- 22 hours ago
HOT Drama
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TVTranscript
00:06The summer I turned 18, Asher made me cross a line I could never take back.
00:10I bit my lip through the ache, glowing secretly all night,
00:13convinced that six long years of loving him from a distance had finally, finally paid off.
00:18Then the next morning, I heard his friend laughing outside the classroom door.
00:22Okay, okay, got the nerd to give it up, huh?
00:25My face burned, and I turned to slip away before anyone saw me.
00:29I'm trying to get with Chloe, but she'd think I was too inexperienced.
00:33So I used Stella to get some practice in first.
00:35I didn't say a single word.
00:36I just quietly changed my college application from NYU to a school thousand miles away in California.
00:43His words hit me like a thunderclap out of a cloudless summer sky.
00:46No warning at all.
00:48My mind went completely blank.
00:49It was a scorching July afternoon, but I felt like ice was spreading through every inch of my body.
00:54The guys inside kept talking, pausing only for a half second before someone else piped up.
01:01Classic Ashen, even Stella was just a warm-up for him.
01:03Everyone knows how hard it is to get into her pants.
01:09So what does that make her, like a practice dully?
01:13Asher just laughed it off.
01:16Relax, she got something out of it too.
01:18I mean, Stella's cute and all, but compared to Chloe, yeah, no contest.
01:22Right.
01:24Asher threw a textbook at him to shut him up.
01:27It was just a vibe, okay?
01:28The moment happened, and honestly, she seemed like she was enjoying herself.
01:32The guys all exchanged knowing looks and started roasting him.
01:36Who knew the book bird was that freaky under all those cardigans?
01:40Bro, Asher's just built different.
01:42Why leave free food on the table, right?
01:44She's been chasing him for years.
01:46Technically, she got what she wanted.
01:48The laughter inside the room got noticeably louder.
01:51I pressed my teeth into my lower lips so hard I tasted copper.
01:54Both hands balled into white-knuckled fists.
01:56It took every single ounce of willpower I had to stay upright,
02:00to not just crumple right there in the doorway.
02:02Footsteps echoed down the hall toward me.
02:04I snapped back to reality and bolted,
02:07shoving my way blindly through the corridor.
02:09In my panic, I threw myself into the nearest bathroom stall
02:12and locked the door behind me.
02:18The tears came like a dam breaking.
02:20Grief and humiliation pouring out all at once.
02:23Asher's words played on a loop inside my head.
02:25Every single syllable.
02:27They shredded what little self-worth I had left.
02:29If I hadn't heard it with my own ears,
02:31I never could have believed that the guy talking in there
02:34was the same one who had held me like I was something precious just last night.
02:38Turns out, you don't actually need to love someone to do that with them.
02:41Turns out, you can look a girl dead in the eyes,
02:44make her feel everything,
02:45and still be lying through every single second of it.
02:48The thing I thought was my happily ever after
02:51was just a punchline someone else got to laugh at.
02:54The more I cried, the worse it got.
02:56But I couldn't make a sound.
02:57My whole body was shaking so hard I could barely breathe.
03:01A long time passed.
03:02My phone buzzed.
03:04It was Asher.
03:04Just grab an Uber back.
03:06My crew's got a party tonight and it'd be awkward to bring you.
03:09I didn't reply.
03:10He sent a follow-up.
03:11Also, pick up a morning after pill yourself.
03:14I'm busy today.
03:15Don't forget to take it.
03:16Good girl.
03:16I stared at those two texts for a very, very long time without moving.
03:21From dusk until nearly sunrise,
03:23Asher had been relentless, like he had a point to prove.
03:26By the end, we were both completely wrecked.
03:28And right before he drifted off with his arms around me,
03:31he'd murmured the same thing twice.
03:33We weren't really prepared for your first time.
03:38I'll get you the pill first thing tomorrow morning.
03:41He'd even given me this little lecture about how girls needed to take care of themselves,
03:45said the morning after pill was really important,
03:48and that skipping it could mess up my body.
03:50And I had actually thought,
03:51This is it.
03:52He's the one.
03:53He's being so responsible.
03:55I finally got my person.
03:57And now, the clarity hit me like a slap.
04:00I dug my nails into my own palm until the pain forced the tears to stop.
04:04I wiped my face, straightened my glasses,
04:06and walked out of that bathroom like nothing had happened.
04:10I was too embarrassed to go to a real pharmacy,
04:12so I ordered the pill online instead.
04:14When the delivery guy left the package at my door,
04:17I waited another long stretch before I could even bring myself to go get it.
04:21I swallowed it with a mouthful of my own tears,
04:23and then I just sat down on the floor, staring at nothing, completely empty.
04:31Ever since Asher's family had moved next door to mine,
04:34I'd trailed after him like a shadow,
04:36and that had been ten years of my life.
04:38I had genuinely never stopped to think about what a world without him would even look like.
04:43I couldn't picture it,
04:44but starting right now, I was going to have to figure it out alone.
04:47Outside the floor-to-ceiling window,
04:49the neighborhood lights blinked on, one by one, and then off again.
04:53At some point, I really didn't know how long I'd been sitting there,
04:57Mia called me on FaceTime.
05:02Stella, why didn't you come to the party tonight with Ashler?
05:05That girl Chloe from the AP track is here, by the way.
05:08She has been all over him since you didn't show.
05:10It's actually disgusting.
05:11In the dark corner of the VIP booth,
05:13Asher and Chloe were sitting so close together,
05:16their thighs were touching.
05:17Chloe had worn a crop top and a curve-hugging mini skirt,
05:20long, tan legs, tiny waist.
05:23Even the way they were talking looked more like whispering secrets than having a conversation.
05:28I could feel the charged energy between them through the screen,
05:31something in my chest locked up.
05:33He'd only said he wanted to chase her this afternoon,
05:36and apparently,
05:37tonight was all the time he needed.
05:39The game switched to truth or dare,
05:41and Chloe drew a card that said,
05:45Do a push-up challenge with a guy hovering over me.
05:50Predictably, Asher volunteered before anyone else could open their mouth.
05:54Chloe blushed bright pink and lay back against the couch cushions.
05:57Asher planted his hands on either side of her.
06:00He was controlled the whole time,
06:02deliberately keeping his body from making contact with hers,
06:05until the very last one.
06:07His arms gave out,
06:08and his entire weight came down directly on top of her.
06:11The room erupted.
06:13Everyone screaming so loud,
06:15the walls practically shook.
06:16Asher's and Chloe's faces went even redder.
06:19With the whole crowd going absolutely feral around them,
06:22Asher just tilted his head down and kissed her.
06:24Not a quick peck,
06:25a full, deep,
06:27for the whole room to see kiss.
06:29Three full minutes before they finally pulled apart.
06:31For all three of those minutes,
06:33I sat completely frozen,
06:35eyes locked on the screen,
06:36barely remembering to breathe.
06:38I wanted to cry so badly.
06:41Oh my god,
06:42Stella,
06:42did you see that?
06:44He literally kissed her in front of everyone.
06:46He is so into her.
06:49Mia shook her head and stepped out of the booth,
06:51turning the camera as she went.
06:52Don't be mad at me.
06:53If I hadn't shown you,
06:55you never would have let yourself move on.
06:57I'm not mad at you.
06:58I'm only mad at myself for wasting so many years.
07:02I had always assumed that the spot beside Asher was mine,
07:05that it would always be mine.
07:06I am so done with him,
07:08Stella.
07:08Who does he think he is?
07:09Watching you love him for years,
07:11acting all innocent like he had no idea,
07:12just letting you fall deeper and deeper?
07:14You saw what I showed you.
07:16I'm not giving myself the chance.
07:18Mia,
07:19I've already decided
07:20I'm going to California with you.
07:22But you have to promise me
07:23you'll keep it quiet for now.
07:25Right after I said it,
07:26I flipped open my laptop right in front of her.
07:29Without a single second of hesitation,
07:30I changed my first choice school
07:32to the one in California,
07:34one minute before the deadline.
07:35Mia basically levitated off the ground.
07:38She'd been begging me for months
07:40to apply to the same school as her.
07:42But back when we started high school,
07:44Asher and I had made this pact.
07:45We'd work hard together
07:47and go to his dream school up in Boston after graduation.
07:50It had his aerospace engineering program,
07:52the one he'd been obsessed with since we were kids.
07:55So even though I didn't particularly love the idea of brutal winters,
07:58and even though that school was a technical institute
08:01that didn't even have my major,
08:02I'd spent three years treating it like my only option.
08:06Our families had lived next door to each other for so long
08:08that both sets of parents thought it was basically a done deal
08:11we'd end up at the same school.
08:13Everyone, including me,
08:15assumed Asher and I would just naturally become official
08:18once we got to college.
08:19But right now,
08:20I couldn't think of a single reason to still go to Boston.
08:23Because honestly,
08:24after today,
08:25if I kept following Asher around the way I always had,
08:28I would never be able to look myself in the mirror again.
08:31I just needed to go somewhere far away.
08:33It didn't even matter where,
08:35as long as he wasn't there.
08:36He was going east,
08:37so I was going west.
08:39Before bed,
08:40I filled the entire bathtub.
08:42I needed to scrub every inch of myself clean.
08:44But when I took off my clothes,
08:46the bruises on my skin were still so vivid,
08:49it made me flinch.
08:51The memories from last night rushed back
08:53before I could stop them.
08:54The burning heat of his skin pressed against mine.
08:57The sound of his breath ragged and warm against my ear.
09:01The ghost of it all still seemed to linger in the air around me.
09:04I shook my head hard,
09:06physically trying to shake myself free of it.
09:08Then,
09:08I grabbed the roughest loofah I owned
09:10and scrubbed myself raw,
09:12over and over,
09:14until my whole body was flushed pink and singing.
09:17I was trying,
09:18clumsily,
09:19desperately,
09:20to erase what was officially
09:21the worst night of my entire life.
09:24The result was that the pain kept me awake the whole night anyway.
09:28Asher didn't text.
09:29For the first time in six years,
09:31ever since we both got phones,
09:33we didn't say goodnight to each other.
09:34That was fine.
09:35It was going to happen eventually anyway.
09:37Tonight was as good a time as any to start letting go.
09:40I didn't fall asleep until just before sunrise,
09:43drifting in and out of exhaustion.
09:45Early the next morning,
09:46while I was still buried in sleep,
09:48I felt in that foggy space between dream and awake,
09:52the soft press of lips against my forehead.
09:55I jolted awake.
09:56The first thing my eyes landed on was a jaw I knew too well,
10:00and the soft dip of a throat right above me.
10:02The scent hit me next.
10:04Cedarwood.
10:04That cologne he always wore.
10:06And underneath it,
10:07the faintest trace of something new.
10:09Something citrusy that wasn't his.
10:12Right.
10:12I'd completely forgotten that Asher still knew my front door code.
10:16Seeing me awake,
10:17he shifted lower and tilted his face down toward my lips.
10:20I shoved him back with both hands
10:22and scrambled to the far edge of the bed.
10:24He blinked,
10:24then let out a short laugh like I'd surprised him.
10:29Since when are you shy?
10:31I didn't answer.
10:32I just yanked the blanket over my head and disappeared under it.
10:35Asher started talking.
10:39Stella, seriously.
10:40You didn't say goodnight,
10:41you turned your phone off,
10:42and now you're hiding under a blanket?
10:45Still avoiding me?
10:46Then he just lifted the blanket and slid himself right in.
10:51Hey, how many times have I told you?
10:53You can't skip breakfast.
10:55I ran half a mile to get you those croissants from your favorite place,
10:59and this stood in line forever.
11:01Wanna get up and eat now?
11:03Or get eaten?
11:07Reality crashed back in,
11:08and I fought like my life depended on it.
11:11But I'm 5'2 and sneakers,
11:13and Asher is literally 6'2 of solid muscle.
11:15I honestly could not figure out what game he was playing.
11:18He had Chloe now,
11:19so what was he even doing in my bed?
11:21I tried to push him away,
11:23only to be held even tighter.
11:25Let go of me!
11:26After what felt like forever of thrashing around,
11:29I was panting,
11:30and had accomplished nothing,
11:32except being held even tighter.
11:33What's the tantrum about?
11:36You're mad because I didn't bring you to the party last night?
11:39Over something that small?
11:41I said nothing.
11:41He buried his face in the curve of my neck,
11:44and actually laughed.
11:45Let me guess.
11:47Mia told you something?
11:48It was a party game, Stella.
11:50Is it really worth getting jealous over?
11:52You're doing that thing you always do.
11:55I get slightly close to another girl,
11:57and you go all silent and sulky.
11:59I was so furious,
12:00I couldn't even form a sentence.
12:02I dredged up something from a self-defense unit in gym class,
12:05snapped my knee up hard between us,
12:07and the second he doubled over,
12:09I launched myself out of that bed.
12:11Stella.
12:12Asher's jaw went tight,
12:13his whole face going red.
12:15I grabbed a hoodie off the floor,
12:16and yanked it on over my pajamas.
12:19I did not want to be in any room with him,
12:22and especially not my bedroom.
12:33Hey, you took that pill yesterday, right?
12:36Because I really don't need that kind of drama,
12:37and I definitely don't want to have that conversation with your parents.
12:48Come on, be reasonable.
12:50Eat something before you pick a fight.
12:54You know your stomach's sensitive.
13:04What is actually going on?
13:07Stella, even a tantrum needs a reason.
13:09There have to be some limits here.
13:11I kept my voice ice cold and set it flat.
13:14I don't deserve to have any say.
13:17Asher snapped.
13:18He slammed the cup down on the coffee table so hard it cracked.
13:21The plastic split and the smoothie spilled out in a wave, soaking into the rug.
13:26What is that supposed to mean?
13:29Who do you think you are, Stella?
13:32Who do you think you are?
13:36We slept together once.
13:37It was consensual.
13:38And now you think you own me?
13:41Do you know how suffocating that is?
13:44His voice had a viciousness to it I had never heard before.
13:47The second he finished speaking, my eyes flooded.
13:50No warning.
13:51No buildup.
13:52Just instant tears.
13:54Yesterday's humiliation came crashing back,
13:56hitting me all over again like a fresh wound.
13:59Asher clearly hadn't expected me to cry this hard this fast.
14:02He looked genuinely thrown, scrambling for what to do.
14:05He crouched down and said he was sorry.
14:08I'm sorry.
14:09I drank too much last night and I was out of line just now.
14:12He reached out to wipe my face, but I twisted away, putting distance between us.
14:16His hand froze in midair, hovering there.
14:18He opened his mouth to keep trying, but his phone buzzed.
14:21He glanced at the screen once, and his entire expression shifted.
14:25And he stood up and moved toward the door.
14:27I've got something urgent.
14:28Take a minute to calm down.
14:30We're going to college soon.
14:32You can't keep throwing fits like a little kid who's going to put up with that.
14:42He hadn't been gone 30 minutes when Mia sent me a screenshot.
14:46Chloe's Instagram story just said,
14:48I'm hungry and breakfast appeared like magic.
14:51Pretty sure this is mutual now, with a little heart.
14:53The photo was of the exact same croissants that were sitting on my kitchen counter.
14:58I didn't respond.
14:59I just quietly wiped my eyes, got on my hands and knees,
15:02and started cleaning up the smoothie Asher had spilled.
15:05I scrubbed for a long time before I accepted, with a hollow feeling in my chest,
15:10that the stain had soaked all the way through the wool rug and wasn't coming out.
15:14So, I just threw the whole rug in the trash.
15:16It didn't matter anyway.
15:17That rug was something Asher and his parents had spent an entire afternoon picking out on a family trip.
15:23And he'd lugged it home in his carry-on himself.
15:25Then, I went through everything else.
15:27Every single thing Asher had ever left at my place.
15:31Every gift he'd given me over the years.
15:33Every photo of the two of us.
15:34Every small souvenir and keepsake.
15:37It took the rest of the day, but I packed every last bit of it up, and threw it all
15:41out.
15:44I doubted he'd want any of it back, anyway.
15:47After he left that day, the silence stretched.
15:50Days went by, and he didn't reach out at all.
15:52Things with Chloe were probably going great.
15:54Or maybe he was waiting for me to be the one who caved first.
15:57In every fight we'd ever had, I was always the one who broke first.
16:01Just every single time.
16:03No exceptions.
16:04But this time, I didn't go looking for him.
16:06And I didn't have any reason to.
16:07I blocked him on everything.
16:09Text all social media.
16:11Changed my front door code.
16:12And deleted every account he might use to find me.
16:15After that, I called my parents, who were both traveling for work.
16:18I told them I wanted to spend the summer visiting my aunt on the other side of the country.
16:22My plan was to stay there until school started.
16:25Then head straight to California with Mia, instead of coming home.
16:28Other than Mia, no one else knew yet that I'd changed my application.
16:32This plan should work perfectly.
16:34There was basically zero chance I'd run into Asher if I pulled this off right.
16:38My mom actually laughed over the phone.
16:41Oh, so you and Ashler are taking a vacation together?
16:45I made up a quick excuse and didn't go into detail.
16:48I just told her I wanted to visit my aunt and grandma.
16:51I begged my dad to book me the first available flight.
16:54And I was ready to leave that same night.
16:56Of course, because the universe has no chill,
16:59I ran into Asher's mom right at our front door on my way out.
17:03She grabbed my arm warmly and started chattering.
17:06Stella, honey, where's Asher?
17:08He's not coming to pick you up?
17:09Didn't he say he was taking you on that ski trip?
17:13Go have fun.
17:15I am 100% behind you two.
17:18I was confused.
17:19I had mentioned once during senior year
17:22that I'd always wanted to try skiing in Colorado, just offhand.
17:26But given everything that had happened between us,
17:28the idea of going on a trip together seemed completely impossible.
17:32I was running out of time though,
17:34so I said something vague and non-committal and slipped away.
17:37What I never expected was that at the airport,
17:39I would come face to face with Asher.
17:44He was with a group of friends.
17:46Chloe was there too.
17:47Asher had her designer bag in one hand
17:49and his other arms slung around her shoulder.
17:51They were trailing at the back of the group.
17:53Every so often, Chloe would lean her head toward him to say something.
17:57And every single time, without any hesitation,
18:00he would bend down to listen.
18:01He never did that with me.
18:03Asher had always been taller than me,
18:05and the gap had only gotten bigger over the years.
18:08When it was the two of us,
18:09I was always the one bouncing on my toes,
18:11craning my neck up just to catch his eyes.
18:14Turns out, for the right person,
18:16he would be the one who bends.
18:18I breathed in slowly.
18:19I told myself I needed to have some dignity about this.
18:23Whatever he did was none of my business.
18:25If I let myself overthink it,
18:26I deserve to be slapped.
18:28But there seemed to be only one path to the gate.
18:31All I could do was stay far enough behind
18:33that he wouldn't notice me.
18:34By some miracle,
18:36we eventually reached a fork in the terminal
18:37where the path split.
18:39Asher seemed to get distracted around that.
18:41He made a bunch of calls,
18:42none of which seemed to go through,
18:44and then spent a long time staring at his phone.
18:47Eventually, he borrowed someone else's phone,
18:49his face dark and unreadable,
18:51and disappeared into a nearby bathroom.
18:53A moment later,
18:54my phone rang.
18:55Unknown number.
18:57So you've got a real attitude on you this time.
19:00You're just not going to come to me first?
19:02You actually blocked me?
19:05Fine.
19:06Keep it up.
19:07See how great you do when we're both in Boston
19:09and you don't know anyone
19:10and there's no one to look out for you.
19:11Asher came out swinging,
19:13rattling off complaints
19:14in one long, irritated breath.
19:16I had absolutely nothing to say to any of that.
19:19But Asher seemed to get angrier at my silence.
19:22I'm done talking about this.
19:23Just unblock me.
19:25I'm heading out of the country
19:26for a couple days with some friends.
19:28Probably won't have great reception.
19:32Don't get all weepy about it.
19:34I couldn't even be bothered
19:35to say a single word back.
19:37I hung up and turned my phone off.
19:39From across the terminal,
19:40I watched Asher stalk back to his group,
19:42his expression stormy.
19:44He grabbed Chloe's hand,
19:46didn't hesitate for a second,
19:47and walked toward the left gate.
19:49I let out a long breath,
19:50turned around,
19:51and headed right.
19:54With my family,
19:55I performed happiness.
19:56And honestly,
19:57I got pretty good at it.
19:58I deliberately kept myself slammed with plans,
20:01filling every gap in the day
20:03so I had no room to spiral.
20:05I definitely didn't add Asher back
20:07the way he demanded.
20:08But Mia and some others
20:09kept me updated on his life anyway.
20:11Asher and his friends
20:12had apparently been skiing in Colorado for days.
20:15For some reason,
20:16he was suddenly posting on social media
20:18every single day,
20:19which was completely unlike the version of him
20:22who used to go months without posting anything.
20:24Sometimes it was slow motion clips of him
20:26carving down the slopes.
20:28Sometimes it was food and late night parties.
20:30But mostly,
20:31it was big group shots
20:32of everyone clowning around in the snow.
20:34Even though I genuinely didn't want to see it.
20:36Somehow,
20:37people kept sending it to me unprompted.
20:39Everyone was very casually curious
20:41about why I hadn't gone with Asher.
20:43I didn't know what to say,
20:44so I just told people I had family stuff going on.
20:47Mia was the only one
20:49who openly called him a trash human.
20:51Everyone else around me
20:52seemed to be constantly stopping themselves
20:54from saying something.
20:55I knew.
20:55They'd probably figured out something was wrong.
20:59In every single group photo Asher posted,
21:02he and Chloe were glued together,
21:03inseparable.
21:04But that spot beside him
21:06had been mine for years,
21:07just mine.
21:08Every time I saw one of those photos,
21:10my face stayed completely neutral,
21:12but something deep in my chest would clench.
21:14He was the first person I ever fell for,
21:16someone I had genuinely,
21:18completely,
21:19embarrassingly loved
21:20for such a long time.
21:21In the middle of the night,
21:22alone,
21:23I would fall apart a little,
21:24and sometimes I felt this stubborn,
21:26stupid feeling
21:27that I wasn't ready to let go.
21:29But every time that feeling started rising,
21:31I'd replay his words
21:32and give myself a mental slap.
21:34I'd repeat it to myself over and over.
21:37Stella,
21:37don't be pathetic.
21:38That's the fastest way
21:39to make yourself even less worth respecting.
21:42Just hold on a little longer.
21:43Once the detox period was over,
21:45everything would be fine.
21:47We went a full month without any contact,
21:49the longest we'd ever gone
21:50since the day we met.
21:51Distance and time
21:52turned out to be the best medicine.
21:54I ground through the worst of it
21:55and came out the other side.
21:57Just when I'd reached the point
21:58where I didn't think about him
21:59every hour of every day,
22:01he switched to a new number
22:02and called me from across the country.
22:07So you're just that bold,
22:09running off without me
22:10and staying this long?
22:13Summer's almost over, Stella.
22:15Did you forget you promised
22:17to go on a trip with me?
22:18Maybe it was because
22:19we'd gone so long without talking,
22:21but underneath all the complaints,
22:23his voice had this edge to it,
22:25almost careful.
22:26I still didn't want to talk to him.
22:27I was about to hang up
22:28when his mom snatched the phone.
22:30Stella, sweetheart,
22:32are you having fun out there?
22:34This boy won't tell me anything.
22:36I only just found out
22:37you two had a fight.
22:39Don't be too hard on him, honey.
22:41When you come back,
22:42I'll make him apologize to your face.
22:45Oh, and Ashler just got
22:46his acceptance letter today.
22:48Yours should come soon, too.
22:50Have you thought about
22:51when you'll come home
22:52for your going away party?
22:54I've got a little surprise planned.
22:56Asher's mom had been
22:57like a second family to me
22:58since I was little.
22:59I couldn't bring myself
23:00to hang up on her,
23:01so I stayed on
23:02and let her talk.
23:03I'm not really planning
23:04to have a party.
23:05My parents are always traveling,
23:07and honestly,
23:08we can just do
23:09a video call thing
23:09with family.
23:10I probably won't be back
23:12before school starts anyway.
23:13I'll just come home
23:14right before move in.
23:15I didn't even finish
23:16the sentence
23:17before Asher took
23:18the phone back.
23:18His breathing was heavy.
23:20I could feel the anger
23:21coming through
23:21from 3,000 miles away.
23:25Stella,
23:26I'm literally the one
23:27reaching out first here.
23:28How much longer
23:29are you going to keep this up?
23:31If you don't come back,
23:32don't expect me
23:33to wait for you.
23:34I'll head to Boston
23:35without you.
23:36He delivered the threat
23:37in this cold,
23:39flat voice,
23:40waited and waited
23:41without getting
23:41the answer he wanted.
23:43My acceptance letter
23:44had already arrived at home.
23:46When they saw
23:46the school name
23:47on the letter,
23:48my parents finally found out
23:49I'd changed my application.
23:51My mom video called me.
23:52Hi, baby.
23:54Why didn't you talk to us
23:55before changing
23:56your application?
23:57Does Asher know?
23:58His mom called this morning
24:00asking if your letter
24:01had come yet.
24:02I had no words.
24:07Baby,
24:08how are we supposed
24:08to feel okay
24:09about you going
24:09all the way
24:09to California alone?
24:11Aren't you the kid
24:12who's terrified of bugs
24:13and can't handle heat?
24:15You really think
24:16you can manage?
24:17Don't call me
24:17to come deal with it
24:18for you.
24:19That school has a lot
24:20to offer
24:21and Mia will be
24:22going there too.
24:23You don't have to worry.
24:25Is this about a fight
24:26with Asher?
24:27Because that's not a reason
24:29to switch schools
24:30across the country.
24:32What if you change
24:33your mind in a week
24:34and want him back?
24:35Then what?
24:36It's heart your caption.
24:38I just decided
24:39to say it straight.
24:41Asher has a girlfriend.
24:43Mom,
24:44Dad,
24:45I have my own life
24:47and I don't want to just
24:48orbit around his forever.
24:50So please support
24:51my choice
24:52and please keep it
24:53between us for now.
24:55My parents looked
24:56at each other
24:57for a long time
24:58without speaking.
24:59The only thing
25:00they asked
25:00was that I come home
25:01sooner rather than later.
25:03School was starting soon
25:04and they wanted time
25:06with me.
25:06My mom mentioned
25:07that Asher had gone off
25:08on another trip
25:09with friends
25:09the very next day
25:10after getting his
25:11acceptance letter.
25:12He'd been gone
25:13for days.
25:14His mom was apparently
25:15calling my mom
25:16regularly,
25:16asking when I was
25:17flying back.
25:18On the day I landed,
25:20my parents showed up
25:20at the airport,
25:21dressed like they were
25:22going somewhere formal.
25:23I woke up from my nap
25:24on the drive.
25:25I realized
25:26they'd pulled up
25:27to a five-star hotel.
25:28I was still half asleep
25:30when my mom grabbed my arm
25:32and steered me
25:32through the lobby.
25:33And right there,
25:34standing in the middle of it,
25:36was Asher,
25:37who I hadn't seen
25:38in months.
25:39My feet
25:39stopped moving
25:40on their own.
25:41Asher was in a perfectly
25:43fitted black suit,
25:44leaning casually
25:45beside the lobby fountain,
25:46like something out
25:47of a magazine spread.
25:48Just one summer
25:49was all it took.
25:50The boyish edge
25:51had faded,
25:51and he looked exactly
25:53like the version of him
25:54I used to imagine
25:55when I tried to picture
25:56him grown up.
25:57Something complicated
25:58twisted in my chest.
25:59I'd avoided this moment
26:00for months,
26:01and now here it was,
26:02sprung on me
26:03with no warning.
26:04Stella,
26:05it's Ashler's
26:06going away party.
26:07We figured we'd pick you up
26:08and bring you straight here.
26:10You said you didn't want
26:11a party of your own,
26:13right?
26:13Ashley asked his parents
26:15to set the date
26:15for the day you got back,
26:17so you can kind of
26:17both celebrate together.
26:19Asher seemed to sense
26:20something,
26:20because right then
26:21he casually glanced over,
26:23and his gaze
26:24landed directly on mine.
26:25My heart lurched sideways,
26:27still felt like
26:28the floor dropped out,
26:29but Asher moved first.
26:31He took one step
26:32toward us,
26:32and then Chloe appeared
26:33out of nowhere
26:34and slipped her arm
26:35through his.
26:36She pulled him along
26:37with her,
26:38smiling wide,
26:39and walked right
26:40over to us.
26:41Oh my gosh,
26:42Stella,
26:43you're back.
26:44I've been wanting
26:45to properly meet you
26:46forever.
26:47I always saw you
26:49around with Asher.
26:50I'm from the AP track,
26:52so we never officially met,
26:54and I'm genuinely
26:56sad about that.
26:58Yeah.
26:59Asher looked vaguely
27:00uncomfortable.
27:01Why would you want
27:01to get to know her?
27:03She's just a drama queen
27:05who throws fits.
27:06I honestly thought
27:08she'd stayed in her
27:08aunt's state forever.
27:10The world will keep on
27:11turning,
27:11and your name
27:12will be forgotten.
27:13I had nothing
27:14to say to that.
27:15There was genuinely
27:15no response.
27:17Chloe's silver
27:17bodycon dress
27:18was covered
27:19in tiny crystals
27:20that caught
27:20every bit of light
27:21in the room.
27:22I glanced down
27:23at myself.
27:23White tea,
27:24jeans,
27:25sneakers,
27:25hair that still
27:26had a slight
27:27slept-on wave
27:27from the plane.
27:28I looked like
27:29I'd made a wrong turn
27:30on the way
27:30to a convenience store.
27:32I brought a dress
27:32for you, baby.
27:33You can go change
27:34in the powder room.
27:34I nodded,
27:35then shook my head.
27:36There was no point.
27:38This wasn't my party.
27:39Asher kept staring at me
27:40with this unreadable expression.
27:42Chloe's eyes kept flicking
27:43back and forth
27:44between the two of us.
27:45Luckily,
27:46a few more guests
27:46arrived just then,
27:47and Chloe immediately
27:49pulled Asher over
27:50to greet them.
27:50Like she was already
27:51the hostess.
27:52Mom, let's go in.
27:53I'm a little hungry.
27:56It was a small gathering.
27:58Asher had only
27:59invited close family
28:00and a handful of friends.
28:01Every single person
28:02I knew looked visibly
28:03shocked when they
28:04saw me walk in.
28:05I just smiled
28:06and said hello
28:07and acted like
28:08I didn't notice.
28:09But nobody was subtle
28:10about their curiosity.
28:11The people watching
28:12energy was off the charts.
28:16I slipped out
28:17to the terrace
28:17for some air
28:18and could immediately
28:19hear a small group
28:20in the hallway
28:20cornering Asher
28:21for the gossip.
28:24Wait,
28:25didn't Stella fall out
28:26with you over
28:26the Chloe thing?
28:27Why is she here?
28:28Did she come crawling back?
28:30She's just quick-tempered
28:31and in a mood.
28:32She always comes around
28:33after a couple of days.
28:34We've known each other
28:34our whole lives.
28:35She's not actually
28:36going to cut me off.
28:37I mean, Stella's
28:38genuinely great.
28:38She's been ride or died
28:39for you for years.
28:40All of us are low-key
28:41jealous of how she treats you.
28:42But like,
28:43one is your childhood
28:44best friend.
28:45Honestly,
28:46Stella's amazing.
28:47But it also feels
28:48kind of limiting.
28:49I'm young.
28:50I don't want to only
28:51ever have one person.
28:52That's too predictable.
28:53I need to see
28:54what else is out there.
28:55But that doesn't mean
28:56anything has to end.
28:57As long as I know
28:58there's always a light
28:59on at home for me.
29:00You're such a player.
29:02I'd heard enough.
29:03I backed away
29:04as quietly as I could.
29:05The evening breeze
29:06hit my face
29:07and I felt my eyes
29:08go hot.
29:09I just hated myself
29:10for spending so many years
29:12being blind
29:12to who he actually was.
29:15I was in
29:15absolutely
29:16the worst mood
29:17of the entire summer.
29:19But Asher's mom
29:20was thrilled to see me
29:21and spent most of dinner
29:23doting on me,
29:24refusing to let go
29:25of my hand.
29:26Stella,
29:26Boston can get
29:27really dry in winter.
29:28Let Asher take you
29:29shopping tomorrow
29:30and stock up
29:31on some good moisturizers.
29:32Oh, it's fine.
29:33There are plenty
29:34of shops out there
29:35and online shopping
29:35is so easy.
29:36She nodded warmly
29:37and turned to my mom.
29:39I already picked out
29:40all the bedding
29:41for the dorms,
29:41got a set for Asher
29:43and one for Stella
29:43at the same time,
29:44all four seasons covered.
29:46Boston winters
29:46are brutal.
29:47I went with
29:48really thick comforters
29:49and got a few winter
29:50coats for Stella too.
29:52Don't you worry
29:52about a thing?
29:53My mom made a face
29:54like she'd swallowed something.
29:56All of that would be
29:56completely useless
29:57in California.
29:58But she didn't want
29:59to embarrass anyone,
30:00so she thanked her graciously.
30:02Chloe, sitting nearby,
30:04looked like she was
30:04biting through her own cheek.
30:06Asher's mom
30:06didn't seem to notice.
30:08She kept right on talking,
30:09addressing both of us.
30:11Once you're both in Boston,
30:13you'll be each other's family.
30:15Asher, you better take
30:16good care of Stella
30:17and stop making her upset.
30:18You hear me?
30:19Asher threw a glance
30:20my way with zero expression.
30:23She doesn't need
30:24anyone to look after her.
30:25She's perfectly capable
30:26of flying on her own.
30:27The table got a little stiff
30:28and that's when
30:29Chloe smoothly cut in.
30:31Oh, don't worry.
30:31My school is in Boston too.
30:33I'll be there
30:33to look after Asher.
30:34And Stella will be
30:35all the way in California anyway,
30:37so it's not really practical.
30:40Before she even finished
30:41the sentence,
30:42Asher and his parents'
30:43faces changed.
30:44California?
30:45Every single one of them
30:47looked at me
30:48and asked it
30:49at the same time.
30:51Asher, you didn't know?
30:52It's been on the school's
30:54honor board.
30:54Oh wait, you haven't
30:56been back to campus.
30:57Every pair of eyes
30:58at the table swiveled to me.
31:00Under the weight
31:00of all that attention,
31:01I quietly nodded.
31:03My mom stepped in
31:04to explain.
31:05I said,
31:06Stella made a last-minute
31:06decision to change
31:07her application.
31:09She's going to a great
31:10school in California
31:11and it's actually
31:13the perfect program for her.
31:15Asher didn't believe it.
31:16He grabbed my hand
31:17and made me look at him.
31:19Stella,
31:20I literally watched you
31:21fill out that application.
31:23We were going
31:24to the same school.
31:25His grip was tight enough
31:26to actually hurt
31:27and it pushed me
31:28over the edge.
31:29Yeah, I changed it.
31:31What does it have
31:32to do with you?
31:33Asher looked stunned
31:33for a second,
31:34then started laughing
31:35like I'd said
31:36something ridiculous.
31:37You're joking.
31:38You're literally
31:39the girl who jumps
31:40onto my back
31:41at the sight of a bug.
31:46I pulled out my phone,
31:48found the crystal-clear
31:49photo of my acceptance letter
31:50and held it up
31:51in his face.
31:52Asher took the phone,
31:53zoomed in,
31:54zoomed out,
31:55read it over and over
31:57and finally let out
31:58a laugh that had
31:59no humor in it at all.
32:01In the middle
32:01of everyone's gasps,
32:02he grabbed my wrist
32:03and pulled me
32:04out of the dining room.
32:07He pulled me
32:08into a side room
32:09and locked the door
32:10behind us.
32:10Asher planted himself
32:11against it,
32:12cutting off any escape
32:13and came at me hard.
32:15Stella,
32:15I cannot believe you.
32:16You're so mad
32:17that you just forget
32:18our whole plan,
32:19go behind my back
32:20and commitment
32:21to a school
32:21across the country.
32:22I lifted my head.
32:23I took a breath
32:24and made myself
32:25look him straight
32:25in the eye.
32:26I have my own plans.
32:28Since when do I have
32:29to build my entire future
32:31around what you want?
32:32Asher,
32:33be honest with yourself.
32:34Are you actually
32:35upset about the plan
32:37or are you upset
32:38because I'm not available
32:39to be your fallback girl
32:40anymore?
32:41The color drained
32:42from his face.
32:43What is that supposed
32:43to mean?
32:44Could you not phrase
32:45things like that?
32:46We're adults.
32:47That night was
32:48completely mutual.
32:49Are you seriously
32:50still bringing that up?
32:51I was embarrassed,
32:52but I held his gaze anyway.
32:54Asher,
32:54if you like someone else,
32:55you could have just said so.
32:56I'm not so shameless
32:57that I would have kept
32:58throwing myself at you.
32:59But you knew
33:00you didn't like me back
33:01and you just watched me
33:02walk straight into the flame.
33:03That was fun for you,
33:04wasn't it?
33:04Even now,
33:05he still didn't get it.
33:06People don't say goodbye
33:07until they've completely
33:08run out of hope.
33:09He flushed.
33:10Something in what I said
33:11hit.
33:12His face went from
33:13white to red
33:13and he visibly swayed.
33:15What do you even
33:16listen to what you're saying?
33:18You...
33:18He couldn't finish
33:19the sentence.
33:22Stella,
33:22we've known each other
33:23since we were
33:23eight years old
33:24and we're 18 now.
33:26If you're choosing
33:26to walk away
33:27from what we have,
33:28then we don't have
33:29to be friends either.
33:30And with just that,
33:31he turned and walked
33:32out of the hotel.
33:40From that day
33:41until the day I left
33:42for school,
33:43I never saw Asher again.
33:45Mia sent me a screenshot
33:46of his official
33:47couple's post with Chloe.
33:48I deleted it
33:49without even opening it.
33:50Every mutual friend
33:51connected to him,
33:52I blocked.
33:53There was genuinely
33:54no point in following
33:55any of it anymore.
33:59The only exception
34:00was the day I flew out
34:01to California.
34:03Of course,
34:03because the universe
34:04has a terrible sense of humor,
34:06I walked straight into Asher
34:07at the airport again,
34:08with Chloe still glued
34:10to his side.
34:10When we passed each other,
34:12he said a stiff hello
34:13to my parents
34:13and kept walking,
34:15clearly still angry.
34:16He didn't look at me once.
34:17We scattered in different directions
34:19and neither of us
34:20looked back.
34:21Right before I got
34:21to the security line,
34:23I glanced over
34:24and caught Asher at his gate
34:25about to board.
34:26He gave me one
34:27cold, flat look
34:28and then disappeared
34:29through the door
34:30without turning around.
34:31The person who had been
34:32part of every chapter
34:33of my growing up,
34:34we were finally
34:35completely done.
34:37Different destinations
34:38at last
34:38and I hope yours goes well.
34:40I said it only to myself.
34:42After that,
34:43a long, long time passed
34:44without either of us
34:46hearing a single thing
34:47about the other.
34:47I specifically asked
34:49my parents not to bring up
34:50anything related to Asher
34:52or his family
34:53in front of me.
34:54Over New Year's break,
34:55a girl from our high school
34:56came to visit.
34:57He's nothing like that
34:58cold, focused,
34:59straight-A guy
35:00he was in high school.
35:01He's completely different.
35:05Honestly,
35:06if you ran into him now,
35:07you might not even
35:08recognize him.
35:10I didn't say anything.
35:11Mia kicked her
35:12under the table
35:13and smoothly changed
35:14the subject
35:14and the girl dropped it.
35:15We did the New Year's
35:17countdown by the water
35:18and Mia told me
35:19to make a wish.
35:20Hope New Year,
35:21Syria Parent Healthy,
35:23cankeeting under the world.
35:24I realized it was
35:25the first wish
35:26I'd ever made
35:26that had absolutely
35:27nothing to do with him.
35:28For a full six years
35:30of my life,
35:31every single wish
35:32I made had involved
35:33Asher in some way.
35:35Mia,
35:36Happy New Year!
35:37I felt genuinely happy.
35:39I knew I had finally,
35:41actually,
35:42completely let go.
35:43The first winter break
35:45of college,
35:46I missed my parents
35:47so badly
35:48I couldn't stand it.
35:49The second my last exam
35:50was done,
35:51I was on the first flight home.
35:52What I didn't expect
35:53was that Asher
35:54had come to the airport
35:55with my parents
35:56to pick me up.
35:57After half a year apart,
35:59we had both changed.
36:00He was thinner,
36:01had dyed his hair,
36:02but was still,
36:03honestly,
36:04annoyingly good looking.
36:05I've always had
36:06terrible judgment
36:07about people,
36:08but my taste
36:08has never been the problem.
36:10Why else would I have
36:11been trailing after him
36:12since we were five?
36:13Hey there,
36:14big bro Asher.
36:14He stared at me
36:15like I'd spoken
36:16a different language.
36:18We ran into him outside.
36:19He insisted on
36:20coming along to help.
36:21I smiled and waved her off.
36:23It was fine.
36:26In the car,
36:27I immediately launched
36:28into all the funny things
36:29that had happened at school,
36:30and my parents
36:31were the whole ride.
36:32No one was paying
36:33any attention to Asher.
36:36You've worked hard.
36:38Please send our regards
36:39to your parents.
36:39He seemed like he wanted
36:40to come inside
36:41when we got home,
36:41but all three of us
36:42politely turned him down together.
36:44My grandma and my aunt
36:45had both come back
36:46to celebrate the holidays
36:47that year.
36:48New Year's Eve
36:49was loud and packed
36:50with family.
36:51After the big dinner,
36:52the older relatives
36:53parked themselves
36:54in front of the TV,
36:55while the rest of us
36:56were teaching each other
36:56card games.
36:57That's when Asher
36:58showed up at the door
36:59with his parents,
37:00arms full of bags.
37:01Our house is too quiet tonight.
37:03Hope you don't mind
37:04us crashing your game.
37:09Our house is too quiet tonight.
37:11Hope you don't mind
37:12us crashing your game.
37:13Asher's mom laughed
37:14as she walked in.
37:15Every year growing up,
37:16the two families
37:17had spent the holiday together.
37:18This year,
37:19because of everything
37:20that had happened,
37:21my mom had turned down
37:22the invitation
37:23to share the big dinner.
37:24But you can't exactly
37:25turn people away
37:26once they're at your door.
37:28Asher settled himself naturally.
37:29My cousins had no idea
37:31about any of the drama
37:32and kept teasing us
37:33like they always had.
37:34I laughed it off.
37:36It's not what you think.
37:38Asher's expression
37:39went a little flat.
37:40When midnight came
37:41and we all went outside
37:42for sparklers,
37:45he caught my arm
37:46and looked like he was
37:47working up to say something.
37:48My phone rang.
37:49My face went a little warm.
37:51It was a guy
37:51from one of my clubs
37:52at school.
37:54Hi, Stella.
37:56I'm just a bit bored
37:57and wanted to say
37:58Happy New Year to you.
37:59A local California boy
38:00named Jake.
38:01He was good looking too.
38:02Not in that cold,
38:04aloof way.
38:05More like the guy
38:06who's always laughing
38:06at everything
38:07and making you laugh
38:08right along with him.
38:09He never ran out
38:10of things to say
38:11and he had a way
38:12of making me
38:12completely lose it
38:14at the most random things.
38:15We talked for a while longer
38:16and when he finally hung up,
38:18Asher was standing
38:19right behind me
38:20with a face
38:20like a thundercloud.
38:23Boyfriend?
38:25Not yet, I guess.
38:30Not yet, I guess.
38:31I thought about it
38:32and answered honestly.
38:33I assumed he was done
38:34but then he spoke again.
38:36Long distance guys
38:37aren't always reliable.
38:39You should find someone local,
38:41someone you actually know.
38:44I nodded.
38:45Something in that
38:46seemed to land
38:47somewhere tender.
38:48You're right.
38:48You really can't tell
38:49with people.
38:50I'll keep my guard up.
38:52Asher went quiet
38:53for a very long time.
38:54I assumed he was done.
38:56I didn't think
38:57too hard about it.
38:58Thanks for the advice,
39:00big bro.
39:00You should figure out
39:01your own situation too.
39:02He'd always been
39:03unpredictable like that.
39:05After that,
39:05I spent the rest of break
39:06bouncing around
39:07visiting relatives
39:08with my grandma
39:09and parents
39:10and then we did
39:10a little road trip.
39:11I was barely home.
39:13I didn't run into Asher once.
39:14The break was short
39:15and soon enough
39:16I was back at school
39:17but the very next day
39:18after I arrived,
39:20Asher was standing
39:20outside my campus gate.
39:23Asher,
39:24what are you doing here?
39:25I wanted to see
39:26what your school looks like
39:29and check if you're
39:30actually doing okay
39:30out here.
39:32Really well,
39:33actually.
39:33The food here is amazing.
39:35You should look up
39:35some spots and try them.
39:37Stella,
39:38can't you come eat
39:39with me just once?
39:43Sorry about that, man.
39:44I've already got Stella
39:45booked.
39:46You'll have to get in line.
39:47Stella,
39:49you came back to school
39:50this early for him?
39:54Sorry, Asher.
39:55We're heading out to eat.
39:56I'll see you.
39:57Let's go.
39:58Didn't you say
39:59the place was far?
40:00Stop standing there.
40:01Asher was still standing
40:02at the campus gate
40:03watching us
40:04and under the shadow
40:05of the trees,
40:06he looked incredibly alone.
40:08He suddenly started
40:09showing up in my world
40:10constantly.
40:11I never found out
40:12what excuse he gave
40:13his school
40:13but he kept appearing
40:15in California out of nowhere.
40:16He started showing up
40:17with gifts,
40:18flowers,
40:19bags,
40:19jewelry
40:20and I turned
40:20every single one down.
40:22When there was nothing else
40:23to do,
40:24he'd just sit outside
40:24my dorm building
40:25and refuse to leave
40:27no matter how many times
40:28I asked.
40:29Whenever he managed
40:30to catch me,
40:30he'd fallen to step
40:31beside me
40:32to every single class
40:33then follow me
40:34to the dining hall.
40:35Jake was visibly miserable
40:36about the whole thing.
40:38Asher's mom had been
40:39calling and messaging me
40:40from multiple angles.
40:41She begged me
40:42to please talk
40:42some sense into him.
40:44I was beyond done.
40:45I genuinely could not
40:46figure out
40:47what Asher thought
40:48he was doing.
40:50Stella,
40:51why does Jake
40:52get to pursue you
40:52but I don't?
40:54Son of Wightestass.
40:56He's known you
40:57for what,
40:57a few months?
40:59How many years
40:59have I known you?
41:02No one in this world
41:03understands you
41:03the way I do,
41:04not even your parents.
41:06And no one is better
41:07for you than me.
41:13Ashler,
41:14do you genuinely
41:15not remember
41:16what you did?
41:18Ask yourself honestly,
41:20did you ever actually
41:21treat my feelings
41:22like they mattered?
41:25You just liked
41:26the ego boost
41:26of having me
41:27chase after you.
41:28You knew no matter
41:29what you did,
41:30I wouldn't leave
41:31so you just did
41:32whatever you felt like
41:33with my heart.
41:35Yeah,
41:35I did some things
41:36wrong back then.
41:38I was young,
41:38I thought the whole world
41:39was waiting for me
41:40and I didn't want to feel
41:41like I was tied
41:42to any one person.
41:43I owe you
41:44a real apology,
41:45Stella.
41:46I'm sorry.
41:48But even if you
41:49treat me like a stranger,
41:50can I at least
41:51have the chance
41:51to start over
41:52and earn it back?
41:53After you left,
41:54I realized I don't know
41:55how to live
41:55without you in it.
41:57I can't imagine
41:58going forward
41:58and not having anyone
41:59to share everything with.
42:01Honestly,
42:02since leaving you,
42:03I figured out
42:03that real,
42:04mutual feelings
42:05don't require you
42:06to shrink yourself
42:07down to nothing.
42:08I can just be myself.
42:09My mood doesn't have
42:10to orbit around
42:11someone else's
42:12and when I realized that,
42:14I started to wonder
42:15if what I felt back then
42:16was ever real love
42:17or just something
42:18a younger,
42:19more naive version
42:20of me invented.
42:23But...
42:24we made promises.
42:30We said we'd go
42:30to college together,
42:32study abroad together,
42:33travel the whole world together.
42:34Are you going to walk away
42:35from all of that too?
42:37Stella,
42:37are you going to leave
42:38all this behind too?
42:40You broke the promises first
42:41and I've already found someone
42:44I want to do
42:45all of those things with.
42:48Stop, Stella.
42:49Stella, please,
42:50just stop.
42:55Maybe you're not
42:56actually in love with me.
42:58Maybe you just
42:58can't stand the idea
43:00of losing.
43:01Asher, honestly,
43:02it's time for you
43:03to move on too.
43:07I didn't wait
43:08for a response.
43:09Jake had been waiting
43:10across the street
43:10for a while.
43:11I jogged over
43:12and he immediately
43:13reached down
43:14and took my hand.
43:17Finally shook the X?
43:20Did you tell him
43:21I've got full
43:21bug patrol rights now?
43:22He doesn't get
43:23a single one?
43:25Everyone is going
43:26through their own goodbyes.
43:28As for us,
43:30it's finally
43:30completely over.
43:33Fading away
43:33like the rain.
43:34Everyone in the middle
43:35of their own goodbye.
43:36And just like that,
43:37the two of us
43:38were finally
43:39completely over.
43:41Scattered like rain.
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