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Alan and Amandas Greek Job - Season 1 - Episode 07
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00:04That slaps.
00:06What's that?
00:07It's something that's really good.
00:09I quite like that.
00:10That slaps.
00:10Whoa, that slaps, man.
00:13God, that girl's peng.
00:14Peng's gone.
00:15What?
00:16It's leng.
00:17If you're fit now, it's like, Alan, you're leng.
00:21Am I ever going to find love on this island?
00:23I just don't think there's any gays.
00:25Maybe underground gays.
00:27Well, dead.
00:31Right, I'll get a shovel.
00:33Let's go on a dink.
00:33Let's go on a dink.
00:40In the beautiful island of Corfu, Amanda and I are spending the summer renovating a family holiday home.
00:50We've completed nearly all of the rooms and now we're taking on a space each.
00:56I'm doing up the bathroom.
00:59And I'm tackling the old landing.
01:03I was thinking, you know, to dip into the Greek culture, the cradle of learning.
01:10And I was thinking having a reading room, a bit of a day bed.
01:14Yes.
01:15Yeah, and I just think books and then maybe one of those busts of like a Greek god, you know,
01:20Hercules or something.
01:22What about Hercules lifting up the bunk bed?
01:25No.
01:26Can you imagine how amazing that would be to come in and then Hercules is like that?
01:31I want it to be full of books.
01:33I want a day bed.
01:34I want a ladder like you get in posh libraries.
01:37And I want it to be like full of philosophy and, you know, mythology and stuff like that.
01:43Real Greek centre of learning.
01:45And what are we going to do about this bathroom?
01:47Well, this is where I feel like we can go really Greek.
01:51Yeah.
01:52And I was thinking of a round bath.
01:55But I wondered about sort of mosaic tiling along the halfway so it looks very Greek.
02:03Yeah.
02:03A chandelier.
02:06I mean, doesn't it just look a bit ostentatious?
02:09Amanda always has these grand plans and they get bigger and bigger and more fabulous.
02:15The potential for that to look awful is really high.
02:22Before we can start the interiors, we've got to knock down the internal wall, dividing the spaces so a new
02:29solid one can be built.
02:31But Amanda's more concerned about fitting in her circular bath.
02:35Is this, um, is this floor coming up?
02:38We have to.
02:39Yes, good.
02:40I'd need it to because I'm having a round bath.
02:43So we need to, yeah.
02:44So we need a strong floor.
02:46Because it's heavy.
02:47It's going to be heavy.
02:47Yes, it's going to be heavy.
02:48Why can't, why just have a normal bath?
02:50I want something different.
02:51Round is stupid.
02:52Bathrooms are my speciality.
02:53Round?
02:55It's quite plain.
02:56Where do you find that picture?
02:58Where is it?
02:58It's from?
02:59On my, it's on my mood board.
03:00Well, it's just the photo.
03:01It's AI.
03:06Look, Alan, please tell me, can you?
03:08I'm with Stamatic, this is AI.
03:11That is not AI.
03:12I think the unicorn in the bath is a bit of a giveaway.
03:19Can't wait to see it.
03:20Can't listen to mine.
03:22It will happen.
03:23It's yours.
03:27I have a vivid imagination and I have quite outlandish ideas.
03:33But I can see it all.
03:35It's going to work and it has to work.
03:38I'm just going to say this.
03:40I think there's more chance of a bus turning up at this bus stop than you get in around Bluebath
03:45in Corfu.
03:50There, I've said it.
04:00In order to make my reading room a centre of learning, I've got to get to grips with Greek mythology.
04:07So I'm whisking Amanda away to Corfu's Achillian Palace for a research trip.
04:15God, it's stunning.
04:17Isn't it?
04:17Just look.
04:18Greek mythology has been around for over 3,000 years.
04:22These stories were an essential part of the ancient Greeks' religion and are still reflected in the culture today.
04:29Now we need to learn a bit of...
04:31Let's feed our brains.
04:32...something, don't we?
04:34Inspired by the Greek gods, the palace was originally built in 1890 by Empress Sisi of Austria.
04:41How are you?
04:42Hello.
04:43I'm Alan.
04:44I'm Amanda.
04:45My name is Napsika.
04:46Napsika.
04:47So shall we?
04:48Yes, yes.
04:54Wow, look at these statues.
04:57Isn't it impressive?
04:58Yeah.
05:00Cici tragically lost her son and built the palace of her dreams as her refuge as well as a tribute
05:06to Greek mythology.
05:07Okay, so as we go to the famous statue of Achilles...
05:11It's very homoerotic.
05:13So you see...
05:14It's a lovely bottom.
05:15It's too perfect.
05:17Okay, so you know the story about how he became immortal?
05:20Did his mother hold him by the ankle and dip him into sticks?
05:24Is it the river?
05:25The river, yes.
05:26Yes, and because she was holding Achilles' heel, the whole body became immortal except of the heel.
05:31That is why that was his weak point.
05:33And when Paris, the kidnapper of Helen knew about the secret, the weak point of Achilles,
05:38so he aimed at his heel and with a poison arrow he killed him.
05:42Oh!
05:46So you know who this lady is?
05:49Is it Venus?
05:50Yes.
05:50Yes, it's Venus.
05:51She looks like Venus, but she's very famous.
05:54Frini was her name.
05:55Frini is such a pretty name.
05:57Yay!
05:57Frini, she was an escort.
06:01Ooh!
06:01No way!
06:02The escorts, they were known as Eperes in ancient Greek.
06:06They were well-educated.
06:08They had the ability to talk about politics, philosophy, economy, arts.
06:12So they accompanied the very famous and politicians.
06:17Okay, men.
06:18Mm-hmm.
06:19Frini, she was so beautiful and so clever.
06:22She charged huge amounts to men that she didn't like.
06:25Good girl.
06:25Or she would go for free with men that she liked.
06:28That's fair.
06:30Why do you think they made up these stories?
06:33It's much more interesting, if you think about it, to add some spiciness in your life.
06:37Yes.
06:37You know, all these stories.
06:38And in the past, people didn't travel at all.
06:40No, no, no.
06:41So they stayed forever in one place.
06:43Yeah.
06:43So they needed some, like, imagination and, you know, people that they shared stories.
06:48Yeah, they need to be entertained.
06:49Yeah.
06:49That's true.
06:52I loved every second of that.
06:54I just want all those stories to go into my head so I can remember them, so I can tell
06:57my kids.
06:58Listen, just go into my reading room.
07:00All the information's going to be there.
07:02I'm going to have little nods to this place in there.
07:04There's going to be a statue, a bus, there's going to be books about me.
07:07Is there going to be a statue?
07:08I might stick one of these in me bum bag and walk out.
07:12Oh, look at this.
07:13The ancient Greeks believed that they had to pray to the gods for help and protection,
07:18because if the gods were unhappy with someone, then they would punish them.
07:22The ancient city was built between the two high hills and was known as Korifo,
07:27and later became Porfu, which means the city of the hills.
07:31Ah, interesting.
07:34Let's hope the gods are smiling down on some of your design choices.
07:39Who's the god of bathrooms?
07:42Domestos.
07:46Oh, has that got a toilet?
07:48Oh, that's good.
07:49That's so good.
07:52Well, Domestos has worked her magic, as despite the doubters, Stamatis has come up trumps.
07:58He's got one of his best builders, Adonis, to make my AI circular bar a reality.
08:08And today, it's arriving on site.
08:13This is a work of art.
08:16You've made a dream come true for this woman, because everybody said,
08:20It's AI.
08:21Did I say that?
08:22It's not real.
08:23It's not real.
08:24It's not real.
08:25This is real.
08:26Adonis has lived up to his name.
08:29OK, so...
08:30We just have to...
08:31Can we pass through the door?
08:32...wheel this into there.
08:33Yeah.
08:34Oh, good.
08:35That's it.
08:36You make that look easy.
08:38Yeah.
08:38I mean, look at this.
08:41Is it going to overtake the entire bathroom now?
08:43Now, I'm going to see how big this is.
08:46Very big.
08:47Oh, yes.
08:48Look at this.
08:49Oh, my God.
08:49I'm going to get in the bath with a massive glass of wine.
08:54And look at next door's bougainvillea.
08:57And they can see you.
08:58Hello!
09:00Give the people what they want.
09:01Yeah.
09:05Luckily, my second showstopper for the bathroom has arrived today, too.
09:10I have got one piece of my chandelier.
09:15Now, we need to make everything match with that thing, eh?
09:18Everything that sort of blue.
09:20Like, climb in.
09:21How big is that thing?
09:2255 centimetres.
09:24I need it to be so that you don't bash your head on it, but it needs to be quite
09:28low.
09:30Yeah, like that.
09:31Maybe a bit higher from the window.
09:32Yeah.
09:32Yes.
09:33Yeah.
09:34OK.
09:36Interesting.
09:44While Amanda lives in a world of artificial intelligence, I'm embracing tradition.
09:50I've come to Corfu town to hunt out some authentic Greek crafts to display in my reading room.
09:56There's everything in here.
09:57There's pots, there's handbags.
09:59And I've heard local artist Olga is the woman in the know.
10:04This is speaking my language.
10:07I've got a reading room.
10:09Doing up a reading room.
10:10I just want objet d'art.
10:12I want interesting things.
10:13Curiosities to put on the shelves that people will go, oh, I love that.
10:17Well, then here is your place.
10:19Yes.
10:19We have beautiful jewellery and pottery that I personally enjoy.
10:23That's my best thing in the whole world.
10:26I love pottery.
10:26This is perfect.
10:27This is perfect.
10:27Corfu actually has a very long tradition for pottery.
10:31Wow.
10:32So here we have all Corfu's tradition in one art object.
10:38So it's ceramic.
10:40Oh, I love it.
10:41It's the jewellery because Corfu has a great tradition in jewellery making.
10:45Hello, look at this.
10:45It's the traditional costume and the Easter costume.
10:49As part of an ancient Greek tradition, at Easter these large clay pots, called batides,
10:55are filled with water, decorated with ribbons and thrown from balconies.
11:00So would you like to try and draw something like that with me?
11:02Give it a try.
11:03I would love it.
11:04It would be an honour.
11:04Olga, it would be an honour.
11:06Let's give it a try.
11:07Okay.
11:08Olga's great.
11:09I love her energy.
11:10I love her spirit.
11:11She's everything I want sort of the reading room to be.
11:14I want it to be fun, knowledgeable.
11:17Ooh.
11:18Just create a spark in you, you know?
11:20Inspire you.
11:22And then just go...
11:25Yes.
11:26Yes!
11:27Very good.
11:28Great.
11:28When I don't do the noise, it's rubbish, is it?
11:31No.
11:32Just try it.
11:34Back at the build, my tiles have arrived, which I'm hoping match my electric blue chandelier.
11:41There's a lot of purple in there.
11:44I don't think this is the right colour.
11:49I don't like it.
11:50Mm-mm.
11:51Nobody wants, like, an iridescent, pearly, purplish bathroom.
11:57Hmm.
11:59It's a disaster, darling.
12:02It's so shiny and nasty.
12:05It's like a mermaid's tail.
12:15Yeah, do you know any gays?
12:18Listen.
12:19I do.
12:20Can I be honest with you?
12:21I do.
12:21I'm single and I'm trying to find love in Corfu.
12:27Well, I have someone who's great at giving my sausage.
12:31Are you interesting?
12:32I could...
12:33We can set up a blind date.
12:34Don't.
12:34This has gone from nought to 60.
12:39Zeus.
12:40How long will you stay here for?
12:42If it's for love.
12:42I'm that desperate.
12:43I'll change my visa.
12:49Listen, for my first attempt, that's okay.
12:51Oh, not to be fair.
12:53Art is never perfect.
12:55Yeah.
12:56I'm gonna go.
12:57You get on the phone and keep me posted, please.
13:00We'll be in touch.
13:00Yes, I'll...
13:01Okay.
13:02Please get in touch, yes.
13:03Me too.
13:03Bye-bye, Alan.
13:04Bye-bye.
13:05Bye.
13:06I popped in for a pot and I come out with a Greek lover.
13:10Boom.
13:11Wonderful.
13:15With my bathroom ambitions in the balance, Alan is taking me for a soak in the sea.
13:20Right, Alan.
13:22Don't come near me for two minutes as I've been having a week.
13:25That's disgusting.
13:30Oh!
13:33Oh, my God.
13:35Have you finished your week?
13:36I've finished my week.
13:36At least it's warm in that bunch of bed.
13:39Everyone looks good in this kind of light, don't they?
13:41Yep.
13:43Yeah, not the...
13:44What are you saying?
13:46You've got a crushed ear and a thin top lip.
13:49No.
13:50And stained-up glasses.
13:52I can't, honestly.
13:53You don't even look like you.
13:54I don't look like me.
13:55He doesn't look like you.
14:13It's a new day.
14:15I'm going to hone my woodworking skills as I create my bespoke bookshelves.
14:21This room is going to be like walking into Stephen Fry's brain.
14:26Culture.
14:27Poetry.
14:28Thinking no telly.
14:30Books.
14:31Philosophy.
14:31You know, like when you go to the British Museum or V&A or something like that, you know?
14:37You go in there, you go, your sort of like mouth falls open because you see all these amazing books
14:43and object art and antiques and artefacts and you feel like, wow, my brain is getting nourished here.
14:49That's what I want.
14:50So...
14:51To bring my vision to life, first we need to work out the dimensions.
14:55Do you know what?
14:55Because that's high up, that can be the adult section.
14:58Erotica.
14:59Top shelf.
14:59Top shelf.
15:00And cut MDF boards to size.
15:04We're also making an outer frame to screw the boards into place.
15:16Hold.
15:17Hold it.
15:17I'm holding it.
15:19Hold.
15:20I'm holding it.
15:25Right, go.
15:34Beautiful.
15:37Happy?
15:37Is that looking alright so far?
15:38I'm loving it.
15:40It's great.
15:45Whilst Alan's keen to display his Greek objet d'art, I'm on the hunt in Corfu town for some authentic
15:51Greek items of my own.
15:54The Greeks have used sea sponges for personal hygiene for centuries.
15:58So I've come to the Land of Corfu shop that specialises in sustainably sourced ones for my family bathroom.
16:05Oh, my God.
16:07Oh, that's a bit scary.
16:10Excuse me?
16:12Hi.
16:12Hello.
16:13Hello.
16:13Hello.
16:14This is an amazing shop.
16:17Thank you very much.
16:18I had no idea so many massive sponges existed.
16:22We collect from very deep depths, about 80 metres.
16:27Wow.
16:28It needs some very good divers.
16:32So experts.
16:33Yes.
16:33What an amazing job.
16:35What do you do?
16:36I dye for sponges.
16:38So tell me what's the most expensive sponge in this shop?
16:43The most expensive shop is like that.
16:47It's 400 euro because this size is very difficult to grow.
16:53Do people actually buy them and then, like, use them?
16:56This one is for collectors.
16:58Yeah.
16:59It's something very, very special and elegant.
17:01Yeah.
17:02Alan may have his reading room, but my secret weapon is a sponge.
17:08That looks like a lovely cauliflower.
17:10That's cute.
17:12And Capadico from East Mediterranean.
17:15Perfect.
17:16It might be nice if I can find some coral, maybe a couple of shells.
17:21I think we'll get these.
17:22This is amazing.
17:23It's an amazing colour.
17:25Yeah.
17:26Perfect.
17:27My bathroom's going to look epic.
17:33I've been using my time on the island to dip my toe back into the dating world.
17:38I've not had much luck so far.
17:41But tonight, my friend Olga has organised a blind date with her friend Andrew.
17:46Give me, give me, give me all that after midnight.
17:49The masseuse.
17:51My dating history on Corfu has been a little bit mixed.
17:56The first date was a bit of a disaster.
17:59Amanda's put me on the app and no one's really bitten.
18:03So I'm here to try again.
18:06Are you Andrew?
18:08Hello.
18:09Hello, Alan.
18:09I'm Alan.
18:10How are you?
18:11Mwah.
18:11Mwah.
18:12Nice to see you.
18:14Do you like a gin tonic?
18:15Yes, please.
18:16Make it a double the day I've had.
18:18You're having gin as well?
18:19Yep.
18:20Yeah, double gin.
18:21Yeah, lovely.
18:23Yeah, what's that?
18:24Tequila's there.
18:25Oh.
18:26You like shots?
18:27That's dangerous.
18:28Very.
18:29Because to me, when I have tequila, my clothes come off.
18:32Really?
18:32Just so you know.
18:33Yeah.
18:33Let's do it.
18:35Stop it!
18:38Come on, you don't even know my name and you're getting fruity already.
18:41You've just got to put yourself out there, haven't you?
18:43You know what I mean?
18:44If you want to catch a fish, you've got to get your rod out.
18:47Whilst Alan is wooing his potential new man,
18:50I'm battling with my 300 piece electric blue chandelier.
18:55I've been two hours putting this blinking thing together.
18:59I have no idea really what the pattern is because someone threw the box away
19:05and I can't find a picture of it.
19:07Oh!
19:08Buzz off!
19:11Ha-ha-ha-ha!
19:14Yes!
19:15I actually think Alan is going to make his words!
19:18He's going to think it's ... it's nice.
19:24Look at that.
19:25Dad, you are very good.
19:26That's good, innit?
19:29That's good!
19:33awfully horrible!
19:35She's good!
19:37Good job of not playing strip pool innit?
19:40You'd be naked.
19:45it's always a bit eggy when you're dating i'm just gonna see how it goes but i just think time
19:51is of
19:52the essence i'm approaching 50. i've been a bit miserable but now i love greece and i want to find
20:01love you know so what do you look for in someone when you go dating being happy oh you go
20:09for happy
20:10people happy people i go for men who are really good at pool i like it
20:20it's been lovely having a nice date with you meet you let's do another date let's have a dinner
20:30let's have a dinner promise promise oh you're so lovely now please i'm gonna go
20:50it's a busy morning at the build as we try and get both of our rooms finished
20:57adonis has come through again with an ingenious alternative to my tile dilemma
21:03a waterproof colored plaster finish fabulous okay this is the undercoat this is the under yeah
21:10this is not 100 because it's not the color but it's the primer correct the base coat
21:18okay okay adonis is the king of bathrooms the king of hot tubs he's just the king of hot
21:29stamatis has been giving all of his attention to the blue bath but i've got an even bigger challenge
21:35for him in my family reading room fitting the floating bed it's crucial for our design as it's not only
21:44a
21:44space to read okay but it's an over spill bed for large families it's quite high up there's a there's
21:54a ladder that swings about so the potential for it to go wrong it's quite high it's got a curve
22:01in the
22:02middle yeah because it's heavy and it's long so we need to do something to support so we need you
22:07need
22:08to think now an idea what we're going to put in the middle i don't think stamatis takes my design
22:12ideas as seriously as he does amanda's like he he made her bath work the point of a floating bed
22:19is
22:20it has to look like it's floating that's not floating if it's got a massive stick keeping it up
22:26it's meant to be magic people are meant to go how's that bed staying up there it's got a giant
22:32pole
22:32keeping it up where's the surprise i mean look how big it is three meters that's a big bed okay
22:42i'm just wondering whether the bed shouldn't be floating maybe i should just stick a futon in
22:46there and be done with it you hold it like that and press you see so you push it in
22:54yeah
22:58as alan's struggling i'm thriving for us to have found this extraordinary solution that i
23:06didn't even know existed like blue cement i'm like glad that we had the problem because we found
23:12a way around it and it's better than the original idea that's amazing oh hello mr car
23:20and glow what do you think of me big blue bath oh yeah it's
23:29yay blue yeah no it's blue it's blue this is the undercoat so it's going as blue as my chandelier
23:37adonis what do you think is this good or is she crazy no no no you think it's gonna look
23:42good
23:43yeah it's gonna look very good thank you okay all right all right
23:53after a full-on day of diy star mattis and his wife olympia have invited alan and my girls
23:58to the vacarola festival in celebration of saint spiridan it's bigger than i thought it was gonna be
24:04out there like the old the corfu's come out in it in 1716 the ottomans tried to invade corfu
24:12but their attack failed it's believed that saint spiridan worsened the weather stopping
24:17the battle stomatis yeah oh
24:23this is amazing yeah yeah how many celebrations a year are there to do with greek gods every second
24:29day they're doing something in the summer in the summer yeah are the fireworks quite loud because
24:35i've got a nervous disposition it's just a light yeah and a little bit bang bang bang no no no
24:40no no
24:41i mean when you have bonfire night at home there's like a barrier and you have a couple of people
24:46in
24:46high-vis jackets the man's over there just standing next to a box of fireworks having a fag
24:52i just don't i don't know i can't really relax okay should we do a toast to how do you
24:59call this
24:59tradition vacarola vacarola vacarola vacarola vacarola every year on august the 11th
25:09saint spiridan is honored with a mock recreation of the battle and fireworks galore
25:35at the house we're on the home stretch to finish the rooms
25:41adonis has been color matching my bath to the chandelier so i can finally hang it in place ready
25:52and style the space and with my bed finally floating i'm bringing my wall of shelves to life
26:22so you've got with me it turned out better than you expected it really really did
26:28and i'm gonna just say with this renovation i think i'm falling in love with the color blue ball
26:36thank you that to me does look a little bit cheap it wasn't expensive it wasn't cheap but this was
26:50a-i now it's a-h i see what you did there thank you yeah hats off to you because
27:00it's brilliant
27:02come and look at my intellectual space
27:15it is amazing i have to say yeah you've come in from the beach it's not tea time yet you're
27:22not
27:22getting ready i'm gonna climb all the way up there with me book and if i nod off i nod
27:26off who cares
27:27you've done an incredible job yeah and it's allowed us to have another guest yeah and if you wanted to
27:33you could have a little put you up there and have more people yeah so what do you think of
27:38me unit
27:39i love i mean i love a unit and i love how you've styled all the books color coordinated there's
27:44aphrodite aphrodite for me yeah and there's apollon for me apollon apollon is the greek way of saying
27:52apollo oh but sadly the willy's fallen off just did you really lose his willy yeah the willy snapped
28:00top oh my god poor man i know i know but he's still smiling right next time
28:08we hit the dance floor that is a calorie burner that is and i finally have some luck amanda put
28:15me
28:15on a lonely hearts app you know me now here why you need the app
28:21as we take on that's good our final space i'm proud of you i'm proud of you too
28:26yeah
28:27so
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