00:17Mothers of River City, heed that warning before it's too late.
00:21Watch for the telltale signs of corruption.
00:24The minute your son leaves the house, does he re-buckle his knickerbockers below the knee?
00:31Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger? A dying novel hidden in the corn grid?
00:36Is he starting to memorize jokes from Captain Billy's whiz-bagging?
00:41Are certain words creeping into his conversation? Words like... like swell.
00:49Oh, trouble!
00:50And so is your old man!
00:53And so, my friends!
00:55We haven't traveled over here in River City!
00:58Right here in River City!
00:59In the capital T, and that rhymes with P, and that stands for food!
01:01That stands for food!
01:02We've surely got trouble!
01:04Right here in River City!
01:05Right here!
01:06Remember the main!
01:07The rock and the golden rule!
01:09I've sure we've seen it!
01:10And I've probably got trouble before we got trouble!
01:12We've been giving terrible trouble!
01:14We've been getting terrible trouble!
01:15Now!
01:17Get over here!
01:19Okay.
01:36Cal, what's going on?
01:39It's Clements boy again, Hank.
01:41Third time this week I've caught him sneaking in for a freebie.
01:44Hmm. Leave him be.
01:46You ever see that boy's damn family?
01:51Pity is not going to keep the lights on, Hank.
01:54Hmm.
01:56Uh, Ronnie.
01:58You, um, you see a boy running around here about your age?
02:04Yeah, Pops.
02:06He went that way.
02:15Come on.
02:17Back to work.
02:21Music Man.
02:22Directed by?
02:23Morgan Da Costa.
02:26First film was?
02:28First and favorite of your Nana.
02:30It's me.
02:31That's my girl.
02:34Hank!
02:36Hank!
02:46Next time I'm calling the police!
02:49You hear me, kid?
02:51I mean it!
02:52Oh, man.
03:01contraception.
03:18Thanks for you!
03:19Thanks for listening!
03:19I Beatles this one!
03:49You all right, young man?
03:51Yes.
03:53Look at you, you poor thing.
03:56Get in before you catch your death and cold.
03:59Stay in.
04:09Wrap yourself in this, dear.
04:10It must be freezing.
04:13Now you just tell us where home is,
04:15and we'll get you back to your parents safe and sound, okay?
04:22Anywhere but dairy.
04:26Well, we're headed to Portland,
04:28so you hitched the right ride.
04:36WNXE News Radio.
04:38It's the top of the hour.
04:40Here are tonight's top stories.
04:42Fresh reports tonight out of Moscow
04:43of more underground nuclear tests.
04:45Experts now warn the resulting radiation
04:48poses a global risk,
04:49with potential consequences ranging from cancer
04:51to genetic mutations,
04:53resulting in highly unusual birth defects.
04:55Dad, can we put something else on?
04:59This stuff gives me the willies.
05:01Willies!
05:02W-I-L-
05:04Ray.
05:04Not now.
05:06He's going through a phase.
05:08He spells everything.
05:11L-I-E-S.
05:13That's right.
05:13Why don't you show our new friend
05:15what a good little speller you are?
05:17Spell bungalow.
05:19B-U-N-G-A-L-O-W.
05:25Spell symphony.
05:28S-Y-M-P-H-O-N-Y.
05:32Spell yusha.
05:34F-U-C-H-S-I-A.
05:38Now that's a $10 word.
05:43Spell trouble.
05:45T-R-U.
05:48T-R-O-A.
05:53T-R-U.
05:55Ugh!
05:56T-R-O-U-B-L-E.
05:58You idiot!
06:00Be nice, Arlene.
06:02I am nice.
06:05When I want to be.
06:08There goes my little harlot.
06:11Couldn't glue those legs together if you tried, I tell ya.
06:15Reminds me of her mother.
06:28I...
06:29I thought you said you were having a deportment.
06:32Spell vasectomy, baby.
06:33Can you use that in a sentence?
06:35Your father got a vasectomy right after he impregnated me again.
06:40V-A-S-E.
06:43Can you pull over, please?
06:44C-T-O-M-Y.
06:46Necrosis.
06:47N-E-C-R-O-S-I-S.
06:50Kidnapping.
06:51There's a gas station up ahead and I have to pee.
06:54I guess.
06:55If we could just pull over, eat you in here a second.
06:57A-T-O-T-S.
06:58Cadaver.
06:58C-A-T-A-V-E-R.
07:01Strangulation.
07:02No, no, no, please, no!
07:03A-T-A-T-U-L-A-T-I-R.
07:06Let me out!
07:08Out!
07:08O-U-T!
07:10Let me out!
07:10O-U-T!
07:11O-U-T!
07:14O-U-T!
07:16O-U-T!
07:17O-U-T!
07:27O-U-T!
07:29O-U-T!
07:31O-U-T!
07:32O-U-T!
07:34O-U-T!
07:34O-U-T!
07:35O-U-T!
07:35O-U-T!
07:36O-U-T!
07:38O-U-T!
07:39O-U-T!
07:40O-U-T!
07:41O-U-T!
07:42O-U-T!
07:43O-U-T!
07:45O-U-T!
07:46O-U-T!
07:47O-U-T!
07:49O-U-T!
07:50O-U-T!
07:50O-U-T!
07:51O-U-T!
07:51O-U-T!
08:01Oh
08:24Oh, he's beautiful, dear.
08:28Isn't he, though?
08:41Come here.
08:45Don't eat your family, sweetheart.
09:08Don't eat your family, sweetheart.
09:31Don't eat your family.
09:33No, no, no, no, no!
10:14No, no, no, no, no!
10:33No, no, no, no, no!
11:14No, no, no, no, no, no!
11:54No, no, no, no, no, no!
12:06No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
12:40No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
13:14No, no, no, no, no!
13:24No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
14:12No, no, no, no, no!
14:24No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
14:30No, no, no!
15:01No, no, no, no, no, no!
15:22No, no, no, no!
15:47No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
16:17No, no, no, no, no!
16:40No, no, no!
16:54No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
17:18No, no, no, no, no, no!
18:07No, no, no, no, no!
18:27No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
18:38Tentacles are slurping their brains out through a straw?
18:42Mm-hmm.
18:46Or I could shove a grenade up your ass and blow you up.
18:53What's wrong, Teddy?
18:55Today was four months.
18:59Four months to the day since Maddie.
19:03Oh.
19:04Yeah, man.
19:06So messed up.
19:09Anyway, I'll keep working on the illustrations.
19:12We've been trying to talk about Maddie.
19:13What's talking about it gonna do?
19:15Bring her back to life?
19:16They never even found a body.
19:18Don't start this again.
19:20That usually means he's a runaway.
19:22He could've ran away.
19:24And why would he run away?
19:25Gee, I don't know.
19:26Maybe because he had just about no friends in the whole wide world,
19:29and the only ones he did have had to be paid to go to his birthday.
19:32We weren't paid.
19:33Candy isn't money, Teddy.
19:35Same thing.
19:36His mom offered us that candy fair and square.
19:38We were doing her a favor.
19:40A good deed.
19:40We didn't even know it was his birthday.
19:43Look, whatever happened to Maddie wasn't because we forgot his stupid birthday, okay?
19:50None of this is our fault!
19:52And whether you accept her or not, I'm not even...
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