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Short filmTranscript
00:05The summer I turned 18, Asher made me cross a line I could never take back.
00:10I bit my lip through the ache, glowing secretly all night,
00:13convinced that six long years of loving him from a distance had finally, finally paid off.
00:18Then the next morning, I heard his friend laughing outside the classroom door.
00:22Okay, okay, got the nerd to give it up, huh?
00:25My face burned, and I turned to slip away before anyone saw me.
00:29I'm trying to get with Chloe, but she'd think I was too inexperienced.
00:32So I used Stella to get some practice in first.
00:35I didn't say a single word.
00:36I just quietly changed my college application from NYU to a school thousand miles away in California.
00:42His words hit me like a thunderclap out of a cloudless summer sky.
00:46No warning at all.
00:47My mind went completely blank.
00:49It was a scorching July afternoon, but I felt like ice was spreading through every inch of my body.
00:54The guys inside kept talking, pausing only for a half second before someone else piped up.
01:00Classic Ashen, even Stella was just a warm-up for him.
01:03Everyone knows how hard it is to get into her pants.
01:09So what does that make her?
01:10Like, a practice dully?
01:13Asher just laughed it off.
01:16Relax.
01:17She got something out of it, too.
01:19I mean, Stella's cute and all, but compared to Chloe, yeah, no contest.
01:22Right.
01:23Asher threw a textbook at him to shut him up.
01:27It was just a vibe, okay?
01:28The moment happened, and honestly, she seemed like she was enjoying herself.
01:32The guys all exchanged knowing looks and started roasting him.
01:36Who knew the Bookberg was that freaky under all those cardigans?
01:39Bro, Asher's just built different.
01:42Why leave free food on the table, right?
01:44She's been chasing him for years.
01:46Technically, she got what she wanted.
01:48The laughter inside the room got noticeably louder.
01:50I pressed my teeth into my lower lips so hard I tasted copper.
01:54Both hands balled into white-knuckled fists.
01:56It took every single ounce of willpower I had to stay upright.
02:00To not just crumple right there in the doorway.
02:02Footsteps echoed down the hall toward me.
02:04I snapped back to reality and bolted, shoving my way blindly through the corridor.
02:09In my panic, I threw myself into the nearest bathroom stall and locked the door behind me.
02:17The tears came like a dam breaking.
02:20Grief and humiliation pouring out all at once.
02:22Asher's words played on a loop inside my head.
02:25Every single syllable.
02:27They shredded what little self-worth I had left.
02:29If I hadn't heard it with my own ears, I never could have believed that the guy talking in there
02:34was the same one who had held me like I was something precious just last night.
02:38Turns out, you don't actually need to love someone to do that with them.
02:41Turns out, you can look a girl dead in the eyes, make her feel everything, and still be lying through
02:47every single second of it.
02:48The thing I thought was my happily ever after was just a punchline someone else got to laugh at.
02:54The more I cried, the worse it got.
02:56But I couldn't make a sound.
02:57My whole body was shaking so hard I could barely breathe.
03:01A long time passed.
03:02My phone buzzed.
03:03It was Asher.
03:04Just grab an Uber back.
03:06My crew's got a party tonight and it'd be awkward to bring you.
03:09I didn't reply.
03:10He sent a follow-up.
03:11Also, pick up a morning after pill yourself.
03:13I'm busy today.
03:14Don't forget to take it.
03:16Good girl.
03:16I stared at those two texts for a very, very long time without moving.
03:21From dusk until nearly sunrise, Asher had been relentless, like he had a point to prove.
03:26By the end, we were both completely wrecked.
03:28And right before he drifted off with his arms around me, he'd murmured the same thing twice.
03:33We weren't really prepared for your first time.
03:38I'll get you the pill first thing tomorrow morning.
03:40He'd even given me this little lecture about how girls needed to take care of themselves,
03:45said the morning after pill was really important and that skipping it could mess up my body.
03:50And I had actually thought, this is it.
03:52He's the one.
03:53He's being so responsible.
03:55I finally got my person.
03:57And now, the clarity hit me like a slap.
03:59I dug my nails into my own palm until the pain forced the tears to stop.
04:04I wiped my face, straightened my glasses, and walked out of that bathroom like nothing had happened.
04:09I was too embarrassed to go to a real pharmacy, so I ordered the pill online instead.
04:14When the delivery guy left the package at my door, I waited another long stretch before I could even bring
04:20myself to go get it.
04:21I swallowed it with a mouthful of my own tears, and then I just sat down on the floor, staring
04:26at nothing, completely empty.
04:30Ever since Asher's family had moved next door to mine, I'd trailed after him like a shadow, and that had
04:36been ten years of my life.
04:38I had genuinely never stopped to think about what a world without him would even look like.
04:42I couldn't picture it, but starting right now, I was going to have to figure it out alone.
04:47Outside the floor-to-ceiling window, the neighborhood lights blinked on, one by one, and then off again.
04:53At some point, I really didn't know how long I'd been sitting there, Mia called me on FaceTime.
05:02Stella, why didn't you come to the party tonight with Ashler?
05:05That girl Chloe from the AP track is here, by the way.
05:07She has been all over him since you didn't show.
05:10It's actually disgusting.
05:11In the dark corner of the VIP booth, Asher and Chloe were sitting so close together, their thighs were touching.
05:17Chloe had worn a crop top and a curve-hugging miniskirt, long tan legs, tiny waist.
05:23Even the way they were talking looked more like whispering secrets than having a conversation.
05:27I could feel the charged energy between them through the screen, something in my chest locked up.
05:33He'd only said he wanted to chase her this afternoon, and apparently, tonight was all the time he needed.
05:38The game switched to truth or dare, and Chloe drew a card that said...
05:45Do a push-up challenge with a guy hovering over me.
05:50Predictably, Asher volunteered before anyone else could open their mouth.
05:53Chloe blushed bright pink and lay back against the couch cushions.
05:57Asher planted his hands on either side of her.
06:00He was controlled the whole time, deliberately keeping his body from making contact with hers.
06:05Until the very last one.
06:07His arms gave out, and his entire weight came down directly on top of her.
06:11The room erupted, everyone screaming so loud, the walls practically shook.
06:16Asher's and Chloe's faces went even redder.
06:19With the whole crowd going absolutely feral around them, Asher just tilted his head down and kissed her.
06:24Not a quick peck, a full, deep, for the whole room to see kiss.
06:29Three full minutes before they finally pulled apart.
06:31For all three of those minutes, I sat completely frozen.
06:34Eyes locked on the screen, barely remembering to breathe.
06:37I wanted to cry so badly.
06:40Oh my god, Stella, did you see that?
06:43He literally kissed her in front of everyone.
06:46He is so into her.
06:48Mia shook her head and stepped out of the booth, turning the camera as she went.
06:52Don't be mad at me.
06:53If I hadn't shown you, you never would have let yourself move on.
06:56I'm not mad at you.
06:58I'm only mad at myself for wasting so many years.
07:02I had always assumed that the spot beside Asher was mine.
07:05That it would always be mine.
07:06I am so done with him, Stella.
07:08Who does he think he is, watching you love him for years, acting all innocent like he had no idea,
07:12just letting you fall deeper and deeper?
07:14You saw what I showed you.
07:16I'm not giving myself the chance.
07:18Mia, I've already decided I'm going to California with you.
07:22But you have to promise me you'll keep it quiet for now.
07:25Right after I said it, I flipped open my laptop right in front of her.
07:28Without a single second of hesitation, I changed my first choice school to the one in California,
07:33one minute before the deadline.
07:35Mia basically levitated off the ground.
07:38She'd been begging me for months to apply to the same school as her.
07:42But back when we started high school, Asher and I had made this pact.
07:45We'd work hard together and go to his dream school up in Boston after graduation.
07:50It had his aerospace engineering program, the one he'd been obsessed with since we were kids.
07:54So even though I didn't particularly love the idea of brutal winters,
07:58and even though that school was a technical institute that didn't even have my major,
08:03I'd spent three years treating it like my only option.
08:06Our families had lived next door to each other for so long
08:08that both sets of parents thought it was basically a done deal we'd end up at the same school.
08:13Everyone, including me, assumed Asher and I would just naturally become official once we got to college.
08:19But right now, I couldn't think of a single reason to still go to Boston.
08:23Because honestly, after today, if I kept following Asher around the way I always had,
08:28I would never be able to look myself in the mirror again.
08:30I just needed to go somewhere far away.
08:33It didn't even matter where, as long as he wasn't there.
08:36He was going east, so I was going west.
08:38Before bed, I filled the entire bathtub.
08:41I needed to scrub every inch of myself clean.
08:44But when I took off my clothes, the bruises on my skin were still so vivid, it made me flinch.
08:51The memories from last night rushed back before I could stop them.
08:54The burning heat of his skin pressed against mine.
08:57The sound of his breath ragged and warm against my ear.
09:01The ghost of it all still seemed to linger in the air around me.
09:04I shook my head hard, physically trying to shake myself free of it.
09:08Then, I grabbed the roughest loofah I owned and scrubbed myself raw, over and over,
09:13until my whole body was flushed pink and stinging.
09:17I was trying, clumsily, desperately, to erase what was officially the worst night of my entire life.
09:24The result was that the pain kept me awake the whole night anyway.
09:28Asher didn't text.
09:29For the first time in six years, ever since we both got phones, we didn't say goodnight to each other.
09:34That was fine.
09:35It was going to happen eventually anyway.
09:37Tonight was as good a time as any to start letting go.
09:40I didn't fall asleep until just before sunrise, drifting in and out of exhaustion.
09:45Early the next morning, while I was still buried in sleep,
09:48I felt, in that foggy space between dream and awake,
09:52the soft press of lips against my forehead.
09:55I jolted awake.
09:56The first thing my eyes landed on was a jaw I knew too well,
09:59and the soft dip of a throat right above me.
10:02The scent hit me next.
10:03Cedarwood.
10:04That cologne he always wore.
10:06And underneath it, the faintest trace of something new.
10:09Something citrusy that wasn't his.
10:11Right.
10:12I'd completely forgotten that Asher still knew my front door code.
10:15Seeing me awake, he shifted lower and tilted his face down toward my lips.
10:20I shoved him back with both hands and scrambled to the far edge of the bed.
10:23He blinked, then let out a short laugh like I'd surprised him.
10:29Since when are you shy?
10:30I didn't answer.
10:31I just yanked the blanket over my head and disappeared under it.
10:35Asher started talking.
10:39Stella, seriously.
10:40You didn't say goodnight, you turned your phone off,
10:42and now you're hiding under a blanket?
10:44Still avoiding me?
10:46Then he just lifted the blanket and slid himself right in.
10:51Hey, how many times have I told you you can't skip breakfast?
10:55I ran half a mile to get you those croissants from your favorite place,
10:59and I stood in line forever.
11:00Want to get up and eat now, or get eaten?
11:07Reality crashed back in, and I fought like my life depended on it.
11:11But I'm 5'2 in sneakers, and Asher is literally 6'2 of solid muscle.
11:15I honestly could not figure out what game he was playing.
11:18He had Chloe now, so what was he even doing in my bed?
11:21I tried to push him away, only to be held even tighter.
11:25Let go of me!
11:26After what felt like forever of thrashing around, I was panting and had accomplished nothing except being held even tighter.
11:33What's the tantrum about?
11:36You're mad because I didn't bring you to the party last night?
11:39Over something that small?
11:40I said nothing.
11:41He buried his face in the curve of my neck and actually laughed.
11:45Let me guess, Mia told you something?
11:48It was a party game, Stella.
11:50Is it really worth getting jealous over?
11:52You're doing that thing you always do.
11:55I get slightly close to another girl, and you go all silent and sulky.
11:59I was so furious, I couldn't even form a sentence.
12:02I dredged up something from a self-defense unit in gym class, snapped my knee up hard between us,
12:07and the second he doubled over, I launched myself out of that bed.
12:11Stella.
12:12Asher's jaw went tight, his whole face going red.
12:15I grabbed a hoodie off the floor and yanked it on over my pajamas.
12:19I did not want to be in any room with him, and especially not my bedroom.
12:33Hey, you took that pill yesterday, right?
12:35Because I really don't need that kind of drama,
12:37and I definitely don't want to have that conversation with your parents.
12:48Come on, be reasonable.
12:49Eat something before you pick a fight.
12:54You know your stomach's sensitive.
13:04What is actually going on?
13:07Stella, even a tantrum needs a reason.
13:09There have to be some limits here.
13:11I kept my voice ice cold and set it flat.
13:14I don't deserve to have any say.
13:17Asher snapped.
13:18He slammed the cup down on the coffee table so hard it cracked.
13:21The plastic split, and the smoothie spilled out in a wave, soaking into the rug.
13:26What is that supposed to mean?
13:29Who do you think you are, Stella?
13:32Who do you think you are?
13:35We slept together once.
13:37It was consensual.
13:38And now you think you own me?
13:41Do you know how suffocating that is?
13:44His voice had a viciousness to it I had never heard before.
13:47The second he finished speaking, my eyes flooded.
13:50No warning.
13:51No buildup.
13:52Just instant tears.
13:54Yesterday's humiliation came crashing back, hitting me all over again like a fresh wound.
13:59Asher clearly hadn't expected me to cry this hard this fast.
14:02He looked genuinely thrown, scrambling for what to do.
14:05He crouched down and said he was sorry.
14:08I'm sorry.
14:09I drank too much last night, and I was out of line just now.
14:12He reached out to wipe my face, but I twisted away, putting distance between us.
14:16His hand froze in midair, hovering there.
14:18He opened his mouth to keep trying, but his phone buzzed.
14:21He glanced at the screen once, and his entire expression shifted, and he stood up and moved
14:26toward the door.
14:27I've got something urgent.
14:28Take a minute to calm down.
14:30We're going to college soon.
14:32You can't keep throwing fits like a little kid who's going to put up with that.
14:42He hadn't been gone 30 minutes when Mia sent me a screenshot.
14:46Chloe's Instagram story just said, I'm hungry, and breakfast appeared like magic.
14:50Pretty sure this is mutual now, with a little heart.
14:53The photo was of the exact same croissants that were sitting on my kitchen counter.
14:58I didn't respond.
14:59I just quietly wiped my eyes, got on my hands and knees, and started cleaning up the smoothie
15:04Asher had spilled.
15:05I scrubbed for a long time before I accepted, with a hollow feeling in my chest, that the
15:10stain had soaked all the way through the wool rug and wasn't coming out.
15:14So, I just threw the whole rug in the trash.
15:16It didn't matter anyway.
15:17That rug was something Asher and his parents had spent an entire afternoon picking out on
15:22a family trip, and he'd lugged it home in his carry-on himself.
15:25Then, I went through everything else.
15:27Every single thing Asher had ever left at my place.
15:30Every gift he'd given me over the years.
15:33Every photo of the two of us.
15:34Every small souvenir and keepsake.
15:36It took the rest of the day, but I packed every last bit of it up and threw it all
15:41out.
15:44I doubted he'd want any of it back, anyway.
15:47After he left that day, the silence stretched.
15:50Days went by, and he didn't reach out at all.
15:52Things with Chloe were probably going great.
15:54Or maybe he was waiting for me to be the one who caved first.
15:57In every fight we'd ever had, I was always the one who broke first.
16:01Every single time.
16:03No exceptions.
16:03But this time, I didn't go looking for him.
16:06And I didn't have any reason to.
16:07I blocked him on everything.
16:09Text, all social media, changed my front door code, and deleted every account he might
16:14use to find me.
16:15After that, I called my parents, who were both traveling, for work.
16:18I told them I wanted to spend the summer visiting my aunt on the other side of the country.
16:22My plan was to stay there until school started, then head straight to California with Mia instead
16:27of coming home.
16:28Other than Mia, no one else knew yet that I'd changed my application.
16:32This plan should work perfectly.
16:34There was basically zero chance I'd run into Asher if I pulled this off right.
16:38My mom actually laughed over the phone.
16:42Ooh, so you and Ashler are taking a vacation together?
16:45I made up a quick excuse and didn't go into detail.
16:48I just told her I wanted to visit my aunt and grandma.
16:51I begged my dad to book me the first available flight, and I was ready to leave that same night.
16:56Of course, because the universe has no chill, I ran into Asher's mom right at our front
17:01door on my way out.
17:02She grabbed my arm warmly and started chattering.
17:06Stella, honey, where's Asher?
17:08He's not coming to pick you up?
17:09Didn't he say he was taking you on that ski trip?
17:13Go have fun.
17:15I am 100% behind you two.
17:18I was confused.
17:19I had mentioned once during senior year that I'd always wanted to try skiing in Colorado,
17:25just offhand.
17:26But given everything that had happened between us, the idea of going on a trip together seemed
17:30completely impossible.
17:32I was running out of time, though, so I said something vague and noncommittal and slipped
17:36away.
17:37What I never expected was that at the airport, I would come face to face with Asher.
17:44He was with a group of friends.
17:46Chloe was there, too.
17:47Asher had her designer bag in one hand and his other arm slung around her shoulder.
17:51They were trailing at the back of the group.
17:53Every so often, Chloe would lean her head toward him to say something, and every single time,
17:58without any hesitation, he would bend down to listen.
18:01He never did that with me.
18:03Asher had always been taller than me, and the gap had only gotten bigger over the years.
18:07When it was the two of us, I was always the one bouncing on my toes, craning my neck up
18:12just to catch his eyes.
18:14Turns out, for the right person, he would be the one who bends.
18:18I breathed in slowly.
18:19I told myself I needed to have some dignity about this.
18:22Whatever he did was none of my business.
18:25If I let myself overthink it, I deserved to be slapped.
18:27But there seemed to be only one path to the gate.
18:31All I could do was stay far enough behind that he wouldn't notice me.
18:34By some miracle, we eventually reached a fork in the terminal where the path split.
18:39Asher seemed to get distracted around then.
18:41He made a bunch of calls, none of which seemed to go through,
18:44and then spent a long time staring at his phone.
18:46Eventually, he borrowed someone else's phone, his face dark and unreadable,
18:50and disappeared into a nearby bathroom.
18:53A moment later, my phone rang.
18:55Unknown number.
18:57So you've got a real attitude on you this time.
18:59You're just not going to come to me first?
19:02You actually blocked me?
19:05Fine, keep it up.
19:06See how great you do when we're both in Boston,
19:09and you don't know anyone, and there's no one to look out for you.
19:11Asher came out swinging, rattling off complaints in one long, irritated breath.
19:16I had absolutely nothing to say to any of that,
19:19but Asher seemed to get angrier at my silence.
19:22I'm done talking about this. Just unblock me.
19:25I'm heading out of the country for a couple days with some friends.
19:28Probably won't have great reception.
19:32Don't get all weepy about it.
19:34I couldn't even be bothered to say a single word back.
19:37I hung up and turned my phone off.
19:39From across the terminal, I watched Asher stalk back to his group,
19:42his expression stormy.
19:44He grabbed Chloe's hand, didn't hesitate for a second,
19:47and walked toward the left gate.
19:49I let out a long breath, turned around, and headed right.
19:53With my family, I performed happiness.
19:56And honestly, I got pretty good at it.
19:58I deliberately kept myself slammed with plans,
20:01filling every gap in the day so I had no room to spiral.
20:04I definitely didn't add Asher back the way he'd demanded.
20:08But Mia and some others kept me updated on his life anyway.
20:11Asher and his friends had apparently been screaming Colorado for days.
20:15For some reason, he was suddenly posting on social media every single day,
20:19which was completely unlike the version of him,
20:22who used to go months without posting anything.
20:24Sometimes it was slow motion clips of him carving down the slopes.
20:28Sometimes it was food and late night parties.
20:30But mostly it was big group shots of everyone clowning around in the snow.
20:34Even though I genuinely didn't want to see it.
20:36Somehow people kept sending it to me unprompted.
20:39Everyone was very casually curious about why I hadn't gone with Asher.
20:43I didn't know what to say, so I just told people I had family stuff going on.
20:47Mia was the only one who openly called him a trash human.
20:51Everyone else around me seemed to be constantly stopping themselves from saying something.
20:55I knew they'd probably figured out something was wrong.
20:59In every single group photo Asher posted,
21:02he and Chloe were glued together, inseparable.
21:04But that spot beside him had been mine for years, just mine.
21:07Every time I saw one of those photos, my face stayed completely neutral.
21:11But something deep in my chest would clench.
21:14He was the first person I ever fell for.
21:16Someone I had genuinely, completely, embarrassingly loved for such a long time.
21:21In the middle of the night, alone, I would fall apart a little.
21:24And sometimes I felt this stubborn, stupid feeling that I wasn't ready to let go.
21:29But every time that feeling started rising,
21:31I'd replay his words and give myself a mental slap.
21:34I'd repeat it to myself over and over.
21:36Stella, don't be pathetic.
21:38That's the fastest way to make yourself even less worth respecting.
21:42Just hold on a little longer.
21:43Once the detox period was over, everything would be fine.
21:46We went a full month without any contact.
21:49The longest we'd ever gone since the day we met.
21:51Distance and time turned out to be the best medicine.
21:54I ground through the worst of it and came out the other side.
21:57Just when I'd reached the point where I didn't think about him every hour of every day,
22:01he switched to a new number and called me from across the country.
22:07So you're just that bold?
22:09Running off without me and staying this long?
22:12Summer's almost over, Stella.
22:15Did you forget you promised to go on a trip with me?
22:18Maybe it was because we'd gone so long without talking.
22:21But underneath all the complaints, his voice had this edge to it.
22:25Almost careful.
22:26I still didn't want to talk to him.
22:27I was about to hang up when his mom snatched the phone.
22:30Stella, sweetheart, are you having fun out there?
22:34This boy won't tell me anything.
22:36I only just found out you two had a fight.
22:39Don't be too hard on him, honey.
22:41When you come back, I'll make him apologize to your face.
22:45Oh, and Ashler just got his acceptance letter today.
22:48Yours should come soon too.
22:50Have you thought about when you'll come home for your going away party?
22:54I've got a little surprise planned.
22:56Asher's mom had been like a second family to me since I was little.
22:59I couldn't bring myself to hang up on her, so I stayed on and let her talk.
23:03I'm not really planning to have a party.
23:05My parents are always traveling, and honestly, we can just do a video call thing with family.
23:10I probably won't be back before school starts anyway.
23:13I'll just come home right before move in.
23:15I didn't even finish the sentence before Asher took the phone back.
23:18His breathing was heavy.
23:20I could feel the anger coming through from 3,000 miles away.
23:25Stella, I'm literally the one reaching out first here.
23:28How much longer are you going to keep this up?
23:31If you don't come back, don't expect me to wait for you.
23:34I'll head to Boston without you.
23:36He delivered the threat in this cold, flat voice.
23:39Waited and waited without getting the answer he wanted.
23:43My acceptance letter had already arrived at home.
23:45When they saw the school name on the letter, my parents finally found out I'd changed my application.
23:51My mom video called me.
23:52Hi, baby.
23:53Why didn't you talk to us before changing your application?
23:57Does Asher know?
23:58His mom called this morning, asking if your letter had come yet.
24:02I had no words.
24:07Baby, how are we supposed to feel okay about you going all the way to California alone?
24:10Aren't you the kid who's terrified of bugs and can't handle heat?
24:14Wait, you really think you can manage?
24:17Don't call me to come deal with it for you.
24:19That school has a lot to offer.
24:21And Mia will be going there too.
24:23You don't have to worry.
24:25Is this about a fight with Asher?
24:27Because that's not a reason to switch schools across the country.
24:32What if you change your mind in a week and want him back?
24:35Then what?
24:36It's heart your caption.
24:37I just decided to say it straight.
24:41Asher has a girlfriend.
24:43Mom, Dad, I have my own life and I don't want to just orbit around his forever.
24:50So please support my choice and please keep it between us for now.
24:55My parents looked at each other for a long time without speaking.
24:59The only thing they asked was that I come home sooner rather than later.
25:03School was starting soon and they wanted time with me.
25:06My mom mentioned that Asher had gone off on another trip with friends the very next day
25:10after getting his acceptance letter.
25:12He'd been gone for days.
25:14His mom was apparently calling my mom regularly, asking when I was flying back.
25:18On the day I landed, my parents showed up at the airport, dressed like they were going
25:22somewhere formal.
25:23I woke up from my nap on the drive.
25:25I realized they'd pulled up to a five-star hotel.
25:29I was still half asleep when my mom grabbed my arm and steered me through the lobby.
25:33And right there, standing in the middle of it, was Asher, who I hadn't seen in months.
25:38My feet stopped moving on their own.
25:41Asher was in a perfectly fitted black suit, leaning casually beside the lobby fountain,
25:46like something out of a magazine spread.
25:48Just one summer was all it took.
25:50The boyish edge had faded, and he looked exactly like the version of him I used to imagine when
25:55I tried to picture him grown up.
25:57Something complicated twisted in my chest.
25:59I'd avoided this moment for months, and now here it was, sprung on me with no warning.
26:04Stella, it's Asher's going away party.
26:07We figured we'd pick you up and bring you straight here.
26:10You said you didn't want a party of your own, right?
26:13Ashley asked his parents to set the date for the day you got back, so you can kind of both
26:18celebrate together.
26:19Asher seemed to sense something, because right then, he casually glanced over, and his gaze
26:24landed directly on mine.
26:25My heart lurched sideways, still felt like the floor dropped out.
26:29But Asher moved first.
26:31He took one step toward us, and then Chloe appeared out of nowhere and slipped her arm
26:35through his.
26:36She pulled him along with her, smiling wide, and walked right over to us.
26:40Oh my gosh, Stella, you're back!
26:44I've been wanting to properly meet you forever.
26:47I always saw you around with Asher.
26:50I'm from the AP track, so we never officially met, and I'm genuinely sad about that.
26:58Yeah.
26:59Asher looked vaguely uncomfortable.
27:01Why would you want to get to know her?
27:03She's just a drama queen who throws fits.
27:06I honestly thought she'd stayed in her aunt's state forever.
27:09The world will keep on turning, and your name will be forgotten.
27:13I had nothing to say to that.
27:14There was genuinely no response.
27:16Chloe's silver bodycon dress was covered in tiny crystals that caught every bit of light
27:21in the room.
27:22I glanced down at myself.
27:23White tea, jeans, sneakers, hair that still had a slight slept-on wave from the plane.
27:28I looked like I'd made a wrong turn on the way to a convenience store.
27:31I brought a dress for you, baby.
27:33You can go change in the powder room.
27:34I nodded, then shook my head.
27:36There was no point.
27:37This wasn't my party.
27:39Asher kept staring at me with this unreadable expression.
27:42Chloe's eyes kept flicking back and forth between the two of us.
27:45Luckily, a few more guests arrived just then, and Chloe immediately pulled Asher over to
27:50greet them.
27:50Like she was already the hostess.
27:52Mom, let's go in.
27:53I'm a little hungry.
27:56It was a small gathering.
27:58Asher had only invited close family and a handful of friends.
28:01Every single person I knew looked visibly shocked when they saw me walk in.
28:05I just smiled and said hello and acted like I didn't notice, but nobody was subtle about
28:10their curiosity.
28:11The people watching energy was off the charts.
28:16I slipped out to the terrace for some air and could immediately hear a small group in the
28:20hallway cornering Asher for the gossip.
28:24Wait, didn't Stella fall out with you over the Chloe thing?
28:27Why is she here?
28:28Did she come crawling back?
28:30She's just quick-tempered and in a mood.
28:32She always comes around after a couple of days.
28:34We've known each other our whole lives.
28:35She's not actually going to cut me off.
28:37I mean, Stella's genuinely great.
28:38She's been ride or died for you for years.
28:40All of us are low-key jealous of how she treats you.
28:42But like, one is your childhood best friend.
28:45Honestly, Stella's amazing.
28:47But it also feels kind of limiting.
28:49I'm young.
28:50I don't want to only ever have one person.
28:52That's too predictable.
28:53I need to see what else is out there.
28:55But that doesn't mean anything has to end, as long as I know there's always a light on
28:59at home for me.
29:00You're such a player.
29:02I'd heard enough.
29:03I backed away as quietly as I could.
29:05The evening breeze hit my face, and I felt my eyes go hot.
29:08I just hated myself for spending so many years being blind to who he actually was.
29:14I was in absolutely the worst mood of the entire summer.
29:19But Asher's mom was thrilled to see me, and spent most of dinner doting on me, refusing
29:24to let go of my hand.
29:25Stella, Boston can get really dry in winter.
29:28Let Asher take you shopping tomorrow and stock up on some good moisturizers.
29:32Oh, it's fine.
29:33There are plenty of shops out there, and online shopping is so easy.
29:36She nodded warmly and turned to my mom.
29:39I already picked out all the bedding for the dorms, got a set for Asher and one for Stella
29:43at the same time, all four seasons covered.
29:46Boston winters are brutal.
29:47I went with really thick comforters, and got a few winter coats for Stella, too.
29:52Don't you worry about a thing.
29:53My mom made a face like she'd swallowed something.
29:55All of that would be completely useless in California.
29:58But she didn't want to embarrass anyone, so she thanked her graciously.
30:02Chloe, sitting nearby, looked like she was biting through her own cheek.
30:06Asher's mom didn't seem to notice.
30:07She kept right on talking, addressing both of us.
30:11Once you're both in Boston, you'll be each other's family.
30:14Asher, you better take good care of Stella and stop making her upset.
30:18You hear me?
30:19Asher threw a glance my way with zero expression.
30:23She doesn't need anyone to look after her.
30:25She's perfectly capable of flying on her own.
30:27The table got a little stiff, and that's when Chloe smoothly cut in.
30:30Oh, don't worry.
30:31My school is in Boston, too.
30:33I'll be there to look after Asher.
30:34And Stella will be all the way in California anyway, so it's not really practical.
30:40Before she even finished the sentence, Asher and his parents' faces changed.
30:44California?
30:45Every single one of them looked at me and asked it at the same time.
30:51Asher, you didn't know?
30:52It's been on the school's honor board.
30:54Oh, wait.
30:55You haven't been back to campus.
30:57Every pair of eyes at the table swiveled to me.
30:59Under the weight of all that attention, I quietly nodded.
31:03My mom stepped in to explain.
31:05Stella made a last-minute decision to change her application.
31:09She's going to a great school in California, and it's actually the perfect program for her.
31:15Asher didn't believe it.
31:16He grabbed my hand and made me look at him.
31:19Stella, I literally watched you fill out that application.
31:23We were going to the same school.
31:25His grip was tight enough to actually hurt, and it pushed me over the edge.
31:29Yeah, I changed it.
31:31What does it have to do with you?
31:32Asher looked stunned for a second, then started laughing like I'd said something ridiculous.
31:37You're joking.
31:38You're literally the girl who jumps onto my back at the sight of a bug, and you're moving to California?
31:44And you're moving to California?
31:46I pulled out my phone, found the crystal clear photo of my acceptance letter, and held it up in his
31:51face.
31:52Asher took the phone, zoomed in, zoomed out, read it over and over, and finally let out a laugh that
31:59had no humor in it at all.
32:00In the middle of everyone's gasps, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the dining room.
32:07He pulled me into a side room and locked the door behind us.
32:10Asher planted himself against it, cutting off any escape, and came at me hard.
32:14Stella, I cannot believe you.
32:16You're so mad that you just forget our whole plan, go behind my back, and commitment to a school across
32:22the country.
32:22I lifted my head.
32:23I took a breath and made myself look him straight in the eye.
32:26I have my own plans.
32:28Since when do I have to build my entire future around what you want?
32:32Asher, be honest with yourself.
32:34Are you actually upset about the plan?
32:37Or are you upset because I'm not available to be your fallback girl anymore?
32:41The color drained from his face.
32:43What is that supposed to mean?
32:44Could you not phrase things like that?
32:46We're adults.
32:47That night was completely mutual.
32:49Are you seriously still bringing that up?
32:51I was embarrassed, but I held his gaze anyway.
32:53Asher, if you like someone else, you could have just said so.
32:56I'm not so shameless that I would have kept throwing myself at you.
32:59But you knew you didn't like me back, and you just watched me walk straight into the flame.
33:03That was fun for you, wasn't it?
33:04Even now, he still didn't get it.
33:06People don't say goodbye until they've completely run out of hope.
33:09He flushed.
33:10Something in what I said hit.
33:12His face went from white to red, and he visibly swayed.
33:15What do you even listen to what you're saying?
33:18You...
33:18He couldn't finish the sentence.
33:22Stella, we've known each other since we were eight years old, and we're 18 now.
33:25If you're choosing to walk away from what we have, then we don't have to be friends either.
33:30And with just that, he turned and walked out of the hotel.
33:40From that day until the day I left for school, I never saw Asher again.
33:45Mia sent me a screenshot of his official couple's post with Chloe.
33:48I deleted it without even opening it.
33:50Every mutual friend connected to him, I blocked.
33:53There was genuinely no point in following any of it anymore.
33:59The only exception was the day I flew out to California.
34:02Of course, because the universe has a terrible sense of humor, I walked straight into Asher
34:07at the airport again, with Chloe still glued to his side.
34:10When we passed each other, he said a stiff hello to my parents and kept walking, clearly
34:15still angry.
34:16He didn't look at me once.
34:17We scattered in different directions, and neither of us looked back.
34:20Right before I got to the security line, I glanced over and caught Asher at his gate,
34:25about to board.
34:26He gave me one cold, flat look, and then disappeared through the door without turning around.
34:31The person who had been part of every chapter of my growing up, we were finally completely
34:36done.
34:36Different destinations at last, and I hope yours goes well.
34:40I said it only to myself.
34:42After that, a long, long time passed without either of us hearing a single thing about the
34:47other.
34:47I specifically asked my parents not to bring up anything related to Asher or his family
34:53in front of me.
34:53Over New Year's break, a girl from our high school came to visit.
34:56He's nothing like that cold, focused, straight-A guy he was in high school.
35:01He's completely different.
35:05Honestly, if you ran into him now, you might not even recognize him.
35:10I didn't say anything.
35:11Mia kicked her under the table and smoothly changed the subject, and the girl dropped it.
35:15We did the New Year's countdown by the water, and Mia told me to make a wish.
35:20Hope New Year, Syria parent healthy, conceding under the world.
35:24I realized it was the first wish I'd ever made that had absolutely nothing to do with
35:28him.
35:28For a full six years of my life, every single wish I made had involved Asher in some way.
35:35Mia, Happy New Year!
35:37I felt genuinely happy.
35:39I knew I had finally, actually, completely let go.
35:43The first winter break of college, I missed my parents so badly I couldn't stand it.
35:49The second my last exam was done, I was on the first flight home.
35:52What I didn't expect was that Asher had come to the airport with my parents to pick me up.
35:57After half a year apart, we had both changed.
36:00He was thinner, had dyed his hair, but was still, honestly, annoyingly good-looking.
36:05I've always had terrible judgment about people, but my taste has never been the problem.
36:10Why else would I have been trailing after him since we were five?
36:13Hey there, big bro Asher.
36:14He stared at me like I'd spoken a different language.
36:17We ran into him outside.
36:19He insisted on coming along to help.
36:21I smiled and waved her off.
36:23It was fine.
36:26In the car, I immediately launched into all the funny things that had happened at school.
36:30And my parents were the whole ride.
36:32No one was paying any attention to Asher.
36:36You've worked hard.
36:37Please send our regards to your parents.
36:39He seemed like he wanted to come inside when we got home.
36:41But all three of us politely turned him down together.
36:44My grandma and my aunt had both come back to celebrate the holidays that year.
36:48New Year's Eve was loud and packed with family.
36:50After the big dinner, the older relatives parked themselves in front of the TV, while the rest of us were
36:56teaching each other card games.
36:57That's when Asher showed up at the door with his parents, arms full of bags.
37:01Our house is too quiet tonight.
37:03Hope you don't mind us crashing your game.
37:09Our house is too quiet tonight.
37:11Hope you don't mind us crashing your game.
37:12Asher's mom laughed as she walked in.
37:14Every year growing up, the two families had spent the holiday together.
37:18This year, because of everything that had happened, my mom had turned down the invitation to share the big dinner.
37:24But you can't exactly turn people away once they're at your door.
37:28Asher settled himself naturally.
37:30My cousins had no idea about any of the drama and kept teasing us like they always had.
37:34I laughed it off.
37:36It's not what you think.
37:38Asher's expression went a little flat.
37:40When midnight came and we all went outside for sparklers, he caught my arm and looked like he was working
37:47up to say something.
37:48My phone rang.
37:49My face went a little warm.
37:51It was a guy from one of my clubs at school.
37:54Hi, Stella.
37:56I'm just a bit bored and wanted to say Happy New Year to you.
37:59A local California boy named Jake.
38:01He was good looking too.
38:02Not in that cold, aloof way.
38:04More like the guy who's always laughing at everything and making you laugh right along with him.
38:09He never ran out of things to say, and he had a way of making me completely lose it at
38:14the most random things.
38:15We talked for a while longer, and when he finally hung up, Asher was standing right behind me with a
38:20face like a thundercloud.
38:23Boyfriend?
38:25Not yet, I guess.
38:30Not yet, I guess.
38:31I thought about it and answered honestly.
38:33I assumed he was done, but then he spoke again.
38:36Long distance guys aren't always reliable.
38:39You should find someone local, someone you actually know.
38:44I nodded.
38:45Something in that seemed to land somewhere tender.
38:48You're right.
38:48You really can't tell with people.
38:50I'll keep my guard up.
38:52Asher went quiet for a very long time.
38:54I assumed he was done.
38:56I didn't think too hard about it.
38:58Thanks for the advice, big bro.
39:00You should figure out your own situation too.
39:02He'd always been unpredictable like that.
39:05After that, I spent the rest of break bouncing around visiting relatives with my grandma and parents.
39:10And then we did a little road trip.
39:11I was barely home.
39:12I didn't run into Asher once.
39:14The break was short, and soon enough I was back at school.
39:17But the very next day after I arrived, Asher was standing outside my campus gate.
39:23Asher, what are you doing here?
39:25I wanted to see what your school looks like.
39:28And check if you're actually doing okay out here.
39:32Really well, actually.
39:33The food here is amazing.
39:35You should look up some spots and try them.
39:36Stella, can't you come eat with me just once?
39:43Sorry about that, man.
39:44I've already got Stella booked.
39:46You'll have to get in line.
39:48Stella, you came back to school this early for him?
39:54Sorry, Asher.
39:55We're heading out to eat.
39:56I'll see you.
39:57Let's go.
39:58Didn't you say the place was far?
39:59Stop standing there.
40:01Asher was still standing at the campus gate watching us.
40:04And under the shadow of the trees, he looked incredibly alone.
40:08He suddenly started showing up in my world constantly.
40:11I never found out what excuse he gave his school.
40:13But he kept appearing in California out of nowhere.
40:16He started showing up with gifts, flowers, bags, jewelry, and I turned every single one down.
40:22When there was nothing else to do, he'd just sit outside my dorm building and refuse to leave no matter
40:27how many times I asked.
40:29Whenever he managed to catch me, he'd fall into step beside me to every single class, then follow me to
40:34the dining hall.
40:35Jake was visibly miserable about the whole thing.
40:37Asher's mom had been calling and messaging me from multiple angles.
40:41She begged me to please talk some sense into him.
40:43I was beyond done.
40:45I genuinely could not figure out what Asher thought he was doing.
40:50Stella, why does Jake get to pursue you but I don't?
40:54Son of a whitest ass.
40:56He's known you for what, a few months?
40:58How many years have I known you?
41:01No one in this world understands you the way I do.
41:04Not even your parents.
41:06And no one is better for you than me.
41:13Ashler, do you genuinely not remember what you did?
41:17Ask yourself honestly.
41:19Did you ever actually treat my feelings like they mattered?
41:24You just liked the ego boost of having me chase after you.
41:28You knew no matter what you did, I wouldn't leave.
41:31So you just did whatever you felt like with my heart.
41:35Yeah, I did some things wrong back then.
41:37I was young, I thought the whole world was waiting for me.
41:40And I didn't want to feel like I was tied to any one person.
41:43I owe you a real apology, Stella.
41:46I'm sorry.
41:48But even if you treat me like a stranger,
41:50can I at least have the chance to start over and earn it back?
41:53After you left, I realized I don't know how to live without you in it.
41:57I can't imagine going forward and not having anyone to share everything with.
42:01Honestly, since leaving you,
42:03I figured out that real, mutual feelings don't require you to shrink yourself down to nothing.
42:07I can just be myself.
42:09My mood doesn't have to orbit around someone else's.
42:12And when I realized that,
42:13I started to wonder if what I felt back then was ever real love,
42:17or just something a younger, more naive version of me invented.
42:23But, but, we made promises.
42:29We said we'd go to college together, study abroad together, travel the whole world together.
42:34Are you going to walk away from all of that too?
42:36Stella, are you going to leave all this behind too?
42:39You broke the promises first.
42:42And I've already found someone I want to do all of those things with.
42:48Stop, Stella, please, just stop.
42:55Maybe you're not actually in love with me.
42:57Maybe you just can't stand the idea of losing.
43:01Asher, honestly, it's time for you to move on too.
43:07I didn't wait for a response.
43:09Jake had been waiting across the street for a while.
43:11I jogged over, and he immediately reached down and took my hand.
43:16Finally shook the X?
43:20Did you tell him I've got full bug patrol rights now?
43:22He doesn't get a single one.
43:25Everyone is going through their own goodbyes.
43:28As for us, it's finally completely over.
43:32Fading away like the rain.
43:34Everyone in the middle of their own goodbye.
43:36And just like that, the two of us were finally, completely over.
43:40Scattered like rain.
43:46Fading away like the rain.
43:46I don't know what to do for a while.
43:46Here's where you swap.
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