- 6 hours ago
THE TOUCHSTONE is a teen comedy about a student on a high school field trip who uncovers a relic that makes whoever has it irresistible to virgins, and the disastrous consequences that occur when he and his friends try to use it.
Runtime: 85 min
Starcast: Christian Gehring, Bryan Gabriel Lamorena, Ty Sheedlo, George Tamerlani, Julie Chapin
Director(s): Robert Remy
#virgins #teens #comedy #friendship #2026
Runtime: 85 min
Starcast: Christian Gehring, Bryan Gabriel Lamorena, Ty Sheedlo, George Tamerlani, Julie Chapin
Director(s): Robert Remy
#virgins #teens #comedy #friendship #2026
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:25For more information, visit www.fema.gov
00:01:53You know her.
00:01:54No I don't.
00:01:55Yeah you do.
00:01:56I told you that.
00:01:57I didn't do anything.
00:02:00No.
00:02:00I can't reach you.
00:02:01Do that.
00:02:02It's okay.
00:02:04What's up?
00:02:05I thought I told you to leave me.
00:02:07Are you for real?
00:02:08Are you?
00:02:09Oh.
00:02:17What's up queer bait?
00:02:19Oh.
00:02:19This is Justin and his baby Peterson.
00:02:22Allow me dude.
00:02:23Hey was that Amber that was just walking by with her fine ass?
00:02:26Yeah me and her we got a little thing going on.
00:02:28Oh please.
00:02:29You couldn't hit that with roofies and a guided missile.
00:02:31Oh you're one to talk.
00:02:32Hey.
00:02:33What do you think about my massage parlor idea?
00:02:36I mean I'm into it but we still need a ride.
00:02:38Yeah I was planning on asking Roger at lunch.
00:02:40That kid is the biggest pussy in our school.
00:02:43Ten bucks says he doesn't do it.
00:02:44Bet.
00:02:45Hey.
00:02:46See you third period?
00:02:47Alright sounds good man.
00:02:49You know raccoons are really filthy animals.
00:02:51But they make great hats.
00:02:53Just look at this one.
00:02:55Can anyone tell me who made this hat famous?
00:02:58Anyone?
00:02:59Amber McKay?
00:03:02Davy Crockett.
00:03:04That's right.
00:03:04The greatest explorer on the American frontier.
00:03:07Just like each of you.
00:03:08Because tomorrow on our field trip to Kickapoo Mountain.
00:03:11We're going to be looking for fossils and arrowheads and bones and relics.
00:03:15Anything you can find.
00:03:17How about finding a clue?
00:03:19You think some costume angles are going to make this shit interesting?
00:03:21Yeah.
00:03:22And to make matters worse tomorrow's going to be hot as balls.
00:03:25Who could beat something like that?
00:03:27Speaking of hot.
00:03:29I'd like to explore for some of her buried treasure.
00:03:32I had to get a whole bunch of rabies shots.
00:03:35What do you mean?
00:03:36And then I got scurvy.
00:03:42A massage parlor.
00:03:43Bet you catch more crabs than an Alaskan whore.
00:03:46That's what condoms are for, dude.
00:03:48Didn't you hear they busted one of those places last week?
00:03:50It was on the news.
00:03:51The cops locked up everyone.
00:03:52Yeah.
00:03:53Where do you think I got the idea?
00:03:56You guys are straight up crazy.
00:03:58Look, Ryan's dad said this only happens but once every five years.
00:04:01They raid some unlucky joint just to make it look like they care about stopping prostitution.
00:04:05Then it's back to business as usual.
00:04:08It's true, man.
00:04:09When's the last time I heard about a raid like that?
00:04:11Yeah.
00:04:12So you win?
00:04:14Sorry, I don't need it that bad.
00:04:16You know who says that?
00:04:17Guys who need it the worst.
00:04:23Ten bucks, man.
00:04:27You better see if Shawn can take it.
00:04:29Shawn?
00:04:30For reals?
00:04:31Come on, man.
00:04:31I'm not letting that pussy...
00:04:33Ah!
00:04:33Too late.
00:04:34Same.
00:04:35Great.
00:04:36Have you guys seen Jordan today?
00:04:38Oh my god.
00:04:40He's so cute.
00:04:41So Cindy, what are we wearing to your party Friday?
00:04:44I don't know.
00:04:45I haven't found it yet.
00:04:46What about you, Amber?
00:04:48Well, Matt likes red so, you know.
00:04:52So you seriously let him influence what you wear?
00:04:54Hey, sometimes a girl's gotta sacrifice.
00:04:56And how far does this sacrifice go?
00:04:59Have you guys...
00:04:59No!
00:05:00We do lots of non-entry stuff.
00:05:02If I let him get with me too soon, he may decide there's nothing to keep him around for the
00:05:07summer.
00:05:08Guys are such horndogs.
00:05:10Not all guys.
00:05:11Like Diaz, he's the opposite.
00:05:14I feel like I'm ready, but he just keeps making excuses.
00:05:17Maybe...
00:05:17And don't be ridiculous.
00:05:19You're beautiful.
00:05:21Maybe he has steroid dick.
00:05:23You know, the one muscle that doesn't benefit.
00:05:27Hey, what do you guys think of Ryan?
00:05:30Ew!
00:05:31Isn't he, like, best buds with that perv Justin Peterson?
00:05:34Ew!
00:05:35Disgusting.
00:05:36Disgusting.
00:05:37Yeah, but I don't know.
00:05:38I heard he likes me.
00:05:40I don't get you, Amber.
00:05:41Matt is fucking hot, and you're considering Ryan?
00:05:43Last time I checked, a girl can still look.
00:05:45A girl has got to keep her options open.
00:05:48Right?
00:05:49Mm-hmm.
00:05:50All I know is, I wouldn't fuck Justin Peterson with your pussy.
00:05:54It's funny.
00:05:55It's funny.
00:05:55Did you see Amber's butt in those skinny jeans today?
00:05:58Aw, man.
00:05:59She'd bend over and, ooh, out popped the whale tail.
00:06:02What the hell's a whale tail?
00:06:03Dude, it's like when the thong is poking out, and it's like a whale tail.
00:06:07You know, like the...
00:06:07What's up, my niggas?
00:06:12Nice one, Sean.
00:06:13Uh, so I heard there's a couple of pussies out here looking for a ride.
00:06:17Yeah, you got mom's whip?
00:06:19Yeah, would your mom blow me for a wooden nickel?
00:06:22Of course.
00:06:25Or the car.
00:06:31Hold on, I, uh, just gotta move some...
00:06:34Got a...
00:06:35diaper bag and some baby shit or something.
00:06:40Fuck off, nerd.
00:06:41You don't know us like that.
00:06:43What?
00:06:46Assholes.
00:07:02Hey, buddy.
00:07:03Can you let us in?
00:07:06Asshole.
00:07:07What, what?
00:07:08I thought you guys were too cool.
00:07:10Dude, Pam Blake and Tammy Powers were right there.
00:07:13What did you want us to do?
00:07:14Yeah, this car is like kryptonite to all poon tanks.
00:07:17Man, did they see me get in?
00:07:19Yeah, probably.
00:07:20Shit, why didn't you guys say anything?
00:07:22Oh, like you had a chance anyway.
00:07:24Just drive.
00:07:31All right, so, uh, who am I dropping off first?
00:07:34Who said anything about going home?
00:07:35My mom, for one.
00:07:37See?
00:07:37Here we are.
00:07:37This is what I was telling you about.
00:07:39The back pages.
00:07:40Oh, see, look.
00:07:41They got tantric massage.
00:07:42That's Kama Sutra type stuff.
00:07:44You know, me love you long time.
00:07:46Oh, and here's some Shiatsu.
00:07:47I'm pretty sure that's like doggy style, right?
00:07:50You retard.
00:07:51You're thinking of Shih Tzu.
00:07:51What are you guys looking at?
00:07:54Massage!
00:07:54Dumbass!
00:07:55What are you trying to get us killed?
00:07:56Jesus, seriously man.
00:07:57Pay attention.
00:07:58All right, what about this one up here?
00:07:59$95?
00:08:00What are they giving me a free phone too?
00:08:02Wait, massage?
00:08:03Are you guys high?
00:08:04I just heard on the news they raided one of those places.
00:08:08All right, this one over here.
00:08:09There's no price.
00:08:10Maybe $95 is cheap.
00:08:11No, no.
00:08:12I saw this on the internet.
00:08:13Chick's giving it up for like 50 bucks.
00:08:17Where are we going?
00:08:18All right, take us here.
00:08:20This one.
00:08:21Take us to 8107 Wheeler Avenue.
00:08:24But that's like way across town.
00:08:26My mom needs the car.
00:08:27Oh, stop being a wuss.
00:08:28I guess mommy will understand.
00:08:30Oh, your dad will anyways.
00:08:32Haha, bet.
00:08:34Describe, faggot.
00:08:54What the hell?
00:08:55This doesn't look like anything.
00:08:56Yeah, well, maybe that's the point.
00:08:58It says sweet 300A.
00:09:00Maybe someone should stay guard outside.
00:09:03Stay guard for what?
00:09:04We're not bank robbers.
00:09:05I just want to get my dick sucked.
00:09:12Wait, wait, shit.
00:09:13How's this gonna work?
00:09:15What are we supposed to say?
00:09:16Just ask for the special.
00:09:17What's the special?
00:09:18Does it matter?
00:09:19It's not like they're accidentally going to give us an oil change instead of a blow job if we ask
00:09:22for the special.
00:09:24Shit, man.
00:09:25I don't have any cash.
00:09:26Just my credit card.
00:09:27So just use that.
00:09:28You explain to my mom the massage parlor bill on our statement.
00:09:31He makes a good point.
00:09:33All right.
00:09:33Well, just wait for us in the lobby.
00:09:35We'll get you next time.
00:09:36Just don't fucking leave us here, okay?
00:09:39Okay.
00:09:48Can I help you?
00:09:49We're here for the...
00:09:51We're here for the special.
00:09:53Yeah.
00:09:54Been here before?
00:09:56Yeah.
00:09:57Yeah.
00:09:58Yeah.
00:09:58Yeah.
00:09:59Lots of times.
00:10:00Yeah.
00:10:02$65 each one you pay now.
00:10:05See?
00:10:05Told you.
00:10:06$95 my ass.
00:10:15Oh, I'm good.
00:10:17I already got a massage.
00:10:21From my mom.
00:10:42Not any fucking porn.
00:10:49You pick the girl now.
00:10:51Hi, I'm Ryan.
00:10:53Good.
00:10:53I'm Walter.
00:10:58You.
00:11:09Diet?
00:11:10Oh, no.
00:11:11It's actually Brian.
00:11:11With a...
00:11:12With a B.
00:11:14So, do you take credit cards?
00:11:25Just like this.
00:11:30I'm sorry.
00:11:31I don't understand.
00:11:35Give me the...
00:11:36Look you in the eyes.
00:11:39What...
00:11:40I don't know.
00:11:45I'm pretty sure this was not in the eye.
00:11:51Welcome.
00:11:57I'll take the special.
00:11:59Sure.
00:12:20I'll take the special.
00:12:41I need my help.
00:12:42What are you saying?
00:12:42I'm not even...
00:12:43I'm so sorry.
00:12:44I'm feeling...
00:12:44Oh, no.
00:12:48I'm so sorry.
00:12:49What is my purpose?
00:12:51It's going in my mouth.
00:12:52So I'm not gonna pay any more
00:13:03Ray! Do it! It's fucking Ray!
00:13:22No no no no pop!
00:13:29Is he coming?
00:13:31I don't think so man.
00:13:37Shit dude where the fuck is Sean?
00:13:40Are you shitting me?!
00:13:44Come on let's piss out!
00:13:47How did that happen?
00:13:49I don't know dude. I was too horny and distracted. See what the cops are gonna do if they find
00:13:54that?
00:13:56Fuck
00:13:57Alright relax relax. What was in it? My school ID my library card like another 50 bucks
00:14:05Sean
00:14:06Where the fuck were you asshole?
00:14:09You know the place got raided?
00:14:11Yeah, yeah, imagine that. Hey check this out
00:14:16Jesus Christ dude. Yeah, it's gonna be like a thousand bucks. Hey look with your eyes not your hands. What'd
00:14:22you do?
00:14:22Well, I took it
00:14:25Found it and just took it pretty gangster huh? I'm impressed. That's awesome. You better give us our 65 bucks
00:14:31back
00:14:32fucking better
00:14:35Fuck the bitch stole his wallet, man. Let's get out of here
00:14:52No, man, I'm sure if they found it they would have called your parents by now
00:14:55I do not want to hear anymore about how I don't pay you enough attention
00:15:00What are you doing? This cable gets light more than me. When was the last time you weren't too tired?
00:15:06No, dude, it's my parents. I can't hear you. I'm gonna call you back though. All right. All right. Bye
00:15:39Keep it down
00:15:42What?
00:15:43Ow!
00:15:46Ow!
00:15:48Ow!
00:15:48Ow!
00:15:50Ow!
00:15:51Ow!
00:15:52Ow!
00:15:55Ow!
00:15:56It's time for your big entrance!
00:16:02Ow!
00:16:04Ow!
00:16:09Ow!
00:16:13Oh, no.
00:16:15Oh, it went off.
00:16:26I got your shorts, man.
00:16:29Thanks.
00:16:30Excuse me while I go commit suicide.
00:16:33Take pictures.
00:16:35Is your ass okay?
00:16:36Oh my God.
00:16:49Hey Ryan, how was school?
00:16:51Sucked.
00:16:52Ryan!
00:16:54Mom, you want me to lie?
00:16:56I wanted to play football in P.E. today.
00:16:57It was embarrassing.
00:16:58Oh yeah?
00:16:59Meet any hot babes?
00:17:01Just the cheerleaders.
00:17:03Cheerleaders?
00:17:05Let me tell you about that.
00:17:07You think you want girls.
00:17:09And before you know it, you're 45, you're balding,
00:17:13maybe you put on a pound or two,
00:17:14and your dearly beloved wife for 20 years won't give you the time of day.
00:17:19And your point is, Bill?
00:17:22Well, I remember when you were a cheerleader.
00:17:25Oh, back when you were in shape.
00:17:26Now look at you.
00:17:28I'm just saying, a lot of young ladies would be very interested in me-
00:17:32Dad!
00:17:33Mom!
00:17:33Are you kidding me?
00:17:36Do your homework, young man, and clean that filthy rodent cage.
00:17:48Ryan!
00:17:50Ryan!
00:17:51Ryan!
00:17:51Can you come down for a minute?
00:17:53Ryan!
00:17:56Yeah?
00:17:57Your permission slipped.
00:17:58The field trip tomorrow?
00:17:59That's right.
00:18:00I almost forgot.
00:18:02Dad, I saw on the news last night that-
00:18:04the massage blood I didn't read it again.
00:18:06I thought you said that only happens like once every five years.
00:18:09Yeah, well, I've been wrong before.
00:18:12It's terrible news though.
00:18:13Now where am I gonna go to get my weekly coochie?
00:18:17That's not funny.
00:18:18It's a joke, Elle.
00:18:20At least an attempt at one.
00:18:21You can go wherever you want.
00:18:23No one would have you.
00:18:24And I won't be here when you get back.
00:18:32Dad.
00:18:33You alright?
00:18:36Never mind.
00:18:48Alright, we're going on a trip to kick up the mountain.
00:18:51We're gonna see lots of cliffs and water and waterfalls and-
00:18:55Hey, you boys are just playing from Australia?
00:18:57Yeah.
00:18:59Oh.
00:19:00Not at all.
00:19:02Alright, back to the mountain.
00:19:03We're gonna see the river and some waterfalls and lots of-
00:19:15And then we're gonna see where Daniel Boone paddled his canoe down the river and fight and wrestle the bears.
00:19:26Alright, we're here.
00:19:28Everybody out.
00:19:29Leave your lunches on the bus.
00:19:37Hey.
00:19:39Dude, Amber's all alone.
00:19:41You should go talk to her.
00:19:42What am I gonna say?
00:19:43Oh, hey Amber.
00:19:44I'm the retard who you want nothing to do with.
00:19:46But will you have sex with me?
00:19:48Yeah.
00:19:48Isn't that good?
00:19:49Yeah, that's not bad.
00:19:50Or you could go give her a compliment or something.
00:19:53God, just watch me alright?
00:20:09Excuse you.
00:20:21That was good.
00:20:21That was really smooth.
00:20:23I thought you had her.
00:20:24Yeah.
00:20:36That was good.
00:20:51That was good.
00:20:54That was good.
00:20:55That was good.
00:20:56Getting a little bit violent over there.
00:20:58I know.
00:20:58That was good.
00:21:00You funny?
00:21:01Yeah.
00:21:01I found out how much my balls can sweat in 30 minutes.
00:21:04This sucks.
00:21:05This sucks.
00:21:06This sucks.
00:21:07This sucks.
00:21:16What is that?
00:21:18Should we go talk to Rosenbaum?
00:21:20Yeah, where is he?
00:21:21How the fuck would I know?
00:21:28Hey Mr. Rosenbaum.
00:21:29You ever seen one of these before?
00:21:38It looks like a small fetish of some kind.
00:21:41A fetish?
00:21:41Like you're into feet or bukkake or something?
00:21:44Don't be stupid, Justin.
00:21:46It's a name given to small carvings like this by Native American peoples.
00:21:49They believe it harnesses the power of nature.
00:21:52Nice find, Wilt.
00:21:53Thanks.
00:22:13Hi guys.
00:22:16Hey Brian.
00:22:18What's going on?
00:22:19Uh, it's Ryan actually.
00:22:21Hi Ryan.
00:22:22You have something on your face there.
00:22:25Um, one.
00:22:28Yeah, totally.
00:22:30Oh, poor thing.
00:22:32Justin, you get so cute.
00:22:34Why don't you come sit with me?
00:22:36With me.
00:22:37I mean ladies, we can just all go up and sit together, right?
00:22:41Well.
00:22:47Yeah, that's fine.
00:22:48Okay.
00:22:51Oh my god, you're so funny.
00:22:54I try really hard.
00:22:58Oh, you have sweat dripping from your forehead right there.
00:23:00Oh, that digging.
00:23:02Aw.
00:23:05You mind if I, you know, wash you off a little later?
00:23:08Hmm?
00:23:09I don't mind at all.
00:23:10Okay.
00:23:13Okay.
00:23:14Okay.
00:23:14Okay.
00:23:14Okay.
00:23:15Okay.
00:23:19I'm telling you man, it was crazy.
00:23:21It was like a feeding frenzy.
00:23:23Sydney Tolliver even grabbed it.
00:23:24Grabbed what?
00:23:25It, you retard.
00:23:27She grabbed her Justin Peterson on the bus.
00:23:31Dude, all I know is that they wanted it.
00:23:32Alright?
00:23:33God damn, Amber smelled so good.
00:23:36Oh shit.
00:23:38Hey, what up Ryan?
00:23:40What up Matt?
00:23:42So, um, what do you think you're doing with Amber today, huh?
00:23:46You know, my Amber?
00:23:48Yeah, baggot.
00:23:48Wait, you're Amber?
00:23:49Like you got a receipt for that shit?
00:23:51Back the fuck up.
00:23:53What?
00:23:53Dude, what the hell, alright?
00:23:55She came on to me, I didn't do anything.
00:23:57Alright, well maybe next time, you should play a little harder to get.
00:24:00Yeah, well maybe, um, maybe Amber finally got herself a little class.
00:24:04Baggot class.
00:24:05She got herself some class, huh?
00:24:07Stay down like how your dad likes it.
00:24:10Fuckface.
00:24:11Dumb asshole.
00:24:14Dude, are you alright?
00:24:15Yeah, yeah, I had your back.
00:24:17I mean, from like over there, but like, you got us back?
00:24:19I'm fine, I'm fine.
00:24:20I feel good, alright?
00:24:21I'm fine.
00:24:21Alright, yeah.
00:24:22Um, of course.
00:24:26So how was the field trip today?
00:24:28It was alright, I guess.
00:24:30It needs to be in school.
00:24:31Find anything interesting?
00:24:33Actually, yeah.
00:24:44See, that's pretty neat.
00:24:46Looks like a little rabbit or something.
00:24:48You like it?
00:24:49It's yours.
00:24:49You don't want it?
00:24:50Hell no, it's just an old rock.
00:24:52Suit yourself.
00:24:54Thanks.
00:25:02You know, there was a time when you used to kiss me goodbye.
00:25:06That ship sailed a long time ago.
00:25:08You see that, Ryan?
00:25:10That's a former chillier they're talking.
00:25:15Maybe there's nothing worth kissing anymore in the room.
00:25:19Oh, you're still here.
00:25:22Ryan, I...
00:25:23Come on.
00:25:26I think...
00:25:29Sir?
00:25:30Excuse me, sir.
00:25:31You forgot your receipt.
00:25:33Oh, thanks very much.
00:25:34And my number.
00:25:36Call me.
00:25:37No, Sir.
00:25:55Hello?
00:25:56Who is this?
00:25:58Oh, and I have to hold on.
00:26:00Just hold on in a minute.
00:26:03Bill, it's for you.
00:26:04Tom Reilly from golf.
00:26:10Hello? Tom, yes? There must be some misunderstanding. No, that's not the way it happened. I swear
00:26:23to you, your Lindsay was hitting on me. Of course I know she's 17. I don't think of
00:26:30your daughter that way. I never said two words to her. I'm telling you for the last time,
00:26:38talk to her. She came on to me. I didn't do anything. He didn't do anything. That's right.
00:26:49Now, good night.
00:26:57I'm telling you, it's The Rock. I mean, seriously, like, that's gotta be the reason why those
00:27:01girls got all sexed up when they were on the bus. That's right. Bullshit. You're an idiot, man.
00:27:05No, I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. My dad's golf partner won't even talk to him anymore
00:27:10because all of a sudden his daughter wants to fuck my dad right after I gave him The Rock.
00:27:14Got to admit, that's pretty whack. You think it has some sort of Spanish fly powers or something?
00:27:20I mean, yeah, something like that. You know, it's definitely more than just a rock.
00:27:23I mean, there's only one way to make sure it works. Like you say it, Dad.
00:27:26Yeah, no, we gotta test it. Yeah, like now. So give it.
00:27:30My dad still has it. Well, you gotta get it back.
00:27:33Yeah, I know, but I don't wanna get him suspicious. Like, I gotta wait for the right opportunity to swipe
00:27:36it.
00:27:36Hey, man, we'll go to the library and try to figure out what I did. Doesn't look so good.
00:27:39Yeah, no, that's a good idea. I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna grab it, and then we'll meet up later.
00:27:43Wait, we'll go to the library? Come on, man, that'll be nice. Just me and you.
00:27:49I'm so fucking lucky to go on my ride home.
00:27:56Dude, you have no idea how many cool points I'm losing being seen at a library.
00:28:01Dude, you are so stupid.
00:28:03A condition which studies show is linked to low library patronage.
00:28:08Yeah, so is nerdism.
00:28:10It's not even a word, man.
00:28:11I don't, shut up, Sean.
00:28:12You can't just add ism to a word.
00:28:13Let's just find a computer.
00:28:16All right, all right, all right.
00:28:17Okay, so just look up, like, uh, Native American.
00:28:19I know what to look up, right? No, no.
00:28:21Okay, I'm just Native American.
00:28:23I know, I got it.
00:28:24Um, stones, rocks.
00:28:25How about this one?
00:28:27Hi.
00:28:29What are you doing?
00:28:30Welcome to my wild world of fantasy.
00:28:31Wild world of fantasy, Sean?
00:28:33You know, I absolutely love to play.
00:28:35She loves to play.
00:28:36I enjoy all sorts of kinky fetish fun.
00:28:39Kinky.
00:28:39Fetish.
00:28:40Plunge on.
00:28:41You sick, sick bastard!
00:28:43Just turn it down.
00:28:45I don't want people to talk to you.
00:28:47Well, sometimes, I like you spanking with a bad little boy in the future.
00:28:52After all, you need to be punished for being naughty.
00:28:56I'm talking to you, Uncle Frank!
00:28:58All right, navigate away.
00:28:59People might be monitoring user activity or something.
00:29:02Or maybe.
00:29:03He doesn't monitor that shit.
00:29:05How do I spend the time?
00:29:06How do I spend the time?
00:29:07I don't know.
00:29:08Just navigate away.
00:29:09I need exactly what you need.
00:29:10Hey, Sam.
00:29:11I'll restrain you and make you crawl on your hands and knees
00:29:14and clean my toilet with your tongue.
00:29:16And after that...
00:29:18Disgusting!
00:29:20I'll drain you of your nasty man juice
00:29:22and fetish you like the pig that you are!
00:29:26Can I use your computer to print something?
00:29:28Well, you'll have to ask Sean.
00:29:29He's the one using it.
00:29:31Ah, nah.
00:29:32Station two, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
00:29:35Yeah, get a life curve.
00:29:36Would you like me to powder your little bomb for you?
00:29:38We cannot have public-access computers
00:29:41used to view pornographic content!
00:29:44Well, you can forget about it, you sick bastard!
00:29:47Fucking never mind.
00:29:48And how about my petty...
00:29:49And this is also a no-swear zone.
00:29:52Oh, smothering with my...
00:29:53Now, beat it, mister!
00:29:56And I'll put these turrets in your face
00:29:58and give you all this lovely foot action.
00:30:01Ew, what the hell?
00:30:04You like that?
00:30:15Video game broken?
00:30:18What, a guy can't just hang out with his dad
00:30:20and watch the news?
00:30:21You kidding me?
00:30:22This is great!
00:30:24Tell you what, you want a beer?
00:30:26Fuck...yeah, sure!
00:30:28Get one for me too, would you?
00:30:42Well, I'm going to take a shower.
00:30:45No more beer for you!
00:30:46Alright!
00:30:48Alright, let's do it.
00:31:01Let's get some water.
00:31:02I can get some water.
00:31:04These shelves in the room.
00:31:04I'll do a second.
00:31:05I'm gonna buy some water.
00:31:06No, we can do an empty bed!
00:31:09No, we'll be able to put the water into it.
00:31:10Let's get some water.
00:31:13I'm going to put the water in.
00:31:13You'll let it come out.
00:31:15I'm over.
00:31:15I'm gonna put it on a large part.
00:31:16Let's get some water in here!
00:31:17And I'm gonna put on the water in here.
00:31:18I'm going to see you at the end of it!
00:31:30So you guys ready for this?
00:31:32Yeah. Oh yeah.
00:32:54I'm too can you fucking believe it?
00:32:56Oh my god.
00:33:00Oh hi Ryan.
00:33:02Hey Amber.
00:33:02I was wondering what you were doing after school.
00:33:04Maybe you and I could um...
00:33:16So like I was saying, maybe you and I could go out after school.
00:33:20Yeah.
00:33:21And me. I'm having dinner party this Friday if you want to talk about.
00:33:24Excuse me ladies.
00:33:26I need to work with you.
00:33:27Go ahead boys.
00:33:29Hey.
00:33:33No.
00:33:34Stop!
00:33:36What are you doing?
00:33:37Let go of me!
00:33:40Yes!
00:33:41Get your hands off my pants!
00:33:43Get your hands off my pants!
00:33:45Get your hands off my pants!
00:33:47Get your hands off my pants!
00:33:52Get your hands off my pants!
00:34:00And so class, tonight's assignment is to read any short story by any author of the romantic period.
00:34:09Katie, darling, where do you think you're going?
00:34:10I was just going to change my seat.
00:34:12Somewhere in the back.
00:34:16No, you'll sit in your assigned seat.
00:34:20Katie, darling!
00:34:20What's up?
00:34:22What's up?
00:34:22Gina!
00:34:23Katie, stop!
00:34:24What are you doing?
00:34:25Katie, go to the principal's office right now.
00:34:28Get out of here!
00:34:31What's going on?
00:34:31Katie, girls!
00:34:33Stop it!
00:34:34All right, stop it!
00:34:34Gina!
00:34:35Go to the principal's office right now.
00:34:37Stop!
00:34:40You too.
00:34:41Come on, get out.
00:34:48I didn't do anything.
00:34:50What's that you've got, Mr. Wilson?
00:34:52Oh, it's nothing.
00:34:54It's my good luck chart.
00:34:56Well, whatever it is, it has nothing to do with English literature.
00:35:00It's got something to do with the romantic period.
00:35:02Now, you may have it back after class, or later, in detention if you'd rather.
00:35:20It doesn't go in, you may have it.
00:35:24So that's...
00:35:33Exactly.
00:35:34Oh my glory.
00:35:36I'm really good in this video.
00:35:37And this video, I'm going to have a piece of paper.
00:36:17What's going on here?
00:36:41Mr. Sumner, I'm a dad.
00:36:43Can I have detention?
00:36:45Boys, go on.
00:36:47You want to be late for your next period.
00:36:49Go on.
00:36:49Go.
00:36:49Go.
00:36:50Go.
00:36:50Mr. Sumner, you are so fucking beautiful.
00:36:58Thank you, Lord.
00:37:00Hey, thank you.
00:37:01Go on.
00:37:02Shoo.
00:37:03Shoo, shoo, shoo.
00:37:04Go.
00:37:04Go, go, go.
00:37:06Go.
00:37:07Boys go.
00:37:21Next time, leave your toys at home.
00:37:25Yes, ma'am.
00:37:31Dude, try it.
00:37:33No way, man.
00:37:35Here, give it.
00:37:36I'll try it.
00:37:42Yes, Mr. Peterson?
00:37:43Ms. Sumner, I was wondering, do you like me?
00:37:50Well, certainly, Justin.
00:37:52I like all my students.
00:37:54Good.
00:37:54Because I just wanted to know if, uh...
00:38:01Why did I talk to your mother about that filthy mouth of yours?
00:38:05That worked really well.
00:38:09So, you sure you haven't seen them, man?
00:38:11Daddy, not since fifth period English.
00:38:12Oh, my God.
00:38:13Dude, where have you been, man?
00:38:15I'm trying to get away from these girls, man.
00:38:16I'm not careful they'll be all over me.
00:38:18You know what kind of sucks being hot?
00:38:21Don't forget it's just because what's in your pocket.
00:38:23You are still a loser.
00:38:25Yeah, man.
00:38:25And it doesn't even work right.
00:38:27Are you kidding me?
00:38:28Did you not see Sumner today?
00:38:29She was off the chain hot.
00:38:31Sumner?
00:38:31From the English department?
00:38:33Are you high, man?
00:38:34You didn't tell him.
00:38:35Nope.
00:38:35Dude, Sumner got ahold of The Rock today,
00:38:37and she turned into, like, the fattest hottie I've ever seen.
00:38:40Shit, man.
00:38:41If only I was dumb like you guys and wasn't an AP,
00:38:43we could have the same classes.
00:38:45Gee, no offense, asshole.
00:38:48And anyway, how come when I had The Rock and I talked to Sumner,
00:38:50she went all Jerry Springer on me?
00:38:52Yeah, I can't figure that one out.
00:38:54You hit on Sumner?
00:38:55You know, maybe she's like a tranny or something.
00:38:57I've seen some pictures where you can hardly tell if they have a-
00:38:59Shut the fuck up.
00:39:00Tell them their stuff.
00:39:01No way, dude.
00:39:02Alright, listen.
00:39:03It's very obvious that we need to do some more tests on this.
00:39:06Alright, can you guys skip next period?
00:39:07Dude, for this I would skip college.
00:39:09Alright, alright.
00:39:10Sean, go get your car.
00:39:11Wait, why?
00:39:12Don't ask fucking questions, just go get your car.
00:39:16Oh shit.
00:39:17Girls, girls, girls.
00:39:18I'll get my car.
00:39:19Meet me at the corner.
00:39:24Alright, where are we going?
00:39:26Uh, to your house.
00:39:27What?
00:39:27That's the last place I'd want to go when we're skipping school.
00:39:30Yeah, I know.
00:39:30I just want to try this thing out on your mom.
00:39:33What?
00:39:33No way you and that rock are going anywhere near my mom.
00:39:36Jesus, take it easy, psycho.
00:39:38Alright?
00:39:39I just want to see if someone like your mom, like a Sumner, doesn't get the hots for me.
00:39:44That might tell us something.
00:39:45Yeah, it'll mean she's not into stupid fags.
00:39:48Oh, come on, Sean.
00:39:49It's not about him banging your mom.
00:39:51Is it?
00:39:52Of course not, dude.
00:39:53Sean's mom is a cow, not a cooter.
00:39:57Take it back.
00:39:58Say you're sorry and take it back or get out of my car and we're not friends anymore.
00:40:01Jesus, dude.
00:40:02Don't be so sensitive.
00:40:03Say you're sorry.
00:40:05Alright, alright.
00:40:06I'm sorry.
00:40:07We can go somewhere else.
00:40:08I'm sorry.
00:40:12I'm sorry your mom is a cow.
00:40:19So what are we doing at the mall?
00:40:21Only the skeezers hang out here.
00:40:23He's got a plan, obviously.
00:40:25Yeah, what?
00:40:25Just a plan.
00:40:27Shut the fuck up.
00:40:31Alright, so what's this plan of yours, genius?
00:40:33Will all make sense in a minute.
00:40:35Just keep your eyes built.
00:40:36For what?
00:40:37Let's see.
00:40:38I see them all.
00:40:40There she is.
00:40:43What?
00:40:43All I see is Sally Beasley.
00:40:45Easy Beasley.
00:40:46I get it now.
00:40:47Yep, yep.
00:40:48I'm thinking the rock only works on virgins.
00:40:50Look, yeah, you idiots.
00:40:52Sally Beasley stuffed with like half our class already.
00:40:55I think the point is to prove it won't work.
00:40:58Yeah.
00:41:03There she is.
00:41:11Hey.
00:41:12Easy Beasley.
00:41:13Er, Sally.
00:41:15How you doing?
00:41:15I know you.
00:41:17We go to school together.
00:41:18Ryan Wilson.
00:41:19Right.
00:41:21Right.
00:41:22I was just wondering if, um, you're feeling what I'm feeling.
00:41:25Like that stomach flu thing going around?
00:41:29No.
00:41:30Not the stomach flu thing.
00:41:32You must be Billy Godfrey's brother.
00:41:36No, I don't.
00:41:38Yeah, you are.
00:41:39And recognize that bone structure anywhere.
00:41:43Only you're even cuter.
00:41:47I think we had learned all we need to know, guys.
00:41:51Come on.
00:41:52Just kidding.
00:41:53Thanks a lot, Sally.
00:41:55Come on.
00:41:55Whatever.
00:41:56You guys are weird.
00:41:58Dude, can you believe this?
00:41:59I mean, holy shit.
00:42:01I know, man.
00:42:01Sally likes me.
00:42:03No ass clown fucking virgins.
00:42:06Hey, Ryan.
00:42:08Didn't you say before when Sumner got the stone that you said she looked hot?
00:42:13Yeah, well, why are you bringing that up?
00:42:16Well, I mean, you said before that while you were on vacation, you bagged no fewer than
00:42:20two hotties.
00:42:21Hey, you guys, you guys know I always had a thing for Sumner.
00:42:24I mean, I always thought she was really sexy.
00:42:26Like, kind of like a tilf.
00:42:28Try a gilf, maybe.
00:42:29Virgin.
00:42:31Whatever, dickwad.
00:42:36The point is, it was no different for me yesterday with Sumner.
00:42:41Why?
00:42:41Did you think she was hot just because of the stone?
00:42:43You fucking virgin.
00:42:44Well, hey.
00:42:45First off, this is about you, Wilson.
00:42:47And second off, you all know I had Nancy Mullen upstairs at that party last year on Halloween.
00:42:56Oh, my God.
00:43:00Fucking Mike.
00:43:04Justin Peterson!
00:43:06I thought you were Mike!
00:43:07Oh, shit.
00:43:08He's a skeleton, too.
00:43:10So fucking gross!
00:43:13I can be Mike!
00:43:15Mike's a dick!
00:43:17Yeah, conveniently on the night she left town, so we could never confirm the hit.
00:43:22Oh, whatever.
00:43:23You know she was digging on my boner.
00:43:26Yeah, whatever.
00:43:27Jesus.
00:43:29Well, wait.
00:43:29Anyway, what are you talking about, virgin?
00:43:32Oh, yeah.
00:43:34Don't bother with him.
00:43:35He's not gonna understand.
00:43:43Hey, son.
00:43:46Hey.
00:43:47How was school today?
00:43:49And don't say it sucked.
00:43:50It was okay.
00:43:53Are you guys okay?
00:43:55Everything's good.
00:43:57Real good.
00:44:01Alright, I'm gonna be in my room.
00:44:20Yeah, man, I'm sitting down.
00:44:21What's up?
00:44:22So where would you find the highest concentration of virgins this side of the known universe?
00:44:28I don't know, sitting right behind your computer?
00:44:32Ha, very funny.
00:44:34But no, remember that girl that I challenged to that hot dog eating contest in my pants?
00:44:39The one who slapped me?
00:44:41Yeah, dude, that was hilarious.
00:44:43And then you, uh...
00:44:43Yeah, where did she go to school?
00:44:45Yeah.
00:44:46Remember we stalked her that one time?
00:44:48Yeah, yeah, I remember.
00:44:49It was, it was like Saint, Saint something.
00:44:51Saint Agnes Catholic School for girls!
00:44:57Hey.
00:44:59Hey.
00:45:00So, um, where's your new boyfriends?
00:45:04Ryan and Dork with the glasses?
00:45:07Haven't seen them.
00:45:09Tell you what.
00:45:11If you ever, ever embarrass me like that again.
00:45:16Ow.
00:45:16Ow, you're hurting me.
00:45:18No.
00:45:19You're only hurting yourself.
00:45:25What are you looking at?
00:45:31Oh, here we go.
00:45:33Here we go.
00:45:34Where'd you guys find this place?
00:45:36Sure as hell didn't find it in a fucking library.
00:45:39Yeah.
00:45:39It's gonna be fun.
00:45:41Let's do this.
00:45:41Nice.
00:46:01What?
00:46:02Come on.
00:46:07Shit, man.
00:46:08They've got security.
00:46:10Well, if you were interested in preserving the hymens of 500 girls...
00:46:14Shh.
00:46:14What do you mean?
00:46:15Yeah, shut up.
00:46:16Let's just go.
00:46:17Let's go.
00:46:18Let's go.
00:46:20Okay.
00:46:21Okay.
00:46:23Alright, let's go.
00:46:25Okay.
00:46:25I'm gonna, let's go.
00:46:37That's pretty pretty.
00:46:51Come on!
00:46:51Ah!
00:46:52Got you!
00:46:53Ah!
00:46:56Oh my gosh.
00:46:58You're so lazy.
00:46:59Are you saying that?
00:47:01Come on.
00:47:01Come on.
00:47:02You suck!
00:47:04Ah!
00:47:05Ah!
00:47:06Ah!
00:47:07Ah!
00:47:07Ah!
00:47:07Ah!
00:47:07Ah!
00:47:08Ah!
00:47:10Ah!
00:47:11Ah!
00:47:13Come on!
00:47:15Really?
00:47:17Ah!
00:47:18Ah!
00:47:20Ah!
00:47:20Ah!
00:47:22Ah!
00:47:22Get a grip!
00:47:27Ow!
00:47:28My face!
00:47:28Uncle Clee, you have to pay attention.
00:47:31Your enemies are all around you.
00:47:33They try and get things from you.
00:47:35They want your goodies.
00:47:36And you must always protect yourselves, ladies, at all times.
00:47:44Okay, ladies.
00:47:45Remember, it's about winning.
00:47:46Give me the rock.
00:47:46It's about protecting ourselves.
00:47:47Come on!
00:47:47Give me the rock!
00:47:48Give me the rock!
00:47:49Holy.
00:47:50And to be sure that no one, no one, gets your goodies.
00:48:02Hi there.
00:48:03Hi.
00:48:04I've come for you.
00:48:08You lucky bass.
00:48:10Why'd you give him the rock, man?
00:48:11Why'd you give him the rock, man?
00:48:11Can you believe this?
00:48:14Allow me!
00:48:16Oh, Jesus Christ!
00:48:21Sorry.
00:48:22I forgot.
00:48:23Catholic school.
00:48:24I'll come back for you.
00:48:25Come on, dude!
00:48:26Go!
00:48:27Go!
00:48:27Go!
00:48:28Two JPs.
00:48:29Two JPs.
00:48:30Loose on one.
00:48:31Copy.
00:48:31JPs?
00:48:33Juvenile perverts.
00:48:34For of all.ied.
00:49:03I'll
00:49:04be right back. Emily Bros.
00:49:26I was way too close to you.
00:49:28How'd you do?
00:49:30I punched him, man.
00:49:31I punched him.
00:49:32Yeah.
00:49:36No, no, no, no.
00:49:38Please, please don't scream.
00:49:50Hey.
00:49:52How are you?
00:49:56Yeah?
00:49:57I'm good.
00:49:59So are you still buying a dinner today?
00:50:03Oh, why's that?
00:50:07Hey.
00:50:08Hi.
00:50:09How are you?
00:50:09I'm good.
00:50:10How are you?
00:50:15Fuck.
00:50:15Fuck.
00:50:15Call me.
00:53:17We're right back.
00:53:59Okay, so where are you?
00:55:33We're right back.
00:56:07All right, I'm going to bring the rock.
00:56:10We're right back.
00:56:30We're right back.
00:57:15Don't come in.
00:57:25We're right back.
00:57:36We're right back.
00:58:10We're right back.
00:58:27We're right back.
00:58:43We're right back.
00:59:30We're right back.
00:59:33We're right back.
01:00:11We're right back.
01:00:41We're right back.
01:01:06We're right back.
01:01:51We're right back.
01:01:51We're right back.
01:02:19We're right back.
01:02:22We're right back.
01:03:09Okay.
01:03:18We're right back.
01:03:53We're right back.
01:04:09We're right back.
01:04:39We're right back.
01:05:07We're right back.
01:05:37We're right back.
01:06:03We're right back.
01:06:34We're right back.
01:06:57We're right back.
01:07:15We're right back.
01:07:26We're right back.
01:07:40We're right back.
01:08:09We're right back.
01:08:29We're right back.
01:08:57We're right back.
01:09:28We're right back.
01:09:57We're right back.
01:10:28Yeah, I know.
01:10:31Hey, hey.
01:10:32We're right back.
01:10:34We're right back.
01:10:35We're right back.
01:10:35We're right back.
01:11:17We're right back.
01:11:24We're right back.
01:11:45We're right back.
01:12:40We're right back.
01:12:43We're right back.
01:13:34We're right back.
01:13:57We're right back.
01:14:13We're right back.
01:14:48We're right back.
01:15:18We're right back.
01:15:33We're right back.
01:15:51We're right back.
01:16:24We're right back.
01:16:37We're right back.
01:16:57We're right back.
01:17:20We're right back.
01:17:43We're right back.
01:18:10We're right back.
01:18:27We're right back.
01:19:23We're right back.
01:19:39We're right back.
01:20:04We're right back.
01:20:40We're right back.
01:20:41We're right back.
01:21:37We're right back.
01:22:09We're right back.
01:22:20We're right back.
01:22:42We're right back.
01:23:10We're right back.
01:23:50We're right back.
01:24:26We're right back.
01:24:42We're right back.
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