- 19 hours ago
1997 Busted FULL HOT COMEDY MOVIE Mariana Morgan [Full Movie] [Full Episodes]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:22Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:00:30Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:00:33Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:00:36We put together a sweet situation
00:00:40From a plan born in my brain
00:00:44We finally bagged the taste of a good life
00:00:49Took a ride on a gravy train
00:00:52Then it all came crashing down
00:00:56Tell me where we're on
00:01:02But now we're busted, busted
00:01:06We thought we had it under control
00:01:11But now we're busted, busted
00:01:14Ain't nowhere to hide
00:01:23Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:01:27Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:01:31Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:01:34Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:01:38The bottom fell out of our love boat
00:01:42Now it's time to sink or swim
00:01:45We didn't do any harm to anybody
00:01:49Sometimes fate won't let you in
00:01:58Hey, you know, Uncle Alex, I really miss that great white.
00:02:02Things just haven't been the same since he's been gone.
00:02:05Yeah, that fish was a minnow compared to the barracuda I married.
00:02:09Hamilton, where have you been all morning?
00:02:11Out work in the streets. It's a jungle out there.
00:02:14Found a missing earring.
00:02:16Hamilton, hit the streets.
00:02:18Yes, sir.
00:02:19Time for roll call.
00:02:21Let's roll.
00:02:25Macy.
00:02:26Pumpernickels, sir.
00:02:27Casey.
00:02:28Onion, sir.
00:02:30How?
00:02:30Sesame seed, sir.
00:02:33David.
00:02:34I actually, uh, I wanted the sesame seed.
00:02:37You had it last roll call.
00:02:38Yes, but I wanted it now, too.
00:02:40I like sesame seed.
00:02:42I wanted the damn sesame seed.
00:02:43You did it.
00:02:44You fucking idiot.
00:02:45I wanted it.
00:02:53That's why I'm the captain.
00:02:56Oh, I'm sorry.
00:02:58I'm going to roll.
00:03:00Hey, ladies, knock it off.
00:03:03Where the hell's Clifford?
00:03:04He's down cleaning the sewage pumps, last time I saw him.
00:03:07Yeah, that's where he belongs.
00:03:11All right.
00:03:13Got a busy day ahead of us.
00:03:16Let's see what we've got this week.
00:03:18All right.
00:03:19So far, we've had robberies, zero.
00:03:22Accidental deaths, zero.
00:03:24Murders, zero.
00:03:26But we have had an increase in the number of women jumping out of their showers and running
00:03:30through the yard.
00:03:32Naked.
00:03:34That, that would be the peeping Tom.
00:03:44We have a sketch.
00:03:49It's a little rough right now, but we're still working on it.
00:03:53You should get a fair idea.
00:03:56Not bad.
00:04:00Really nice.
00:04:02Well, I know it's, uh, it's a little rough, but it's the best I could do right up front.
00:04:07So, basically, I want you to keep doing what you're doing.
00:04:12Keep your eyes out for that peeping Tom.
00:04:18And don't get caught sleeping in the squad car.
00:04:21I, uh, that's because I was using my other senses.
00:04:24I was like an idiot.
00:04:31So, when you go out there today, I want you to fight.
00:04:33Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight.
00:04:36If you run into a criminal and you get in a fight, here's what I want you to do.
00:04:40If he hits you and knocks you down, I want you to get up and fight him again.
00:04:43If he knocks you down again, I want you to get up and fight him harder.
00:04:46If he knocks you down again, I want you to get up and get the hell out of there, because
00:04:49you're losing.
00:04:50Now get out there and lose.
00:04:54Give me a donut.
00:04:58Captain, he gets the last thing.
00:05:00I'm yours.
00:05:02I'm yours.
00:05:03Hey, what happened to you?
00:05:06Sorry.
00:05:07You missed roll call.
00:05:09Ah, Kaiser.
00:05:11Where were you?
00:05:12I was on a cigarette break.
00:05:13But you don't smoke.
00:05:14Well, it's not what the ladies say.
00:05:32Morning, Lieutenant.
00:05:33Morning, officers.
00:05:41Amity, please.
00:05:42Is this an emergency?
00:05:43Uh, yes.
00:05:44I would have the greatest respect for you if you could hook me up.
00:05:46Will you have many different kinds of girls there?
00:05:48Yes, sir.
00:05:50Do you have a preference for your afternoon pleasure?
00:05:53Yes, something in a redhead with big broad shoulders.
00:05:56Ah, someone will be right over to pick you up.
00:05:59David, we got one.
00:06:01Yeah?
00:06:01Who's it for?
00:06:02Damn me.
00:06:03Ah.
00:06:05Oh, good.
00:06:07Wake her up.
00:06:08Wait.
00:06:09Start your cat one.
00:06:11She doesn't need to be awake.
00:06:26Hold it right there, miss.
00:06:28Yes?
00:06:28You realize that you were jaywalking?
00:06:31Why?
00:06:31Uh, we have laws around here, miss.
00:06:33Do you think you see?
00:06:35Butt, butt, nothing.
00:06:36Great butt or no butt.
00:06:38You're still getting a ticket.
00:06:39Butts don't stop me.
00:06:40Butt.
00:06:40Don't worry.
00:06:41In case you're wondering.
00:06:41Police are here.
00:06:42You have a great butt.
00:06:43Hey, attention, you bloody fools.
00:06:45Nice hat.
00:06:46What's the problem?
00:06:47I got a note.
00:06:48I got a note.
00:06:48They came from over there.
00:06:50Where are you going?
00:06:51Why aren't you chasing me?
00:06:53I cannot believe it.
00:06:54That's a long run.
00:06:55I bet it is.
00:06:56Officer Hamilton.
00:06:58Officer Howe.
00:06:58Yeah.
00:06:59Uh, did you see everything?
00:07:01Everything.
00:07:01Get, get, get, get, get, get.
00:07:02Where are the perks?
00:07:03Right over there.
00:07:05Uh, I, uh...
00:07:10I mean the, uh...
00:07:12I mean the guys who robbed the liquor store.
00:07:16Someone robbed the liquor store?
00:07:18Oh, God.
00:07:18Nobody tells me anything.
00:07:20Jeez.
00:07:21I tried to tell you.
00:07:23You're under arrest.
00:07:24I tried to tell you.
00:07:25I'll tell you down.
00:07:25Wait till I get you to the free scene.
00:07:27You're a troublemaker.
00:07:28You're a troublemaker.
00:07:29Walk, walk, walk.
00:07:30Move that ass.
00:07:31Move that ass.
00:07:32Come on, come on.
00:07:33Come on.
00:07:33Get here.
00:07:34No, no, no.
00:07:34Let me tell you down.
00:07:36Get out of the way.
00:07:47What have we got here?
00:07:48We had a burglary.
00:07:49Let's see.
00:07:50Uh, what'd you do?
00:07:54Steal somebody's heart?
00:07:59Now, this is the eyewitness.
00:08:02Einstein over there.
00:08:03The Hamilton idiot.
00:08:04Moron.
00:08:05Moron.
00:08:06Idiot.
00:08:06Shut up.
00:08:07Sorry.
00:08:08This big palooka had his back to the whole crime scene and missed everything.
00:08:13She was jaywalking.
00:08:14So, tell me.
00:08:15Did you see anything?
00:08:17I saw two guys running out of a liquor store.
00:08:18They had shorts on.
00:08:19They had black ski masks.
00:08:20And I tried to tell him.
00:08:22He didn't do anything.
00:08:23Hmm.
00:08:25Too crazy.
00:08:26Too bad she didn't see anything.
00:08:29Wait a minute.
00:08:30What day is it?
00:08:31The third?
00:08:33The Baker Brothers.
00:08:35That's right.
00:08:37Excuse me?
00:08:38Well, you see, it's the Baker Brothers' M.O.
00:08:41Black ski masks.
00:08:42Every Wednesday, they rob their father's store.
00:08:44However, hell, pick them up.
00:08:48My commandant.
00:08:49You want a booker?
00:08:50Yes.
00:08:51Booker.
00:08:51I can offer you a two-day roll.
00:08:53SAG scale and credit billing.
00:08:55But you'll have to call my agent.
00:08:56Ah, damn.
00:08:57I hate working with agents.
00:09:01Hey, David.
00:09:01Anything new?
00:09:02Yes.
00:09:03Ten children were born yesterday.
00:09:04I mean in the station.
00:09:05Oh.
00:09:06Ah, same old garbage.
00:09:08See what I mean?
00:09:12Yeah, that really stinks.
00:09:14So what about that peeping Tom?
00:09:16What about him?
00:09:20Oh, well, we haven't caught him yet, if that's what you're asking.
00:09:23But he really does give me the creeps.
00:09:26He's not spying on you.
00:09:29You're built the wrong way.
00:09:30What do you mean?
00:09:31Well, you see, David, the male anatomy is quite different from the females in many ways.
00:09:36For example, the male erection.
00:09:37I think I got your point.
00:09:39No pun intended.
00:09:41No pun taken.
00:09:42I wasn't trying to be funny.
00:09:44Well, so far you don't have anything to worry about.
00:09:46Good.
00:09:46So, you got any leads?
00:09:48Yeah, no.
00:09:50But if it kills me, I'm going to catch that peeping Tom.
00:09:58Whoa!
00:10:00Who do you think can raise your eyebrow higher?
00:10:04Spock.
00:10:07Yeah.
00:10:09Ah, Mrs. David.
00:10:12Good to see you.
00:10:16You must have tickled.
00:10:18I don't have a mustache.
00:10:22Oh!
00:10:23Oh!
00:10:25Oh, I came to check on the woman's auxiliary.
00:10:28Oh!
00:10:35Come on.
00:10:36Come on.
00:10:43So, how are things?
00:10:45Fine.
00:10:46Just fine.
00:10:47David, darling, uh, you haven't told my husband about your little enterprise, have you?
00:10:53Not a thing.
00:10:54Besides, I think if he knew what we were doing here, he would have no problem with it, because
00:10:58all we are doing is taking crime off the streets and putting it in the police station where it belongs.
00:11:12Well, I just wanted to warn you, because he's up for re-election, and you know what that means.
00:11:20Instantaneous, ostentatious morality.
00:11:22All right, precisely.
00:11:23Let's go.
00:11:26Ah, Mrs. Mayor, we were just getting started.
00:11:29Ah, ah, ah!
00:11:30Ah, carry, carry, carry on.
00:11:37All right, ladies, the procedures I am going to be teaching you this afternoon will be very, very important to
00:11:45your marriages.
00:11:46Oh, my God.
00:11:47Today, we'll be discussing oral sex.
00:11:50Ah!
00:11:50Now, I've laid out a few items here for us to practice with.
00:11:53Ah!
00:11:54Try and find whatever it is that you have at home.
00:12:01Cucumbers.
00:12:01I have cucumbers.
00:12:03Does anybody need a cucumber?
00:12:05Oh, yeah.
00:12:06I need a cucumber.
00:12:09Oh, yeah.
00:12:10Oh, yeah.
00:12:10I'm sorry.
00:12:14Carrots.
00:12:18Anybody need a carrot?
00:12:22Hot dogs.
00:12:23Oh, sure.
00:12:24Now you're talking.
00:12:28Trying to rubbery, though.
00:12:29Yeah.
00:12:30I'm kidding.
00:12:32Do you have any, um, Vianna sausages?
00:12:35Oh.
00:12:35Oh, yeah.
00:12:37I am sorry.
00:12:40Officer Angelotti, you left your new crack shots in the copier.
00:12:43Please pick them up.
00:12:47Thelma?
00:12:48Is the cell ready yet?
00:12:49Yes, sir.
00:12:51Nice to see you again, Dr. Kaplan.
00:12:54Thelma?
00:13:05Oh, yeah.
00:13:07I'm coming for you, honey.
00:13:09Here we go.
00:13:11Yeah.
00:13:13There you go.
00:13:25Come here, you bad, bad boy.
00:13:29First, I'm going to have to strip search you.
00:13:35Now, you're the prisoner, I'm the warden, and I'm going to have to put you in the hole.
00:13:47Oh, yeah.
00:13:55I'm okay.
00:14:00I'll take it.
00:14:01We'll have to be right back.
00:14:02Oh, yeah.
00:14:02Oh, yeah, watch me70.
00:14:04Oh, yeah.
00:14:05Oh, yeah.
00:14:06Oh, yeah.
00:14:09Oh, yeah.
00:14:10Oh, yeah.
00:14:24and who should I say is asking? Martin Riff. I'm the new guy. Oh, the rookie. We've been
00:14:32expecting you. Let me check. Captain Smith, the rookie's here for orientation.
00:14:46Ah, you must be the new rookie. Captain. Good to see you, son. Well, welcome to the Amity
00:14:53Police Force. Thank you. Come on, let me tell you something about our organization.
00:14:57Organization? You know, I was in the drama club in high school. Ah, so you're a four-eyed
00:15:01homo. Come on, one more. One more. Squeeze it out. Ah, that's a girl. Good going, girl.
00:15:19You mean you're running a brothel here? You really are a bozo, aren't you, son?
00:15:23Tit for tat. Oh, excuse me. Officers Casey and Lacey, rookie Marty Riff.
00:15:30You mean they're not the hookers? No, you idiot. Hookers have real tits. Officers, Casey
00:15:37and Lacey. Ladies? Sir!
00:15:42Come on, butt boy. Bye.
00:15:46Oh, my God. Yeah, they're partners.
00:16:00Hey, Captain, we got a pickup. You want me to take the rookie?
00:16:06Yeah, that's a great idea. Get that four-eyed geek out of here. He's bugging the crap out of me.
00:16:11Oh, I appreciate your confidence in me, Captain.
00:16:14Hey, you're doing a great job, son. I'm sure your father would be proud of you if you knew who
00:16:18you were.
00:16:19Oh, I appreciate that.
00:16:23It's for Bambi again. Teddy over on Larchmont, and he used the old password.
00:16:28Okay, I'll give him the new password.
00:16:30What's the password?
00:16:31Shang-a-lang-a-ding-dong. It used to be cock-a-doodle-doo. Then last summer, a rooster called.
00:16:37We thought it was a john. Now we know what chicken ranch means.
00:16:44Captain. Take your hands off me, you slime ball. Found her on the corner of First Domain soliciting for sexual
00:16:50favors.
00:16:51Was not. Was to. Was not. Was to. Was not. Was to. Was not. Was to. Gotcha. Take this little
00:16:57floozy to the interrogation room. She looks dangerous. Don't try anything smart, Tootsie.
00:17:01Or you'll find out what police brutality really means. This way. Let's go.
00:17:08Hey, where the hell's Clifford, anyway?
00:17:11Little shit's probably getting another MRI.
00:17:17Well, she looks like the real thing.
00:17:19Yeah. Choice of a new generation.
00:17:22Well, maybe she's the uncola.
00:17:24Quite possibly.
00:17:25Yeah.
00:17:26Well, I'll run her record.
00:17:28You, uh, go in there and keep her calm.
00:17:30You'll be firm with her.
00:17:32I want her to know.
00:17:35We don't take the law lightly.
00:17:36Okay.
00:17:38Let's go.
00:17:40Look, I want to make a phone call.
00:17:43You'll make a phone call when I say you can make a phone call.
00:17:46Well, I ain't saying shit until I talk to my lawyer.
00:17:49Well, fine.
00:17:50I'll get you some silence around here.
00:17:52Oh, hey.
00:17:56Mike, your outfit.
00:17:57Did you get that around here?
00:17:59What's it to you?
00:18:00Hey, just trying to be nice.
00:18:04They're not going to really try and hold me here, are they?
00:18:08It's a small town, honey.
00:18:10They don't take too kindly to breaking the law.
00:18:12Shut up, you two.
00:18:13This woman here's a criminal, and I'm going to see to it that she's punished.
00:18:19No, no, no, not that.
00:18:21Please, please.
00:18:22Anything but that.
00:18:23Wait.
00:18:23Please.
00:18:24Hold it right there, Officer Hamilton.
00:18:26I ran a record.
00:18:27Not bad.
00:18:28Second song's pretty good.
00:18:29What about the third song?
00:18:31Eh, not catchy enough.
00:18:33But we'll let you slide.
00:18:36So, Gary, can you use an extra hand around here?
00:18:40Summer, we can always use an extra hand.
00:18:46Sorry I was rude to you earlier.
00:18:48I just wasn't sure.
00:18:52Doing my job.
00:18:54You, uh, may have been with Internal Affairs.
00:19:00But he thought I was a cop.
00:19:01Well, you can never be too sure.
00:19:06What was it that gave it away?
00:19:07Maybe the outfit?
00:19:09I like your outfit.
00:19:12Yeah, me too.
00:19:15You guys are nuts.
00:19:19If you're not going to charge me with anything, I'm going to get the hell out of here.
00:19:24Let's go.
00:19:25Let's go.
00:19:25You can go, darling.
00:19:27But I think you're making a big mistake.
00:19:29You can work right here doing what you do.
00:19:32But if you don't want to, can I borrow your outfit?
00:19:36See, there's already two of us here.
00:19:38Got room for three.
00:19:40Wait a minute.
00:19:41You guys are hookers?
00:19:43No, but we play them on TV.
00:19:47Bambi and I got started the same way.
00:19:49Got busted.
00:19:51Captain invited us to stay on.
00:19:54Wait, the captain gave you a job?
00:19:56Sure.
00:19:57He said he didn't see any harm in two girls trying to make a living, long as no one gets
00:20:01hurt.
00:20:02And you guys never get smacked, beat up, anything like that?
00:20:05In a police department?
00:20:07No one gets hurt with a police department.
00:20:13Just think, no more pimps, no more cold street corners, no more standing around in these ridiculous high heels that
00:20:21throw your back out.
00:20:22Great.
00:20:24So what do you think?
00:20:25You want to get cleaned up?
00:20:26Sure.
00:20:27I'll show you the locker room.
00:20:28All right.
00:20:30Think I'll clean the locker room?
00:20:32I think not.
00:20:34I think that you're not going to rest until you get out there and find me that peeping Tom.
00:20:43God damn it.
00:20:45If we don't find him soon, this music is going to drive me insane.
00:20:51Okay.
00:20:52And a five, six, seven, eight.
00:20:54Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
00:20:55A twirl like you're leaning and go.
00:20:57You go, girl.
00:20:58Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
00:21:00Ladies, ladies, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
00:21:03And a turn and a butt up.
00:21:06It's the mayor!
00:21:07It's the mayor!
00:21:10It's the mayor!
00:21:11Captain Smith!
00:21:13Take five, ladies.
00:21:15Love you.
00:21:16Hate you.
00:21:17Yes?
00:21:17Mayor Davis is here.
00:21:19Oh, my God.
00:21:19Mayor Davis.
00:21:21Gentlemen.
00:21:23Sir, Mayor Davis?
00:21:24It has come to my attention that this police department has not been following the strict moral guidelines expected of
00:21:30it.
00:21:31What do you mean, sir?
00:21:33Amity is a fine community of hardworking families and innocent children living in harmony with each other and the cities
00:21:39around them.
00:21:40They deserve a police department of dedicated, hardworking professionals.
00:21:45A police department serving the needs of the community.
00:21:49Hold it down.
00:21:51I'm trying to talk.
00:21:54What is it exactly you want, sir?
00:21:57Captain Smith, I'm demanding you step down until a full investigation of you and your department has been completed.
00:22:06Take him away.
00:22:11I'm not leaving you high and dry.
00:22:14What?
00:22:15I'm not leaving you high and dry.
00:22:15I have brought you exactly what this department needs.
00:22:19Captain May
00:22:28This is Captain May
00:22:30She'll be in charge of this department
00:22:32Until things get sorted out
00:22:35Lieutenant Carroll
00:22:37Show her the ropes
00:22:38Miss Mayor
00:22:43Short, medium, long
00:22:46Officer David Carroll
00:22:48Head of ice
00:22:48I'll bet you are
00:22:51I think there was no need for a change
00:22:54Oh, I think there was plenty of need for a change
00:22:55I see
00:22:56Bring me up to speed
00:22:57All right
00:22:58Let's go
00:22:59Marks
00:22:59Get set, go!
00:23:02Officer Howe, line one
00:23:03Winchell's donuts again
00:23:09Hi
00:23:16Will you stop it already?
00:23:18He noticed him too
00:23:20Yeah, but I'm not drooling
00:23:22I bet he's great in the sack
00:23:25I bet he's never been in the sack
00:23:27I think we should find out
00:23:31Sorry
00:23:35Nah
00:23:37Speak of the devil
00:23:41Oh, I'm sorry
00:23:43Sorry about what?
00:23:45Well, I mean, I don't want to interrupt
00:23:47Sit there now
00:24:11No, no, no, I mean, no
00:24:13No, no, I just graduated
00:24:16You're gonna like it here
00:24:17Mm-hmm
00:24:18Can I have a bite of the apple?
00:24:22Sure
00:24:47Excuse me
00:24:54Don't you want something on that?
00:24:58Do you have any butter?
00:25:09Oh, honey
00:25:10You have to spread this evenly
00:25:12Let me help you
00:25:15Whoops
00:25:16I think you missed a spot
00:25:33Amity's a great little town
00:25:36Nice people
00:25:37Really nice
00:25:39I sure change like it
00:25:41Can I have one of those?
00:25:45Sure
00:25:46Would you like half?
00:25:48Thanks
00:25:55We will see the fabulous lunchroom
00:25:57And this is where
00:25:58All of our wonderful police officers
00:25:59Come and have lunch every day
00:26:00If you look right now
00:26:01You'll be able to see them
00:26:02What is going on here?
00:26:04What is going on here?
00:26:07Uh, uh, uh
00:26:09Officer Rick here
00:26:10He was showing
00:26:12The correct procedure
00:26:14For the Heimlich maneuver
00:26:16Uh, uh
00:26:17He ate one of these
00:26:19And, uh
00:26:20I think he got really hot
00:26:22Right, Officer Rick?
00:26:23Eh?
00:26:24Ah, well
00:26:25Never mind that right now
00:26:27Ladies and gentlemen
00:26:28This is, uh
00:26:29This is Officer Captain Mary May
00:26:32She will be heading
00:26:33And investigating
00:26:34The department
00:26:35From here on out
00:26:37Officers Casey
00:26:38And Lacey
00:26:39At your service
00:26:40Carry on
00:26:43Carry on
00:27:00Oh, maybe you'd like to see
00:27:01The, uh
00:27:02Certificate of Appreciation
00:27:03We received last year
00:27:05The most uneventful town
00:27:08In America
00:27:08Huh?
00:27:10Huh?
00:27:10Well, that certainly is interesting
00:27:11Huh?
00:27:12I'd like to see the locker rooms
00:27:13Uh, okay
00:27:16Look at that one
00:27:16See that picture right there?
00:27:21Ah!
00:27:24Officer Carroll
00:27:25You just gotta let me go
00:27:27I promise
00:27:28I'll never do it again
00:27:30And from now on
00:27:31I'll be a good girl
00:27:32You're already pretty good
00:27:34Thanks
00:27:35Thanks
00:27:36Thanks
00:27:37I'm afraid to ask
00:27:39You should be
00:27:40I mean
00:27:41You shouldn't be
00:27:42Because it doesn't really matter
00:27:43I can explain
00:27:44I'm waiting
00:27:46Uh
00:27:46Well
00:27:47I, uh
00:27:50Would you believe
00:27:51Thank you
00:27:52Thank you, thank you
00:27:53And welcome to
00:27:54Would you believe
00:27:54The show
00:27:55That tests just how far
00:27:57Your imagination will stretch
00:27:59My pumpkin pie
00:28:02My little prune Danish
00:28:04My lover
00:28:12And right now
00:28:13For $500
00:28:14Officer David Carroll
00:28:16Why does this jail cell
00:28:18Look like a bordella
00:28:19Would you believe?
00:28:21Um
00:28:21Because she's here so often
00:28:24That they had to bring
00:28:25All of her own stuff from home
00:28:26Good answer
00:28:27But not good enough
00:28:29Miss Bambi
00:28:30Would you believe?
00:28:32Um
00:28:33We had the whole thing redone
00:28:35By Madonna's decorator
00:28:36That's unbelievable
00:28:39Captain Mary May
00:28:40For $500
00:28:41Would you believe?
00:28:42It was created by
00:28:43Criminal psychologists
00:28:44Who wanted to regress criminals
00:28:46To the moment of conception
00:28:47That's right
00:28:48We have a winner
00:28:50Captain Mary May
00:28:51At the Amity Police Department
00:28:53Step up here
00:28:54And collect your $500
00:28:56Congratulations
00:28:57I'll be in my office
00:28:58Thank you
00:28:58Thank you very much
00:28:59$500?
00:29:00That's more than I've been
00:29:01Made all week
00:29:04Tune in next week
00:29:05And be prepared
00:29:06To stretch
00:29:08Stretch
00:29:09Stretch
00:29:10Further
00:29:11Than you've ever
00:29:12Stretched before
00:29:22So
00:29:24You think you're being cute?
00:29:28You think this is
00:29:29Some kind of game?
00:29:31You're answering
00:29:32You're answering, huh?
00:29:33Don't listen much, mister?
00:29:36You got a hearing problem?
00:29:38He doesn't speak much
00:29:42Neither do you
00:29:49Mr. Bigger
00:29:51You're supposed to be the older brother
00:29:53You're supposed to set an example
00:29:55I don't think he's listening
00:29:58Can you hear me, mister?
00:30:01He's got hearing problems, too
00:30:05Let me try some sign language
00:30:07All right
00:30:07You can't break into your father's store
00:30:17It makes you look
00:30:29He can't see
00:30:30He can't see
00:30:30He's nothing, neither
00:30:32So why are we talking
00:30:33Well, because he's the one that's got all the brains in the family
00:30:39What the hell?
00:30:40Put this on the map
00:30:42Count us in the same situation
00:30:45Okay
00:30:47Cut her throat
00:30:48Oh
00:30:49Oh, okay
00:30:52All righty
00:30:54Tell you what I'm gonna do
00:30:57I'm gonna let you go this time
00:30:59No one's pressing charges
00:31:01But next time
00:31:02Clear!
00:31:07We'll never do it again
00:31:09Better not
00:31:10And you
00:31:12Take that stupid look off your face
00:31:17That's better
00:31:19Come on, come on
00:31:20Get out of here, you two fuckers
00:31:21Leave those masks
00:31:22You crooks
00:31:24Wait a minute
00:31:26Someone help me
00:31:28Oh, what can we do for you?
00:31:29I was taking a shower
00:31:30I just live around the corner
00:31:32And there was this man
00:31:34I saw him in my bushes
00:31:37Watching me
00:31:39So he was
00:31:41Washing your bush
00:31:42No, he was busting my watch
00:31:45I mean watching my bust
00:31:46I mean watching me wash
00:31:51I've never been so scared in my whole life
00:31:56So
00:31:56This man
00:31:58Do you look like this?
00:32:01That's him
00:32:01Exactly
00:32:06Well, sounds like the peeping Tom
00:32:12We know somebody's been watching him
00:32:14We've been watching him watch
00:32:15But we don't know who he is
00:32:16Even with that sketch?
00:32:18I know
00:32:19It's hard to believe
00:32:21Can I wash your walk?
00:32:23I mean, can I walk your bush?
00:32:25I mean, can I walk your home?
00:32:28Thank you
00:32:32So, the mayor gone yet?
00:32:34Yeah
00:32:35And the shit has really hit the fan
00:32:38Wait a minute
00:32:39They don't steal other people's jokes around here
00:32:43We only borrow them
00:32:45Good thing
00:32:45Yes
00:32:47Oh my god
00:32:47I left Billy in the cell
00:32:48So, what's going on?
00:32:50Oh, well, let me tell you
00:32:51I didn't tell you before
00:32:51Okay, what happened was
00:32:52Captain Smith came into the picture
00:32:53You know, and he was the captain
00:32:54He was great
00:32:54Because we ran a prostitution ring through here
00:32:56You know, but everybody got paid a lot of money
00:32:58They got their nails painted
00:32:59Their toes painted
00:32:59Every single day
00:33:00Because they could afford it
00:33:00Sorry, I guess
00:33:01We got all kinds of mixed up
00:33:01A prostitution ring
00:33:02And he's trying to get rid of the prostitution ring
00:33:04Well, what are we supposed to do?
00:33:05I mean, nobody's making money anymore
00:33:06Everybody needs to be rich
00:33:07They need to get new clothes daily
00:33:09They need to feed themselves
00:33:10Then Captain Mary May comes in and she's all
00:33:11I don't think
00:33:15This is a fine way to run a business
00:33:18Locking us up in separate cells
00:33:20I feel like I'm about ready to bust
00:33:25Billy
00:33:25David
00:33:26Sorry, man
00:33:27I didn't mean to leave you hanging
00:33:28We've had a little problem
00:33:30Look, we have a little problem here
00:33:32I've heard that before
00:33:34So, I
00:33:35Me too
00:33:36Huh
00:33:38Well, anyway
00:33:39I guess we should probably leave you be for now
00:33:41Yeah
00:33:42Let's go
00:33:42We'll come back
00:33:43No, wait
00:33:43David
00:33:44You can't leave me like this, man
00:33:46I feel like a prisoner
00:33:48What would make you feel that way?
00:33:51I got it
00:33:53We'll be back
00:33:53Let's go
00:33:57Somebody
00:33:58Somebody
00:33:59Somebody
00:34:00She's transversed
00:34:00She had something up her butt
00:34:02And it died
00:34:02And she doesn't understand
00:34:03Because it's a whole control thing
00:34:05You know
00:34:05She doesn't even want to know what's going on
00:34:07Because she walks around the whole place
00:34:08Like she knows
00:34:08She just came in here a little while ago
00:34:10She has something to do
00:34:11With anything
00:34:11And she's
00:34:12You know
00:34:12I've never had to
00:34:13Hey, where's Bambi?
00:34:16My God
00:34:17She's still with Billy
00:34:19Captain Bay's coming
00:34:20Captain Bay's coming
00:34:21Oh, mate alert
00:34:22Oh, mate alert
00:34:28I'm sure it's all very interesting
00:34:30But I really do have to get unpacked
00:34:32All right
00:34:32Maybe later then
00:34:33I've still got some paperwork to do
00:34:35Any messages?
00:34:36Yes, your mother called
00:34:37My mother called?
00:34:38Well, yes
00:34:38There's been a horrible accident
00:34:39And your father's been killed
00:34:41What do you mean?
00:34:42Well, apparently there was a freak accident
00:34:44And his lawnmower killed him
00:34:45She said it went haywire
00:34:47And turned your father into fertilizer
00:34:49Wait, good news
00:34:50Your lawnmower looks better than ever
00:34:52It's colorful
00:34:53It's a beautiful life
00:34:54Fourth time this week
00:34:55Who are you?
00:34:58Officer Lisa Hancock
00:35:00I'm the night receptionist
00:35:01I thought the lieutenant
00:35:02Picked up the phone at night
00:35:03Well, that's because
00:35:04You didn't have me
00:35:07Do you have me whiteout?
00:35:26Is this an emergency?
00:35:28It sure feels like one
00:35:29Sing-a-lang-a-ding-dong
00:35:32Reference
00:35:33I think the blonde one
00:35:35I'm tired of easy
00:35:36An officer will be right over
00:35:39Go wake up Clifford
00:35:41And get Hamilton
00:35:42A run interference
00:35:42All right
00:35:51No, I'm here as a public servant
00:35:53I'll help anybody
00:35:54No problem at all
00:35:56Why would I care that it's the Pope?
00:35:58He's got sexual problems
00:36:00Just like everybody else
00:36:01I assure you
00:36:03What do you mean
00:36:04Anti-Semitic?
00:36:10Hamilton
00:36:11Yes
00:36:12I've got a client
00:36:13In route
00:36:14And
00:36:14I need you to pick up
00:36:16A graffiti artist
00:36:18Take care of the captain
00:36:19For me, will you?
00:36:20Oh, that woman's about
00:36:21As much fun as an enema
00:36:22All right
00:36:23Then I'll take care of her
00:36:24Thanks
00:36:29By the way
00:36:32Don't forget
00:36:34Bambi's in the cell
00:36:34You gotta get her out
00:36:35Remember last time?
00:36:36She thought she was the lion
00:36:37For an hour
00:36:38Remember?
00:36:39I had to do the end production
00:36:40For the Wizard of Oz
00:36:41Fifty times
00:36:42How could I forget
00:36:44That was pretty, uh
00:36:45Pretty miserable, wasn't it?
00:36:47Yeah, it was
00:36:48You were off key
00:36:48Very
00:36:49Very flat
00:36:49It was a bad day
00:36:52Bad hair day, too
00:36:55Damn
00:36:57But I'm on a diet
00:36:58You're 100 pounds overweight
00:36:59A police officer should eat
00:37:01Oh, hi
00:37:02Uh, captain
00:37:03I'm going out on a caller
00:37:04It's very high profile
00:37:06I thought you might like
00:37:07To ride shotgun
00:37:08You think it'll be dangerous?
00:37:09It very well could be
00:37:10Let's go
00:37:11All right
00:37:17Marty
00:37:22See Carrie?
00:37:23No
00:37:25All right
00:37:26Well, if you see her before I
00:37:27Let her know we need her
00:37:28In the interrogation room
00:37:29We're not using the, uh
00:37:30Sells in that day anymore
00:37:33Okay
00:37:33Okay
00:37:33Thanks
00:37:34Hey, Cliff
00:37:35Yes
00:37:36Um
00:37:38You ever, um
00:37:39Have two girls come on to you
00:37:40At the same time?
00:37:42Only my dreams
00:37:43What's up?
00:37:44Well, I
00:37:45I don't know how to decide
00:37:47What's to decide?
00:37:49Well, I've never
00:37:50You know
00:37:51I've never
00:37:51Been in a situation before
00:37:54Well, Marty
00:37:54There's worse situations to be in, all right?
00:37:56Trust me
00:37:57I'll tell you what
00:37:58If you get two chicks in the sack
00:37:59All right
00:38:00I'll turn in my batch
00:38:02And it would almost be workable
00:38:04Shut up
00:38:05All right
00:38:06So if you see Carrie
00:38:06Tell her that
00:38:07I will
00:38:07Thank you
00:38:09Thank you
00:38:14What do you got?
00:38:16Counterfeiter
00:38:17Caught him red-handed
00:38:19Good work
00:38:20So what are you doing?
00:38:21I've got Carrie in the interrogation room
00:38:23They're doing it, dog
00:38:23You're still
00:38:24You're my little dog
00:38:30Heel
00:38:31Heel
00:38:36Heel
00:38:37Ankles
00:38:38Ankles
00:38:41That's it
00:38:42Lick my latex
00:38:44Good dog
00:38:47That was bullshit
00:38:48An eight-year-old
00:38:49What kind of crime we have in this city
00:38:52Oh, mate alert
00:38:52Oh, mate alert
00:38:53Oh, mate alert
00:38:57Oh, no
00:38:57Come on, guys
00:38:58Get up
00:38:59Get up
00:39:00Get up
00:39:01Put your clothes on
00:39:02Come on
00:39:03Oh, mate alert
00:39:04Get to put your clothes on
00:39:05Up slow
00:39:06Oh, mate alert
00:39:07Come on
00:39:07Oh, mate alert
00:39:16Well, uh
00:39:18Would you believe
00:39:19Thank you
00:39:20Thank you
00:39:21And welcome to
00:39:22Would you believe
00:39:23The show that tests you
00:39:24Wait a minute
00:39:25No, no, no
00:39:26What?
00:39:27This is just over the top
00:39:28Really?
00:39:29Yes
00:39:30Well, if you want to be that way
00:39:32But here
00:39:36So what really happened?
00:39:38Well, I was interrogating this man
00:39:40And he, uh
00:39:42Uh
00:39:42Threw up
00:39:43He threw up
00:39:44Threw all the stuff
00:39:45Just letting them know
00:39:46That it was all clear
00:39:47Meaning that it was all clean
00:39:49Clean
00:39:49And clear
00:39:50Uh-huh
00:39:50And clear and clean
00:39:51Yeah
00:39:51As a whistle
00:39:52Where are your cleaning supplies?
00:39:54Whistling
00:39:54Uh, uh
00:39:55All I need is my trusty rag
00:39:58Eh, trusty rag
00:39:58Dependable
00:39:59You can trust it
00:40:00Always never lie to you
00:40:01Ever
00:40:02What have we got here?
00:40:04Um
00:40:04Oh
00:40:05I caught him trying to pass
00:40:07Uh
00:40:07Counterfeit, uh
00:40:08One hundred dollar bills
00:40:10Good work
00:40:11But the guy must be colorblind
00:40:13What makes you think that?
00:40:14Because hundred dollar bills
00:40:16Aren't red
00:40:17You stupid
00:40:21Are you sure on that?
00:40:23Well
00:40:23Yeah, you take a couple
00:40:25I'll take a couple
00:40:26Does anybody want one?
00:40:27I'll take one
00:40:29Have a nice day
00:40:30Merry Christmas
00:40:30Twinkie?
00:40:31I'll take you
00:40:31Sure, thanks
00:40:32Give me another one
00:40:34Thanks
00:40:44What a day
00:40:45Yeah
00:40:46Seven jaywalkers
00:40:47Two double parkers
00:40:48On the litter bike
00:40:49God
00:40:51Sometimes you really gotta
00:40:52Earn your paycheck
00:40:53Around here
00:40:57Leaving?
00:40:58I'm taking the books
00:40:59Home with me
00:41:00Think anything
00:41:01Will happen tonight?
00:41:01Oh, no
00:41:03No
00:41:04Nights around here
00:41:05Are slower than the days
00:41:08I'm only a phone call away
00:41:11Alright
00:41:11Good night
00:41:12Good night
00:41:14One
00:41:15One thousand
00:41:16Two
00:41:16One thousand
00:41:17Three
00:41:18One thousand
00:41:19Let's party!
00:41:20Woo!
00:41:22Yeah!
00:41:25Woo!
00:41:28Woo!
00:41:28Woo!
00:41:29Woo!
00:41:29Woo!
00:41:30Woo!
00:41:30Woo!
00:41:31Woo!
00:41:31Woo!
00:41:31Woo!
00:41:31Woo!
00:41:32Woo!
00:41:33Woo!
00:41:36Woo!
00:41:37Woo!
00:41:39Woo!
00:41:40is we gonna breathe to you?
00:42:12Come on, man.
00:42:13I want you to stop the funny.
00:42:14Give me a little more.
00:42:16Yo, hey, you know, I'm not in here.
00:42:17It's not my fault.
00:42:19You're not in here.
00:42:20You're not in here.
00:42:21Get out.
00:42:21No, I'm not in here.
00:42:22It's not my fault.
00:42:23Good morning, everyone.
00:42:24Good morning, Captain.
00:42:25Good morning, Captain.
00:42:27Clifford, did you take roll call?
00:42:29I'll hear.
00:42:30Good.
00:42:32Last night, I went over the books, and I was very surprised.
00:42:36I've never seen a police department in such great financial shape.
00:42:41Oh, very nice.
00:42:42Good.
00:42:43Money.
00:42:43I like that.
00:42:45This building has been paid off, and I see you put a down payment on a new building for
00:42:49the police station.
00:42:50Your community has bought you new walkie-talkies, new uniforms, new weights, and a cappuccino
00:42:57machine.
00:42:58Here you go.
00:42:58Yeah.
00:42:59Yeah.
00:42:59It makes me proud.
00:43:01I...
00:43:02They just give and give.
00:43:05However, I have noticed some unorthodox procedures around here.
00:43:10So you best watch your P's and Q's.
00:43:12We're going by the book.
00:43:15All right.
00:43:16Have a good one.
00:43:25At ease.
00:43:29Understood?
00:43:31Understood.
00:43:32Understood.
00:43:33Understood.
00:43:37Now, I have a little surprise for you.
00:43:40Since there's such an excess of cash in the slush fund, I'm going to be sprucing up the
00:43:45place.
00:43:45You know, putting in some green plants.
00:43:48Maybe a painting or two.
00:43:50Maybe a painting or two.
00:43:51Oh, God.
00:43:52Yeah.
00:43:53Any hemp?
00:43:53Anything else?
00:43:55Yes.
00:43:55We have a...
00:43:57We have a new drawing of the suspect, Peeping Tom.
00:44:01Oh, yeah.
00:44:01Fastest round, everybody.
00:44:02Get a good look at it.
00:44:03Nice.
00:44:03Oh, yeah.
00:44:05Oh, yeah.
00:44:07Oh, yeah.
00:44:08Oh.
00:44:08Oh.
00:44:09Wow.
00:44:09All right.
00:44:10Yeah.
00:44:11Oh, I want this girl.
00:44:15Hey.
00:44:16That looks like my ex-boyfriend.
00:44:17Let me see that again.
00:44:20I bet you I could find this guy in two hours.
00:44:22I could find him in one hour.
00:44:23Okay.
00:44:24Find that guy.
00:44:25Get out there and be safe.
00:44:26Sounds like my mother.
00:44:29You know, I can find him in one hour.
00:44:31Five minutes.
00:44:38Oh, I'm sorry.
00:44:39I didn't know anybody was here.
00:44:41What are you sorry about?
00:44:45I...
00:44:46Um.
00:44:47I...
00:44:48Um.
00:44:49I...
00:44:50Um.
00:44:52I...
00:44:52I...
00:44:54Could you come stand here for a second?
00:45:00Well...
00:45:00Sure.
00:45:08No.
00:45:09Stand here.
00:45:11There?
00:45:13All right.
00:45:18Now, you try to push my legs out,
00:45:20and I'll try to push him back in.
00:45:24Okay.
00:45:29Gotcha.
00:45:31You know, all my life,
00:45:33I've never even had a beautiful woman look at me.
00:45:35I mean, much less to come on to me.
00:45:39And out of the blue today,
00:45:41it's happened twice.
00:45:42Twice?
00:45:43What's going on here?
00:45:46I was just exercising my thighs.
00:45:50Mm-hmm.
00:45:53Bitch.
00:46:06Where's that janitor?
00:46:08My blinds haven't been dusted this decade.
00:46:10Orcs are mostly knights.
00:46:12Fine.
00:46:13I'll leave her a note.
00:46:17La!
00:46:20La!
00:46:21Tell me when the mayor's wife comes in.
00:46:22She's taking me to lunch.
00:46:23She's already here.
00:46:25She is?
00:46:26She's downstairs with the women's auxiliary.
00:46:29Oh.
00:46:30Good.
00:46:31I think I'll go join her.
00:46:38Now hold it in your hand.
00:46:40Firmly, but gently.
00:46:42Then up and down.
00:46:44Up and down.
00:46:46Up and down.
00:46:46Open alert!
00:46:47Open alert!
00:46:48Okay.
00:46:48Put him away till later.
00:46:50Knowing the correct way to use a condom
00:46:53could mean the difference between life and death.
00:46:56Hello.
00:46:59You must be Captain Mary May.
00:47:02Ladies.
00:47:03Yeah.
00:47:04Captain Mary May.
00:47:06Our new...
00:47:07Captain of what?
00:47:08Captain!
00:47:14Aren't you the janitor?
00:47:16Oh.
00:47:16Janitor and also sex educator.
00:47:20Clean is as clean does.
00:47:22Clean this.
00:47:29Hey.
00:47:30What are you doing here?
00:47:31Eh.
00:47:31Couldn't sleep.
00:47:33I was up all night trying to catch that damn peeping top.
00:47:42Hey!
00:47:43Hamilton!
00:47:44What do you got there?
00:47:45Yeah.
00:47:45What do you got over here?
00:47:46Loiterers.
00:47:47Got a complaint from Cunningham's.
00:47:49I'm so impressed with the role that this police department
00:47:51plays in the community.
00:47:53Oh, yes.
00:47:53Our officers really give their passes.
00:47:55Mister.
00:47:56You got a name?
00:48:00Don't give me any of your lip.
00:48:02All right.
00:48:03Listen up.
00:48:04I want you to take his cuffs off him, but watch him.
00:48:07He looks like a creep.
00:48:10Get some fingerprints.
00:48:13Dude, that was really good the way you handled him.
00:48:15It was strong.
00:48:16Well, you know, I was trying to be...
00:48:17I didn't want to be over the top.
00:48:18No, that was good, because some people...
00:48:22He's gotta go!
00:48:28That's enough screaming!
00:48:32Now!
00:48:33You!
00:48:34What'd you have to go do and get my gun?
00:48:36We were just gonna give you a hot meal.
00:48:38We weren't gonna do anything.
00:48:39All right.
00:48:40All right.
00:48:41All right.
00:48:42All right.
00:48:43Listen to me!
00:48:45There's nothing to worry about.
00:48:47It's okay.
00:48:48I know you're scared.
00:48:49Hey!
00:48:50Watch me.
00:48:51I'm the guy to talk to.
00:48:53I'm not touching my gun.
00:48:55You see me?
00:48:55My hand is not on my gun.
00:48:58No.
00:48:59No.
00:49:00No.
00:49:01Now.
00:49:02Stay focused.
00:49:04It's gonna be okay.
00:49:05You can do this.
00:49:07We're all friends here.
00:49:09We're all friends.
00:49:11Drop the gun.
00:49:12Come on.
00:49:12Give me the gun.
00:49:13You can do it.
00:49:14Give me the gun.
00:49:16Look!
00:49:16A UFO!
00:49:17Ah!
00:49:19Ah!
00:49:22Ah!
00:49:23Ah!
00:49:24Ah!
00:49:26Ah!
00:49:27Ah!
00:49:27Ah!
00:49:28Oh!
00:49:30Oh!
00:49:30Thank you!
00:49:31Thank you!
00:49:33Thank you!
00:49:33Thank you!
00:49:34There's nothing to see here.
00:49:37Where?
00:49:38Now.
00:49:39All right, mister.
00:49:41We've got a place for people like you.
00:49:44Where?
00:49:44It's called a big gray cell.
00:49:48Take them away!
00:49:50I'm sorry.
00:49:50I'm sorry.
00:49:51It's all right.
00:49:52Get over here!
00:49:55Ah!
00:50:00Good work, Officer Carroll.
00:50:02Thank you very much.
00:50:03Just doing my job.
00:50:04Well, I'm impressed.
00:50:06Our hero!
00:50:08Ah!
00:50:10No need to thank me.
00:50:12No need to thank me.
00:50:15Well, why don't you take the mayor's wife out for a little lunch?
00:50:19Come on.
00:50:19You deserve it.
00:50:21Come on.
00:50:21Get out of here.
00:50:22Shall we?
00:50:22You guys have done a great job.
00:50:24Thanks for watching.
00:50:25You can sleep safe in Amity.
00:50:28Love those guys.
00:50:29Whew!
00:50:34What a nice group of women.
00:50:36That small town morality.
00:50:38You just can't find that these days.
00:50:41Back so soon?
00:50:43Are you ever off duty?
00:50:45As a matter of fact, I am.
00:50:47But not right now.
00:50:50I had, uh, three more complaints about that peeping Tom last night.
00:50:53Ah!
00:51:00Yes.
00:51:00But good news.
00:51:01Got a little further on that sketch.
00:51:04Take a look.
00:51:06Ah!
00:51:07Wow!
00:51:07See?
00:51:08Big differences now, huh?
00:51:09A lot easier to find.
00:51:11Well, that'll certainly help.
00:51:13Yep.
00:51:13I know.
00:51:14Never knew I had such a flair for art.
00:51:20Captain!
00:51:21Shh!
00:51:22Oh!
00:51:23Captain, what are you doing here?
00:51:25Captain.
00:51:32What are you doing here?
00:51:37Clouds.
00:51:37What are you doing here?
00:51:38What's with the donut outfit?
00:51:40Camouflage.
00:51:42I'm in eclair.
00:51:43Listen.
00:51:44I came here to warn you about that Mary Mae.
00:51:46She's the best they've got.
00:51:49INS.
00:51:50Immigration?
00:51:51I mean, uh, IBM.
00:51:53Computers?
00:51:55I mean, IFS.
00:51:58Banking?
00:51:59You know, internal affairs!
00:52:01Oh!
00:52:01Right.
00:52:02Listen.
00:52:02Tell me that you closed down the whole operation and put away the contraband.
00:52:05I would love to tell you that, but that's a lie.
00:52:08She's not that hot.
00:52:09Not at all.
00:52:10No, we've got it covered.
00:52:10We have a plan.
00:52:11She can't even go to the bathroom without everyone knowing exactly where she is.
00:52:15That's right.
00:52:15What?
00:52:16People?
00:52:17No.
00:52:19Hold me to the lunchroom!
00:52:21Hold me to the lunchroom!
00:52:23Pretty nifty, huh?
00:52:26Quick!
00:52:26Hide!
00:52:27Hide!
00:52:31Gentlemen?
00:52:32Uh, we were just leaving.
00:52:34Leaving!
00:52:34No!
00:52:34I was just looking for the two of you.
00:52:37I think...
00:52:37Here we are.
00:52:38Right here.
00:52:39I think they've made a terrible mistake about this department.
00:52:43There's nothing fishy going on here.
00:52:44Nothing at all.
00:52:46No.
00:52:46Not at all.
00:52:47By the book.
00:52:48That's our motto.
00:52:49Yeah.
00:52:49That's all right.
00:52:50It's fine.
00:52:52Wonderful.
00:52:53We were just trying to be good cops.
00:52:55The best.
00:52:56You are both fine police officers.
00:52:59Thank you so much.
00:53:00Exemplary.
00:53:01Wow!
00:53:01Thanks.
00:53:02You know, you gotta just stop.
00:53:05In fact, I wanna do something special for you.
00:53:10I don't know what yet.
00:53:14I just want you to know, I'm planning something.
00:53:19Great.
00:53:20Wonderful.
00:53:20Thank you so much.
00:53:21Nice.
00:53:21You're a real sweet heart, real pal.
00:53:23Hamilton?
00:53:24Get back to work.
00:53:26David?
00:53:27Go home.
00:53:28Get some sleep.
00:53:29Yep.
00:53:30Tired.
00:53:31That's an order.
00:53:32Night.
00:53:32Right away.
00:53:34That was close.
00:53:35I'm telling her she knows something.
00:53:37She can't.
00:53:38It's not possible.
00:53:39Listen, you gotta close down the operation.
00:53:43Well, we can't do that.
00:53:44We're less than a week away from the squad car.
00:53:46We'd let the girls down terribly.
00:53:47It's too dangerous.
00:53:49Yeah.
00:53:50Well, I think she's an M&M.
00:53:52Huh?
00:53:52You know, hard on the outside.
00:53:55Soft and squishy on the inside.
00:53:59You're playing with fire.
00:54:01No, I'm not.
00:54:04Besides, think of it this way.
00:54:06I don't think this has anything to do with the investigation on the department.
00:54:09I think it has to do with that little affair you had with Mrs. Davies.
00:54:14Oh.
00:54:15You think it's personal?
00:54:18It would sure explain things.
00:54:26I was gonna work out before my shower.
00:54:28Would you like to join me?
00:54:30Well, you know, I...
00:54:30I think you should work out with me.
00:54:32We can work on my pecs.
00:54:34Um...
00:54:34Well, you know, I just thought I was gonna take a nap.
00:54:36I'm kinda tired.
00:54:38Is that an invitation?
00:54:40Well, you know, I'm...
00:54:41What the hell do you think you're doing?
00:54:45Why don't you go home and take a cold shower?
00:54:47It's easy to see which one of us he prefers.
00:54:50You know, tell the truth, I'm not...
00:54:51You know, you...
00:54:53You better get out of here before I knock your lights out.
00:54:57No, ladies, please.
00:54:58I'll go see you try.
00:54:59Ladies, ladies, please, I...
00:55:04Come on!
00:55:05No.
00:55:05No, no.
00:55:06No, no, no, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay!
00:55:09Catch me there, catch me there.
00:55:10Oh, yeah, more.
00:55:11You guys are best friends.
00:55:12Let's not forget that, okay?
00:55:13Not anymore!
00:55:14I did not do it.
00:55:16You bitch, you slut.
00:55:17Stop it.
00:55:18Stop it.
00:55:19Hey, hey, hey.
00:55:20What are you doing with your hands?
00:55:23What does it matter?
00:55:25There's no place where hands haven't been put.
00:55:27Okay.
00:55:28Knock it off.
00:55:29Hey, knock it off.
00:55:31We can't have brawling in the police station.
00:55:33Not with the new captain.
00:55:34Never.
00:55:35You guys want to fight?
00:55:36You do it in the ring.
00:55:38Let's go.
00:55:39I will see you tomorrow.
00:55:41You'll be eating out of a straw.
00:55:42We'll see about that.
00:55:45I'm, you know, this has never happened to me.
00:55:48This is your fault, man.
00:55:49No, I did nothing.
00:55:50You're dust.
00:55:51What kind of eff-
00:55:52Why did I use?
00:55:53Brute.
00:55:54I gotta get some.
00:55:55By Fabergé.
00:55:56Yeah.
00:56:01Ladies and gentlemen, welcome on, welcome on, to the greatest fight you've ever seen.
00:56:10We have three rounds of championship boxing.
00:56:16Now, weighing in at 120 pounds, the former Miss America runner-up, the end of the event, the champ, Miss
00:56:30Casey Williams.
00:56:31Oh, my God.
00:56:33Oh, my God.
00:56:33Oh, my God.
00:56:34One hundred and ten.
00:56:35All right.
00:56:36Oh.
00:56:38You're going to be great, kid.
00:56:39You're going to be great.
00:56:41And in the other corner, which would be over here, the very talented and lovely lady, who is also happy
00:56:50to be Miss America third runner-up.
00:56:53Ladies and gentlemen, weighing in at 12 pounds, the former Miss America runner-up, the second runner-up, Miss Lacey
00:57:11Andrews.
00:57:14You're fucking good.
00:57:16You're fucking good.
00:57:17All right.
00:57:17All right.
00:57:18Can't pull.
00:57:19Can't pull.
00:57:19All right.
00:57:20Everybody, back to your corner.
00:57:21Back to your corner.
00:57:22All right.
00:57:23What is that design?
00:57:25Can't work enough.
00:57:26All right.
00:57:26Let's come in, ladies.
00:57:27Let's come in.
00:57:28Need to roll, my buddy.
00:57:29Need to roll.
00:57:31All right.
00:57:32Now, I want a good, clean fight here, kids.
00:57:38I don't want to see any raw punches to the head, like that.
00:57:43Or any jabs to the side, like that.
00:57:46All right.
00:57:48Now, let's have it fun, kids.
00:57:49Let's have a good, clean fight.
00:57:51All right.
00:57:53Take meat.
00:57:55Go for it.
00:57:57Great.
00:57:58Great.
00:57:59Great.
00:57:59Let's start the fight.
00:58:03Let's throw a punch to the head.
00:58:05That's the idea.
00:58:06We get out.
00:58:07Oh, good.
00:58:09All right.
00:58:11I'm coming.
00:58:15Oh, very scary.
00:58:16Very scary.
00:58:23All right.
00:58:23All right.
00:58:24Now, go.
00:58:27Watch out.
00:58:28A little low there.
00:58:29A little low.
00:58:32Nice.
00:58:35Yeah.
00:58:35There you go.
00:58:37All right.
00:58:38All right.
00:58:38Let's break it.
00:58:39Let's break it.
00:58:40Wait.
00:58:40One, two, three.
00:58:44All right.
00:58:45Okay.
00:58:45Back to your age.
00:58:46Back to your age.
00:58:47Uh, I can't see nothing out of my eye.
00:58:51You're going to have to cut me, Lisa.
00:58:53You look bad, kid.
00:58:54I think we should stop the fight.
00:58:55No.
00:58:56Cut the goddamn eye.
00:58:58But watch the eyebrow.
00:58:59I just watched it.
00:59:00No, no.
00:59:01It's not working.
00:59:02Cut the eye.
00:59:08All right.
00:59:09Okay.
00:59:10Come on, now.
00:59:11No, no, no.
00:59:12Oh, now we're scared.
00:59:13Scared.
00:59:14No.
00:59:15All right.
00:59:16Come on.
00:59:17All right.
00:59:21All right.
00:59:24All right.
00:59:26All right.
00:59:27All right.
00:59:27Come on.
00:59:27Come on.
00:59:37All right.
00:59:40All right.
00:59:40All right.
00:59:51All right.
00:59:52Oh, my God.
01:00:25Okay, good fight, good fight.
01:00:28And the winner, by a knockout, Casey Boyer.
01:00:43Hey, you guys yourselves again?
01:00:52Yeah.
01:00:53Oh, you're cute.
01:00:57Have you seen Marty?
01:00:58We kind of want to apologize for all we put him through in the last few days.
01:01:02Yeah, I understand.
01:01:03You guys have been big troublemakers.
01:01:06I'm sorry.
01:01:07Oh, don't sorry to me.
01:01:09I don't care.
01:01:10I'm not the one who was standing there watching you guys fight it out.
01:01:13But anyway, yeah, I'll let him know you're looking for him.
01:01:16Oh, no need.
01:01:17We have a surprise for him.
01:01:20Oh, really?
01:01:21Oh, wait.
01:01:22In that case, third cell on the left.
01:01:25Okay.
01:01:26All right.
01:01:27Shh.
01:01:28Be very quiet.
01:01:35Hey, what are you guys doing?
01:01:36Hey, what are you guys doing?
01:01:37Hey, come on.
01:01:38Come on.
01:01:39Parking here.
01:01:43Good morning, all.
01:01:44Good morning.
01:01:47As I told you originally, I was brought in here to turn this department around.
01:01:52And as I told you more recently, I didn't think there was a need to.
01:01:56Yeah, you know why?
01:01:58She's a good lady.
01:02:00The reason there is no need to is because this entire department is about to be dissolved.
01:02:09And each and every one of you is going to be dismissed.
01:02:18Wait a second.
01:02:19What are you talking about?
01:02:21We didn't do anything wrong?
01:02:22I think turning a police station into a house of ill repute is despicable.
01:02:28Ill puke what?
01:02:31Ill repute.
01:02:32Ill repute.
01:02:33Ill repute?
01:02:34Captain, what are you talking about?
01:02:35I didn't want to believe it.
01:02:36I wanted to believe that you were good cops.
01:02:41That you care about your community.
01:02:43We care.
01:02:45We care.
01:02:46We care.
01:02:46I care.
01:02:47I care.
01:02:48I care.
01:02:49This tape has a prostitute playing bucking bronco with a john in this police station's
01:02:56investigation room.
01:03:05I can't believe it.
01:03:06She hid the goddamn cameras in the plants.
01:03:09This one has a prominent businessman making a sizable donation to this department after
01:03:16an hour in a cell screaming, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
01:03:27And this one has three police officers, two female and one male in one of our holding cells having
01:03:38intimate knowledge of each other.
01:03:46And I know you are behind all this sin and decadence, that you are the kingpin of this operation.
01:03:53And I will see that you are treated accordingly.
01:03:57Now, go clear out your desk and lockers.
01:04:01The mayor will be here soon to serve you your papers.
01:04:04I think I can keep my gun.
01:04:07Hold on a second.
01:04:10I have something I want to say to all of you.
01:04:13As far as I'm concerned, you're all great cops.
01:04:19Regardless of what the department has to say.
01:04:22And I just want to tell you, I've been doing this for many, many years.
01:04:27Every time I try to get out, they suck me right back in.
01:04:34I know you're like, yeah.
01:04:36I know.
01:04:41I tell my mom.
01:04:52I bet you really enjoyed that, didn't you?
01:04:54Just doing my job.
01:04:55You mean me, yeah.
01:04:57Well, I got news for you.
01:04:58We didn't do anything wrong, and you know it.
01:05:01You broke the law.
01:05:02Oh, broke the law.
01:05:03Yeah, great.
01:05:04Come on.
01:05:05Prostitution is the oldest profession on this planet.
01:05:10Besides the fact that it's a victimless crime.
01:05:12But it's still a crime in this city.
01:05:16Yeah, it is.
01:05:17But I want you to think about something for a minute.
01:05:20The fact that we are helping these ladies.
01:05:23They are hookers, yes, granted.
01:05:25However, they're going to be hookers either way you look at it.
01:05:29So we help them out.
01:05:31We give them a head start.
01:05:32We get them off the streets and doing something that they never thought they could do.
01:05:36Carrie is going back to school to become a lawyer.
01:05:39Bambi, she's going to become a crossing guard.
01:05:42I mean, they're doing things with their lives for a change.
01:05:44But it's still against the law.
01:05:47Okay, I'll give you that.
01:05:48It's against the law.
01:05:49But we all break the law.
01:05:51I mean, come on.
01:05:52You know, we speed.
01:05:53We cut those little tags off our pillows that we're not supposed to.
01:05:57I still have the tags on my pillows.
01:05:59You would.
01:06:01You know what it is.
01:06:02Let's go.
01:06:03You need something that you haven't had in a really, really long time.
01:06:10You see, the truth of the matter is, what you need is something that is not only physical,
01:06:19but is emotional.
01:06:22You need to learn how to feel.
01:06:35You know, they really do know how to hurt a guy.
01:06:43But I'm a cop.
01:06:46I'm always a cop first.
01:06:50Well, so am I.
01:06:52So much so.
01:06:55I don't go anywhere without my badge.
01:07:05You think you're so hot that you're the only one devoted to your job?
01:07:12Well, you are not the only one.
01:07:17My God!
01:07:20Wow.
01:07:34Wow.
01:07:38Wow.
01:07:39Wow.
01:07:56It's a disgrace to our community, our culture, and to the fine people who pay your salaries.
01:08:06Oh, I will take great pleasure in seeing that you're replaced by officers of high moral integrity and that you're
01:08:16all properly punished.
01:08:18Save it for the podium. You lost our vote.
01:08:21Yeah. Prisoners are not allowed to vote.
01:08:28Captain May.
01:08:29I can explain.
01:08:31Uh, the news team will be here any minute to put all of this, this whole thing on the 6
01:08:38o'clock news.
01:08:39And you, head of vice, clean out your desk.
01:08:45You know, Mayor, I think we can work this out.
01:08:48These men and women have learned the error of their ways, and I think we should give them another chance.
01:08:54Oh, really? Well, that's not what you were saying when we were viewing the tapes.
01:08:57Well, see, things have changed. Officer Carroll has presented a very hard argument, and I really think that you should
01:09:04hear...
01:09:04Oh, God almighty! It's like an epidemic around here.
01:09:09You take those off!
01:09:12I mean, well...
01:09:16Change! Change!
01:09:19I have changed.
01:09:21I don't see how!
01:09:24You guys stop leering at my wife!
01:09:27I will sue you all!
01:09:30You leeches!
01:09:31I didn't know about the cameras or I would have told you.
01:09:34I feel awful.
01:09:37Yeah, me too.
01:09:39You know, it's not even the fact that I got fired that I'm upset about.
01:09:46It's not even the fact that we have to go take this entire department in front of a jury and
01:09:51talk about all our dirty laundry.
01:09:53That's not even what it is. You know what it is?
01:09:55What?
01:09:56The fact that we're never going to catch that peeping dog.
01:10:02We were so close. We were this close, you know?
01:10:05It just drives me crazy.
01:10:09I feel like there's just one more thing.
01:10:13Just one more thing.
01:10:16Wait a minute.
01:10:18Wait a minute.
01:10:21Hmm.
01:10:30Good God!
01:10:32Great Scots!
01:10:34By George!
01:10:58Keep packing! I want you out of here in an hour!
01:11:00Ha ha ha.
01:11:04What what what?
01:11:06What?
01:11:08Mr. Mayor, sir.
01:11:22Well, Mr. Mayor
01:11:27Look familiar
01:11:28I bet it does
01:11:31Because this is a face that you see
01:11:33Every morning when you look in the mirror
01:11:35There must be some mistake
01:11:36Oh yeah, you know what the mistake is?
01:11:39You!
01:11:41Maybe we could work something out
01:11:43Oh yeah
01:11:45I've got a bone to pick with you
01:11:47Nice legs
01:11:51Don't try to butter me up by being nice
01:11:55Okay?
01:11:56All right
01:11:58Take him where the sun don't shine
01:12:00Third cell on the left
01:12:03Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my turning
01:12:05You are under arrest
01:12:06No, no, you are under arrest
01:12:08Got it good
01:12:08You have to call your arrest
01:12:10Call my attorney
01:12:10There is nothing wrong
01:12:34Everybody, I'd like to officially welcome Lieutenant Mary May
01:12:43She's going to be leaving internal affairs and joining us as our new head of vice
01:12:47Hey, where the hell is Clifford anyway?
01:12:49Well, it seems the boy had to turn in his badge
01:13:00Well, as of today
01:13:02Officer Carroll will be my new right-hand man
01:13:06And Officer Hamilton will be my new left-hand man
01:13:08Okay
01:13:17Well, anyway, just remember what I've always said
01:13:27Oh yeah, a good, uh, good, uh, good, um, there's nothing like a good right-hand man job
01:13:36Hell, it was a man, man job
01:13:38You said it was a hand job
01:13:39You said it was a hand job
01:13:39I mean, a right-hand man, the job for a right-hand man
01:13:41Look at the job for a right-hand man
01:13:43I got the wrong call, you know?
01:13:43I got the wrong call, you know?
01:13:45I got the wrong call, you know?
01:13:58I got the wrong call, you know?
01:13:58I got the wrong call, you know?
01:13:58I got the wrong call, you know?
01:13:58I got the wrong call, you know?
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