- 1 day ago
Category
🦄
CreativityTranscript
00:05From 30 Rockefeller Plaza in New York,
00:09it's Late Night with Seth Meyers.
00:12Tonight, Kenan Thompson,
00:15star of Broadway's Bob, actress Carrie Cohn.
00:18An all-new Closer Look.
00:25And now, Seth Meyers.
00:28Good evening, everybody. I'm Seth Meyers.
00:30This is Late Night. We hope you're doing well.
00:31And now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news.
00:34President Trump yesterday signed the Whole Milk
00:37for Healthy Kids Act into law.
00:39He got the idea after his last cognitive test.
00:44That's right.
00:45President Trump signed the Whole Milk
00:46for Healthy Kids Act into law,
00:48which allows schools and their cafeterias
00:50to receive federal funding to serve 2% milk
00:53to help wash down the 5% chicken.
00:59During the signing ceremony,
01:00President Trump offered reporters the chance
01:02to take a swig from a jug of milk
01:04sitting on the Resolute desk and said,
01:07Remember the old days when we were kids
01:09and everybody shared a bottle?
01:12Never thought I'd say this,
01:14but you're starting to sound a lot like Joe Biden.
01:17Yeah, I remember back in Scrim.
01:19We used to pass around the old milk jug.
01:23Take a swig.
01:24And then we'd all sing for nickels.
01:28During the same ceremony,
01:30Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins
01:31appeared to tap President Trump on the shoulder twice
01:34to get his attention.
01:35Yeah, you gotta tap pretty hard
01:37to get through those shoulder pads.
01:40It's like trying to get the attention of Barry Sanders.
01:44In a new interview,
01:45Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins said
01:47that the new dietary guidelines can still be affordable
01:50and added it can cost around $3 a meal
01:53for a piece of chicken, a piece of broccoli,
01:56corn tortilla, and one other thing.
01:58Huh, can the one other thing be a meal?
02:03President Trump said yesterday
02:05that he's been told on good authority
02:06that the Iranian government
02:07will not execute protesters
02:09and added, quote,
02:10who knows, crazy world.
02:14What are you, a cab driver?
02:17It's a crazy world.
02:18I wouldn't want to be president.
02:20Knee a corner?
02:22Actor Matthew McConaughey
02:23has reportedly received eight trademarks
02:24for his popular catchphrases,
02:26including,
02:27all right, all right, all right,
02:28just keep living,
02:29and yes, I'll be in your commercial.
02:34The makers of Cup Noodles
02:36have unveiled three new flavors
02:37inspired by chicken wings,
02:39including spicy buffalo with ranch,
02:41lemon pepper,
02:42and garlic parmesan,
02:43which will accompany their original flavor,
02:45salt.
02:52I'm not okay with Cup Noodles.
02:55I miss the O.
03:01I mean, we used to have our Cup of Noodles
03:03right after we all drank
03:04from the same milk jug.
03:07A Malaysian woman was arrested recently
03:09on a flight
03:09that she allegedly purchased a ticket for,
03:11but arrived in a counterfeit
03:13flight attendant uniform.
03:14When asked if he was concerned,
03:16the pilot said,
03:17oh, I'm not a pilot.
03:20According to a new study,
03:21mid-January to early February
03:23is the best time to visit Disney World,
03:25while the best time to visit Six Flags
03:27is after you've had your shots.
03:31And finally,
03:32an Air Canada flight
03:33was recently forced to return
03:34to the Toronto airport
03:35after taxiing
03:36because a crew member
03:37was still in the cargo hold.
03:39While over at Spirit,
03:40that's business class.
03:42That was a monologue, everybody!
03:46We've got a great show for you tonight.
03:49He's one of the best to ever do it,
03:51the longest-serving cast member
03:52in the history of Saturday Night Live.
03:54Check him out on a new SNL this weekend
03:56with host Finn Wolfhard
03:58and musical guest ASAP Rocky,
03:59plus his first children's book,
04:01Unfunny Bunny, is in stores now.
04:03Keena Thompson is on the show, everybody!
04:09She's a fantastic actress
04:10to know from shows like
04:11The Leftovers, Fargo, and The White Lotus.
04:14She's currently starring in Bug,
04:15now playing on Broadway
04:16at the Samuel J. Friedman Theater
04:18in New York City.
04:19Carrie Coon will also be joining us!
04:22Before we get to all that.
04:25The president of the United States
04:28cursed out a union auto worker in Michigan
04:30after that worker accused the president
04:32of protecting pedophiles
04:33by refusing to release the Epstein files
04:36as required by law.
04:37And here's a fun fact.
04:38The thing I just told you?
04:39Not that big of a story.
04:41You know why?
04:42Because the president's also threatening
04:43to use the law from 1792
04:45to send the military into an American city.
04:47He's risking war with Europe
04:49over his fixation on Greenland.
04:50He's sending oil revenue from Venezuela
04:52to a bank account in Qatar.
04:54He's dismantling the independence
04:56of the Federal Reserve.
04:57He's overseeing a dramatic rise
04:58in the price of groceries.
04:59He is once again struggling to stay awake
05:03during a televised meeting
05:05in the most famous office in the world
05:06surrounded by at least a dozen people
05:09in the middle of the day.
05:11How do you fall asleep
05:12surrounded by that many people
05:13in broad daylight?
05:14That's like if Joy Behar fell asleep
05:16during the view.
05:19I can't even fall asleep at night
05:20when it's quiet in my own bed.
05:22Even if there's a jackhammer outside,
05:24that's still more soothing
05:25than the voice of RFK Jr.
05:28When you go through it all,
05:30yelling you to an auto worker
05:31was the quaintest thing he did this week.
05:34What a time we live in.
05:36For more on this,
05:37it's time for A Closer Look.
05:43It's worth remembering,
05:44amid everything that's happening right now,
05:45that Donald Trump is still very unpopular.
05:47His approval rating
05:48has been underwater for months,
05:49and it seems like
05:50almost everywhere he goes,
05:51he gets booed.
05:53It's a night of drama
05:54at the Kennedy Senate.
05:55Before the show
05:56and during intermission,
05:57some other audience members
05:58clapped for the president.
05:59Others booed him
06:00and shouted,
06:01Donald Trump ventured out
06:03from his Bedminster Golf Club
06:04just to get booed
06:06at today's FIFA Club
06:07World Cup final in New Jersey.
06:22Football fans could be heard
06:23booing President Trump
06:25during his appearance
06:26at the Lions and Commanders game.
06:28He was there to swear
06:28in new military members.
06:30I am seeing your name.
06:36Maybe their name was Boo!
06:40Think about how unpopular
06:41it would have to be
06:41to get booed at a football game
06:42while swearing in military recruits.
06:44That's like if you saw
06:45a golden retriever puppy
06:47cuddling with a six-month-old
06:48and said,
06:49Hey, those are the two
06:50who stole my wallet!
06:55And just to be clear,
06:56that was not an Eagles game,
06:58so the fans were definitely
06:59booing Trump, not the team.
07:01If it was Philly, obviously,
07:02the circumstances
07:03would be different.
07:04Get the president
07:04to a safe location.
07:05They're throwing batteries.
07:06No, no, that's for the mascot.
07:07Eagle down!
07:09Eagle down!
07:11All right, but so what?
07:11That was a football game.
07:12We all know football fans
07:14are commie libs.
07:15What about Trump's trip?
07:17We just know that.
07:19That's a known thing.
07:21What about Trump's trip
07:22to a Ford plant
07:23in Michigan this week?
07:25Surely, that must have gone better.
07:26Tonight's shocking new video
07:28from TMZ
07:29appears to show
07:30the president of the United States
07:32mouthing expletives
07:33and giving the middle finger
07:35to a heckler today in Detroit.
07:46Trump was responding
07:48to a heckler
07:48who shouted
07:49what sounds like, quote,
07:51pedophile protector
07:52as the president
07:53toured a Ford F-150 plant.
07:55President Trump
07:56appearing to give a heckler
07:57the middle finger
07:58and saying,
07:58F you twice.
07:59He got heckled
08:00by an autoworker.
08:01He's so unpopular
08:02he turned a Ford plant
08:03into an Oberlin drum circle.
08:07Also, what does it say
08:08that the president
08:08of the United States
08:09heard someone yell
08:10pedophile protector
08:11and immediately thought,
08:12oh, he's talking to me?
08:16I mean, if you were
08:16walking down the street
08:17on a first date
08:18and heard police sirens
08:19and then your date yelled
08:20they found me
08:20and dove behind a dumpster,
08:22that would be your last date.
08:24Also, can we please
08:26go back to this?
08:27Tonight's shocking
08:27new video from TMZ.
08:29I never thought
08:30I'd hear the word
08:30shocking new video
08:31from TMZ
08:33in a story about
08:34the president
08:35of the United States.
08:36Normally,
08:37when I hear those words,
08:38I think somebody's boob
08:39must have popped out
08:40on the red carpet.
08:41So it's pretty disappointing
08:42when it's this boob
08:43who popped out
08:44and stayed out.
08:46I just hope
08:48the White House
08:49has an explanation
08:50for this embarrassing incident.
08:51In a statement
08:52to Newsweek,
08:53White House communications
08:54director Stephen Chiang
08:55seemingly confirmed
08:56the exchange,
08:57saying,
08:57quote,
08:57a lunatic
08:58was wildly screaming
08:59expletives
09:00in a complete fit of rage.
09:01Who are you talking about,
09:02the heckler
09:03or the president?
09:04Because that doesn't
09:05really narrow it down.
09:06A lunatic
09:07was wildly screaming
09:08expletives
09:08in a complete fit of rage
09:09sounds like
09:10the TV guy description
09:11of a Trump press conference.
09:14Seriously,
09:15which lunatic
09:16screaming expletives
09:17are you talking about?
09:18This one?
09:18Over the next
09:19300 years.
09:21It's all boob.
09:22These stupid bastards.
09:23He was always
09:24a mean son of a bitch.
09:25He doesn't want
09:26to around
09:26with the United States.
09:28You dumb bastards.
09:29We don't need this boob.
09:30They don't know
09:31what the they're doing.
09:33Trump curses so much
09:34he sounds like
09:34me watching Trump.
09:37Actually,
09:38he sounds like
09:38my dad watching me
09:39play golf.
09:41Oh, come on.
09:42It's your third drop
09:43of the day,
09:43stupid son of a bitch.
09:45Doesn't know
09:45what the he's doing.
09:46Dad, I can hear you.
09:48It's so on the nose
09:49that Trump is literally
09:50flipping off
09:51blue-collar union workers,
09:52the same people
09:53he's been screwing over
09:54for a decade now.
09:55He's chipped away
09:55at the power of unions.
09:57He's overseen
09:58a decline in manufacturing jobs,
09:59taking health care
10:00and food assistance
10:01away from millions of people,
10:02and overall,
10:03made the gap
10:04between the richest
10:05and the poorest
10:05even wider.
10:06It's almost like
10:06he's trying to
10:07around with the United States.
10:09But don't worry.
10:10Trump's team has a plan
10:11to make everyone happy.
10:12Grocery prices may be rising,
10:14but the administration
10:15has run the numbers
10:16and landed on a list
10:17of inexpensive foods
10:19that all Americans
10:20can enjoy.
10:21Let's welcome back
10:22to the show now
10:22the Secretary of Agriculture.
10:23Brooke Rollins joins us
10:24from the North Lawn.
10:25It still costs people a lot
10:27to go to the grocery store.
10:29When is that going to change?
10:31Well, here's what I would say.
10:33The cost of groceries
10:34are actually coming down.
10:36We've run over
10:371,000 simulations.
10:38It can cost around $3 a meal
10:41for a piece of chicken,
10:43a piece of broccoli,
10:44you know, corn tortilla,
10:45and one other thing.
10:47Okay.
10:49First of all,
10:50that sounds like
10:50a delicious meal.
10:52I love to sit down
10:54for dinner with my family
10:54and dig into a healthy plate
10:56that consists of
10:56one piece of chicken,
10:57one piece of broccoli,
10:59one corn tortilla,
11:00and because we're
11:02rolling in it,
11:04one other thing.
11:07That list is so bad,
11:08I'm guessing the one other thing
11:09is a single French fry
11:10you have to wrestle away
11:11from a pigeon
11:12in a McDonald's parking lot.
11:13Give me that!
11:15Yeah, I'm making dinner
11:16for three bucks!
11:16I need one other thing!
11:21If I don't get this,
11:22the other thing's a rock!
11:24Seriously,
11:25one piece of chicken,
11:26one piece of broccoli,
11:26and one corn tortilla
11:27is your recommendation
11:28to Americans
11:29for what they should eat?
11:30That sounds like a meal
11:31aliens would bring to your cell
11:33after they abduct you.
11:34Please enjoy
11:35some of your earth foods.
11:38You will need your strength
11:39for the probing.
11:42Also, I have to go back to this.
11:44We've run over
11:45a thousand simulations.
11:46I'm sorry,
11:47you had to run
11:47over 1,000 simulations
11:49to add up the cost
11:51of three grocery items?
11:54Don't use the computer
11:55for that!
11:57That's not what
11:58the computer is for!
12:00Also, what do you mean
12:01it can cost $3,
12:02and how many
12:03of the simulations
12:03did it cost more?
12:05In one simulation,
12:07there was a corn virus
12:08and the chickens ate the corn
12:09and all the chickens died
12:11and it was like
12:12a million dollars.
12:15But you know what?
12:16Trump's a man of the people.
12:16I'm sure this is also
12:17what he eats, right?
12:18He threw another
12:19extravagant party
12:20at Mar-a-Lago
12:21for his celebrity friends
12:22and loyal supporters
12:24featuring opera performances,
12:26ice sculptures,
12:27and a lavish dinner.
12:29A Great Gatsby-themed party
12:30complete with dancers
12:32and champagne flowing.
12:33The champagne was flowing
12:35and the crab was piled high.
12:37He was in Mar-a-Lago
12:38golfing or hosting
12:40lavish parties
12:41with seafood towers
12:42and caviar and champagne.
12:46First of all,
12:46The Great Gatsby
12:47is only like 180 pages.
12:49How did none of these people
12:50make it to the ending?
12:53Second, seafood tower?
12:54I tried to make a tower
12:55with my chicken,
12:56broccoli, and tortilla.
12:58That fell right over.
13:00And yeah,
13:01I put the tortilla
13:01on the bottom.
13:02I knew to put
13:02the tortilla on the bottom.
13:06Can you imagine
13:07if Trump tried serving
13:08that to his rich friends?
13:09Everyone,
13:09if you look at your menus
13:10tonight, you'll see...
13:16In the style of Great Gatsby,
13:18the dinner is
13:18one piece of chicken,
13:19one piece of broccoli.
13:21One corn tortilla
13:22and I'm just with you.
13:23We put a champagne luge
13:25on top of a tower
13:26of crab legs.
13:28You should have seen
13:28your faces when I said
13:29dinner was a corn tortilla.
13:31I thought Jeff was
13:31going to kill himself,
13:32but he didn't.
13:35He didn't kill himself.
13:37He didn't kill...
13:37And when we release
13:38the files around 2037,
13:40you're going to see...
13:46He didn't kill...
13:47He didn't do it.
13:50But don't worry.
13:51If the corn tortilla
13:51doesn't sound appetizing to you,
13:53there is one more thing
13:55you can add to your meal now,
13:56thanks to President Trump.
13:57Milk.
13:58Whole milk will be back
13:59on the menu
13:59for millions of student lunches.
14:02At the White House,
14:03President Trump
14:03put his signature
14:04on the Whole Milk
14:06for Healthy Kids Act.
14:07So milk would help
14:08your cognitive ability?
14:10Absolutely.
14:11You can tell
14:11who's been...
14:12Take a cognitive test?
14:15I've taken a lot of them.
14:17I've aced every one of them
14:18because I drink milk.
14:20All right, first of all,
14:21there's no way you drink milk.
14:23Unless someone tricked you
14:24into thinking
14:25your Diet Coke
14:26came from a cow.
14:27This is actually milk.
14:28It just comes out
14:29of a different teat.
14:30It's like
14:30the soda fountain
14:32at a Taco Bell.
14:33Once for milk,
14:33once for Diet Coke,
14:34once for Mountain Dew.
14:43I just want to say now
14:44to everybody here and at home,
14:45I asked for that graphic
14:47and I...
14:49I own it.
14:50I own my mistake.
14:54But I think collectively,
14:55maybe we can all unsee it.
14:57No?
15:00Also, that was Ben Carson
15:01answering him.
15:02I know he's a doctor,
15:03but I wouldn't trust him
15:04when it comes to cognitive abilities.
15:06Do you guys remember this?
15:07We just saw Mr. Trump here.
15:08I asked him,
15:09how did it go?
15:09And he said, great.
15:10And he said,
15:10he learned a lot of things.
15:12What do you think
15:12he took away from today?
15:14My luggage.
15:16Hold on.
15:17Okay.
15:18Looks like Dr. Carson
15:19is going to try
15:20and find his luggage.
15:21Uh-oh.
15:22Looks like someone forgot
15:23to drink their milk today.
15:27I've forgotten
15:27so many insane things
15:28from the last 10 years,
15:29but I will never forget that clip.
15:30But you heard Trump.
15:31His brain is the way it is
15:33because he drinks milk.
15:34What's the condition
15:36of this milk anyway?
15:37We have some milk here.
15:39It's been sitting here
15:40for five days, so...
15:43It's from the original bottle.
15:45Oh, it all makes sense now.
15:47I drank this rotten milk
15:48and it made my brain do good.
15:51Also, what do you mean
15:52it came from the original bottle?
15:54Do you genuinely not know
15:56that milk comes from cows?
15:57Does he think it's like whiskey?
15:58This milk has been aged
16:00in the finest plastic.
16:02For 47, it comes from
16:03the milk region of France.
16:05That's, of course,
16:05spelled M-I-L-Q-U-E.
16:08So you know it's legit.
16:10And then,
16:10to prove his cognitive abilities,
16:13Trump made a very astute point
16:14about the term whole milk.
16:16So pay attention.
16:17Maybe you can use this
16:18next time you're at Bar Trivia.
16:19Schools will finally be able
16:21to expand their offerings
16:22to include nutritious whole milk.
16:25It's actually a legal definition,
16:27whole milk.
16:29And it's whole with a W
16:31for those of you
16:32that have a problem.
16:42I think I know what happened here.
16:44In the meeting,
16:45where they decided
16:45on this new milk policy,
16:47Trump asked his A's,
16:48which hole does the milk come from?
16:51And then they said,
16:52uh, excuse me?
16:55And he said,
16:56it's called whole milk.
16:57What hole does it come out of?
17:00And they said,
17:00sir, it's whole with a W.
17:02And now he's explaining it
17:03to all of us.
17:06Seriously,
17:07what the hell would it be
17:08if it didn't have the W in front?
17:10What is whole milk?
17:12Oh, is that,
17:13is that the one other thing?
17:19No one cares about any of this.
17:21People just want to be able
17:22to afford health care,
17:23housing, food,
17:23and want to not get harassed
17:25or assaulted by federal agents.
17:27Instead, Republicans are threatening
17:28that America can wage war
17:29anytime, anywhere,
17:31from Iran to Greenland
17:33to Venezuela.
17:34The United States
17:35has demonstrated
17:36to the people around the world
17:37that we can touch you
17:38anywhere at any time
17:39of our choosing.
17:40Yeah, I don't think
17:42that's how you wanted
17:42to say that.
17:44Anywhere, anytime,
17:45we can touch you
17:46and get your whole milk.
17:50Trump promised to improve
17:51people's lives
17:51and make things more affordable.
17:53Instead, he's threatening
17:53to annex Greenland,
17:55send the military
17:55into an American city.
17:56His poll numbers are low,
17:58so he's pulling stuff
17:59out of his ass,
17:59which, incidentally,
18:01is also where he gets his...
18:02Whole milk.
18:05This has been
18:05A Closer Look.
18:10We'll be right back
18:11with Keenan Thompson, everybody.
18:18For more of Seth's
18:19Closer Looks,
18:19be sure to subscribe
18:20to Late Night on YouTube.
18:30Our first guest tonight
18:31is an Emmy Award-winning comedian
18:33and the longest-serving cast member
18:35in the history
18:35of Saturday Night Live.
18:36SNL returns this week
18:38with host Finn Wolfhard
18:40and musical guest
18:40A$AP Rocky.
18:41His debut children's book,
18:43Unfunny Bunny,
18:44is in stores now.
18:45Please welcome back
18:45to the show one of the best,
18:46our very good friend,
18:47the legend,
18:48Keenan Thompson, everybody.
19:09Dear friend,
19:10how are you?
19:11I'm great, bud.
19:12How are you?
19:13How are y'all?
19:14Happy New Year!
19:17Congratulations.
19:18You wrote your first child's book.
19:20Look how cute.
19:21It's so cute.
19:22I love it.
19:23I love it.
19:23And you,
19:24so you dedicated it
19:25to George and Gianna.
19:26I sure did.
19:27Your daughters.
19:27My children.
19:28I wrote a children's book
19:29and dedicated it to my children.
19:30And so my question is,
19:32like, you know,
19:32have you read it to them
19:33and are they hard critics?
19:35Are they honest feedback givers?
19:37I let them read it on their own
19:39because they're very independent souls.
19:41You know,
19:41that's how this generation is.
19:43They're very independent
19:44and they loved it.
19:45Oh, great.
19:46Well done.
19:46They were very sweet about it.
19:48Yeah.
19:49Very proud.
19:50So this is about a bunny
19:51who wants to be funny at school.
19:53You know the feeling.
19:54Yep.
19:55Yeah.
19:57I wore that.
19:58Same.
19:59I told several jokes
20:00that did not land.
20:02But it's also a lovely story
20:03about collaboration
20:04because meets a hedgehog.
20:07100%.
20:07I mean, I guess my favorite example
20:09of that is, like,
20:09Sandler and Herlihy.
20:10Yeah.
20:11I don't know if you know this,
20:12but Sandler and Herlihy
20:13were roommates day one of college.
20:15Yeah.
20:16And then they wrote every movie
20:17that you know Adam Sandler
20:18has probably done
20:19in the last 20, 30 years.
20:20It's a collaborator.
20:21It's like finding a collaborator.
20:22I mean, you know,
20:23you think, like,
20:23Will Ferrell, Adam McKay.
20:25I think about you
20:26and Brian Tucker.
20:27Big time.
20:27Who you co-wrote the book with.
20:28That's right.
20:29Shout out to Brian Tucker.
20:30Thank you very much.
20:31So, I can't remember exactly
20:33what year Brian showed up.
20:35I feel like it's, like,
20:36about an 05, 06, right?
20:37Yeah, it was early on.
20:38And you guys immediately clicked.
20:40Like, he just found your voice
20:41in a way that, I mean, again,
20:43you'd been in a lot of sketches,
20:44but, like, you guys
20:44became a real team.
20:45Well, he speaks black language.
20:47Yeah.
20:47So, we communicate very well.
20:50Yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:50We communicate very well.
20:51And for anybody who's picturing him,
20:53you wouldn't know it
20:54from looking at him.
20:55At all.
20:55Yeah.
20:56No.
20:57He's the super opposite of me.
20:59But, you know,
20:59when I say black language,
21:00it's just a love of the culture.
21:02So, if anyone's seen Benson,
21:04you know we can talk.
21:06Yeah.
21:06You guys got that working for you.
21:08Yeah, yeah.
21:09We're on the same page.
21:10Yeah, like, for example,
21:11you guys...
21:11Anybody that knows Robert Guillaume?
21:15This is, by the way,
21:17so this is what year for you on SNL?
21:18This is the Jordan year, 23.
21:2023.
21:21All right.
21:25So, that means,
21:26we ran the numbers,
21:27which means, let's see,
21:28I want to make it.
21:28Five more seasons,
21:30you will have been on SNL
21:31more than half of the SNLs.
21:33That's Chris.
21:34Yeah.
21:35So, you're the longest-serving...
21:3628 and 56.
21:37And then they'll be 55.
21:39Yeah, 28, 56, exactly.
21:41Yeah.
21:41Interesting.
21:42That's fantastic.
21:43That's too much, I'd say.
21:44So, you were there for the 40th?
21:46You were there for the 50th?
21:47Yeah.
21:48I'll be there for the 60th, 70th.
21:49Yep.
21:51The 50th, you got to do...
21:52I mean, you got to do
21:53some stuff with legends.
21:54You did Black Jeopardy.
21:55Very special.
21:56I mean, so that's Chris Rock,
21:57Eddie, Leslie, Tracy.
22:01I mean, to be able to say
22:03that all of these people
22:03are my friends is one thing.
22:05You know, it's very, very special
22:07because it's not lost on me
22:08that they were my heroes
22:09before I met them.
22:10You know, like,
22:11Tracy Morgan,
22:12like, my original brother
22:13in the game,
22:14took us to Fridays,
22:15day one.
22:15So, that was nice.
22:17And then the legendary
22:18Eddie Murphy,
22:19who I never thought
22:20I'd ever be, you know,
22:21close to,
22:22let alone acting with,
22:23let alone acting in,
22:24you know, something
22:25that's one of our sketches
22:26kind of thing.
22:27And then Chris Rock out there
22:29and Leslie Jones is my dog.
22:30So, this moment right here,
22:33being in front of, like,
22:34the whole comedic industry,
22:36of course,
22:36and the rest of it.
22:37And we're all so happy
22:38to see it.
22:38Special, yeah.
22:39And then you also did
22:41our dear friend Colin Jones,
22:42right, Scared Straight,
22:43and that's how you...
22:44It's past it.
22:44Now that's you and Eddie
22:46and Will Ferrell as well.
22:47100%.
22:47And that was like,
22:48I was just watching that,
22:49and I'm like, oh, my God,
22:49this feels like, you know,
22:51like, I feel like I'm playing,
22:52like, Sim City,
22:53but for comedy,
22:54that I would, like,
22:54put these people together.
22:56Yes, yeah.
22:56I mean, shout out
22:57to Michael Shoemaker,
22:58number one,
22:59for putting me
22:59and Colin together.
23:00We were office mates
23:01for eight years.
23:02Yeah.
23:03And, yeah,
23:03Scared Straight came out of that.
23:05And I just love Eddie
23:06because this is sketch number two
23:08that the great Eddie Murphy
23:09is performing in.
23:10He could have easily
23:10just been in the audience
23:12chilling,
23:12but he wanted to get down.
23:13And then Will Ferrell
23:14comes in with the booty shorts.
23:18Will, no one has had
23:20more body positivity
23:21over his time.
23:22100%.
23:23He's out there.
23:24He was like,
23:24yep, I'm going to use it.
23:26I'm going to use it.
23:26It's a tool.
23:27It's another tool.
23:28Look how light
23:29and bright the thighs are.
23:31Yeah.
23:32Bright thighs.
23:33Those are bright thighs.
23:34Very hard to light.
23:35Yeah.
23:36All right, so real quick.
23:37Not all of your sketches
23:39over the years
23:40have been a hit.
23:41True.
23:42Yeah.
23:43We dug up
23:43some of our favorites
23:46that, you know,
23:47just did not work
23:47at the table,
23:48but we appreciate it.
23:49Well, the good news is
23:49they get cut.
23:50You did have a sketch,
23:51I will say,
23:52and we're going to talk
23:52about backstage.
23:53I feel like this one
23:53you could actually bring back
23:54because, right,
23:55not everything works,
23:56but Weez and Steven.
23:58Yes.
24:01Weez and Steven was like,
24:02is he supposed to be
24:03like James Brown?
24:04Yeah, it was like
24:04a James Brown guy.
24:05Yeah.
24:06I think it's like
24:06James Brown
24:07if he had asthma
24:08or something like that.
24:09So, like,
24:10we don't really know,
24:11like, how he got
24:12the career that he got.
24:13Yeah.
24:14Because he can't finish a song.
24:15Yeah.
24:16Yeah.
24:16It was a lot of the audience
24:17who's constantly fearing
24:18that he had had
24:18a full heart attack.
24:19Everybody's worried.
24:19Yeah.
24:20Yeah, yeah.
24:20So, wasn't it that,
24:21like, because James Brown
24:21would always do this,
24:22like, wonderful bit
24:23of theatrics
24:24where he was like,
24:24I can't go on,
24:25I can't go on.
24:26Yes, yes.
24:26You know, they put a cape on him.
24:27This is more like,
24:28don't worry, I'll be fine.
24:30It was the reverse,
24:31where he's like,
24:32you don't have to worry
24:32about me,
24:33but everybody's like,
24:33I'm not enjoying this.
24:34A lot of these,
24:35like, one second.
24:37Yeah.
24:39All right,
24:39we got a lot more to ask.
24:40You'll be right back
24:41with Keita Thompson
24:41after this.
25:01Welcome back, everybody.
25:02We're here
25:03with the great Keita Thompson.
25:04So, you've written
25:05a children's book.
25:06You've written a memoir.
25:07Yes.
25:08But you also,
25:09under a pen name,
25:11have a pretty robust career
25:13writing,
25:14hopefully I'm saying this right,
25:15I don't mean to,
25:16like, besmirch the genre.
25:17Would you say
25:18science fiction erotica?
25:20That's a,
25:22that's precisely accurate.
25:23Yeah.
25:23Yes, yes, absolutely.
25:25And you write,
25:25you write under the pen name,
25:27uh, uh...
25:28Pernice LeFunk.
25:30Yeah.
25:31And these books,
25:31you know,
25:32they fly off the shelves.
25:33Yeah,
25:34they got their own
25:35little fan base
25:35and he enjoys it.
25:37Yeah.
25:37It's one of those things
25:38that he grew up doing
25:39and, you know,
25:40I don't know,
25:40it's just nice to be able to.
25:40He's like an alter ego
25:41and like,
25:42for anybody who's surprised
25:42right now,
25:43the reason is,
25:44like, one,
25:44you kind of don't own up to it
25:46and two,
25:46when Pernice appears,
25:48when we're graced
25:48with his presence,
25:49he does not look
25:50exactly like you.
25:51Not at all.
25:52Completely different person
25:53that exists in the world
25:56that happens to be
25:57writing these things.
25:57I don't know why
25:58it's related to me.
25:59I know.
26:00I know you have a thing
26:01in your head
26:02that's very helpful.
26:02Well, let me just assist
26:04in what you're getting at.
26:05Would you like to see
26:06if Pernice is here tonight?
26:08I feel like he's backstage.
26:09Okay.
26:10I'll go look for him.
26:11Great.
26:12I'll go look for him.
26:13Go on with him.
26:14I'll go look for him.
26:16I'll go look for him.
26:22Our next guest
26:23is a gifted author.
26:24You know from his
26:25best-selling books,
26:26Quinsley's Nebula
26:28and Amazon Boobies on the Moon.
26:31He's back with
26:32a highly anticipated
26:33fourth,
26:33that's right,
26:34fourth volume
26:35from his thrilling
26:36Quark series
26:37of Space Erotica.
26:38Please welcome back
26:39to the show.
26:39Our friend,
26:40Pernice Lafonque.
26:59It is so lovely
27:01to see you again,
27:01Pernice.
27:02Oh, safely,
27:03it's been years.
27:04Good to see you
27:05as well.
27:06You know,
27:06I always regret
27:07that I don't ask you
27:08more about your writing
27:09process when you're here,
27:10Pernice.
27:11How do you go about it?
27:12Well,
27:13I think I start
27:14with what excites me.
27:15You know?
27:16Honestly.
27:17And I would just say
27:19it's a gift from God
27:22to enjoy
27:23Space Erotica.
27:25You know,
27:26it's always a pleasure
27:26to have you share
27:27an excerpt
27:28from your latest
27:30space erotica adventure.
27:31Do you mind
27:31if I read
27:32from my new
27:33latest book?
27:34I mean,
27:34it would be an honor.
27:35It's called
27:37The Legacy of Booty.
27:40Yes.
27:45Now,
27:46I don't take this
27:47as a criticism,
27:48but I do feel like
27:49the titles
27:49are getting worse.
27:54Chapter 69.
27:57One of my favorites.
27:58Yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:59Yes.
27:59I feel like
28:00you almost always
28:00read from Chapter 69.
28:02100.
28:03This one is called
28:04The Welcome Stowaway.
28:06Okay.
28:10Having narrowly
28:11escaped the clutches
28:13of the evil emperor
28:14Bootyus Maximus,
28:17Captain Val Teferens
28:18pumped the throttle
28:20of his not-so-trusty ship,
28:22the Milf-Linium Falcon.
28:26He desperately needed
28:27to refuel a risk
28:29being plunged
28:29into the vast crevice
28:30of Badoodoo.
28:34Needing to pick up the pace,
28:36he spanked the control
28:37perno.
28:39All of a sudden,
28:40ka-chonk!
28:42Ka-spritz!
28:43Green fluid sprayed
28:45all over the motherboard
28:46of the ship.
28:49Can I say what I love
28:51is you always make it seem
28:53like it's the first time
28:54you're reading it.
28:54Thank you very much.
28:56I'm very familiar
28:57with all of my writings.
28:58Yes.
29:00The makeshift repair
29:02to the fuel tank
29:04didn't take.
29:05Prematurely gushing propellant,
29:09soaking Val's face,
29:10making it nearly impossible
29:11to navigate
29:12the Milf-Linium Falcon.
29:14If toward the end,
29:17thank the star
29:17of Gis...
29:20The star of what,
29:22Pernice?
29:22Gisonicus.
29:23Gisonicus.
29:23Yes.
29:24The star of Gisonicus.
29:28That he was the only one
29:29aboard,
29:30for Val would surely
29:31meet his maker
29:32in the deep, dark crevice
29:33below.
29:34Wow.
29:37I mean,
29:38Pernice Lafon,
29:40Kenan Thompson,
29:41your friend Kenan
29:42also wrote a book.
29:43My friend,
29:44my dear friend.
29:45I heard he was good.
29:45Unfunny Bunny is in stores now.
29:47SNL returns with Finn Wolf
29:48are ASAP Rocky.
29:50We'll be right back
29:51with Carrie Coon.
30:12Our next guest is an Emmy
30:14and Tony-nominated actress
30:15you know from shows
30:16like The Leftovers,
30:17Fargo,
30:18The Gilded Age,
30:18and The White Lotus.
30:19She's starring in Bug,
30:21which is playing
30:21in Manhattan Theatre Club's
30:22Samuel J. Friedman Theatre
30:24on Broadway.
30:25Please welcome back
30:25to the show
30:25our friend Carrie Coon,
30:27everybody.
30:42Hi, how are you?
30:44Good, a little tired.
30:46I would imagine you're on
30:47Broadway, my friend.
30:48I'm on Broadway.
30:48You're on Broadway.
30:49Back on the Broadway,
30:50thank you.
30:51It's nice to be back.
30:52And you just opened.
30:53You got a New York Times
30:54Critics' Pick.
30:55Congratulations.
30:56I would imagine
30:56the lead-up to any opening
30:58night is stressful,
30:59but this one,
30:59I would imagine
31:00of all the ones you've had,
31:02was the most taxing.
31:03It was,
31:03because I have to,
31:04this is my chance
31:05to apologize publicly
31:06for canceled shows
31:08the day before,
31:09halfway through
31:10our Wednesday matinee,
31:11and then the Wednesday
31:11evening show,
31:12and it was my fault.
31:13Wow.
31:14It was my fault.
31:14And how many times
31:15in your acting career
31:16has this show been canceled
31:17because of you?
31:17I have missed one show.
31:19Okay.
31:19Gastrointestinal distress.
31:21You can't be naked
31:21with that.
31:22Yeah, you can't.
31:24And so we were doing
31:25the matinee,
31:26and there's a moment
31:27where I squirt fake blood
31:29into my nose,
31:29and as soon as the fake blood
31:30hit my throat,
31:31I started to cough,
31:32which, you know,
31:32it's not unusual.
31:33But then I realized
31:34that my throat was closing
31:35every 12 seconds.
31:36Who knew?
31:37Yeah, who knew?
31:38Namir Smallwood,
31:39a marvelous actor.
31:40He's very calm in his body,
31:42but his eyes are saying,
31:43what the heck is going on?
31:44And I could feel it coming,
31:46so I was trying to talk
31:47around it,
31:48but every now and then
31:48it would happen.
31:49And then my voice
31:49would go like this.
31:50And the audience
31:51couldn't really tell
31:52what was going on.
31:53So we finished the act,
31:54we go off stage,
31:55my director comes,
31:56he's like,
31:56are you okay?
31:57And I said,
31:57no, no, I'm not okay.
31:59And they sent his assistant
32:00to the pharmacy,
32:01they got me Afrin
32:02and Pepsid AC
32:03and Advil,
32:04and I just filled
32:05my body with things.
32:06Yeah, that's what
32:07they tell you to do.
32:08Yeah, just put all
32:08the things in.
32:09Go to CVS,
32:10get everything,
32:10eat it.
32:10Get everything you can buy,
32:11and then just take it
32:12all at once
32:12without reading the labels.
32:14So we did that,
32:14and then we kind of held
32:15to see if it would stop,
32:16and it didn't stop.
32:17Wow.
32:18It didn't stop.
32:19And so was this sort of
32:20like during the intermission,
32:21you were actually trying
32:21to like put it,
32:22and so then.
32:23And then they just decided
32:24to cancel the show,
32:25which again,
32:26it's never,
32:26it's awful.
32:27And I went into
32:28an otolaryngologist
32:30at 5 p.m.
32:31We kept her,
32:31she stayed in her office,
32:32and I got scoped,
32:33and my vocal cords
32:34were totally fine.
32:35But you could see
32:35my throat just like
32:36contracting.
32:37But they managed
32:38to treat it so that you,
32:39you did a show
32:39the next day?
32:40I mean,
32:41it happened all night long,
32:42and so the next day
32:43was our opening night,
32:446 p.m.
32:45and we didn't know
32:45if we were gonna,
32:46if the show was gonna go on
32:47because it was still happening.
32:48But I went back
32:49to her office
32:49and there was
32:50an acupuncturist.
32:51Wow.
32:52And he put needles
32:53in my ear.
32:54I don't know.
32:54And then I went
32:55and got a massage.
32:56Yeah.
32:56And then I went
32:56and gave a whole speech
32:57to the cast about like,
32:58this might happen,
32:59let's just pretend
33:00the character has this problem,
33:01this laryngeal spasm.
33:03Yeah.
33:03But it went away
33:04at like 5 o'clock.
33:05Wow.
33:06And my husband
33:06was terrified.
33:07Yeah.
33:08Because he's not only,
33:08it's his show,
33:09you know,
33:09he's the writer.
33:10Yeah, he wrote it,
33:10so he's worried
33:11about his opening night.
33:13But he's also worried
33:14about his wife.
33:15So that was very stressful
33:15for him.
33:16Yeah.
33:16Did he ever say like,
33:17just a reminder,
33:18this character doesn't
33:21have your ailment?
33:22Actually, in fact,
33:23he was one of the,
33:23he was the one
33:24who said the night before,
33:25when we were going
33:25down the Google rabbit hole
33:26thinking I had, you know,
33:27a neurological disorder,
33:30he said,
33:30he said, it's okay.
33:31He's like,
33:32maybe Agnes has this problem.
33:34Yeah.
33:34Because of her trauma
33:35in her life
33:36and we're just gonna embrace it.
33:38That was his way of saying,
33:38you can't miss opening night.
33:40Yeah, probably.
33:41But it was a great show
33:43and we had a lovely audience.
33:44Yes.
33:44The reviews have been great.
33:47Your husband, Tracy Letts,
33:49who's wonderful,
33:50who's been here before.
33:51You first knew of him
33:53as a playwright.
33:54Yeah, sort of.
33:54It was for August Osage County.
33:56Which is an incredible play.
33:57Which, I've never seen it.
33:59I've never seen it.
34:01I've read it.
34:02I was in Wisconsin
34:03doing Shakespeare, I think.
34:05Ooh, a Wisconsinite.
34:06American Players Theater,
34:07Spring Green, Wisconsin.
34:08Anybody?
34:09Yes.
34:10I was there for four years
34:11doing Shakespeare.
34:12They're gonna love that
34:12I mentioned them.
34:13And I heard about this play
34:16taking Chicago by storm
34:17and I was like,
34:17good for that lady
34:18from Oklahoma
34:19writing that amazing play.
34:20Oh, because his name is Tracy.
34:21I thought he was a girl
34:22like everybody does.
34:22Yeah.
34:23And now I'm married
34:24to that lady, so.
34:26Now, so this is a play
34:28he wrote in the late 90s.
34:29Mm-hmm.
34:30You've done it before.
34:31You did it about
34:31five or six years ago.
34:32Yeah.
34:33And I'm wondering, like,
34:35what is the process
34:36when he's the playwright
34:37and you're the star
34:39and you obviously are married?
34:40Is he good at giving notes?
34:42Is he good at receiving them?
34:43Yeah, you know,
34:44he doesn't get notes
34:45on a 30-year-old play.
34:46That stuff is published.
34:47Yeah, yeah.
34:47That's a movie with Mike Shannon.
34:48Like, that's all.
34:49Yeah.
34:49That's done.
34:50But he does sometimes
34:51come to rehearsals
34:51to tell us about, you know,
34:53what it's like to smoke crack,
34:54which is something
34:54I've never done.
34:55Yeah.
34:55And, um, but he has.
34:57And, um, and so it's good
34:59to have him around
34:59for that kind of fact-finding.
35:01But, you know,
35:01he has a good relationship
35:02with our director.
35:03Obviously, the director
35:04is the person giving notes.
35:05And not every Broadway director
35:06wants the writer
35:07in rehearsal.
35:07And most writers are dead.
35:09So he's our greatest
35:10living playwright.
35:11Yeah, yeah.
35:11And so when he, you know,
35:12but every now and then
35:13when Tracy's there,
35:14he'll, like, drop in.
35:15You know, he gave me, like,
35:16two really, really great notes
35:17during preview period.
35:18And we only had one week
35:19of rehearsal.
35:20Yeah.
35:20Because this was considered
35:21a remount,
35:22even though it was four years ago
35:23Oh, my God.
35:23How does he address you
35:24when he's giving you notes?
35:25Because it must be weird
35:26that, you know, obviously
35:27you're...
35:27Kerry Coon.
35:28Yes, sir?
35:29That's how we...
35:29He really uses your full name?
35:31He does, yeah.
35:32Wow.
35:32Yeah, it's kind of sweet.
35:33I mean, kind of a turn-on.
35:36Powerful.
35:36Yeah, very powerful.
35:37I'm a sucker for a powerful man.
35:38I'm going to start using
35:39my wife's first and last name.
35:40Try it.
35:41I'm going to try it.
35:42I'm going to try it.
35:42I got to try something.
35:43I got to try something.
35:44Well, you know, it's hard.
35:46Monogamy is hard, honey.
35:47I'm married a long time.
35:48She's going to be like,
35:49Alexia, she's going to be like,
35:50ugh, who told you?
35:51Am I in trouble?
35:52You mentioned rabbit holes
35:54and, like, going with your,
35:55like, medical issue.
35:57Yeah.
35:57This is a play about people
35:58going into rabbit holes.
35:59And so it feels like,
36:01it's amazing that it was written
36:02sort of in the mid to late 90s,
36:04and it feels so prescient.
36:05Today, you talked about it
36:06being a remount.
36:07How quickly did this play
36:08come back to you,
36:09having not done it for five years?
36:10We were, I was scared.
36:12You know, the second time,
36:13because we did it during the pandemic,
36:14and then the pandemic shut us down.
36:16So the audiences got quieter and quieter,
36:17and we were talking about, like,
36:18a, you know, the government
36:20implanting a virus or whatever.
36:21Yeah, weird timing.
36:23Yeah, weird timing.
36:23We brought it back
36:24to reopen the theater
36:25after the pandemic,
36:26and it was the rise of QAnon.
36:28Yeah, yeah, yeah.
36:28And then the conspiracy thinking
36:29was really kind of the focus of it.
36:32And now, you know,
36:33I was, I thought it was,
36:34I was 13 weeks postpartum
36:36the second time we did it,
36:37so I don't remember any of it.
36:38I thought, there's no way
36:39it's still in there.
36:39But, you know, we got in
36:41and did a workshop,
36:41and it was really,
36:42it's surprising what your body remembers.
36:44Yeah.
36:44And then it just goes
36:44another layer deeper.
36:46And then you have the privilege
36:47of doing it in front
36:48of the audience now,
36:48and when it's a good play,
36:50you know, the play stays the same
36:51and the audience changes.
36:52And so I think
36:53what the audience responds to now
36:55is a line like,
36:56we'll never really be safe again.
37:00Really, I, like I said,
37:01I'm really fun at parties.
37:04And there's a whole thing
37:05about the machines, you know,
37:06like how the machines,
37:07people are working their machines,
37:08and everyone thinks
37:08Tracy changed the lines.
37:10Yeah.
37:10And he didn't.
37:10That's unbelievable.
37:11This stuff was all on the internet.
37:13You know, this was just the beginning.
37:14Tracy realized when he wrote the play,
37:16it's his most well-researched play,
37:18that the internet was going to be a source
37:19of this kind of conspiracy thinking.
37:21These are things he found there.
37:23I'm so bummed he was right.
37:24I know.
37:24Isn't that sad?
37:25It's a bummer when you're like,
37:26when a smart person has an idea
37:28of what the future is,
37:29and you're like,
37:29oh no, I wish you were dumber.
37:31I know.
37:31It is depressing.
37:332012 was your Broadway debut.
37:35Who's the grade of Virginia Woolf.
37:37What was your,
37:38what was your first reaction
37:39to like being in a Broadway theater?
37:41Well, it's every actor's dream,
37:43every theater actor dreams
37:44of being on Broadway.
37:45And then you get there
37:46and you realize just how
37:47the dressing rooms are.
37:49And then you realize
37:50you're just doing a play.
37:51You know, in the best way.
37:52You realize that you do know
37:53how to do it.
37:54And then nothing has changed.
37:55The rhythm of it is the same.
37:57You know what the job is.
37:58That's not why the bathrooms are
37:59but it is helpful.
38:00Yeah.
38:01They're old buildings.
38:01That it like keeps you grounded
38:02and reminds you to like.
38:03It's just like doing storefront theater
38:05when I literally,
38:06I remember seeing like a rat,
38:07you know,
38:08like dragging my sweater
38:09across the bathroom floor.
38:10Like, oh, well, I guess,
38:11towards you as a favor
38:13or away from you.
38:14Yeah, yeah, yeah.
38:15That's a bummer.
38:15But they're just completely
38:15unfazed by human beings.
38:17Yeah.
38:18Did you, I mean,
38:18Broadway must have changed
38:19a great deal
38:20even though 2012
38:21doesn't feel that long ago.
38:22But it does feel like,
38:23like all media,
38:25it's just shifting so quickly.
38:26Yes, I mean,
38:26the economics have changed.
38:28We live in a country
38:29that doesn't have
38:29a lot of government support
38:30for the arts.
38:31I don't know if you noticed that.
38:32Yeah.
38:33So everyone's fighting
38:34for the same dollar.
38:35So any more, you know,
38:36producers in theaters,
38:37they have to consider the,
38:38you know,
38:39the curating,
38:39the sort of popularity
38:40of the people they put in a play.
38:42I think if we were doing
38:43Virginia Woolf now
38:44with the same cast,
38:45there's no way
38:45it would come to Broadway.
38:46And that, I mean,
38:47that play changed my life.
38:48So as an actor
38:49coming up in that community,
38:51it's sad to feel like
38:52that dream is not accessible
38:55to us anymore, you know?
38:56But that's just the economics
38:58of making art in the country
38:59where there isn't support
39:00for the arts.
39:00It's very hard.
39:01Well, it would be lovely
39:01if one of the futures,
39:03maybe ask Tracy
39:04to imagine this future
39:05and have it come to pass
39:06that maybe there's one day
39:07where the government
39:08will support artists
39:09the way it's supposed to be.
39:09It would be lovely.
39:10We can hope.
39:11We can hope.
39:11Let's hope.
39:12Yeah.
39:13It's so lovely
39:13to see you again.
39:14You guys, this is Carrie Coon.
39:16Bungus playing
39:17in Manhattan Theatre Club,
39:18Samuel J. Friedman Theatre
39:19on Broadway.
39:19We'll be right back, everybody.
39:35Come join the audience at Late Night Live
39:37in Studio 8G.
39:38For tickets, head over to
39:39LateNightSethTickets.com.
39:41Follow us at Late Night Seth
39:43on all social media platforms.
39:45Subscribe to Late Night Seth
39:46on YouTube.
39:47Find us online
39:48at LateNightSeth.com
39:49and subscribe to the Late Night Podcast
39:52featuring a closer look, guest interviews
39:54and more. Available wherever you listen
39:56to podcasts.
40:05I want to thank my guests
40:06Kenan Thompson and Carrie Coon
40:08everybody. Check out all the corrections
40:09that we've seen now. Thanks for watching. I love you everybody.
40:26I love you.
40:50I love you.
Comments