy?
18:30Boring cold water onto him in the dead of winter.
18:32And just for disinfection purposes, with all the germs janitors pick up, you have no idea how many diseases he's
18:39carrying.
18:39Could you find a window, would you?
18:42Just gave this guy a bath and he still smells like shit.
18:47Elvis may be a janitor.
18:49But he's the cleanest one here.
18:53Gavin's been passed around like a blunt.
18:55Who knows how many STDs he has?
18:57If anyone needs disinfecting, it's him.
19:00Elvis is my husband.
19:03You will respect him.
19:05You little...
19:06Mom!
19:07Do something!
19:09How dare you?
19:11Gavin's the COO of Invitica.
19:13He keeps that whole company running and makes millions doing it.
19:17That's the kind of person that deserves respect.
19:23You are unbelievable, Nora.
19:26It's your father's birthday and you show up here empty-handed?
19:30With some guy that looks like he just crawled out of a dumpster?
19:33You should have stayed home.
19:35Yeah?
19:36How's your dumpster diver going to scrounge up the cash for a gift for Dad?
19:40My Gavin?
19:42Brought bottles of wine worth hundreds of thousands.
19:45And those are just the cheap ones.
19:50A 1945 Romani Conti,
19:53a 1961 Chateau Chauvin Blanc,
19:55and a 1990 Henri Jayer,
19:59Richeport Grand Cru.
20:01Impressive.
20:02These must be your most prized collections.
20:04Well, well, well.
20:06Looks like our resident janitor
20:08knows about more than just scrubbing toilets.
20:11You're right, though.
20:12Those are top-of-the-line bottles.
20:19Especially this one, Mr. Hawthorne.
20:21They don't call Henry Jayer the billionaire's wine for nothing.
20:26Why don't we go and open this bad boy love show?
20:30Splendid.
20:33You're what every son-in-law should be, Gavin.
20:38Put the bottle I brought.
20:39What's yours to shame?
20:42You've got a lot of nerve.
20:44Thinking you can outdo Gavin?
20:46Let's see what kind of garbage you pull out of the trash heap.
20:55What's this?
20:57Homemade moonshine?
20:59There's no label.
21:00Who knows if it's even safe?
21:02Hell, it could be full of deadly toxins.
21:04Legit looks like you snatched it off some hobo.
21:07What are you trying to do?
21:08Poison our dad?
21:09No.
21:10No, please.
21:10Shut up!
21:11This is the most appalling gift I've ever received in my life.
21:16Now, take your street rat boyfriend and leave!
21:22Did it not occur to you that my bottle is unlabeled because it's highly exclusive?
21:39Luckily, I have this AI-powered scanner.
21:43It's one of Invitica's newest inventions.
21:45Scan any product and it tells you its exact value.
21:49Doesn't even need a barcode.
21:50This will prove that this janitor is bluffing.
21:54Nora!
21:55How about this?
21:56If your wine's cheaper than ours, you and your janitor boy toy have to scrub all six
22:02bathrooms in the house.
22:03Yeah.
22:05Why are you so obsessed with price?
22:08It's the thought that counts.
22:14Seriously, who gives a fuck about thought?
22:17What?
22:18Afraid you're going to lose?
22:20We'll take your bet.
22:22But if our wine is the more expensive one, what do we get in return?
22:27If your bottle is more expensive than mine, then I, Gavin Winters, will apologize to you
22:35from the bottom of my heart.
22:37Ugh!
22:38Boring.
22:39New rules.
22:40If we lose, I'll admit to everyone in the room that Nora's trash husband is better than mine.
22:45And I'll show him the utmost respect every time I see him.
22:48But if you lose, you have to get down and lick the wine off my shoes.
23:03Market price, 200 grand.
23:17Market price, 500 grand.
23:19Hmm.
23:21Half a million?
23:22Oh my goodness.
23:24Oh yes.
23:33Market price, one million.
23:39200,000?
23:40500,000?
23:41A million?
23:42What are those bottles made of?
23:44Gold?
23:44Richard, you just don't get it.
23:47But fine wine is the age and the terroir that separate the gems from the phonies.
23:55Incredible.
23:55You could buy a whole house with this kind of money.
23:58Bianca's new husband is quite impressive.
24:02Just a token of my appreciation, Mr. Hawthorne.
24:06These bottles are reserved for Invitica's most distinguished VIP clients.
24:12Splendid.
24:13They're expensive.
24:15But what really matters is status and exclusivity.
24:18Couldn't agree more.
24:20And if anyone embodies status and exclusivity, it's us Hawthorne's.
24:27And as for you, you bastard, I demand an apology.
24:37Wait, Daddy.
24:38Let's have a little fun first.
24:40You really did snatch this off some bum, didn't you?
24:44Insult Elvis again, and you'll regret it.
24:51Shut it.
24:52Biggest mistake of my life was having a worthless daughter like you.
24:59Now, get out of my sight.
25:02Let's just go, Elvis.
25:03They don't deserve your gift.
25:06Wait a second, sore losers.
25:08We had a bet.
25:09You're not walking out of here until you lick the wine off my shoes.
25:15And while you're at it, why don't you strip that dress down and clean my shoes as well?
25:24Fine.
25:25I'll do it, but you have to stop insulting Elvis.
25:37Wait, Nora.
25:38Nora, we don't even know who the winner is yet.
25:41Elvis, you don't have to.
25:43It's fine.
25:48Price calculating.
25:51One million?
25:52Price calculating.
25:53How is it still going up?
25:57Impossible.
25:58That's impossible.
26:01What happens next?
26:03Download Real Short.
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