- 2 hours ago
The Bear Gary
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TVTranscript
00:05I don't know.
00:46you look good yeah i am proud of you i'm proud of you i love you i love you so
00:54much
01:07oh my god let's fucking go yeah do this okay you better be home by 5 15.
01:19no problemo babe
01:25yo stop stop you're gonna wake up the whole fucking neighborhood be fucking on time
01:29shit i forgot yeah i'm sorry yeah yeah give me a sec
01:33fucking oh yeah there it is there it is you get in the fucking coming to go in that car
01:43get in the
01:43fucking car get in the car let's go there's just nothing allowed yet all right just why are you
01:54slamming that fool why do you have to just just fucking shut it slam it don't say you didn't when
01:59you did michael i did this you guys show me again yeah i hated that how terrible is that fucking
02:11filth got it from fucking gogos it's pretty good what is it hazelnut you know they're debit only now
02:17what if you don't have a debit card right then you're fucked if you don't have a debit card you
02:20got the debit card you got to pay a fucking fee it's like they fuck you in the ass either
02:23way
02:23yeah because if they do the credit card then they got to pay a percentage of the credit card i
02:28understand but why fuck the customer it's just for no reason
02:34gotta tell you my it's kind of like a little bit of a glass half half empty kind of
02:39energy you're working with for this mission double oh fucking suck my dick what do you mean a mission
02:42yo we're fucking transporting some goods across state lines i'm taking a fucking tape box to gary
02:47indiana gary fucking indiana that's where we're going what's in the box
02:51i don't know what's in the fucking box it's taped i just said it's taped you can tell me
02:58all right fair enough i don't need to know you're a fucking donkey that's what you fucking are
03:02that's what you are fucking all you don't even know what you're fucking taking you're just
03:05fucking moving donkey fucking packing old donkey i am a donkey you ever see what a donkey's packing
03:10downstairs you ever see that donkey downstairs
03:18what's happening stay here is that jimmy mike
04:00what are you doing good didn't i say stay in the car what man i said stay in the car
04:05why can't you
04:06just stay in the fucking car you didn't say stay in the car you didn't hear me say stay in
04:09the car
04:09you didn't say it's fucking i didn't hear you say it because you didn't say it's too much rich
04:14fucking dog huh i'm not a fucking dog you can't fucking tell me where to go and when to do
04:19it
04:21yo look what i made last night
04:26you made a fucking did you make that yeah i made this tunes for gary come on baby let's do
04:33this
04:35oh oh oh oh oh oh i am gradual with the volume just turn it off this is gradual with
04:43the volume
04:43that's exactly what i did i swear to god stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop
04:47it pull this
04:47fucking car over and fucking leave you here you understand this is not this is this is not gradual
04:53like that that's not what i did i know how to i respect the fucking car
05:00now i want you to respect the fucking music
05:25good gracious
05:30yeah there he is there he is there he is there he is don't fucking touch me stop stop
05:38want to hear some fun facts about gary
05:42guess the population
05:4570 000
05:47uh it is a rust belt city
05:50it was once known as magic city
05:53it was once also known as the city of the century
05:55city of the century 54 female for those of us in the car that are you know not married that
06:01might be
06:01uh
06:02pretty fun fact
06:05obviously john cougar melancamp michael jackson fucking orangutan michael jackson's from gary the old jackson five for that night could
06:11have fucking said tito before fucking john cougar melancamp
06:13all right oh shit coney king does a piece of puff
06:16what coney king does a piece of puff i thought that was just a chicago thing
06:23you're trying to tell me you're not at all excited about traveling more traveling
06:26yeah you're not just tired of the same old same old this is what i'm talking about michael
06:31this is a fucking mission jimmy's entrusting us with some more responsibility we got the
06:34fucking open road ahead of us you know there's a lot of you know positive things about this day
06:40responsibility huh yeah yeah feeling respected
06:44yeah yeah
06:46i think the time you'll come to find that this is a maybe a potentially transformative day
06:52we're on a great day bop down to gary
06:55little bada bing bada boom
06:57bop bap bop here we're fucking home by 5 15
07:00the latest
07:015 15 why 5 15
07:02it's just the thing with tiff that she's got superstition about
07:05superstition about what
07:06her mom went into labor at 5 15 and she got it in her head that she's gonna
07:10you know the same thing's gonna happen to her
07:12it's the stupidest fucking thing i ever heard in my life
07:14i can't
07:14why would the same thing
07:15i know literally how many minutes are in a fucking day
07:17there's like thousands of fucking minutes in a day
07:19why would it happen
07:20i'm not saying that this makes any kind of sense
07:22so we need to be back by 5 15 because her fucking mother spit her out
07:25it's a non it's a non-issue
07:26it's a non-issue
07:27it's a non it is a fucking issue if you're saying we got to be back by 5 15
07:31we'll be back by 5 15
07:32that's why i'm saying it's a non-issue
07:37you'd rather be fucking serving beefs all day
07:41fucking open road
07:45where's my candy city baby
07:47and i love candy city wine
07:53well i might take the train
07:55i might take the plane
07:57but if i have to walk
07:59i'm going to the same
08:01going to
08:02kansas city
08:04kansas city
08:06here i come
08:09they got some crazy little women there
08:13and i'm gonna
08:14give me one
08:15welcome to indiana
08:17you're a fucking world traveler
08:19rich congratulations
08:20let's go
08:21yeah you feel different
08:36city of magic
08:38city of the century
08:41you think this happened overnight
08:43oh yeah i just flipped a switch
08:44and everything just went
08:46up the switch
08:51definitely doesn't feel like chicago
08:59it's fucking 35 minutes away
09:01i don't know what to say
09:04she'll change
09:06quick
09:08they got some crazy little women there
09:11and i'm gonna
09:12give me one
09:16they got some crazy little women there
09:27gotcha
09:29good
09:43hey hi hun
09:44hey
09:45how you feeling
09:47uh
09:48i'm
09:48you know
09:49i think i'm good
09:51what do you mean
09:52i don't know
09:53i'm not sure how to describe it
09:55it's just like
09:55it's like
09:56what
09:57it's like
09:57i feel like i have to shit really bad
09:59but i don't know
10:00i can't tell if this is what the doctor said to look out for
10:03okay
10:03like
10:06contraction
10:06you think it's like
10:08like braxton hicks
10:09uh yeah probably
10:10but you know i'll be okay
10:11it's not close to 5 15 yet so
10:13yeah
10:14yeah don't worry
10:15i'm okay
10:16okay
10:16did you do the drop off
10:17uh almost
10:19uh-huh
10:19well i'm proud of you
10:20i'm really proud of you
10:21how's the drive
10:22are you having fun
10:23yeah
10:23yeah we're having a good time
10:26and how about mikey
10:27is he okay
10:28yeah
10:29he's good
10:29okay that's great
10:30but don't smoke any cigarettes though honey
10:32promise me
10:32right
10:32okay
10:33listen i'm gonna call you back okay
10:34just try me if you need anything
10:36okay i love you
10:37okay i love you so much
10:39what's up what do you say
10:41he said he let us know in a few hours
10:44let us know
10:47what's it for
10:48like three four
10:49richie i didn't say it
10:50he said
10:53he had hours to kill and gary
10:55you still feeling respected
10:57fuck it
10:58it's just
10:59i don't know
10:59let's get something to eat
11:00i see that
11:03it's michael jackson's house
11:05huh
11:06yeah
11:08shimmy
11:18lock the door
11:20reach in there
11:24what are you doing
11:25teddy pendergrass
11:26yes
11:27we are
11:28oh a little tp
11:29yes i love
11:30romantic
11:30romantic hot dog place
11:32you got here
11:33oh
11:35oh
11:35listen to the old school music
11:37yeah
11:38i'm right there with you
11:39yeah
11:40and you know what they're saying
11:41yeah
11:44hi
11:44welcome to thomany king
11:46appreciate you
11:46yo mike this is alicia
11:47how are you
11:48nice to meet you
11:48mike
11:49how are you
11:50i'll be your server
11:51just let me know
11:51if you need anything
11:52appreciate it
11:53why don't you eliminate
11:56welcome
11:59you're missing out
12:00you're missing out
12:01huh
12:01yeah
12:01yeah
12:02how long you worked here
12:04i've been working here five years
12:05five years
12:06yeah
12:07that's business pretty good
12:08it's great
12:09i love it
12:10you love it
12:10what do you love about it
12:11i like working with people
12:13for public
12:13that's the answer right there
12:15michael hates people
12:16oh man
12:18believe what he says
12:19i don't like crowds
12:20i don't hate people
12:21but i just don't like crowds
12:23you cook at home
12:25you like the truth
12:25yeah only the truth
12:27no
12:28when i leave here
12:29i don't want to go stand
12:30in front of a stove
12:31that's it huh
12:32y'all cook at home
12:34a little bit
12:35sometimes i write out
12:36some pots and pans
12:37but i don't know
12:37not too much
12:38i don't really cook
12:38at the restaurant though
12:39so
12:39what kind of restaurant
12:40similar to this
12:42okay
12:42similar to this family spot
12:43i do some cooking
12:45from time to time
12:45yeah
12:46what do you do
12:47what do i do
12:47at the restaurant
12:49yeah
12:49yeah what do you do
12:51uh
12:51i guess i'm like
12:53i don't know
12:53i don't know
12:53how you say it
12:54like kind of a bit
12:54of a song and dance
12:55man
12:57i don't know
12:57public relations
12:58forward facing
12:59you know
13:08cousin what do you think
13:09of the name
13:09annie
13:15throw some names
13:16jimmy you like
13:20jimmy
13:23call me crazy
13:23but i actually like
13:24the name alfia
13:26alfia
13:27alfia
13:27alfia sounds like
13:29the name of like
13:29somebody that's getting
13:30their ass kicked off
13:31nah
13:31i'll see you
13:32i'll see you
13:36sounds like a nerd
13:37man
13:38i'll see you
13:39i'll see you
13:42i'll see you later
13:46i'll see you around noon
13:47i'll see you
13:49i'll see you when i get back
13:50from uh
13:52from social studies
13:54i'll see you for dinner
13:58i'll see you when i do
13:59i met this uh
14:15eva
14:16that i liked once
14:18eva
14:34oh look at these little
14:35fuckers
14:36oh these little fuckers
14:38are about to get it
14:39what's up girls
14:40oh we're gonna fucking
14:41okay
14:43yeah sure
14:44all right you little fuckers
14:47ready to get some
14:48that's my second favorite
14:49sport right here
14:52hey we got nicks
14:55hey what's the score
14:56of that game right there
14:57well you guys hooping
14:59you're picking daisies
15:00let me and my boy
15:01get one of you
15:01we run threes
15:03which one
15:03all right come on
15:04daffodil
15:05you ready to win
15:06yeah
15:06come here young buck
15:07what's going on
15:08i'm mikey
15:09what's up buddy
15:10how are you
15:10oh we gonna have balls
15:11like that
15:12y'all want five points
15:13what's up mikey
15:14what's up
15:14all right let's run
15:15i don't even need
15:16to warm up
15:17come on rich
15:18let's go
15:19oh shit
15:20it's time for a little
15:21silken suede
15:22oh shit
15:23y'all about to get
15:23so y'all want ross
15:24you sure you don't need
15:25to stretch
15:25i'm about to stretch
15:26you boy
15:27hold on let's wait for him
15:28you ready
15:28yeah
15:29hey good luck youngsters
15:37i'm sorry where were you
15:38all right play play play
15:40i got bigs go out there
15:41stay with him
15:42stay in front
15:42oh okay
15:44oh
15:45that's gonna hurt
15:46let's go
15:47yeah
15:47it's man game
15:48now
15:49it's different
15:50let's go
15:52you know it's the
15:53it's the orange circle
15:54right
15:54it's the orange
15:55you want to try to get
15:56it in that orange circle
15:58everyone's afraid of contact
16:00out here
16:00go to the basket
16:01that ain't happening
16:02don't be afraid
16:03come on
16:06good for you
16:08every dog has his day
16:09all right
16:09bring it down there again
16:11it's because i'm covering
16:11three guys rich
16:12let's go
16:13play ball
16:19it's every time
16:20he's beating
16:21he's beating in the back
16:22fucking door
16:22yo
16:23keep the fucking door shut
16:24do not let him
16:25do not let him get behind you
16:26it's this
16:27motherfucker
16:28all right let's go
16:29nice play
16:30oh where you going
16:32yeah
16:33that's what i'm talking about
16:34hey you got it
16:35it's one
16:35that's one
16:35let's go
16:36hey come on
16:38yep
16:39hit one
16:39that's a good shot
16:42boy bank's fucking open
16:43all day long
16:44hey hey
16:45hey
16:46it's a shot that fucking
16:47counts right
16:48let's go play defense
16:49hot shot
16:52let's go
16:55you all right
16:58let's go
16:59play ball
16:59check up
17:00check up
17:01he's crying
17:01i tell you what
17:03they breed him soft
17:04out here in indiana
17:04huh
17:05it ain't the 80s
17:07it ain't the 80s
17:08it ain't the 80s
17:09let's go
17:10did you change your diaper
17:11before the game
17:12like do you
17:13or do you just play
17:13what do you got
17:14a swimmer on
17:14you play with a swimmer on
17:17let's go
17:17next basket wins
17:18no
17:19set a boat
17:20yes sir
17:20yes sir
17:23yes baby
17:24let's fucking go
17:25you see that screen
17:26yeah
17:26i'm a fucking lion
17:27i love it
17:28i love you boy
17:29all day
17:30hey good shit
17:31good shit youngsters
17:32good shit
17:32look at that
17:33look at what he's doing
17:35hey young buck
17:35you're not so bad
17:36you just miss a back
17:37how do you miss a back door there
17:39you see in the back of his head
17:40you gotta cut to the back
17:41and you're not passing the
17:42exactly
17:42and that's what i've been trying to tell you
17:43you guys are fucking garbage
17:44the indiana guys are fucking garbage
17:46hey shut your old bitch ass up
17:49oh
17:49you're negative
17:51you're negative
17:52you know what actually
17:53don't get
17:53no no no no no no no no
17:55it's all right
17:56let him play
17:56let him play
17:57let him play
17:57we love you
17:58we love you
17:58yo your fucking nikes
17:59look like fucking moccasins
18:07fellas let's be real
18:09Gary indiana
18:18hey you got tall boys
18:20no tall boys
18:22just regular boys
18:23like you
18:25what do we got here
18:29hey yo yo yo
18:30why you creeping
18:35go on get me some of that OE
18:36I'm gonna focus some of that
18:40drink your beer and get out
18:41okay okay
18:42don't drink beer in store
18:43yo
18:44I feel sorry for your mother
18:46no
18:47what you say about my mama
18:50sorry about my friend
18:53two please
18:56let me get a scratch card
18:59crescent kick is a defensive maneuver
19:01that's just you know
19:02clearing space
19:03just to fucking
19:04snap kick is for speed
19:07don't even see that fucker coming
19:09but then if you need power
19:10then you know
19:11it's just fucking psychic
19:12bah
19:12all day
19:13break a fucker's knee right
19:14bah
19:15let's help that shit
19:17want me to tell you what the move is though
19:18yeah
19:18look dude
19:19I don't want to fight you at all
19:20I'm just going home
19:21that's it
19:21fucking back kick
19:24right
19:25back kick
19:25I was getting there
19:26power's out
19:27ding dong motherfucker
19:29oh be careful there
19:32be careful
19:32don't get it on the list
19:33hey I'm so sorry about
19:35and it's like so many
19:37it's like a fucking mule
19:37like think about a mule
19:38like that
19:39it's these big
19:40you're actually generating force
19:41with like the big fucking muscles
19:44you know what I'm saying
19:44yeah
19:45it's because you're already
19:46going this direction
19:47then you come in that direction
19:48yeah
19:48just even like the sight of it
19:50you know what I mean
19:50yeah
19:51fuck yeah
20:02why are we starving
20:06Christmas cousin
20:11woohoo
20:38yes sir
20:40oh yes sir
20:41you're fucking unbelievable
20:44yeah
20:47you got fucking magic powers
20:54dawg
20:56if you think you'll start to poppin'
20:58and your feet start to movein' around
21:00and if you start to swing a swing
21:03and a band start to play
21:04a real cool and way out sound
21:07almost
21:08just
21:09oh
21:09oh
21:10oh
21:10oh
21:10oh
21:12oh
21:12oh
21:12oh
21:13oh
21:13oh
21:13oh
21:13oh
21:14Move around, need a shot of riddle and blue.
21:18With just a little rock and roll on the side.
21:21Just for a good measure.
21:22Ah! Ah!
21:23Food button!
21:24Food button!
21:25When you're never by your side,
21:27then you know you're gonna have a lot of pleasure.
21:30Don't you worry about a thing.
21:31Stop the dancing thing until I come up on you.
21:35Yo.
21:36And when that rhythm finally hits you at the beat that you do.
21:40You see that sign?
21:41Huh?
21:42Cousin, you see that sign right over there?
21:44Yeah.
21:49I think...
21:51Did you see it before?
21:53What are you talking about?
21:54I'm saying there is no way.
21:58The two of us are sitting here for over an hour
22:01and neither of us have seen that fucking sign right there.
22:06Yeah, Rich, it's a fucking sign.
22:09I think that bar just appeared.
22:10What the fuck?
22:11Yo, for real?
22:12Shut the fuck up.
22:13For real though?
22:14I think that bar just fucking appeared.
22:16Michael.
22:17Okay, the bar just fucking appeared, Rich.
22:19You don't think that's crazy?
22:20I don't.
22:21It's a fucking bar.
22:23It's a sign.
22:26It's a sign.
22:27It's a sign.
22:27It's a sign.
22:28That sign is a sign.
22:31That sign is a sign.
22:33We're going in there.
22:36Are you fucking retarded?
22:37Are you fucking...
22:38We can't do it.
23:05All right.
23:09What are you doing?
23:10Hey, Richie, get in the fucking car.
23:12Rich.
23:13Sir, can you please step out of the vehicle?
23:16Sir, please.
23:16I'm not going to ask you again.
23:17Please step out of the vehicle.
23:19License and registrate.
23:20Okay, that's it.
23:21Put your vagina where I can see it!
23:23Put your vagina right where I can see it!
23:26There's fucking houses.
23:27Stop.
23:27Yo.
23:28Yo, come on.
23:29Wait, come on.
23:29We're not going.
23:30Yo, come on.
23:31Let's just go.
23:31I'm not doing that fucking bar.
23:33No, no.
23:33Just a little shot of rhythm and blues, and we come back.
23:35No, we're not doing it.
23:36No, no.
23:36You're fucking here.
23:37Are you fucking crazy?
23:38You fucking do a shot of fucking cocaine?
23:40You think you can fight a fucking tiger?
23:42Come on.
23:43Stop.
23:44It's fucking terrible.
23:45What's terrible?
23:46I'm like genuinely inspired here, and you're just shitting all over my fucking dreams.
23:51It's terrible.
23:52I hope you feel good about yourself right now.
23:55Are you pressuring me?
23:56Come on.
23:58All right, fuck you.
24:00I'm going in.
24:01You're going in?
24:02I'm going in.
24:04Oh, shit.
24:06Yo.
24:07I'm good?
24:08How do I look?
24:09You look like a fucking barbarian, dude.
24:11You look like my father.
24:13All right, I'm going in.
24:14Yo.
24:16Punk, if you need me.
24:18Yeah!
24:21You'll fucking see.
24:23You'll fucking see.
24:26You'll fucking see.
24:27You're going to remember this fucking day.
24:42That's a fucking sign!
24:58I'm good.
24:58You're fine.
25:03I'm all fine.
25:04I'm no-
25:19You're fine.
25:23I'm here.
25:24You're fine.
25:24Okay.
25:24I can't believe it.
25:27See you.
25:27I'm very happy.
25:28So I start my mission, leave my residence
25:31Thinking how I coulda get some dead presents
25:33I need money
25:34I used to be a stick-up kid
25:36So I think of all the devious things I did
25:38I used to roll up, this is a hole up
25:40Ain't nothing funny, stop smiling
25:41Still don't nothing move but the money
25:43But now I've learned to earn cause I'm righteous
25:46I feel great, so maybe I might
25:48Just search for a nine to five
25:50Hey. Hey.
25:53You Mike?
25:56Yeah.
25:59Is it true?
26:01What's that?
26:03You're one of the goalies for the Blackhawks?
26:06Uh
26:09Yeah?
26:10E-bug?
26:13That's right
26:16When is that? What's an e-bug?
26:19It's an emergency backup goalie
26:22Yeah
26:24I like never play but
26:26Yeah, I'm with the squad
26:28That's cool
26:30Yeah, your buddy told us about you
26:36Yeah, I bet he did
26:37Yeah, I bet he did
26:39He also said, um, tell you to put your big boy pants on
26:43And join us in the bar
26:48Sounds about right
26:50Oh boy
26:51I'm just a messenger
26:52I got it, okay
26:53It's pretty fun though
26:54I think you'll like it
26:55Okay, okay
27:14Okay, okay, okay, okay
27:15Okay, okay, okay
27:27I'm gonna lift on the door of the house
27:28And convince him to let me just come inside for a little bit
27:32That's a fact
27:33That's a fact
27:44That's a fact
27:57Um, my senior year
27:59Uh, I was doing pretty well in school
28:02But with fucking maths
28:03I'm with my fucking lambium, you know
28:05So
28:06And look who the cat dragon
28:07Hey everybody
28:08Yo, you see this
28:09Fucking great
28:13Um
28:14So my grandma, she gave me an ultimatum
28:16She was like
28:17You gotta get a math tutor
28:19And so she told me about this lady
28:22Rock Solano
28:22Who sang in her church choir
28:24Who
28:24She was like
28:25Uh
28:26A math professor
28:27For Cooks County Community
28:30And I was like
28:31No fucking way grandma
28:32I don't wanna fucking do this
28:33I don't wanna do the math tutor
28:34With some fucking 90 year old
28:35Like, you know
28:36Fucking babushka
28:37Like, yeah
28:38You know what I'm saying
28:39Like
28:40So
28:41But she was like
28:41Listen, you gotta do it
28:42Or you gotta move out
28:43So
28:43Come Thursday
28:457.30
28:45I'm at this dude's house
28:47Right
28:48Eating his fucking mom's golden lasagne
28:50You know
28:50Okay
28:51And I realized like
28:52I gotta be at uh
28:54At Rock Solano's
28:55This Tudor's
28:56You know
28:57In like five minutes
28:57So I fucking down my cranberry juice
28:59And I fucking sprint over there
29:01Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
29:02Knock on the door
29:04And this fucking woman that opens the door
29:06I swear to god
29:07Like straight out of
29:08Sports Illustrated
29:10Fucking swimsuit issue
29:12This is the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen
29:14All right
29:15Up to this point
29:16Jet black hair
29:17Okay
29:17Long all the way down
29:19Just kissing kind of the top of her butt
29:20You know
29:21And we get in
29:22What?
29:23What?
29:23What?
29:24What?
29:24What?
29:25You guys willing to factor fix me in or you wanna hear more of the story?
29:29You wanna hear the story?
29:30Yeah you wanna hear the story?
29:31Okay
29:31Alright
29:32So we get in there
29:34We're talking math
29:35And all of a sudden
29:37And all of a sudden
29:37I feel my entire insides
29:39Just turn to liquid
29:41And I gotta take a shit
29:43Like bad
29:44But I know that she got one little bathroom right there
29:47This tiny thing
29:48And I know if I go in there
29:49She's gonna hear everything you know
29:51And I'm just like
29:53On the outside
29:54I'm cool as a cucumber
29:56You know we're talking math
29:57And on the inside
29:58I'm just like
29:59Come on asshole
30:00Don't you fucking fail me now baby
30:02And somehow
30:03By the grace of God
30:06I make it through
30:07This fucking tutor session
30:09Right?
30:09That's not helpful
30:11So I
30:12Roxanne, a pleasure to meet you
30:14I'll see you next Thursday
30:15You know
30:15Bah bah bah
30:15I get outside
30:17And I'm like
30:17Yes!
30:18I'm gonna fucking make it
30:19I start to walk
30:20Quickly back up
30:21Back down
30:21And it just comes out
30:23That's it
30:24And it's just like
30:26That's what's hap
30:26That's what is happening
30:28And I'm just
30:29I start to pull my drawers down
30:31My pants down
30:32I look like
30:33One of those um
30:33Photographs of the guys
30:35That just discovered oil
30:36You know
30:36Like stuff is gurgling
30:38I can't tell what's coming up
30:39And it's just like
30:40Some mud
30:42And shit
30:43And everywhere
30:43And
30:45And it's
30:46Like
30:46I have this incredible feeling
30:48Of relief
30:48Right?
30:49Until
30:50I see her little porch light come on
30:52And time slows down
30:54And I see her doorknob turn
30:56No
30:56And open
30:57And I look at her
30:58And she looks at me
31:00Very quickly
31:00And then she quickly looks away
31:02And
31:02And I just fucking
31:05Take off
31:06Through the hedges
31:07And I'm just fucking running
31:09I'm just heading right back
31:10To Michael's house
31:11And I'm covered with brambles
31:12And my balls are slapping
31:14On either side
31:15And I just got like
31:16A trail
31:16Behind me
31:17And I just can't stop laughing
31:19And I'm crying with laughter
31:21Cause I know
31:22In six blocks
31:22Now fucking Milwaukee
31:23I'm gonna be at this dude's house
31:24And I'm gonna tell him this story
31:26And this motherfucker
31:27Is gonna love it
31:29Factor Fiction
31:34Sadly
31:34Sadly
31:35It is a fact
31:36Sadly
31:37It is a fucking
31:39Factor Fiction
31:40I know you
31:43I know you
31:44I'm right
31:44I'm right
31:44This is what's on me
31:46I subject you guys to
31:47Alright
31:48Hold on
31:49I'll be right back
31:49I'll be right back
32:00You know I know, right?
32:02Yes, sir
32:04Huh
32:08You know I know
32:09but you're not a goalie for the night.
32:10Ah, yes, yes, total bullshit, yeah, mm-hmm.
32:19What gave it away?
32:24There's something in your eyes.
32:25Yeah, fair, fair.
32:30You prefer Mike, Mikey, Michael?
32:34It's got to be your call, yeah.
32:38No preference, huh?
32:40Preference, up to the customer.
32:42Ooh.
32:44How about you, what's your name, can you tell me?
32:48Guess.
32:49Guess?
32:51Oh, man, ah, definitely.
32:53Bridget, I don't know, what?
32:57Oh, boy, Shonda, shit, shit, shit, shit.
33:01Fuck, I don't know.
33:01Sherry.
33:02Sherry, okay.
33:04Sherry from Gary.
33:05Oh, hey, that's the first time I've ever heard that real quick.
33:13You don't want to play the game, huh?
33:16Yeah.
33:18I don't know what that means for me.
33:19I mean, you...
33:21You want to go, it's...
33:24Sure, I want to go.
33:25Yeah?
33:26Yeah.
33:28Fact or fiction?
33:30Michael?
33:32Okay.
33:32Uh, ask me a question.
33:37You from here?
33:44I am not from Indiana.
33:48I am from Portland.
33:51Maine, not Oregon.
33:53Okay.
33:56What are you doing here?
33:59Needed to start over.
34:01Okay.
34:01I need to get away from someone, something.
34:04Got in my 88 Honda Accord and started driving west, and my car broke down not too far from here.
34:11My mom's favorite movie was Love in the Afternoon, starring Gary Cooper.
34:17She always said she would have named me Gary if I was a boy, so I saw the sign, and
34:20I was like, all right, ma.
34:24Stayed one night, it was quiet.
34:28I like a ghost town, you know what I mean?
34:29Mm-hmm.
34:33I work at this jazz joint, jazz joint, down on Broadway called Dirties.
34:39Dirties?
34:39Yeah, I work the bar.
34:40You like it?
34:41It's great.
34:42Why?
34:45Come on, what's not to like about a jivey jazz and blues joint in Gary and Deanna?
34:53Uh, let's see.
34:57That is a fact.
35:01Thanks.
35:02No, really?
35:03Yeah.
35:03Fuck.
35:05Fuck.
35:07That Gary Cooper shit, that was suspect as a motherfucker.
35:10No, that's real.
35:10No, that's real.
35:11No, it's not.
35:11Oh, fuck.
35:14Tiff, it's me.
35:15It's Richie.
35:16Wait, no, I can barely hear you.
35:18Tiff, it's me, Richard.
35:20What?
35:20Where are you?
35:22I'm in fucking Gary.
35:23So loud there.
35:25It's going so good.
35:26You sound like you're in a bar.
35:28Are you in a bar?
35:28We're in a bar.
35:30Why are you in a bar?
35:32Because the clients.
35:34Like a shit bottle.
35:36The clients from Jimmy.
35:38Tiff, it's going so fucking good.
35:40Mikey is so smooth.
35:42So fucking smooth.
35:44I can't really.
35:44Mikey is so smooth.
35:46Okay.
35:47We're having such a good time.
35:48Okay.
35:49Can you hear me?
35:50Because I'm here.
35:51Please give me to you.
35:53Hello?
35:53How are you feeling?
35:56Do it again?
35:59Yeah?
35:59All right.
36:00I was born and raised right the fuck here, Gary, Indiana.
36:02I lived here my whole life.
36:03I love to travel.
36:05Gone everywhere.
36:06But I lived here my whole life.
36:08I love trains.
36:09Do not put me on a boat.
36:11Let's see.
36:12I got two older sisters.
36:14They got a different dad who I thought was Santa Claus when I was 11 years old.
36:18I'm not sure of thinking about him that one.
36:21I had ovarian cancer when I was 22.
36:26My mom is okay.
36:27My dad is not.
36:31I got a three-legged dog named Lucky.
36:34He's a cool student in town.
36:37And I studied to be an arborist.
36:39In an arborist?
36:40Yeah.
36:42You like trees.
36:43I do.
36:44You do?
36:44Why?
36:44When are you on trees?
36:47They're quiet, sturdy, reliable.
36:50They're always there when you need them.
36:53And they're pretty.
36:58That's a fucking fact.
37:02Maybe.
37:05It's a fact.
37:07Maybe, maybe not.
37:09What makes you say it's a fact?
37:11I mean, you just...
37:12Yeah, you're just speaking from your heart.
37:16Right?
37:22What are you looking for, Michael?
37:33Anything?
37:33Anything?
37:44Oh.
37:46Here you are, Sarah.
37:55I think he just called me Sarah.
38:01You're pretty hungry.
38:04You know what he fucking calls me.
38:07Okay, so it's 3.17 right now.
38:10I got enough time to be home by 5.15, right?
38:13Oh, yeah.
38:14All right, good?
38:15You got time.
38:16Yeah, yeah.
38:17Oh, if the train isn't running.
38:18Oh, my God.
38:19Don't do the train on.
38:20What happens with the train?
38:21You'll get caught behind.
38:23I mean, it is.
38:25Oh, Jones.
38:26Oh.
38:28Okay.
38:28All right, thanks, guys.
38:30Did you leave yourself a buffer?
38:32That's, like, kind of the whole operation, you know?
38:34Wow.
38:34So you like work for him?
38:36Mm.
38:37Yeah, I mean, I'm self-employed, you know?
38:40Yeah, yeah.
38:41So you're the boss.
38:44Yeah, I guess I'm the boss.
38:46And a lot of people depend on you, huh?
38:49I depend on a lot of people.
38:53I bet you're a good leader.
39:00People, like, people say things about me.
39:07Then what do they say?
39:10They say that I don't finish things.
39:16Fact or fiction, Michael?
39:22You mind if I do a poem?
39:25I know you're going to be you.
39:30That's...
39:32That's the coolest thing you've ever heard.
39:37Do you plan to be there, boy?
39:39Yeah, yeah, no, I'm going to be back.
39:40We're just down here, one, two, wrapping up some business,
39:43and then I'll be back up there.
39:45Put my catcher's mitt on.
39:46Ready to fucking go.
39:48Yeah, yeah.
39:50I can't tell you that.
39:51You're like a birthday witch.
39:52No, no, no, I would tell you,
39:53but my wife's got all...
39:55She's all superstitious about a lot of this stuff,
39:57and she was like,
39:57she doesn't want to be carried out.
39:59We're having a girl.
40:00I can tell you we're having a girl.
40:01Yeah, yeah.
40:14And there was this, um...
40:18When I was a kid, you know?
40:20Yeah.
40:20My mom, she used to do this thing
40:22where, like, when she was, like,
40:24on, like, the perfect mixture of, like,
40:26all kinds of fucking things in her system,
40:27you know, it was just, like, perfect.
40:30She'd, like, come into my room
40:31in the middle of the night, you know,
40:32and she'd, like, scratch my bag,
40:33and she had, like, the longest nails,
40:35and she'd just, you know,
40:36and she used to walk me through my day,
40:39you know?
40:39Like, and, like, the most fucking minute details,
40:42you know?
40:42Like, describing every little fucking bit
40:44of fabric of the fucking day,
40:46you know?
40:46Like, what we were going to eat
40:47when we were going to wake up,
40:48what I was going to wear,
40:48what was going to be on the radio,
40:49like, every fucking thing,
40:51you know, and just, like,
40:53it would make me feel, like,
40:55I don't know, like,
40:56it would just make me feel so relaxed.
40:58Yeah.
40:58Yeah.
41:00And, like, no matter what was
41:01going to happen that day,
41:02it didn't matter, like,
41:03fucking test or some shit bag
41:04I had to fucking deal with.
41:05Like, I knew that,
41:07and she had planned it for me.
41:08It was great.
41:08And I remember there was just one time
41:10I was, like,
41:11hey, Ma,
41:13hey, Ma, will you come in
41:14and tell me about my day tomorrow?
41:15And she was, like,
41:17she, like, got angry, you know?
41:18And she was, like,
41:20she was, like,
41:20Mikey, what the fucking difference
41:22does it make?
41:22It's just a day.
41:25Like,
41:27I did,
41:28I guess I didn't understand
41:29how that could be, like,
41:31like,
41:32like, like,
41:33how that could be the same person,
41:34you know?
41:34Yeah.
41:36That's,
41:36that's so scary.
41:37Mm-hmm.
41:41Yeah, she shouldn't have done that.
41:45I think she tried her best,
41:47but I can sit with you.
41:50Yeah, I wish you would.
41:55Come on in,
41:56the water's fine.
41:56Oh, boy.
41:59His first impulse
42:00was the fucking movie.
42:02You know what I'm saying?
42:03You know what I'm saying?
42:04The one without the narration,
42:06that's the one.
42:07Okay.
42:07Okay?
42:09I gotta call my uncle.
42:10Call him!
42:11All right.
42:11Call him!
42:12Let's all have everyone
42:13call their uncle.
42:14Jimmy, it's Rich.
42:15Rich, where the fuck are you?
42:16All right.
42:18Call me back.
42:20This is just, like,
42:23you know,
42:23this way of seeing the world,
42:25you know,
42:25like, this perspective,
42:26you know,
42:26this lens that I've always had,
42:27like, these things
42:28that just bother people
42:29and hurt people
42:30and make them frustrated
42:31or furious,
42:32you know?
42:33Like, to me,
42:33it just,
42:35I never got it.
42:36Like, in effect,
42:37it doesn't matter.
42:37No, it doesn't fucking
42:38matter.
42:39Nothing fucking matters.
42:40Nothing fucking matters.
42:41Nothing fucking matters.
42:42And I get that, right?
42:43Yeah.
42:43It's meaningless.
42:44So why,
42:46and when I go on that trip,
42:48like, I could catch this groove,
42:49you know,
42:49sometimes for, like,
42:50weeks at a time,
42:51you know,
42:51like, sometimes for months,
42:52and I just, like,
42:53have this, like,
42:54bliss, you know?
42:55And yeah,
42:56I know I'm, like,
42:58I'm, like,
42:58all fucking,
42:59like, babbling and shit,
43:00like, here in a fucking bathroom,
43:01like, a fucking baby,
43:02but I could be,
43:03like, I could be a fucking blast.
43:04I can be a, like,
43:06I can share it, you know?
43:07And then all of a sudden,
43:09like, out of nowhere,
43:09those same thoughts,
43:11like, like, like,
43:11this kind of meaninglessness
43:12of it all, you know?
43:15It, like, makes me sad.
43:17Yeah.
43:19Nothing matters.
43:20It sets you free,
43:20but then where are you, right?
43:22It's the same thing.
43:23You know where.
43:23It's the same thing.
43:24And then I'm, like,
43:26like, so sad,
43:27like I'm fucking drowning,
43:28you know?
43:28My jaw feels fucking
43:29like a million fucking pounds,
43:30and I, I,
43:31it's like, I don't want to.
43:33That sounds exhausting.
43:37You must be really tired.
43:56I'm so excited.
44:13I'm so excited.
44:59I'm so excited.
45:08Hey, I heard you.
45:10Cousin, I'm coming.
45:11All right.
45:11Fuck, man.
45:13That's...
45:31Hey, I'll come back.
45:32I'll come back.
46:16Hey, I'll come back.
46:23I'll come back.
46:26No.
46:29Yo, your phone is dead, huh?
46:31Michael, come on.
46:32What's the name of the phone?
46:32What is it, a capital crime?
46:33What's the problem?
46:34Yo, cousin, we got this meeting in 10.
46:35Where's the fire?
46:36Where's the fire?
46:37We're going.
46:38We're going.
46:38All right.
46:38Okay.
46:39Okay.
46:42Hey, let's hit it.
46:44Yo, we're out of here.
46:46What about my turn?
46:47Good to meet you guys.
46:48Right?
46:49It's been a pleasure to meet you all.
46:50Wow, wow, wow.
46:50Hang on.
46:51Hang on.
46:52Hey, we're in America, though, right?
46:53Last time I checked, Gary, Indiana is in the sovereign United States.
46:56Is it not, Vanessa?
46:58Are we not in America?
46:59Everybody get a turn?
47:00Everybody gets a turn?
47:01All right.
47:01How great are you fucking people?
47:03How great is this fucking...
47:05This fucking thing here, this spot's got fucking heart.
47:08That's what I was trying to tell you.
47:09It's magic.
47:10This place is magic.
47:14All right.
47:16You know, we're just a pair of fucking wired and worried travelers, and we fucking love it here.
47:21We thank you.
47:21We thank you, Gary, fucking Indiana.
47:23We thank you.
47:25Magic.
47:26Magic.
47:27You know, I just want to take this opportunity, because right now,
47:30my, uh, my fine furry cousin right there, my fucking best friend,
47:37any second now, he's going to be a dad.
47:41And not only that, not only that, not only that, hey, he's happy.
47:47He's happy.
47:49Rich, you're happy.
47:52Right now, I swear, this is the most...
47:57It's like the most healthy and, like, you're, you're, you're full.
48:02You're full.
48:03And I love it.
48:04He's in love.
48:06You know?
48:07Fucker cannot wait to be a father either.
48:09I mean, he can't fucking...
48:11He can't, he can't fucking wait.
48:13I mean, he, he's got this pride.
48:19You're glowing, Rich.
48:23You're glowing.
48:24I love you.
48:24It's my fucking boy.
48:25I love you.
48:26I love you.
48:27I love you.
48:27I love you so much.
48:30Look at him.
48:31He's going to be a dad.
48:32Look at him.
48:32Look at his fucking...
48:33That's going to be a father.
48:34That.
48:34That right there is going to be a father, right?
48:37Fucking kid's going to end up abandoned and alone just like he was.
48:41But, hey, shit.
48:42Hey, at least you went into it with a good fucking mindset.
48:45Right, kid?
48:45Huh?
48:46I mean, no, no, no, no, no.
48:47It's okay.
48:47No, I love it.
48:48That's, that's the thing.
48:49That's the thing you got to know about Rich, man, is that the one thing that you can absolutely
48:54fucking depend on with this fucking guy is that if he is involved, he's going to fuck
48:59it up.
48:59I mean, he is going to fuck it up.
49:00And everybody knows it.
49:02I mean, nobody says it, right?
49:03Nobody says it.
49:04Because everybody's a fucking coward and a fucking liar.
49:07But this isn't going to be any fucking different.
49:09I mean, he's going to fuck this.
49:10He's going to...
49:10His entire life is a fucking bed that he took a shit in the middle of and he just smears
49:15it.
49:15And that's what's beautiful.
49:16Look at him.
49:17It's beautiful.
49:18I just got to fuck this up, too.
49:19Right?
49:20No, no, no, no, no, no.
49:21It's okay.
49:21It's okay.
49:22Everybody knows it.
49:23They don't say it, but they...
49:24Look, look.
49:25Ooh.
49:27Ooh.
49:28Look at his eyes.
49:28Look at those beady little fucking eyes.
49:30He knows it, too.
49:31That's the fucking thing.
49:32All right.
49:32He knows it, too.
49:33What?
49:33All right, what?
49:34We gotta go.
49:35We gotta go.
49:35We gotta...
49:36Where we going?
49:37Where we fucking going?
49:39Yo, we got this meme.
49:40Yeah, yeah, yeah.
49:40We gotta...
49:41You know what you gotta do?
49:42You gotta get in the fucking truck and just start fucking driving.
49:45Just fucking bolt, right?
49:47Just fucking...
49:47You want to do that kid of yours a favor?
49:49Just fucking bolt.
49:50Just fucking hit the fucking road and do not come back.
49:52You want to do him a favor, right?
49:54Okay.
49:54No, it's fine.
49:55It doesn't matter.
49:56It doesn't matter.
49:57It's the truth.
49:58It's the truth.
49:59What?
49:59You gonna be a good father?
50:00Is that what you gotta be?
50:02Huh, Ronald McDonald?
50:03You gonna be a good father?
50:04Are you gonna be a good father?
50:06It doesn't matter.
50:07It doesn't matter.
50:08Just say it.
50:08Just say it.
50:09You're gonna fuck it up, right?
50:10Come on, you're not mad.
50:11Don't be mad.
50:12You're not mad.
50:13You're not mad.
50:14Are you mad?
50:15Are you mad?
50:16You're not mad.
50:17You're not mad.
50:18No, just say it.
50:19Stop it.
50:20No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
50:23He's telling the fucking truth, finally.
50:25He's telling the fucking truth.
50:27Say it again.
50:27You hate me?
50:28You hate me, Rich?
50:30You gotta fuck this up, Rich.
50:31Just say that and we'll go.
50:33Say it and we'll go.
50:34Ooh.
50:34Ooh.
50:35All right.
50:36Whoa.
50:37That's hot.
50:38All right.
50:48You're a coward, Rich.
50:50You're a fucking coward.
50:52I'm a coward.
50:53You're a coward.
50:54I'm a coward.
50:57You're a coward.
51:08I'm a coward.
51:09Kid's gonna hate you, Rich.
51:14Kid's gonna...
51:15Kid's gonna hate you, Rich.
52:50One of you, Mikey?
52:56This is for Jimmy.
53:10What's in the box?
53:38What's in the box?
53:43What do, uh, what do plastic pump impellers do?
53:49They rotate.
53:59It's your own.
54:02Probably not.
54:04FedEx strikes are over.
54:06I'm sorry.
54:08I'm sorry.
54:25I'm sorry.
54:28I'm sorry.
54:30I'm sorry.
54:41I'm sorry.
54:59I don't know.
57:19No, no, no, no, no!
57:50Sharp distance, how can the wind with its arms all around me?
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