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Half.Man.S01E01.540p.X265.AAC [Full Movie] [Latest Version]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:28Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
00:53I'm not speaking about this.
00:58You don't have to speak.
01:00You have to listen.
01:03Really?
01:06You picked today.
01:09My fucking wedding.
01:16Come on, Truman, stop messing.
01:21Put your top back on.
01:34Oh, for fuck's sake.
01:45Oh, Niall.
01:53Come here.
01:55Come here.
02:02I'm proud of you, yeah?
02:05You know that?
02:13You look gorgeous, so you do.
02:15I tell you, if I wasn't family, I'd get up and underneath that kilt right away.
02:20No, Ruben, don't.
02:21What?
02:22I tell you, you look gorgeous.
02:24Come on, show me.
02:24There's nothing to show, Ruben.
02:25I've got boxes on underneath, for Christ's sake.
02:27Oh, boxers.
02:28Stop teasing me, you little mate.
02:33Hey.
02:34Yeah.
02:35Come here, look at me.
02:36Look at me.
02:38That's it.
02:41Look at me.
02:44We may not flow through each other's veins, but we flow through each other's brains, you
02:49get me?
02:50Please, I don't think that...
02:50One more time, eh?
02:52For all time's sake.
02:54I just need to hear it.
02:57Before I lose you forever.
02:58You're not serious.
03:01Go on.
03:02Say it.
03:03What am I?
03:08Your brother from...
03:16You're not the longer.
03:21You're not the longer.
03:23Beautiful.
03:36No!
03:51Come on, give us your best, you little fike.
04:04What is this now?
04:06Oh, fucking Snickers, Indiana Jones, that film is gay as fuck, I'm gonna have these, no, please,
04:17Gus, you can keep one, okay, I'm not a monster, pick one.
04:29Second to last.
04:30Good.
04:52Open up.
05:00Okay, degenerate, settle down, settle down.
05:05Right, as we know, the prelim exams start this week, are we aware of how important they are?
05:15Well, the prelims are your safety net, for whatever reason you missed your finals.
05:20You get hit by a bus, you come down with a bubonic plague.
05:24These exams are your get out of jail with an appeals card.
05:27Have I emphasized their importance enough?
05:34Positively spellbinding.
05:37Right, moving on.
05:38Well done.
05:38I should probably make you aware that a new student will be joining the class from tomorrow.
05:43One Reuben Pallister.
05:46What?
05:49Some of them are, Kennedy.
05:52No, it's just...
05:54Did you just say Reuben Pallister?
05:58That's right.
05:59A new pupil you can show off your sparkling personality to.
06:04Reuben will be transferring from Pullman Young Offenders Institute, and will be resitting
06:09two years, which means he'll be a little more feral than the rest of you.
06:13Okay, any questions?
06:17Nobody, good.
06:18Open your jars, we'll pick up where we left of you after then.
06:22Page 16.
06:26Kennedy.
06:27Did you listen to what I just said?
06:30What?
06:30Yeah, of course.
06:33What did I just say then?
06:37Reuben's back.
06:50Mum, it's Niall.
06:52Honey, I'm working. What is it?
06:53It's Ruben. He's out. He's coming to school.
06:55Look, now is not the time, all right?
06:57He's not staying with us, is he?
06:58We can talk about this when I pick you up.
07:00But, Mum...
07:21You should have said about her, then.
07:22Oh, piss yourself! You're a 15-year-old boy.
07:26Given your life, I don't need to give you respect.
07:33Look, I'm sorry, OK? I should have told you.
07:37I'm keeping with the theme of surprises.
07:39He's moved into your room.
07:42What? No way.
07:43What did you think that second bed was for?
07:44We were almost begging you to ask.
07:46I thought it was for guests.
07:47He is a guest.
07:48No, he's not. He's a psycho.
07:50He bit someone's nose off.
07:51I've seen the guy, too. It's horrible.
07:53His wife left him and everything.
08:03Look, you're not to talk about this, OK?
08:05Nobody in this town knows about that.
08:07The last thing that boy needs is folk whispering.
08:09Don't bite people's noses often.
08:11No, shh. You're not to speak this way in front of Maura, all right?
08:13Oh, you always put her first.
08:15She was only supposed to be living with us for six months,
08:17and now her kid is moving in.
08:18Come on, Mum.
08:19He's a psycho.
08:21Her son getting out is a big deal.
08:22He's been away for two years, for Christ's sake.
08:25This is happening, Niall, so get used to it.
08:28He's a psycho.
08:47He's a psycho.
09:22Remember me, Bambi?
09:24Last time I saw you, you were about yea high.
09:33Grown at least two feet since then.
09:34Maybe more.
09:36You've got the exact same size head, though.
09:39Creeping me out a bit.
09:46You helping or what?
09:48We can't have this shit up.
09:50No matter if we're bringing Buds home.
09:51Yeah.
09:56Get to it then, Bambi.
09:58Grab a bag, get stuff in.
10:07Yeah.
10:08Take that poster down and put this up.
10:26Put it up then, you dick.
10:27Put it up then, you dick.
10:54What the fuck are you staring at?
10:59What?
11:00Nothing.
11:02What?
11:23Nothing.
11:26Looks like Pallister's a no-show.
11:29Off to a great start.
11:31All right, everyone.
11:32Open your jotters.
11:33We'll pick up from yesterday.
11:44Right, what's going on here?
11:49Kennedy.
11:52Open your jotter.
11:55No.
11:57Open, boy.
12:06Who did this?
12:08Open up.
12:09Come on up, come on.
12:13Uh, me, sir.
12:15You?
12:16You called your own mum a dyke?
12:18No, I called someone else's mum a dyke.
12:21Really?
12:22I know firsthand from your essays.
12:24Your grasp of irony isn't that strong.
12:27So come on.
12:29Who did this?
12:34My mum is not a lesbian.
12:36I beg your pardon?
12:37I said my mum is not a fucking lesbian.
12:43Look, come with me.
12:45Go off me, you nods.
12:47What did you say?
12:48Like to touch young boys, do you?
12:50You fucking old poof.
12:53I'm just wondering if there's something else we should be worrying about.
12:56What are you insinuating?
12:57All I'm saying is I've seen a change in Niall recently.
13:00And what change is that, then?
13:01Look, he's gone from being a committed, gifted student to one that acts out in most lessons.
13:05Sir, go on.
13:06I know you want to.
13:07Look, we have to call into question Niall's rather unusual state of affairs at home.
13:10You don't know anything about my damn home.
13:28You fucking fucking bastard, man!
13:35Oi, Ruth!
13:37I know you're up there!
13:38What?
13:40I've eaten about.
13:41I am what?
13:43Okay, waiting!
13:45Is that your dad?
13:46Shut the fuck up.
13:47I'll wait no concern, man!
13:53You're not a monk!
13:55I'm not these fucking muck!
13:57You get down here and explain why you stay with that dite!
14:03And not me!
14:05Ruben, son!
14:07Will you start again, eh?
14:09I think you'll give your old man a big hug, eh?
14:15I don't think I can't see you, boy!
14:18Where is he?
14:19By the fucking collar we've learned before!
14:22I'll get, I'll get, mum.
14:23I'll move to the bridge!
14:25I don't shoot her.
14:27Fucking deal.
14:31Not a word, okay?
14:33Not a fucking word.
14:38I can't believe through this.
14:39Don't you shut your mouth, sure!
14:42You don't tell anyone about this, they understand.
14:45This never happened.
14:46Don't, don't, don't.
15:16Don't, don't, don't.
15:50Don't, don't, don't.
16:16So, boys, I am not sure whether you heard all that commotion last night.
16:28Now we were asleep, both of us.
16:34Well, right, well, that's okay then. Ignore me.
16:59What the fuck are you staring at?
17:02Just seeing if you're all right.
17:04Why wouldn't I be?
17:05It's just last night.
17:06Fuck last night.
17:08No, yeah, absolutely.
17:10Fuck last night.
17:18So are you nervous, or...?
17:20Why the fuck would I be nervous?
17:21Well, first day of school.
17:23This is Dalkenny.
17:24It's where the fairies go.
17:25Oi, soft cock.
17:28Are you a boyfriend?
17:30Ignore them.
17:32These guys bothering you, Bambi?
17:33Nah, it's just banter.
17:35Big up to your mum, dear, you little faggot.
17:38Great banter.
17:42These guys bothering you, Bambi?
17:46I'll ask you again.
17:48Are these guys bothering you?
18:00Is that a knife?
18:01Go to school.
18:02What?
18:02Go to school.
18:03You're not a witness if you don't see what happens.
18:04It's all right.
18:05Just fucking go.
18:08Go.
18:40And at the heart of this relentless conflict...
18:43Lies a love story.
18:47Ah, Mr. Pallister.
18:49Nice of you to fit us into your busy schedule.
18:52Boys and girls, this is Ruben.
18:54Ruben will be joining us from now on.
18:59Where's your school uniform?
19:00On your mother's floor.
19:02That's enough, everyone.
19:06Disc at the back.
19:10And for the record, my mum's dead.
19:12So extra points for nihilism.
19:20Right.
19:21As I was saying,
19:22two households like families.
19:25Both in a bit of a feud.
19:27Cuts.
19:28Cuts.
19:38Oh.
19:40Oh.
19:42Oh.
19:45Oh.
19:53Oh.
20:00you've been working out now certainly has then there's only an inch of space when I cut my hand
20:06around his bicep used to be at least two three maybe I'm going to my room don't sit down you
20:13little killjoy we need you to persuade Rabin to go to the exam tomorrow what no way now please
20:30do this for us what are you doing stop that I'm not a kid that's exactly what you are off
20:37me oh come on
20:38do this for me come on I need you to do this come on please come on come on come
20:45on just this one
20:46please I said go off me I'll take it from you
21:10okay that's a fairly sizable nice fire in there apart she's making all the effort in the world
21:18I don't care we're not friends we never will be come on fancy the pants off of her when you
21:25were
21:25a wee in remember the love letters we'd send to her house on Valentine's Day
21:35fine playtime's over
21:39look will you speak to him at least no no he's terrifying oh come on Niall you wouldn't believe
21:46how hard Maura had to work to get Rabin into Dalkenny she changed her postcodes and everything
21:52he's on probation too so he needs to show up and pass this prelim for the school kick him out
21:59bye
22:07so
22:21thanks
22:22thanks
22:22and
22:24There's no one that said no, that ain't what I say, never, never, never, ever.
22:34Things got a bit due to what I never said, till my mouth becomes dead, which ain't not all that
22:39clever.
22:44And it's not not saying one thing, no, not another, rather, nor is it anything I haven't said, whatever.
22:54What's just eat? What, what do you mean? Am I speaking foreign?
22:57That's what he does. You tell anyone about this, I will put you to sleep. Do you understand?
23:01I won't. I mean, I thought it was great.
23:04I thought it was great.
23:30What do you want?
23:32Just a quick something that's come to me just now, in the moment.
23:39I was thinking about the exam tomorrow.
23:41Fuck off.
23:42Right, you are.
24:10You're dead.
24:18What about him?
24:21How old were you again?
24:26I was eight.
24:28When I died.
24:32What did he do again?
24:39He was a writer.
24:41Are you?
24:43I don't remember that.
24:45Well, he worked in a pub mainly, but he wanted to be a writer.
24:50And what did he write about?
24:55Working in a pub.
25:04He was really good, though.
25:06I've read all his stuff.
25:08He was so close to getting published in the end.
25:11What stopped him?
25:13Well.
25:15Death.
25:29That's why I want to give it a shot myself, you know.
25:32You're right, too.
25:34I keep a diary.
25:36That doesn't count.
25:37Try sending that to Anne Frank.
25:39Who?
25:41No, no, she was just...
25:45No, it doesn't matter.
25:57What happened to Gus?
26:02He'll survive.
26:07I just thought with the knife you'd done something, you know, really bad.
26:15Almost did.
26:17And I'm up against the wall with it, guppy and like mad.
26:21I whispered, it'll be over soon.
26:25So he thought for a second I was going to stick it in him proper.
26:29It'll be over soon.
26:34I love seeing that.
26:37You really get a sense of what a cunt looks like when they think they're going to die.
26:42You sort of infant, like...
26:44It's all innocent and shit's weird.
26:48It'll be over soon.
27:00Night, Bumpers.
27:04Night.
27:17Where's a bulldog now, eh?
27:18Back off.
27:19Not the way you tell us where Gus is.
27:20I don't know.
27:21We know you live with an inbred prick.
27:22You're bound to have said something.
27:23We don't talk.
27:25Go on.
27:27Go on.
27:42Leave me alone.
27:48Leave me alone.
28:01Leave me alone.
28:03Leave me alone.
28:07Leave me alone.
28:10Leave me alone.
28:11Leave me alone.
28:13Leave me alone.
28:14Leave me alone.
28:15Leave me alone.
28:16Leave me alone.
28:17Leave me alone.
28:18Leave me alone.
28:18Leave me alone.
28:40Let's smoke this, son of a bitch!
28:42Woo! Woo!
28:44Come on! Come on!
28:45Pallister, nice of you to join.
28:47Please refrain from shouting out.
28:49It's only prelims. Where am I sitting?
28:51There's an empty chair there, two rows along.
28:54Please move quietly.
28:55Pallister.
29:01Pallister.
29:07Pallister.
29:11Pallister.
29:39All right, guys. We have ten minutes left.
29:41Ten minutes? Get fucked.
29:43Language, Pallister.
29:45I started later than everyone.
29:46Well, I'm afraid the onus is on you there.
29:48Piss off, Jenkins. I shagged your mum in her onus.
29:53Pallister, get back here.
29:56Pallister, don't you walk away from me, son.
29:59Oi, I'm speaking to you.
30:31All right, guys. Not long now.
30:43Pallister, don't you?
31:18Oh, Jesus. What now?
31:21Reuben passed.
31:24He passed the prelim.
31:26He can stay in school now.
31:29Oh, really?
31:31Yeah.
31:34You helped him, didn't you?
31:36Ah, no, I...
31:38Last night, I heard you talking.
31:45I mean that.
31:49I know we haven't always seen it eye to eye.
31:52Mainly because you're a little brat who blames me for everything.
31:56I do think you could be a positive influence on my boy.
32:04Thanks.
32:07I think.
32:15Nah, that feels weird.
32:19Let's never do that again.
32:20No.
32:49Let's never do that again.
32:50I've got to keep it down. Bambi's sleeping.
33:03Isn't it a bit weird doing this with a wee Nile in the room?
33:06I don't care. I passed the prelims today and I did it in a speck at the time every other
33:10fucker.
33:11Stop it, Ruben. If I swear anymore, I'm going to put my back out.
33:14Shh! I don't know.
33:16I thought you said you didn't care about him hearing.
33:18What are you doing? I just don't want my mum rubbing one out all week.
33:24Yeah, TV's off. I want it for you, Scal, Scal.
33:27Oh, baby.
33:47Okay, here, here.
34:09Caught you, Nile Kennedy.
34:10What? No, I was sleeping. Fuck off. We saw you.
34:14I wasn't. I was sleeping.
34:15Liar. At least admit it, you little scrote. You were perving.
34:19Pervy little Nile Kennedy, eh?
34:23So, tell me, did you see anything that you liked?
34:33Quite something, huh?
34:35Is this the first time you've seen a naked woman?
34:40In the flesh.
34:44And what do you think?
34:48She, she, she, she, she looks...
34:50What would you do to her, Nile, if you could have your way?
34:56Go on.
34:59I would, I would, I'd, I'd ask her for her permission.
35:03Obviously.
35:04Fucking loser, aren't you, Bambi?
35:06Touch my breath, Nile.
35:08What?
35:22Here, let's see how he's getting on, shall we?
35:25What?
35:26No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, no, no, no,
35:28no, no.
35:28That's fine, Bambi.
35:30Just relax, okay?
35:31Let her do her thing.
35:47Wow. Nothing. What's going on? You got something against Mona?
35:52Is it my boobs?
35:53What? No, it's just that this isn't how I pictured it.
35:57How did you picture it then? More than one woman.
36:01That's it, isn't it? Niall here loves grip sex.
36:05No, no, I don't.
36:06Little Niall Kennedy loves a bit of group sex.
36:10Well, I could assume different characters if you like.
36:14I could be Candy, a blonde bombshell who lives next door.
36:19Or I could be Svetlana, Russian warrior of the North.
36:27She's incredible, isn't she now?
36:29There's something to keep her.
36:31Uh-uh. Svetlana is kept by no one.
36:34How's he getting on now, then?
36:37Come on, son.
36:38I got Phil Marks on my Santa grades back in the day, Niall.
36:41I know you love a nerd.
36:45Here.
36:47Just focus on how things feel.
36:49Give me your finger.
37:01Oh, hello.
37:03Here we go, my man.
37:06You ready?
37:08Okay.
37:34Easy, boy.
37:36Steady.
37:37Steady.
37:46Oh, wow.
37:47He's a grower, young Niall.
37:53Oh.
37:57Sorry.
37:58Back you go, mister.
37:59No, no, no, no, no.
38:00Just do it.
38:01Fighting.
38:02Let her do her thing.
38:04Here.
38:05I'll hold it up, Ray.
38:06What?
38:16Hold it, son.
38:18Hold.
38:21Hold on my rhythm.
38:41Wow.
38:42He's really going for a night.
38:45Oh.
39:08For fuck's sake, did you just call me me?
39:13You're fucking dead, you mink.
39:15Oh, no.
39:15For her feet are old.
39:16Now, son, you need to pull out.
39:18For fuck's sake, I better not be pregnant.
39:20I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
39:21It just came out of nowhere.
39:23Relax, son.
39:24It's fine.
39:25But, I mean, like, what happens now?
39:28Will I get the virus?
39:32What?
39:36Do you mean AIDS?
39:52Lie back, you daft cunt.
40:00So, is that it, then?
40:05That's it, Bambi.
40:18He's still getting the virus.
40:20He's still getting the virus.
40:25He's still getting the virus.
40:26He's still getting the virus.
40:28Come on.
40:30Let him run into this water.
40:54I was just thinking, do you have any hash?
41:06We can bake Niall Kennedy. Dark horse, my man.
41:18Niall Kennedy, eh?
41:21Sex God, drug fiend.
41:35Sigh.
41:36Sigh.
41:47Sigh.
41:53Sigh.
42:04Sigh.
42:05Sigh.
42:08Sigh.
42:10Sigh.
42:11Sigh.
42:12Sigh.
42:14Sigh.
42:16Sigh.
42:18Sigh.
42:19Sigh.
42:21Sigh.
42:26I know what you did.
42:29As in?
42:31You go.
42:33Oh.
42:38I've never seen her look at me like that before.
42:42I've seen her cry.
42:44Loads.
42:47You know, but...
42:53I like this.
42:55It works.
43:03What did you make of Mona, then?
43:05Yeah, I liked her.
43:06Yeah, you fucking did.
43:09You can thank me when you're ready.
43:13Someone had to lose your virginity for you, didn't they?
43:17Oh, come on.
43:18You didn't think that was chance, did you?
43:21There's no way a lassie would take time out from sleeping with me to sleep with you.
43:27I set it up.
43:29My way of saying thanks.
43:36So, come on.
43:38Tell me you loved it.
43:42I loved it.
43:45Yeah, you did.
43:46I'm dead.
43:49I should run a brothel or something.
43:51I'm like the Pied Piper of pussy.
43:56I was too angry.
43:58If it was just Sunday...
43:59It was almost as pretty.
44:05It was good for me.
44:06Not too long ago.
44:07I'd let you go.
44:07Ephes on in your life.
44:10I'm embarassed to be pure power though.
44:11Its as for you.
44:11Yep.
44:17Hope you've heard of me.
44:18If it were me...
44:39I'm imagining these massive vaginas with legs falling through the roots.
44:51Hang up, Papi!
45:16Can I see something?
45:22Around Mums, you know.
45:26Fuck him.
45:31Yeah, afraid so.
45:36Does it bother you or something?
45:40No. No, not really.
45:43As long as they're happy, I guess.
45:47Although they don't seem all that happy.
45:55There's a lot you don't know about.
46:09Yeah.
46:11Got you something.
46:20I'm gonna train you.
46:22Just in case something happens to me, I need to know you'll look after yourself.
46:28Why do you care?
46:32We're family now.
46:35It's the most important thing.
46:39My brother, if I'm another lover.
46:48Come on, boys.
46:50School.
46:51Bring those thin bags down while you're at it.
46:56This is gonna be some morning.
46:58We'll be floating to school after all that.
47:05Hey.
47:09You've got nothing to worry about with our mums.
47:12Ten years time, you'll be at a party somewhere and realise it makes you more interesting.
47:23Oh, yeah, bambas.
47:53I've got nothing to worry about with our mums.
48:02Just cause I ain't never had no nothing worth having
48:05Never, ever, never, ever
48:12You ain't got no call not to think of what I'm falling
48:15To thinking I ain't too clever
48:23And it ain't not having one thing or not another
48:25Rather neither is it anything, whatever
48:33And it's not, not knowing that there ain't nothing showing
48:36In the eyes of the name of Trevor
48:41However
48:46Knocked me down with a feather
48:50Clever Trevor
48:56Why brows wonder whether clever Trevor's clever
49:05No, neither, haven't not got no right to make a clock out of Trevor
49:20Oh no, neither, haven't got no right to make a mark out of Trevor
49:29No, neither, haven't got no right to make a clock out of Trevor
50:01It won't work, Bambi.
50:02Here, have a sip.
50:16Hey, easy, sip, don't chug.
50:20Come on, that's it.
50:31Jesus, you're dripping.
50:37Let's sort this out.
50:40We're gonna stay here.
50:42All right.
50:44Hey, it's gonna be okay.
50:47You're gonna be fine.
50:51Hey.
50:52Hey, it's gonna be all right.
50:54Don't, hey, come on.
50:56Nile, please, no.
50:58Hey, hey, settle, settle.
51:00Settle.
51:02No, no, no, no, settle, settle.
51:04Just breathe.
51:05Hey.
51:06Hey.
51:07It's fine.
51:08Nile's fine.
51:09Just settle a bit.
51:11Sell.
51:12Here.
51:13Follow my breath.
51:19There's no following my breath.
51:21I can't.
51:22Follow it.
51:22I can't.
51:23Try.
51:23Yes, you can.
51:24You fucking can.
51:25Come on.
51:26Come on.
51:26Follow it.
51:49Hey.
51:50See?
51:52You can breathe.
51:54Yeah.
51:56Nile's it.
51:57Go with it.
51:57Go with it.
51:59No, no, no.
52:00Nile's it.
52:00Nile's it, boy.
52:01Just breathe.
52:04Okay.
52:04I'm here for you.
52:08Just keep breathing.
52:10That's it.
52:12That's a boy.
52:15Don't worry.
52:18It'll be over soon.
52:19It'll be over soon.
52:22No.
52:26I don't know.
52:54I don't know.
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