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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00So I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:00:04All right, it's about that time.
00:00:06So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:00:15Yeah, him.
00:00:17Hi!
00:00:18Just by your mom.
00:00:20Six, five, four, three, two, one!
00:00:26Hey, here!
00:00:49You have a cute scar.
00:00:51It's just my birthmark.
00:00:54If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:00:57Hmm.
00:01:09I was so drunk last night.
00:01:11I can't remember who I was with.
00:01:16I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:01:25Happy New Year.
00:01:26Sam, it's me.
00:01:27Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:01:30I don't care how.
00:01:31Just do it.
00:01:32I will find you.
00:01:38Maximus, can you get married already?
00:01:41Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:01:44I need grandkids.
00:01:46I need you to...
00:01:47Message received, Mom.
00:01:48I need to go now.
00:01:49I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:01:59Seven years.
00:02:01Why can't I ever find you?
00:02:03And why do you still haunt me?
00:02:13Still thinking about that girl?
00:02:14Boss, it's been years.
00:02:19I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:02:22Your vest, sir.
00:02:24But first, we found your fake Christmas wife.
00:02:26She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:02:27Blonde hair, red top.
00:02:29And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:02:31We can't have her knowing you're the Harrison Group CEO
00:02:33or she'll jack up the price.
00:02:35Good.
00:02:36Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:02:41Hi.
00:02:42One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:02:43And one hot chocolate.
00:02:46I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:02:50Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:02:55Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:02:57It's just for Christmas.
00:02:59But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:03:01Where's my real one?
00:03:05Uh...
00:03:10I'll tell you when you're older.
00:03:12Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:03:21Daddy!
00:03:22No!
00:03:23What?
00:03:30Daddy!
00:03:31No!
00:03:31I'm sorry.
00:03:33I'm not your dad.
00:03:35No, I know you're my daddy just as handsome as I thought.
00:03:38Oh.
00:03:39Mommy, hurry!
00:03:40Your fake Christmas husband has arrived!
00:03:50I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:03:53He's gorgeous.
00:04:00Why does she feel so familiar?
00:04:03She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:04:05Blonde hair, red top.
00:04:07You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:04:09So, you're my new Christmas wife?
00:04:12See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:04:14Hi, my name's Hyper.
00:04:16What's your name?
00:04:17Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:04:19Max, Aurelius.
00:04:21Eva.
00:04:23I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:04:27I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:04:29I guess mom gets her grandkid, too.
00:04:33So, per hour agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
00:04:39$1,000 an hour?
00:04:41Well, yeah.
00:04:43It's $500 a day.
00:04:44Is that enough?
00:04:46That's the most that I can pay you.
00:04:47Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:04:49That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:04:51You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:04:53Look, my requirements are simple, okay?
00:04:56Play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown, and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
00:05:00And then my family will get off my back, so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:05:07So she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
00:05:10Fine.
00:05:11But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
00:05:16Okay.
00:05:17Deal.
00:05:20Ready to go get married?
00:05:34Wow.
00:05:35You clean up nice.
00:05:37This is my wedding day, after all.
00:05:39Pictures.
00:05:48Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
00:06:11Uh, King.
00:06:13Okay.
00:06:14Uh, I think we got it.
00:06:16Oh, I need some photos of us together, too.
00:06:19To prove to my parents that I'm actually married and have a happy family.
00:06:23Yeah.
00:06:24Of course.
00:06:26Hmm.
00:06:34Happy holidays, Mom.
00:06:36From my family to you.
00:06:46Bad news, boss.
00:06:48The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife failed last minute.
00:06:52Wait, she bailed?
00:06:53Then who is...
00:06:57Who is she?
00:06:59Whatever.
00:07:00It doesn't matter.
00:07:02I've got what I need.
00:07:05Sam, don't worry about it.
00:07:07I already found some more.
00:07:13Okay.
00:07:14Well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:07:16Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:07:18Christmas shopping?
00:07:20I should come.
00:07:21Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
00:07:25I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:07:27It'll make it more believable.
00:07:29It'll make it more believable.
00:07:32Fine.
00:07:33Yeah, fine.
00:07:34Okay.
00:07:34You can come.
00:07:42Let's go.
00:07:43Which mall are we going to?
00:07:45Um, let's go to that one.
00:07:47Oh, let's go to the bank.
00:07:57Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:08:04Sam, give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:08:10She does kind of look like him.
00:08:15So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:08:19Oh, jeez.
00:08:21Here, let me get this.
00:08:23They're going to love you, Max.
00:08:26Oh, so I was, uh, thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss once or twice.
00:08:36In front of them.
00:08:38Okay.
00:08:39Should we use our tongues or...
00:08:41No, no, definitely not.
00:08:42And absolutely no...
00:08:44Sex?
00:08:45Yes.
00:08:47Strictly business.
00:08:49Anything physical outside of that is not happening.
00:08:52What?
00:08:53Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:08:56I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:09:02Let's go.
00:09:09Here.
00:09:10What are you doing?
00:09:11I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:09:15Well, I'm not your woman, and this isn't a real relationship, and I don't want your money.
00:09:22Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:09:2550% off pies?
00:09:26Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:09:2812 pumpkin pies, I hear this right?
00:09:30They're the best kind.
00:09:31Hurry up and go.
00:09:32Go.
00:09:32What are you standing here for?
00:09:36Hello there.
00:09:37Hi.
00:09:37You ready?
00:09:38Yes, yeah.
00:09:38Just these things.
00:09:39Okay, great.
00:09:40We have a holiday special today.
00:09:42Spend $500, get 10% off, and you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the
00:09:48deal.
00:09:48Oh, great.
00:09:49Yeah.
00:09:50What do you have that's just $15?
00:09:52Will you get a move on?
00:09:54I just got here.
00:09:56Relax.
00:09:57Yeah, yeah.
00:10:00Here, this will do the trick.
00:10:01Okay, thank you.
00:10:04Hurry up and pay.
00:10:08I will pay when I'm ready.
00:10:10You can wait your turn.
00:10:16Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her.
00:10:24Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:10:25Not the pies.
00:10:25Not the pies.
00:10:26You can just set those on top.
00:10:29Hmm.
00:10:31Look.
00:10:33Hi, guys.
00:10:35Then I hand you all these pies.
00:10:40Thank you so much.
00:10:41Of course.
00:10:42Thank you so much.
00:10:43Of course.
00:10:44I hope you like pumpkin.
00:10:46She bought all 12 pies.
00:10:48Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:10:49Just to give it away.
00:10:50Yeah.
00:10:52Merry Christmas.
00:10:56Merry Christmas.
00:10:59What?
00:11:00You do that often?
00:11:02As often as I can.
00:11:07We should go.
00:11:08We gotta pick up paper.
00:11:13Watch out.
00:11:32You done feeling me up?
00:11:35Shut up.
00:11:36Oh, sorry.
00:11:36I was just in character, wifey.
00:11:38Yeah.
00:11:38Well, stay out of character until Christmas.
00:11:45And don't be late.
00:11:58Harrison Group?
00:11:59Do you do construction for them or something?
00:12:02Sorta.
00:12:04Not that I'm judging.
00:12:05I just need to get my story straight,
00:12:07or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:12:10Why don't we say that you do mid-level management
00:12:12for Harrison Group?
00:12:13I think that's respectable.
00:12:16Can we pick another company?
00:12:18No.
00:12:19Harrison Group is perfect.
00:12:20And they'll find it impressive.
00:12:22My cousin's husband works for them, too.
00:12:23So, it's perfect.
00:12:29Oh, and wear something nice for Christmas dinner?
00:12:32Don't worry.
00:12:33Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:12:35I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:12:38Too much.
00:12:59Let's go, Sam.
00:13:01It's time to check out the new HQ site.
00:13:03Well, Don, you're covered in water,
00:13:05and you have a hair on your shoulder,
00:13:06and it's not yours.
00:13:08It's my daughter's.
00:13:11Daughter's?
00:13:12Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:13:29Hey!
00:13:30There they are!
00:13:31Hey!
00:13:32Nice to meet you!
00:13:33Aw!
00:13:34Dad.
00:13:35So glad you made it.
00:13:37Aw, we missed you.
00:13:38So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:13:42He's coming.
00:13:44Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
00:13:46Good, good, good.
00:13:48So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:13:52When's he arriving?
00:13:53Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up
00:13:56to stop people talking.
00:13:57Poor thing.
00:13:59Not surprising.
00:14:00I mean, she's 30.
00:14:01Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:14:05Plus, a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:14:10This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:14:14Auntie Pamela?
00:14:15Debbie?
00:14:16My dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:14:19We're only worried about you.
00:14:22All these years without a husband.
00:14:24Zip it, Pamela.
00:14:26You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
00:14:29And look what happened.
00:14:30She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:14:34I'm not alone.
00:14:35Mm-hmm.
00:14:36And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:14:42He's a manager.
00:14:44Manager?
00:14:45Of what?
00:14:46Trash?
00:14:48Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:14:52You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:14:55Actually.
00:14:58He's right here.
00:15:01Oh, wow.
00:15:03Wow.
00:15:04He is really good looking.
00:15:07Must be AI.
00:15:09Mm-hmm.
00:15:09And congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:15:13Thank.
00:15:13That's enough.
00:15:14She's our daughter and your niece.
00:15:17Show some respect.
00:15:18Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William?
00:15:23And you turned him down?
00:15:25Well, guess what?
00:15:26William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:15:29Makes 500 grand a year.
00:15:32That's half a million.
00:15:34Half a million.
00:15:35Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:15:40And speak of the devil.
00:15:44Willie, you've made it.
00:15:56There you are.
00:15:58Look at you now.
00:16:01Living the dream.
00:16:02Oh, just think, Eva.
00:16:04Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal waste manager.
00:16:10So married, huh?
00:16:12Yeah.
00:16:12Is it serious?
00:16:14That's what marriage is.
00:16:16It's pretty serious.
00:16:17Wow.
00:16:18You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
00:16:21Makes sense, though.
00:16:22You not being a hot young thing anymore.
00:16:25Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:16:28Ugh, a bullet dodged, Willie.
00:16:31Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:16:34Mm-hmm.
00:16:35That's right.
00:16:36Just bought this brand new suit of my Christmas bonus.
00:16:40Women love a man in red.
00:16:42Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:16:45Wanna sit on my lap?
00:16:47Don't touch me.
00:16:48Oh, so entitled.
00:16:50Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:16:54And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:16:58I mean, look at that car!
00:17:01Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:17:04Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
00:17:07Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:17:12I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:17:19My mom would never marry.
00:17:21She already has a husband and he's gonna kick your butt.
00:17:27Is that so?
00:17:29Well then, where is he?
00:17:31Because I don't see him.
00:17:33Does anyone see him?
00:17:36No.
00:17:38Just like I thought.
00:17:39Telling lies just like Mommy.
00:17:42That puts you on the naughty list.
00:17:45And let me show you what happens to the naughty children.
00:17:49What?
00:17:50Hey, hey.
00:17:51Mommy.
00:17:52Hi.
00:17:53Are you okay?
00:17:54I see your hands.
00:17:55Oh my God.
00:17:56I'm gonna take her in and get her packed up, okay?
00:17:58Come on, honey.
00:17:59Let's go.
00:18:01What the hell's the matter with you?
00:18:03How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter!
00:18:08Let me go!
00:18:09Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:18:14Let me go!
00:18:29Touch my wife again and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:18:35So I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time.
00:18:38And this guy passes out.
00:18:39Alright, it's about that time.
00:18:41So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:18:51Yeah.
00:18:52Him.
00:18:53Hi!
00:18:54Just play along.
00:18:55Six.
00:18:56Five.
00:18:57Four.
00:18:58Three.
00:18:59Two.
00:19:00One.
00:19:01A year!
00:19:24You have a cute scar.
00:19:26It's just my birthmark.
00:19:29If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:19:31No!
00:19:32No!
00:19:32No!
00:19:44I was so drunk last night. I can't remember who I was with.
00:19:52I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:20:00Happy New Year.
00:20:01Sam, it's me.
00:20:02Hey, find me the girl from last night. I don't care how. Just do it.
00:20:07I will find you.
00:20:14Maximus, can you get married already? Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend? I need grandkids. I need
00:20:22you to-
00:20:22Message received, Mom. I need to go now. I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:20:35Seven years. Why can't I ever find you? And why do you still haunt me?
00:20:48Still thinking about that girl? Boss, it's been years.
00:20:55I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:20:57Your vest, sir? But first, we found your fake Christmas wife. She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:21:02Blonde hair, red top. And, sir, make sure you use an alias. We can't have her know you the Harrison
00:21:08Group CEO or she'll jack up the price.
00:21:10Yes. Good. Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:21:16Hi. One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:21:19And one hot chocolate.
00:21:22I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:21:25Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:21:29Ah. Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend. It's just for Christmas.
00:21:34But, Mommy, why do we have to rent, Daddy? Where's my real one?
00:21:39Ah.
00:21:45I'll tell you when you're older.
00:21:47Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:21:57Daddy!
00:21:57No! What?
00:22:05Daddy!
00:22:06No! I'm sorry.
00:22:09I'm not your dad.
00:22:10No, I know you're my daddy just as handsome as I thought.
00:22:14Oh.
00:22:15Mommy, hurry! Your fake Christmas husband has arrived!
00:22:25I asked the agency for an average-looking guy. He's gorgeous.
00:22:35Why does it feel so familiar?
00:22:50Why does it feel so familiar?
00:22:52Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:22:55Max, Aurelius.
00:22:57Eva.
00:22:58I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:23:02I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:23:05I guess Mom gets her grandkid, too.
00:23:08So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
00:23:14$1,000 an hour?
00:23:16Well, yeah.
00:23:18It's $500 a day.
00:23:20Is that enough?
00:23:21That's the most that I can pay you.
00:23:23Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:23:25That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:23:27You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:23:29Look, my requirements are simple.
00:23:31Okay, play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown, and we all pretend to be one big happy
00:23:35family.
00:23:36And then my family will get off my back, so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:23:43So she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
00:23:46Fine.
00:23:47But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
00:23:51Okay.
00:23:52Deal.
00:23:55Ready to go get married?
00:24:10Wow.
00:24:11You clean up nice.
00:24:12This is my wedding day, after all.
00:24:15Pictures.
00:24:23Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
00:24:46Uh, King.
00:24:48Okay.
00:24:49Uh, I think we got it.
00:24:51Oh, I need some photos of us together, too.
00:24:54To prove to my parents that I'm actually married and have a happy family.
00:24:58Yeah.
00:24:59Of course.
00:25:01Hmm.
00:25:10Happy holidays, Mom.
00:25:12From my family to you.
00:25:22Bad news, boss.
00:25:23The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife failed last minute.
00:25:27Wait, she bailed?
00:25:28Then who is...
00:25:32Who is she?
00:25:34Whatever.
00:25:35It doesn't matter.
00:25:37I've got what I need.
00:25:40Sam, don't worry about it.
00:25:42I already found some more.
00:25:48Okay.
00:25:49Well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:25:52Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:25:53Christmas shopping?
00:25:55I should come.
00:25:57Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
00:26:00I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:26:03It'll make it more believable.
00:26:07Fine.
00:26:08Fine.
00:26:08Yeah, fine.
00:26:09Okay.
00:26:10You can come.
00:26:18Let's go.
00:26:19Which mall are we going to?
00:26:20Um, let's go to that one.
00:26:22Oh, let's go to the bank.
00:26:31Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:26:39Sam, get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:26:46She does kind of look like him.
00:26:51So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:26:56Here, let me get this.
00:26:58They're going to love you, Max.
00:27:02Also, I was, uh, thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss once or twice.
00:27:11In front of them.
00:27:13Okay.
00:27:14Should we use our tongues or?
00:27:16No, no, definitely not.
00:27:18And absolutely no.
00:27:19Sex?
00:27:20Yes, strictly business.
00:27:24Anything physical outside of that is not happening.
00:27:27What?
00:27:29Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:27:32I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:27:38Let's go.
00:27:45Here.
00:27:46What are you doing?
00:27:47I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:27:50Well, I'm not your woman, and this isn't a real relationship, and I don't want your money.
00:27:57Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:28:0050% off pies?
00:28:02Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:28:0312 pumpkin pies, I hear this right?
00:28:05They're the best kind.
00:28:07Hurry up and go, go.
00:28:08What are you standing here for?
00:28:11Hello there.
00:28:12Hi.
00:28:12You ready?
00:28:13Yes, yeah, just these things.
00:28:14Okay, great.
00:28:16We have a holiday special today.
00:28:18Spend $500, get 10% off, and you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the
00:28:23deal.
00:28:24Oh, great.
00:28:25Yeah, what do you have that's just $15?
00:28:27Will you get a move on?
00:28:29I just got here.
00:28:31Relax.
00:28:32Yeah, yeah.
00:28:35Here, this will do the trick.
00:28:37Okay, thank you.
00:28:40Hurry up and pay.
00:28:44I will pay when I'm ready.
00:28:46You can wait your turn.
00:28:52Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her.
00:28:59Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, not the pies, not the pies.
00:29:02You can just set those on top.
00:29:06Okay.
00:29:08Hi, guys.
00:29:10Gonna hand you all these pies.
00:29:15Of course.
00:29:17Thank you so much.
00:29:18Of course.
00:29:19I hope you like pumpkin.
00:29:22She bought all 12 pies.
00:29:23Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:29:25Just to give it away.
00:29:28Merry Christmas.
00:29:29Merry Christmas.
00:29:34What?
00:29:35You do that often?
00:29:37As often as I can.
00:29:43We should go.
00:29:44We gotta pick up paper.
00:29:48Watch out.
00:30:07You done feeling me up?
00:30:10Shut up.
00:30:11Oh, sorry.
00:30:12I was just in character, wifey.
00:30:14Well, stay out of character until Christmas.
00:30:21And don't be late.
00:30:33Harrison Group?
00:30:35Do you do construction for them or something?
00:30:38Sort of.
00:30:39Not that I'm judging.
00:30:40I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:30:45Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:30:49I think that's respectable.
00:30:51Can we pick another company?
00:30:53No.
00:30:54Harrison Group is perfect.
00:30:56And they'll find it impressive.
00:30:57My cousin's husband works for them, too.
00:30:59So, it's perfect.
00:31:04Oh, and wear something nice for Christmas dinner?
00:31:08Don't worry.
00:31:09Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:31:10I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:31:13Too much.
00:31:35Let's go, Sam.
00:31:36It's time to check out the new HQ set.
00:31:39Well, Don, you're covered in water and you have a hair on your shoulder and it's not yours.
00:31:44It's my daughter's.
00:31:45It's my daughter's.
00:31:46Daughter's.
00:31:47Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:32:05Hey, there they are!
00:32:06Hey!
00:32:07Nice to meet you!
00:32:09Oh, my God.
00:32:10Dad.
00:32:11I'm so glad you made it.
00:32:12Oh, I missed you.
00:32:13So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:32:18He's coming.
00:32:19Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
00:32:21Good, good, good.
00:32:23So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:32:27When's he arriving?
00:32:29Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:32:33Poor thing.
00:32:34Not surprising.
00:32:35I mean, she's 30.
00:32:36Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:32:40Plus, a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:32:46This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:32:50Auntie Pamela?
00:32:51Debbie?
00:32:52My dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:32:55We're only worried about you.
00:32:57All these years without a husband.
00:32:59Zip it, Pamela.
00:33:01You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
00:33:04And look what happened.
00:33:06She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:33:10I'm not alone.
00:33:11Mm-hmm.
00:33:12And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:33:17He's a manager.
00:33:19Manager?
00:33:20Of what?
00:33:22Trash?
00:33:24Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:33:28You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:33:32Actually, he's right here.
00:33:36Oh, wow.
00:33:38Wow.
00:33:39He is really good looking.
00:33:42Ah, must be AI.
00:33:44Mm-hmm.
00:33:45Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:33:49That's enough.
00:33:50She's our daughter and your niece.
00:33:52Show some respect.
00:33:53Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William,
00:33:58and you turned him down?
00:34:00Well, guess what?
00:34:02William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:34:04Makes 500 grand a year.
00:34:08That's half a million.
00:34:10Half a million.
00:34:11Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:34:15And speak of the devil.
00:34:19Willie, you made it.
00:34:31There you are.
00:34:33Oh, look at you now.
00:34:36Living the dream.
00:34:37Oh, just think, Eva.
00:34:40Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal waste manager.
00:34:45So married, huh?
00:34:47Yeah.
00:34:48Is it serious?
00:34:50That's what marriage is.
00:34:51It's pretty serious.
00:34:53Wow.
00:34:54You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
00:34:57Makes sense, though.
00:34:58You not being a hot, young thing anymore.
00:35:01Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:35:03Ugh, a bullet dodged, Willie.
00:35:06Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:35:10That's right.
00:35:11Just bought this brand new suit of my Christmas bonus.
00:35:15Women love a man in red.
00:35:18Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:35:20When I sit on my lap.
00:35:22Don't touch me.
00:35:23Oh, so entitled.
00:35:26Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:35:29And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:35:34I mean, look at that car!
00:35:36Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:35:39Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
00:35:43Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:35:47I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:35:55My mom would never marry.
00:35:56She already has a husband.
00:35:58He's gonna kick your butt.
00:36:03Is that so?
00:36:04Well then, where is he?
00:36:07Because I don't see him.
00:36:08Does anyone see him?
00:36:12No.
00:36:13Just like I thought.
00:36:15Telling lies just like Mommy.
00:36:17That puts you on the naughty list.
00:36:20And let me show you what happens to naughty children.
00:36:27Mommy, are you okay?
00:36:29I see your hands.
00:36:30Oh my God.
00:36:32I'm gonna take her in and get her packed up, okay?
00:36:34Come on, honey.
00:36:34Let's go.
00:36:36What the hell's the matter with you?
00:36:39How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter!
00:36:43Let me go!
00:36:44Now why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:36:49Let me go!
00:36:51Let me go!
00:37:04Touch my wife again and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:37:11So I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:37:15Alright, it's about that time.
00:37:17So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:37:25Yeah, him.
00:37:28Hi!
00:37:29Just play along.
00:37:31Six, five, four, three, two, one!
00:37:36Happy year!
00:38:00You have a cute scar.
00:38:02It's just my birthmark.
00:38:04If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:38:08Hmm.
00:38:20I was so drunk last night.
00:38:22I can't remember who I was with.
00:38:27I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:38:35Happy New Year!
00:38:37Sam, it's me.
00:38:38Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:38:40I don't care how.
00:38:42Just do it.
00:38:43I will find you.
00:38:49Maximus, can you get married already?
00:38:52Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:38:55I need grandkids.
00:38:57I need you to...
00:38:57Message received, Mom.
00:38:59I need to go now.
00:39:00I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:39:10Seven years.
00:39:12Why can't I ever find you?
00:39:14And why do you still haunt me?
00:39:24Still thinking about that girl?
00:39:25Boss, it's been years.
00:39:30I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:39:32Your vest, sir.
00:39:34But first, we found your fake Christmas wife.
00:39:37She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:39:38Blonde hair, red top.
00:39:40And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:39:42We can't have her know you the Harrison Group CEO, or she'll jack up the price.
00:39:46Good.
00:39:47Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:39:52Hi.
00:39:53One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:39:55And one hot chocolate.
00:39:57I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:40:00Now, Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:40:06Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:40:08It's just for Christmas.
00:40:10But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:40:12Where's my real one?
00:40:21I'll tell you when you're older.
00:40:22Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:40:32Tell me!
00:40:33Yo!
00:40:34What?
00:40:41Tell me!
00:40:41Oh, I'm sorry.
00:40:44I'm not your dad.
00:40:46No, I know you're my daddy.
00:40:47Just as handsome as I thought.
00:40:49Oh.
00:40:50Mommy, hurry!
00:40:51Your fake Christmas husband has arrived!
00:41:00I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:41:04He's gorgeous.
00:41:11Why does she feel so familiar?
00:41:14She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:41:16Blonde hair, red dot.
00:41:17You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:41:20So, you're my new Christmas wife.
00:41:23See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:41:25Hi, my name's Hyper.
00:41:26What's your name?
00:41:28Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:41:31Max, Aurelius.
00:41:32Eva.
00:41:33I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:41:38I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:41:40I guess mom gets her grandkid, too.
00:41:44So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
00:41:50$1,000 an hour?
00:41:51Well, yeah.
00:41:53It's $500 a day.
00:41:55Is that enough?
00:41:57That's the most that I can pay you.
00:41:58Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:42:00That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:42:02You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:42:04Look, my requirements are simple.
00:42:06Okay, play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown,
00:42:09and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
00:42:11And then my family will get off my back,
00:42:14so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:42:18So she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
00:42:21Fine.
00:42:22But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
00:42:27Okay.
00:42:28Deal.
00:42:31Ready to go get married?
00:42:45Wow.
00:42:46You clean up nice.
00:42:48It is my wedding day, after all.
00:42:50Pictures.
00:42:54Pictures.
00:42:59Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
00:43:20I think we got it.
00:43:26Oh, I need some photos of us together, too.
00:43:30To prove to my parents that I'm actually married and have a happy family.
00:43:34Yeah.
00:43:35Of course.
00:43:38Of course.
00:43:45Happy holidays, Mom.
00:43:47From my family to you.
00:43:57Bad news, boss.
00:43:58The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife failed last minute.
00:44:03Wait, she bailed?
00:44:03Then who is...
00:44:08Who is she?
00:44:09Whatever.
00:44:11It doesn't matter.
00:44:12I've got what I need.
00:44:16Sam, don't worry about it.
00:44:17I already found some more.
00:44:24Okay, well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:44:27Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:44:29Christmas shopping?
00:44:30I should come.
00:44:32Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake-it-to-your-family plan, I think I
00:44:36should
00:44:36have some say in the gifts.
00:44:38It'll make it more believable.
00:44:43Fine.
00:44:43Yeah, fine.
00:44:44Okay.
00:44:45You can come.
00:44:53Let's go.
00:44:54Which mall are we going to?
00:44:56Let's go to that one.
00:44:58Oh, let's go to the bank.
00:45:04What the actual fuck?
00:45:09Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:45:15Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:45:21She does kind of look like him.
00:45:26So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:45:31Here, let me get this.
00:45:34They're going to love you, Max.
00:45:36Oh, so I was, uh, thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss once or twice
00:45:46in front of them.
00:45:48Okay.
00:45:49Should we use our tongues or...
00:45:52No, no, definitely not.
00:45:53And absolutely no...
00:45:55Sex?
00:45:56Yes.
00:45:57Strictly business.
00:46:00Anything physical outside of that is not happening.
00:46:03What?
00:46:04Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:46:07I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:46:13Let's go.
00:46:20Here.
00:46:21What are you doing?
00:46:22I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:46:25Okay.
00:46:26Well, I'm not your woman, and this isn't a real relationship, and I don't want your money.
00:46:33Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:46:3650% off pies?
00:46:37Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:46:3912 pumpkin pies, I hear this right?
00:46:41They're the best kind.
00:46:42Hurry up and go.
00:46:43Go.
00:46:43What are you standing here for?
00:46:46Hello there.
00:46:47Hi.
00:46:48You ready?
00:46:48Yes.
00:46:49Yeah, just these things.
00:46:50Okay, great.
00:46:51We have a holiday special today.
00:46:53Spend $500, get 10% off,
00:46:55and you are just short 15 bucks if you want to take advantage of the deal.
00:46:59Oh, great.
00:47:00Yeah, uh, what do you have that's just 15 bucks?
00:47:02Well, can you get a move on?
00:47:05I just got here.
00:47:06Relax.
00:47:07Yeah, yeah.
00:47:11Here, this will do the trick.
00:47:13Okay, thank you.
00:47:15Hurry up and pay.
00:47:17Okay.
00:47:19I will pay when I'm ready.
00:47:21You can wait your turn.
00:47:23Okay.
00:47:27Damn.
00:47:28My fake wife has some fire in her.
00:47:35Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:47:36Not the pies.
00:47:36Not the pies.
00:47:37You can just set those on top.
00:47:40Mmm.
00:47:41Okay.
00:47:43Hi, guys.
00:47:45Gonna hand you all these pies.
00:47:51Thank you so much.
00:47:52Of course.
00:47:53Thank you so much.
00:47:54Of course.
00:47:54I hope you like pumpkin.
00:47:57She bought all 12 pies.
00:47:58Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:48:00Just to give it away.
00:48:03Merry Christmas.
00:48:04Merry Christmas.
00:48:07Merry Christmas.
00:48:10What?
00:48:10You do that often?
00:48:13As often as I can.
00:48:18We should go.
00:48:19We gotta pick up paper.
00:48:24Watch out.
00:48:43You done feeling me up?
00:48:46Shut up.
00:48:47Oh, sorry.
00:48:47I was just in character, wifey.
00:48:49Yeah.
00:48:49Well, stay out of character until Christmas.
00:48:56And don't be late.
00:49:09Harrison Group?
00:49:10Do you do construction for them or something?
00:49:13Sorta.
00:49:14Not that I'm judging, I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of
00:49:19us alive.
00:49:20Well, I don't know.
00:49:21Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:49:24I think that's respectable.
00:49:26Uh.
00:49:27Can we pick another company?
00:49:28No.
00:49:29Harrison Group is perfect.
00:49:31And they'll find it impressive.
00:49:32My cousin's husband works for them too.
00:49:34So.
00:49:35It's perfect.
00:49:40Oh, and, uh, wear something nice for Christmas dinner?
00:49:43Don't worry.
00:49:44Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:49:46I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:49:49Too much.
00:49:51Hey.
00:49:51Hey, hey!
00:49:51Hey.
00:49:51Come here.
00:49:54Hey, hey.
00:49:54Let's go Sam.
00:49:55Hey, hey.
00:49:58We're working out.
00:50:10Let's go Sam.
00:50:12It's time to check out the new HQ set.
00:50:14Well, Don, you're covered in water and you have hair on your shoulder and it's not yours.
00:50:19it's my daughters daughters give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's
00:50:26with
00:50:48missed you so where's this mysterious husband we heard all about he's coming
00:50:54please don't tell me Maximus failed good good good so heard you got a new hubby sweetie
00:51:02when's he arriving oh it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking
00:51:08poor thing not surprising I mean she's 30 once a woman hits that age you become undateable
00:51:15plus a kid looks so bad on dating apps this is exactly why I refused to come home single
00:51:24this Christmas Auntie Pamela Debbie my dating life quite frankly is none of your concern
00:51:30we're only worried about you all these years without a husband zip it Pamela you know you
00:51:38always spoiled her rotten and look what happened she got knocked up out of wedlock raising a kid
00:51:44all alone I'm not alone mm-hmm and what does this mysterious husband do
00:51:53he's a manager manager of what trash probably a cover for criminal activity
00:52:02mm-hmm you don't have to lie to us Eva actually he's right here
00:52:11oh wow wow he is really good looking ah must be AI
00:52:19mm-hmm congratulations Eva on your photoshop skills thank that's enough she's our daughter
00:52:26and your niece show some respect remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's
00:52:33nephew William and you turned him down well guess what William works for the Harrison group
00:52:39now makes 500 grand a year that's half a million half a million girls are lining up for him
00:52:48all the way to New York and speak of the devil
00:52:53oh
00:52:55willie you made it
00:53:07there you are oh look at you now living the dream
00:53:12oh just think Eva well you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that
00:53:19criminal waste manager
00:53:20so married huh is it serious that's what marriage is it's pretty serious
00:53:29wow you must have rushed to tie the knot huh
00:53:31makes sense though you not being a hot young thing anymore dragging that kid around with no daddy
00:53:38yeah a bullet dodged willie meanwhile you're climbing the Harrison group ladder
00:53:44mm-hmm that's right just bought this brand new suit of my Christmas bonus
00:53:50women love a man in red sexy like Santa Claus when I sit on my lap
00:53:57don't touch me
00:53:59oh so entitled
00:54:01Williams a successful man of taste not waste
00:54:05and yet for some reason he's willing to overlook your baggage
00:54:09I mean look at that car could your husband afford anything even close to that
00:54:15think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison group money
00:54:18ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead
00:54:22I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on earth
00:54:30my mom would never marry she already has a husband he's gonna kick your butt
00:54:38is that so
00:54:39well then where is he because I don't see him does anyone see him
00:54:48no just like I thought telling lies just like mommy
00:54:52that puts you on the naughty list
00:54:56and let me show you what happens to the naughty children
00:55:00ah
00:55:00what
00:55:01hey hey
00:55:02mommy
00:55:03is it okay
00:55:04see your hands
00:55:05oh my god
00:55:07I'm gonna take her in and get her packed up okay
00:55:09come on
00:55:09let's go
00:55:12what the hell's the matter with you
00:55:14how dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter
00:55:18let me go
00:55:19now why would I go and do a thing like that
00:55:22when I'm having such a good time
00:55:25let me go
00:55:40touch my wife again and I will snap every finger that you've got
00:55:46so I'm finding the space shuttle for the second time
00:55:49and this guy passes out
00:55:50all right it's about that time
00:55:52so are you kissing anybody at midnight
00:56:01yeah him
00:56:03hi
00:56:04just play along
00:56:05six
00:56:07five
00:56:08four
00:56:09three
00:56:10two
00:56:10one
00:56:12happy year
00:56:35you have a cute scar
00:56:37it's just my birthmark
00:56:40if you want me to stop
00:56:41tell me now
00:56:55I was so drunk last night
00:56:57I can't remember who I was with
00:57:03I must return this to her
00:57:04so I can see her again
00:57:11happy new year
00:57:12Sam it's me
00:57:12hey
00:57:13find me the girl from last night
00:57:16I don't care how
00:57:17just do it
00:57:18I will find you
00:57:24Maximus
00:57:25can you get married already
00:57:27bring home a wife
00:57:29or at least a girlfriend
00:57:30I need grandkids
00:57:32I need you
00:57:33message received mom
00:57:34I need to go now
00:57:35I have to inspect the new headquarters
00:57:46seven years
00:57:47why can't I ever find you
00:57:49and why do you still haunt me
00:57:59still thinking about that girl
00:58:00boss
00:58:01it's been years
00:58:05I'm ready to go to the inspection now
00:58:07your vest sir
00:58:10but first we found your fake Christmas wife
00:58:12she's waiting in the coffee shop
00:58:13blonde hair
00:58:14red top
00:58:15and sir
00:58:16make sure you use an alias
00:58:17we can't have her knowing you the Harrison group CEO
00:58:20or she'll jack up the price
00:58:21good
00:58:22finally I can get my mother off my back
00:58:27hi
00:58:28one iced vanilla latte please
00:58:30and one hot chocolate
00:58:32I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy
00:58:35now auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore
00:58:41sweetie remember it's just pretend
00:58:43it's just for Christmas
00:58:44but mommy why do we have to rent a daddy
00:58:47where's my real one
00:58:56I'll tell you when you're older
00:58:58sweetie why don't you go find us a table
00:59:07daddy
00:59:08oh
00:59:09what
00:59:16daddy
00:59:16oh
00:59:17I'm sorry
00:59:19I'm not your dad
00:59:21no I know you're my daddy just as handsome as I thought
00:59:24oh
00:59:25mommy hurry
00:59:26your fake Christmas husband has arrived
00:59:36I asked the agency for an average looking guy
00:59:39he's gorgeous
00:59:46why does she feel so familiar
00:59:49she's waiting in the coffee shop
00:59:51blonde hair
00:59:52red dot
00:59:52you must be my new Christmas husband
00:59:55so
00:59:56you're my new Christmas wife
00:59:58see I knew you were the new daddy we hired right
01:00:01hi my name's Hyper
01:00:02what's your name
01:00:03Sam didn't say anything about a kid
01:00:05Max
01:00:06Aurelius
01:00:07Eva
01:00:09I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage
01:00:13I just need a wife for the holidays
01:00:16I guess mom gets her grandkid too
01:00:19so
01:00:20per hour agreement
01:00:21the rate is $1,000 per hour
01:00:24and
01:00:25$1,000 an hour?
01:00:27well yeah
01:00:29it's $500 a day
01:00:30is that enough?
01:00:32that's the most that I can pay you
01:00:33wait you're paying me $500 a day?
01:00:35that's what I agreed with the agency
01:00:38you'll make your thousands over the week
01:00:39look
01:00:40my requirements are simple
01:00:41okay
01:00:42play my pretend husband
01:00:43come with me to my hometown
01:00:44and we all pretend to be one big happy family
01:00:46and then my family will get off my back
01:00:49so
01:00:49Piper can have a good Christmas for once
01:00:53so she's getting pressure from her folks too
01:00:56fine
01:00:57but you have to help me get my mom off my case too
01:01:02okay
01:01:02deal
01:01:06deal
01:01:07ready to go get married?
01:01:21wow
01:01:21you clean up nice
01:01:23this is my wedding day after all
01:01:26pictures
01:01:26pictures
01:01:34y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love
01:01:43y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love
01:02:18happy holidays mom
01:02:22from my family
01:02:31family to you
01:02:32bad news boss
01:02:34the agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife failed last minute
01:02:38wait she bailed
01:02:39then who is
01:02:43who is she?
01:02:45whatever
01:02:46it doesn't matter
01:02:48I've got what I need
01:02:51Sam don't worry about it
01:02:52I already found some more
01:02:59okay
01:02:59okay well
01:03:01I think it's time for us to go
01:03:02Christmas shopping waits for no one
01:03:04Christmas shopping?
01:03:06I should come
01:03:08look if you want me to be the husband in this fake it to your family plan
01:03:11I think I should have some say in the gifts
01:03:14it'll make it more believable
01:03:18fine
01:03:19yeah fine
01:03:20okay
01:03:20you can come
01:03:28let's go
01:03:29which mall are we going to?
01:03:31um let's go to that one
01:03:33oh let's go to the bank
01:03:39what the actual fuck
01:03:45Sam
01:03:46is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
01:03:50give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with
01:03:57she does kind of look like him
01:04:01so when we give these gifts to my parents
01:04:03we will say they're from you
01:04:07here let me get this
01:04:09they're gonna love you Max
01:04:12oh so
01:04:13I was uh
01:04:14thinking
01:04:15that
01:04:16since we're married
01:04:17we should probably
01:04:19kiss
01:04:20once or twice
01:04:22in front of them
01:04:23okay
01:04:24should we use our tongues or
01:04:27no
01:04:27no definitely not
01:04:28and absolutely no
01:04:30sex?
01:04:31yes
01:04:32strictly business
01:04:34anything physical outside of that does not have any
01:04:38what?
01:04:39afraid you'll fall for me?
01:04:43I just don't want Piper to have messy complications
01:04:45getting in the way of her having a good Christmas
01:04:49let's go
01:04:55here
01:04:56what are you doing?
01:04:58I'd never let my woman pick up the tab
01:05:01well I'm not your woman
01:05:03and this isn't a real relationship
01:05:04and I don't want your money
01:05:08attention shoppers
01:05:09all bakery items are now 50% off
01:05:1150% off pies
01:05:12quick
01:05:13go grab a dozen pumpkin pies
01:05:1412 pumpkin pies
01:05:15I hear this right?
01:05:16they're the best kind
01:05:17hurry up and go
01:05:18go
01:05:19what are you standing here for?
01:05:22hello there
01:05:23hi
01:05:23you ready?
01:05:24yes
01:05:24yeah
01:05:24just these things
01:05:25okay great
01:05:26we have a holiday special today
01:05:28spend 500
01:05:29get 10% off
01:05:31and you are just short
01:05:3215 bucks if you want to take advantage of the deal
01:05:34oh
01:05:34great
01:05:35yeah
01:05:35what do you have that's just 15 bucks?
01:05:38well you get a move on
01:05:40I just got here
01:05:42relax
01:05:42yeah
01:05:43yeah
01:05:46here
01:05:46this will do the trick
01:05:47okay
01:05:48thank you
01:05:50hurry up and pay
01:05:54I will pay when I'm ready
01:05:56you can wait your turn
01:06:01thank you
01:06:02damn
01:06:03my fake wife has some fire in her
01:06:10oh wait wait wait not the pies
01:06:11not the pies
01:06:12you can just
01:06:13set those on top
01:06:15hmm
01:06:17look
01:06:19hi guys
01:06:21gonna hand you
01:06:22all these pies
01:06:25thank you
01:06:26of course
01:06:28thank you so much
01:06:29of course
01:06:30I hope you like pumpkin
01:06:31thank you
01:06:32she bought all 12 pies
01:06:34don't worry I have enough for everybody
01:06:35just to give it away
01:06:36yeah
01:06:37thank you
01:06:38merry christmas
01:06:39merry christmas
01:06:45what?
01:06:46you do that often?
01:06:48as often as I can
01:06:53we should go
01:06:54we gotta pick up paper
01:06:59watch out
01:07:18you done feeling me up?
01:07:21shut up
01:07:22oh sorry
01:07:22I was just in character
01:07:24wifey
01:07:24well stay out of character
01:07:26until christmas
01:07:32and don't be late
01:07:44Harrison group?
01:07:46do you do construction
01:07:47for them or something?
01:07:49sorta
01:07:50not that I'm judging
01:07:51I just
01:07:52need to get my story straight
01:07:53or my mom will eat
01:07:54both of us alive
01:07:56why don't we say
01:07:57that you do
01:07:57mid-level management
01:07:58for Harrison group
01:07:59I think that's respectable
01:08:02can we pick another company?
01:08:04no
01:08:04Harrison group is perfect
01:08:06but they'll find it impressive
01:08:08my cousin's husband
01:08:08works for them too
01:08:09so
01:08:10it's perfect
01:08:15oh and uh
01:08:16wear something nice
01:08:17for christmas dinner
01:08:18don't worry
01:08:19okay
01:08:20I clean up nicely
01:08:21I wouldn't embarrass you
01:08:25too much
01:08:46let's go Sam
01:08:47it's time to check out
01:08:48the new HQ site
01:08:49hold on
01:08:50you're covered in water
01:08:51and you have a hair
01:08:52on your shoulder
01:08:52and it's not yours
01:08:55it's my daughter's
01:08:57daughter's
01:08:58give me a DNA test
01:09:00for that little girl
01:09:01that he's with
01:09:15hey there they are
01:09:17hey
01:09:20dad
01:09:21so much you made it
01:09:22oh
01:09:23we missed you
01:09:24so
01:09:26where's this mysterious
01:09:27husband we heard all about
01:09:29he's coming
01:09:29please don't tell me
01:09:31Maximus bailed
01:09:32good
01:09:32good
01:09:33good
01:09:34so
01:09:35heard you got a new
01:09:36hubby sweetie
01:09:37when's he arriving
01:09:39oh
01:09:40it's probably just some
01:09:41story she cooked up
01:09:43to stop people talking
01:09:44poor thing
01:09:45not surprising
01:09:46I mean
01:09:46she's 30
01:09:47once a woman hits that age
01:09:49you become undateable
01:09:51plus a kid looks so
01:09:53bad on dating apps
01:09:57this is exactly why I
01:09:58refuse to come home
01:09:59single this Christmas
01:10:00Auntie Pamela
01:10:01Debbie
01:10:02my dating life
01:10:03quite frankly is none
01:10:05of your concern
01:10:05we're only worried
01:10:07about you
01:10:08all these years
01:10:09without a husband
01:10:10zip it Pamela
01:10:12you know you always
01:10:14spoiled her rotten
01:10:15and look what happened
01:10:16she got knocked up
01:10:18out of wedlock
01:10:18raising a kid
01:10:19all alone
01:10:20I'm not alone
01:10:22and what does this
01:10:24mysterious husband do
01:10:28he's a manager
01:10:29manager
01:10:30of what
01:10:32trash
01:10:34probably a cover
01:10:36for criminal activity
01:10:38you don't have to lie
01:10:40to us Eva
01:10:41actually
01:10:44he's right here
01:10:47oh wow
01:10:49wow
01:10:50he is really good looking
01:10:52ah must be AI
01:10:55congratulations Eva
01:10:57on your photoshop skills
01:10:59thank
01:10:59that's enough
01:11:00she's our daughter
01:11:01and your niece
01:11:03show some respect
01:11:04remember last year
01:11:05when I introduced you
01:11:07to my husband's nephew
01:11:08William
01:11:09and you turned him down
01:11:11well guess what
01:11:12William works for the
01:11:14Harrison group now
01:11:15makes 500 grand
01:11:17a year
01:11:18that's half
01:11:19a million
01:11:20half a million
01:11:22girls are lining up
01:11:23for him
01:11:24all the way
01:11:24to New York
01:11:25and speak
01:11:27of the devil
01:11:30Willie
01:11:31you made it
01:11:42there you are
01:11:44oh look at you
01:11:45now
01:11:46living the dream
01:11:48oh just
01:11:49think Eva
01:11:50well you could be
01:11:51driving around in a car
01:11:52like that
01:11:53had you not married
01:11:54that criminal waste
01:11:55manager
01:11:56so married huh
01:11:57yeah
01:11:58is it
01:11:59serious
01:12:00that's what marriage is
01:12:02it's pretty serious
01:12:03wow
01:12:04you must have rushed the
01:12:06time they're not huh
01:12:07makes sense though
01:12:08you not being a hot
01:12:10young thing anymore
01:12:11dragging that kid around
01:12:13with no daddy
01:12:14a bullet dodged
01:12:16Willie
01:12:16meanwhile you're climbing
01:12:18the Harrison group ladder
01:12:20that's right
01:12:21just bought this brand new
01:12:24suit
01:12:24my Christmas bonus
01:12:25women love a man in red
01:12:28sexy
01:12:29like Santa Claus
01:12:31want to sit on my lap
01:12:33don't touch me
01:12:34oh so entitled
01:12:36Williams
01:12:37a successful man
01:12:39of taste
01:12:39not waste
01:12:40and yet for some reason
01:12:42he's willing to overlook
01:12:43your baggage
01:12:44I mean look at that car
01:12:46could your husband
01:12:48afford anything
01:12:49even close to that
01:12:50think of the life
01:12:51I can give you and Piper
01:12:52with all my Harrison group money
01:12:53ditch your nobody husband
01:12:55and marry me instead
01:12:58I wouldn't marry you
01:12:59if you were the last man
01:13:00on earth
01:13:05my mom would never marry
01:13:07she already has a husband
01:13:08he's gonna kick your butt
01:13:13is that so
01:13:15well then
01:13:15where is he
01:13:17because
01:13:18I don't see him
01:13:19does anyone see him
01:13:23no
01:13:23just like I thought
01:13:25telling lies
01:13:27just like mommy
01:13:28that puts you on the naughty list
01:13:30and let me show you
01:13:32what happens
01:13:33to naughty children
01:13:37hey
01:13:37mommy
01:13:38are you okay
01:13:39I see your hands
01:13:41oh my god
01:13:42I'm gonna take her in
01:13:43and get her packed up
01:13:44okay
01:13:44come on honey
01:13:45let's go
01:13:47what the hell's the matter
01:13:48with you
01:13:49how dare you put your filthy
01:13:51hands on my daughter
01:13:54let me go
01:13:55now why would I go
01:13:56and do a thing like that
01:13:58when I'm having such a good time
01:14:00let me go
01:14:15touch my wife again
01:14:17and I will snap every finger
01:14:18that you've got
01:14:19and I will snap every finger
01:14:19and I will snap every finger
01:14:19and I will snap every finger
01:14:20and I will snap every finger
01:14:20and I will snap every finger
01:14:20and I will snap every finger
01:14:20and I will snap every finger
01:14:21and I will snap every finger
01:14:21and I will snap every finger
01:14:21and I will snap every finger
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