- 2 hours ago
Amandaland S02E01-2 (2026) [Full Movie] [Free Online HD]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Day 7 of the Senuous Tone to 10k Challenge.
00:05It's like couch to 5k, but I've even run that far off anyway.
00:09And I've just smashed 7k!
00:22So, Day 7 of the Senuous Tone to 10k Challenge.
00:28And I've just smashed 7k!
00:30So, you'll have to excuse my appearance.
00:33What a mess.
00:34Now, I was expecting at this stage of my...
00:39I think there's a way around this, but we'll just have to see if Malcolm has a slack race today.
00:42Hi!
00:43Hang on.
00:44Hello.
00:44Sorry, you're actually in my shot there.
00:46I'll call you back.
00:47I'm in your what?
00:48I'm filming here, so...
00:49Oh, right!
00:50Can I be in it?
00:51Well, you are in it.
00:51That's the issue.
00:53So, if you wouldn't mind just backing up a bit, that would be really helpful.
00:57So, you want me to move my car because you're taking a selfie?
00:59It's not.
01:00It's actually content for actual content.
01:03Right.
01:03That's not a sentence.
01:05And it's a free country, so...
01:07Yeah.
01:07It's just this particular bit of free country is already in use.
01:10And there's an even freer bit about 10 yards that way, so...
01:13I was here first, so...
01:14No, I've just run 7k to get to this exact...
01:18No, you haven't.
01:19You haven't.
01:19You started there, didn't you?
01:21Where your fake sweat is, I think?
01:23That is...
01:23You all right?
01:24Yeah, just dropping off.
01:26Of course, you two don't...
01:28Abs.
01:29This is Amanda, my upstairs neighbour.
01:31Amanda Abs, my...
01:32Ned's mum.
01:33JJ's wife.
01:34Yeah.
01:35Beat.
01:36Oh, and he left his shin pads at school.
01:38Right.
01:39Well, that puts a face to the name.
01:41For us both.
01:43Mm-hmm.
01:44You know what?
01:45Don't worry about the car.
01:46Just leave it there.
01:47I absolutely will, yeah.
01:48Do, please.
01:49Have a great day, yeah?
01:51Yeah.
01:52You have a great day, yeah?
01:53Thanks.
01:53You too.
01:54Will do.
01:55Hey, be lucky.
01:56I will.
01:58You take care.
01:59Thanks, take care.
02:00Take care.
02:00Take care.
02:05Wow.
02:09And I'm looking for a £1 million investment in return for a 5% stake in my company.
02:16Right.
02:16That's not really how this...
02:17I am prepared to go to 6%.
02:19Shall we start over?
02:21Yeah?
02:21Okay.
02:22Okay.
02:23So, what's the money for?
02:24To buy a bigger house.
02:25Right.
02:26Then it's a mortgage you're after.
02:27I mean, I'm a business manager, so I'll have to...
02:29No, no.
02:30It is for my business.
02:31So, Senuous operates in the aspirational end of the lifestyle content space.
02:34So, it's vital that I, as CEO, look like someone who lives in a large house.
02:41So, you'd like a business loan to buy the sort of house you want people to think you own?
02:46That's so well put.
02:47Yeah.
02:48Yeah, no, that's not something we can help with.
02:49So, you're saying you're out?
02:53I mean, what we could potentially do is give you a personal loan.
02:57Okay.
02:58Based on your salary from kitchen and bathroom kitchens.
03:02Right.
03:02So, centred more on my CoLab.
03:05And how much would that be?
03:07We could do £3,000.
03:10Can I take a moment?
03:12Sure.
03:22Okay, Aidan.
03:25We'd like to accept your offer.
03:29Congratulations.
03:40Come on, ref.
03:41That was clearly a foul.
03:44Right, Mum?
03:45100%.
03:46That could have been a goal.
03:47In fact, I'm going to call that a goal.
03:49Exactly.
03:491-0.
03:50Huh?
03:51Go, Darius.
03:52Not again.
03:54Bloody car alarm.
03:55It keeps doing this.
03:56Right, I'm going to call Della.
03:57Hey, how's she getting on?
03:59Alright, I think.
04:00I mean, if you've got to take a corporate gig,
04:01there's worse than cruising around Hawaii for three months.
04:03And it's keeping our heads above water.
04:05Awesome.
04:05Not if the ship sinks.
04:07Sorry.
04:08No.
04:09Hello?
04:09Morning, Dells.
04:10It's evening here, actually, right in the middle of service.
04:13Where's my land?
04:14Coming, chef.
04:14Right, it's just that the car alarm keeps being wheeled out.
04:17Hey, sorry we're late.
04:19Big day at Senuous.
04:22It's really blowing up.
04:23Oh God, I'm so sorry.
04:25No, that's a good thing, Anne.
04:27Look at Darius and Georgie.
04:28Yeah.
04:28Oh, I'm so glad they patched this up.
04:30I feel like the club's on a little power couple like a Brangelina or something.
04:34Georgious.
04:35Darioji.
04:36No, sorry.
04:38That sounds…
04:38So, yeah.
04:40Senuous has attracted some major Chinese investors.
04:44Banking corporation based out of Hong Kong, Shanghai.
04:46You mean HSBC?
04:47I don't think people call it that.
04:49Anyway, I'm going to invest in a laptop and some proper studio lights.
04:53Yeah.
04:54Illuminate to accumulate, as they say.
04:56Hmm.
04:57Good news, Anne.
04:58Della's up for Wednesdays.
04:59Great.
04:59What's this?
05:00Oh, I'm helping the PTA with careers week.
05:03Della's going to talk to Year 11 about being a chef live from her ship.
05:07Oh, like Tim Peake.
05:09Oh.
05:11Unless it's something that you would like to…
05:13No.
05:13No, no, no.
05:15I'm keeping my powder dry for Ted.
05:17Ted who?
05:18Ted Talks.
05:19Yeah.
05:19I pitched a TEDxSOHA.
05:22So…
05:23Watch this space.
05:24Yeah.
05:25It makes sense.
05:25I mean, it'd probably be a bit dull anyway.
05:27It's just parents gabbing on about gardening and accountancy
05:30and then me trying to make curing malaria not sound like a total snoozefest.
05:35Awful.
05:35I want to make chemistry sexy again.
05:37Hashtag chemsex.
05:38You should really Google chemsex before you start writing anything, Anne.
05:42Okay.
05:44All right.
05:45Come on, kids.
05:46All right, guys.
05:49Hey, neighbour.
05:51Hey.
05:51That was nice earlier.
05:53Meeting abs.
05:54Finally.
05:55Oh.
05:56Jesus.
05:57Yeah.
05:58Such a strong character.
05:59Really candid.
06:02Confident.
06:03Quite forthright.
06:06What?
06:08It's fine, Amanda.
06:09I think the feeling was mutual.
06:11Oh.
06:13Well, what did she say about me?
06:16Nothing, really.
06:17Oh, she clearly said something.
06:18I wouldn't worry about it.
06:19Oh, come on, Mal.
06:20I'm a big girl.
06:20I can shake it.
06:21No, it's not a big deal, you know.
06:21She said something.
06:22I liked it, Mal.
06:23She thought you were shallow.
06:24Come on, Mal.
06:26Oh, come on.
06:35Oh.
06:41Oh.
06:44Oh.
06:51Oh, God.
06:54good people yeah she's quite full on though don't you think oh she don't suffer falls gladly
06:59uh right yeah she's only just been let back onto the sidelines no she called the last ref an effing
07:04seat that's what i think i meant like judgmental yeah but he was an effing right just nobody else
07:09had the balls to say well yeah she says it like it is that's what i like about her oh
07:12same yeah
07:14yeah same yeah oh almost forgot i had the craziest thing the other day i thought anna
07:22feel laugh at this i laughed actually it's not funny ha ha it's more funny not peculiar funny
07:28ridiculous you know because okay you guys don't think i'm shallow do you
07:40no no no and that that is um i know i think that is really funny total uh opposite it's
07:48crazy
07:49yeah i know so absolutely no 100 not at all yeah no i told you it was yeah thanks sam
07:59why would you say that she is so shallow i'm not gonna say that to her am i you can't
08:04just
08:04confront someone like amanda with reality because like you know anything could happen
08:07oh call off the pervert search found the shoe
08:13hey thank you sophia mal how bad would it be if i dropped out of doing my accountancy talk for
08:20careers week why would you do that school wasn't a great time for me i was a bit bullied by
08:26the
08:26cool confident kids no offense literally non-taken this idea of um getting up in front of the entire
08:34classes this is the whole year group mate oh god listen my talks monday morning why don't you come
08:41along to that watch you'll see there's nothing to worry about thanks ma that's a great idea yes
08:45yes nothing yeah yeah jay hmm it's gonna be all right man you're one of the cool kids now
09:00darling we're running low on gin again you know i think this cheap stuff can evaporate yeah that's
09:07what it is oh look mummy this is my hong kong shanghai investment
09:13mm-hmm god it's actually a bargain for 3k well hopefully it'll improve your contents content
09:19oh this place is booby trapped manus you almost killed gangan what sorry mummy it's a birthday
09:25present from johnny birthday yes he was 14 on friday you said you got him a present
09:31yes i have it's in my bag honestly manus you can't just leave your stuff all lying around
09:36you'll have to live here okay this must be the spotlight
09:42mommy do you think i'm shallow no of course not no darling you come from a long line of very
09:47caring
09:49considerate and thoughtful women thanks mommy manus manus huh little something from the bank
09:56of gangan happy birthday darling wow thank you so much gangan
10:01mmm don't spend it all on vapes how do you even cash there
10:10so i get to work out in nature and be my own boss and if i want to save for
10:14a big holiday or
10:15something i can just take on some new clients and cut back a few more privets which also means i
10:21can
10:21genuinely tell people that i manage a hedge fund
10:26great stuff there from ned's dad any questions yes how much money do you make we don't ask that
10:33as i said uh yes mate yeah did you know your flats are undone
10:40zip
10:42yeah all right uh any questions more related to wood
10:47trees trees
11:00hey i missed a call from you what's up yeah is there a way to have the heating on but
11:06not as hot uh
11:07yeah i just uh change the thermostat oh what do you know what i'll change it on the app okay
11:12i'll do
11:12love you bye bye bye love you hey hi hi hi guys wow you look very fresh i'm not wearing
11:22makeup
11:24some days i don't i just want to be my authentic self you know full focus towards beneath the surface
11:30not what's on it you're sure you're not wearing any makeup i'm not i can see it's nude makeup and
11:35which means nothing on so just because you can see it doesn't mean it's there because it's not
11:38yeah i'll rather you than me babe honestly without a liter of mascara my eyes look like gerbil's bumholes
11:43oh same well not exactly it's a personal choice i suppose which i'm all about
11:50free will i'm actually reading 1984 at the moment again george orwell i just love the social satire
11:57as seen in his allegorical novella animal farm which i've also read well if you like those amanda
12:03i recommend handmaid's tale oh okay yeah sure i'll check that out yeah
12:07love anything handmade uh that's work actually sorry but uh anne i'll see you on thursday yeah
12:15yeah hello hi let's do what's thursday oh uh careers talk yeah me and abs are doing a double will
12:20oh
12:21yeah what's she do what's what's her job oh so many parents yeah i think she works for a bank
12:26she's a banker wow she's a banker she has the audacity to call me shallow
12:34those people literally caused it was either covet or brexit and we need to swap career talks
12:41we're not doing a career talk those flit hairs and you asked me to do one and i'm accepting okay
12:45well i think nobody has coverage retail so you can talk about no and i'm going to talk about senuous
12:50i think the children would benefit most hearing about my career as an influencer
12:55don't you yes absolutely 100 yes right great okay put me down for thursday then okay with abs
13:04right i better get going i've got a whole generation of online creators to inspire
13:08yeah yeah yeah yeah see you later did it again what she's not an influencer no one follows her
13:18you're just massaging her ego okay yes i i humor her a bit but what else was i supposed to
13:23say that
13:24she should talk about her actual job selling sinks and toilets i couldn't read that i know and people
13:30can take constructive criticism you know it can actually help them to like learn and grow in that
13:35really really really oh no come on brett i actually i don't think that was a foul what maybe if
13:52you
13:52just stopped diving and acting the goat and you spent more time sending the ball into the net then
13:57you'd be a bit less shite you know this honestly thing's not for me fee it's great to give these
14:04things to try and everything but you don't know oh god no
14:24oi that's dad where you been at man you got your cock out again oh come on i just forgot
14:29to do my
14:29flies up keep it in your pants yeah the kids can be so mean when did they grow out of
14:36that
14:36your shorts are too tight man you can see your back wheels there see you tomorrow for careers day jj
14:51hello oh here's some advice you should consider a fringe
14:58hey god they're looking for it for ages
15:02oh i have no idea where your charger is because it's seven thousand miles away sorry i was only
15:08asking i have to go look sorry she's like i'm parenting so like hi hi i've been meaning to
15:13thank you yeah this whole uh say what you think business it's been really liberating oh that's great
15:18and good for you yeah i mean why hold your tongue when you could help somebody realize oh i don't
15:23know um
15:24you're overly reliant on your absent wife and it makes you seem weak and immature i mean she has got
15:30a point in you're welcome
15:38so what can i tell working in a professional kitchen well i suppose the thing i'm asked most often is
15:45how
15:47you're off cook so many things for so are you gonna get a bono like ned's other dad no and
15:53and he didn't get us and perhaps most importantly
16:00well so much for 5g uh sorry no disrespect to aaron's dad who we now know installs 5g okay so
16:10with that
16:10mr sarfoona you're up next uh so a nice big round of applause for ned's other dad
16:28so there are a few people out there that think accountancy is a bit boring
16:42i'm gonna be doing this all myself daniel this is important i need to get to grips with my kit
16:48which i'm not charging you for despite it costing three grand there's a generation of children whose
16:53future might hinge on this presentation about bathrooms yeah oh could i borrow your britney
16:58mic they use for the trade shows i suppose so since you're technically promoting the company
17:02yeah actually should i come along to the school in case there's any questions you can't answer
17:06uh i don't think you can unless you've been dbs checked oh have you been dbs checked women
17:11can't be pedophiles daniel mommy hello darling what are you doing here i'm afraid there's something
17:18up with the oven you sell me oh daniel would you i turned it on this morning and there was
17:23all this
17:23noxious black goo at the bottom i took a photograph of it that wasn't there last time you used it
17:27well this is its inaugural outing you've had it seven months yes i cook in frequently can i just check
17:33you had removed the polystyrene packet okay uh i think we have a special cleaner for later one
17:40second thanks daniel oh mommy while i have you i'm doing a careers talk about senuous at the school
17:48if you want to come along oh darling i can't i'm actually busy that day i didn't tell you the
17:54day
17:54what day is it thursday yeah i'm busy that day well as long as you find time for the important
18:00things
18:01i tell you what why don't i buy you a nice dress for it mommy opening your checkbook can't be
18:07your
18:07answer to everything if you don't want to support me that's your prerogative but you don't get to
18:12buy off your guilt by throwing your money around that'll be 470 with the v80 you know what i don't
18:18think my money is welcome here so when you're all billionaires remember who it was first told you
18:28if you want to be a legend
18:34well that's it from me uh but if you have any questions uh don't
18:51and it tries to start that out
18:53what's your fault you thought you're year 11 not age 11.
19:0029 a.m and in a few moments i'll be having you over to tom walsh for the news and
19:04weather
19:04before that i've just got a quick update on that person that was stuck on the end
19:14i don't know why white lights
19:27okay everyone quick as you can
19:31take your seats now guys please please don't do this i'll do anything georgie
19:38relax i'm about to make you very popular you'll be like a nepo baby okay hello everyone now
19:45first up we have miss hughes who is georgie's mum and she is here to tell us all about her
19:50job
19:50well it's more of a hobby to be honest enjoy
19:53thank you
20:01what is senuous
20:05it's a good question
20:08but should we not begin by asking what is it not
20:14and to answer that question and to answer that question please welcome the founder
20:18ceo and ceo of senuous
20:22amanda hughes
20:27thank you everyone thank you
20:30now you've probably seen my content and assumed it's another shallow lifestyle brand that's purely about
20:38aesthetic perfection
20:40but look closer
20:42is nature shallow
20:44is time shallow
20:48is space shallow
20:51uh actually space can be shallow
20:53that was a rhetorical question but i suppose what i am asking is
20:57can something beautiful also be important
21:01and my feeling is
21:03yes it can
21:05so what's my origin story
21:21above all we're about connecting with people on a human level
21:25but instead of a paintbrush or a violin
21:28i have a phone
21:30i use social media to touch people
21:32i certainly touch myself when i'm creating it
21:35and i believe if i'm touching myself i'm probably touching other people too
21:42well okay amanda everyone thank you so much
21:47now uh sadly we're slightly behind time because she was talking so much
21:51um so we have to skip all the questions
21:53okay and i'd like to welcome to the stage mrs sarfooni
21:56hey hello
21:59no it's mum
22:05okay wow talk about a tough act to follow yes so much there wasn't there to uh sort of unpack
22:13um
22:14my name is abs i work for a food bank um now i'm afraid guys there's not a lot of
22:20glamour
22:20in the charity sector as my nails will tell you but through our network of amazing volunteers we
22:27actually feed over a thousand households per week which is sorry yes i just realized i forgot to mention our
22:34charity work that whole side of senuous that's very important to us me now it's really good to
22:41know so sorry i just realized i hadn't okay please continue thank you um yes so as i was saying
22:50um
22:50if any of you are looking to get involved in the charity sector then volunteering is such a good way
22:56i volunteer a lot myself that's great good chunk of my week is volunteering because senuous is a
23:02not-for-profit organization we've literally never made a profit cool well so run the senuous foundation
23:09foundation formerly the senuous vanderveld foundation that gives to many local causes
23:13most recently cocktails for a local football team so yeah well if you actually fund projects you know
23:21we should probably talk yeah i'm very happy okay i like to say we put the fun in funding
23:28um in fact we recently secured a multi-thousand pound investment from a major corporation in hong kong
23:35shanghai wow wow that's really impressive yeah i had no idea about that well there's more to
23:41me than meets the eye and quite a lot meets the eye so yeah absolutely great thanks so how much
23:50shall
23:50i put you down for amanda what as you're so you're so passionate about funding local causes and
23:57yes i am i am yes uh well gosh i would be absolutely delighted to donate a hundred
24:10thousand a hundred thousand no no a thousand would seem
24:18like like too little to me i think so that's why i would like to donate okay to
24:27you this great cause the sum of two and a half three wow
24:50well thank you thank you so much oh you're very welcome it was a pleasure that was sarcasm
25:09last thing i needed was someone telling the kids that a few clicks on tiktok and they'll
25:13all be millionaires because that's what they all think anyway so uh great just perfect
25:23will you be careful with that ann it's worth to go back yes and i need to get a full
25:27refund
25:29it's probably for the best anyway those lights weren't very good you could still see all your wrinkles
25:33and they made you look very tired maybe don't mind me saying this then but friend to friend
25:38you're being a complete fucking bitch
25:58i am bloody killing it here
26:04fiona fry i just thought they were normal mushrooms are you the wife of dela fry what's
26:09happened no everything's fine your wife just called the station quite upset asked us to do a welfare
26:14check on me she said you hadn't contacted her in 11 hours and well for some reason she thought you
26:20might be dead
26:30that's an awful lot of money to throw as a problem darling
26:33thought you pledged three thousand yes the giant check costs 15 pounds you must be so proud of your
26:39mom yeah i am gee well i can't thank you enough and yeah i really did enjoy your talk oh
26:47thank you
26:48yeah i think it's great not just kids get to be influencers you know give the middle-aged mums a
26:53chance
26:53i say
26:58and i'm not middle-aged am i no god no absolutely not at all
27:14is that a sourdough loaf oh my god it's finally happening wow look at this hey how's it going
27:25it's so nordic i love all the pine this was exactly how i imagined finland feels
27:32are you the same vanta black as one in chiswick yeah fantastic we were on the same street you
27:37might remember kiga tiga oh yeah is that the gift shop it was a lifestyle concept shop store but yeah
27:42i guess it was my gift to chiswick high road god it's so great to have a kindred spirit in
27:47the locale
27:48you know i would be happy to give vanta black a pump on the socials if you like i um
27:52run this
27:53little thing called sinuous cool love a local blog yeah it's not a local blog do you want a coffee
27:59oh
28:00gratis as a thank you i'm supposed to be fasting till 11 but um rules are made to be broken
28:07thank
28:07you also can i just say big up to a fellow girl boss yeah who runs the world right jeff
28:15bezos
28:15i was going to say goals yeah no i love bit of jlo there you go oh wow is that
28:24a vulva it's a coffee
28:40my new fur baby i was feeling a bit lonely so i went out and got myself a wolf i
28:45mean i would
28:46have started with a jack russell or something a bit smaller like a hamster well guys she came she saw
28:52she gentrified so her just got its first decent coffee shop what about ron's coffee counter
28:59he thought cortado was a make of coffee no vanta black coffee is a real boon for soha
29:05just amazed it's happened so quickly as i always said if the amanda can't go to the coffee the coffee
29:10must come to the amanda so modest yeah it's quite funny though yeah bobby no no bobby
29:17your friend there amanda who's this oh this is bobby oh he's lovely he slept next to me all night
29:25last night farting away made me realize how much i miss stella oh oh oh oh oh actually no thank
29:32you
29:32bobby come on bobby where's your ball bobby where's your ball i think he's found his balls feet
29:37no that's all right mate mate you can't just drive on here what are you doing are you serious
29:45what mommy how are you doing here counter doting grandmother come to chair on her little bear
29:53go georgie right anyone for brunch no can do i'm afraid mommy doing a bit of pro bono for vanta
30:00black
30:00promise i pop in later do some shots for the gram you can come with if you like mommy but
30:04i will be
30:05working it's very noble of you man helping out local business i just think halston is crying out
30:10for a community hub i'll tell you what it's not crying out for it's a five pound bloody croissant
30:15croissant and you're paying for the quality if you want a bog standard pastry there's always
30:19greg's babe if you come for greg's you come for me i am not coming for greg's okay well i'm
30:25just saying you don't have to remortgage your flat for coffee so please don't make this a class war
30:29abigail there's a place in soha for everyone i'll go to vantablack's you can go to greg's okay
30:35look who's this man greg and why is everyone still talking about him anyway female brunch i'd love to
30:41i gotta go and look at some sheds oh tell me you're middle-aged without telling me you're middle-aged
30:45no
30:46ned's outgrown his bunk the double bit's taken up his entire room so i thought we'd build the shed
30:50together over half time to give him some more space and where exactly is this shed going to go
30:54it's the end of my garden my garden no i'm pretty sure it's my garden that's why they call it
30:59a
31:00garden flat no they call it a garden flat because people are too polite to say you live in my
31:04cellar
31:04um i'm trying to get rid of an old summer house you can have it for nothing if you could
31:08be bothered
31:09to take it apart oh happy days yes absolutely cheers well let's make a plan after coffee nobody
31:14leave without me that sounds great i'll give you a hand if you like since when have you been into
31:18diy
31:18oh yeah well it would be nice to have some father-son stepfather bonding time you know i can learn
31:23from
31:23the master there's a bottle cap over there bottle cap yeah and that yeah well if you can't do the
31:29time don't do the crime what's going on suppose you've all heard about anus gate what i got a
31:34phone call from the school yes to say that they caught darius sending pictures of his bumhole on
31:39snapchat gross there's only a photo of my clenched face yes which looks remarkably like your chocolate
31:47starfish you know this could very easily have gone viral so i've taken things into my own hands
31:52have a look and feel free to share the results with your teens please repost to show my ages on
31:57how
31:57fast things spread online please don't tell me you've posted that yes i have i posted it this
32:02morning and i've already gotten 140 shares that's even more embarrassing than posting a picture with
32:06actual bumhole yeah well maybe you'll think twice now about sending another picture
32:09oh yeah yeah it does look like an anus
32:14i'm so sorry get that lid
32:24what have you seen nothing mommy i'm posing for the camera
32:28did you get it yeah okay right i'm gonna do one with this and swap the scenes for a different
32:32background keep the camera up anus
32:39so you post a picture of yourself eating cakes and that's a job no i'm going to edit it together
32:44into a montage under the hashtag let's so heart eat cake leave la revolution can i have some of these
32:51if you're not going to eat them no manis we're going to the dentist at two actually we need to
32:54bust a
32:55move we're so soon should i come with mommy we're going to the dentist just stay and enjoy your
32:59coffee okay so we have a latte for felicity and a turmeric and ginger power shot thank you
33:08ellie babe these cakes are gonna look amazing on my socials i'm just gonna i'll pop in later
33:12give you a sneaky peek before it goes viral amanda this coffee bean mommy just give it a stir right
33:20manis let's ride do you do wine march 2022 bin it oh it's bad enough that i'm grounded now you're
33:35making me do this i'm sorry but you're getting no sympathy for me darryus if you hadn't had jesus
33:40a mouse gotten into me pankos i only showed the picture to a couple mates and it wasn't even my
33:44real bum hole yeah well you're gonna have to learn the hard way aren't you speaking of which
33:47it's time we saw how our pot plant was going god bloody hell yeah watch your language okay
33:57shit the fucking bed that's been retweeted 40 000 times and there's 296 comments
34:04how do you get your piece of dilly looking so healthy do you water it every day god
34:11i've never been so popular i won't have to reply to these keep going with the cleaning darryus
34:17still on probation all right let's get the other door off so we go lefty lucy righty tight oh that's
34:25good yeah wait did you come over there no my granddad taught it to my dad and he taught it
34:30to me
34:30now i'm teaching it to ned huh right so if you want to start on the left side me and
34:35ned will do the
34:35right just give us a shout if you need a hand i would have killed for a shed like this
34:39when i was a teenager
34:40you know somewhere to chill some magic fm instead of the warhammer how are we married to the same
34:47woman what is that oh this it is an impact driver i didn't know you were into diy oh i'm
34:53not really but
34:54it was on sale and i can't resist the witch best buy you wanna go oh no i'm good with
34:59the screwdriver
34:59i got this kit when my granddad died right you're watching this ned you just line this up straight
35:04just use jj's drill thingy it looks way quicker can't you just concentrate what left side done see
35:12wow want me to start on the inside while i wait oh boys i brought you some homemade lemonade nice
35:19fancy thanks it's just a little something i rustled up this is right um are you sure you
35:27want to get rid of this some really good nick oh no take it i just used it for the
35:31occasional
35:31soiree in the garden during lockdown but most of my friends have sadly left us oh no that's awful
35:36i'm sorry they didn't die they just moved to the cayman islands when labor got in oh um don't feel
35:45like you have to wait out here in the cold with us no it's fine i love watching men at
35:49work
35:52heads whoa that's the front done what next
36:06ellie babe we're out of aesop in the loop oh cheers did you want another coffee yes please although
36:11i'm very tempted by your matcha matcha coming at you oh that's good you gotta put that on the chalkboard
36:16deli oh god give me a break that your boss oh no that's just the guy i collab with my
36:25coco labber
36:26no i'm a digital nomad to paraphrase the song wherever i lay my laptop that's my office i'll
36:32leave you to it then yeah if you don't mind because i've actually got a huge deadline so
36:46oh by the way my uh latest post on the cafe got a lot of traction yesterday so expect a
36:51bit of a
36:52flurry great because we've just had these in oh yeah it is oh wow hello what's this it's a macaroni
37:00donut a macaroni donut no no it's a macaroni donut that makes more sense yeah sorry i do need to
37:08concentrate so if you could just thank you
37:18fee hello oh my god that's my good friend fee yeah you don't identify the chef that's her wife
37:24she's a lesbian hey you come for a coffee hey man i was just about to go and meet my
37:30uh dog walking
37:31get in here come on you've got to try one of these insane matches oh my goodness welcome oh my
37:38god
37:38yeah i know it's great isn't it yeah no i'm really pleased with it oh yeah yeah let me get
37:43a shot of
37:44you for the ground with the macaroni nut yeah oh a macaroni donut no it's a macaron and a donut
37:49fee
37:50oh it's okay oh sorry yeah here we go really that face yeah okay no no it's fun oh yes
38:00right i'm
38:01just gonna upload that to the socials hello i thought i'd do a quick video about how i care for
38:07my
38:07peace lily that sounds just like um it is and that's a wedding ring that's her bedroom first
38:14every day i check what is going on dead leaves oh my god is this the irish lady with plants
38:18i mean
38:19good for having a go but please um come on leave it to the professionals that's so embarrassing
38:25this one's got over a million views yeah right no it does it's over a million what yeah people love
38:33her how has that got a million views it's just some little fat hands and a blonde
38:37has she done any more yeah look this one it's got over four mil and she only posted it last
38:42night
38:44wow hands are new charlie bit my finger what that's crazy
38:55all right let's get this thing built so you just grip it at the end
38:59give it a nice controlled swing like so it's only me oh god georgie let me in
39:05you left this little box of bits behind and i thought it might be important
39:10you really didn't have to come all this way you know felicity just checking in on my favorite
39:14workman as you were ah there we are all right uh so remember ned hold the hammer at the bottom
39:22of
39:22the handle and you just let gravity do the work jj is that a nail gun uh yeah i saw
39:27it in screw fix i
39:28thought treat yourself they have very different definitions of treats can i have a go no come on
39:34what this is what woodwork is all about this not these fancy guns and tools all right concentrate
39:40okay here we go
39:48are you okay mate i've got a first aid kit in the car no i'm all right okay just need
39:53to not breathe for a bit
40:00Amanda hey um you okay yeah i just feel like we haven't connected in ages and i was just passing
40:07just putting the twins to bed oh that's okay just stick them in front of a bluey the cartoon
40:15oh god really sweet and shabby and yeah grubby and oh
40:22when i bedtime's a whole time that's a bit drastic i just got sent it out of the blue by
40:27some company
40:28they make their own cucumber and aloe gin sounds like a shower gel why they send that to you oh
40:33uh
40:33well they saw an insta film i made about an aloe plant that i rescued from the clearance shelf and
40:38b and q and they thought i'd like it that's just stupid is that not how senuous works like that
40:44time
40:44we got sent uh four boxes of mouthwash no that's totally different anne oh now listen i've been working
40:50as an influencer for quite some time now and you know i don't have followers no and a mentee i'm
41:00a
41:00be that mentee for me oh um now we've got to undo all those bad habits you've picked up back
41:06to basics
41:07makeup oh but it's one of my hands that are in shot i usually do my posts first thing so
41:11most
41:12the time i'm just straight out of the shower and creating content isn't just a hobby it's a way of
41:16life okay i think you need to be a bit more respectful of my culture um my apologies to your
41:23people
41:29i just love plants nature really gets me in the fields you know yes you can beat a bit of
41:35green
41:35fingering and just to add if you're vibing with this then like and subscribe to senuous for more
41:40inspiring content oh wow mega mark will eat your heart out you think so good it's so good it's quite
41:48a departure from my my usual posts and this will have boosted your viewing figures no end well um according
41:54to the analytics they've actually dropped off a bit let me see it's about 70 000 less than my
41:59previous three posts oh well and that's just numbers mine wasn't built in a day okay that's
42:05the problem with the new gen of influencers they expect overnight success well i think you should
42:09just go back to doing that and love honestly no offense mans avigail with the greatest respect
42:15this is my forte and i'm imparting my extensive expertise for free to my friend who's struggling so
42:21you just stick to the running a food bank please not virtue signaling it just
42:30i gave you guys three thousand pounds you don't hear me shoe warning into every conversation
42:39she literally gave me a seven foot chair
42:49jeez it's cold out there all right for you you ain't got to go out and bleeding shorts
42:54oh god bobby oh is your mom all right amanda yeah she's fine i mean she never really got over
43:04john
43:04lewis reducing their loyalty points but otherwise she's all right she's constantly in my garden
43:08my garden you think she might be a bit lonely lonely my mother yeah please she should get a dog
43:16if she's
43:17lonely no fee i was learning without dells then i got a dog and i met loads of new dog
43:21walking pals and
43:22i'm no longer lonely fee that makes you sound really lonely guys my mother's not lonely honestly she's
43:29got a more active social life than i do she's basically branching away through my inheritance
43:34don't you worry about her then why is she currently sat on my front step waiting for me to let
43:39her in
43:39like a straight cat it's freezing out there fine i'll have a word thank you oh look it's pippa's
43:47mommy maggie look at one way who's this she is a massive massive fan of yours yeah have a look
43:55at
43:55this come here we go are you the lady from insta guilty as charged my fiddle leaf tree has never
44:04looked
44:05so healthy i i love your accent by the way oh thank you wait wait we have to face to
44:10my friend
44:10sarah she loves you too yeah you're a proper celeb now ann hi you're not gonna believe who i'm with
44:18fee what is going on with your dog every time it sees me it does that but you think yes
44:24your dog
44:25clearly fancies me but it might be worms it's not worms fee i've seen this before albeit on human men
44:31but it's definitely a thing oh my god can you say begonia begonia hey girl busy today i see
44:45my post must be kicking in i'll get the usual and an almond croissant i shouldn't couldn't wouldn't
44:53but you know what i'll actually get a couple of extra for the kids sure just what i've got you
44:57did
44:57you want to settle up your tab i just thought just coming up towards the end of the week oh
45:02that's
45:02good my tab oh you're not joking here this is 270 pounds you said my drinks were gratis i said
45:14the
45:14first coffee was gratis yeah gratis plural you can see why i thought it was more than one uh not
45:25really
45:25it is the plural of the latin word gratia but in english it functions in an invariable form
45:30don't patronize me sweetheart i'm not i did a classics degree you want to talk latin let's
45:35talk latin okay pro quo pro ellie i have been doing a lot of work for you on the socials
45:42do you have any idea how much word of mouth i've generated for you my love clearly not enough because
45:47you're our only customer low blow ellie low blow no need to make this personal it's the opposite of making
45:54a personal mandarin i'm trying to run a business well maybe if you didn't charge four pounds fifty
45:58for a coffee with a vagina on top it's a coffee bean that's for today's drink and you're not getting
46:03a penny more and i'm taking a scum gratia that's going on your tab all right so the secret is
46:15to tidy as
46:16you go so grab the broom that's gonna take ages thank you felicity if you could just lean us to
46:21it
46:21there you are oh look amanda's home maybe you want to hang out in her flat felicity no i'm fine
46:27uh you
46:28are not going to believe what just happened to me did someone just guess your real age no mal the
46:32woman of vanta black coffee she just asked me to pay for every single item i've consumed this week
46:37only you would be shocked by that well there's no such thing as a free lunch darling there's no such
46:41thing as a free shed do you know what forget it uh amanda can you um not now mal i
46:47am enraged
46:53oh jay jay that looks way more fun let me have a go you know what i'll give up
46:59then why i bother busy is he all right are you in here you all right mate yeah i'm fine
47:09cool it's just that's a lot of sriracha i know it's stupid but all of those lessons my dad taught
47:19me like how to chisel and use a screwdriver kids these days just don't need to know that like using
47:24an a to z or the yellow pages just useless information you're spending time with him
47:30showing them how to solve problems my dad spent years teaching me how to code nobody needs to learn
47:35how to code anymore hey i can do it in like and i know seconds but i'm still glad i
47:40spent time with
47:41him yeah yeah i should probably apologize to him hey yeah and then um do you want to have a
47:50go on my
47:50go on my phone and then um okay okay i'm gonna get some water
48:16oh
48:16Hey, Amanda. What's this?
48:18Sorry, but you gave me no choice but to name and shame.
48:21That's illegal.
48:22Do you know what else is illegal? Not paying your bill.
48:24Take it down.
48:25No, not until you've paid.
48:27Ellie, are you...
48:28It is £270!
48:31Amanda, you're lucky I haven't gone to the police.
48:32You're lucky I haven't called my lawyer.
48:34Do you even have a lawyer?
48:35Yes, I do have a lawyer, Ellie, actually, and I'm going to call them right now.
48:45Yeah, hi, it's Amanda Hughes and I'd like to speak to my solicitor, please.
48:50They're putting me through. Last chance, Ellie.
48:53No.
48:55Yeah, hi, it's Amanda and I...
49:00He got cut off, he's calling me back.
49:01I can see the caller ID, it's your mum.
49:03Yes.
49:05She's my lawyer.
49:06No, she's not.
49:13I can't actually afford to pay you right now.
49:15How are you going to settle this bill then?
49:19And...
49:20Action.
49:22Whenever I'm in Soha, I like to enjoy a coffee from Vantablack Coffee.
49:29And...
49:29Cut!
49:30Great.
49:31You okay?
49:32Yeah.
49:32Right, I'm just going to post this on your Insta, Anne.
49:34Why is there a William Balls on my coffee?
49:37It's not.
49:38It's a shamrock.
49:50Oh, Ned!
49:52Blackgammon?
49:52Chess?
49:53Cards?
49:54I could make it interesting.
49:58Amanda?
49:59Yeah?
49:59Play it cool.
50:00Your boyfriend's just walked in.
50:02Yeah.
50:05Please don't make light of it, Abigail.
50:06I actually feel quite violated.
50:08Good news.
50:09The vets had a look at Bob's bits and bobs, and it turns out he was obsessed with his private
50:13because he needed his glands drained.
50:15So you are off the hook.
50:17Oh, mans.
50:19I'm sorry Bobby doesn't fancy you.
50:21Yeah, that's great news, because frankly it was gross.
50:24So...
50:24I'm glad.
50:26You're good.
50:28You alright?
50:29Hi.
50:29What's wrong?
50:30I've had no end of grief since that Vantablack post.
50:32Everyone is accusing me of being a Judas and a sellout.
50:35That's ridiculous.
50:36How do they expect internet artists to make money?
50:38Look at the comments.
50:39We came here for plant pot hacks.
50:41And now she's trying to peddle us expensive coffee.
50:43Oh.
50:44And apparently, I am all that is wrong with society, Amanda.
50:47Haters gonna hate it, Anne.
50:48You know?
50:49Yeah, well, I don't want to be hated.
50:51So I've gone back to my hands, my voice, and my pot plants.
50:53Okay, Anne.
50:55I should never have messed with the formula.
50:57Mum, how could you?
50:58What?
50:59After all those talks of online safety and you go and flash the entire internet.
51:03What are you talking about?
51:04That's just a Christmas cactus.
51:06No, Mum, look at the pot.
51:08Hm?
51:10Oh my God!
51:11See, exactly.
51:11You were worried about some fake bum hole and now everyone in the world has seen my mum's tits.
51:15Oh, shit.
51:18Symmetrical.
51:19Good for you, Anne.
51:27Yo, Ned.
51:28You alright, Dad?
51:29Yeah, you wanna go hang out in the shed?
51:31I mean, I would, but it's infested with old ladies.
51:39Alright, I'm gonna have a word.
51:40You know what?
51:42I think Felicity needs a shed more than I do.
51:44Yeah.
51:47Alright, fine.
51:48You can have my room.
51:49Yeah.
51:50Thank you, Dad.
51:52I love you so much.
51:53I love you so much.
51:54Cheers.
51:55Cheers.
51:55Alright, it's so nice to be somewhere where the drinks are actually free.
51:59Mum, you know if you're ever lonely, you just have to say.
52:02Why would you ever think I'd be lonely?
52:05Damn it.
52:06What's up, Anne?
52:07Oh, God.
52:08They've only gone and cancelled my appearance on Alan Titchmarsh.
52:10Oh, Anne.
52:11Yeah.
52:13We should never go on that feckin' Insta.
52:15Hey, all publicity's good publicity.
52:16Tell that to Prince Andrew.
52:18Right.
52:19Can we all do a selfie?
52:20The Summer House Gang?
52:22Oh, Mummy, sweet.
52:24Yes.
52:25Hey, where is it?
52:26Where is it?
52:26Okay, just a second.
52:28Okay.
52:28And your tits out again.
52:29Oh, God.
52:30I'm joking, Anne.
52:31I'm joking.
52:33Oh!
52:34Look at me!
52:35Did you see some more ice?
52:36Will you watch Bobby for me?
52:38Yeah.
52:38Thanks.
52:41Alright, Bobby.
52:43Oh!
52:45You little perv.
52:49Still got it.
Comments