- 22 hours ago
The Burbs S01E01 [Full Movie] [Must See]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:58Transcription by CastingWords
01:28Transcription by CastingWords
01:30Oh God, I don't want to go back to work.
01:32You and Mars aren't going to have too much fun without me, are you?
01:34My maternity leave is going to be spent watching a window like Bravo,
01:38learning the choreography.
01:44I don't like that one bit.
01:50Stroll's over.
01:56Are you sure that house is empty?
01:58Yeah, right.
01:59Thank you very much.
03:01Then I look at you
03:05And the world's all right with me
03:11Just one look at you
03:15And I know it's all right
03:18Shit, shit, shit.
03:20Wait! Wait!
03:26Stop! Stop!
03:28Stop! Don't leave me with these diapers!
03:34Hey, dude. Fire hair.
03:38I forgot.
03:39Nice to see you.
03:41Back on Asheville Place.
03:45Why you don't... you don't remember me?
03:50Sorry.
03:51Never been good at remembering faces.
03:53That's all right.
03:54Yeah, I always liked this street.
03:56You hear the thing about cul-de-sacs?
03:59There's only one way out!
04:03Have a great day, Robert.
04:08Bye now.
04:23They're okay.
04:25Things I'll do for you.
04:30Like moving here.
04:43Do you want me to stay?
04:44I can call Nina, tell her I need another week.
04:47What are we watching?
04:49How long has that house been empty?
04:5120 years.
04:52Give or take.
04:54You don't think that's weird?
04:56Not really.
04:57I'm sure they've got a good reason for hanging on to it.
04:58So there's a they.
04:59Who's the they?
05:00You know.
05:01Whoever owns it.
05:02Okay, shrug night.
05:04So you never thought about it?
05:06No, not really.
05:07Whatever.
05:08I know you gotta get to work.
05:09Naveen and I are catching the same train.
05:11The train pooling, he's calling it.
05:12But say the word, Noste.
05:13No, no, no.
05:14Gotta rip the band-aid off some way, somehow.
05:16It'll be me, myself, and I.
05:18And Miles.
05:19Together, alone, for the first time.
05:20I mean, no friends or family nearby, but that's why it's good.
05:24Yeah, because I'm not worried at all.
05:27You're giving me some very mixed signals here.
05:29I know.
05:31Get on the train.
05:32I love you so much.
05:33Mm-hmm.
05:33I love you too.
05:34I love you too, little man.
05:35And you can call me anytime, okay?
05:37I'm the guy saved in your phone as White Bob with the black thumbs-up emoji.
05:41And it'll never change.
05:44Try to get out of the house today.
05:54Can I help you?
05:59I'm sorry?
06:03Should he be listening to this?
06:05Well, he can't understand the words.
06:09Babies absorb these things.
06:12Okay.
06:13Oh!
06:15Oh, you must be Rob Fisher's wife.
06:19Oh, I heard you were back here to live.
06:26Well, this is fabulous.
06:28I was wondering when I would get to meet you.
06:31I don't get out much.
06:33I'm Lynn Gardner.
06:34I'm Samira, and that's Miles.
06:37Aw.
06:38He looks just like his mama.
06:41Samira.
06:42Such a pretty name.
06:43Is it African?
06:46Yes.
06:47Fascinating.
06:48I just live catty-corner if you ever need anything.
06:52And you must come to Wine Night.
06:54It's just a bunch of friendly neighbors dabbing and guzzling on my porch,
06:59and they are dying to meet you.
07:01I'm breastfeeding, unfortunately.
07:03Oh, pump and dump, my darling.
07:07Welcome to Ashfield Place.
07:18Hey.
07:19Hey.
07:20I got a very important question for my big sis.
07:23Mariah, Whitney, Janet, or Beyonce?
07:28When you gotta go?
07:29I'm not about to fight with you today.
07:31Well, that's not a fight.
07:31I miss you.
07:33How's my apartment?
07:34Well, if you're referring to the artist currently known as my new apartment, it's divine.
07:40Look, girl, your taste is impeccable, okay?
07:41And these views?
07:43Exquisite.
07:43How's my nephew?
07:44Cute as hell.
07:45Oh, yes, he is.
07:48Because we're twins.
07:50And see, that's why you go off FaceTime.
07:53And how is Hinky Mountain?
07:55Hinkley Hills is Caucasian.
07:58That's the burbs, babes.
07:59Am I a bad mom for bringing my melanated son out here?
08:03I don't know.
08:04Are you a bad mother for accepting a very nice house in a very nice neighborhood
08:07where there's practically no crime, really nice schools?
08:10I mean, make it make sense.
08:11This feels so isolated.
08:13I mean, every day is the same thing.
08:16I don't know what I'm doing.
08:17And I don't have anybody to teach me how.
08:19Well, you know she's looking after you.
08:21That's what daddy say, but you can't teach somebody how to swallow a baby from heaven.
08:25Amen to that.
08:26How am I going to get through maternity leave?
08:29I mean, I thrive in collaborative environments.
08:32I need structure and tangible goals.
08:35Bitch, I don't speak resume.
08:37I speak housewife.
08:39This is what you do.
08:40Pick up a little day drinking habit.
08:41Maybe a little pill habit or something.
08:43Something cute.
08:43Yeah.
08:44Hard to do when you got a tit gremlin.
08:46Yeah, you could have kept that one.
08:48Well, baby, you just need some friends.
08:50I have friends.
08:51I mean, in a 10-mile radius.
08:52None of your neighbors ain't no potential there?
08:55Uh, no.
08:56It's a who's who of who's not it.
08:58These people are crazy.
09:00Well, I'm just spitballing, though.
09:01I know.
09:02I know, and I appreciate you.
09:03And I love you.
09:04And I'm going to come and visit you soon.
09:06Okay?
09:07And I know you would have chapped Mariah.
09:09I don't know her.
09:11Love you.
09:12Bye.
09:15Naveen?
09:19Look at us.
09:21Train buddies.
09:23Commute comrades.
09:25Megan filed for divorce.
09:26What?
09:27She was waiting for me when I got home yesterday.
09:30Suitcases at the bottom of the stairs.
09:31Like, out of a bad movie.
09:34Shit.
09:35Said she's been unhappy for a long time and wants to start over while she still has her youth.
09:39Said she can't stand another day of my moodiness.
09:41I'm not even...
09:45I'm not even that moody, Rob.
09:49She's fucking her dentist.
09:52Dr. James.
09:53The only one who takes my insurance.
09:54So that's fucking great.
09:56I should have known she was getting way too much dental work done for someone who has perfect teeth.
10:01She does have great teeth.
10:03Right?
10:03Two cleanings in a week.
10:04She said she needed to get a filling.
10:06Oh.
10:07Fuck.
10:09Remember what you said at my bachelor party?
10:11No.
10:12I was drunken on three different classes of drugs.
10:14We were in Miami.
10:15My jaw was in Texas.
10:16You grabbed my face and you said,
10:19Never trust a Megan.
10:22Nostradamus, motherfucker.
10:23I should have listened.
10:24I'm sorry, mate.
10:26Anyway, let's talk about you.
10:28Enough about me.
10:29How's the little man?
10:30Oh, God.
10:31He's the best.
10:32Perfect.
10:33I mean, he doesn't sleep.
10:34And he shits like a trucker.
10:36But wouldn't change it for the world.
10:38Nice.
10:39And Samira?
10:41She keeps asking questions about the house across the street.
10:47Really?
10:48Yeah.
10:53What'd you tell her?
10:55What is there to tell?
10:57What's here?
11:08What is there?
11:10What?
11:12What?
11:14What?
11:16What?
11:17What?
11:19What?
11:21Who?
11:24What?
11:32you know what you are absolutely right
11:42i attempted to leave the house today during daylight hours yes and i met lynn and she's
11:49exactly as i never described nosy and extremely abstract sense of personal space yeah that's it
11:55and um she invited me for drinks with the neighbors she did you should go a little man and i
12:02can get
12:02some qt i think i might i want to see who i'll compete it 20 years huh so you you
12:12must have
12:13known them who the grants ah why so you did know them you're doing that thing what thing that thing
12:19you do when you get a little obsessed it's the lawyer in you you lock in remember your ramen
12:25conspiracy i know it wasn't ideal to get banned from the local bodega but i still stand by my theory
12:30that they were running drugs with the instant noodle cups it was right there i mean you were 100%
12:34onto
12:34something i mean they didn't even have a bodega cat what kind of bodega doesn't have a bodega cat
12:39babe i'm not being obsessed okay just humor me so tell me what you know about the creepy house
12:45family they lived across the street from us does anyone ever really know their neighbors yes i knew
12:52my neighbors first and last name we was all up in each other's business you did okay oh by the
12:56way
12:56speaking of being all up in each other's business megan left naveen so i guess i owe you 10 bucks
13:02you always call it also even worse chugging the dentist what yes oh my gosh never trust megan
13:11that's what i said do that's right allegedly babe please never leave me where am i gonna go
13:19oh yeah you're trapped now love you honey love you too and if a cheater won't be the dentist
13:27thanks babe that means a lot somebody we don't know wow
13:39the next time that beast uses my lawn as its personal port-a-potty i am gonna get out my
13:45glue gun well break out the crayons and color me thrilled it's samara so close
13:52come come come sit sit sit uh oh this is rob fisher's way oh from across the street
13:59dana richards is the name it's very nice to finally make your acquaintance likewise samara
14:06samara oh i'm so bad with names we haven't seen you around before we were starting to think that
14:12rob made you up no no i'm real just a new reclusive mom with leaking nipples
14:19now dana is a retired marine oh very distinguished lots of metals wow also i'm a real handy handy
14:28i have noticed not to be nosy but uh you have some spots on your fence that are pretty effed
14:34up and i
14:35can fix those for you i'm here for it because the only screwdriver i'm familiar with contains vodka
14:41and here's todd hi hi todd is a man of few syllables i don't think i've seen you around here
14:49before
14:50you've been keeping tabs on us through the window jimmy stewart
14:55which one of us is the murderer
15:00your face i'm sorry it's okay we all know that suburbia is a spectator sport you have not seen me
15:09my home shares no sight lines with yours and i keep out ours what do you do this and that
15:19what do you and rob do i'm a civil litigation attorney hello ceo i don't know what that is but
15:26good for you yeah rob is a book editor oh how'd you meet him a kate renata concert actually kate
15:32renata i'm going to look her up let me know what you find rob seems like he's romantic
15:38he is so how long have you guys lived here well for me just a couple years i wanted something
15:45with
15:45nature but my wife's idea of outdoorsyness is like a restaurant with a patio so this was our compromise
15:53and then she got deployed she's in military too cannot confirm or deny honestly despite what two
16:02decades of daytime television tell you there are a lot of people that don't care for middle-aged lesbians
16:08but i felt welcome for the most part i've been here eight months and ten days
16:13that's precise she's been here for freaking ever not as long as some marty and i moved here 15 years
16:21ago marty i can't wait to meet him um unfortunately he passed oh lynn i'm so sorry i thank you
16:28heart
16:29attack it's been almost half a year but i still feel his presence every day
16:39anyway these wine nights really help it's it's a bit like family that's right when you have neighbors
16:46you're never alone even when you want to be how'd you city kids end up here oh well rob's parents
16:53i'm
16:53you guys know they uh retired to one of those timeshare cruise ships last month that's a choice
16:58not mine but a choice well they had been asking us to come out here we didn't want to leave
17:02the city
17:03but our building got broken into we just felt like maybe we should we should try it out at least
17:09temporarily well thank goodness you're safe and sound here with us
17:15so what's the deal with that victorian house chainsaw massacres satanic cult jilted bride who
17:24severed the head of her lost unfaithful lover it's haunted as shit the lights go on and off all the
17:31time by themselves i've seen that it could just be filthy wiring a skeptic i like it when you're the
17:38resident historian catch her up well it was a little before my time a family lived there the
17:45grants yes and they had a daughter who died in the house there have been whispers of mysterious
17:54circumstances surrounding her passing maybe even murder and then the parents moved away
18:03and never sold the house so it just sits there rotting pissing off the hoa god i would give my
18:12left tent to go over there and do a little ghost hunt hi everyone it's cookie time it's like she
18:19just
18:20knows when my sugar drops rory likes to prey on vulnerable shard sippers business is much more
18:26lucrative in this neighborhood than in mine the usual and keep the change honey hey i saw a stroller
18:31at your door i am a great mother's helper if that's something that might interest you how old are
18:36you 13 next month i have my cpr certification and badges in child development early literacy and
18:41swaddling swaddling okay sunflower scouts my business card feel free to reach out anytime you're a notary public
19:08it's like they hurt us after all this time we'd love a plot twist
19:27you'd really like this podcast it's two guys talking about medieval construction
19:31you are so boring you're so hot when you cook thanks babe how are the neighbors uh good a bit
19:38weird yeah well this is a cul-de-sac what's wrong with cul-de-sacs people are weird i think
19:43the people
19:43are waiting cul-de-sacs wait is it cul-de-sac like attorneys general this given get out yeah i
19:50hear
19:50you look when my family first moved here some people didn't know how to feel about us but it's
19:57a nice area and people like to think of themselves as nice so they try to act nice until they're
20:04actually nice that's nice don't get me wrong i was still a sad little kid until i found my people
20:09by his people he means an awkward gangly tween with a funny accent that had just been dragged across the
20:14pond for his dad's new job funny accent what are you talking about dude your accent pulled
20:19still pulls if we're being honest you know the girls called him french rob i didn't think that's
20:24true it's so true did you know the victorians for sale
20:30really i'm assuming that's what the for sale sign means yeah that would indicate that so why
20:36didn't you tell me somebody was murdered there
20:40what are you talking about the grant girl
20:44yeah right allison wasn't murdered that's just small town gossip allison
20:50so what happened to alison i honestly like it was so long ago that i i don't remember a lot
20:58from that but you did know her uh yeah but in the same way that anybody knows a neighbor
21:04why wouldn't you tell me that because i didn't think it was relevant babe it was like 20 years ago
21:11there's a reason they call hinkley hills the safest town in america
21:15okay well is there anything else you want to tell me about this place
21:29completed in 1902 hinkley house was built by hinkley hills founder h horace hinkley
21:36the mining magnet and philanthropist purchased 25 000 acres of hillside forest in 1898
21:43and developed it into the thriving suburb that bears his name today hinkley hills is more than
21:51just an idyllic bedroom community it is a shining example of fellowship and family values
21:56hinkley hills the safest town in america
22:29Here we go.
22:57Here we go.
23:07Here we go.
23:21Here we go.
23:48Here we go.
23:51Here we go.
23:52Here we go.
24:22Here we go.
24:28Here we go.
24:40Here we go.
24:43Here we go.
24:48Here we go.
25:14Here we go.
25:24Here we go.
25:30Here we go.
25:33Here we go.
25:43Here we go.
25:46cool right now this place looks like a museum or a mausoleum oh that's why the lights are on
25:57at your stage in the house hiya home buyers how can i help you we are looking for an enormous
26:04house for our niece um we would love a tour follow me the owners have instructed that
26:15interior photography is not permitted this is the library very tasteful we enjoy literacy all
26:24of the flooring is original to the house which is built in the queen anne style as you can imagine
26:30a little love and a professional sander will go a long way oh feel free to show yourselves around
26:37excuse me hello there welcome they discriminate against older female buyers this always happens
26:43oh please our niece you're a really bad liar i had to get him to take the bait or he
26:49might
26:49have thrown us out well it's an open house so by definition i'm gonna peek around
27:27this is the ugliest kitchen i've ever seen
27:53when did you get here
27:56okay okay
27:58okay
28:01okay
28:02okay
28:13okay
28:14okay
28:37that's creepy
28:48okay
28:52okay
28:52okay
28:53okay
28:53okay
28:55okay
28:55okay
28:55okay
28:55okay
28:57okay
28:57okay
28:57okay
28:57okay
29:25okay
29:25okay
29:51okay
29:52okay
29:54okay
29:55okay
29:56okay
30:09okay
30:10okay
30:10okay
30:12okay
30:18okay
30:33okay
30:34okay
30:35that is so weird
30:41okay
30:42okay
30:43okay
30:43okay
31:05okay
31:06okay
31:19okay
31:21okay
31:23okay
31:35okay
31:36okay
31:46okay
31:48okay
32:23I got him. Five minutes on the left boob and he was out like a light.
32:27That's great, babe.
32:28Great. It's a miracle.
32:30Okay, if he can go to sleep when it's dark outside in a stationary position, that is a game changer.
32:34A life-affirming moment.
32:37What are you looking at?
32:39Your brownies are still there.
32:42Wait, really?
32:44Why won't he eat the goddamn brownies?
32:46Uh, maybe he doesn't fuck with gluten?
32:49Then throw him out and give us the plate back. That's a good plate.
32:51It doesn't make sense. Everyone likes brownies. They're the Beyonce of dessert.
32:56And if they don't, they're just being contrary.
32:59Jinx? Maybe you just didn't see you put in there.
33:01The camera was on, on.
33:04Sorry, I just love it when you get all lawyery.
33:06Order in the court.
33:07Oh, counsel, please approach the bench.
33:09I object.
33:10Is there anything else you've noticed?
33:12Curtains opening and closing?
33:14Could he be watching us?
33:15Definitely could be.
33:17I think we better.
33:23He always knows.
33:24No.
33:25I got too cocky.
33:26I flew too close to the sun and now he's punishing me like a tiny, vengeful guard.
33:31It's all right.
33:32I'm going to go drive him around.
33:33Okay.
33:37I'm coming. I'm coming.
33:45Be back in a second.
33:47Love you.
33:48Love you.
33:49Get some rest.
33:50Come on.
34:01Bucket.
34:06Reclaiming my plate.
34:09What's he think he is?
34:11Not eating my brownies.
34:12I love my brownies.
34:13I eat it my damn self.
34:18Mm-hmm.
34:42He can keep the damn place.
34:44I eat it.
34:59Shit.
35:00Wait.
35:31Is everything all right?
35:32Hands where I can see him.
35:34What's happening?
35:35We got a call about a trespasser at the old Grant House.
35:37I'm guessing matches the description.
35:40Hey!
35:42What the hell is going on?
35:43New owner said they saw a black person skulking around the property.
35:47This is a big misunderstanding.
35:49Is it?
35:50Because apparently it happened twice.
35:51I was just dropping off brownies.
35:53This is my wife.
35:54And our house, where we live with our son.
35:57Fuck off.
36:00Robert Fisher.
36:02Danny Daniels.
36:03From high school.
36:05I heard you move back.
36:09Baby, it's okay.
36:10Mommy's...
36:11Sorry, man.
36:12You know we got to take the call.
36:13This is nuts.
36:16Consider this drop, my good man.
36:21Yeah, don't worry about it.
36:22They all kind of look like that at that age.
36:26Robert Fisher.
36:28As I live and breathe.
36:30You folks have a great evening.
36:36Did you just thank the cops?
36:39Oh, shit.
36:41But...
36:41What's wrong with me?
36:44Sorry, babe.
36:45I...
36:47We can't live across the street from someone like that.
36:50I mean, what would have happened if I hadn't gotten there when I did?
37:00What's up, man?
37:00This is some bullshit.
37:02That freak, Nark, will rue the day he stepped foot in Hinkley Hills.
37:05Huh, yeah.
37:06Just used rue the day in a sentence.
37:08You're welcome.
37:11Hey.
37:13Todd told me what happened.
37:14I heard it on the police scanner.
37:17What the hell?
37:18What do you need, babe?
37:20You need some wine?
37:21How about some ice cream?
37:22You want a hit, man?
37:23I know people.
37:24I'm people.
37:25Say the word.
37:26Okay, we can hold on the ladder, but I could use some wine.
37:30Yeah, that's the cure-all for all.
37:31Even racial profiling?
37:33We share your rage.
37:35He will not last long here.
37:38Spoken like a true hater.
37:39I love this energy, my dude.
37:40Oh, there's the sommelier now.
37:42Oh, Rob.
37:44This is lunacy of outrageous proportions.
37:47We won't stand for it.
37:49Should I get some glasses?
37:50Yes.
37:51I got you.
37:51Please, make your stuff up.
37:53Yeah.
37:54Shove over.
37:55I think we should all sleep here tonight.
37:57Safety in numbers.
37:59Hunker down.
37:59Someone should always be on watch, right?
38:01Like in the Marines?
38:02Yes, I will be out front the entire time.
38:05Okay, good.
38:05I've had a lot of coffee, so I'll stay up all night.
38:09Sleep out there like a dog.
38:10Todd, we gotta, like, stick together right now and form an alliance.
38:15Right?
38:16I'm a lone wolf.
38:16Is that a united front?
38:17I've got some big-ass flashlights.
38:19I'm gonna bring over about a ten of them.
38:20Do you have stuff that you brought home from the Marines?
38:22I have a lot of stuff in the garage.
38:24I just have to remember the password for that case.
38:27Oh, wow.
38:42Are those fireflies?
38:46Yeah.
38:48I always wanted to see fireflies growing up, but you can't see them in the city.
38:52It's like spotting a fairy in the wild.
38:58It's not fair.
39:01I was just starting to feel at home here.
39:05There's space.
39:07And a community.
39:12I damn sure don't want to drag no stroll up four flights of stairs.
39:24I think we should stay.
39:27I want Miles to have fireflies.
39:30And our family's not gonna be run out by some racist, brownie-hating prick.
39:39We're doing this.
39:41Hell yeah, we're doing this.
39:54Coming in?
39:56In a minute.
39:59I want to smell this sweet suburban air.
40:17I don't know.
40:18I don't know.
40:18I don't know.
40:21I don't know.
40:31Listen to me.
40:31Oh, shit.
41:11Oh, shit.
41:34Oh, shit.
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