- 2 weeks ago
Alpha House 2014 [Full Movie] [Watch Free Online]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:09You're always saying there's something wrong
00:00:11Well, maybe it's just after nothing, right?
00:00:15You're far gone and it looks like you're so honest
00:00:17Too far above and out of sight
00:00:20Folks move, you're never so quite alone
00:00:23Love does, it's out of blue eyes
00:00:39I can't believe this is actually happening, Zach
00:00:41I know, I know, I keep feeling it, we're gonna wake up from a dream
00:00:43Do you want me to pinch you?
00:00:44Yes
00:00:46You said pinch!
00:00:47I'm sorry
00:00:48Do me
00:00:50Shit, this is actually happening
00:00:54Dude, we need to chill out
00:00:55We can't look like dorks on our first day as out
00:00:57Okay
00:00:58All right
00:01:03Oh my god
00:01:18Here we go
00:01:24Yeah, dick face
00:01:45It's beautiful, man
00:01:48It's just beautiful
00:01:49Good evening, gentlemen
00:01:51It's daytime
00:01:55Mr. President
00:01:57So it is
00:01:59You boys ready to be inducted?
00:02:01Yes, Mr. President
00:02:03See, as new out of these boys who have to call him Mr. President
00:02:06Or else they'll get punched in the dick
00:02:09Boys, this is Charity
00:02:11This is Faith
00:02:12Girls, this is, uh, Zach
00:02:14And, uh, what is it, Christian?
00:02:17Cameron
00:02:20Boys, welcome to the 24-hour party machine, man
00:02:23Woo!
00:02:24Someone get these boys a beer and a handjob, please
00:02:28You all right, man?
00:02:30I'm just so happy
00:02:32I love this place
00:02:47All right, girls
00:02:48Put your shirts back on
00:02:49We're going downstairs to the induction ceremony
00:02:53All right, you
00:02:54You meet me in my room
00:02:55Yes, Mr. President
00:03:00See, fellas
00:03:00That right there
00:03:02Never gets old
00:03:03All right, fellas
00:03:04Good fucking around
00:03:05We have some cherries to pop
00:03:06And some serious party to do
00:03:07Whoa!
00:03:08Holy shit
00:03:09Did you hear what he just said?
00:03:10Oh my god
00:03:11We're not even at the serious party yet
00:03:14It's even better than I imagined
00:03:18The average male graduate makes 125,000 per year
00:03:22Meanwhile, the average female graduate makes 41,500 per year
00:03:27Das ist 30,056 Euro
00:03:30Das ist Bullshit
00:03:32Yes, it is Bullshit, Misty
00:03:34And why would these women put up with such inequitable, inexcusable disparity?
00:03:40Somehow, the women of Sterling College got it in their heads
00:03:42That being married to one of these successful men
00:03:45Is just as good as being successful themselves
00:03:46Which is a bunch of hooey
00:03:50Yes
00:03:52Is the astronaut single?
00:03:54What?
00:03:55That's not the point
00:03:58The point is we all work so hard to get into this college
00:04:00We're not just here for the parties
00:04:02The sex
00:04:03And the lansom rich husband
00:04:04Right?
00:04:06I'm so tired
00:04:08Then what are you doing here, Ms. Kramer?
00:04:11It is Ms. Kramer, isn't it?
00:04:13Kelly Kramer
00:04:14Associate Dean Marshall
00:04:15Yes, I know who I am
00:04:17So
00:04:19This is Delta Pi Sorority
00:04:22I'd heard you were meeting
00:04:24Even though you don't have a house
00:04:26I'd say it shows resolve
00:04:28I'd say it shows resolve
00:04:29It's pathetic
00:04:32Not only that, it's unfair
00:04:35Especially when you consider how many houses the fraternities have
00:04:38Am I right, ladies?
00:04:39Yeah
00:04:40Definitely
00:04:40Yeah
00:04:41Sterling College has always offered more opportunities to its male students
00:04:45You really think that you and your quote-unquote sorority
00:04:49Can overturn 50 years of history?
00:04:54Yes
00:04:55I do
00:04:58I was hoping you'd say that
00:05:03Gentlemen
00:05:05Today, you enter an elite brotherhood established by our founders in 1963
00:05:12Just as Sterling College is known as the cradle of awesome
00:05:16Alpha House is known as the place where awesome goes to get its freak on
00:05:21Now, are you ready to uphold the tradition of this fraternity?
00:05:25If yes, let me hear you say yeah
00:05:27Yeah
00:05:28Good
00:05:29Do you swear to never speak ill of her?
00:05:33Let me hear you say yeah
00:05:34Yeah
00:05:34To never let her hollowed halls fall silent
00:05:38To never let her kegs run empty
00:05:41And to never, ever let the party die?
00:05:45Oh yeah
00:05:46Good
00:05:48Now, suck the guy's dick on your immediate left
00:05:51What?
00:05:56Really?
00:05:56No
00:05:57Just messing with you
00:05:58I just want to see if you really do it
00:05:59I have nobody to my left
00:06:01Gentlemen
00:06:03Welcome to Alpha House
00:06:06What the fuck?
00:06:07Hey
00:06:07Who turned out the lights?
00:06:12I'm sorry, Mr. Kroger
00:06:14Am I interrupting something?
00:06:16Of course not
00:06:18Always an honor to be visited by our associate dean
00:06:21I see you are inducting a fresh batch of perverts, drunks, and future felons
00:06:27How fortuitous that I've found you on a very accepting frame of mind
00:06:31You thinking about pledging?
00:06:33It's really flattering
00:06:34But unfortunately, we're about at capacity for the year
00:06:37Though, the peace offering with the strippers was not a bad move
00:06:40I see they went for the naughty bookworm look
00:06:43What, you couldn't throw in at least one sexy cop?
00:06:45You see?
00:06:46This is why I'm here
00:06:47For a too long Alpha House has been a bastion for sex drugs
00:06:52Stop it, stop it
00:06:53Stop it!
00:06:54It's not a good thing
00:06:55It's everything that's wrong with Sterling College
00:06:59But we are going to transform it
00:07:01Into a shining example of everything that Sterling College has to offer
00:07:05Opportunity
00:07:07Diversity
00:07:09Equality
00:07:10Yeah, can you get to the point?
00:07:11I'm sobering up over here
00:07:13Gentlemen
00:07:15Meet your new brothers
00:07:16Hello, boys
00:07:19As of tonight
00:07:20I am making Alpha House officially co-ed
00:07:25No, you can't
00:07:26I can
00:07:27And I did
00:07:28Dean Bunglin would never approve of this
00:07:31Oh, I doubt Dean Bunglin would give approval to such a dramatic change to his old fraternity
00:07:37But luckily, fraternity matters fall under the purview of the associate dean
00:07:44Which is me
00:07:45This is bullshit!
00:07:53What's your name, Potty Mouth?
00:07:55Cameron
00:07:55Is there something on your feeble mind, Cameron?
00:07:58You can't just change a frat like this
00:08:00This isn't fair
00:08:01And having a sorority without a house is
00:08:04Excellent return, Renee
00:08:05It's not fair to the girls
00:08:08It's still a frat
00:08:09You can bring a bunch of girls in here
00:08:11But they're going to have to live with a bunch of guys
00:08:12Fair to make them live in that kind of environment?
00:08:16Hmm
00:08:18Excellent point, Cameron's friend
00:08:19Zack
00:08:20Don't care
00:08:21With Alpha House being co-ed
00:08:24It is governed by state and federal laws
00:08:27Which forbid anyone from making a member of the opposite sex
00:08:31Feel harassed
00:08:33Disenfranchised
00:08:35Or otherwise uncomfortable
00:08:38It means you horndogs will dial down the debauchery
00:08:43Significantly
00:08:44How significantly?
00:08:47This place is going to make the Mormon tabernacle look like Mardi Gras
00:08:52Everybody will be on their best behavior
00:08:54Or else
00:08:56You're out
00:08:57Out of Alpha House?
00:08:59Out of Alpha House
00:09:02Out of Sterling College
00:09:04Poop!
00:09:04Out of luck!
00:09:07Ladies
00:09:10Why don't you go make yourselves at home?
00:09:13Girls?
00:09:16Can someone please buy some air freshener?
00:09:26This is a disaster
00:09:29Well I'm out of here
00:09:31Where are you going?
00:09:33Sorry dudes, I was only ever in the stupid frat for the booze and the coos
00:09:36Dude, what about brotherhood?
00:09:37What about never letting the party die?
00:09:39Dude, look around
00:09:41The party's dead
00:09:42I should be elbows deep in co-ed trim right now
00:09:44Instead of watching these Delta Pi lesbos turn our front door into a chastity belt
00:09:51Adios losers
00:09:53Oh
00:09:54Oh
00:09:55Enjoy your castration
00:09:56Come on, seriously guys
00:09:58Wait, what?
00:10:00Get
00:10:02Bye bye
00:10:03Oh
00:10:05Well
00:10:07Looks like you're the de facto present Potty Mouth
00:10:10Congrats
00:10:11Alright, listen up
00:10:13This is how it's going to work
00:10:14You two are going to divide up the house equally
00:10:17I'm putting this on both your shoulders
00:10:19Got it?
00:10:20Got it
00:10:21Good
00:10:23So this is how it's going to work
00:10:25You guys are going to get the rooms in the back
00:10:26And we'll get the rooms in the front
00:10:28Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
00:10:29You're talking to the acting alpha house president here, okay?
00:10:33If anybody decides who gets what rooms, it's me
00:10:37Okay, so what do you suggest?
00:10:40Girls in the front, guys in the back
00:10:42And you can share your room with me
00:10:44I'll pass
00:10:45How many bathrooms are in this hellhole?
00:10:47Two upstairs, one down here
00:10:49We each get one upstairs
00:10:51The one downstairs is for guests
00:10:52And the living room and the kitchen are common areas
00:10:55Does that work for you?
00:10:56Yes
00:10:57Make it so
00:10:58Right
00:11:02Who's that?
00:11:03I am not sure, but I think she wants to fuck me
00:11:08That's not going to happen
00:11:09Oh yeah, we'll see about that, sweetie
00:11:15Melanie?
00:11:15Melanie?
00:11:17Zach
00:11:18Oh my god
00:11:20What are you doing here?
00:11:22I just transferred, I was over at State last semester
00:11:25Well, hello there, Melanie
00:11:27Cameron
00:11:29Wow, didn't miss that
00:11:31Melanie, upstairs now
00:11:33We're having a meeting
00:11:34Okay
00:11:36Well, I guess I'll be seeing you around the house then
00:11:40Yeah, I guess so
00:11:46This place is repulsive
00:11:48Is that a used condom?
00:11:51Oh
00:11:53Oh
00:11:53Oh
00:11:54Oh
00:11:54Oh
00:11:54Ladies, please
00:11:56I know these aren't the best of arrangements
00:11:58And no matter what those cavemen downstairs think
00:12:01This place is just as much ours as it is theirs
00:12:04The road's gonna be rough, it's gonna be dirty, and occasionally we'll have a used condom in it.
00:12:10But we can do this.
00:12:13Sisters on three.
00:12:17One, two, three!
00:12:19This is bullshit!
00:12:20Alright, we can't have chicks living here!
00:12:23Yeah, I totally agree.
00:12:25You know that brunette?
00:12:27Yo, I'd love to get her Canadian swirl and a Ford Bronco on four flat tires.
00:12:32Dude, what?
00:12:33Makes zero sense, dude.
00:12:35Look, guys, this is our house.
00:12:37Those girls were invaders in our territory.
00:12:39Cameron and I, we've wanted to be Elvis for as long as I can remember,
00:12:42and I'm not throwing that dream down the shitter because of some chicks.
00:12:45Yeah, me too, dude, but my dream did not include a pussy embargo.
00:12:49You guys are missing the bigger picture here.
00:12:51Did you see the talent that just walked into this house?
00:12:54At this moment, the rooms directly above our heads are being stocked with some pretty decent great inventory.
00:13:01This house is basically just a Costco full of vag, right?
00:13:05And if we play our cards right, we might be getting some free samples.
00:13:08Besides, how bad can it be living with girls?
00:13:11Yeah.
00:13:20What's going on?
00:13:21They're cleaning.
00:13:23Nice work, ladies.
00:13:27What the fuck do you think you're doing?
00:13:29Just because you're comfortable living like pigs doesn't mean we have to be.
00:13:33You're a tank.
00:13:42Okay.
00:14:48What's going on?
00:14:50You're painting this room.
00:14:51So?
00:14:52You're painting this room pink.
00:14:59Fucking hate pink.
00:15:04I can get used to the view though.
00:15:13Yo, I definitely get both in on my cherry twizzle.
00:15:46I'm not going away.
00:15:51Can't leave my pickle feet ashamed.
00:15:59Enjoying the view?
00:16:05Um, yeah. What do you say?
00:16:09We were just...
00:16:10Right.
00:16:14You know, these paint fumes are making me kind of dizzy.
00:16:16Oh, yeah, me too.
00:16:20You want to get out of here?
00:16:24Definitely.
00:16:25Okay.
00:16:46I don't know.
00:16:47There ain't no way.
00:16:54There's no way to...
00:16:55Just a set of simple rules.
00:16:59Wait, wait, wait.
00:17:03Forget you, can't forget you.
00:17:08Perf!
00:17:08Oh!
00:17:10I'm gonna kill you!
00:17:11I like that!
00:17:13I like that, help me.
00:17:15What happened?
00:17:16I caught Jersey Shore here staring at me through my bedroom door!
00:17:19Whoa, kiss my taint, alright?
00:17:21I am way cooler than those Jersey Shore douchebags!
00:17:23I'm taking this to Marshall!
00:17:24Whoa!
00:17:25Okay, pause right there, alright?
00:17:27Nobody has to take anything to Dean Marshall.
00:17:30How about you promise to stay in your part of the house
00:17:33and we'll promise to stay in ours?
00:17:35But we get the basement, okay?
00:17:36You guys got to go all fucking Martha Stewart on the rest of the house.
00:17:39We get one place that's just ours just like we like it.
00:17:43Deal?
00:17:44If I catch you looking at me again,
00:17:47I'm turning your balls into a keychain.
00:17:49Is that a promise?
00:17:50No!
00:17:51Oh!
00:17:52Ooh!
00:17:53I love her.
00:17:55I love her.
00:17:56Dude, I- what?
00:18:01I'm taking this place over.
00:18:03Then what the fuck are we doing about it?!
00:18:05Because I am one ass hair away from leaving.
00:18:12We do what we do best.
00:18:14And that would be?
00:18:15We be guys.
00:18:17We do everything we can to run the Deltas out of this place
00:18:19and back into the lecture hall they came from
00:18:20and then we take Alpha House back for ourselves.
00:18:23What about Marshall's big plan?
00:18:25What's he gonna do about it if they leave voluntarily?
00:18:27But what about the bitchy one?
00:18:29Leave her to me.
00:18:31You boys ready for this?
00:18:34Oh yeah.
00:18:35Good.
00:18:36We started Sun Up.
00:18:47No shit!
00:18:48Let's go!
00:18:49Get out!
00:18:50No shit!
00:18:50No shit!
00:18:51No shit!
00:18:51No!
00:18:52We ain't winning!
00:18:53Come on, come on.
00:18:56Let's go!
00:18:57Let's go!
00:18:57No shirts!
00:18:58Go, you, go!
00:19:05Listen up, recruits.
00:19:06As acting president of Alpha House,
00:19:08it is my responsibility, strike that,
00:19:11my pleasure to ensure that you have the proper induction
00:19:15in this most honorable institution.
00:19:18Being an Alpha is a goddamn privilege.
00:19:20It's a goddamn privilege.
00:19:22And like any privilege, it's earned through hard work.
00:19:25Isn't that right, gentlemen?
00:19:26Hoorah!
00:19:28Give me a break.
00:19:29New recruits will ask for permission
00:19:30before speaking to the president.
00:19:32Speak to this.
00:19:35What is your name, recruit?
00:19:38Kelly Kramer.
00:19:39Do you have a middle name?
00:19:41Fuck off.
00:19:43Pretty.
00:19:44People call you K2?
00:19:45Nobody calls me K2.
00:19:46Here's the deal, K2.
00:19:49Just as generations of Alpha's before you,
00:19:52you and your little fembots here
00:19:54are going to have to endure some minor inconveniences.
00:19:58to demonstrate you are worthy for a spot in this house.
00:20:04If any of you can't handle it,
00:20:08you are welcome to leave.
00:20:10Bring it, shit weasel.
00:20:12Play your little games.
00:20:14Get that frat bullshit out of your system.
00:20:16But guess what?
00:20:17We're still going to be here.
00:20:19Are we done?
00:20:21You are dismissed.
00:20:23Whatever.
00:20:24Girls.
00:20:26That didn't go as planned.
00:20:28No, it did not.
00:20:30They have to leave?
00:20:32Oh, they will.
00:20:35I have a plan.
00:20:46Oh, okay.
00:20:48Excuse me, ladies.
00:20:50Hey!
00:20:50I'm so sorry.
00:20:51We good?
00:20:51Dude, you're watching that.
00:20:53We're watching this now.
00:20:54Oh, God.
00:20:57And this is how they pay for college.
00:20:59Oh.
00:21:01All right, K2,
00:21:02you got the choice between every hole filled with cock,
00:21:04Brazilian whores in Vegas,
00:21:06looks like that won an award,
00:21:07or white men can hop.
00:21:09Oh, sorry.
00:21:10Don't have a TV in my room.
00:21:11Oh, no problem.
00:21:12Boys!
00:21:14Good to go, boss.
00:21:15Good, thank you.
00:21:16All right, white men can hop it is.
00:21:20All right, let's get those TVs bouncing.
00:21:22Nice.
00:21:26Home movie?
00:21:27Uh, sorry.
00:21:29It's part of, you know.
00:21:32It's all right.
00:21:33Hey, I might even learn a thing or two.
00:21:37I, uh, gotta go.
00:21:45This is not why I joined your stupid sorority.
00:21:49Change is never easy, Renee.
00:21:50But we're not about to let some smutty videos break us.
00:21:55We will persevere.
00:21:57Hello, ladies.
00:21:59Have we got a treat for you.
00:22:01And now the shirts.
00:22:02What is this?
00:22:03Oh, well, we thought that the house could use a little more solidarity.
00:22:06So, what each and every one of you is going to do
00:22:09is think of the sluttiest thing you've ever done on a first date,
00:22:12write it on the shirt, and wear it to dinner.
00:22:13What?
00:22:14No.
00:22:15Why not?
00:22:16Come on.
00:22:16We're doing it, too.
00:22:18See?
00:22:19Solidarity.
00:22:21Besides, president's orders.
00:22:22Right, Cam?
00:22:23Fuck you, Dave.
00:22:24See you all at dinner.
00:22:25Bye.
00:22:28I'm not doing this.
00:22:30Yes, you are.
00:22:31We all are.
00:22:32Think of all the women who have stood up for what they believe is right.
00:22:35Elizabeth Blackwell.
00:22:37Susan B. Anthony.
00:22:38Snuckie!
00:22:41If those women could endure all they had to go through,
00:22:45surely we can endure this.
00:22:48Right, ladies?
00:22:50All of you, start writing.
00:22:53And be truthful.
00:22:55We wouldn't want to compromise our integrity.
00:23:01Jessica.
00:23:03I said, be truthful.
00:23:06Oh, shit.
00:23:07Oh, shit.
00:23:11Oh, shit.
00:23:22I made these for you.
00:23:42God, dude, I don't know what the fuck this is.
00:23:45Oh, relax.
00:23:46Right?
00:23:47I am on it.
00:23:54And it's working.
00:23:56All right, Tiddy Cam number one.
00:23:58It's ready for its broadcast day.
00:24:00Sweet.
00:24:01Let's roll.
00:24:06Party, careful.
00:24:07Careful.
00:24:16Well, you see me hanging on the bar
00:24:19And I'm looking like a movie star now
00:24:27Perfection.
00:24:28Man, you like the way I fill my jeans
00:24:32And you like the way my gold tooth gleams
00:24:42I get a sense of your attraction
00:24:48But you might want to
00:24:50I'm gonna stay
00:25:13No, no, no, no, no, no, no, hold it.
00:25:20Let's do another one.
00:25:21All right.
00:25:29Jackpot.
00:25:30I still don't want to go to flight class today.
00:25:33Hey, how was history yesterday?
00:25:35Fuck the feminist movement.
00:25:37Turn around.
00:25:38Turn around.
00:25:40They make the Disney princesses seem like they're bad.
00:25:42I mean, hello.
00:25:46They get everything they wanted.
00:25:47What the fuck was that?
00:25:48Bitch, what?
00:25:49Hey, did you see that?
00:25:51Asshole.
00:25:57Zach, Zach, you gotta check out this footage.
00:26:00It's totally epic.
00:26:02Maybe later, guys.
00:26:03Titties.
00:26:09Hey there.
00:26:10Spot!
00:26:11Can a guy get some...
00:26:12Oh.
00:26:15Hi.
00:26:16Studying, huh?
00:26:19Trying to.
00:26:20Just like old times.
00:26:21You remember our first date?
00:26:24Seventh grade.
00:26:26After school, you asked me to meet you.
00:26:28In the library.
00:26:30Right.
00:26:31You said you wanted me to help you with your history assignment.
00:26:34But I seem to remember what you really wanted was to feel my boobs.
00:26:38Under their sweater, over the bra, if I remember correctly.
00:26:41Oh, you remember.
00:26:43So, what are you studying now?
00:26:45Oh.
00:26:47History.
00:26:48You don't say.
00:26:52I'll let you get to it.
00:27:01We should shower again from our office.
00:27:03Yeah, it's so much fun.
00:27:05It looks good for the environment.
00:27:06It is.
00:27:07I know.
00:27:07We're sleeping together.
00:27:08It's helping bunnies.
00:27:09Yeah.
00:27:12You're a bitch!
00:27:14Oh, man.
00:27:16Oh, man.
00:27:16Oh, man.
00:27:16Oh, man.
00:27:17I'm so mad.
00:27:18Oh, man.
00:27:20I'm so mad.
00:27:21Oh, man.
00:27:21Oh, man.
00:27:22Oh, man.
00:27:22Oh, man.
00:27:23Do you have to be such an asshole?
00:27:25I think you mean president asshole.
00:27:31I'm taking this to the dean.
00:27:33Y'all would love to get her an Alabama hot pocket.
00:27:36I have no idea what that means.
00:27:38I'll tell you about it later.
00:27:39Stop.
00:27:40Stop me.
00:27:41Stop.
00:27:46You're serious.
00:27:47Well, now you're just flirting with me academically, aren't you?
00:27:49No, seriously.
00:27:50Those are impressive numbers.
00:27:53I'm on the phone.
00:27:54I'm going to lunch.
00:27:56Be back by one.
00:27:57By three.
00:28:00Yes.
00:28:00Yes.
00:28:01Well, I look forward to speaking about Virgin Mary much more as well.
00:28:07Yes.
00:28:08Yes.
00:28:08Alpha House Project is moving forward.
00:28:10Students are getting along.
00:28:12No, no.
00:28:13No complaints.
00:28:14And if there are, there's always provision 13.
00:28:23Listen.
00:28:24If we have to use it, we most definitely will.
00:28:28Listen up, ladies.
00:28:29The game has changed.
00:28:30Before you know it, we're going to have this house all to ourselves.
00:28:33How?
00:28:34Like this.
00:28:37What are you doing?
00:28:39What we have to do to take this house.
00:28:41Saddle up, girls.
00:28:43It's time to blow some minds.
00:28:53Hey, Cameron.
00:28:55Hey.
00:28:56Hey.
00:28:57What's up, K2?
00:28:58Um, I just really wanted to apologize for the way I've been acting lately.
00:29:02Really?
00:29:03Yeah.
00:29:04You know, I know it must be weird being forced to live with a bunch of women.
00:29:07It's a lot to take in all at once.
00:29:09Nah, it's cool.
00:29:10We've been having fun.
00:29:11Yeah.
00:29:12Totally.
00:29:13Us too.
00:29:15Anyways, the girls and I wanted to offer you a kind of peace offering.
00:29:18Oh, a peace offering?
00:29:20Yeah.
00:29:20You know, with all the trouble we've caused you, it's the least we can do.
00:29:26So, dinner tonight at the house?
00:29:29On us?
00:29:30Sure.
00:29:31Sounds good.
00:29:32Perfect.
00:29:33I'll see you then.
00:29:34And remember to dress nice.
00:29:36We've got something really special planned.
00:29:38Alright.
00:29:39See ya.
00:29:40Okay.
00:29:40Bye.
00:29:47God.
00:30:03Good evening, gentlemen.
00:30:05We, your Alpha Sisters, would like to thank you for welcoming us so warmly into your home.
00:30:09As a token of our gratitude, we prepared a very special meal for you tonight.
00:30:14One I think you'll remember for a long time.
00:30:23Please, take a seat.
00:30:46Enjoy your dinner, boys.
00:30:57I don't know about y'all fellas, but I am famished.
00:31:11Time for stage two.
00:31:17Yes, Associate Dean Marshall, please.
00:31:24Don't you like what you seem?
00:31:26Everything looks delicious.
00:31:29And helps itself.
00:31:38No!
00:32:00Do you have any wasabi?
00:32:03Almost.
00:32:06Huh.
00:32:10I'm tickling.
00:32:27Bangorang.
00:32:37Dude, they're just boobs, man.
00:32:40No, no, no, no, he's, he's choking.
00:32:42Oh, my God!
00:32:43Does anybody know the Heimlich?
00:32:44Everybody relax, I'm a lifeguard.
00:32:54Are you okay?
00:32:55Are you okay? Look at my face, asshole.
00:32:57What is going on?
00:33:02Oh, my God.
00:33:05Oh, my God.
00:33:23Oh, my God.
00:33:24Today I was disappointed, but doesn't quite cover it.
00:33:27Oh, a gasp!
00:33:28Crest falling.
00:33:29Disgrace.
00:33:29Disrespectful.
00:33:30Melancholic.
00:33:30Pissed off!
00:33:31I think does it.
00:33:32That's a good one.
00:33:34Because of your antics and heinous treatment of sushi, I've been forced to expel members of your fraternity for indecency
00:33:42and fraternization.
00:33:43And I particularly expected more from you, Ms. Kramer.
00:33:45Me, too.
00:33:46Shut up, potty mouth.
00:33:48I'm so sorry, sir.
00:33:49It won't happen again.
00:33:51Good.
00:33:52Because I will not hesitate to put each and every one of you out on the street if you cannot
00:33:59follow the rules.
00:34:06That is all.
00:34:12Baker's gone.
00:34:14Damn.
00:34:14So what?
00:34:15Are we done?
00:34:16We're just getting started.
00:34:18We dial it up a notch.
00:34:19We just can't get caught in the process.
00:34:24One man eliminated, but now we've lost two of our own.
00:34:29That was sloppy.
00:34:31From now on, we play smarter.
00:34:33We play harder.
00:34:35We can't afford to have any more casualties.
00:34:44That's awesome.
00:34:49Lottie, you sure it's going to work?
00:34:51Dude, please.
00:34:53I switched to do these this morning.
00:34:56Well, this is going to be educational.
00:35:06Good afternoon.
00:35:08My presentation is on Pompeii.
00:35:13In 79 AD, the Italian city of Pompeii was destroyed by the sudden and devastating eruption of Mount Vesuvius.
00:35:23For centuries before its ruin, however, Pompeii was a thriving metropolis.
00:35:28A place of wealth and abundance.
00:35:31In fact, its citizens produced works of art, dance and music still admirable today.
00:35:37You don't say.
00:35:40Thanks.
00:35:43Little did the people know that danger is lurking in the peaks and mountains nearby.
00:35:53Oh my god!
00:35:55Oh my god!
00:35:56Oh my god!
00:35:57Oh my god!
00:35:59Oh my god!
00:36:00Shit!
00:36:01Oh my god!
00:36:03Stop!
00:36:04You're not looking good.
00:36:05I love it!
00:36:06Stop!
00:36:09Stop!
00:36:10Stop!
00:36:11Stop!
00:36:13You did something.
00:36:14Kill your children and your children's children!
00:36:19Come on!
00:36:20Come on!
00:36:21Come on!
00:36:34So, Abby seems to think you guys had something to do with her presentation earlier.
00:36:40Uh, I assure you we had nothing to do with the destruction of Pompeii.
00:36:45Whatever.
00:36:48I'm sorry that Edgar got kicked out last night.
00:36:51Yeah.
00:36:52Same about Jessica and Katie.
00:36:56Who would have thought that Associate Dean Douchebag was actually a man of his word?
00:37:00Still not sure why he showed up at that exact moment, though.
00:37:05Just bad luck, I guess.
00:37:08Hey, do you remember that night in high school when we were in Johnny Peterson's basement
00:37:13and you threw up all over his coffee table?
00:37:16Oh, yes.
00:37:18I told his mom I was sick with the flu.
00:37:20Did not have the heart to tell her that we got into his dad's liquor.
00:37:23Yeah, I drank you under the table that night.
00:37:25What?
00:37:26I'm just saying, you are kind of a lightweight.
00:37:29Oh, really?
00:37:29Really.
00:37:30Really.
00:37:32Really.
00:37:33Really.
00:37:35Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Sip or Strip.
00:37:39The rules are simple.
00:37:40You flip this coin and call it in the air.
00:37:42Get it right, you take a shot.
00:37:43Get it wrong, you remove an article of clothing and take a shot.
00:37:47Okay.
00:37:48If you pass out or end up naked, you're out.
00:37:51The last man, or woman, standing, wins the game.
00:37:58There are no prizes.
00:38:00This is simply a challenge to determine the better sex.
00:38:03Are you ready?
00:38:04Yeah!
00:38:05I said, are you fucking ready?
00:38:07Yeah!
00:38:09I'm fucking ready!
00:38:11Good.
00:38:12Let the games begin.
00:38:13Oh, my God!
00:38:21Oh, my God!
00:38:26Oh, my God!
00:38:29Oh, my God!
00:38:30Oh, my God!
00:38:32Oh, my God!
00:38:34Oh, my God!
00:38:34Oh, my God!
00:38:34Oh, my God!
00:38:34Oh, my God!
00:38:35Oh, my God!
00:38:39Oh, my God!
00:38:41Oh, my God!
00:38:42Oh, my God!
00:38:43Oh, my God!
00:38:43Don't lie to someone else
00:38:45I've been thinking it's about to not be working for myself
00:38:51We sweat and slave and sell and trade
00:38:55Our lives the way our lives are paid
00:38:59The rent, the car, the food, the bar
00:39:02The rainy days till the last day we get paid
00:39:06It's going to make up or kape
00:39:06while she royca
00:39:11Help! Help! Help! Help!
00:39:16This майceл으면!
00:39:18Do it!
00:39:19Do it!
00:39:19Take it off me!
00:39:20Give me all my feet on some dust
00:39:25I've been working so alone
00:39:29So long for someone else
00:39:32I've been thinking it's about to not be working for myself
00:39:36for myself
00:39:37We sweat and slave
00:39:40and sell and trade
00:39:41Our lives away
00:39:43Our lives to pay
00:39:45The rent, the car, the food, the bar
00:39:48The rainy days
00:39:50Till the next day we get paid
00:40:12I'm so beating you right now
00:40:14Alright then, let's finish this
00:40:19Heads
00:40:34Okay
00:40:39Easy now
00:40:42I want a rematch
00:40:43Okay, lie back
00:40:44Because you're very, very drunk right now
00:40:57We can't do this
00:40:58All my secrets
00:41:00I thought you were the one
00:41:04The promises, the promises
00:41:07I swear they last for a lifetime
00:41:12The things I said, the things I said
00:41:15I always had to keep you hanging
00:41:20I am
00:41:21I'm what I wanna be
00:41:24You're just a fantasy
00:41:28We are
00:41:29Jack
00:41:35Hey
00:41:39Lightweight
00:41:40This time of London
00:41:43The truth of us will be iron
00:41:56So
00:41:57What's this time?
00:42:07What am I doing here?
00:42:08How did I get here?
00:42:10You pig?
00:42:19What the hell is going on here?
00:42:22Exactly what I said would happen
00:42:23When one of your boys crossed the line
00:42:25What?
00:42:25Nobody
00:42:26I found them
00:42:26With a few of my girls in their rooms
00:42:28Sounds pretty consensual to me
00:42:30No
00:42:31It sounds like you can aspire to get them drunk
00:42:33So you can take advantage of them
00:42:34Oh
00:42:35Horse shit
00:42:36You were there
00:42:37I suggest you boys begin adhering to the rules
00:42:41Otherwise
00:42:42You'll all be looking for a new home
00:42:48Kelly's gonna wipe us out if we don't get some help
00:42:52I think I know just the person
00:43:17Yo, who is that?
00:43:20That, my boys
00:43:21Is my cousin Natalie
00:43:23She's our inside man
00:43:25Cameron
00:43:27Boys
00:43:29I heard you need some help
00:43:30Yeah, you have no idea
00:43:31Fucking tongue back in your face, dude
00:43:35Come on, baby
00:43:36What about that?
00:43:42Oh
00:43:49I'm busy, Stephanie
00:43:50He's busy
00:43:51I don't give a rat's ass
00:43:53Marshall
00:43:54What the devil are you up to?
00:43:56Dean Bungalon
00:43:58I'm not quite sure what you're referring to
00:44:00Alpha House?
00:44:02You're trying to launch some kind of co-ed program?
00:44:05Yes, yes
00:44:06The first of its kind in the state, in fact
00:44:09Very progressive
00:44:10And certainly within my remittance associate dean
00:44:14But I hear that it has resulted in the ejection of some students from the fraternity
00:44:18Yes, it's unfortunate but necessary
00:44:21My ass
00:44:22I cannot for the life of me figure out why you would think it's a good idea to put a
00:44:26bunch of sexed up young adults under one roof
00:44:29What did you think was going to happen?
00:44:31The benefits of the program far outweigh the risks
00:44:34Making the Greek system co-ed fosters unity between the genders and offers for a more cohesive living situation
00:44:42But no fraternization with the opposite sex?
00:44:45You're suppressing their natural urges
00:44:47Hell, when I was an Alpha
00:44:49Yes, yes
00:44:50We all know about the old days when you went Greek, sir
00:44:54The point is
00:44:56Students come to Sterling College
00:44:58To learn and to have fun
00:44:59Not to be put into some social experiment
00:45:01I appreciate your concern, sir
00:45:04I don't know what your endgame is, Marshal
00:45:07But if I get a call that says that this little plan of yours went tits up
00:45:12It's your ass
00:45:13Not mine
00:45:14Tits up my ass
00:45:16Got it
00:45:18Will there be anything else, sir?
00:45:21No
00:45:22Carry on with, um, whatever it is you do in here
00:45:33Ladies, this is Natalie
00:45:35She just transferred to Sterling
00:45:37So please make her feel at home
00:45:38Bye, Natalie
00:45:40Hey
00:45:41I'm Emily
00:45:42I'm Allison
00:45:43Hi
00:45:47Here comes a modern man
00:45:48Perfect hair and spray on tan cuff links
00:45:51Bridal link
00:45:53He's better realizing
00:45:55Bottom runs like you
00:45:56I sanctify
00:45:58You wanna be wise enough
00:46:02Don't you wanna be rich and tough
00:46:05But from small
00:46:07You wanna do
00:46:16He's better
00:46:17He's better than you
00:46:17He's better than you
00:46:18Or a bigger dick
00:46:18But faster
00:46:19Cause
00:46:19Yeah
00:46:20I'm tired
00:46:20Smooth lies
00:46:22He works at wireless
00:46:24But there's the entire
00:46:25Super size
00:46:28Don't you wanna be wise enough
00:46:31Don't you wanna be rich and tough
00:46:34But from small
00:46:36Cool and out of reach
00:46:40Congratulations
00:46:40You're the top of the heap
00:46:44You get results
00:46:47That we can save
00:46:51Here's some flotation
00:46:53Cause you're drowning in it
00:46:56Take a big whiff
00:46:59You'll see
00:47:01You suck worse than me
00:47:09Well he's a five year planter
00:47:11Skyloth and a white
00:47:12Morata
00:47:12Take this
00:47:13He's here
00:47:15He hates his villain
00:47:16When he's been to
00:47:17Ever than twice
00:47:19Twice
00:47:21Don't you wanna be wise enough
00:47:24Don't you wanna be rich and tough
00:47:27But from small
00:47:28Yellow with MC
00:47:32Congratulations
00:47:33You're the top of the heap
00:47:37You get results
00:47:39That we can save
00:47:43Here's some flotation
00:47:45Cause you're drowning in it
00:47:48Take a big whiff
00:47:51You're safe
00:47:53You suck
00:48:06You're the king of douchebags and disease
00:48:11Yeah
00:48:13You suck worse than God
00:48:16Five or three
00:48:20Any progress with Kelly?
00:48:22No progress there
00:48:23That girl is rab-tider than a condom on Peter Nord's dick
00:48:26Just keep trying to break that hymen, okay?
00:48:28If you see any opportunity to take some leverage, take it
00:48:31Roger that
00:48:32I love you, cousin
00:48:40I need you to do some research for me
00:48:42I think we have a double agent in our midst
00:48:44Find out everything you can about that new girl, Natalie
00:48:47I'm on it
00:48:49Time to turn up the heat
00:48:58Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, okay?
00:49:00Not, not, not in here
00:49:02This is our basement, okay?
00:49:04This is our territory
00:49:06Haven't you ever heard of burlesque or size?
00:49:16Okay, but
00:49:18Like, like five minutes
00:49:21Don't distress, but XOS on the quest
00:49:22We manifest at the quest
00:49:24Nevertheless, XOS, I'm feeling helpless
00:49:26Keeping true on the quest
00:49:27To lose you will be a mess
00:49:28So I'm waiting for the best
00:49:29And I guess
00:49:30We gotta do something right
00:49:32Better do it tonight
00:49:33Otherwise, I love what we shine it right
00:49:35We're keeping our life tight
00:49:36You shine like a neon light
00:49:37So tell me what we're doing tonight
00:49:53Um, we can make a ten
00:49:56We can make a ten
00:50:19Save me, save me, save me
00:50:28Save me, save me
00:50:31To your soul
00:50:34Soon I'm sorry
00:50:44You know that I've been hiding from love, go on
00:50:49I know it's 16,000, but I'm over the cold, she's so destroyed
00:50:53And now that I've been hiding from love, ooh
00:50:58It's been so hard, so hard, just fine, but I've got no, stop, don't stop
00:51:02I know it's fine, but I've got no, stop, don't stop
00:51:22Save, save me, save me, save me, save me, save me, save me
00:51:49Yeah, go sexy.
00:51:52Yeah.
00:51:54Woo!
00:51:57Oh.
00:51:59Ooh.
00:52:02I think I want more.
00:52:04Right.
00:52:05Yeah, baby.
00:52:08There we go.
00:52:09That's me.
00:52:17Oh, shit.
00:52:19Ow.
00:52:21What is going on in here?
00:52:44So close.
00:52:47Dude, we should all just leave the house, okay?
00:52:49We're dropping like flies.
00:52:51Y'all wish I could get Allison and drop her pants.
00:52:53Y'all better cool this like fine china.
00:52:56Dude, now you're just being creepy.
00:52:57Guys, we can do this.
00:53:01We're alphas for Christ's sake.
00:53:03Alright, we'll wear them down.
00:53:04You'll see.
00:53:16Um, you okay?
00:53:19We're not going to make it.
00:53:20Not with you girls walking around the house flunting your goods.
00:53:22Flunting our goods?
00:53:23We're not built to defend against this.
00:53:25It's like you're actually trying to get us tossed out.
00:53:32All I ever wanted was to be an alpha.
00:53:46What are you doing?
00:53:48Just flaunting my goods.
00:53:49I was thinking.
00:53:55Let this out of the skies.
00:53:55Crab.
00:53:56Oh, shiv-a-boom.
00:53:59Let it burn your eyes.
00:54:01Fires.
00:54:03Guard us off the skies.
00:54:05Giv-a-boom.
00:54:06On these wings you will rise.
00:54:10Let the smoke between us friends.
00:54:12Let this tie up any loose ends.
00:54:15Shiv-a-boom.
00:54:20Feeling better?
00:54:21Uh, yeah.
00:54:26I need to tell you something.
00:54:29You're right about us.
00:54:32Kelly is trying to take over Alpha House and turn it into a sorority.
00:54:36What? How?
00:54:38It's something called Provision 13.
00:54:42It states that if the ratio of either gender falls below 40%,
00:54:45the gender that has the majority has control.
00:54:49That's why you guys have been getting kicked out,
00:54:51so that we have the majority.
00:54:54We've been playing you the entire time.
00:54:59I'm sorry.
00:55:12Oh, you asshole!
00:55:14You crossed enemy lines!
00:55:15I can't believe you're fucking her!
00:55:17Smell any!
00:55:18Of all of them!
00:55:18It was just once!
00:55:20And a half.
00:55:23Okay.
00:55:25Look.
00:55:25I am sorry that I punched you.
00:55:28But you fucking deserved it, you know that?
00:55:30I know.
00:55:31Shit!
00:55:33Shit!
00:55:35So what do we do now, huh, big guy?
00:55:36Why?
00:55:39I have an idea.
00:55:48Alright, we're sneaking to Dean Marshall's office.
00:55:50We found whatever we can about this Provision 13 bullshit
00:55:51and we used it against the girls.
00:55:52Okay, shit!
00:55:53Security!
00:55:53Go, go, go!
00:55:54What are you doing?
00:56:11Okay, let's do this.
00:56:12Quick in, quick out.
00:56:13Thank you, Mom.
00:56:14Dick.
00:56:15Okay.
00:56:19Okay.
00:56:21You finding anything?
00:56:22Ah, no!
00:56:24Do, do, do, do, do, do!
00:56:25Check it out!
00:56:28What?
00:56:32Got it.
00:56:33Alright, now let's rub our balls all over his office.
00:56:35Dips on his phone!
00:56:36Don't worry about that.
00:56:39Shit!
00:56:41Oh, shit!
00:56:45I want you to fuck me on my freak boss's desk.
00:56:52Treat me like a bad girl.
00:56:54Oh, you're such a freak when we did it in Marshall's office.
00:56:59Enjoy it when it's here, baby.
00:57:02Marshall's got his eye on a Dean position at Virgin Mary College.
00:57:06Prestigious, expensive, and all girls.
00:57:10Why do you think he came up with that freak idea?
00:57:12To co-ed all the fraternities.
00:57:15He had to show his commitment to women's issues in order to seal the deal.
00:57:20Marshall's such a fucking freak.
00:57:21He only wants that job so that he can flirt with college girls.
00:57:26Flip.
00:57:33Gentlemen.
00:57:34We are not going to sit idly by and watch our beloved fraternity be stolen from beneath our feet.
00:57:40From this night forward, we do everything in our powers to stop the advancement of Kelly and the muggy dick
00:57:44lover we know as Associate Dean Douchebag.
00:57:46How?
00:57:49Enough with the drawings. Just tell them the plan.
00:57:52First, we vow not to touch the poon.
00:57:56So keep it in your pants.
00:57:57Then, we beat those lying, disingenuous, fraudulent, mendacious, perfidious, whores at their own game.
00:58:08Who's with us?
00:58:14Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Brief Charity Days where all proceeds earned by students are donated to the charity of
00:58:22every fraternity and sororities joint.
00:58:26Let's go.
00:58:26Let's go.
00:58:26Hmm.
00:58:30Yeah.
00:58:31Not exactly the turnout I was expecting, but it's still not pretty shitty.
00:58:37Actually, yeah.
00:58:40The girls seem to be doing pretty well.
00:58:44Suspiciously well.
00:58:46Come get your kisses!
00:58:47Yes!
00:58:56Dude, give me $10.
00:58:58Dude, stop it!
00:58:59Alright?
00:59:00Hey, everyone.
00:59:01Ooh, look.
00:59:02Give money to Chair Titty Day.
00:59:08Oh, are you gonna squirt me with your big gun?
00:59:12That'll be $75.
00:59:15Thanks.
00:59:17You think you can squirt?
00:59:26Dude, we are in trouble, man.
00:59:28Big trouble.
00:59:30Zach!
00:59:31Uh, Zach?
00:59:32Zach who?
00:59:33Oh, come on, Cameron.
00:59:35Oh, Zach!
00:59:37He's not here.
00:59:38Did you see it?
00:59:40Really?
00:59:41You're that pissed at me?
00:59:44Uh, he says that you liked him and that he was bad at the sex.
00:59:47Oh!
00:59:48What did you expect me to do?
00:59:49I'm trying to fit in, be a part of the group, just like you.
00:59:52You would have done the same thing.
00:59:54Probably already have.
00:59:57He says he has nothing else to say to you.
00:59:58Well, I have nothing else to say to him either.
01:00:01Dude, she's cute.
01:00:02We need to figure something out.
01:00:03We need to figure this.
01:00:03A decent body, too.
01:00:04You need to get serious.
01:00:05Hey, I have a question.
01:00:05If you're, like, done with her, do you think I could, like...
01:00:07Cam!
01:00:09You like her!
01:00:10Shut up.
01:00:11You likes Melanie!
01:00:13I fucking knew it!
01:00:18Hey, guys!
01:00:19Zach likes Melanie!
01:00:20Okay, you get one more of those and I swear to Christ, I'm gonna punch you right in the
01:00:24gooch.
01:00:26What you got?
01:00:28Almost finished.
01:00:29Check it out.
01:00:30Nice!
01:00:31And the website?
01:00:32Ready to roll!
01:00:36Five bucks a day?
01:00:37Keeps the blue balls away.
01:00:39Make it ten.
01:00:41We're getting creamed out there.
01:00:43Ten it is!
01:00:44Comeback time.
01:00:52I know that Kelly is into this whole empowerment thing, but I kind of just want to rage and get
01:01:01some dick, you know?
01:01:02Shit.
01:01:02I mean, that's what your call should be all about, right?
01:01:05I totally agree.
01:01:09Hey, Renee, can you move to the right a bit?
01:01:14Why?
01:01:15I wanted to get a better look at your bra.
01:01:19It's really nice.
01:01:20You think so?
01:01:21Yeah, can I see it?
01:01:22Yeah.
01:01:23I finally splurged and got myself some new ones.
01:01:27Here you go.
01:01:30Perfecto!
01:01:31It is nice.
01:01:32Mm-hmm.
01:01:33I love your cousin.
01:01:35Touch her and I'll kill you, man.
01:01:37Literally.
01:01:38It's cute.
01:01:39It would get me dick.
01:01:41Oh, it definitely was.
01:01:44Nice job, boys.
01:01:46We have a problem.
01:01:48Camera seven so far.
01:01:49Which one is that?
01:01:50It's the one in K2's room.
01:01:51Oh, shit.
01:01:52You think she found it?
01:01:53I don't know.
01:01:54If she did, she'd be in here cutting her dicks off, right?
01:01:57Wouldn't she?
01:01:58Oh, fuck.
01:02:18Dude, so how much have we made so far?
01:02:20$12,000.
01:02:20What?
01:02:21Yeah, and that's just the first day, dude.
01:02:22I'm telling you.
01:02:23Zach, if we keep going like this, we're going to be able to buy our own fraternity.
01:02:26Hey, February.
01:02:27Dude, that's like the third time that's happened to me today.
01:02:30What?
01:02:30Called you February?
01:02:31Yeah.
01:02:31Weird, right?
01:02:32Yeah.
01:02:33Hello, boys.
01:02:35Ladies, would you like your coffee's autograph?
01:02:39Hey, ladies.
01:02:40There's plenty of me to go around.
01:02:42Now, exactly what am I autographing?
01:02:43This.
01:02:45Oh, shit.
01:02:47What happened to my dick?
01:02:48I know.
01:02:49I'm so sorry.
01:02:50This is not what I look like.
01:02:51This is not what I look like.
01:02:52I have a friend who's really good at photo editing.
01:02:54Give me that.
01:02:59Mine's crooked.
01:03:00Actually, it's a perfect right angle.
01:03:02My dick does not look like this.
01:03:04Dude, calm down.
01:03:05No.
01:03:06No, I will not calm down.
01:03:07I need the world to know that I do not have a goddamn 90 degree penis.
01:03:11In fact, I am going to show everybody.
01:03:13Dude, keep your pants on.
01:03:14Nope.
01:03:14I'm going to prove it right now to everybody.
01:03:15This is not over.
01:03:16Not yet.
01:03:17I want to show them.
01:03:18No.
01:03:19Kelly.
01:03:20What's wrong?
01:03:20I've got that research you asked for on Natalie.
01:03:23Cousins!
01:03:42Leverage.
01:03:59What are you guys doing here?
01:04:02We got the note from Kelly.
01:04:03Says she went to party.
01:04:05Shit.
01:04:06We've been set up.
01:04:07Come on.
01:04:08We have to get out of here.
01:04:09Oh my god!
01:04:11What are you doing in my room?
01:04:13With drugs!
01:04:14And fetish wear!
01:04:16And fetish wear!
01:04:16I told you they were out of control!
01:04:20Well, Dean Bungalon, I think you'll agree there really is no choice here.
01:04:29I agree.
01:04:32Gentlemen.
01:04:34Madam.
01:04:36You're out.
01:04:38Dude.
01:04:39Well, that's it then.
01:04:41Without these two, the guys have less than 40%.
01:04:43And even without Miss Lady Payne here, we've still got the majority.
01:04:47Alpha House is ours!
01:04:54You know, it didn't have to be this way.
01:04:58We could have changed Sterling College for the better.
01:05:02We could have found a way to live together as equals.
01:05:07But instead, you had to sow the seeds of discontent.
01:05:11And you know what happened?
01:05:13You raked the fucking world wind!
01:05:16That's what happened!
01:05:17Oh.
01:05:21You're sexy when you're megalomaniacal.
01:05:24Laugh it up, Frodo.
01:05:25But tonight, I'll be sleeping in my nice, warm bed.
01:05:29In this very house.
01:05:31Where will you be sleeping?
01:05:34Oh, well, it's Tuesday, so that would be with your mom.
01:05:37Ah!
01:05:40Oh!
01:05:44Later, losers.
01:05:46Come on, lady, let's go.
01:05:50I'm really sorry, boys.
01:05:53I wish there was something I could do.
01:05:54Yeah, yeah, me too.
01:05:56But, um, unfortunately, my hands are tied.
01:05:59Yeah, I'm sure.
01:06:01Come on, guys.
01:06:19I brought all the paperwork to officially turn Alpha House into the Delta Pi Sorority.
01:06:23All you have to do is sign right here.
01:06:29Is there something wrong?
01:06:31I'm afraid we are going in a different direction.
01:06:35You see, the co-ed fraternity project was meant to showcase how Sterling College fosters productive interaction between the genders.
01:06:43I'm sure you'll agree it was an unmitigated disaster.
01:06:47I don't understand.
01:06:48What about provision 13?
01:06:50Give you the fraternity.
01:06:52Oh, I don't know.
01:06:53Why don't I also open up a brothel?
01:06:58After what you girls did?
01:07:00Oh, I don't think so.
01:07:01I did what you told me to do.
01:07:04Hmm?
01:07:05Can you prove that?
01:07:07Hmm.
01:07:08Oh, I don't think so.
01:07:10You have 24 hours to vacate Alpha House.
01:07:17That is all.
01:07:19That is all.
01:07:32Girls.
01:07:36We need to talk.
01:07:39Alpha is no longer a fraternity.
01:07:41Yeah, no shit.
01:07:42You made sure of that, Cruella de Vil.
01:07:44We were just following Marshall's orders.
01:07:46He told me he wanted to show how he was this big supporter of female empowerment by turning the most
01:07:50sexist fraternity on campus into a sorority.
01:07:52But in the end, he just wanted to shut it down.
01:07:54And he used us to do it.
01:07:56Wait, shut it down?
01:07:57Completely.
01:07:58Abandoned.
01:07:58Boarded up.
01:07:59We're just as homeless as you are now.
01:08:00I know that I don't deserve this.
01:08:02That we don't deserve this after what we did.
01:08:04But we can't just sit back and watch Alpha House disappear.
01:08:08What, we?
01:08:09We?
01:08:09Yes, we.
01:08:10That dick we need to get what's coming to him.
01:08:12Nobody crosses Kelly Dorothy Kramer.
01:08:16I'm Dorothy.
01:08:17Shut up!
01:08:18Now are you going to help us get Alpha House back or what?
01:08:20Hmm, I don't know.
01:08:22You did already break our trust once.
01:08:25Please.
01:08:27We'll do anything.
01:08:28Anything?
01:08:43Looking good, ladies.
01:08:46We're in.
01:08:46Admin building, 2pm.
01:08:48And don't feel the need to change on a count of us, okay?
01:08:57I'm sorry, but there's absolutely nothing I can do to overturn Associate Dean Marshall's
01:09:01decision.
01:09:01What about the Alpha Creed?
01:09:02Yeah, once an Alpha, always an Alpha!
01:09:05I really wish I could help you.
01:09:08Thank you, sir.
01:09:09We really appreciate your time.
01:09:12Of course, if Marshall was to lose his position with the administration, all of his policies
01:09:18would be reviewed.
01:09:20Well, wait a minute.
01:09:21Are you saying that if we get Dean Marshall kicked out of the college that we might be
01:09:24able to get Alpha House back?
01:09:25Well, the reason for his dismissal would have to be something pretty effing dishonorable.
01:09:30Something so scandalous that the college would disown all of his decisions just to distance
01:09:36itself from him.
01:09:37Dishonorable.
01:09:39Scandalous.
01:09:41We'll do it.
01:09:42Of course, this conversation never happened.
01:09:46Of course.
01:09:47Thank you, Dean.
01:09:52Once an Alpha, always an Alpha.
01:09:55Cameron, can you take a team into Marshall's office?
01:09:57Place cameras here, here, and here.
01:09:59Roger that.
01:10:01Once you're in, be fast.
01:10:02In and out.
01:10:03But make sure the cameras are invisible.
01:10:05Undetectable.
01:10:06We need full coverage.
01:10:08Go, go.
01:10:08Right there.
01:10:09Go, go, go, go, go.
01:10:11Come on, let's go.
01:10:13Whatever he does in that office, we need to see it.
01:10:15What do you think we'll find?
01:10:16I don't know, but based on what his assistant said, probably some freaky ass shit.
01:10:32Did he just ask to get fucked in the ass by a chick wearing a squirrel costume?
01:10:35Yeah, I think so.
01:10:37I think I just kicked in my mouth a little.
01:10:39What are we gonna do with all this intel after we gather it?
01:10:41We bait the trap.
01:10:46Good morning, Stephanie.
01:10:48Nice to see you working.
01:10:53What is this?
01:11:00Oh, oh, oh, oh, my.
01:11:07I'm, uh, going to lunch.
01:11:11Whatever.
01:11:29What's the password?
01:11:31Acorn!
01:11:32Acorn!
01:11:34Hello?
01:11:35Anyone here?
01:11:44Um, Miss Furry Double Stuff?
01:11:47Hold on.
01:11:48Make yourself at home.
01:11:54Wow.
01:11:55I, uh, I knew you had a lot of stuff, but, um, oh.
01:12:00Oh.
01:12:05This is so disgusting.
01:12:08I think you mean this is so awesome.
01:12:14Isn't this what you wanted, Mr. Rosenbush?
01:12:29Sweet.
01:12:30I'm, uh...
01:12:35Call me Tiger.
01:12:36His porn name is Tiger Rosenbush?
01:12:40That's better than mine.
01:12:42Moki McKinley.
01:12:43See K2 what you do- I know how it works. And no, I'm not gonna tell you my name.
01:12:51Okay. Tiger.
01:13:02Take your pants off.
01:13:04Okay. Right away, Ms. Dullestuff.
01:13:10Okay, okay, okay, okay. Almost there.
01:13:17Boxer briefs.
01:13:18Oh, I can never make up my mind.
01:13:21Lose them.
01:13:30Where is it?
01:13:31That's it. Isn't it?
01:13:32No, no, no, no. That's a smudge.
01:13:34Oh!
01:13:35Mama squirrel loves nuts.
01:13:38Oh, you do.
01:13:42Bark like a dog.
01:13:44What?
01:13:45Bark.
01:13:45Ruff.
01:13:47Louder.
01:13:52Meow like a pussycat.
01:13:55And what does the cow say?
01:13:56The cow says moo.
01:13:57The cow says moo.
01:13:59Are you ready, Tiger?
01:14:02It's great.
01:14:05Oh, my God.
01:14:07Is she going to-
01:14:10Yes, she is!
01:14:23I am honored to be speaking in front of you today.
01:14:26I am particularly grateful to Provost Elias and the other Virgin Mary administrators for making time in the very busy
01:14:32schedules to be here today. Thank you.
01:14:35Throughout my tenure at Sterling College, I'm most proud of how I fought for equal gender rights.
01:14:42Although I did not achieve the level of success I had hoped with my most recent project.
01:14:48The rehabilitation of Sterling College's most notorious and disrespected fraternity.
01:14:55I swear to you, on my nanny's graves, I will continue the gender fight until I have serviced the needs
01:15:03of every female student.
01:15:05That is so gross.
01:15:07That I proffer my resignation as Associate Dean of Sterling College.
01:15:12You guys ready?
01:15:13And accept the position of Dean of Virgin Mary University.
01:15:19Drop it.
01:15:20Like it's hot.
01:15:22Roll it.
01:15:28Provost Elias, I so look forward to bringing my personal style to Virgin Mary.
01:15:32You're not going to like this.
01:15:33As well as inserting my rigid ethics into the lives of your most-
01:15:36The same, right?
01:15:37Yeah.
01:15:38Well, that's it.
01:15:39Now, ah, time for questions and to talk.
01:15:42What is...
01:15:43I'm sorry.
01:15:43Hello.
01:15:45No, no, this is...
01:15:46That is not me.
01:15:47That is...
01:15:48That is...
01:15:48That is...
01:15:49That is...
01:15:49It's photoshopped, people.
01:15:51Thanks for coming.
01:15:52Can we turn this off, please?
01:15:55Please, somebody, tell me.
01:15:57Which one does it?
01:15:58Where am I?
01:15:59Can we turn it off?
01:16:00There it is.
01:16:02Wait, no.
01:16:03Wait, no.
01:16:03Please, no, no.
01:16:04Please.
01:16:06It's not fair.
01:16:07It's not fair.
01:16:08It's not fair.
01:16:09It's not fair.
01:16:10It's not fair that we thought you were.
01:16:11There's no place for you at Virgin Mary College after all.
01:16:14It's very fair.
01:16:15Wait a minute.
01:16:15You can't.
01:16:17Tiger Rosenbush?
01:16:19I...
01:16:21Hey, get a good copy of it.
01:16:22Great job.
01:16:27It's mailed.
01:16:30I'm so excited.
01:16:33Yep.
01:16:34I'm so excited, bye.
01:16:34I'm so excited.
01:16:35We'll be back again.
01:16:37Look at that part of this.
01:16:38And we're the party.
01:16:43We'll be back again.
01:16:43Help!
01:16:44I'll be back again.
01:16:46sorority. If you are, let me hear you say yeah, and do we pledge, no matter what, to
01:16:55never let her hallowed halls fall silent, to never let the kegs go dry, and to
01:17:01never, ever, let the party die. If you're with me, let me hear you say fuck yeah!
01:17:17Welcome back, to the 24-hour party machine!
01:17:32They're not back in five minutes, I'm putting my clothes back on.
01:17:39I have to say, when I told you guys to find some dirt, I wasn't expecting this.
01:17:45Well sir, it was a full team effort. Without everybody involved, never would have happened.
01:17:54I have some fond memories of this place. Throwing back brews, bang and tang.
01:18:01Hell, I was the alpha male. Three years running. Sometimes wish I could come back.
01:18:08Sir, you're always welcome back. Once an alpha, always an alpha.
01:18:13I may just take you up on that.
01:18:16Marty, get over here. Tracy is showing us what she learned in Mexico while standing, dude.
01:18:22Come on! Excuse us!
01:18:27Have a great party. Thank you, sir.
01:18:32You know, I was thinking...
01:18:35Were you?
01:18:35Yeah, I was thinking we could, uh, you know, again. Unless, you know, you're still mad at me.
01:18:43Let's go.
01:18:43Okay.
01:18:44Woo! Excuse me, girls.
01:18:54Don't slam the door in my face.
01:18:55Why shouldn't I?
01:18:56Uh, because I...
01:18:58I bought you these.
01:19:03You wanna come in?
01:19:06Sure.
01:19:13So, what do you want?
01:19:16Uh...
01:19:16I just...
01:19:18I know you don't like me very much, but since we're officially now roommates...
01:19:22Housemates.
01:19:22Right.
01:19:24I figured that we should start fresh.
01:19:28K2, look, I know I can be a bit of an asshole, but...
01:19:31Cameron.
01:19:32I think that if you got to know me a little more that we might be able to...
01:19:35Cameron!
01:19:35Yeah.
01:19:36Turn around.
01:19:44Bangorang!
01:19:44Bangorang!
01:19:46You're an asshole.
01:19:47President asshole.
01:19:49But I don't hate you.
01:19:51Oh, apparently not.
01:19:55Sadie Salterre.
01:19:56Uh, what?
01:19:57My porn name.
01:19:59And that's what I want you to call me for the rest of the night.
01:20:03Sadie Salterre.
01:20:04Uh, anything you say, Miss Salterre.
01:20:15Bangorang!
01:20:23Hey, little squirrel.
01:20:28You want a night, little guy?
01:20:35Dude!
01:20:36Not cool.
01:20:37You scared him.
01:20:39You want a nut?
01:20:40Hm?
01:20:41You want a nut?
01:20:42You patchouli-drenched Birkenstock piece of poop!
01:20:45I'll get your nut.
01:20:47Oh, hey!
01:20:48Here's a nut.
01:20:49Have a nut!
01:20:51Would you like another nut?
01:20:52Here's a nut.
01:20:53Here's another nut!
01:20:54Here!
01:20:55What the fuck?
01:20:56What's wrong?
01:20:57Don't you like my nuts?
01:20:58Here!
01:20:59You can't handle my nuts!
01:21:01Take my nuts!
01:21:04Where's the fucking squirrel?
01:21:08Get over here!
01:21:10God damn you!
01:21:11Little fucker!
01:21:13Get here!
01:21:14I see you!
01:21:16Can I?
01:21:18I wasn't!
01:21:20I wasn't!
01:21:21I wasn't!
01:21:21I wasn't!
01:21:23Just enough to get through.
01:21:27But that's not fair, I guess it's cause we're from 1989.
01:21:351989.
01:21:39We can go on and on and on and on, just pretend it's not true.
01:21:48No, no.
01:21:50And if we fall, we fall, we'll not get to see what we do.
01:21:57Oh, no.
01:22:00I got no hope, no, no.
01:22:02I don't think she'll dance with me.
01:22:10It's okay, cause that red lipstick is just ugly.
01:22:19Yeah.
01:22:22I've been so trying for you.
01:22:29It's okay, I never wanted it all.
01:22:34Just enough to get through.
01:22:39But that's not fair, I guess it's cause we're from 1989.
01:22:52I can't wait for you to go.
01:22:55Let's go to, let's go.
01:23:07All right, let's go.
01:23:09I'm sorry!
01:23:17We can go on and on again.
01:23:19And on and on
01:23:21Just pretend it's not true
01:23:24Oh no
01:23:26I'll take it back
01:23:29You're the only one
01:23:32Who can do what you do
01:24:19I'll take it back
01:24:48I'll take it back
01:24:49I'll take it back
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