- 2 days ago
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#Movies
We bring you a wide variety of exciting content, including:
🎥 Movie Reviews:
Stay updated with honest and engaging reviews of the latest movies, helping you decide what to watch next.
🎬 Behind-the-Scenes:
Discover how your favorite films are made with exclusive behind-the-scenes footage and insights.
🔥 Trailers & Previews:
Watch the latest official trailers and get a sneak peek at upcoming blockbuster movies.
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Get closer to your favorite stars with exclusive interviews and insights from the film industry.
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Explore curated lists like best movies of all time, trending films, and genre-based recommendations.
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TVTranscript
00:00:00Who said the second novel would be tricky?
00:00:03Anything else? No, no, no, I'll just I'll see you at three. Love you
00:00:09You sorry
00:00:11That's my husband. He has writer's block. Did I mention that he was a writer of books only about a
00:00:17million times
00:00:17Clare mentioned it, but I'd never heard of him
00:00:25Sorry, sorry. You do realize you're not going any faster than walking don't you?
00:00:28You've got all the superficial trappings of a run, but there's people walking much faster than you
00:00:32You're just expending a lot of surplus energy. Thank you for that analysis
00:00:37How late are we? Well, you my little friend are ten minutes early. I told you the wrong time because
00:00:43I knew you'd never be on schedule
00:00:47Trying to work out if I find that endearing or it makes me want to bludgeon you to death with
00:00:53a shovel
00:00:54Oh, no, it's endearing. I think it's a shovel. It's endearing. Do we have a shovel?
00:00:57Well firstly a hearty mazol tov for your marriage
00:01:02It's muzzle tov, isn't it? Hmm? I thought it was muzzle tov. I don't know. I'm not Jewish
00:01:07No
00:01:09But as you know whilst everything may seem so happy now, of course you can be struck down at any
00:01:15time cancer
00:01:17heart disease meningitis hit by a truck
00:01:24I had a client who was kicked to death by a group of disaffected youths high on meow meow
00:01:29She just left the house to get potatoes
00:01:33Just potatoes and the tragedy was she hadn't thought to make a will
00:01:38What? Or a Tesco home delivery?
00:01:40What?
00:01:42No
00:01:44She was only identifiable by her dental records
00:01:48Well, what had they done to her?
00:01:49They'd made impressions of her teeth
00:01:53Still, fortunately, you two have had the presence of mind to plan for your future
00:01:56So have you considered what would happen if either of you fell into a persistent vegetative state?
00:02:03A what, sorry?
00:02:04Persistent vegetative state
00:02:06Mmm, one too many T's there. Vegetative
00:02:11Have you considered what would happen if you fell into one of these guys?
00:02:16Just hello talk, really?
00:02:19Erm, no, I think we did decide that we both liked to be left to die
00:02:22Excellent, yes, we just switched off my aunt
00:02:25Sorry
00:02:25Oh, no, it's alright, it's no quality of life
00:02:27And we freed up a socket for a lava lamp
00:02:31It's transformed the lounge
00:02:32Yeah
00:02:33Yeah, largely losing her, to be fair
00:02:36Now, can we go through a few of these?
00:02:37Just give me a yes or no
00:02:39Are we switching the, erm, life support off?
00:02:43Er, brain dead
00:02:44Switch it off
00:02:45Switch it off
00:02:45Get it off
00:02:48Locked in syndrome
00:02:50That's the one where you're paralysed but you can still wink
00:02:52Erm, it's all the, erm, it's the dribble, isn't it, that I can handle
00:02:57Constantly mopping up phlegm
00:02:58I wouldn't want that
00:02:59You wouldn't want that, that's why you're murdering your wife
00:03:02So are you switching it off, sorry, what are you doing?
00:03:04Off
00:03:04Off she goes
00:03:06Night-night
00:03:08Erm, brain damaged and vegetative
00:03:11Thank you
00:03:13Erm, brain stem undamaged
00:03:15So you're breathing, you're swallowing, you're fine
00:03:18But you are still literally a shell of a person with no capacity for any emotion or thought
00:03:26Much like my Susan
00:03:28A little joke
00:03:32Off
00:03:33Off, off off off off off off
00:03:39Wow, this is slightly more depressing than I'd imagine
00:03:42and you haven't even received my bill yet.
00:03:46It's a good one. That is a good one.
00:03:55An electric pepper mill.
00:03:57I can't believe you've got an electric pepper mill.
00:04:00I thought we had to have at least one dinner party
00:04:02to use all the crap we got bought.
00:04:05At least that's a useful gift, do you know what I mean?
00:04:07I hate those gifts where someone says,
00:04:08do you know what I've done for you?
00:04:09I've donated to charity on your behalf.
00:04:11Have you? Really?
00:04:12Sparks to that.
00:04:13If I'm getting married,
00:04:13why should some African fella get a couple of goats?
00:04:15I want a fucking smoothie maker, do you know what I mean?
00:04:20Did you get them goats?
00:04:21Four of them.
00:04:22Four goats?
00:04:23Yeah.
00:04:23It's a lovely gift, that, because they need goats.
00:04:27African fellas, please.
00:04:29Well, go on.
00:04:30Tell us about your honeymoon.
00:04:31Well, it was lovely.
00:04:33It was idyllic.
00:04:35Morocco's beautiful.
00:04:36Amazing place, yeah.
00:04:37It's a bit long, really.
00:04:39I was really sad when we came back.
00:04:40Well, things hit a low point when we found ourselves in the Esauera Museum of Leather Manufacturing,
00:04:45discussing if we had a superpower, what would it be?
00:04:48Oh, I actually really enjoyed that.
00:04:50I thought that was really fun.
00:04:51I think if I was going to have any superpower, it would be the ability to speak Spanish.
00:04:55That'd be amazing, wouldn't it?
00:04:55Because you could say stuff like, hola, gazpacho.
00:04:59You just said it.
00:04:59You're saying it now.
00:05:00Oh, wow.
00:05:02Not strictly speaking a superpower, though, is it, really?
00:05:05Otherwise, everyone in Brazil would be superheroes.
00:05:08They speak Portuguese in Brazil.
00:05:11You cock.
00:05:15Give it for the car.
00:05:17Um, so, wait, so, Josh, what did you choose?
00:05:20Ah, boring, really.
00:05:20Super strength.
00:05:21Oh, that's what I would choose, too.
00:05:23I think it would be so handy, you know, to be able to open, like, jam jars.
00:05:26Jam jars?
00:05:26That's exactly what I said about a jam jar.
00:05:28Yeah, that's exactly what I said.
00:05:30That's so funny.
00:05:31Are we eight years old all of a sudden?
00:05:33This is what children talk about.
00:05:34All right, Nat, calm down.
00:05:35We're not having a joke.
00:05:36Yeah, joke's over.
00:05:37Oh, groundsfordivorce.com.
00:05:41Shut up, you bellend.
00:05:43.co.uk.
00:05:45To be honest with you, I'm not sure you could get a divorce,
00:05:47because I'm not even sure you're officially married,
00:05:49because they never officially split up.
00:05:54What?
00:05:54What?
00:05:55They never officially split up.
00:05:56What are you talking about?
00:05:58No, and you never officially broke up, did you?
00:06:02Yes, actually, it's pretty funny, really,
00:06:07because when I left for Africa,
00:06:10we sort of never formally ended it.
00:06:13Never formally?
00:06:15We just sort of, we left it open, and then...
00:06:18Wide open.
00:06:18Then I ended up being gone for four years.
00:06:21About four years.
00:06:21Almost four years, really.
00:06:27I've told you this.
00:06:30Yeah.
00:06:31Yeah.
00:06:33I've told you this.
00:06:37He wasn't happy, though, I'll tell you, at that time.
00:06:39Honestly, we used to refer to 2008 as the sort of, as the lost year.
00:06:43Mate.
00:06:43And he would just sit there in his pants, you know, drinking,
00:06:46and playing Grand Theft Auto, masturbating.
00:06:49Sometimes, all three at once.
00:06:51That's an impressive thing.
00:06:52I couldn't do that.
00:06:52I could practice for ages, I want me to do that.
00:06:54Imagine now Britain's got talent.
00:06:59Nat, I'm really sorry about that back there.
00:07:03I just, I thought that you knew.
00:07:04Oh, no.
00:07:05Don't be silly.
00:07:06It was years ago, 2008.
00:07:08I was still using LOL unironically into wearing ballet flats.
00:07:14I could, you know, really cute in those.
00:07:16Thanks.
00:07:17Thanks.
00:07:18I'm pretty.
00:07:19Um, yeah, well, you know, it really was a long time ago,
00:07:23and we were both so young.
00:07:25We were so different back then, and now, you know,
00:07:27he's married to the coolest woman on the planet.
00:07:30Oh, sweet.
00:07:31I thought I got it made.
00:07:33Married a doctor.
00:07:34Then you realize you're going to wake up every day to the same hairy ears,
00:07:38same slightly deformed fungal toenail,
00:07:40and you're going to have to listen to that weird ear-throat-clearing sound
00:07:44they make every day until you are dead.
00:07:49And the same penis.
00:07:52I may literally never see another penis again.
00:07:56Unless it's a small child.
00:07:59Or if you get sexually assaulted.
00:08:09And Josh's is lovely.
00:08:11You know, we have an incredible sex life,
00:08:13but that's not the point, you know.
00:08:15I love Michael Jackson's Off the Wall album.
00:08:17I wouldn't necessarily want to only listen to that for the rest of my life.
00:08:20Yeah.
00:08:21Oh, honey, I've been there.
00:08:23I mean, you'll listen to it a lot in the beginning.
00:08:25You'll listen to it in all different sorts of places.
00:08:26You'll listen to it in the car.
00:08:28In the disabled toilet cubicle in the McDonald's and Egan.
00:08:32In your unconscious granny's hospital room.
00:08:35Granny Mary?
00:08:36That's what she would have wanted.
00:08:38But then, you know,
00:08:39you're just going to get to the point
00:08:41where you're not that bothered about listening to music at all.
00:08:43You just play it on birthdays
00:08:45or when you're very, very drunk.
00:08:50Or if someone shows you a Justin Bieber video
00:08:52when you're in the office
00:08:53and, you know,
00:08:55all you can then think about is that.
00:08:59Isn't he, like, 15?
00:09:01Oh, he'd know what to do.
00:09:05I'd ruin Bieber.
00:09:08You would.
00:09:09You would ruin him.
00:09:13Fuck.
00:09:14It's the soundtrack to my marriage.
00:09:16Don't get married.
00:09:16You.
00:09:17Too late for you.
00:09:22Penny for him.
00:09:24Your thoughts?
00:09:26What are you doing?
00:09:27Hey, Danny.
00:09:34Let's get the party started.
00:09:36Get comfy.
00:09:37Get comfy.
00:09:39Get comfy.
00:09:52I can't really tell you this.
00:09:53I was talking to Josh.
00:09:55and um he uh he said that the sex between him and that is amazing he said that it blows
00:10:03everything
00:10:03he's had in the past out the water that is tremendous news tremendous news for him he's
00:10:10really pleased yeah i suppose that's not really your thing is it sex and sexiness you're more
00:10:15how do you describe yourself kind of kind you know i mean charitable it's a shame in a way
00:10:23that they couldn't put your brain in her body you know i mean that would be amazing although
00:10:28what would you be left with you'd be left with like oh you'd be left with her brain in your
00:10:31body
00:10:31imagine that just rampaging around out of control what's that it's like oh my god it's like frankenstein
00:10:38but with like boobs villagers coming out with pitchforks and torches kill it
00:10:45just terrifying would be terrifying it'd be horrible
00:10:49now joking joking i'd do you if you wanted you know if i had to make a top 10 of
00:10:57women i know
00:10:57that i would do you'd be in that list number seven all right thank you seriously thanks
00:11:07do you want to get a drink sometime maybe pop out and get a drink sometime um no no no
00:11:14you say
00:11:15no i say yes so remember to play up our ethical credentials don't mention the bp campaign and
00:11:23let's emphasize the online campaign we did for greenpeace our job is to convince people his
00:11:27solvents won't render the planet of barren life disaster and fit for future generations he's
00:11:31going to do that then well if he's a cheapskate like his dad we suggest making the typeface
00:11:36green and yellow and sticking some sort of sunflower or butterfly on the logo his textbook surprisingly
00:11:42you could be right i expect you'll be some sort of tasteless yank obsessed with how we're
00:11:48all so quaint spelled color with a u worship benny hill and then say awesome a lot yeah and
00:11:55you'll probably do that austin powers accent you know that one yeah baby i didn't watch that
00:12:00film because it's absolutely not my cup of tea and then plump for whatever turns out to be the
00:12:04cheapest option that's my projection you're not eating today there's a lot of mercury in that
00:12:11well i can get a fucking sandwich i am gonna get a fucking sandwich claire but i'm not gonna have
00:12:15one with bread in it because i'm a celiac you know that i was thinking about your book yeah yeah
00:12:21i
00:12:21reckon that i prefer ezra to david as a name there was a david at school who if you paid
00:12:28him 50 cents
00:12:29was prepared to lick anything literally anything let's talk about over dinner because nat's out
00:12:34tonight another work thing i'm starving i mean obviously it's all relative i feel their plight
00:12:41i only had a kinder bueno for lunch i can't tonight i'm going out with charlie well again
00:12:47that's the third time in two weeks you're counting sorry to interrupt those articles you wanted from
00:12:53this morning thanks thank you so what am i just supposed to stay home in the hopes you've got a
00:12:59free night no just don't want to see you getting hurt that's all is that him yeah i see someone
00:13:10managed to find a burger king out in sudan
00:13:23on him like a bouncy castle remember to take off his shoes and no somersaults i need your ring
00:13:28what we really need this account are you on drugs come on it's not your dumb
00:13:34what's up
00:13:36hi hara hello who we got here natasha redfern accounts director oh sweet hi sarah is anything
00:13:44we can offer you hot diggity dog i love the way you say that huh the way she says that
00:13:48offer
00:13:49offer offer can you say that again oh offer mate um offer there it is there it is here give
00:13:56me some
00:13:56all right pound it oh i got an idea let's sit down let's talk some business huh mr hi we're
00:14:03delighted that you've come to us to uh take harap solvents forward and um rebrand in the fresh
00:14:08challenges presented by the new media climate awesome totally awesome bingo huh we're very
00:14:15pleased with some of the concepts we've come up with for the new incarnation of harap solvents
00:14:18as long as you don't fob me off with some uh yellow and green font i mean how many times
00:14:24have
00:14:24seen that right oh yes exactly no too many but what we've what we were thinking is to see
00:14:32a holistic approach focusing on the the core brand values of integrity integrity got it thank you
00:14:43responsibility that epitomize what paraps stands for paraps that's very good
00:15:00well to be honest uh at oxford my economics professor favored a fully integrated four
00:15:07quadrant strategy cohesive across all media presenting an instantly accessible
00:15:11aesthetic philosophical and commercial identity consistent with an ethical contemporary market
00:15:18leader whilst embracing its legacy of integrity yeah baby
00:15:28i'm so sorry i i just i know you thought i was a tasteless yank obsessed with how quaint you
00:15:35all are
00:15:37that's so quaint it's incredibly embarrassing but um we have plenty of other proposals to show you no no i
00:15:44don't need to see them these things aren't done in boardrooms we should get to know each other miss redford
00:15:50a holistic approach as you say um well agreed but uh from the outset you should know that i've just
00:15:58got um
00:16:07another account that i have to focus on for the next few days it's been a pleasure oh thanks i'm
00:16:13so sorry
00:16:13no please
00:16:28when we first met i just thought josh was exactly what i needed
00:16:33yeah i felt so safe and and then
00:16:40i think what she's trying to say is is that the everyday reality of marriage started to overtake
00:16:45the fairy tale the fantasy right oh hark at you somebody swallowed a copy of eat pray love
00:16:51no no i think as we i'm gonna have to take this yeah fine i'm in a session can't you
00:17:02pick them up
00:17:04give me two minutes talk about your feelings your father or something
00:17:29it's not
00:17:31to start lauren's about to tell jake the baby connor's not his
00:17:37all the songs that i've sung you
00:17:48you're the love that i really is so ostentatious
00:17:57have you seen my phone no when did you last have it well if any of that you'll be lost
00:18:03what is
00:18:03that's the point of somebody being lost
00:18:08you're always here why are you always here
00:18:17come have a look at this video of a monkey fucking a ball frog
00:18:21oh he's killed it he's killed it why are we fucking it
00:18:33sweet dreams are made of these who am i to disagree i travel the world
00:18:42in generic jeans
00:18:45seriously nah seriously hold on a second why do you never get the worst of a song right
00:18:52does it really matter well i've traveled the world in generic jeans
00:18:56really come on well it's just singing you realize it's so important what do you really
00:19:02think that annie lennox is singing about whether she happened to travel the world in levi's or
00:19:06wranglers okay wow
00:19:13and while we're at it elton john isn't singing hold me close and tie me down sir
00:19:17kurt cobain isn't singing here we are now in containers
00:19:20if you can't sing it right don't sing at all it's idiotic
00:19:24there's the man dressed as a peep
00:19:34i can't believe we're having the same
00:19:37fucking round oh not listening not listening not listening no
00:19:43fuck you
00:19:49yes you are you are such a
00:19:51cock-sucking-shit-stabbing
00:19:52fucking arsehole i could just
00:19:55fucking stab you right in the eyes
00:19:58what the fuck are you looking at you could do with the good
00:20:01fuck no not you nobody wants to fuck you you
00:20:05fucking frigid arsehole go fuck you
00:20:13so here we are the hub of the harps empire
00:20:19what do you think hopefully you can see why i wanted you to check this place out it's state of
00:20:24the
00:20:24art and responsible for a turnover last year 37 million if you squirted air
00:20:30from a large space into a slightly smaller space last year chances are you did it through one of these
00:20:38every time i squirt out a little bit of air i'll think of you
00:20:44it sounded weird you know what i mean yeah sure
00:20:52there's someone i want you to meet janet's been working here for what 42 years 43 in june
00:21:00hello yep my grandfather exploited her my father exploited her now i get to exploit her
00:21:06he's a good lad this one he takes care of us you won't find anybody here with a bad word
00:21:11to say
00:21:12about him except sarah but she's a proper shithouse hello he just needs to settle down start a family
00:21:21so what do you think wife material definitely better than the last one you should see some of the
00:21:27yeah i could talk your wages for insubordination get back to work
00:21:30astridium acetobytilicum doesn't acidogenically ferment itself
00:21:38well it looks like you've got the janet seal of approval i'm not sure i'm the marrying type
00:21:43you realize you'd be the heir to a solvent's fortune and that's not to be sniffed at literally could
00:21:49result in convulsions coma severe brain damage in some cases mental retardation
00:21:56they do all seem remarkably happy here is it the fumes these people they're like family to me
00:22:03i've grown up on this factory floor i spent every summer here since i was two
00:22:08if you're good to people people will be good to you it's what my dad taught me it's what i
00:22:14want to
00:22:14teach my kids and i want to end all wars and cure cancer
00:22:20so
00:23:00right you really you don't have to come tonight if you don't want to no i want to be there
00:23:04your
00:23:04husband should support you you look incredible i warn you you'll be bored to see us because i'm
00:23:09gonna have to network all night that's the cab seriously last chance to bed no i want to go i
00:23:15love a party um will i need a coat is it cold out why do you always ask me that
00:23:20how should i know if
00:23:21you need a coat i've been outside today you've been outside today i have precisely the same amount
00:23:27of meteorological information as you don't want to be stuck behind him going through airport security
00:23:48uh
00:23:56this is the one that's all metal
00:24:05why don't you um go and mingle there's a band upstairs um no i think i'm gonna stay here but
00:24:11you go i mean enjoy yourself are you staying here because you think you have a good joke about that
00:24:16photo what you are you're staying here so you can say that joke about the photo it's a good joke
00:24:25i actually
00:24:25have a couple you wouldn't want to be behind him going through airport security
00:24:31at least if you went out with him you'd always have a little place to hang your coat
00:24:36i'm josh box nice to meet you hi oh she's gone if you uh you put your keys on there
00:24:42couldn't you
00:24:45i think that's just what happens when you sleep next to an open sewer
00:24:49had amoebic dysentery twice in rwanda at one point i was actually defecating pieces
00:25:07of my colon
00:25:08miss redford
00:25:12nice lovely to see you i uh i didn't realize you were here you know it's actually good that i
00:25:17ran
00:25:17into you because i was thinking about some of those community outreach i did
00:25:20from talking shop am i allowed to say you're looking incredible technically no that will
00:25:27constitute sexual harassment yeah you're right rules and regulations on that are very strict these days
00:25:32i actually have a copy of the sexual discrimination act 2007 in my hotel room if you'd like to come
00:25:38back
00:25:38in perusal although christmas parties don't really count
00:25:44they're an opportunity to tell the person you've had a secret crush on all year how you
00:25:49really feel about them
00:25:53are they are they this is okay of course i think protocol and the quorum go right out the window
00:26:03and look at that guy that is embarrassing who is he leave him alone he's just hang on he's
00:26:11attempting the beyonce booty shake either that or he's being sodomized by the invisible man
00:26:17he's just had a few too many cocktails he's wasted having a good time
00:26:21yeah he sure is
00:26:29hold on look out here comes twinkle toes he's making a beeline i got you back i'll just send
00:26:35your boyfriend all right it's fine this party's amazing so much fun uh guy harris please to meet you
00:26:46oh the solvents guy oh you're nice to meet you he's so handsome isn't he
00:27:01he's so handsome yeah i suppose that's what office parties are for huh
00:27:09free booze and a chance to make out with a boss well i'm technically self-employed so i'll just have
00:27:14to settle for a can of budweiser and a wank charming how's the sexiest woman in the room for a
00:27:20dance
00:27:21listen listen we're actually talking business so maybe later wait uh they're playing your song
00:27:29shouldn't you be busting a move
00:27:44you almost have to admire him for giving it a go you owe me one
00:27:50how about we make our excuses i have a table on hold at melville oh no i can't i've uh
00:27:56i should go i think i need some fresh air
00:28:02hold on i'm swapping hands
00:28:05so you had an extra naan and two glasses of wine so you owe an extra four pounds drew
00:28:14you had the mango lassi so that's an extra three pounds i swear the mass graves in mogadishu weren't
00:28:20as awful as this do you want to bail did you have the chicken tail frazy i want to stay
00:28:26it's fun no
00:28:27you said hello to everybody i need to just gonna get messy and it's no fun being a spectator
00:28:31i would have practically stood behind him at airport security that was my job he stole it he's taking
00:28:37credit for my humor should i say something jesus josh when did you turn into such a prat
00:28:44stay dance like a fucking idiot tell your stupid jokes i'm going home
00:28:49that hoop in his ear you could hang his house keys on it
00:29:02god you are so sexy
00:29:05you're so sexy thanks
00:29:13that's it honey slide in room for one more
00:29:16hey alexandra
00:29:21you look really nice different from work
00:29:26you two want to have a little little hello kiss
00:29:29um hello
00:29:35did you guys did you guys like that dinner tonight
00:29:40did you go for the rice or the naan i went for the naan
00:29:46you are so naughty why are you so naughty
00:29:51i don't know charlie why is that did your mom smoke during her pregnancy
00:29:56oh okay
00:29:59all right
00:30:04there's some
00:30:08let's go chloe's climbing aboard
00:30:13here we go oh yeah oh yeah oh oh yeah he's on top now
00:30:25chloe loves being on bottom oh yes squeeze my breast
00:30:32it feels amazing
00:30:34nobody oh yeah charlie i can speak another language as well
00:30:46oh
00:30:46that's it okay okay yeah that's it
00:30:49chloe's in the middle now okay yeah okay oh yes it feels amazing doesn't it
00:30:55it feels so good oh oh oh god you're strong
00:31:03oh yeah oh yeah put your fingers in my mouth i love that
00:31:15especially after indian oh it's amazing
00:31:18oh excuse me excuse me no all right enough i am leaving you people you're sick
00:31:35i actually forgot my skirt i'm sorry
00:31:44okay thanks thanks everybody and fyi you both still have your underwear on
00:31:51oh
00:31:52i promise you this
00:32:11i'll always look out for you
00:32:31hey it's chloe um i really need to speak to you
00:32:36it's chloe
00:32:43hi it's me i demand you let me in i've got coffee and a bag of those little sweets you
00:32:48like that
00:32:49look like many fried eggs
00:32:54it was humiliating degrading
00:32:59i don't even know how i got myself into that position
00:33:02i'm not a threesome person i don't know what bits to touch when
00:33:08listen fuck him if he doesn't realize how amazing you are then he's an idiot
00:33:14he doesn't deserve you yeah right i mean look at me i'm in a rented flat
00:33:20wearing a spongebob squarepants dressing gown eating a mixture of animal fat and sugar made to look like
00:33:27a fried egg
00:33:29i'm 32 years old yeah and you spent your whole life doing things which make everybody else look
00:33:36shallow trivial and pointless i think it's slightly more important to be able to limit the spread
00:33:41of an epidemic than know how to conduct yourself in a threesome
00:33:47you do i mean for the purposes of this conversation sure
00:33:58honestly i just want someone to look after me for a change
00:34:02well i'll look after you
00:34:05you can't you've already got someone to look after
00:34:22listen i'm completely all right i promise not to end it all i don't even own a razor i wax
00:34:33i think it's pretty hard to wax yourself to death
00:34:38you can leave i'm okay that's all right i'm putting off my christmas shopping
00:34:48i'm trying to figure out what's my net
00:34:52what is she like i have no idea i was thinking casserole dishes maybe
00:35:01i simply cannot let you get your new wife casserole dishes for christmas
00:35:06let me help you out griddle pan no set of knives enough i'm gonna go get changed
00:35:19thanks josh that's all
00:35:30excuse me thank you
00:35:35hey hey
00:35:37hello you okay
00:35:40can i ask why we're meeting in your hotel you do know i'm not going up to your room don't
00:35:45you
00:35:46oh no of course not purely business no sexual tension whatsoever no undercurrent of erotic
00:35:54electricity between two ludicrously attractive single people none absolutely not good
00:36:02it's your time you're paying for so we need to lock down a day for the website just there's some
00:36:08tiny
00:36:08kittens up in my room playing adorably with a ball of wool if you're interested cat feces makes you go
00:36:15blind i'm not going to your room okay you win we'll work and completely ignore the palpable sizzle
00:36:22sensual possibility every time our bodies accidentally touch
00:36:27i've booked a boardroom down the hall
00:36:31shall we yeah basically i'm looking for something for my wife uh you know a pair of pants and a
00:36:36brazier perhaps something that's long lasting and practical goodness is that is that man-made fiber
00:36:44or is it um natural or is it a mixture of the two because that's often the way these days
00:36:50helps with
00:36:50them durability and i mean that's a lovely bit of kit look at that that's a formidable gusset you
00:36:55could not break that were you looking for a panty christ am i
00:37:01a panty yes trouble with the word panty i think no i don't panty i'm looking for a panty mon
00:37:07cherry a portion of your finest panties me lord right um perhaps i should just ask you after all you
00:37:15are standing right here oh oh god no no no i'm i'm not his wife no i'm just helping out
00:37:22making sure
00:37:23he doesn't buy his actual wife vouchers no you can't actually go wrong with vouchers christ is that
00:37:28really the price like about half an 18 litre dehumidifier for that sir yes we like to celebrate
00:37:36the erotic here celebrate one nil oh yeah it's gotta go you don't need to be ashamed i'm not
00:37:41ashamed of anything embrace it i'll embrace you i didn't mean that i'm really sorry it's all right
00:37:46i just why don't you tell me yeah what turns you on oh what turns me on okay what really
00:37:59i uh i like it i like it when she like dresses up like a policewoman or estate agent and
00:38:08we haven't
00:38:10met and she forces me to do things to her that i would never normally do
00:38:20right yeah i was thinking more along the lines of late were you sat in sat in fishnet fishnets the
00:38:32fish of the sea fish of the sea a trawler man i once saw a trawler man you must know
00:38:40the lucky lady
00:38:41any thoughts oh you're a useless at all this sexy stuff as i am aren't you not happy with a
00:38:46thermal 90sd
00:38:47glass and a nice milky tea i'm just gonna go have a browse leave you to it oh this is
00:38:58nice
00:38:59i also have a wonderful restaurant i wouldn't think of staying anywhere else when i'm in london
00:39:05so what is our strategy when it comes to uh online awareness so the idea is to drive the consumer
00:39:14to the site through a uni oysters oysters seriously guy must have run out of highland shortbread
00:39:26to drive consumers to the site through a unified multi-platform
00:39:32a unified multi-platform approach accessible with
00:39:39yes yes go on platforms it was good
00:39:43well traditional media should not be ignored either
00:39:48doves really i think you're amazing that i know it's a professional cliche
00:39:56i'm married what i'm married i have a husband
00:40:05how can you why didn't you say something for all this time you you didn't you didn't think to tell
00:40:11me i didn't say anything because i thought we'd get the account if if i flirted with you and then
00:40:17i
00:40:17liked flirting with you too much for any of this to stop well this this wouldn't be happening if you
00:40:23were happy with your husband what am i supposed to say i can't leave him he'd be destroyed look i'm
00:40:30really sorry but that dove's getting awfully close to the ceiling fan who is this guy i mean do you
00:40:35have
00:40:35children how long have you been married look that's irrelevant he's he's dependable and
00:40:42he's kind and safe and i can't i can't throw that all away for you i mean you're charming and
00:40:4920
00:40:50you're a ferrari and he's a volvo and right now
00:40:56i just need to be behind the wheel of a volvo i need
00:41:02i need reliability to be able to get from a to b safe and unhurt
00:41:09oh god dub down dub down oh it's okay i think it's just a stunt can you
00:41:14join the stuntman yes listen nat i'm not giving up from the minute i met you i thought of nothing
00:41:20else
00:41:21you think i care if our logo has a drop shadow or is italicized no i'm looking for excuses to
00:41:27see you
00:41:28come on and i'm not twinkly i don't twinkle with anyone else you make me twinkly
00:41:39oh god that's supposed to be lucky
00:41:43look as might be evident i've never done this kind of thing before but i would regret it
00:41:47forever if i didn't try everything i could married or not i need to be with you nat
00:41:57my my dad sorry i'm sorry i can't do this i'm sorry
00:42:12perhaps in hindsight you shouldn't have gone with the doves thanks
00:42:20you like those sir uh yeah crotchless interesting lovely yeah do you uh do you get much of a call
00:42:25for them everything all right in there yeah i just i think this hook is cut yeah yeah uh yeah
00:42:31i have to
00:42:32admit that i'm not very good with buttons or zips or that sort of thing usually i holy
00:42:36fucking shit i mean who needs a dehumidifier right sure i get a bit of condensation on my bedroom
00:42:43windows sometimes but i just i thought that i would try something unpractical do you think that nat
00:43:01would like something like this or no of course she looked really nice um yeah but i think i think
00:43:15maybe that i don't know what is it is it i don't know if it's caught on the tag i
00:43:20don't know what i
00:43:32did you know those um strips that they put in pants if you want to try them on do you
00:43:43think that's
00:43:43what's the difference against gonorrhea or chlamydia that's the one these days chlamydia chlamydia that's
00:43:51also also so i've so i've read
00:44:10oh god i'm so sorry i don't know why i did that no i am so sorry i am sorry
00:44:15excuse me sir will you be
00:44:18paying for that christ i expect so i'm sorry i'm sorry i just wanted you to know how i feel
00:44:26about
00:44:26you and i i don't want to let you slip away it's very complicated hurry that was really bad i
00:44:31know
00:44:32i mean not not the kiss or the the visuals that i love me but i'm married i know oh
00:44:38great god damn
00:44:38i'm beyonce what beyonce is my husband what beyonce is my husband beyonce is josh yes
00:44:52nat hello darling how weird what a treat how are you
00:45:00guy right yeah uh josh yeah that's right nice to see you guy this is chloe she's a wonderful
00:45:06uh charity worker all right hey yeah we were just doing some christmas shopping we were just having
00:45:12a meeting around the corner oh were you yeah nice yeah
00:45:18did you have fun last night oh it's awesome awesome did you uh manage to get lucky
00:45:22with the ladies no uh actually the girl i had my eye on blew me off i ended up alone
00:45:29in the hotel with
00:45:30mini sleeve of pringles watching malaysian golf in eurosport it's hilarious
00:45:39i find that incredibly difficult to believe well it's true it's true what a man as good looking
00:45:45as you fabulous face amazing hair wonderful teeth real hunk of spunk thank you amazing skin
00:45:53that's what hasn't he got incredible skin you do thank you it's inspirational chloe's single aren't you
00:46:04and she's american and you you could um ride the subway and have a malt at the five and dime
00:46:10if that takes your fancy if you want to are you okay yeah yeah poor chloe could probably think of
00:46:18nothing worse but uh you know maybe if we all went out together for some time that could be uh
00:46:22oh you could set that up can you neck is that all right yes yes absolutely i will organize it
00:46:30i'll
00:46:30organize it awesome great okay dinner after christmas jenna yep sarsaparilla and hot dogs all around
00:46:38very nice to meet you you too
00:46:43things really hit a low point around christmas um his family's so weird that's not nice they are come
00:46:54on i caught your mother googling can cat urine be used as fertilizer well she's got lots of cat urine
00:47:00she might as well use it why the fuck has she got lots of cat urine
00:47:04at least my family were friendly
00:47:12you didn't exactly endear yourself with the charades debacle here we go
00:47:20like television television forward forward first word first word
00:47:26i can't watch this duck duck tapping uh hanging hanging vera duck
00:47:31computer and um braille uh red red thick stupid man effeminate husband annoying idiot
00:47:39disappointment shame uh regression um lazy doctor doctor thank you doctor doctor is
00:47:46it's not the first thing you don't want you look at him forward
00:47:49doctor jackham has died quick quick quick quick quick go you've got a minute go go go
00:47:53second word second word sounds like sounds like
00:47:56not fit sexy young girl a wife no
00:48:00bat a bat lovely cat cat right beautiful um
00:48:05uh let's play
00:48:11baron baron baron mutschenhausen sorry no um
00:48:16uh
00:48:18uh
00:48:20vagina vagina
00:48:22pussy minge twat foo-foo clunge uh
00:48:28growler quim quim quim quim quim quim quim quim
00:48:32dr quimley's case books dr quim medicine woman
00:48:35that's it
00:48:38get away from me what you're all right mother what else rhymes with quim
00:48:44sounds like chin sounds like
00:48:47bean you're all right bloody lionel blair look i was tired
00:48:52partly slept i wasn't thinking straight because your evil stepdad had put me in that bedroom
00:48:56just to punish me
00:48:59i would argue that you got a better night's sleep than i did at your parents house
00:49:15oh your parents made it perfectly clear what they thought of me
00:49:19oh
00:49:21fantastic digital photo frame wonderful that is brilliant you just put a memory stick in and it
00:49:25makes a slideshow well we've got a camera on us we'll have to try it out later that is fabulous
00:49:29oh my god thank you who's this from mum and dad cracking
00:49:38how to be a successful writer
00:49:41and um stop wasting your life
00:49:45it's a good idea unbelievable my family hate him you hate me his family get under my skin and at
00:49:52a
00:49:52time when we should have felt happy and close i couldn't have felt more distant
00:49:58explain again what your book's about well my uh my hero is a young history professor
00:50:04called ezra who uh with the help of a young american aid worker discovers this man in borneo
00:50:10who claims to be mohammed so it's a meditation really on the veracity and origins of faith
00:50:17if he ever gets around to finishing it
00:50:22another drink josh oh that'd be lovely thank you
00:50:37oh that's gorgeous
00:50:40ice uh yes please
00:50:45sweet
00:50:48are you sure there's nothing i can do to help no thank you
00:50:54mince pie
00:50:57no thank you are you sure why are you standing like that just offer an alec a mince pie
00:51:01he doesn't want a mince pie you don't you don't no no no
00:51:05just stand up oh that's that market we went to entire advance oh let me see darling yes
00:51:13yes um um it was gorgeous they've been those incredible things i'm sure nobody wants to hear about this
00:51:17i'm sure nobody wants to hear about this because it wasn't very interesting look at the can
00:51:19fucking little cocksucker give this back to me give it
00:51:26just sit down
00:51:29goodness me
00:51:30it's still working yes this is the uh can square they had um snake charmers and performing monkeys oh
00:51:38Oh, that is so magical.
00:51:40Er, me with a monkey?
00:51:42Oh darling, you look so sweet.
00:51:45Oh, me trying on those slippers, they're very pretty.
00:51:50I was having cocktails, there was a beautiful bar at the top of the hotel.
00:51:53We'd go there every evening.
00:51:55Oh, I was having more cocktails.
00:52:22It was a junior suite.
00:52:24Er, not terribly expensive.
00:52:27Lovely view of the orchards.
00:52:29In fact, if you can just see in the background there, the balcony.
00:52:34Woah.
00:52:36That's doggy style.
00:52:39That's favourite, isn't it, Nat?
00:52:50Why don't I drive?
00:52:52You drive like you've got a vagina.
00:52:54You could do.
00:52:55Or I could glue myself to a deck chair and you could kick me down a stairwell.
00:52:59Both about as enjoyable, both about as likely to happen.
00:53:02Why do you do it?
00:53:04Why are you still together?
00:53:05You hate each other.
00:53:07Of course we do.
00:53:08But that's marriage.
00:53:10I mean, to embrace the hatred.
00:53:13And I married a man who wears driving gloves.
00:53:16Actually helps you get purchase.
00:53:17Don't say purchase.
00:53:19But how do you know that the hate won't outweigh the love?
00:53:23How do you know there's not someone better out there for you?
00:53:26Of course there is.
00:53:27Of course there is.
00:53:28Of course there is.
00:53:29Marriage is about living with the imperfections, isn't it?
00:53:31I mean, look at that stupid ginger face.
00:53:34It's true.
00:53:35I miss her.
00:53:36Look at those beautiful eyes, big warm heart.
00:53:38You know, she hasn't aged a day since I met her.
00:53:40And as you get to know each other more, well, you love each other more.
00:53:44Well, don't you try and kiss me.
00:53:51Did you forget something?
00:53:52Yeah.
00:53:54We're going to hit traffic, you know.
00:53:56Yeah.
00:54:00Tonight should be interesting.
00:54:01I mean, they could be really right for each other.
00:54:03Because Chloe's so sweet and Guy seems all right.
00:54:06What do you think?
00:54:07What about that?
00:54:09No?
00:54:10Yeah.
00:54:12Chloe's...
00:54:12She's lovely.
00:54:14I don't know how you let her slip away.
00:54:16Well, Chloe?
00:54:17No.
00:54:18She's too nice.
00:54:19She's too perfect.
00:54:21A little of Chloe goes a long way.
00:54:24Yeah, I mean, she can be kind of grating.
00:54:25Totally.
00:54:26This one?
00:54:27Rugby?
00:54:29Nope.
00:54:31But Guy, I mean, he's quite a catch.
00:54:33You know, he's just your type, really.
00:54:35No, he's too slick for his own good.
00:54:38Bit too American.
00:54:40You're my type.
00:54:41I don't really go for good looking.
00:54:49Hi.
00:54:50Great to see you.
00:54:51I'm very sexy.
00:54:52And Nat, you look good too.
00:54:58You two pop yourselves down.
00:55:00I'm gonna nip off to the little boys room.
00:55:01See if I can find myself some little boys.
00:55:03Honestly not.
00:55:05I'm just gonna go for a quick wee.
00:55:06Not the other.
00:55:09Sorry about that.
00:55:10But he's really pretty good...
00:55:12Who's the best?
00:55:13I'm sorry.
00:55:15Not the other men.
00:55:16No, it's great.
00:55:17The rest.
00:55:18So is tonight not a bit weird?
00:55:20You promised not to get into Stanley Giles?
00:55:24Honestly.
00:55:25Chloe. Chloe is fantastic. You'll love her. She's the best. The best. She's so kind.
00:55:34Wonderfully kind. And pretty. She's very good. Definitely. So pretty. 100%.
00:55:45Hey. Are you here? Yeah. Look, if this is weird, I can go. It's just that, you know,
00:55:52set it up, and you didn't seem to mind. No, I don't mind. It's not weird. Why would I find
00:55:55it weird?
00:55:55Listen, the bloke's a bit of a twat, but you might like him. Oh, yeah. I love a twat.
00:56:01Single girl looking for a guy. No non-twats considered. Oh, shit. Okay, they've seen us.
00:56:08Let's go do this. Okay. Final game. It's Brits won, Yanks won. We owe this to our great nation
00:56:16to win this club. Let's do it. Let's look at us. We're all getting on like a house on fire.
00:56:21Never really understood that phrase. Why is it good to get on like a house on fire? I mean,
00:56:26there might be small kids left inside. Think of them. I know. The possibility of asphyxiation.
00:56:31Or the very least. Loss of any no claims bonus. It's just a metaphor. It means something
00:56:36that's uncontrollable, has momentum. Exactly. So tell me this. What would be the first thing
00:56:41you'd save in a fire? Let me guess. It would be a wedding ring.
00:56:46Well, obviously, my wedding ring. But, you know, I've got two around sometimes.
00:56:51He does love that ring. First thing I noticed about you, wasn't it?
00:56:57I know. He does love that ring. He does love that ring.
00:57:05Oh, you know, I don't let you hold it on to me.
00:57:11I don't want to play. I don't want to play.
00:57:14Turn it out for this, guys.
00:57:21Fuck off
00:57:23Yeah, that was too bad
00:57:25I'd probably rescue that necklace that I got you
00:57:27When we got engaged in Venice
00:57:30That's sweet, that's beautiful
00:57:33How about you, Chloe?
00:57:35I'm guessing something sentimental, emotional
00:57:40It's your shot, Chloe
00:57:41Sorry?
00:57:42It's your shot, mate
00:57:42Oh, sorry
00:57:44Well, you wouldn't really head for the shoes, though, would you, Chloe?
00:57:47Fashion's not really your thing
00:57:49Why would it be?
00:57:50I mean, look at her
00:57:51She'd make anything look fantastic
00:57:53She'd make a sack look incredible
00:57:57Thanks
00:57:57Yeah, it's like, what's the opposite of
00:57:59You cannot polish a turd?
00:58:01She's an already polished turd
00:58:03She's a turd buffed to her hygiene
00:58:07Thanks
00:58:08I'm lucky, pal
00:58:09You know, honestly, if the stuff burnt up
00:58:11I think I just view it as a chance to start over
00:58:14You know, have a new adventure
00:58:15I'm not too bothered by material possessions
00:58:18All right, come down on it a bit
00:58:21Come on
00:58:23And use your arms
00:58:24Go back and forth with it
00:58:25So really get a nice pumping action
00:58:26And then go through the ball
00:58:27And you want to hit it on the edge there
00:58:30If you put the cue
00:58:32Between your thumb and your first finger
00:58:33You'll find it easier to get
00:58:34That's it
00:58:35Now
00:58:36Get this moving before you take the shot
00:58:39Come down a bit lower
00:58:40Don't take the
00:58:41Come on
00:58:42Not that low
00:58:43That's it
00:58:44Now play through the ball
00:58:45And breathe
00:58:49There's no point, is there
00:58:50If we're not going to do it properly
00:58:52It's like
00:58:52What's the point?
00:58:53There's no point in playing
00:58:53That's true
00:58:54Oh, I think it's my
00:58:55I think Chloe's right
00:58:57I mean, nice things is great
00:59:00But ultimately, so what?
00:59:02As long as the people you love are safe
00:59:04That's it
00:59:05You got that?
00:59:07Oh
00:59:09You see that?
00:59:10That's the
00:59:11Wow
00:59:11I can't believe it
00:59:13Oh
00:59:14It'll never happen again
00:59:15No, it will
00:59:16Be positive
00:59:17Oh, no
00:59:18Once in a lifetime
00:59:20It's so sweet
00:59:21What you said about that necklace
00:59:23Yeah
00:59:24You should wear it more often
00:59:25Oh, okay
00:59:26What do you think?
00:59:28I think you
00:59:29You're good on your own
00:59:30Oh, you touched the cue ball
00:59:30Oh
00:59:31So
00:59:32I mean, if you want to play proper
00:59:34No, it's fine
00:59:35If you want to
00:59:36Okay
00:59:36I'm sorry
00:59:36I'm sorry
00:59:37It happens all the time
00:59:38Don't worry about it
00:59:38I'm sorry
00:59:39It's two shots
00:59:40No, no, it's cool
00:59:41All right
00:59:41No, no, no, go ahead
00:59:43I don't want to be a dick about it
00:59:43You know
00:59:44No
00:59:44Too late
00:59:44You sure?
00:59:45Take your two shots
00:59:46Well, that was fun
00:59:47Yeah
00:59:48We should do it again
00:59:49What do you say, Josh?
00:59:50Give your Brits a chance for revenge?
00:59:52Oh, yeah
00:59:52Because when my elbow's a bit better
00:59:53I'll be able to
00:59:54Give you a much better game
00:59:55Probably win
00:59:56Yeah, that sounds fun
00:59:58Can I walk you to your car?
00:59:59Oh, you know
01:00:00I'm just going to
01:00:00Catch a cab
01:00:01But, um
01:00:01You can wait with me
01:00:03If you like
01:00:04It'd be my pleasure
01:00:05Okay
01:00:05Actually
01:00:06I don't know if I quickly
01:00:07Grab you for two minutes
01:00:08Just to talk packaging
01:00:10For the meeting
01:00:11Is that okay?
01:00:13Okay
01:00:14Thanks
01:00:14Sorry
01:00:16Well, I could
01:00:16I could help you get a cab
01:00:17If you want
01:00:18And I'll wait with you
01:00:21Okay
01:00:22Yeah
01:00:24I had a blast, partner
01:00:26We are what make our nation great
01:00:29I'd like to check out
01:00:30That Kandinsky thing
01:00:31You were talking about
01:00:32That sounds very interesting
01:00:34Thank you
01:00:38Oh, that's nice
01:00:40Alright
01:00:40Okay, I'll see you back at the start
01:00:42Alright
01:00:43All the best
01:00:46I presume we need to make a decision
01:00:48On the Linkworth tender
01:00:49For the branding
01:00:51What are your thoughts?
01:00:59Whoa, whoa, whoa
01:01:00I thought you said that this
01:01:04Wait, what are we doing?
01:01:06Who are you doing?
01:01:08What are you doing?
01:01:14Oh, Christ, Stephen
01:01:15Your underwear is amazing
01:01:22Hi
01:01:22It's a little fiddle
01:01:23Wait, wait, wait
01:01:25No, no, no, no
01:01:26Just right there
01:01:27Oh, shit
01:01:30That guy's so dull
01:01:32He's so bland
01:01:34You don't like him, do you?
01:01:36Taxi
01:01:38No
01:01:42What's going on, Josh?
01:01:44What are we even doing?
01:01:47What do you mean?
01:01:49Taxi
01:01:50Your light's on
01:01:51Your light's on
01:01:51Put your light
01:01:52His light was on
01:01:53Why would you?
01:01:55You realise I love you
01:01:57Don't you?
01:01:59I'm in love with a man
01:02:00Who just got married
01:02:01And we're both pretending
01:02:02That it's fine
01:02:03Today was so fucked up
01:02:05Taxi
01:02:10No, no
01:02:10Excuse me
01:02:11Excuse me
01:02:12No
01:02:12No, no, no
01:02:13You don't do that
01:02:14That's not how decent people behave
01:02:16Is it?
01:02:17How is society
01:02:17Supposed to function
01:02:19With people like you
01:02:20Dragging us into a cesspit?
01:02:23We're not animals
01:02:24Sorry
01:02:25We just didn't see you
01:02:26I didn't realise it was your taxi
01:02:27Please
01:02:27Take it
01:02:28You can have it
01:02:30I'm so sorry
01:02:31I'm sorry
01:02:32What am I supposed to do?
01:02:34I can't just walk out of a marriage
01:02:35After nine months
01:02:36Why not?
01:02:38Pride?
01:02:39Afraid of what people will say?
01:02:42Figure out what you actually
01:02:43Want to fight for, Josh
01:02:45When I went to Africa
01:02:47I convinced myself
01:02:48That we were too young
01:02:49And somebody better
01:02:50Would come along
01:02:51But they never did
01:02:52And they still haven't
01:02:53And now
01:02:55Every time I see you
01:02:56I think
01:02:57Why didn't you stop me?
01:03:00Why didn't you fight?
01:03:05This has to stop
01:03:07I can't see you anymore
01:03:10You're married
01:03:14I can't see you anymore
01:03:31Dinner on a show, was it?
01:03:33It was a show
01:03:33Nice, yeah
01:03:35Nice
01:03:36Sorry
01:03:55We need to talk
01:03:57We do, yeah
01:04:00I don't know what's happening here
01:04:02But it's been nine months
01:04:06And neither of us is happy
01:04:07And I don't know how to change things
01:04:10I just never imagined that marriage would be this difficult, you know
01:04:15I don't want to be you and Naomi
01:04:18I don't want to constantly row over whether the bin's full or not
01:04:20I don't see what's wrong with compacting the rubbish in the bin to make more space
01:04:23I'm not rowing about the bin again
01:04:25Neither am I
01:04:29Look
01:04:31If you want to walk away, I understand
01:04:35Was that what you want?
01:04:36That's not what I'm saying
01:04:37Because it sounds like you don't want to make it work
01:04:41Stop putting words into my mouth
01:04:43You're the one who said marriage was difficult
01:04:44Yeah, but I didn't say anything about walking away
01:04:48So
01:04:50If you want to give up
01:04:52I'm not the one giving up
01:04:53Well, no, am I
01:04:56Well, good
01:04:58That's good
01:05:00Well, so what do we do?
01:05:07So that's why we've come here today
01:05:10We've hit our low point, but, um
01:05:12We're committed to making our marriage succeed
01:05:14Ah
01:05:17You should just cut your losses now
01:05:19Before your life becomes a series of squabbles
01:05:22About who's meant to pick the kids up
01:05:23Who put the King's Speech DVD
01:05:25Back in the Sound of Music DVD case
01:05:29Oh, I suppose if you really want to make it work
01:05:31You could try focusing on making it to a year
01:05:36Commit to a life with each other for the next three months
01:05:41There is freedom within
01:05:44There is freedom without
01:05:46Trying to catch the delusion of paper cards
01:05:53There's a battle ahead
01:05:56Many battles are lost
01:05:59But you'll never see the end of the road
01:06:01While you're traveling with me
01:06:03What is it?
01:06:06Is it a film?
01:06:07How many words?
01:06:08Novel?
01:06:09Well, you must know how many words there are
01:06:11Sounds like
01:06:16Hey now, hey now
01:06:19Don't dream it's all my
01:06:22Hey now, hey now
01:06:25When the world comes in
01:06:28They come, they come
01:06:31To build a wall between us
01:06:36I understand you're looking to sell
01:06:41I'm from Foxons
01:06:47We built this city
01:06:50We built this city
01:06:53On the wrong damn road
01:06:55We built this city
01:06:57We built this city
01:07:00On the wrong damn road
01:07:05Johnny, play the bunkers
01:07:29So this time last year
01:07:31You'd be Mrs. Moss
01:07:33You'd be Mrs. Moss for
01:07:3367, 68, 68, 68
01:07:36An hour and eight minutes
01:07:39We made it
01:07:41One year
01:07:44We should be proud of ourselves
01:07:52Ta-da
01:07:54I thought I'd bring out the big guns for a special occasion
01:07:59Could you help do me up?
01:08:01Yeah
01:08:13I think two of these hooks are broken
01:08:16Oh
01:08:17Really?
01:08:18Yeah, I think so
01:08:18Go on
01:08:20Let me
01:08:22Fix it
01:08:22Bye
01:08:23Bye
01:08:25Oh my, oh my
01:08:29Have you seen the weather
01:08:32The sweet September rain
01:08:37Han, I've just remembered I've got to do something
01:08:39Erm
01:08:39I'll see you at the restaurant
01:08:41Talk to you at Miami, okay?
01:08:44Sure
01:08:45I'll see you there
01:08:46Until I drown
01:08:48Until I drown
01:08:50When love breaks down
01:08:51The things you do
01:08:53To stop the truth from hurting you
01:08:57When love breaks down
01:08:59The lies we tell
01:09:00They only serve to fool ourselves
01:09:03When love breaks down
01:09:06When love breaks down
01:09:18You know, you haven't even told me where we're going yet
01:09:20I wanted to surprise you
01:09:23My love and I
01:09:26We are boxing clever
01:09:29She'll never cry me out
01:09:32Hey!
01:09:34Hey!
01:09:34Hey!
01:09:36What's going on?
01:09:38I wanted to organise a little party for you
01:09:39The year's a big achievement
01:09:41Where is your stupid husband?
01:09:47Remember your passport?
01:09:54Is this human trafficking?
01:09:56You're not gonna keep it and sell me to a gang of Albanians
01:10:00This will make me pleasure 25 truck drivers a day
01:10:02It's important in Belgium for me to earn it back
01:10:04Are you?
01:10:05No
01:10:06No
01:10:07Absolutely not
01:10:08It's a terrible situation though
01:10:10I've got
01:10:11Those women
01:10:12I
01:10:14Can't help but think they all just started life as
01:10:17Someone's old baby
01:10:21He's still not picking up?
01:10:23He's never usually late
01:10:25Oh God, can we start without him?
01:10:26I'm starving, we've been here forever
01:10:29I can't believe he's late for our first anniversary dinner
01:10:31I can't believe you've even made it to your first anniversary dinner
01:10:35What?
01:10:36Hmm?
01:10:37Hmm?
01:10:40Well
01:10:43One year is pretty remarkable
01:10:45Given that you two are completely ill-suited for one another, isn't it?
01:10:48I mean, no one thought that you were gonna make it a month as much as a year
01:10:51Really?
01:10:52I didn't actually think you'd make it past the honeymoon, honestly
01:10:54I thought you'd fuck a Moroccan
01:10:56Whoa
01:10:57I really did
01:10:57And I wouldn't have blamed you because they're very beguiling, the Moroccans
01:11:00Do you know what I mean?
01:11:01If you're sort of like the swarthy gentleman
01:11:04Thanks, and no
01:11:17It's not your thing?
01:11:19Very efficient
01:11:20Like a machine
01:11:21Just
01:11:21In and out
01:11:22I will annex your vagina
01:11:24And then Poland
01:11:25Nah, forgive and forget
01:11:26Do you know what?
01:11:27Do you know what?
01:11:28I don't know about you
01:11:28I've never met someone who's had sex with an Eskimo
01:11:30It'd be good when it
01:11:31Because they start with the noses and then they get down
01:11:34You know with them
01:11:35Do you think they do that in there?
01:11:37It's like
01:11:37Not using the
01:11:38Not using the
01:11:38Just on the nose
01:11:40I bet you've had to feel them
01:11:41Yeah
01:11:41And him
01:11:43Nah, good luck to you
01:11:45Thanks
01:11:45I mean you did it
01:11:47One year
01:11:47Yay
01:11:48Yay
01:11:49Don't you clap
01:11:51Go on, give that twat of a husband another call
01:11:53Don't use your phone, use mine
01:11:54Because sometimes he avoids you if he sees your name come up on the caller ID
01:12:11Ten
01:12:12In a way
01:12:27Oh
01:12:27Yes
01:12:27Yes
01:12:27Yes
01:12:27Yes
01:12:35Oh
01:12:36Oh
01:12:37Happy birthday
01:12:38Yay
01:12:44Naomi arranged it
01:12:47Happy one year
01:12:49I need to tell you something now
01:12:53I just think you're the most incredible woman
01:12:58So beautiful
01:13:00And smart and bright and funny
01:13:04You're perfect
01:13:06You're the perfect wife
01:13:12But just not for me
01:13:15I've waited my whole life for the right girl to show up
01:13:18And it turns out that you weren't it
01:13:20I don't find the way that you crinkle your nose when you laugh
01:13:23Adorable, the way you flick your hair
01:13:25It's quite frankly irritating
01:13:26Hear, hear
01:13:26I wanted to cherish everything about you
01:13:28But it just didn't happen
01:13:34So I guess what I'm trying to say is
01:13:37Natasha Moss
01:13:39Will you divorce me?
01:13:43Yes
01:13:45Yes
01:13:45Yes, I will
01:13:47Really?
01:13:48You really mean it?
01:13:50Absolutely
01:13:51I've been waiting for this moment for months
01:13:53Hoping it would happen
01:13:54I can't believe that you asked me
01:13:55Why didn't you just say something then?
01:13:57I didn't want to hurt your feelings
01:13:58I thought it would break your heart
01:14:00You've made me the happiest woman in the world
01:14:05I love you
01:14:06But you're not in love with me
01:14:07No, God, no
01:14:10Unequivocally not in love with you
01:14:12The opposite
01:14:13The opposite of love
01:14:14Misery
01:14:14Me too
01:14:17I can't believe we felt the same for so long
01:14:19Well, listen
01:14:20Now we have the rest of our lives
01:14:23Not to be together
01:14:27Cheers
01:14:29Look, this is amazing
01:14:30It's magical
01:14:31It is better than I could ever have imagined
01:14:33But there's somewhere else that I really need to be right now
01:14:35Go, seriously
01:14:36Go
01:14:36Do you need money for a car?
01:14:37No, I'm alright
01:14:37I'm in the car
01:14:38But it was a nightmare trying to park
01:14:39So I'm basically in a hard place
01:14:40Oh, God, stop it
01:14:41Stop it
01:14:42It's so boring
01:14:43It's just the car's in your name
01:14:44It's so boring
01:14:45We should sort that out
01:14:46It's so boring
01:14:46I don't care
01:14:47Honestly
01:14:48Just go
01:15:02I will never have to see you again
01:15:05Ever
01:15:13Taxi!
01:15:30Ta-da!
01:15:32Oh, wow
01:15:34I've always wanted to go to Aachen
01:15:38No, we're going to Paris
01:15:41Paris
01:15:42Ah
01:15:44Okay
01:15:46Joke
01:15:46Yeah
01:15:48Yeah
01:16:01I'm thinking two kids
01:16:04Oh
01:16:04Guy Junior and Gaia
01:16:09Oh, my God
01:16:11I can't be without you, Chloe
01:16:14I think about you every second of the day
01:16:16I need to be with you
01:16:18And I know you want to be with me as well
01:16:20What the hell are you doing?
01:16:21You can't just turn up and try and steal my girlfriend away
01:16:23You're married
01:16:24You're a married man
01:16:25You should get out of here, creep
01:16:28I split up with Nat
01:16:29You split up with Nat
01:16:30You split up with Nat?
01:16:31Ever since you came back into my life
01:16:33I've known that I had to be with you
01:16:36When I lie in bed
01:16:37I think about the way that you laugh
01:16:39I can't work because I can't stop imagining our lives together
01:16:43You're everything that I've ever wanted in a room
01:16:49Nat
01:16:50Tosh
01:16:55Okay
01:16:58Nat
01:17:01We spoke about this, didn't we?
01:17:03It's not going to work out
01:17:03No, I'm actually, I'm
01:17:05Don't care what you say
01:17:06I'm
01:17:09I'm not here to see you
01:17:10What are you doing?
01:17:12I'm actually not here to see you
01:17:14What do you mean you're not?
01:17:15I'm actually here to see me
01:17:17Him
01:17:18Really?
01:17:19And you
01:17:20Oh, of course
01:17:22You're perfect for each other
01:17:23Yeah, and I always thought he was much more the kind of guy that you should go for
01:17:27Do you remember when I said to you
01:17:28When I was trying to wear a t-shirt
01:17:29Oh, I remember when you said that
01:17:29I remember when you said that
01:17:31And at the time I agreed and I thought in my mind
01:17:33He's right, I should be with him
01:17:35That's what I wanted to be
01:17:38And here we are
01:17:40Here we are
01:17:43And where were you?
01:17:44Had you been explaining the bit about us splitting up?
01:17:46Yeah, I was just explaining to Chloe why I was in love with her
01:17:51Okay, is it just me or is this unbelievably awkward?
01:17:55Look at that
01:17:56She's got that dry sense of humour that you like
01:17:58I mean, I just don't have that
01:18:00And this guy
01:18:02Forget about it
01:18:04Unbelievable
01:18:05Proper grade A hunk
01:18:07I could just drink you in
01:18:09Thanks
01:18:12But this lady here
01:18:15She's incredible
01:18:17And you make her eyes light up in a way that I never could
01:18:25Would you
01:18:27Mind
01:18:27No, no, uh, please
01:18:30Would it be alright if I
01:18:31Of course
01:18:36Thank you
01:18:37Thank you
01:18:41Oh
01:18:41Oh
01:18:42Oh, that's nice
01:18:43Oh, sorry
01:18:46No, no, we don't want to do that
01:18:48Never again
01:18:49Come round this side
01:18:50Hi
01:18:51Hi
01:18:58This is a bit weird
01:19:00We'll go
01:19:03We'll go
01:19:18We'll go
01:19:25Because I never knew a love like this before
01:19:32What a surprise
01:19:34Because I never knew a love like this before
01:19:41Open my eyes
01:19:43Because I never knew a love like this before
01:19:52Who had the chicken feet?
01:19:53I did
01:19:54You had the chicken feet?
01:19:56We didn't have a starter
01:19:57No, no
01:19:58And we didn't have the champagne
01:20:00We spent £45,000 on a wedding to your prick, son
01:20:04You can tip in for a bit of fucking dim sum
01:20:21Never, never
01:20:24I never knew, I never knew, I never knew
01:20:29Never, never
01:20:36All right, pause, pause, pause, pause
01:20:38Let's see what we'll do
01:20:39We'll make a list of pros and cons, right, of Nat
01:20:44Pros, number one, body, excellent
01:20:47I've seen it nude, loved it
01:20:49I beg your pardon, when have you seen it nude?
01:20:52Well, when we were down in that place in Cornwall
01:20:54I sort of walked in when she was getting changed
01:20:56What do you mean you walked in with you?
01:20:57Accidentally
01:20:58What's that?
01:20:58What's that?
01:20:59Hey, listen, I tell you
01:21:00You lock your door or these peepers will come a-roving
01:21:04All right, mate, that's the way I roll
01:21:06You know that, she should know that
01:21:08What about that she's, um
01:21:12Kind, boring
01:21:14And warm
01:21:15Warm, put the radiator on if you want warm
01:21:17And, um, good with kids
01:21:19So was Michael Jackson
01:21:20Look at that marriage, it didn't last
01:21:23You know, I love her
01:21:24Love
01:21:26Yeah, sounds a bit gay
01:21:27We can get back out there like the lads
01:21:29Like the old days, you know
01:21:30The terrible two
01:21:31Do you know what I mean?
01:21:32Lock up your daughters
01:21:33And your mothers
01:21:34I'm not fussy
01:21:36It's like every time I open my mouth
01:21:37When I'm around her
01:21:38She's like
01:21:38No, don't say that
01:21:39You can't say that
01:21:40You can't do that
01:21:41Put your trousers on
01:21:43Put your trousers on
01:21:44We're a restaurant
01:21:44She's that arse
01:21:46Yeah
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