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The Worst Film Festival Ever [Full Movie] [Full Episodes]Full EP - Full
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00:01:50shit. Tug Speedman, I'm just not the biggest fan. A father with money and an idiot with
00:01:58an expensive habit, the transition from drugs to movie making has been glorious for us.
00:02:04The problem with Tug Speedman movies are his endings. Well, it's not just the endings.
00:02:08We even got shortchanged on the nudity. Esme Presley used a body double. I just had a thought.
00:02:17What do you think if I asked you to present the awards?
00:02:19Oh, Gabriel, let me stop you there. I'm not presenting these awards.
00:02:23Well, that would be a mistake. A missed opportunity for you, Will the Farmer. With some brand.
00:02:31Gabriel, your little festival, it's a low-rent nightmare. Whatever bullshit you've done,
00:02:36to get this accredited by the Academy, it's a win here. Honestly, I don't want to be part
00:02:39of it when it all goes tits up. It's all showbiz, Will. And you are one of the greats. This
00:02:45is an
00:02:45opportunity that should be grabbed with both hands.
00:02:48Gabriel, please. Please don't bullshit me.
00:02:50Put on a show, Will. Razzle dazzle them. It will be you that they'll remember.
00:02:57I don't want to present an award to a shit Tarantino wannabe Tug Speedman.
00:03:01Truth is stranger than fiction, Will. Look, why don't you stay, listen to the key speaker talk,
00:03:08and then see how you feel. Do you know what? I don't feel well, Gabriel.
00:03:14That was funny, innit? If you've got a tractor, you're a farmer. If you don't, you're just a gardener.
00:03:19Do you know what? I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:25Gabriel? Are you alright?
00:03:28Uh-huh.
00:04:09Hello. Hello, giggles. Didn't know we were going to be a threesome tonight.
00:04:13What's the point in having a phone if you don't read your messages?
00:04:17Oh, shit. Sorry, no. I've been avoiding my dad all day. So, phone.
00:04:23I'm breaking up with you.
00:04:26Okay.
00:04:27It's not you. It's your dad.
00:04:31Yeah?
00:04:32Not in that way. Just the way he controls everything you do.
00:04:39I'm waiting for the punchline here, but I'm sensing it's not coming.
00:04:44Look, my dad is just my dad. Like, I'm my own boss.
00:04:52Okay, but that is five unread messages, which I'm not going to read.
00:04:57I'm with Giggles.
00:05:01Caroline, I thought we were going to make a movie together.
00:05:04I think we're both done with that.
00:05:07You know, you know what? I think I'm just gonna...
00:05:25Oh, God. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:05:27Oh, God.
00:05:44God.
00:05:44Where have we been, he's like...
00:05:55God.
00:05:56God.
00:05:56Where have you been? He's having a heart attack.
00:05:59Will the farmer?
00:06:01And a cow jumped over the moon.
00:06:03No, Dad!
00:06:04Gabriel, everything's going to be okay. Alan's here now.
00:06:08Listen to me, son.
00:06:11Do you want to make it in this business or fold shirts at the Chinese laundromat?
00:06:15Pledge.
00:06:16How sure are we that this was a heart attack?
00:06:20Shit, no, the film festival.
00:06:22The film festival goes ahead.
00:06:26You're in charge.
00:06:27Gabriel, talk about this at the hospital. Where is this ambulance?
00:06:30Ambulance is on the way.
00:06:32No, Dad, Dad, cancel the film festival.
00:06:34Alan.
00:06:36I am not willing to donate a kidney, but I am willing to watch you die slowly if you're looking
00:06:41for that kind of thing.
00:06:42Huh.
00:06:45Any idea what you're going to do?
00:06:47No, no, Will, I don't.
00:06:49Well, good luck with everything.
00:06:51Will the farmer to present best picture?
00:06:52Yeah.
00:06:55Yeah.
00:06:56Yeah.
00:07:04Yeah.
00:07:12Yeah.
00:07:14I'm not
00:07:15I don't wanna be somebody
00:07:18I'm not
00:07:19Standing in my shoes
00:07:21Someone I'm not
00:07:23I don't wanna be
00:07:26Somebody I'm not
00:07:30Standing in my shoes
00:07:32I got this feeling
00:07:34That I'm always gonna lose
00:07:36I guess I know
00:07:38Someday I'm gonna have to
00:07:40Choose
00:07:41Cause I don't wanna hide away
00:07:43Yeah
00:07:47Somebody I'm not
00:07:49I don't wanna be
00:07:51Somebody I'm not
00:07:54Standing in my shoes
00:07:56Someone I'm not
00:07:58Cause I don't wanna be
00:08:00Somebody I'm not
00:08:04Standing in the line
00:08:06I never know
00:08:08When it's gonna be my time
00:08:10I got some marching time
00:08:13I don't really wanna shine
00:08:15Cause I don't wanna hide away
00:08:18Yeah
00:08:21Somebody I'm not
00:08:23I don't wanna be somebody
00:08:26I'm not
00:08:28Standing in my shoes
00:08:30Someone I'm not
00:08:32Cause I don't wanna be somebody
00:08:35Cause I don't wanna be somebody
00:08:35Somebody I'm not
00:08:36Cause I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
00:08:38Cause I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
00:08:39It goes
00:08:42Seems like I'm running blind
00:08:47But oh
00:08:50You know
00:08:52It's like I'm stuck
00:08:55It's like I'm stuck
00:09:15It's like I'm stuck
00:09:22I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
00:09:23I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
00:09:27I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
00:09:29You know
00:09:30I think I'm gonna faint if we don't eat soon
00:09:33There's a Costa Starbucks back at the station
00:09:36I can get those anywhere
00:09:38I need authentic Edinburghan food
00:09:42I don't know if it's an actual word
00:09:44But it is now anyway
00:09:48There's a greasy spoon three blocks from here
00:09:52Authentic Scottish cafe it says
00:09:54Perfect word
00:09:55I'm gonna use it in a sentence
00:09:57I just did
00:10:05Where all these Scottish fruits have been told about
00:10:09You're gonna cop a flower pot if you don't move them trotters
00:10:15At her butt
00:10:17Oh my god
00:10:25Are you sure?
00:10:28Of course
00:10:29He's got no reason to lie, I sure
00:10:31Can we go home then?
00:10:33Alan's sorting it out
00:10:35That can't be good
00:10:42Come on
00:10:53How's it going?
00:10:55A few technical issues
00:10:56But then again it's an old laptop so it probably needs replacing
00:10:59She means your dad, Alan
00:11:01Oh god
00:11:03Yeah, better, I think
00:11:06He left me a three-page text message this morning that he signed off with
00:11:09And don't mess this up
00:11:11So safe to say he's better the farm on this festival
00:11:14Now be fine
00:11:17See, he's working
00:11:20And gone again
00:11:26He's fucked
00:11:33Will
00:11:35Gabriel's on the mend, that's good
00:11:36Will, I still need a key speaker
00:11:38Please check out time for me
00:11:40No, Will, please
00:11:41I'll give you anything, okay
00:11:42I have a kidney you can have
00:11:44It's barely been used
00:11:45When you get chased by a pack of taxidermists
00:11:48Don't play dead
00:12:06Is there no one here to meet us?
00:12:08It's fine, we'll just grab a taxi
00:12:11Did you not order car service?
00:12:13I'm sorry
00:12:14I'll just bung it on my credit card, shall I?
00:12:17There's no budget for this trip
00:12:22Seriously
00:12:31Good news or bad?
00:12:32My father would say this is a challenge
00:12:35So bad then?
00:12:36Yeah, it's not good
00:12:36One of my key speakers has pulled out
00:12:38He's got the flu
00:12:39One of the criteria for qualifying for an Academy Award
00:12:42Is you must provide at least two key speakers to tell you movies are good
00:12:49Alright, okay, it's fine
00:12:51Just breathe
00:12:54That's it
00:12:54I'm not the first guy to have a panic attack on us
00:12:57Look, if my dad doesn't kill me, Tug Speedman will
00:13:00God's was a good movie
00:13:01The ending wasn't much though
00:13:03No, his father is paying for the festival
00:13:06You know this isn't your fault, right?
00:13:08Yes, but my dad can make it my fault
00:13:10Right, first things last
00:13:12What's a key speaker?
00:13:14Oh, I don't know
00:13:15It's got to be an actor or a celebrity
00:13:17Someone who can talk about their experience making movies with the other filmmakers
00:13:27Rachel
00:13:28Oh shit, yeah, Rachel Warren
00:13:30Who is Rachel Warren?
00:13:32Rachel, Rachel, Rachel
00:13:35She did that stupid werewolf movie with Jess
00:13:38It's in the festival
00:13:39Can you get her?
00:13:41Yeah, I know her well
00:13:42I trust you'd love to come and be your celebrity
00:13:49You have no idea where we're going
00:13:52Yes, I do
00:13:58It's this way
00:13:59Come on
00:14:02We made a movie about Chinese families in the 18th century
00:14:06Stories about mothers and daughters
00:14:12This country makes no sense
00:14:20You will no longer be模절
00:14:22You won't leave it
00:14:23You don't seem to love it
00:14:26I are ugly
00:14:48Hey, remember what we spoke about?
00:14:51Yeah, yeah, Dad.
00:14:53No danger.
00:14:55Hi, we're Ashraf and...
00:14:58Millie.
00:14:59I thought we was going home with Millicent.
00:15:02We made Milicious Incent.
00:15:10Do I think we can win?
00:15:12Fuck yeah.
00:15:13Right, babe?
00:15:15Well, forget winning.
00:15:16I mean, I'm just here for the fit guys with their sexy Scottish brogue.
00:15:21I mean, I haven't met any just yet, but I did spot this guy.
00:15:24He looked a little bit like Chris Hemsworth on the plane.
00:15:26You know, the guy from Thor.
00:15:28I mean, given the chance, I didn't.
00:15:29I was Thor.
00:15:32You do know I'm not one of your pals, don't you?
00:15:35You know I can't just un-hear this stuff.
00:15:38I will.
00:15:41I'm not really hungry.
00:15:44Nominations for Best Actress are...
00:15:47Fran Whittaker for Hey, Mr. DJ.
00:16:00I can explain.
00:16:01I want you to leave.
00:16:04Out of my house.
00:16:13What's black pudding?
00:16:15It's pork of beef blood mixed with oatmeal and fried.
00:16:18Are we in the same country?
00:16:21No, we're in Scotland.
00:16:24Esme Presley, poor gods of Shoreditch.
00:16:26Your sword skills do you a disservice, sir.
00:16:29The seal calls to you, but it is lying.
00:16:33That may be so.
00:16:35The seal is our portal to the future.
00:16:38It is the devil's work.
00:16:40Then the devil does fine work.
00:16:42How are the nominations?
00:16:43Oh yeah, it's in the back.
00:16:58Hi guys, we're the Kidnap Gang and we do kidnap pranks.
00:17:03This is my partner, Darren.
00:17:05Hello, hello.
00:17:07Now, obviously we've entered two films into the festivals,
00:17:10which doubles our chances of winning something.
00:17:14But look, I've got to warn you, when we're about,
00:17:16there's always some fuckery afoot.
00:17:19Idiots.
00:17:20Both my dad and my uncle.
00:17:22Well, Gabriel, the guy who runs the festival,
00:17:24he invited us along.
00:17:25He thought we'd be some good entertainment.
00:17:46I'm sorry, I'm not really a hugger, but you know what I mean.
00:17:51She said she liked working with me and the movie's nominated in the festival.
00:17:55You'll cover travel and bar bill.
00:17:57Yeah, bar bill?
00:17:58Yeah, but don't worry about that now.
00:18:00You have a speaker.
00:18:02Hey, is this an exclusive party or can anybody join in?
00:18:05Doug, you're here.
00:18:07Alert the paparazzi.
00:18:09That's good, that's good things, dude.
00:18:10No, seriously, alert the paparazzi.
00:18:12Your dad has press at the awards.
00:18:16How are you?
00:18:17Jade.
00:18:18And what movie are you with?
00:18:19Sex.
00:18:20Hmm.
00:18:22Well, your film sounds interesting and equally your name.
00:18:26Both subjects I'd love to learn more about.
00:18:30Tug Speedman.
00:18:32Actor, writer, filmmaker.
00:18:34Triple Tread.
00:18:36Tug, have you checked in yet?
00:18:38It's actually just this way.
00:18:39I'll just show you where it is.
00:18:40I want that review.
00:18:49I want that review.
00:18:49Listen, man.
00:18:51I didn't want to say anything in there.
00:18:53I didn't want to embarrass you.
00:18:55There was no one there to meet us at the airport.
00:18:57Oh, I didn't know we were...
00:19:00You know what?
00:19:01Technical issues.
00:19:03Get it together, man.
00:19:05You do realise what a big deal this is to have me and my movie
00:19:10playing exclusively at your festival.
00:19:12Of course.
00:19:14I thought I played in Ireland.
00:19:17That wasn't a film festival.
00:19:18That was a tent with a projector.
00:19:21Right.
00:19:22No, this...
00:19:24This is the one we've been waiting for.
00:19:27Academy qualifying.
00:19:29You do realise this is going to be huge for my movie and for your festival.
00:19:36Yes, I'll get it together.
00:19:44We're in room 175.
00:19:47Esme Presley.
00:19:49That's my name.
00:19:50Don't wear it out.
00:19:55I'll mess this up.
00:19:57Right.
00:20:01Please let me help you with your bag.
00:20:03I'd be much obliged.
00:20:05He likes people to think I'm his assistant.
00:20:07Yeah, he's certainly a character with a small c.
00:20:11No, he's definitely something with a small c.
00:20:15No, I'm sorry.
00:20:22We're going to need to separate these.
00:20:25Oh, like a twin room.
00:20:28Don't get me started.
00:20:30Tud likes his space to sleep.
00:20:32Proper diva.
00:20:36You can put that down.
00:20:38Oh god, yeah, sorry.
00:20:41Is there a turndown service or do I tip?
00:20:45Hell no, no, I'm just helping.
00:20:48Just a thanks then.
00:20:51Instant coffee.
00:20:53I liked your movie.
00:20:55Well, no, I liked your role in it.
00:21:00It's okay, you can say it's crap, it is.
00:21:02No, no, it's not crap.
00:21:03It's just, it's unusual.
00:21:05It's time-travelling gangsters, so.
00:21:09But it's up for best picture and it's probably going to get the Oscar qualifying spot, so what do I
00:21:13know?
00:21:14Alan.
00:21:15That's your name, right?
00:21:16The festival director's son.
00:21:19Tug Speedman's a hack.
00:21:20And worse, a hack with a father with money.
00:21:23The writer's inspiration for Gods of Shoreditch was a story with strong female characters who brought about the end of
00:21:29the world of men.
00:21:31Instead, Tug turned a brilliant script into a wannabe gangster action movie.
00:21:36With so much nudity, it could have been set in ancient Rome.
00:21:40Oh, I mean, I thought that it was-
00:21:42Sorry, darling.
00:21:42Body doubles for those scenes.
00:21:44Oh, no, no, I wasn't being weird, I was just-
00:21:46Alan, it's fine.
00:21:47I limit who sees me naked, including Tug.
00:21:52Oh, you thought-
00:21:54Alan, no, hasn't been like that for a very long time.
00:21:57Tug, I imagine, is currently down in the bar, flirting with any tart, unlucky enough to be with an earshot.
00:22:10I know his father paid for the movie to win, and I'm fine with it.
00:22:14Oh.
00:22:16Alan?
00:22:18Yes?
00:22:20Do you want a coffee?
00:22:26That's my dad. I should.
00:22:28I didn't see him, Lance. Is that something okay?
00:22:30Uh, complicated, uh, but...
00:22:34Yeah.
00:23:00Hello, Alan.
00:23:03You all right?
00:23:04Um, yeah, all good. Um, the abdued kit is here.
00:23:08Okay.
00:23:14Yes, we made a movie called Sex.
00:23:28At first, there was nothing.
00:23:31Then, there was woman.
00:23:45So, the role of the woman is the sole provider. The one given the pain is the only one that
00:23:50can take it away.
00:23:51My role is to assist of clients, but I'm also an actress.
00:23:55Oh, not again with that stupid werewolf movie with Rachel.
00:24:00Rachel was amazing to work with.
00:24:03And you too.
00:24:04Yeah.
00:24:05But both equally.
00:24:07Yeah, of course.
00:24:09Do you know what, whatever, I don't care.
00:24:10Anyway.
00:24:10Can somebody take this off, please?
00:24:24You have 12 finalists in your festival this year?
00:24:28Yes, they are the final 12. The opening ceremony is tonight, and there will be a party.
00:24:36Not quite a party person.
00:24:40Each film has been individually assessed and announced within the required time period?
00:24:46Yes. No formal queries from the other candidates, and my father has done all of the assessments.
00:24:54Your father?
00:24:56Yes. Spoke to him many times. On the phone. Never met.
00:25:02Where is he?
00:25:05I'm currently sorting out, um, something or other. You know what these crazy filmmakers are like.
00:25:13No!
00:25:21I'm absolutely mortified.
00:25:23I didn't mind, really. It was kind of fun.
00:25:26A bunch of kids, them too, honestly.
00:25:35Very amusing.
00:25:38My preference is to sit near the back and on the aisle for each showing.
00:25:45Yes, we can accommodate that.
00:25:48Your father is the signatory for the festival. Have him speak to me at his earliest convenience.
00:25:54Of course. No problem.
00:25:57Would you excuse me? I need to go and sort out a thing.
00:26:38Now, good morning to you, beaten actress.
00:26:44Yes, I am. Well, no, no, no, no, no. You have certainly got the look.
00:26:50As if. He's like some old guy.
00:26:54You play your cards right. I might just let you audition for me sometime.
00:26:59So, obviously networking is the best part of these events.
00:27:03Before Tug realises I'm a tease, his next movie will already be out starring me.
00:27:13I thought you might be hungry. Thank you. But the breakfasts are meant to be for the film contestants.
00:27:20But yeah, they're not going to miss it, are they?
00:27:23They're adjudicated by your story? Mm-hmm.
00:27:26Jade. Ah.
00:27:27How is your father doing? Still in the hospital and I think, I think, Tug Speedman might just kill me
00:27:34when he finds out.
00:27:34So have you. I always wanted to be an actress then.
00:27:38Come on, move along, Romeo. There's a queue here.
00:27:42I'll talk to you later.
00:27:47You seem to be doing okay so far. Just a few more days. Tug will be happy once he gets
00:27:52his coveted Academy place.
00:27:54Do you like working with him?
00:27:55You don't work with Tug. You experience the carnage he leaves in his wake. You get used to the crazy
00:28:01after a few years.
00:28:02Yeah, I was going to pitch my film to him.
00:28:04The God Particle.
00:28:06Yeah, I optioned the third book, but I tell you what, an award-nominated actress would look great on the
00:28:11cast list.
00:28:12This is a shit business, Alan. You can do your best performance since some hack director fumbles the ball in
00:28:18the edit.
00:28:19Hey, no, your character Joe Marsh in Gods of Shortage was amazing.
00:28:22Tets and Arse don't make a movie. At least my body double had a good bum.
00:28:30The God Particle is a black ops super soldier who seeks vengeance after they have been betrayed on a mission
00:28:38gone terribly wrong.
00:28:40Good pitch.
00:28:41Yeah, but without Esme Presley in it, it's just another silly spy adventure.
00:28:48Actually, can you just give me a full second, please?
00:28:53Alan!
00:28:54My man!
00:28:55How are we?
00:28:56Right, are we all set for my screening?
00:28:57Yes, of course.
00:28:59Emmett?
00:28:59Emmett, yes.
00:29:00Yes, no, it's only because I heard there was some technical issues.
00:29:03Who told you that?
00:29:04No, never mind. No, everything's fine. We're good to go.
00:29:07Perfect.
00:29:07So yeah, we made a horror movie.
00:29:10Yes, I play a maid.
00:29:12Don't you play a maid in Jade's movie too?
00:29:14Typecasting is a good thing.
00:29:16Did you actually watch the movies? Have you seen mine? It's got Rachel on it.
00:29:19Uh, no, my dad watches the films. It's more his thing.
00:29:21Of course.
00:29:22Hi!
00:29:23Hey.
00:29:24Um, the breakfasts are actually just for the film candidates, so uh...
00:29:28I appreciate it.
00:29:29Yeah.
00:29:30Yeah, no, so that means...
00:29:32Sorry.
00:29:33Sorry.
00:29:34But what if I was a film contestant?
00:29:39Okay, okay, look.
00:29:41If you wanna go, like, just wait in the lobby and wait till they're all gone, I'll come give you
00:29:45a shout and...
00:29:46Had they printed the application form from the library.
00:29:48That was a nightmare while I had ink.
00:29:50So like, sorry, I ain't taking a blame for that.
00:29:53Hang on, you've made a movie?
00:29:55Sure.
00:29:55Just like all the cats up in this geth.
00:29:58It's a personal story.
00:29:59A flick about lovin' on the streets.
00:30:01Mic in your face.
00:30:04That's, that's actually really impressive. I'm not sure how you'd do that.
00:30:08Check it.
00:30:09Shot on a phone.
00:30:11Edited at a library.
00:30:12The equipment was 90s.
00:30:13But it's all good.
00:30:15Uh, well, that, that is all good, but, um, the applications closed, uh, two months ago now, so...
00:30:22Understands completely.
00:30:24But listen here, I ain't interested in what you're selling.
00:30:27For me, this is a golden opportunity of honest food and a bed for the night.
00:30:31Look, please, I, I, I really don't know how else to say this, but all of the final films have
00:30:38been announced.
00:30:39We can't add this.
00:30:41That's how it is.
00:30:43Sorry, what's your name?
00:30:45Mike.
00:30:46Iron Mike.
00:30:47Wow.
00:30:48Intimidating name.
00:30:49It's cause where I'm bedding down.
00:30:51I have like three iron baths tied together.
00:30:53So, Iron Mike.
00:30:54Makes perfect sense.
00:30:56Listen.
00:30:57Alan's gonna take your application because he's good at problem solving and he very much wants to impress me.
00:31:04I'm smelling, I was thinking...
00:31:06What, what's that?
00:31:07Simple.
00:31:08You did a very kind thing for a homeless man and it did impress me.
00:31:10Okay, yeah, that is very nice, but all the films have already been announced, Esme.
00:31:15I don't think he cares.
00:31:17Morning.
00:31:18Oh, shit.
00:31:19I, I mean, morning!
00:31:21Your father down for breakfast.
00:31:23Uh, you know, he was, but he's an early riser, so you know how it is.
00:31:27We're just going to meet him now.
00:31:29The signatory is a very important part of the process.
00:31:33Yes.
00:31:33Of course.
00:31:35Oh!
00:31:41I played Lord Harrington of Mortar.
00:31:48Beast must die.
00:31:52Whatever you think's best.
00:31:59I'm now unarmed.
00:32:02I'll prevent you from doing your duty.
00:32:07Maybe she should kill us both.
00:32:10You've been bitten, mistress.
00:32:15The wolf.
00:32:17The wolf.
00:32:19Courses.
00:32:20Through my veins.
00:32:23Run!
00:32:27So yeah, it's a movie with a werewolf in it.
00:32:31Is this the heights that we're together?
00:32:34In the movie?
00:32:36Look.
00:32:37I spent a lot of time and energy into this ending.
00:32:41And trust me, once people see what we've done here,
00:32:45it's best film winners might.
00:32:47Ours.
00:32:49And everyone that was in the movie.
00:33:29I'm sorry for frightening you, Lady Harrington.
00:33:30Agnes, I just...
00:33:31I'm sorry for frightening you, Lady Harrington.
00:33:36Callum.
00:33:39Go back to the house.
00:33:41Elizabeth.
00:33:45Now.
00:34:09Oh shit.
00:34:10No, no, not now.
00:34:12Everyone look into the...
00:34:19God damn it!
00:34:21No one saw the ending.
00:34:33I'm here.
00:34:38It was just an utter shit show.
00:34:41I was pretty awesome as the maid.
00:34:53Are you okay?
00:34:56Are you okay?
00:35:05Are you fucking kidding me?!
00:35:08Did you just leave and come back so you could do that?
00:35:11Take some water.
00:35:13Fuck water!
00:35:14I want some fucking cocaine!
00:35:17Oh fuck.
00:35:19Just call my fucking sponsor.
00:35:23You.
00:35:25Is your pathetic father gonna make it or not?
00:35:28Tell me.
00:35:29I don't know but I'm obviously hoping.
00:35:32It's not his fault.
00:35:36Of course you knew!
00:35:38Everybody knows except poor old Tug!
00:35:41It wasn't like that.
00:35:43Look, as long as the adjudicator doesn't find out, we're fine.
00:35:46We're fine.
00:35:49We're fine.
00:35:50We're fine.
00:35:51We're fine.
00:35:51Until he visits your poor little Siebel dad on a fucking deathbed!
00:35:56Tug, his father's still alive.
00:35:58Take that back.
00:35:59I'll tell you one thing, boyo.
00:36:01He's not gonna be alive when my dad gets his hands on him.
00:36:04Or if you make this go catch up!
00:36:11You.
00:36:13I'm going to the bar.
00:36:15Fuck my sponsor.
00:36:17Argh!
00:36:36Really?
00:36:38Thought you had to call your sponsor.
00:36:42You didn't drink it.
00:36:44But you thought about it, and you promised.
00:36:49Go away, Esme.
00:36:51I'm not cleaning up after you again.
00:36:55Well, do you know what, Mum?
00:36:58Do you know what I'm going to get you for Christmas?
00:37:00A nice big wooden cross.
00:37:02So next time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices,
00:37:07you can climb on up there and nail yourself to it.
00:37:17I love you.
00:37:27I love you.
00:37:32I love you.
00:37:34Yes, the movie did well.
00:37:36We are very proud.
00:37:46The adjudicator, of course, he picks the winner.
00:37:52That is not correct.
00:37:55He's just an official.
00:37:56Gabriel chose the winner.
00:37:58I know, Alan, and I hope we have made a big impression on him and his father, Gabriel.
00:38:04We do rap movie next.
00:38:06Thanks.
00:38:25There was a lot of nudity in Gods.
00:38:29Yes, well, nudity was very important in our story of Gods of Shoreditch.
00:38:35But some were more comfortable than others.
00:38:39I think sometimes nudity is considered controversial in some cultures because it challenges the standards of modesty.
00:38:48Yes, exactly.
00:38:50Nudity, it's a state of mind.
00:38:53I'll happily wander around the house all day with no clothes on.
00:38:56Just let it all hang out.
00:38:58Feel that breeze.
00:39:00It's quite liberating.
00:39:03Would I be shallow if I said size doesn't matter?
00:39:11It's perfectly adequate.
00:39:18Is it true that it's all a force?
00:39:21I don't really know.
00:39:23Well, you seem very close with Alan.
00:39:26He must have told you something.
00:39:28This is starting to feel like an intervention.
00:39:30Or maybe an interrogation.
00:39:32It's because everyone is hiding something.
00:39:35Esme, we're just curious.
00:39:38This festival is really important to us.
00:39:41We have vested interest.
00:39:45Look, I don't want to speak out of turn and I understand that you guys are anxious.
00:39:50But really, you have to speak to Alan about this.
00:39:52Oh, we will.
00:39:53Don't you worry about that.
00:39:58The mountain has arrived.
00:40:01You know, we all know that you're here.
00:40:04Can you help with this, please?
00:40:05They know, Alan.
00:40:06You might as well just tell them the truth.
00:40:08The truth will set you free.
00:40:10Okay.
00:40:11I've spoken to my dad in the hospital.
00:40:13He is getting better.
00:40:14It is a question of whether he can do the sign off, though.
00:40:18No, he can't.
00:40:19Not while he's in hospital.
00:40:20What's the sign off?
00:40:22The festival director has to sign off on the adjudicator's paperwork.
00:40:26Can't Alan do that?
00:40:28Are you the festival director, Alan?
00:40:30No, I'm the...
00:40:31Yeah, not the festival director, then.
00:40:34What's that smell?
00:40:37Listen, monkey boy, I swear to God and the Sonny Jesus,
00:40:42if you don't find a solution, I'm going to dropkick your head.
00:40:46And I've done seven days.
00:40:48Intensive stage combat.
00:40:50You watch yourself.
00:41:03Forget the gold particle this is producing.
00:41:06Oh, yeah, just without the money or the credit.
00:41:09You'll cut out for greater things.
00:41:11Yeah, well, you clearly haven't met my dad.
00:41:13He's going to kill my movie.
00:41:16Still living in his shadow, just like Tug.
00:41:18He'd own himself to be true.
00:41:20Yeah, well, that's really easy for you to say.
00:41:21You're an award-winning actress with a string of movie towels behind you,
00:41:25and I'm just...
00:41:25And you're currently a festival director.
00:41:29Ah, yeah, I see.
00:41:30Trying to sway influence with the festival director
00:41:32to try and win an award.
00:41:33It's not going to work.
00:41:35Oh, my.
00:41:35What's a girl got to do?
00:41:39Mate, borrow your shaver?
00:41:42Yeah, sure, whatever you need.
00:41:44Keep that towel on and I'll cut your hair.
00:41:48Hotel cleaning service?
00:41:49For sure.
00:41:51Mike, can we grab a look at your movie?
00:41:54Sure.
00:41:55It's your funeral.
00:42:04Well, this is it.
00:42:06This is where Iron Mike is staying tonight.
00:42:10Because, uh, I did have three iron bath tubs.
00:42:13They were all tied together.
00:42:15And it was really, really, really good.
00:42:17Always get a wee check on the buns,
00:42:19because you just don't know what's on these buns.
00:42:22Mike, this is good.
00:42:26And phone boxes.
00:42:29Always keep your eye out for them.
00:42:30A lot of people miss them.
00:42:31It's really good.
00:42:58It's really good.
00:43:13You, uh...
00:43:14You calm down, yeah?
00:43:17Can I sit?
00:43:18Help yourself.
00:43:19You usually do.
00:43:21I wake up this morning and you're gone.
00:43:23I didn't think you'd notice they're intensely snoring.
00:43:28I'm at a loss here, Esme.
00:43:30What's going on?
00:43:32Do you remember the little talk me and you had?
00:43:35I support you, you support me.
00:43:39That's all I ever do, is support you.
00:43:42Yeah, well, you've been missing in action all weekend.
00:43:46I've been here all this time.
00:43:48The question is, where have you been?
00:43:51Clever.
00:43:53How's that working out for you?
00:43:57That's the thing about relationships.
00:43:59They give you reason to live.
00:44:02Revenge.
00:44:04Hey, hey, do you remember this?
00:44:07I've heard there was a secret chord.
00:44:10No.
00:44:11That David played, it pleased the Lord.
00:44:14But you don't really care for movies, do you?
00:44:19It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth.
00:44:23Sit down.
00:44:24The major falls, the minor lifts.
00:44:28The baffling composing hallelujah.
00:44:34No?
00:44:36Those old cheap moves aren't going to work on me anymore.
00:44:39I've got plenty of new cheap moves for you.
00:44:41How are you going to face all these people when they find out you paid for the award?
00:44:45The question is, babe, do you feel paid for?
00:45:01Esme!
00:45:06That's bad, GG, mate.
00:45:07You need to let her take a moment.
00:45:08But she's upset.
00:45:11Having your bridges burned is never going to be easy.
00:45:13But she's strong.
00:45:27I think he's better from an older person.
00:45:31But this is your fault, Jess.
00:45:33You were in her fucking movie.
00:45:35She was very giving as an actress.
00:45:38Okay, can one of you please just tell me what's going on?
00:45:43Rachel can't do it.
00:45:44Oh!
00:45:45We forgot Jade posted on Rachel's socials that she was so bitchy,
00:45:49she's probably playing the werewolf.
00:45:51Why?
00:45:52Because it was my role.
00:46:00Wow, what a transformation.
00:46:04Hey, got meself some new threads.
00:46:09It's going to be a long night.
00:46:24I mean, this is getting ridiculous.
00:46:29Sorry.
00:46:30Caroline!
00:46:31Hi!
00:46:32Um...
00:46:33Hey, Alan.
00:46:35Could I be the most beautiful girl in the world?
00:46:38Uh, Caroline, wow.
00:46:40Um, what are you doing here?
00:46:42I mean, I'm glad that you are, but why?
00:46:47Seems most men take advantage.
00:46:50Except you, of course.
00:46:52Giggles was a mistake.
00:46:53Ha-ha.
00:46:56I'll still do your announcements.
00:46:57If you want me.
00:46:59Really?
00:47:00Oh, Caroline, absolutely.
00:47:01That'd be amazing.
00:47:02Yes, yes, thank you.
00:47:03Thank you so much.
00:47:05Wow, slaying it, Mike.
00:47:07Nobody even seen a man on a sud.
00:47:10Ah, she's just getting a bit excited.
00:47:12Our film's showing today.
00:47:14Malicious intent, gangster comedy.
00:47:16Has malicious intent even got a chance?
00:47:19Well, it's a lower budget than Tug's film,
00:47:21but hopefully we spent the money where it really matters.
00:47:25We got the secret ingredient.
00:47:27Me?
00:47:28I'm the secret ingredient.
00:47:30Well, look, when Millie was ten,
00:47:32we'd done a short film together called Daddy's Girl.
00:47:37Those clips are a springboard for malicious intent.
00:47:41It's like the story picks up from that point.
00:47:45She was much cuter then.
00:47:47Not such a pain in the arse.
00:47:52Well, the best advice I can give is that you never know
00:47:56who's going to grow up to be famous,
00:47:57so just make yourself available.
00:47:59Oh, don't be a top.
00:48:00Well, I wish it was Beyonce.
00:48:06I've been looking for you.
00:48:08Found me.
00:48:09Well, I thought maybe you wanted some space.
00:48:11Good choice.
00:48:13I could just kill all the girls prettier than me.
00:48:15Or maybe just Tug, sorry.
00:48:20Where are all the good guys dead?
00:48:22In the heart or in the head?
00:48:24You think I'm a good guy?
00:48:27Well, when your instinct tells you to do something,
00:48:30you don't do it.
00:48:31So maybe when it tells you not to,
00:48:33that's when you should.
00:48:35Oh.
00:48:38Read the room, Alan.
00:48:39This is the consensual kissing part.
00:48:44Caroline's back.
00:48:50Your ex that caught with your best friend, Caroline?
00:48:53Yeah.
00:48:54She wants to present the awards.
00:48:57That's good, I guess.
00:48:58Great for you.
00:48:59Well, the whole thing with giggles was a mistake.
00:49:01I mean, I always thought so,
00:49:02but I guess she's realised it too, so...
00:49:05Yeah, no, great.
00:49:06I'm so pleased to be here.
00:49:09Are you okay?
00:49:10Yeah, just peachy.
00:49:12Learning lessons all the time.
00:49:14Right.
00:49:16Sorry, just one second.
00:49:30Ladies and gentlemen,
00:49:32I would be happy to present our next film,
00:49:34Malicious Intent.
00:49:36No, no, no, no.
00:49:38Wait, wait, wait!
00:49:44Um...
00:49:47My apologies.
00:49:49There will now be a short interval
00:49:50as I need a word with the festival director.
00:49:55Young man.
00:49:58This is totally irregular.
00:50:01My paperwork should have been signed and...
00:50:04She mailed off this morning.
00:50:07So, I understand.
00:50:08He's just busy.
00:50:10He fobbed me off with that before.
00:50:12Where is your father?
00:50:14He is festival director.
00:50:15Fully understand.
00:50:16End of the next movie, he'll be here.
00:50:18Listen, young man.
00:50:20This might seem like a game to you,
00:50:22but it's also my job.
00:50:24And I don't like explaining to my line managers
00:50:26that I can't manage a simple task
00:50:28such as getting a...
00:50:31Signature!
00:50:33Stand on me.
00:50:34I will sort it.
00:50:37It's our big day.
00:50:41Er...
00:50:41Yeah.
00:50:42It is.
00:51:02I curse them to hell
00:51:05As her both fought the swell
00:51:08Our ship danced like a moth
00:51:10In the firelight
00:51:12Wild horses rode high
00:51:15As the devil passed by
00:51:17Taking souls into Hades by twilight
00:51:23Five weeks out to sea
00:51:25We were now forty-three
00:51:27We buried our comrades each morning
00:51:31In our own slime
00:51:33We were lost in the time
00:51:36Endless night we were darnin'
00:51:41Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:51:44I wish I was back home in Derry
00:51:49Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:51:52I wish I was-
00:51:54Ah!
00:51:54I wish I was back
00:52:06without earning that recognition.
00:52:08Caroline, you're back from outer space.
00:52:12I notice you cry a lot in your films.
00:52:15Your tear ducts must be very close to your bladder.
00:52:18Has Alan talked you into the presenting?
00:52:20All these Best Actress nominees and I'm just thinking,
00:52:23shut up and get a salad.
00:52:25Uh, so, um, Caroline thinks that we should just come clean
00:52:28with your adjudicator.
00:52:30Not the best idea.
00:52:32Is that your own thought or do you need a screenwriter?
00:52:36Caroline, we should be friends.
00:52:41Yes, I agree. Best friends.
00:52:46I think that ending needs work.
00:52:47How about less silly questions and a bit more shut the hell up?
00:52:51How did you make her look younger in the film?
00:52:54Was that computer stuff?
00:52:56This is a man who thinks the plural of goose is sheep.
00:53:00I ain't saying anything.
00:53:01So then, your, uh, your style's clearly more gangster than it is horror?
00:53:07Hey, that character played Dudley in your movie?
00:53:10He was awesome.
00:53:14Joy.
00:53:16All right, ladies and gentlemen, our next film is...
00:53:21Sex.
00:53:24Have fun.
00:53:37All right, ladies and gentlemen.
00:53:38All right, ladies and gentlemen.
00:53:44All right, ladies and gentlemen.
00:53:45All right, ladies and gentlemen.
00:53:45All right, ladies and gentlemen.
00:53:45All right, ladies and gentlemen.
00:53:45All right, ladies and gentlemen.
00:53:46All right, ladies and gentlemen.
00:53:46All right, ladies and gentlemen.
00:53:47All right, ladies and gentlemen.
00:53:47All right, ladies and gentlemen.
00:53:48All right, ladies and gentlemen.
00:53:50All right, ladies and gentlemen.
00:53:51All right, ladies and gentlemen.
00:54:02There's no escape from what I must do
00:54:06Turn around and bend over
00:54:10I can't wait forever
00:54:14I think it's time to leave
00:54:17I'm young, I'm all dressed up
00:54:19I'm on my way to marry the asexual awakening
00:54:22And there's two hundred and ninety years separating it from the films of Kevin Smith
00:54:26But that doesn't mean it's true
00:54:32If time don't wait for no one
00:54:37How can I wait for you
00:54:42Tough love
00:54:43Tough love
00:54:48It's complete love
00:54:50It's complete love
00:55:02Didn't fancy sex then?
00:55:04It was beauty that killed the beast
00:55:07Malicious intent should be good competition for Tug
00:55:10It might blindside him
00:55:12We can hope so
00:55:14But look, I'm probably the most non-competitive person here
00:55:17So I win
00:55:20Secrets and lies
00:55:23Come with me
00:55:28This is bang out of order
00:55:29Have you any idea how much shit I went through to get the day off today?
00:55:33This ain't my day job, you know
00:55:35It's not Alan's fault
00:55:37Well, this does land squarely on Alan's door
00:55:40I was thinking, since no one saw the ending of my film
00:55:44Can we screen it again, maybe?
00:55:48Look at you, all of you
00:55:50No problem is too big
00:55:52We can't fix it if we work together
00:55:55Esme, you're beautiful on the inside
00:55:57But it's important you understand your limitations
00:56:00Alan, what I'm saying is
00:56:03If anyone actually saw the ending of the film
00:56:05Then people would know that my character disguises itself as older
00:56:08I will play your dad
00:56:10And I will sign off this whole festival
00:56:16What?
00:56:18Got range
00:56:21Him
00:56:23I can't play Gabriel
00:56:25That accent's incredibly tricky
00:56:27If you don't do it, then all of this is over for everyone
00:56:32Hello, son
00:56:33How are you?
00:56:35Oh, God, this has disaster written all over it
00:56:39Something is missing
00:56:40Could be range
00:56:43The meanness
00:56:44Yeah, Gabriel is an arsehole
00:56:47Oi, I'm not happy
00:56:49And I don't like it
00:56:50Oh, my God
00:56:53There's me
00:56:54Is my foot scrub in there?
00:56:58Yes, it's got to be brilliant
00:57:02And bring my razor as well, will you?
00:57:05Yeah
00:57:22You've been blowing hot and cold me all day
00:57:25Everything's fine in my world
00:57:28You might want to tell your face that
00:57:31This is a big day for us
00:57:33You bought the award, Tug
00:57:35Hardly meritable
00:57:37I read a book about this once
00:57:38You sure it was a book?
00:57:40You sure it wasn't nothing?
00:57:42This is show business
00:57:43Not care business
00:57:46You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend
00:57:49And you don't want to meet a producer
00:57:52And just for that
00:57:54When the movie comes out
00:57:55I'm going to get Matt Damon to play you
00:57:56Oh
00:57:58Well, maybe I'll get Jade to play you then
00:58:01Jade?
00:58:02Yeah
00:58:03Your new producing partner
00:58:06A little girl-on-girl action
00:58:10I'm joking
00:58:12Unless
00:58:13Unless you'd be up for it
00:58:22Jeez, I was only joking
00:58:23It's not a joke
00:58:25I'm feeling lost
00:58:27Hey
00:58:28I've heard there was a secret code
00:58:30Stop
00:58:31That Michael played it
00:58:32Please the Lord
00:58:33Stop
00:58:36If I explained it
00:58:37I think I'd only confuse you
00:58:41Janela
00:58:43I think it's times like this
00:58:44If I wasn't a multi-award winning
00:58:47Talented filmmaker
00:58:48And you were just an ordinary girl
00:58:50Then we wouldn't have these problems
00:58:53On Gods of Shoreditch
00:58:55I was supposed to be an associate producer
00:58:57But in reality
00:58:58I was more of a dog's body
00:59:00Seriously, this again
00:59:02I told you
00:59:03It's whatever it takes to get the shot
00:59:09Look
00:59:10You can produce the next one in full
00:59:13Yeah, my dad's already on board
00:59:15Take that back
00:59:17And I'll kill you
00:59:19You're the producer
00:59:22Game face on
00:59:24Hooray for Hollywood
00:59:37Don't you hold the bloody lift
00:59:39Oh, didn't I
00:59:43Come on
00:59:47Oh, God
01:00:09Are you not going to change for the paparazzi shorts?
01:00:12It's not really my thing
01:00:13Besides, Gabriel would wear something like this, right?
01:00:16No, I've got a bad feeling about this
01:00:18Listen, son
01:00:18I've got this whole routine worked out
01:00:20No, routine, okay
01:00:22This isn't an audition
01:00:23Just say hello
01:00:24And then sign the pissing document
01:00:25Where's your wife?
01:00:28I think we should just come clean
01:00:29Hello
01:00:31You must be the adjudicator
01:00:33My son Alan's been telling me all about you
01:00:38Sorry for being a bit busy
01:00:39This film festival malarkey
01:00:41Kept me on me toes
01:00:42Yes
01:00:43Seems to have ramped up a notch
01:00:46With the screening of Gods of Shoreditch
01:00:48One of my personal favourites
01:00:50Um, now that you're here
01:00:54My paperwork needs a signature
01:00:58Absolutely
01:00:59Happy to
01:01:01Thank you, you
01:01:06Oh, sorry
01:01:07Forgot who it was there for a second
01:01:12Is that a what?
01:01:14I'll need a final signing off
01:01:17When the winners are announced
01:01:20Your accent seems off
01:01:24Oh, it's...
01:01:27It's posh voice
01:01:30A posh telephone voice
01:01:32Yeah, I should use it all the time, really
01:01:35Right
01:01:36Your honour
01:01:37May I show you to the next screening?
01:01:43Oh
01:01:46You know, my movies
01:01:47Are inherently amazing
01:01:50It's all about the big screen
01:01:53And it's not easy being an action star
01:02:02Shouldn't you be up there
01:02:04Now that you're here
01:02:06Yes, uh, absolutely
01:02:09He is such a star
01:02:11When it comes to the things
01:02:17Uh, ladies and gentlemen
01:02:18I'd like to
01:02:19Introduce to you
01:02:21Gods of Shoreditch
01:02:25And it stars
01:02:26Big round of applause
01:02:27For it stars
01:02:28Esme Presley
01:02:30And
01:02:31Tugs Bigman
01:02:46Good entrance
01:02:48You want to see the one
01:02:49I'm going to make
01:02:50When I, uh, win my award
01:02:54What?
01:02:55No!
01:02:55Get out!
01:02:57Come on
01:02:58Crazy filmmakers
01:02:59Trying to draw attention
01:03:01To their film
01:03:02I thought they were quite fun
01:03:08You know, they do say
01:03:09I'm the new Robert Rodriguez
01:03:10Except I star in my own movies as well
01:03:13Maybe Robert was smarter
01:03:21You fought well
01:03:22Despite the twisted ankle
01:03:25You will live to fight another day
01:03:27And I assure you
01:03:29It is not serious
01:03:30I took the liberty
01:03:31Of feeling the bone
01:03:33And it is perfectly sound
01:03:36Oh, sir
01:03:37How will I ever thank you?
01:03:40Please
01:03:40Do not think of it
01:03:41It is my honour
01:03:43To serve you
01:03:44Will you not be seated?
01:03:47Pray
01:03:47Excuse me
01:03:49I do not wish to leave a watermark
01:03:51I do not wish to leave a watermark
01:03:54Permit me to call tomorrow afternoon
01:03:57So that I may inquire after you
01:04:04Fight hard
01:04:06Fight for me
01:04:14Alan's pitching me some shitty book movie
01:04:18The God Particle is the third book in a series
01:04:22That guy
01:04:23The Irish Connection
01:04:25Masaka and fucking chips
01:04:27Shit
01:04:29That director is the worst
01:04:32He couldn't even direct traffic
01:04:34You know, they should have came to
01:04:35Me
01:04:36Tug Speedman
01:04:39You know I'm right, babe
01:04:54Fun and happiness in short supply
01:04:57Out of the frying pan and into the fire
01:04:59It's always difficult when one person moves on
01:05:02Hmm
01:05:04I spoke to Dad this morning
01:05:06He's recovering
01:05:07But no mention of my movie, so
01:05:10Nice guys to open us last
01:05:16You're planning something that's going to get me in trouble, aren't you?
01:05:18Oh, most definitely
01:05:42You best move out of the way and let me be
01:05:44This is not how it works
01:05:47Nice time, stunt boy
01:05:49Nobody
01:05:52AYY AHHHH
01:05:595
01:06:015
01:06:015
01:06:049
01:06:088
01:06:0910
01:06:1810
01:06:1813
01:06:1811
01:06:1814
01:06:1815
01:06:1816
01:06:18Alan?
01:06:23Thank you everyone for your kind words and praise.
01:06:26The buffet has been provided for yours truly.
01:06:29Fill your guts.
01:06:33You really don't have to do this.
01:06:35You know they have a meal before their wards.
01:06:37These ain't for me.
01:06:54That went well.
01:06:55Thanks for that.
01:06:56What happened to the group?
01:06:58This is the best fun I've had all year.
01:07:06What's this?
01:07:08Naughty movies?
01:07:10Or my ransom demands?
01:07:14We have a late entry to the film festival.
01:07:18And I wanted you to experience it in my full company.
01:07:27Late entries are highly irregular.
01:07:36But this could be a lot of fun.
01:07:40Well, this is it.
01:07:42This is where I or Mike is staying the night.
01:07:47Because I did have three iron bathtubs.
01:07:50They were all tied together.
01:07:51And it was really, really, really good life.
01:07:55I don't know what you want me to say.
01:07:58Mike's was the best film.
01:07:59I have no patience with best.
01:08:01I have no patience with fairness.
01:08:04Life is not fair.
01:08:05Love is not fair.
01:08:08And as long as we still breathe the air of a free capitalist society,
01:08:13business will never be fair.
01:08:18Sacrifice, Alan.
01:08:20Like the kamikaze pilots used to do.
01:08:23Yeah, that's a discomforting stay, isn't it?
01:08:26Hemorrhoids cause discomfort.
01:08:28This is open heart surgery.
01:08:32PHONE RINGS
01:08:36Fuck the phone, Alan.
01:08:38You said I could produce.
01:08:40I will knock you the fuck out right here, right now.
01:08:44We did the right thing.
01:08:48Are you okay?
01:08:51Movie stars do not have opinions.
01:08:56Sorry, I know you're his dad.
01:08:57But Alan worked damn hard throughout this festival.
01:09:01And I suppose the bros code is over now, you fucking tugs wife.
01:09:05I think I'm done here.
01:09:09We're bloody ruins.
01:09:22Ah, Alan!
01:09:24You know what I'm going to say?
01:09:25Yes, I know, you're ending.
01:09:26But I'm not being funny.
01:09:27The only thing I care about ending is this festival.
01:09:29Eyes front.
01:09:31God, does making movies have to be all this difficult?
01:09:34I'm looking forward to this.
01:09:35Who's doing your presentation?
01:09:37Hope is a surprise.
01:09:38Oh, me too.
01:09:39If she shows up.
01:09:43I do love surprises.
01:09:57I'm looking forward to this festival.
01:09:57Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for our wonderful guest speaker, Caroline Doherty.
01:10:08So very glad to be here this evening amongst all the wonderful filmmakers and stars.
01:10:15To be a filmmaker, you have to be psychotic in your desire to do something.
01:10:21For the first category, best actress in a feature film.
01:10:27Millie Ward.
01:10:28Millie Schmidt.
01:10:31Millie Schmidt.
01:10:32Esme Presley in Gods of Shoreditch.
01:10:39And Fran Walsh in Hey Mister DJ.
01:10:45And the winner is...
01:10:47This is just a start.
01:10:49Esme Presley.
01:10:55So very well done.
01:10:57I would like to show my immense gratitude to all of the team involved in Gods.
01:11:09And for our first Best Picture nominee, we have Hey Mister DJ.
01:11:15You didn't think to thank me.
01:11:16The man who made it all happen.
01:11:18A film about a time in the 90s where DJs were gods and gangsters ruled the streets.
01:11:25Your ego will be strict enough tonight.
01:11:27Let's have a look.
01:11:34What did you throw up there?
01:11:36Just some bags I was storing stuff in.
01:11:40Right, get yourself freshened up.
01:11:42Got a great place for us to go to.
01:11:44Oscar, I'm not feeling up to it.
01:11:45Hey!
01:11:46You're single now, remember?
01:11:47Half an hour off.
01:11:51And the next category is...
01:11:54Best Newcomer nominees.
01:11:55Lynn Chang for Opera in the Evening Garden.
01:11:59Millie Ward for Malicious Intent.
01:12:02And Jess Bronski in Mysterious.
01:12:07And the winner is Millie Ward in Malicious Intent.
01:12:17Oh my God, I don't even know what to say.
01:12:19Thank you so much to the festival.
01:12:22Thank you so much to everyone that I've met.
01:12:25And if you would like to come for drinks afterwards,
01:12:29then meet me at seven.
01:12:31She knows how proud I am of her, don't you?
01:12:34Hey, I was nervous and I got one.
01:12:37I mean, it looks like roughly the right shape.
01:12:40I mean, it's going to save me a tonne of berries.
01:12:43And our next Best Film nominee is for Malicious Intent.
01:13:05And the next category is Best Editing nominees.
01:13:10We have Emmet Bronski in Mysterious.
01:13:14Target Speedman for Golds of Shoreditch.
01:13:17George Chang for Opera in the Evening Garden.
01:13:21And the winner is...
01:13:24Well, this is a vindication considering no-one saw the ending.
01:13:28And our third Best Film nominee is Gods of Shoreditch,
01:13:32a story about time-travelling gangsters.
01:13:35By night one way, by day another.
01:13:39This shall be the norm.
01:13:41Until you take true love's first kiss.
01:13:43And love takes its true form.
01:13:50These are no-one out!
01:13:54On a rather exciting category, Best Actor nominees.
01:13:58We have George Chang in Opera in Evening Garden.
01:14:05Ashraf Ward in Malicious Intent.
01:14:09Tug Speedman in Gods of Shoreditch.
01:14:13And the winner is...
01:14:17Tug Speedman.
01:14:20Gutted, mate. Proper gutted.
01:14:24I honestly thought I was in with his chat.
01:14:27Me too.
01:14:29I was the best actor.
01:14:30And our fourth Best Film nominee...
01:14:34I didn't know nothing about no.
01:14:35Fourth nomination.
01:14:37...is a work of modern day art versus Immense Need.
01:14:41Now, let's have a look at Homelessness and The Man by Mike Reid.
01:14:45So there's certain things that you would do...
01:14:48Well, certain things you look for.
01:14:49Like shopping centre.
01:14:51Pounds on the trolleys.
01:14:52That's a pound, like...
01:14:54Pounds, like...
01:14:57200 pound.
01:14:59And we're down to the final award of the evening.
01:15:01Best overall film of the festival.
01:15:05And the winner is...
01:15:06Hardly a win if you paid for it.
01:15:11Mike Reid.
01:15:15That's the final award.
01:15:25It looks like Mike has won Best Film Tag.
01:15:30Thanks, and everything.
01:15:32The beds are really comfortable.
01:15:38this isn't right
01:15:40this fucking film wasn't even in the program
01:15:43what the hell even is this fucking shit film
01:15:45my daddy paid for all of this
01:15:48what are you talking about
01:15:50this was all paid for
01:15:52no not him
01:15:53that's just a shit actor
01:15:55this is outrageous
01:15:57I knew something was wrong
01:16:01okay
01:16:02I thought he was pretty convincing
01:16:04you've falsified records
01:16:07there may well be charges
01:16:09what charges
01:16:10no no please alright look I'm sorry
01:16:12this whole thing was my fault
01:16:14don't punish or charge anyone else
01:16:16my dad Gabriel
01:16:18guy from the phone had a massive
01:16:20heart attack and he had so much money
01:16:22invested in this festival
01:16:23and his tug speed man
01:16:26telling the truth
01:16:27technically yes most of it was his money
01:16:29his father's money
01:16:31yes but we went with our hearts
01:16:33and that's why Mike won best film
01:16:35I don't judge the films
01:16:38merely here to make sure that the festival is run properly
01:16:41from what you're telling me
01:16:42this has been an absolute farce
01:16:52Mr. Adjudicator
01:16:54excuse me for interrupting
01:16:56I have known Esme
01:16:57a long time
01:16:59and
01:17:00well if my word has any bearing
01:17:03Esme
01:17:04she always speaks from her heart
01:17:07Ms. Wall
01:17:16I am a huge fan of your movies
01:17:21and your words do carry significant weight
01:17:27but this is an official matter
01:17:30hmm
01:17:31I fully understand that
01:17:34but
01:17:35if Esme says that
01:17:37Homeless Man is the best film
01:17:42I would not disagree
01:17:44thank you Rachel
01:17:46you're welcome
01:18:12Producers
01:18:14um
01:18:15is this jacket okay
01:18:16it feels a bit big
01:18:21sometimes he's got to take the chances
01:18:24do you regret taking a chance on me
01:18:26who am I to argue with the producer
01:18:32do you miss Tuck
01:18:35wherever he is and whatever he's doing
01:18:37let's just hope he's not missing us
01:18:51total submission bitches
01:18:54is this gonna hurt
01:18:56true love is pain
01:19:09true love is pain
01:19:10it feels a bit big
01:19:12it feels a bit
01:19:33there
01:19:34he
01:19:35she
01:19:35would
01:19:38just
01:19:54Turn over. And action. I'm not playing a street walker. It's a tart with a heart. What? A second rate
01:20:07street walker wearing an outfit like this.
01:20:09I'm first class. One best suit. Come on. Just do it Harry's Griton please, babe. Idiot.
01:20:19So you know the saying, never work with children or animals. Loves me really.
01:20:39I'm still alive. I'm still alive. I'm still alive. Why should I hear a choir you are living in your
01:20:57heart?
01:20:57I'm still alive. I'm still alive. I'm still alive. I'm still alive. I'm still alive.
01:21:03I am a light, I am a light, I am a light, I am a light.
01:21:44Some beautiful paths can't be discovered without getting lost.
01:21:50I never did thank you, did I?
01:21:56Emmet!
01:22:01I've got something for you.
01:22:02Oh, God, please do not kidnap me now.
01:22:05You'll like this.
01:22:10Oh, please, he did it to himself when we went back on his word.
01:22:15You're welcome.
01:22:18Why did you just not leave us alone?
01:22:21We told you time and time again, but you still don't listen, do you, sister?
01:22:30Oh, okay.
01:22:32Oh, okay.
01:22:34You just over here, you still don't listen to the universe.
01:22:34Oh, come on.
01:22:34Oh, come on.
01:22:37So, happy to be here again.
01:22:47You
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