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The.Miniature.Wife.S01E09.540p.X265.AAC [Full Movie] [English Subs]Full EP - Full
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00:07New Year, new us.
00:09I've arranged to get the Vermont gang back together.
00:11Are Gary and Meg going to be there?
00:13Terry.
00:14Girl, we did it.
00:15You famously fictionalized your difficult relationship with your mother.
00:18I can barely show my face at Wine Club Wednesday.
00:22Your mother needs your Wine Club Wednesdays.
00:24That's not a stretch.
00:25Your mother was protecting you from your father.
00:27You are without a doubt your father's son.
00:30I would rather die a six-inch death than see Les win a fucking Nobel.
00:36Hilton is going to sell the tech to the military.
00:40We can't be party to that.
00:42Let's finish what we started.
00:44Limitless stabilization!
00:46It is time you knew the truth about Les, little John.
00:49You have no choice but to eliminate them.
00:54Tell me.
00:55Why?
00:56Why Les?
00:59We'll take Manhattan.
01:02Slow down, Terry.
01:04Be clear.
01:05What is she saying?
01:06Lindy.
01:07Quiet.
01:07Okay.
01:07Oh, hell.
01:08Oh, God.
01:09I know.
01:10Okay.
01:12She said yes.
01:14Yes?
01:14Yes.
01:14She said yes?
01:15Yes!
01:16Yes!
01:22Congratulations.
01:23You're getting married.
01:24Good luck.
01:24No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:25She wrote a novel.
01:26And it's getting published.
01:27Nobody cares.
01:28It's New York.
01:29Swing a cat.
01:30I love this city.
01:31Huh?
01:32Married.
01:33Oh.
01:33Why would we ever ruin us by getting married?
01:36I know.
01:37I mean, we live together.
01:38We love each other.
01:39What more do we need?
01:40I mean, it's silly.
01:41Silly.
01:42Right.
01:43Lindy, will you not be my wife?
01:46Les, I will not.
01:48And will I not be your husband?
01:51You will not, Les!
01:52And will you...
01:54What?
01:58What is this?
02:00Watch this.
02:02Uh-huh.
02:02Whoa, it's the fast fingers there, mister.
02:07Not marry me?
02:11Absolutely not.
02:12Never ever.
02:17What the fuck is happening?
02:20Well, I thought we could maybe make it not official.
02:26Are we not doing this?
02:29Are we not not doing this?
02:31I don't know.
02:33I mean, we always said we wouldn't do the icky marriage stuff, but...
02:37But?
02:38But maybe...
02:39Maybe two notes make a yes.
02:43We've sworn for years that we were never, ever...
02:47I know, I know.
02:48But maybe the really defiant, non-conformist, rebellious thing would be for us to...
02:56Get fucking married.
02:57Yeah.
02:58But?
02:59But, but, like a non-traditional, non-bridezilla, non-wedding wedding...
03:05Yeah.
03:07Yeah.
03:34I cannot believe that you did all the same thing.
03:37Alice!
03:39Right here, ma'am.
03:39Oh, there you are.
03:41Always, ma'am.
03:41Let's put this someplace safe, under lock and key.
03:45Nothing can happen to them.
03:46Check.
03:47Next.
03:47Flowers.
03:48After the ceremony.
03:49Transfer to the tables.
03:50Low-stemmed, vases only.
03:52To review.
03:52Rehearsal dinner rundown.
03:54Drinks and hors d'oeuvres on arrival.
03:56Bride and groom welcome speech.
03:57Appetizers and various toasts.
03:59You have the approved list?
04:00Yes, ma'am.
04:01Okay.
04:01Dessert.
04:02Done.
04:02Everybody fucks off.
04:03I get my sleep.
04:04We good?
04:05Good.
04:05Good.
04:06Wait, just good?
04:07Great.
04:08Great.
04:09Oh, one more thing.
04:10Ah!
04:11Videographer.
04:12So very important.
04:13One question only.
04:14What is it?
04:15What is the secret to a happy marriage?
04:16What do I not want?
04:17Advice to remember when well wishes.
04:19Gold fucking star.
04:21Wait, ma'am.
04:21Excuse me.
04:22Kevin.
04:22Classic rectangle, not Bishop's hat.
04:24Oh, good catch.
04:26Jesus.
04:27Alice.
04:28Font spelling.
04:30Placement.
04:31My dad cannot sit next to my mom.
04:35We were informed that a Walt was assuming the father of the bride responsibilities by Diane,
04:42mother of the bride.
04:43That is incorrect.
04:44We need to start again.
04:45Kevin.
04:45Kevin, we need to begin again.
04:46Hold on.
04:47What are you doing?
04:47I am preventing a nuclear fallout.
04:51She always does this.
04:52Who?
04:53Diane.
04:53Does what?
04:54Pushes my dad out.
04:55But he's coming, right?
04:56Right.
04:57So, we need to seat Jim, father of the bride, next to Nancy.
05:02Nancy, mother of the groom from a normal, stable, functional family and not my house
05:10of lies madness sadness family.
05:13Okay, Kevin.
05:14Okay, Kevin.
05:15Champagne or cocktails before dinner?
05:17Cocktails.
05:17Thank you, Alice.
05:19What?
05:19Champ- no.
05:21Champagne.
05:21Champagne.
05:22Champagne.
05:23Thank you, Alice.
05:24Diane and cocktails.
05:25No food, no absorption.
05:27We talked about this.
05:28She can-
05:29Whoa, whoa.
05:29Let's take a breath.
05:30We're losing sight.
05:31We're losing sight.
05:32Thank you for using we.
05:35Yeah.
05:35We hate-
05:37What does that mean to me?
05:37We hate this.
05:38Right.
05:39Right.
05:40Oh, my God.
05:40We do not want this, and that's why.
05:42Oh.
05:43It's fun, okay?
05:44Everything that goes bad is good, because it makes for a better story.
05:48Our not-wedding wedding for our not-marriage marriage.
05:52It's all nots, okay?
05:54Rebels of the altar.
05:55It's just us.
05:57Right.
05:58It's you and me.
05:58You and me.
05:59You and me.
06:00Okay.
06:00Okay?
06:02Yeah, okay.
06:03But, like, what if I lose control?
06:06Yeah, what if you lose control?
06:07Because I'm really on the edge.
06:09I think- I think that perhaps we need a safe word.
06:11That'd be good.
06:12Yeah.
06:13Okay?
06:13Like, um-
06:15Um-
06:17I know.
06:18Like, like, um, Halloween, 1999, in the sea of Bill Clinton's and Monica Lewinsky's and
06:25Linda Tripp's.
06:25There were only two-
06:27Janet Reno's.
06:28Yeah.
06:29Oh, Janet Reno.
06:31Safe word.
06:31I love it.
06:32I love you.
06:32I fucking love you.
06:34Okay.
06:35Okay.
06:36Okay, but that flower is not in the center.
06:39Hey, hey, hey, come on.
06:40Okay, I'm gonna-
06:40Cool.
06:41I'm gonna let it go.
06:42Come on.
06:42Countdown guests arrival.
06:43T-minus 25 minutes.
06:4525.
06:46I did, I did.
06:47Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:48Hey, hey.
06:48Martin.
06:49Hey, how are you?
06:50Hey, buddy.
06:52Congratulations.
06:53Oh, sweet redeemer.
06:58Am I the first?
06:59You're punctual.
07:01I'm- where's, uh, is it Dana?
07:02Uh, Dana and I are exploring our options in a good way.
07:07Cool.
07:08Okay.
07:08I need you in the kitchen.
07:09Uh, I'm greeting guests.
07:11I'm supposed to be here.
07:14What?
07:19Okay.
07:21It's nothing.
07:22Okay.
07:23Nothing.
07:23Is everything okay?
07:24Yes.
07:24Good.
07:25Um, so?
07:26Well, Dana felt that she needed something.
07:28No, no, no, no.
07:28About the-
07:29Oh, oh, oh.
07:29You know what?
07:30Let's not talk to me.
07:31Oh, they passed.
07:32They fucking passed.
07:34What?
07:35Feezy assholes.
07:36They've got no vision.
07:37They've got no fucking balls.
07:39Hey, hey.
07:40Well, get there, okay?
07:41I know a guy at Monsanto.
07:42Kill me if we end up at Monsanto.
07:46Hey.
07:46Hi.
07:47So how was your nothing?
07:48It's fine.
07:49Yes, it'll be fine.
07:50Good.
07:51How's everything?
07:52Everything fine?
07:53Fine, fine, fine.
07:53Good.
07:54Oh, they passed.
07:55No, no, no.
07:56It's Dana.
07:57We're hoping she'll come through, right?
07:58Uh, yeah.
08:00Uh, hey, you know, I'll be at the bar.
08:05Diane!
08:06Walt!
08:07Walt needs to use the restroom.
08:10The signage here lacking.
08:12Uh, down the hall.
08:13First left, on the left.
08:14Left?
08:15Right.
08:15No, left.
08:17Okay.
08:18Right.
08:20Good luck.
08:23Okay.
08:25Okay.
08:26Snub.
08:26Noted.
08:28Les, has he canceled yet?
08:30Who?
08:30Jim.
08:31Uh, no, no, no.
08:32He's confirmed.
08:32Who said?
08:33Lindy said.
08:34No, he's not coming.
08:35You need to prepare.
08:36Prepare for what?
08:37Heartbreak, drama, tears.
08:39Walt will walk Lindy down the aisle.
08:41I think Lindy wanted her to do that.
08:43It's handled.
08:43Walt will step in for Jim.
08:45Crisis averted, less drama, fewer tears.
09:02Ready?
09:03And what is the secret to a happy marriage?
09:07There is no secret, Walt.
09:11Nope.
09:11And happy, unsustainable.
09:14Enough said.
09:15But I will say, I know it's fashionable these days for everyone to express every single feeling at every single
09:24moment.
09:24But as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't do anyone the slightest bit of good.
09:29And marriage, Walt.
09:33Be nice.
09:34And if you can't be nice, be silent.
09:41Walt.
09:53Why the fuck are you two doing this?
09:55Terry!
09:56Why are we doing marriage?
09:58Hey, hey.
10:00Hi.
10:00Hi, hi.
10:01Be nice.
10:01Good morning.
10:02Okay.
10:03I do have the greatest wedding present ever.
10:06Open it now.
10:08No, we're doing gifts.
10:09Now.
10:09Like, after the...
10:09Now, comment.
10:10Okay, is this what I think it is?
10:13You have a ton of work to do.
10:15Oh, no, we don't.
10:15Stop.
10:16It can't wait.
10:19It has to wait.
10:20I mean, I have to be here.
10:22Well, you want to be here.
10:24Yes, I want to be here.
10:25You have to be here.
10:26All right, Stepford.
10:27I want to be here.
10:28It's my wedding.
10:29We agreed that we wouldn't do any work on the wedding.
10:31Right.
10:31Does your book go to print Monday, Tomato Head?
10:34What?
10:34You told her about the tomato?
10:36Was it a secret?
10:37Yeah.
10:38Oh.
10:38I don't have any secrets.
10:39Get used to it, Leslie.
10:40You can get out.
10:41You have no right to call me Leslie.
10:43Is it not your name?
10:44You have no emotional right.
10:44Okay.
10:45Hey, hey, hey, hey.
10:45Hey, look who's here.
10:47Your mom and dad.
10:48Oh.
10:51Wendy.
10:52Mom and dad are here.
10:52I'm right behind you.
10:54I'm right behind you.
10:56Mom and dad, how sweet.
10:58Yeah, I am going all fucking in on this new normal family.
11:01There is no normal.
11:03Do you want your book in Barnes & Noble?
11:04What?
11:04Yeah, of course I do.
11:05Take a drink.
11:06We're getting blurbs from France.
11:07We're getting blurbs from Donna Tart.
11:09She doesn't blurb.
11:10Here you are worrying about the fucking canapes.
11:12Oh, my God.
11:14What happened to our pact?
11:17Terry.
11:17We marry our careers.
11:18We breed success only.
11:21We date and dump.
11:23No marriage.
11:23No traditional gender roles.
11:25No Midwesterners.
11:25No Cowboys.
11:26New Yorkers.
11:27Need only apply.
11:28We were young and we were not serious.
11:31We were deadly serious.
11:33Yeah, but that was when I didn't think I was ever going to have actual love in my life.
11:38I will throw myself off the roof of this hotel.
11:40Is it the wedding you're mad about?
11:43Or is it Les?
11:45Fine.
11:45I don't like either.
11:46But my concern is less about Les and more about you moving to the fucking suburbs and being
11:51unable to write.
11:52I am not moving to the suburbs.
11:54Les doesn't want that either.
11:55I will never not write and I don't vacuum.
11:58So I will be me.
11:59Now I know I'm fucked.
12:01It's a wedding.
12:02It's not a death sentence.
12:04They're one and the same.
12:08How was the journey down?
12:10How was the drive down?
12:12Oh, long.
12:13Oh, my leg ramped up.
12:15Oh, no.
12:15Mom, it is.
12:16Oh.
12:17Did I get you anything like ice or aspirin?
12:19Oh, no.
12:20I'm not crying about it.
12:21The little gods are here!
12:23Hey, where can we get a real drink of this stuff?
12:26Yeah!
12:29Lindy, looking hot.
12:30Oh, okay, Sam.
12:31Well, your wife's right there.
12:33Okay.
12:34Congrats, bro.
12:35Thanks, buddy.
12:38Jesus, watch the family's rules, sir.
12:42Mommy's not going to come to your defense anymore, Leslie!
12:45That's Lindy's job now.
12:47Yeah, well, I'm going to...
12:50Okay, guys, get in the bar, you know?
12:54Great to see you!
12:57Do you need ice or anything?
12:59Are you going to throw up?
13:06Here we go!
13:12Welcome, everyone.
13:13Welcome.
13:14We can't tell you how honored we are to have you all here.
13:18Yes, many of you know that Les and I never planned to do any of this.
13:24Nope.
13:24Nope.
13:24Not at all.
13:25Nope.
13:26No way.
13:27But I did know, I did know, I will tell you this,
13:29that I did know that when the first moment that I met her, something inside me changed.
13:36And I knew that I wanted her in my life forever.
13:41And ever.
13:42And ever.
13:42And ever.
13:43And ever.
13:43And ever.
13:45Well, alcohol and a sexy Halloween costume will do that to you.
13:52I will say that our first date got off to a bit of a rocky start, though, because I had
13:57asked
13:57her to the classiest restaurant that my grad student stipend that my grad student stipend would allow, the Olive Garden.
14:03Oh, thank you.
14:05I was so scared, anticipating Lindy's arrival.
14:09Until I was sitting there waiting, waiting, waiting, and waiting, until it became obvious to me and to the entire
14:15restaurant that she wasn't coming.
14:17And she had stood me up at the Olive Garden.
14:22And finally, the waiter came over and asked if there was anything else I needed, my dignity, my pride, maybe.
14:29And I was about to ask for the check when a voice rang out.
14:34Your finest house read, unlimited breadsticks and an apology for the sad sexy sack at table nine.
14:41I'm glad I waited.
14:43Those breadsticks were really good.
14:48To you, and to me, and to forever.
14:56To all of those things, and to you.
14:59To you for making the trip.
15:01We really, we love you all so much.
15:03Let's eat.
15:04Yes.
15:08Lovely speech.
15:09Thank you both.
15:12Cute, right?
15:22Attention, we're having a small issue in the kitchen, a tiny delay with dinner.
15:28So we're bringing cocktails for everyone to enjoy in the interim.
15:31Great.
15:32No, no, no, no, no.
15:34We hate this.
15:36More cocktails?
15:37You know how many cocktails should I have?
15:39We hate this.
15:39This is a recipe for disaster.
15:41We hate this.
15:42Gasoline.
15:43Match is lit.
15:44A match is lit.
15:48Guess what it is, isn't it?
15:57Keeping romance alive.
16:00Les is a hopeless romantic at heart.
16:04Do you remember those sweet poems he used to write when he was little, dear?
16:09He would put them on our pillow every night before he went to sleep.
16:14How did he grow out of that one?
16:16I remember, um, Twinkle Twinkle, little me, how I wonder what I'll be.
16:22But they get it, they get it, they get it.
16:24They get it, they get it.
16:26They get it, they get it.
16:30Huh.
16:31Right, a groom?
16:33Lindy, best friend.
16:34Oh, yeah, Les is my best friend.
16:37How come our paths have never crossed?
16:40I don't like him.
16:41I mean, do you?
16:43I never thought about it.
16:45Huh, you didn't say yes.
16:46Oh, well, you caught me off guard.
16:48Well, isn't, doesn't best friend imply yes?
16:51Not always.
16:54I get the impression you don't want to be here?
16:56Well, Lindy wants me here, so I'm here.
17:00You're here with a plus one?
17:03Why, no.
17:05Where's your date?
17:07It's complicated.
17:09Complicated leads to all of this.
17:12You're very direct.
17:13You like it.
17:14I don't know if I do.
17:17You will.
17:17I don't know if I will.
17:21Just wait.
17:25So you ready for the show?
17:27Oh, yes, Gary, when do you think the show will start?
17:29What show?
17:30Wait, is this your first McMichael event?
17:32Have you never been to a McMichael event?
17:34Yeah, I, no.
17:35Why?
17:35Things are gonna get nuts.
17:36Oh, we guarantee it.
17:38Nuts.
17:39I predict blood?
17:40Yes, blood.
17:43What kind of blood?
17:46What?
17:47Look at me.
17:48Tell me.
17:50Is this what you really want?
17:55Terry.
17:56Ha.
17:56You didn't say yes.
17:58Are you working at your wedding?
18:01My book goes to print Monday.
18:03Hi.
18:04Welcome.
18:04How many is that?
18:08I told Les.
18:10Walt will walk you down the aisle.
18:12Dad will.
18:14Optimism is naive, and not you.
18:16You have been perfectly cast as negativity.
18:19Hi, Cost.
18:20Hi, Diane.
18:21You're not helping.
18:22Hi, Terry.
18:23Need I remind you how many times your father was a no-show?
18:26Pick an event.
18:27Mom, your grievances are not my grievances.
18:30I was the one left to pick up the pieces.
18:33You mean kick the pieces and say I told you so.
18:38If you don't want to follow in your father's footsteps, you should be over there with your
18:42husband-to-be.
18:43That is your duty as wife-to-be.
18:47Don't mess this up, too.
18:54Mother of wise.
18:56What an accent.
18:58Duty?
18:59Well, you are a wife-to-be.
19:01Oh, is that the book?
19:04Yeah.
19:04Am I in it?
19:05Okay, no one's in it.
19:07It's fiction.
19:07I cannot believe that you are getting married.
19:12When you always said you never wanted to.
19:14And I always wanted to.
19:16But I could never find the one.
19:18Not that there is, like, a one.
19:19But I found him.
19:21Oh.
19:22Tim, this is my...
19:24Has anyone seen Tim?
19:27Um, Aaron.
19:29Is that him?
19:31Oh, God.
19:32Uh, yeah.
19:33Isn't he great?
19:34I'll be right back.
19:36I dare you.
19:37Bye.
19:39I don't know what love is.
19:41I don't know.
19:42None of us do.
19:43But they know.
19:44They know.
19:45Last time I spoke to this many people was for the launch of the Ford Taurus that some of you
19:49probably know I designed.
19:51Sorry, I'm going to bring this down to human height.
19:54I've known you a long time.
19:56Long time.
19:57Remember?
19:58Yeah.
19:59I do.
20:00Oh, this, um, is Les's favorite song when he was little.
20:03You'll remember it, Les.
20:05I utilized to play the lady.
20:07Odlo, banjo, odlo.
20:07And redlessed it.
20:08Odlo, my needly, little, little.
20:09But honestly, when I first saw you two together, I was like, mm-mm.
20:13No way.
20:14Never going to happen.
20:14It's never going to happen.
20:16We're so happy for you.
20:18So happy for you.
20:20To my much older sister, who found the one so easily.
20:26Because, of course.
20:27Lindy, Lindy, Lindy, Lindy, you are, you are hot.
20:32I'm not allowed the streetlings, our meddle, and the sort of, the sort of a nice seedling for you to
20:36live.
20:38Anyway, I'm hopeful, you know, I have my Tim.
20:43We should ask them what love is.
20:46Right?
20:47Oh.
20:49Drunk.
20:51Has anyone seen Tim?
20:52This sort of long, icy seedling for you to loo-loo-loo-loo.
20:57Love.
20:59Love.
21:01It's a beautiful thing.
21:08Where the fuck is the food?
21:10Minutes away, ma'am.
21:11I mean, miss.
21:12Alice, you said that five minutes ago.
21:14I know, I know, it's...
21:18Daddy.
21:18You know, Lindy was born on my birthday, stealing my thunder from day one.
21:24From the moment my baby girl breathed air, she screamed.
21:28And not just been born screened, no.
21:31This one, this one had something to say.
21:34And I thought, holy shit, now I got two women screaming at me.
21:38Hi, Diane.
21:42Then, I held her in my arms.
21:45And she suddenly stopped screaming, silence.
21:48The nurse said she'd never seen anything like it.
21:51She said, you two belong together.
21:55Like peas and carrots.
21:57I was in Milwaukee the day she was born.
22:00And to see her now, young, in love, getting married,
22:06bright futures ahead of you,
22:08it makes a man feel a little bit giddy just sharing the air with you.
22:13As long as there's no screaming.
22:17You know, when you've got kids,
22:20you see a little bit of you in them.
22:24And when they find someone who loves them,
22:29it's like that little piece of you is getting that love too.
22:36Makes this old man feel.
22:41Very proud.
22:43Congratulations to you both.
22:45I couldn't be happier.
22:47Hey, you're the peas and carrots now.
22:57Speech of the night.
22:58Speech of the night.
23:00Reisted in regales for the so-called baseball career.
23:06Oh, baby.
23:11I'm so happy you're here.
23:13Gotta have something routine, kiddo.
23:15Daddy.
23:17This is less.
23:19Mr. McMichael, an honor, sir.
23:21Jim, never serve.
23:24And the honor is mine.
23:25But there's an obligation I have as a father.
23:28And that is that if you break her heart,
23:30I will break your son.
23:34I'm kidding.
23:36Clear, direct, threatening.
23:38With warmth and jest.
23:40I can see where Lindy gets her.
23:44Hey, hey.
23:46Diane.
23:47Jim.
23:48Walt.
23:49Jim.
23:50Les.
23:51Oh, Kevin.
23:52Mom.
23:54Lindy.
23:59So how about that book of hers?
24:02You read it?
24:03It's incredible.
24:04You're a big talent, Lindy.
24:06Dad.
24:06Chip off the old block.
24:08And boy, did you get the Diane character down to a T.
24:11Dad.
24:11Yeah, it kept me looking over my shoulder, kiddo.
24:13I'm in it.
24:15No, nobody's in it.
24:16It's fiction.
24:16I'm a character in your book, and you managed to send him an advanced copy to address unknown, but not
24:22me.
24:23Mom.
24:24Walt.
24:26Diane.
24:27Mom.
24:29Kevin!
24:35Leslie, show Dad what you were showing him.
24:37Oh, no, no.
24:37It's early days.
24:38Show him.
24:39It's extraordinary, Frank.
24:41Yeah, show me.
24:42Come on.
24:42Yeah.
24:43Okay, if you're sure.
24:44Food's not here yet.
24:45See?
24:46It's the perfect time.
24:47Go on, Dad.
24:47Okay, well, Dad, I am on the brink of inventing the GMO tomato.
24:56Wow.
24:57So the genetically modified tomato really has the potential to change agriculture as we know it.
25:03And Monsanto is interested, actually.
25:05Hasn't the tomato already been invented?
25:07Yeah, but this is a new kind of, this is a different kind of tomato.
25:10You love tomatoes, Frank.
25:11I do love tomatoes in the sandwich.
25:16Does it look like a tomato?
25:18Yeah, but it's genetically modified.
25:20And it tastes like a tomato.
25:21Yes, but, yeah.
25:24It's a tomato.
25:25It is.
25:25It is?
25:26Yeah.
25:26Nice.
25:28Yeah, yeah.
25:29You see, he's impressed.
25:31Yeah.
25:43Uh, bullshit to marriage, bullshit to happy.
25:46Do you want to know what genre I file romance under?
25:48Fantasy.
25:49And as for Lindy and the Nutty Professor, science fiction.
25:52I'm just waiting for the day my phone rings and she's accidentally got two heads.
25:57Attention, distinguished guests.
25:59The food is on its way.
26:01Woo!
26:02Please return to your seats in a timely manner and we'll...
26:05Chapter 9, Mother of Ice.
26:10Oh, fuck.
26:11My mother was not kind or warm.
26:15Walt, go stop her.
26:16Do something.
26:17I'm no hero.
26:18Okay, alright, everybody take your seat, sit down, don't worry.
26:22Everybody, mom.
26:22Her feelings frozen into harsh, jagged edges, ready to impale anyone who got to...
26:29Stop it.
26:29You're ruining mom.
26:30What the fuck are you doing?
26:31You're ruining my wedding.
26:32Diane, would you like some coffee?
26:34Where's Kevin?
26:34As soon as...
26:35Kevin?
26:37Kevin?
26:38Kevin!
26:39Temperature dropped.
26:40The air's fine.
26:41He's never frickin' there.
26:43Kevin, we need coffee.
26:45Can I unplug this?
26:47Good idea.
26:48Great idea.
26:49Scorned my mother's love.
26:50Unplug it.
26:51Mom, what are you doing?
26:52Hell hath no fury like a repressed middle-aged mother scorned my mother's love conditional.
26:59It had to be earned.
27:00It had to be controlled.
27:01Kevin!
27:02I don't know where it...
27:04I'm burning!
27:05He's mine!
27:06He's mine!
27:07He's not burning.
27:08My mother was not one to forget or forgive.
27:11Mother!
27:12Stop!
27:13We're getting out of here.
27:15Whoa!
27:15Stop!
27:16Jesus!
27:17Fuck, Diane!
27:18Man, rock the knife!
27:20Put the knife down!
27:21Ow!
27:23Ow!
27:24Ow!
27:24I've been stabbed!
27:26I've been stabbed!
27:27I can bleed out!
27:29I've got to pull it, right?
27:29I've got to get out of here!
27:32I can't really fight with me!
27:33I really don't think it's right!
27:35I can't even do it!
27:36One, two, one!
27:37Ah!
27:40Everybody's getting stabbed!
27:41Oh, let's get you out of here, dear.
27:44Oh!
27:49Walter, could you restrain your fucking wife?
27:52What?
27:52Don't tell me what to do!
27:54Come on, go up there!
27:54I'm coming in for nothing to do!
27:56Come on!
27:57I fucking will!
27:58I don't know about that!
27:59Dad, just save me!
28:02Dad, stop!
28:04I don't know!
28:05Holy gracious, savior, you caused it!
28:07Double stabbing!
28:09Should've put money on it.
28:10Marriage bloodstabbing.
28:12Will everybody please sit down and enjoy the fucking tuna tartar!
28:25uh what happened exactly rehearsal dinner
28:32got it by the way i liked your speech a lot
28:39by the way i liked your face a lot
28:45my room let's go now
28:49blessed shepherd i should probably introduce myself
28:54what's the secret to a happy marriage being in sync
29:10oh my god my family
29:14always with the drama i mean i only wanted to get married to join your
29:18normal family so i could escape from the madness of my own
29:23only
29:27only
29:31less
29:33you only wanted to get married to join my normal family
29:38do you have any idea how small that makes me feel
29:44oh hey
29:47nothing's changed
29:50then i love you
29:51not enough to not
29:54work
29:54that i rehearsed a dinner right
29:57maybe i could
29:58maybe i could still feel my thigh
30:01what happened to everything that goes bad is good makes for a better story
30:06we're not even doing this for real are we
30:10i don't know
30:10all right
30:13what's happening
30:15is this maybe the drugs talking
30:18uh maybe
30:20maybe
30:20maybe not
30:21hang on where are you going
30:23going to my room
30:25come bless
30:25let's just fuck that traditional wedding superstition stuff
30:29well you wanna
30:29you wanna fuck the wedding
30:33that is not what i just said
30:34but that's what you meant
30:35no
30:36wait
30:38what's this
30:39i
30:40come
30:40i i
30:41let
30:42that's your vow
30:43let's do this thing
30:44come on
30:45that
30:46that's
30:47i i'm tomorrow
30:48i'm gonna
30:48i got it
30:49i got it
30:50it really is a fucking wedding
30:51i understand
30:52hang on
30:53where
30:54where
30:54wait
30:57am i gonna see you tomorrow
30:59am i gonna see you tomorrow
31:17hey
31:18hey
31:19cold feet
31:21maybe
31:23drink
31:25yeah
31:34i'm sorry about your arm
31:35ah
31:36you should be waiting 20 years to stab me with something
31:39it's okay
31:40i think this wedding was a mistake
31:47the wedding or the marriage
31:51gotta say i never thought i'd see my little firecracker settle down
31:56but you like less right
31:58you chose dependable over exciting
32:02is that bad
32:03we don't do dependable
32:05me and you
32:11i wanted normal
32:15never had normal
32:18well
32:20not normal
32:22fueled your talent
32:24hell you wrote a fantastic book because of it
32:29normal can kill a creative spark
32:33that's why i can't write my vows maybe
32:36could be
32:37at least i should know
32:41before i met diane i was a lock for the majors
32:44but you know this story
32:45yep
32:46yeah you got married and then the armoire
32:49you know the dresser thing she wanted upstairs had to have it upstairs and then tore a ligament
32:55and
32:55how was that
32:56my baseball career
32:58you really think you would have been a baseball star if you hadn't married mom
33:06after we divorced i started playing down the mexican pacific league everyone thought i was washed up coach was forced
33:13to sign me so yeah he benched me game after game and one day their star player got injured and
33:22coach had no choice but to send me to bat first pitch swing and a miss second pitch another whiff
33:29if i blow it i'm done
33:31and the next pitch i hit that god damn ball so hard it smashes out the stadium lights sparks flying
33:37onto the field crowd goes wild and i knew i mean i remembered in that moment
33:45for great talent for great talent for great talent for great talent to thrive you gotta put you first
33:51you hear me kiddo
33:54yeah
33:55yeah
33:56yeah
33:57i'll have the car running tomorrow morning if you want to make a run for it
34:03we both know this isn't you
34:04peas and carrots
34:07i'll be right back i ain't gonna see a man about a horse
34:16um
34:17you do know that was the plot of the natural
34:20right
34:22oh yeah kevin
34:24i know
34:32mm
34:39you do know that was the plot of the natural
34:42but in the future
34:46to live for a new life
34:47oh no
34:47i know
34:50i know
34:54i know
34:54i know
34:54no
35:00are you crying no are you smoking no
35:07is it because i stabbed you no is it because you stabbed me yes
35:18what did she say or what did she do
35:22she was so uh excited
35:30fear cloaked in excitement and now she wants to run well she didn't say that she didn't have to
35:41lindy is like jim but she's more like me and she realizes the more she loves someone
35:46the more she fears they will run we have the endlessly charming jim to thank for that
35:55say what you will about me but i stuck around i know i am not easy or charming
36:03and contrary to popular belief i am not a monster after jim left
36:13my heart broke
36:16yes mother of ice has a heart i vowed i'd never marry again
36:24then i met walt
36:26he's a good one i may be the only one who sees that but everyone else can fuck right off
36:33now you less
36:37you are one of the good ones too
36:43and lindy knows it and that's why she's trying so hard not to run
36:55this conversation never happened
36:59diane thank you
37:01not bad for an emotional icicle
37:29fuck
37:31fuck
37:36fuck
37:37fuck
37:38fuck
37:39fuck
37:42fuck
37:53daddy
38:17Let's do this thing
38:42This is not us it's not us
38:49But is it you be honest
39:00Yeah
39:01I wanted to get married to you
39:07And I wanted a wedding
39:13I did
39:14But you
39:15Didn't
39:16No
39:20So why didn't you say yes
39:22Because I didn't want to lose you
39:24Or my family
39:26But you see why now right
39:31I just wanted
39:34Was longing for some
39:37Sense of
39:38Normal
39:39Yeah I said
39:41I'd do
39:43What I had always said I wouldn't do
39:47Because I didn't want you to go
39:49Go
39:51I'm an overly educated
39:53Science nerd nobody
39:56With one
39:58Dumb idea
40:00No one gives a shit about
40:02You are brilliant
40:04And you're gonna change the world
40:07I truly believe you will
40:09And I can't wrap my head around
40:12Why you wanna
40:14Stay with a dum-dum like me
40:18When you tell me I can change the world
40:20Then I believe it
40:24And there is nothing I want more
40:25Than to be with a dum-dum like you
40:27For everyone
40:30Fuck the paperwork
40:31But you want the paperwork
40:32But you don't
40:33You don't
40:34So fuck it
40:38But you saying fuck it
40:39Really makes me fucking happy
40:42I fucking love you
40:45I fucking love you
40:53Now I just want to
40:55Un-fuck it
40:55And just get married
40:59What fuck it for real
41:00But for us
41:02Like our
41:04Our thing
41:05Our
41:05Our
41:06Normal
41:06Our version
41:07And
41:08No drama
41:10Yes no violence
41:11No police
41:12No family
41:13No
41:18And I know a perfect place
41:23The grey house
41:24The grey house
41:32Ah
41:33Ah
41:34Ah
41:34Ah
41:34Ah
41:35Ah
41:36Ah
41:36Ah
41:36Ah
41:40The secret
41:42Not having a wedding
41:46Having two
41:48Diane
41:49Don't make me come over there
41:55I
41:56Less little John
41:57Do not
41:58Take you
41:59Lindy McMichael
42:00To be my wedded wife
42:02I
42:03Lindy McMichael
42:04Do not
42:05Take you
42:06Less little John
42:07To be my wedded husband
42:08Not
42:09Never
42:10Never
42:11Ever
42:11You are signing the papers
42:12Yes
42:13Yes
42:13Yeah
42:14Okay
42:15Well
42:16I now pronounce you
42:17Not husband and wife
42:19Yeah
42:20All lit
42:20Yes
42:26Thank you
42:35Yeah
42:37I
42:38Did not
42:38I
42:38Don't
42:38To be with you
42:39Anything
42:40Hope
42:49Don't
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