#video #American Dad! - Season 22 Episode 7 - Reaper Madness
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00:00Viewer discretion is advised.
00:36Is dinner ready yet?
00:38It has to be. I've been grating this Parmesan for an hour.
00:41You've started grating your fingers, Stan.
00:43Oh, yeah.
00:44I don't care. I'll eat finger meat. I'm just so hungry.
00:48Shut your yap, Jeffrey. I'm hangry enough to stab you.
00:54These expired three years ago.
00:56Salad's ruined.
00:57It's all riding on the lasagna.
01:00And lasagna's biggest question.
01:02Has it cooked all the way through?
01:06Just needs a little elbow grease.
01:16There's got to be a better way.
01:18Why are weeknight dinners so hard?
01:20We could've ate the top part.
01:22I just want my life back.
01:24You all aren't going to believe this,
01:26but there's a class at the Learning Annex tonight
01:28called Easy 15-Minute Weeknight Meals Colon Get Your Life Back.
01:32My raggedy colon could use its life back.
01:35No, I mean the colon that's two dots.
01:37Two dots?
01:41Sup, dogs?
01:42What's up, dogs, is we're taking our lives back
01:45from the tyranny of weeknight dinners.
01:47Sick.
01:48I won't be doing that.
01:49I have a friend coming over.
01:52Can y'all drop me off at my curiosities shop?
01:55Thanks for asking.
01:56My curiosities shop from when Steve and his friends were witches.
02:00Steve, you and your friends ever talk about being witches again?
02:03No.
02:03Did he just roll his eyes at me?
02:05Out of his witch phase and into his bitch phase?
02:08I can't believe you're going to miss out on this class
02:10just to hang out with some friend.
02:13Hey, Klaus.
02:14Dinuta?
02:16Dinuta.
02:17Klaus, no.
02:18That's why I said friend and not her name.
02:21Her name.
02:22Dinuta, of course.
02:23That is the name.
02:24She owns it.
02:26What mischief are we getting into tonight?
02:29We're going to do hot girl stuff
02:30and burn letters to our exes.
02:32It's a full moon,
02:33so the perfect time to cleanse our souls.
02:35I'd love to watch you cleanse your soul, Dinuta.
02:38Join us.
02:39No.
02:40Too late, I accept.
02:43Shouldn't we have stoves or ovens to cook on?
02:47Friends,
02:48are you tired of spending hours of your day cooking one meal?
02:52Do you want your time back?
02:54Do you want your life back?
02:56Yes.
02:57Well, put your hands together
02:59for the one and only
03:01Cricket Le Monde!
03:06There's a reason I start this class
03:08at precisely 9.47 p.m.
03:10Because that's the time
03:12when we've all given up
03:13on whatever crackpot chef boingardee slop
03:18they've brainwashed you to make.
03:21Weeknight meals shouldn't take away your life.
03:23Oh, but it does, Cricket.
03:25It does.
03:26I know, my son.
03:29Don't sniff my hand.
03:31I'm going to show you how to make
03:33delicious, nutritious, easy meals
03:37in only 15 minutes!
03:41We're going to get our lives back, Billy!
03:44Picture it.
03:45You're at home.
03:46It's 6.45 p.m.
03:48And by 7, you have...
03:50An Osso Bucco with red bean cassoulet!
03:55Yeah!
03:56Yeah, you cricky!
03:58But how did you make it?
04:00Easily.
04:01And in only 15 minutes!
04:04Yeah!
04:05Yeah!
04:06Yeah!
04:08Yeah!
04:10He's going to take forever to scoot over here.
04:13Let's just start.
04:14Double driving cadence!
04:15Oh!
04:21I can't stop!
04:22Catch me!
04:22Nah!
04:23What's cracking, babies?
04:25I'll start.
04:26This is from Bruce at the car wash.
04:28He broke my heart.
04:29And my side view mirror.
04:30And now I'm letting it go.
04:33This is from Nolan,
04:34my boyfriend of one day in 8th grade.
04:36He wrote,
04:37The only chemistry we have together
04:39is 5th period.
04:40My turn.
04:41These are letters from various catalog models.
04:44No, runway.
04:45No, runway poker babes
04:48whose hearts I completely wrecked.
04:53Uh, this is a cease and desist letter
04:55from Rue McClanahan.
04:57Didn't you play Blanche on Golden Girl?
04:59Golden Girls, you idiot!
05:01And her character gave mixed signals.
05:03Give that back.
05:09Can you leave us alone?
05:10Danuta and I are vibing.
05:12No, we're having a girls' night
05:13and you're ruining it.
05:15Classic Klaus.
05:16You don't like me, do you, Hayley?
05:18I love you.
05:19You're family.
05:20But you don't like me.
05:22You don't like me?
05:23You're only hanging out with me
05:24because Danuta is here.
05:25You're kind of a weasel.
05:27You always have an ulterior motive.
05:29That's not true.
05:30I wouldn't have joined
05:31if you'd asked me not to.
05:33I did ask you not to.
05:34Yeah, but I want Danuta
05:35to be my girlfriend,
05:36so I didn't consider how you felt.
05:38You understand.
05:39Y'all want to hear a scary story?
05:40I don't have an active imagination.
05:42Is there a video game version of it?
05:44Come on!
05:45It'll stop you both from fighting
05:46and I'll get to practice talking.
05:48I want to be a talker to people someday.
05:50Oh, you'd be great at that.
05:52You do think so?
05:54It was a night just like this
05:56when the shapeshifter demon
05:57who lives in the well
05:59made his first kill.
06:03Two lovers, Tommy and Miranda,
06:06were parked at make-out point.
06:08Hot.
06:09After making out for an hour,
06:11hard, for like an hour.
06:12Just an hour?
06:14Probably in a rush
06:14to get to Pound Town, USA.
06:16Yeah, yeah!
06:17Quiet, please.
06:19They took a lover's stroll
06:20to the well nearby.
06:24Overcome with love,
06:25Tommy calls into the well.
06:27I love you, Miranda.
06:29It echoes back.
06:30I love you, Miranda.
06:32Miranda.
06:33Miranda.
06:33But when Miranda tries to profess
06:35her love for Tommy into the well,
06:37she can't.
06:38As if a dark spirit
06:39was squeezing her throat.
06:42When Miranda turns around,
06:44Tommy is gone.
06:49They search for him,
06:51but he was never found
06:52until one night,
06:56Miranda wakes up
06:57to a tap, tap, tap
07:00on her window.
07:01When she looks outside,
07:03she sees Tommy.
07:05He's back.
07:06He beckons her to the well
07:08where he asks her to try
07:10and profess her love for him again.
07:12Miranda leans over the edge
07:14and cries,
07:15I love you, Tommy.
07:17As the well echoes back,
07:18Tommy, Tommy.
07:20Miranda sees the real Tommy
07:23at the bottom.
07:24Dead.
07:25Woo!
07:28Terrified,
07:29she slowly turns
07:31to the thing
07:32who brought her there.
07:33Tommy is mine.
07:36And now you're mine, too!
07:40Welcome to Euphoria.
07:42It's like euphoria,
07:42but with fear.
07:44You ain't dead,
07:45but you're scared to death
07:46and it feels real good
07:47like fear.
07:49Oh, God.
07:50Oh, God!
07:52Come on, wake up!
07:55Don't get acquist
07:56if this place ain't real.
07:57It's a representation
07:58of how fear can feel.
08:00Sometimes it feels scary,
08:02but sometimes it feels good.
08:04Do you get the gist?
08:05I knew you put it!
08:15Holy crap!
08:16That was better
08:17than any high I've ever had.
08:18I was scared,
08:19but it felt amazing.
08:22I know, this is crazy,
08:23but would you want
08:24to get scared with me again?
08:25Okay, but only
08:26if my boy Juergen can come.
08:28No.
08:28Okay.
08:32They were dead
08:33when I found them!
08:33Oh, you're alive.
08:34Big time.
08:35But we need
08:36your scary story again
08:37and the way it made us feel.
08:43One-way ticket
08:44to Montenegro?
08:46Oh, no extradition
08:48from there
08:48because you thought
08:49you'd killed us.
08:51Smart girl.
08:52Give it to us, Dee.
08:53Give us the story again.
08:55I don't think I should.
08:56I thought you were dead before.
08:57Plus, Nerfer is sleeping
08:59and she gets prickly
09:00if she wakes up
09:00to a whole scene.
09:01Give us the story
09:02or I'll slap those
09:04pointy bangs
09:04off your gorgeous face.
09:06No, they accentuate her eyes.
09:08Slap the...
09:09Slap the...
09:10This is hard.
09:11Every part's perfect.
09:12Slap racism!
09:13Now tell the story
09:14before I lose
09:14my freaking cool!
09:16Okay.
09:16It was a night
09:18just like this.
09:20Here it comes!
09:23And now you're my two!
09:25Where is it?
09:26Danuta told it wrong!
09:28Why did you tell it wrong?
09:29Maybe you didn't faint.
09:31Because you already
09:31know how the story goes.
09:33She's right.
09:33We need to find
09:34new things to scare us.
09:35Let's boogie, Klaus.
09:36My assistant Steve
09:37will be by later
09:38for my driving canes.
09:43Jonathan?
09:44Is that you?
09:45Time to die!
09:47That was it!
09:49That wasn't scary at all!
09:50Boo!
09:51Boo!
09:52You're being disruptive.
09:53I'm going to have
09:53to ask you to leave.
09:54We're already leaving, nerd!
09:56This stinks!
09:58That snap thing
09:59you've been doing?
10:00That's cool, Klaus.
10:04Okay, this feels
10:05pretty spooky.
10:07I brought a spirit box.
10:08It allows ghosts
10:09to communicate with us.
10:11I don't know how it works,
10:12but it came with
10:13a free Hello Kitty keychain,
10:14so I was like,
10:14uh, sold.
10:17Kill.
10:19That's a good sign!
10:21Killer deals.
10:22This weekend,
10:23only at Nana Pam's
10:25flower shop.
10:26It's just picking up
10:27the radio.
10:31Ooh!
10:32It's not the radio,
10:34it's me!
10:35The deals are my
10:37unfinished business.
10:38Ooh!
10:42Rogu,
10:43you said you had
10:44something scary for us?
10:46Haunted tub!
10:48Cursed ranch!
10:50Really?
10:50This is cursed?
10:52Exercise demon
10:53by Fix Rogu tub.
10:56Okay, I think
10:57Rogu is just trying
10:58to get us
10:59to fix his bathtub.
11:00Wow.
11:01We trusted you, Rogu.
11:02Never trust a bad boy.
11:11It's 645.
11:12You haven't started
11:13dinner yet?
11:14We're starting now
11:15because dinner is at 7 p.m.
11:16and this recipe
11:17only takes 15 minutes.
11:19I think that lady
11:20was a scammer.
11:21We never saw her
11:21cook anything.
11:22But we saw her
11:23do the splits.
11:24What more do you need?
11:25All right,
11:26the recipe says
11:27to start with the cassoulet.
11:28First ingredient,
11:29red beans.
11:30Boom.
11:31Soaked beans overnight.
11:34Overnight?
11:34A little misstep
11:35on our part.
11:36Let's pivot
11:36to the osso bucco.
11:37Stevie, my boy,
11:38toss me the pearl onions
11:39and veal shanks.
11:40Yeah, there's no way
11:41we have that stuff.
11:42Should we use substitutes?
11:44Let's call Cricket Limon.
11:45She'll know what to do.
11:46Are you crazy?
11:48She's probably
11:48halfway to Montenegro
11:50by now.
11:50They don't have
11:51any extra division.
11:55You want to get loud?
11:56You go to a J-Lo concert.
11:57You want to get scared?
11:59You come to
11:59T. Lumpkin's
12:00Curiosity Shop.
12:02Bam!
12:02Gargoyle shoes.
12:03Never worn.
12:04That just makes me sad.
12:05Carnivorous pitcher plant
12:06covered in blood.
12:07How did it get
12:08covered in blood?
12:09I used it to clean
12:10a paper cut.
12:11That's not a scary story,
12:13Roger.
12:13It was for me.
12:14It stung, Haley.
12:17That's Paige.
12:18She's the new part-timer.
12:20She's been drinking
12:20that iced coffee all day.
12:22It's been done for hours.
12:24Just keeps sucking
12:24the melting ice.
12:25You done with that coffee yet?
12:27And she laughs
12:28at everything.
12:29What's funny?
12:31Nothing.
12:33Is it a nervous tick?
12:34Am I part of some sick joke?
12:36I don't know,
12:36but I love her.
12:37Let's move on.
12:38Ooh, now this is scary.
12:40A skull.
12:41That's not scary.
12:42That's just something
12:43to put vodka in.
12:44Damn, I thought
12:45an empty skull
12:46would be a no-brainer.
12:48Groucho glasses
12:49worn by Stalin.
12:52Paige,
12:52do you want
12:53a new coffee?
12:54You're funny.
12:56This chick's insane.
12:57I'm obsessed with her.
13:05Roger,
13:05what's this?
13:07A map to the demon
13:08shapeshifter well
13:09at Old Makeout Point.
13:11A shapeshifter story
13:13is real?
13:14Yeah,
13:14it happened here
13:15in Langley Falls.
13:16They say if you call
13:17into the well
13:18and it echoes back,
13:19your soul's taken
13:20by the demon.
13:24Ow, baby,
13:26if that's your ticket,
13:27the well is
13:27what you'll need.
13:30You sugar,
13:31it's time to risk it
13:32if you wanna
13:33keep seeing me.
13:37We have to go
13:38to the well.
13:39You broke
13:39the Groucho glasses.
13:40You have to buy them.
13:41Paige, ring them up.
13:42Okay.
13:45She's an icon.
13:55I can feel it.
13:57We're going to have
13:58Euphoria again.
13:59One of us calls
14:00into the well,
14:01it echoes,
14:01and we get the greatest
14:02high of our lives.
14:05I'm freaking out.
14:06I can't do it.
14:07Yes, you can.
14:08Before we discovered
14:09Euphoria,
14:09we were basically
14:10two strangers,
14:11both trying to bang
14:13Danuta.
14:14What?
14:14I'm not trying to...
14:15But Euphoria
14:15brought us together,
14:17and I'm not going
14:18to let you give up.
14:19We'll call
14:20into the well
14:21as a team.
14:23Okay, let's do it.
14:25One,
14:26two,
14:27three.
14:28I love you, Tommy!
14:29I can't do it!
14:30Klaus, you weasel!
14:31I love you, Tommy!
14:32Ah!
14:32Ah!
14:33Ah!
14:34Ah!
14:35Ah!
14:36Ah!
14:37Ah!
15:00You said dinner would be ready
15:02in 15 minutes?
15:03Like 115 minutes ago!
15:06We had to drive
15:06an hour and a half
15:07out of town
15:08to find fresh veal.
15:09It was very fresh.
15:12Yeah,
15:12it was really a bummer.
15:14Francine,
15:15will you do me the honor
15:16of having the first taste?
15:17I'm too close to it.
15:19Mm.
15:19Ah!
15:20The beans are still hard.
15:22Impossible!
15:23Maybe you're too tired
15:23to taste.
15:24Steve?
15:25Ooh!
15:28It said to soak them!
15:29It said it!
15:31That crunch doesn't mean anything.
15:32Steve's always had weak teeth.
15:34I have delicate enamel.
15:36Yes, rest,
15:37my little sous-chefs.
15:38I'll wake you up
15:39when it's ready.
15:40I'd like to place
15:41an order for delivery.
15:42My babe's dad
15:43is trying to make
15:44a quick, easy meal.
15:46Pizzas famously
15:46take 30 minutes
15:47and dinner will be ready
15:48in 15.
15:49I can't do it!
15:50I'm sorry!
15:52Stop!
15:52You'll ruin your appetite!
15:54I need food!
15:55Hayley is a demon
15:56and she wanted to yell
15:57in a well alone!
15:58Okay, bye!
15:59Klaus, you're just in time
16:00for dinner.
16:01Taste!
16:02The beans are hard.
16:04Also, Hayley isn't Hayley.
16:05She's a shapeshifter
16:06out in the woods.
16:07So if you see her,
16:08don't open the door, okay?
16:09I'm going to sleep in your bed
16:10because it feels safer.
16:12Hayley.
16:13Yes.
16:15Hayley should taste this.
16:19Everything gets better
16:20with a good night's sleep.
16:31Klaus, come to the well.
16:37Hearing a scary story
16:39is cool and all
16:40but living in his way more fun
16:42You feel big and bad
16:44and eight feet tall
16:45Look, a sexy skeleton
16:50That was scary
16:52and erotic.
16:56I'm in the shapeshifter's hand!
16:59Bikini season.
17:01Real Hayley's missing out.
17:04Demon Hayley!
17:08We're back at the well!
17:12Oh, shapeshifter.
17:14I'm not even scared
17:15of you anymore.
17:16The thrill of Euphoria
17:17is gone.
17:18It's just not the same
17:19without Hayley.
17:20The high has been replaced
17:21with a shame-filled low.
17:23That never happens
17:24with other drugs.
17:29Call into the well.
17:32Ah, yes.
17:33Time for you to take my soul,
17:35I suppose.
17:36Hayley was right.
17:37I am a weasel.
17:38Not only did I back out
17:40of calling into the well
17:41at the last minute
17:42after promising her
17:43I'd be by her side
17:44I literally left her side
17:46and ran home
17:47bravely sleeping
17:49in my own bed.
17:51Say the words
17:52into the well
17:54or are you too chicken?
17:57Buck, buck.
17:59I'm not chicken.
18:00If I'm going to do this
18:01there's one thing
18:02I want to say
18:03that I should have said
18:04to the real Hayley
18:05when she was here.
18:07I do like you Hayley
18:09as a friend.
18:10I do like you Hayley
18:12as a friend.
18:13Hayley's mine
18:14and now you're by yourself.
18:16Hayley's mine
18:16and now you're by yourself.
18:18Serified
18:19you're flying high
18:21like making love
18:22to a pretty lady
18:24as she doesn't get pregnant
18:25with a baby.
18:30You made it to the peak
18:33of your fear
18:35You never thought
18:36you could feel
18:37this fear
18:45Now slurp up that beer
18:47like a rat that's thirsty
18:48Slurp it up
18:49like Paige with iced coffee
18:51Ha ha ha
18:53Ha ha
18:54Woo!
18:55Yes!
18:55Wait
18:56Am I dead?
18:58Am I a shapeshifter?
19:00Ha ha ha
19:01Hayley?
19:01You really thought
19:03I was a shapeshifter?
19:04You're not?
19:05No!
19:06Why did you act
19:07like you were?
19:08Well at first
19:08I was doing it
19:09because I was pissed.
19:10I love you Tommy!
19:11I can't do it!
19:12Klaus you weasel!
19:13We were supposed
19:14to yell into the well
19:15together
19:15but you let me
19:16do it alone.
19:17Ah ha ha ha ha ha!
19:19I passed out
19:19had sick euphoria
19:21but then I fell in.
19:23When I woke up
19:24I called for you.
19:26Klaus!
19:26Help!
19:27But you weren't there
19:28for me.
19:29Again!
19:30And as you know
19:31I have the upper body
19:32strength of a gorilla
19:32when I'm pissed
19:33so I climbed out
19:34to find you.
19:36I was gonna toss you
19:38in the well
19:38out of spite
19:39but then you said
19:40all those nice
19:40sentimental things
19:41on the way over.
19:42So I decided
19:43to give you
19:44the best euphoria
19:45ever by acting out
19:46the ending of the story.
19:47The Grim Reaper
19:48had a quad guitar
19:49that's four
19:50Hayley.
19:51He grew extra
19:52hands to play it.
19:54You can just tell
19:55he is the boss
19:56of that whole hellscape.
19:58I wish you could
19:59have seen it.
20:00Honestly
20:00I think I'm done
20:01with euphoria.
20:02We had fun
20:03but we got a little
20:04too into it.
20:05Hayley!
20:06Something's behind you!
20:07That's not gonna work
20:08on me.
20:09Taste the beans.
20:21Please taste this.
20:23Leave me alone
20:24my guy.
20:25Come on
20:25just taste it.
20:33Mmm
20:33that's really good
20:35actually.
20:36The beans
20:36are nice and soft.
20:38Thank you
20:38Mr. Reaper.
20:39Nah
20:40I don't give out
20:41compliments.
20:41I'm the Grim Reaper
20:42not the Praise Heaper.
20:44That's so good.
20:46I'm the Grim Reaper
20:48not the Praise Heaper.
20:51Yeah
20:51that works immediately.
20:53Why is cooking so hard?
20:56Have a great night.
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