- 14 hours ago
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00:00:15Excuse me, are you Alice Anderson, daughter of Jeannie Anderson?
00:00:20Yeah, I mean yes, that's me.
00:00:23I'm actually supposed to be picking her up right now.
00:00:26It's kind of our thing, family tradition, you know.
00:00:28I pick her up when she travels and she picks me up when...
00:00:32Is she in trouble?
00:00:33I'd say so.
00:00:34Did she fly with an illegal animal again?
00:00:36No.
00:00:37Did she threaten to start a dance party in the aisles of the plane if she got cut off?
00:00:40Because normally she is joking.
00:00:41No.
00:00:42Please tell me she didn't hook up with a pilot again.
00:00:44I can't, I can't have her banned from another airline.
00:00:49Follow me, please.
00:00:50What?
00:00:53Mom, are you okay?
00:00:54What happened?
00:00:55What happened is...
00:00:59I'm engaged!
00:01:02Oh my god.
00:01:03You guys really commit to a prank.
00:01:06Oh honey, it's no prank.
00:01:09This is the real deal.
00:01:11Are you being serious right now?
00:01:13You were only gone for six days.
00:01:15She was only gone for six days.
00:01:17I know.
00:01:18But when you know, you know.
00:01:20You know.
00:01:21You know.
00:01:22Honey, I can't wait for you to meet Wayne.
00:01:25He's actually flying in tomorrow.
00:01:28Is alcohol even allowed in here?
00:01:31Oh, not at all.
00:01:32I confiscated it from a guy earlier this morning.
00:01:35You don't want to know where.
00:01:37To your mom!
00:01:38Yay!
00:01:39Cheers.
00:01:39Cheers!
00:01:42Hello!
00:01:54I just don't understand.
00:01:57You were in Sedona for less than a week,
00:02:00and now you're engaged to some random guy?
00:02:03Oh, Wayne isn't random.
00:02:05Okay.
00:02:07What's his last name?
00:02:09Um...
00:02:10Appleby?
00:02:11No.
00:02:12Appleton?
00:02:13Granny Smith.
00:02:14Mom!
00:02:15It's something to do with apples,
00:02:17but that's not important.
00:02:18I know the important things.
00:02:20He's kind and funny.
00:02:21He's a great cook.
00:02:23Do you know that you can make a lasagna
00:02:25from hot dogs and mustard?
00:02:27Gross.
00:02:28Mom, please listen to me.
00:02:31I'm worried about you.
00:02:32You've just fallen in love so many times,
00:02:35and it never...
00:02:36This is different.
00:02:37Just keep an open mind.
00:02:39Wayne's gonna be here tomorrow,
00:02:40and you're gonna love him.
00:02:43Fuji!
00:02:44Wayne Fuji!
00:02:46I knew it had to do with apples.
00:02:47I was so close.
00:02:59Ooh.
00:03:00Bagel bar.
00:03:00Oh.
00:03:01Alice, you're the best.
00:03:03Well, I have to make work a little fun for my team.
00:03:05Wayne, I got you gluten-free.
00:03:06Ah, you're so good to us.
00:03:08Thank you, HR Mommy.
00:03:09Please don't call me Mommy.
00:03:11We were bummed you couldn't make it to karaoke last night.
00:03:14I think I made Beyoncé proud.
00:03:15Well, even though public singing is my number one stress dream,
00:03:18I was sad to miss it,
00:03:19but I had to pick my mom up at the airport, so...
00:03:21Oh, Jeannie's back from the retreat thingy.
00:03:23Was it good?
00:03:24Yeah, she got engaged to a guy she met there,
00:03:25so that's fun.
00:03:27Anyway...
00:03:27Wait, wait.
00:03:28Jeannie got engaged?
00:03:29Yes, she did.
00:03:31But, point being, I need to tell you about our new PTO policy.
00:03:34Um...
00:03:36Moore?
00:03:36That's insane.
00:03:38Alice's mom is next level.
00:03:39Tell him about the time that your mom was a groupie for Nickelback
00:03:42and pulled you out of high school for a month to go on tour with them.
00:03:45Anyway...
00:03:45Let's get back to the engagement.
00:03:46Have you met this guy yet?
00:03:47No, he's flying in tonight, so I have to spend my lunch break looking him up online
00:03:51and maybe running a background check.
00:03:53Or...
00:03:54Just a thought, maybe we could look him up right now.
00:03:58Okay, only if we count it as team building.
00:04:00Yes!
00:04:01Go team!
00:04:05It says his last job was renting fog machines to strip clubs.
00:04:10Huh.
00:04:11I wouldn't even think that was a gig because the whole point would be to see the women,
00:04:14but what do I know?
00:04:15He can't be as bad as he looks online, right?
00:04:17He's wearing a t-shirt that says,
00:04:19I own two pythons and one's in my pants.
00:04:23No.
00:04:24No.
00:04:25She's not marrying this man!
00:04:30So...
00:04:30I've been thinking...
00:04:32You want bangs?
00:04:33Honey, I'm sorry.
00:04:35I don't think you have the forehead for them.
00:04:37No.
00:04:37What?
00:04:38I've been thinking about you and Wayne.
00:04:41I wanted to talk to you before he got here.
00:04:45Mom, you know I love you and I want you to be happy,
00:04:48but I'm worried you're moving a little fast here.
00:04:52That retreat was supposed to be about working through your grief,
00:04:57not boning some guy showing off his snake tattoos online.
00:05:01Did you look him up?
00:05:03With an open mind, but yes.
00:05:06Okay.
00:05:07First of all, he only has one snake tattoo,
00:05:11and it all connects on his cute little butt cheek.
00:05:14Okay.
00:05:14And second of all, I did work through my grief.
00:05:17I only cried over Queenie once, the whole trip.
00:05:21They served nuts on the plane.
00:05:24You know how she felt about squirrels.
00:05:26Well, hey!
00:05:27There's my woman!
00:05:28Oh!
00:05:29Baby, baby!
00:05:30Come over here!
00:05:34Alice!
00:05:35This is Wayne, my fiancée.
00:05:39Alice.
00:05:39Hi.
00:05:39Hey.
00:05:40Now, listen.
00:05:42I know you're a grown woman,
00:05:43but I want to tell you something.
00:05:45I intend to be the world's best dad,
00:05:47and I want to get a mug to prove it.
00:05:50She's a cutie pie.
00:05:52You're a cutie pie.
00:05:53It's just so exciting for my two favorite people to meet.
00:05:57Yeah.
00:05:58Um, say, Wayne.
00:06:01Huh?
00:06:01Could you ask our waiter for some more, um, um, napkins?
00:06:08Sure.
00:06:08Can do.
00:06:09Okay.
00:06:10Oh.
00:06:11Hold my bowie for me.
00:06:13Will you, beanie?
00:06:14Oh.
00:06:16That's sweet.
00:06:17That's sweet sugar.
00:06:23You cannot marry that guy.
00:06:27This is the start of an episode of Dateline.
00:06:29Oh, my God.
00:06:30It's heavy.
00:06:31No.
00:06:32You know, I was worried you would do this.
00:06:35Start judging him for his looks and his education
00:06:38and his hepatitis.
00:06:39His what?
00:06:41Mom, you are rushing into this.
00:06:43If you say so.
00:06:45You are not being rational.
00:06:46Love isn't rational.
00:06:48Oh, but I forgot.
00:06:48You don't believe in romance.
00:06:50Oh, I believe in romance.
00:06:51I just prefer to be in control of my life,
00:06:53not lost in some pheromone-induced mania.
00:06:57I am not like you.
00:06:58Oh, you're exactly like me.
00:07:00I raised two beautiful daughters.
00:07:04You and Queenie are exactly like me.
00:07:07Stop comparing me to your dog.
00:07:08It's a compliment.
00:07:10It's not.
00:07:11Hey, ladies.
00:07:13Hey.
00:07:13Now, I could not track down the waiter and get those napkins,
00:07:17but got something better.
00:07:18Boom.
00:07:20Use as much as you want.
00:07:21We can wipe our hands with it.
00:07:24And again, if you ever want me to set you up with someone,
00:07:27let me know.
00:07:28Oh, thank you, but no, thank you.
00:07:29I don't have time to date right now.
00:07:31Alice, come on.
00:07:32I mean, don't you want to meet a mega nerd like yourself,
00:07:34like your little freak flag fly?
00:07:35My freak flag is doing just fine in storage right now.
00:07:38Is it?
00:07:38I don't have time.
00:07:40I'm working overtime to try to get this director of human resources job,
00:07:43and now I have to deal with my mother's train wreck of an engagement?
00:07:47No.
00:07:48Is he really as bad as we thought?
00:07:49He's worse.
00:07:50She's so blinded by love.
00:07:52She can't see the parade of red flags he's laid out for her.
00:07:55And when this relationship inevitably ends like they always do in six to eight months,
00:07:59she will be devastated and hysterical, and who will have to pick up the pieces?
00:08:02Me.
00:08:03It never works.
00:08:04I mean, come on.
00:08:06She doesn't even know who my dad is.
00:08:08Are we really surprised?
00:08:27Oh, hi!
00:08:29You going the lawn or going to winter formal?
00:08:31I hit one of my nose.
00:08:34Oh, well.
00:08:43Thank you for coming over.
00:08:46Oh, my God.
00:08:48Oh, I know.
00:08:50Doesn't Queenie look beautiful?
00:08:55She really does.
00:08:57I hired the same photographer who did your senior portrait.
00:09:02Nothing but the best for my two daughters.
00:09:05Mom, for the last time, your human daughter is not the same as a dog.
00:09:10I asked you here because I want you to know I heard your concerns.
00:09:15Really?
00:09:16Mm-hmm.
00:09:17Wayne and I agreed.
00:09:19Planning a wedding is just too much work.
00:09:21And weddings cost a fortune.
00:09:25That's true.
00:09:27That is so responsible.
00:09:28Yes, so we're going to Elope in Buffalo next Saturday.
00:09:33What?
00:09:33You want to get married next weekend?
00:09:35Mm-hmm.
00:09:37And?
00:09:40What?
00:09:43Alice, I have a very important question to ask you.
00:09:46Uh-huh.
00:09:47Will you be my maid of honor?
00:09:50Oh, you're maid of honor.
00:09:56Mom, I'm so touched, obviously.
00:09:59And I really would like to say yes.
00:10:03Yes!
00:10:04Oh, I'm so glad we got that sorted because I have so much to do.
00:10:07I have to go shoe shopping.
00:10:08I have to go dress shopping.
00:10:11I have to pack up this entire house.
00:10:14Pack up the house?
00:10:15Didn't I tell you I'm selling the house?
00:10:17You're selling the house?
00:10:19Wayne says we need seed money for the new business.
00:10:21What business?
00:10:22Oh, that's still in beta.
00:10:24Hold on!
00:10:25You are saying that you want to sell our house,
00:10:28the site of all of our memories,
00:10:30to give cash to a guy you just met for a business that doesn't exist yet?
00:10:37No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:10:38I'm not going to give it to him.
00:10:41Then it would be taxed.
00:10:42Oh, my God.
00:10:43No.
00:10:44We're going to wait till we're married and combine assets.
00:10:47That's the least I can do to support his dream
00:10:50because he's moving here for me.
00:10:51Look what the cat dragged in.
00:10:53No!
00:10:54Me!
00:10:55You, baby.
00:10:56Thank you for your credit card.
00:10:57I betcha, honey.
00:10:57And I got something for you.
00:10:59No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:11:00I'm waiting.
00:11:01I'm going to work.
00:11:02Come on, baby.
00:11:04Let's dance.
00:11:04Let's dance.
00:11:05I'm going.
00:11:06Oh, bye, honey.
00:11:07Ooh!
00:11:21Hey, honey.
00:11:21Hey, hon.
00:11:22Hmm?
00:11:22So you sent a company-wide email with zero exclamation marks, and I'm wondering if you're okay.
00:11:27My mom wants to marry Python Pants next week.
00:11:30Next week?
00:11:31Next week.
00:11:32And I can't let it happen.
00:11:33Oh, he's really that bad.
00:11:34He's awful.
00:11:36He's making her sell her house, to steal all her money, to start some business.
00:11:39He's just, he's got his claws in her deep, you know?
00:11:43Ew.
00:11:45Damn.
00:11:46Red Flag City.
00:11:47Mm-hmm.
00:11:48But your mom is a grown-ass woman, and she'll just have to live with the decisions that she makes.
00:11:51My mom is mentally a teenager.
00:11:53She can't...
00:11:54You're right.
00:11:56Yeah.
00:11:56Why?
00:11:57Her decisions.
00:11:59I have to make her think it's her decision to call things off with him.
00:12:02Yeah.
00:12:03But what is my mom more than anything else?
00:12:06Horny.
00:12:07Yeah.
00:12:08Fair.
00:12:09What else?
00:12:10Self-centered.
00:12:11Yes.
00:12:12She's been talking about her next chapter of life for years, so I just have to make her
00:12:16see all the paths she won't be able to take in her next chapter if she's with Wayne.
00:12:21Mm-hmm.
00:12:21Are you sure that this is the path that you want to take?
00:12:24Because you've been working so hard to get your promotion, and...
00:12:27If I could do this at literally any other time, I would, but if this man breaks her heart
00:12:30and steals her nest egg, I fear she will never recover, and I have to protect her.
00:12:33So that's what I'm gonna do.
00:12:41Hi.
00:12:41Hi.
00:12:42What are you doing here?
00:12:44I was just getting in the bath.
00:12:45Do you want to come in?
00:12:46Uh, no.
00:12:46I've had a bath today, thanks.
00:12:48I tried calling, but your voicemail's full.
00:12:51Oh.
00:12:51I have an idea.
00:12:53What if, instead of flying to Buffalo, we drive to Buffalo together?
00:12:59Like a road trip?
00:13:01A bachelorette road trip?
00:13:03Yeah.
00:13:03I'll plan all the stops.
00:13:05Wait, but what about your job?
00:13:07You never take time off.
00:13:08I can bring my laptop and work on the road.
00:13:10I've already told Lainey to call me if there's anything I absolutely have to handle, because
00:13:15how often does my mom get married?
00:13:19Well, I'm pretty sure ceremonies in Belize don't count in the US.
00:13:23Okay.
00:13:24I'm gonna choose not to unpack that right now.
00:13:26I know Wayne might feel a little weird about being left in a new city all alone.
00:13:31Oh, no, no, no.
00:13:32He's so busy scouting locations for the new business.
00:13:35I love how independent he is.
00:13:38I'm just gonna tell him to meet us in Buffalo before the wedding, and it will be just us.
00:13:42Great!
00:13:43A mother-daughter bachelorette party road trip.
00:13:46Yes.
00:13:47We'll leave tomorrow?
00:13:47Yes.
00:13:48Oh, I'm so excited.
00:13:50I love you.
00:13:50I love you too, Mom.
00:13:52I just want you to be so, so happy.
00:13:55You know that, right?
00:13:56Gee, come back.
00:13:58Our bubble bath's almost done bubbling.
00:14:01Oh, I gotta go.
00:14:03I'm so happy.
00:14:04Love you, honey.
00:14:05Okay.
00:14:05See you tomorrow.
00:14:12Here we go.
00:14:21Ta-da!
00:14:22I just got us a serious upgrade for Next to Nothing.
00:14:25You're welcome.
00:14:26But what about the trunk space?
00:14:27And what is Next to Nothing for a rental car cost?
00:14:30Don't worry about it.
00:14:31I'm selling my house.
00:14:32I'm about to be flush with cash.
00:14:35Great.
00:14:36Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:14:36Be careful.
00:14:37Queenie's in there.
00:14:38You brought her remains?
00:14:40I would never travel without her.
00:14:42If you were dead, I'd bring you along too.
00:14:44Don't ever do that.
00:14:46You couldn't stop me.
00:14:47You'd be dead.
00:14:48Mom.
00:14:49We need a picture before we hit the road.
00:14:51Yeah.
00:14:52Okay.
00:14:54One, two, three.
00:14:57And off we go.
00:15:01Oh, Mom.
00:15:03Yeah.
00:15:03Do you have a hair tag?
00:15:05Oh.
00:15:05Hold on.
00:15:07Okay.
00:15:08Let me.
00:15:09Let me.
00:15:11Oh.
00:15:14Ah.
00:15:15How's that?
00:15:16Great, actually.
00:15:22Oh, I love this song.
00:15:26Oh, wait.
00:15:28Oh, come on.
00:15:30Dance with me.
00:15:31Mom, I'm driving.
00:15:32Ten and two.
00:15:33On my heart.
00:15:35Oh.
00:15:36Come on.
00:15:36Okay.
00:15:37Ah.
00:15:39You gave me strong.
00:15:43You gave me hope.
00:15:47You gave me hope.
00:15:48You gave me hope.
00:15:50You gave me hope.
00:15:51You gave me hope.
00:15:52Oh, I think it's my other one.
00:16:05No.
00:16:06This would not have happened if you hadn't insisted on getting a convertible.
00:16:11Oh, honey.
00:16:12It's just a few bugs.
00:16:13It's no big deal.
00:16:17No.
00:16:18What's wrong?
00:16:19I know him.
00:16:20That guy over there by the brown van.
00:16:24Oh.
00:16:24Ex-boyfriend?
00:16:25No.
00:16:26He's just an annoying kid I went to high school with.
00:16:28Wesley.
00:16:31Hey, Wesley!
00:16:32Mom, no!
00:16:33Yoo-hoo!
00:16:34Stop!
00:16:34Uh, hi.
00:16:35Do I know you?
00:16:37I'm Alice Anderson's mom.
00:16:39She actually wanted to say hi to you.
00:16:41She's right over here.
00:16:43Alice?
00:16:46Oh, there she is.
00:16:47Alice Anderson?
00:16:49It's been a while.
00:16:51Oh.
00:16:52Hey.
00:16:52Hey.
00:16:52Hi.
00:16:54Oh, wow.
00:16:56She was just saying how cool she thought your band was.
00:16:58Oh.
00:16:59No one's ever accused that thing of being cool.
00:17:02It's, uh, very retro.
00:17:05Yeah.
00:17:05Well, we bought it off the guy who painted it in 1972.
00:17:09Huh.
00:17:09Hi.
00:17:10Who's we?
00:17:10Girlfriend?
00:17:11No, no.
00:17:12My bandmate, Clive.
00:17:13Uh, I'm in a band.
00:17:15We're on tour.
00:17:16Uh, Clive's just in there.
00:17:17Mm.
00:17:18Clive?
00:17:21That's Clive.
00:17:22Yeah.
00:17:22Ooh.
00:17:23Hey.
00:17:24He's, uh...
00:17:25What?
00:17:26He's shy.
00:17:28So you two are friends, huh?
00:17:30No.
00:17:30Yeah.
00:17:30Not even a little bit.
00:17:31Come on.
00:17:32You hated me in high school.
00:17:33I didn't hate you.
00:17:34Yeah?
00:17:35I hated the way you were constantly trying to one-up me.
00:17:38I don't think I ever tried to one-up you.
00:17:40I think I just one-upped you, and you still ended up valedictorian.
00:17:43You were very...driven.
00:17:50Anyway, we should be going.
00:17:52Oh, no.
00:17:53We have a few more minutes.
00:17:54Keep catching up.
00:17:55Mm.
00:17:57I'm sorry.
00:17:58I knew I recognized you.
00:17:59Did you...
00:17:59Did you come to school on a horse one time?
00:18:02Alice's 16th birthday?
00:18:03Mm-hmm.
00:18:03She wanted a car.
00:18:04But I was dating a guy at the equestrian center, and I thought,
00:18:07it's a pretty cool ride, too.
00:18:09No-brainer.
00:18:11We talked about that for a solid year.
00:18:13Hey, you guys didn't stop neighing at me in the hallways.
00:18:16I have no recollection of this.
00:18:17So where's your band playing next?
00:18:19Uh, we've got a gig in Rochester, so we thought,
00:18:25what the hell, let's pack up the band, hit the road,
00:18:27see where the wind takes us, and we'll, uh,
00:18:30we'll play small gigs along the way.
00:18:32So you're going on tour with only one booked gig?
00:18:37Yep.
00:18:37Wow.
00:18:38Not the overachiever I remember.
00:18:40What?
00:18:41Times change.
00:18:42Well, that's pretty weird, because we're on the way to Buffalo.
00:18:45So you two should exchange numbers.
00:18:47We don't have to.
00:18:48That's a great idea, actually.
00:18:49Yeah, I see.
00:18:49Here, uh, my phone is dead, so...
00:18:52An actual old-fashioned pen?
00:18:54Wow.
00:18:55Still carry one of those, huh?
00:18:57Take that.
00:18:59Um, just, uh, text me, if only to get recommendations
00:19:03for awesome diners and pit stops along the way.
00:19:06Uh, maybe we can grab a milkshake,
00:19:09and you and I can reminisce about the good old days of AP Physics.
00:19:12Clive and I have done this route before, so...
00:19:14You hear that, honey?
00:19:16He's experienced.
00:19:17Okay.
00:19:18We're virgins.
00:19:19We're leaving.
00:19:21Wow!
00:19:22Let's go, Mom.
00:19:23Get in the car.
00:19:23Um, and, uh, nice, uh, panty pony.
00:19:28Very chic.
00:19:29Oh!
00:19:30He likes your panties.
00:19:33Do you have pantyhose in my hair?
00:19:36Mom!
00:19:41You have to go out with him.
00:19:42He's so cute.
00:19:44Me and Wesley Darvin?
00:19:46No way.
00:19:48Besides, he wasn't even asking me to hang out like that.
00:19:51Oh, I disagree.
00:19:54I like him.
00:19:55Yeah, you liking a guy is a red flag.
00:19:59You know, Mom, once you get married,
00:20:02you won't be able to just meet cute guys
00:20:06and flirt with them anymore.
00:20:08I'm getting married.
00:20:10I'm not turning into a nun.
00:20:12Plus, Wayne and I aren't the jealous types.
00:20:14Oh, really?
00:20:16Even though he used to work in strip clubs?
00:20:19You kind of left that part out
00:20:21when you said he used to be in sales.
00:20:23Oh, the past is the past.
00:20:27And I am not judgmental about Zach's work.
00:20:30Huh.
00:20:31Really though, Mom?
00:20:32Do you ever worry that...
00:20:34I'm not concerned a bit.
00:20:39Wayne and I have gotten through some very tough times.
00:20:42Because we communicate.
00:20:49Hey, Mom.
00:20:51Take this freeway.
00:20:54Are we going to Cheryl's?
00:20:56It wouldn't be your bachelorette party
00:20:58if we didn't go to see your oldest, bestest friend, right?
00:21:01Woo!
00:21:03Yeah!
00:21:03Yeah!
00:21:17I knew Cheryl was successful, but not like giant mansion successful.
00:21:22What did she do again?
00:21:24Oh, she's the head of all product distribution of the Midwest.
00:21:28Wow.
00:21:29Mm-hmm.
00:21:30Oh, my God.
00:21:31Gigi, I'm so glad you're here.
00:21:33Oh, it's been way too long.
00:21:36I know.
00:21:37I mean, the last time I saw you, I mean, I think I still have my original eyelids.
00:21:42Now I blink like a 22-year-old.
00:21:44Oh.
00:21:46Alice, you're all grown up.
00:21:48Oh, my God.
00:21:49The last time I saw you, you were still in that awkward phase that girls have when they're 13.
00:21:53I was 17.
00:21:55The world needs late bloomers.
00:21:57Hm?
00:21:58I cannot believe that you're getting hitched, Gigi.
00:22:02I know.
00:22:03I mean, oh, my God.
00:22:04Okay, the only reason to marry a man that fast, tight pants, from a fat wallet.
00:22:09Or a fat something else.
00:22:11Oh, honey, you have no idea.
00:22:14Okay, ladies.
00:22:15You too.
00:22:17You know, I just realized you're actually like alternate versions of each other.
00:22:23You met working together.
00:22:25You both built wonderful careers, bought your own homes.
00:22:30You've done a lot as independent ladies.
00:22:33Mom, maybe you should be going into business again with Cheryl, your oldest best friend who
00:22:39you know and trust.
00:22:41Hm?
00:22:41I think our business days are over.
00:22:44Aw.
00:22:45Cher's like my big sister.
00:22:47Aw, you calling me old?
00:22:49Oh, and have your team of plastic surgeons come after me?
00:22:52Never.
00:22:53You know me too well.
00:22:55Okay.
00:22:55Mm.
00:22:56Ladies, finish your champagne.
00:23:00I got a little surprise.
00:23:05What?
00:23:06What is that?
00:23:07What is going on?
00:23:08I'm like your fairy gardener.
00:23:11What is this?
00:23:12Okay, don't look at any of the price tags because I already bought them all.
00:23:17Cher, this is too much.
00:23:19Oh, fish plush.
00:23:21I mean, you said you hadn't bought a wedding dress yet, and you know I wanted to assist.
00:23:24And, you know, help Alice.
00:23:25Poor Alice over there.
00:23:27Find some clothes that aren't so drab.
00:23:29Drab?
00:23:29Uh, you look like an HR lady.
00:23:31But I am an HR lady.
00:23:33Ha, ha, ha!
00:23:34Okay.
00:23:35Hey.
00:23:36Where do we start?
00:23:39End up.
00:23:42Oh!
00:23:44On danse.
00:23:46C'est la vie.
00:23:48On danse.
00:23:49C'est épine.
00:23:51Oh.
00:23:51Ce soir, c'est la vie.
00:23:55Oh.
00:23:58Comme un darbe cyclamale.
00:24:01Stand up straight.
00:24:05Oh, turn around, turn around.
00:24:10Keep it.
00:24:11I love you.
00:24:12I love you.
00:24:14Sorry if I'm hurting you.
00:24:16Oh, please, honey.
00:24:17After what you did to me when you were born, I can take it.
00:24:21This is fun, Mom.
00:24:23Yeah.
00:24:24We haven't had a girls' day like this in a long time, huh?
00:24:27Well, we went to that winter matinee last year.
00:24:30Oh, no.
00:24:31Tax Evasion Garrett met us there.
00:24:33No.
00:24:34That was two years ago.
00:24:35Last year was Jobless Bob.
00:24:38Oh.
00:24:39Yeah.
00:24:40I haven't had the best track record with men, have I?
00:24:43No, you haven't.
00:24:45That's why I'm so glad that I met Wayne.
00:24:48He's such a lovely guy.
00:24:52Well, you look beautiful, Mom.
00:24:55Bad news, ladies.
00:24:56Looks like the DEA are on their way.
00:24:58Did she just say the DEA?
00:24:59Yeah, this is not good.
00:25:01Apologies for being such a rude host, but it's probably best if you just hit the rope.
00:25:04You know, before the feds arrive.
00:25:05Product distribution.
00:25:07That's drugs.
00:25:08She's a drug dealer?
00:25:09That's how you're so rich?
00:25:10And you two worked together.
00:25:11Were you like Pablo Escobar?
00:25:13Oh, no.
00:25:13We were very low level back then.
00:25:15Here's for you.
00:25:16Just have a little wedding gift.
00:25:18It was lovely seeing you both.
00:25:19I'll see you at the wedding.
00:25:20Okay.
00:25:20Go on, honey.
00:25:21Mom!
00:25:21Go fast.
00:25:22Come on, Mom.
00:25:23It's okay.
00:25:26You're going 90 miles an hour.
00:25:28Well, yeah.
00:25:29Oh, my God.
00:25:32Cheryl.
00:25:35Aunt Cheryl's like a kingpin.
00:25:39What?
00:25:39That's funny you say that.
00:25:41That DARE program must have really worked.
00:25:43Why wouldn't you ever tell me this?
00:25:47Because I didn't think you'd ever understand.
00:25:49Oh, I don't understand.
00:25:50This is so irresponsible, Mom.
00:25:53Oh, my God.
00:25:53You could have gone to jail.
00:25:55I mean, why would you risk it?
00:25:56There's not a lot of jobs for young single mothers without a college education.
00:26:01And I wanted a better life for you.
00:26:04So, I just worked until I could buy a house and get out.
00:26:10And I don't regret any of it.
00:26:11Whoa, Mom.
00:26:13I guess I never really thought about it like that.
00:26:17I mean, it must have been really hard for you all by yourself with a newborn and nobody
00:26:23to rely on.
00:26:24But you know what?
00:26:25What?
00:26:26Now I have Wayne to lean on.
00:26:29My soulmate.
00:26:32Uh-huh.
00:26:39What's that smell?
00:26:4289 bucks a night.
00:26:44Okay.
00:26:45I'm gonna go freshen up and see if there's a bar.
00:26:49Yeah, good idea.
00:26:50I'll change, too.
00:26:51What?
00:26:52Why?
00:26:52You look so good.
00:26:53I'm overdressed for a motel bar, no?
00:26:56Well, at least let me give you something of mine that kind of shows off the goods.
00:27:00What makes you think I didn't bring anything that shows off the goods?
00:27:05Fine.
00:27:22Hi.
00:27:24Is that Alice Anderson in a sexy black dress I see on my screen?
00:27:29Woo!
00:27:30Is it too much?
00:27:31It's so tight.
00:27:32No, it's perfect.
00:27:33I'm so glad that you're finally letting loose and shutting off those Girls Gone Mild vibes.
00:27:37Apparently we're going to a bar later.
00:27:40I love that.
00:27:41It's literally the last thing I want to do right now, but we're connecting, so...
00:27:47It's a great idea.
00:27:49You know, your choices should always be bolder than your turtlenecks, Alice.
00:27:53Deepak Chopra said that.
00:27:54No, he did not.
00:27:56But I get your point.
00:27:58One drink can't hurt, right?
00:28:05Wow.
00:28:06I can feel the earth spinning, I think.
00:28:09It's amazing.
00:28:10That's what love feels like.
00:28:12I'll take your word for it.
00:28:15Ah, honey.
00:28:16You gotta get out there and date me.
00:28:19No.
00:28:19I watched you be heartbroken over and over for my whole life.
00:28:27No.
00:28:28No dating.
00:28:34You don't date because of me?
00:28:37I didn't think you absorbed all that.
00:28:40I mean, it's okay.
00:28:43Oh, Mom, I'm okay.
00:28:45I don't even need a man.
00:28:46And I just always needed a man.
00:28:50You think?
00:28:53I...
00:28:54Sorry.
00:28:55I just mean...
00:28:58Are you...
00:28:59Are you sure you want to marry this guy you've only known for six days?
00:29:04Yeah.
00:29:06In Buffalo?
00:29:07Why Buffalo?
00:29:10You know I had a hard time growing up.
00:29:12My parents.
00:29:14I know, Mom.
00:29:16Well...
00:29:17One weekend...
00:29:20We went to Buffalo.
00:29:22And we had the best time.
00:29:25Everyone was so happy.
00:29:30It really felt like a family.
00:29:36So I was really sad when we were leaving and...
00:29:41I saw this couple.
00:29:43And they were getting married in the chapel.
00:29:47And it was so beautiful.
00:29:51And I just thought...
00:29:52If I ever get married...
00:29:56I'm gonna get married right here.
00:29:59Because...
00:30:00Buffalo is just the happiest place on Earth.
00:30:07I want you to be happy.
00:30:11But do you think this is gonna last?
00:30:14Oh, honey...
00:30:18Wayne isn't like any other man I dated.
00:30:22He only wants what's best for me.
00:30:26I promise.
00:30:29You believe me, right?
00:30:37I, um...
00:30:40I believe we need to ride that.
00:30:45Mm-hmm.
00:30:47Yes!
00:30:48Come on.
00:30:49Okay.
00:30:50Get on her, honey!
00:30:52Yeah!
00:30:54Woo!
00:30:55Woo!
00:30:56Woo!
00:30:56Okay!
00:30:57Look at her!
00:30:58Oh, thanks, Mom!
00:31:00Girl!
00:31:00Oh, yeah!
00:31:01Woo!
00:31:02Yeah!
00:31:03Yeah!
00:31:04Get your hips from there!
00:31:06Woo!
00:31:07Ride it!
00:31:08Woo!
00:31:09Ride it!
00:31:11She's doing it!
00:31:13Oh!
00:31:14Oh!
00:31:15Oh!
00:31:16Oh!
00:31:17Oh!
00:31:18Oh!
00:31:19Alice!
00:31:20Alice!
00:31:20Oh, got you!
00:31:22That's payback for the airport!
00:31:28Are you okay, honey?
00:31:30Yeah.
00:31:31You sure?
00:31:32Yeah, 100%.
00:31:32I'm fine.
00:31:33I just need one sec.
00:31:35Oh!
00:31:37Oh, boy!
00:31:45I don't know what got me worse, the booze or the bull.
00:31:50Oh.
00:31:51It's the booze.
00:31:53Trust me.
00:31:58Hey, we're really close to Columbus.
00:32:02You know, some, um, fresh air might really help me walk around, enjoy the beauty of Ohio.
00:32:11Isn't that pretty far out of the way?
00:32:14No.
00:32:14It's...
00:32:15Or did you plan a stop for us?
00:32:17No.
00:32:18No plan.
00:32:30Hey, Mom, could you go inside and get me a bottle of water?
00:32:34Oh, and maybe a box of those mini gas station donuts?
00:32:39Yeah, the ones with the powdered sugar all over them.
00:32:42Oh.
00:32:44Okay.
00:32:45How did I raise you so wrong?
00:32:52Okay.
00:32:54This is gonna work.
00:32:55I just need a reason to get us there.
00:32:59Okay.
00:33:01Just a quick...
00:33:04Okay, come on, Alice.
00:33:06You gotta do this, otherwise your mom is gonna get fondled by a strip club con artist with produce for
00:33:12the rest of your life.
00:33:14Ew!
00:33:15Come on!
00:33:17Lock it.
00:33:20Ah!
00:33:21Shit!
00:33:23Ow!
00:33:24Oh, no!
00:33:26Oh!
00:33:26Oh!
00:33:28Honey!
00:33:28No!
00:33:29What's wrong?
00:33:30I think I chipped my ulna.
00:33:31Oh!
00:33:32Where's that?
00:33:33It's my elbow!
00:33:35Oh!
00:33:36Oh!
00:33:37I'm gonna...
00:33:38I'm gonna find the nearest doctor's office.
00:33:42You bang your elbow and you run to a plastic surgeon's office?
00:33:46What do you think they're gonna do, Botox the bruise?
00:33:51Miss Anderson, I'm Dr...
00:33:54Tim?
00:33:55Cheney?
00:33:57Oh!
00:33:57My God.
00:33:58You two know each other?
00:33:59It's been a while.
00:34:01How are you?
00:34:03Wow!
00:34:04So, uh...
00:34:05You finally opened your own practice?
00:34:08I always told you I would.
00:34:12You went to Harvard Medical School?
00:34:15Uh-huh, yeah.
00:34:17After the Peace Corps, I realized my true calling was medicine.
00:34:20Wow.
00:34:21And what better way to help people than cosmetic surgery?
00:34:25Because when you look your best, you feel your best.
00:34:28I guess that is true.
00:34:30Must be a nice paycheck, too, huh?
00:34:34Cheney, it's so good to see you.
00:34:38Um...
00:34:38Wait, Mom.
00:34:40Is this the Tim you dated when I was three?
00:34:44That you said was the great love of your life?
00:34:49Um...
00:34:50I might have said something like that.
00:34:52Well, I mean, of course this was before Wayne.
00:34:55Wait a second, who's Wayne?
00:34:56My fiancée.
00:34:57Oh.
00:34:59Congrats.
00:35:00Mm-hmm.
00:35:01So much you two don't know about each other.
00:35:03Maybe we should spend an extra day or two here,
00:35:06and you and this Harvard-educated, rich doctor
00:35:11with an excellent jawline.
00:35:13Did you get that done?
00:35:14Not my business.
00:35:15You two could catch up.
00:35:19Jeanie, I I've missed you so much.
00:35:23You!
00:35:24Oh, oh!
00:35:27I warned you, Nancy, oh, you look terrific, he does great work.
00:35:33Nancy, Jeannie just stopped in with his daughter.
00:35:35Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:35:36I warned you.
00:35:38Next time you come near my husband, it would be your last.
00:35:42Your husband?
00:35:43He is not wearing a wedding ring.
00:35:45You are not wearing a wedding ring.
00:35:46No, no, no, no, Nancy, no.
00:35:48Nancy!
00:35:49You're gonna hurt someone.
00:35:50You!
00:35:51You!
00:35:53No!
00:35:53No!
00:35:54You!
00:35:55Run!
00:35:55Nancy, Nancy, Nancy!
00:35:58Oh, my God, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
00:36:01Oh, my God!
00:36:04Get in the car!
00:36:05Oh, my God, mom!
00:36:08Go, go, go, go, go!
00:36:11What did you do with my car?
00:36:19Oh, my God!
00:36:20Oh, my God!
00:36:22Oh, my God!
00:36:26don't even think about coming back that was insane it'll be fine how's your elbow what
00:36:35oh better thank you i'm really sorry i made us go there well you know it's not like you
00:36:42knew it was my ex's practice yeah i was in the world it did seem like you two were
00:36:49kind of having a moment there before we almost got murdered by his wife
00:36:52you know it's funny i spent the last two decades fantasizing about tim you know the one who got
00:36:58away yeah now i see exactly what was wrong like that he's married well yeah but also
00:37:05he never stood up for me with wayne i always feel so supported
00:37:14yeah oh shit i wasn't speeding you had me my purse i threw it in the back
00:37:22oh my god why is there cocaine in our car
00:37:27because cheryl is a very generous gift giver it's worth a fortune
00:37:31mom the cop is gonna see this and then i'm gonna go to prison
00:37:35i'm gonna go to prison with my mom oh my god what are you doing
00:37:42oh my god okay listen to me alice men will do anything if you flirt with them in the right
00:37:49way it's our superpower as women mom i can't i'm not like you yes you are you just have to
00:37:54do three
00:37:55things use his name laugh at whatever he says and give him a look like this i can't do that
00:38:01oh yes you can no i trust you love you no i can't mom
00:38:08hi officer dinkleman wow cool name you know why i pulled you over
00:38:14no officer dinkleman i don't
00:38:17you've got a busted taillight well we hit a deer from the back crazy right i mean what are the
00:38:27odds so funny not for the deer oh it's a powder explosion my daughter just loves those mini gas
00:38:34station donuts dinkleman gross no one likes those oh i do they're my guilty pleasure must have spilled
00:38:42them when we hit the deer
00:38:46if you promise to go with a mechanic i can give you a warning
00:38:50really safe travels thank you
00:38:55i can't believe that actually worked so proud of you honey we just have to work on your flirting face
00:39:01why was the lip light too much any given more cannibal than coquette
00:39:05okay i can take that feedback speaking of coquette we need to get this stuff out of
00:39:11here immediately good call with the donuts mom how'd you come up with that
00:39:15i see a few tricks up my sleeve come on i'm hungry let's go okay
00:39:22is that no it couldn't be don't i know you from from high school do you remember it's me
00:39:29hey how are you here oh i just happen to be passing by my favorite pit stop
00:39:36which is why i recommended it to your mother yesterday oh
00:39:39did you i thought it would be rude if i didn't text him after he gave you his number
00:39:45so uh seeing as you're here clive and i are playing at a festival nearby so it'd be great
00:39:51if you two came through oh we have a lot of driving to do today mother
00:39:56so i just don't know that we have time come on it'll be fun you can leave immediately after
00:40:01we finish playing and i will play so fast just for you
00:40:09sure okay good hey great okay good all right uh clive is waiting in the van so uh i will
00:40:15text
00:40:15you the address okay great thank you very much and uh yeah yeah we'll see you there okay
00:40:23woohoo so come on what are you up to oh come on
00:40:29i can feel it unbelievable
00:40:43oh what great outfit this is not a music festival this is gonna be so much fun i always wanted
00:40:49to be a wench
00:40:55oh my goodness what is over here is this harvest stuff
00:41:28look at those fingers go
00:41:31oh that's why you date guitarists and not drummers mom never drummers
00:41:36all right thank you very much that's been our time
00:41:52what mom no mom i'm just gonna i'm just gonna be a second okay hey hey that was great hey
00:42:03i mean
00:42:05really really great thanks so much and thank you so much for coming
00:42:09yeah yeah we would certainly not forbear it good sir
00:42:14okay it's a little renaissance fair shakes
00:42:18okay you know we wouldn't have missed it yeah and uh look uh i know you said you had to
00:42:23hit the road or
00:42:24whatever but this is a it's a really cool place and uh i don't know did you want to maybe
00:42:29take a walk
00:42:30check it out and catch up i do um it's just we well we have a schedule and i can't
00:42:36really abandon my mom
00:42:38oh no how would i ever find shelter or ale without my daughter well honey i know you think you
00:42:47have to
00:42:47take care of me but you don't because i'm older than you barely why don't you kids go have some
00:42:56fun
00:42:56and make me a grandbaby mom oh come on we're at a ren fair just go plunder each other's booty
00:43:02please
00:43:02ignore her let's go okay
00:43:09clive is it yes come on clive let's go find a cup of mead yeah okay let's do it let's
00:43:19see what you
00:43:19got katniss everdeen just give it give it a little pull it back a little bit we're back you got
00:43:23this you
00:43:24got this and not bad wait same time ready uh-huh okay go one two three
00:43:45two congrats oh your lap is so comfy oh i look like a princess you absolutely do
00:44:07uh-huh oh jesus
00:44:10thanks for inviting me and my mom of course this is fun you two seem close
00:44:17i didn't mean to open up a can of worms like i'm so that wasn't a trick question
00:44:21it's okay my mom and i are a work in progress how so do you want the real answer or
00:44:30the real answer it's sort of like my whole life i have been her single mom and if i recall
00:44:37your your
00:44:37father wasn't around right yeah sorry to bring that up it's okay you can't miss what you don't know not
00:44:43that i have like crazy daddy issues or something i'm sorry i've got bad news you are at a renaissance
00:44:49fair
00:44:51on a date with a guy from a band you have got daddy issues okay okay i see your point
00:44:57this is this is a date right good sir i do not share a turkey leg with just anyone okay
00:45:07well i'm very
00:45:08happy to hear that now if only we had some desserts like like a huge stack of mini powdered donuts
00:45:14you like those they're the best dessert easily top 10. i know they're the greatest incredible top two
00:45:19my and they're not two wow and just to put your mind at ease i grew up in a household
00:45:26with a happily
00:45:26married couple and look how that worked out i live in a van and my parents don't return my phone
00:45:31calls
00:45:31really yeah i'm i'm so sorry why i did the whole law school thing got a great job at a
00:45:38great firm and i was
00:45:42miserable and one day i was going to work and there was a homeless gentleman playing
00:45:47some music i was so jealous that he got to sing and i was stuck writing ndas for diaper companies
00:45:55so i gave him all the money i had in my pocket and i quit wow that's how it happened
00:46:02mm-hmm how about
00:46:04you i bet you're doing something amazing i was so intimidated by you in high school what yeah you
00:46:09were obviously okay brilliant creative beautiful i was shaking in my orthopedic sneakers every time you
00:46:18walk by well that is very sweet i'm gonna disappoint you i don't think so
00:46:24i work in hr now it is very whatever
00:46:32if you think it's whatever you should do something else like quit my job and become a singer
00:46:40i'm just saying that you should go after whatever you want because you are too amazing to settle for
00:46:48anything less
00:47:03what i want is to go back to your van
00:47:07really really really
00:47:23we fell asleep oh oh no hi hi i left my mom alone all night um okay uh oh my
00:47:35god i can't believe
00:47:36we did that last night i can't believe i did that last night did did what because there was we
00:47:41did a lot
00:47:42last night wait um my mother um when uh when can i see you again you want to see me
00:47:53again yeah do you
00:47:55uh do you want to see me again yeah
00:48:09now uh how about uh just off the top of my head about a buffalo maybe
00:48:16oh yeah you're gonna be there with your mom right and we'll be passing through
00:48:32the mailbox belonging to genie anderson is full come on mom
00:48:40okay hi alice hi i have really big news and
00:48:46hold on did you get laid you're glowing yeah
00:48:51last night a guy i went to high school with i slept in his van i mean wow that is
00:48:58something
00:48:58that i would do and that's not a compliment i know well listen it's gonna be hard to be a
00:49:03groupie
00:49:03when they promote you what do you know i mean i may have accidentally eavesdropped on a certain
00:49:11meeting where they were talking about a director position and you don't look excited no i i am i
00:49:19just i'm just starting to wonder if i want to be in hr for the rest of my life
00:49:22babe i've been waiting for you to say that for two years now
00:49:29so you don't think i'm crazy if i pass on the promotion
00:49:32no i don't think you're crazy but speaking of crazy how goes operation wedding crash
00:49:38oh i'm starting to feel so guilty actually we're having so much fun together
00:49:43and i i don't know maybe she's not this train wreck i always think she is or
00:49:49that she definitely used to be okay so you are sleeping in a van
00:49:54prioritizing work-life balance and giving genie the benefit of the dough
00:49:58who are you i don't know new alice i can't wait to meet her bye
00:50:09oh hello
00:50:13she did what no i'm i'm coming right now
00:50:18i know you're the professionals but trust me it's circle circle flick nibble
00:50:27blamble there's our favorite inmate oh officer brent
00:50:34hi sweetie how are you uh not great you broke into someone's house and fell asleep on their couch
00:50:42what were you doing i had to pee after drinking all day with clive and the bathrooms were out of
00:50:48order
00:50:48so you broke into someone's house you're lucky the homeowners don't want to press charges
00:50:54oh you see so it's no big deal it is a big deal breaking and entering is literally a big
00:51:00deal there are
00:51:01consequences for your actions i mean i mean not in this case i understand but normally in the real world
00:51:07come on okay there's no need to be so dramatic i mean it's not like anyone got hurt
00:51:15i got hurt i am hurt do you not understand that worrying about you hurts me worrying all the time
00:51:25not knowing if you're okay following you around cleaning up all of your messes
00:51:29i haven't had a day to be irresponsible ever i had one night of fun and you're in jail you
00:51:35think
00:51:35that's dramatic alice that's not fair i nothing about our relationship is fair
00:51:44i actually can't believe we thought things were changing
00:51:50so there's some paperwork needs to be filled out yeah i'll handle it i always handle it
00:51:57have fun saying goodbye to all your fancy new friends ladies
00:52:14and you oh yeah also took the liberty of charging mrs anderson's cell phone for her after we used it
00:52:22to
00:52:22play heads up you played games in jail your mom talked us into it we had a blast
00:52:32bet there's never a dull moment with her around is there no there isn't okay i'll go grab her
00:52:40personals and bring her out okay thanks
00:52:49hello genie b oh wayne no this is alice my mom can't come to the phone right now well i've
00:52:58been
00:52:58calling her all night is she all right see i gotta get her opinion on the location for suds and
00:53:04swig
00:53:06suds and swigs yeah see that's the business we're starting it's a laundromat that's also a bar
00:53:14now listen up get this you ready get your clothes washed while you get sloshed
00:53:23it's catchy right genius see only thing is she's got to apply for the liquor license
00:53:31i can't legally do it even though that incident was 30 freaking years ago
00:53:39wayne yeah
00:53:43the reason my mom can't come to the phone right now is because she met someone else
00:53:47i'm sorry it's over hold on hold on here that can't be you see we're soul mates you know we're
00:53:56two
00:53:57sunny bunnies in a honey hut i understand that this is um probably hard to hear but you know she
00:54:04and
00:54:04uh daryl are very much in love we're just so very happy together and she didn't know how to tell
00:54:11you
00:54:11because she does really care about you but the wedding is off i'm sorry goodbye daryl daryl
00:54:20what kind of name is daryl i'll be a monkey rumpet
00:54:40luck sweet freedom i've got your phone thank you
00:54:50okay let's see okay i think everything is here we're all set okay great oh what is that
00:55:02it's queenie i told you you got her stuffed well i couldn't say goodbye to this little face oh no
00:55:12has she been with you this whole time i told you that i thought you meant you were bringing her
00:55:19ashes
00:55:20ew no was she with us all day at the festival well i couldn't leave her in the hot car
00:55:27that
00:55:27wouldn't be right mom also the rental car would smell like formaldehyde ew
00:55:34oh please put her away i feel like she's staring at me i'm sorry sweetie oh
00:55:42oh are you still mad at me sweetie let's just forget about it we have a long day ahead of
00:55:50us
00:56:18mom
00:56:20Mom. Mom.
00:56:21Oh! Hi.
00:56:26Wait. Where are we?
00:56:29Come on. You'll see.
00:56:36We're here because it's part of your history.
00:56:40College is the chapter that you never got to finish.
00:56:43I don't need to finish it.
00:56:45Oh, Mom, your dream was to be a veterinarian.
00:56:47No, and then I got pregnant with you, and my dream became being your mom.
00:56:51But I don't want you to give up your dream for me.
00:56:54You could have both.
00:56:56I spoke to the dean, and they offer continuing education classes for adults.
00:57:01This could be your next chapter, Mom.
00:57:07Honey, I appreciate what you're trying to do,
00:57:09but I don't have that dream anymore,
00:57:11and I don't have very good memories about this place.
00:57:14Yes, Mom. I know leaving here early was hard,
00:57:18but you can come back.
00:57:21You can do this. We're here.
00:57:23Let's go in. For me.
00:57:28What if I run into some of my old classmates?
00:57:31Mom, anyone you went to college with
00:57:34has either graduated, retired, or is dead?
00:57:39Oh. Right.
00:57:41Right?
00:57:42Yeah.
00:57:42Okay.
00:57:43Okay.
00:57:44The dean of the veterinary school has office hours today.
00:57:47Getting a brochure can't hurt, right?
00:57:50Sure. We're here anyway.
00:57:51Come on.
00:57:53Just right here.
00:57:55Oh, Mom. Mom.
00:57:59Can I pet your dog?
00:58:01Okay.
00:58:02Oh.
00:58:04Dean Stevens.
00:58:05Hi.
00:58:07You're a student at the school.
00:58:09Oh, no. I'm not a student.
00:58:11Thank you, though.
00:58:12My mom used to be.
00:58:13Uh, hey, Mom.
00:58:15Mom.
00:58:16Come meet the dean.
00:58:17Huh?
00:58:21Peter.
00:58:22Jean?
00:58:23Peter, I had no idea.
00:58:28Oh, I see.
00:58:29He brought her here for what?
00:58:31Guilt?
00:58:32More money?
00:58:33No.
00:58:34Let's not forget.
00:58:34You're an adult.
00:58:35A legal adult.
00:58:36Alice, we need to go.
00:58:40Jean, I gave you $10,000 to not be involved.
00:58:42We had an agreement.
00:58:44Hey!
00:58:45We don't want your goddamn money.
00:58:48My mom raised me all on her own.
00:58:51Bought us a house on her own.
00:58:52Paid for my college on her own.
00:58:55We don't need anything from you.
00:59:03Come on, Mom.
00:59:04Come on.
00:59:05Come on.
00:59:22I didn't want you to find out that way.
00:59:25You didn't want me to find out at all.
00:59:31Did you love him?
00:59:35I really thought I did.
00:59:41But then I got pregnant, and I saw the real him.
00:59:45You could have told me who he was.
00:59:49Peter made it very clear that he didn't want contact.
00:59:52Not ever.
00:59:56So...
00:59:58I just decided it was better to lie rather than make you feel unwanted.
01:00:06I understand you wanting to protect me as a child.
01:00:11But when I got older...
01:00:15I didn't know how to tell you.
01:00:17I had already lied for so long.
01:00:21I just...
01:00:24I just thought it was better to leave it alone.
01:00:27Yeah.
01:00:29I...
01:00:30That makes sense.
01:00:37Let's just go to a motel and call it for today.
01:00:41I'm exhausted.
01:00:43Sound good?
01:00:44Okay.
01:00:45Okay.
01:01:05I've tried Wayne six times, and it still says it's not in service.
01:01:10Huh.
01:01:11I mean, he does use a pay-as-you-go.
01:01:13So he probably just hasn't had time to get a new card.
01:01:17Running around getting ready for the wedding.
01:01:20I mean, I can't believe that's already here.
01:01:22It's tomorrow.
01:01:23Yeah, me neither.
01:01:30Okay, well...
01:01:34I'll go take off my face.
01:01:37Just kidding.
01:01:38I'll keep it.
01:01:47Night.
01:01:48Night.
01:01:58Night.
01:02:00Night.
01:02:05Night.
01:02:08Night.
01:02:09Night.
01:02:10Night.
01:02:11Night.
01:02:14Night.
01:02:15Night.
01:02:16Night.
01:02:17Night.
01:02:17I got it.
01:02:17Okay.
01:02:19I'm supposed to meet Wes at the Canal Park Overlook?
01:02:23if you want to meet me there after.
01:02:25Okay.
01:02:26I thought I'd take pictures with Queenie by the water
01:02:29and try Wayne again.
01:02:33His phone still isn't working,
01:02:35and the wedding's in six hours.
01:02:38But he'll be there.
01:02:40I know he will.
01:02:41So, okay, well, go have fun.
01:02:45Find Wes.
01:02:51Hey.
01:02:53I'm so happy you're here.
01:02:54Oh, yeah.
01:02:54You started getting nervous when I didn't get your text back.
01:02:56Oh, sorry.
01:02:57You're good.
01:02:58Uh, where'd you park your van?
01:03:00Just a few blocks away.
01:03:02Why?
01:03:03Well, let's go.
01:03:04Hey.
01:03:05Wait, are you okay?
01:03:07Yeah, I'm fine.
01:03:08Come on.
01:03:09Hey, hey, hey.
01:03:10Look, look, I mean, don't get me wrong,
01:03:12the thought of sleeping together again sounds incredible,
01:03:14but I thought maybe we could, I don't know,
01:03:15go for a walk first, talk, hear how you've been.
01:03:19Trust me, you don't want to hear about any of that.
01:03:21Of course I do.
01:03:21Let's just, come on.
01:03:23Alice, stop.
01:03:25Is everything okay?
01:03:26No, it's not.
01:03:28My mom got arrested.
01:03:30What?
01:03:30Because I chose myself for one night
01:03:32and I hung out with you
01:03:33and I wasn't watching out for her.
01:03:35Then I met my long-lost father,
01:03:37who it turns out is really a dick.
01:03:39And my mom has actually known about him my entire life
01:03:41and chose to keep him a secret from me.
01:03:43So now, Wes, everything is not okay.
01:03:45And I would just love to be distracted
01:03:48and go and have some fun, meaningless sex
01:03:49because apparently that's a thing that I do now.
01:03:54Meaningless, I mean.
01:03:56Please don't pretend to be heartbroken about it.
01:03:58I know that's what men want.
01:03:59Sex without commitment.
01:04:00I'm, I'm in.
01:04:02You got it.
01:04:04That's not what I want.
01:04:07Okay.
01:04:09Tell me what you want.
01:04:11Well, well, for starters,
01:04:12how about some clarity
01:04:13with the girl I've liked since the ninth grade?
01:04:15Maybe take her out on a real date?
01:04:17See where things go?
01:04:18Where are things gonna go, Wes?
01:04:21I have a stable, regimented life in St. Louis
01:04:24and you live in a van.
01:04:26Can we just let this fling be what it is?
01:04:28Can it just be fun?
01:04:30Is that clear enough for you?
01:04:34Yeah.
01:04:37Look, I'm not trying to hurt you.
01:04:39I'm just trying to be realistic.
01:04:41Are you?
01:04:43Or are you just giving up on something
01:04:44before you've even tried
01:04:45because you're too damn scared?
01:04:49I'll see you around.
01:05:04Hi, sweetie.
01:05:07Hi, where's Wes?
01:05:08Uh, he's gone, Mom.
01:05:11I, I don't want to talk about it.
01:05:12Can we just go?
01:05:13What?
01:05:13Please.
01:05:14Oh, Wayne!
01:05:15Honey, whatever I did, I'm sorry.
01:05:18I just had to come see you.
01:05:20How did you even find us here?
01:05:22Well, we share locations on our phone,
01:05:24just like we share everything.
01:05:26At least we used to.
01:05:28Please, baby, just talk to me.
01:05:29Look, we don't have to start a business.
01:05:32Hell, we don't even have to get hitched today.
01:05:34I just love you so much, baby.
01:05:36I'll do anything.
01:05:37Don't give up on us.
01:05:37Please, man.
01:05:38I'm just begging you.
01:05:39I'm begging you, baby.
01:05:41You're the one who hasn't called.
01:05:43I've been so worried, and your phone's not working.
01:05:47What you talking about?
01:05:48I called you 14 times yesterday,
01:05:51ever since Alice told me you found someone new.
01:05:54And I'm going to tell you this right now.
01:05:55I will fight this Daryl guy for your love
01:06:00or form a, uh, a thrapple.
01:06:04You told him I met someone else?
01:06:07Wayne, can I have a minute alone with my mom, please?
01:06:10Well, sure thing.
01:06:13Okay, I'll be back.
01:06:16I'll be back.
01:06:16Don't forget about me.
01:06:17Don't forget about me.
01:06:19Come on, don't go far.
01:06:22Mom, I'm so sorry.
01:06:24I was only trying to protect you from yourself.
01:06:26Well, lying to me is not protecting me.
01:06:30Except for when you do it.
01:06:33Do you have any idea how much it hurts me
01:06:35that you have known who my father is my whole life?
01:06:39All those times I asked you?
01:06:41I'm sorry, honey.
01:06:42I know I made mistakes back then.
01:06:44You're still making them, Mom.
01:06:46And I am trying so hard to help you
01:06:48because I love you.
01:06:49And I love you.
01:06:50But you don't listen.
01:06:51Of course I do.
01:06:52No, you don't.
01:06:53I tried to talk to you about my concerns about Wayne
01:06:56and you just brushed them off.
01:06:58I planned this entire trip to try to get through to you.
01:07:01To show you that there's a better path for you
01:07:03than marrying some weirdo that you just met
01:07:06whose boozy laundromat is gonna bankrupt you.
01:07:09Alice, I know you don't support this,
01:07:12but this is my life.
01:07:15And you have to accept that I'm making good decisions.
01:07:18All that's happened this week
01:07:20is that you're a magnet for bad decisions.
01:07:22And I don't know that I have the energy
01:07:24to keep helping you clean them up anymore.
01:07:26Well, I'm not asking you to, honey.
01:07:30Maybe you just like fixing my life
01:07:33so you don't have to live yours.
01:07:35What?
01:07:36You need to be the new Alice
01:07:37that I've seen coming out of her shell this week.
01:07:40You have to stop playing it safe.
01:07:42You have to have fun.
01:07:42You want me to have fun like you?
01:07:47Honey, I know I haven't always been the best mother,
01:07:50and I wish I had grown up sooner
01:07:52so that you didn't have to,
01:07:54but I have always done right by my daughters.
01:07:58And you and Queenie are just the light...
01:08:01No, Mom.
01:08:02This is not your daughter.
01:08:03This was a dog.
01:08:04This was a dog.
01:08:06I am not a dog.
01:08:07I am your daughter.
01:08:10Oh, my God.
01:08:13Mom, I didn't mean to do that.
01:08:15She threw a puppy into the river.
01:08:18No, I didn't.
01:08:19Well, I mean, I did,
01:08:20but it wasn't alive.
01:08:23It was stuffed.
01:08:23It was dead before.
01:08:25Oh, my God.
01:08:26I can't do this.
01:08:28Mom, I can't do this.
01:08:29I...
01:08:30It hurts me too much
01:08:31to watch you throw your life away.
01:08:32I have to go.
01:08:33I'm sorry.
01:08:35Alice!
01:08:49Oh, my God.
01:08:51It's Cheryl.
01:08:53When will you be here?
01:08:54I'm not coming.
01:08:55What?
01:08:56You're the maid of honor.
01:08:58I know.
01:09:00Mom and I had a big fight,
01:09:01and I'm not coming.
01:09:03Oh, my God.
01:09:04Listen,
01:09:04I knew that she was eventually
01:09:06going to blow up at you
01:09:07for your mind-gamey,
01:09:08don't-get-married road trip.
01:09:10Wait.
01:09:11She knew?
01:09:13The whole time?
01:09:14You're about as subtle
01:09:15as a yeast infection.
01:09:16Jeannie told me about it,
01:09:17you know,
01:09:17when you two were here.
01:09:19But she swore that it was all worth it,
01:09:21you know,
01:09:21to spend all that time with you.
01:09:23You're really not coming
01:09:24to your own mother's wedding?
01:09:26No.
01:09:27I...
01:09:27I don't know what to tell you, Cheryl.
01:09:29I give up, okay?
01:09:31I'm going to return the rental car.
01:09:32I'm flying back to St. Louis.
01:09:35I doubt she even wants me there anyway.
01:09:37She loves you, you know?
01:09:38She loves you more than anything.
01:09:50You know the movie Cars?
01:09:52I know it's not real,
01:09:54but I think this one felt pain.
01:09:57The good thing is,
01:09:59I did get the insurance.
01:10:00Hold on.
01:10:01I guess that's good.
01:10:01I have it here somewhere.
01:10:03I have it here somewhere.
01:10:35I actually need the car for one more day.
01:10:38I have to be safe.
01:10:38Oh, no, I can't do that, miss.
01:10:40Look at this thing.
01:10:40It's a liability issue.
01:10:42That's okay.
01:10:43Just rent me something else.
01:10:44Please.
01:10:45Oh, no.
01:10:46All our other cars are booked.
01:10:47All of these cars are booked?
01:10:48You want another car?
01:10:50Look at what you did
01:10:51to one of our best cars.
01:10:52I know.
01:10:58I know.
01:11:00I know I did a bad thing.
01:11:06I was kind of a bad girl.
01:11:09But if you,
01:11:10if you could help me out,
01:11:13I promise you,
01:11:15I will take such good care of her.
01:11:19I just need her for just one more day.
01:11:23Keith?
01:11:26Keith, is it?
01:11:28This is a powerful name.
01:11:31Yeah, it's Celtic.
01:11:33Really?
01:11:34It means wood.
01:11:36Celtic Keith.
01:11:38So big and strong.
01:11:40Could you please just be powerful for me
01:11:44and help me out?
01:11:47All right.
01:11:50I'm going to have to run it by my boss.
01:11:52Or.
01:11:53All right.
01:11:57We.
01:12:02We could keep this between you and me.
01:12:08Oh.
01:12:10Oh.
01:12:11Oh.
01:12:12You like to party.
01:12:14Yeah.
01:12:14I do.
01:12:15Sometimes.
01:12:16I'm cool.
01:12:18Thank you, Keith.
01:12:19Bye, miss.
01:12:19Bye.
01:12:21Oh, I got to call mom.
01:12:25Hey, mom?
01:12:25Hey, mom.
01:12:26I'm coming.
01:12:37No.
01:12:39Keep on broken eyes.
01:12:43Looking through the night.
01:12:47Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:12:51Damn it!
01:12:53Oh, I should've listened to Keith.
01:12:55No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
01:12:59I can't.
01:13:00Ow!
01:13:01Oh, ho, ho, ho!
01:13:04There's my baby!
01:13:06Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!
01:13:07Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!
01:13:09Oh, I'm coming, Mom.
01:13:12Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
01:13:15Oh, my God, you see this girl?
01:13:17Oh, my girl!
01:13:19You're a beautiful girl!
01:13:22What?
01:13:30Today, we join in marriage
01:13:33Jeannie Anderson and Wayne Fuji.
01:13:38Who?
01:13:38Wayne, do you have the rings?
01:13:43Oh, my God.
01:13:45Got you.
01:13:46Put it on your dainty little finger.
01:13:49Do you, Wayne Fuji,
01:13:52take Jeannie Anderson
01:13:54to be your loving wife?
01:13:57Hell to the year.
01:13:59Huh?
01:14:00I am not afraid
01:14:03There is strength in change
01:14:06And do you, Jeannie Anderson,
01:14:09take Wayne Fuji
01:14:11to be your loving husband?
01:14:14I...
01:14:16Wait!
01:14:17Wait!
01:14:18Oh!
01:14:19Alice, you're here!
01:14:21Yeah.
01:14:22Wait!
01:14:22To object?
01:14:23No, I'm here to support.
01:14:26I'm sorry I'm late, Mom.
01:14:27That's okay.
01:14:28You're here.
01:14:29That's all that matters.
01:14:30I love you so much.
01:14:31I love you, too.
01:14:32I wouldn't miss this for the world.
01:14:34I mean, how often does my mom get married?
01:14:36Not counting the leaves.
01:14:38I'm really sorry that I lied to you both.
01:14:40I, um...
01:14:42No, honey.
01:14:43I'm so sorry I didn't tell you about your dad
01:14:45and for not realizing how much I put on you all those years.
01:14:50Why don't we call it even since I launched Queenie into the river?
01:14:54Um, speaking of...
01:14:57Apparently you can adopt a dog in Buffalo in five minutes.
01:15:00Oh, my goodness.
01:15:02Who is this angel?
01:15:04This is a wedding present and an apology.
01:15:08I have filled out all of the adoption papers and paid all of the fees,
01:15:11so all you have to do is name him.
01:15:14I'm gonna name him Kingie.
01:15:16Okay.
01:15:17Oh.
01:15:17Oh, I love him.
01:15:19Thank you, sweetheart.
01:15:19You know me so well.
01:15:21I love you, Mom.
01:15:23Okay.
01:15:24Okay.
01:15:27Honey, what's wrong?
01:15:28I'm sorry, darling, but...
01:15:30Sweetheart.
01:15:31I apologize, but don't you remember at the retreat
01:15:34I told you that I was allergic to doggies?
01:15:36I just thought that was a sick, dark joke.
01:15:40Hold up.
01:15:42Gather yourself, William.
01:15:43Here's the thing.
01:15:44I'm gonna take the Benadryl.
01:15:46I'm gonna take the Claritin.
01:15:47I'm gonna even get the steroids.
01:15:49If I can't get them, I'm gonna find them.
01:15:51Oh, yeah.
01:15:52Because I love you.
01:15:53I love you and I'll do anything for you.
01:15:55A puppy, a doggie, whatever you want.
01:15:57I love you.
01:15:57Please continue, Cheryl.
01:15:59Alrighty, then.
01:16:01Jeannie, do you take away the...
01:16:03No, wait a second.
01:16:03I cannot do this to this man.
01:16:05I love you, honey.
01:16:08Oh, Kingy, I'm sorry, but I love this human man so much.
01:16:15And clearly he would do anything for me.
01:16:18Mm-hmm.
01:16:18And I'm trying to be more responsible like my daughter.
01:16:22So, Kingy, I'm gonna have to find you a new home.
01:16:25No, no, no, I object.
01:16:28Oh, no, not to this.
01:16:29I just mean I'll take the dog.
01:16:31Oh, Alice, you don't have to do that.
01:16:32I got it.
01:16:34New Alice, remember?
01:16:35Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you.
01:16:38Look at me.
01:16:39I'm a...
01:16:40I got a dog.
01:16:41Okay.
01:16:43In conclusion, Jeannie Anderson, do you take Wayne Fuji to be your loving husband?
01:16:50I do.
01:16:52I do.
01:16:54I do.
01:16:55I do.
01:16:55I do.
01:16:56I do.
01:16:56I do.
01:16:56And then I pronounce you husband and wife.
01:16:58You may kiss me.
01:16:59Okay.
01:17:00This way.
01:17:01Woo!
01:17:03Woo!
01:17:04Mom!
01:17:05Woo!
01:17:06Woo!
01:17:06Dream come true.
01:17:07Dream come true.
01:17:08Dream come true.
01:17:09Let's party now.
01:17:11Party!
01:17:12Woo-hoo!
01:17:13Hello, Lily.
01:17:14Hey, there's my maid of honor.
01:17:16Hey, baby.
01:17:17Hi.
01:17:17Hey!
01:17:19Who invited you?
01:17:23Congratulations, Mom.
01:17:25You look so beautiful.
01:17:27Aw, thank you, honey.
01:17:28Where's Kingie?
01:17:30Oh, um, Aunt Cheryl said she wanted to take him for a swim on the dance floor.
01:17:35Yeah.
01:17:39Are you all right?
01:17:42I know you didn't really want this for me.
01:17:45Mom, I am so happy for you.
01:17:47Truly.
01:17:49I just...
01:17:51I'm realizing that I want this, too.
01:17:56You want a wedding in Buffalo?
01:17:57No.
01:17:58But love.
01:18:00To be with someone who would do anything for me, like Wayne will for you.
01:18:06It's really special.
01:18:09And I think I had a shot at it, but I got scared.
01:18:13I don't want to be scared all the time anymore.
01:18:17Wes was pretty special, Mom.
01:18:20Yeah, I was.
01:18:24Well, maybe you'll run into him sometime, and then you never know what will happen.
01:18:30No, I'm pretty sure he hates me.
01:18:33Hmm.
01:18:34I'm not so sure about that.
01:18:42I hired them as the wedding band.
01:18:46What are you waiting for?
01:18:48Go get them.
01:18:49Yeah.
01:18:51Hmm.
01:18:54Hey, I know that I was a jerk, and I said some pretty awful things, but I really, really like
01:19:02you.
01:19:03And that's a little scary for me.
01:19:05That never happens to me, because I never let it happen.
01:19:08I don't want to pull back this time with you.
01:19:13So, would you maybe give me a second chance?
01:19:17We can see where this thing goes?
01:19:22Yeah, it's a date.
01:19:25Yeah?
01:19:25Yeah.
01:19:27Okay.
01:19:36Woo!
01:19:37Hi, Mom.
01:19:39Yup.
01:19:45Who is it?
01:19:47It's me, Mom.
01:19:49Woo!
01:19:50Wow.
01:19:51Hi.
01:19:52What happened in there?
01:19:54Oh, honey.
01:19:56Marriage is bliss.
01:19:57Mom, I'm so happy you're happy.
01:19:59It's Alice!
01:20:00Oh, it's Alice, honey.
01:20:03Oh, no.
01:20:04Hey!
01:20:04Hi!
01:20:06Hi!
01:20:07Can I have a moment with you right now?
01:20:09Uh-huh.
01:20:10Yeah.
01:20:10I am so psyched to be part of your life.
01:20:14Thanks.
01:20:16That's really sweet.
01:20:18I'm really happy to have you in my life.
01:20:20Oh, thank you.
01:20:21It's my Wayne.
01:20:23Really?
01:20:24Yeah.
01:20:25And, um, hey, for what it's worth, I actually think your boozy laundromat is a really good idea.
01:20:32Really?
01:20:33Why don't you come on in?
01:20:35We'll order some grub.
01:20:36We'll hang out.
01:20:37Got a big screen TV.
01:20:39Um, it's getting pretty close to checkout time, and...
01:20:44Um, honey, I know we talked about flying back together.
01:20:49You wanna change the plan?
01:20:51I do.
01:20:52I-I swear.
01:20:53I am gonna work on being more stable.
01:20:55Mom, it's okay.
01:20:56I actually wanna change the plan, too.
01:20:58You do?
01:20:59Yeah.
01:21:00Um, last night, Wes invited me on tour with the band.
01:21:05Just a couple weeks.
01:21:07But I've never taken a trip that wasn't for work till now.
01:21:11And I wanna do something for me.
01:21:13Yeah.
01:21:14And what about your job?
01:21:15Well, I have my laptop with me, and if they don't like that, I'm...
01:21:20Okay with it.
01:21:22Oh, honey, that is so irresponsible.
01:21:25I am so proud of you.
01:21:30I'm gonna make you a promise.
01:21:32I will not put the house on the market until you return.
01:21:36Then we will go through it all together, and we can organize it, or whatever your cute little type A
01:21:43brain wants.
01:21:44That really means a lot to me, Mom.
01:21:47Come here.
01:21:47Oh, come here.
01:21:48Oh, group hug.
01:21:50Okay.
01:21:51Okay.
01:21:52All right.
01:21:53I love you.
01:21:54Woohoo!
01:21:55Woohoo!
01:21:55Woohoo!
01:21:56Woohoo!
01:21:59Okay.
01:22:02You all right?
01:22:05Oh.
01:22:06You good to go?
01:22:06Yeah.
01:22:08Hello.
01:22:09You ready to go?
01:22:14Hey, Clive.
01:22:15You ready to go?
01:22:17Yep.
01:22:18Okay.
01:22:21Okay.
01:22:21Let's go.
01:22:22All right.
01:22:27So, Rochester's the next stop.
01:22:29What's after that?
01:22:30After that, we play it by ear.
01:22:32Cool.
01:22:32I love that.
01:22:33Just see where the wind takes us.
01:22:35It's killing you, isn't it?
01:22:36100%.
01:22:36So, last night, I actually came up with a potential schedule.
01:22:40It's really loose.
01:22:41This is color-coded by hour.
01:22:43No, no.
01:22:43See, these two hours right here, those are scheduled, unscheduled free time.
01:22:49You're insane.
01:22:50You know that, right?
01:22:50Yeah, I get it from my mom.
01:22:51Yeah.
01:23:07A little too.
01:23:10No.
01:23:20I don't know how to put it, but you're gonna flow through and shouldn't have Cabot.
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