#Saturday Night Live UK S01E06 Aimee Lou Wood Meek NOW H 264 #video #trending #viral #dailymotionlove
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00:03At this moment, somewhere over the Atlantic.
00:00:15Oh, Charles.
00:00:17Charles, you did such a smashing job with your speech to Congress.
00:00:21After that, there's no way Donald Trump will do anything weird or bad ever again.
00:00:28Mission accomplished, Camilla. Still, I'm glad to be heading home.
00:00:34I just hate being in any country where my mummy's not on the money.
00:00:39Come on now, Charles. America's not so bad.
00:00:42They've got hot dogs, Reese's Pieces, and best of all, legal weed gummies.
00:00:49Don't tell anybody, but I'm sneaking some through customs in my tummy.
00:00:55Camilla, you minx.
00:01:00Ladies and gentlemen, the in-flight meal is about to be served.
00:01:02Please return your seats to their upright position.
00:01:05Chicken or fish? Chicken or fish?
00:01:07Could we possibly have a bit of itch?
00:01:10We don't do that.
00:01:14Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain speaking.
00:01:18We're currently cruising at an altitude of 33,000 feet.
00:01:20Time in the UK is 10.02pm.
00:01:23And we're turning around and going all the way back to America.
00:01:26Did you hear that, hubby?
00:01:28They're turning the plane around!
00:01:30What the devil?
00:01:31Captain, I demand this plane return to Britain!
00:01:35I'm afraid I can't do that, Your Majesty.
00:01:39Because, you see...
00:01:42It's me!
00:01:45Sir Keir Starmer!
00:01:54Sir Keir, what in the blazes are you doing here?
00:01:58Unless I've very much mistaken, Your Majesty.
00:02:00I've hijacked the royal plane.
00:02:03Sir Keir, land this plane at once!
00:02:07No can do, Queenie.
00:02:09You see, I was dusting off some of my old legal textbooks,
00:02:13and I came across a rather intriguing statute.
00:02:16Did you know that a prime minister cannot be removed
00:02:19while the monarch is out of the country?
00:02:26So you thought you'd save your premiership with this dastardly plan?
00:02:30What other choice did I have?
00:02:32Doing a good job?
00:02:34Ha!
00:02:35Grow up!
00:02:38Sir Keir, I commend you by order of the king...
00:02:41The king of what, Charles?
00:02:43The king of the clouds?
00:02:47You have no power up here!
00:02:51So long as we keep circling the skies,
00:02:55I keep being prime minister!
00:02:58Hey, Sir Keir, I've got a question.
00:03:02Chicken or fist?
00:03:09Her name's flight attendant, but why?
00:03:12Because I do have a name, Your Majesty.
00:03:15You see, it's me.
00:03:19Angela Rayner!
00:03:31I'm taking us home,
00:03:33because I've been looking through some old legal textbooks,
00:03:36and I've realised if you're not in the country,
00:03:39then I can't do...
00:03:41this thing I'm planning.
00:03:44Hey, Rayner,
00:03:45please return your body to the downright position.
00:03:51I'm not letting this plane get back to Britain,
00:03:54because you see,
00:03:54it's me.
00:03:59Paul Selby!
00:04:05Are we supposed to know who that is?
00:04:08Not at all.
00:04:10I'm not famous.
00:04:11I'm the one member of the British public
00:04:13who loves Keir Starmer.
00:04:15That's right,
00:04:16I was indoctrinated online
00:04:17by the radical centre-left,
00:04:18and now I'm in charge of this plane.
00:04:21And nothing...
00:04:22nothing...
00:04:27I knew there was something fishy about that chap.
00:04:30That's why right after take-off
00:04:32I secretly slipped in 47 of your weed gummies, darling.
00:04:36Oh, Charles!
00:04:37Like I've always said,
00:04:39you come for the king,
00:04:40you best not miss.
00:04:44Now, baby,
00:04:46get in the cockpit
00:04:46and take the plane home,
00:04:48because...
00:04:49Live from London
00:04:51is Saturday night!
00:05:01It's Saturday Night Live!
00:05:03Liz!
00:05:09Liz!
00:05:10Condon and Michelle!
00:05:16Ayawade Bamboye!
00:05:23Larry Dean!
00:05:35Oh
00:05:58Oh
00:06:03Emma
00:06:05Sidney
00:06:12Paddy Young
00:06:19Musical guest, me
00:06:25And your host
00:06:27Amy Lewis
00:06:39Ladies and gentlemen
00:06:41Amy Lewis
00:06:58Thank you, thank you, thank you
00:07:01I'm Amy Lee Wood and I'm so excited to be hosting SNL UK
00:07:08And I am the first northern host
00:07:13Shout out to the Stockport hat museum
00:07:16Yes
00:07:19Seriously, it is a huge honor to be here tonight
00:07:22You might know me from sex education
00:07:26The show that took the shame out of getting freaky
00:07:29Or perhaps you know me from the White Lotus
00:07:31The show where a guy
00:07:32The show where a guy wanks off his brother
00:07:35And puts the shame right back in there
00:07:39But
00:07:39This is the first time
00:07:41I've ever stood on live television as myself
00:07:43And honestly, I have been having stress dreams about this moment
00:07:47Where I come out and just start talking gibberish
00:07:50But thankfully I libied their jubs barnacles
00:07:53Going to see beyond the floor in mid barman mundeo
00:07:57Phew
00:08:00Nailed it
00:08:03Talking of powerful women making interesting noises
00:08:06The writers have been asking me all week
00:08:09Amy, what do you want to say in your monologue?
00:08:11And after a lot of long hard thinking
00:08:13The answer was simple
00:08:15I want to scat
00:08:17Like Kim Cattrall in that YouTube video
00:08:26Yama kipi abo
00:08:27Seda reba kabo
00:08:28Inda glatandi kwof
00:08:29Yajay
00:08:31Savasaray
00:08:39And I am aware that not everyone will get that reference
00:08:42But I guarantee the five people that did
00:08:45Will nominate me for the BAFTA P&O Cruises TV moment of the year
00:08:51It's very nice to show a different side of myself though
00:08:53Because ever since I got famous
00:08:56All I ever hear is how relatable I am
00:08:59How bubbly I am
00:09:01But I'm here tonight to put those vicious rumours to rest
00:09:05Because you know what?
00:09:06I'm a freak
00:09:08No I am
00:09:10I'm a weird lady
00:09:12The only thing bubbly about me is my IBS
00:09:20I'm a Scorpio moon for God's sake
00:09:24Okay?
00:09:26I once got a reading from an astrologer and she said
00:09:29Sorry
00:09:31That's how intense my birth chart is
00:09:35No, seriously, I'm genuinely tapped into something other
00:09:38It's not just horoscopes and auras
00:09:40I'm also mixing with the spiritual realm all the time
00:09:43For instance
00:09:43This is gonna sound very cocky
00:09:45But in a past life
00:09:46I was Derek Jarman
00:09:48The British artist
00:09:49And that's true
00:09:50Because it came up in a regression
00:09:52Right?
00:09:53And in fact I can tell anyone what they were in a past life
00:09:56Okay? So I'm gonna do it now
00:09:58Right now
00:09:59So we've got dog
00:10:01Dog
00:10:02Dog
00:10:03Dog
00:10:03Ooh, you were the Pope
00:10:05Well done
00:10:07Dog
00:10:08Dog
00:10:09And ooh
00:10:10Hello
00:10:11Okay, yes
00:10:13You
00:10:16You were Pablo Escobar
00:10:19Bit of a bad boy, huh?
00:10:21I also carry crystals about like this one
00:10:25I make sure I always have it in my bra
00:10:27When I'm flying
00:10:29It protects me as long as the plane doesn't crash
00:10:33Look, I know I may sound just like that fun Mancunian girl
00:10:37You lived in uni halls with
00:10:39Or your cousin's super sweet partner with the job you can't quite remember
00:10:45But I, Amy Lou Wood
00:10:47I'm a certified card carrying god damn weirdo
00:10:51And don't you forget it
00:10:58Shabbat Shoray
00:11:05We've got a great show coming up for you tonight including music from Meek
00:11:09So stick around and watch this
00:11:11How long?
00:11:13How long?
00:11:16My wife
00:11:17She's a kind of girl who ruin your life
00:11:21Flip your world upside down
00:11:24You can't get her out of your mind
00:11:29Here's why
00:11:32Sing it, my guy
00:11:33Yeah, she's dangerous, all right
00:11:37But not just cause she's hot
00:11:40She's also got red and poor hand
00:11:43Coordination
00:11:44She's crazy, clumsy, a gazelle on eyes
00:11:50Scooted the wrong way in a bike lane
00:11:54Blind someone elderly when she pops that champagne
00:11:58Watching her own dress is its own kind of insane
00:12:02Headless horse machete
00:12:04A one-woman hurricane
00:12:07Dangerous
00:12:08Ow
00:12:09I have to take her out, now she's taking me out
00:12:15Dangerous
00:12:16Baby, that hurt
00:12:16Watch out, she'll have you up on that baby
00:12:20Waiting round in A&E
00:12:22Dangerous
00:12:23I try to keep things within safe limits
00:12:28It's a blow to my pride
00:12:30But now I wear a full-time helmet
00:12:34And my clothes have no ships
00:12:37With her hair and personality, zips a high-rills
00:12:41Dangerous
00:12:42Ow, love her
00:12:43Think I was warned about this girl
00:12:46All 999 with Michael Burke
00:12:48Who the f*** is Michael Burke?
00:12:51My shirt is the canvas
00:12:53My food is the paint
00:12:54To stick with me, boy
00:12:56And meet the patience of a saint
00:12:59When she's telling an anecdote
00:13:01About an accident
00:13:02You know she'll accidentally reenact the accident again
00:13:07But she's forgetful
00:13:10Regularly
00:13:10It's not the same with being a cut
00:13:13But it adds to the anarchy
00:13:16She'll say things like
00:13:17Sorry I had to put a tampon in but now I think there might have been already one in there
00:13:20Ooh that looks good
00:13:21Jesus!
00:13:23That's this rock and roll
00:13:25Way more drag and roll
00:13:27Dangerous
00:13:29My bad
00:13:31Unfortunately this gorgeous curse
00:13:33Is the best you've ever had
00:13:35But before she goes down on you
00:13:37You better sign that waiver
00:13:39And never let her go on time
00:13:41She'll say
00:13:43Don't worry I got this
00:13:45But she absolutely does not
00:13:48I better get used to this life
00:13:52Cause I'm only gonna make this clumsy girl
00:13:57My wife
00:14:17We've arrived
00:14:20What is this place doctor?
00:14:22I had a feeling you might like it
00:14:25Welcome to Trexelor 5
00:14:26Home of the great time library
00:14:29Incredible
00:14:31We're not in my relatable northern town anymore
00:14:35I've been looking for this for 16 lifetimes
00:14:38This is the home of the tree of knowledge
00:14:41A tree in a spaceship?
00:14:44It's the only place that can keep it safe
00:14:46This tree fruits once every trillion years
00:14:49One taste of the tree's fruit
00:14:51Gives you the answer to any question you desire
00:14:53It's the most beautiful thing you'll ever experience
00:14:56Incredible
00:15:02What the fuck is that?
00:15:13That's the tree
00:15:16I'm gonna throw up in my mouth
00:15:17I mean, I mean
00:15:18It may not be conventionally attractive
00:15:21But
00:15:21I mean why is it dripping?
00:15:23That's not a tree
00:15:24The name is allegorical
00:15:25This is an ancient creature of infinite wisdom
00:15:29A repository of a trillion years of kindness
00:15:32Empathy and intelligence
00:15:33Well, it looks like my HPV flare up
00:15:38You're being really disrespectful here, Ellen
00:15:40Do not offend the tree of knowledge
00:15:42No, I think we should kill it
00:15:44Do not threaten the tree
00:15:45Look, nobody's threatening the tree
00:15:47The doctor does not kill
00:15:49Oh, great, now it's farting
00:15:52No, no, no
00:15:52It's not farting
00:15:53It's talking
00:15:54It welcomes us
00:15:55Oh my god
00:15:58Sounds like me after bottomless brunch
00:16:00I'm allergic to champagne
00:16:02So it comes out of me like fizzy gravy
00:16:04Ellen
00:16:05Ellen
00:16:06Come on
00:16:07This is amazing
00:16:09Is it?
00:16:09You're having a genuinely incredible experience
00:16:12You always do this
00:16:13Why can't you just take me somewhere nice?
00:16:15I took you to Jane Austen's house
00:16:17Yeah, and she's stank
00:16:19She's stank of old
00:16:21Well, everyone did before they invented Lynx Africa
00:16:24Yeah, look, why can't we just go to like Thorpe Park
00:16:27Before the accidents made it woke?
00:16:31Or the Arndale Centre for a bubble tea?
00:16:35Right, what's it say now?
00:16:37It wants you to greet it
00:16:38Go on
00:16:39It's Mingy
00:16:40No
00:16:44Hi
00:16:44No, no
00:16:45You need to shake its hand
00:16:49I really don't want to do that
00:16:51You get the answer to all your biggest questions
00:16:54Don't you want to know where your dad is?
00:16:56The secret to happiness?
00:16:57Or what bra size you really are
00:16:59Oh, yeah, I do want to know that
00:17:00All of that
00:17:01Especially the bra thing
00:17:02Yes
00:17:03Erm, okay
00:17:04Hello, Blob
00:17:06No, that's not his hand
00:17:07That's his tit
00:17:08Oh!
00:17:09Oh!
00:17:10His tit came off in my hand
00:17:11No, I am so sorry she pulled off your tit
00:17:13Oh my god
00:17:15Silence!
00:17:16The tree is fruiting
00:17:18It is ready for you to suck its nectar and receive its knowledge
00:17:22No, no, no
00:17:23If that's the fruit, I'm about to kick off
00:17:26Well, it is the fruit
00:17:28And if you want the answers, you must eat it
00:17:30Oh my god, no way!
00:17:32I've seen Alien
00:17:33I'm not swallowing that and then having it burst out my fanny when I get home
00:17:36Look, it doesn't work like that
00:17:40Right, see ya, I'm gonna go and watch some reels in the Tardis
00:17:43Fine, fine, but don't vape in there
00:17:46I hate the smell of triple mango
00:17:48Triple mango?
00:17:49That's three mangoes
00:17:51Fine, I'll vape outside
00:17:52No!
00:17:54What have you done?
00:17:55A single mango is poison enough to our people
00:17:59Oh god!
00:18:00The tree!
00:18:01The tree!
00:18:02It has lived three trillion millennia and now it's dying
00:18:05Oh shit!
00:18:06Shit!
00:18:07Ellen, you killed them!
00:18:08I can't be found here!
00:18:09Oh my god!
00:18:10Oh my god!
00:18:10Quick, quick!
00:18:11Stop!
00:18:13Murderers!
00:18:13Don't worry, don't worry
00:18:15The sonic screwdriver will wipe his memory and then
00:18:17Oh!
00:18:20Oh!
00:18:21Oh, Ellen!
00:18:21Oh!
00:18:22Oh, Ellen!
00:18:23Ellen, I'm gonna go
00:18:25You know what the space cops will do if they find a black doctor at a crime scene?
00:18:29It's not a good look, I'm telling ya
00:18:31I'll see you later, yeah, it was nice to meet you
00:18:33I need to start picking up white girls
00:18:34Go to the house!
00:18:37I need to heart cut me
00:18:41if I'm gonna enjoy her
00:18:42I need to be afraid
00:18:52I need to go
00:18:57What the hell
00:18:58I need to do
00:19:17Princess Princess
00:19:20Princess Princess
00:19:21Princess
00:19:35real nice Mario three o'clock in the afternoon and you're already getting
00:19:40loaded oh here we go again mama mia why ain't you at work the city run out of pipes to
00:19:47fix
00:19:47I lost another job to the freaking Petrov brothers lost Bulgarian sons of bitches they always
00:19:56undercut me yeah enough with the Petrov brothers okay it's you you're lazy you're always off go
00:20:02carting with that monkey who wears a tie and nothing else you you leave him alone he's a
00:20:08decent guy whatever Mario I asked you to fix the garbage disposal three weeks ago and you still
00:20:14haven't got off your fat Italian ass and done it yet I'm not a fat ass I'm not a fat
00:20:20ass look at this
00:20:21place a princess what I went after you little fruity mushroom a seven what I'm around there for you do
00:20:28everything you live like a pig oh yeah well how can I make this place nice when your freaking dog
00:20:34comes in here and wrecks it every five seconds he's not a dog he's a dinosaur okay he's a pain
00:20:39in my ass
00:20:40so this is what he is a pain in my ass oh what I tell you you cannot lock him
00:20:45in this room he needs a
00:20:4720-mile exercise a day.
00:20:49That's why I buy them a little red sneakers.
00:20:52I can't.
00:20:53I know what I'm doing.
00:20:55I can't.
00:20:55I can't.
00:20:55I can't.
00:20:55I'm going to stay.
00:20:57For God's sake.
00:20:59I can't.
00:21:00I can't.
00:21:01Mario.
00:21:02Mario.
00:21:02Mario.
00:21:03Don't you see?
00:21:04This is what I'm talking about.
00:21:05I can't live like this no more.
00:21:06Oh, well, maybe you should have married Luigi.
00:21:09Oh.
00:21:09I know you want to talk.
00:21:11Oh, Luigi, us at all.
00:21:13Oh, Luigi, live in a mansion.
00:21:16Yeah.
00:21:17A mansion full of ghosts.
00:21:19Oh, yeah, well, at least the ghosts would chase me.
00:21:23What's that supposed to mean?
00:21:26Now you don't got to rescue me from no castles no more.
00:21:30Ha, you ain't interested.
00:21:32Why you got to do this?
00:21:33Why?
00:21:33Why do you got to make everything so hard?
00:21:36That's the problem, Mario.
00:21:39I don't make nothing hard no more.
00:21:44Please, speech.
00:21:46I'm going to take the mushroom to make me big.
00:21:50Oh, you're a big guy now.
00:21:54You're the big man, uh-huh.
00:21:55Right, okay.
00:21:56Well, you know, I spoke to Zelda the other day at the salon.
00:21:59Yeah, Link cannot get enough of her, okay?
00:22:03They did it five times on Saturday.
00:22:08Zelda, that's the Pilates.
00:22:10Oh, listen to me, Mario.
00:22:13Just face it.
00:22:14You never wanted me, okay?
00:22:16You just wanted to be the guy that saved me from Big Bad Bowser.
00:22:19Stop it!
00:22:20I tell you, you never mentioned that a scarlet son of a bitch in them out of my house.
00:22:27What?
00:22:28Ma?
00:22:28What?
00:22:29Oh, wait.
00:22:31What?
00:22:31There's some bull there in there.
00:22:33Oh.
00:22:34Oh, who is there, Peach?
00:22:36A Luigi?
00:22:37What?
00:22:37Oh, why is there, Wario?
00:22:39Oh, why are you screwing Wario now?
00:22:41Mario, you're drunk.
00:22:42Stop it, you're crazy!
00:22:44There's some bull there in there.
00:22:46I'm gonna pull him the champa-pit down on his head.
00:22:51Mario, stop it!
00:22:52Come out of here!
00:22:53Stop it!
00:22:53Come out of here, Finkerybutta!
00:22:55Light cigar!
00:22:56Oh, God.
00:23:01No, ma-na-ta-da.
00:23:07Ma-na-ta-bra-da.
00:23:09Sorry, Mario.
00:23:11God.
00:23:11The Petrov brothers say hello.
00:23:14Ah!
00:23:30Based on Enid Blyton's timeless children's stories,
00:23:34The Famous Five,
00:23:35I say, we are very adventurous.
00:23:39Comes a bold new Gen Z reboot.
00:23:44It's the same quaint 1950s adventures you vaguely remember from childhood with Gen Z stuff shoehorned in.
00:23:52Would anyone care for a quampet?
00:23:54No, thank you. I'm full of vapes.
00:23:58Starring Amy Lou Wood as Anne and Millie Bobby Blueby Blown as George.
00:24:03And in this one, she's openly queer.
00:24:06The doctor diagnosed me with LGBTs. Type 1, lesbian.
00:24:10And dicks played by Jaden Smith.
00:24:12I'm here doing PR for my whole family.
00:24:15Except one of the actor's contracts was watertight.
00:24:18So Julian is unfortunately exactly the same as in the books.
00:24:21Jolly watsits. A treasure map.
00:24:25Even Timmy the dog is non-binary.
00:24:28Come on, Timmy. Come on.
00:24:30And they're played by Tom Holland.
00:24:32What? What? What?
00:24:33Zendaya.
00:24:35The Telegraph calls it over-stimulating and underwritten.
00:24:39I'm addicted to my phone.
00:24:41Personally, I can't stop scrolling.
00:24:44And the Commissioner says, look, we know it's a low point.
00:24:48It's based on pre-existing IP and we're really scraping the barrel now.
00:24:51And they talk about World War II like you talk about COVID.
00:24:55It's relatable.
00:24:56World War II was so mid.
00:24:58So true, Thween.
00:25:00And I returned from World War II with ADHD.
00:25:03Can we please paddle to shore?
00:25:05I love paddle.
00:25:11The stories your granny loved, but now the characters are f***ing exhausting.
00:25:17Turn the big light off.
00:25:18I hate the big light.
00:25:19It's a corpse.
00:25:20I feel like I'm an A&E.
00:25:22Hmm.
00:25:22Vibes.
00:25:23Why are you letting them say this stuff?
00:25:26Oh, little fleabag moment.
00:25:28I live with brand new mysteries.
00:25:31This tunnel should lead directly to old nonce manor.
00:25:34But they suffer it immediately.
00:25:36Can't I just tunnel from home?
00:25:38So there isn't really any plot.
00:25:41Guys?
00:25:43Complete with a brand new Gen Z villain.
00:25:45A landlord.
00:25:46Hands off.
00:25:47I'm here to paint over your black merle.
00:25:50Stand back or we'll unalive you.
00:25:53No one's saying it right.
00:25:55But everyone's saying it's out soon.
00:25:58I'm laughing.
00:25:59I'm laughing right now.
00:26:01I'm literally dead.
00:26:06I didn't like today.
00:26:08Coming soon to TikTok in your second chance.
00:26:19Hi.
00:26:20Hi.
00:26:21Hi.
00:26:21Hi.
00:26:21Yeah, I think I left my suitcase here yesterday.
00:26:24OK, can you describe it?
00:26:25Yeah, it's a black rectangle on wheels.
00:26:29This one?
00:26:30Oh, thank God.
00:26:31Yes.
00:26:32OK, before I hand it over for security reasons,
00:26:34I do have to ask you what's inside.
00:26:37OK, OK, this is going to sound bad, right?
00:26:41And I promise it's not for here, but it is a bomb.
00:26:52You crazy bitch.
00:26:53So stop it, I'm screaming.
00:26:55OK, so obviously, inquiring minds need to know.
00:26:58Do you plan to harm someone with this?
00:27:00Because if so, I'm going to have to fill out an instant form
00:27:02and go, you know, I don't have a pen.
00:27:03Yeah, no, obviously, I'm not trying to kill anyone.
00:27:06I'm not a man.
00:27:09I'm crying laughing.
00:27:12OK, but seriously, what is it for?
00:27:14OK, you're never going to guess.
00:27:17The Zara changing rooms.
00:27:21It's mirrors.
00:27:22Stop it.
00:27:23Stop it.
00:27:25No, no, no.
00:27:26I'm going to win.
00:27:27I'm going to win.
00:27:28I'm going to win.
00:27:28I love you.
00:27:29I love you.
00:27:31I love you.
00:27:32OK, tell me why I'm going into those changing rooms
00:27:34with my arms full of jeans
00:27:35and I'm leaving with my eyes full of tears.
00:27:38Yes, tell me why I'm going in there
00:27:39with my arms full of crop tops
00:27:40and leaving with plans to bomb it
00:27:42in the dead of the night.
00:27:43Those things are similar.
00:27:44Yes!
00:27:45OK, three words.
00:27:47You, me, hanging out after this.
00:27:49Yeah, oh my God, obviously.
00:27:51OK.
00:27:52OK, I'm just going to grab that case.
00:27:53Oh, oh, yeah, so on that,
00:27:55I'm so sorry not to be a fun sponge, OK?
00:27:57But now I know there's a bomb in there.
00:27:58I can't give it to you.
00:28:00OK.
00:28:00I'm on such thin ice with my boss
00:28:01because I've been eating his lunch every day.
00:28:03Yeah.
00:28:04But can I be a bitch for a second?
00:28:06OK, my favourite sentence in the whole world.
00:28:09I'm just going to snatch it and run anyway, OK?
00:28:11No, don't.
00:28:12No, I am.
00:28:14Oh my God.
00:28:15Oh my God, no!
00:28:18Oh my God, no!
00:28:19Excuse me, do you work here?
00:28:21No, I'm dressed like this because I like it.
00:28:25Hello?
00:28:26Turn on your brain.
00:28:27Turn on your brain.
00:28:28It's like, I'll just go ask someone else.
00:28:33You guys seem like really good friends.
00:28:36Oh, thank you.
00:28:39OK, I have something to tell you, all right?
00:28:44This cardigan, it's Zara.
00:28:45Oh God, and I also have something to confess.
00:28:48Yeah.
00:28:48I've never told anyone this, but I'm gay.
00:28:56Wait.
00:28:57Wait.
00:28:58Wait.
00:29:00Hang on.
00:29:01Oh my God, girl.
00:29:03What?
00:29:03Girl.
00:29:04What?
00:29:04This isn't a bomb.
00:29:06Oh, it's a George Foreman grill.
00:29:09Oh my God, I am never using Facebook Marketplace again.
00:29:15God, I can't believe I said that joke earlier about me being gay.
00:29:20Yeah.
00:29:25So we still hanging out later?
00:29:28Well, it's, it's just, oh God, this is so awkward.
00:29:31Um, but no.
00:29:32Uh, I already have loads of friends.
00:29:35Uh, like, for example, I've got my uni girls, my Camp America girls, my National Youth Theatre girls.
00:29:40OK, yeah, so we just had a near-death experience together, but I guess that means nothing?
00:29:45Girl, I low-key think you should just take the grill and go, because you're actually pissing me off.
00:29:48Yeah, sure, fine.
00:29:55The guy at Lost Property is gay.
00:29:58No!
00:30:14Ladies and gentlemen, it's me!
00:30:24I just got my heart broken, but I look way too fabulous.
00:30:29Yeah, I'm back in therapy, I look way too fabulous.
00:30:33Touched my money, but I'm feeling way too fabulous.
00:30:37I ain't sad, I'm just feeling way too fabulous.
00:30:41The bigger my tears, the bigger my lashes, the curls in my hair.
00:30:45The bigger the hair, the harder I'm feeling, the less than I care.
00:30:49The deeper it hurts, my baby, I'm feeling way too low.
00:30:53If you know, you know.
00:30:56I just got my heart broken, but I'm feeling way too fabulous.
00:31:01Yeah, I'm back in therapy, but I'm feeling way too fabulous.
00:31:25Fight the hardest, what a shame.
00:31:29Slay to be slay, promise you'll dance in those stilettos of my grave.
00:31:37I may say beauty is pain, but when I feel beautiful, I let me feel the way.
00:31:48I just got my heart broken, but I'm feeling way too fabulous.
00:31:53Yes, I'm back in therapy, but I'm feeling way too fabulous.
00:32:00I ain't sad, I'm just feeling way too fabulous.
00:32:10I'm feeling way too fabulous.
00:32:14I'm feeling way too fabulous.
00:32:21I just got my heart broken, but I'm feeling way too fabulous.
00:32:28Just want to take my money, but I'm here
00:32:31Oh, I ain't tried, I'm just feeling way too fabulous
00:32:37Bigger my teeth, the bigger my lashes, the growth in my hair
00:32:41Bigger the hair, the harder I look and the less that I care
00:32:44Deeper it hurts, I'll be there much when I feel I deserve
00:32:49Yeah, cause I feel way too fabulous
00:33:24It's Weekend Update
00:33:26With Anya Magliano and Paddy Young
00:33:37Good evening and welcome to Weekend Update, I'm Paddy Young
00:33:41And I'm Anya Magliano
00:33:46This week, King Charles and Queen Camilla made their first official state visit to Washington, D.C.
00:33:52As part of the trip, Charles presented the president with an engraved bell
00:33:56Ideally, Trump will wear the bell on a collar like a cat
00:34:00To warn young women that he's approaching
00:34:05During the trip, the couples used coordinated fashion to project unity between the two nations
00:34:11Camilla, seen here wearing Diana's Horcrux
00:34:22Attended the state dinner in a bespoke fuchsia gown
00:34:25The colour of her dress complemented both Melania's strapless pastel gown
00:34:30And King Charles' iconic hot pink fingers
00:34:36As she welcomed the royal party to the White House, Melania greeted the king with a kiss
00:34:41Clicking her jaw against his to spell out, save me, in Morse Cove
00:34:46In Virginia, the king and queen watched a clog dancing performance from a group of Appalachian mountain folk
00:34:52Inbred over generations to the point of physical deformity, Charles and Camilla enjoyed the clog dance
00:35:02Throughout the state visit, press coverage of the conversations between the leaders has been extremely guarded
00:35:08So, to give us the inside scoop on what exactly was said, here's a professional lip reader
00:35:21Thanks for having me, Anya
00:35:22So, you're a professional lip reader
00:35:26Sure
00:35:30Okay, so can you take us through what they're saying in this clip?
00:35:33Absolutely
00:35:34Okay, so
00:35:37Okay, here's a question
00:35:38Would you rather prawn growing out of your neck or no neck at all?
00:35:43Can I eat the prawn?
00:35:45No way
00:35:45Sorry to interrupt
00:35:48Is that definitely what they were saying?
00:35:50Yeah
00:35:51I lip-readed it
00:35:54I'm a professional lip reader
00:35:59Oh, okay
00:36:00I can see in your eyes you're not convinced, Anya
00:36:02It's okay, play another clip
00:36:04Okay, so we've got two ladies here
00:36:06I'm not familiar with their work
00:36:07But they're saying
00:36:11Our hats are mad, right?
00:36:14Tell me about it
00:36:16What's your favourite crisps?
00:36:18For me, squares all day
00:36:20Squares all day
00:36:22You're mad, girl
00:36:24I like McCoy's
00:36:25Because they're rigid
00:36:26You get more flavour
00:36:27Because of the rigids
00:36:28Okay, okay, I think I have to stop
00:36:30You've come on saying you're a professional lip reader
00:36:33But you are clearly making it up
00:36:34Anya, please, I need this
00:36:37Please
00:36:38Please, one more chance
00:36:39One more chance
00:36:41One more chance
00:36:42One more chance
00:36:43Okay, no, no, no
00:36:44Yes, fine, fine
00:36:46But this is your last chance
00:36:48Thank you
00:36:49I haven't done this before
00:36:50I haven't
00:36:57Okay, here we go
00:37:02Have you seen Euphoria Series 3?
00:37:06It's shit
00:37:07Okay, that's it
00:37:08You're out of here
00:37:09Guy who I swear told me
00:37:10He was a professional lip reader, everyone
00:37:20On Saturday
00:37:21A gunman stormed
00:37:22The White House Correspondents Dinner
00:37:24In Washington
00:37:25For all those in attendance
00:37:26It was an undeniably terrifying event
00:37:29President Donald Trump shat himself
00:37:31Then, minutes later
00:37:33The shots rang out
00:37:39The host for the evening's event
00:37:41Was magician and mind reader
00:37:43Oz Perlman
00:37:44Who you can see here
00:37:45Using the power of his mind
00:37:47To clamp my vagina shut
00:37:51In the aftermath of the shooting
00:37:53First Lady Melania Trump
00:37:55Was quick to admonish people
00:37:56For making light of the situation
00:37:57We're real people
00:37:59She said
00:38:00Blinking sideways
00:38:05Newly elected Green MP
00:38:06Hannah Spencer
00:38:07Has said it is shocking
00:38:08That, quote
00:38:09You can smell the alcohol
00:38:11When people are in between votes
00:38:12In Parliament
00:38:13In response
00:38:14Speaker of the House
00:38:15Sir Lindsay Hoyle said
00:38:16I bloody love you
00:38:18You mad bastard
00:38:19Oi
00:38:20Oi
00:38:21Hannah
00:38:21Hannah
00:38:22Hannah
00:38:22Is that my knob
00:38:24I've been a piss?
00:38:32In a new attempt
00:38:34To keep Angela Rayner
00:38:35Out of number 10
00:38:36A group of Labour MPs
00:38:37Have launched a campaign
00:38:38Entitled
00:38:39Anyone But Ange
00:38:40And if you don't know
00:38:42Anyone but Ange
00:38:43Is also who you ask for
00:38:44At the bar
00:38:45If your date is going
00:38:46Amazing
00:38:52Reform leader
00:38:53And your dad's favourite
00:38:54Cam girl
00:38:55Nigel Farage
00:38:57Is in hot water
00:38:58Over failing to declare
00:39:00A £5 million donation
00:39:01From Christopher Harbourn
00:39:02A Thai based crypto billionaire
00:39:03If found negligent
00:39:05By the electoral commission
00:39:06Farage could face
00:39:07An email of up to
00:39:08400 words
00:39:12Reformers said
00:39:13That the £5 million donation
00:39:14From Harbourn
00:39:15Wasn't political
00:39:16And didn't have to be declared
00:39:18Because it was a purely
00:39:19Personal gift
00:39:20Now we can't say for certain
00:39:22What the payment was for
00:39:23But for £5 million
00:39:25Nigel must have been providing
00:39:26Some sort of valuable service
00:39:28And that's why
00:39:29Nigel Farage
00:39:30Is my Power Bottom of the Week
00:39:38A postal worker in Somerset
00:39:40Has found a nest of pigeons
00:39:42Living under his van
00:39:43It's mad
00:39:44Pigeons used to carry the post
00:39:46And now the post carries the pigeons
00:39:49What a crazy mixed up world
00:39:51We live in folks
00:39:53What was that?
00:39:55Sorry
00:39:55I need to speak to my writers
00:39:59Oi!
00:40:01You call that a joke?
00:40:02Do you want me to throw
00:40:03The dogs back in?
00:40:04Do you?
00:40:09Sorry about that
00:40:12Local elections will take place
00:40:14On May the 7th
00:40:16Here to discuss them
00:40:18It's Larry Dean
00:40:26Larry, how do you see
00:40:27These local elections going?
00:40:29Well, Paddy
00:40:29I don't know anything
00:40:30About politics
00:40:31But what I do know
00:40:32Is people, right?
00:40:34So I've travelled
00:40:34All around the world
00:40:35And I've found
00:40:36That you can tell
00:40:37How a person votes
00:40:38By how they talk
00:40:39For example
00:40:40In America
00:40:41You can tell
00:40:42How someone votes
00:40:42From their mouth, right?
00:40:44So if they're from
00:40:44Like a blue democratic state
00:40:46They will show you
00:40:47Exactly what they're saying
00:40:51But as soon as you
00:40:52Hit those red republican areas
00:40:54They'll start moving
00:40:55The mail forward again
00:40:59I think the reason why
00:41:00Is they're usually saying
00:41:01Something horrendously racist
00:41:02Or homophobic
00:41:04And they don't want
00:41:05Anybody lip reading them
00:41:06Knowing they're the one
00:41:06That just said it
00:41:13And how can you tell
00:41:14How British people
00:41:15Are going to vote?
00:41:16Well, in London
00:41:17Use your party
00:41:18It's like a posture thing
00:41:19Right?
00:41:20So if you're a
00:41:21Labour working class voter
00:41:22You're going to be
00:41:23A lot more limp
00:41:23Like even the jaw muscles loose
00:41:25Probably from all the ketamine
00:41:26They've been having
00:41:29And if you're a London Tory voter
00:41:31Your posture will be stiffer
00:41:33Right?
00:41:34And probably from all the Pilates
00:41:36And flinching
00:41:36Whenever their father walks
00:41:37In the room
00:41:41The number one rule though
00:41:42Is if you're a posh Londoner
00:41:43You're not allowed
00:41:44You're not allowed to show
00:41:44Any emotion
00:41:45Until you're finished
00:41:46Your sentence
00:41:55Who am I voting for?
00:41:57Well, I do like the idea of tax cuts
00:41:58But I don't want to seem selfish
00:41:59So Liberal Democrat
00:42:01Ooh
00:42:03And how can you tell
00:42:04If someone votes Green?
00:42:06Oh, don't worry Paddy
00:42:07They'll tell you
00:42:10And er
00:42:13What about Scotland?
00:42:15Well, in Scotland
00:42:17You know how
00:42:17When you get older
00:42:18You become more right wing
00:42:19Right?
00:42:20That's why I think
00:42:21The Tories and Reform
00:42:22Will never win in Scotland
00:42:23Because we don't live long enough
00:42:26Fascinating
00:42:26And tell me, Larry
00:42:27How do they vote in China?
00:42:31And so from me, mate
00:42:32Thanks very much
00:42:32Tell us
00:42:33Let it be everyone
00:42:35CHEERING
00:42:44In big TV news
00:42:45The line-up for the next series
00:42:47Of Celebrity Traitors
00:42:48Was announced this morning
00:42:49It features plenty
00:42:50Of exciting castings
00:42:52Including Maya Jammer
00:42:53James Acaster
00:42:54And fan favourite
00:42:55Supreme Leader
00:42:56Ayatollah Hominy
00:43:00I'll be honest
00:43:01I didn't really like
00:43:02The Celebrity Traitors
00:43:03That's why I call
00:43:04All those pigs
00:43:05Who turn their back
00:43:06On Greg Wallace
00:43:11Scientists are trialling
00:43:12A new scanning technique
00:43:13That could help
00:43:14Diagnose endometriosis
00:43:16This completely
00:43:18Non-invasive procedure
00:43:19Will be available
00:43:19To women nationwide
00:43:20Just as soon as
00:43:22Doctors work out
00:43:22How to make it
00:43:23Incredibly painful
00:43:26In Pompeii
00:43:27Archaeologists
00:43:28Have discovered
00:43:28The remains of a Roman
00:43:29Who fled the eruption
00:43:31Of Mount Vesuvius
00:43:32Holding a bowl
00:43:32Over his head
00:43:33If there's anything
00:43:34Worse than a volcanic eruption
00:43:36It's a volcanic eruption
00:43:37It's a volcanic eruption
00:43:37While getting a haircut
00:43:38From your mum
00:43:41New data shows
00:43:42That breast reduction surgery
00:43:43Has become more common
00:43:45Than breast implant surgery
00:43:46And both options
00:43:48Are far more popular
00:43:49Than what I went for
00:43:50One of each
00:43:52Business?
00:43:53Pleasure
00:43:55In the last few weeks
00:43:57At least five people
00:43:58In Southport
00:43:59Have overdosed
00:44:00On contaminated heroin
00:44:01So
00:44:02If you're in Southport
00:44:03And taking heroin
00:44:04Sorry
00:44:05What do I mean
00:44:05If
00:44:09A new survey
00:44:14A new survey
00:44:15Has found that
00:44:1639% of young Brits
00:44:17Who still live
00:44:18With their parents
00:44:19Say it affects
00:44:20How often
00:44:20They have sex
00:44:21So
00:44:22If you want to keep
00:44:23Having sex
00:44:23With your parents
00:44:24Move out
00:44:25You'll get the spark
00:44:26Back
00:44:27Trust me
00:44:30A West Ham supporter
00:44:31Shocked other train
00:44:32Passengers
00:44:33Travelling to the game
00:44:33After preparing
00:44:34A steak dinner
00:44:35In the carriage
00:44:36With a pair
00:44:36Of hair straighteners
00:44:38When asked
00:44:39By his friends
00:44:39If he ran into
00:44:40Any trouble
00:44:40On the way
00:44:41To the game
00:44:41He told them
00:44:42There was a bit
00:44:43Of beef
00:44:43But I straightened
00:44:44It out
00:44:48I told you
00:44:49I told you
00:44:55Ryanair boss
00:44:56Michael O'Leary
00:44:57Has warned
00:44:58European airlines
00:44:59Could go bust
00:44:59As the Iran war
00:45:00Causes a surge
00:45:01In jet fuel prices
00:45:02Here to comment
00:45:03On the increased
00:45:04Cost of flying
00:45:05A woman who's been
00:45:06Invited to her
00:45:07Fourth destination
00:45:07Wedding this year
00:45:08I can't live like this
00:45:18War rages on
00:45:19Famine floods
00:45:20You mean to tell me
00:45:21That with all these
00:45:22Goings on
00:45:23Your best foot forward
00:45:25Is a wedding
00:45:25In Sardinia
00:45:27The hen doos
00:45:28In Ibita
00:45:29That's another
00:45:29Nine hundred pounds
00:45:30I've dipped into
00:45:31My pension
00:45:32So we can make
00:45:32Some tiktoks
00:45:34These faces
00:45:35Aren't cheap
00:45:36You can't just
00:45:37Not go
00:45:38You can't just
00:45:39Not go
00:45:39Shut up
00:45:41Shut up
00:45:41How do you think
00:45:42That's going to play out
00:45:43I'm the villain
00:45:44If I say
00:45:45I don't want to watch
00:45:45Your 98 year old grandma
00:45:47Get a plane
00:45:48A ferry
00:45:48And a bus
00:45:49I don't
00:45:49She's not going to make it
00:45:51What if you just
00:45:52Treat it like a holiday
00:45:53What do you think
00:45:56I don't want to go to Marrakesh
00:45:57It's not on my list
00:46:00What ever happened
00:46:01To just getting married
00:46:02Down the road
00:46:02What ever happened
00:46:03To white feminism
00:46:04Marriage is actually
00:46:05An outdated institution
00:46:06That upholds patriarchal structure
00:46:09Emma Watson
00:46:10Emma Watson
00:46:11Where are you
00:46:13Help
00:46:15Are you saying
00:46:16You shouldn't get married
00:46:17At all
00:46:17When did I say
00:46:18Let a woman speak
00:46:21Marriage is essential
00:46:22Especially as it pertains
00:46:24To the transference
00:46:24Of assets
00:46:25Probate
00:46:25And inheritance tax
00:46:26Not my words
00:46:27But the words
00:46:28Of Martin Lewis
00:46:28Money saving expert
00:46:30The greatest man
00:46:31I like today
00:46:33Is this still about
00:46:34Destination weddings
00:46:35Martin Lewis
00:46:36Please
00:46:36I'm saving myself
00:46:37For you
00:46:37Are you waiting
00:46:38My boy everybody
00:46:42For Weekend Update
00:46:43I'm Paddy Young
00:46:44And I'm Matthew
00:46:45McLeod
00:46:45Good night
00:46:46Thank you
00:47:27Hello Archie
00:47:28Hey Bugbee
00:47:30Hello Cracks
00:47:31You alright Bacon
00:47:32Archie
00:47:33Bugbee
00:47:34This is awkward
00:47:36Yo this is awkward
00:47:38I heard Sprinkly
00:47:39Pulled you for a chart
00:47:40Cripsy
00:47:40Oh really
00:47:41Not gonna lie
00:47:42I kind of awks
00:47:43Yeah it was awkward
00:47:46Archie
00:47:46Archie
00:47:47Bacon
00:47:47Do you mind
00:47:47If Bugbee
00:47:48And I have a moment
00:47:49We'll leave you to it
00:47:54It's good to see you
00:47:56Yeah it's good to see you too
00:47:58This is awkward
00:47:59Yeah
00:48:00Hello you too
00:48:03Sprinkly
00:48:06Nice one mate
00:48:09Sprinkly
00:48:10Cripsy
00:48:11Cripsy
00:48:11Bugbee
00:48:12Well this is awkward
00:48:15Sprinkly
00:48:16Mate
00:48:16Don't take the purse
00:48:17Have you guys hooked up
00:48:19Yes or no
00:48:20We have
00:48:22It was like one time
00:48:23Mate
00:48:24No
00:48:24You must be taking
00:48:26Your actual purse
00:48:29Friggers
00:48:29Mippy Moo
00:48:30Bacon again
00:48:31Hello you love
00:48:34This is awkward
00:48:38How is Hong Kong
00:48:39Yeah
00:48:39To be fair
00:48:40With you
00:48:40Sprinkly
00:48:41Crypto
00:48:42Ruined my life
00:48:43Can I have a moment
00:48:45With Sprinkly
00:48:46Please
00:48:46We'll leave you guys
00:48:47To her
00:48:48Nice one
00:48:49Sprinkly
00:48:50You fucking
00:48:51Rodent
00:48:56You look butters
00:48:57Today
00:48:58Chas
00:49:00This is awkward
00:49:01How is Hong Kong
00:49:03Never been mate
00:49:05Fair
00:49:07Did you sleep
00:49:08With bacon
00:49:08Yeah probably
00:49:11Oh hello
00:49:12Butt cheeks
00:49:14Bacon again
00:49:15Butt cheeks
00:49:17This is awkward
00:49:19Movie Moo
00:49:21Sprinkly
00:49:25Bacon
00:49:25I heard you got a job
00:49:29Take that back
00:49:30Fuck
00:49:32Fair
00:49:32Bacon
00:49:33Sprinkly
00:49:33Could I have a movie
00:49:34Please mate
00:49:36Course mate
00:49:37We'll leave you to her
00:49:41Oh god
00:49:44This is awkward
00:49:45Alright frickers
00:49:47Landona
00:49:48Crepes again
00:49:49Bacon again
00:49:49Wait they're bacon
00:49:50You okay butt cheeks
00:49:52Hello butt cheeks
00:49:53Shut up
00:49:54Shut up butt cheeks
00:49:56You bloody liar
00:49:57You must be taking
00:49:59The actual purse
00:50:04Me
00:50:05Me
00:50:06This is awkward
00:50:06Me friggers
00:50:07And crypts
00:50:08You are just me
00:50:08Did you or didn't you
00:50:10Yes or no
00:50:10Did you or didn't you
00:50:14You must be taking
00:50:15The actual purse
00:50:18I'm really upset
00:50:20I'll leave you to her
00:50:22Me
00:50:23Me
00:50:23Me
00:50:23Crapsey
00:50:24Londoner
00:50:25Bot cheeks
00:50:26I'm bacon
00:50:27Bot cheeks
00:50:28Bacon again
00:50:29Bacon
00:50:29Bacon
00:50:30We'll leave you to her
00:50:34You're taking the actual
00:50:36Pass landing
00:50:37Mippy Moo is really
00:50:38Upstairs
00:50:38I'll leave you to her
00:50:40About a hundred
00:50:41Cricket
00:50:41Gross
00:50:42Brigger
00:50:43Crap
00:50:47Cheers
00:50:50Crap
00:50:51F
00:50:58Mippy
00:51:00Keep looking up
00:51:01You want my call? I've been trying to get my mother's corpse into that ambulance for the past five minutes
00:51:08Could you please move aside?
00:51:10Yeah, fair mate
00:51:14We'll leave you guys to it
00:51:20Wash it
00:51:28This is awkward
00:51:35Thank you
00:51:41Fancy another one
00:51:45It's me!
00:52:01I like a drink and I still smoke cigarettes
00:52:04Yes
00:52:06I'm so uncool and I don't have many friends
00:52:10Yes
00:52:11I'm what they call a lost cause but then again
00:52:44I was born for a different audience
00:52:47Oh my God
00:52:49We're beautiful
00:52:49Free
00:52:51Oh
00:52:52Oh
00:53:06I might as well make the world my driveway
00:53:10Yeah, it's coming through and it won't be quietly
00:53:17Cause I was born to make a little a try
00:53:21Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
00:53:26Better than peace with you and for free
00:53:31Listen, please, oh, oh
00:53:35I've been a nightmare
00:53:40Na, na, na, na
00:53:44Na, na, na, na
00:53:47Na, na, na, na
00:53:48We're beautiful free
00:53:50Na, na, na, na
00:53:54Na, na, na, na
00:53:57Na, na, na, na
00:53:58We're beautiful free
00:54:01Na, na, na, na
00:54:04We're beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, we're beautiful freaks
00:54:08We're beautiful freaks
00:54:11We're beautiful freaks
00:54:13We're beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, we're beautiful freaks
00:55:04Great value for money.
00:55:05Fred's got plenty and Arthur's got plenty.
00:55:08We've all got plenty.
00:55:10Plenty to go around.
00:55:11My wife's got what it takes.
00:55:13British pork.
00:55:14What's it got?
00:55:15It's got the lot.
00:55:17Got pork for lunch on Sunday.
00:55:19Okay, cuts.
00:55:21Great work, Tony.
00:55:23Thank you very much.
00:55:25Really good.
00:55:25Guys, if we get this right, 1984 will be a landmark year for British pork.
00:55:30Small thing though.
00:55:32The British pork board is now under new management.
00:55:34Big change at the top.
00:55:36And the new team are keen to go in a more frightening direction with the advert.
00:55:41What, frightening?
00:55:42Yes, they're hoping to frighten people into eating more British pork.
00:55:46Seems like a risky strategy.
00:55:47Yeah, well a few of the board members are in today.
00:55:50Do you want to give them a wave?
00:55:51Oh.
00:55:52Oh.
00:55:53Oh, hi.
00:55:54Hello, hello everyone.
00:55:56So let's run it again from the top.
00:55:58Um, Tony, I hate to give you a line read.
00:56:00I think your first line is more like, um,
00:56:03Got what it takes, my wife.
00:56:08Got what it takes, my wife.
00:56:10Got friends round.
00:56:11Got roast pork for lunch.
00:56:12That's it.
00:56:13That seems extreme.
00:56:15Well, the pork board are loving it.
00:56:24Just an idea.
00:56:26Feel free to shoot me down.
00:56:28Yeah.
00:56:29But why doesn't Tony do all the lines?
00:56:31I don't know about that.
00:56:32It might come across like a, what, a monologue.
00:56:34Full of hatred and menace.
00:56:36Well, that's what we're going for, I think.
00:56:38Yeah.
00:56:38What would you be doing then, sorry?
00:56:40Well, well, I thought that maybe I could pull the gravy and sort of look at him like this.
00:56:45Oh, God.
00:56:45Yeah.
00:56:48Oh, geez.
00:56:49Lord.
00:56:49Yeah, that's brilliant.
00:56:50I got chills from that.
00:56:51Oh, oh.
00:56:52Um, and Arthur, can you match that energy, do you reckon?
00:56:55Um, yeah, maybe something along the lanes of...
00:57:01Perfect.
00:57:01Perfect.
00:57:02Mwah.
00:57:03What?
00:57:03Question about the music in the background.
00:57:05How are you feeling about that?
00:57:05Yeah, I was going to say, maybe we lose the music.
00:57:07Okay.
00:57:08Yeah.
00:57:08And instead of us talking, we mind the conversation.
00:57:11So we can hear Tony's horrible monologue.
00:57:14Yeah, but then when, but everyone's just eating in silence.
00:57:17Mmm.
00:57:17What if we, um, clattered our cutlery on the plates really loudly?
00:57:21Then it wouldn't be silent.
00:57:22Oh, yeah.
00:57:22You know, like this.
00:57:23Sort of like...
00:57:24Yeah.
00:57:25And move your mouths as well, so...
00:57:27Yeah, that's nasty.
00:57:28I love it.
00:57:28Really nasty.
00:57:29I've never seen the pork board so happen.
00:57:40And I think that's the reaction we're looking for, really.
00:57:42So, um, great.
00:57:43Great suggestions, everyone.
00:57:44Let's go for a take, shall we?
00:57:45Okay.
00:57:46Everybody ready?
00:57:46And action.
00:57:48Got what it takes, my wife.
00:57:50Got friends round.
00:57:53Got lost pork for lunch.
00:57:57Say it, Tony, say it.
00:57:58Plenty of tea, British pork.
00:58:01Real value for money.
00:58:03Bread's got plenty.
00:58:04There they are.
00:58:04It's got plenty with pork.
00:58:06Got plenty.
00:58:06I'm sorry, that just seems...
00:58:07That seems insane to me.
00:58:09That seems really mad.
00:58:11Take two minutes, everyone, Tony.
00:58:13I'm sorry, everyone.
00:58:13I don't mean to be a bother.
00:58:15Ah-ha.
00:58:16Classic Tony.
00:58:17So, Tony.
00:58:19The way I'm seeing it, as far as I'm concerned, right,
00:58:22the pork's in the oven, okay?
00:58:24The crackling is crisping up real nice.
00:58:26All it needs, just a little bit of seasoning,
00:58:29and that's where you come in, alright?
00:58:40What are you talking about?
00:58:42I am talking about pork, Tony.
00:58:45It's always been about the pork.
00:58:47It's time to join the conversation, okay?
00:58:50Now, are you going to join the conversation, right,
00:58:52or are we going to have to go elsewhere
00:58:54and start talking to someone else?
00:58:55Because there's thousands of scary-looking old blokes out there
00:58:58who would give their left nuts to be standing where you're standing right now.
00:59:01No, I can do it.
00:59:02I can do it.
00:59:03Okay.
00:59:03I can do it.
00:59:05I know that, Tony.
00:59:06Right?
00:59:07The pork board know that.
00:59:11It's time for you to show that to the world, okay?
00:59:14Okay.
00:59:15Okay.
00:59:15Okay.
00:59:16Yeah?
00:59:17I can do this.
00:59:18You can do this.
00:59:18Alright.
00:59:19Place to everyone.
00:59:20Tony, head of the table, ready to carve.
00:59:22In three, two, one, action!
00:59:24Got what it takes, my wife.
00:59:26Drop friends round.
00:59:27Got roast pork for lunch.
00:59:29Thank you, please.
00:59:31Real value for money.
00:59:34Place, got plenty?
00:59:36No, it's got plenty.
00:59:37We've all got plenty.
00:59:39Thank you to go round.
00:59:41I like it.
00:59:43What it takes.
00:59:44British pork.
00:59:45What's it got?
00:59:46It's got a lot.
00:59:48Got roast pork for lunch, I'm sorry.
00:59:56My biggest thanks to me.
00:59:58And a huge thank you to the cast writers,
01:00:01Bunny the Dog.
01:00:02Happy birthday, Danny.
01:00:03And everyone working on the show.
01:00:05For making this such a great week.
01:00:07It's been so amazing to host SNL, you guys.
01:00:12Goodnight.
01:00:12Goodnight.
01:00:13Goodnight.
01:00:24Goodnight.
01:00:27Goodnight.
01:00:29Goodnight.
01:00:40Goodnight.
01:00:57Theme play,
01:00:59Daniel.
Comments