- 8 hours ago
American Dad - Season 22 - Episode 05: Idol Threat
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00:03Good morning, USA!
00:06I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day.
00:10The sun in the sky has a smile on his face,
00:13and he's shining a salute to the American race.
00:19Oh boy, it's swell to say...
00:23Good morning, USA!
00:27Good morning, USA!
00:32You are cool.
00:35Cool as a cucumber.
00:36A cucumber doesn't want, it doesn't fear, it just is.
00:41Everyone, come quick! Steve is doing something!
00:44I'm psyching myself up for the Langley Church Carnival.
00:47Take this with a grain of salt, because I've never been to this fair,
00:50and this is the first I'm hearing of it.
00:51You're not ready.
00:53The Church Carnival closes the summer social calendar.
00:55It's a chance to reinvent yourself right before school starts again.
00:59And you're going as, what did you say, a pickle?
01:02Your trolling would have gotten to the old Steve,
01:05but new me is easy and or breezy.
01:08I've been very patient. Please talk about the belt now.
01:11It's the centerpiece to the new me.
01:12Gives me the confidence of a cucumber.
01:15Famously the most confident of all the penis-shaped foods.
01:20Ready to go, Steve?
01:21Whoa, I'm loving the new braided centerpiece.
01:24You guys are doing this fair thing, too?
01:26Carnival, and yes.
01:27It's the perfect opportunity to reset who you are before the school year.
01:31If it goes well.
01:32It goes wrong sometimes.
01:36Hayley had a bad carnival last summer.
01:39Derailed her whole year.
01:40She developed an unhealthy bond with a goat in the petting zoo.
01:44They caught her trying to, uh, to lure it away into a port-a-potty.
01:48Are you guys talking about the goat again?
01:50Let it go.
01:51You freaked everyone out.
01:53He needed to be alone with me.
01:55This fair sounds incredible.
01:57Everyone get in the car right freaking now.
01:59Well, it doesn't start for a few hours.
02:01Wow.
02:01I can't stop learning things about this fair.
02:07I can't do it.
02:09This Henley was a mistake.
02:10Look how much chest I'm just giving away for free.
02:13Be honest.
02:14Is it slutty?
02:15Honestly?
02:16Yes.
02:16But in a way that really sings.
02:19If anything, I'm worried about my bold lip.
02:22Is it?
02:22Absolutely perfect.
02:23Yes.
02:24Those lips belong in Paris or on a motorcycle.
02:27I can't wait to see them drop like a curtain on a bunch of fried pickles.
02:30Oh, Stan.
02:34Right.
02:35I've watched 16 hours of YouTube videos on how to beat every rigged game here.
02:40Those carny fat cats have had it too good for too long.
02:43And I am going to have a normal time.
02:45I'm certainly not going anywhere near the port-a-potties.
02:48Or the petting zoo.
02:49You're literally acting insane about this.
02:51Can we just forget about the goat?
02:53I have.
02:54I bet he wouldn't even recognize me anyway.
02:56I mean, I've grown a bunch.
02:57Has he grown?
02:58I don't care.
02:59And I've got my cucumber thing.
03:01Or wait, was that Steve's?
03:03I will also be a cucumber.
03:07Whoa, Steve.
03:08Nice belt.
03:09Thanks.
03:10That flamenco fingernail is nothing to sneeze at either.
03:13This?
03:14Oh, no.
03:14My new thing is going to be cocaine.
03:16So what do we do first?
03:18Check out the rides, the girls, the women?
03:22This year, I'm easy peasy steesy.
03:24I'm even willing to ride the big kid rides.
03:27Are you sure?
03:28Snot, look at my belt.
03:30The new Steve is ready for anything.
03:32That's great news!
03:33Because there's a new ride this year that's supposed to be nuts.
03:37There is?
03:39Satan's tantrum.
03:47Very cool.
03:49But what's the rush, right?
03:51Let's get some funnel cake first.
03:53Stop hitting yourself!
03:56Steve, help me!
03:59Smith!
04:00I was just thinking about how I'd like to hit you with this.
04:03I got a cricket leg in my funnel cake last year.
04:06Let's hit that ride.
04:07What about Billy?
04:08Billy might have been the aggressor here.
04:10We came in late.
04:11Now the trick here is the backspea-
04:13Hey, watch it!
04:15Winner, winner, chicken dinner!
04:16I'm not a prize to be won!
04:18Help!
04:18I'm being trafficked!
04:20Probably for sex!
04:21Wait, is it for sex?
04:23No.
04:23Okay, yeah.
04:24Then help!
04:28The best part is, it wasn't even built by a ride architect.
04:32Then who made it?
04:33A guy.
04:35After he built it, he was committed to an insane asylum.
04:39Are pieces supposed to be falling off like that?
04:44Nobody knows!
04:45That's what makes it great!
04:47Step on the scale, boy.
04:49And get this.
04:50No height requirement, just a weight requirement.
04:54The guy was absolutely mental.
04:56What happens if you don't weigh enough?
04:58You fly out.
05:04He's not heavy enough.
05:05But Toshi's smaller than me.
05:10I can't ride the ride.
05:12I can't ride the ride!
05:15Enjoy the hell out of it, boys.
05:17I'm gonna try to cool off in the mirror maze.
05:19I can't ride the ride!
05:21Hi, I'm a little late to the game on this fair thing, but I'm loving what I'm seeing from you
05:26carnies.
05:26Doing drugs in the open, having filthy hay sex while your teeth drop out.
05:30I'll do anything to work here.
05:32You're hired.
05:34Fantastic!
05:35I need the first two weeks off.
05:41Hey, big guy.
05:43Close shave out there.
05:44Satan's tantrum was a curveball.
05:46It's okay to be scared.
05:47You're still King Cuke.
05:53Mertz!
05:54Wow!
05:55What in the candy-ass hell did I just stumble on?
05:58Oh, no.
06:00I can't control myself.
06:02When I see a wuss being this vulnerable, my body just has to bully.
06:07Good luck catching the real me.
06:09I know this place like the back of my...
06:12This is exciting. I wonder what my body's going to do to you.
06:17I know my rights. I am allowed to sing to the goat.
06:21You're a cucumber. You're a cucumber.
06:24Now, listen. He's a flight risk.
06:28Hot damn. Welcome to hell, boy.
06:31No, please. Somebody stop him.
06:39What are you doing?
06:40I told you, I don't know.
06:42But whatever happens is your fault, King Cuk.
07:06Steve! I got you!
07:10Next on Greg's Goodies, I'll be trying the famous twice-fried corndogs.
07:16A real news story. And at the carnival, my school year is set.
07:29Ooh, you are so dead. Everyone saw that. Assault, attempted murder, and worst of all, misleading an innocent carny. I
07:37know what your body's going to do next. Go straight to jail!
07:44We'll see if we can get a word from the hero himself.
07:47Hang on.
07:48And hang on he did. To you. What was going through your mind up there?
07:52Nothing. I just did it.
07:55And at the height of Satan's tantrum, Mertz, clear-eyed and cool. And Steve, the sniveling nerd, unchanged by the
08:13miracle of the carnival, wearing pink-heart boxers like a cartoon sea captain whose pants are ripped open by an
08:18alligator.
08:19Can't say I love the way I'm being depicted. I gotta set the record straight. Mertz is no hero. It's
08:24his fault I was even on that deathtrap.
08:28What? It's just he did save your life. Criticizing Mertz now might come across as ungrateful. Dare I say, uncool.
08:40He's tormented us our entire lives. Barry, he gorilla-glued your boobs together. You had to have surgery.
08:46We know that. But I think Barry's right. You gotta let this blow over. On the bright side, he hasn't
08:52bullied any of us today.
08:53True. I don't miss the usual back-to-school butt-crack wet willy. Maybe you're right. Maybe this'll all die
09:00down in a few days.
09:01A key to the city is the greatest honor Langley Falls can bestow upon a citizen.
09:08Though, in truth, it opens very little. The holes simply aren't big enough, I found.
09:15And so to you, Mertz, we offer this key. Thank you for not forcing me to cancel the carnival because
09:22of a death.
09:23Thank you. But the truth is, I'm no hero.
09:27That's a thing a hero would say!
09:29I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of. I used to prey on the weak, Steve in particular.
09:35For the record, that was the old Steve. If I can draw your attention to my belt for a moment...
09:40But saving him awoke in me a desire to do good. Now I get up each day and try to
09:46be the person all of you believe I am already. Thank you.
09:51I wasn't supposed to be on that ride.
09:53And for the other boy, Zane's department store has graciously donated a pack of less embarrassing underwear.
10:01For the love of... My underwear is fine!
10:04No! They're the underwear of a foppish captain who gets his pants ripped open by a hungry alligator!
10:11I've seen that one!
10:12What was it called?
10:14Meet me by the stage. Everyone else go home!
10:18Francine, your makeup. People are gonna think we skipped this thing to have sex in the car.
10:22Especially the people who saw us doing it.
10:24Can we go now?
10:26Mertz! We never had a chance to say a proper thank you for what you did for Steve.
10:30I'd shake your hand, but I haven't washed mine, and I, uh, just did something cool.
10:35Do you have dinner plans tonight?
10:37I was gonna have a quiet night in.
10:39Dang, he's booked up. Let's go.
10:41Come to our house for dinner. It's the least we can do.
10:44Wow. Okay. Thank you.
10:47Dad, no! He once did an entire history report on the agrarian tradition of plowing mom!
10:54Great! You'll never want to talk about the stuff I'm interested in.
10:59So, Mertz, what kind of doors are open to you now that you're a celebrity?
11:03I bet you could get on Raya easy.
11:05Everyone's been so generous. The petting zoo said I could pick any animal I want and keep it!
11:12Ahem. What did you decide on? Could someone pass me a napkin?
11:16A teacup piglet.
11:18Yeah, I don't see what the fuss is about this guy.
11:20Okay. Probably time for Mertz to be hitting the old dusty trail.
11:24No can do. I am not leaving you guys with all these dishes.
11:28That's sort of my thing.
11:29Since when? Let him clean up if he wants.
11:32I torched the casserole dish. It's gonna need a hero.
11:36All right. You got into my house. You won over my family. Congratulations!
11:40Now you can use it all to stab me in the heart. That's the plan, right?
11:44There's no plan, Steve. God's plan, maybe.
11:48Something shifted inside me on that ride. Something more than my elbow popping out.
11:53Well, I don't buy the act. I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life in debt to the guy
11:57who gave me a swirly in a toilety upper decked.
12:00Steve, I don't think you understand. I'm in debt to you. For the first time in my life, I like
12:06who I am.
12:07You saved me, and I can't wait to tell the whole world about it tomorrow.
12:12What's tomorrow?
12:13You didn't hear? Buddy, we're gonna be on morning mimosa.
12:17Hmm. Show the world who you truly are, you say.
12:21I didn't, but I love when you put words in my mouth. Gives my tongue a rest.
12:27Look, babe! I got you a goat!
12:29Who's that? I don't know that goat.
12:31It's a goat, like you like.
12:34Oh, wow. Okay, now I'm starting to see what's going on here.
12:38Hayley likes goats. Any goat will do. Is that about right?
12:41I don't understand.
12:43Yeah. Well, everything's coming into focus for me.
12:46I'm achieving a level of clarity about you now.
12:48Did I do something wrong?
12:49Get out of here, and take whatever it is you think this is with you.
12:54The goat.
12:55Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff.
12:56Just go, honey. Go.
12:59That went so sideways in there.
13:01What the hell did you do?
13:03Nah.
13:04Stop saying that!
13:08Welcome back from our boot and rally intermission sponsored by Fruit Stripe Gum.
13:13Fruit Stripe Gum for when you need your mouth to be as fresh as a zebra.
13:17Our producer, Charlie, is telling me our guests are the carnival hero and the boy he saved.
13:24So tell us, are you as worried as me that every car is clay-colored now?
13:30Uh...
13:31Sure. In fact, there's not much I don't worry about, Suze.
13:35Yes, you look like a worrier.
13:37Guilty? I'm a bit of a wuss.
13:41I have this fun little thing I like to do that helps me.
13:44It's incredibly earnest and vulnerable.
13:47Do you all want to see it?
13:51Please don't.
13:54Steven Anita Smith.
13:56My middle name is Anita.
13:57You are cool.
13:59Cool as a big, firm cucumber.
14:05Calm and cool.
14:07Probably the coolest of all the fruits.
14:10The king cucumber.
14:14Gotcha.
14:15Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
14:17I don't know why I did that.
14:19No, I feel it too.
14:20I want...
14:21I want to stuff him somewhere small.
14:23His place!
14:24Yes!
14:25I want to put him in his place!
14:27In his place!
14:29In his place!
14:31Stop!
14:31I don't mean to silence women.
14:34But where you look at Steve and see a four-eyed weenie,
14:37I see a guy with the courage to try to change.
14:41And in the end, isn't that what we all really want?
14:44To be better versions of ourselves?
14:47To be more like Steve?
14:51You son of a bitch!
14:53Ow!
14:53My arm!
14:54Show!
14:55That!
14:56You're!
14:57A!
14:57Bully!
14:58Free for all!
15:08Snot's basement.
15:09My safe place.
15:11Figuratively.
15:12The radon actually makes it pretty dangerous to spend much time down here.
15:15Are you okay?
15:16We saw the show.
15:18No.
15:18But I will be.
15:19Thanks for doing this emergency sleepover.
15:22You guys might be the only ones immune to the Mertz mania.
15:25Hey, guys.
15:26Sorry I'm late.
15:27Pizza Overlord keeps giving me pizzas.
15:30I hope it's okay that I brought some.
15:32Yum, yum, yum.
15:33I'm fat.
15:34Is that what you all want me to say?
15:36You invited Mertz?
15:38Steve, he's said some beautiful things about you on Morning Mimosa.
15:43I think he's being sincere.
15:45And the Steve we saw on the show, that wasn't you.
15:49We thought the real Steve would want the chance to apologize.
15:53No way!
15:54I'm not apologizing to that douche nozzle.
15:58Too far, Steve.
15:59We've always believed the carnival is an opportunity to change who you are.
16:04Why can't you accept that's also true for Mertz?
16:07Because I didn't change!
16:09I tried!
16:10And I couldn't!
16:11And if I can't, then this monster doesn't deserve to!
16:17Wrong, Steve.
16:18You did change.
16:19I did?
16:20For the worse!
16:25Look what I've done to your game.
16:28I'll just go.
16:29Enjoy the pies.
16:31No!
16:32Mertz, stay!
16:34Steve, you go!
16:36Me?!
16:36Look what you've become, Steve!
16:39Get out!
16:42Ooh, Mertz!
16:44We all love you and your idiot broken arm, Mertz!
16:52Kiss my baby, Mertz!
16:54Now kiss me, Mertz!
16:56Now let's all kiss at the same time on Steve's stupid grave!
17:01Steve!
17:01I got worried when it started raining!
17:04Hop in!
17:05Stop kissing everyone!
17:06What?
17:09Whoa!
17:10Is it raining?
17:12I love my job!
17:14Leave me alone!
17:15I can't!
17:16I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you!
17:20Oop.
17:21Gotta blot that before it stains.
17:23I got napkins here somewhere.
17:26Look!
17:26Maybe you have changed!
17:28Maybe you're a completely different person!
17:30But that doesn't change the fact that I hate you!
17:32And I hate that I'm gonna be an afterthought to you the rest of my life!
17:37Back in the seat!
17:40Almost ready to look out the windshield again, where my eye drops at.
17:45Ahhhhhhh!
17:47Ahhhhhhh!
17:52Ahhhhhhh!
17:55Whaaaaaahhh!
18:01Dad?
18:02Oh Steve!
18:03We were so worried!
18:04Are you naked?
18:06Yes!
18:06Your mother prefers when I dress like this!
18:09My arms!
18:10I can't believe I got the correct goat!
18:13I believe!
18:14I always believed!
18:15And now it doesn't matter if no one else understands!
18:18I understand a little!
18:19Oh really Jeff?
18:21What part exactly?
18:27Don't feel bad for him!
18:28This is what he does!
18:30And I've given up on the carnival circuit!
18:32Kicked out really, for hygiene reasons!
18:34Gotta keep my eyes peeled for something less buttoned up than carny life!
18:38And is that Klaus?
18:40Timing will be of the essence!
18:41While Sergei is clogging the filter, it'll be up to me to open the window so Beth can catapult Pierre
18:46to freedom!
18:48Oh my god guys!
18:49That's my family!
18:51Get me out of here!
18:52Are you good to leave?
18:53Seemed like you're in the middle of something!
18:55An escape plan for the clownfish!
18:56It's fine!
18:57I wasn't crucial!
19:01Wonderful!
19:02You're awake!
19:03You're very lucky you made it!
19:05A certain hero got you here in the nick of time!
19:08Oh no!
19:11Oops!
19:12Wrong curtain!
19:13The truck driver's in pretty rough shape!
19:17Lucky too that Mertz was a donor match!
19:19Okay everyone, that's visiting hour.
19:22Steve needs rest.
19:25Mertz!
19:25You can do whatever you like!
19:28Come by the parking lot when you're done and I'll smoke you out.
19:32They gave me this jello for giving blood and I figured you could use it more.
19:37I've got a spoon here somewhere.
19:40I guess I owe you an apology.
19:42You really have changed.
19:44Into my belt?
19:45Oh!
19:46You notice my little trophy, huh?
19:49It's for defeating you completely.
19:51What?
19:52I was being honest when I said you changed me, Smith.
19:55You unlocked a whole new form of torture I didn't know was in me.
19:59I call it...
20:00Long Form Bullying.
20:03You're not even hurt!
20:04Right?
20:05And we're the only ones who will ever know.
20:08I saved your life so I could ruin it, Smith.
20:13Oh!
20:14There's that spoon!
20:15Ugh!
20:17That's ripe!
20:18Hope this doesn't overpower your white grape jello.
20:21It's a delicate taste.
20:32You wanted to see me, detectives?
20:34We need you to take a look at something.
20:38Am I supposed to know him?
20:40The truck driver who hit you 50 years ago.
20:43The guy who made you more metal than me.
20:45I'm no filthy bot!
20:47Easy!
20:48Easy!
20:49Our future technology has allowed us to do a retinal scan on cadavers and see everything
20:54they've ever seen.
20:55Show them, Kyle.
20:59I saved your life so I could ruin it, Smith.
21:04All your complaints over the years and you were right all along.
21:09On behalf of the Langley Acid Falls Police Department, we want to issue an unofficial apology.
21:16Wait.
21:17Unofficial?
21:18We can't ever let this footage leak.
21:20It'd cause global instability and threaten the reputation of the United States President.
21:26President Mertz.
21:27Man, I'd love to get a belt like his.
21:30Ah, so cool!
21:32Bye!
21:33Have a beautiful time!
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